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  • File : 1307645985.gif-(42 KB, 400x400, 1307573870373.gif)
    42 KB Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)14:59 No.15210218  
    OK guys, ITT: We are THAT railroading DM.

    OK, you start in a tavern. You drink the drinks because you are thirsty, but then you fall unconscious because they drinks where toxic.

    You are in a den of thieves. Anyone a female character? Ah, good, you've been raped by the thieves.

    A hero comes and saves you. He is called Mandor and he has great Golden armour and four black wings. He uses two great katanas. He kills the bandit leader with one blow. Other bandits try to flee, but he uses his katanas to cut the air into air waves and he kills those bandits too.

    He sets you all free and all your equipment is returned. You go to the king and the king gives Mandor his reward of one thousand gold pieces.

    OK, you have been escorted outside. Bandits threaten you.

    OK, you lost the battle-
    >How did the bandit with no armour dodge a 19? That's a crit with a longsword!
    No, you lost the battle, the bandits are strong.

    Mandor comes and kills the bandit with his katana. He tells you to run.

    OK so you're running. bandits stop you. You. Elf girl. You are raped again. You all lose. Mador comes and saves everyone with his mighty katana beams. His katanas cut through the bandits swords and through them.
    You can see where I'm going with this. Go nuts guys. Remember. Rape is a word that ladies find attractive, so say it as many times as you can when you're playing DnD with one.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:04 No.15210258
    >Can we go over the mountain?

    >No. there are dragons

    >Ok, can we sneak by?

    >No dragons see everything

    >Ok we go into the tunnel I guess....

    >It is a straight tunnel, the path crumbles behind you, there are large pits on either side

    The sad part is this happened
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:05 No.15210266
    Elf Girl, you're starting to fall in love with Mandor. Everything he says will count as a geas now, because I~he is so wonderfully attractive. Really, there's little anyone could do.
    >Dude, first off I'm a guy, and sec~
    SO you're approaching the castle...
    >What's it look like?
    Roll me perception checks
    >nat 20, total 35
    >12, total 16
    >fuck, rolled a one, uh, total 10 if that's not a fumble
    Okay. You, you can see its made of stone, though its pretty far away. The rest of you can't see it yet.
    >we can't yet see the castle in the distance that we're approaching.
    Its extremely foggy. it blocks your view.
    >but the near-sighted human can see through half a kilometer of fog.
    Yes? Anyways. Mandor tells you to wait. He returns a few hours later, the castle in flames, with the orb of dragonkind you were loo~
    >Okay yeah, see, as soon as he left we were out of there. He can do that shit on his own and we want to actually adventure.
    But you can't, not with the forcewall behind you keeping you in the forest...

    (alright I've done my share, someone else third this thing)
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:12 No.15210317
    Mador says you have to give the orb of dragonkind back to the dragons so he summons his six winged half-dragon unicorn to fly you there. Except you Elf-Girl, because you are too busy being raped by some bandits.
    >>I attack the bandits. Rolled 18, so add my 8 and that's-
    Mador kills the bandits with his katana beams. You're now officially in love with him and propose marriage.
    >>Seriously stop that, it's creeping me out.
    So you fly off and arrive at the dragon council.
    >>I roll for diplomacy.
    Mador parlays with the dragons. His words are so elegant and beautiful that you all find yourselves speechless and unable to do anything.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:17 No.15210378
    >Dude are we even needed here? Why's that fucker even drag us around anyways? Shouldn't he be raping some dragon goddess or something?
    Mandor's trying to help you. There's only three of you in the party, you can't really do this without a cleric.
    >That's a CLERIC?
    Anyways, the dragons were moved by his speech. They order you to help Mandor
    >Hey anyone else notice mandor's just rod's name backw~
    YOU ARE TASKED WITH HELPING MANDOR IN HIS QUEST... to obtain the legendary rainbow bridge.
    >a WAT.
    >dude, totally from DQ. we'll need the st~
    I've never heard of dragon warrior. You'll need three items though, beginning with the legendary staff of rain.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:30 No.15210522
    so you're on the way to the staff of rain
    >we've left? we didn't even have time to shop, and we don't even know where it is!
    Mandor does, so you're following him.
    >alright fine, whatever. pass me another pepsi.
    You're walking down the road whe~
    >what, did he run out of magical triple-breasted rainicorns?
    There's an antimagic zone here, that's why they can't fly in.
    >so in other words both me and the elf are completely useless.
    Suddenly, you're ambushed by a pack of deranged gigantic blink dogs, all of which look like they have gigantism rabies!
    >... how's that even WORK?
    Roll for initiative!
    Okay, Mandor goes first, then the dogs, then all of you. Mandor sweeps his blades in an arc, firing the beams, and taking out half the dogs in a single graceful swipe. You can't help but be impressed at such a display of ranged combat and martial skill.
    >This is an antimagic zone. how the fuck are those things even working? Not to mention the dogs would avoid such a place like the plague given it cance~
    His swords were given to him by his long lost lover, the moon prism goddess Eliana. They don't decay in antimagic fields like your items do.
    >... uh. did he just say
    *WARNING: Dorf's player disturbance level at 8999.771*
    The remaining dogs attack! A four! with their bonuses that's a sixty three! Elf, you're knocked down and penetrated! Dwarf, the dogs take out your leg, but mandor has regeneration so don't worry too much about it, he'll save your life. Human, you take thirteen points of damage and you're now bleeding 3d12 every round, also you're blinded and your twin sister has a heart attack in your hometown.
    >.... .... .... ....
    Okay so you're all disabled from the attacks so its Mandor's turn again...
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)15:32 No.15210543

    Also, elf girl, the dogs have decided to rape you.

    Yes, right now.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:33 No.15210548
    He said that much already what with "penetrated"
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:33 No.15210549
    The last evil dragon, is actually God of all evil dragons, he turns towards Mandor, with fear in his eyes, perhaps for the first time. Mandor slowly flies using his magical four black wings and says really deeply in his gruff voice "Let this be our final battle!". He then flies into the evil God dragon and consumes him in a holy explosion. After the magical explosion that tore the world in half, no one can see Mandor, he must of sacrificed himself to save the world. There is no longer any evil and giant golden statue is made of Mandor on top of the highest mountain. Everyone loves Mandor and theres nothing more for you three faggots to do.
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)15:34 No.15210563

    They did it twice per round now.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:35 No.15210578
    Distraught, elf girl, you sell yourself on the street until you are raped to death and meet Mandor in the celestial realms where he takes you as his concubine in his mansion made of gold and pearls.
    >...I'm out, you guys coming or are you going to wait until he decides we all play elf girls?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:35 No.15210579
    Suddenly, EVIL Dragons! Roll Initiative!
    >21 initiative
    >25 initiative
    >12 initiative

    I go~Mandor Goes first!

    Mandor attacks! He kills an EVIL dragon in one blow!
    >I cast true strike on our resident Elf Ranger.
    >I, resident elf Ranger attack with my full action. 17. Boss. That's 37 with true strike and another 9 on top of that, plus my proficiency feat. 47 to hit in total.

    It misses that EVIL dragon.
    Mandor attacks the EVIL dragons again! He kills another! The EVIL dragons all flee!

    sorry broe. I saw some errors
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:35 No.15210580
    Please tell me this doesn't happen.

    [spoiler]This happens all the time, doesn't it.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:37 No.15210596
    OK guys, I'm sorry I wrecked the thread a little.

    I'll try not to herp and derp too much this time. I just corrected some errors.

    Anyway, feel free to chip in. Go nut's like I said. You guys probably have more experience than I have imagination.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:38 No.15210606
    This thread is like every Forgotten Realms novel rolled into one.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:38 No.15210607
    I've had something similar, 'cept the DM was more into flind gnolls and making your characters fail in humiliating ways
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:38 No.15210615
    >Yeah, I think we're gonna just go.
    No, you can't leave! Mandor -
    > Door slam
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:40 No.15210633
    If this were my DM, I'd put up with the shenanigans once.
    If he does this shit again, I walk out.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:40 No.15210635
    rolled 143 = 143

    Actually, this has never happened to my group before. Our DM's work really hard to make sure we can do anything we want. I'm no saying there aren't consequences, but we can make the decisions if we want to.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:40 No.15210640
    My DM makes us fail in humiliating ways. If we crit fail, though.

    Broe rolled a 1. He confirmed.

    >The thing responsible for people turning into lichs?
    >It's fucking shrooms, man

    He is a great DM, though. Mind oyu, my main experience of DMs will be from here. I'm a big, stupid, newfish.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:41 No.15210644
    Retconned before.
    We now have a magical story for the ages
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:42 No.15210653
    I love this thread so much.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:42 No.15210664
    This Mandor guy...

    He's become quite a hit.
    I think he'll reach stardom.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:45 No.15210685
    We need a drawfag in here, stat (should we include the poor elf girl too?)
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:46 No.15210698

    >Players find a bear in the middle of the woods
    >One of them rolls Knowledge: Nature
    >Natural 1

    "You see a large furry brown animal in front of you. Relying on your wildlife expertise, you deduce that it's a strange variety of field mouse."
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:48 No.15210716
    Skill don't normally crit, fail or success, my asshole GM loved to see us crit-fail skill checks; I absolutely hate the house rule
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:49 No.15210731
    Right Steve, This is my store, I'm GM again. Mandor dies in a horrific fashion as a dragon-goat rapes him. To death. Then the Dragon-Goat eats everyone. We're playing Deathwatch now, I don't care if you want to make a female Space Marine Kate, just so long as we never speak of this session again.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:50 No.15210749
    Alright you come across the enemies fortress in front of the doors are two giant gaurds an
    >Wizard:"I cast flight, I can drag the cleric with me and we all know the Rogue stole the scroll of flight from the shopkeeper."
    >Rogue:"Guilty as charged lets do it"
    Upon flying over the wall you hit a solid transparent wall of force seeming to curve over the entirety of the fortress. After attempting to find a way in you come down to the ground to see the 2 giant guards and their friends.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:52 No.15210762
    >Want to kick a rat
    >Roll a 1
    "You attempt to kick the giant rat, but slip on its tail. You try to land on your hands, but those slip as well. You land on your face, breaking your nose. Your hands and arms are dislocated. Your foot is broken. Because of the fall, you are heavily concussed."

    >attempt to heal wounds
    >roll another 1

    "You proceed to cast a spell to heal your injuries, but you mispronounce it! Your feet, nose and hands fall off and wither on the ground."

    and this is how I became crippled voldemort.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:52 No.15210769
    >"So, uh... anyone wanna play some Mechwarrior instead?"
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:52 No.15210771
    That... sounds pretty much like my reaction to one of my players GM-ing. Replace store with home though.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:53 No.15210783
    Fuck you, this week we're back in MY house, where I'M DM again.

    The scene opens in the Abyss. You are all being raped by demons with barbed penises. But then the angelic incarnation of Mandor blasts aside the door of your rape-dungeon with his divine fire and tells you "follow me if you want your souls to be saved."

    Of course you follow him, but then a giant demon named Razazel appears and they fight. Roll for initiative, you get to try and not die in the crossfire.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:53 No.15210785

    To be fair, I've done that before in our more light hearted games.

    >Kill Team comes across a cathedral, nearly a hundred guardsmen are cruicified on the door forming the pattern of a massive star of chaos, surrounded by the various marks of the 4 gods painted on the front of the building in the blood of the guardsmen.
    >"I roll Forbidden Lore: Heresy"
    >"This is clearly the work of the degenerate Eldar."
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:55 No.15210801

    Steve, I know you spend like 4 hours a day in the store, but I still own it. Now get out your mini, the Killteam still needs to track down that Hive Tyrant.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:58 No.15210822
    not a far off reaction for some imperial citizens, even well-educated ones
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)15:58 No.15210826
    You are lead outside to a strange, sinister looking building and enter a room. It's dark except for one light shining down from the ceiling onto a chair. The woman asks you to sit down.
    >No, I'm fine.
    She insists you sit down.
    >Really, I'm okay.
    She pushes you down onto the chair, easily overcoming your robotic strength.
    >I stand back up and haul ass.
    The other woman who followed you blocks off the door. The first woman begins casting a spell that makes you surrender your soul to her control.
    >But...I'm a robot. I technically don't have a soul.
    Tentacles burst from the mouths of the women and they attempt to copulate with you.
    >I shoot them in the face and run off. Also out of this game, to boot.

    NOTE: This actually happened.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)15:59 No.15210839
    itt: stories of DMs who, instead of having tons of options, decide to work out one option entirely
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:00 No.15210845
    IM ON IT!

    Although it wont be digital, can't find my tablet pen.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:00 No.15210847
    If he ignores the eight-fold stars, it makes sense. And Dark Eldar have been in league with Chaos before...

    Still, guess he wasn't a Blood Raven with that sort of...wisdom.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:01 No.15210853

    >Roll a Spot Check
    >Natural 1
    >You hallucinate a giank pink elephant. It gives you sound financial advice.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:02 No.15210856
    I fucking love you.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:03 No.15210859
    i'm my group's DM, and strangely enough, i actually encourage my players to derail the plot, because it always ends up being the most hilarious and memorable parts of the campaign.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:04 No.15210873

    This. No one remembers who killed that broodlord but everyone will remember that Andrew kidnapped that 14 year old girl and hauled her around the city fighting genestealers.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:07 No.15210888
    That is fullll on bullllshit.

    doublle the number of the lletter LL to prove my point.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:07 No.15210891
    > so you reach the village. but the bandits got here before you...
    we attack them
    > no, they are too strong.
    we attack anyway
    * battle ensues, we win *
    > uh... when you turn around and think you won, the bandit leader rises behind you
    but we killed him
    > and all the other bandits rise as well
    are they undead or something?
    > no. they just faked dying
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:08 No.15210898
    >Hey anyone else notice mandor's just rod's name backw~
    What the hell kind of a name is Rodnam?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:08 No.15210900
    In a world with flying wouldn't you put hemispheres of force over your castle?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:09 No.15210903

    >Ok, at least we're doing something now. I got 21.
    >I got 17.
    >I got 8.

    None of you beat 25, which means Mandor goes first. He attacks Rachel's new boyfr - I mean Razazel, dealing his death with a swift one-two punch with his magic gauntlets.
    >Didn't he have swords before?
    That was before he was an angel. Anyway, Razazel dies, cursing Mandor's name. Now you have to walk through the 9 levels of hell, each exemplifying my extensive revenge fantasies and creepy fetishes. I take most of the rest of this session to describe them.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:10 No.15210909
    then why would you build a castle
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:11 No.15210917
    Because you can project a hemisphere of force over it?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:11 No.15210920
    not the guy you responded to but wouldn't using permanancy on tons of walls of force cost a shitton of experience? i can see it happening at royal castles or the BBEGs personal place but if it's just a regular fortress it seems a bit much
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:13 No.15210938
    yes but this thread IS about asshat DMs who want you to things the way they planned it.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:14 No.15210944
    Because you still need a way in, you don't want to take the entire thing down when you want to let a few troops in. So you need a wall and a gate. The wall and gate is the chink in the armor, not going over the wall.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:14 No.15210947
    why wouldn't you just create the dome and not waste time with the castle
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:18 No.15210971
    only thing in this thread that made me laugh.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:20 No.15210982
    what's so funny about a dire dire dire dire fieldmouse?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:23 No.15211021
    The castle is there to protect the magical force dome generators from assault, and to provide a defensive platform for your forces.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:24 No.15211027
    rolled 3, 2, 4, 2, 3 + 30 = 44

    No, you defend your fortress's airspace with exciting flying monsters that can only be defeated by hectic and harrowing magically-enabled dogfights.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:28 No.15211056
    You should also do a picture of the group's IRL reactions to Mandor and his shenanigans.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:31 No.15211085
    You come across the cave you were told about, it seems to have heavy goblin activity around it.
    >Asshat player who just wants to make it hell for the DM:"Well fuck that then, lets go do something else, we leave the area"
    None of you took navigation you end up coming back to the same spot and it's now morning.

    I exaggerate only slightly, I was new at DMing back then.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:32 No.15211087
    or flaktapults
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:38 No.15211139
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    Or at least how I pictured him.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:40 No.15211155
    >DM gives players a map
    >it has areas numbered in the order in which we're supposed to visit them
    >"You don't have to visit them in order, but the monsters will be more difficult if you go to the harder areas first"
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:41 No.15211159
    Needs the elf chick clinging to his manly chest.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:43 No.15211172
    >Fine, we walk into the cave
    The cave is trapped with an explosive runes trap that's comprised of explosive runes.
    >So we can read while we re~
    Those were all maximized runes, by the way, so you all die a quick death. However, some of the runes were sentient, so the elf girl gets raped by some of the runes before they explode.
    >Good, we can finally stop
    Mandor, seeing your mangled bodies, sheds manly tears whose powers resurrect you to full health
    >Don't you need to consent to be resurrected?
    Mandor's resurrection tears are immune to will saves and attempts to do other than what Mandor commands.
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)16:43 No.15211173

    But looking very unhappy about it.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:44 No.15211191
    FFFFFFFFFFF Just inked over that part. Let's see what I can do.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:46 No.15211197
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:47 No.15211212
    or clinging to his leg

    OR! with her hair held in his undrawn hand! and looking very not pleased
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:47 No.15211215
    It's the MAN in his name. I saw the same damn thing.
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)16:48 No.15211225
    >As the beautiful elf girl, I seduce the guard into letting us pass.
    The guard agrees and rapes you.
    >W-wait, that actually worked? GOD DAMN IT
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:50 No.15211239
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 06/09/11(Thu)16:51 No.15211247

    >Don't you need to consent to be resurrected?
    >Mandor's resurrection tears are immune to will saves and attempts to do other than what Mandor commands.

    I've seen this happen.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:53 No.15211261
    ... as have I.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:53 No.15211265

    I SO MAD

    SO MAD
    >> thoughtless celestial 06/09/11(Thu)16:56 No.15211292
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:56 No.15211303
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)16:59 No.15211339
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:00 No.15211340
    a warlockmancer did it.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:03 No.15211361
    Ok so you enter the dragons goblins cave, you can see they are having a massive orgy, and are clearly on the sniff for elven women to rape. Perhaps you, Rachel?
    >"Ok, I tell Mandor to head in and use his magic powers to slay these undefeatable monsters, as his mighty powers and manliness will surely save the day."
    Uhh...ok...So Mandor runs in, and uses his powerfists to smash the monsters, who know the meaning of fear for the first time.
    >"We leave the cave, as we are clearly not needed here."
    Um..sure! You can hear the sounds of the epic battle even from this distance. Then suddenly, bear bandits! They are clearly staring at your lithe elven form.
    >"Ok, I pray for divine intervention."
    Allright, roll.
    Oh...your beautiful god Mandor appears, and you are enthralled by his handsomene-"
    >"I stab him in the balls."
    Ah, but he's a angel, so he is made o-
    >"I use my Carnage Paladin to turn good, and destroy him."
    Ok roll.
    >"I lend my magic to his spell as well."
    All right, the-
    >"So do I. I think we all lend our magic right?"
    Fine, everyone roll.
    >20's all round
    Wha-What the-
    >"So, Mandor is dead right?"
    No, he's-
    >"Dude, there is no chance that he is alive, we all rolled 20's."
    W-Well...you guys need a cleric. Your gonna die if you don't have a cleric in this adventure!
    >"We don't care, we can handle it. We move to the next town."
    But...ok, your character Rachel, breaks down in a fit of suicidal weeping, after seeing her husband-
    >"Dude, my character is guy. Is this Mandor guy gay?"
    What? No! Mandor is the manlest-
    >"But you said that he is married to my Male character all this time."
    Well...your character was turned into a women after being saved from hell by Mandor, who you married and had awesome sex with-
    >"Yeah, but my characters mind set would still be a guy. Your Mandor is totally gay dude."
    Get the fuck out.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:05 No.15211381
    Wait, who is the DM here? Gary Oak?!
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:06 No.15211393
    If it was Gray Oak, he would be the Train Driver in-game, not this pussy Mandor. Fucking bitches and such.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:07 No.15211396
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:07 No.15211397
    I've accidentally created a new spell:
    >Mandor's Resurrection Tears
    >Conjuration (healing)
    >Cleric 9, Mandor 1
    >Components: S, M (Tears of Mandor), Rape (requires elf girl)
    >Description: This spell works like resurrection, but the subject need not be willing. The subject is restored to full health, with no loss of level or CON [since the characters will be 1st level]. Note that this spell can bring back creatures dead for any period of time. Even once-forgotten or destroyed deities whose souls remain on the Astral plane can be resurrected with this spell, only to be subsequently killed by Mandor once again for the experience points.
    >> thoughtless celestial 06/09/11(Thu)17:09 No.15211422
    We need a MTG costum card 'Lagendery GM- Rodnam
    When Rodnam comes into play, tap all creatures you control
    As long as Rodnam is in play, all creature cards come into play tapped and you skip your untap phase
    BkBkBk- put target creature from target graveyard into play under your control(tapped)
    GGG- put target creature from target library into play under your control(tapped)
    BuBuBu-Look at the top 10 cards of your library and rearange them as you like.
    RRR- target creature deals it's combat damage to each opponent
    WWW- You gain life equal to the amount of target creature's toughness
    [i]-'Mandor kills the bandits with his katana beams. You're now officially in love with him and propose marriage.'[/i]'
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:11 No.15211440
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    I'm terribly slow today.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:12 No.15211457
    if it were gary motherfucking oak you'd have an epic campaign march into hell, lay waste to the armies of asmodeus, kick in the door to his throne room on the 9th, and find him beaten to a pulp with gary motherfucking oak sitting in the throne holding the ruby wand
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:13 No.15211461
    Don't forget his... Four? Wings. I think they were black, can't remember if they were angel or dragon style.
    >> Meanwhile, In A Player-Railroaded Game... Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:14 No.15211468
    Bob: Okay, so, we're in the middle of a cave that we know nothing about, with limited food and supplies, no map, and no chalk to mark where we've been before.
    Randall: For the last time, that's NOT my fault!
    Bob: Just saying. We could've at least grabbed more supplies before you threatened to kill us all if we didn't follow you into this stupid-
    DM: Listen checks.
    Randall: Twenty-seven.
    Bob: Sixteen.
    DM: Okay, you hear-
    Bob: Wait, twenty-seven? We're second level. How the fuck did you-
    Randall: Elven rogue/wizard gestalt.
    Bob: I... that still doesn't add up to-
    DM: You both hear sounds of a clumsy hobgoblin trying to get the jump on you. Initiative!
    Bob: All right, I've got the hobgoblin pinned. Someone grab the dagger he's trying to stick me with before he guts me.
    Greg: I'm helping!
    Randall: True Strike. I stab the hobgoblin in the brain with my spear.
    DM: Uh. He dies.
    Randall: What? He was going to kill you! Why were you even grappling him in the first place?
    Randall: Whatever.
    Greg: I'm with Randall.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:14 No.15211469
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:14 No.15211470
    You can sort of see them penciled in if you stare really, really hard.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:14 No.15211471
    Why not two of each?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:14 No.15211477

    Make it so one of his wings is hitting her in the face too.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:17 No.15211498
    1 dragon, 1 angel, 1 also angle, but all torn up and scarred, and one PURE MAGICAL ENERGY
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:17 No.15211506
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:18 No.15211510
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:18 No.15211515
    ...Well would you look at that. Didn't see those.
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)17:19 No.15211535

    This. Drawfag, maybe it might be a good idea to get all the suggestions first before you ink?
    >> Evil !!rEkSWzi2+mz 06/09/11(Thu)17:20 No.15211540
    Alright, so you make it to the ancient elven moon kingdom with Mandor time magic and teleportation. You are here to recover the vial of the True Three Gods tears.
    >Wait weren't we just in Beldwen town? Why are we
    So Mandor approaches the Elven queen, and without even kneeling takes her hand and kisses it, she instantly falls in love with him, Elf girl you get jealus
    >"...Fuck you..."
    Now that's some good roleplaying, bonus exp for you. So he gives an amazingly eloquent speech about his and your party's need for the tears.
    >"I roll my diplomacy to help out. All together I got a 26, okay. ahem. Dear..."
    You fail.
    Your words wont reach the princess because she thinks you're just a lowly human. Meanwhile while looking longingly at Mondar with her long brown hair, blue eyes with a little...[ further GM explanation exempt]
    >"Dude, she sounds a lot like your ex-girlfriend, except you know, not fat and..."
    The Countess catches you, elf girl, looking longingly at Mandor's mighty back with longing.
    >"No, dude, fuck off-"
    She orders her guards to capture you, and throw you into the dungeon, they have an ugly ogre dungeon master there and he rapes you repeatedly with his over sized knobby penis until your mind breaks
    >"Okay that's the final fucking straw..."
    But Mandor comes to the rescue and slays the ogre with nothing but his fists covered in righteous holy flame that causes the ogre to explode in a shower of light and not blood. Using the True tears he pours it into your mouth and heals your wounds and broken mind, he also restores your body an makes you a virgin again. You fall in love with Mandor even more than before and in that dungeon, with the magic of illusions becoming a scenic meadow you have sex for the first time again.
    >"That's it, I'm out of here."
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:22 No.15211563
    It's already too late for that, would be easier if I had my tablet, then I could change easier. There will just need to be a revised version at a later date. Mandor will live on beyond this thread!
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:23 No.15211576
    We need the one where the elf chicks player maces him for stalking her. Then the rest of the group kicks him in the balls before leaving to play some Mechwarrior.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:24 No.15211588
    "Oh, and Mandor is a gnome."
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:28 No.15211623
    As you return to the village, Mandor arrives on the scene to protect you from peasant bandit beholders
    >Peasant whatahuh-holders?
    Peasant. Bandit. Beholders. They are beholders engaged in banditry, disguised as peasants.
    >I don't see how that really~
    The beholders move in to rape the elf girl
    >I'm a guy
    Not under Mandor's 500-ft aura of emasculation. Anyone whom Mandor wills instantly becomes a female elf, mind, body, and soul, who gets raped. He chose you to be a female elf, so you're a female elf.
    >Fine, whatever.
    A raped female elf.
    >Good gravy, what else happened?
    Anyways, after getting raped by the beholder bandits ~
    >Peasant beholder bandits
    Shut up. I'm the GM. You wanna see what happens when you put a half-dragon portable hole in a devourer bag filled with a sphere of annihilation? I'll go there!
    >Fine. Carry on.
    Anyways, Mandor flexes his muscle and katana beams form into anti-beholder Eyestalks. They instantly vaporize the bandit beholders ~
    >Peasant ~
    And the elf girl accidentally falls into a bag of holding containing a sphere of annihilation, held by one of the Peasant. Bandit. Beholders. After being raped by the sphere of annihilation, a half-dragon portable hole mysteriously finds its way into the bag and all goods are lost forever.
    >Good. Can I get an ice cream sandwich now?
    No. Because a single hair of Mandor's mustache sheds a fleck of dandruff onto the ground. This fleck of dandruff materializes into a perfect replica of your lithe elf girl body.
    >Oh, no.
    ... to which Mandor sheds a single tear onto your supple elf girl body. Saving your soul from utter annihilation, you pledge your undying love for the greatest warrior who ever lived.
    >I'm a guy.
    Aura of Emasculation. Don't correct me.
    >> Alpharius 06/09/11(Thu)17:29 No.15211637
    >You are attacked by 25 dudes with baseball bats
    Ok. I let them hit me
    >They each do 3 damage
    Ok, just let me roll soak 25 times....and i soaked all of it.
    >You are knocked out
    >Uhhh.... you are caught in an impenetrable, infinitely heavy, heat-seeking knockout-net.

    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:32 No.15211661
    >You wanna see what happens when you put a half-dragon portable hole in a devourer bag filled with a sphere of annihilation?

    actually i kinda do
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:34 No.15211690
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    Sorry for drawing too fast for suggestions, so to make up for it, here is Mandor with the elf chick, surfing on the head of his 6-winged half dragon half unicorn.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:35 No.15211703
    Mandor steps to your bedroom door beseeching entry. You let him in, smitten with his handsome chiseled yet soft features.
    >Rod, what the fuck, how did you get in my house-
    He strikes you down swiftly, not heeding your cries!
    >Sonofa-fuck, my head, what the fuffff-?! Ghhffff!
    Your foul heretical words are swiftly silenced by his gag of justice, and he swiftly binds you down with the chains of Good and Law. You have been a bad, bad elf girl, and you have to be punished by Mandor's holy rod.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:35 No.15211706
    All Hail Mandor.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:37 No.15211732
    Thanks, drawfriend.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:37 No.15211735
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:37 No.15211740
    This is possibly both the worst and most awesome thing I've ever drawn.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:38 No.15211756
    Mandor's alignment is chaotic neutral, but anything he does it good and everyone loves and worships his every action and word.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:39 No.15211765
    >Your foul heretical words are swiftly silenced by his gag of justice, and he swiftly binds you down with the chains of Good and Law. You have been a bad, bad elf girl, and you have to be punished by Mandor's holy rod.

    in the 2% chance i ever wind up with a girlfriend i may have to steal this
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:39 No.15211771
    Thanks for agreeing to play with me again guys. Sorry about the last campaign I promise this one is going to be way better! So let's go ahead and roll up some characters, keep in mind we're starting at level 15.
    >"I'll play a cleric this time."
    Excellent. Race?
    ...You can't do-
    >"Why not. You said last game we needed a cleric. I'm volunteering and I like the name Mandor."
    ...You...you...fine! You're mandor the cleric.
    >"Oh look, natural 18s for all stats."
    How did...whatever
    >"I'm going to wield a Katana as my main weapon."
    You can't, you're a cleric.
    >"Mandor did.-"
    -Mandor was an angel-
    >"-BEFORE he was an angel."
    Fuck this.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:39 No.15211779
    The fuck you sayian?

    Mandor's alignment is Lawful Mandor
    >> Funky Solar/Marine 06/09/11(Thu)17:39 No.15211782
    mother of god...
    this is gloroius
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:43 No.15211823
    Mandor has no need for alignments. Alignments bend to the whim of the mighty Mandor.
    >> Funky Solar/Marine 06/09/11(Thu)17:45 No.15211852
    It's only me or I think that MANDOR looks a lot like Freddy Mercury??
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:47 No.15211865
    I always pictured Mandor to be a blond guy with a chiseled lantern jaw.
    >> Titanium Man 06/09/11(Thu)17:48 No.15211878
    Okay, elf girl, draw from the Deck of Many Things.
    >"All right...I drew Flames."
    You gain the immense jealousy of an outsider! This jealously won't end until you or the outsider are slain.
    >"Well, all right. We'll just go destroy this outsider. What's his name?"
    Legends speak of a fearsome creature, one who rampages through worlds, utterly ruining them...a creature with four exotic wings, all different. Only in whispers do you hear its unholy name...MANDOR!
    >"God DAMN it, Jerry, you promised!"
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 06/09/11(Thu)17:49 No.15211886
         File1307656167.gif-(10 KB, 155x300, Mandark.gif)
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    I imagined him as Mandark.
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:51 No.15211915
         File1307656301.jpg-(224 KB, 1000x1000, mandor.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:52 No.15211926
    Don't you mean Freddie Mercury looks a lot like MANDOR?
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:52 No.15211930
    Interesting sidenote on Mandor (noun):
    (historical) A chief slave, who oversees the work of other slaves.
    (Malaysian, Singapore, Indonesia) A workman who oversees others in a factory.

    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:52 No.15211931
         File1307656365.png-(11 KB, 521x380, imagine offscreen elf girl rap(...).png)
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:58 No.15211989
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:58 No.15212000
    Oh my...
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)17:59 No.15212004
    He kinda looks like my uncle...
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:10 No.15212129
    bumping for Mandor
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:13 No.15212173
    And archived
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:16 No.15212203
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:21 No.15212246
    HA HA HA
    HA HA HA
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:24 No.15212269
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    I just keep hearing Manerd...

    Also, catcha: the efernear
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:27 No.15212294
    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)18:29 No.15212305
         File1307658578.gif-(886 KB, 304x168, MossRage.gif)
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    >> Anonymous 06/09/11(Thu)20:30 No.15213307
         File1307665803.jpg-(35 KB, 496x638, christian-bale-pulls-an-americ(...).jpg)
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    >this thread

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