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  • File : 1322764459.png-(52 KB, 192x192, what is it its heresy.png)
    52 KB Warhammer 40k: Heretical Love Part II (aka Extra Heresy) Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)13:34 No.17073735  
    Commissars Log. Planet: Yagis V. Date: Unknown

    The Sister Candice has proven to be a powerful foe indeed. It is likely her cockblocking skills are the most feared in the entire sector, and perhaps beyond.

    The Soritas and I explored the manafactorium I so skillfully landed that wretched craft on. Inside can only be described as Glorious.

    An Imperial thong production plant, until this point I had only heard whispers and rumors of their existence, or read tidbits of information in tomes millennia old.

    The Sisters took the chance to change into some new undergarments, fresh off the line. Unfortunately I was apprehended in my Emperor-sanctioned quest to peek, and nearly lost my life to the hail of bolter and flamer fire that followed. Still, I did manage to catch a brief glimpse of perfection. Dat ass.

    Worse yet than being caught perhaps, Abbadon somehow obtained my personal communicator frequency. He has been spamming my textual box with death threats and pictures of… Terrible, terrible things of the most damaging kind. He is kind of a dick.

    My devoted follower Lycheria beckons for me. Commissar out.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)13:34 No.17073742
    “Hey Max, we are going to head to our personal ship. The Sisters were debating on whether or not to bring you along, and decided not to after your little… Ah… Stunt.”
    Lycheria looks disappointed, though not at you.
    “So that’s it, then?” You ask, not thrilled about being left behind. Nor about being separated from the crazy but cute bolter bitch.
    “For now, but I know the Emperor will bring us back together again. Here, have my personal channel, you can call or message me any time.”
    She slips a piece of paper into your pocket before looking around slyly. Seeing no one watching, she plants another kiss before turning to follower her Sisters.
    You watch sadly as she walks away, until she turns back one last time to shout at you with a smile.
    “If you don’t call me, I’ll BURN YOU ALIVE!”
    Well, time to figure out what to do.
    [ ] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

    [ ] Scout the Warp disturbance nearby. The Daemonettes are both sexy and terrifying.

    [ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

    [ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

    [ ] Track down that group of Eldar you saw earlier, you think you spotted the shortest Farseer you’ve ever seen.

    [ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

    [ ] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
    exactly sure you want to know more.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)13:37 No.17073759
    >fucking up on spacing

    god damn it
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)13:43 No.17073819
    Dark Eldar, same as my vote last night.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)13:44 No.17073823

    Well dats a shame, but at least we got her number.

    Half vote for tiny Eldar farseer and half vote for whatever the Necrons have going for them.
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 12/01/11(Thu)13:44 No.17073825
         File1322765061.jpg-(20 KB, 475x227, Heresy Special Dark.jpg)
    20 KB
    Ahh good this is back! (Right after I rolled during the last thread, I ended up very suddenly busy and by the time I got back the quest was over...)

    My vote is for the Tau.
    [X] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)13:48 No.17073856
    Looks like I picked a slow afternoon...

    Highest roll 1d20 gets their vote I guess
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)13:50 No.17073871
    rolled 14 = 14


    I don't know how that will work with half votes, but fuck it, let's find out.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)13:58 No.17073927
    Almost forgot, if you missed last night's thread here it is


    meant to put this in the first post
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 12/01/11(Thu)14:00 No.17073947
    rolled 10 = 10

    Eh. Might as well roll. Think I'll shift my vote to Eldar though.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:03 No.17073986
    [x] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:03 No.17073987
    rolled 3 = 3

    rolling for Tau
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:05 No.17074010
    >[X] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t exactly sure you want to know more.

    Yes, yes we do.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)14:12 No.17074076
         File1322766755.jpg-(64 KB, 757x436, 1322631617962.jpg)
    64 KB
    >that feel when not enough votes/rolls to really make a decision

    I knew I should have started this at 6ish but I have a bunch of free time right now and not so much later.

    Right now voting goes to either Tau or DE and the roll goes to Eldar with a 10
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)14:24 No.17074177
    Well with your party disbanded leaving you with but a single mana potion, you don’t really know what to do.

    Pretty much every xeno here would just as soon kill than perhaps eat you before you could even get a word in edgewise.

    You’ve never met an Eldar before, not that you really make a habit of meeting xenos for smalltalk, what with it being heresy and all.

    Still, if you had to pick, the Eldar seem perhaps the least likely to disembowel you for either fun or sacrifice to an ancient god. At least you think so, you admit you skimmed (see tldr) the Eldar chapters of your training manual.

    With (though perhaps misplaced) optimism, you set out in search of those tall spindly xenos. Although thinking back, you swear the Farseer you saw stood at least a foot and a half shorter than the other Eldar around her.

    The journey is long and arduous on foot, wind threatens to take the hat right off your head. You can’t let that happen. Compounding the suck is the fact that you literally have nothing to eat and haven’t eaten anything since the last ration you had with your guardbros.

    Your stomach howls at you with the fury of the warp and the ‘nid swarm rolled into one. You scan everywhere, looking for something, ANYTHING to devour.

    Your heart sinks as you abandon all hope, Vagis V must be devoid of food.

    That is, until, you catch the scent of something that smells absolutely, decadently, delicious.

    >honor demanded I follow the roll of 10
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)14:25 No.17074187
    Ravenous now, you pick up your pace as you follow your nose. A strangely colored bird with a massive beak darts around overhead.

    The sight of a fire a hundred yards away stops you dead in your tracks. You know better than to just rush in, you don’t have many friends left on this planet.

    Stalking now, you draw ever closer until you take cover behind a small pile of rock and peek out.

    Sitting in the clearing, roasting some kind of small animal carcass on the fire, is the Farseer you saw yesterday.

    [ ] Observe from the shadows, faptau style

    [ ] Reveal yourself and declare you have no hostile intent

    [ ] Try to trick her and steal the food
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:30 No.17074231
    rolled 12 = 12

    [ ] Observe from the shadows, faptau style
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:31 No.17074232
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:35 No.17074271
    rolled 17 = 17

    [ ] Try to trick her and steal the food
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)14:46 No.17074343
    You remain silent as you sit and watch. The Farseer doesn’t seem to notice you as she checks on her food.

    A roasting animal shouldn’t smell this good. It isn’t just your hunger either, something is up. Heresy, it must be heresy. Or psychers, fuck you don’t know.

    She must think her food is ready, because she takes the spit off of the fire to let the meat cool. Slowly she looks around and you hide to avoid her gaze.

    Fairly certain she is safe, the Farseer lifts off her helmet and shakes out her hair. Beautiful, silky red hair. It’s long, long enough to reach down to her ass, and it looks thick even from here.

    She’s cute. You didn’t know Eldar could be cute. Though really, you didn’t know what Eldar looked like without their helmets on. You had always assumed terrible soulless eyes and a gaping maw filled with teeth and two ever-moving mandibles.

    The Farseer cautiously takes a bite of the roast and her face lights up. It must taste good. By the Emprah, you want some of that food…

    You watch as she rips off chunk after chunk with her teeth. Not a very ladylike way to eat, but you would look like a barbarian in comparison at the moment.

    Instantly and suddenly her eyes snap to you, as if she just knew you were there. With a startled cry she drops her meal and grabs her spear, bringing it to bear right at you.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)14:48 No.17074364
    Before you can shout out anything, the rocks in front of you explode away, knocking you backwards. The Farseer runs at you, clearly intent on running you through.

    You manage to dodge just in time, but she’s coming around for another go.

    It doesn’t seem she has any intention of talking with you.

    [ ] Keep dodging, try to talk some sense into her

    [ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her

    [ ] Beat some sense into her, or see if you can anyways
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:49 No.17074370
    Oh shit, we're screwed.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:51 No.17074383
    rolled 14 = 14

    >Rincewind mode: engaged.
    [ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:54 No.17074404
    nah, we went at Abbadon and made it out alive, just don't butcher your rolls

    attack the stubby eldar
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:55 No.17074416
    rolled 6 = 6

    [ ] Attempt to escape, you don’t know if you can win in a toe-to-toe with her
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)14:59 No.17074453
    rolled 17 = 17

    [x] Beat some sense into her, or see if you can anyways
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:03 No.17074492
    You draw your sword and turn to face her, swinging your weapon around in skillful arcs. She pauses at the sight, you must have dazzled her with your awesomeness.

    “NOPE fuck this.” You yell as you swing the sword down like a golf club and slash up a blast of sand. It hits her in the eyes and she curses, at least you think so.

    You break into a dead run, pumping furiously. Looking back, you see she is hot on her tail, despite clawing at her eyes.
    Now you should be able to outrun someone shorter than you.

    After all, being in the guard you are In pretty damn good shape.

    Why then, is she gaining on you?

    “Fucking sorcery!” You yell as a flying kick catches you in the back, knocking you face-first into the sand.

    You knew you should have tried to fight, as you feel the tip of the spear press into your back. It’s all over now…

    But a quiet rumble in the distance causes you both to pause and look up. Whatever it is, its getting closer, and fast.

    Through the haze you manage to make out that it’s a lone figure on a motorcycle.

    And his head is on fire.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:11 No.17074563
    rolled 7 = 7

    ... aw crap...
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:12 No.17074564
    Wait… Is that fucking Doomrider?

    You remember the myths and stories as a lad growing up. Doomrider, bane of man, devourer of cocaine.

    This is probably not a safe place to be, what laying right in his path and all. Fuck it, you will take your chances with the Farseer.

    You roll to your left, out from under the spear, and jump to your feet. You grab the Eldar’s hand and pull her.

    “Run bitch RUN!!!” You shout as you break into a dead sprint, pushing yourself as hard as you can.

    She doesn’t seem to understand why or to where she is running, but she is smart enough to not question you as she follows.

    You are too busy looking back at the lord of drugs to notice you are running straight at a narrow chasm. You catch it out of the corner of your eye. It’s a split second decision but you don’t have much choice, going to have to jump for it.

    1d20, do you make the leap /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:14 No.17074577
    rolled 16 = 16

    We have the power of love on our side.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:14 No.17074578
    rolled 6 = 6

    May the dice gods have mercy on my soul
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:15 No.17074590
         File1322770510.png-(1.4 MB, 1280x1024, Doomrider.png)
    1.4 MB
    Inevitable, really
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:25 No.17074678

    Somehow, miraculously, you clear the chasm. When you looked down mid-jump you notice Abbadon screaming up at you furiously, as a horde of his followers all text away furiously, still filling your inbox.

    Good thing you made it.

    “Hah, we did it!” You turn excitedly to the Farseer.

    She looks back at you, a twinge of excitement and relief on her face. Strands of long red hair blow faintly in the wind, and you finally get a good look at her in the full outline of the blue sky.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:26 No.17074694
    …Just in time to see Doomrider pop a wheelie and clear the jump with ease.


    “God damn it, today is just not my day!” You start to run again.

    The Farseer doesn’t hear you as she stops to turn around, raising her spear in defiance at the Harbinger of Heroin.

    This girl is either stupid, crazy, or confident. Maybe all three, you can’t be sure. Either way, you’ve got a decision to make.

    [ ] Turn and face Doombringer with the Farseer, you did show up Abbadon after all, how hard can this be?

    [ ] Are you fucking stupid, leave her and run!

    [ ] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:29 No.17074716
    [X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:31 No.17074730
    rolled 11 = 11

    [x] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

    Bitches love a bad boy biker, let's aim for the harem ending /tg/!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:32 No.17074741
    [X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

    Come at me, bro!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:33 No.17074743
         File1322771594.png-(233 KB, 800x301, 800px-LCB_DOOOOOOOOM_RIDERRRRR(...).png)
    233 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:33 No.17074747
    Maximus Decarus: Pimp of the Imperium.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:33 No.17074749
    [X] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:35 No.17074762
    Even if you die this day MIGHTY KHORNE may well reward you for THIS!
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:41 No.17074807
    “I am getting too old for this constant litany of BULLSHIT!” You howl furiously as you snatch the Farseer’s spear from her hand and dash over to the Warbike.

    Surprisingly the bike starts with no effort whatsoever and in fact everything is incredibly easy about it, as if it wants you to ride.

    Annoying; considering how much bullshit an Imperium vehicle puts you through, that this Ork monstrosity of engine, chrome, and flame decals give you no trouble.

    You turn to face Doomrider, and rev your engine as high and as loud as you can. Doomrider turns his bike sideways and skids to a stop, a hundred yards away or so.

    With little struggle he pulls a tree up out of the dirt and bites one end, gnawing and gnashing at it until it forms a nasty point.

    Both of you sit there, revving your engines, eyeing each other.

    “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!” He finally screams, beginning his charge.

    You dump your own clutch and twist as hard as you can, the Ork bike clunking to action as it takes off.

    The two of you grow ever closer, each spear pointed at the other. This could end up alright, or very, very badly. You want to close your eyes and have that Eldar girl hold you tight, maybe grab some afternoon delight.

    But there isn’t time, you are seconds away from impact.

    Better make it a good roll here.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:43 No.17074822
    rolled 19 = 19

    Fear not, we have the might of /tg/ on our side.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:43 No.17074825
    rolled 11 = 11

    [ ] You notice an abandoned Ork Warbike leaning against a tree, time to get medieval.

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:43 No.17074829
    Love you
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:43 No.17074830
    rolled 19 = 19

    Come on, dice!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:44 No.17074840
         File1322772270.jpg-(23 KB, 400x300, e8f56b6f_he-man.jpg)
    23 KB
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)15:50 No.17074881
    Your spear slams itself directly into Doomrider’s chest, impaling him as it knocks him off of his bike, which crashes into some rocks and sails end over end.

    His own spear hit the front of your bikes handlebars and shattered. Say what you will about the Orks, when they do make something, they make it sturdy.

    You quickly slow to a stop as Doomrider falls to the ground, gasping and feeling at the spear now lodged in him. It looks fatal, but you know better by now. He seems currently disabled at least.

    You approach him, laspistol drawn, as he groans and looks up at you. He reaches out to you with one hand as if begging.


    Despite him being one of the more terrifying things you’ve ever encountered, this gives you pause.

    [ ] Fuck that, laspistol to the head BLAM

    [ ] Let him die in blissful inebriation

    [ ] You don’t feel right about executing him
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:51 No.17074885
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:52 No.17074891
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:54 No.17074911
    rolled 11 = 11

    1-10 I'm choosing laspistol to the head.
    10-20 I'm choosing let him die in bliss.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:55 No.17074921
    [X] Let him die in blissful inebriation

    Soon as he gets some acid and snow, we turn his head inside out.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:56 No.17074924
    let him live in return for being our bro?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:56 No.17074929
    [X] Let him die in blissful inebriation

    For a Slaaneshi whore, he was an honorable foe.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)15:57 No.17074932
    rolled 2 = 2

    [ ] Let him die in blissful inebriation

    He was a worthy opponent, let him snort a last line. The BLAM!
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)16:05 No.17074984
    You would be a right bastard if you denied him his last request…

    A bag on his bike contains… well… a plethora of drugs. If there was a market, nay, a superwalmart for drugs, it would be this guy’s satchel. You aren’t even sure of most of the shit you’re looking at.

    You grab out what you think are some acid tabs and a bag out of six dozen or so of different white powders. There is no way to tell which one is blow, and you really doubt Doomrider cares much.

    You lean down and hand him the drugs, which he eagerly consumes.

    Now comes time for the dirty deed…

    Roll a 1d6, if you roll a 1, Doomrider disappears as he so often does in play
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:06 No.17074991
    rolled 1 = 1

    Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:06 No.17074994
    rolled 2 = 2

    Let's burn a hole in his head!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:06 No.17074996
    He's okay. If we let him get away, he'll owe us a favour. And Slaanesh will probably revive the fucker anyway.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:09 No.17075016
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)16:11 No.17075026
    Don't worry he owes us one.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:13 No.17075042
    I hope the farseer is impressed.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:14 No.17075049
    That's true.

    And more importantly:
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)16:18 No.17075081
    Wait, Doomrider is slowly fading out, growing more and more transparent by the second.

    “HAHAHAHAHA!” He bellows with laughter as he stands up, the spear falling from his no longer physical chest.

    “Son of a fucking bitch!” You fire your laspistol anyways, but the shot sails right through him and not in a good way.

    “YOU FIGHT WELL AND HONORABLE FOR A MORTAL, I SHALL SINGS SONGS OF THIS DAY WHILE I INDULGE MYSELF!” He is almost entirely transparent now, his head is really the only thing you can still make out.


    You remember now, part of the fables you were read as a boy. Doomrider is notorious for disappearing, entirely at random as it were…

    This leaves you alone with the Farseer, who is approaching you, eyes fixed dead on your face.

    Aww yeah, you impressed this bitch. You are a fucking pimp of the Imperium after all.

    Her face is nearly at yours, though you would have to lean down to meet it, so you do.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:20 No.17075098
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:20 No.17075102
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)16:22 No.17075116
    Steal a kiss.

    >splemin take
    I have to agree mr. captcha
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:23 No.17075128
    Give her back her spear and thank the farseer for lending it to us.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)16:24 No.17075141
    And she decks you square in the jaw.

    “You idiot mon-keigh! What in the name of Uthwe would I have done without my spear! Did you ever stop to think maybe a fucking FARSEER might be, oh, I don’t know, A FUCKING SPECIALIST AT FIGHTING CHAOS DAEMONS!!!” She mad.

    “But… But I…” You stammer, surprised at the blow.
    “No, you acted like a fool!” She shouts, crossing her arms and turning her back to you.

    “…Still, for a guardsman you did fare quite well against such a foe…”

    You rub your jaw, it wasn’t a hard blow, just caught you off guard is all.

    Silence fills the air.

    Until it is almost immediately disturbed by a tremendous growl from your gut.

    “Ugh…” You groan, rubbing your stomach.

    Suddenly a hand is thrust into your face, holding what looks like a small biscuit thing.

    “Huh?” You ask, looking up at her.

    The Farseer is looking away, refusing to meet your eyes. She is blushing furiously.

    “I made this earlier, you can have it.”

    “It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.

    [ ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

    [ ] Eldar tricks, it has to be Eldar tricks
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:26 No.17075161
    >[ ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

    "F...for the Emperor. It's not that I like your filthy xenos cookie, or anything.
    St-stupid eldar witch."
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:26 No.17075166
    [X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:27 No.17075170
    [x] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

    She made her own bento, if we refuse we'll get the bad end.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:27 No.17075174
    [X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "You can't Exterminatus on an empty stomach!"
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)16:27 No.17075178
    [x ] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...

    "F...for the Emperor. It's not that I like your filthy xenos cookie, or anything.
    St-stupid eldar witch."

    >Tsundere, short, nice ass
    My god.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:27 No.17075179
    >tsundere Farseer

    eat the food
    >> Hyeronimous Botch 12/01/11(Thu)16:28 No.17075182
    [ ] Eldar tricks, it has to be Eldar tricks

    This much is obvious. Trickery is afoot. But...

    [X] Eat it, it looks and smells tasty. And in the words of High Inquisitor Zimmern "If it looks good, exterminatus." Wait no, that isn't right...
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:28 No.17075188
    rolled 19 = 19

    >>“It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.
    Are all the women of the 40K universe Tsundere?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:29 No.17075199
    Yeah. 40'k is actually a paradise.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:37 No.17075252
    rolled 3 = 3

    We eat that biscuit like its the best goddamn thing we've ever had.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)16:37 No.17075258
    >No, you just haven't picked any of the other routes yet.

    “All right then, I’ll try it…” You accept the food from her, not wanting to seem over-eager.

    Your stomach gives you up when it groans furiously that you have dared take so long to sate it when you are staring fucking food in the face.

    You take a small bite, and your tongue is alive…

    With FLAVOUR.

    A biscuit shouldn’t taste this good. Cannot possibly taste this good. But it isn’t just your stomach talking, the biscuit is fucking delicious.

    “W… Well?” The Farseer asks, glancing back and forth at you.

    You lick your fingers, having polished off the morsel already.
    “It was really good, you can cook for me anytime.”

    Her face lights up and she beams, eyes wide with delight.

    Then she quickly catches herself and looks away again, giving you the cold shoulder.

    “I didn’t make it for you or anything, quit acting so grateful you mon-keigh.”

    aaannd I'll pick this up later, I have to go take my fucking macroecon exam which starts in 20 minutes.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:38 No.17075271
    rolled 6 = 6

    Good luck.

    Here I'll roll for you. May the light of /tg/ bless this roll and give you a pass.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:39 No.17075273
    I'm so sorry.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)16:41 No.17075288

    Seems about right for me but thanks for the attempt.

    Expect it to start again around 7ish
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)16:49 No.17075338
    rolled 11 = 11

    Once we're done with the Farseer we should tell Lycheria about jousting with Doom Rider and winning. Our extermination of Heresy should impress her even more.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)17:00 No.17075446
    When we tell the story...we should leave out the bit about a Farseer being present...
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)17:41 No.17075809
         File1322779264.png-(149 KB, 580x878, 1316570051706.png)
    149 KB
    But what if we try to make love bloom on the battle field first?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)18:50 No.17076606
    Did... did a Guardsman committing heresy defeat Doomrider with HERESY?

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)18:55 No.17076648
    Something amazing. Now hush and wait for OP to come back from them economics like everyone else.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:00 No.17076712
         File1322784031.gif-(456 KB, 476x319, 1315373508457.gif)
    456 KB
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:04 No.17076746
    >trying to seduce the tsun in the first day

    oh you

    >roll for seduction, any roll under a nat 20 results in castration

    are you a bad enough dude /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:05 No.17076761
    Let's move on with the story.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:07 No.17076785
         File1322784459.jpg-(29 KB, 400x297, 1319926647743.jpg)
    29 KB
    Agreed. We must play...the waiting game.

    Or alternatively spike the food with some of Doomrider's goodie-bags next chance we get.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:15 No.17076862
    "Even if you didn't make it for me, I'm still glad you let me have it. Got any more?"

    The Eldar girl shrugs.

    "Not on me, no. But if I had the ingredients I could make more."

    Your stomach growls again, reminding you that one little snack isn't going to do it. Fuck you stomach, you and dick both bossing around poor old brain, he never did anything to you jerks.

    "Well if your THAT hungry we could maybe catch some fish to cook. From orbital data the oceans here are stock full of fish, and the water is close by." She tsks at you and turns away.

    "If it even smells like anything you have cooked for me before, I'm all in."

    So with that said, you two set off for the ocean.

    "So did you bring a swimsuit?" You ask, trying to start up some conversation.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:23 No.17076932
    "Even if I did, why would I wear it for you, pervert?" She fumes.

    "Whoa turn the hate off of eleven for a minute. I'm sweaty as Horus in a tracksuit, so I figured I would take a swim."

    "Hmph, my undersuit would work fine, but I'm not ditching my armor so you can eye rape me."

    Damn this girl is cold...

    [ ] Muster all the speech and charisma you possess to convince her to take a swim with you.

    [ ] Drop it, if you had enough points in either of said stats she would have agreed already.

    [ ] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:25 No.17076956
    >[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

    We don't want to appear desperate, or anything. And if we don't pay attention to her, she'll probably rape us by the end of the day anyway.

    So let's just lie back and enjoy the show.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:27 No.17076981
    [X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

    Man's gotta have his priorities yo'.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:28 No.17076984
    >[ ] Drop it, if you had enough points in either of said stats she would have agreed already.
    Don't push to hard now, talking to a human with out calling them a mon'key is still a big step for them.

    On a different note we should start looking for a way for us (with our bitches) to get off this asshole of a planet.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:29 No.17076992
    >[X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.
    Beaches and shores
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:29 No.17076995
    rolled 14 = 14

    forgot the dice
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:32 No.17077019
    [X] Whatever, you are heading to fish not fuck about with a cute xeno on the beach.

    Let's just get some fish and not fuck up our tenuous relationship with the only cook we have found on this planet.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:32 No.17077020
    Roll 1d20 for luck
    >> Genetor Prime 12/01/11(Thu)19:34 No.17077035
    rolled 4 = 4

    Fer the empraugh
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:34 No.17077037
    rolled 13 = 13

    'Ere ya go.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:35 No.17077055
    rolled 9 = 9

    We'll fish something big!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:35 No.17077056
    rolled 16 = 16

    Saving throw after shitty rolls by those guys.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:39 No.17077097
    rolled 3 = 3

    We will impress the tsundere with our fishing skills!

    >inb4 we fish cthulhu with nat 20
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:41 No.17077110
    rolled 3 = 3

    rolling to maybe increase the mean
    >> Genetor Prime 12/01/11(Thu)19:42 No.17077121
    rolled 13 = 13

    I'm rolling to counter-act that.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:43 No.17077129

    For fucks sake stop rolling unless you know that you are favored by the dice gods.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:48 No.17077178
    You feel your luck increase ever so slightly...


    You finally get to the beach, and it is a damn pretty one. White sands, blue water, cute girl still glaring at you. Ahh... Bliss.

    You strip down to your standard issue guard skivvies and run excitedly down to the water. You busy yourself splashing and scrubbing, lost in the paradise of warm tropical water.

    You lean back and stretch, taking it all in, when you hear a splash behind you.

    "Don't get me wrong, I just decided I needed to cool off!"

    By the Emprah

    A white bikini?
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:49 No.17077197
    quick break I need to drive home and posting from my phone is annoying
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:49 No.17077200
    >A white bikini?
    Eldar make bikinis? Dark eldar might.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:52 No.17077223
    rolled 18 = 18


    But we still need food, though.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)19:52 No.17077225
    Also tit size for this Eldar?

    Big med or small, sound off because I can't make up my mind
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:52 No.17077233
    Don't question it just accept it as wonderful.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:53 No.17077235
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:53 No.17077243
    Medium, appropriate for her frame and build.
    >> Hyeronimous Botch 12/01/11(Thu)19:55 No.17077261
    Medium is best.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:55 No.17077264
    We need a drawfag in this thread STAT.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:55 No.17077268
    Med, I think that would fit her description so far.
    I hope the DE will be DFC, though.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:55 No.17077272
    rolled 18 = 18

    16-20=extra heretical
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:56 No.17077290
    We do already have a girl in that size class. More variety.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:59 No.17077314
    But Ms. Extra Heretical is the least Heretical of all the options we've had thus far.

    Dem Slaaneshi Daemonettes better be Extra Heretical with a side of Heresy.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)19:59 No.17077317
    Not a shoulderless skintight almost sheer one-piece?
    . . . Why do I have a specific image for Eldar swimsuit?

    Also, what girls would there be among the Necrons and the Orks? Real thankful we don't have the option to check the Space Marines, though a Space Wolf might be a bro.

    Also, ogle, drool, fish.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:03 No.17077365
    Bitch please. Find one of the Celestial Lions to be a bro.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:04 No.17077381
    Huh, looking at the list, I think Extra Heretical is DFC.

    PS: Next turn, Tau. We need that wingman.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:05 No.17077397
    >what girls would there be among the Necrons

    Maybe save a guardswoman? Female vindicare? A callidus?
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)20:08 No.17077422
    ork and necron girls both confirmed

    salamander as black friend mayhaps?

    I think med won? starting my drive now
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:09 No.17077427
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:10 No.17077443
    >I think med won
    I guess. Somewhere between titty Taldeer and flatseer Macha.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:10 No.17077445
    rolled 14 = 14

    Checking how lucky I- I mean, how lucky Max is.
    Both for fishing and snagging Eldar.

    Points for aquatic Tyranid.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:11 No.17077450
    >>Orc Women.
    >>Orcs are Fungus.
    >> What are you smoking.

    >>Salamander Bro
    >>Not Celestial Lion as bro
    >>This isn't tg.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)20:16 No.17077492
    >guardsman running around trying to put the dickings to xeno babes
    >caring about minor details

    I figured /tg/ would like the thread about battling the warboss in a rockoff to win the affections of his daughter da Ork princess but I can always forget about that thread...

    >stuck at a red
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:18 No.17077507
    Aren't we an inquisitor? We were one at the start of the last thread.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:20 No.17077521
    No, it starts out like that, then says "You are Max Decanus, lowly guardsmen of the imperium..."
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:20 No.17077525

    That was a fantasy.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:22 No.17077536
    We did loot one's corpse for the outfit though. And really, isn't it the hat that makes the man?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:22 No.17077540
    > Salamander
    Big and scary yet kind literally black giant as a bro?
    Bonus if he is willing to artifice some gears for us.
    Don't know what an ex-IG can do for his Space Marine bro, though?

    You know, if a Farseer is this uh, cuddly, in a tsun way, to Max of all people, what does that imply to Max's future? He'd save Craftworlds by the dozen? Or does she see that if Max is rebuffed, there would be hate of forty thousand dying suns against Eldars at large?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:23 No.17077556

    Damn straight it is.

    OP, hurry up with the next post, before more people begin to complain. We're trying to catch fish, not trolls.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:27 No.17077589
    Or that since we're a PC we have that whole timey-wimey effect for our future. Great, uncertain things will be in store for us if we ever survive.

    Because y'know, dice-gods and nat20s tend to have that effect on quest threads.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:42 No.17077755
    >dat feel when OP has abandoned us
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:43 No.17077770
    He's probably still driving home.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:43 No.17077772
    dat feel when OP is DRIVING HOME.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:44 No.17077783
    rolled 7 = 7

    Very specific feel, dat driving.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)20:46 No.17077810
    >that feel when its a 30 minute drive but I'm hauling ass in my 1996 dakota while blaring highway to the danger zone

    I did my best damnit

    Hot giggidy son, those are some psychic xeno tits.

    They aren’t big, but they aren’t small, maybe somewhere around a c-cup? You can’t exactly think straight right now. What with the white clashing awesomely with her flowing red hair and vibrant, and fiercely intelligent turquoise eyes.

    “Yo, stupid mon-keigh, quit titfucking me with your eyes and get to fishing already.” She says flatly as she cracks you over the head with a rod.

    Where the hell did she even get that from? Eldar trickery. But imagining titfucking those glorious xeno-baits, yeah you could do it, you WANT to do it. She thwaps you with the rod again.

    Despite your best effort to actually concentrate on fishing, sitting on the beach alongside her, you just can’t. You have a slight bit of Eldar ass cleavage drawing your eyes away from the rod, the sight is mesmerizing. You could lose yourself in it.

    There is a sudden tug on your line.

    Roll 1d20 for fishing
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:48 No.17077827
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:48 No.17077828
    rolled 20 = 20

    I'm not sure if I want to or really don't want to catch Cthulhu.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:50 No.17077845
    Your opinion is invalid. We caught Cthulhu.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)20:50 No.17077847
    >rolling a nat20 for a fishing roll
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:50 No.17077855
    Well, we caught Cthulhu now it seems. That, or a hilarious misfire teleport.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:52 No.17077870
    Appropriate for this kind of character, isn't it?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:52 No.17077873
         File1322790734.jpg-(11 KB, 333x220, mako.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:53 No.17077891
    I wonder how horrible non-euclidean monstrosity tastes.

    Like a cross between Salmon and Squid, maybe?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:53 No.17077896
    >Nat 1 on seduction
    >Nat 20 on fishin
    Oh lord /tg/.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)20:57 No.17077933
    There is a tremendous tug as line starts screaming out of the bail, despite having the drag notched up a bit because you are a fishing noob. The rod is bent double, and you have your feet buried in the sand in an attempt to remain on the beach.

    A tremendous explosion erupts from the surface some two hundred yards out. Water soars a thousand feet into the sky from the sheer force of the breach.

    Only it isn’t an explosion.

    And it isn’t a fish.

    Ra’alman, the epic sea beast of Yagis V lore, is hooked on your rubber worm bait.

    More serpent than anything else, it’s glowing vorpal red eyes and razor sharp ten foot long teeth are the most terrifying things you’ve ever witnessed. Men have been lost to madness for seeing this creature.

    Only a new world, universe, of terror is awakened from its dark slumber as the creature throws it’s head in a blood-draining, suicide-inducing scream.

    You grip the rod as tight as you can as you struggle with all your might against the beast.

    Do you cut the line and remain on the relative safety of the beach?

    Or do you show this Farseer what a real fisherman can do?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077951
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077955
    rolled 9 = 9

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077956
    Fuck it, WE ARE GOING TO SHOW HER THE STRENGTH OF A REAL FISHERMAN. I brought this beast into this game and I say we land the fucker.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077957
    Honour and glory!
    Victory at the sea!
    >> John 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077958
    We are the harvester of the sea! I want to be a fisherman!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077959
    >show this Farseer what a real fisherman can do?
    Rev our chainsword; it's time for some sashimi.
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)20:59 No.17077961
    Real fisherman like a man, you are wearing me for a reason!

    Also, welcome back Papa-N.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:00 No.17077965
    We've curbstomped Abaddon and out-jousted Doom Rider. Let's put some seafood on the menu lads!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:00 No.17077968
    rolled 2 = 2

    Whoops, that was a d10. Re-rolling.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:00 No.17077976
    rolled 3 = 3

    Well, that was a fuck up. Rerolling.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:00 No.17077980
    rolled 9 = 9

    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:01 No.17077981
    rolled 8 = 8

    We needed to roll?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:01 No.17077986

    Oh god I'm laughing so hard right now.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:02 No.17077995
    rolled 10 = 10

    I hope not, we are rolling fucking bricks when it counts tonight.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:02 No.17077998
    rolled 18 = 18

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:02 No.17078005
    rolled 16 = 16

    Bah, we laugh at the dice-gods. FOR WE ARE THE FISHERMEN!
    Though still rolling, just to make them feel like we need them.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:04 No.17078022
    rolled 5 = 5

    Dice gods remain enigmatic as ever I see.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:04 No.17078024
    rolled 16 = 16

    Rolling for great justice!
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:06 No.17078045

    A sharp tug of the line and you are thrown forward into the seas, which have grown rough and dark, black ominous clouds now looming overhead.

    With incredible speed you are dragged down, down, down, into the inky black.

    Slowly the dragging stops, and you are left alone in the pitch darkness. You can’t see your own hand in front of your face, or even tell which way the surface is.

    You look down and notice two burning, hateful red eyes staring back at you from the nothingness below.

    With a quick movement you draw out the small bait knife the Eldar girl gave you along with the rod.

    “Time to dance, fishfag.”

    But it just comes out as a bunch of bubbles.

    With astounding speed the beast rushes for you, and you can feel the sucking motion through the water as the giant opens its god-devouring maw.

    You draw your arm back, preparing to strike.

    You better pray to every god you know that you can roll a good one here.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:08 No.17078062
    rolled 4 = 4

    Eh, worth a shot, hope I don't fuck us.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:08 No.17078064
    rolled 3 = 3

    Unleash your inner Mega shark
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:08 No.17078065
    rolled 3 = 3

    For the heretical xeno ass.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:08 No.17078068
    rolled 1 = 1

    Maybe we were a bit hasty.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:09 No.17078075
    rolled 13 = 13

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:09 No.17078076
    rolled 10 = 10

    Well fuck considering all the other rolls
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:09 No.17078077
    rolled 8 = 8

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:09 No.17078080
         File1322791787.jpg-(21 KB, 480x360, 0.jpg)
    21 KB
    rolled 1 = 1

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:09 No.17078081
    rolled 17 = 17

    Apparently the dice gods hate us. AHAHAHAHAH!
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:10 No.17078086
         File1322791810.jpg-(63 KB, 420x700, justasplanned.jpg)
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    Oh boy, you guys really don't want to leave this xeno ocean alive, do you?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:10 No.17078088
    rolled 6 = 6

    What the fuck, tg dice. What. The. Fuck.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:10 No.17078089
    rolled 8 = 8


    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:10 No.17078091
         File1322791825.gif-(422 KB, 464x260, 1319779847339.gif)
    422 KB
    . . .
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:10 No.17078097
         File1322791840.jpg-(72 KB, 316x300, 1316931376078.jpg)
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    Well, turns out we are NOT Poseidon.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:11 No.17078105
    rolled 16 = 16

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:11 No.17078109
    rolled 3 = 3

    rolling for salvation
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:11 No.17078114
    rolled 12 = 12

    At this point my only hope is that we average a decent roll so we don't die.
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:12 No.17078121
    rolled 18 = 18

    If it's above a 5 the dice gods don't hate us.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:12 No.17078129
         File1322791950.gif-(7 KB, 93x100, 1317240236742.gif)
    7 KB
    rolled 20 = 20

    May the dice-gods counter-bless us.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:12 No.17078130
    rolled 19 = 19

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:12 No.17078131
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:13 No.17078135
    rolled 2 = 2

    Good run, everybody.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:13 No.17078136
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:13 No.17078138
    rolled 11 = 11

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:13 No.17078143
    SUCK IT!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:14 No.17078151
    rolled 17 = 17

    We have take the fortune to our own hands! No begging the dice-gods for mercy, we dine tonight in hell and we enjoy it!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:14 No.17078157
    10/10 TG dice roller, 10/10. Would definitely go again.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:14 No.17078161
         File1322792096.jpg-(32 KB, 400x400, BAW1.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:15 No.17078167
    rolled 2 = 2

    Fuck this fish and the dicegods he rode in on.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:15 No.17078173
         File1322792145.jpg-(188 KB, 1280x1444, 1320115929614.jpg)
    188 KB
    Why Dice Gods,

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:16 No.17078179
    rolled 18 = 18

    laughing so hard cant stop
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:17 No.17078186
    rolled 16 = 16

    /tg/ dice are just like old times again.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:17 No.17078194
    rolled 8 = 8

    If this is a one, we willingly jump into the fishes mouth as an acceptance of our horrible luck.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:17 No.17078203
    rolled 19 = 19

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:17 No.17078204
    rolled 10 = 10

    "Oi, that ain't no knife, it's a spoon"- fishfag
    "Oi, too bad. I'm gonna cut ya with it." - REAL FISHERMAN
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:19 No.17078218
    >mfw Papa-N is taking his sweet time writing an epic death for Max.
    >> Hyeronimous Botch 12/01/11(Thu)21:20 No.17078230
    Fuck this, can't let a bro like Max die.

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:20 No.17078232
    rolled 5 = 5

    "I'm gonna cut ya with it and I don't think ya gonna like it."
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:22 No.17078255
    rolled 15 = 15

    Still rollan, though.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:22 No.17078257
    A blinding light illuminates the seas around you, emanating from an anglerfish-like protrusion from the beast’s head.
    In the sudden blue light you can see now what you are really up against.

    Those teeth are jagged and barbed, ending in points sharper than the most finely honed templar blade. Each again, several feet longer than you are.

    And there are thousands of them, set in rows, going as deep into the monster’s horrific bowels.

    The legends call this the horror-fish. It has been known to devour ships out of the sky.

    And if the legends hold true, this beast also is responsible for consuming alive every god that once existed on this fowl planet.

    But those are just legends.


    You try to swim upwards as fast as you can, the jaws only yards away now. Your lungs are burning for air, which you are nowhere near.

    Ra’alman misses you by a hair, his terrible bony body scraping against your foot, sending a jolt of pain through your whole body.

    With no time to think you do the only thing you can come up with, and drive your pitiful knife as hard as you can into the beast’s back. It sinks in.

    With all of the creature’s speed you are thrown forward along with it, as the god-eater barrels toward the surface.
    It screams again, it’s agonizing song even more soul-devastating underwater.

    You lose all hope as your lungs finally give out and you suck in seawater…
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:24 No.17078273
    Only if it was an ork WarBossLady (Dungeons the Dragoning fluff that once in forty thousand blue moons, a female ork might pop up of an ork pod and she is purdy by most races standards, just that she would more inclined to kommando than other styles) and she is ded killy and she looks like pic related.
    PS: Duplicate file detected? After all that Captcha hassle? Well, if you remember the orc thread yesterday, the OP's black sclera yellow iris orc gal.

    I am sorry to say that I had to Google Celestial Lion, and afterwards I am still not quite seeing where the Bro-value of the chapter. Care to enlighten me?

    Also, damn. We dead yet?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:24 No.17078278
    rolled 12 = 12

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:24 No.17078279
    Aw snap!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:25 No.17078286
         File1322792731.jpg-(47 KB, 960x540, now_that_ive_lost_it.jpg)
    47 KB
    >“It… It’s not like I want you to eat it, or anything.” She adds quickly.

    and that's where I lost it.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:26 No.17078297
         File1322792769.jpg-(82 KB, 360x270, 1322028321991.jpg)
    82 KB
    rolled 10 = 10

    Rolling for the Emprah's blessing to face this beast.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:26 No.17078298
         File1322792769.jpg-(73 KB, 400x400, 1318949766011.jpg)
    73 KB
    rolled 20 = 20

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:26 No.17078301
    rolled 10 = 10

    Blue balls saving throw?

    Shit we haven't even gotten any real action yet.
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:26 No.17078302
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:27 No.17078312
         File1322792840.jpg-(54 KB, 455x603, POETIC BEAR.jpg)
    54 KB
    rolled 5 = 5

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:27 No.17078315
    I would post my face when. But you already have.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:27 No.17078318
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:33 No.17078368
    Until with the force of a thousand suns, the monster breaches the surface yet again. You are soaring upwards, dozens, hundreds, thousands of feet above the seas below.

    “Oh FUUUUUUU….” You manage to yell between coughs of belching up salt water, as the peak of the climb is reached, and the fall begins.

    You plummet, ever and ever faster toward the now frigid waters below, which chop and crash as though they too wish to feast on your pitiful human flesh.

    At the last second before impact, you ditch the knife and jump for it, crashing down into the water.

    You are a pretty good swimmer, but you are a hundred meters from the shore, where the Farseer girl is screaming, you think.

    Looking back, you see the hungry jaws of Ra’alman closing fast, dead set on having you for a snack.

    “NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!!” You freestyle as hard and as fast as you can, screaming litanies of protection and struggling against the weak confines of your own frail and now beaten body.

    You are so close now…

    By the Emprah and those white bikini xeno titties, you are not dying here today. Your strength doubles and you make the final push to the land, running up the beach as fast as you can.

    Ra’alman’s momentum carries him up the sand after you, but friction gets the better of him and he is slowed to a halt.
    You are mere inches away from his putrid hole, which gnashes and bites at you, now just barely out of reach.

    With a frustrated scream, the beast starts to retreat.
    But not before coughing and hitting you in the face with a 5lb fish that is still flopping away madly.

    “Catch anything?” The Farseer asks coyly.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:37 No.17078411
    also I am still cackling like a mad scientist over the irony
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:37 No.17078412
    Get away like a boss, get a 5lb fish, worth it!

    "That went just as planned"
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:37 No.17078413
    rolled 17 = 17


    'Borrow' her spear again and show the horrorfish the true meaning of pain.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:37 No.17078414
    Hold the 5lb fish aloft above our head in both hands in a victory pose facing the sea.

    Yell out to the retreating form of the horror-fish:
    "You're not safe from me, fish-faggot! You'll never be safe from me!"
    >> Autonomous 12/01/11(Thu)21:37 No.17078416
    rolled 10 = 10


    nothing i couldn't handle xeno.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:38 No.17078431
    rolled 20 = 20

    ...Catch only what you eat?

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:39 No.17078435
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:39 No.17078440
    For your information I had him on the ropes xenotits, I also stole a fish from him and instilled proper fear in the fucker.
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:39 No.17078441
    Do it!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:39 No.17078444
    rolled 5 = 5

    Fuck that, go big or go home. We took that fucker on in his turf, let's see how his bony fish ass does on dry land.

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:40 No.17078452
    And then she wonders why is there a fish floating above your hands.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:41 No.17078459
    rolled 3 = 3

    Dice gods love fishermen today I guess.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:43 No.17078488

    As we stand on top of the watery hierarchy, we must take care of it. Killing the fishfag would cause too much harm to this worlds ungodly horror ecosystem.
    We are real fishermen, we catch only what we eat.

    And the fishfag had just napped the best fish.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:43 No.17078496
    "Give me that spear, xeno wentch!" You roar furiously, snatching it out of her hand.

    "It's on like orky-kong you over sized worm!"

    You run full tilt toward Ra'alman, who again opens his mouth.

    You are mere feet away when the beast lurches forward unexpectedly, closing its gigantic maw down on you.

    The teeth shred you to ribbons instantly.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:45 No.17078521
    FUCK x>9001
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:45 No.17078531
    Another troll post? Love you, Papa-N.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:45 No.17078534
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:46 No.17078538
    I thought that fucking with it again was a less than clever plan.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:47 No.17078552
    Why god
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:47 No.17078561
    rolled 11 = 11



    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:48 No.17078567
    rolled 7 = 7

    We're dead? Great!

    Now, let's lay a trap for the Grim Reaper before he shows up to claim our soul. His (or her) powers shall be ours!
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:49 No.17078573
    “Fuck you and every spindly space elf that looks like you.” You splutter as you cough up yet more seawater.

    “No really, that big speech and all? I didn’t realize it was directed at this anusfish.” She laughs, shaking the flailing fish in your face, taunting you.

    “Yeah well you… Wait did you just call it an anusfish?”
    Her grin is ear to ear, leading you on.

    “Why yes Commissar, I did.”

    “And why, exactly?”

    “Because they taste like ass, according to all planetary data logs.” She can barely contain her laughter at this point.
    You stand up and brush off as much sand as you can, trying to regain some air of dignity.

    “I’ll have you know, Eldar, that there are some asses I ENJOY the taste of, and if you don’t believe me, bend over and allow me to demonstrate.”

    She pulls back a bit, losing the smile.

    “I’ll pass on that today, thanks. Though I will cook your anusfish if you so desire, I myself caught this.”

    She holds up a three foot long flatfish, it looks like some kind of bottomfeeder.

    “Supposed to be the best delicacy of the sea on the whole of Yagis V.” She brags.

    [ ] Fuck you I eat my own fish

    [ ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:50 No.17078588
         File1322794225.gif-(6 KB, 381x178, 1322292442856.gif)
    6 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:50 No.17078596
    NO! NO! NO! You don't roll again. EVER!!! With luck like yours the grim reaper might turn us into a little girl and send us to a Slaneshi pleasure cult.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:50 No.17078597
    [X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)21:51 No.17078603
    [x] Fuck you I eat my own fish

    Fight Tsun, with Tsun.

    >mfw I'm the only one that figured out that Papa-N was tollan.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:51 No.17078611
    [X ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

    Very well, we shall allow the Tsundere to make us dinner while saying it's not like I particularly wanted to, it shall be glorious.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:52 No.17078613
    We just fought an eldritch monstrosity, we deserve some good food. Eat her fish.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:52 No.17078615
    rolled 14 = 14

    [X] Fuck you I eat my own fish
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:53 No.17078626
    +inserts coin+

    +continue? Y+

    Shiver in not-memory of death?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:54 No.17078642
    rolled 8 = 8

    Eat own fish
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:55 No.17078649
         File1322794522.jpg-(102 KB, 432x585, do go on.jpg)
    102 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:55 No.17078653
    [X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

    No guardsman lets pride get between him and a decent meal.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:55 No.17078661
    [ ] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

    The anusfish anyway
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:56 No.17078671
    [X] Yeah alright, I’ll pass on the ass. JUST FOR TODAY

    It's not like I want you to cook for me or anything, s-s-stupid xeno witch.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:58 No.17078692
    I have a bad felling I might have fucked us all over.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)21:59 No.17078699
    "I... I'm shrinking?!" You stutter as your body slowly loses mass.

    And even more terrifying, your "heavy bolter" starts to shrink as well.

    "What the fuck is going on?!" You shout, but your voice has grown meek, quieter...


    Your world goes dark for a moment, but then recovers.

    Only you're not on a beach anymore.

    You are bent over, chained across a bed.

    Your new vagina completely exposed...
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)21:59 No.17078701
    I hear with the heard.

    pass the ass
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:00 No.17078707
    rolled 8 = 8

    Rolling to curse this anon's family.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:00 No.17078708

    >ladysis syndrome.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:00 No.17078715
    >> Commissarial Hat 12/01/11(Thu)22:00 No.17078716
    Hoping for a troll post. God knows what is going on.
    >> Commissarial Coat 12/01/11(Thu)22:01 No.17078728
    I'm with you there.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:01 No.17078733
         File1322794918.png-(161 KB, 406x439, 1322634877003.png)
    161 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:02 No.17078737
    "With your cooking skill, can't you, you know, make a heavenly delicacy out of the two?"

    Eat her fish, but never pass on an ass! NEVER!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:02 No.17078741
    Talkin' to yerself there boy?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:02 No.17078744
    rolled 11 = 11

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:03 No.17078747
    You should have saved that for when we went to investigate the demonettes.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:03 No.17078749
    Pass on the ass...for today!
    >> Commissarial Sword 12/01/11(Thu)22:03 No.17078755
    Whatever do you mean?
    >> Commissarial Left Boot 12/01/11(Thu)22:04 No.17078760
    Not the slightest idea
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:05 No.17078764
    No clue what's going on with the Commissarial Things. Oh well.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:05 No.17078765
    With the rolls we have been having today I think they will be fine.
    >> Commissarial Coat 12/01/11(Thu)22:07 No.17078791
         File1322795254.jpg-(91 KB, 435x256, 1317254587729.jpg)
    91 KB
    Aw blast, Hat got a trip. Joke's over for now lads.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:09 No.17078804

    Oh god, that is worse than a thousand of Ra'alman's screams.

    The noise marine walks up to your face...

    ...and flops out his gnarled, purple, studded manhood...
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:10 No.17078814
    Would've continued the joke, but not for this 'amazing' development.

    ... Good god.
    >> Commissarial Refractor Field 12/01/11(Thu)22:10 No.17078816
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:10 No.17078822
         File1322795459.jpg-(76 KB, 500x500, 1311998877640.jpg)
    76 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:11 No.17078824
    You stop that Papa-N, you stop that right now.
    This thread has been making my day, don't ruin it with sudden shifts in reality.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:11 No.17078828
         File1322795492.jpg-(114 KB, 644x644, 1321662136622.jpg)
    114 KB
    Oh Gods NOOOOOO
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:12 No.17078835
    “Yeah well, I usually enjoy ass for dessert, not the main course…” You give in as you toss your fish back into the water.

    You turn back to her slowly.

    “Although you could still make me some dessert later, perhaps?”

    Another dive knife goes sailing past your left ear, clipping it ever so slightly, just enough to draw a drop of blood.

    “Don’t even think about it worm. The next time you do, I won’t miss.”

    Dayum shame, you would eat that ass. You would eat it and be damn proud of the fact.

    “Hmph, well since you admit I caught the better fish, I’ll treat you to a good meal.”

    She stops suddenly.

    “But just for tonight, mon-keigh. Don’t expect me to grace you with my divine presence like this again.”

    You don’t say anything as you lay back on the warm sand and watch her work her magic.

    That is, until she kicks sand in your face and smacks you with her fishing rod until you get up to go gather fire wood so she can cook.

    After collecting everything you can that she needs, you again lay back down to take in the view.

    And by the view, you mean that bent over ass shot, as she tends to the fish now filling the nearby area with its unfathomable sweet aroma.

    It has been a loooooonggg time since you’ve had anything that could constitute a home cooked meal. The barracks serves high-nutrient slop, and the carry rations are bland and fairly tasteless. You are going to enjoy this, no matter how damaged your pride may be.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:14 No.17078860
    Well at least he not turning Max into a Daemonculaba.
    >> Snow 12/01/11(Thu)22:17 No.17078894
         File1322795859.gif-(22 KB, 554x270, beNVB.gif)
    22 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:18 No.17078907
    Damaged price is worth ass ogling and delicious fish. Just roll with the punches and keep chill and we'll seduce Farseer xenotits, on that note I'm pretty sure we haven't introduced ourselves to her and she hasn't given us her name either, so while she's cooking and we're ogling we ought to introduce ourselves.
    >> Sonir !FAIwcQVJw2 12/01/11(Thu)22:18 No.17078908
         File1322795932.jpg-(17 KB, 650x450, 01716.jpg)
    17 KB

    Stop right there.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:20 No.17078927
    NOOOO! Big E protects my chas- My newly made virginity! Havven't even tried the heavy bolter yet!! And that time with Sarge didn't count! It's the Amasec I tell you!

    Getting back to the program, ask her name? Praise her mad cooking skillz, is it her Path before she went Farseeing? Explain the hips, I guess.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:21 No.17078938
         File1322796109.gif-(51 KB, 650x450, ps000007.gif)
    51 KB
    rolled 4 = 4

    Clearly her name is Amanda. Thus why we must ogle her so.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:24 No.17078972
    I'm fine with an Amanda
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:25 No.17078975
    Her butt shakes around as she darts this way and that, adding spices and making adjustments with some kind of knowledge likely garnered through thousands of years of perfection and study.

    “I can literally FEEL your eyes on my ass, stop that if you want any food!” She snaps at you.

    Bah, it’s not like you want dat ass, or anything… baka…

    Getting up to stretch out your legs, you really wish you had a beer, it has been months since you’ve even beheld the beauty that is a cold bottle of “Librarian’s Imperial Pale Ale.”

    The thought of a beer even fades quickly when you inhale, you can almost taste that roasting fish, your stomach is locked in a civil war on itself.

    In addition to the fish; the Farseer also gathered up some assorted roots, which, though glowing a disheartening orange, she assured you were edible.

    “Hey, I never did get your name…” You inquire, looking back at the still bent-over Eldar.

    “Hah, as if you are deserving enough to be blessed by its utterance.” She retorts.

    “I’m Max, Max Decarus.” You reply, ignoring her stinging comments.

    “I’m Eshwe Ulthran. My friends call me Esh.”

    Her face goes red.

    “N-Not that you can call me that, mon-keigh!”

    You grin.

    [ ] “Alright Eshwe.”

    [ ] “Whatever you say Esh.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:26 No.17078984
    rolled 17 = 17


    [ ] “Whatever you say Esh.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:26 No.17078995
    [X] “Alright Eshwe.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:26 No.17078996
    [X] “Whatever you say Esh.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:26 No.17078997
    >[X] Whatever you say esh
    DO EET!
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:27 No.17079004
    rolled 11 = 11

    vote for this.
    Esh needs a friend.
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:27 No.17079005
    Whatever you say Esh.
    >> Daemonculaba dick dice+d20 12/01/11(Thu)22:27 No.17079006
    Can I call you Eshsy?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:27 No.17079008
    >[X] “Alright Eshwe.”

    Otherwise we might miss out on the fish.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:28 No.17079015
    [X] “Alright Eshwe.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:28 No.17079017
         File1322796519.jpg-(43 KB, 251x205, 1320434150382.jpg)
    43 KB
    It's like you fine gents have never played a dating game before. The TsunTsun must be lured out delicately, gentlemen.

    [X] “Alright Eshwe.”
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:29 No.17079023
    vote Esh
    >> Snow 12/01/11(Thu)22:29 No.17079026
    rolled 15 = 15

    [x] “Alright Eshwe.”

    Be Imperial Gentleman #1?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:29 No.17079028
    Alright, Eshwe
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:30 No.17079032

    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:30 No.17079033
    rolled 1 = 1

    I like this one
    >> Snow 12/01/11(Thu)22:30 No.17079042
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:30 No.17079045
    "Not that I would ever deem you worthy of a name. Those are for people, not filthy xenos witches. S-stupid Eshwe."
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:30 No.17079046
    Swapping over to Alright Eshwe.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:31 No.17079048
    rolled 20 = 20

    Pft, you gotta go casual if you want the tsundere. You gotta goad that der-dere out with honeyed words and tolerance.
    >> Daemonculaba dick 12/01/11(Thu)22:31 No.17079063
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:32 No.17079067
    already is


    first thread is on that archive as well.

    Going to have to wrap this thread up, and its a dead tie for this choice
    >> Daemonculaba dick 12/01/11(Thu)22:32 No.17079073
    rolled 18 = 18

    forgot the one
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:33 No.17079079
    Alrigth Eshwe
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:33 No.17079084
    I'm going with Eshwe here.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:36 No.17079113
    Hmmm. OP is likely about to start off the next thread in lieu of our autosage.

    Maybe if you've already gotten close to the target, but we've only known our pre...friend for less than a day.
    >> Daemonculaba dick 12/01/11(Thu)22:36 No.17079114
    rolled 5 = 5

    So Eshsy it is.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:36 No.17079116
    Fish first, Esh later.
    "Alright, Esh...we."

    Praise her effusively on the food? Slip in an Esh or two while she beams at the praises?
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:43 No.17079188
    Can you link us to part 1? I can't find it on the archive

    Also, I vote for calling her Eshwe
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:43 No.17079191
    “Alright Eshwe.”

    “You ingrate, I told you only my friends… Wait did you just use my actual name?” She asks, fishing rod poised to strike
    “Well yeah, I mean, it isn’t like we are friends are we?” You can barely contain your trollface.

    She looks like she’s pouting a bit though trying her best to conceal it.

    “Anyways, Eshwe, I’m going to find us someplace to crash, why don’t you rest by the fire and call me when the food is ready?”

    You turn around and begin to stroll off.

    Her hand snatches out and grabs your wrist, stopping you mid-step.

    You turn around slowly.

    She isn’t looking at you, her eyes are lowered and you can’t see them under her hair. Her cheeks are burning red.

    “…You… You can call me Esh… Idiot mon-keigh…”

    Alright /tg/ents, autosage is go so this thread sadly must draw to a close. I don’t think I’ll have time tomorrow but I’ll throw up a thread if I do. Saturday at 4pm-ish eastern time is more or less a solid happening though, so be there.
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:43 No.17079201
    Part 1.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:45 No.17079236


    I'll lurk until the thread autosages to death for whatever. Story is done for tonight though. Need to do some brainstorming for some of the arcs I'm not as well prepared for.

    Wasn't entirely ready for the Eldar one to be honest, but I write everything except the pre-first-choice on the fly anyways and I'm satisfied with this one.
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)22:48 No.17079258
    Thanks for the great drama with the troll posts, love it anyways. I'll be looking forward to the saturday thread.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)22:59 No.17079370
         File1322798348.jpg-(211 KB, 800x487, 1197602511621.jpg)
    211 KB
    You sir are awe-motherfucking-some, here's some extra heresy.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)22:59 No.17079371
    >troll posts

    "BRBRBRBRBRBRBR!!!!!!!" The noise marine's insane ramblings grow ever faster and louder as he presses the tip of his daemon to your virgin lips.

    Another chaos marine, this one sprouting with wriggling green tentacles, moves behind you, ready to taint your purity seal...
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)23:00 No.17079392
         File1322798452.jpg-(46 KB, 230x301, 1322517441266.jpg)
    46 KB
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)23:04 No.17079422
    I wouldn't say they are really troll posts, more as that this is meant to be a Choose Your Own Adventure Books. They often have dead ends, but death is meaningless because you can try again in a different route. That doesn't mean we should take a stupid route though...
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)23:07 No.17079444
    >death is meaningless
    >try again

    I've been taking it too easy on you guys I see......



    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)23:10 No.17079485
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    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)23:19 No.17079581
    Oh God dammit anon.
    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)23:20 No.17079593
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    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/01/11(Thu)23:35 No.17079770
    "Oh thank the Empruh, help me Lycheria!" Seeing her raises your hopes, she can surely get you out of here.

    All hopes are dashed as she unzips her corset...

    ...And a massive emperor's champion falls out, dangling inches from your ass...
    >> Commissarial Hat !!/1tpKWuVAGC 12/01/11(Thu)23:39 No.17079810
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    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)23:46 No.17079886
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    >> Anonymous 12/01/11(Thu)23:49 No.17079919
    Oh my
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/02/11(Fri)00:06 No.17080067
    "Noo, you can't put it in there, that spot is EXTRA HERESY!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

    Will Maxima be brutally anal raped by a futa sister of battle and her brazillian noise marine cronies?

    >> Anonymous 12/02/11(Fri)00:07 No.17080086
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    >> Anonymous 12/02/11(Fri)00:10 No.17080106
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    Its like some sort of bizaro after credits special.

    Not sure how I feel.
    >> /d/-lite 12/02/11(Fri)00:27 No.17080290
    ... Kinda want.

    About ork girl, we ain't talking about an ork with chest squigs, right? Right? 'Cause... I am also not sure if DO NOT want.
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/02/11(Fri)00:29 No.17080307
    Literal chest-squigs, hmm, I honestly hadn't thought about it


    >no she isn't a titty monster but she isnt dfc either
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/02/11(Fri)00:32 No.17080330
    Think more Ghazghkull Thraka with tits
    and a penis
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/02/11(Fri)00:36 No.17080355
    Or maybe she's actually a relatively normal girl who is /fit/ and fun to be around.

    Guess you'll just have to pick da orks and find out eh?
    >> Anonymous 12/02/11(Fri)02:05 No.17081033
    If I wasn't so set on acquiring some blueberry auxiliary, maybe.

    "Wotcher got, ya grotling?"
    "Yessa, warboss. Wessa got many squigs! Many, many, many ta choose from. Dese! Dese be da latest muscle squigs, warboss! Oor best squigherders groomed 'em da bestest! Two days, warboss! Instant muscles! See Zoggo dere?"
    "Dat!? Dat orky hunka iz Zoggo, da runt?!"
    "Yarr, warboss. A'ssa gott tessted fer dem mussle squiggies. "
    "See, warboss! Wessa don't sell fakies!"
    "Ya got dat rite. Sell fakes ta me an' Oi'd krump ya good. An'... Wot r' dose uns?"
    "Dose ones, um, warboss? Dose, ah, well, experimentz. We gotta kuple offa dem humies' vidyas, an', well, ya know dat there are humies wit squigs on der chests? Well. In dese aktion vidyas, da bigga da squigs, da betta dem combat skillz!"
    "Ya dun' sey..."
    "Well, wessa still be experimenting wit' dem chest squigs, warboss, an-"
    "Oi'll take dem."
    ". . . Really, warboss?"
    >> Papa-N !!94V8GGifJkU 12/02/11(Fri)02:43 No.17081213
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    >> Anonymous 12/02/11(Fri)05:32 No.17082094
    And you know that ork tek and magik work because they believe it works?

    "By Mork!"
    "By Gork!"
    "Ooh. Dat gotta hurt."
    "Eva since warboss got dem chest squiggies, he ain't da same..."
    "Yeah! Warboss more brutal! 'N kunnin'! At da same time!"
    "But... Wozz his chompas dat small before?"
    "His voice got higher too."
    "An' all dat hair squigs..."
    "Issa all red! Red is good! Red goes fasta! Even his nails are red! His choppa is ten times three times fasta! And his, his... Uh, can't call those spindly things proppa stompas..."
    ". . ."
    "Ya know, mebbe Oi otta get some noice pair of chest squigs meself."
    "Oooh, I know da best squigherd! Warboss bought his pair from 'im! An' den we could go shop for, uh, spindly stompas..."
    ". . ."
    ". . ."
    "We be stoppin' by da squidherd dat sold dose choclait creamy squigs, roite?"
    "Ugh! Plez! Oi ain't payin' fer ya!"
    "Yeah! Ya din't share! Ya gobble all dem nice squigs yaself!"
    "Oi got some red paint fer yer nails."
    ". . . Okay."

    > MY MIND

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