Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy
Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando
Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy
Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy
Grisbane Da Charmin' - Freeboota
Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy

The game resumes above Mining Site 0298. The drop pod containing the boyz dispatched to watch over the miner's "spiritual health" and Cankleton's health flies past. The landing bay maintains its usual rambunctious atmosphere until the voxcaster starts beeping.

"OY BOSS!" yells Uzgob, "Da Skanna Jamma's rattlin' again!"
"Put dat on da Main Screen!" says Kroz.

"Testicles 1 2...Testicles 1 2..." a voice goes as what appears to be the form of an inquisitor appears. "This is Inquisitor Calvin Doggfather of the Ordos Xenos. I have been shot down over the Death World of Xomula, and require assistance."
"Deffwurld! Sounds like a gud foight!" yells Grakgut excitedly.
"My acolytes be deader than Inquisitor Shakur on his last mission, and I holed myself in this poor excuse of a shack. I request a kill team for pickup. Doggfather out."
"'Quizitor Shakur? Wot I 'eard, 'e ain't dead." says Wurrza.
The signal cuts out.
"... Fink iz time ta test how gud us disguising iz?" asks Kroz.
"'umies are stoopid anywayz. Don't gotta worry 'bout nuffin!" declares Grakgut confidently, "No 'umie kan beat ol' Grakgut in a game uv tinkin'!"
"DATS FINKIN YA GIT!" replies Kroz.

"I'Z GUNNA START DA ENJINZ. INISHUTIN KRUMP PRESEQUENCE. GO BUTTON, PREPARE TA BE PUSHED." Kroz rushes at the GO buttun, until Wazgor smashes it in.
"Dat. Woz. Me. Button. DUN 'EVA FINK UV DOIN DAT 'GAIN." whispers Kroz in barely concealed rage.
"TOOK TOO LONG!" says Wazgor, putting on his best orkish trollface.

By the Emprah. I want to hear this.

BY THE GODS, GIVE MOAR

The journey is estimated at four days. Sadly, it seems to be a very peaceful journey, with not much happening at all. This saddens all aboard the Looted Krooza, until the Kill Team gets an idea.

"Oi! Uzgob! Kan da skannajamma git someting dats not 'umies askin' fer 'elp?" asks Grakgut.
"Dunno, boss! Maybe! It kinda just does stuff." replies Uzgob.
"Git me watevah da 'umies fink iz moosik! Oi wanna see wut I gots ta work wit." says Grakgut.
"Bringin' on da 'umie kultur..." says Grisbane.
"Right, boss!" Uzgob yells over the vox. The Kill Team hears some smacking, smashing, an explosion, and a grot screaming, followed by...Imperial Hymns.
"Dis iz wut dey call myoozik?" says Grakgut incredulously.
"...dis stuff is squig droppin'..." sighs Grakkar and Uzgob over the vox.
"Find sumting by da 'umies but... orkier!" says Grakgut.
More grot screaming, more explosions, followed by something the humies call EmperorSmack. It seems to be some sort of 'eavy metal.
"Dats much bettah! Now we gots ta show dat wez da best by makin' a bettah band!" says Grakgut. "...I kan't tink uv a name fer our band."
"duh, ... Rockz!" says 'Eadmangla.
"Too eazy!" says Grakgut.
"DAKKA FURY!" says Wazgor.
"... DA EMPRUHZ ROKKS!" says Kroz.
"Rollin' Rokks!" adds 'Eadmangla.
"If weeze da Empruhz Rokks, dats da most ded'ard rokks." says Kroz.
"Orkiest myoozik da 'umiez got is dis 'eavy metal. So wez show 'em dat wez da best at it! An' make sum teef at da same time." says Grakgut.
"DeffRokk." declares 'Eadmangla.
"OI LIKE IT!" says Grakgut.
"Dats got sum styles!" adds Kroz.
"Oy, 'ow we sup'osed ta make toof if the 'umies don't use teef?" asks Wazgor.
"Maybe ya can loot'em when dey'z listenin' to da music?" a cardboard box asks behind the Kill Team.
"Oi like Pliskin's idear." says Grakgut. "Foirst tings foirst. We gots ta foind sum boyz that ain't gud fer foightin', but gud fer screamin!" Grakgut says as he sends his grotservant Grakkagrak to find some boyz better at screaming than fightin'.
"By da way, boss..." says the cardboard box, "I fink we'ze 'ere..."

Out the window, a grey-green clouded world sits amongst the inky blackness of space. Wurrza walks over to the augurs and adjusts some dials, while reading the talky-box manual upsidedown. Surprisingly enough he gets to see some metrics.

"Xomula is a swamp world that at times can rival worlds such as Catachan and Luther McIntyre. It has a highly dangerous xenoflora and xenofauna. The Atmosphere is often wracked with electrical storms, so caution is advised when flying in." the augur cogitators state.

"CAPTURE. EVERYFING." says Wazgor.
"Oi... zat mean we'ze cud... petting zoo?" asks Kroz.
"ohhh.... datz a right propa world, gud fer sneakin!" says 'Eadmangla happily.
"Dis place iz.... iz... bootiful." says Grakgut as he begins to tear up.

The party begins heading down to the Launch Bays, but Grakkar needs one last ti
"Oy, Uzgob!" he yells, "Try ta make me a.... squig... dat screamz! An' you kan stick myoozik tings in it an' it'll scream like da myoozik bit!"
"We'll get roight on it, boss!" Uzgob yells, followed by "'EY, GRAKKAR, GET YER LAZY ARSE OVA "ERE, WE'ZE GOT WORK TA DO..."

>>16607024

"MOVE US FASTA YA GROTS!"

"We'z got teamz paintin' the hell red as we speaks, kap'n."

"RIGHT, NOW WHERE'Z THE BEST FOIGHTAN DONE? WARP ZOG TO THAT PLACE AND LET'S GET TO THE WAAAAAAGH"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHZ0Jk-mmg

The party heads into the Last Danca as the Looted Krooza begins launching Rokk Pods in every direction. Boldo flies in at the last moment. The Launch Bay's rail systems shunt the Last Danca like a bullet out of the bays, as Kroz begins flying down toward the world. As the Last Danca begins to break atmosphere, the flame turns to condensation and steam. Lightning storms begin to flash, but Kroz iz a leaf on da wind as he brings the Last Danca through the storm and lands in some mud.

Welcome to Xomula.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAdLg2YGVBk

The Last Danca's exit bulkhead flops down and squishes in the mud. It's raining. And the air smells like ass and dirt.
"ME KIND UV PLACE!" yells Grakgut.
"Smells like a Boarboy pen..." says Wurrza.
Boldo begins flying in circles around the Last Danca, as its vox picks up something. It appears to be an automated help signal, which the voxcaster pinpoints to a few kilometers to the east.
"Da 'umiez alwayz be kallin' fer 'elp!" Grakgut sighs, "Bettah go 'fore dey go an' die!"

The party begins making their way through the swampy mess towards the source of the signal. Every sound makes a squish as the Kill Team's boots hit the mud. Rain belts their faces as the Kill Team passes between the trees, reeds, and bushes.

"Plisken. You an da boyz keep a gud eye out. Somefinz big 'ere." says Kroz.
"Dis moight be a trap." says Grakgut. "An' you know wut we do if deres a trap?"
"Dakka?" poses Wazgor.
"Dakka." replies Grakgut.

"But wun ting yooze gotta remembah." says Grakgut, "Traps ain't orky. So wez gots tah pretend to fall fer da trap...By runnin' roight into it!"
Grakgut runs forward. "OH I SURE HOPE I DON'T RUN INTO A TRAP OUT HERE!" he yells as he begins sinking in the mud. Wurrza, 'Eadmangla, and Grakgut begin sinking in the mud, though Grakgut punches the mud, which releases him as the mud dies.

"My time ta shine, and I'z muckin' about... in da muck." sighs 'Eadmangla.

Eventually through the storm the Kill Team sees a building. It appears to be emblazoned with symbols of the Mechanicus. It appears to be a Comms Relay.

"Dat symbol, dat means lootz!" yells Kroz as the Kill Team rushes forward.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6OTbdgt_Ms

'Eadmangla spots a vent opening, and makes his way in through the vents. Grakgut punches down the door as the rest of the team takes the front door. At least it's dry in here. Exploring the complex, there doesn't seem to be much, just endless boxes and cogitators flashing, until 'Eadmangla notes a blue light coming from one vent.until 'Eadmangla notes a blue light. Advancing through the vents, he pops the vent and jumps down to see a familiar face.

"Got something that might interest ya, heh heh heh..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI

Acquisitions go better this time. Kroz still fails to get a pulse rifle, Wazgor fails at a Black Crusade Melta, and 'Eadmangla fails at a Kroot Sniper, though Wurrza gets subskin armor, Grakgut gets his Medical Mechadendrite, and Grisbane gets the spleen of a 'umie that he eats, thinking he'll get +5 Fellowship vs 'umies (Transgenic Grafting). They then try for Refractor Fields which they barely acquire. They come in decorative colors. Each ork takes one.

Black: Grakgut
Red: Grisbane
Blue: Kroz
Green: Wazgor
silver: 'Eadmangla
Pink: Wurrza

"An' thus the Dakka Rangers are born!" yells Kroz.

Continuing through the halls of the listening outpost, the voxcaster only suddenly picks up static. 'Eadmangla heads back into the vents where he suddenly hears voices.

"This is a great trap we laid."
"I know, right?"
"Now all we need to do is wait for the imperial scum to answer!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"BY THE DARK GODS IT'S HUMPING MY LEG AGAIN!"
"Down, Midget, down!"
"Why doesn't it ever hump your leg?"
"Because he smells like undeath."
"Don't insult the gifts of Papa Nurgle, you empty headed berzerker!"
"Both of you shut up. If I didn't shoot down that Inquisitor, nobody would be here!"

"TOLD YA!" Grakgut yells.
"I fink deze are...'eretik squig-herdas?" posits Wurrza.
"Now wez gots ta set off da trap!" says Grakgut, "Lets give em a gud skare!"

Grakgut runs up to the door.
"DIS IS BRUTHA...BRUTHA EZEKIEL...JONES! YER TRAP IZ FOILED!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U

'Eadmangla rounds the vent to see a Khorne Berzerker, Plague Mehreen, Noise Mehreen, Sorceror, and a short stubby abhuman.

"Oh crap! They're here!" says Noise.
"Uh, I don't remember my line!" says Plague.
"Guys! Pose like a team!" says Sorceror.
"Hated Imperial Deathwatch! Your death is nigh!" yells Berzerker.
"For WE!"
"ARE!"
"THE!"
"LIFEGUARDS!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"...wot." says Grakgut.

"You know, the Opposite of Deathwatch!" says Noise.
"FEAR US!" yells Plague.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" says Midget.

Fighting the Lifeguards is not difficult by far. The halfwits do some damage to the kill team, but they are dispatched relatively easily. Each kill makes the member get sucked back into the Warp. Grakgut punches the chaos squat away from Grisbane's leg, and the entire kill team works to separate Sorceror's arm from his body, after they take a fixation on Sorceror's staff. After severing said arm, it disappears, but the staff remains.

"Dat'll make a good boss pole!" notes Grakgut.
Wurrza, making Psyniscience, discovers the stick is infused with the warp and can use it as a psy focus.
"See, weez da Deffwotch! We wotch fer stuffZ an' den kill it!" says Grakgut.
"... wot if... dey try to stop foights?" asks Kroz.
"DEN WE KRUMP 'EM!" replies Grakgut, "An' take dere stikks."

The Kill Team also notes a nearby cogitator, engraved with heretical symbols. 'Eadmangla shoots it, causing it to explode, and dispel what appeared to be a jamming field. The REAL signal appears to be coming from farther east. Continuing through the complex, the Kill Team notes a back door that leads outside again. This time, there is a dock with a Koganusan-pattern Hauling Barge overlooking a large lake with an island in the center. Smoke emanates from the island. The Kill-Team hops into the barge and begins chugging towards the small island.

Suddenly Boldo begins chirping and flying around in circles.
"Wot iz it, Skwire Boldo?" asks Kroz.
The Kill Team looks to the lake just in time to see a massive fin descend into the water.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nRqlh1fk2E

A massive (and by massive I mean +30 to hit) fish-like creature suddenly jumps the barge, and begins circling. The party unloads into it as it swims. Every time the Chykkaguirus breaches, it splashes water onto the Kill Team which wouldn't be so bad except the runoff from the Mechanicus facility has made the water highly acidic. As Grisbane takes to the skies, Kroz baits the thing with his severed arm (which he carries with him, he replaced his other arm with a klaw). The Chykkaguirus Larva hops on the boat like a big retarded dolphin and attempts to snare Grakgut with its tongue. However, with plenty of dakka and application of Chainblade, the Chykkaguirus Larva slips into the water.

"Got it!" yelled Kroz.

The body floats up, and flips over, revealing an empty shell.

"...wot." says Grakgut.

All questions are answered when a dragonfly-like spiky monstrosity with huge claws, a pointed abdomen, and two sets of wings flies out of the swamp at supersonic speeds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0ptMqQrS4w

The now Adult Chykkaguirus strafes the Kill Team with sonic booms, deafening them and dealing heavy damage. Beyond the sonic booms, it also shots balls of concentrated sound waves at the Kill Team. This time, Grisbane takes to the skies in pursuit as everyone else continues laying fusillades of fire into it. Grisbane hits it with his chainblade, forcing it to supersonic dive down at the party, where Grakgut is waiting with his klaw. Ultimately it is 'Eadmangla that gets the final shot on its wings, bringing the Death World horror down.

"Dats 'ow ya kill da big'un!" says 'Eadmangla triumphantly.

Pulling the corpse in, the Kill Team takes various trophies as they reach the island. Grakgut attempts to eat part of the Chykkaguirus, but there is so much even an ork digestive system can take, and Grakgut vomits it back up. Cutting open the Chykkaguirus, there are just some half-digested corpses and lasguns. The Kill Team found the acolytes, at least.

Opening the shed door, there is a single dark-skinned man there, holding a small burning wrap of paper to his mouth.

So. Fukkin'. Archived.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTH2fDzyqOM

"We'ze come ta assist ya!" says Grakgut.
"Oh man...I am higher now than Inquisitor Redman at the Inquisitor Source Awards...come hit this shit." the man holds up the burning paper.
Grakgut punches the paper as 'Eadmangla catches it midair.
"I'z hit it..." says Grakgut.
"Fo' shizzle. I'm Inquisitor Doggfather. Good to see you, Astartes." says the man.
"shizzle...dere any otha survivas?" asks Grakgut.
"Not that I can see, dawg. Man, if I was as much a busta as Inquisitor Method, even I wouldn't be here." says Doggfather.
"I'z got no idea wot ya mean, but we'ze 'ere. Ya need 'elp?"
"Yeah, I need a way off this stinking rock." says Doggfather.
"WE'ZE GOT DAT!" says Grakgut, "...SHIZZLE."
"Coolio. Let's go. If I could bum a ride to the world of Cataclysm and the Inquisitorial Station there, that'd be great..." Doggfather says as he coughs a bit of smoke.
"Afore we go, woz dere anyfin' in da armory?" asks Grakgut.
"There's a rock there. You like rock? I like rock. But white rock. This ain't the good rock." says Doggfather.

The trip back to the ship is relatively calm, for a death world.

"OY, KWIZITOR! YOU KNOW ANYFIN' ABOUT MUSIC?" asks Grakgut.
"Yeah, we'ze recruitin' fer a band!" says Grisbane.
"I can put a good word in for ya. I'll see what I can do, AFTER we leave." he says.
"By da way, wot Ordo you wit' again?" asks 'Eadmangla.
"Xenos. I am a bona-fide expert in all things extra-terrestrial. No xeno escapes my watchful eye." he says as his eyes are a bit bloodshot.
"Roight. Zoggin' xenos..." laughs Grakgut nervously.

I cant find the 3rd episode of Deff Wotch on suptg!

The players head to the Last Danca, and return to the Looted Krooza. Upon the ship, the inquisitor passes the Kill Team a dataslate. "This is Cataclysm, Inquisitorial HQ in the sector. If you could bring me there, that'd be ballin'."
"Oi, lads. Dis 'umie moight be smarter den da rest..." whispers Grakgut, "Lookit 'is eyes! Deys all red! Dat means 'es fasta dan da rest!"
"Whenever you're ready. I for one am sick of this place." says Doggfather as the Looted Krooza enters the warp. These are inquisitorial pathways, and it goes by relatively quickly. After a few days, the ship exits the warp, and the Kill Team sees the majesty of Catalyst Station, a dual-torus station that acts as the Inquisitorial HQ for the sector.

"Now time to show Inquisitor Method how a stone cold Inquisitor handles a death world." says Doggfather,
"Maybe ya can prove it wit' one o' dese" says 'Eadmangla as he passes Doggfather a wing from the Chykkaguirus.
"Wisdom." says Doggfather.

Doggfather voxes the station, and within an hour a shuttle is there to pick him up.

"Tell ya what." he goes as he leaves, "If there's a big job I need done, I'll call for you guys."
"ROIGHT! We'ze always on duty!" says Grakgut.
"We'ze ready!" says 'Eadmangla.
"Fo' sho, homes." The Inquisitor boards the lander, "Another day."

The shuttle doors close and the shuttle heads to the station. "OY, BOSS!" a voice yells behind the Kill Team, "Dat woz zoggin' hilarious!" says Pliskin as he reveals himself.
"Wots da rundown?" asks 'Eadmangla.
+750 XP, +3 PROFIT FACTOR.

And we called the game there, above the world of Cataclysm in the wake of Catalyst Station.

Overall, this was the first "boss" battle, you could say, and it was fun to run. I particularly enjoyed their reactions to the Lifeguards. I guarantee they haven't seen the last of them...

>>16607275

Nobody Archived them. But you can find them on Easymodo.

>The Lifeguards

i can't stop laughing

>>16607180
>Koganusan-pattern Hauling Barge

...Boat Murdered?

>>16607203

>Kroz baits the thing with his severed arm (which he carries with him, he replaced his other arm with a klaw).

GODDAMNIT I FUCKED UP.

It was Grakgut who baited it, not Kroz. My mistake.

>>16607404

They're like Team Rocket meets the Ginyu Force.

>>16607113
>Grakgut begin sinking in the mud, though Grakgut punches the mud, which releases him as the mud dies.

>Inquisitors Doggfather, Redman, Method, Shakur

I'm laughing so hard I'm starting to cry

roll

>>16607618

You can delete your posts. Just check the bot on the post, scroll down to the bottom of the page, and in the bottom-righthand corner is DELETE POST.

>>16607404
>>16607593

So did my players

in other news i just finished delicious rice and ribs, and I feel fat

>>16607655
Oh, wow, what kind of ribs? Was it like korean barbeque? I love that shit.

Er, but yes. Waiting to see the Lifeguards become Beach Boys cover band.

hey boss, lookin forward to the next game, (eadmangala ere)

>>16607523
Did didnt get it until Inquisitor Method that All of them were rappers, then i lost it even more
>>16607655
You are a gift of laughter.

>All of that
>All of it

This is the best zogdamn thing, Shas. The best thing out of most of the things.

>>16607734

Just pork ribs cooked spanish style.

>>16607762

I think you'll enjoy next session. I hope the Looted Krooza is fully armed and ready...

>>16607768

I was sure it was a giveaway after (Tupac) Shakur...

>>16607879
I'm a dense motherfucker. I didn't get it until Doggfather was smoking and Gin and Juice was playing.

>>16607879
ill make sure i try to arrive early like the previous session.

>>16607907
to be honest, none of us did until he say "fo shizzle" for the first time, and i quite literally fell out of my chair.

So the entire Ordo Xenos of this sector is made of rappers?

>>16607956
apparently, i mean, they didnt even see a bunch of orks flying around as deathwatch speaking all orky heresy

>>16608004
They're just brothers from a different mother. Inquisition ain't haters... except when they, um, are.

>>16608004

This sector doesn't exactly have the brightest minds in the Imperium...

>>16608027
I'm feeling foolhardy enough to go into the Inquisitorial Station, maybe see if we can get DeffRokk a gig there... (Grakgut 'ere)

>>16608037

It will be interesting to see, at least.

Wait a second. I could have sworn I've heard of Catalyst Station before.

>>16608051

That's because you probably did. Nearly fifty years before Deffwotch, a pair of high-profile thefts at the station launched the careers of two Rogue Trader teams...

>>16607086
>leaf on the wind

So why hasn't someone drawn the party yet?

So it's four sessions in. How is Shas'O as a GM so far

>though Grakgut punches the mud, which releases him as the mud dies.

This is the greatest sentence.

>>16607269

>Inquisitor Doggfather
>The Lifeguards

I WOULD BURN MY ENTIRE HOMETOWN TO THE GROUND IF IT WOULD LET ME PLAY ONE GAME WITH SHAS'O AS DM.

>>16608122
when i get my tablet im going to try, it will be shit, but i will try.(eadmagala ere)

>>16608168
fair, clever, fast, and the best part, so fucking funny.

Do you guys mind observers?

>>16608412
i dont know about shas'o, but as long as you dont interupet, and can find us, at our secret location, your welcolm to join...

>>16608412

I for one do not care, provided you do not disrupt things.

It's been bugging me but... What exactly do we classify Grisbane as? A Fellowship Ork? What are those called, if anything?

>>16608794
One of dem Bod Moonz Boyz, wiff all their great stonk'n pilez o' teef.

but bad moonz seem like they'd be ideal Fellowship orks, and also psykers.

>>16608794

Welcome to my struggle.

>>16608882
.... could he be da warboss?

Bloody snazzgun just kept overheating on me in that monster fight.

>>16609519

It overheated ONCE. And you took no damage because Unnatural Toughness. I found it hilarious.

>>16609519
Twice actually, but yes. Because its automatically pen0 and we're orks, the odds of it doing damage are fairly low, though it does gain 'recharge' for the trouble.

Its certainly shown itself to be a very chaotic weapon. Especially that penetration!

>>16611020
Actually, knowing that it can't fury, I think it deserves to at least get its d10 penetration on overheats.

Doesn't feel right, not letting the thing have a chance of at least wounding me a little

this is magnificent