Burn the tree. Smoke it out.

Have you tried setting the tree on fire?

Try luring it in with your cock. Little known fact that Elves love cocks.

Lasso it, then pull it down.

>>14328278
a waste

cut the tree down, use it for firewood (the tree, not the elf)

first, set the ground on fire.
If that doesn't work, set the tree on fire

if THAT doesn't work, set the elf on fire. That works every time

Cast black tentacles. Be sure to lay it on thick.

Grease

As a follower of Armok, I often have elf problems.
I recommend flooding the surface world with magma repeatedly and/or constructing blood cannons and blasting everything in sight with them.

Just leave it be. It'll probably come down on its own.

>elf slave what do

CLEARLY OP, YOU HAVEN'T RAPED HER ENOUGH, OTHERWISE SHE WOULDN'T BE SO UNDISCIPLINED.

but seriously, I'm joking, it's not rape if it's an elf.

>elf can't come down from tree

That's a defective elf, OP. Better just to put it out of its misery.

>>14328293
I wouldn't say it's little known, i'd say its pretty well known that the elvish female craves the cock of the human male.

captcha
>You hhors

>>14328378
Hell, even their males do.

Hey, at least it's not a dwarf. Mine keeps digging up my garden and stashing his gold all over the place. Fucking nuisance.

>>14328629
there's a spray for that, if that doesn't work, use those new fangled ultra-sonic things and put them in the garden

guys, my elf ran away. I was super nice to it and all, and raped it three times a day like you guys said, but now it's gone and my parents are really mad at me what do

>>14328362
It's not gay if it's an Elf.

>>14328629
I have a dwarf that's pretty well behaved. He just finds rocks here and there and carves them into things.

My Goblin minion has managed to acquire 10 pc class levels (Artificer) and routinely solo tpk entire adventuring parties. Is this normal?

He also has a habit of constructing useful but unusual magic items for me. Should I discipline him for this or return him to his warren and get a new goblin instead?

OP, I have a solution for you. It looks like pic and sounds a lot like the following:
RAING!
RRAAING!
RAINGAINGAINGAINGAING!
BZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRRRRRRR!

>elf slave wat do
I'm ashamed of you OP. I expected this of everyone else on the board, but I thought you were cool.

>>14328378

>>14328629
Still not as bad as my Gnome. He keeps burrowing around my lawn. the other day he burrowed into the foundation of my house and let a whole bunch of dire weasels inside.

I may have to put him down if this keeps up.

why does my cat do this

no seriously

it gets somewhere high like that and cant get down and starts crying to be freed

then when i go to put it down on the ground the little faggot tries to get away from me as if id hurt him

what the fuck

>>14328816
Oh, this is somewhat humorous....
>HIS SOCKS ARE OF A STYLE ONLY SEEN IN THE 20TH CENTURY ONWARD
AUUUGH! MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF!

>>14328813
Don't blame us because you don't like fun. Bumping and ruining your sage.

>>14328828
Unless you had the cat de-clawed, it CAN get down. When it gets hungry enough it'll come down.

>>14328834
Look at his safety glasses too.
Its a time travel thing.

Did you try a spraybottle op?

Sorry to intrude, but I thought I might as well avoid spamming up the board with a new thread.

Anyway, my orc keeps trying to carve his way through the neighbours fence screaming about it's lost honour.

What do?

>>14328834
Did you miss the x-treme shades he's got all over his face?

>>14328857
Why does he only wear his old safety glasses and socks, and nothing else from his time? Augh......so confuse....

>>14328824
Quit complaining, all you whiny motherfuckers. At least you have pets that actually DO something. I fall for that "they're so tiny and cute! Chicks will love them!" sales pitch bullshit and get myself a halfling, and the little bastard slumps around all day, just eating food and getting fatter and fatter. I try and take him out for walks and he just stares at me with this folorn, hungry-looking face until I eventually relent and cook him another chicken.

>>14328870
Why in the world are you keeping an orc, they're impossible to make house-broken!

>>14328870
Buy your orc an elf.

>>14328870
Does your neighbor have an elf?

wut

>>14328896

Nah, he's got one of those halfling things.

Strange creatures.

>>14328891

They were going to put him down :(

>>14328887
If you are going to go for shorties, go goblin, they are hairless, clever, playful, and come in a variety of delightful colors (okay, usually greens but there are others.)

However, they have power issues (suspect they are matriarchal in the wild) and may become hyperactive or obsessive if stimulated too much or two little, also, with good luck you can pick up a used one, that whole 'ageless' thing lets them survive several owners if treated well.

>Heaven orallesp
that depends Captacha

>>14328943
Well, either your neighbor or his halfling has done something to piss him off mighty terrible. Try to find out what it is and negotiate with the neighbor.

>>14328824

At least you don't have a Krieger. He (she? who knows whats behind that mask) keeps digging trenches, minefields and fuck know what! Then he constantly stares ate me, and sometimes I think he wants to kill me for heresy....

bump!

I love this thread so much.

/tg/, I have this problem with my kender. I have his shock collar turned up to maximum, it's burned off all his body hair and his fingernails, but he still keeps trying to steal things. Oh, excuse me, "borrow" them then deny doing it. It's as though he has no sense of fear and can't learn from his mistakes.

>>14332030
You know how Ron White once said 'You can't fix stupid'? Well, you can't fix a Kender's kleptomania either.

But there's a trick with Kender.... they only ever 'handle' things once. SO just let the Kender handle everything new that comes into the house and you'll never have to worry about him stealing anything again.

>mfw my lizardfolk gets rid of pests, finds his own food and sleeps on a rock all day

My humans keep trying to start an empire.

>>14332318
>My humans
Well there's your problem! NEVER keep multiple humans together! You gotta keep them separated.

I got a Lillend because our band needed a singer, and she turned the band from classic rock to some hipster shit. Worst part is, she mass suggested the band so that they're not on my side.

Can't afford to dispel it, because the Lillend's costs (first a large bathtub, then a backyard pool, then a cottage on a lake) have set me WAY back.

wat do

hey guys just a quick question, My gnoll has kinda outgrown my appartment so I've been letting him out at night. He keeps coming home covered in blood and carrying elf bones. I dont want to discourage him from killing elves, but I don't know what to do with all the bones, can I throw them in the trash or do i recycle them?

Thanks guys!

>this thread

WHY

My Valhallan keeps running away but eventually comes back with bags of ice every fucking time. I think she's trying to tell me my house is too warm. What do, /tg/?

I LOVE MY ABOLETH AND IT LOVES ME. IT IS THE BEST PET EVER. YOU SHOULD ALL GET ABOLETHS TOO. NEVER DE-TENTACLE YOUR ABOLETH.

>>14332384

Because.

>>14332376

I hope yours isn't the one that's been getting into our garbage at night. My old man's so pissed off about it that he's gonna start laying out some traps soon.

>>14332376
Entire bones? Gnolls should normally crack them open and eat the marrow. If he's bringing entire bones home, he might have a dental problem. You should get that checked.

>>14332376
Bones aren't good compost, as I'm sure you know. Some places have municipal composts that are equipped to deal with meat and bone, and depending on the politics of the city, they allow fey bone.

If not, there are multiple uses for the bones. Chew toys, marrow stew (way more delicious than it seems), crude weapons and armour for your gnoll, crude weapons and armour for yourself, etc.

If you've got 10 sets of armour and are sick to death of elf marrow stew, then your local butcher would probably know how to dispose of your excess.

FOR SALE: Kobold, goes by the name of Mister Piltbottom; he enjoys canned Kobold Chow and walks in the park (Does not come with leash.) Likes hiding nefarious traps all over the house during the night, a good match to someone with rogue skills. $400 OBO.

>>14328679
I give you $50 and my beholder Dr. Wobbles for him.

>>14332376

Save the bones, make elf stock out of them. It's a great flavorant for soups.

I have a pet Rivvil I've reared on pure Orc semen. He still gets his little erections every time he sees me so I have the Orcs rape him until he stops it. Should I get him neutered?

I lol'd.

Also, any advice for Dalek owners? Mine doesn't seem to like me, and I was wondering if this was normal behavior. It keeps on hissing static at me, and trying to hit me with its plunger...

Would anyone be willing to trade a female Vostroyan for a female Valhallan?

>>14332428

Is it spayed? Has it had all its shots?

I'll get it down for you.

But you have to give me a bite, it's only fair.

My gf wants to get a quickling (I don't see why, little yappy things). I hear they need lots of exercise, but we live in an apartment and there's no off-leash fey park in the area. Any suggestions?

>>14332488

Get a new girlfriend

>>14332492

This

>>14332376
What are you stupid or something? Why do you think he's bringing home unbroken elf bones that he would happily eat? They're presents just pat him store them in the freezer for later, when he gets hungry just toss him an elf bone. You'll save heaps on gnollfood.

>>14332428
Fucking kobolds. I got three for my three daughters, because they wanted them and thought they were cute. Well, it turns out one was male and the others were female, so I now have like a hundred fucking kobolds, scampering around and building traps in strange places. And of course, my daughters don't want me to kill the things.

Anyone got any tips for a rancor? I got this big guy from someone's storage shed, and I don't think they treated him very well. Every time some walks by with a flashlight it goes berserk. I tried spraying it with a water bottle, but it's like he doesn't even notice.

>>14332509
I know about that...

both my cat and my catgirl both do this...

usually Dr. Wobble eats them...

>>14332544
Hire Gammorean Guards. They're too stupid to ask for pay in advance, and when they get eaten, that frees you from paying them at all. Just be sure to give them barracks far away from the windows. They have poor hygiene.

>pripb concepts

So wait, why does /tg/ hate elves?

You think you have a problem pet? I got a dark elf. Male one, they said in the shop they're docile. Well, fuck docile, they never said it needs to have it's hide tanned every few days, and feels positively unhappy unless you keep it on a leash all the time. Really, not only it's terribly needy, it's also making you look bad in any company when your pet keeps bringing you it's favourite leash and demand to "whip him like the miserable failure of a male he is deserves". Fuck, I'd get a female for it, but they're supposed to be terribly territorial, and try to dominate all the time, I don't know if I have time for the powergames with an elf. Maybe I'll just buy it a shock collar and zap it from time to time?

My elf ran away a week ago.
Don't know why, I was nice and raped her 4 times a day.
Fuck if I'm getting another.

>>14332531

Overfeed them. Trust me on this. Kobolds are used to eating tiny portions, if you give them too much food they'll end up gorging themselves to death. 10 times the regular amount for a few days should do it. Then buy your daughters some elves. Bitches love elves.

>>14332596
Find someone with a female dark elf and visit them once a month. Take your dark elf with you. Leave him to the female dark elf's tender mercies. Then threaten him to visit every week if he doesn't shape up. One way or another, he'll become more docile.

>>14332561
Actually when felines do that it is their way of telling you that you suck at hunting and you should grow some balls and learn.

Is your catgirl the one that I keep finding sneaking into my backyard and fucking my gnoll? Keep a leash on that bitch.

>>14332573
Why do fat unsociable loners hate beautiful people who are better in everyway?

>>14332661
>telling you that you suck at hunting
is it? a pound of spiced ground beef 3 times a day isn't enough?

>sneaking into my backyard and fucking my gnoll?
wouldn't know, I don't think so.


every so often she brings me a troll arm

I got an elf for my last birthday.

It's a wild elf. Apparently, my uncle went and caught one and painted it over to look like a domestic variant. The thing is vicious and territorial, not vaccinated, not housebroken in any way, and can overpower me in battle. And it has fucking sharp teeth. I've found out that he's stupid and can be distracted with shiny object and food, but I can't leave the house and the fridge is slowly getting no, bad boy, stop that, STOP THAT YOU FERAL CHUCKLEFUCK SPIT OUT THE FUCKING POWER CABLE the fridge is slowly emptying. Is there a service of some kind that deals with this shit? PUT DOWN THE FUCKING SHOTGUN IT'S BEYOND YOUR PRIMITIVE RECKONING

>>14332376
>>14332561
>>14332661
You guys think you have it bad? I used to have a human who dragged home DRAGON HEADS. Do you have any idea how hard that is to explain to the owners? Fortunately, he only bathed when I forced him to, so the blood was always on his hands. Literally. Hell, he even WORE some of the draogn heads. But still, I got in so much shit from him....

I have a cultist problem. The damn buggers are everywhere, and more are coming into the basement every day! I got a space marine like my buddy suggested, and he got rid of them for a while, but he's stopped recently.
He's also painted his armor, and there are spikes and horns on him that I'm fairly certain weren't there before.
Is this normal behaviour, and if so will he go back to killing pests soon?

>mfw I'm still waiting for someone to say they own a person, then subtly hint that they're black.
>mfw I'm a terrible person.
>mfw when I don't have a face.

Hey guys, my pet ogress has turned into quite the handful. It used to be fine, but she's got major arousement issues. I can't bring anyone into my house without her grinding up on them. My brother is still in the hospital. Can anyone give me some advice? I don't want to get her spayed because I'm planning on getting a male some day and starting a breeding kennel.

>>14332738
He's about to start killing everything soon. Might want to put him down.
>>14332749
Start the breeding kennel immediately. There's nothing that can satisfy a lady ogre like a man ogre.

>>14332738
I'm sure everything is fine and that this is normal behavior. Especially if he's called Constantine.

You think you guys have it rough??

>>14332718
You've got a shotgun, do I have to spell this out?

>>14332797
Human-elf relations done right.

>>14332835
Warhammer's Wood Elves are best described as "Galadriel's elves before you knew they were good guys". They're creepy dudes who live in these woods and you don't know if you can trust them but the dwarf says they're assholes and he's pretty much a bro and OH GOD ARROWS IN OUR FACES

>>14332718
Uh, wild elves are the coolest, laziest thing in existence as long as they get enough food and exercise. Yours must be having some kind of trouble. Does it have an erection when it's near you?

My Lamia roommate comes back once a month with a belly the size a beach ball and the local beef farmer has started to get curious where his prime veal calves keep going.

Should I confront her? I mean she pays rent on time and she occasionally brings her hot friends over from the guild (dem half celestial man!). VEAL IS EXPENSIVE THOUGH and I don't want to be an accomplice :<

>>14332814
Ever tried pointing a weapon-like object at a wild elf that doesn't have anywhere to run? What-

It's pissing on my bed.

Guys, I have a post-marian reforms roman legionnare called Galius Adrianus Septimus and I cant make him stop bulding roads, yesterday I have discovered a several mile long road going to the nearest barracks and he keeps insisting that barbarians will turn into roman citizen by his roads only. I do see that roads are really important to him but I want to to curb his road-building and forced marching instincts a little, how should I do it?

I keep finding Baneblades hidden in my fucking toilet, refridgerator and mailbox. I'm pretty sure my neighbor owns a certain Cadian general, what do I do guys? I'm pretty sure I'm going to find a Titan next...

>>14332647
I guess so. But really, have you seen the people who keep Dark elf females? The men are sort of wierd, but the chicks are full out freaky, its like they're the pets instead of the other way round. When I went to a meeting once, and met a girl with dark elf bitch..well, I visited her once, with the male just to do what you mentioned, and sure, the boy was rather satisfied after those three hours, but...imagine this, the dark bitch said to the woman keeping her to "keep me entertained while they get to buisness". Didn't know what to do when the damn girl kept going at me for the whole time, and looked actually scared when I didn't return it and left with the male after they finished. Seriously, why do people keep taking on pets they have no way of controlling?!

>>14332905
Yup, that's attention craving, all right.

>>14332861

If she's cool, don't say shit.

Defend her if she's ever accused and then ask her on the side if she's guilty.

>>14332910

tried to take him to a local maniple yet? legionnares are very sociable and they need building, marching, fighting etc together or they will quickly go fat and moody.

>>14332911

>Get titan
>Rule world

I fail to see the downside to your 'problem.'

>>14332910
The most important thing is to give him an acceptable outlet for his urges.

I suggest letting him run a little exercise facility, he can take high maintenance pets like orcs and kenders on forced marches, to have them nice and tired when their owners come home. It can really be a profit-making enterprise for you, but make sure you send the pets home every day, otherwise he'll try to forge them into a warband, and Romans are impossible to control once they organize.

>>14332905
He's marking his territory, that means he thinks he's in charge.

Can you get some brightly colored feathers?
I heard wild elves consider brightly colored feathers a mark of status.

>>14332718
>>14332905
You whiny, spineless twat. I got saddled with a night elf of all things. They grow to be nine feet tall, can rip a human in half and have that weird plant magic thing going on, and I got him to keep his corner clean and do some chores around the flat in less than two months. Now he wears pants and doesn't attack guests at all.

If you can't handle your pet, give it to a shelter instead of coming here and squealing. It'll be better for both your pet and us.

>>14332905
Only about 6 times a year. Land owner tag, Muzzle Loader tag, Archery Tag, Special Early Season tag, General firearms tag, Intensive Harvest tag.

I just about always limit out, and some years I end up getting removal of problem wildlife tags during the off season due to their incessant carving of homes in the treetops of my woodlot.

I mean, I like hunting them for sport and all, heck, that's why I set aside the marginal land for the old growth forest they crave, but when they start fucking with my tree nut and rare hardwoods business, I've gotta cull them some.

If it wasn't for the fucking yuppy unicorn breeders that have purchased the neighboring farms, I could count on the neighbors contributing to the wood elf harvest, and keeping their numbers in check.

As it is, they get all pissy about my hunting, and wonder why they loose 3 or 4 unicorns a year.

My favorite load is a 139 grain Sierra Game King out of my M96 Swedish Mauser.

Drops them dead, doesn't tear up the hide or the flesh too much.

But I've taken them with 77 grain Sierra Match kings out of an AR (shreds meat, only do this when culling problem animals) and with #1 Buckshot (hard on the hide, but unbeatable at short range).

>>14333123

You didn't get a female? You're crazy. The females are much more docile and pleasing to look at.

Hey guys, I'm kinda worried about my virago.

The neighbours satyr turned up dead the other day and it seemed to be encased in ice, now I don't want to punish her for something I'm not entirely sure she did but the evidence is pretty damming.

What do?

>>14333083

Everything tries to shoot me or run me over. That's the problem, I've been a loyal servant of the Emperor all my life I don't know what I could have done to upset my neighbors Creed...

>>14333172
He belonged to a friend of mine; she was killed in a bulldozer accident while clearing the rainforest. I kind of felt obliged to take over, especially since all of her family are useless creeps.

>>14333200

dont worry citizen, the scouting of heavy armor is a mating habit of General Creed. He goes into heat durring summer months when the forces of chaos tend to lead their damnable crusades.

Try letting him order around some of the wild guardsmen next time your on a walk, even better if you can get him to foil one of abadons plots, usually not that difficult, just remeber its your resposibility to clean up after him.

>>14333172
No they aren't.

Males sleep all day. Females go around marking territory and looking for stuff to kill. It's nearly impossible to train them properly, even if they were born and bred in captivity.

You rich kids suck.

All i had growing up was my dad's old skeleton. He had it when he was a boy, and i think my grandpa did, too. Damn things live forever.

Sure, he was easy to maintain, and if the thing broke or anything, you just left him in the basement for a day or two until he reformed, but still. They are so dull. They just sit. And stare. And that damn head cock to the side thing they do when you're eating...

>>14332861

You aren't an accomplice UNLESS you ask. Leave it alone and it's not your problem until she gets caught, then your involvement is getting a new roommate (perhaps the half-celestial?)

Hey guys...just bought a minotaur. I did what all the manuals say and gave him a nice little maze under my house to occupy himself with, but I hear him roaring every so often when I'm not with him, and he's taken to ramming his head against the wall repeatedly every so often.

Why is he doing it, and how can I get him to stop? He's wonderfully docile and affectionate whenever I'm with him, and loves to play hide and seek in the labyrinth, and I've been feeding him regularly.

>>14333339

>And that damn head cock to the side thing they do when you're eating...

thats actually fucking creepy

>>14333274

I suspect he might be trying to impress my Valhallan, she loves any sort of tanks and has seems to have a fetish for Baneblades. I'm thinking of introducing the two but my other neighbors Commissar might try to kill me out of jealousy if he sees me bring her over. It's really creepy because he's alway in the front of the house, watching.

>>14333363
What were you feeding him with?

There are two kinds of people in the world; blink dog owners and displacer beast owners.

>>14333411
Grass and oats mixed with blood and meat, no virgin, though, since have you seen the prices on that shit? Purina Minotaur Chow is fine, isn't it?

These seven wild dwarves moved onto my property around five years ago. They started digging a hole in the ground and more came. I didn't mind it at first, but when the goblins started moving in, well, the goblins are smeared across my back yard now. I don't know how to get rid of them. What should I do?

So, /tg/...I think I have a dwarf infestation. It started subtle at first. Odd noises from underground, sinkholes around the neighborhood, stuff vanishing from my basement, that sort of thing. It's been getting worse lately, and I keep hearing anvils nearly constantly, lava is turning up in odd places all over the neighborhood, and everyone's pet elves and goblins are turning up dead and partially de-boned all of a sudden. What's the best way to clean out an infestation this big?

>>14333513
Start pulling levers or just wait it out. Eventually they'll dig too deep and unleash unspeakable evil into their home under your home.

>>14333513
Be sure not to wear purple near them. It won't end well. I would suggest luring some out with socks and a bear trap. Works every time for me.

>>14333529
But then we have an Unspeakable Horrors from Down Below infestation, which is even -worse-. I'm just going to start laying traps and pulling any levers they've installed.

>>14328816

... sauce?

>>14333513

Don't be a pussy.

Hide an aquifer underneath them, Anon.

>>14333584

Also want

>>14333413
If there's one thing I dislike about having a permanent true seeing spell cast on me, it's that it's taken a lot of fun out of playing with blink dogs.

I got a pet Space Marine finally. This one is weird though. He's got big wings and keeps saying things like 'I must help the Emperor' and stuff. He won't let me know him either, he keeps insisting his name is Sangines or something and refuses to respond to 'Dr. Blood'. Just the other day he broke out and broke my neighbors Greater Demon in half! We smoothed things over once the thing resurrected, but still!

Wat do?

>>14333610
Where am I supposed to get one of those?

>>14333699
I just got a Space Marine too! Got him from a nice farmer out in the middle of nowhere...and his charming but strangely similar-looking family. Only problem is that he refuses to listen to a word I say, hides a lot, and refuses to answer to 'Lucky' and insists that his name is Alpharius. He's also inviting other Space Marines over, also calling themselves Alpharius. I've tried denying him Space Marine Snacks and water bottles, but nothing works! How do I stop him?

/tg/ I think there's a problem with my Shoggoth, it's taken to just sitting in the corner and staring at me

>>14328816

Bumped for sauce

So I'm thinking about getting a pet for my new home, its a large loft space type layout, three stories with a big open living room.
I'm torn between a beholder, and a Rakshasa. I've heard both wonderful and horrible things about both, and can't make my mind up. Anyone here with experience with either that could help?

Last Tarrasquemas a friend got me a Worm That Walks...it was cute when it was little, but now it, well, there have been disappearances.

>>14333813
beholder all the way, there fun to play games with

somebody archive this shit

So question /tg/- I've been thinking about pruning my hydra- you know, to make it more impressive. But if it grows more heads, will I need to feed it more? Or will it do just fine with the same amount?

Guys, I'm afraid my Lich has ennui. He just sits there, occasionally quoting Nietzche. He's not all the way gone yet but I'm worried about him.
I mean, I already tried beer, but that just went right through him. I managed to borrow my neighbors elf but he had no interest. I even bought him an orc to take care of but he wouldn't even zombify it. I'm at my wits end! Anybody know any remedies?

>>14334317

Get him a book about magic in a language he doesn't know.

So anyways, while I'm trying to sell this kobold, my wife keeps suggesting we get a pedigree elf, the kind you can take to pet shows. She wants to dress it all up in the most ridiculous outfits and show it off to her friends. Any suggestions on what breed is good for this and general idea of the upkeep? I've only ever owned a kobold and a "pocket" halfling before that and those are pretty easy to take care of.

>>14334317
hook him up to either the stock market or to these threads

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12936417/

and

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12939196/

then tell him that he isn't capable of dealing with or making either one...

that will probably fix him good...
>
>
>
>
dammit my catgirl just drug in another troll arm...

>>14334218
It still only has one stomach

My neighbor was an asshole to his drow, so I bought her off him after he beat her on the yard for the fourth time. Told him he could either sell it to me or I would call the police on him, so it was pretty cheap.

Now she keeps calling me "dirty rivvin" and making me these cupcakes and pretending it was not her, then leaving them around the house.

She´s a nice cook, but I´m allergic to milk. Only bought some for her but feeding time every night is a fucking odyssey. She keeps making this huge fuss each time I pour her milk on her bowl, but she´s a pet and I´m not gonna let her eat at the table.

Do you guys think I should buy her a chew toy or something?

>>14334666
yup, or buy a male for her...

>>14334698
I dont know. I really can´t afford to give good care and time to two pets. One is fine. Veterinary bills, food and such is not too much drain on my income, but two would be a big problem. Otherwise, I would have to split the budget for one pet amongst two, and I don´t think that's ethical behavior for a responsible pet owner.

Also, she keeps getting red(dish?) all over whenever she gets down to lick at her milk bowl. Could she be catching a flu, or maybe its something about blood pressure? I know that when I get up really quick from bed (I have no problem waking up) I get dizzy for a moment.

>>14332596
see this guy then.

work something out with him.

>>14334740

Damn it, you should have mentioned this earlier, add the reddness to the other stuff and it becomes obvious, she's in heat. With all the shit she's been through the previous owner probably never got her fixed, and once it's come to this stage your options are limited. Talk to your vet about what to do, because it is really necessary to tailor the treatment to each specific drow.

>>14335174
>>14334740


well there are two options anyhow. He either fucks/rapes her himself , opening a can of emotional baggage, or gets a random male that will be sold/leave for good his town and wont see the drow ever again and lock the two in a room. Preferably a male that is somewhat larger than the drow. or he chains her up and then loks the two in.

>>14335222
>He either fucks/rapes her himself
Bestiality? Seriously? That's fucking disgusting.

>>14335302

Don't knock it till you've tried it. Saves a bunch of money on spaying/neutering and doesn't require meeting up with someone who has a compatible critter. Plus it sounds like she likes him.

>>14335302
It's quite well known that it is only not bestiality if it's an elf of any breed, but also an encouraged by the PETE (people for the humane treatment of elves).

>PETE
>people for the humane treatment
>humane

This thread needs archiving

Also, I was wondering what I could do about my pet Lamia. I've got all the essentials for taking care of her but I'm pretty hot blooded and the heat lamp makes my house too hot. I tried to turn it off but then she would crawl into my bed and wind her body around me trying to keep warm. I've missed work for the last few days because I'm either not getting enough sleep or tied down by hundreds of pounds of snake woman.

Any advice?

>>14335484

Electric blanket

>>14335358

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/humane

Well, okay. I´m not really into bestiality, but I heard cats in heat really like it when you rub their tailbone, so going to give it a try and let you know how it went.

As for getting her a play date with that other guy´s male drow, I dunno... if she gets pregnant, I don´t want to have to deal with cubs later on.

>>14335535
>PETE
>P
>E
>T
>E

>People for the
>Humane
>Treatment of
>Elves
>PHTE

>>14335535

The point
Your head

>>14335555

That's why it's better to handle it yourself.

>>14335535
---------------- Point in >>14335358


---------------- Your head.


>>14335555
>I heard cats in heat really like it when you rub their tailbone, so going to give it a try and let you know how it went.
Hey Edward. How's the cat-spankin' going?

Otherwise this thread's pretty amusing.

I'm having some issues with my shoggoth. I originally got one because I was attracted to its self-luminescence and that beautiful call, "Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!"

I guess it all started when the neighbour kid got this old leather-bound book from his uncle Danforth. He's been using rituals from it to Summon my shoggoth over the fence, and he's taught it all sorts of bad habits. It used to sleep next to my bed, but now it keeps climbing up in the middle of the night and getting the sheets all slimy. Last night when I scolded it, it tried to wrap a pseudopod around my neck! It's little enough now that I can control it, but the shelter said it's going to grow to 15 feet!

It seems to be growing in intelligence, too. I could swear it has developed speech organs and is threatening me under its breath.

>>14335601

Report the kid for Tampering With Reality.

A TWR charge will fuck him over pretty good.

All in all though a shoggoth is a pretty bad choice, like 1 in 5 owners end up dead by the third year and the rest of the shoggoths leave.

>>14333488
My dwarves brought home a woman in a coma! They kept babbling on about apples and princes, but I called the police and had them take her back to the hospital. (Also, they sing this bloody annoying song all day long....)

>>14335484
Why not get her an electric blanket for her basket, or a solarium/terrarium? those are pretty popular and normal around snake owners. Try to get in touch with someone else who has a lamia, since they probably got into the same problems as you, and can give you advice or instructions on building a cheap solarium.

>>14335624
I know, and the shelter makes sure you can take care of one well before you adopt. I raised two Colours out of Space from pups, and a Hunting Horror that was found nearly starved in a dumpster. I'm thinking of getting a Hound of Tindalos next, but I'm not sure how to fence off the yard for something that can travel through the angles of time. But they're great because they can always find their way home.

I don't really want to get the kid in trouble... he's a nice enough boy, if a little pale and unblinking.

Alright, the tailbone thing didn't really work. I started caressing her there during her daily evening bath. I prefer to bath her out in the garden. I´m not going to have her slipping on the tub or running off all drippy and stuff on the house.

She seems to enjoy it, even if she gets even redder at the time, anyway.

So I had her on hands and knees and was washing her hair (she has platinum blond hair, tho I have seen most drow seem to have white, is that important?), she was behaving quite well, when I started rubbing at the base of her tailbone.

She got really, i mean REALLY tense, and shivered a lot while looking at me, making a lot of noise (I swear you could swear they can talk, sometimes. What I wouldn't give for someone to decipher animal speech), but eventually settled down and seemed to relax, then tense up again, and made this cute little meow/cooing sound and relaxed again.

Afterward I noticed she bit her lower lip somewhat fierce. Is this normal behavior? Anyway, she seems a lot calmer now, and I don´t have to drag her to her milk bowl anymore. She keeps climbing on my lap when I´m watching tv, tho, and soon as I try to pet her, she jumps right back down and runs out of the room, then stares at my from the threshold.

>>14335757

Pretty normal behavior, hair color isn't important.

My elf keeps crying whenever I chop firewood, no one told me she would try to make friends with my trees!

>>14335709
Unfortunately the only other person I knew with a lamia just up and disappeared a few weeks ago. His wife had no idea where he went and the lamia was gone as well. I suspect she probably turned on him at some point and possibly ate him.

At least I hope so, the only other explanation is... no, no one would be so depraved.

>>14335793
Try keeping a dryad....

>>14335757
Actually I think it was a success, in many ways

>>14335847

The kind that is a spirit bound to a tree or the kind that is actually an animate treefolk-like creature?

Guys, I have a serious problem. I got this elf female awhile back and well.. uh.. after one too many beers and some porn.. and she was in heat.. well one thing led to another and.. well now it's pregnant and I don't know what to do! I'm so ashamed! No one said these things could get pregnant! I don't even know where to go from here! Oh god if my family or friends find out..

>>14335891

Take it to a vet and have an abortion, it doesn't cost that much.

So I moved in with this Vampire. He's a good guy. He needed a roommate to make the payments on his new castle and I needed a place to stay (people don't kindly to Necromancers). Anyway he told me he as a Harem of vampire chicks. They are basically like his Pets. Anyway recently they've been trying to fuck me. I am not one to deny Vamp pussy but that would really fuck with the Dynamic of relationship with my roommate.
Should I get a like a spray bottle?
Also I can't use a circle of undead protection because it fucks with my spells.

Guys there's an Eldar Void Stalker right outside my house. I heard a faint humming noise, so I got up from bed and opened my curtains and there it was right outside my bedroom window idling in the maple tree in my front yard.

I was raised to respect wild Eldar, but I don't want the fucking thing putting holes in my house with it's forward lance batteries or attacking my neighbor's Acheron Heavy Cruisers. What's the best thing I can do in this situation?

So guys, I recently inherited a large fortune and I bought myself a little menagerie 2 female Drow, and 3 female Wood Elves, I have a nice play area setup that is enclosed and is a very good mimic of a forest only on a small scale obviously.

Now here is the problem I bought ALL of them from a shelter that gets most of its stock from the ASPCA and they were all abused. Since I am a nice guy I tried to counsel them myself. (I am a psyche major in college figured it would be good practice) and now they all seem to be in love with me... Now I am not into Human Elf Relationships, how do I resolve this?

>>14335973
Get a Wraithcall and go out around it, then sound the call. Hopefully the Void Stalker will be attracted by the sound of a potential mate and wander away from the house.

I constructed the solarium as per instructions I found on the internet as well as basic home improvement knowledge I've gathered over the years. I'm not a big fan of light either but it's much cooler than that huge lamp I used to have.

Except she still climbs in my bed almost every night. I've even tried plugging the lamp back in but that didn't help either. I've tried to train her not to do it but it's really hard to assert your authority when she's so much bigger than I am. /tg/ I fear I am losing control of the master-pet relationship.

And there's another problem. See I recently lost my girlfriend which is rather why I got a lamia in the first place. I was told it would provide companionship unlike that of a normal pet. But sometimes when it's really cold and I've had a rough day I sort of... enjoy being held in her coils, the reassuring weight and gentle warmth easies the wearyness of a long day. I know it sounds weird given how much I've been complaining but... Oh god, is there something wrong with me?

>>14336003

There really isn't a resolution at this point. They won't be interested in other males and if you start abusing them they'll just assume that they did something to deserve it. The only thing you can do is get rid of them.

You done goofed. Never get a female elf to imprint on you unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.

>>14336025

Nope. Follow your heart (or your dick).

>>14336003
Just start ignoring them for awhile. Feed them as per usual, but spend no other time with them. They'll get the message.

>>14336029
Well fuck, I liked these ones too, They do everything I want the way I want it, and as I said, I have always been a guy who is nice to my pets, I spent a MASSIVE portion of my inheritance building that habitat for them so they would be happy.

Shit, maybe I will just try to work around this, see if I can get them to understand.

Or hell, just put some kind of caps on their ears and pretend they are not elves.

>>14335973
Bite the bullet. I kept a squad of Dark Reapers after they followed me home. It just seemed cruel to leave them all on the street where they might be caught in melee.

>>14336065
meh, if you follow >>14336050s advice you'll be fine. They will still be imprinted on you but they will assume that since you are ignoring them that you expect them to not be blatantly affectionate towards you. Fixes the symptom at least. Can be problematic though, any slip on your part will cause a relapse on their part, also they WILL try to make you slip as well.

>>14336080
Well this is gonna be a pain in the ass. Both the Drow are synced up on their heats as well.

This is going to be a rough few weeks. my GF is going to be PISSED, but this is mostly her fault, SHE was the one who insisted I bought my Elves from that Shelter.

I am afraid to have her over too, they KNOW about mine and her's relationship, I think they might try to hurt her :(

Okay listen up. Fuck Wads.

Every single one of the problems people are having in this thread can be solved by this.

Point at the center of the face during undesirable behavior and squeeze until behavior ceases. Should this fail, escalate to a water gun, garden hose, fire hose, then shotgun.

>>14336105

Buy a second house, hire a keeper for the menagerie.

>>14336105

Not likely, elves aren't terribly big on monogamy, they won't likely care much about her, they WILL see her as competition and try to outdo her (leave your door locked if you plan on fucking your GF) but they most likely won't get violent, the Drow are the only wildcards, some breeds of Drow DO get violent, but it's hard to tell which you have without a breeders certificate.

>>14336116
Well Sadly as I said I spent most of my Money on the setup, my job is enough to pay for the maintenance and keep my life comfortable but buying a new house and hiring a keeper would stretch me pretty bad.

>>14336123
Well thats good to hear at least, they had not done anything yet but I was a little worried.

Yea, I dont really have much paperwork on them, the origin makes that a little difficult.

>>14336065
just deal with it.

things will work out eventually and they will settle into a normal life.

them imprinting onto you can be not bad just make sure it never gets sexual and they will learn

>>14336147
Will do, Ill just hunker down and try to keep a more acceptable distance. Wait it out.

>>14336074
>I kept a squad of Dark Reapers after they followed me home. It just seemed cruel to leave them all on the street where they might be caught in melee.
You fool! they're no good domesticated! how will they ever defend a craftworld now?

>>14336146

Good luck, I'm out for the night.

So guys, I just purchased a Dragonborn egg and I want to hatch it and keep the Dragonborn as a Pet, any advice on how I should prepare to take care of it?

So guys, I decided to go exotic and get a sphinx-I want to know, though; do I need to worry about riddles all the time, or do they have one each? I pirated a couple guides and they disagree something fierce.

>>14336193
Well, here is the thing, The whole killing or attacking when failing a riddle is a conditioned trait. They learn that from their masters to be used as guardians.

However, They do tend to be little riddle monsters anyway, which is why they are used as such. I would not expect a reprisal, but it may respect you less and thus be more unruly if you often are wrong on the riddles.

>>14336157
well reading from some sociological studies on elves it seems that their society works with them imprinting on someone as their leader. this varies from race to race but generally it is someone that is not romantically interested in them but rather leads them more like a mother/father figure.

at first they might be confused but they will come to see you as that figure if you keep refusing their advances

>>14336193

Odds are if the first riddle she speaks is the classic walks on 4 legs, 2 legs, 3 legs she doesn't have much imagination and you shouldn't have any problems.

However if she's a little more clever than that you'd best get very good at riddles very quickly.

Oh, while we are at it.
I'm being a little bothered by those two Germans I have. They constantly march through the house, demanding things in the name of "the party". I find this quite amusing but while I would like to buy another, I'm a little bothered, they might do something bad if I do.

>>14336227
No, this is definitely a romantic imprint here. They are all over me all the time, dressing scantily (even for elves which is to say they tend to just be naked all the time now) I think i am just going to be steady and just refuse their advances and just stay firm. Hopefully they will get the picture.

>>14336257
Be careful man, they are REALLY dangerous if left unattended. Often starting fires and causing serious damage to the home, and to the homes of your neighbors.

>>14336257
You sure you got Germans, and not Russians or Chinese?

i recently got an ex military elf, used to be used for tracking and explosives detection.

now i have a small porch area with a bed set up for it but it never sleeps there and buries itself in leaves and dirt every night.

this makes it a pain because i need to wash it every day or leave it outside constantly.

i mean it is good knowing in advance when anything at all enters or leaves my house, but it hardly is worth all the extra effort and nearly having my friends disembowelled by a touchy elf every time they come around

anyone know any way to stop these habits?

>>14336257
>>14336297
Or the far more infamous and dangerous residents of the area known as the "Jersey Shore" I saw a documentary on them once, It scared the hell out of my to know something that stupid existed.

>>14336257
What this >>14336297 anon said. Check for fur hats or chopsticks. If found they are Russian/Chinese. If not, get them started on something productive, like a training program for youths or an exercise gym

>>14336298
>anyone know any way to stop these habits?
Seen old yeller?

>>14336278
I don't know about that. They have been very determined to make a truce with all of our neighbours. Now they go out at night, dig up the fence poles and move them a little every night. It does not seem like the neighbours realised that by now, but I owe them quite square meters already.

>>14336297
Oh, yes. They made themselves those beautiful uniforms and brag about their family tree.

Another elf owner here.

I'm a cautious person and because of that I think I've been restricting my elf a little more than is necessary. When I have company over she's usually chained in my bedroom and I don't let her outside much.

Anyway, she's recently offered to teach me magic in exchange for a little more freedom. I can't say I'm not tempted but I'm also wary. Is it even possible for a human to learn magic? Or is she just screwing with me and plotting to escape?

>>14336298
If its Ex-military this should be easy, they are preconditioned to obey firm orders, Give it a strict set of parameters and ensure it follows them, if it does not punish it until it obeys. You HAVE to attain dominance and make it see you as its "Leader"

>>14336321
That is always the danger of being over captive of your pets, especially the intelligent ones like elves. The more restrictive you are the more they will fight it. The whole responsibility of being a pet owner is finding the proper balance that will ensure loyalty and subservience without breaking the spirit of the pet.

SOME humans can learn elvish magic BUT it is insanely rare and though to be the result of trace elvish blood in the human from an interbreeding fiasco. I would not trust it at all on this matter, However I would begin to gradually give it more and more freedoms and ease it into a new lifestyle that will garner more loyalty so you will not have to chain it up.

I got a dreadnought just the other day and I call him Mr. Crumbles. Sadly though, I'm already running into problems with him. He keeps complaining of this eternal pain thing, and hes convinced that even in death his duty doesn't end. I brought him to the local apothecary and they were convinced that he is fine, but I still worried. What do I do?

So, I bought a Dwarf runescribe and the fucker keeps drawing on my walls. Says its for my protection. The squirt bottle no longer works because he drew a rune of binding on the trigger mechanism.

What should I do? Should I just give in and redecorate my walls to cover up the inscriptions? Where does he keep getting the crayons to draw from?

Wait, you keep your elves clothed? I´ve never understood the people that dress up their pets. It just always seemed silly to me.

They´ve evolved millions of years to be able to survive and keep themselves warm and cozy in the wild, so why the heck do people dress up their pets? it just seems so odd to me.

I keep my... No that´s not right, I was going to say I keep her nude, but that´s her natural, default condition as a pet, no? I should rather say I have never before now even thought about dressing her up... that´s... that´s just silly, man.

By the way, she has finally settled down a bunch. I guess she realized I wasn't going to chase after her when she runs off my lap, so if she wants me to pet her, she has to stay still and let me pet her however and whenever I feel like it. I´m the master in our relationship, and it is not going to work any other way.

I think you should try it with yours, just teach them that any play time will be initiated by you with a clear sign for such. Maybe teach them to fetch or such, since you said you built them a habitat (that was mighty nice of you, by the way), and then pet and reward the fastest one.

Don´t forget to punish with the water spray any that hurts the other during the running. Water spray + harsh serious words and body language should help you teach them their place.

On a side note, I´m considering buying a collar for my drow. Is leather or vinyl preferable? I´ve seen some people go with branding some sort of bar code on theirs, but since mine is so dark it would go poorly, I think.

>>14336361
You need to give it a purpose. Often I find a good outlet for them is to crush some heretics daily. Tends to help them fufill that "Duty" habit they ALL seem to have

Guys, I'm really worried. My aunt gave me a rare and exotic pet the other day called a Squat. The poor thing is so sad though, he just sits in a corner freaking out claiming that the Gee-Double U's won't let him live. Do I put the poor guy out of his misery?

>>14336374
I dont clothe them they clothe themselves, fashioning some interesting outfits using leaves and other materials. I encouraged their creativity with this.

>>14336379

I try but when hes not complaining he just sleeps all day. I hope hes not sick

>>14336384
NO he is prolly the last of his kind. Keep him alive at ALL COSTS tell him the GW is to busy making the Grey Knights ride Knights to bother with him.

>>14336398

Don't worry about it, my friend had the same problem it's just their natural way of adjusting to their new home. Pretty soon he'll be stamping out anthills and protecting your home from raccoons and finding ways to serve the home.

>>14336398
No, he is not sick. Dreds often sleep for VERY extended periods of time. Its natural, hell some of them sleep for THOUSANDS of years, the fact yours wakes up at all without some Heretics or Xeno's to squish is very rare.

>>14336257
>>14336319
Just an hour ago, they came to me and proclaimed me their "Fuura" or something. They even made this nice uniform for me too.
But now I went out into the garden to look after them and there I find a dead cat, lying just by the fence, dressed up in one of those uniforms. I don't know if I shouldconfront them about this. They seem to be in the shed right now, I can hear them dangling. Wonder what they are cooking up.

>>14336416

Oof, you're gonna have a problem if you have neighbors with Russians or Poles or Frenchies around. Otherwise they'll just lay out small grey paths everywhere and make small models of tractors.

>>14336321
Humans can learn magic, it's just a pain to PERFORM it without a decent power source. You could always learn the stuff in exchange for a bit more freedom, then point out to your elf that elf blood is a fine power source. See if it takes the hint. And, yes, it's trying to escape. If you don't want that, you could always establish a co-dependency bond. If your elf knows magic she probably knows about 'geasa,' and will behave if you collar her with cold iron bathed in the juice of mistletoe berries. Mind you have to apply the collar yourself! If you get someone else to do it, she will become bound to them, instead.

>>14336416
O god, Those Germans you got how old are they?

If they are what I think they are you need to Have them put down FAST, they are a older subreed of Germans known as Nazi's and they tend to attack and try to take over other property, they are good at this, if they keep going they may convert other germans and start and Army! You will be blamed for the damage!

>>14336444
>>14336431
Well, up until now,they have been pretty peaceful. John, my neighbour, has those Italians and they always got along quite well.

Oh, and should I allow them to "exterminate the vermin"? I saw them smoke out rat holes the other day. I thought this would be pretty useful.

>>14336481

I'm gonna warn you right now: they can get pretty rowdy. Also before you let them do ANYTHING to your air vents I would call a specialist to check to see if there is anything living in there.

>>14336481
Yes, it sounds like they're talking about getting rid of all the rats, skeeters, and other bugs and pests in the area. I'm pretty sure nothing could go wrong.

I have no idea how do you people manage to keep several elves at once. I have only one, and his life is a living nightmare. He's constantly attacked by goblins, kobolds, drow, etc. and my neighbour's orcs spend all their time trying to get into my house and rape him. I literally have to always stay close to him, because the second i'm away and/or without a shotgun somebody tries to kill/rape the poor guy. He's on a verge on nervous breakdown by now, i even had to let him sleep in my bed.

/tg/ I've got naiad issues, i don't know who introduced them to the towns water supply but now I've got one living in my pipes.

Normally it wouldn't be a concern but I've got an oil furnace that heats the house through forced hot water and i don't want it to get hurt.

How do i coax it out of the pipes and into a more safe environment?

>>14336552

Well most of the people posting seem to have female elves. Perhaps they are better able to cope with the stress or it might be your neighborhood.

>>14336572
Music.
Naiads find Big Band almost irresistable.
Run the tub with a radio within earshot and soon as the trumpets kick in listen for the gurgle of the wee beastie moving through the pipes.

>>14336444
Nazis are not that bad. Just write "Lenin" or "Stalin" (whatever the fuck that means) on the walls of your house and you'll get some Reds to move in and deal with Nazis.

>>14336552
>Goblins
Meh, give him a sword, let him cast spells, free meat.
>Kobalds
Same.
>Drow
Oooh, now THAT'S a problem. Them dominatrix bitches are probably what effed him up to the point he's at now. Have you considered buying a paladin?
>Orcs
OH GOD NEVERMIND, HE'S AS GOOD AS RAPED.

>>14336572
Try to create a body of water elsewhere that would look attractive to her. A properly made artificial pond in your yard would do the trick, but a bathtub can work in a pinch. Make sure the water you fill it with is clean, the more pollutants are present, the less likely the Naiad will relocated to it.

>>14336586
Ok, I can do that, but how do i prevent her from moving back into the pipes after the music stops?

>>14336607
Plug it up. Shut off the water valve to the tub or, as someone else mentioned that's a good idea, an artificial pond. Work from there.
Key thing is that Naiads are limited in their motility. Whatever else, she won't be leaping out and running away after she's been moved, which with a little patience is a godsend.

>>14336603
The bath doesn't work, that's how I found out about her to begin with, after I got out she went back into the pipes.

On a side note the water I shower with now is the cleanest freshest stuff I've ever come across

>>14336601
>Meh, give him a sword, let him cast spells, free meat.
These are some weird, high-level goblins and kobolds. He can't beat them.

>Drow
Oooh, now THAT'S a problem. Them dominatrix bitches are probably what effed him up to the point he's at now. Have you considered buying a paladin?
They don't have any paladins at the shop. The shopkeeper offered me a "tiefling" "Blackguard", though. He said that Blackguards are pretty similar to paladins, is it true?

>Orcs
>OH GOD NEVERMIND, HE'S AS GOOD AS RAPED.

Come on, there must be something i can do.

>>14336627
Water valve, didn't think of that thanks anon.

Is there someone I can call to take her back to her natural habitat? I'd love to keep her but I can't afford to remodel my backyard to that extent.

>>14336634
Move locations.

>>14336590
Wouldn't recommend this. Sure those commies can be cute at first when they drink vodka, make crude instruments from cast iron and send each other to gulaks. Some point they start tinkering around with nuclear power and will become quite a nuisance.

>>14336629
Well, OTOH she's probably already smart enough to stay out of the water heater, so she might end up being safe motoring around regardless.
I don't know much about the instinct levels of Naiads, but I'd double check so if your oil heating system and water lines actually mix at any point. AFAIK they shouldn't, which poses no threat to your aquatic visitor.
Now if your county/country starts widespread and heavy fluoridation, that could be tragic.

>>14336552
Wait, wait, i don't get it. Your elf is a guy, why would your neighbour's orcs want to mate with him? Their owner should bring them to the vet, maybe they're defective and should be put down.

>>14336636
Good question.
Try a water conservation PAC (political action committee) or group. Naiads are damn rare in urban settings, you might have to do a little legwork.
It may come to pass that your visitor is actual content to wander around your pipes until some larger purpose or random event occurs.
Fey are deservedly regarded as enigmatic, if not completely random. I had a Sylph take roost on my TV aerial for an entire lunar cycle, and then after weeks without rain she shot into the sky during a downpour and has been only a memory since.
Not that amazing, except that during the moon phases I'd sometimes hear animal whining from outside and see on my lawn all the dogs in the neighborhood sitting there attentively, like a giant canine pow-wow, staring up at my aerial.
No cats, just dogs. Not walking, or barking, or anything. Just sitting stone still, tails barely moving.

>>14336650
>>14336674
Alright, I'll keep that in mind, thanks for the advice, you've certainly eased a lot of my concern.

Guise, I might have problems with my tau. I usually have to keep her on special pheromones to solve her chronic anxiety issues. But now that I've run out of pheromones and the vet is off for who knows what reason, she's starting to act strange.

Wat do?

pic unrelated, she's actually an earth caste and really loves to play around with all sort of junk and sometimes hurts herself doing so.

>>14336718
Stick it in her ass.

>>14336718
Remain calm and stay where you are, citizen. The xenos you are in possession of will be disposed of by Ordo Xenos agents that are en route to your location right now. Co-operate, and you shall be given a quick, painless death.

Guys, a few days back I got myself a Female Human as a pet, not from a pet store, but through the internet.

The previous owner is kinda cool, sold her to me at a low price.

I tired to make her comfortable to the new surroundings and get close to her, let her know I'm the new owner. But she still a bit shy....She only comes to her feeding plate after I left the kitchen.

So as I was surfing around 4chan and came across this /tg/ thread about weapons and amour, she was beside me, and suddenly she got transfixed on the screen.

I asked her if she would like one of those, she happily looked at me.

So anyone can help me on what to get for her?

I know some Anon might disagree that I dress up my pet or let my pet handle weapons and shit.

I mean, what can go wrong? The worst it could happen is she wearing the amour and using the weapons and mess up my neighbors'' lawn.

I'm 100% confident she wouldn't do it anyway.

>>14336416
I find it helps if you get them a little Ruhr coal to obsess over. My neighbour Maginot suggested this, and it worked out great. Now they're over at his fence all the time, trying to get in to see him.

>>14334182
Archived at http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14328261/

>>14336736
What? Uh, sure, but are those Deathwatch guise even qualified to cure her?

I bought this elf the other week and she keeps on going on about the Caite Sidhe and how I had "disrupted the balance of the courts".

I want to discourage this kind of behavior but when I pulled out the water bottle to spray her the water all froze. I'm at my wits end, how do I deal with her?

>>14336804
simple
>>14336724
She has no power over you, because you are human, thus completely un-related to magic at all. She can control elements, water and stuff, but not your dick.

>>14336804

>>14336804
Ring an iron bell around her. The sound cows them into supplication. Those big ears are far more sensitive than yours, after all.

>>14332339

I love you.

I saw there was a beholder owner in the thread. I have to ask a question.

My Beholder, Old One Eye, keeps rotating to float upside down in his sleep, and I keep on having to take him to the Loremaster in town to have potions concocted to cure the stomach upsets this causes. Also, when he uses the restroom in his sleep it gets all over him, and that stuff is hard as hell to get off once it solidifies into rock.

What should I do?

Say /tg/. My room mate's a werewolf now, and I'm not sure what I should do.

All my friends are in leases right now, and he's a great guy, pays his rent on time, it's just....

I'm tired of finding dead animals in the bathtub. And the blood everywhere, the claw marks, it's getting to be a bit much. My door's lined with silver and reinforced so he can't get in, but I mean the cops are eventually going to track him back here, and good luck getting a roommate then.

What do I do?

>>14336884
Wolfsbane, that's what I've been told.
Or you could just line HIS door and window with silver so he can't get out.

>>14336906

That'd be great if I could get in his room to do the windows. But he won't let me. Something about needing to get out in case there's a fire. Apparently the silver stops him from ever entering my room.

I'm at my wit's end here.

>>14336818
I lol'd pretty hard. I just wanted you to know.

Oh fuck, she just found the hand mixer and she's got that look on her face...

Quick, men, I need advice!

My Gelatinous Cube got into the fridge...

>>14336984
It's gonna make the best iced vodka ever.

>>14336942
get her more random junk, it should keep her occupied till you can get to the store to get soe more pheromones

>>14336984
congratulations, you now have a gelatinous fridge

So my Jedi has been acting funky lately.
He's getting sullen and bitter and he actually took a swing at me with his saber last week, though he apologized right after.
Today he said something about heaven being immovable, so he would raise hell, and there was definitely a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder. Is he going Sith? I mean, it's the obvious problem, but he doesn't seem to be showing any of the signs, and he hasn't choked anything.

Just buy her a dildo already you cheap bastard.

>>14337008
Wait wait wait, have you been keeping your jedi alone? They tend to go a bit kooky if they don't get bonded to an older/younger Jedi to keep them stable. If you can't afford that at least see if they're holding any Jedi Council meetings in your area, you can talk to other Jedi owners while your Jedi gets to be a bit social.

Guys, something's wrong. I got this dwarf the other day and I keep giving him mead and beer, but he won't drink it! He keeps prattling on about goblins or something and won't drink.

I'm afraid he might be sick, what should I do?

>>14337027
This one's fairly easy. Just tell him the words 'On break.' If you have a water cooler, I guarantee you he'll make a beeline right for it. Only problem is getting him to stop. I suggest telling him he's been drafted, then that you've changed your mind right after.

>>14337027
He's probably looking for certain materials and a workshop of some sort. Make sure you find the right ones and leave them out for him. It's a natural phase... he'll go into the shop with his materials, eyes gleaming, and come out a few days later with a beautiful but ultimately useless gift for you. Just pat him on the head and tell him he did a good job, and have some ale ready.

Gentlemen, I have a problem. It's been an ongoing issue for quite some time now. My Lucifer keeps going on about how he's misunderstood, never gets any credit for everything he's done, and how he thinks that he would be better off if I were to just cast him out.

Now, as a responsible pet owner, I know that just dumping a pet is impossible, but I'm about to my wits end with this one.

>>14337033
Invent the Jews.

>>14337022
I can afford another jedi, but it was hard enough getting the first one accepted in the house by our family assassin.

>>14337061
See if someone nearby has a Mammon. Infernal architecture will give him someplace to roost, brood, and curse God. Just be warned that Pandaemonium has a mind of its own, and the Mammon didn't really build it. In some places, it'll lower property value, but I happen to think its maddening architecture forged by no living hands is pretty.

>>14337009
As I said, I usually try to keep her away from power tools.

>>14337002
Eh, I'll only her her plastic objects, so that she doesn't build some sort of burst cannon thingie to actively promote her Greater Good bullshit while I'm away. She's not a jokaeros weaponsmith, but my neighbour's ork mek learnt her a few tips a while ago.

I just hope she won't manage to get hurt again.

>>14336835
If the problem is only while sleeping, why dont you give him a harness you can hang a weight from while he sleeps? that way its impossible for him to turn over himself

>>14336928
Well, like I said, wolfsbane is said to cure the disease. But sounds like your friend doesn't want to be cured which is bad. You could also try getting the Mormons to convert him although that's a lose/lose situation.
I don't know.

>>14336374
>On a side note, I´m considering buying a collar for my drow

I assume is for giving it a tag in case it gets lost? Well, since there wont be hair between it and her skin, you have to remember is going to rub on her a lot. Now, gold is the main product people use for jewelry and piercings because it doesnt rusts or develops mushrooms, but thankfully now you can get high quality steel or such for the same, and it is much cheaper.

Do keep in mind that steel is usually pale colored, so it will stand out a LOT against her skin.

>>14337146
Oh, before I leave, that reminds me my tau doesn't have a name yet. See, I bought her a few weeks ago and I thought I'd come up with a name to engrave on her pet collar, but I didn't. I thought a pun with "blueberry" or something similar would be funny but I lack inspiration.

>>14337141

Yeah. I have some in the room but he just won't take it. And I'm afraid if I give it to him all sneaky like, he'll bail on rent. Which, I can afford to pay at the cost of not eating for a month... which is sort of a problem for me. I'm a Vanilla Human, and I need regular nutrition.

bump for lulz

>On a side note, I´m considering buying a collar for my drow. Is leather or vinyl preferable?

If you have a female,or female and males (it's cute to see them play, though there's fair amount of cleaning up afterwards) I'd show a catalgue to the female and let her pick for herself and the males. They often go for the more elaborate ones, but it really does keep them happy for a long time. If you have only males, depends on the other equipment. If you keep them naked, leather is stylish and durable, but if you have those outfits for them, vinyl will often fit better.

>If you keep them naked

I dont get why people talks in this thread as if this wasn´t the standard, accepted way for pets to be. Thanks for the advice tho.

I guess I will just take her, I mean it, here I go anthropomorphizing again, but Im pretty sure that happens to cat, dog and goblin owners a lot, too, right? Anyway, I guess I will take it with me to the pet store and see which collar seems to make it happier (or to which she objects the less).

I dont think just showing it pictures would work. Can they recognize abstract images? I think dolphins and apes can, and I -think- I remember seals being able to, as well.

/tg/, you're my only hope now. I've got a harpy, the singing kind, and she's been a real pleasure to have around, I've put a large cage for her, it's even has outdoor side for summer, and the thing seemed really happy with it. It's got wonderful plumage, really brightens the atmosphere, and it's been always playful, and willing to sing. I made sure to get one that you can easily train for different songs so you're not stuck with classical one, or only rap one. But..I've been gone for a week, and asked my friend to take care of it. That fucking asshole taught her the entire discography of Justin Bieber! And she's really unhappy whenever I try to take his picture out of her cage (I think it's a bit creepy to be honest). Is it because she's almost 4 now and going through adolescence? I've heard they can fixate on one genre for a while when they grow up, and it's not her fault that bastard has a sick sense of humor, but it's really getting on my nerves...help?

>I dont get why people talks in this thread as if this wasn´t the standard, accepted way for pets to be

Hey, don't be so old-fashioned. People have been making outfits for dogs for a while, and they did look terribly silly I agree, but with humanoid pets they just look good in them. A bit extravagant of course, but if you're already keeping an elf, you might as well go that extra mile and make it really pretty elf.

>>14337160
Well then, you're shit out of luck as your friend is obviously one of those new-age assholes that keep on saying it's not a disease and that we're just being close minded. You could still try the whole conversion to Christianity (or a sect) thing but that's not much better.

Also, I have a problem myself. Somehow I've gotten dwarves in my attic. They do eat all the rats that might infest my house but they keep me awake at night with their infernal racketing and lately I've noticed that my beer keeps disappearing from the fridge. I've driven them away several times but they always come back like nothing happened. What do?

>>14337253
if you want something to make pretty, get a doll.
pets are not for satisfying your perverse need to primp things.

If you live out of climate there's a point to clothing but otherwise just stop being an asshole.

>>14337263

That's about what I figured, I was hoping for a second opinion. And at least he doesn't bring his werewolf friends over. Or shed for that matter. We can't have pets and the super'd get pissed if she saw fur.

As for your problem.... Have you tried calling Dwarf Control? I hear they can work wonders.

>>14337242
Ugh. Keeping a harpy as a pet is really a bad idea. They're all cute and shit whilst growing up but you just wait when it starts bringing carcasses home. Or better yet, when people come to your house because it's stealing their food. Bad idea, dude. Bad idea.

>>14337283
Fuck you, many humanoids construct simple clothing in the wild too, you're not doing anything against their nature. And with elves, it's like they love spending hours going through their tiny wardrobes to pick out the best clothes so fuck you again you reactionary. You probably think they should be kept out of the house too, since hurf durf animals should be out?

>I've driven them away several times but they always come back like nothing happened. What do?

Get one of them slavic house dwarves, Domoviks I think or something. They've been living with humans long enough to adapt and if you keep it supplied with milk of all things, it will actually often help youout in daily chores. The feral dwarfs are all of the nordic subspecies, so they're rowdy by nature and reallya bit of a pest, but the slavic ones are bigger than them, so they quickly dominate the feral tribes and..well, make them act a bit more civilized and helpful. As I said, you have to make sure the domovik stays happy, but if it does you'll have a buch of well-behaved dwarves around, which is better than trying to get rid of whatever new clan moves in after you got rid of the last one

>>14337302
Oh come on, thats why it's the smaller kind, so I don't have to let it out of it's cage. The cage's big enough to let her fly freely, and I reckon I will be able to let her out once in a while once she's all grown up. Even if it catches something then, it's not like she'll be doing it all the time.

>>14337285
Dwarf Control refuses to help because according to them these dwarves are an endangered subrace and that makes this all so fucking annoying. If the dwarves suddenly disappeared I'm looking at a hefty jail time.

Captcha is suggesting tunnel erasions, but these aren't the tunneling sort of dwarves. Also, could somebody help identify these dwarves as I'm not entirely clear what species they are? They seem to be smaller than normal dwarves and their beards aren't as big and they dress in colourful clothes.

>>14337351

I think you might have Gnomes. Do they do magic?

>>14337348
You could try and get it to sing something different. Some songs are said to be contagious enough to get them to switch to that. Blanking on what music that would be but you get what I mean.

>They seem to be smaller than normal dwarves and their beards aren't as big and they dress in colourful clothes.

fuck, those are either Disneyite Dwarves, in which case you need a silly bint in flashy clothes to order them around (if your girlfriend doesn't mind a bit of dressup and can sing at least a bit you can try and persuade her to communicate with them, say , once a week to keep them docile), or they're german garden gnomes, in which case you should call the embassy and tell them they can come and pick them up.

>>14337376
Nope, haven't seen them do magic and I'm told gnomes don't eat rats or drink beer and these definitely do. And to be clear most of them have reddish hair. They are definitely nocturnal and I've heard everything from clanking, explosions to just singing and being generally loud during the night.

>>14337334´
Where would one get one of these Domoviks you speak of? I live in a Nordic country so importing Slavic dwarves is generally frowned upon but I'm at my wits end here.

>>14337401
But I thought Disneyite dwarves still tunneled although they live on the surface. These don't seem to want anything to do with the underground. They do seem to like building things from the sounds of it but I can't be sure because they always hide their tools and generally do tend to get aggressive if I try to get into my OWN ATTIC without their permission. Some of my neighbours have also complained about the strange smoke that comes from my attic window from time to time.

>>14337408
Well, the best ones come from Ukraine I've heard, but since it's outside of the union, I'd try some of the closer countries. Either try to buy one in the open market, since they aren't endangered and thus easily found, or get one through a illegal means. I mean, sure, it will be abit...roughted up, but if you take good care of it, it will warm up to you quickly and do it's job well. You might need to learn some slavic curses though, it makes them feel more at home if you cuss ever so often.

Singing Harpy? You sure you didin´t got a mermaid? somehow time really screwed up the way people thinks of mermaids, but originally mermaids were supposed to be winged, female looking and singing.

I´ve found a unexpected problem. I can´t get my drow out of the house. I put a brand new harness on it, and it looked quite excited about it when I squeezed it gently under its breasts and made sure it wasnt loose or going to rub against its skin or anything, but as soon as it realized I was trying to get it out of the house, it freaked out and is making this "rivvin" cry all over again, clinging to the corners of the house or furniture or what have you.

I dont get it, it seemed to have grown okay with being washed (bathed?) in the backward, so why is going out a problem -now-?

>>14337459

Uh oh. Those sound like shoe making gnomes. Try luring them out with sweets and gifts designed for their small stature.

>>14337471
Hmm, sounds like a plan. But any suggestions what to do if the Dwarf Control comes down on me for introducing another dwarf into the habitat? I really don't want to face jail time here.

>>14337533
Like said, they really do look more like gnomes than dwarves but I've been told most gnomes loathe beer and I'm pretty sure these ones are drinking mine. I really don't know much about dwarves or gnomes, that's the problem. Everything the Dwarf Control explained to me just went way over my head.

>>14337334
"Domovoy" is the right word, pal.

I think your drow is just nervous to go out on a street full with unknown people. It happens with some pets, you know? she may just be skittish.

Try luring it out with her favorite toy, or just very slowly keep caressing it and moving it out, caressing and moving until it understands you ARE taking it out, but that it is not that scary out.

On the other side, it may be a good sign that it is unlikely to go out and get lost on its own, so you may want to just scratch the idea of taking it out at all. You are giving up on a lot of peace of mind, you know?

I think you are going to have to just pick a collar for her if you want her to wear one at all.

On the other side, right now you and her are both missing in going out to the park and playing in the open, and unless you train her to use a walker or something, shes missing on a lot of exercise.

>>14337591
Not in my language, bro.

>>14337408
>Where would one get one of these Domoviks you speak of? I live in a Nordic country so importing Slavic dwarves is generally frowned upon but I'm at my wits end here.

First, get a stove. Preferable a big one, like the ones russian country houses often have. Then just go out of your house and call him. Something like "Grandfather Domovoi, please come to my house" should work. Oh, and these guys are not dwarves at all, more like fairies or spirits of the house.

>>14337471
Do not listen to this man! Domoviks do NOT like being cussed at! They get angry and start breaking things when people cuss a lot around them.

Alright, decision time, then.

On the one hand, if she´s afraid of going out, then you are probably right and I won´t have to worry about it getting lost or running away.

On the other hand, I dont want it to stay indoors all the time, and yeah, taking your pet with you to the beach or the park is a big part of the fun in having a pet.

I guess that decides it. A more fun, AND healthier pet is the better choice, clearly. Let me try and see if I can get her to calm down and go out with me.

>>14337668
Dammit. Now I don't know what to believe as some people are obviously fucking with me. Serves me right asking for help on 4chan. And this domovik thing, how well do they get along in an area with hustomter? I know some people in my neighbourhood have them.
What do gnomes eat, anyways? Because I'm slowly starting to think these might be gnomes after all. It's annoying, I can't find an expert on these anywhere and it's a pain in the ass to try and find information on the internet because these fuckers have so many different names: dwarves, gnomes, leprechauns, heck they might even be called elves but I doubt they're the Santa kind.

>>14337675
just make sure she knows certain things are for going out.

like a certain harness or collar ( once you get one ) that you put on her to take her out, start small by putting it on her to take her out the back yard then after maybe a week try the front yard, so on until you can take her places.

she should learn that the item means outside with you so she won't worry and is less likely to wander off on her own

>>14337675
Wait wait wait wait wait. Is this a drow you're talking about?

>>14337968
Ya, a Golden Retracer, too. You know, they have this long, glossy hair that is pale gold rather than white like the more typical Cock Spanner. Got it cheap from my neighbor, that had been abusing it. It´s been a long experience getting it used to me handling it and such, but its gotten to the point I can just pat my lap and it will obediently stretch over it for petting or grooming.

Sure, it was really hard at first, and everything was an issue or some sort of power play, from getting it to eat off its bowl (again, no way was I going to let a pet eat at the table) to washing or petting it.

Its finally stopped going bright (everything is relative, she is very dark after all) red when im petting or washing it, or just looking at it, sometimes, so Im trying to get it used to being a bit more social now.

Disregard tales about the drow females being poor pets. They are great, once you CLEARLY make the point on who´s in charge. A bit skittish, tho. Sometimes I would swear she´s embarrassed to do as she´s told, but I know that can´t be it.

>>14338038
You know they're really sensitive to sunlight, yes? I'm guessing the place you've been bathing her is well shaded, because five minutes of direct sunlight and she'll be burning like she's on fire. Maybe try taking her out at dusk; she should be much more amenable then.

>>14338108
Oh wow, I feel like such a jerk now. No wonder. Ya, my backyard has this huge rubber tree (not a nerf tree, is the name of the tree, is where you get natural rubber from) that gives GREAT shade (in fact theres this myth that you will catch a cold if you sleep under a rubber tree because its pretty dark and cold there) so thats probably why she was alright going out there.

Plus I live in a very hot and sunny area, so that is definitively a big part of it.

Alright, going to wait a bit and try again this evening once the sun has gone down a bit. I am usually against putting clothes on pets (I really think is silly) but maybe I will try and put a long shirt or a pair of sunglasses on my drow and hope it doesnt gets too weirded out by it.

Odd, tho, I would swear dark skin should be an asset when it comes to sunny regions.

>>14338138
>Odd, tho, I would swear dark skin should be an asset when it comes to sunny regions.
That's because you're thinking in human terms. Drow aren't human, remember; the dark skin is for camouflage in their natural habitat, not an adaptation to intense sunlight.
Also remember that drow, if fact all elves, are very sensual creatures, they can be readily reassured with continual stroking and petting. Ear scritches are a favourite, along with the tailbone thing you've already used. Bellyrubs are also appreciated, particularly full-torso work.

Alright. I guess I will check some online websites and look for a bit more info then. Is not like it has to get done right now, after all. I have today and tomorrow free, so it can be done later or tomorrow.

Brb, checking some info.

Alright. Checked some websites and forums, and it looks like you are right. Thankfully she did not object to me placing some sunglasses on her face, tho I had to swat (gently) at her hands when she tried to reach for them.

Im not one to dress up my pet like it was a doll, but if I do put something on her, she must learn in no uncertain terms she is not allowed to touch it, or even more so to take it off.

Anyway, I went to check on my beach stuff and found some sun-blocking lotion, so I rubbed it all over on her. She really seemed to like that. I mean, really, really seemed to like it, so I guess I will take the chance now that we are going out and buy some baby oil or something to rub on her on days when she´s been really good from now on.

Decided not to put clothes on her. Would stick to the sun lotion and what did I rubbed it on her for if not to help with the sun, anyway?

Now that the sun is lower, im going to try taking her out again. If it works, I will tell you how it went when I come back.

This is giving me the wierdest of boners.

Anyone knows where I could get, like, maybe some dwarf minotaurs?

>>14339346
>wierdest of boners.

what is?

And what the heck is a dwarf minotaur? a minotaur with the upper body of a dwarf? a really small minotaur? would that be a goat-dwarf? wouldnt that just be a satyr?

>>14339393
i think it would be a Minitaur

>>14336257
Ah shit, that sounds bad man. Do they march around in black all the time? If yes there's no other solution than execution. Best to start some Nuremberg Trials on them.
Should fix the problem.

>>14339393
You know how animals can be bred, or by natural selection get smaller? I always liked the minos, but they're bloody huge and eat a lot. I figured a really small minotaur would be easier to maintain, sort of like people keeping those asian pigs as pets instead of full-sized hogs. And I figure with the horns and stuff it'd still be a good pet for keeping the house safe from burglars.

Anyone have any experience with Warforged? I hear they are good low-maintenance pets.

>McMillan sturtm
No, my neighbor's Dwarf is in good health, thanks for asking Captcha.

>>14339741
A mechanical pet can never replace a real living breathing one.