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  • File : 1304625732.jpg-(410 KB, 2100x2090, Luchador.jpg)
    410 KB Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:02 No.14824448  
    Hey /tg/. Want a That Guy story that will make you grateful for good DMs?
    No? All right.
    So, my buddy wanted me to play in his 2e AD&D game.
    This guy's name is Chris. And if you're playing with Chris, you are playing with him no matter what role he takes.
    He's in my Deadlands game I run and does nothing but argue and cause inter-party conflict.
    He also tried to kill the entire party over a villain sustaining brain damage and not remembering who he was or what he did in the past. THAT was a clusterfuck, but more on that later.
    Anyway, AD&D. I wanted to play a Anourak Luchadore type guy in 2e because I thought it'd be fun. I rolled up a Monk and had him get an ancestral mask. I filled out everything on my sheet and handed it to him the next time I saw him.
    Boy fucking howdy was I in for hell.
    Cont in next post
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:03 No.14824455
    >waiting on op.jpg
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:12 No.14824535
    Chris takes a long look at my sheet, seeming to pore over the details I've written there.
    He flips it over and looks at my equipment.
    There's a few seconds of silence, then he says with utter contempt in his voice:
    "You fucking retard."
    I gape for a moment, then respond with "What did I do?"
    "You used SILVER and COPPER pieces to purchase your gear? We don't do that in my games."
    I was like "Uhh.... What?"
    Apparently they only use gold in their games.
    I asked what they did if someone had to just buy a torch, which is one copper piece. He told me they just give them a hundred of them.
    At this point I was somewhere between confusion and bemusement.
    "So, wait. They just give them a hundred torches?"
    "How would they carry all of the torches?"
    "They don't have a weight listed in the book."
    "Well, they have to weigh something. They're like sticks."
    "Nope, you can carry as many torches as you want."
    "So wait. Going back to the gold thing. What about peasants that work for pieces of copper? Do they just work like two months and then get one gold piece?"
    "All of the peasants just go to the Inn, where they pay one gold to get a bed and a meal."
    "But they work for only a few copper pieces a day."
    "They still go in the Inn."
    "But that's like a hundred gold pieces in a hundred days."
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:17 No.14824583
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    "But the peasants don't make that much."
    "Silver and copper aren't worth anything in Faerun."
    "Silver and copper aren't worth anything here. Only gold."
    "Chris, that's stupid. Why not just use copper and silver? It's just like dimes and pennies."
    "No. We're not using them."
    "Okay, so the peasants work for months and get one gold piece which they immediately spend on a room and meal at the Inn. Only to work for months and months more to get one more gold coin to spend at the Inn. Makes perfect sense."
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:21 No.14824611
    >copper and silver don't exist

    That's like saying the only form of currency is hundred fucking dollar bills.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:28 No.14824674

    >"You fucking retard."

    This guy sounds like a real winner.

    And by winner, I mean "get the fuck out of this group and run your own game".
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:28 No.14824676
    "Did I tell you about my samurai NPC?"
    He was changing the subj-Oh sweet jesus I know what he's up to
    Chris had been trying to convince me while I was making my character to play a samurai. He kept talking about how great they were and how I would get an awesome katana. I told him to stuff that noise and that I was going to play a Luchadore Monk. He didn't like that.
    He described to me this samurai. This samurai with a +3 ancestral katana and awesome armor. AC 1 or some shit. For reference: He made me buy all of my gear and clothing. This guy's gear would be thousands of gold.
    I jokingly say "Okay, so kill and loot him?"
    Chris gets this serious look on his face.
    "He'd kill your guy."
    "I know, man. Chill out. I was just kidding. But suppose he did die somehow. Could I sell his gear or use it or anything?"
    "You can't pick up or use his katana. It's an exotic weapon. You couldn't use it."
    "Not even if I picked it up and just tried to cut a board in half?"
    "No, it'd hurt you."
    "It's an ancestral weapon. It would hurt you if you tried to pick it up."
    "What if I used gloves?"
    "It would still hurt you."
    "Pretty sure that's not in the book, man."
    "Oh, and you couldn't sell it either. It would turn to dust if he died."
    "Ah, so that's what ancestral stuff does. Hey, I have an ancestral mask. Would it turn to dust if I died?"
    "No. His sword has been in his family for a hundred generations. Your mask has been in yours for three or four."
    "I don't even get to write up my family's background?"
    This is going to be the best game of fucking D&D ever.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:31 No.14824700
    Oh, I'm going to play if only for the story I'll get out of it.
    I've made a list of things this asshole is not allowed to say at our Deadlands table. I read it to him one day.
    "Number one. I shoot the dynamite."
    He looked sheepish.
    "Number two. I shoot party member X."
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:33 No.14824712
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    >This is going to be the best game of fucking D&D ever.

    The only thing more baffling to me than raging Asperger-afflicted DMs is the fact that there are people desperate and/or lazy enough to settle for them instead of running their own games with people they like.

    Is this fun for you? Do you get some sort of secret masochistic glee wasting your time like this with a retard who is incapable of understanding even the most basic of social cues?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:33 No.14824715
    Kill his character.
    Accidentally, of course.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:34 No.14824720
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    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:34 No.14824731
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    Wait a minute...
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:35 No.14824733
    I run my own games.
    I don't have to settle for him.
    Honestly my objective is not to fuck up his game, but to help him become a better GM.
    You have to give people a chance, sometimes.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:36 No.14824747

    As someone who plays with shitty DMs all the time, yes.

    It's fucking hilarious, and it gives you a great story afterwards. I will never forget the time the DM rolled a saving throw, smugly looked up and declared "He made it," but didn't realize the die had rolled out from behind his GM screen and was displaying a 1.

    I will never forget it.

    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:37 No.14824754

    >Honestly my objective is not to fuck up his game, but to help him become a better GM.

    Some people are beyond salvation. You know the type. The kind of stubborn shitstain on humanity's rear end that will never admit that they're wrong or being a complete asshole so long as they hold even the slightest position of power over you--in the case, the seat of the DM.

    This will be the most excruciating uphill battle for you.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:38 No.14824771
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    Additionally, calling me lazy or desperate for playing in a bad game isn't cool.
    I kind of want to help him get better as a GM.
    Giving him a chance to pull this out of the fire is the right thing to do.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:41 No.14824793
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    So uh, do you guys have any advice for either
    A) Horrible things I can do to break his system where torches have no weight and GOLD IS THE ONLY CURRENCY
    B) Ideas to help him improve
    Pic unrelated
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:41 No.14824794

    I apologize. I misread the situation and made the assumption that you were settling. Obviously skimmed through the opening sentences!

    Consider my comment directed more towards those who play with idiotic DMs and then come to /tg/ and whine about it, despite it being clear that they'd probably make much better DMs themselves.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:43 No.14824809
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    It's cool, man :3
    Just felt I had to share that story.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:44 No.14824820

    If there's one thing you should always be wary of in any game, it's giving your players a way to create infinite anything. I remember a horror story about a DM who gave one of the members of the party a "Hat of Infinite Hats", thinking it'd be funny.

    You'd be surprised how fucking useful infinite hats can be when abused to their fullest extent.

    Near-Infinite torches means a near-infinite source of DELICIOUS KINDLING. You do the math.
    >> Ravennafag !/sDD8ChYP6 05/05/11(Thu)16:46 No.14824831
    If gold is so prevalent, just economy the shit out of it. It's gonna be useless, iron and steel would be more valuable as they can make weapons and armour out of them, trade goods instead of gold.

    Also, roll to disbelieve any Silver/ Copper dragons.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:46 No.14824838
    So fill my pack with torches. I get 100 for every gold piece I hand over. I have ten gold pieces left from buying all my gear. I can get 1000 torches with that, which have no weight. I assume they're still affected by gravity in his fucked up little universe though, so what could I do with those?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:48 No.14824856
    Does any type of livestock cost less than 1 gold?
    If so, spend all of your gold on chickens and just herd them through dungeons.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:49 No.14824866

    > Buy 100 gold's worth of torches.
    > Max out an Engineering non-combat proficiency
    > Use torches to build a bridge/raft/house when needed.

    But seriously, while the idea of using only gold coins is stupid, it's hardly *that* bad. Better not to make a huge issue out of it. I'd wait for some of the other, greater, derp-moments he will surely unleash upon you.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:50 No.14824873
    Shape the torches into the shape of full plate armor and get a druid to make them hard as metal. Enjoy your weightless full plate. (Reducing any speed or dexterity penalties.)
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:50 No.14824884
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    what happens if 1000 weightless torches suddenly exploded out of a pack during a combat?
    I like that mental image.
    Also babe bump.
    If any of you have any stories, this is now a THAT GUY GENERAL THREAD.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:51 No.14824889
    Buy a metric fuckton of torches. Have nothing else in your pack. Torchspam everything. Get creative in their use.

    Alt: Insist on only buying one of anything, or things that are otherwise really cheap so the GM has to give you a whole damn lot of them for one gold. "You can gimme change, right?"
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:51 No.14824892
    Well, i'd say use them to crush your enemies in a pile of torches, but they have no weight. So idk. Maybe build a house with them.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:53 No.14824911
    Tie them to your body. Tons of them. They have no weight, so you can create a mecha-torch suit of armor. They will be so thick with torches that no one can cut through them!

    Beware of fire though.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:54 No.14824915
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    I will buy chickens.
    All of the chickens.
    They don't have a weight in the book either.
    Yeah, I know it'll get worse and if it gets better it's going to be a miracle but DAMN it, I have to try to help.
    Tasteful nudity bump.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:57 No.14824945
    Do Caltrops have weight? If not, buy thousands of those and just have them continuously fall out of your pack. No one would dare follow you!
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:59 No.14824956
    Neither do bees. Guys, we should make a flesh golem out of bees, chickens, and caltrops, it'll be a weightless rape-machine.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)16:59 No.14824958
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    Caltrops are expensive if I remember and I only have ten gold to work with.
    Any other suggestions?
    I'm thinking of the torch armor idea.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)16:59 No.14824962
    Build a revolutionary new type of airship using torchwood, which is somehow magically weightless. Of course, it's also hilariously flammable.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:00 No.14824971
    Make a hot air balloon some how.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:01 No.14824973
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    How do I make a golem in AD&D?
    I totally will do this.
    Chicken flesh for the body.
    Caltrops in the meat because fuck you.
    And then BEEEEEES infesting it.
    How would I go about getting a wizard to build me one of these, and what would the estimated cost be?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:01 No.14824976
    The moment he brings the idea up to the gm, the whole plan goes up in smoke : /
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:01 No.14824980
    Fuck that. Cover your Mecha-Torch Suit of Armour in Caltrops. Grapple everything that moves. Glue Caltrops on them. Put Caltrops on Caltrops and drop Caltropped Caltrops everywhere, like some sorta caltropped shelled snail.

    You could be a Caltrop Snail. Instead of slime, you leave a Caltropped Caltrop Trail. Put Caltrops on Arrows. Since Caltrops don't have weight, they won't affect the arrow and they add additional damage. Put a bunch on one arrow and make a caltrop cluster bomb.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:04 No.14825001

    Build parachute, jump into the breeze. Fly!

    It'll be really easy to get a lot of lift for not a lot of weight; the fabric and the pilot are the only things in this contraption that weights anthing.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:07 No.14825023
    I don't know, OP. It kinda sounds like this is a lost cause. Walking around with 1000 chickens in your pack is not going to teach him that he's a bad DM, he'll just blow it off as "retarded."

    I'm sure there's a way to teach this guy how to run a better game, but I'll be damned if I can figure it out.

    Can you raise a skill high enough (I know dick about 2e) to convince the chickens to follow his DMPC samurai everywhere? It'd be hard for him to be badass when covered in feathers and chicken shit. Sure, he could hack them up with his katana, but that'll take a looooong time.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:07 No.14825026
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    Ha ha ha ha ha
    God, I'm doing this eventually.
    What about his crazy DMPC? The one with the awesome weapon, armor, etc?
    What do I do about that scary motherfucker.
    OH and there's the story of how he got to Faerun.
    He's apparently an "Exile from (Insert japan equivalent here). He fucked a noble's girlfriend and got thrown out."
    "Oh, that's cool, Chris. So he's from the far east?"
    "Then he must have been an exile for a while, right? Like, years?"
    "No, more like three weeks."
    "What? (Insert Magic Japan) is like on the other side of the world, right?"
    "Yeah, well, he teleported."
    Pic related.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:09 No.14825041
    >silver and copper arent worth anything
    Congradulations, you now have a viably unlimited supply of metal. Use that how you will.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:10 No.14825061
    >You have to give people a chance, sometimes.

    Chance fucking given. This is where you tell him he's a goddamn retard. I'm all for giving buddies a chance. There is a point where you simply have to tell him, A) this is fucking retarded and B) You're gonna have to learn not be not retarded before playing or running a game.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:10 No.14825062
    Throwing someone into a teleportation circle keyed to the other side of the world would actually be a pretty reasonable way to exile someone.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:12 No.14825072

    Well you could always pull that old trick where you buy a ladder, remove the rungs and sell it as two ten foot poles but really that's only good for a little infinite cash.

    Otherwise, 100 torches per gold? Just go set fire to everything ever.

    Gold as the only currency? Take forgery and metal working as skills, buy some copper or silver and melt it all down with your gold. Produce coins that would barely be called gold plated and if he ever tries to call you out on it bring up the forgery is opposed by forgery rule. He's probably not smart enough to have anyone actually weigh the coins so at worst he'll just bullshit you and say everyone has forgery as a skill.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:12 No.14825076
    Tell me, what level are you starting at? And what level is the Samurai?
    >> Ravennafag !/sDD8ChYP6 05/05/11(Thu)17:15 No.14825104
    Or, you know, just enforcing seppuku as part of the samurai's code of honor dictates. He did rape a chick. Technically the guy is a ronin. Call him out on it every chance you get.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:15 No.14825109
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    I'm level 5 and the samurai is probably two levels higher than me and the rest of the group.
    I have to do this if only for the story I will come back with.
    All righty, I'll do that at some point. Yeah, he wouldn't have anyone weigh the coins. He's an idiot, basically.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:16 No.14825119
    Do coins have weight in this world?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:18 No.14825139
    Anytime you acquire any sort of wealth, you must spend at least 50 gold on chickens and only chickens.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:18 No.14825140
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    magically bind caltrops together for a frame, torches for the outside and the interior, blanketing the entire exterior in mage armor--casted with permanency. Then, permanent animate object on a motor with gears for Off, slow, fast, etc.Make a seperate motor for gears. Rig the wings to be foldable into the plane. Make sure the vehicle can be sealed tight. Finally, create an engine to power the wheels and paint it yellow.

    Cruisin' on down Main Street You're relaxed and feeling good, Next thing that you know you're seein' Octopus in the neighborhood?!
    Surfin' on a sound wave Then you're swingin' through the stars, Take a left at your intestine, Take your second right past Mars

    On The Magic School Bus, Navigate a nostril, Climb on The Magic School Bus, Spank a plankton, too, On our Magic School Bus (Raft a river of lava), On the Magic School Bus (Such a fine thing to do)!

    So strap your bones right to the seat, Come on in and don't be shy Just to make your day complete You might get baked into a pie!

    On The Magic School Bus, Step inside, it's a wild ride! Come on! Ride on The Magic School Bus!
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:18 No.14825148
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    Fuck YES.
    I didn't even think of this.
    I will call him out on his bullshit, but I don't think he raped a chick. I think they were IN LURVE, according to Chris.
    Also bumping with THAT GUY pictures.
    Do any of you have any stories? I'd like to hear them.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:21 No.14825175
    you may be well on your way to building a medieval hindemburg!
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:23 No.14825201
    The DM is awful.
    But then again the OP is a retard too.
    I won't get into the whole Luchador in D&d thing, but let me ask you this, you failed economy didn't you?
    you must have, because you see, only scarcity makes rocks worthy, so if the DM says copper and silver are worth nothing...then CASE FUCKING CLOSED, theres enough copper and silver not to be any worth.
    He is a dick DM though, but forcing earth values over on pretende land is pretty immature, D&D is different than the real world, deal with it.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:24 No.14825204
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    Fuck YES I am.
    This is like some SCIENCE.
    >> Ravennafag !/sDD8ChYP6 05/05/11(Thu)17:25 No.14825213
    This would actually be an appraise check, for a legitimate DM. Forgery can on work on forged papers. But this guy might be dumb enough to allow it.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:27 No.14825231
    >Torch for 1 copper
    >100 torches for 1 gold => 1 gold = 100 copper
    Where does silver fit in in all this then?
    Shouldn't one gold = 100 silver = 10000 copper = 10000 torches?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:28 No.14825242

    1 gold = 10 silver = 100 copper.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:28 No.14825245
    I thought my That Guy was bad. Fudged dice rolls, acting like an asshole, killing random people, constant arguing both in and out of character.
    But this is something else.
    >> Ravennafag !/sDD8ChYP6 05/05/11(Thu)17:29 No.14825254
    According to statuary laws, if the parents say the child was raped, the child was raped, no matter if the child asked for it or not. Also in setting that are feudal japan rip offs, daughters were property. He had sex with her, with out her daimo's permission, and thus it was rape. his ronin is a RAPIST! If he keeps putting the character in the game, voice "your" opinion that you are comfortable playing in a game where Chris directly puts in his sick rape fantasies.
    >> Ånönymøüs dê Bērgérãç-Flëūr !RZND91lf7s 05/05/11(Thu)17:33 No.14825287
    His point was that the ONLY currency was gold, and the DM still used the default prices and wages.

    OP, you should buy nothing but torches, and carry _all_ of them around at any one time. So by the time you finish, you'll have an infinite number of torches. Then, the next time you need to go up a tower, you pile your infinity torches and get a free pass to the BBEG's lair. And that DMPC sounds like an asshole. You should try to push him off a cliff at any chance you get.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:33 No.14825290
    you know, this 100 torches in your pocket really reminds me of minecraft...
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:33 No.14825296
    That you, Chris?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:34 No.14825300
    Guys, guys... Forget this torch and chicken crap.

    When you want to hire a guide or a courier or whatever in this world, you have to either get near a hundred of them or hire them for a hundred days at a time.

    For only a handful of gold, you can travel around with a small horde of barbers, dentists, squires, minstrels, or whatever. If anyone calls you on it, just tell them all you wanted was a shave, but if you've got the guys services for another few months you might as well bring him along. Then ask them where their barber is and tell them they could use a haircut.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:35 No.14825313

    What exactly constitutes a "that guy" story. I only have one that comes close, but the player just wasn't paying attention and wanted to do a Rambo in a CoC game.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:36 No.14825325
    >Ramboing through Call of Cthulhu
    I want to hear this.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:38 No.14825343
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    Good point?
    I will try this. A horde of barbers and dentists sounds good to me.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:41 No.14825363
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    Spin your tale, minstrel.
    Pictures always unrelated.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:43 No.14825394

    YES. When besieging anything, just hire a couple gold worth of couriers, and choke their rivers with your dead courier/guides!
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:44 No.14825401
    1 gold = 10 silver = 100 copper
    1 silver = 10 copper
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:48 No.14825441
    "Farthnor, what is that unholy stench?"
    "The masked one came with a horde of peasants. There were no survivors. Quickly, we must flee. The masked one walks here."
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:51 No.14825482
    OP, consider language barriers. He's from Japlantis, was teleported over 3 weeks ago, and speaks your language fluently? Yeah, right. Refuse any order given directly by him unless there's an interpreter with ranks in both your language. Constantly slur your R's and L's when talking ooc. Make jokes about his homeland being underwater. Point at the moon whenever he talks.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:52 No.14825486
    How fast would an infinite number of peasants, each equipped with an infinite number of torches, be able to burn down the entire fucking country?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:53 No.14825497
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    I can only imagine your face.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:53 No.14825510
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    I will do this.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)17:57 No.14825551
    Not OP but I like the way you think.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)17:58 No.14825566
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    I'm OP and I like the cut of your jib.
    Burn the mother down.
    Or I could give him THE KNEE.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:00 No.14825590
    Buy a bag of holding, put as many peasants and torches in it as you can afford. Say nothing. Continue buying torches and peasants and putting them in as a subtle action the entire game, but make sure to keep track of the numbers, and find a way to keep them alive. Towards the end of the game, when whatever BBEG is faced and killed, as the Samurai or whatever about his homeland. The second he tries to answer, interrupt him, light a torch, drop it in the bag, and overturn it. Thousands upon thousands of flaming peasants and torches suddenly appear.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:00 No.14825597
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    It wasn't actually much, but he had that mentality. The game was very short lived.

    >Tell online friend about CoC book I just got.
    >He's never been directly exposed to lovecraft before
    >As I'm telling him about the cosmic horrors, and how the main point of this game is the roleplaying and horror, he decides he wants me to set him up a game
    >Okay, I agree. Remind him this is very Roleplay intensive.
    >Yeah yeah, whatever man.
    >Decide to do this old Text-Based Adventure style. Keep his character sheet and inventory on my side, but tell him at any time, he can get stats and Inventory just by typing it.
    >Also tell him that our chat program auto-archives, so he can relook up previous sessions at any time.
    >Yeah yeah, lets go.
    >Have him be a cop.
    >First session: Gets across a canyon, finds deserted gas station/garage, he finds a key in a stain of a dried blood puddle.
    >End of session.
    >Next session
    >Ask him if he remembers what's in his inventory
    >He says yes.
    >Ask him if he remembered to go over the old chat log so far.
    >He says he did.
    >Start session
    >He moves from the garage to the office part, finds a locked door.
    >"I shoot the lock".
    >Nothing actually spooky has happened; he's not sure if that blood puddle was blood or oil; there's no clear sign of danger
    >Remind him this is a game of roleplaying, and to do what a cop would actually do in his situation.
    >"I know. I shoot the door".
    >Remind him to check his inventory and old chat logs to see if he has anything useful that could help him out.
    >"No need. I shoot the door".
    >". . ."
    >"You shoot the door lock. It breaks, and thus, you've destroyed the only device that could have UNLOCKED the door. The lock is now broken. Welcome to Silent Hill".
    >". . .wait. . .Inventory."
    We stopped playing that game shortly afterwords and never spoke of it again.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:06 No.14825653
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    Wow. That's a pretty good one, but he was just being inattentive. Not THAT GUY.
    I'm sure he'd get the hang of it if you ran it again and he were in the mood.
    I run Deadlands and X-Com in Savage Worlds. My players love it, but they've started loving Deadlands less lately. Because of Chris.
    Want to hear that story?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:07 No.14825659
    forget peasants
    theyre cheaper anyway
    btw im the anon that suggested making a hindemburg
    make a thread about the results, will ya?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:08 No.14825667

    story time!
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:08 No.14825669
    If its anywhere near has hilarious as the rest of this thread has been then yes.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:08 No.14825673
    I will do that under the name Lawful Dead. Okay?
    Do you all want to hear the story of how Chris made Deadlands not fun?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:08 No.14825681
    Take Pick Pocket or whatever the equivalent is.
    Plant lit torches in people's pockets.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:09 No.14825687


    Or at least I do anyway
    >> Emergency Chair Warmer 05/05/11(Thu)18:09 No.14825690

    Instant Mob: Just add fire!
    >> Ravennafag !/sDD8ChYP6 05/05/11(Thu)18:12 No.14825719
    Read me a story, Papa!
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:14 No.14825733
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    All righty, here we go.
    So, Been running Deadlands for a couple months now.
    The point Chris started ruining the games was around a couple weeks ago.
    To begin: Chris made a generic gunslinger. Full firearm action up in this. With a backstory that his family got killed. Baaw.
    He joined the Texas Ranger blessed, Shane Cray, and the reluctant snake oil salesman Milo the Magnificent on their way to the southern Great Maze in search of the villainous bandit, Joaquin Murieta. Also, there was a guy named Mike Stagecoach Love, who ran a stagecoach service, and a samurai mariachi named Miercoles Guanapana tagging along for their own reasons.
    Along the Ghost Trail, which is a hellhole, they had a few people join and leave, among them a blind man that knew the ghost trail better than any. He could tell where he was just by tasting the dirt on the ground. Not very useful in combat though.
    Now that we got party introduction out of the way we'll get into the meat of the story.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:19 No.14825791
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    I really love this board.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:22 No.14825809
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    I forgot to mention: A stage magician huckster named Viktor Von Magic. Think the Magic Man from Adventure Time wearing a slick suit.
    His whole schtick was that he was not subtle about his hexes at ALL.
    He would send up great gouts of fire or spell his name in the sky and get run out on a rail or nearly hanged, then move on to practice his trade in another town.
    And Beatrice Evans, another Texas Ranger and Shane's official backup. Possible love interest of the samurai mariachi. Lots going on in the game.
    Anyway, The PCs come across a town that has been razed by something. A few survivors struggle to rebuild and look at the PCs with dead eyes.
    They ask if they're bandits, come to take what little Thunder Rider hadn't.
    Shane says "We're not bandits, and who in the heck is Thunder Rider?"
    The survivors of the town of... Forget the name, but it's not important... The survivors end up telling them that a guy rolled into town on some sort of two wheeled wagon and gave this long speech about justice. When no one said anything he started shooting people. Dun dun dun.
    The PCs agree it's horrible and Shane vows to hunt the bastard down what knocked all these poor settlers out of house and home. They also help out around the village, bringing water to the wounded, digging for people in the rubble of demolished huts, etc. The village was really fucked up needless to say.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:28 No.14825885
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    When they had finished helping the poor impoverished people, they ended up heading out to find a place to camp for the night. They were going to FIND Thunder Rider, that insane parody of justice, and shoot him.
    What ended up happening was that Thunder Rider ambushed them and kidnapped Beatrice with relatively little effort. As they rolled away on his odd two wheeled wagon, he spun her tales of how she would be his Storm Girl, his partner bringing justice to the Deadlands. He wasn't bad at it either. He spoke eloquently and quietly. He also wasn't bad looking, but he wore a crazy looking suit. Pic related.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:29 No.14825905
    If they don't have weight, or size apparently, turn them into a giant mobile fortress that you can simply pick up and carry with you.

    Or since things don't have weight and peasants will work for months for only a gold piece you should buy a peasant. Carry him in your sack and use him to do battle. You are now "EL HATCHE DEL BURRATOS, MASTER OF THE FLYING PEASANT!"
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:32 No.14825937
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    His two wheeled wagon managed to get them to his secret compound. Secret compound? Where'd he get a secret compound?
    Well, that's an even longer story and I am rapidly losing enthusiasm here. I will skip ahead a bit.
    Chris caused problems when they eventually cornered Thunder Rider, who they thought dead. He had in reality been modified extensively Darth Vader style. He had no memory of his deeds or who he was, and he was scared. And cornered by a bunch of people with guns. Everyone else realized this and holstered their weapons. Chris did not. Chris was all for shooting him in the head despite his condition and all. Which honestly, I am okay with.
    But the other PCs weren't. They fucking HATED the idea.
    Their line of thought was that he wasn't Thunder Rider as long as he didn't have his memory.
    >> OP 05/05/11(Thu)18:36 No.14825977
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    Everyone got angry with Chris, thus angry in general, and lost enthusiasm. He eventually just split from the party after nearly killing EVERYONE over him not being able to kill Thunder Rider.
    Oh, and I had originally had one NPC shoot him with a shotgun and kill him in one his, which I legit. rolled for. It did 37 points of damage or something ridiculous. Should have just left him dead, but I had to be nice and give him another chance.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:39 No.14826003

    >Let me kill this guy!
    >Uh.. he's kinda harmless now, you know?
    >Then I'll kill you instead!
    >The hell did you kill her for?!
    >And you!
    >repeat ad nauseum

    This sounds like an amusing kind of SNL skit.
    >> Lawful Dead 05/05/11(Thu)18:39 No.14826009
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    Had to run a Fallout one-off series of games to rekindle enthusiasm for Deadlands thanks to Chris.
    Chris played in that one too.
    He played his Deadlands character down to a T.
    Not fucking kidding. He just took his DL character and gave it a Fallout bukkake.
    And with that, I leave this thread. Will tell you all how the game goes when I play. See you then.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)18:44 No.14826058
    Do barbers, blacksmiths, couriers, etc. have listed weights?

    Hire several hundred assholes to follow you around forever, and then claim that you are, in fact, carrying them in your backpack.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)19:43 No.14826612
    The obvious use for torches that nobody has suggested:

    Dungeons. Your DM describes the horrendous-looking entrance of the evil lair of whatever-the-fuck. Remove ~20% of the torches from your pack. Stack them by the entrance. Light them, and then stand back. Giggle like a child as the oxygen within the dungeon is replaced by smoke. Smoke pours from every hidden exit: track down the plumes and stack torches there too. If enemies stay inside, insist that they suffocate. If enemies exit the dungeon, demand that they fight at a -4 penalty due to being blinded by smoke.

    Trying to figure out how to abuse light ballista with infinite fire ammo, but 2E is fairly idiot-proof.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)20:05 No.14826853

    Best dungeon crawl strategy I've heard ever. Anything not suffocated will have to face torch wielding adventurers not weaked by fighting weaker, suffocatable foes.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)20:19 No.14826996
    >I won't get into the whole Luchador in D&d thing

    What happened in your childhood that turned you into such an awful person?
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)20:21 No.14827022
    When the Luchador eventually dies, make a ranger and grab up all the torches you can.
    Light two torches, dual-wield, throw one, draw another, light it from the other.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)20:47 No.14827308
    What about the good old peasant railgun? I mean, usually this run afoul of hiring all the peasants... this is clearly not a problem. When shenanigans are called, quote the laws of motion and call Sir Isaac Newton the deadliest son of a bitch in Faerun.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)21:02 No.14827478
    econfag here.

    if you're using a standard dnd character sheet, cross of "CP" and write in "torches" there. worth a copper piece? worth a copper piece. insist on paying for items worth less than one gold piece by bartering some of these perfectly good, never been used torches you have.
    >> Anonymous 05/05/11(Thu)22:12 No.14828287

    Gotta admit, I was thinking something similar but with the previously mentioned chickens. That'll teach the DM. Or drive him nuts. Anyway, on with That Guy tales!

    I would share some but my group has been pretty chill in that regard and thus no tales. Well, except for the time we got hit by a flaming monorail but that wasn't That Guy, it was a cunning plan gone awry.

    >team of runners infiltrate compound
    >things go pear shaped; TIME TO LEAVE.
    >escape down tunnel; oh shit, light at end is monorail!
    >run for maintainance side-tunnel!
    >buddy makes it, few of us don't; "quick, stop the train, derail it!"
    >40mm grenade turns train into decelerating FLAMING train
    >> Anonymous 05/06/11(Fri)03:19 No.14831528
    Dragon Magazine, two years ago(issue 330) posted a list of April Fool's Day flaws for Commoners.
    Here's the one I'm referring to:
    Chicken Infested
    You've got chickens
    Effect: Whenever you draw a weapon, or pull an item out of a container, you have a 50% chance of drawing a live chicken instead. No, we don't know where the chickens come from, its your character.

    Tons of people made builds dedicated to abusing the power of infinite chickens. I suggest investigating those.
    >> Anonymous 05/06/11(Fri)03:23 No.14831554

    The power of infinite chickens means you always have a replenishing supply of food, so long as you can keep at least some of them fed. Hell, unleash the chickens and have them eat up... whatever it is they eat and despoil... yeah, I know nothing about chickens other than they taste like everything or vice versa.
    >> Anonymous 05/06/11(Fri)03:35 No.14831644
    Not quite a That Guy, but I think its close enough.

    Tried joining an Eclipse Phase online. The GM seemed friendly enough. Then he introduced our help. Only 2 of us had committed, with a third on the fence. So of course we needed a hand. From his detective NPC. He liked detectives; said he played them all the time in other games.

    So while we're getting things set up, he keeps bringing up his detective NPC. Do we want unique gear? He can do that. Just like he gave his detective NPC some custom equipment. Do we have our character descriptions ready? No? Here's an example, of his detective NPC. How about taglines? Again, detective NPC has one ready. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few other moments.

    He also described to me the premise of Dexter, even though I said I was familiar with the character/show.

    Eventually I dropped out after it was 3am (4 hours in that channel) and nothing of note had happened.
    >> Anonymous 05/06/11(Fri)03:37 No.14831660
    Not to mention, near-infinite currency. If you devalue the economy in one area, move onto the next. People in famine-stricken areas are going to love you.
    >> Anonymous 05/06/11(Fri)04:42 No.14832045
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    Damnit LD you know the solution.

    Beartraps and Dynamite my friend.


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