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  • File : 1271024310.jpg-(54 KB, 640x314, Vampyroteuthis infernalis.jpg)
    54 KB Derpuhpus Quest ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/11/10(Sun)18:18 No.9131274  
    Quest time! To make a choice, there has to be a majority vote of at least four. If there's a dice roll needed (normally d4 or d10), the first one to roll counts. That's it.
    -
    You are a Derpuhpus, the most majestic cephalopod of all. Well, not really, 'cause you derp about most of the time. You'e floating in a shallow sea, all nice and bright.

    Here's your current state:
    10 HP, A beak (1d4 damage), two tentacles, six arms, colourblind eyes. You are one foot long.

    Time to evolve! Choose two:
    Size Increase (3' long, +4 HP)
    Horn (1d4 Damage)
    Pheromones (Appease Others)
    Bioluminescence (Lighting up, Lure)
    Colour Vision
    Eye Stalks
    Watertight Skin (+4 HP, Can Leave Water)
    Serrated Beak (2d4 Damage)

    What two traits do you evolve?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:21 No.9131337
    Serrated Vagina

    Projectile Sphincter
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/11/10(Sun)18:21 No.9131351
         File1271024506.jpg-(115 KB, 1060x1558, Bestiality Unworded.jpg)
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    >>9131337
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:22 No.9131379
    Serrated Beak
    Bioluminescence
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:23 No.9131381
    SIZE and SIZE

    We want to be the largest derp there ever derped
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:24 No.9131404
         File1271024645.jpg-(78 KB, 300x375, elvis.jpg)
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    >>9131381
    THIS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:24 No.9131422
    Beard and Hammer hands.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/11/10(Sun)18:24 No.9131424
    >>9131381
    Unfortunately, you can only take size once at this point.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:25 No.9131446
    We should endeavor to become sinker of ships as THE KRAKEN!

    SIZE AND TOUGH SKIN!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:25 No.9131460
    Size Increase (3' long, +4 HP)
    Horn (1d4 Damage)
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:26 No.9131462
         File1271024761.jpg-(117 KB, 600x501, durhurrhurr.jpg)
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    >>9131424
    Fine, then size and serrated beak
    We shall be fierce derp
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:26 No.9131478
    Size and beard!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:27 No.9131499
    Size and Serrated Beak.
    OMNOMNOMNOM 2d4 damage.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:28 No.9131515
    >>9131446
    THIS WE WILL BE THE BIGGEST AND BADDEST CEPHALOPOD OF THEM ALL
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:28 No.9131523
    Four votes for size. The second evolution seems to be up in the air. Serrated beak is taking the lead.

    The Derpuhpus is now three feet long. Three feet of raw derp.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:29 No.9131536
         File1271024945.jpg-(402 KB, 360x479, idon'tgiveafuck.jpg)
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    >>9131523
    WE REQUIRE SERRATED DERPBEAK
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:29 No.9131548
    We should have gotten derpier.
    Just bigger and derpier.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:29 No.9131553
    Serrated derp
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:30 No.9131567
    serrated beak
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:30 No.9131575
    Congrats! Your beak has become serrated!

    To your right is a kelp forest. To the left, a quiet stromatolite maze. Behind you, a whale carcass sitting at the bottom of the sea.

    Where to?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:30 No.9131582
    Serrated beak
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:31 No.9131602
    >>9131575

    Stromatolite maize. I iz hungry
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:32 No.9131605
    >>9131575
    Test out our beak!
    EAT ANYTHING THAT MOVES!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:32 No.9131608
         File1271025141.jpg-(52 KB, 400x344, DerpTVguycopy.jpg)
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    >>9131575
    GO EAT THE SHARK CARCASS WITH DERPBEAK
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:32 No.9131619
    >>9131575

    TO THE WHALE CARCASS!

    There MUST be game to be had around
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:32 No.9131621
         File1271025177.jpg-(54 KB, 500x375, derpdog.jpg)
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    >>9131608
    AND BY THAT I MEAN WHALE CARCASS
    DERP
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:34 No.9131650
    >>9131575
    EAT WHALE

    THEN MAKE SURE TO EAT SOME PLANTS TOO, OR YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE POOPING THAT WHALE OUT
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:35 No.9131660
    >>9131575
    Eat the whale. Consume it's brain so we may grow wise and less derp.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:36 No.9131680
    >>9131660
    Or, eat the brain so that we may come up with much more complex derp.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:36 No.9131687
    dude they really need to make EVO: The Search For Eden into a tabletop game
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:38 No.9131719
    >>9131687
    true.

    in fact, there needs to me more EVOLUTION genre games period, though they won't happen for a while because of the massive dissapointment spore brought.

    also westerns.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:38 No.9131722
    CONSUME WHALE TESTES.

    IMPREGNATE WHALE BITCHES.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:39 No.9131738
    Consume the damn whale, OP!
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)18:39 No.9131739
    This Quest has potential!

    I say we swim to the whale cracass and snoop around for potential larger predators before starting to eat!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:39 No.9131742
    You jet your derpy way towards the whale carcass. There's not much flesh left, just fat-filled bones and a ton of hagfish shrieking "HEY NIGGA" at one another in their hagfishy way. As you chew some meat off a rib, you notice a nearby harem of Derpuhpuses. Six females guarded by a male. None of them have your bulk, but they all have a particularly nice odour.

    The lone male notices you. What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131765
    >>9131742
    MATE WITH THE MALE, FIGHT OFF ANY FEMALES WHO GET IN OUR WAY.
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131769
    >>9131742
    Is his ass gonna get up in our grill?
    Derp our way over to him and strut our shit and show him we ain't gonna get pushed around
    then kill and eat him and mate with all of his women
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131773
    >>9131742
    I turn towards the lone male and strech my tentacles wide in an imposing display of size and strength to show who is the dominant one.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131776
         File1271025648.jpg-(30 KB, 383x419, derpglass.jpg)
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    >>9131742
    USE OUR INCREASED SIZE AND SERRATED DERP TO DERP HIS TENTACLES OFF AND STEAL THE WOMEN FOR OURSELF
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131778
    >>9131742

    USE BODYSLAM

    THEN EAT HIM

    THEN FUCK BITCHES!

    YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:40 No.9131779
    >>9131742
    EAT HIM. TAKE HIS FINE BITCHES.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:41 No.9131789
    >>9131742

    I HIT IT WITH MY SWORD!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:41 No.9131794
    >>9131742
    Show off our sweet-ass new beak!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:42 No.9131800
    Go viking on his ass. Kill him and rape his women then loot a random church for good measure.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:42 No.9131810
    >>9131800

    WITH MY SWORD!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:44 No.9131844
         File1271025861.jpg-(132 KB, 496x493, obamacare.jpg)
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    I ask them all to support my free health care for all derpupods
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:44 No.9131855
    Rolling to kill this pansy ass and show him who's top squid.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:44 No.9131859
    The male notices your girth and gets pissed off. Envious of your fine derpiness, he swells up with water before blasting towards you. All you have to do is open your beak and bite down on his sorry mantle.

    KA-ROMPH!

    Torn asunder, the little male dies, and you eat the remains before the hagfish and bum it off you. As soon as you're done eating, the females swim close to you, cooing as you absorb the male's pheromone sac.

    You now have pheromones!

    Do you wish to mate right here and now, or do you want to lead the harem to a safer, hagfish-free place?
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:45 No.9131868
    >>9131844
    OH BOY 'ERE WE GO.


    I'm gonna second the WITH MY SWORD guy.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:45 No.9131878
    >>9131855
    You only have to roll if I say it's necessary. Most of the time it won't.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131887
    EAT BITCHES. FUCK WHALE CARCASS.


    Wait, lets not do that again.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131894
    >>9131859
    BOTH
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131898
    >>9131859
    find safer place before mating!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131899
         File1271025989.gif-(29 KB, 550x539, lerp-derp-derp.gif)
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    >>9131859
    TAKE THOSE FINE BITCHES TO YOUR PAD AWAY FROM THESE HAGFISH SCRUBS
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131901
    >>9131859
    WE ARM AND TRAIN OUR NEW HAREM.

    ARMY OF FINE-ASS DERPAPI NINJA BITCHES.
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131903
    >>9131859
    Let's roll up into a cave and get us a base of operations that we can safely gather more and more bitches to lead up to a 100-bitch orgy.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131912
    >>9131859
    Take them back to our pad. Make sweet love to them by the hydrothermal vent.
    >> Mr. Monitor !XBVfKv4nAs 04/11/10(Sun)18:46 No.9131914
         File1271026009.jpg-(39 KB, 400x400, 1269833570521.jpg)
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    >>9131859
    Fuck bitches, let the Hagfish watch in envy.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:47 No.9131922
    >>9131859
    Mate with impunity, right in front of the hagfish. Take each bitch by a tentacle and play magical chairs with their ovum sacs.
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:48 No.9131946
    >>9131912
    BACK TO THE PAD
    TELL THEM TO WAIT THERE AND GATHER A LARGER HAREM TO GET AN ORGY GOIN'
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:48 No.9131953
    >>9131868

    THIS SWORD KILLS RED NAZI FAGGOT COMRADE WEHRMACHT GESTAPO STASI MUSLIMS!!!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:49 No.9131958
    Do it there, right there in the corpse of that whale. Let everyone know just how badass you are.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:50 No.9131976
    WHATEVER. JUST GET TO FUCKING. WE HAVE TO PASS ON OUR SUPERIOR DERPGENES.

    THEN LATER, HAREM OF NINJA BITCHES.
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:50 No.9131982
    >>9131922
    On second thought do this
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:51 No.9131996
    >>9131898
    >>9131899
    >>9131903
    >>9131912
    Alrighty then!

    You lead the harem to a nice little place under a mangrove tree that grew between two islands. It's safe there, and the females can find lots of little fish to eat. You get your mojo on with each one, and they lay their eggs.

    Roll 6d4 to find the number of offspring you now have, half male, half female. They have all of your traits.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:51 No.9132015
    rolled 3, 4, 1, 4, 4, 4 = 20

    >>9131996

    Eat half the eggs.
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132021
    >>9131996
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132023
    Sweet we now have a variable ARMY IN THE WORKS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132028
    roll 6d4
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132030
    rolled 3, 4, 3, 4, 3, 1 = 18

    >>9131996
    Lets get it on!
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132031
    >>9132015
    Fuck no
    if we wait for them to grow we can get more mass from their bodies
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132034
    Let's see how many we get
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:52 No.9132035
         File1271026374.jpg-(71 KB, 500x763, palin-book-cover-derp.jpg)
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    >>9131996
    EAT SOME EGGS FOR MORE ENERGY CAUSE FUCK BABIES MAN
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:53 No.9132043
    >>9132015
    >>9132028
    Okay, I don't know how to do this. How do you roll?
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:53 No.9132051
    rolled 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 3 = 11

    >>9131996
    REGALE OUR OFFSPRING WITH TALES OF OUR DERPNESS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:54 No.9132068
    rolled 2, 4, 2, 4, 4, 4 = 20

    Don't eat the eggs
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:54 No.9132081
    2 20s is a pretty clear sign...
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)18:54 No.9132087
    rolled 3, 1, 2, 2, 4, 3 = 15

    >>9132043
    email field, "Dice+6d4"
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:54 No.9132088
    rolled 2, 1, 3, 4, 4, 4 = 18

    >>9132043
    you put in the email field without the quotation marks
    "dice XdY" or "dice+XdY"
    Where X is the amount of dice you wish to roll and Y the number of sides each dice have.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:55 No.9132092
    Definitely don't eat the eggs. We need a fucking army.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:55 No.9132101
    Ten boys and ten girls. Not too shabby. The females are tired and so won't be mating for a while. As you look to the sky, a meteor passes overhead and explodes, washing your entire population (20 offspring, 6 females and you) in evolutionary potential.

    Choose two traits:
    Size Increase (5' long, +4 HP)
    Horn (1d4 Damage)
    Pheromones (Turn Other Species)
    Bioluminescence (Lighting up, Lure)
    Colour Vision
    Eye Stalks
    Watertight Skin (+4 HP, Can Leave Water)
    Crushing Beak (3d4 Damage)
    Tentacle Hooks (1d4)
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132127
    Okay, here's what we do:
    Indoctrinate the youth.
    Tell the harem we're going for cigs.
    Never come back.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132132
    >>9132101
    size
    tentacle hooks

    WE SHALL BECOME THE KRAKEN

    also, mate with the girls.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132143
    >>9132101
    Tentacle hooks
    Crushing beak
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132144
    huh. hooks.. hm..
    well, whatever the second one is, we definitely need to be derpier.
    SIZE!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132150
    >>9132101
    Colour Vision
    Pheromones
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:56 No.9132152
    >>9132101

    tentacle hooks and size increase
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:57 No.9132156
         File1271026627.jpg-(69 KB, 600x750, robschneider.jpg)
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    >>9132101
    SIZE INCREASE AND CRUSHING BEAK
    WE SHALL BE GOD-DERP
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)18:57 No.9132164
    >>9132101
    Size tentacle hooks
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:57 No.9132168
    Fuck the hooks. Focus on one good attack, not a bunch of shitty ones. Go for beak increase.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:58 No.9132184
    Size Increase (5' long, +4 HP)
    Horn (1d4 Damage)
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:58 No.9132196
    >>9132168
    Some hooks for later on would be interesting.
    We'd technically have 9 ways to attack someone, rather than just the beak. The horns are a bit weak though.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:58 No.9132198
    Your population fucking derps out and grows to five feet in length. You now have 18 HP.
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)18:59 No.9132205
    >>9132101
    Size Increas!e because it means more prey, you cannot eat dead whales all the time.
    Watertight skin! Because this way we can open new opportunities for food and safety
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)18:59 No.9132210
    >>9132196
    The horns improve with each upgrade.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:59 No.9132214
    >>9132168

    hooks and we can hook onto prey and then fuck them up with our beak.

    Don't just look at numbers, you idiot.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)18:59 No.9132217
    >>9132132
    This!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:00 No.9132244
    >>9132210
    I guessed, but Hooked Tentacles.
    motherfucker, that's better than pretending to be an underwater bull.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:01 No.9132248
    I think Pheromones will be helpful in controlling other speciese
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:01 No.9132249
    >>9132217
    Mating with the girls? Ok, yeah. I second/third that.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:02 No.9132272
    Dohoho, if we get horns and hooks, we just slam people into our Forehead of Impalement +3.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:02 No.9132274
    Your two tentacles grow hooks within the suckers, giving you the ability to grapple things with sheer pain. And two tentacles.

    Your twenty offspring are well-fed and playing. Not much can stand in your way now. A little crab scuttles along the sea floor in a hurry and stops beneath you. It's waving its pincers frantically. It wants your attention.

    Will you grant it a hearing?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:02 No.9132287
    >>9132274
    Yes, hear what it has to say.
    THEN EAT IT!
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:02 No.9132288
    >>9132274
    proceed
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:02 No.9132294
    >>9132274
    Hear it out
    then
    NOM NOM NOM
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132300
    >>9132274
    let's see what it wants. if it's useful we won't eat it.
    >> Mr. Monitor !XBVfKv4nAs 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132302
    >>9132274
    Fuck crabs man. Eat that little jerk.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132307
         File1271027003.jpg-(21 KB, 300x225, llama-derp-300x225.jpg)
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    >>9132274
    ALLOW IT TO BEG THE DERPUHPUS FORGIVENESS FOR INTRUDING INTO OUR DOMAIN
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132308
    >>9132274
    BEFRIEND ALL CRABS
    >> Sauber !f1v85QnTcU 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132316
    >>9132274
    Hear what it wants.
    We shall become the justice-giver of the sea, destroying the whalers and fishermen who dare to enter our realm.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132321
    It may speak in the presence of...

    THE KRAKEN!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:03 No.9132324
    rolled 2, 1, 4, 1, 4, 2 = 14

    Looks like hooked tentacles wins out, but I vote for either watertight skin or color vision.

    More versatile.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:04 No.9132332
    Listen to it.
    We will decide later whether or not to attack the weak spot for massive damage.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:04 No.9132335
    >>9132316
    Destroy whalers at sea, hymens when we go on land! Fuck yeah, watertight skin next upgrade!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:04 No.9132337
    >>9132274
    Listen to the CRAB, it might lead us to the CRAB HOME where we can find MORE CRAB.

    Or even better, lead us to more interesting places.

    inb4 eat the crab
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:06 No.9132380
    >>9132337
    Let's just hope we don't have to listen to CRABCORE on the way to the CRAB HOME.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:07 No.9132399
    You gaze down upon it with your bulbous eyeballs and clack your beak. It begins drawing scribbles on the sand floor, showing crabs being attacked by some kind of mollusc. The attacker has a single shell on its back and two eyestalks. Squiggly lines radiate from the shellbeast's front and go over a few crab figures.

    The crab jabs a claw in the direction of the kelp forest. Obviously, it wants you to get rid of this shellbeast. Will you?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132420
    Pay attention to grab.

    Ready tentacles to punish if it becomes mouthy.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132421
    rolled 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2 = 8

    Greet the crab as "homeslice". Hear it's message and decide afterward whether to make it our meal.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132425
    >>9132399
    TAKE HIM AS A SACRIFICE, THEN ATTACK THE MOLLUSC AND THE CRABS.
    WE SHALL BE THE TERROR OF THE SEAS. THE MIGHTY KRAKEN!
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132429
    >>9132399
    Competition in my territory is very unwanted! I shall remove this invader, for a price!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132436
    >>9132399
    Makes me wish we'd taken that crushing beak, instead of these useless hooks. Faggots.

    Gather our army of Derpuhpi, and go annhilating.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132440
    >>9132399
    Fuck yeah. Bring a few of our best bitches as well. No point in being heroic if you can't have sex soon afterwards.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132442
    >>9132399
    Defeat Mollusc
    Befriend Crabkind
    Begin Eating ALL Crabkind
    ????
    PROFIT!!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:08 No.9132446
    rolled 2, 2, 4, 2, 3, 2 = 15

    >>9132399
    FUCKING OMANITES ALWAYS FUCKING WITH PEOPLE.

    KILL THOSE BASTARDS AND EAT THEIR YOUNG.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:09 No.9132450
    >>9132399
    >clam monsters
    >mollusks

    >DELICIOUS MOLLUSKS

    DISREGARD CRAB

    YOU HAVE MUCH DELICIOUSER FOOD AWAITING

    MAYBE EVEN THANK THE CRAB, SO DELICIOUS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:09 No.9132456
    Ho, shit. When we get to crabland, we use the tentacles to through crabs at the mollusc eyestalks! Projectile crab warfare!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:09 No.9132458
    Tell the crab that swift and mighty vengeance demands blood payment... a sacrifice.

    In return for his children and family's safety he or someone in his place is to be sacrificed for food for our family.

    DERP
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:10 No.9132467
    Kill mollusk thing, and anything else that ever bothers the crabs again, in return for a protection fee. Which will of course be paid in crabs, but less crabs than would be eaten by other predators.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:10 No.9132475
    Disregard crab, defeat mollusk.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:10 No.9132486
    Nignog, make sure we take our army. The younglings require experience in battle.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:11 No.9132499
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    >>9132456
    >Throwing things underwater
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:15 No.9132569
    Put the crab on whatever part of our anatomy is best described as a head, ride into combat with him as our personal battle helmet, if the mollusk tries to tentacle us, he can CLAW ATTACK its tentacles / eyes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:15 No.9132593
    >>9132569
    Crab should pay the price for our help by being our helmet for the rest of it's life.
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:15 No.9132594
    >>9132569
    excellent! I support this!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:16 No.9132605
    >>9132569
    Yes, this is awesome!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:16 No.9132616
    >>9132569
    this is so much better than eating the crab I cannot even believe it.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:17 No.9132624
    Anyway...

    You clack your beak in acceptance, and the crab bows, gripping his pincers together in thankful litany. Snapping your beak thrice, you summon your family together to study the scribbles in the sand. They understand, despite the crudeness of the scribbles.

    You head towards the kelp forest, intent on derping ass and taking derp. Soon the kelp appears, thick all around. The water is a tad murky, but you can feel vibrations just fine.

    The crabs are all fifty feet below you, huddled away in their stone huts, big pincers waving in defense, a smaller pair grasping tiny harpoons. A loud rumble emanates at the forest edge, and the shellbeast appears.

    Six feet long and three wide, it slithers along atop a single foot, its shell changing colour like a demented rainbow. Its eyes twist about haphazardly, looking for prey.

    Well, it got more than it bargained for. What will your army do?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:17 No.9132628
    >>9132569

    This

    also

    SHIMON GATAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!!!!

    ANIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:18 No.9132641
    The crabs are there, btw, if you really want helmets.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:18 No.9132645
    >>9132624
    GO FOR THE EYES DERP, GO FOR THE EYES
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:18 No.9132656
    >>9132624
    USE YOUR BITCHES

    PICK SHELLBEAST UP AND IT NO LONGER CAN DO ANYTHING
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:19 No.9132657
    >>9132624
    Arm ourselves with crabs and strike whatever soft spots for MASSIVE DAMAGE.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:19 No.9132666
    >>9132624

    Use tentacles to grab it and lift it off the sea bed

    Drop it upside down

    Order everyone to attack its belly
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:19 No.9132672
    >>9132641
    It should be the one who came to get help, he shows bravery and artistic talent.

    In relation to the clambeast thing - can we take it's leg out making it easier prey?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:20 No.9132688
    This... this isn't how evolution works at all!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:21 No.9132696
    >>9132672
    Yes, you can. >>9132656 and >>9132666 have a good idea.
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:21 No.9132707
    >>9132624
    I say we must surround the beast then go for the eyes! I shall peronally face it and draw attenion whil th rest surrounds it, then go for the eyes!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:22 No.9132718
    >>9132666

    Of course you would say that...

    ...SATAN!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:23 No.9132744
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    >>9132718
    What the fuck do you want?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:23 No.9132745
    Go for the eyes!
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:23 No.9132755
    >>9132666
    forget what I said do this!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:23 No.9132758
    Remember, majority vote of 4 at the least. It's wise to use tactics in a battle such as this. REMEMBER THE SQUIGGLY LINES. What could they be?

    The crabs have climbed the kelp and there is one crab atop each squid. Aquatic cavalry at its finest. The crabassador is atop your head.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:24 No.9132769
    >>9132758
    GLORIOUS!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:25 No.9132788
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    HIT IT WITH OUR DICK!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:25 No.9132790
    >>9132758
    after the flipping of the crab, we will eliminate the squiggly lines.

    it most likely has like, spike-tentacles or some shit.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:25 No.9132792
    >>9132758
    >squid

    I'm retarded. You're not squids, you're derpuhpuses.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:26 No.9132816
    Upend it onto it's back.

    Signal the crabs to attack it's eyes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:26 No.9132831
    What if the squiggly lines are a sonic attack?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:27 No.9132842
    >>9132792
    DerpuhPI, retard.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:28 No.9132860
    Pick it up, drop it on it's head / back.

    Eat it's leg.
    Eat it's eyes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:28 No.9132869
    >>9132758
    It has a projectile weapon, I recommend flanking it from at least two directions. The best bet would be to have everyone rotate around it while attacking so that no one is in front of it.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:29 No.9132884
    THEY"RE LAZERZ! Send in 4 young to attack from front, rest of forces, charge it from the side, using the crabs as a barricade, and ram into that motherfucker, hooking into it and beaking it's exposed belleh, DERP DAT MUDDADERPA
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:30 No.9132899
    >>9132866
    Eat it's eyes quickly before it can unleash the attack.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:30 No.9132904
    >>9132866
    Man it's a good thing we didn't evolve ears.
    CHOMP IT'S FACE
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:30 No.9132919
    WHY DID YOU DELETE YOUR POST?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:31 No.9132924
    Bait it with smaller derps. Strike from behind. Crabs can do whatever the fuck they want.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:31 No.9132931
    >>9132866
    Three way flank. Two rear sides and one suicide front squad. Make suicide squad focus on eyes. Father Derp will take advantage of swimming and attack from above.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:32 No.9132962
    Flanking maneuvers win.

    Approach from behind to bite it's eyes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:33 No.9132972
    >>9132624
    land on top, use serrated beak to cut to the middle DERP DERP DERP
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:33 No.9132974
    Sorry, I jumped the gun.

    COMMENCE BATTLE
    Father Derpuhpus=18 HP
    Shellbeast=20 HP

    Your offspring rush in as two groups, left and right, causing the sheelbeast to let loose a strange wailing sound. It shudders and thrusts its head forward, sending a rippling column pressing through the water ahead of it. A crab was struck by this force and began twitching violently before falling still.

    You rush towards it eyestalks as said stalks gaze up at your family. What do you do next?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:33 No.9132984
    When we swim around it, have little derps and crabs take our place in front of it. That way, either squad can't risk being ignored.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:34 No.9132994
    >>9132974
    Bite it's eyes. Flare our tentacles wide to confuse it's vision.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:34 No.9133002
    >>9132974
    SNAP, SNAP, MUHFUKKA!
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:34 No.9133007
    >>9132974
    Can we attack the left eyestalk? Roll for damage?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:34 No.9133009
    EAT THE EYES
    *ADVICE DERPUHPUS*
    GAIN COLOURED VISION
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:35 No.9133032
    >>9133009
    This.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:36 No.9133045
    >>9133007
    Certainly. Roll 2d4 for bite damage. On an 8, that stalk is completely severed, stunning the shellbeast.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:36 No.9133052
    Withdraw the crabless one

    Grab it with tentacles and turn it onto its back.

    Have everyone attack the belly.

    Damnit this isn't a difficult plan
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:37 No.9133063
    rolled 4, 3 = 7

    >>9133045
    Om nom nom.
    Can we dual attack with tentacles?
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:37 No.9133069
    rolled 2, 4 = 6

    >>9133045
    rollan
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:37 No.9133072
    rolled 2, 4 = 6

    >>9133045
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:37 No.9133073
    rolled 4, 1 = 5

    >>9133045
    Rollan to bite it's eyeball
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:38 No.9133079
    Also, you can use an all-out "derpserker attack" that applies each attack available simultaneously. However, you'll have to rest afterward for a tiny bit.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:38 No.9133081
    GUYS STOP ROLLING, THE FIRST ROLL WAS BEST.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:38 No.9133083
    >>9132974
    Evasive maneuvers and eat it's eyes
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:39 No.9133108
    rolled 1, 2 = 3

    EYEBITE
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:39 No.9133109
    Continue attacking from the front, as the Shellbeast's eyes aren't on us.

    Get family to lift and flip the Shellbeast while we go for the eyes.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:40 No.9133117
    You clamp down and nearly sever an eyestalk. It wails in pain and retracts into its shell. At this point the family grabs onto the shell's edge and begin lifting, slowly flipping the shellbeast upside down. They drop it unceremoniously on the sea floor. It can't do shit, captain. Shall you feast upon it?
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:40 No.9133133
    >>9133117
    Feast and also feed children!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:41 No.9133141
    >>9133117
    TAKE CLAIM OF THE CARCASS.

    USE HOOKED TENTACLES TO HARVEST THE CHOICE MEATS.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:41 No.9133166
    rolled 1, 4 = 5

    Herpa derp
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:41 No.9133169
    rolled 3, 4 = 7

    >>9133117
    situation do Tyranids biomass what om nom nom
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:41 No.9133170
    >>9133141
    Stick tentacles into shell and RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:42 No.9133184
    rolled 3, 1 = 4

    >>9133117
    Consume it so we can become larger and more derpy
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:42 No.9133185
    Eat it's body. Demand the crabs carve our glorious image onto it's shell in remembrance of our victory here.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:43 No.9133205
    rolled 1, 4 = 5

    >>9133185
    hrmmmm what if we... USE SHELL AS A HAT?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:44 No.9133223
    rolled 2, 1 = 3

    >>9133185

    Demand the crabs take the shell and turn it into a derp sword and derp shield for your tentacle hooks to wield.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:44 No.9133231
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    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:45 No.9133244
    Enslave crabs as a client-nation. Offer them your permanent protection in return for food and the crab's dead.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:45 No.9133245
    >>9133223
    >>9133223
    >>9133223
    HOHOHO! Fantastic!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:45 No.9133254
    Being the head of the family, you reach in with your hooked tentacles and yank out both eyestalks, biting them clean off and devouring them. The shock of this kills the shellbeast, and the crabs rejoice, snapping their pincers.

    You now have colour vision!

    You and your children devour the remains alongside the crabs, noticing that the meat is almost gelatinous near the anterior end. It tingles, too!

    OH MY GAWD, IT'S CHRISTMAS! Not really, the shellbeast possessed an electric organ. You now have an electric shock attack that does 1d4 damage, and you can sense electric currents. Your entire family has these traits as well.

    Where will you go now?
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:47 No.9133290
    >>9133254
    DEMAND CRAB-WORSHIP. CONTINUE BUILDING OUR MIGHTY EMPIRE.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:47 No.9133292
    rolled 3, 1 = 4

    >>9133254
    become god emprah of krabkind, if they will not serve us, then we will serve them for dinner. (ie EAT THEM DERP DERP DERP)
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:48 No.9133310
    >>9133254
    Search for shelter so we can set up a crab armory.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:48 No.9133322
    >>9133254
    Enslave the crabs. Have them them harvest fish and their dead as tribute for our services as protectors.
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:49 No.9133335
    >>9133254
    Now that we have feasted we retunr home to mate and the crabs can have the shell of the monste ras monument of my glorious victory. Or homes.

    At home mate and/or evole whichever possible
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:49 No.9133337
    Crab army. Allies, not slaves.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:49 No.9133346
    >>9133254
    Sword and Shield
    Client nation
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:50 No.9133358
    Eat its eyes, then try to identify whatever organ let it do that sonic thing.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:50 No.9133359
    >>9133337

    Agreed. Crab helmets as slaves is much more dangerous than crab helmets that follow you as allies.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:51 No.9133378
    >>9133335
    THIS FIND OUT IF WE CAN EVOLVED USING THE CRABS SOME HOW, PERHAPS SACRIFICING THEM?
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:51 No.9133394
    I read the prior posts, so I'll go with those.

    The crabs rejoice and praise you for your majestic victory. The tools they use are crude - given that they were made by pincers and not tentacles - and appear to fall apart at the slightest thing. You gesture towards the shell - now stripped bare of tissue - and motion for the crabs to etch an image onto it.

    (Drawfags are more than welcome to join in.)

    The crabs busy themselves with a picture that defies awe. Their keen eyes do wonders. It's you, floating under the sun and moon, with a quintet of crabs praising you on a sand hill underneath. Their large pair of pincers are uplifted in praise and their small pair of pincers lowered in appeasement. They will carry the six-foot shell for you.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:52 No.9133424
    Find new safety in kelp fields. Negotiate crab-alliance.

    Breed with wimminz and make teh coloured i babiez.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:52 No.9133428
    >>9133254
    now we shall mate with the crabs.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:53 No.9133440
    Keep friendly with the crabs, if they were to rebel while they were on our heads, they could easily rip out army's eyes out and defeat us.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:53 No.9133452
    Mate
    With
    Crabs
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:53 No.9133464
    >>9133394
    WE ARE NOW GOD OF CRABKIND. BE THEIR EARNEST PROTECTOR AND GUARDIAN, AND THEY YOUR WILLING SERVANTS AND WORSHIPERS.

    LEAD THEM TO THEIR NEW HOME AT THE AWESOME TREE.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:54 No.9133484
    >>9133464
    AND THEN MATE WITH THEM!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:55 No.9133503
    Us-dammit, we can't mate with the crabs, they don't even have the proper projectile-sperm receptacles.

    Their adoration is enough.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)19:55 No.9133504
    Mating with the crabs is not possible, I'm afraid.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:56 No.9133510
    rolled 1, 2 = 3

    >>9133484
    don't fuck everything


    EVOLVE
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:56 No.9133511
    >>9133464
    This! Lead the crab tribe an settle them at our home so they could serve us and worship us!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)19:57 No.9133549
    However many crabs want to come with us can, use them as helmets in combat in exchange for us kicking derp 24/7.
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)19:58 No.9133558
    Sidenote: Could you please recap and update our full stats every time we evole!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)19:58 No.9133559
    It just occurred to me, we're a five foot long octopus with hooked tentacles, a serrated beak, and an electric field generator.

    We are going to scare the shit out of any humans who come across us.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:00 No.9133617
    >>9133558
    Sure thing!

    The foot-broad crabs adore you, of course. Your pheromones seem to affect them to a degree. They follow you back to the mangrove and rest the shell against the roots, letting the sun hit it straight on. There are fourty crabs, all told, and they begin building huts out of rocks around the roots.

    You begin mating with females, y/n?
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)20:01 No.9133638
    >>9133617
    yes
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:01 No.9133640
    Bring the shell to our tree fort, begin building a SEA FORTRESS OF DERP

    Have the crabs relocate to our tree and plant a forest of kelp around it
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:01 No.9133646
    >>9133617
    Y. In the privacy of the mangrove.

    The crabs must see us as a mysterious figure as well as a powerful one.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:01 No.9133654
    >>9133617
    YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:02 No.9133661
    >>9133617
    mate with them twofold
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:02 No.9133678
    rolled 2, 2 = 4

    Yes, FOR SPECIES SURVIVAL
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:03 No.9133684
    BOW CHIKKA WOW WOW DERP

    Roll 6d4 to find how many offspring hatch.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:04 No.9133697
    rolled 4, 4, 4, 1, 2, 2 = 17

    >>9133684
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:04 No.9133702
    rolled 3, 1, 2, 3, 2, 4 = 15

    MATING FOR THE MATING GOD
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:04 No.9133704
    rolled 3, 4, 1, 2, 1, 1 = 12

    >>9133684
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:04 No.9133709
    >>9133646
    Not to worry, Derpuhpus are very shy about mating in front of crustaceans. Especially those with two pairs of pincers.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:04 No.9133710
    rolled 3, 1, 3, 3, 4, 2 = 16

    SO MANY BABIES.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:06 No.9133740
    Our family has grown rather large, and the first generation are surely old enough to mate.

    To prevent an excess of DERPcest we shall need to integrate new genetic material.

    A QUEST TO FIND MORE FEMALES FOR YOUR DERPY SONS.

    Your daughters can strike out on their own.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:06 No.9133759
    Next evolution, watertight skin. Then, we rape women at night!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:06 No.9133761
    Bioluminescence
    Serrated Beak
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:10 No.9133828
    Head back to the stromatolite maze, maybe we can find more of our species that have evolved along a different path
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:10 No.9133840
    17 + 20 + 6 + 1 = 44 derps altogether.

    After all that mating, Father Derpuhpus' heart gives out and he dies. Father Derpuhpus II comes to power!

    What you have now:
    18 HP
    5' Length
    Six Arms
    Serrated Beak (2d4 Damage)
    Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4 Damage)
    Pheromones (Appeasement)
    Colour Vision
    Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock for 1d4 Damage)

    Choose two traits:
    Size Increase (7' long, +4 HP)
    Horn (1d4 Damage)
    Pheromones (Turn Other Species)
    Bioluminescence (Lighting up, Lure)
    Ultraviolet Light Vision
    Eye Stalks
    Watertight Skin (+4 HP, Can Leave Water)
    Crushing Beak (3d4 Damage)
    Wicked Tentacle Hooks (2d4)
    Bioelectricity (Intraspecies Communication)
    >> UnderwaterDM !Hsknw4ktoA 04/11/10(Sun)20:11 No.9133866
    >>9133840
    Size increase! ALWAYS!
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:12 No.9133883
    >>9133840
    Size increase. Watertight skin.

    WE SHALL WALK THE LAND.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:12 No.9133884
    >>9133840
    Size
    watertight skin
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:12 No.9133885
    rolled 2, 1 = 3

    >>9133840
    SIZE INCREASE AND CRUSHING BEAK, BECOME THE KRAKEN
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:12 No.9133890
    It's not what you do with it, it's the size that counts! Oh wait...
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:13 No.9133898
    >>9133840
    SIZE IS ALWAYS NEEDED

    also, waterproof skin, so that we can eat coconuts.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:13 No.9133899
    rolled 3, 3, 2, 4, 2, 3 = 17

    >>9133840

    Size and intraspecies communication. We're getting to be a big group of derps, we need some way better than crabdoodles to communicate.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:13 No.9133905
    Size
    Bioluminescence
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:13 No.9133906
    rolled 1, 1 = 2

    watertight skin
    bioelectricity
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:14 No.9133917
    >>9133898
    I'm trying to imagine this, and it's a hilarious mental image.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:14 No.9133923
    Due to your diet of dead crabs - willingly given up by your loving crab buddies - and smaller molluscs, you grow to seven feet in length! You now have 22 HP.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:15 No.9133926
    rolled 1, 2 = 3

    >>9133917
    we have a beak and tentacles
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:15 No.9133935
         File1271031324.jpg-(161 KB, 1081x1200, derp.jpg)
    161 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:15 No.9133936
    >>9133840
    Bioelectricity and size!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:15 No.9133944
    size tentacles
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:16 No.9133955
    Bioluminescence and crushing beak!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:16 No.9133971
    >>9133926
    Is that supposed to make the thought of a hook-tentacled derpapuhs chomping on a coconut, on the beach a less hilarious sight?
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:17 No.9133982
    >>9133917
    >>9133899
    This.

    I want to see us munching coconuts and hitting on hot terrestrial babes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:18 No.9134003
    Biolure thing and xray vision
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:18 No.9134014
    MOAR LAND WALKING

    WE NEED COCONUTS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:18 No.9134023
    rolled 1, 1 = 2

    even if we never leave the water, the watertight skin will likely lead to more armor
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:19 No.9134034
    You evolve watertight skin, but your kin are not aware of this. The crabs - now numbering sixty - have been wandering up onto the beach with increasing frequency the past few days. You see what they're after: some dead thing washed up on shore. But a large, dark shape drifts down from the bright blue above and scares them off.

    Also, strange shapes are drifting around the stromatolites. The crabs have never been there, and neither have your kin.

    Oh, what to do?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:19 No.9134038
    >>9134023
    It DOES give +4 HP!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:20 No.9134054
    >>9133935
    You're a god. Just wanted to let you know that.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:20 No.9134059
    >>9134034
    stromatolites!!!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:20 No.9134061
    >>9134034
    What's our other trait?
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:21 No.9134081
    >>9134038
    Because it's tough and rubbery. And what it leads to is pure goodness. Multiple paths, really.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:21 No.9134085
    >>9134061
    size
    >>9133923
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:21 No.9134093
    into the maze before we become way too large to fit in.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:21 No.9134097
    >>9134034
    Ask the crabs to analize the shapes and come back to me with a report.
    >> Kaos Machina !xSZBqZMT.M 04/11/10(Sun)20:22 No.9134103
    >>9134097
    This.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:22 No.9134112
    >>9134061
    You just evolved watertight skin and size. Your species has the following traits:

    22 HP
    7' Length
    Six Arms
    Serrated Beak (2d4 Damage)
    Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4 Damage)
    Pheromones (Appeasement)
    Colour Vision
    Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock for 1d4 Damage)
    Watertight Skin
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:22 No.9134118
    >>9134034
    Investigate the creatures. As long as they aren't humans we can probably grab them with out tentacles and drown them beneath the water.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:22 No.9134119
    We investigate the stromatolites.

    Upon our next evolution we evolve the crushing beak, for easier coconut munchin'.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:23 No.9134131
    >>9134034
    I vote the lands unexplored by either, to the mysterious lands of stromatolites!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:23 No.9134135
    We will go to shore and eat the dead thing!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:24 No.9134165
    >>9134093
    this
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:24 No.9134177
    Looks like we're pretty divided. Do we roll for it?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:25 No.9134183
    Begin the invasion of the land once we are 10 feet tall.

    If we come out in china we will be twice the size of the average human.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:26 No.9134193
    >>9134183

    Agreed, I vote for stromatolites!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:26 No.9134199
    >>9134177
    Actually, it looks like 5 to 1 for stromatolites.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:27 No.9134217
    >>9134177
    stromalites first. if we continue with hardening skin and increased size, we're not going to be able to fit into small areas any more.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:27 No.9134230
    To the stromatolites!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:28 No.9134252
    >>9134183
    I can't imagine derp will be very impressive on land. Then again...

    IT'S SLOWLY COMING THIS WAY
    DRR... DRR... DRR...
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:28 No.9134254
    stromatolites, and bring crabs with us if we do end up being too big so they can act as scouts
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:28 No.9134259
    >>9134217
    Ah. True.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:30 No.9134290
    >>9134254
    Yes, we mustn't forget our helmets!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:30 No.9134305
    >>9134290
    in b4 squids evolve to be blind and crabs evolve superior eyesight
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:31 No.9134318
    (The most "advanced" life on the Derpuhpus World are strange versions of cartilagenous fish, molluscs and "crustaceans.)

    You send ten crabs to the stromatolite maze to inspect. You look to another ten and ask to see their tools. Your species, up to that point, never really used any save for the crabs as helmets.

    But before they can show you anything, they all begin to shudder and molt their old shells. As it turns out, they have multiple life stages. Now they're a bit larger and tougher. They grow to two feet across and have 10 HP.

    Roll 1d for their new traits:
    1-Rough Claw (1d4 Damage)
    2- Horn (1d4 damage)
    3- Bioelectricity (Blindsense and Shock 1d4 Damage)
    4- Transparency (near invisibility)
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134341
    >>9134318
    Roll 1d4, sorry.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134344
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>9134318
    >> Kaos Machina !xSZBqZMT.M 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134346
    >>9134318
    TRANSPARENCY
    NINJA CRABS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134347
    rolled 3 = 3

    >>9134318
    heres for camoflauge
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134350
    rolled 2 = 2

    >>9134318
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134357
    Come on, electricity!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:32 No.9134360
    rolled 3 = 3

    >>9134318
    GO CRABBUDDIES

    EVOLVE

    EVOLVE LIKE YOU FUCKING MEAN IT
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:33 No.9134362
    >>9134344

    Fuck yes, being near invisible will help when we use them as scouts.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:33 No.9134367
         File1271032402.gif-(914 KB, 287x216, Obese Roosevelt Awed.gif)
    914 KB
    >>9134344
    Wow. That blew me away.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:33 No.9134369
    >>9134344
    Kickass!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:33 No.9134376
    WE ARE HUGE AND STEALTHY
    SNEAK AND TEAR
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:34 No.9134389
    rolled 1 = 1

    ninjacrabs! gogogo
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:34 No.9134392
    >>9134318
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:34 No.9134401
    INVISIBLE CRAB ARMOR
    "OH GOD, THE BULLETS ARE JUST BOUNCING OFF THEM!"
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:35 No.9134402
         File1271032501.jpg-(103 KB, 1081x1200, in the plain of the stromatoli(...).jpg)
    103 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:35 No.9134415
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>9134318
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:36 No.9134433
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>9134318
    GOGO TRANSPARENCY
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:37 No.9134445
    rolled 2 = 2

    >>9134318
    Gonna guess you meant 1d4
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:39 No.9134506
    rolled 3 = 3

    FUCK YEAR INVISIBLE CRAB MAIL.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:40 No.9134526
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>9134318
    bioelectricity
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:41 No.9134544
    INVISIBLE CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABS
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:42 No.9134574
    INVISIBLE CRABSSSSSS!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:43 No.9134593
    You can only stare in awe as the opague shells are shed by strangely transparent crabs. They offer you their tools to examine, completely oblivious to the reaction you bear to their new state of being.

    You study the tools and develop a bit of abstract thought. You pass the tools to your kin and they begin to develop the same train of thought.

    If you find any workable stone and/or wood, you can create a rudimentary kit of tools, such as a hammerstone, a choppy blade, a sharpened stick, and maybe even a crude harpoon.

    The now-transparent crab team you sent out returns with a scribble etched on a chunk of shell. It looks like one of the hagfish, only with really long barbels sticking out around its mouth and a long bulge running along its side. Being a two-dimensional scribble, it's a bit hard to tell.

    The crabs said it smelled so bad they had to leave. But this smelly hagfish was apparently able to hold its own against the scorpions that dwelled in the maze.

    What will you do now, Father?
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:43 No.9134594
    Invisible crab spies ahoy. We send them deep into the stromatolite forest.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:44 No.9134631
    rolled 4 = 4

    We should have 26, watertight is +4 size is +4 we had 18
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:45 No.9134641
    >>9134593
    >scorpions and deadly hagfish

    we might wanna just avoid that place, ya-know? sounds like a bad neighborhood.

    unless anyone wants to actually try to explore there.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:45 No.9134651
    Make crab harpoons. That way, the crabs can take care of a good number of hagfish and possibly harpoons
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:45 No.9134656
    >>9134593
    STINKY HAGFISH AND POISONOUS SCORPIONS?! WE SHALL SLAY THEM BOTH AND CLAIM THEIR POWERS!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:45 No.9134663
    >>9134593

    Don't bother with the hagfish yet, we need more derpuhpi before derpcest might negatively affect our evolution.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:46 No.9134669
    >>9134593
    Uhhh scorpions? That's news to me.

    The hagfish fucking suck, but if they're evolving they could become a nuisance.

    WAR OF EXTERMINATION GO.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:46 No.9134670
    >>9134641
    The scorpions may not attack. The hagfish, knowing what we've so far, probably just yells "HEY NIGGA" at you when you pass by.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:46 No.9134675
    >>9134651
    I mean harpoons for the now transparent crabs, not harpoons out of crabs.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:46 No.9134677
    >>9134593
    Ask him how'd he avoid them.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:47 No.9134680
    Guys, if we breed to much we can't ensure we'll all evolve the same, and we certainly don't want competition.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:47 No.9134682
    >>9134593
    Find the fish and stab / clamp it in the bulge.

    It's either some weapon (scent / electricity) weapon, or an infected wound. Either way we should kill it.

    It's battle prowess makes me tempted to propose an alliance, but I think we should keep strictly to crustaceans and other squidbeasts.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:47 No.9134692
    >>9134677
    The crabs are transparent.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:47 No.9134699
    >>9134680
    CORRECT

    LET US EXPLORE UNDERWATER MORE TO FIND FE-MALES
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:48 No.9134707
    >>9134682

    You don't want an alliance with hagfish anyways, they bring down property values.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:48 No.9134720
    >>9134682
    >>9134707
    But if we kill him, they might declare war against us.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:48 No.9134724
    Kill the hagfish, absorb its power. There can be only one.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:49 No.9134737
         File1271033375.jpg-(43 KB, 1081x1200, hagfish derp.jpg)
    43 KB
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:49 No.9134744
    I still say we exterminate the hated hagfish before they start lowering our property values.

    Then again.. there's still those delicious coconuts...
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:49 No.9134746
    BITCHES AND TO THE SURFACE
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:50 No.9134763
    When pressed for info, the crabs scribbled in the sand, showing squiggly lines emanating from the hagfish's bulge and going over the scorpion's faces. The scorpions were scuttling away.

    The scorpions you've seen in the distance, traversing the sands to get from one stromatolite maze to another further out. Three feet long, two pairs of pincers and a third, smaller pair for a mouth. Their stinger's pretty big, and they can travel out of water. You don't know if they can stay out of water or not, though.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:50 No.9134771
    >>9134744
    COCONUTS ARE TOP PRIORITY

    WOMMENZ ARE PRIORITY 2

    HAGFISH ARE PRIORITY 3
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:50 No.9134777
    >>9134737
    These are really starting to decline in quality.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:51 No.9134784
    THE OCEAN IS OUR TERRITORY, AND ALL WITHIN IT SHALL BOW TO US. ADVANCE ON THE HAGFISH WITH IT'S FOUL STENCH AND MAKE IT'S DEATH AN EXAMPLE TO THOSE THAT WOULD DARE CROSS US.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:51 No.9134790
    >>9134771
    This.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:51 No.9134803
    This thread is autosaging like a motherfucker.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:52 No.9134805
    Send the crabs to negotiate an alliance with the scorpions, and then clear their lands of hagfish

    We recruited the crabs, we shall recruit the scorpions!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:52 No.9134810
    >>9134763

    If scorpions can get out of the water, we could evolve from that! Eat one!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:52 No.9134813
    >>9134803
    Well, we are at 342 posts.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:52 No.9134816
    >>9134763
    Motherfucking scorpions. I want a scorpion to be caught and brought to me, so that I'll kill him and absorb his shit
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:53 No.9134828
    >>9134669
    Scorpions first evolved in the sea, believe it or not. Brontoscorpius, I believe the genus is called.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:53 No.9134833
    >>9134805
    Alliancism!
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)20:53 No.9134837
    Anyone know how to archive a thread? I'll start a second one.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:53 No.9134844
    Save the scorpions, kill the hagfish, get coconuts
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:54 No.9134849
    >>9134805
    Thing is; the crabs are much smaller and weaker, and asked for our helped, when we proceeded to help. Scorpions won't be as friendly.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:54 No.9134854
    >>9134746
    Fuck the surface, we need to become the kraken - Lord of the Seas, sinker of ships.

    Not some landsquid that gets killed via humans.

    Also, new thread soon or what?
    >> Superdouche !!q9T0Z/wGJO3 04/11/10(Sun)20:54 No.9134855
         File1271033667.jpg-(17 KB, 629x471, derpapus.jpg)
    17 KB
    My contribution.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)20:54 No.9134861
    >>9134828
    SEA SCORPIONS ARE NOT THE SCORPIONS WHICH EXIST TODAY. THEY ARE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ANIMAL AND ARE NOT RELATED IN ANY WAY.

    BIOLOGY RAAAAGE
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:54 No.9134866
    >>9134849
    Yeah. I hate to be the one to stereotype, but everyone knows scorpions are assholes.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134872
         File1271033709.jpg-(64 KB, 1081x1200, eh.jpg)
    64 KB
    >>9134777

    I didn't think they had anywhere to fall from in the first place!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134875
    >>9134805
    >>9134833
    DO THIS

    SCORPIONS AND CRABS SHALL HERALD OUR GLORY
    >> Superdouche !!q9T0Z/wGJO3 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134876
         File1271033718.png-(14 KB, 629x471, derpapus.png)
    14 KB
    >>9134855
    This should work better.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134878
    >>9134837
    http://4chanarchive.org/
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134879
    >>9134837
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

    Scroll waaaaaaaaay down for the request interface.

    Check to see if someone's done it already, though.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:55 No.9134884
    >>9134828
    English "thunder scorpion"

    FUCKING THUNDER SCORPION BITCHES
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:57 No.9134918
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html

    Thread is archiving, but here's where you go to do it in the future.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)20:58 No.9134952
    Oh fuck, I just googled to see what hagfish look like. Kill those mother fuckers, god damn they're an abomination
    >> Superdouche !!q9T0Z/wGJO3 04/11/10(Sun)20:59 No.9134960
    STart a new thread and link us to it.
    >> Alpharius 04/11/10(Sun)21:00 No.9134990
    >>9134960
    This indeed.
    >> ZOP !IfkYPILj/. 04/11/10(Sun)21:02 No.9135036
    >>9135028
    NEW THREAD, HURRY!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/10(Sun)21:03 No.9135055
    >>9134952
    Hagfish are fucking awesome.

    HELLO SIR
    DO YOU LIKE BREATHING?

    TOO FUCKING BAD, HERE'S A GILL FULL OF MUCUS



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