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    152 KB Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:39 No.16880285  
    /v/ threads and troll threads all over.

    Let's do a story-time thread. I'll start us off I guess.

    The other night, I ran a Dark Heresy game. Pre-Made Module: Edge of Darkness. It's more or less THE introductory module, so I figured it would be a good start, as opposed to the super-hardcore bullshit I normally run.

    This was a mistake.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)03:40 No.16880293
    Wait a minute, you typed this up all beforehand, right?

    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:41 No.16880304

    After the Interrogator, Sand, gives them their mission, they decide the best thing to do is to go talk to the sister, as she's the only lead.

    Let me take a moment to run over the basics of the module for those not familiar: The Inquisition finds a dead body that was killed by trauma related to EXTREMELY heretical genetic experimentation.

    After they ID the corpse, they send a group of freshly minted Acolytes to investigate.

    What's happening is that a Tech-Heretic called the Churgeon has taken over the local Alms House, and is quietly kidnapping people for it's deranged experiments while maintaining a guise of normalcy. The cult they work for has also taken over the local cops and such, to make sure nobody finds out what's going on.

    The players arrive, hear in passing about the Alms House. They decide that since the deceased was un-employed shortly before he disappeared, he might have been taking some free meals from there.

    They happen to be right. they show up, and ask one of the people working there about him. He doesn't recognize the name. He does recognize the picture they show him, and then proceeds to fail his bluff check. Hard. The Tech-Preist picks it up immediately, calls him a liar, and then describes in detail the horrible things they've done to him.

    The guy panics, the shoot him and his buddies, ransack the place, and then go confront the Churgeon.

    They basically kick open the door yell "Knock knock, it's the Inquisition bitch!" and shoot her. Get Fury, score something like ten wounds more than they needed for the kill on her head.

    They then go call Sand.

    Total elapsed time: 27 minutes. Total EXPECTED time: about four hours.

    Fairly certain this is Karma's way of getting back at me for Old Man Henderson.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:42 No.16880311


    It's a short one though.

    Got a few more.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:44 No.16880327
    This next one was from when a friend of mine ran. He was a terrabad GM, but he's a cool enough guy we don't hold it against him.

    >Play Deadlands, Hell On Earth.
    >My friend rolls a mad scientist, I'm a gunslinger.
    >I shoot things, and use a med-kit.
    >We go down the road in a Winnebago powered by the souls of the damned (Ghostrock).
    >Bro sees a wrecked Army truck on the side of the road.
    >Slams on brakes.
    >I'm trying to sleep.
    >Passenger seat has no seat-belts.
    >Break nose on dash.
    >He points out the army truck. After fixing my nose, i walk up with my shotgun.
    >GM asks me to roll Cognition.
    >See SOMETHING behind the wheel.
    >Get the other guy to walk up to it.
    >He walks up, shoots the window out at the dead dude in the seat, thinking it's a zombie.
    >Decide order: I get one card, and go last.
    >My buddy gets 3 wounds to the arm: Shock sets in.
    >NOPE. Makes save.
    >Zombie shoots at me.
    >Take no damage. Buddy gets Shot AGAIN. Decides to fall down.
    >Zombie crawls out of open window to EAT BRAINS.
    >Jump onto hood, shoot zombie off Hombre.
    >Walk around to back of truck.
    >Hear Moan.
    >Open door, put shotgun about head level, wait off to one side.
    >Insta-gib Zombie.
    >Guy's wearing a fairly nice suit.
    >Take tie.
    >Tie's a clip-on.
    >Clip on. Armani suit. What.

    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:46 No.16880345

    >Whatever. Loot amounts to about ten bullets for a gun we don't have, and a fucking clip-on.
    >We're out.
    >Buddy gets tired.
    >Take over driving.
    >GM hand-waves away my ability to look at the road because I defaulted on driving.
    >Pterodactyl OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!
    >Windshield shattered
    >Buddy wakes up, panics, shoots at bird monster.
    >Hits it in the leg.
    >It goes for my neck.
    >Called shot to head, five wounds on a single bullet.
    >Dead bird.
    >Buddy informs me that it's just a baby.
    >No forward power, no ray-gun.
    >Buddy jumps in the turret.
    >Tries to shoot, no power.
    >Drop an ace, interrupt, run to the back and default on fixing. Get a 32 on a 2d8
    >Bird Monster tries to eat Buddy.
    >Use my second action to step outside and shoot it in the wing.
    >Buddy shoots it, gives it two head-wounds.
    >Bird tries to eat him.
    >Gets the leg.
    >Buddy just had his leg ripped off.
    >Shoot it in head again, three wounds, GM buys off the kill with a red chip.
    >Bird goes for buddy, gets three wounds on his other leg.
    >He gives it one more wound in the head, then hides under the 'bageo.
    >Bird comes through wall.
    >Grenade in the mouth, bird explosively decapitated.
    >Heal up, move on.

    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:47 No.16880352

    Forgot to say it, but:
    >Reattach buddy's leg.
    >GM says it's impossible.
    >Medicine roll of 40.
    >Buddy now has a limp, otherwise TOTALLY FINE.

    Moving on.
    >Get to next town,
    >Nobody around.
    >Buddy tries to fix the Winnebago.
    >Go look around.
    >Find bar.
    >Knock on door.
    >Guy laughs at me and says I'm going to die.
    >See dude come running into town.
    >Ask bar-dude who the fuck the big dude is.
    >He goes NOPE.avi and locks his shit down tighter.
    >Well, shit.
    >Inform buddy that shit's going down.
    >Roll initiative.
    >Get one card, 10.
    >GM gets one card, 8.
    >Buddy gets three cards, lays them down.
    >Hear glass break.
    >See woman get murdered when I go to investigate.
    >Shoot at dude who did it.
    >He gets out.
    >Run around corner.
    >Bad-Guy comes out of window.
    >Shoot him in the face with a shot-gun.
    >Only one wound.
    >He shoots my leg, four wounds.
    >Fail to cope, scream in pain.
    >Neither of us has actions left.
    >Buddy runs up, over the course of two actions, and hits the tin-man with his Chainsaw.
    >Cuts off the arm, no more chain-gun.
    >Buddy dies over three turns.
    >Make my recovery rolls.
    >Shoot the tin-man where it hurts.
    >Tin-man fails his resistance.
    >Use his own chainsword to finish him Mortal Kombat style.
    >Grab buddy's body.
    >Frankenstein the two of them together.
    >Buddy comes back, with some sort of greater-Spirt of fucking techno party.
    >He makes some explosive rounds for my revolver.
    >Go shoot the fucker in the bar, take the officers hat and put it on.
    >fucker was sitting on, military hardware.
    >Thought hits me: Explosive pistol rounds? Armored Duster? Officer's hat? Chain-sword? Shooting people who are COWARDS?

    And now I'm running DH, couple months later.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:50 No.16880384

    By the way the Psyker suggested a Pizza tag-line for their team: 30 minutes or it's free.

    Smug fucker.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:54 No.16880414
    So, playing Death-Watch. Roll up Ivan, the Venerable Dreadnought of the Ice Serpents Chapter.

    His backstory flows pretty simple: He was a massive Chapter Hero. So big they almost made him the Chapter Master, but he declined saying he would serve better from the field than the throne. He's more or less the commander of First Company when Constantine can't take the field.

    His one request: "If and when I die, don't put me in a Dreadnought."

    So when he gets put 'in the box', to use his term for it, he's a bit miffed. He ends up acting up, trying to get himself killed for real. Finally, he gets so mad he "runs away to join the Deathwatch."

    His first action in the game, since I showed up late, was a tactical insertion. The rest of the party was fighting, and losing to, a Chaos sorcerer.

    Ivan gets sent in to assist. I get shot, Drop-pod spins off course.

    GM rolls a few dice to see where I land instead. He Consults a chart.

    "No way."

    He rolls a few more dice, looks at the map, consults a second chart.

    "No FUCKING way."

    He does a few mental calculations, and sighs. "Ivan's Drop-Pod crashes through the roof, obliterates the Sorcerer by landing on him, and disrupts the ritual completely.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)03:55 No.16880425

    Silence. Finally, the Librarian speaks up "The ritual is reaching it's Zenith!

    "Oh No!" Yells the Tech priest.

    "Oh No!" Yells the Tactial.

    "Oh No!" Yells the Scout.

    "OH YEAH!" Yells Ivan, blowing the door off his pod as it gibs the sorcerer.


    "Your entrance crushed him..."


    He was a non-stop barrel of laughs.

    Other highlights of that campaign include:

    >Ivan occasionally hitching a ride with a merchant or a Rogue trader and going on 'Shore leave', only for the Inquisition to track him down and make him go back to work a few weeks later.

    >Getting his power claws replaced with human shaped hands/power fists so he could also open jars and flip people off.

    >Referring to an Eldar farseer as a 'knife-eared bitch' and commenting "I'd tell you to suck my dick, but that's how I wound up in the box." While he was under orders to protect her for diplomatic reasons.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:07 No.16880529
    Ivan the manily box man
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:09 No.16880538

    He is easily one of my favorites.

    So, anybody else have a story to tell?
    >> !UdzMmUq0Oc 11/08/11(Tue)04:18 No.16880599
    I wish I did, I really do.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:20 No.16880618
         File1320744055.jpg-(27 KB, 281x529, 1278901353413.jpg)
    27 KB

    Damn. I'll post another one.

    >Play Rogue Trader.
    >Am Rogue Trader.
    >Get Shot down on hive planet.
    >Party only survivors from this ship, own others.
    >Need to survive until other ships from my trade fleet arrive.
    >Party is scattered across upper hive.
    >Discover Gene-Stealer Cult.
    >Chaos Cult summons Thousand Sons.
    >Tyranids inbound.
    >Orks are coming from across the seas.
    >Eldar just showed up because one of the nobles stole some Wraithbone.
    >The Tau just claimed ownership of the planet.
    >ArchMilitant finds evidence that there might be necrons.
    >Despite the odds, I am determined to make a profit.
    >Decide the best way is to make myself a prophet.
    >In disguise, preach greater good. Tell the Tau we'll need to be protected if we're to be a new vassal state.
    >Tau fight Orks.
    >Set Nids up against CSM.
    >Call the Nobles up and tell them i have a list of Heretical names and deeds, and am willing to see if they're willing to pay a high enough price to keep the Inquisition from seeing it.
    >While they scramble to get the money, I tell an Inquisitor I know to call down Exterminatus on this fuck-fest.
    >Offer Eldar aid in recovering their artifact.
    >Go to ball with female Farseer as my guest.
    >Recieve bribe.
    >Tell them that my 'associate' and i can show them the Wraithbone's true potential.... for a price.
    >Receive more bribes.
    >Kill everyone as soon as the Wraithbone is secure.
    >Here come the Inquisition and My vessels.
    >The other Eldar make it off-world, Farseer is stuck with me.
    >Find Orkish 'jet' which resembles a rocket Dildo.
    >Name it the 'Love Commander'.
    >Invite Farseer to ride the Love Commander.
    >Escape collapsing hive, tyranids, and CSM with an Eldar riding bitch on my orkish War Dildo.
    >Get Eldar back to Craft World.
    >End day with a net profit of 200 million thrones, 2 favors froma craft world, one from the Inquisition, and a lead on an STC.

    It's a good life being a professional greedy dickhead.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:25 No.16880654
    You guys can talk about stuff if you want.

    I always feel really weird when /tg/ praises my awesome stories in one thread, and then ignores the active story-time thread I'm running.

    I mean, if nothing else pop in and comment so I don't feel like I'm talking to an empty room.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:26 No.16880662

    >Escape collapsing hive, tyranids, and CSM with an Eldar riding bitch on my orkish War Dildo.

    I am SO using that in my homebrew game.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:29 No.16880679
    I've got a few stories. Let's see... how about the first time I ever DM'd?

    5 players, pretty standard spread of classes, we're all fairly new to roleplaying in general. For reference, this is shortly after 3rd edition came out. Anyway, after the initial adventure hook (which was shamelessly taken from the introductory package wayyyy back when 3E was NEW), I decided to let things go a little sandboxy.

    Rogue gets bored, and instead of going to sleep like the rest of the party, goes to the blacksmith to see if he can buy something cool. The blacksmith tells him that he doesn't really have much to show right now, but he can have some masterwork daggers ready for him by noon the next day.

    Rogue says, Fuck That. In a series of unfortunate d20 rolls, he yanks a leg off the smithy's display table, and decapitates the blacksmith in one hit.

    And because I had no idea what I was letting him do, I let him stick the severed head onto the end of the table leg, and light it on fire-- resulting in a mace that dealt additional fire damage.

    He called it Gary.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:29 No.16880689

    Only if you name it the Love Commander.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:31 No.16880700

    >He named it Gary.

    i don't have a reaction image for this.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:31 No.16880705

    I'll see what I can do.
    >> !UdzMmUq0Oc 11/08/11(Tue)04:33 No.16880723
    But if we talk we feel like we're interrupting, and we don't want to interrupt, because interrupting a good story time is rude.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:34 No.16880726
    Hell, my stories are never this cool. I never remember the games I run in that kind of detail and wacky hi-jinks and games I play usually end up somewhat mediocre...
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:35 No.16880737
    Also, one of the few times I had played something that I thought was cool and all /tg/ revealed to me that our GM had stolen the entier plot from Supernatural. Which more or less lead to the collapse of that small group.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:36 No.16880749
    Oh Waffle House Millionaire, you have all the best stories.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:36 No.16880751
    Must keep the thread alive.

    >Play nWoD.
    >Mixed game.
    >Roll Sin-Eater, Geist is called 'The Lord of Slowest Terror', I'm of the Gray Horseman's chosen.
    >Become drinking buddies with a Werewolf.
    >Find Well cared for Hippy van, flower-power colors.
    >Give it Death-Metal makeover.
    >Christian it 'Misery Mobile'.
    >Later Changling, and Mage join party.
    >Looking for vocals for group.
    >Shy, cute, nerdy girl comes in.
    >Bored 'get on with it' from group.
    >Girl has some pipes.
    >Like the bastard child of Susan Boyle and AN ANGEL.
    >She also likes Punk rock, our Forte, so that's a plus.
    >Using my Ghost Detective powers, I discover she's a Vampire.
    >Man accosts her.
    >Glace at her character sheet
    >4 dots in Celerity and 3 in vigor.
    >She's borderline starving too.
    >Investigate supernatural shit and tour the country under the name 'Hopeless Necromantic'


    I kinda miss WoD.

    That CCP MMO look like it's gonna be good? I haven't been keeping up with it.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:40 No.16880781
    He went so far as to jiggle the skull (which was all that was left after the fire burnt off everything else) around and pretended to talk to it. Thankfully that only lasted another two sessions, then he forgot about it or got bored with it, not sure which.

    What happened next set the tone for the rest of the campaign though, which I must admit was fairly short-lived.

    The rogue, realizing that maybe there might be repercussions for what he'd done, went to wake up the rest of the party up to help hide the evidence. The monk didn't want to have anything to do with it, and the ranger just laughed and waited to see what happened next. But the fighter... he had... ideas.

    Again, keep in mind... my first time DMing. Don't hold any of what I allowed to happen against me. I know better now.

    Anyway, the fighter told the rogue to go and, as discreetly as possible, set fire to the blacksmith's shop. Meanwhile, the fighter went to the tavern and bought all the casks of strong alcohol he could afford... which was quite a lot. As he rolled all the casks outside, the rogue came back and asked what was next.


    Within minutes, most of the town was crowding around, wondering if the blacksmith was trapped inside, trying in vain to organize a bucket line. The fighter, of course, knew exactly what to do next.

    "Hey everyone! Use these barrels of liquid to douse the flames!"

    And then the whole party got the fuck out of dodge.

    Queue explosions.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:41 No.16880802

    You interrupt nothing.

    I like having a running commentary with my friends.

    It's why I've been banned from most local movie theaters.


    A lot of good game ideas come from popular fiction.


    Your praise would give me warm fuzzy feelings, were I not a robot incapable of human emotion.

    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:43 No.16880819

    That's some quick thinking on the Fighter's part.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:43 No.16880822
    I dunno what to say. I really enjoy your stories.
    I'm still fairly new at roleplaying.
    The best I have is a CoC story it;'s the prolouge and everyone is in the Artic.. It's not that special, but it is my first "awesome" moment.
    My character Doug, a huge, (but not musclebound) engineer with extensive education and and fondness for shotguns and improvised weapons rode a dog sled into battle against a Gnoph-Ke and killed it with one slug from his shotgun. Got an impale and some amazing rolls.
    James, an irish mobster, Osborne, a retired Canadian RMPC officer and Claire, a photographer are some of the other characters. To give background, James fell down fissure in the ice and due to terrible rolls has a broken leg. Osborne climbed down to get him, with Doug holding the rope. just as james is tied to the role, The Gnoph-Ke appeared, attacking James, but I requested the GM for Doug to roll luck. I succeded and luckily pulled the role at just the right time for james to be pulled ut of range of the monster's swipe. However, he immediately grabbed him and I failed the strength check, losing the rope.

    Meanwhile, the rest of the party, (Claire included) and some Inuit are conducting a ritual to seal the Gnoph-Ke
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:44 No.16880824
    Here's an extract from our logs:

    The creatures grabs at James with another arm and pulls. It grabs James and absconds with him.

    Doug rolls a 95/45 on a strength roll, losing his grip on the rope.

    Osborne shoots the monster as it runs away with James and hits it but there is no discernible damage. He gives chase as he yells at Doug to get reinforcements.

    Meanwhile, the monster returns at the ritual site about 100 yards away, holding someone. There is a shotgun blast that nearly hits Claire.

    James’ shotgun is out of shells so he draws his pistol and point-blanks the monster. He unloads the pistol at the monster’s face blindfiring. The monster doesn’t take damage but is surprised and hurls James at the ritualists. He overshoots it and hits a snowdrift. James blacks out.
    Osborne rolls 11/25 to Navigate.

    Osborne follows the monster and now has a dog. The dog helps him follow the creature. He finds bits of equipment, bones, rended overcoats, harpoons, a things of European design. The most intact thing is a leather satchel. He grabs the satchel in the hope there’s something useful in it. He finds a leatherbound book in remarkably good condition. It reads “Journal of Seaman David Jones”.

    Doug, seeing that he can't do anything there, takes the sled towards the group. The creature notices him and rushes him. Osborne sees this and shoots the creature. The creatures stumbles but continues its charge.

    16/70 Rifle roll for Osborne. 13 for Damage.

    Doug misses his first shot with his shotgun. His second shot hits for MASSIVE DAMAGE and the creature falls. The ritual ends and the creature turns to snow.


    It's not much but it's the best I've got so far.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:44 No.16880827
    >A lot of good game ideas come from popular fiction.
    Oh, I know that, but it wasn't just ideas. I mean, he had ripped pretty much the entire plot, BBEGs, storyline, monsters, going back in time to get 'the Colt', killing phoenix in a duel etc.

    I'm just a bit cranky thinking it is a bit too much to rip.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:48 No.16880850
    I was invited to a rather large all-in nWoD game. The concept was that we would all roll up our own characters, and then the event planners would divide us up to be managed by different GMs (I know there's a special name for them with WoD, but I always call 'em GMs). We could and would then swap around group based on location and current politics. The Anarch in Rome would never be teamed up with a Tijuana based Cammey. And yes there was a Camarilla of sorts in the game, but it was both different from the 'official' one and not entirely relevant to this tale.

    I really kind of hope other people from the game come out and tell stories. The people behind it were evil geniuses, and I'm pretty sure I was NOT the most awesome player there; That goes to my friend Dave and his mentally challenged vampire hunter. “Get him! He a Dracula!” is possibly the greatest thing he's ever said at a game table (other than 'Gentleman, I'm about to commit the world's most Ironic war-crime').

    I decided to go with a sin-eater as my own character. While looking for inspiration for my character, I had to go to my parent's house and pick up a bunch of stuff (mostly books) to clear off a shelf for them. I went with random character method #23 on the spur of the moment, I grabbed 4 darts (two reds for the Sin-eater and two blues for the Geist) And chucked them at the bookcase to see what fate decided my character should be.

    The reds hit a copy of 'Fool Moon' and the other hit a copy of all-star Batman a friend had left over several years ago and never bothered to pick up. 'OK', I thought to myself 'Fate's handed you harder characters than a wise-cracking detective quasi-super hero character before. Should make for and interesting take on-' Then I saw what the BLUE darts had hit.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:49 No.16880863
    Oh, he was always quick to find creative ways of ruining the status quo. I miss him.

    I've got lots of other stories, but they all happen to be split into tiny little tidbits that don't really lend themselves to narrative-- basically, the kind of funny/cool stuff that happens to everyone, but that's not necessarily worthy of being called a STORY.

    Stuff like, that one time, in another campaign, where a different fighter tried to bluff a green dragon into thinking he was a mighty wizard... using only his charisma and two trebuchets.

    "METEOR SWARM!" *thunk* *thunk*

    It didn't work, but we laughed about it for months afterward.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:50 No.16880866

    My copy of the anarchist's cookbook and a SNES Street Fighter cartridge.

    My Geist would be the bastard child of M. Bison and the Unibomber.

    I think I knew then that no matter where this road took me, it wouldn't end well for anyone.

    Not like that's stopped me before.

    So my permanent smart-ass private eye spent a few sessions drifting from group to group creating a sort of infamy amongst them. Among other things his list of accomplishments included having sex with a werewolf (maybe having a bastard child along the way), winning a theological debate with a society of Leopold hunter, and accidentally destroying New Hampshire. Luckily there was a True Fae with a stake in local affairs willing to help me fix it. His pedophilia earned him a spot on my 'to do list' though.

    Anyway, I decided the best way to protect people from the things that go bump in the night was bureaucracy. I drafted something not unlike the Dresden Files' Unseelie accords to limit and control the supernatural world at large by using the supernatural world as leverage.

    A bunch of people supported the idea, but there was one major group that HAD to sign on before it became more than a distant goal on the horizon: the Camarilla . I was able to get the elder council to at least consider the idea, but in the process I had gotten the attention of some of the more.... undesirable elements of the organization.

    One of the more powerful members of this Sabbat-light (all the evil, half the Diablarie!) decided to keep an eye on me personally. A Daeva, who as it turned out looked much like his player: 7 foot 20 inches and built like a linebacker. He came to me (while I was in Chicago drumming up support) under the assumed name, I shit you not, 'Baalzamon Archleone'. Ignoring the fact that he had named himself 'Sir Stabby McEvilname', I focused on his appearance. imagine a NFL Linebacker dressed like a Cure fan.

    Yeah. The world's manliest emo.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:51 No.16880874
    assuming you are op, tell the story of old man Henderson.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:52 No.16880886

    My spell check is going apeshit over this story by the way, White Wolf made up so many words....

    So he acts all interested in helping me, acting like a sidekick for some of my more dangerous endeavors, trying to piece together my end-game. Joke was on him, I didn't have an endgame. got him to dress in drag and go to a masquerade ball as an extremely cheesy female vampire while I sat at home and watched football at one point.

    Anyway, what sparked the final showdown between my character and his was me making a bad joke about Deablarie and him thus thinking the jig was up. I only intended a clever pun involving a vampire hooker (and I wish to hell I could remember how it went) before retiring to my lab to make a lot of bombs to satisfy the crazy ghost in the back of my head.

    My lab was in an abandoned apartment building, with explosives station right next to an open elevator shaft with a metal-zipline leading to the ground outside rigged up. It was a fairly simple setup. It also allowed me to destroy all evidence of my being there by tossing a hand grenade over my shoulder as I zipped out and watched the fireworks. I'm sitting there making bombs, just finished wiring the remote detonator to a block of C4 when he sneaks up behind me and ruins his element of surprise by yelling the same damned battle-cry I'd heard a million times at this point. So I grabbed my coat and took-off down the shaft as he struck a pose and rushed the bench.

    After I got outside (he was just getting up out of the table's remains) I pressed the magic button and dropped most of a flaming building on him. His next character was a Gangrel who worked for him coming to investigate his disappearance.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:53 No.16880892
    not sure how to greentext so

    >playing dwarven swashbuckler in 3.5
    > first encounter surrounded by enemies mix of archers, swordsman and dogs
    >have some beefy npcs to help us out
    >see one guy on roof so I use my rope and grappling hook to get up and sneak behind him
    >try to stab him then kick him off the roof but fail on both also failing to land on the dog beneath
    >get up and am largely ignored after that my only other contribution being ferociously cutting the dog to pieces
    >one party member is a mage but magic is extremely rare almost nonexistant in the setting
    >instead he tries to use a crossbow but fails on a knowledge check and holds it backwards, fires it nearly killling himself and the beefiest npc, he's the first to go down
    >the monk stumbled into the fight from another roof, falls but grabs hold of the ledge, he gets chopped up by an enemies and an npc ally rolling poorly
    >our alchemist goes nuts and throws acid everywhere
    >npc allies do almost everything and we win
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)04:54 No.16880896

    oh look it worked
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:54 No.16880902
         File1320746097.jpg-(336 KB, 1239x2512, Henderson 1.jpg)
    336 KB

    Between the death of his last character and the new guy, I found out about the shadow faction in the Cammy's base. Using this as leverage I was slowly getting them to crack on the accords. When the Gangrel showed up, I told him that the other guy had been killed by a group of hunters. Lucky me, the Incredible Sulk had forgot to give his Gangrel thug any social abilities, thinking I would opt for a combat route instead of lying my ass off.

    I drove him to a random warehouse and told him that this was the hunter base, and it didn't look like they were in. I gave him a block of C4 and told him to go to a point on a random set of blue-prints I had to place the bomb. The 'plan' was to then have a stake out and set it off when they came home.

    As soon as he got a safe distance from me, I set the bomb off. It took him three characters to learn his lesson. He started playing a changeling who won his freedom by cheating at cards and was on the run from the Fae who realized 'he done been duped'. Total bro, didn't see him again until the return of the manliest emo in a shadowrun game. Story for another time that, I want to do it justice.


    Give the fans what they want I guess, part one in pic.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)04:57 No.16880920
         File1320746247.jpg-(506 KB, 1239x2946, Henderson 2.jpg)
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    And 2.




    You could get a bunch of them together in one post.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:03 No.16880954
    I dont really have all that many great stories, but there is one that became a running joke for the party.

    For some quick backstory, I started up a campaign at the start of Uni second year. All the people who were gonna play came back from their holidays at different times, so I ran two introductory sessions just using dungeon crawl premade stories so people could see if they liked their character and the game in general, and if they understood the mechanics.

    The final one was a quick crawl through a barrow hill, with a human rogue and a half-orc barbarian. The barb was a player who had been in the first intro session, and was there for the benefit of the rogue - no fun just exploring a dungeon on your own, after all.

    Either way, to the greentext-mobile!

    >exploring side corridor of barrow
    >rogue manages to make spot check, sees something across the mouth of the passage
    >warns barb, but (due to very low int score and rping as such) he blunders on...
    >...directly into the spiderweb across the corridor mouth
    >...awakening the spider
    >the spider then attacks the rogue, tying him up in combat for four turns
    >during those four turns, the barb is trying to free himself from the web
    >first roll - tries to attack it with his axe to chop himself free
    >failure, gets his axe stuck in the web
    >second roll - tries to remove axe
    >failure, gets arm stuck in web
    >third roll - kicks web with free leg
    >failure, now completely stuck
    >fourth roll - tries to bite through web
    >just before he managed to choke to death on spiderweb, the rogue managed to cut him free

    Laughter was had around the table.

    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:05 No.16880969
    I only have 2ed WFRP stories, since that's about all I've played, besides 1 very prematurely ended 4ed DnD and 1 DH campaign. So I'll just tell a few short things from each.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:05 No.16880971

    >20 minutes later
    >heading back down the corridor, rogue hears noises in the central room
    >tells the barb, who has learned from his mistake, also waits
    >rogue sneaks up to the door, passing all his stealth checks, and edges it open a touch
    >there are two hobgoblins in the room, and they look mean!
    >just as rogue is about to close the door and talk to the barb about what they should do, barb leans in close
    "You didnt help me. You didnt let me fight spider."
    >barb shoves rogue through door
    >rogue stumbles out into the well lit room, two hobgoblins turn and stare at him.
    >he shits himself

    The barb player here is falling over laughing, and the rogue is taking it pretty well too, thankfully.
    Either way, the barb player decided that he probably shouldnt let the other guy die on his first game, so the barbarian has a change of heart.

    >barb storms through the door, arms spread wide
    "I wish to make a diplomacy roll."
    "...what? You dont even speak their language."
    "That doesnt matter! They can see my friendliness, plain as day."
    >I shrug, thinking back to his character sheet
    "Okay fine. Make a 23 dc check"
    (to clarify, i wouldnt usually tell them the dc, but since they were still learning, I was being generous. also meant they didnt know that 23 was fucking with them a bit)
    >as far as I can remember, his character has 2 diplomacy, so no way in hell can he make this check
    >he rolls
    >nat 20
    >massive grin on his face
    >he holds up character sheet
    >Diplomacy: 3
    "...Well, I did say."
    >Barbarian runs into the room, shouting "GOBLIN FRIENDS!" and then proceeds to hug both hobgoblins
    >they are taken aback by his friendliness, and the three of them leave the barrow and the rogue behind, and skip off into the sunset

    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:05 No.16880976


    Months later, the party met a band of hobgoblins who had settled and weren't raiding people nearby for a change. They had a little farm village set up and everything. The barbarian was their king. He still didnt speak the hobgoblin's language.

    It was a silly campaign, as you may have guessed.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:08 No.16880989
    Yeah, why not.

    The Necromancer
    >once played a cleric who was devoted to putting the undead to good use
    >the first town with a sizeable graveyard gets ransacked for skeletons and zombies
    >wanders around town trying to help children get kittens out of tall trees etc.
    >run out by a torch-wielding mob within five minutes
    >only skeleton that survives is given the name Kate Moss
    >got slapped upside the head every time we came near another graveyard

    The Black Guy
    >d20 Modern, Shadowhunters etc.
    >play the black dude with the sword who's on like 50 pages of the book
    >racist jokes from the rest of the party for FOUR MONTHS OF REAL TIME
    >but when we're fighting a remorhaz in the antarctic, I'M the one who goes to to fucking toe with it while the rest scamper around like little bitches
    >racist jokes start again next session anyways
    >these fucking people
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:10 No.16880996
    Referring to the latter character, was he a blackula hunter?
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:10 No.16880998

    this campaign was really short only a few sessions

    >mage decides he doesn't like his character but he wants to go out in a blaze of glory
    >breaks into the library in the middle of the night in plain view of a guard who he had just talked to
    >he wanted to find books an arcane arts so he was certain the library would have a closed off section for something like that
    >hears gaurds banging at the door does a quick scan for any books of the like finds a glaringly obvious one
    >proceeds to light a bookshelf on fire with his lightning magic then tries to find a way out
    >rolls high and finds an undercover passage thats the last we see of that character for a couple sessions
    >dm rolls for the fire, almost a third of the town is on fire within minutes

    when we met him again the mage had his head cut open in the cell of a mindflayer prison, we got him out okay but the alchemist found out he was the one who started the fire that burnt down the university killing almost everyone, the campaign ended there before anything else occured though
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)05:11 No.16881008

    For some reason "Goblin Friends!" reminds me of "Enchantment!"


    >these fucking people

    Know that feel.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:13 No.16881012
    That's a funny story, actually-- I called him Brock Sampson, the first season of Venture Bros. having been in full swing... and nobody ever figured it out. If we had started playing Modern maybe a few months later... well, you can guess what I would have named him.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:16 No.16881031
    Bah. Darn it. Now you've reminded me I have to get through the whole series. What season are they up to now?
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:20 No.16881050

    That was pretty much exactly how the barb player said it as well. He acted out the whole thing.

    I suppose I shouldve added that part really - it made the whole thing so much better.

    He stood from the table, yelled GOBLIN FRIENDS, exactly like Sandal, then stomped around the table to hug me and the rogue player.
    He then skipped from the room.

    We finished up the rogues story, and then went to find him, to return his dice if nothing else.
    He was in the living room, eating a hastily made sandwich, explaining to our other housemates how he was now king of the Hobgoblins.
    Hence the town later on.

    I really shouldve told that part originally. Bah.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:20 No.16881051
    I think my worst story from that group was when we were trying out the Dark Sun setting for 4E. I had gone to the trouble of making a Warlock who worked for the local Sorceror-King, complete with rivals and friends in the palace, and a wife in the resistance movement who had convinced the character to switch allegiances. Hell, I even gave the DM enough material to flesh out the cell of... what the fuck were they called, the resistance? Eh, fuck it-- the point is, I basically wrote them for him, and he ran with it, gratefully.

    But the only noteworthy thing that came out of that session... was the fact that the halfling of the group insinuated EVERY SINGLE SESSION that he was boning my warlock's wife on the sly, and that she preferred the halfling.

    I regret that the campaign never got far enough where my character could finally fucking snap, and start defiling the landscape around him, just to fucking blast that asshole halfling. If I ever get another chance to play Dark Sun, I'm definitely making another warlock.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:20 No.16881054
    WFRP 2e, focusing around various Khorne artifacts spread around the Empire
    My own character was a 2 meter tall, 17 year old grave robber with a nailed plank for a weapon, who was slightly underweight, and who managed to duel on equal ground with a Bloodhowler, who killed the party's elf and dwarf.
    Our elf was a Kithband warrior with a hammer and shield, who, because of insanities, thought he was invincible. The fact that he OHKO'd a minotaur and 2 khorne cultists can't have helped this. Said elf also jumped off a 3-story building, taking about 9 times his health total in damage, and living ( Took a fate point, but still ).

    5-day DH campaign, planet rife with corrupt nobles and cultists
    > final battle, cultists and daemons duking it out in a huge many-tiered ballroom.
    > none of our weapons are making any sizable dents in the huge daemon about to rip us to shreds
    > one of our soldiers decides to throw a stolen frag ( we had used all our own ) into the huge, slightly not-of-this-world, clockwork-clock in the middle of the room, in the very last combat turn at all.
    > crits like nobodies' business, annihilating the clock and winning us the campaign without us knowing what was going on, at all.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:22 No.16881059
    Like, fourth season now? Fifth? I don't even know, I lost track at around season three. Still good shit though, just gotta make the effort to catch back up.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:29 No.16881096

    >have to travel to other side of town decides the rooftops would be fastest
    >throw my grappling hook up and begin to climb
    >halfway the overhang crumbles and I fall then I am crushed by rubble
    >the monk digs me out and gives me a health potion
    >storekeep comes out looking pissed, i roll for diplomacy, pass, I blame hooligans
    >storekeep runs off in the direction we point
    >we deliberate for a bit but still settle on the roofs as the besy way to go so this time the monk climbs up and finds a spot to secure the rope to
    >I call up asking him if he's sure the spot is fine as he chose the same roof to attach it to just further away
    >he says it is then stomps on it for good measure
    >dm makes him roll for strength
    >nat 20
    >the rest of the roof overhang collapses with him on it
    >I decide to try and help by throwing my barrel of mead so that he can jump off of it and avod too much damage(this was a suggestion OOC by the monk)
    >dm says the I hit the monk dead on with the barrel doing fairly serious damage
    >he lands taking fall damage then gets crushed
    >he's unconcious broken ribs, crushed lung, and broken legs have to get him to a doctor pronto
    >shopkeep heard the rucus and came back to investigate
    >alone carrying the monk I roll again for diplomacy, barely pass
    >blame the hooligans again, the shopkeeps goes into his store and we can hear him crashing around presumably putting on armor
    >decide this is an excellent time to leave before he comes out
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 11/08/11(Tue)05:38 No.16881120
         File1320748686.jpg-(94 KB, 800x1096, Wee Men.jpg)
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    Right, I knew I had the picture around here somewhere. But it took me a while to find it.

    In honor of Old Man Henderson.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)05:39 No.16881125

    He's still missing the parrot.

    As honored as I am by a drawfag doing that for me, that detail bugs me far more than it should.
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 11/08/11(Tue)05:40 No.16881128
    Oooh yeah...
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:53 No.16881185
    >nat 20
    >something horrible happens
    one of THOSE DMs, eh
    fuck, I wish I had a screencap, there was a whole thread of those once, maybe it's on sup/tg/
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)05:54 No.16881193
    it is

    >I roll to climb
    >"You launch yourself up with such incredible force that you end up in the stratosphere, roll for falling damage."
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)06:10 No.16881270
    Time for a horror game story from CoC.

    Will probably be the last from me tonight.

    The group was a rather stereotypical band of 'wrong place, wrong time'. They were expecting a normal game, I was determined to fuck with heads.

    It started out innocently enough, a couple of plot-hooks and cryptic hints to get them through the first game. Then I took a-hold of their character sheets, and read the back stories CAREFULLY.

    This knowledge, combined with the fact that I'm what's commonly called an 'armchair psychologist' and knew them all well gave me plenty of ammo.

    Quick run-down of the five characters:

    Private-eye Ronald Finnigan, who lost his wife and child in a car-crash that may or may not have been an accident. Player HAD lost a kid sister at a young age due to a drunk driver, so the kiddie angle was off limits. Mostly.

    Veronica Vance (I didn't know about the reference until much later), a model who was engaged to one of the other characters. Player was a chick who was actually dating the guy playing her betrothed.

    James Akron, Ronald's partner and Veronica's husband to be. Total bro, and accomplice.

    Reginald Goddard, former butler to a local playboy who recently passed away under mysterious circumstances. Bro of Bro James, accomplice via puppet-mastery.

    Mary Edgeworth, Childhood friend of Veronica, and the only child of Reginald's former master.

    Oh what tangled webs we weave when we weave the plot-lines.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)06:12 No.16881273

    Next game starts, Reginald goes out to start his car and it fills with a strange green gas. He then wakes up in an 'abandoned' building the other players are exploring. They find a couple of mutilated corpses and immediately know shits on.

    They then locate Reginald, who is currently without shirt and displaying some sort of weird rune on his chest. They continue to explore, and discover Reginald in a room, hog tied and looking TERRIFIED.

    The party does a double take; realizing that there are two Reggies, when the first one they met tuns into some kind of abomination and launches itself at the one that's tied up. They kill it, and it disappears.

    It's at this point that they make a correct assumption, and an incorrect one. Like I wanted them to.

    You've undoubtedly noticed that the marked Reginald was some sort of Doppelganger. You Probably haven't noticed that no-one saw the tied Reggie's chest.

    The game continues, with me training a knee-jerk reaction into my players regarding a certain rune and Evil clones.

    I also threw in a bunch of other fun details to unhinge them a bit more along the way, choice ones include:

    Having Ronald find the 'doll room'. (I'll revisit this later if people are curious)

    A Slenderman going right through and old folks home, with players both being chased and pursuing it.

    Having a bunch of Mannequins rape someone while they try to get in and save her.

    The Slenderman's return, where they killed it like the Werewolf of Doom (VtM: Bloodlines)

    And a scene in a hospital that was one part 'hotel hell' and one part 'silent hill'.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)06:15 No.16881282

    My players, full of false assumptions and jumpy as hell, go into the final dungeon, so to speak. They know that it ends tonight, one way or the other.

    At this point, I discreetly pass James a message that the plan is unveiled now.

    I have him and Reginald get split from the rest of the party and captured. They find him again with a mark on his chest and shoot him, assuming he's a doppelganger.

    But what's this? The mark fades, and he doesn't turn into a horrible abomination. They then realize that they never found out what happened when the 'real' person was killed. At this point, 'James' finds Reginald locked in a supply closet. He then meta-games (but not really) and demands to see James' chest, in case he's a clone.

    James obliges, confused, and with no marks on his chest at all. The party quietly FLIPS OUT. But, more importantly, refuse to break character.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)06:17 No.16881294

    Everyone BUT James and Reginald then find their way to the final boss room, where the desperate cult leader is waiting with a couple of shoggoths and a psychic trap.

    Them mop the floor with them, and the two who got left behind immediately make their way to the sound of violence.

    They come on into the room, and the three that were there already turn James into swiss cheese. At which point his shirt comes open, no mark revealed, and he cries as he passes away, mouthing 'why' and staring at Veronica. Veronica was then hit by the psychic trap the lead cultist had more or less connected to his pulse.

    The trap was, interestingly, omniscience for a split second. She made the appropriate saves and learned a few things:

    1: Doppelgangers live half-lives, unless the person they're bonded to is killed.
    2: If this happened, the now dead person would find new life as the doppelganger.
    3: She was pregnant with James' child.

    Without any undue effort from me, they had murdered their best friend/lover TWICE.

    At this point the chick playing Mary, already severely distressed from other events in the game, started crying and rocking back and forth saying 'it's all lies. everything's lies'. over and over again. I still feel kinda bad about scaring her that badly.

    Though the look on the doctors face when I told him the reason for her breakdown was 'I tell REALLY GOOD horror stories' was pretty fucking priceless.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)06:21 No.16881313
    I'm not sure I follow exactly what happened, but I understood enough of it. Fuck, man. Y u do dis to people? That's pretty intense.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)06:27 No.16881336

    They wanted me to scare them.

    I don't half-ass horror.

    You might also enjoy the doll room story.

    The doll room was guaranteed simple horror. They were investigating a old creepy house, and Ronald had gotten separated from the rest of the group.

    Silly, silly, non-genre savy Ronald.

    In the middle of this decrepit old house, he found a room that looked like it belonged to a little girl (in perfect shape, no less). He looks around and sees that there's a shitload of those old China-dolls staring strait ahead, covering about 2/3s of the wall space. He sees an Armoire sitting against the wall. He then hears the sound of a childish giggle come from the armoire, and so he opens it. Inside is a little China doll dressed like a gypsy, with an Eyepatch (meant for a person) over one eye where part of it's head was clearly missing. It's sitting at a little table with a crystal ball.

    He hears a sound behind him, and turns. Every doll in the room was staring right at him. He looks back in the Armoire, and sees that the gypsy doll, now had a full teethy smile on it's face. Pointy little goblins teeth.

    If he had waited a bit longer, the ghost of the little girl haunting the place would have had 'tea' with him and given him a lot of useful information.

    He lasted about two seconds before he ripped that room apart, smashing everything into particles. Worst part was the dolls started crying tears of blood (that if tested, would have been his) and crying like scared little children.

    When he tried to show the room to the others, they saw only an empty bed (that looked like someone was just lying in it and crying), with everything looking as old and unused as the rest of the house.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)06:32 No.16881361
    FUCK. Man, what I wouldn't give for a chance to get mind-fucked like that. Wish I knew some good DMs.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)06:34 No.16881373

    Im with the other guy in not being sure I followed it right, but still.

    You do tell some really damn good horror stories.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)07:12 No.16881551

    >meet up with the alchemist again head towards the doctor
    >backalley doctor that seems kind of shady we get the monk up on his table and he begins to work
    >somehow the alchemist gets really offended by the doctor, price is too high or something
    >off handedly says "I throw acid in his face"
    >dm enforces you say it you do it rule
    >throws the acid but misses splashing a little on the doctors arm
    >two npc's and a pc character who never showed up block the entrances
    >i put my hands up and back away (he was firmly against joining the group from the get go so I figured he deserved it)
    >a couple rounds of combat and the alchemist is almost dead but suddenly vanishes
    >find out OOC that he got sucked into the mindflayer realm
    >combat stops pay the doctor and leave
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)07:31 No.16881681
    Waffle house is now my god, I was going to post something but just reading his stuff is just wow.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)14:18 No.16884697
    Please, tell us this story in detail. There is simply too much awesome for it to be properly contained within a synopsis.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)14:43 No.16884924
    trying to bump this to first page
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)14:43 No.16884933
         File1320781439.png-(168 KB, 1237x1220, Wilhelm.png)
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    Too tired and not enough time to type anything up, but here's a repost of a tale I posted before, about one of the most badass heroic sacrifices I've ever had the honor to witness in any game. Enjoy.
    >> Sen 11/08/11(Tue)15:27 No.16885363
    Don't have much but for this one tale from last night:
    >4E, first time GMing, most players beginners too
    >Horror setting inspired by CoC creepypasta
    >Fast, informal and freeform game - make it up as I go along
    >First encounter - 3 deathjump spiders and one ettercap hidden in webs
    >Party all made characters in WotC Char. Builder - optimised to the max
    >Think they can handle it
    >They can't
    >Party tank (Warforged fighter) only one who's getting through their hide
    >While I'm realising this, sorcerer burns away web to reveal ettercap
    >Warlock played by brand new player (basically made herself, but Tiefling) asks if she can use her sky-high bluff skill
    >Next round, convinces ettercap that they never meant to hurt his spiders. He calls them off, but glares at tank for hurting his 'dogs'

    Next encounter was just skeletons.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)16:11 No.16885933
    yet more bump for WHM RT story
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)16:45 No.16886257
    This is a story all about how my old group proved they didn't attack a capital port city.. by attacking a capital port city

    >get an order from our best friend the king to secure some photos of him banging some whores that some foreign dick is trying to blackmail him with.
    >Blow up the entire foreign ship the pictures were on.
    >Get arrested for "trying to start a international incident"
    >King comes to us and tells us we're going to be executed in a month unless we can prove we didn't do it.
    >King brings in imposters so that we can go and prove this without raising suspicions.
    >find out that one of the guards saw a "Sea monster" on the ship when it went up in flames.
    >Hurray for summoning spells!
    >Figure that instead of just summoning more monsters we should find a monster so the magic doesn't get traced back to us.
    >Do some adventuring and find a working minisub.
    > Have to kill a giant acidic worm to get to it.
    > Journey into the bottom of the ocean, find a bunch of sea monsters.
    >sadly they are all much larger then our sub and we have no means to fight the with.
    >Go back to shore, chop the corpse of the worm into pieces and use it to disguise our sub as a Sea monster.
    >disguise our battle mage as a tentacle for our sea monster.
    > Surface in the middle of our kings port.
    > Battle mage starts throwing spells everywhere.
    >Causes tons of damage to the surrounding ships, docks, goods that were being brough off the ships.
    > Also blows up at least one Orphanage
    > Navy comes and tries to kill us.
    >We escape, hide ship.
    > sneak back into our cells.
    > Captain of the Navy, who hates our guts, comes in claiming we attacked the city again.
    > "But Captain, we've been in our cells all month, how could we have attacked anything?"

    then of course there's the story about how we started (and ended) a war between the Dwarves and the Drow because we wanted a teleport spell.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)18:37 No.16887524
    Part 1:
    We had a number of interesting adventures at sea; fighting ghost pirates, rescuing cursed sailors and nearly getting ourselves killed by a rogue wave. We eventually arrived on St. Cuthbert island. There we learned about the war between the clerics and the stock evil creatures in a southern island, who had recently captured an area known as the staging grounds. They give us idols of St. Cuthbert and we agree to pose as raiders who just conquered one of his ships in order to act as spies. Things start falling apart as soon as we leave the island.

    First of all, our ship would arrive in the evil capital freshly repaired, after supposedly "raiding" a St. Cuthbert ship, when St. Cuthbert island is the nearest port. Second, the swashbuckler reveals his plan to offer to counterspy for the evil capital. When we arrive, a blackguard port authority sends a message to the council in charge of the city. Third, en route to the castle, we encounter a small gang of vampires, who intercepted the message. At this point I ask
    "In retrospect, why didn't we think to bring silver and magical weapons?" The vampires demand to know what our business is, and reveal they plan to overthrow the council. The swashbuckler offers to act as spies for the vampires if they allow us to continue.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)18:38 No.16887542
    Part 2
    We approach the castle, and after knocking, we are invited in by a skeleton butler. He escorts us to the council chamber. It turns out the evil capital is ruled by a council of liches. Twelve of them. The swashbuckler starts wheeling and dealing, and he's in over his head before he even opens his mouth. I know we're really screwed when we offer to act as spies for them, and the liches reveal they've been scrying us since we landed on the island, and they know about the vampires. As the liches open a portal behind us and demons start climbing out, I tell the swashbuckler that the liches can probably kill us in more ways than we are even aware exist, and that everyone we're working for is probably also scrying us.
    "If the liches don't kill us, then the clerics are going to kill us. And if the clerics don't kill us, the undead sea captain is going to kill us. And if the undead sea captain doesn't kill us, Mr. Biggs and Akbar (the two people who helped finance our sailing expeditions )are going to kill us."
    Out of game
    "I don't even know what we're trying to do anymore. We need a flowchart or something".
    I beg for him to come to his senses, but he keeps on trying to make deals. I break down.
    "Y-you're out of your god damned mind, man. I-i don't want to be a pirate anymore. I want to go home!" They teleport us onto our ship, and our supplies and treasure from the ship. The swashbuckler goes back to the castle to demand they return our stuff. I go to the tavern, get drunk and start bawling like a baby. Later, someone comes to the tavern and tells me the supplies are back on the ship, but the treasure is gone. I get there, and a box of ashes appears. Out of game, I learn that the liches got sick of the swashbuckler, disintegrated his body, trapped his soul in a gem, and they now use it as a badminton birdie. Out of game we were laughing our asses off, and even the swashbuckler's player agreed that he got what he deserved.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)19:16 No.16887974
    Me as DM.
    6 bros as PCs. Even girl/guy ratio imagine that.

    Anyway this module is everyone's first time playing DnD at all, they've already gone through some encounters yada ya, found generic plot points and stuff. Everyone's level 2-3.

    > Go into room, two alcoves in wall to left.
    > Corridor continues to the right.
    > Floor is dust free etc like someone's been sweeping regularly,
    > Corridor to room was dusty how odd.
    > Group too new to know what it means.

    > A guy tests first alcove, nothing.
    > Test second alcove, bounce off force field.
    > Test forcefield, yields to the touch, but springs back when you pull away.
    > Stuff through forcefield looks oily.
    > Various attempts to counter forcefield, arcana checks etc.
    > Endeavour to force their way into forcefield. Two guys plan to shoulder barge it as hard as they can.
    > One guy who's heard a bit about DnD idly says "imagine if it was a gelatinous cube" but nobody listens because wtf is that.
    > Dudes charge forcefield.

    > Engulfed by a gelatinous cube olololol.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)19:31 No.16888136
    Eh, none of my stories stand out too much compared to half of what I read on here, but.

    >4e DND
    >am human warlock, party with a gnome sorcerer, elf ranger (played by a marine), and something shaman
    >sneakan through dimensional prison
    >hear someone trying to cast a ritual, continue with sneakan despite (mostly) terrible stealth skills
    >ranger sneaks up right behind the wizard doing the ritual
    >wizard flips the fuck out
    >ranger looses arrow into his eye
    >20, playing with Pathfinder crit cards
    >end of surprise round, wizard has 25 HP left

    He was supposed to be a miniboss.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)19:57 No.16888487
    hile searching a temple for a Book of Vile Darkness so we can destroy it, we find a Deck of Many Things after narrowly surviving a fight with a cadaver collector. I ask if I can give all my stuff to another player so I don't lose everything if I draw a certain card. Since we've never seen one before, he says no. I draw 2 cards. First card, all my stuff is gone. Second, an evil outsider (that the DM decides will have greased hair and carry a switchblade) starts stalking me if I sleep. The dragon shaman hands me all of his stuff, and draws 2 cards. He wasn't there for the fight with the cadaver collector. He gets a bonus to diplomacy, a keep and 10k exp, which puts him up a level. The dwarf opts to draw 4 cards. Before he draws, we wonder what will happen to his kingdom if he runs afoul in the deck. His character trusts me, so I offer to become king temporarily. Thing is, we aren't related, so I can't. A number of different suggestions come up.
    "You could marry him"
    "Okay. Does anyone here know how to conduct a wedding?"
    He instead opts to adopt me as his son. He temporarily makes me king and lends me all his stuff. He draws his first card. The ground opens up and he gets dragged down into the earth. It turns out the next card he would have drawn is the one that lets him avoid any situation. We double-check the rules and decide he still gets to draw the rest of his cards. The ground spits him back up. He gets a 4th level gnome fighter, who he names Denny, and a +4 shortsword, which he gives to me. The orc wizard winds up with an extra 4 points in Int, making her the smartest orc ever, but she loses everything. Fortunately, she lent it to someone else. The ogre mage we teamed up with gets stalked by an outsider and a +4 crossbow. I give the dwarf his everything back.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)19:59 No.16888501
    After a little more exploring, we find the room with the Book of Vile Darkness. The ogre mage opts to not follow us. Protecting it is an angel with cornrows who spoke in a Jamaican accent. We tell him of our plan to take the book to St. Cuthbert island to have it destroyed. In this game, the rules for the book are changed a bit. Simply touching it can turn you evil, and give you an obsession over the book, like Gollum. The dwarf decides to be the one to try and resist its allure. He gives me all his stuff and his title again, and touches it. He fails the will save by 1, and turns evil. He clutches the book and huddles in the corner.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)19:59 No.16888512
    r is notorious for being crazy prepared, and he has chain and manacles in his bag. The orc convinces the dwarf to chain himself to the book so no one can take it from him. He does, then we knock him unconscious and drag him away with the book in tow. The angel raises his mace as he moves towards the dwarf. I assure the angel that we will destroy the book, and atone the dwarf. I also mention that the angel would be free from having to guard the book. He agrees. We get outside and prepare to teleport back to the island. We thank the ogre for his help, and give him his reward.
    The spell fizzles. The orc tries again. It fizzles again. A group of the dwarf's troops are outside. They reluctantly accept my authority. I order we be protected from scrying, I get a zone of truth to ensure I'm telling the truth, and we get an invisible ship. The only issue is how to transport a deranged dwarf hell-bent on reading the Book of Vile Darkness.
    "We could knock him unconscious whenever he wakes up"
    "No way, that wouldn't be dignified at all. I say we chain him to the bed and blindfold him, so he can't read the book."
    I slip a ring of sustenance on him, and the shaman lends me his ioun stones so the outsider won't ruin everything. We set sail. My character spends the next two weeks endlessly pacing. Once we get on land, we chain the dwarf to a cart and ride towards the temple. There's no delivery ramp, so we chain him to a 10-foot pole and carry him as he clutches the book. We knock him out again, and he drops the book in the ceremonial chamber. The clerics cast disjunction on it until it is destroyed. The dwarf is atoned, we all gain a level, I get promoted to commander-in-chief, and St. Cuthbert himself grants me a miracle, which I use to get my stuff back.
    >> Anonymous 11/08/11(Tue)20:00 No.16888523
    It's not an RPG story per-se, but it did stem from character growth.

    Playing mordheim; my first warband ever, and it's still going strong. It is a reiklander (ranged-specialists) warband, and here's what I have:

    Captain - BS5, WS4, S3, T3, W1: but he does better in melee than he does at range. He had two duelling pistols, never did much. Give him a jewelled sword, he carves face the first fight he gets into. Against Dark Elves, no less.

    Champion - WS 6, S3, but he's got a 2H Sword, Strongman and Finishing Blow. To top it off, he's got strike to injure. That means he can hit on 3+ usually, wound most opponents on a 2+, and incapacitate them on a 4+. To top it all off, he got dinked on the head once, and now he's stupid.

    Bow and Crossbow henchmen - I have four in total; all have WS 4, BS 5, Initiative 5, 2 Attacks and Strength 4, maxed out EXP. One has fallen off a 8" tall building and survived without injury. He only fell over, that's it. Another shot his buddy with the crossbow while he was in close combat.

    And my Beggar. He's gone from stats of 1 or 2, all the way to being the single fastest, heavy-armor-wearing, master-mordheim-map-carrying bastard of any of my local community's warbands. He has sprint. Base movement's only 4, but he also has leap. He clubbed an Assassin into insanity, giving him frenzy. Everyone wants him dead, but three wounds and toughness 3 means people are finding it hard to put the nail in his coffin.

    I am so proud of my warband.
    >> Waffle House Millionaire 11/08/11(Tue)21:52 No.16889772

    I'm not sure which is funnier, the fact that you questioned marrying the dwarf, or the fact that your GM actually put the deck of many things in a game.

    Last time I got ahold of one, every-gaming group that's ever encountered me has banned it.


    It's not as good as you think. The reason I glazed over it was because 40+ hours of back-room politics doesn't make for a terribly interesting read.

    Besides, I can't remember every detail. This was a while ago.

    I mean, I plot assassinations and overthrow countries so much I'm almost surprised I'm not on a CIA watch list.
    >> Furore23 11/09/11(Wed)00:12 No.16891314
    The only reason to hand out the DoMT is to end your campaign, and in so doing, create a tale that will live in infamy.


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