Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1305230247.gif-(802 KB, 281x190, 1301813937595.gif)
    802 KB Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)15:57 No.14904359  
    A retired police officer who lectures police groups on the occult said D & D is:

    "...supposed to be a board game, but kids play it for life and death on the street."

    That's how we roll on the streets. Shit's hardcore out here, son.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)15:58 No.14904366
    And this is how bard battles are born.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:30 No.14907855
    this needs to be saved from page 15
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:33 No.14907883
         File1305250421.jpg-(97 KB, 960x540, thugnificent.jpg)
    97 KB
    Muthafucka ran his mouth, saying shit bout my Eberron campaign.

    Had to stab him.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:34 No.14907897

    what's this from?

    It made me think of JoJO
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:35 No.14907914
    >said D & D is: "...supposed to be a board game,
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:37 No.14907938
    >but kids play it for life and death on the street."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:40 No.14907974

    Never change /tg/
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:41 No.14907984
    Two fabulously dressed men approach each other from opposite ends of the street.

    Pedestrians, sensing the immediate danger, flee for cover. Some are brave enough to watch from a distance

    The Men are joined by a slow trickle of similarly dressed men and women.

    The two sides slowly draw their tools of choice.

    wood winds
    harps and more

    Let the battle begin....
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:42 No.14908000
         File1305250943.jpg-(35 KB, 480x600, 1298617025426.jpg)
    35 KB
    Bitch broke the paladin code. Bitch had it coming.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:43 No.14908010
         File1305250986.jpg-(155 KB, 600x402, 1305248816139.jpg)
    155 KB
    I just keep imaging roving gangs of LARPers beating and mugging some really confused people.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:44 No.14908027
    The cop must have misheard when they were explaining the rules and thought they said "you need ta die to play" instead of "you need a die to play"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:45 No.14908037

    So... I tought an all-bard party campaign was like a game of thrones, courtiers, venoms, and trickery. Then /tg/ taught me its about impregante EVERYTHING. And glory. And now I know its more like the videoclip "Beat it" of Michael Jackson.

    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:46 No.14908052
    >inb4 D&D themed gang fight.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:46 No.14908053
    Is that Darth Maul?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)21:53 No.14908174
    "Yo nigga, dis be House Tharashk's hood. Whatchu claiming homie?"

    "Ey holmes, dat low rider belongs to us esse. You gotta pay up to House Cannith fawker."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:03 No.14908339
         File1305252198.jpg-(59 KB, 795x525, sophistication.jpg)
    59 KB
    "You don't have to do this, man!"

    But Larry barely heard the protests coming from his dearest, closest friend, who he knew only by his street name of Dustee-Cheez. He had his hands cupped, shaking together, rolling that twenty-sided polyhedron of fate which would decide if his character lived or died. He wasn't Larry right now. Larry wasn't in. He was Nat-Twenty, he who only rolls crits, seducer of fat-assed elf sluts and conquerer of the many dungeon's of Compton's east side.

    He couldn't fail. Too much was at stake.

    "Let the man roll his dice, Dustee," said the shadowy pile of girth standing opposite Nat at his card table, just on the other side of the street light. They knew him only as the Dungeon Masta, holder of enough loots to set them both up for life, but the odds were always in his favor. He let out a weezing chuckle, watching Nat sweat. Nat met his gaze for only a brief second at this, before looking away. DM's reputation preceded him - he had a short temper, and was known to pack heat under one or both of his swollen man-titties.

    Nat closed his eyes, bit his lip, and threw his die sideways - all the Playas threw sideways - and prayed the old-English "PELOR" tattoo on his rock-hard abs would curry enough favor with the gods of dice to see him through.

    The die dashed across the table, its transparent green surfaces flickering like demon's fire in the streetlight. Nat watched with baited breath as the die slowed.


    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:04 No.14908358
         File1305252280.jpg-(364 KB, 611x480, salmonpimp.jpg)
    364 KB

    Nat exhaled, knowing fate had spared him tonight, reaching with trembling fingers to his pocket for the open can of Natty Ice he kept to smooth his gaming nerves. As he reached it to his lips, he watched with utter, inhuman horror as the die began to tip once more.


    The Dungeon Masta's grill glittered gold in the streetlight, illuminating the numbers one through twenty etched on each false tooth. With a flash his hand was under his right titty, and with a crack and a bang Nat-Twenty dropped over, holding a gunshot wound to his gut.

    The last thing Nat saw on this green earth was DM silhouetted by the streetlight, reaching across the table, collecting his dice and character sheet. "You lost, Nat," he said, grinning his gold grin, his eyes twinkling with the devil's own might, "In the end, the Dungeon Masta always wins."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:05 No.14908366
    could a Bard Battle be anything else?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:08 No.14908401


    How would this work as a game setting?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:10 No.14908427
    In a really fucking meta way?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:11 No.14908438
    The best way, really.

    Seriously, this sounds awesome.

    I need to make this setting now.

    ...And the worst part is, I can practically hear the rap.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:12 No.14908454
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:13 No.14908465
    5 were killed today, in a driveby shooting believed to be related to Pathfinder vs. 4e turf wars.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:14 No.14908481
    ....5 what?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:17 No.14908516
    "I'll be rolling nat 20's when I hit your tomb,
    Blow away your mooks with the Mark of Doom!
    My greataxe is 1d12 plus three,
    But Charm Person's all I need to get your momma on my knee!"
    Best step off, you lich-loved fool,
    I play 2E, 'cause I'm old school."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:17 No.14908517
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:18 No.14908531
    Early reports say 2 half-elves, a supposed vampire, and the remains of possibly 2 people or 1 dire were bear. Police ay the smell was to horrific for an in depth investigation.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:19 No.14908541
    5 people.
    One was a 12 year old boy, caught in the crossfire while trying to buy warmahordes.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:19 No.14908543
         File1305253184.jpg-(13 KB, 219x93, Dammit....jpg)
    13 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:20 No.14908551

    Gangstas and Goblins.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:22 No.14908573
    Hoods & Hoodlums
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:23 No.14908585
    rolled 48 = 48

    Shit I haven't laughed this hard all week. Somebody archive this!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:23 No.14908587
    My heart goes out to all my 4e brothas
    We live together
    we roll together
    we die together

    I dedicate this 40 for my party.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:24 No.14908591
    Streets and Shankers.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:24 No.14908598
    Playas and Characters.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:25 No.14908607
    Wait, so that WAS rape? But I was sure she was an elf!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:25 No.14908609
    Dungeons and Dr. Dre guns.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:25 No.14908614

    Nigga, you better be packin heat when you step into my realm
    You talk a lot of tough shit but your save I'll overwhelm
    Take your time, party up like a group of explorers
    It don't matter cause you gonna die in my Tomb of Horrors
    You talk a lot of shit bout such a useless great axe,
    Bitch you be frontin in the presence of Lich King Gygax.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:26 No.14908621
    ...Okay, that's pretty good.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:30 No.14908650
    Yo, all I need is one dice, one feat, one stage
    One bard front, character face on the front page
    Only if I had rolled one, one twenty, beaten one lich
    Had one god to show me spells an' grant me one wish
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:33 No.14908688
    Bitch, you be trippin'--I'm the fighter king!
    My Rod of Wonder makes your girlfriend sing!
    I'll kill your groove with my spiked chain,
    And go visit her tree to "work out the pain."

    All you spellcaster bitches can suck my dick,
    Martial Power's just better, and mine's just sick.
    Better beg your DM for some higher-level gear,
    'Cause I'm 'bout to dish out a round of Cause Fear!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:33 No.14908689
         File1305254017.png-(2.02 MB, 1280x1024, WuTangClan.png)
    2.02 MB
    this is how i bard
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:35 No.14908707
    Better than mine.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:37 No.14908719
         File1305254245.jpg-(102 KB, 500x333, 278751666_450de736e6.jpg)
    102 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:38 No.14908727
    *Pours a 40 for fallen bards*
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:38 No.14908730
         File1305254304.jpg-(345 KB, 979x468, 1249567354534.jpg)
    345 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:40 No.14908750
    God damn I hated that Gygax nigga! You know how many of my crew he capped?! Fuckin lost a dozen party members in one encounter.

    Bitch better stay dead.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:42 No.14908768
    I would watch the shit out of something like this
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:44 No.14908783
    "-sir, what can you tell us about the gangbangers that shot up your neighborhood last night?"
    "Man, I'ma tell you what, they come by my place, shoot up MY ride? Well now them bitches is gonna pay. Tell em Master G's running the Temple of Elemental Evil, muthafuckers."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:44 No.14908785
    The whole tavern goes wild when I drop a beat,
    Skill Focus: Rappin' was my level 1 feat.
    Go ahead and fuck around with all your prestige classes,
    All I need is one die roll to stomp all your bitch asses.

    Was int your dump stat?
    Cause you sure seem dense.
    Elf asses shakin so fast
    They set off my tremor sense.

    Yo, here's a fetch quest: get me some more ale
    And don't try to step again- you'll just critically fail.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:45 No.14908792
    /tg/, these are my favorite threads.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:48 No.14908819
    ITT: Fuel for that fat white guy rap album I was working on.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:52 No.14908873
    Crack rocks fall, errybody high!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:52 No.14908874
         File1305255173.png-(40 KB, 603x504, FantasyRap.png)
    40 KB
    You mean you didn't know?


    Sword and Board vs. DJ Phylactery was amazing.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:54 No.14908898
         File1305255276.jpg-(93 KB, 900x600, dogface.jpg)
    93 KB
    >read through shitty bitching topic meant to lead to bad DM stories, turns into a bunch of horseshit arguing about bearded dwarves and more horseshit between fascist DM's and libertarian entitled players
    >see this thread
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:54 No.14908899

    Ok, that just made me do a literal spit-take.

    That'll teach me not to browse /tg/ and drink coffee at the same time.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)22:57 No.14908924
    Amen to that.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:01 No.14908982
    You know they'll retaliate right?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:04 No.14909013
    This post made me smile so wide, it hurts my face.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:08 No.14909091
    k. This thread needs more content.

    As such: how do street encounters between gangsters work in this setting? Do they just pull out their dice, and roll on any hard surface to see who gets initiative?

    ...Suddenly, the phrase "let's roll those fuckers" has a whole new meaning.

    Or are we instead just talking about gangers who enjoy D&D, but still perform everyday gang operations as normal? As in, shouting "Sneak Attack" during drive-bys, selling drugs in terms of gold pieces, hitting that White Wolf gang down the street, that sort of thign?
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 05/12/11(Thu)23:09 No.14909104
    This thread reminds me of
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:12 No.14909133
    Is anyone else reminded of this scene?

    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:14 No.14909153
    "Oh I'm that guy?"
    "Yeah nigga, you that guy. You outta the game."
    "Bitch you cuttin' me outta the game!"
    "Thas what he said niggah, you-"
    "Bitch are you in the conversation? No? Then shut the fuck up and take your punk ass build with you! What kinda motherfuckin' cleric has 14 Charisma?"
    "Man shut the fuck up, you outta the game! Get the fuck out!"
    "Nigga you cut me out you get cut! Let's do this shit!"
    "Aw shit, no you done it! You gonna be beggin them to call the cops on me once we get started niggah it's on!"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:23 No.14909258
    Someone needs to make a Playas and Characters edit to Blackleaf from that christian comic.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:24 No.14909277
    man, this thread is already awesome but that OP gif just makes it complete. anyone got any sauce on that perchance?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:25 No.14909282
    "Yo man I gots to axe you a question."
    "Lay it on me son."
    "Who runs things in this hood?"
    "Nah ma, we don't talk about him."
    "Ey come on man, I gots to know. My boys need to pick up a little work. Help a nigga out."
    "A'ight man. The guy who runs things? Runs everything. They call this niggah the DM."
    "The DM? The fuck does that mean?"
    "I dunno B, but you can find him in the northside most every Sunday. That's his game night man."
    "A'ight man, thanks I'll hit him up."
    "Cool man, just don't say you heard it from me and don't creep up on 'im for say, 2AM. He doesn't like getting interrupted. Says it breaks the immersion or some shit."
    >> Indonesian Gentleman 05/12/11(Thu)23:27 No.14909309
    Two words.
    Gangsta Wizard.
    "ZAP, mofukka!"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:29 No.14909337

    "Yo man, your burglar Black Leaf didn't spot the abandoned syringe trap. She gets the AIDs and dies."
    "What? Nah man that's bullshit!"
    "Let the dice fall where the may man."
    "No! Niggah you know it's bullshit! I won't let her die man! Not my girl Black Leaf! She's mah shortie! Come on yo, some body do something! Save her!"
    "Pull it togetha niggah! Bitches ain't shit anyhow."
    "Damn son, some niggahs..."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:42 No.14909485

    i think its the second one we are going by but i wish it were the first.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:47 No.14909526
    >"...supposed to be a board game, but kids play it for life and death on the street."
    Considering the average D&D session is very much a fantasy gang simulation he's right in a way.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)23:48 No.14909536
         File1305258488.jpg-(44 KB, 676x436, ice-cube_-b-real-715598.jpg)
    44 KB
    "Bitch nigga hell no we ain't goin' on no DRIVE BY! The FUCK is wrong with you?! How many attacks of opportunity you think we gonna provoke with that shit!? Think fo' a minute! A REAL crip nigga get his ass into some BUSHES. That's a CONCEALMENT bonus muthafucka!"
    >> Badgerfag 05/12/11(Thu)23:51 No.14909566

    and gangsters finally learn small unit tactics thanks to of all things, d&d
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 05/12/11(Thu)23:56 No.14909628
         File1305259003.jpg-(203 KB, 650x882, Playas and Characters.jpg)
    203 KB
    over 900 hours
    MS paint
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)03:23 No.14911665
    Heavy yelling "NIGGA PLEASE!" may just be my new Favorite Thing.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)04:22 No.14912001
    Why? I can't even envision it properly. (Enhear it?)
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)05:43 No.14912404
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)07:51 No.14912960
         File1305287490.jpg-(39 KB, 520x429, 1305050178991.jpg)
    39 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)10:12 No.14913862
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)10:17 No.14913896
         File1305296225.png-(352 KB, 433x324, icecream.png)
    352 KB
    you all think that D&D is hardcore but you know nothing about hardcore until you go larping
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)10:31 No.14914005
    Best thread on /tg/ this week.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)11:51 No.14914591
    I got 99 problems but a lich ain't one.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:07 No.14914683
    Oh man. This thread would be the only way to have made GTA: San Andreas better than it was.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:19 No.14914769
    Now once upon a time not too long ago
    A pally like myself had to strong arm a hoe
    This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy
    But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me
    I tried to ignore him and talk to my Lord
    Pray for him, cause some bards just love to perform
    You know the type loud as a tavern night
    But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
    The only thing that's gonna happen is I'ma get to stabbin'
    He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain
    And there I go trapped in the dungeon again
    Back through the system with the riff raff again
    Giant rats on the floor scratchin again
    criers with they bullhorns yappin' them
    Guard tried to give the pally shaft again
    Million gold for bail cause I smite'n them
    All because this fool was harrasin' them
    Tryin to play the boy like hes saccarin
    But ain't nothin sweet 'bout how I hold my blade
    I got 99 problems being a bitch ain't one.
    Hit me
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:20 No.14914770
    bump motherfucker

    >mass rhaper

    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:37 No.14914898
    As I browse through the minis of my local games store
    I took a look at my life and realized I’m very poor
    But that's just perfect for an fa/tg/uy like me
    You know, I bought that space marine battle company
    At 4:30 in the morning dice are rolling
    PCs are dying the whole session railroading... fools
    And I've been plannin' and ragin’ so long that
    Even my mother thinks that my mind is gone
    I'm a man of the die, I've passed my knowledge check
    Got a codex in my hand and a beard on my neck
    But if I finish all my painting and if you get Matt
    Then tonight I am putting on my wizard robes and hat.

    We been spending most our lives
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    I've done FATAL once or twice
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    It's hard work in rolling dice
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We buy minis at high price
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:38 No.14914914
    A local boy made a Mary Sue last week
    I just approved it and saved my mad critique
    I really don’t mind, I didn’t even rage
    ‘cause I dumped the Lady of Pain on him, flaying his mage.
    But I ain't never punched weeaboos even if they deserved it
    A fa/tg/uy with a tool? You know that’s unheard of
    I’m obese and smelly but have the best army
    And my homies agree, it won every tourney...fools
    If you’re here for stories, you'll be wrecked to tears
    We have C.S Goto raping well known canon for years
    But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
    We are just autistically impaired

    There's chainfists, chainswords, and lightning claws
    In our life hobby
    Like Cthulhu Mythos
    It's as grim an’ dark as can be

    We been spending most our lives
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We're just fat and nerdy guys
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    There's no greater sin and vice
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We all fight, by rolling dice
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:40 No.14914923
    Hitchin' up a game group, churnin' out new content
    Made a game on Sunday, soon I'll make another
    Think you’re pimp at rollplay? Think you can roleplay?
    I know I’m a million times more playa then you gay fae
    I'm the neckbeard guy the young Gygaxes wanna be like
    In the store day and night rollin’ paragon mad soulknife
    So don't be vain and don't be whiny
    Or else, weeaboo, I might declare Exterminatus on your army

    We been spending most our lives
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We’re all crazy max/min-ites
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We all dare to fantasize
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    We’re all virgins who roll dice
    Living in an fa/tg/uy paradise
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)12:55 No.14915039

    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)13:02 No.14915091
    Huh. Intelligen/tg/angstas. Never thought I'd see the day.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)13:33 No.14915332

    >Skizilli Company

    Yes captcha, these neckbeards got mad skizills.
    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)13:40 No.14915390
    Thugs: The Slangin'
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 05/13/11(Fri)19:44 No.14917784

    >> Anonymous 05/13/11(Fri)20:08 No.14917874
    This thread is glooorius!
    >> Turpin Girard 3954 6339 9177 05/13/11(Fri)20:14 No.14917914
         File1305332046.jpg-(162 KB, 1024x768, This thread is now incredably (...).jpg)
    162 KB

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]