“Hey Max, we are going to head to our personal ship. The Sisters were debating on whether or not to bring you along, and decided not to after your little… Ah… Stunt.”
Lycheria looks disappointed, though not at you.
“So that’s it, then?” You ask, not thrilled about being left behind. Nor about being separated from the crazy but cute bolter bitch.
“For now, but I know the Emperor will bring us back together again. Here, have my personal channel, you can call or message me any time.”
She slips a piece of paper into your pocket before looking around slyly. Seeing no one watching, she plants another kiss before turning to follower her Sisters.
You watch sadly as she walks away, until she turns back one last time to shout at you with a smile.
“If you don’t call me, I’ll BURN YOU ALIVE!”
Well, time to figure out what to do.
[ ] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

[ ] Scout the Warp disturbance nearby. The Daemonettes are both sexy and terrifying.

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

[ ] Track down that group of Eldar you saw earlier, you think you spotted the shortest Farseer you’ve ever seen.

[ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

[ ] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

>>17073742
>2011
>fucking up on spacing

god damn it

>>17073742
Dark Eldar, same as my vote last night.

>>17073742

Well dats a shame, but at least we got her number.

Half vote for tiny Eldar farseer and half vote for whatever the Necrons have going for them.

Ahh good this is back! (Right after I rolled during the last thread, I ended up very suddenly busy and by the time I got back the quest was over...)

My vote is for the Tau.
[X] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

Looks like I picked a slow afternoon...

Highest roll 1d20 gets their vote I guess

rolled 14 = 14

>>17073823

I don't know how that will work with half votes, but fuck it, let's find out.

Almost forgot, if you missed last night's thread here it is

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/

meant to put this in the first post

rolled 10 = 10

>>17073825
Eh. Might as well roll. Think I'll shift my vote to Eldar though.

[x] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

rolled 3 = 3

rolling for Tau

>>17073742
>[X] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t exactly sure you want to know more.

Yes, yes we do.

>that feel when not enough votes/rolls to really make a decision

I knew I should have started this at 6ish but I have a bunch of free time right now and not so much later.

Right now voting goes to either Tau or DE and the roll goes to Eldar with a 10

Well with your party disbanded leaving you with but a single mana potion, you don’t really know what to do.

Pretty much every xeno here would just as soon kill than perhaps eat you before you could even get a word in edgewise.

You’ve never met an Eldar before, not that you really make a habit of meeting xenos for smalltalk, what with it being heresy and all.

Still, if you had to pick, the Eldar seem perhaps the least likely to disembowel you for either fun or sacrifice to an ancient god. At least you think so, you admit you skimmed (see tldr) the Eldar chapters of your training manual.

With (though perhaps misplaced) optimism, you set out in search of those tall spindly xenos. Although thinking back, you swear the Farseer you saw stood at least a foot and a half shorter than the other Eldar around her.

The journey is long and arduous on foot, wind threatens to take the hat right off your head. You can’t let that happen. Compounding the suck is the fact that you literally have nothing to eat and haven’t eaten anything since the last ration you had with your guardbros.

Your stomach howls at you with the fury of the warp and the ‘nid swarm rolled into one. You scan everywhere, looking for something, ANYTHING to devour.

Your heart sinks as you abandon all hope, Vagis V must be devoid of food.

That is, until, you catch the scent of something that smells absolutely, decadently, delicious.

>honor demanded I follow the roll of 10

Ravenous now, you pick up your pace as you follow your nose. A strangely colored bird with a massive beak darts around overhead.

The sight of a fire a hundred yards away stops you dead in your tracks. You know better than to just rush in, you don’t have many friends left on this planet.

Stalking now, you draw ever closer until you take cover behind a small pile of rock and peek out.

Sitting in the clearing, roasting some kind of small animal carcass on the fire, is the Farseer you saw yesterday.

[ ] Observe from the shadows, faptau style

[ ] Reveal yourself and declare you have no hostile intent

[ ] Try to trick her and steal the food

rolled 12 = 12

[ ] Observe from the shadows, faptau style

>>17074187
faptau

rolled 17 = 17

[ ] Try to trick her and steal the food

You remain silent as you sit and watch. The Farseer doesn’t seem to notice you as she checks on her food.

A roasting animal shouldn’t smell this good. It isn’t just your hunger either, something is up. Heresy, it must be heresy. Or psychers, fuck you don’t know.

She must think her food is ready, because she takes the spit off of the fire to let the meat cool. Slowly she looks around and you hide to avoid her gaze.

Fairly certain she is safe, the Farseer lifts off her helmet and shakes out her hair. Beautiful, silky red hair. It’s long, long enough to reach down to her ass, and it looks thick even from here.

She’s cute. You didn’t know Eldar could be cute. Though really, you didn’t know what Eldar looked like without their helmets on. You had always assumed terrible soulless eyes and a gaping maw filled with teeth and two ever-moving mandibles.

The Farseer cautiously takes a bite of the roast and her face lights up. It must taste good. By the Emprah, you want some of that food…

You watch as she rips off chunk after chunk with her teeth. Not a very ladylike way to eat, but you would look like a barbarian in comparison at the moment.

Instantly and suddenly her eyes snap to you, as if she just knew you were there. With a startled cry she drops her meal and grabs her spear, bringing it to bear right at you.

Before you can shout out anything, the rocks in front of you explode away, knocking you backwards. The Farseer runs at you, clearly intent on running you through.

You manage to dodge just in time, but she’s coming around for another go.

It doesn’t seem she has any intention of talking with you.

[ ] Keep dodging, try to talk some sense into her

[ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her

[ ] Beat some sense into her, or see if you can anyways

Oh shit, we're screwed.

rolled 14 = 14

>Rincewind mode: engaged.
[ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her

>>17074370
nah, we went at Abbadon and made it out alive, just don't butcher your rolls

attack the stubby eldar

rolled 6 = 6

[ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her

rolled 17 = 17

[x] Beat some sense into her, or see if you can anyways

You draw your sword and turn to face her, swinging your weapon around in skillful arcs. She pauses at the sight, you must have dazzled her with your awesomeness.

“NOPE fuck this.” You yell as you swing the sword down like a golf club and slash up a blast of sand. It hits her in the eyes and she curses, at least you think so.

You break into a dead run, pumping furiously. Looking back, you see she is hot on her tail, despite clawing at her eyes.
Now you should be able to outrun someone shorter than you.

After all, being in the guard you are In pretty damn good shape.

Why then, is she gaining on you?

“Fucking sorcery!” You yell as a flying kick catches you in the back, knocking you face-first into the sand.

You knew you should have tried to fight, as you feel the tip of the spear press into your back. It’s all over now…

But a quiet rumble in the distance causes you both to pause and look up. Whatever it is, its getting closer, and fast.

Through the haze you manage to make out that it’s a lone figure on a motorcycle.

And his head is on fire.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17074492
... aw crap...

Wait… Is that fucking Doomrider?

You remember the myths and stories as a lad growing up. Doomrider, bane of man, devourer of cocaine.

This is probably not a safe place to be, what laying right in his path and all. Fuck it, you will take your chances with the Farseer.

You roll to your left, out from under the spear, and jump to your feet. You grab the Eldar’s hand and pull her.

“Run bitch RUN!!!” You shout as you break into a dead sprint, pushing yourself as hard as you can.

She doesn’t seem to understand why or to where she is running, but she is smart enough to not question you as she follows.

You are too busy looking back at the lord of drugs to notice you are running straight at a narrow chasm. You catch it out of the corner of your eye. It’s a split second decision but you don’t have much choice, going to have to jump for it.

1d20, do you make the leap /tg/?

rolled 16 = 16

>>17074564
Jump!
We have the power of love on our side.

rolled 6 = 6

>>17074564
May the dice gods have mercy on my soul

Inevitable, really

YES!

Somehow, miraculously, you clear the chasm. When you looked down mid-jump you notice Abbadon screaming up at you furiously, as a horde of his followers all text away furiously, still filling your inbox.

Good thing you made it.

“Hah, we did it!” You turn excitedly to the Farseer.

She looks back at you, a twinge of excitement and relief on her face. Strands of long red hair blow faintly in the wind, and you finally get a good look at her in the full outline of the blue sky.

…Just in time to see Doomrider pop a wheelie and clear the jump with ease.

“I’M GOING TO GRIND YOU UP AND SNORT YOUR BONES IMPERRIAAALLLLLL!!!” You hear him yell madly.

“God damn it, today is just not my day!” You start to run again.

The Farseer doesn’t hear you as she stops to turn around, raising her spear in defiance at the Harbinger of Heroin.

This girl is either stupid, crazy, or confident. Maybe all three, you can’t be sure. Either way, you’ve got a decision to make.

[ ] Turn and face Doombringer with the Farseer, you did show up Abbadon after all, how hard can this be?

[ ] Are you fucking stupid, leave her and run!

[ ] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

[X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

TODAY WE JOUST!

rolled 11 = 11

[x] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

Bitches love a bad boy biker, let's aim for the harem ending /tg/!

>>17074694
[X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

Come at me, bro!

DOO EEET

>>17074730
Maximus Decarus: Pimp of the Imperium.

>>17074694
[X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.


THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE RESPONSE TO THESE SHENANIGANS.

>>17074716
>>17074749
Even if you die this day MIGHTY KHORNE may well reward you for THIS!

“I am getting too old for this constant litany of BULLSHIT!” You howl furiously as you snatch the Farseer’s spear from her hand and dash over to the Warbike.

Surprisingly the bike starts with no effort whatsoever and in fact everything is incredibly easy about it, as if it wants you to ride.

Annoying; considering how much bullshit an Imperium vehicle puts you through, that this Ork monstrosity of engine, chrome, and flame decals give you no trouble.

You turn to face Doomrider, and rev your engine as high and as loud as you can. Doomrider turns his bike sideways and skids to a stop, a hundred yards away or so.

With little struggle he pulls a tree up out of the dirt and bites one end, gnawing and gnashing at it until it forms a nasty point.

Both of you sit there, revving your engines, eyeing each other.

“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!” He finally screams, beginning his charge.

You dump your own clutch and twist as hard as you can, the Ork bike clunking to action as it takes off.

The two of you grow ever closer, each spear pointed at the other. This could end up alright, or very, very badly. You want to close your eyes and have that Eldar girl hold you tight, maybe grab some afternoon delight.

But there isn’t time, you are seconds away from impact.

Better make it a good roll here.

rolled 19 = 19

Fear not, we have the might of /tg/ on our side.

rolled 11 = 11

[ ] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

YEEEHAAAAAW

>>17074822
Love you

rolled 19 = 19

>>17074807
Come on, dice!

>>17074822
>>17074830

Your spear slams itself directly into Doomrider’s chest, impaling him as it knocks him off of his bike, which crashes into some rocks and sails end over end.

His own spear hit the front of your bikes handlebars and shattered. Say what you will about the Orks, when they do make something, they make it sturdy.

You quickly slow to a stop as Doomrider falls to the ground, gasping and feeling at the spear now lodged in him. It looks fatal, but you know better by now. He seems currently disabled at least.

You approach him, laspistol drawn, as he groans and looks up at you. He reaches out to you with one hand as if begging.

“IF YOU MUST KILL ME, AT LEAST LET ME DIE WITH THE TASTE OF ACID IN MY MOUTH AND THE SMELL OF SWEET SNOW IN MY NOSE!”

Despite him being one of the more terrifying things you’ve ever encountered, this gives you pause.

[ ] Fuck that, laspistol to the head BLAM

[ ] Let him die in blissful inebriation

[ ] You don’t feel right about executing him

>>17074830
>>17074822
KHORNE DOES SMILE UPON US!

>>17074881
FUCK THAT SHIT, BLAM!

rolled 11 = 11

1-10 I'm choosing laspistol to the head.
10-20 I'm choosing let him die in bliss.

>>17074881
[X] Let him die in blissful inebriation

Soon as he gets some acid and snow, we turn his head inside out.

>>17074881
let him live in return for being our bro?

>>17074881
[X] Let him die in blissful inebriation


For a Slaaneshi whore, he was an honorable foe.

rolled 2 = 2

[ ] Let him die in blissful inebriation

He was a worthy opponent, let him snort a last line. The BLAM!

You would be a right bastard if you denied him his last request…

A bag on his bike contains… well… a plethora of drugs. If there was a market, nay, a superwalmart for drugs, it would be this guy’s satchel. You aren’t even sure of most of the shit you’re looking at.

You grab out what you think are some acid tabs and a bag out of six dozen or so of different white powders. There is no way to tell which one is blow, and you really doubt Doomrider cares much.

You lean down and hand him the drugs, which he eagerly consumes.

Now comes time for the dirty deed…

Roll a 1d6, if you roll a 1, Doomrider disappears as he so often does in play

rolled 1 = 1

Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.

rolled 2 = 2

>>17074984
Let's burn a hole in his head!

>>17074984
He's okay. If we let him get away, he'll owe us a favour. And Slaanesh will probably revive the fucker anyway.

>>17074991
Great...

>>17075016
Don't worry he owes us one.

I hope the farseer is impressed.

>>17075026
That's true.

And more importantly:
>>17075042

Wait, Doomrider is slowly fading out, growing more and more transparent by the second.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” He bellows with laughter as he stands up, the spear falling from his no longer physical chest.

“Son of a fucking bitch!” You fire your laspistol anyways, but the shot sails right through him and not in a good way.

“YOU FIGHT WELL AND HONORABLE FOR A MORTAL, I SHALL SINGS SONGS OF THIS DAY WHILE I INDULGE MYSELF!” He is almost entirely transparent now, his head is really the only thing you can still make out.

“IN YOUR HOUR OF PLIGHT YOU MAY DO WELL TO CALL ON ME, HUMAN, FOR I EAGARLY AWAIT OUR NEXT MEETING! UNTIL THEN, MAY YOUR LIFE BE FULL OF PLEASURE!” With this, he is entirely gone.

You remember now, part of the fables you were read as a boy. Doomrider is notorious for disappearing, entirely at random as it were…

This leaves you alone with the Farseer, who is approaching you, eyes fixed dead on your face.

Aww yeah, you impressed this bitch. You are a fucking pimp of the Imperium after all.

Her face is nearly at yours, though you would have to lean down to meet it, so you do.

>>17075081
inb4 slap and "YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU COULD HAVE KILLED DOOMRIDER!"

>>17075081
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
RIIIIIIIIIIDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

>>17075081
Steal a kiss.

>splemin take
I have to agree mr. captcha

>>17075081
Give her back her spear and thank the farseer for lending it to us.

And she decks you square in the jaw.

“You idiot mon-keigh! What in the name of Uthwe would I have done without my spear! Did you ever stop to think maybe a fucking FARSEER might be, oh, I don’t know, A FUCKING SPECIALIST AT FIGHTING CHAOS DAEMONS!!!” She mad.

“But… But I…” You stammer, surprised at the blow.
“No, you acted like a fool!” She shouts, crossing her arms and turning her back to you.

“…Still, for a guardsman you did fare quite well against such a foe…”

You rub your jaw, it wasn’t a hard blow, just caught you off guard is all.

Silence fills the air.

Until it is almost immediately disturbed by a tremendous growl from your gut.

“Ugh…” You groan, rubbing your stomach.

Suddenly a hand is thrust into your face, holding what looks like a small biscuit thing.

“Huh?” You ask, looking up at her.

The Farseer is looking away, refusing to meet your eyes. She is blushing furiously.

“I made this earlier, you can have it.”

“It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.

[ ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

[ ] Eldar tricks, it has to be Eldar tricks

>>17075141
>[ ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

"F...for the Emperor. It's not that I like your filthy xenos cookie, or anything.
St-stupid eldar witch."

>>17075141
[X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty

[x] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

She made her own bento, if we refuse we'll get the bad end.

>>17075141
[X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "You can't Exterminatus on an empty stomach!"

[x ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

"F...for the Emperor. It's not that I like your filthy xenos cookie, or anything.
St-stupid eldar witch."

>Tsundere, short, nice ass
My god.

>tsundere Farseer
I LOVE IT

eat the food

[ ] Eldar tricks, it has to be Eldar tricks

This much is obvious. Trickery is afoot. But...

[X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

rolled 19 = 19

>>“It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.
Are all the women of the 40K universe Tsundere?

>>17075188
Yeah. 40'k is actually a paradise.

rolled 3 = 3

We eat that biscuit like its the best goddamn thing we've ever had.

>>17075188
>No, you just haven't picked any of the other routes yet.

“All right then, I’ll try it…” You accept the food from her, not wanting to seem over-eager.

Your stomach gives you up when it groans furiously that you have dared take so long to sate it when you are staring fucking food in the face.

You take a small bite, and your tongue is alive…

With FLAVOUR.

A biscuit shouldn’t taste this good. Cannot possibly taste this good. But it isn’t just your stomach talking, the biscuit is fucking delicious.

“W… Well?” The Farseer asks, glancing back and forth at you.

You lick your fingers, having polished off the morsel already.
“It was really good, you can cook for me anytime.”

Her face lights up and she beams, eyes wide with delight.
“Really?”

Then she quickly catches herself and looks away again, giving you the cold shoulder.

“I didn’t make it for you or anything, quit acting so grateful you mon-keigh.”


aaannd I'll pick this up later, I have to go take my fucking macroecon exam which starts in 20 minutes.

rolled 6 = 6

>>17075258
Good luck.

Here I'll roll for you. May the light of /tg/ bless this roll and give you a pass.

>>17075271
I'm so sorry.

>>17075271
>6/20

Seems about right for me but thanks for the attempt.

Expect it to start again around 7ish

rolled 11 = 11

Once we're done with the Farseer we should tell Lycheria about jousting with Doom Rider and winning. Our extermination of Heresy should impress her even more.

>>17075338
When we tell the story...we should leave out the bit about a Farseer being present...

>>17075446
Agreeably.
But what if we try to make love bloom on the battle field first?

Did... did a Guardsman committing heresy defeat Doomrider with HERESY?

WHAT IS THIS.

>>17076606
Something amazing. Now hush and wait for OP to come back from them economics like everyone else.

>>17076606

>>17075809
>trying to seduce the tsun in the first day

oh you

>roll for seduction, any roll under a nat 20 results in castration

are you a bad enough dude /tg/?

>>17076746
No.
Let's move on with the story.

>>17076761
Agreed. We must play...the waiting game.

Or alternatively spike the food with some of Doomrider's goodie-bags next chance we get.

"Even if you didn't make it for me, I'm still glad you let me have it. Got any more?"

The Eldar girl shrugs.

"Not on me, no. But if I had the ingredients I could make more."

Your stomach growls again, reminding you that one little snack isn't going to do it. Fuck you stomach, you and dick both bossing around poor old brain, he never did anything to you jerks.

"Well if your THAT hungry we could maybe catch some fish to cook. From orbital data the oceans here are stock full of fish, and the water is close by." She tsks at you and turns away.

"If it even smells like anything you have cooked for me before, I'm all in."

So with that said, you two set off for the ocean.

"So did you bring a swimsuit?" You ask, trying to start up some conversation.

"Even if I did, why would I wear it for you, pervert?" She fumes.

"Whoa turn the hate off of eleven for a minute. I'm sweaty as Horus in a tracksuit, so I figured I would take a swim."

"Hmph, my undersuit would work fine, but I'm not ditching my armor so you can eye rape me."

Damn this girl is cold...

[ ] Muster all the speech and charisma you possess to convince her to take a swim with you.

[ ] Drop it, if you had enough points in either of said stats she would have agreed already.

[ ] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

>>17076932
>[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

We don't want to appear desperate, or anything. And if we don't pay attention to her, she'll probably rape us by the end of the day anyway.

So let's just lie back and enjoy the show.

>>17076932
[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

Man's gotta have his priorities yo'.

>[ ] Drop it, if you had enough points in either of said stats she would have agreed already.
Don't push to hard now, talking to a human with out calling them a mon'key is still a big step for them.

On a different note we should start looking for a way for us (with our bitches) to get off this asshole of a planet.

>[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.
Beaches and shores

rolled 14 = 14

>>17076984
forgot the dice

>>17076932
[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

Let's just get some fish and not fuck up our tenuous relationship with the only cook we have found on this planet.

Roll 1d20 for luck
>why?
Because

rolled 4 = 4

>>17077020
Fine.
Fer the empraugh

rolled 13 = 13

>>17077020
'Ere ya go.

rolled 9 = 9

Luck.
fishing.
We'll fish something big!

rolled 16 = 16

>>17077020
Saving throw after shitty rolls by those guys.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17077020
We will impress the tsundere with our fishing skills!

>inb4 we fish cthulhu with nat 20

rolled 3 = 3

>>17077020
rolling to maybe increase the mean

rolled 13 = 13

>>17077110
I'm rolling to counter-act that.

>>17077097
>>17077110

For fucks sake stop rolling unless you know that you are favored by the dice gods.

You feel your luck increase ever so slightly...

Huh.

You finally get to the beach, and it is a damn pretty one. White sands, blue water, cute girl still glaring at you. Ahh... Bliss.

You strip down to your standard issue guard skivvies and run excitedly down to the water. You busy yourself splashing and scrubbing, lost in the paradise of warm tropical water.

You lean back and stretch, taking it all in, when you hear a splash behind you.

"Don't get me wrong, I just decided I needed to cool off!"

By the Emprah

A white bikini?

quick break I need to drive home and posting from my phone is annoying

>>17077178
>A white bikini?
Eldar make bikinis? Dark eldar might.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17077178
YES!

But we still need food, though.

Also tit size for this Eldar?

Big med or small, sound off because I can't make up my mind

>>17077178
Don't question it just accept it as wonderful.

>>17077225
Med

>>17077225
Medium, appropriate for her frame and build.

Medium is best.

>>17077225
We need a drawfag in this thread STAT.

>>17077225
Med, I think that would fit her description so far.
I hope the DE will be DFC, though.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17077225
1-5=big
6-10=med
11-15=small
16-20=extra heretical

>>17077272
We do already have a girl in that size class. More variety.

>>17077290
But Ms. Extra Heretical is the least Heretical of all the options we've had thus far.

Dem Slaaneshi Daemonettes better be Extra Heretical with a side of Heresy.

Not a shoulderless skintight almost sheer one-piece?
. . . Why do I have a specific image for Eldar swimsuit?

Also, what girls would there be among the Necrons and the Orks? Real thankful we don't have the option to check the Space Marines, though a Space Wolf might be a bro.

Also, ogle, drool, fish.

>>17077317
Bitch please. Find one of the Celestial Lions to be a bro.

Huh, looking at the list, I think Extra Heretical is DFC.

PS: Next turn, Tau. We need that wingman.

>>17077317
>what girls would there be among the Necrons
Lolicron.

>Orks
Maybe save a guardswoman? Female vindicare? A callidus?

ork and necron girls both confirmed

salamander as black friend mayhaps?

I think med won? starting my drive now

>>17077397
>Callidus
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO.

>>17077422
>I think med won
I guess. Somewhere between titty Taldeer and flatseer Macha.

rolled 14 = 14

Checking how lucky I- I mean, how lucky Max is.
Both for fishing and snagging Eldar.

Points for aquatic Tyranid.

>>17077422
>>Orc Women.
>>Orcs are Fungus.
>> What are you smoking.

>>Salamander Bro
>>Not Celestial Lion as bro
>>This isn't tg.

>>17077450
>guardsman running around trying to put the dickings to xeno babes
>caring about minor details

I figured /tg/ would like the thread about battling the warboss in a rockoff to win the affections of his daughter da Ork princess but I can always forget about that thread...

>stuck at a red

>>17077492
>guardsman
Aren't we an inquisitor? We were one at the start of the last thread.

>>17077507
No, it starts out like that, then says "You are Max Decanus, lowly guardsmen of the imperium..."

>>17077507

That was a fantasy.

We did loot one's corpse for the outfit though. And really, isn't it the hat that makes the man?

>>17077422
> Salamander
Big and scary yet kind literally black giant as a bro?
Yessssssssss!
Bonus if he is willing to artifice some gears for us.
Don't know what an ex-IG can do for his Space Marine bro, though?

You know, if a Farseer is this uh, cuddly, in a tsun way, to Max of all people, what does that imply to Max's future? He'd save Craftworlds by the dozen? Or does she see that if Max is rebuffed, there would be hate of forty thousand dying suns against Eldars at large?

>>17077536

Damn straight it is.

OP, hurry up with the next post, before more people begin to complain. We're trying to catch fish, not trolls.

>>17077540
Or that since we're a PC we have that whole timey-wimey effect for our future. Great, uncertain things will be in store for us if we ever survive.

Because y'know, dice-gods and nat20s tend to have that effect on quest threads.

>dat feel when OP has abandoned us

>>17077755
He's probably still driving home.

>>17077755
dat feel when OP is DRIVING HOME.

rolled 7 = 7

Very specific feel, dat driving.

>>17077755
>that feel when its a 30 minute drive but I'm hauling ass in my 1996 dakota while blaring highway to the danger zone

I did my best damnit

Hot giggidy son, those are some psychic xeno tits.

They aren’t big, but they aren’t small, maybe somewhere around a c-cup? You can’t exactly think straight right now. What with the white clashing awesomely with her flowing red hair and vibrant, and fiercely intelligent turquoise eyes.

“Yo, stupid mon-keigh, quit titfucking me with your eyes and get to fishing already.” She says flatly as she cracks you over the head with a rod.

Where the hell did she even get that from? Eldar trickery. But imagining titfucking those glorious xeno-baits, yeah you could do it, you WANT to do it. She thwaps you with the rod again.

Despite your best effort to actually concentrate on fishing, sitting on the beach alongside her, you just can’t. You have a slight bit of Eldar ass cleavage drawing your eyes away from the rod, the sight is mesmerizing. You could lose yourself in it.

There is a sudden tug on your line.

Roll 1d20 for fishing

bump

rolled 20 = 20

>>17077810
I'm not sure if I want to or really don't want to catch Cthulhu.

>>17077828
Your opinion is invalid. We caught Cthulhu.

>>17077828
>rolling a nat20 for a fishing roll

>>17077828
Well, we caught Cthulhu now it seems. That, or a hilarious misfire teleport.

>>17077847
Appropriate for this kind of character, isn't it?

>>17077847
WE ARE THE BEST FISHERMAN.

>>17077828
I wonder how horrible non-euclidean monstrosity tastes.

Like a cross between Salmon and Squid, maybe?

>Nat 1 on seduction
>Nat 20 on fishin
Oh lord /tg/.

There is a tremendous tug as line starts screaming out of the bail, despite having the drag notched up a bit because you are a fishing noob. The rod is bent double, and you have your feet buried in the sand in an attempt to remain on the beach.

A tremendous explosion erupts from the surface some two hundred yards out. Water soars a thousand feet into the sky from the sheer force of the breach.

Only it isn’t an explosion.

And it isn’t a fish.

Ra’alman, the epic sea beast of Yagis V lore, is hooked on your rubber worm bait.

More serpent than anything else, it’s glowing vorpal red eyes and razor sharp ten foot long teeth are the most terrifying things you’ve ever witnessed. Men have been lost to madness for seeing this creature.

Only a new world, universe, of terror is awakened from its dark slumber as the creature throws it’s head in a blood-draining, suicide-inducing scream.

You grip the rod as tight as you can as you struggle with all your might against the beast.

Do you cut the line and remain on the relative safety of the beach?

Or do you show this Farseer what a real fisherman can do?

>>17077933
WE ARE TRUE FISHERMEN!

rolled 9 = 9

>>17077933
WE FISH. FOR THE EMPRAH!

>>17077933
Fuck it, WE ARE GOING TO SHOW HER THE STRENGTH OF A REAL FISHERMAN. I brought this beast into this game and I say we land the fucker.

>>17077933
Honour and glory!
Victory at the sea!

>>17077933
We are the harvester of the sea! I want to be a fisherman!

>>17077933
>show this Farseer what a real fisherman can do?
Rev our chainsword; it's time for some sashimi.

Real fisherman like a man, you are wearing me for a reason!

Also, welcome back Papa-N.

>>17077933
We've curbstomped Abaddon and out-jousted Doom Rider. Let's put some seafood on the menu lads!

rolled 2 = 2

>>17077955
Whoops, that was a d10. Re-rolling.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17077958
Well, that was a fuck up. Rerolling.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17077933
SHOW HER WHAT A HERETIC SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED FAKE COMMISSAR CAN DO TO WIN THE CAPRICIOUS AFFECTIONS OF A SPACE WITCH

rolled 8 = 8

>>17077961
We needed to roll?

>>17077965
>>17077968
>>17077976

Oh god I'm laughing so hard right now.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17077981
I hope not, we are rolling fucking bricks when it counts tonight.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17077957
Rollan'

rolled 16 = 16

>>17077981
Bah, we laugh at the dice-gods. FOR WE ARE THE FISHERMEN!
Though still rolling, just to make them feel like we need them.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17078005
Dice gods remain enigmatic as ever I see.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17077933
Rolling for great justice!

“I AM POSIDEON, MASTER OF THE SEAS, AND I SHALL CLAIM YOU AS MY MEAL!”

A sharp tug of the line and you are thrown forward into the seas, which have grown rough and dark, black ominous clouds now looming overhead.

With incredible speed you are dragged down, down, down, into the inky black.

Slowly the dragging stops, and you are left alone in the pitch darkness. You can’t see your own hand in front of your face, or even tell which way the surface is.

You look down and notice two burning, hateful red eyes staring back at you from the nothingness below.

With a quick movement you draw out the small bait knife the Eldar girl gave you along with the rod.

“Time to dance, fishfag.”

But it just comes out as a bunch of bubbles.

With astounding speed the beast rushes for you, and you can feel the sucking motion through the water as the giant opens its god-devouring maw.

You draw your arm back, preparing to strike.


You better pray to every god you know that you can roll a good one here.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17078045
Eh, worth a shot, hope I don't fuck us.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17078045
Unleash your inner Mega shark

rolled 3 = 3

>>17078045
For the heretical xeno ass.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17078045
Right.
Maybe we were a bit hasty.

rolled 13 = 13

>>17078062
>>17078064
>>17078065
>>17078068
FUCK

rolled 10 = 10

>>17078045
Well fuck considering all the other rolls

rolled 8 = 8

>>17078062
>>17078064
>>17078065
>>17078068
Why?

rolled 1 = 1

>>17078045

rolled 17 = 17

>>17078062
>>17078064
>>17078065
>>17078068
Apparently the dice gods hate us. AHAHAHAHAH!

>>17078068
>>17078065
>>17078064
>>17078062

Oh boy, you guys really don't want to leave this xeno ocean alive, do you?

rolled 6 = 6

>>17078068
>>17078065
>>17078064
>>17078062
What the fuck, tg dice. What. The. Fuck.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17078080
>>17078068
>>17078065
>>17078064
>>17078062

Why?.jpg

>>17078068
. . .

>>17078062
>>17078064
>>17078065
>>17078068
Well, turns out we are NOT Poseidon.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17078068
>>17078065
>>17078064
>>17078062
Bah!
FISHERMAN! SHOW THOSE DICE-GODS HOW THINGS ARE DONE!

rolled 3 = 3

rolling for salvation

rolled 12 = 12

>>17078045
At this point my only hope is that we average a decent roll so we don't die.

rolled 18 = 18

If it's above a 5 the dice gods don't hate us.

rolled 20 = 20

May the dice-gods counter-bless us.

rolled 19 = 19

>>17078045
COME ON

>>17078080
>>17078068
>>17078065
>>17078064
>>17078062
>>17078109
FUCK!

rolled 2 = 2

>>17078062
>>17078064
>>17078065
>>17078068
Good run, everybody.

>>17078129
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEAH

rolled 11 = 11

>>17078121
>>17078129
>>17078130
vs.>>17078080
>>17078068
>>17078109

>>17078121
>>17078129
>>17078130
SUCK IT!

rolled 17 = 17

>>17078121
We have take the fortune to our own hands! No begging the dice-gods for mercy, we dine tonight in hell and we enjoy it!

10/10 TG dice roller, 10/10. Would definitely go again.

>>17078151
VICTORY IS OURS

rolled 2 = 2

Fuck this fish and the dicegods he rode in on.

Why Dice Gods,

Why.

rolled 18 = 18

laughing so hard cant stop

rolled 16 = 16

/tg/ dice are just like old times again.

rolled 8 = 8

If this is a one, we willingly jump into the fishes mouth as an acceptance of our horrible luck.

rolled 19 = 19

PLEASE TELL ME WE STILL HAVE THAT PLUS ONE FROM GETTING ALMOST JIGGY WIT DAT FINE SISTA

rolled 10 = 10

>>17078167
Fuck? WE SLICE AND CUT!
"Oi, that ain't no knife, it's a spoon"- fishfag
"Oi, too bad. I'm gonna cut ya with it." - REAL FISHERMAN

>mfw Papa-N is taking his sweet time writing an epic death for Max.

Fuck this, can't let a bro like Max die.

roll+1d20

rolled 5 = 5

>>17078204
"I'm gonna cut ya with it and I don't think ya gonna like it."

rolled 15 = 15

>>17078232
AND DICE-GODS ARE NEXT IF THEY DON'T SHAPE UP!
Still rollan, though.

A blinding light illuminates the seas around you, emanating from an anglerfish-like protrusion from the beast’s head.
In the sudden blue light you can see now what you are really up against.

Those teeth are jagged and barbed, ending in points sharper than the most finely honed templar blade. Each again, several feet longer than you are.

And there are thousands of them, set in rows, going as deep into the monster’s horrific bowels.

The legends call this the horror-fish. It has been known to devour ships out of the sky.

And if the legends hold true, this beast also is responsible for consuming alive every god that once existed on this fowl planet.

But those are just legends.

Right?

You try to swim upwards as fast as you can, the jaws only yards away now. Your lungs are burning for air, which you are nowhere near.

Ra’alman misses you by a hair, his terrible bony body scraping against your foot, sending a jolt of pain through your whole body.

With no time to think you do the only thing you can come up with, and drive your pitiful knife as hard as you can into the beast’s back. It sinks in.

With all of the creature’s speed you are thrown forward along with it, as the god-eater barrels toward the surface.
It screams again, it’s agonizing song even more soul-devastating underwater.

You lose all hope as your lungs finally give out and you suck in seawater…

>>17077492
Only if it was an ork WarBossLady (Dungeons the Dragoning fluff that once in forty thousand blue moons, a female ork might pop up of an ork pod and she is purdy by most races standards, just that she would more inclined to kommando than other styles) and she is ded killy and she looks like pic related.
PS: Duplicate file detected? After all that Captcha hassle? Well, if you remember the orc thread yesterday, the OP's black sclera yellow iris orc gal.

>>17077450
I am sorry to say that I had to Google Celestial Lion, and afterwards I am still not quite seeing where the Bro-value of the chapter. Care to enlighten me?

Also, damn. We dead yet?

rolled 12 = 12

>>17078218
NOT TODAY

>>17078257
Aw snap!

>“It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.


and that's where I lost it.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17078257
Rolling for the Emprah's blessing to face this beast.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17078257
WE'RE GONNA LIVE GUYS, WE'RE GONNA LIVE!

rolled 10 = 10

>>17078257
Blue balls saving throw?

Shit we haven't even gotten any real action yet.

>>17078298
DON"T ROLL ANY MORE.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17078257
NOOOOOO.

>>17078298
I would post my face when. But you already have.

>>17078302
AGREED, NO MORE ROLLING
>>17078312
HUSH YOU FUCKER. DON'T RUIN THIS

Until with the force of a thousand suns, the monster breaches the surface yet again. You are soaring upwards, dozens, hundreds, thousands of feet above the seas below.

“Oh FUUUUUUU….” You manage to yell between coughs of belching up salt water, as the peak of the climb is reached, and the fall begins.

You plummet, ever and ever faster toward the now frigid waters below, which chop and crash as though they too wish to feast on your pitiful human flesh.

At the last second before impact, you ditch the knife and jump for it, crashing down into the water.

You are a pretty good swimmer, but you are a hundred meters from the shore, where the Farseer girl is screaming, you think.

Looking back, you see the hungry jaws of Ra’alman closing fast, dead set on having you for a snack.

“NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!!” You freestyle as hard and as fast as you can, screaming litanies of protection and struggling against the weak confines of your own frail and now beaten body.

You are so close now…

By the Emprah and those white bikini xeno titties, you are not dying here today. Your strength doubles and you make the final push to the land, running up the beach as fast as you can.

Ra’alman’s momentum carries him up the sand after you, but friction gets the better of him and he is slowed to a halt.
You are mere inches away from his putrid hole, which gnashes and bites at you, now just barely out of reach.

With a frustrated scream, the beast starts to retreat.
But not before coughing and hitting you in the face with a 5lb fish that is still flopping away madly.

“Catch anything?” The Farseer asks coyly.

>>17077896
also I am still cackling like a mad scientist over the irony

>>17078368
Get away like a boss, get a 5lb fish, worth it!

"That went just as planned"

rolled 17 = 17

>>17078302

'Borrow' her spear again and show the horrorfish the true meaning of pain.

>>17078368
Hold the 5lb fish aloft above our head in both hands in a victory pose facing the sea.

Yell out to the retreating form of the horror-fish:
"You're not safe from me, fish-faggot! You'll never be safe from me!"

rolled 10 = 10

>>17078368

nothing i couldn't handle xeno.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17078368
...Catch only what you eat?

WE ARE THE REAL FISHERMEN!

>>17078414
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jPSAir9m8M&feature=related

>>17078368
For your information I had him on the ropes xenotits, I also stole a fish from him and instilled proper fear in the fucker.

>>17078431
>>17078435
Do it!

rolled 5 = 5

>>17078412
Fuck that, go big or go home. We took that fucker on in his turf, let's see how his bony fish ass does on dry land.

ROUND 2 BITCH

>>17078441
And then she wonders why is there a fish floating above your hands.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17078431
Dice gods love fishermen today I guess.

>>17078444
see
>>17078431

As we stand on top of the watery hierarchy, we must take care of it. Killing the fishfag would cause too much harm to this worlds ungodly horror ecosystem.
We are real fishermen, we catch only what we eat.

And the fishfag had just napped the best fish.

"Give me that spear, xeno wentch!" You roar furiously, snatching it out of her hand.

"It's on like orky-kong you over sized worm!"

You run full tilt toward Ra'alman, who again opens his mouth.

You are mere feet away when the beast lurches forward unexpectedly, closing its gigantic maw down on you.

The teeth shred you to ribbons instantly.

>>17078496
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK x>9001

>>17078496
Another troll post? Love you, Papa-N.

>>17078496
Welp.

>>17078496
I thought that fucking with it again was a less than clever plan.

Why god

rolled 11 = 11

>>17078496

Oh


ok

rolled 7 = 7

>>17078496
We're dead? Great!

Now, let's lay a trap for the Grim Reaper before he shows up to claim our soul. His (or her) powers shall be ours!

“Fuck you and every spindly space elf that looks like you.” You splutter as you cough up yet more seawater.

“No really, that big speech and all? I didn’t realize it was directed at this anusfish.” She laughs, shaking the flailing fish in your face, taunting you.

“Yeah well you… Wait did you just call it an anusfish?”
Her grin is ear to ear, leading you on.

“Why yes Commissar, I did.”

“And why, exactly?”

“Because they taste like ass, according to all planetary data logs.” She can barely contain her laughter at this point.
You stand up and brush off as much sand as you can, trying to regain some air of dignity.

“I’ll have you know, Eldar, that there are some asses I ENJOY the taste of, and if you don’t believe me, bend over and allow me to demonstrate.”

She pulls back a bit, losing the smile.

“I’ll pass on that today, thanks. Though I will cook your anusfish if you so desire, I myself caught this.”

She holds up a three foot long flatfish, it looks like some kind of bottomfeeder.

“Supposed to be the best delicacy of the sea on the whole of Yagis V.” She brags.

[ ] Fuck you I eat my own fish

[ ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

>>17078567
NO! NO! NO! You don't roll again. EVER!!! With luck like yours the grim reaper might turn us into a little girl and send us to a Slaneshi pleasure cult.

>>17078573
[X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

INDULGE THE TSUN

>>17078573
[x] Fuck you I eat my own fish

Fight Tsun, with Tsun.

>mfw I'm the only one that figured out that Papa-N was tollan.

>>17078573
[X ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

Very well, we shall allow the Tsundere to make us dinner while saying it's not like I particularly wanted to, it shall be glorious.

>>17078573
We just fought an eldritch monstrosity, we deserve some good food. Eat her fish.

rolled 14 = 14

>>17078573
FISHERMEN EAT THEIR OWN FISH AND LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT, XENOTITS!
[X] Fuck you I eat my own fish

+inserts coin+

+continue? Y+

Shiver in not-memory of death?

rolled 8 = 8

Eat own fish

>>17078596
>>17078567

[X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

No guardsman lets pride get between him and a decent meal.

[ ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

The anusfish anyway

[X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

It's not like I want you to cook for me or anything, s-s-stupid xeno witch.

>>17078649
I have a bad felling I might have fucked us all over.

"I... I'm shrinking?!" You stutter as your body slowly loses mass.

And even more terrifying, your "heavy bolter" starts to shrink as well.

"What the fuck is going on?!" You shout, but your voice has grown meek, quieter...

...Girlish...

Your world goes dark for a moment, but then recovers.

Only you're not on a beach anymore.

You are bent over, chained across a bed.

Your new vagina completely exposed...

I hear with the heard.

pass the ass

rolled 8 = 8

>>17078692
Rolling to curse this anon's family.

>>17078699
BUT WHY

>ladysis syndrome.
INDEED CAPTCHA

>>17078699
lolwut?

>>17078699
Hoping for a troll post. God knows what is going on.

>>17078716
I'm with you there.

>>17078699

"With your cooking skill, can't you, you know, make a heavenly delicacy out of the two?"

Eat her fish, but never pass on an ass! NEVER!

>>17078716
>>17078728
Talkin' to yerself there boy?

rolled 11 = 11

>>17078699
...
>>17078707
Contributing

>>17078699
You should have saved that for when we went to investigate the demonettes.

Pass on the ass...for today!

>>17078741
Whatever do you mean?

>>17078755
Not the slightest idea

No clue what's going on with the Commissarial Things. Oh well.

>>17078707
With the rolls we have been having today I think they will be fine.

>>17078764
Aw blast, Hat got a trip. Joke's over for now lads.

"HUEHUEHUEHUEHEUEHEHEHEHEHEUHEUHEHEUHE BR BR BR BR BR BR!!!!!"

Oh god, that is worse than a thousand of Ra'alman's screams.

The noise marine walks up to your face...

...and flops out his gnarled, purple, studded manhood...

>>17078791
Would've continued the joke, but not for this 'amazing' development.

>>17078804
... Good god.

moar

>>17078804

>>17078804
You stop that Papa-N, you stop that right now.
This thread has been making my day, don't ruin it with sudden shifts in reality.

>>17078804
Oh Gods NOOOOOO

“Yeah well, I usually enjoy ass for dessert, not the main course…” You give in as you toss your fish back into the water.

You turn back to her slowly.

“Although you could still make me some dessert later, perhaps?”

Another dive knife goes sailing past your left ear, clipping it ever so slightly, just enough to draw a drop of blood.

“Don’t even think about it worm. The next time you do, I won’t miss.”

Dayum shame, you would eat that ass. You would eat it and be damn proud of the fact.

“Hmph, well since you admit I caught the better fish, I’ll treat you to a good meal.”

She stops suddenly.

“But just for tonight, mon-keigh. Don’t expect me to grace you with my divine presence like this again.”

You don’t say anything as you lay back on the warm sand and watch her work her magic.

That is, until she kicks sand in your face and smacks you with her fishing rod until you get up to go gather fire wood so she can cook.

After collecting everything you can that she needs, you again lay back down to take in the view.

And by the view, you mean that bent over ass shot, as she tends to the fish now filling the nearby area with its unfathomable sweet aroma.

It has been a loooooonggg time since you’ve had anything that could constitute a home cooked meal. The barracks serves high-nutrient slop, and the carry rations are bland and fairly tasteless. You are going to enjoy this, no matter how damaged your pride may be.

>>17078804
Well at least he not turning Max into a Daemonculaba.

>>17078860
Sh......

>>17078835
Damaged price is worth ass ogling and delicious fish. Just roll with the punches and keep chill and we'll seduce Farseer xenotits, on that note I'm pretty sure we haven't introduced ourselves to her and she hasn't given us her name either, so while she's cooking and we're ogling we ought to introduce ourselves.

>>17078860

Stop right there.

NOOOO! Big E protects my chas- My newly made virginity! Havven't even tried the heavy bolter yet!! And that time with Sarge didn't count! It's the Amasec I tell you!

Getting back to the program, ask her name? Praise her mad cooking skillz, is it her Path before she went Farseeing? Explain the hips, I guess.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17078907
Clearly her name is Amanda. Thus why we must ogle her so.

>>17078938
I'm fine with an Amanda

Her butt shakes around as she darts this way and that, adding spices and making adjustments with some kind of knowledge likely garnered through thousands of years of perfection and study.

“I can literally FEEL your eyes on my ass, stop that if you want any food!” She snaps at you.

Bah, it’s not like you want dat ass, or anything… baka…

Getting up to stretch out your legs, you really wish you had a beer, it has been months since you’ve even beheld the beauty that is a cold bottle of “Librarian’s Imperial Pale Ale.”

The thought of a beer even fades quickly when you inhale, you can almost taste that roasting fish, your stomach is locked in a civil war on itself.

In addition to the fish; the Farseer also gathered up some assorted roots, which, though glowing a disheartening orange, she assured you were edible.

“Hey, I never did get your name…” You inquire, looking back at the still bent-over Eldar.

“Hah, as if you are deserving enough to be blessed by its utterance.” She retorts.

“I’m Max, Max Decarus.” You reply, ignoring her stinging comments.

“I’m Eshwe Ulthran. My friends call me Esh.”

Her face goes red.

“N-Not that you can call me that, mon-keigh!”

You grin.

[ ] “Alright Eshwe.”

[ ] “Whatever you say Esh.”

rolled 17 = 17

>>17078975

[ ] “Whatever you say Esh.”

>>17078975
[X] “Alright Eshwe.”

>>17078975
[X] “Whatever you say Esh.”

>>17078975
>[X] Whatever you say esh
DO EET!

rolled 11 = 11

>>17078984
vote for this.
Esh needs a friend.

>>17078984
Whatever you say Esh.

Can I call you Eshsy?

>>17078975
>[X] “Alright Eshwe.”

Otherwise we might miss out on the fish.

>>17078975
[X] “Alright Eshwe.”

>>17078984
>>17078996
>>17078997
It's like you fine gents have never played a dating game before. The TsunTsun must be lured out delicately, gentlemen.

[X] “Alright Eshwe.”

vote Esh

rolled 15 = 15

[x] “Alright Eshwe.”

Be Imperial Gentleman #1?

>>17078975
Alright, Eshwe

JESUS TAPDANCING FUCK WE ARE AUTOSAGE

ONE OF YOU FUCKERS GET ON ARCHIVING THIS SHIT.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17079006
I like this one

>>17079032
done

>>17078975
"Not that I would ever deem you worthy of a name. Those are for people, not filthy xenos witches. S-stupid Eshwe."

>>17079005
Swapping over to Alright Eshwe.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17079017
Pft, you gotta go casual if you want the tsundere. You gotta goad that der-dere out with honeyed words and tolerance.

rolling
>>17079006

>>17079032
already is

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17073735/

first thread is on that archive as well.

Going to have to wrap this thread up, and its a dead tie for this choice

rolled 18 = 18

forgot the one
>>17079006

>>17079067
Alrigth Eshwe

>>17079067
I'm going with Eshwe here.

Hmmm. OP is likely about to start off the next thread in lieu of our autosage.

>>17079048
Maybe if you've already gotten close to the target, but we've only known our pre...friend for less than a day.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17079048
>>17079073
So Eshsy it is.

Fish first, Esh later.
"Alright, Esh...we."

Praise her effusively on the food? Slip in an Esh or two while she beams at the praises?

>>17079067
Can you link us to part 1? I can't find it on the archive

Also, I vote for calling her Eshwe

“Alright Eshwe.”

“You ingrate, I told you only my friends… Wait did you just use my actual name?” She asks, fishing rod poised to strike
.
“Well yeah, I mean, it isn’t like we are friends are we?” You can barely contain your trollface.

She looks like she’s pouting a bit though trying her best to conceal it.

“Anyways, Eshwe, I’m going to find us someplace to crash, why don’t you rest by the fire and call me when the food is ready?”

You turn around and begin to stroll off.

Her hand snatches out and grabs your wrist, stopping you mid-step.

You turn around slowly.

She isn’t looking at you, her eyes are lowered and you can’t see them under her hair. Her cheeks are burning red.

“…You… You can call me Esh… Idiot mon-keigh…”

Alright /tg/ents, autosage is go so this thread sadly must draw to a close. I don’t think I’ll have time tomorrow but I’ll throw up a thread if I do. Saturday at 4pm-ish eastern time is more or less a solid happening though, so be there.

>>17079188
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/
Part 1.

>>17079188

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/


I'll lurk until the thread autosages to death for whatever. Story is done for tonight though. Need to do some brainstorming for some of the arcs I'm not as well prepared for.

Wasn't entirely ready for the Eldar one to be honest, but I write everything except the pre-first-choice on the fly anyways and I'm satisfied with this one.

>>17079191
Thanks for the great drama with the troll posts, love it anyways. I'll be looking forward to the saturday thread.

You sir are awe-motherfucking-some, here's some extra heresy.

>>17079258
>troll posts

"BRBRBRBRBRBRBR!!!!!!!" The noise marine's insane ramblings grow ever faster and louder as he presses the tip of his daemon to your virgin lips.

Another chaos marine, this one sprouting with wriggling green tentacles, moves behind you, ready to taint your purity seal...

>>17079371

I wouldn't say they are really troll posts, more as that this is meant to be a Choose Your Own Adventure Books. They often have dead ends, but death is meaningless because you can try again in a different route. That doesn't mean we should take a stupid route though...

>>17079422
>death is meaningless
>try again

I've been taking it too easy on you guys I see......

HUE HUE

HUE HUE HUE HUE

HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEH
UEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHU
EHUE

>>17079444

>>17079422
Oh God dammit anon.

>>17079444

"Oh thank the Empruh, help me Lycheria!" Seeing her raises your hopes, she can surely get you out of here.

All hopes are dashed as she unzips her corset...

...And a massive emperor's champion falls out, dangling inches from your ass...

>>17079770

>>17079770

>>17079770
Oh my

"Noo, you can't put it in there, that spot is EXTRA HERESY!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Will Maxima be brutally anal raped by a futa sister of battle and her brazillian noise marine cronies?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BALL ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>17080067

Its like some sort of bizaro after credits special.

Not sure how I feel.

>>17079371
>>17079770
>>17080067
... Kinda want.

About ork girl, we ain't talking about an ork with chest squigs, right? Right? 'Cause... I am also not sure if DO NOT want.

>>17080290
Literal chest-squigs, hmm, I honestly hadn't thought about it

DEM TITS BE PLENTY FIGHTY BOSS

>no she isn't a titty monster but she isnt dfc either

>>17080307
Think more Ghazghkull Thraka with tits
and a penis

Or maybe she's actually a relatively normal girl who is /fit/ and fun to be around.

Guess you'll just have to pick da orks and find out eh?

If I wasn't so set on acquiring some blueberry auxiliary, maybe.

"Wotcher got, ya grotling?"
"Yessa, warboss. Wessa got many squigs! Many, many, many ta choose from. Dese! Dese be da latest muscle squigs, warboss! Oor best squigherders groomed 'em da bestest! Two days, warboss! Instant muscles! See Zoggo dere?"
"Dat!? Dat orky hunka iz Zoggo, da runt?!"
"Yarr, warboss. A'ssa gott tessted fer dem mussle squiggies. "
"See, warboss! Wessa don't sell fakies!"
"Ya got dat rite. Sell fakes ta me an' Oi'd krump ya good. An'... Wot r' dose uns?"
"Dose ones, um, warboss? Dose, ah, well, experimentz. We gotta kuple offa dem humies' vidyas, an', well, ya know dat there are humies wit squigs on der chests? Well. In dese aktion vidyas, da bigga da squigs, da betta dem combat skillz!"
"Ya dun' sey..."
"Well, wessa still be experimenting wit' dem chest squigs, warboss, an-"
"Oi'll take dem."
". . . Really, warboss?"
"Ya."

>>17081033

>>17081213
And you know that ork tek and magik work because they believe it works?

"Gadzooks!"
"By Mork!"
"By Gork!"
"Ooh. Dat gotta hurt."
"Eva since warboss got dem chest squiggies, he ain't da same..."
"Yeah! Warboss more brutal! 'N kunnin'! At da same time!"
"But... Wozz his chompas dat small before?"
"His voice got higher too."
"An' all dat hair squigs..."
"Issa all red! Red is good! Red goes fasta! Even his nails are red! His choppa is ten times three times fasta! And his, his... Uh, can't call those spindly things proppa stompas..."
". . ."
"Ya know, mebbe Oi otta get some noice pair of chest squigs meself."
"Oooh, I know da best squigherd! Warboss bought his pair from 'im! An' den we could go shop for, uh, spindly stompas..."
". . ."
". . ."
"Wot?"
"We be stoppin' by da squidherd dat sold dose choclait creamy squigs, roite?"
"Ugh! Plez! Oi ain't payin' fer ya!"
"Yeah! Ya din't share! Ya gobble all dem nice squigs yaself!"
"Oi got some red paint fer yer nails."
". . . Okay."

> MY MIND
> FULL OF FUCK