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  • File : 1304335337.png-(124 KB, 175x174, 03.png)
    124 KB Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)07:22 No.14785826  
    I'll start DMing a new campaign soon, and all my players are fantasy-buffs, from books to playing RPGs, etc.

    I want the first session to contain the biggest amount of anti-cliches possible.
    I've got some ideas, but most that I can think of would involve players and their backstories, not things that a DM does.

    For example, I will introduce a seemingly-Mary Sue DMPC who will seem overpowered compared to the players, but have them be pathetic and die.
    A werewar will ask them to go kill 10 humans who are plaguing its basement.
    If the players end up in the tavern, there will be no fights, no one will come in asking for 5 adventurers to help him retrieve his caravan or any of that shit. It will be completely uneventful.
    One NPC will literally have a 'dark' past, because he used to be a miner and they only hired races with darkvision so they could save the money used in torches/light sources.

    Can you help me with some more, /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:20 No.14786546
    A king who laughs in their face when they tell him they can get rid of the approaching orc horde, conscripts them into his army, which he then sends to deal with it.
    They aren't promoted to generals, they're average foot soldiers.
    After the battle they find they're stuck there for the next 5 years while they serve the obligatory military service time.

    When they escape (and they will, PCs are dumb like that) have them dragged back and court martialed, and sent to military jail.

    Then stage an epic breakout scene.

    Actually, fuck that, I'm going to run that for my PCs next campaign.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:26 No.14786595
    A horde of cows, chickens, sheep, and pigs repeatedly attacks a peaceful druid grove. The druids are worried that something has happened to the farmers who live in the nearby fields, and need the PCs to investigate.

    A tribe of industrious kobolds comes to the PCs begging for help after their copper dragon leader was kidnapped by the nearby kingdom and forced to act as the princess's pet.

    A group of pixies are trying to organise their once a decade flower festival and need it to be a success to please the fairy queen, but keep suffering setbacks caused by bored unemployed lumberjacks playing pranks on them.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:28 No.14786602
    A drow who is actually Chaotic G- oh wait
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:33 No.14786650

    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:34 No.14786654

    An elf needs to prove his manhood by descending into the underdark and kidnapping a drow village.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:37 No.14786686
    I don't usually have drows, but I guess something like that could work.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:41 No.14786726
    A dragon employs them to guard his hoard while he goes and raids cities.

    A necromancer needs bodies of any creature to raise an army, so he gets the adventurers to find it.

    One of the adventurers tries to track down his family, but when he does he finds they've been running away from him for years.

    They have to act as bodyguards to an up-and-coming bard, and they never get attacked.

    They stumble across an illicit adventurer's union, who fix prices for adventurer's services so high that they are ruining the country's economy.

    A city collapses after the players waltz into town and buy up all the important gear/potions, flooding the market with gold and causing the inflation rate to rise through the roof.
    >> Paranoid_Shitcurity !VdBtdVaYDw 05/02/11(Mon)09:43 No.14786744
    A dragon with vow of poverty.
    A classy orc wizard with a cowardly dwarf apprentice.
    A halfling barbarian who uses a battering ram.
    A character who hides his face for a stupid reason.
    A BBEG who turns out to be doing the right thing and the entire campaign has been one big misunderstanding.
    A lawyer agency made up of druids and dyrads.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:45 No.14786765
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    >A dragon with vow of poverty.

    Holy shit, this is awesome on so many levels
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:46 No.14786776
    A druid who hates animals and is very unhappy with his druid powers. Constantly followed around by a camel.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:47 No.14786781
    A mad queen employs them to search the town for a non-existent conspiracy against her.

    The PCs end up fighting the BBEG in a sunny field 10 minutes walk from the nearest town.

    An army of angry bears is marching on the town because the citizens have been chopping down the forest.

    They have to take a gift of a live, intelligent giraffe with the gift of speech to a nearby town from one ruler to another, and it can't be harmed in any way. Along the way it escapes and they have to spend a couple of days rescuing it from a travelling circus.

    They get hired to clear a bunch of squatters out from a building in the town, starting a riot that ends up setting fire to half of that district.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:48 No.14786786
    A ranger with terrible hay fever and very thick glasses.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:52 No.14786807
    Smug, French dwarves.


    Humans are the oldest and wisest race in existence.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:53 No.14786814
    >smug French dwarves
    Oh god I laughed

    They cultivate snails
    >> Paranoid_Shitcurity !VdBtdVaYDw 05/02/11(Mon)09:54 No.14786820

    Depends how the DM handles it. I say make it friendly to the party, lazy but friendly. If it was an evil dragon the party would complain about lack of loot and a harder then ussual dragon.

    If it's good and lazy the following could occur.

    Party: Hey dragon help us out fighting bad guys?
    Dragon: Bad guys!? OF COURSE....after this nap...
    Party: Uhh dragon?

    He'd be a useless background character who the party would have intermissions with occasionally and get scales from depending on the dragons mood which would be:

    "As long as you don't wake me you can have some of my scales."

    Then when it really counts he wakes from his slumber. Takes a deep breath and that's when the BBEG will cast sleep. The dragon would be uneffected but shrugs and goes back to sleep figuring this would be easier....

    Wait this isn't a good dragon. This guy would be true neutral!
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)09:57 No.14786840
    All wizards are assholes.
    All demons are bro.
    >> Paranoid_Shitcurity !VdBtdVaYDw 05/02/11(Mon)09:58 No.14786849

    That's only true if you're Lawful evil.... most of the time.... and have decent charisma.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:01 No.14786863
    I ran a big-ass campaign around this idea once... Fantasy always takes place in a world that's based on Medieval Europe. For one thing, Medieval Europe was monotheistic, so I love the idea of a knight who's actually a knight: landowner, who heavily taxes the peasants working his land, who has duties to protect those peasants. He's also a warrior obligated to serve his King, but his real obligation is to God (and the King is there because God chose him to be King). In other words, religion is the center of his life.

    But the anti-trope I threw out was that democracy was taking over this fantasy world. The PCs were from a big-ass city with just a massive, massive slum (I had halflings in there, but it can be whatever race/mix of races). They were always ignored because, well, they were poor... but now that each citizen has a vote, the slums are an area of political interest. The problem is that the tenants there weren't educated enough to understand what the fuck was going on.

    So the PCs had to do things to promote their own politician (overt things to make him look good, also behind-the-scenes secret ops), and also try to help the underprivileged come to realize why everyone was suddenly so interested in them.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:05 No.14786890
    Elves are all businessmen. they've lived for so long they don't see anything fantastic about magic or nature, it's just something to increase profit. They're all about the bottom line

    Think of a race of long eared Gordon Geckos
    >> Paranoid_Shitcurity !VdBtdVaYDw 05/02/11(Mon)10:06 No.14786897

    So basically hippies who aren't hippies but pretend to be hippies so that they seem more genuine?
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:09 No.14786912
    hipster elves?
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:09 No.14786915
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    I was thinking more of 80's businessmen, but what sells, sells.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:11 No.14786924
    Orcs are master chefs, since they have to work with poor ingredients and yet still pump out food that can satisfy their best warriors.

    Dwarves are alcohol intolerant, and brew alcohol only as an export good.

    Elves are carnivores. No, not omnivores-- CARNIVORES. They refuse to eat plant matter because of their respect for nature.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:11 No.14786930
    Thank you, that's great setting-wise, but I was thinking more of actual situations or particular NPCs, not whole races.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:15 No.14786946
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    mfw this happened to my character in the campaign I'm currently in.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:15 No.14786950
    A dwarf coffeebrewer. Believes that Drawfs shouldn't drink during work hours in case they mess up
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:16 No.14786951
    An aged dwarf warrior who wears ornate heavy plate mail, wields an ancestral two-handed axe... and runs at the first sign of combat because he doesn't want to get his gear scuffed up.

    A Legolas ripoff who throws shit-caked darts because he's too poor to afford a bow.

    A group of bearded, grizzled and well-fed mercenaries whose motto is "RATIONS NOT RAZORS!"
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:16 No.14786954
    creepy foreign count living in castle alone. he sleeps on the soil of his homeland, his shadow moves independently of him and he shuns the sun...
    naturally he is just a patriotic sorcerer who uses shadowmagic which is weak in dierect light. no worries, he is a gentle guy.
    I pulled this on my players.
    it did not ent well
    heeh heeh heeh heeeeeeh
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:17 No.14786961
    >An elf needs to prove his manhood by descending into the underdark and kidnapping a drow village.
    >kidnapping a drow village.
    To be honest, giving a dragon VoP sounds like a way to massively cockblock your players financial aspirations.
    >And with the dragon slain, you go deeper into its lair, expecting to find treasure.....only to find nothing, no matter how good a search check any of you makes. There is no treasure, this dragon had the Vow of Poverty.....
    >All the players ragequit immediately, and are never seen again.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:17 No.14786962
    An Orc Bathhouse owner, overly obsessed with grooming
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:18 No.14786970
    A tribe of short skinny barbarians who survive trough agriculture and pursue peaceful relations with their neighbors. Also they are deeply religious and their religion is deeply pacifistic. Honor isnt a big deal to them either.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:21 No.14786986
    Of course it'd be apparent way before they fight the dragon. You don't just pull that shit ouf of nowhere after the dragon is dead, and if I were to use it, I'd try to have them not really fight the dragon.

    Like someone hires them to retrieve treasure from the evil hoarding dragon, but they find out the dragon now vowed to poverty and gave all the gold and items to some kind of charity.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:24 No.14787001
    A lich that runs a library. Not a repository of arcane tomes, just your average library. He seem quite fond of his job, seeing as he's had it for 130 years.

    A group of halflings who live a spartan existence, and fight with grim determination.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:24 No.14787004

    I suggest meeting a group of pilgrims from a local church who've just been conversing with the dragon on the way to his lair.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:24 No.14787005
    Roaming teetotaler Jehovah's Witness dorf biker gangs. They also shave.

    Tribe of catpeople troubled by loose-moralled humans moving in that keep wanting to have sex with them.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:29 No.14787036
    A settlement of peaceful goblins being raided by a group of macho elves.

    A necromancer who treats his minions like dear companions and would rather die than see them get hurt.

    A mind flayer takes over a town; everyone seems to be mindcontrolled, but they really just love the guy and just act drowsily because all of them suffer from chronic sleeping disorder.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:30 No.14787039
    the dragon informs them that he has taken a vow of poverty, and is "enlightened"

    He directs them to xxx who kindly took away his horde in exchange for leaving him alone.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:31 No.14787046
    A bard hit his head, and forgot how to play his harp. He asks the players to help him relearn it.

    Catch: The bard can only speak in rhyming lyrics.

    A barbarian wants to be more civilized, buy him a tea set and have afternoon tea with him.

    Catch: If you fail to convince him, he berzerks and decapitates the players.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:32 No.14787050
    >but they really just love the guy and just act drowsily because all of them suffer from chronic sleeping disorder.

    I laughed. Most excellent!
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:32 No.14787053
    >decapitate players
    you heard him. kill your friends
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:37 No.14787071
    A legitimately, democratically-elected vampire, whose spawn serve as his cabinet members. He asks the PCs to drive off a group of clerics trying to restore the previous duke of the town using propaganda and guilt-tripping.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:39 No.14787076
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)10:55 No.14787139

    Even better, make the town really prosperous and crime free, so it makes no sense to get rid of him.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 05/02/11(Mon)10:59 No.14787165
    The leader of a group of magi can make people vanish into mid air, teleport at will, and other fantastical things.
    He's actually a magicial in the house-ticks way. Trap doors, mirrors, and smoke.

    There is no way for the PC that finds this out to prove otherwise. He's just too good.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:02 No.14787186
    "Behave or i will SAHK YUR BLAAD."
    No-one really understood the last part but assume it would be worse than the whippings the last ruler used as punishment.

    Of course there's also the citizen of the month reward, entailing to around 300 gold pieces.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:03 No.14787199

    Do you know why I'm called the Count?

    Because I had someone from the next town over triple-check the votes, by hand. After all, we couldn't have anyone thinking I was untrustworthy! I'd hate that.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:18 No.14787288
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    Every character on this list. NPC or otherwise.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:21 No.14787301
    An Ithilid Overmind that suffers from a massive headache. He just wants everyone to be quiet and sends his minions to find a cure for him. But since Ithilids aren't welcome customers there's a constant ruckus from complaining henchmen and overzealous Adventurers. All he needs is a gigantic aspirin.

    Claustrophobic dwarves, agoraphobic elves.

    Party follows old legends about an ancient treasure of enormous proportions only to find it was found, recovered and put into a quite nice little exhibit in a nearby town. The legends and rumors are just a campaign to draw in tourists.

    As soon as the players are identified as adventurers they are swarmed by street vendors, orphans and animal handlers who want to sell them utter crap. "It's the Big Toe of Vecna! only 100GP" "This is a genuine Night Mare fresh from the nine hells......no it's dripping tar not paint". Also all prices suddenly skyrocket. "Huh? No a Beer always cost 5 GP, not CP. I just cant write a G." "No I didn't just write another zero! Ask Stan here, the rope always costs 100 Copper doesnt't it, Stan? It's special...elven rope!"
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:26 No.14787333
    Nomadic bear bee-farmers come to town to peddle their wares. They are very peaceful and agreeable but the town magistrate wants them to leave because their swarm of bees is irritating the locals.

    A titan sits on a nearby mountaintop as you enter the town. The local community is in a fervor. He has realized he is not a bad swordsman, he's just blind as a bat. So he has commissioned them to make him a pair of glasses so that he can be on his way. Unfortunately, there isn't enough glass in the entire town.

    A ancient and mystic bard controls the most powerful magics any can muster... But he can only channel them through an immobile pipe organ.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:32 No.14787374
    Even though some are way too silly, there's gold to be found there! Thank you for that image, kind sir
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:37 No.14787406
    #20 must be named Fred.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:41 No.14787429
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    >125 You used to be a frog but you were cursed by a witch and turned into a human.

    This is the greatest thing ever.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:57 No.14787558
    I seriously love the barber elf idea, when I was skimming through the options it stood out immediately. Fuck, I am SO putting this into the campaign. I am now hoping someone makes a dwarf.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:59 No.14787579
    A barbarian with a theme song, dammit.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)11:59 No.14787581
    Surely Sweeny would be more appropriate?
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)12:05 No.14787629
    Sweeny, the Sylvan Scoundrel of Stoneguarde...

    He strikes in the night, when not a victim can see him coming, lowlight vision be damned. Before you can blink an eye a knife is at your throat! And when he is done, you'll wish he had slit it when he had the chance. He'll leave you deformed and scarred, forever to bear the mark of shame.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)12:16 No.14787729
    A thirty-man choir of bards, all of whom specialize in playing kazoo.

    An awakened horse paladin. The armored guy riding him is just his groom.

    Richard Stallman in wizard form, complete with an open license system for scrolls and spellbooks. "Magic wants to be free!"
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)12:22 No.14787796
    A dwarven dentist who kills beaties to study their teef.

    An elven cleric who forgets which god he's supposed to worship.

    A barbarian cannibal who's addicted to pancreases.

    A paladin version of Shaquille O'Niel, who demands that he be known as "The Shaqorcist."
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)12:59 No.14788131
    Bumping just to point out how awesome an awakened deck of cards familiar is.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:03 No.14788186
    Isn't it? I like the idea of also making it your spell book. Would be awesome.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:10 No.14788252
    I wonder if you'd be able to have a Tiny Animated Object from level 1, or if it'd need Improved Familiar... They're weaker than hawks, which are default familiars, but they're not animals...
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:13 No.14788286
    Pretty sure animated object familiars are totally allowed. In Unearthed Arcana if I recall.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:13 No.14788288
    Thanks for the bump. When I made the thread it went for like 2 hours with any reply, and I thought it'd die, but lo and behold here it is!

    Thanks everyone for their contributions!
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:15 No.14788310
    There was something about item familiars, but those were magical items, which a deck of cards is not. I might be thinking of the wrong thing, though.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:27 No.14788448
    Just checked, it doesn't say that it can't be an artifact.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:29 No.14788470
    "This is my familiar, the Eye of Vecna".
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)13:34 No.14788529
    "This is my familair, Nihil, the awakened Orb of Annihilation. Yeah, don't listen to him too long. It's really depressing."
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)14:34 No.14789132
    My one and only bump.
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)14:35 No.14789147
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    >awakened Orb of Annihilation
    >> Panda 05/02/11(Mon)15:19 No.14789615
    Bump for awesomeness
    >> Anonymous 05/02/11(Mon)16:29 No.14790472
    A legendary stone, that whatever strikes it can never be pulled out.

    A big man stands in the middle of the road holding a bag. When you approach he says the entrance fee is 20 silver. If you pay he opens the bag and lets you crawl in. There is a pocket dimension where it is always night and there's a huge festival going on.

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