Punch the DM in the face
Punch teammates in the face
Set their cats on fire

if your GM sucks,
YOU FIND A NEW GM

set their cat on fire

keep in mind I don't live in an area where theres a lot of dnd players.

Its the only group

>I was being passive, and now I suffer the consequences baaawwwww

If you don't like how the shit is going, talk to the GM, become the GM, or get the fuck out.

What are your classes?

Talk to your DM about it. Talk to the whole group. Resolve it as adults and not manchildren.

cum on their cat it hiss at penis

set their cat on fire

>>9170058
Fuck that. That's not fun at all
Just make sure the job is finished next time someone fights him. Unless you're one of those good alignments (then you're pretty much left to hoping bad shit happens to him)

>>9170021
he is rogue
I am paladin
the guy who attacked him is fighter

I guess I should've said nobody DID anything about.

Everytime he did something stupid everyone did bitch, just he didn't have any consequences.

>>9170058
>>9170107
>Resolve it as adults and not manchildren.
>Fuck that. That's not fun at all
We'll I've read enouogh, have fun manchild.

wat do?

>>9170189
>Implying that reply was by OP. How about you reread that again.

I'd set his cats on fire!!!!

Dude. You're in my group!!! Little Rock, Arkansas!!!!

Wait until that guy comits some evil or unlawful act, then punish the shit out of him. You don't even have to kill him. Just take him to the local authorities, explain what happened, and he'll get some kind of jail time.

In the meantime, you and the rest of the party skip town. Stop inviting him to game sessions. Problem solved.

cat on fire cum on cat

>>9170189
First I'm clearly not the OP,
Second DnD is just a game. It's okay to fuck with people a little. It's not like there's some greater objective out there you're getting in the way of (unless you have one of those annoying DM's that is basically trying to get his players to read his novel). When someone fucks me over in monopoly I don't reply with a stern talking to, I try to fuck them back. The same thing applies here.

>>9170321
I live in Conway, Arkansas. The groups aren't that much better up here.

>>9170328

>>9170358

That obviously won't work. He's gotta be as passive aggressive as possible.

>>9170435
Taking a lawbreaker to his just and deserved punishment, is no only the in-character thing to do for the Paladin, it's also required of him, lest he be stripped of his powers by the gods.

>>9170473
>by the gods.
Well, you were right up until that part. I don't really get it myself. They get righteousness from the righteous dimension or something. Still looking the other way a few times isn't really the lawful thing to do, and that's all it really takes for them to lose their powers
Unless he's playing 4E or something, and then that's all out the window

A thread NOT about Magic, 4e, 40k, or WoD on MY TG?

>>9170592

Yeah, by the old rules, Paladins are powered by the universal stick-up-an-ass in the sky, and the gods aren't really related to what's happening.

>>9170642
It happens pretty frequently

In Paranoia, you just frame that guy for treason and delete his clone profile. He never comes back.

Your GM's a faggot, your friends are all retarded, and you're a pussy for taking it like a bitch.

I handle this situation by telling them all how fucking stupid they are and disowning them. Then I set their cats on fire.

>>9170093

Who let Edward back in here?

Taunt the player.

Make it known that you don't like the actions they're taking, but be indirect about it.

Ex: "That guy" was being an aspie trying to figure out every mechanism on a single door for over a half an hour.

Now whenever he starts bogging down the game with his innane shit, I say, "Gee, I feel like I've seen this before. Something about a blood powered door we fucked around with for a half-hour"

That usually brings him back out of his own little world and let other players get back into the story.

>>9171324
or a simple, "my character walks off and leaves him, motioning for the party to follow"

the party will follow the lesser asshole, if they don't follow you, you're "that guy"

>>9171408
ah hah hah

i killed the thread with logic.

>>9171324

Yeah, because being subtle works so well with aspies.

If they're sperging it's either because they aspies or because they're assholes.

If they're aspies, they _need_ you to be direct. If they're assholes _you_ need to be direct.

can't tell ya OP.
I *AM* the fucking DM and I *never* tolerate fucktards in my group.

*bamp* for interesting suggestions. Also, moar stories! NEED MOAR STORIES.

>>9171910
Ditto. Spare the rod, spoil the retard.

>>9172215
okay, I'm doing a Renaissance era game under the GURPS. NOT historically accurate, what with the inquisition casting spells

one would-be player (not gonna let him in the game) is a history buff and starts talking about how if the inquisition has magic, he's playing i rabbi.

i think, "that's perfect"

"who time travels", he adds.

i'm like, -____-

"to get a suitcase nuke"

I'm like >:( at this point.

"OK, why can your guy time travel?" (i'm stingy about justifying your powers)

"god lets him"

"and why does god want him to have a suitcase nuke?"

"he told me to kill all the catholics"

that's when i lay out with how GOD is an NPC in my campaign, and he'll tell you what i say he tells you.

feels good, man.

>>9173967

Fuck that's a funny character concept. It's like 1940s era Mossad.

>>9173967

Clearly, he is a heretic.

An awesome one.

>>9173967
make his time machine be shaped like a dreidel.

Last time somebody was dicking around in my group, we shot them. It wasn't D&D, but still, relevant. Then again, I was playing as a drug-crazed nobody, so it was good for a laugh. Laser pistol, right in the eye.

>>9174132

A dreidel shaped TARDIS, perhaps? Then you could have the following conversation:

"Hello, my name is Doctor Heigel-Lowenstein."

"Doctor Who?"

had another player, wanted to use the animal training ability in D&D to train up an army of vicious animals that would attack at his bidding.

i let him do it, until it came time to use two animals at a time, and he realizes he can't give commands to more than one at a time.

>>9170189

I wanna be a man, mancub! And stroll right into town... And be just like the other men, I'm tired o' this monkeyin' around!

>>9174262
golfclap.gif

Usually our whole group enjoys a good party conflict.
But then again, we're good friends and we don't get too pissed off at each other.

Oh, YOUR 'that guy' is bad? Try mine. My THAT GUY is actually retarded, in that he has some form of autism. He's a nice enough guy, but you give him a character sheet and he suddenly becomes the biggest dipshit on the planet.

Little bit of info on 'P' as we'll call him, names changed to protect the guilty. As if he'd get online here. He's 30, works at a grocery store part time, and gets all his money from the government. Never mind he spouts right wing garbage about people who get money they don't deserve. P has a drow fetish, elf fetish, paladin fetish. Oh, don't get me started on that. I love paladins, stalwart warriors of justice, courage, and honor, and even the nontraditional paladins, like a half elf sea captain of a pirate ship.

P plays WoW paladins.

On that note, let me recant a tale. Cue a battle where I'm playing a PALADIN, and not a fucking WoW paladin, I'm a crusader of my faith, bringing light ina world covered by storms. And man, am I bringing some light. So, his dumb ass thinks he can charge a minotaur with a dagger, since he's playing a warlock based off of the Dark Prince from Prince of Persia. He turns to me with the most rage inducing shit eating grin on his face and says "Your fault I'm bloodied."
I was speechless. "What do you mean it's my fault?"
"It's the tank's job to protect the clothies."
"Not following you, P." Trying to use subtelty here. In that NOT TO USE FUCKING WOW TERMS AT THE TABLE LIKE A CUNT.
"nope, your fault. It's your job."
"No, my JOB is to protect the innocent, the weak, and the defenseless. You fall into NONE of those categories. So stand aside and let me do my JOB."

Charged the thing, crit'ed. Fuck yeah, JUSTICE.

This, my friends and countrymen, is but the very tip of the iceberg. I could go deeper. Oh, so much deeper. I need to relax for a moment, I feel the frothing coming on again.

>>9175268
Please, man. Go deeper.

>>9175534
I risk my very sanity again. But I'll recant another tale. It is inbound.

I love stories from the table.

When I DM'ed, P was nothing short of terrible, I guess because he'd been babied for his condition his entire life, he felt entitled to do all sorts of asinine things. It was an old 3.5 campaign where, in no particular order:

-Whined and bitched for Emprah knows how long about his precious Gary Stu dwarf paladin falling into a pit trap. It wouldn't have been half as bad if he had MADE THE ATTEMPT TO GET OUT, MAN ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ROLL. He didn't even do that.
-Got physically angry when he started getting his ass kicked, at which point he was yelling at the table. That incident didn't go without it's own packing and leaving. It wouldn't even have been as bad if he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

I don't know, maybe you have to be there to realize P's level of dickery and jackassery. Yes, he has special needs, but he isn't a retard. He's an idiot.

A particular gem that shines is one of our first campaigns, where P was playing a druid, even when he was advised not to since casters in 3.5 had a bit of a learning curve. No, he wouldn't be daunted, the story of Anastasia Darkmoonleaf or whatever the fuck her Mary Sue name was had to be told. The FIRST combat that breaks out, and on his init, he casts meld into stone, and hides in the wall. Another player at the table asked "What's the DC for shoving my sword into the stone?" and the DM was actually checking, all the while P has that shit eating grin on his face. The DM eventually told him to either join in the combat or stop playing, and P just had this air about him...like he wanted to say "BUT MY CHARACTER MIGHT GET HURT".

And there's still so much more.

>>9175268
I like how you play your Paladin.

>>9175268
>>9175636
>>9175713

I'm liking this, go on

Also my "that guy" player actually wasn't so bad, just for some reason he grated on the nerves of like everyone else, it was just something about him I guess.

He didn't really play anything wrong, and he didn't know enough about the game to rulelawyer. His characters weren't terribly thought out and he had a temper were the only possibilities I can think of.

>>9175737
Oh, here's a tale I'm glad you reminded me of. A tale of how awesome GM's can truly be.

Same campaign. I'm playing a half elf paladin of Melora/Avandra, and Mmy DM allowed it, but said I couldn't take any of the Channel Divinity feats for being polytheistic. I agreed. He was playing some elven bullshit again.

So, we're chasing this woman down because she's being suspected of crimes. And all along the way, I'm saying that she deserves a fair trial. P isn't having any of it, because his character worships the Raven Queen. Never mind he's not a divine class, he's worshipping her cock because she's LOLDEATHDARKSHADOW.

cont'd

>>9175863
So, apparently she's desecrating bodies or something, there were undead and that's all that mattered. So we finally chase her to a graveyard where she's holed up, and the goblin NPC, Splug, who we freed and he helped us (side note: Splug helped us in the minor BBEG battle by giving us advice on how to beat him, AND fought alongside us, and P still didn't trust him. DERP.) decides to watch the gates. "No offense, but uh....graveyards ain't my thing." God damn Splug was awesome.

So, we go in, GUESS WAT more zombies show up, including some gravehounds alongside this elven woman firing potshots at us. So, we fight, kick the shit out of all the minions, and she ducks into a crypt. We pursue. P, for some dumb ass reason, announces that he's going to grab a gravehound when the doors open. I announce I'm going to ATTACK, and you know, not be fucking stupid. So, doors open. And guess what? P grabs one.

DM rules that my attack pierces the gravehound and stabs P. Not much damage, but still hilarious. This is not why my DM is awesome.

>>9175959
No, the true crescendo of this story comes with what happens next. She drops her bow. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK of course it wouldn't be easy. SHe surrendered, and pirate's code (MY pirate's code) dictates that a foe that surrenders will be taken.

P is having none of it, and is throwing nothing short of a physical shitfit because of it. Now, here's something you need to know about P. This motherfucker is huge. He's a big guy. So you can imagine how unnerving it is. And I should have backed off on this one, but I knew that if I didn't, he would keep this shit up. DM said to roleplay it.

"Listen. I don't claim to know you. But I also don't claim to know this woman. She deserves a fair trial. And if you can't see that, then you are not a friend of justice. And if you are not a friend of justice..." I remove my spear. "...THEN YOU ARE MANKIND'S ENEMY." (It didn't go down EXACTLY like that, but close.)

Anyways, I announce that if he swings at her, in response, I'll target him with my divine challenge, imposing not only the -2 to the attack, but dealing 7 radiant, since I made a character that DIDN'T suck or wasn't on my last legs. After a tense negotiation, he backed off, muttering something.

It was awesome. I helped the girl to her feet, and she looked like she had no idea what was going on, but she told us that there was some treasure in the other crypt. I'm all for defending people, but I'm a pirate. It's in my nature. I let her go.

Cont'd

>>9176079
Turns out, she stole it all, nothing was there. Haha, she robbed us. A few laughs were had by all, and we turned to leave.

To find the mangled and bloodied corpse of our beloved Splug.

She played us. She lied, and backstabbed us. Now, in my stress filled dealings with P, I forgot to check my Insight against a possible Bluff. I was utterly defeated. Not to mention P was sitting there, smiling and laughing, saying "HIS BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS HIS BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS." Mind you, he was roleplaying, but it still hurt. Roleplaying back, I told him "Another word and I'll kill you."

So, here I am, totally destroyed because I put it all in that moment, my character's faith and everything. So, I made a plan. To take Splug's body back to town, sell my armor (which, by the way, I got from a puzzle because I knew the meaning of honor), and raise Splug from the dead, then probably kill myself. I couldn't play paladins anymore.

Cont'd

>>9176178
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5

Just as we are about to step out of the graveyard, and I'm about to actually 'fall' as a paladin, even in 4th edition.

When a divine countenance shines from the sky, and a booming female voice appears with the words "It is not his time. He gets a second chance."

I immediately dorp to my knees and vehemently pray, makind a DC 1 religion check to realize that it's actually Avandra, and her divine magic not only brings Splug back, but brings Splug back as a minotaur. Why, probably because the DM thought minotaurs were cool.

Here's the most delicious part of that story, here I am, my character crying that his Goddess answered his prayers in the flesh, like, SHE'S ACTUALLY FUCKING THERE, and P thinks it's a bitchin' idea to start badmouthing Avandra.

P immediately drops to the ground, an overwhelming pain shooting through his whole body. He's stunned.

Both in and out of character, I burst out laughing because of how hilarious it was.

And that, my friends and countrymen, is why my DM is awesome.

>>9176316

I'm going to be greedy and say
MOOOOARRRR.

I want to shake your DM's hand.

>>9176316

Awesome. Truly awesome. Tell him he rocks, from Anon.

>>9176316
Meh, I don't find deus ex machina to be the mark of an exceptional DM. Fucking gods should just mind their business.
Also P was right.

>>9176316
Splug and I ended up gathering up a crew of merry misfits, including but not limited to:
A drunken kobold
A changeling rogue who will fuck anything that moves
A pissed off eladrin who likes fire
A rastafarian ork who was very shooty choppy ork
A warforged swappie who was not easily amused

We got an airship, named her the Drunken Mermaid, and sailed the skies, plundering the evil and the wicked, and bringing their spoils to the downtrodden.

All the while, carrying a fake coin with the symbol of Avandra carved into it.

YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>>9176386
Side note to the story: she ended up being possessed.

And while he was, in the grand scheme, right, he handled it like a fucking jackass.

>>9176386
Not really deus ex machina if the DM was the one that hampered the party in the first place. If the DM steps in to save the players from their own retarded actions, that's cheap, but as it stands it cancels out in my opinion.

>>9176431

And that is what is important. To quote Bill and Ted, "Be excellent to each other."

>>9176362
Nothing I have is near as awesome, but P has thought it would be a good idea to, as an elven PALAAAAAADIN get into a drinking contest with an orc. We had to save his character from getting date raped because he was probably into it.

People, please. Leave your personal fetishes at the door. This isn't FATAL.

>>9176460
And, to continue that quote, the motto of the Drunken Mermaids,

PARTY ON DUDES!
WNANANANANANANANANANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YOU, SIR, DESERVE AN INTERNET BROFIST.

>>9176466
Oh, paladins aren't immune to poison anymore ? That made them killer in drinking contests in 3.5.

>>9176483

THANKS MAN! All your posts are win, so bumping when I see them. Any more stories?

>>9176493
Low level campaign, he didn't get it yet. Besides, he was acting out of accord with his tenents, since was so vehement about saying his character was also a princess. If I were DM'ing that, I'd say his god temproarily suspended that immunity, and I'd be justified in doing so.

I'm not a LOL EEVUL JEENYUS PALADIN FALLS OLOLOLOLOLOLOL, but if you act like a cunt, face the consequences.

>>9176316
Splug returning as a Minotaur was the DMs way of rewarding you.
Bravo.

>>9176431

Its all fine, you played an actual character. So you made a mistake, no character is perfect and it adds depth to things. Discounting the sense motive, given the circumstances there wasn't much else to do.

Good on you.

Our "That Guy" Was our fucking DM.
He basically made a point of creating the most broken fucking DMPCs on the planet, and led us on rails through a halfassed plot. Our only solace was that our increasingly badass characters would eventually get to test their mettle against the biggest baddest motherfucker of them all, a red wyrm vampiric dragon.
We chose spells and feats specifically for this fight, all we did for days was talk about strategy.
Then, on the day of the fight, after one round of furious combat, his DMPC ties a potion of heal to an arrow and establishes that it reduces the dragon to all but four hitpoints.
His character married the princess, we got potions of immortality as consolation prizes.

Later on we found out that half the shit his character could do, was explicitly forbidden in the rules. Highschool DnD sucked, and now I'm the only DM in town...

>>9176529
Do you really think so? I'm a sucker for positive feedback like that. I love writefagging.

New stories out of me will come sometime soon, I've just gone through a big move, so I don't have my own computer yet. My Garruk_x_Nissa fapfiction will be finished when it's finished, but in the meantime, enjoy my random posting and such.

Until next time, my friends, this is the good BROther Laughing Man, the Lone Guardsman, OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT. Signing off and telling you that no matter what you do, may you be excellent in all things.

And of course, PARTY ON DUDES! WNANANANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

>>9176580

What a dickhead! Why didn't he just play by himself if he wasn't going to be a team player, Even if he was DM?

>>9176614
Keep on rocking bro.

>>9176580
You have my consolations, and the only advice I can give is try to out-marysue the DMPC. But the only winning move is not to play.

I'm sorry.

>>9176654
Powertripping asshole wanted us to suck his cock because of how 'cool and original' his plot was. This isn't a normal story with a dragon, this dragon's a vampire.

Also: He played nothing but 'funny' characters who acted drunk all the time and were amazingly strong and accurate with twin pistols when I ran Vampire.

AlsoAlso: I got revenge on him for his prickery by revealing to the whole school that his girlfriend had an abortion. Shitted up his girlfriend's life for a while, but I felt it justified due to the remorseless fucker coming to ME for consolation.

>>9176717

Running away from Mary Sue DMPC until they give up would be cool.

>>9176738

Ouch. Fuck. Maybe a bit OTT, but understand your anger and lust for revenge.

>>9176717
I was a pretty min/maxed sorceror/icemageprcwho'senameIcan'tremember
Still not as good as shitty McArcherfuck
He also ruled that the Psion couldn't use their scroll equivalent, and gimped him at every turn because he just flat hated Psions.

IGNITE THEIR FELINES

Bumping for more stories.

Our DM uses what he calls "Circumstance rolls", this means he would roll a d100 and then do whatever the fuck he wanted and say the dice rolled against us. this could range from BOOM encounter we couldn't possible handle to "Guess what, the god character of the area shows up, suck his cock or die"

>>9176771
Well, to set the stage a bit, I looked up to him as my closest friend for years (I was an awkward creepy kid) until that day he sat there in front of me, telling me about this abortion and making excuse after excuse, and I realized that nothing he had ever said was true, this man was a gross excuse for a human being, a narcissist to the very core, everything he did was to serve himself. I broke ties that day, my friends hung around with him until the end of high school because he bought things for them.

I'm glad they did, they proved my point time and time again with stories of him doing things like verbally assaulting his girlfriend over Magic Cards or WoW.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING TOUCHING MY CARDS, KIMI?"
"I thought the pictures were pretty"
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY FUCKING CARDS KIMI!"
Things like that. This dude was seriously 'That Guy' in every way, and Travis, if you're reading this from where you are, know that you deserve every horrible thing that will ever happen to you.

>>9176922
Perfectly describes one of my current "friends"

>>9177153
>a narcissist to the very core, everything he did was to serve himself.

forgot greentext

>>9176922

What a shit. So he got his girl to have an abortion so he wouldn't have to look after a kid/ stay with her?

>>9177153
Then why associate with him? Cut him out of your life, it made things much easier for me.

>>9177153

Already broke off contact with my narcissistic friend. Stupid fat slob has nothing to be vain about might I add.

>>9177169
What it came down to was him claiming that her dad forced her to get the abortion, and there's nothing he being the incredibly devout christian he was could do about it. At first I was sympathetic, asking things like "Well why don't you bring it up in court, I mean, he forced her to kill someone!" (note: I no longer care what people do with their tumorous lump of spawnflesh) eventually realizing how little he actually cared when he admitted he never once used a condom.

>>9177222

I think that's awful though, he ended a life so he could continue living in the same way.

Man, fuck Travis. I hate that guy.

man you guys suck

I would never be mean to a girl named Kimi.

>>9177250
I think that no matter what the opinion on the subject, one should own up to their true intentions, if you don't care, say you don't care, don't try to garner sympathy like this kid did.
Granted, he also ruined his girlfriend's life (And now that he's out of town, his mom is doing the same in his stead) so he really did fuck everything he touched.

>>9177294

I know another dude like that too, except he ruined his own life more than anyone else's. Which is good.

>>9177276
Fuck off man, you're too stupid to be me.

>>9177419
>>9177276
I fucking love you guys, like, you don't even know.

I do what I want!

I'm not at all surprised worms like you are trying to impersonate me. It is both sickening, and flattering.

I know someone like "that guy", I don't really care if he does something to ruin the rpg, since it's funny for me. Also, it's the gm problem, but since the gm himself plys a lot, I think that everyone can.
I also think that a fun game is better than a serious one, if I want a serious life I would just look to real life, fikdik

>>9177498

Well, you can have a serious fun game, there is nothing saying it can't be both, but THAT GUY will ruin both.

I'm too busy chillin with my bitching new girlfriend to care about you posers. Just did her without a condom, shit was so cash.

>>9176879

Dude, as a DM, I usually do that. Except I don't bullshit it, I explicitly tell my players what the roll is for. I.E., a rock golem explodes in the middle of a train car, and half the party is in there with shields held up and backpedaling like fuck all. I tell, them, okay, rolling d100 to check your chances of survival, if it's under 80, you get away with minor damage, if it's under 40 you get away with major damage, if it's under 30 you all go down to 1 HP and are stunned.

I usually pull this stunt only when everybody has somehow royally fucked up and I have no choice but to fandangle a way to keep their asses in the game.

LOL loving dragging Travis' name through the mud, we don't know him, but we all know someone like him.

>>9177545

Doing it right

>>9169791

I remember I once dmed a group where everyone was that guy.

They all kept killing eachother. It was fucking awesome.

>>9178087

Yeah, if the purpose of the game is to be that guy, then I'm sure it would rock.

>>9178145
Never said it was fun for them

>>9178314

Haha nice

>>9178371

I pretty much put no boundaries on my pcs, so whatever they want goes, no railroading here.