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  • File : 1271127471.jpg-(59 KB, 318x314, Derpuhpus Advice.jpg)
    59 KB Derpuhpus Quest, Part Four ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)22:57 No.9157328  
    Continued from >>9152419.
    Quest time! To make a choice, there has to be a majority vote of at least four. If there's a dice roll needed I'll ask for one. We'll most likely use d4, the first one to roll counts. That's it.
    When we last left off, an old derpuhpus gave us shit for being derptacular. So, we gave him the job of derping up or derpfenses, seeing as to how he's gonna croak soon anyway.

    Now we have to assemble our expederption to the Warped Canyon.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)22:59 No.9157354

    Aren't we the granddaddy derp?

    Or is this our old character scolding us?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)22:59 No.9157362
    Derpspeed noble derps.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:00 No.9157369
    We really need to get our hands on some of the flying derps.
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:00 No.9157382
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:01 No.9157393
    We have to come up with some way that prevents both our extinction should the expederption fail, and some fag derping up all our bitches while we're gone.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:01 No.9157397
    We're the alpha male; he's probably one of our uncles.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:01 No.9157408
    An unrelated old fart.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:02 No.9157417
    I think just a moderate sized warband, with several derpahpotami should do. We can double back if we need to amass the legion.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:02 No.9157418
    Leave behind a watch of 3 or so Inviso-crabs to keep tabs on Old Man Derpmudgeon.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:02 No.9157420
    The floatuhpi are idiots, but they would make sweet rides...

    If they're under our control they probably won't be distracted by pyrocrabs.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:02 No.9157422
    We gather some forces, Brutes included if we can get them away from the coconuts and prepare to set out keep a few females with us incase the old dude turns tus out on our return and we need to breed an army.
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:03 No.9157431
    Somebody make this.

    We form a hivemind.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:03 No.9157434
    So, we don't trust one of our own, we have our friend spy on him? Oh, the intrigue!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:03 No.9157449

    In chess the pawns go first.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:04 No.9157472
    Travel to Warped Canyon
    Acquire mind powers
    If the stars are right - mindrape everyone
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:04 No.9157480
    Exactly what I was meaning by "get our hands on". It would make exploring the mystery gorge easier I think, though the raining stars may turn out to be a problem if its from a volcano or something.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:05 No.9157498
    Here's the cove's current population:

    Derpuhpus (10 Male, 40 Female):
    26 HP
    12' Long
    Cubical Body
    Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
    Six Arms
    Serrated Beak (2d4)
    Watertight Skin
    Colour Vision
    Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
    Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4 and Intraspecies Communication)
    Shelled Eggs

    Crab (40 Male, 40 Female):
    14 HP
    3' Width
    Four Pincers
    Six Legs
    Harpoon (1d4)
    Rough Claws (2d4)
    Watertight Skin
    Turreted Eyes
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:07 No.9157542
    Don't worry about the old fart. He's too old to bother with any kind of rebellion. Do you want to check the electric currents for any other kind of dissent?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:08 No.9157546
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:08 No.9157559
    Okay, how does everyone feel about this:
    4 male derps
    10 crabs
    4 derpapotami

    Every one else focus on floatuhpi
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:10 No.9157585
    derpapotamus calvery? derp it!
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:10 No.9157588
    Yo. We leave 3/4th the crabs with him and take 1/4th, we take 15 battle-ready derpahpi and half the bitches for EXTREME ON THE ROAD HARDCORE ACTION DERPAN if we get bored, we evolve, or we should spawn some new derps on the road to replenish the ranks. We also take 3/4ths of the scorps and leave 1/4th of them behind to be shock troopers or mounts for the crabs who we met first.

    The Alpha Derpahpus mounts up on a derpapotamus, and all but one spare male derpapotami and the breeding bitches get a derpapotamus mount as well.

    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:10 No.9157592
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    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:11 No.9157631
    Oh some of the scorpions survived, awesome!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:11 No.9157633
    Scorpions are all dead :(
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:13 No.9157656
    twenty five derpahpi (Five men, twenty bitches)
    20 crabs (10 male, 10 female)
    3/4ths of the scorps
    DERPAPOTAMUS MOUNTS (excluding one spare male derpapotamus and the bitches- gotta keep a breeding stock)
    >> Hot derp on derp action 04/12/10(Mon)23:13 No.9157662
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    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:13 No.9157664
    The scorpions died man. They blew up, remember?
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:14 No.9157680
    The five derpuhpotami females were carrying eggs. They hatched while you were chasing the floatuhpus!

    Roll 5d4 to see how many new derpuhpotami you have.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:14 No.9157690
    I remember that but OP just mentioned them again.
    >> Hot derp on derp action 04/12/10(Mon)23:14 No.9157691
    rolled 1, 3, 1, 3, 1 = 9

    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:14 No.9157693
    rolled 2, 3, 4, 3, 1 = 13

    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:15 No.9157705
    We should make sure that we're all in agreement here.

    Other derpuhpi might have good ideas.

    Then move out FOR ADVENDERP!
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:16 No.9157720
    Aw sweet, spare derpuhpotomi.

    Gotta keep that herd going strong.

    OH OH

    Check to see if the Derpuhpotomi produce anything useful, like some kind of squid-milk or something.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:16 No.9157723
    Good, we can take ALL the derpapotami adults, and force the derpcows (I hate typing derpapotami) to become utterly dependent on us, further domesticating them. Perfect for more training.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:16 No.9157728
    Four males and five females! You now have five males and ten females, which equates to fifteen derpuhpotami altogether.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:17 No.9157739
    I'm sure it's delicious with all those coconuts they've been eating.
    >> Hot derp on derp action 04/12/10(Mon)23:21 No.9157825
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:21 No.9157831
    You inspect the big guys carefully.

    50 HP
    20' Tall
    Coloured Vision
    Watertight Skin
    Cartilage Cage Skeleton
    Cellulase Vat Gut
    Crushing Beak (3d4)
    Tentacle Hooks (2d4)
    Pillar Arms

    They produce physical labour, meat and eggs.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:22 No.9157850
    What the derp?
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:23 No.9157868

    Take some of the older females on our journey. They are still battle-worthy but nearing the end of their useful production age.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:23 No.9157876
    Six Pillar Arms, I should say. These limbs allow for a slow but tireless mode of travel. They are strictly herbivorous and can bear the weight of one derpuhpus and one crab atop their frames, along with the basic necessities of travel.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:24 No.9157888
    They carry their eggs inside their bodies until they hatch. It's one step above shelled eggs.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:25 No.9157906
    hrmmm... we need to breed for bigger derpapi
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:25 No.9157919
    Coconuts and spears?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:25 No.9157923
    Just kill of the small ones, I suppose.
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:26 No.9157928
    Damn. Biguns. And I unfortunately do not recall the scorps dying. . . Ah well.

    So! Howsabout my last suggested plan, minus the scorps and with 8 derpapotami (four male, four female)?
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:26 No.9157938
    Pretty much, yeah. If you want to spend time studying your tools and trying to improve them, it might make the trip easier.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:27 No.9157978
    We are the smartest species in the known world.

    We should try to rig up some slings so we can carry more.

    And some of those hammers that ZOP mentioned last night. We have the intelligence and the means to make them. We should see about making some spears for ourselves as well.
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:29 No.9158002
    Second. Our biology is sufficiently deadly, we need to evolve tool use.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:29 No.9158008
    Excellent. I agree with >>9157588 for the most part, though I think that half of the females is a bit extreme. Sticking with the total number of 15 derpahpi and having them be a mix of female and male seems better, unless the females don't make with the warring. If that's the case then we won't even be able to have a squad of fifteen. Perhaps scaling back the numbers would work better? I still like the idea of taking a sizable amount of crabs with us though.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:29 No.9158021
    I just got a brilliant idea! We could make mobile artillery by using the derpapotami to stand apart, and stretching some moss or something between them, and slingshotting shit!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:30 No.9158053
    We've already invented agriculture; let us now invent the two fields of tool use and animal husbandry.

    Build tools and breed more derpuhpotami!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:30 No.9158061
    We leave the biggest to stay at home for fooding purposes. We take the more slithe and gimble ones for warring. We can breed out two different derpapotami.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:32 No.9158100
    Slingshots and mounted spears/lances on top of the derpapotomuses?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:33 No.9158107
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:33 No.9158111
    Both good ideas. We've got the roots of a real civilization here. Let's make sure it's secure before we run off to eat the corpse.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:33 No.9158117
    and this
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:34 No.9158128
    lets evolve fire breath and make flammenderpers, they derp flammen
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:34 No.9158132
    I like the breeding ideas. I was hoping you would go for a biological part of the tech. Remember, the derpuhpotami aren't very fast, so lances may not be feasible. Think war elephants.

    Roll 1d4 for a technological discovery:
    1- Basketry/Pottery
    2- Flint Spear
    3- Flint Axe
    4- Sling
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:35 No.9158150
    rolled 2 = 2

    heres for sling
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:35 No.9158151
    rolled 3 = 3

    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:36 No.9158168
    shit! curse my luck!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:37 No.9158181
    I was referring to whether the females of our species go out on dangerous expeditions or not. It seemed like they didn't because of the harem business. As far as the derpapotami goes, at most I think we should take 2, seeing as there were only 1 male and five female to begin with and now they have young to tend to.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:38 No.9158202
    we need to discover metals so we can make weapons that channel electricity
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:38 No.9158207
    A flint spear is the equivalent of a canon in this world, most of the creatures are boneless and only barely amphibious, and some of them are BALLOONS.

    I'm glad for it and say we're awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:38 No.9158208
    No, we need to further domesticate them.
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:38 No.9158209
    DERP. i would've really liked 3. But then again, spears can be thrown. . . and can be used as harpoons as well, or deliver fire.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:38 No.9158220
    a sling would have had superior range though
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158240
    rolled 13 = 13

    Spear has better range than an axe, also, flint axes are for war, they are too brittle to chop trees.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158249
    And we could have fired crabs out of it.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158254
    for a spear upgrade how about this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlatl
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158257
    Meh. A spear can still be thrown fairly accurately, and has greater power.

    Slings can wait.
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158260
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:40 No.9158262
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    Goodnight, derps!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:41 No.9158281
    Besides, we already have harpoons for the crabs, spears make a logical continuation of that line.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:43 No.9158313
    So we take none then. Better for the health of them and their young.

    Oi GM, do the females go out on expeditions or is it a male only job?
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/12/10(Mon)23:43 No.9158318
    I'd be perfectly fine with a derpahpus wielding eight flint war-axes, thank you very much. Also- throwing axes. Shit yeah NYUKKA.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:44 No.9158325
    2- Flint Spear
    Your mind wanders as you look at the cove. The entire cove's derpture was considerably advanced. Sure the hagfish had discovered fermenting kelp inside dead molluscs on the beach and the herpfish nearby were wearing coconut shells for derpfense, but who else was sharping branches to create spears?

    But you knew how easily those spears broke against the lips of a herpfish and the shell of a snail. For every ten thousand things you could stab, there was one you just couldn't. Then you looked at your tentacle and noticed the hooks inside the suckers. Soft and hard worked together to grapple and subdue prey. And stone was harder than wood.

    It clicked.

    You grabbed a piece of flint off the cove wall and broke it against said wall, your keen mind shaping the stone to form a sharp point. Finding a straight branch, you struggled to find a way to put the point on. A few of your peers decided to assist you. Eventually you found that sap from one of the enarby trees did the trick just fine, as did using a thin vine to tighten the split branch end around the bade of the point. One of the flakes that fell off the flint was sharpened and stuck out behind the point at an angle to form a barb.

    You had created the first stone-tipped spear. Your kin swiftly replicated your efforts.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:44 No.9158344
    Seems the females do too since they outnumber male four to one and we need the grunts.
    >> Alpharius 04/12/10(Mon)23:46 No.9158380


    Lead your derpbrethren on the great crusade for the giant floatuhpus-broiled fish thingy!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:46 No.9158386
    We need to sex up all the females staying behind in case we get wiped out on our adventure
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:47 No.9158402
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:47 No.9158406
    I was thinking this, but I wanted to be certain.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:48 No.9158412
    Both sexes engage in expedition-work. We currently have a harem-type social system, and the females simply follow the orders of the males.
    The tentacles are hydrostatic and highly muscular, so they can stretch amazing lengths to achieve the same effect.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:52 No.9158470
    derp bump
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:53 No.9158476
    We're really slowing down on the decision making process.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:54 No.9158498
    Thanks for the info GM, my concerns are now put to rest.


    A squad of 10-15 derpahpi with about twice as many crabs heading to the gorge of falling stars, aye?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:55 No.9158526
    Aye bring some coconuts but only eat them if we can't forrage we do this march sherman style!
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:56 No.9158554
    how many spears per derpuhpus?
    >> Anonymous 04/12/10(Mon)23:57 No.9158577
    we need to evolve bones
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/12/10(Mon)23:58 No.9158588
    Since your population has been spending time out of water, let's go for some lamarckian traits.

    Choose 2:
    Pillar Arms (Easier Land Travel, +4 HP)
    Bioelectricity (Knitting, Heals 1d4 HP)
    Wicked Tentacle Hooks (2d4)
    Cellulase Vat Gut (digest cellulose, herbivory only)
    Hypnotize (Tentacle motions, can only effect an individual once, herpfish being an exception)
    Lung (Able to Traverse Mountains)
    >> Jabberwock 04/12/10(Mon)23:59 No.9158616

    Bioelectricity and lungs.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:00 No.9158622
    Wicked Tentacle Hooks
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:00 No.9158644
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:00 No.9158647


    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:01 No.9158662
    Pillar arms
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:02 No.9158672
    Ovoviviparity and Wicked Tentacle Hooks
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:02 No.9158676

    Bioelectricity and size.

    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:02 No.9158681
    Bio and lungs
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:03 No.9158693
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    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:03 No.9158694
    lungs and bioelectricity
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:03 No.9158706
    hooks and lungs babe
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:04 No.9158714
    Lungs and biolectricity? You're getting stupid on me, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:04 No.9158728
    looks like lungs and Bioelectricity win
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:05 No.9158737
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:05 No.9158742
    26 HP
    12' Long
    Cubical Body
    Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
    Six Arms
    Serrated Beak (2d4)
    Watertight Skin
    Colour Vision
    Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
    Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4, Intraspecies Communication, Knitting Heals 1d4 HP)
    Shelled Eggs
    Lung (Able to Traverse Mountains)

    Due to the strain of stumbling over rocks and hills, your species has developed a peculiar method of knitting cartilage and other tissues back together with a carefully applied electrical current. Your gills have adapted over time as well, becoming a singular sac that busily exchanges air and water equally well.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:05 No.9158748
    Size wasn't an option!
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:06 No.9158762
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:07 No.9158785
    Those lungs are gonna be necessary where we're going. AND IT AIN'T BAT COUNTRY.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:08 No.9158819
    Are we going to bat country?
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:08 No.9158822
    it's giant floppy fish country
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:09 No.9158835
    >> Hot derp on derp action 04/13/10(Tue)00:10 No.9158846
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    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/13/10(Tue)00:12 No.9158895
    All we need to do now is to make an derptomic bomb and we'll be MASTERS OF THE WOOOORLD!

    FInd some fire crabs. Tie them to a DERPTON of the derpy hydrogen filled floaters. Hit that thing with a baseball bat as HARD as you can at the enemy! Either it blows up in your face or it hits them! THE PERFECT DERPY WEAPON!
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:15 No.9158948
    One might even say, the DERPFECT WEAPON.
    >> OH SNIGGITY-SNAP! 04/13/10(Tue)00:15 No.9158960
    Goddamn, I love you and everyone in this thread right now son.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:16 No.9158963
    Or, we just breed the derpapotami to fly, and have them drop on top of shit.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:16 No.9158970

    Are we going adventuring yet?
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:16 No.9158979
    I fucking hope so.
    I'm getting tired of waiting for shit. Call me impatient, I don't give a fuck.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:17 No.9158985

    Indeed, let us derpart.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:20 No.9159040
    This seems like more than enough. Let's derp out.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:22 No.9159065
    You gather fifteen of your compatriots and thirty crabs, all armed with spears. The derpuhpotami have gathered before you, and you mount a young male, two females each bearing a derpuhpus upon their head.

    With this, you head southeast, over the river and towards the place where stars fall forever.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:22 No.9159077
    I'm exhausted. I'm going to archive this now.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:22 No.9159081
    Are you going to bed, OP?
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:23 No.9159095
    Yeah. Sorry, but my eyes are wandering and shit. Sorry it dragged out.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:25 No.9159137
    There's always tomorrow man. Sleep well, awake rejuvenated, derp like no other before you.
    >> ZOP !!ZxckQgjnQqy 04/13/10(Tue)00:26 No.9159143
    Thank you, I will. G'night all.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:27 No.9159157
    Sweet dreams, hotstuff.
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)00:31 No.9159221
    May your dreams be full of derp, ZOP
    >> Anonymous 04/13/10(Tue)02:36 No.9161224
    Sleep well Allmighty Derplord.

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