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  • File : 1311807058.jpg-(84 KB, 375x500, matt ward.jpg)
    84 KB Matt Ward Quest MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)18:50 No.15726159  
    You awake in a dimly lit bedroom, with one particularly grimy wall and pieces of paper scattered around the floor. There is no furniture other than your bed.

    You are Matthew Ward, designer of Games Workshop, ruiner of balance and molester of ferrets.

    You hear a telephone ringing in another room, the cause of your sudden rise from sleep.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:52 No.15726177
    eat a bag of dicks
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:53 No.15726185
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:53 No.15726190
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:53 No.15726192
    I love you, /tg/. Never change.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:54 No.15726198
    >molest ferrets
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:55 No.15726204
    Shave the ferret from my chin. Then proceed to not pick up the phone; it's probably just one of my adoring fans anyway, right?

    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:55 No.15726208
    I pick up the phone and demand to be placed in my babby harness.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:55 No.15726209
    Articulate my appendages towards the source of noise. Maybe there will be more things to ruin today.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)18:55 No.15726212

    You stumble out of bed, and lurch into the kitchen, muttering under your breath about Chaos Daemon stat lines, and commence rummaging for the large sac of penises you bought from that jamacian guy the other week,

    Upon discovery of the now decomposed bounty behind the fridge, you set to with a will, contentedly devouring the soup-like gunk of rotten phallus.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:55 No.15726216
    Make a new codex called Codex: Sparkle Marines.

    In this codex will be new Space Marines that are friends with everyone and they win battles with friendship powers. These powers work on everything without fail and convert opponent's figures to your side. Also every Sparkle Marine is immune to all attacks.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:56 No.15726219
    So did Ward do something recently that has tg angry? I know of past shit. Someone care to tl;dr it for me, please?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:57 No.15726233
    he was born.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:59 No.15726260
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    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)18:59 No.15726262
    go check who called when done eating
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:00 No.15726273

    The phone continues to ring. Slowly you turn your head toward the noise, penis residue glistening on your ferretbeard as your beady eyes shine in anticipation of further ruination you might bring upon the world of warhammer fans.

    Hello? Matt?
    Hi Matt, we need you to come in, there's a problem with this new codex you've been working on.
    you smash the phone down on the reciever, breaking it to bits with your ULTRAMARINE powerfist, The most ULTRA of all MARINES grants you their strength and piety. Your hand is painted blue.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:01 No.15726278
    >molest ferrets
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:01 No.15726282
    Kill self
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:03 No.15726309
    Get into our trabant painted like a land raider and attempt to get to the GW reich headquarters.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:06 No.15726334
    sounds like a plan
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:06 No.15726336
    Contemplate aabout my codexes and, when finding nothing that could be a problem, I go to LGS to molest some ferrets.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:06 No.15726345

    I turn the Necrons into Twilight Vampires, giving one particular Necron Lord a relationship with a sister of battle.

    As the Sisters is...used.. by a grey knight (in specific armor,of course), the Necron Lord swears revenge against the grey knights and allies with the Blood Angels, for some reason also have a feud with them.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:06 No.15726349

    All this excitement has got you overstressed. You decide a visit to the ferret room is in order.

    Opening the door, a wave of stench and noise hits you like a balanced, fair game system, making you stagger and bringing tears to your eyes.

    Settling upon your favourite, you pick up a brown ferret from the cage, it screams and bites your hand, knowing what is to come. Holding it still with your ULTRAMARINES powerfist, it cannot escape as you slowly lower your head to fondle its small ferretpenis with your tongue.

    >What next?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:07 No.15726352
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:08 No.15726362
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:08 No.15726363
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    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:08 No.15726369

    Powerfist it, while furiously fapping to Roboute Girlyman with the other hand.

    After this is down, drown the "used" ferret in a bucket of blue color.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:08 No.15726370
    Begin contemplating what space marine chapter I should work on giving a codex to, next. I finally decide that the Silver Skulls needs it's own codex, as well as the Doom Eagles.

    Resolve to remove the Necron and Tau codices from the update schedule, and promise to put Doom Eagles and Silver Skulls up next in the order.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:10 No.15726387
    NO! Mat Ward drives a blue Reliant Regal.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:12 No.15726414

    Satisfied for now, you emerge into the unfamiliar brightness of day, feeling the sun burn your pale skin as you shuffle eagerly towards your mighty ULTRAMARINES land raider, its cardboard tube lascannons stand proudly on corn flake box sponsons, ready to deal righteous fury on any who get in your way.

    You ease into the front seat, stunned yet again by how the driver's position of the most powerful battle vehichle in the astartes armory is identical to a 1959 Trabant P50.

    After several false starts, you are on the road towards your work, holy battle prayers blaring from your speakers just like the ULTRAMARINES would do in your place. Linkin Park is the best.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:12 No.15726415
    Write a new ULTRAMARINES codex, it will be glorious.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:15 No.15726435
    Try to tailgate that yellow Mini Moris.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:16 No.15726444

    Detect an Eldar player with several Eldar miniatures (including,but not limited to: 3 Avatars of Khaine, 4 guardian squads,two squads of howling banshees and two Falcons).

    Enter Rage Mode and attempt to ram the vehicle, so that it may be crushed under your mighty Landraider treads.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:17 No.15726457
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    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:18 No.15726474
    brilliant ideas appear in matts mind, postponing the release of a new necron codex completely, as they can just be added as a new special rule in the next blood angels codex!
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:18 No.15726475

    Your boss greets you at the door, as is only fit for a mighty ULTRAMARINE. You ponder for a second why he is not grovelling at your feet, but decide in your mercy to ignore it, instead focusing on despoiling the xenos powerbase and creating new powers for our beloved Astartes.

    Matt, are you even listening to me?
    Matt, we need to talk about this new codex, I don't think it's going to work. I mean, Tyranids and Sisters of Battle as one race? It's just not the direction we want. Sounds kind of creepy too Matt, we've spoken about this sort of thing before. Just go back to the drawing board hey? Bring me some new ideas before the meeting at 10 o'clock.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:19 No.15726484
    I powerfist the puny walls of my one-room-apartment and yell at my neigbor that I, the mighty matthew, demand him to stop the infernal ringing, so I, mighty matthew, may continue my necessary 20h sleep of creativity replenishment.
    I will need all my creative prowess to create another awsome codex before molesting ferrets for the remaining 3 hours and 55 minutes of the day.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:20 No.15726495
    -See posts.
    -Type type type
    -See new posts with lulz inside

    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:21 No.15726502
    We kinda moved on from there, brah. Little bit late to the party.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:21 No.15726503
    Scrap that codex, and write a new Ultramarines one. Have them slaughtering the entirety of the Sisters of Battle in a single battle.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:21 No.15726506
    > GET YE FLASK[spoiler][/spoiler]_
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:21 No.15726507
    Prepare the presentation of Codex: Sons of Guillman!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:22 No.15726516
    Why you do this to me /tg/ ?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:22 No.15726521
    Well, if Sisters are now Tyranids, that can be done.

    What we should do is use this new Codex Sisters of the Hive to share even more about the Battle for Macragge and how great the Ultramarines were! Why limit their greatness to just the Imperial codices? The xeno players should hear it too!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:23 No.15726525
    Because this is AWESOME
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:23 No.15726527
    Oh, and destroy two more Craftworlds, and offically state Roboute Guilliman is recovering in stasis, and will be ready for 6th edition.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:24 No.15726532
    Instead of Tyranids and Sisters of Battle, present Tau and Sisters of Battle, as the combined forces of plasma and holy fire scourge and rogue Eldar craftsworld. Both the Tau Commander and the Cannoness get the chance to kill their very own Avatar.

    The Xenos later become sanctioned and will works as technicans and advanced weapon engineers for the Ultra Marines, because Youknowwho is also their Spiritual Ethereal.

    On a sidenote, have blood angels and tyranids create a pact to root out a major chaos uprising on a Hive World. The Brother Captain and the Hive Tyrant make sweet love in the end.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:24 No.15726533
    Nah, just kill the sisters, and use their skin and gore for something stupid.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:25 No.15726544
    say "hurg" and lightly slam your blue fist against a nearby object and go to your office.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:25 No.15726546
    Like being an extra layer of fleshy armor for Tyranids? Genius!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:25 No.15726550
    1. Get 4chan x updater
    2. Assign to auto-update
    3. Do not pass Go, go directly to profit
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:26 No.15726554
    It is obvious! The Tyranids have killed all the Sisters of Battle and replaced them with Pod People in a devious bid to secretly amass power for the next assault on Macrage! Remember to come up with better anti-nid weapons for the next ULTRAMARINES codex, and to schedule it BEFORE the next Nid/SoB one.

    That means we have to come up with a new ULTRAMARINES codex before 9:55! Go to the cafeteria and order a glass of mayo, our mighty ULTRAMARINE frame will require extra nutrients to perform this glorious feat.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:26 No.15726556
    "Oh, that's the great idea. But they need some spiritual liege!"
    I start writing some new ideas:
    Furry, Female Ultramarines
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:27 No.15726567
    We copy-paste EVERY unit and rule from every other Space Marine codex, into Codex:Ultramarines
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:28 No.15726577

    More like copypasta ALL units in the ENTIRE fucking game, from all editions, into the Ultramarine Codex.

    Girlyman IS everyone spiritual liege, even the Emprahs.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:28 No.15726579

    I trace my mighty power fist on a piece of loose leaf. I then begin to contemplate ways it can be festooned with sponsons. Perhaps the the phalanges could serve as whirlwind batteries. I thought occurs to me..titan landraider..shaped...shaped..like my mighty power fist. yes perfect. I need a ferret after all this thinking.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:29 No.15726590
    No... there are some units that must stay within their own codex, that we can't copy. Like Chaos Dreadnoughts, Flash-Gitz, or Vespid.

    Can't have the 'bad stuff' in with our golden blue chapter!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:29 No.15726591
    Have the Emperor descend from the Goilden Throne and accept Roboute Gulliman as his spiritual liege
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:30 No.15726600
    I haven't really been keeping up with the Matt Ward hate, so I have a question,
    Why ferrets? How did this whole ferret thing start? It's hilarious, I'm just curious to know if there's any backstory behind it.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:32 No.15726609

    Irritated at this turn of events, you slam your ULTRAMARINES powerfist against the nearest door frame (deactivated, because you decide mercifully not to damage their civillian workplace) and proceed up to your office, pondering if just maybe you are in posession of one of the gauntlets of ULTRAMAR.

    As you sit down in your chair, great plans spring forth from the creative genius of your mind, ULTRAMARINES feature heavily, Sisters of Battle allying with Tau and all their marvellously phallic guns, Tyranids with blood angles of the blood chapter on their blood crusade for blood against chaos. Caught up in this maelstrom of creativity, your ULTRAMARINES powerfist slowly creeps down into your pants as your write, gentle yet powerful as only an ULTRAMARINE powerfist could be, you begin to breathe harder and sharper as you revell in the glory of the imperium and His most powerful, masculine servants, the ULTRAMARINES
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:32 No.15726610
    I think OP made it up on a whim.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:34 No.15726635
    While we're at it, the Necrons kill off their silly C'tan gods and become silent guardians of all life in the Galaxy, sworn against Chaos. They appear to the Adeptus Mechanicus and slay their Machine, convincing them of the fallaciousness in their beliefs. They then revive to God Emperor, who defers to their BILLIONS OF YEARS of wisdom.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:36 No.15726652
    Yes. Yes. YES.

    This game has too many divergent factions. We all know it should only be a classic battle of GOOD vs. EVIL. The Ultramarines and their vassals against the Necrons and their vassals.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:36 No.15726658
    well, with that out of the way matt feels ready for the meeting i guess? he might even have some free time that he can use to create ULTRAmarine fanart that might be touched up and added to the next codex.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:37 No.15726665

    Deny the ULTRAMARINES power fist your pleasure.

    Just to happily you would have it attack your ULTRAMARINES power hammer with the full might of the Imperium, but there still is work to do - still, even as you think this, the Ultramarines could fail against an enemy. The ULTRAMARINES!

    Should the possibly fall against some oversized roaches, these mean chaos guys or even these robot-things? Nay, you think, grabbing hold of the nearest pencil and preparing a presentation of unbelievable force for your supererior, so that, from this day on, all MARINES will be ULTRAMARINES!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:38 No.15726675
    Give the Ultramarines access to Dreadknights in the new codex, they deserve them.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:39 No.15726685

    an idea strikes you amidst all of this. A new piece of wargear for the beloved ULTRAMARINES, a powerfist, with sponson bolters, no plasma cannons, no captured necron monoliths, yess, with whirlwind batteries inside the fingers, and... and.... it's a vehichle, and it's worn by the awakened Roboute Guilliman, the spiritual liege of all.... special character...... 300pointsssssSSSSSSS-aaah.

    Relieved of your burden by the grace of the ULTRAMARINES and their mighty gift of a powerfist to you, you zip up your pants and relax, job complete.

    Matt, what the fuck dude? Seriously there are other people in this office.
    Fucks sake, I'm going to get you fired dick.

    Aaron Dembski Bowden appears to be angry with you.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:41 No.15726703
    Unleash the might of the ULTRAMARINES upon him.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:41 No.15726704
    True... True... So lets retcon Eldar, Dark Eldar, Imperial Guard, Orks, and Tyranids out of the game.

    They never existed to begin with.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:42 No.15726710
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    Oh snap.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:42 No.15726712


    His Night Lord-love is just wrong, verging on the disgusting. It's pitiful how he can even be seen in public the way he acts, and he must be made to pay.

    It's time the Night Lords accepted ROWBOAT GIRLYMAN as their SUPAR-SPIRITUAL LIEGE.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:42 No.15726715
    Crush him with your ULTRAMARINE powers. He must learn to respect the greatest of the Emperor's warriors.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:43 No.15726725

    Unleash your swarm of 13-year-old Ultramarine fanbo..fellows upon him, burying him under their constant bites and sheer body mass.

    Also remind everyone that these kids still pay the totally not overprized prices for GW's miniatures.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:44 No.15726738
    and adeptus repentus troops: marines from lesser chapters that know they can never be ULTRAMARINES and have cast away everything, even their armor, and run wildely into battle with two powerfists. matt draws some fanart of this to precent on the meeting.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:44 No.15726740
    >Matt, what the fuck dude? Seriously there are other people in this office.

    OMFG, I lolled sooooo fucking hard at this.

    We should have the only words he's capable of ever saying be 'Mat Ward'.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:46 No.15726758

    "ROBUT GURLYMUN!" if anything. Combined with small streams of drool.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:47 No.15726776
    No, he needs to be able to present his new codex at the meeting
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:49 No.15726792
    Alright... all he can say is ''Hurrrgh!'' and 'ULTRAMARINES!'
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:49 No.15726796
    he does not need to speak, he can have made little drawings and he can gesture!
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:49 No.15726797

    How dare he? A mere author, question the most powerful mind behind the Games Wardshop system? You intimate to him by a series of grunts and gestures with your mighty ULTRAMARINE powerfist, that his beloved Night Lords may be absorbed into the ULTRAMARINES after a mighty victory for the sons of ULTRAMAR.

    This was just a threat to an insolent upstart, but now... the idea grows upon you, and you feel a tightness in your pants as it does. You resolve to develop this idea further and bring it to its most pleasureable conclusion.

    Dude? Fucking hell again? Get the fuck out of here!
    >You ignore the bleatings of the author, great work is afoot!
    Dembski-Bowden storms out of the office, yelling about knives and bosses.
    >> /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ 07/27/11(Wed)19:51 No.15726809
    > ran out covered in blood
    > blood came from blood soaked tampons
    > it is my purity seal to ward off chaos heretics
    > heretics is what i call the ones that haunts me ever since i wrote Grey Knights
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:51 No.15726814

    He'll just type what he wants to say.

    "Robout Gurlymun..gurlymun girlymen, robaut gurly, gurlymun. Robut Gurlimin?"

    (As you can see, these new additions the the highly liked Ultramarines army will drastically increase the profit margin of GW. It may or may not rape the so-called "fluff" as well, but only a little.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:54 No.15726839

    I can't decide what I like more: Caveman Ward drawing stick figures of men with giant shoulders with horseshoes on them and gesticulating wildly, or Retard Ward drooling while yelling in a Corky-esque voice "ULTRAMARINES" and "ROBUT GURLYMUN", waving his arms around in the air like an inflatable tube man.

    Actually, as long as his arms are wildly flailing around while presenting, either one is good.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:54 No.15726840
    Connection is playing up a bit now, if i stop posting, that'll be why (Ausfag here - on a mobile connection)

    Fuck I just remembered, Dembski Bowden browses /tg/
    mad props to you if you're reading this Mr D-B, love your work.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)19:54 No.15726848
    -Blue Paint
    -Robaut Girllyman
    -Spiritual Liege

    When your powers combine, I AM MAT WARD!
    >> Shitposter, The Destroyer Of Threads !!FUi3zJqresz 07/27/11(Wed)19:55 No.15726857
    I know I'm late to this thread and all, but I feel this needs to be posted. I know it's late, unfunny and unoriginal, but a shitposters gotta do what a shitposters gotta do.
    >What do?

    Take a picture of myself with a timestamp. Upload it on my PC. Go to /tg/. Create a new thread with the timestamp picture as OP. Explain I'm Matt Ward and that I'm here to ask people for fluff and balance advice for the next codex. I talk to people politely and listen to all their grievances. I assure them I would do whatever I can to make amends and make the fans happy.

    Then, once the thread is over, I do the exact opposite of all the advice given to me.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)19:58 No.15726883
    It's almost 10:00, you must prepare your notes for the meeting, and possibly remove the stains from your pants... after all, no ULTRAMARINE would go into battle without a spotless set of armour.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:00 No.15726908
    Find Phil Kelly. Beat him with powerfist, acquire pants for meeting.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:01 No.15726913
    >Matt Ward's voice throughout this entire Quest


    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:01 No.15726914

    Sometimes I think Ward actually could be a frequent reader of /tg/ and only invents this crap to show the fa/tg/uys that he still has more pull.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:01 No.15726922
    Make armour from ADB's skin. That faggot.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:04 No.15726951
    I thought this was a fact
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:06 No.15726971

    Calling on lesser but still,space marines roots. I jettison my stained leggings and allow my full pubic beard to wave free and proud. Space wolves stye...ultra wolves perhaps...hmm
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:09 No.15726994

    Gotta admit, I ROFLd. Almost exactly what I had in mind

    also captcha: reducta orkillia
    >Harry potter is now an ultramarine fighting orks

    Deciding the question of your mighty ULTRAMARINES BLUE jeans needs to be resolved first, you stalk the corridors looking for a new pair of pants. None match the majesty of your ULTRAMARINE jeans with authentic battle damage from the tyrannic wars when you dropped a hobby knife and scratched the left knee a bit.

    The closest you can find is Phil Kelly, wearing space wolf grey. Not ideal, but loyal to the throne at least... and if you can make them accept ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN as their SPIRITUAL LIEGE, it may suffice. You begin to plan an attack on the unfortunate Phil.

    >How can we make this man see the glory of ULTRAMAR?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:09 No.15727007
    heh ment for this one>>15726883
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:11 No.15727016
    Run up and pants him, take the jeans, and run away.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:12 No.15727031
    Ask him if he'd like to go rape ADB, and in the process, you surreptitiously steal his pants.

    Phil Kelly will love to rape a Chaos-lover. I think. Maybe?
    And we're just in it for the rape.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:14 No.15727045

    We threaten him to fullfill acts of Slaaneshi origin right in front of him (and possibly unto his face) if he should not be willing to surrender his inferior Space Wolves Pants to us.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:14 No.15727047
    Can we forget the pants and just go rape Demski-Bowden?

    I just want for /tg/ (just once) to go rape one of the GW staff, with ANOTHER of GW's staff.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:16 No.15727067

    Let's just let everybody think ADB has it out for Ward and we're only crazy AROUND HIM. It'll be awesome.

    And ask Phil Kelly where you can buy some new jeans.

    All the spoils of raising GW prices and marine sales fattening our wallet isn't going to spend itself.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:21 No.15727126

    You decide to prepare for the conquest, It will be better, after all, if the space wolves see a kindred spirit in another defender of the imperium. You let your pants drop to the floor, shedding a tear at the necessity of discarding the heraldry of mighty ULTRAMAR. Your mighty bush stirs in the breeze from an air conditioning unit, and you feel akin to the wolves as the cool air around your genitals evokes images of frozen fenris. Your penis seems to shrink at this betrayal of ultramar, better get this over with quickly.


    You stop suddenly as Aaron Dembski-Bowden rounds the corner, and sees you about to pounce on Phil.

    ADB: "Oh what the FUCK?"
    >Plans forgotten, you urge phil to join you with the howls of a wolf, and barks that sound suspiciously like ULTRAMARINES and ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN

    ADB: "Oh what the fucking fuck shit is this"

    You and your newfound ally race after Aaron as he retreats, phil quickly taking the lead as you plot to steal phil's pants at some point during the impending conversion of a traitor legion to the glory of ULTRAMAR.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:26 No.15727171

    As you break into the common room, an office chair swings wildly from the side, slamming into Phil's face. That crafty ADB has set an ambush as only a night lord could! Consumed by rage at this betrayal of decent honourable combat by the writings of ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN, you charge the off-balance author, seeking to destroy the traitor with yout ULTRAMARINES powerfist.

    >Roll 1d20 for your attack
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:31 No.15727196
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:32 No.15727202
    matt strike
    >> Alpharius 07/27/11(Wed)20:32 No.15727204
    rolled 8 = 8

    Just as planned.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:32 No.15727206
    >decent honourable combat

    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:33 No.15727216
    Uh oh.
    Uh, brace for impact?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:33 No.15727218
    rolled 4 = 4

    >That crafty ADB has set an ambush as only a night lord could!

    He's hanging on the ceiling? He's hanging on the ceiling!!
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:34 No.15727226
    That's not going to go well.

    If we're still standing after ADB's counterattack, we'll have to prepare the Ultrapenis for direct attack.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:35 No.15727233
    rolled 10 = 10



    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:36 No.15727247
    Don't you mean...
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:40 No.15727280

    As you strike, you let forth a might war cry declaiming the whineyness of a certain character in one of his books, a character to despise surely, as no chaplain who had accepted ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN as his spiritual liege would be subject to such unmanly behaviour.

    Your mighty powerfist misses the night lord, and he strikes back with all the fury of a balding man with a new daughter, somehow retaining his grip on the ceiling as he propels you back through the doorway.

    "Fucking hell Matt, what the christ is going on? Are you back on the ferrets again?"

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:42 No.15727290
    rolled 7 = 7


    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:42 No.15727293
    say >>15727196

    Also tell him it's Man-Love Thursday.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:42 No.15727297
    shut up matt.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:42 No.15727299
    rolled 1 + 19 = 20

    Does this suffice?
    >> Alpharius 07/27/11(Wed)20:45 No.15727318
    You forgot to use noko to hide the dice-roll.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:46 No.15727330
    Death in concert.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:47 No.15727341
    Yeah, I didn't want to be a dick. Plus too many people rolled already.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:47 No.15727343
    Challenge him to the right of man-rape via a game of WHFB.

    You're playing Demons. That worship the Emperor. Through Roboute Guiliman.
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:48 No.15727350

    You ready your most deadly weapon. A mighty ULTRAMARINE cannon, capable of shooting white hot plasma, surrounded by the beard of russ himself, who accepted ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN as his spiritual liege.

    You lunge back into the room, thrusting wildly with your ULTRAPENIS, hoping to destroy the foul author with your might.

    Dembski Bowden unleashes a kick, hitting you square in the powercells of your mighty plasma weapon. You crumple up on the floor next to Phil, knowing the bitter sting of defeat for the first time in the ULTRAMARINES' mighty history. Dembski Bowden beats a hasty retreat, still shocked at your mastery of tactics, and in fear of the full wrath of the ULTRAMARINES. Perhaps this, then, is not defeat?

    Painfully, you claim your prize of pants from the less than conscious Phil Kelly, remembering to paint them as proper ULTRAMARINE pants before the day ends.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:52 No.15727376
    rolled 16 = 16


    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:55 No.15727397
    Go wake up Phil and formulate a new plan. After you repaint the pants first though. Then tell him that ADB stole his pants for--gasp--foul Chaotic sorcery. TO BURGER KING!
    >> MWQ !QqL8nX9URE 07/27/11(Wed)20:55 No.15727399
    It's been fun guys, but I've got to go get some stuff done today, I'll probably pick this up again this arvo or tonight. Say.. 5-6 hours from now.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:57 No.15727414

    Yes...yes this is not defeat, I embrace the pain drawing fourth all the awesome power of grim dark! This pain is but the first verse in the litany of vindication that shall be wrought upon the demon writer. My power fist clenches in anticipation, but first business...
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)20:58 No.15727421
         File1311814693.jpg-(4 KB, 114x126, Fran smiling 2.jpg)
    4 KB
    You are awesome and you should feel awesome. I'll be waiting for your return, I assure you.
    >> Anonymous 07/27/11(Wed)21:10 No.15727521
    Somebody archive this shit at once.
    >> My Cat's Name is "Aang" 07/27/11(Wed)22:18 No.15728101
         File1311819516.png-(263 KB, 650x532, 130021081692.png)
    263 KB

    The motto of the Sparkle Marines...
    >> Anonymous 07/28/11(Thu)03:27 No.15730733
    That's Graham McNeil who just had a baby daughter and is balding. ADB is the one that just got married.

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