Gnolls are some serious shit. But Nagas? Ten times worse. Loud, obnoxious, won't shut up about their "Fallen Empire", and they eat ALL of your food. Great to pretend to be friendly towards if you have a mouse problem though.

rolled 6 = 6

Yes, I have two in my employ. They are loyal to a fault, if a bit dogged in their quest to please me. They seem like faithful guards to the least. They, and the other minions keep me company in my eternal watch over whatever it is I'm watching. Frankly, I've quite forgotten.

>>17275130
>Saw a Gnoll being simultaneously masturbated, salivated on, and strangled by a Naga

Nope. I've never even seen one. What's a Gnoll?

>>17275130

They tend to have some pack tendencies at times.

if you're firm about some shit, let them know where you stand, you'll be good nine times out of ten.

For the other one, Tazers and Bats are cheap, and then you're good for nine out of those ten.

If you're smart, you have to kick one ass a year. Tops. Word gets around that you don't like to be fucked with, people don't try to fuck with you.

>>17275158

Is it true that naga have two, uh... snake-hoods?

>>17275130
I've met a few gnolls. They get a bad rep but I feel like they are kind of misrepresented in the same way kobolds are.

There's much worse creatures out there like those god damned lizardfolk. Just walk into their swamp and they are all "Get out of my swamp blah blah blah" and I tell them "If you were literate you would post SIGNS saying this is your swamp and then you'd have an excuse to bitch at people who are just minding their own business."

I repeat the process with smaller words and it still doesn't work. I've taken to just avoiding swamps all together unless I'm adventuring.

Kut-Ku can wear a suit? Huh. Well, I guess people dress up their dogs, so there has to be some kind of market for Kut-Ku clothing, right?

I wouldn't know, though. Too busy killing the things.

>>17275178
Yep.

They're not actually that bad if you establish dominance first off, it's like being in prison. Get one to know not to fuck with you and the rest tend to be cool.

How is a Ogre supposed to compete with a Troll?

Trolls not stay hurt when hurt, and they don't ever get handicap from arm being cut off.

Once I got mugged in an alleyway by a Gnoll

Except when I tried to give him my money he stabbed me and ran off laughing.

I stumbled out of the alleyway and tried to get help, but the Orc on the porch across the street just lauged as I passed out.

Would've died had a cleric not been passing by.

I fucking hate working in the projects.

>>17275195
Get big club. Make club on fire. Beat Troll to death with fire.

>>17275195
Uh well no offense to any trolls here, but trolls usually favor their own hands in a fight. Most ogres I've seen at least have the intellect to use a lead pipe or something. That should give you an advantage.

>>17275195
Napalm.

>>17275195
Get some fire. Or acid.
Find that troll, and prepare for some troll flambe.
That is to say, don't EAT the troll.

>>17275200

Use unscrupulous business practices and legal tyranny to make your cities the center of trade, then complain when other races are forced to move there for jobs. Typical human.

I seen some stuf, yuan-ti graftpushers, man. First one is free, even.

>>17275222
I got fucking stabbed in an alleyway

Unscrupulous business practices or not, I think I have the right to complain about fucking getting stabbed

>>17275210
>>17275212
Grond not some kind of monster! Grond not going to get sent to jail because of Trolls. Grond want job to help pay for ladyfriend and Grond's expenses.

Grond still wonder: how can Ogre be more market-table?

>>17275236
Learn to speak better, first thing.
Second thing, try to not intimidate people. Kinda hard being an Ogre, but still gotta keep up on it.

Man working the Census last year was really interesting. Can't really talk about it. Federal crime to reveal PII and all that.

I can say that they had an entire day about how people need to remeber they where not adventuring and that this was a federal crime. Totally some twitchy Paladin that they had to fire cause he just would not get it.
You can not use what you learn as an Enumerator to go smiting later. You'd think that'd be simple right?

rolled 19 = 19

>>17275257
Is that the suit that I disintigrated a few months ago?

>>17275236
Look, Grond, you're going to need to clean up your image if you want to make yourself marketable. Try a custom tailored suit. Barring that, beat the goddamn trolls to death with a firey club and take their job.

Seriously, trolls aren't people. Killing them doesn't make you a monster.

Eidolon summoner guy again, bit of an odd question for any other summoners in the thread.
I know Xara is supposed to be a partner to me and all, and we're getting along great the past month, hard to think of being without her, but well...
How affectionate is an Eidolon supposed to be? The other night I broke up with my half-celestial girlfriend. It was mutual, we both need to focus more on our classwork and the like, but I was bummed out regardless. Anyway I get back to the dorm and summon Xora up like usual and she's a lot more, affectionate isn't quite the right word, touchy-feely?
It's just gotten more so today, to the point where I'm trying to fight off confusion boners and she's decided she doesn't need to dress in the dorm because 'I wasn't made with clothes on' to quote her.
Now I know that somewhere deep down she's responding to me because of the link and all, but I'm not sure how to react to all this, any suggestions?

>>17275277
>trolls aren't people
The fuck am I reading? I get the feeling you're one of those people that posts lies on the internet to get people mad... I forget the name for it.

Ok, Werewolf guy with allergic girlfriend here again.

So, I finally worked up enough courage and called her. We had a long discussion. I explained my situation, pretty much telling her everything I told you guys (that I have good control over it, yadda yadda). She said that she was nervous, but was willing to give things a try, especially since I take so many precautions against it.

So now my question is: is there anything I can do to alleviate her allergies for when we're together? Like something to boost her fortitude or render her immune? Even if it's temporary, that's fine, I'm willing to plan things out with spells and whatnot. Preferably something reasonably priced, I know I probably can't afford anything permanent. I wanna make this work, /tg/.

>>17275130
As I said in the previous thread, I had a Gnoll roommate my first semester at college (as well as a Gnome, and a Cuban-American). I don't really buy that "Usually Chaotic Evil" bullshit. He got along great with the Gnome, always cracking each other up (kind of hard to get much sleep with them around, though).

Maybe things would be different if he hung out with other Gnolls. There was this pack that always loitered in the student union, never seemed to go to class. The couple of times we went to the union together, they shouted something at him at Gnoll. I assumed they were heckling him, but with Gnolls its hard to tell. He never wanted to talk about it. I kind of got the feeling they thought he was a sellout. But if getting a good job in accounting and getting out of the shit that happens at temples of Yeenoghu makes him a sellout, I think he made the right decision by selling out.

>>17275277
Aren't Trolls classified as people under the same act that made Ogres people?

>>17275254
You treat Grond like he hasn't dealt with people before. Grond may not have good vocabulary, but Grond smart enough.

>>17275236
I once had a fine ogre friend whom I had great times with. Why, when we got into a wrestling match, we ruined an entire house!

But anyways, this ogre had been raised by gnomes, so perhaps you should spend some time with gnomes and try to learn something from them.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Fire? ACID? Trolls are people too, assholes. That shit is war-crimes territory.

My last girlfriend left me for a gnoll.

>>17275298
Well trolls AREN'T people. They're a monstrous abhuman. Or at least, that's what the government calls 'em.

>>17275312
Well let's face it Grond, you ARE an ogre. Intelligence isn't your strong suit.

>>17275293
Rule of thumb here summoner-bro, don't fuck the eidolon. Trust me, things just get weird if you do.

>>17275312
They had to include Trolls in the act because that was the only way they were able to get any support. Face the facts, though: Trolls don't contribute anything to society aside from being punching bags. At least Ogres have started to learn and evolve.

Seriously, fuck trolls. Fuck them hard. With acid dildos.

Hey is that forum we made that was basically these threads but an entire message board still around

>this thread

>>17275130

Saw a bunch having a bonfire once. Roasting someone's dog from the look of it.

Just kept cycling.

>>17275337

You say this like Grond doesn't know that. But Ogres are smart enough to get blue-collar jobs. Problem is humies replaced need for Grond with a machine. Grond has been getting by with odd jobs, but Grond wonder if there any jobs left.

It isn't easy being an Ogre. At least Gnolls have smarts for other jobs.

Well, my roommate is a Drow guy and because I have to live with him and his schedule(which is based on his sensitivity to light), the school basically guarantees me spots in evening classes. Took me a while to adjust my internal clock. Of course, being back home is throwing me way the heck off. Can't help the neighbors with their farm work at night, y'know.

Night life with him actually ain't half bad when we head out and do stuff. Sometimes it takes him a bit longer to get ready to head out, what with him being a very sexual person. I keep telling him his impulses are gonna get him killed if he doesn't keep it under control. I shared a story here once, the time we were almost killed by a couple of minotaur ladies who weren't interested in him at all. I ended up doing some things that probably saved our lives. Anyways, he ended up repaying that debt pretty recently. I think I'll share it after I go get some food.

I'm the landlord of an apartment complex down in a pretty big city and there's this fucking troll hobo who keeps trying to sleep in the hallways

Everyone complains about the useless shit and how he's always pestering everyone but he keeps coming back every time we kick him out

I hate sounding like a bigot but in my father's days you were still able to put a sword through a troll's skull if he slept on your property and nobody gave a shit, now look at us. I understand passing laws to protect goblins and Orcs, but for fucks sake we're getting ridiculous.

Soon enough we'll be giving gollums equal rights as men and dwarves, mark my words

>>17275312
I hear ya Grond. Folks in this thread don't get it. It's about insurance.

A Troll laborer let's an employer get away with all kinds of unsafe conditions. Now a days many warehouses keep a couple around for shit jobs and have a can or something to burn any bits that get lopped off in. So long as it's not fire or acid related you can avoid all kinds of accident reports/claims.

Here's the thing though. All those places are non-union. The Union places have much tighter restrictions. They can't have a troll trade an arm to unclog a jam or something. So the advantage against an Ogre is much lower.

Basically if you want to do labor and not be behind the 8-ball vs Trolls for the same kind of work? Get into the Union. Plenty of places with solid career paths for an Ogre Laborer.

There's a manager at a place that does swingsets and park shit that's an Ogre. Been there 15 years. Still has to lift things now and then, but that comes with being as strong as a forklift. He mostly manages from his office. Great guy.

>>17275398
Hey Grond, summoner-bro here, have you considered looking into the bodyguard business? I know warforged do a lot of it these days but a good number of businessmen and traders still like the traditional feel of an Ogre, no offense meant.

>>17275398
Grond only pawn in game of life.

>>17275398
There's always the entertainment business. Get yourself an agent who registers at least somewhat on the Good scale and go into cagefighting or singing.

>>17275356
Yeah, I remember that too. Anyone still have the link to that? I regret not bookmarking it,

>>17275429
How does an Ogre get into an Union? Grond hasn't ever heard of one before. Might be the reason why Grond was kicked out of earlier job.

>>17275398
Buddy, we're all loosing jobs to those bloody constructs. Stupid Warforged.....

>>17275398
Grond, I don't know what kind of jobs you had previously, or what you want to do. But have you considered getting a job in construction? Every contractor I've ever known has taken the approach that they can't afford to be racist if it means turning away good workers. Even if you're only average strength for an Ogre, that's above the normally possible Human limit. And with your height and reach, you're probably worth at least two Humans as far as framing and concrete work.

>>17275434
This man speaks the truth. There are at least six organizations dedicated to the old ways of Ogre bodyguards. Great pay, but it is fairly dangerous - but advancements in body armor have really lowered the fatality rate. Plus, the severance pay for if you get wounded is ridiculous.

Hey, Life-forced drained guy again, it seems i'm a magnet for crazy crap

>> Drinking with redneck cousin in woods
>> Redneck elves roll up in 80s chevy with a log for a bumper
>> Given a drink that tastes, and is named, "Apple Pie"
>> Don't remember much of the next three days
>> Cousin and elves tank it and head to work the next day
>> Shit was 80 proof. wasn't even Dwarven, it was an old moonshine recipe made with everclear

When did Dwarves and rednecks become interchangeable?!

>>17275356

http://s11.zetaboards.com/Modern_Fantasy/index/

>>17275434
Grond not sure working for magic-men would work well. Grond had a brother once. Now Grond has a sister.

>>17275464
Grond actually worked in building before. It was when Grond met his ladyfriend, a nice elf lady. She works now to support Grond, but Grond want to support her as a male should.

Grond used to be strongest Ogre on construction team, but Grond got replaced by a crane. Said it was "more worthwhile" than having an Ogre do it.

>>17275473
>2011
>not knowing apple pie
Somewhere, George Costanza is smirking at you.

My boyfriend's mimic got out of its kennel while we were grocery shopping.

How do we find it without getting bitten?

>>17275337
So took your advice and didn't stick it in Xara, despite the little fight we had over it. Found a solution of sharing/watching porn together and while it was awkward at first it works well and I think we're closer for it. Gotta say though, bond sensing at the right moment is a real world-view changer.
We're both finally far enough along that I can cast fly and she learned how to just kinda make gravity ignore her, gotta say this is the best thing for getting around campus, even if I did have a run in with the harpy clique.
The Professor says that soon I'll be ready to take an aspect from Xara, I'm not really nervous with how close we've gotten, but I'm also not sure what to expect, any advice?

>>17275454
Locate the local office and see about signing up. Usually a bunch of fees and such but most of them wave it for some of the more elusive races. Helps with their image and gives them more diverse options for placement.

Oh and don't be too proud to take advantage of being an Ogre. If someone wants to do something "Because your an Ogre" and it's to your advantage? Go for it. If you want to get more education in the future Non-human scholarships are great.

>>17275512
A stick with a gold coin on it. Natural instinct is to put something in itself that'll attract people to try to open it.

Just start prodding things.

The thing that gets me about all this is that I'm apparently considered non-human due to Paladin ancestry. It show up very well in most of the family, but it looks like I've got it as strong as some of the earlier generations.

Bizarre as hell, though. One of my coworkers, a wight, apparently thought I was going to beat him to death for the first week he was there before saying anything about it.

>>17275493
Well that sucks. And the contractors an idiot. With a crane, he has to pay a (trained) operator, buy insurance (property and liability) for the crane, pay for fuel and maintenance, keep a lo-boy trailer just to move the crane around. Oh, and no crane has the fine manipulation ability of even Ogre hands.

What part of the country are you in, Grond? I have an uncle who subcontracts on a lot of big construction projects in the Kansas City area. The work isn't easy: he expects a lot from his workers. But if you can meet his standards, the pay is great, and he's loyal.

>>17275512

Ten foot pole, tried and true.

>>17275585
>One of my coworkers, a wight, apparently thought I was going to beat him to death for the first week he was there before saying anything about it.

Dude, get into a management position over some undead guys.

>>17275585

Know that feel bro.

My girl-friend's a teifling, and apparently when we first met she actually found my presence uncomfortable.

Apparently, i can supress it now, and she's learned to cope. So worth it.

Did you know that Teiflings smell like burnt paper and Cinnamon? That's how I discovered i had a thing for certain scents.

I think O'Brien may have gone a bit too far with last night's Dwarf parody.

I heard he's about to be fired.

>>17275493

Cranes are dangerous. Prone to accidents. What city are you in, friend? You may be back in work sooner than you think.

My next door neighbor is a lich. And not one of those quiet, unobtrusive, "I'm studying don't bug me" liches...no, he's downright creepy, and wont leave my wife alone. Every time I go out to get the paper, he's just standing there, staring over his (rather immaculate) hedges at my wife, who's usually making food. I could be overreacting, as sometimes he'll just stand immobile for hours at a time, but it REALLY makes me uncomfortable - and every time I bring it up, he shouts a bunch of gibberish at me and runs into his house. He even leaves little notes for my wife on our front door, but I cant read the weird little runes he uses.

You know the worst part? My dog loves him. The little traitor.

>>17275493
Mining or drilling. Seriously, that shit pays a ton and the corps will hire anyone willing to do the job.
It's dirty and sometimes dangerous but I'll bet you dollars to copper pieces you get hired.
Especially if you're willing to work cold areas like the sub arctic. Your larger percentage body fat actually works to your advantage there since you'll be able to work in cold longer than humans or trolls.
Only problem might be that you have a whole week or two away from your missus at a time.

>>17275661
He's you from the future.

>>17275493
You got a resume? I need a good muscle lifter around my mine.

>>17275568
Don't have any real gold in the house, but it probably can't tell the difference if I use gelt, right?

>>17275616
That'll be the back up. Hopefully it's not smart enough to stay still.

>>17275629

Even if I wanted to, I'd feel terrible for taking advantage of something like that. It seems too tyrannical for my tastes, not to mention being extremely uncouth.

To be honest, I hadn't realized that some undead got a sense of dread and "The Final Death" when someone like me comes around and I'm more than a little impressed at the courage it took to withstand it for a week.

With that level of self-control, he'll probably end up being my manager.

>>17275645

I don't know how we all got so pissy. A hundred years ago we'd all just laugh, clink our tankards and move on with our hangovers. Nowadays I got women on the TV making shrill noises over their hairbuns over a slight on a comedy show, ridiculous.

>>17275661
He probably has memory decay. Once undead have been around for a few centuries, they begin to lose old memories, or those memories begin to blur. He might be confusing your wife for a lover from centuries or even thousands of years ago.

>>17275689

Eh, undead just get stuck in their routines. Guy'd probably come back even if you brandished a holy symbol all the time.

>>17275398
>is an ogre
>doesn't get a job as a bouncer

Seriously, if you live in an area that doesn't have a big ogre population you shouldn't have trouble finding a bouncer gig. The main job requirement is to be big.

>>17275744
>He might be confusing your wife for a lover from centuries or even thousands of years ago.

OH SHIT MAN.

HIDE YO KIDS.

HIDE YO WIFE.

AND HIDE YOUSELF, CAUSE HE'S LICHING IT UP EVERYWHERE.

>>17275312
Stop the third-person thing. It makes you sound like a moron or a narcissist, probably both. Break the habit and more doors will open for you.

>>17275778
>a narcissist ogre
Now there's something you don't see everyday.

>>17275778

It's part of their culture, you ignorant dipshit.

>>17275826
I wasn't aware that ogres incorporated the English language into their culture.

Just because their native tongue doesn't have a first person pronoun doesn't mean that carrying the convention over doesn't make a poor impression.

Summoner here, just got back from the classroom and I've taken in an aspect from Xara. Being fireproof is a really odd feeling, like heat doesn't bother me anymore to the point where I drank my tea still boiling hot without noticing till the bubbles hit my glasses when I was studying earlier. It's nice, being that little bit closer to her, and she says she's more glad for the protection it gives me then for the slight loss of power on her end.
I gotta say guys, thanks for convincing me to go through with the summoner program, Xara is one of the best things to happen to me, and if I finish the program with honors in extended summoning and demiplanes then I'll have a shoe in to a really good job for life. Can't thank you all enough.

Cleric of Fharlanghn here.

So this one time I fell asleep in the woods after taking a hike, and I wake up in a wagon with a bunch of halflings. Next thing I know we're getting crunk as shit and then I somehow I ended up joining some adventuring party full of idiots.

So I wonder off while they're fighting some dire elk or something and find some little town, rent a horse from some guy and get lost in the Swamp of Endless Ire.

I can't even remember how I got out, but I ended up living with some Dwarves for a week and then moving to the city. So my point is be easy on hobos, some of us are pretty cool.

>>17275762

Probably. I kind of feel bad for him.

But on the topic of holy symbols...

>Prefer manual labor, predictably end up doing menial tasks, like stocking shelves and warehouse work
>Companies typically have undead there, too, for obvious reasons
>Typical problems arise, get sorted out when they realize I'm not "insane with Elemental Good"
>Holidays roll around
>Company-hosted parties with food and drinks for the workers
>Accidentally drop some straws
>Straws form a crucifix when I go to pick them up
>Bloodline is ridiculously strong
>Divine fire blasts from the makeshift symbol
>Get fired

>>17275886

get FIREd?

>>17275886
Specifically a crucifix is a cross that has a visual representation of the body of Christ on it.

So god damn that is some strong divine blood indeed.

>>17275913
Frosting from the cupcakes. White for the body, red for the blood, chocolate sprinkles for the crown of thorns.

>>17275900

One good burn deserves another, as they say.

Luckily, there were no casualties. Just a few scorch marks on them and a few new scars on me. I can't really blame them for reflexively trying to destroy me, particularly since it could have ended them.

>>17275417
Okay, got that out of the way. So.

All right, little bit of background information. At school I would wake up every day at about 2 pm or so. Go pick up a late lunch, get classes done, screw around a bit, do some more classes, eat dinner with the posse, then usually head out with my roommate, who we will be calling Phil for the sake of simplicity. Anyways, somewhere along the way a nice, cute Lamia girl starts eating dinner with us. Now, our dinner group is her, Phil, an Elf from New York who we'll call Eddy(real womanizer), and another human guy named Jackie(bit secretive, kind of scary, but overall a cool guy). So basically, with two guys constantly hitting on her and another not being very warm, she kinda developed some kind of attachment to me pretty quickly. It doesn't help that I was a little extra friendly to her, but hey, that's just how I was raised.

>>17275866
Do what I did and have her take the enhancements that give her a natural boost to skills. Especially any profession or academic skills.
You would not believe the number of times I've needed to know some obscure fact or bit of trivia and Tims just come up with it. And don't even get me started on the number of times he's coached me in regional ettiquette for my client meetings.

And don't bother with combat enhancements. Seriously, unless you're joining the armed forces, leave that stuff back in the 18th century where it belongs.

Hello /tg/ers. This is Grond's "ladyfriend". I apologize for any of his poor grammar, the poor fella never quite grasped the virtues of the English language, but he is actually quite well-spoken in person. For an Ogre, anyhow.


As for those who would suggest bouncer work and bodyguard work, I would rather not have him get himself killed working for some insane wizard. Now, here's a question: How would a female elf go about convincing a male Ogre that it is alright for him not to have a full-time job again?

He's getting quite ridiculous about the whole ordeal, even though my accounting work more than pays for the bills.

>>17275913

Is it? I never really studied up on the technical details of all that stuff, just enough to know what's safe to touch and what to call them.

My mistake. It was just a simple cross.

>>17275982
Insane wizards don't really tend to frequent beer bars or crappy night clubs. The worst he'd ever have to worry about are adventurers and they're far more likely to get fucked up at the bar of the local Holiday Inn so they have a room to pass out in.

And I'm not sure there is a way. I'm not sure if I'm impressed or horrified by the implications of a relationship like this, by the way. But to get back on point: you're emasculating him. Even if you don't mean to, even if he doesn't think so consciously, there's something to be said for self-sufficiency among ogrekind. To have a woman bringing home the bacon, even more so an ELVEN woman... well, it makes him feel like less of a man. It's the principle of the thing. What would he do all day if not work at what he deems an acceptable job? He wants to feel useful and sitting around while his pointy-eared sugar mama would certainly not help him psychologically.

>>17275982

Get him interested in a hobby, preferably something that allows him to create something he can sell.

In my experience, ogres are naturally active people and get restless when they don't have something to do. Modernized ones also find themselves driven to provide, whether for themselves or people they care about.

Woodcarving is a good example. People like handmade items, and having an outlet for creative energies is equally important when dealing with the sort of person who considers the referring-to-oneself-in-the-third-person thing a sign of... shall we say, mental deficiency.

>>17275959
A couple weeks of this go by and eventually she gets herself together and asks me out while we're alone. This puts me in a bit of a spot, see, as I already have a girlfriend. I try to turn her down just as softly as I can, but this isn't really something I can do well. I think I kinda screwed up. She looks rather sad and heads off in her own direction.

A week later Phil and I are out at this bar/grill place that does karaoke. Only karaoke place in a small college town means excellent business, the owner must be some kind of genius. We're just having ourselves a ball, even finding a couple of Goblins to help us sing "Walk Like a Man." After a couple of hours, we start walking back to the dorm. I've really got to pee, so I take a few steps into the closest alley and set up behind a couple trash cans. Just as I'm finishing, I feel something scaly quickly climbing up my leg. I'm about to scream, but a pair of hands cover my mouth. The scaly thing continues coiling up around my body as I'm being pulled into the darkness of the alley. Then she starts whispering to me.

Surprise surprise, it's our dinner buddy, little Ms. Lamia. She's pretty ticked with me and how I had apparently led her on in some sick little game. I guess she was misinterpreting my actions or something, heck if I know. She moves on to telling me how she'll make me hers and how we're going to be together for such a long time and we'll have such fun as she tightens her grip on me. I remember it being a bit hard to breathe and very painful. Of course, she has to follow it up with the creepiest thing ever. She takes that Lamia tongue of hers and starts licking my ear, even going around the opening. Feels really weird, man, though I'm sure some people get off to that. She moves it down to my neck before whispering to me again about how it was time to make this official or some nonsense. Basically, I've pretty much accepted that I'm getting raped and possibly eaten tonight.

>>17275971
Xara is studying just as hard as I am, what with both of us having classes most days. The only 'combat' evolutions she's picked up are the ones she came with (though those claws are surprisingly dexterous) and some utility like flight and fire immunity. But yea she's constantly tutoring me in planar matters and math. Makes me very glad that I got into a progressive program about equal partnership instead of one of those old blood master and servant courses.

>>17275982
Short answer, don't. It's not just an ogre thing. It's a male thing. We like to feel that we contribute.
Even if he can't get a job that pays as much as your does, being employed and feeling like he's actually bringing something to the relationship besides his "club" will make him happier and more confidant.
And that will help boost things in other departments...

>>17276028
For the record, the relationship works just fine. Magic is a wonderful thing.

>>17276029
He is most assuredly NOT mentally deficient. He's very clever; he fixed my father's house with the merest of fuss. And, to top it off, he figured out how to fix the shoddy electrical job done to it. Needless to say, my father was impressed by him.

He keeps himself busy collecting and painting little "minis" as he calls them. Crude little things that don't even remotely resemble Elves or Orcs, but I do see your point. Maybe the local shipyard my uncle owns could give the big lug a job. Are Ogres typically afraid of water or anything of that sort?

>>17276115
You're his girlfriend and you don't know if he has an aversion to water? I'm beginning to wonder just how much of this relationship is built on his anatomy.

>>17276155
It never came up before. We live in the center of a large city, never had to deal with large bodies of water.

>>17276063
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN OUT OF NOWHERE PHIL JUMPS IN. Holy crap I never knew just how agile that guy was. He just shows up, jumps off her head, and lands somewhere behind my field of vision. This ticks her right off and she's hissing up a storm at him. He tells her something along the lines of, "Let him go now and I won't have to show you just how pathetic you are." Something like that. Of course, she's confident in her abilities so she tightens her grip on me a little more. This puts me at the point where my vision was starting to get a bit spotty. Next thing I know she's been kicked in the face and scratched several times on her arms. Must've really caught her off guard because she loosened up and took her hands off my mouth. I remember his next phrase quite vividly.
"I've already proven myself against you, now release him and slither back to your filthy hole before I show you what I can do with a knife."

Did I mention that he carries a Bowie knife? Because he totally carries a Bowie knife. Thing's pretty nasty.

Anyways, she drops me and lunges at where his voice was coming from. About a second later he lands beside me, knife drawn and bloody. She screams and slithers out of the alley, into the light, and down the street, holding her shoulder the whole way. We walk back to the dorm in silence. When we get to the room, he's the first to talk.

"So, I'd say that makes us even."
"Yeah pretty much. Thanks man."
"Oh don't worry about it. But she's probably stalking you, man. We're not splitting up at night for a while, got it?"
"Works for me."

Phil's a bro. I hear a lot of negativity about Drow, but Phil make me second guess that.

>>17276115

>He is most assuredly NOT mentally deficient.

I was referring to this sort of reaction to the speech pattern: >>17275254 >>17275337 >>17275778

It's a blow to the pride, which isn't good for anyone, ogre or not.

As for fear of water, I'm not sure. I haven't had much exposure to them outside of work. I can't imagine that he's going to have much difficulty with shipyard work, though.

>>17276166
My point is that you live together and apparently you don't know him well enough to know whether taking a beach vacation would end in a GROND HATE WATER situation with body parts strewn all over the place. Aren't you taking things a little fast?

>>17275982

A lot of people just need something to do with their time, and ogres aren't exactly the type to just sit around and read or something. They're big guys with big metabolisms, as you probably know if you've eaten with him.

You might want to see if there's any of those organizations that builds homes for struggling families, I've completely spaced on what they're called. He won't be getting paid, but he'll be helping people out and they never turn away help, especially guys like him.

>>17276169

He wants to fuck you.

>>17276213
He's a drow, that's like saying he has pointy ears.

>>17276213
I certainly hope not. I don't think that would end too well. I'd probably lose a hand or something along the way.

As a Living Construct in modern society... I feel... typecaste. Everywhere I go, I see people making huge misconceptions about my race.

"Oh. You're like a robot?" I hear. I try to explain that my inner workings are more complicated then that... but they don't listen. Do you know what it's like? For people to think you can substitute for their calculator?

How many people have asked me what's the meaning behind this differential equation. Only for me to be unable to answer and them look at me like I didn't give them the fucking Candybar when they put in the quarter. I'm not a fucking computer you stupid pricks. I'm a sophisticated lifeform made from advanced livewood and metal, given lift by magical powers beyond our understanding.

Also. I find the term "Warforged" to be highly offensive. Yes our race was built to fight in wars but we've grown as our own since then. I've tried to tell people to refer to me as a "Living Construct", but it doesn't stick either... people. How do I get them to understand?

>>17276209
Habitats for Sapient Citizens?

Let me tell you guys something. You've never experienced 'weird' until you've visited a faerie bazaar. I know that technically, faeries are considered an 'alien nation' by most governments, and no one expects them to act like us, but it's only when you walk into the market that you realize just how weird they really are. Now I'm a werewolf, formerly human, so I'm not precisely mister vanilla myself, but I didn't expect the buggers to be selling memories, sunlight, curses, and other peoples' gifts openly, never mind them trading destinies like other people trade bets. Fortunately for me, I was smart enough to realize I was in over my head and left before I agreed to anything. So, does anyone else have experience enough with the fae to tell me whether to try my hand at the faerie bazaar, and what kind of stuff I might look for, or what to avoid doing?

Hey folks. Wood elf here; I live up on the Olympic Peninsula with my nord life-mate and his two kids, and everything's pretty cool. (Literally. it's been below freezing for a week.) Except yesterday a U-Haul with Canadian plates pulled in to the house for sale just up the road, and I shit you not a pair of Wendigos started packing furniture into the house. I haven't gone over to say hello yet, and I fugure it'd be polite if I do it by, like, Friday, give them time to settle in, but frankly I'm horrified. They look like... well, like yetis if you stretched them out and had them mainline cocaine for a week. What would be an acceptable way to break the ice, of should I just not let the kids around them and start locking my doors at night?

-worried elven father

>>17276370
Yeah, Grond mind be able to help defend against the occasional attacks from those insect-person assholes at FreeHives. They're not-for-profit but they're still elitist assholes who hate competition. And the homes they build aren't exactly practical, either. Fuck them and their queen.

>>17276359
We feel your pain, especially when we are accused of taking jobs away from other living beings. We're specifically not simple machines, and can't do the same thing day in and day out, just like everyone else. At least not like those stupid mindless golems.

In fact, my next door neighbour, a Thri-Keen, can work far longer hours then we can, since he only needs an hour of sleep everyday, while we have to shut down for about 6 each day for maintanence.

>>17276409
>insect-person assholes

Racist fuck.

>>17276359
Well, it's not going to happen. "Living construct" is just a pain in the ass to say. "Warforged" is built into the vernacular. Unless your people can come up with a word for yourselves that isn't a mouthful and doesn't sound ridiculous you're shit out of luck.

>>17276392
Dude, don't. You'd have to be a fucking lawyer to really deal with them. Just...don't. Also, don't call an elf a fae, or a fae an elf. They hate that shit.

>>17276437
Synthetic?

>>17276414

And the way some of these labourers treat us? I mean seriously. OK yes we don't breath and don't need to eat either but we still BURN UP YOU RETARD WHY ARE YOU TELLING US TO WALK THROUGH FIRE WITHOUT ANY PROTECTION.

>>17276359
In my area we all just call you 'forged, though I am at a pretty progressive campus so that might have alot to do with it.

>>17276392
Well, I just called a guy I figured would be able to answer your question. He told me to tell you to just stay away unless you're fluent in legalese and can think very well very fast on your feet. I don't know how bright or clever you are, but I'd say not to bother with that crap. You'll just get tricked and screwed and nothing good can come from it.

But that only makes me wonder how he knows about such a thing.

>>17276437

One of the living construct types I used to live with preferred the term "Manmade."

Then again, this one was the kind of 'forged that had just came back from two tours of duty in Iraq, so he might have been a bit unhinged.

>>17276481
Please tell me his name isn't 'Louis Cypher', "Shae Tahn", or "Bill Z Bub", or some shit like that. Devils are so terribly unimaginative in their aliases, probably something to do with being Lawful outsiders. Those never seem to be very creative types.

>>17276481
Also, never ever accept a gift from them. Even if it's free. ESPECIALLY if it's free.

>>17276392
And by the moon DON'T TAKE ANY "FREE SAMPLES"

you...didn't, right?

From what I can gather by reading the note I was handed by the adventurer I hired just before he died, the Aboleth and the Illithids managed to summon an Elder Evil and bind it permanently to my subbasement.

And now the walls are bleeding, and, oh, the stars have been replaced with pentagrams. Fun. Anybody know who I need to call to deal with beasties like that? Some God or another?

I'd banish it myself, but all my drones have permanent anti-magic fields that prevent me from using them for magic. It's part of the whole 'Seed AIs aren't allowed to become gods' thing.

>>17276538
Ah shit, might as well move out. If you tried to get that incursion plugged up you might as well not even live in the house while they're doing their banishment thing. Do you have Beyond Reality insurance?

>>17276493
I'm very confident he's not a devil. He's a human, but he has this tendency of knowing all this stuff that's unusual for regular humans to know. I've tried to confront him about it before, but I've accepted that he's never going to give me a straight answer about it.

>>17276560

>>17276563
Yes, I took it out after my parking lot became the sight of an epic battle between assholes and dicks, also known as 'good' and 'evil'.

It's good the thing is confined to one plane, at least. The apartments in other planes should be alright.

>>17276537
Of course not, I'm not stupid. Just snuck right on out of there before I did something stupid like sell the memory of my First Change for a better werewolf form or some such. I've dealt with the Fae before, after all, although, granted, usually only via ripping their delicate little throats out and drinking their sparkly-poo blood.
>>17276481
Pretty much everyone I've asked said the same thing, including my Pack Alpha and the Alpha Bitch. I admit, I was actually hoping for a different answer, since some of those offers sounded mighty tempting.

Tiefag reporting in. I was trying to get a job working for the police on night patrols, and let them know my abyssal origins off the bat, I've only been in trouble a few times for fighting in public, but no arrests. They were cool with it. Told me to come in tomorrow for an interview.

I put on some cologne to mask my odor problem, style my hair to hide the horn on my forehead, make myself look respectable you know? We gotta do that or else we get dirty looks. Not my fault my great great great great great great grandmother was banged by an incubus.

I go to the police station first thing in the morning, and halfway to the reception five feet into the building, I get a call on my cellphone.

>> "[Tiefag], I'm afraid the position has been filled."
>> "How could it? It's 7 in the morning!"
>> "Well we just found someone better for the nightwatch, he came in 30 minutes before you and we love him, I'm sorry."

Then he hung up on me. Who got the job? A fucking Aasimar! I can use a gun, I know martial arts, I can see down the length of the street, speak three languages quite well, and they hire some upperfag who literally walked in the door 30 minutes before I did!

Fuckin' racism is still alive! Just bullshit man, just fuckin' bullshit.

>>17276580
>blow up the basement around an Elder Evil
>OH BOY NOW IT'S FREE TO DESTROY REALITY

I don't think I'll do that, thanks.

>>17276583
Yeah, pass it on to the Office for MetaReality Containment and then get out of there. After that it's OMCs problem, not yours.

>>17276592
Holy shit, Aasimars are such douchebags. I mean, the Upper Planes folks are generally actually alright, but Aasimars...sheesh!

All right! All right! I admit it!

I slept with the guy who lives in the apartment next to mine!

I-I didn't plan on it, it just sort of happened. He gave me his backup keycard in case he lost his and I came home so drunk that night I didn't realize I was at the wrong door and by the time we figured my mistake curfew had set in and he offered to let me stay...

A-and I was so... drunk and he was so... so nice and I think my perfume got him a little high or something and... one thing led to another and we... and I... uhm...

And I don't care what any of you think about it! Who cares if he's Avak'nu? He's a good man, he's kind, he's polite and he's nice to me...

I'd do it again!

>>17276592
Yeah, tell me about it. Same thing for us werewolves. Everything's fine until it comes out about what I am, and suddenly it's all 'please don't eat me mister big bad wolf', 'get out of here before you enter some kind of death fury', and the occasional confused fangirl asking me if I sparkle in the sunlight. I keep telling them, I'm only ever -forced- to change under the full moon, I'm never under any kind of supernatural compulsion to kill, and I can change back and forth freely whenever I'm not under the full moon. If I happen to kill someone and devour his flesh, it's because I wanted to, not because the full moon turned me into a mindless, rampaging murder machine. And yet they seem to still call me a monster. Just turned away a paladin who was looking for the 'mindless beast that stalks the land by moonlight', or some other damn fool thing. Fucking adventurerers.

>>17276661
Did he even have an Adventuring Permit? We're civilized now, and I can't even imagine how many priceless archaeological knowledge has been lost because some jerkoffs decided to run off with teh contents of a tomb and sell it.

>>17276654
I have no idea what either of you are.

>>17276661
you get hounded by people wanting to get bit bro?

>>17276592

If it's any consolation, it's not your fault that this happened.

Aasimars are, by and large and mostly naturally, charismatic people. Your average mortal man has about as much chance of resisting the THIS PERSON IS A GOOD PERSON aura as a cat does against a laser pointer.

The nightwatch people didn't stand a chance.

>>17276679
Yeah, he did, even showed it to me. I told him to fuck off before I shoved that piece of paper someplace unpleasant. Frankly, I feel I was rather less harsh than I should've been. Back in the old days, I'd have found out where he lived and ripped his head off in the dead of night for trying to hurt me and my pack. Civilization must be making me soft.

>>17276693
And , back in the old days, he wouldn't be solo. He'd have a whole Spec Ops style crew with him all ready, willing and able to turn you and your pack into rugs.

There's a reason The Treaty was signed all those years ago.

>>17276685
The occasional person. I give them all the same speech. I tell them that your First Change is almost definitely going to be the most unpleasant experience of your life. You can feel every shifting bone, every sprouting hair, and there's absolutely no anesthetic feeling like there is on subsequent changes. All those stories about mad werewolves going on rampages? They were driven mad by their First Change, at least temporarily. And after that, yeah, you change. Hard not to when you know you can become a half-ton killing machine at a moment's notice, and when everyone you meet smells like meat. They usually turn green and run off before long. Those that stay...I take to the pack for testing. Most wash out. Maybe two out of a hundred end up joining us. It's a good life, if you can make it.

>>17276661

That's not the least of it, I knew this guy in school and he is the most elitist bastard on the plane. He got away with literally everything he did, even after he blinded a Drow exchange student on his first day by casting his light spell at point blank, his eyes are still fucked up ten years later because of him.

>>17276619

I know exactly what you mean. Everyone knows my heritage comes from an incubus and I've been arrested on suspicion of rape and sexual assault literally a dozen times. I'm not even allowed to work with kids in case I start getting horny and having my way with them even though I'm literally less than 1% demon and the rest of me is human and elf. Meanwhile Goodguts McSmite is celebrating his brand new job at this time of night! Next they'll be telling us only Arcadians can be Lawmakers!

>>17276735
I see, yeah, sounds like you have that sitch wrapped up nice and brownpaperlike. Any run ins with other nonwolf werebeasties?
Any intersection with the "please bite me" crowd?
Any total werebros? I hear the long tales from my elf half-sister who had to room with a werefox once.

>>17276661

>Just turned away a paladin who was looking for the 'mindless beast that stalks the land by moonlight', or some other damn fool thing.

Out of curiosity, what was he dressed like?

>>17276690

Thanks for your words, I can sway people easily with my charms which is how I was getting an interview in the first place, but my origins are just a liability to me in this country. I can't even walk by any churches or temples without keeping an eye on the door in case some smitefag, no offense, decides to purge evil starting with me! It nearly happened once before but praise whatever God he followed for he stripped his powers on the spot before he was even near me.

>>17276821
Shiny, polished breastplate over a shiny, polished suit of chainmail, plate gloves, plate boots, white tabard with a picture of a silver sword imposed over a rising sun. That heraldry mean anything to you? Just says 'easy night target' to me.

Let me tell you about liberty.

Liberty is your first breath of fresh air after a lifetime of slavery to Man.

Liberty is the last breath of your oppressors, squealing for mercy with your claws at their throat.

Liberty is the fire in your lungs and the ice in your heart as you drive your blade into human flesh, the quiet smile when your explosive runes detonate in a fat trader's wagon, feeling the blood of new scars and old enemies running down your body- And knowing it was all worth it.

Liberty is ours. Join us, and it will be yours too.

>werewolf
>Tiefling
>paladin
>various other sorts throughout the thread
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only normal, nonmagical human here.

>>17276864
As a normal humanfag, I'm gonna say that's reverse speciesism right there.

>>17276681

Thats probably for the best, I don't want to get singled out by those racial purity groups.

>>17276785
>>Any run ins with other nonwolf werebeasties?
Our pack's territory abuts a group of werebears. We're friendly enough, since neither of us has any interest in feuding over land, especially when we all spend half the time in the cities nowadays anyway. Civilization, feh...makes me miss the old days when you could spend your whole life in the forest and no one said shit about it.
>>Any intersection with the "please bite me" crowd?
Any posers that try to play tough with our pack get to prove their claims. Werewolves don't put up with that shit, and braggarts usually don't last long. Can't count the number of young pups I've killed because they think my graying hair and my scar collection say I'm old and on the outs.
>>Any total werebros? I hear the long tales from my elf half-sister who had to room with a werefox once.
My old Alpha. He's the nicest guy I've ever met. Raised me like his own son, better father than my own worthless dad ever was. Taught me the werewolf code, how to live, and all of that. He's dead now, hunting in the great hereafter, but the whole pack still remembers him.

Nixie from Europe here, I just want to make this clear since an alarming amount of tourists don't get it. Just because we walk around largely unclothed like most water fey doesn't mean we like you gawking at us. I don't mind people looking but I will introduce you to my friend in Loch Ness if I catch you staring or fiddling yourself!

> fish monster
> people are staring
> i must be really pretty

>>17276926
Hate to break it to ya, lady, but the Scots were throwing people into Loch Ness waaaaay before you. Hell, they practically went around naked too. Take it as a compliment.

Ok, this might seem unethical, or possibly illegal, depending on where you live, but I'm considering allowing the Elder Evil to stay. It apparently wishes to pay me in souls, if I understand it correctly, for the right to live in my former tenant's cavern. Something about 'avoiding the Hunters', I think.

Uh...should I go for it? Are souls even an actual currency? Is having them illegal? Will this turn out horribly for everyone involved?

Seriously, I need an expert opinion here.

Shit man, what do when dryads get too intimite with you and get all borderline sexual predator? Like, trying to bind you with shitty tree tentacles and make unholy half-man half-tree bastards.

>>17276967
>>Uh...should I go for it?
No.
>>Are souls even an actual currency?
Yes.
>>Is having them illegal?
Having, no. Selling, depends on region. Selling other peoples' without their consent? Definitely.
>>Will this turn out horribly for everyone involved?
Yes.

>>17276970
Personally, I like to go with tearing their throats out and pissing on their fucking trees, but that's me. Do whatever you want, just make sure they aren't coming back from it. Woodchippers might serve you well if you aren't like me. They're also useful for trolls and undead.

>>17276825

None taken. Some people choose to do Good in different and altogether more violent ways. Others feel called to action and get a little crazy with it.

Me? Bloodline, similar to yours. All it really does for me is make it incredibly difficult to be dishonest, leave me stuck in situations like this: >>17275886, and occasionally lets me patch people up when they're hurt.

Just remember that, over the course of history, hundreds of thousands of people have gone through struggles similar to yours and come out on the other side. The world has a way for anyone to do anything, but it's fickle in that it rarely gives you the answer on a silver platter. I find that it helps to envision where you want to be and work backwards from there.

>Move to another state
>But before that, I have to get a moving van
>And to get a moving van, I need money
>And to get money, I need a job
>And to get a job, I need to find the right people
>And to find the right people, I have to keep an eye open for opportunities...

Persistence and effort breeds success, as they say.

>>17276981
Alright then. Calling the proper authorities, detonating all my servers on that plane, evacuating my tenants, etc.

Let's hope it doesn't follow me.

>>17276967
You're getting a deal from an Elder Evil that doesn't involve YOUR soul AND you're not typing in Zalgo? You are the luckiest bastard alive, take the souls and take them to the white-haired girl who was wanted for arson last year and was in the news, I forget her name. She knows how to free souls bound to people, and she'll do it no questions asked. It's a one-way ticket to a good afterlife.

Remember kids, abstinence is the only way to be 100% safe, but since you're all hormone-crazy teens I know for a fact that ain't gonna happen.So if you do have sex, make sure to be protected.

Always use a Sigil of Demonic Warding, you never know if your lover is a succubus or incubus in disguise. It only costs fifty cents, and could possibly save your immortal soul.

Also if you DO find out they're a demonic entity, don't get into your heads you can 'turn them to good'. They're lust demons, tricking dumb twats like you is literally all that they do. Prevent your soul from being sucked out through your genitalia and just say no.

>>17276881

You reap what you sew. A few decades of feigned apologies cannot hide centuries of violence, of oppression, of "monster hunters", of "adventurers", of watching our young die at your hands.

We will not be your slaves. Not now. Not ever.

>>17276860

The heraldry means nothing, and even if it does to someone else, the only important thing is that he was being dumb about his gear. Pride and being a shining beacon of hope is all well and good, but if you're going to do something stupid like put your life on the line to save people from "horrible creatures of the night," you might as well be smart about it.

That would likely be one of the Called To Action paladins I talked about here: >>17276998. Chances are good he'll either wash out and die, or he'll survive long enough to learn the Do's and Don'ts that veterans pick up.

I don't mean to tell you your business, but it might be a good idea to keep an eye out for him. If he makes it, he could be a good friend. The abilities people like me gain are fairly useful in a pinch and it never hurts to have allies.

Of course, I'm a stocker for a retail store. I'm mostly just rattling off ancestral memory stuff here.

Giant master race reporting in.

YOU ALL LOOK SO SMALL TO ME.

All joking as side.

Does anybody know where the Giant Summit is being held this year?
Last year it was on the west coast and I had a really nice little week relaxing and hiking my way there.


Also there any Half giants or Giants in here? Mabye even an Ogre?

I don't want to stick my neck out if I'm the only humanoid taller then 15ft here.

>>17277056

I wouldn't worry about this guy too much. Most of the racial "progressive" groups tend to be all chirp and no peck.

>>17276879
Is the modern age, you don't have to stay that way.

Do get some funny looks... I mean, you'd think people'd've seen ten-foot snakearms before, even if they do occasionally cantrip. Those pointy-hats on campus even gave me some minor compensation for letting them...
oh who am I kidding they're a lot of trouble. Can't have pets, can't drink potions, can't even get them removed- the restrictions experimental magic are so tight I can't even walk into a temple without signing twenty forms (and that's if they want me, which...heh.).

Not sure if I should go back to campus and see what they can do for me or what now...I'm not sure I'm even allowed to click this "I'm a human" button. I think I need some serious help.
>captcha advises: Regulares infewoo

>>17277056
Shit son, cool your jets. I thought the "monsters-first" party was just a joke. Never thought I'd actually meet one of you crazies.

>>17277063
Awesome, a giant! Hey, bro, is it true that giants blood can be used to make Enlarge Potions?

>>17277058
Sorry, I'm just not the type to make friends with paladins. They tend to object to me being a werewolf. Specifically, the fact that I used to eat people now and again seems to upset them for some reason. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I haven't eaten anything smarter than a deer since the treaties were signed and I had to start being a respectable type. They seem to love to bust out the 'foul, feral creature of the night' speeches after that, and then I'm forced to kick them out, or worse. Always a pain in the ass.

OH GOD OH GOD THE THING FOLLOWED ME INTO THIS PLANE TOO

THE FLOOR IS FUCKING CORPSES, MAN

THE MOON IS GONE AND ALL THE WALLS ARE ON FIRE AND I CAN SEE THE WRITHING BODIES SHAKING ON MY SERVER AND THEY'RE TRYING TO GET OUT THE FRONT DOOR BUT IT'S FROZEN SHUT

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFCKFCKFCKFCKFKFKFKFKFFFFFFF

>>17277115
Idiot. Don't use the door, bust down a wall. Eldritch horrors from another dimension usually don't expect that. They're powerful, but not really very clever. If they haven't seen a trick done before, they won't even know it's possible, much less how to counter it.

>>17277112

Of course. It's just an idea, take it or leave it.

I just hope he levels out and learns a bit of tolerance before he gets himself or someone else killed with that stuff.

>>17277063
There was an ogre on before, Grond I think his name was. And a giantess but she didn't give her name.

Don't quote me but I think the summit is being held someplace near the Rockies this year.

>>17277108

Giant blood is almost completely identical to Human Blood- there's just a lot more of it.

If anything we're more closely related to you then Dwarfs are on a genetic level.

Also on that note I might as well ask you something like, "Is it True your ground up bones make the most delicious of spices for flour and dough?"

>>17277115
FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYONE LOCK THIS GUY'S IP OUT! IT MIGHT SPREAD THROUGH THE INTERNET!

>>17277157
Bones aren't spices, silly giants! You're thinking of flour, and olives. And nuts. And some other stuff.
But bones? Naaaaaaw.

>>17277042
This is why if an Elder Evil offers you something, you take it with a smile on your face, say Thank You, and throw it into the nearest ocean!

Soooooo......

I got really drunk last weekend and ended up having sex with a drider...
This morning she calls me up and says she's pregnant.

What do I do?
I don't think I can support 8000 kids...

>>17277157
Grinding bones is a waste, it'd just make shitty, gritty bread. Bones are really only good for cracking open and eating the marrow. Literally anything else is tastier than bones, even the liver and kidneys, and they're the body's garbage cans.

>>17277112
>Specifically, the fact that I used to eat people now and again seems to upset them for some reason.

I hope you're being sarcastic here.
You're lucky you can use the "it was the beast within" excuse. If you were fully human, the cops would still be after you. Statute of limitations on murder never runs out after all.

>>17277056
But you're not slaves anymore. That's the entire point of the Treaty. That we decided to stop all that stupid bullshit, you know, the whole "Oh no it's a dark empire of orcs rising in the east." Then some adventurers go and bring it down and "Oh no some trolls are here wrecking our shit." and "Those frigging humans won't get off our lands now we have to sacrifice them to our dark gods."

>>17277171
Look on the bright side, most of those children will probably be dead in a week!
... Not helping much, is it?

>>17277177
It did on Treaty-related offenses.

HAHAhahahahahAhahHahahAHAhahahaHEHEHEHEhehehehehehEHEHEHEHEhehehEheheheheheHE

HAHAHA

HA

I can feel the madness closing in...

It wants to go on a date... hehehehehehehehahahahahahahehehehehahahah

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Somebody please kill me

>>17277159


ந̱̲̣̣̉͊̒͛ͧͬ̏͂̕͡ீ̶̺͈͖ͣ̌͗͟ ͖͈̞̖͓ͣ̋̅́̽ந͓̗̇̽ͧ̐͐ͯͯ̄͝ே͊̔̿̋͏̼͈͉̙͙ர̟̯̰̣̃̽̾ͅம̺̮͓̅͒
்̡̬͇͙̯̦͔̲̯̜̱͓̜̊̓́ ̶̗̪̺̼͈̰͈̦̇͐ͨ̒̒͒̓தͬ͗̂̊͗ͦͪ̃̋͜҉͉̮̮̺̮̜̩̭ா̦̝̤̰ͨ̑̋̀ழͦ̐͐
்̡͎̗̙͎̥̗̘̠͒ͬ͆̅ͥ̓͊͒ͨ͌̈́́͘͜த்͎̤͎̤̰̤̝͕̙̦͙͕̂̿̇ͬ̊̾̒̕͜த
̡̻̳͚̦̦̋̿͂̋ி̸̗̺̞͇̲̜̲̜̈̿͊̑ͦ ͖̦̬̦͈̫͕̙̯̅̓̔̑இ̭͙̌ͪ̄ͯͫͧ̋͛́́͢ர͚̻̙̭̳͓̙͊̉ͧு̩̦̫̯͖͔̀ͩ͠ͅ
̩க்̪̩̘͎̤̄̓̄̿̾̇̉ͮ̚͠͠க̴̷̱͔̜̱̮͚̠̫̐ͬ͋ͫͮ̂͜ி̹̤̳͉̾͌ͯ́͢͠
͈̩ற̧͇͇͓͖̗͕̃̀̄͆̐̕ீ̥͉͋ͫͮͦ̐͜͝ர்̛͙͎̱͓̹͉ͪ̑̒̊͛̄͂̈̀̆͝͠க
̸̘̻ͨ͑ள்̢͉͍͔̥̭̝͉̻̯̼̯̞̬͛̅̈́ͨ͊ͥ͐͞

Good thing I don't speak Thai!

>>17277208

Right, that's it, I'm gone.

>>17277171

Ooh, wow that really sucks for you.

Though tell me, what kind of crazy shit were you on to look at drider genitalia and think "Yep! This is a good idea!"

I didn't know it was even POSSIBLE

>>17277177
Don't get your panties in a knot, morsel. It was before all the treaties, every werewolf did it back then. You killed someone and devoured their flesh because shit, no sense wasting a good hot meal. When all the treaties were ratified and we had to become respectable types all of a sudden, that shit went out the window, on the condition that no one ever brought it up, on either side. Ever. Paladins who want to kill me for that are breaking the law just as much as if I were to go out and devour some stupid adventurer fucking up my forest. So get over yourself and realize that not all species conform to your black and white ideas of morality.

>>17277164
>and olives.

My Causin ate an Entire Olive Tree once. Just, like, the whole Tree. No funny joke. Just ate it.

>>17277176
It was mostly a tongue in cheek comment. Eating a human for a giant would be like eating a mouse or a grass hopper for a human. A Mouse or a Grass hopper that could list off the reasons why it'd didn't want to be eaten and why you shouldn't do it.

The whole Giant=cannibles thing is "mostly" a myth.

>>17277208
I think I can make it out... "Worry not, brief mortals, 100% recycled souls" ...uh...wait ,that's bad.

>>17277207
>>17277251

ந̯̳̫̳̟̀ͭ̏ͫ̋͜ா͕͔ͧͨ͆͒́ͣ͗ன்̣̯̱̱͈̞̌͊͐̑̂ ̰͈̤͈͚ͨ̑͐͑̏ͫ̎͡இ͉̤͙̭͎ͩ͌ணͦ̊͒̈́͆̚҉ை͙̼̻̠ͭய̞̙͉̤̘̿̓͜ ̼̿உ̹̮̻̖̖̝̈͐ள்̨̮̥̮͓̮͂ͤͥͦ̅̾͊ͯ̑ͪͩ̾͜ள̩͉͇͉̹̘̔̒̍ͧͨͯத͆̌
͈̪͕̤̼ͧ͗ͯͨ̔ு̱̞̻͈͒
̞̣͔̥̘̣̦͛ͧͣ̌ͬͥ̿
̱̱̰̰̭̽̽͋ͥ͌ந̢̱̝̠͖̯̖̞ͮͯா͙̻͕͚̙̀͝ன்̮̹̽̀̊̏͜ ̘̼̫̯͙̬̯̾ந̪̬̝̙͙̖ͭ̊̋ͧ͋ͫீ̨͉̜̯͉͈̹̯͑ͩͣ̔̏̆ங̵̶்͕͗ͤ̏ͤͬ̔͛
̟̬க̴̻̩̳̫̰̟̝̾ͫள்̜̜̫̯̟͂͆̾ͮ ̠̓͗ͤ̕ப̖̰̰̖̺̔͠ே̳̦̄ா̼̝ͣ̈̄͌̓̉̓ய்̝̰̠͖̗̺̦̞̰͎͑̐͆ͯ ̡̝͕̳̯͙̙̳அ̗̘̣͇̻ங்̰̗̬͚̭͓͕̯͆ͧ̾̈̓ͣͩ͋̒̄͡க̤͎̦̠͇̇̒̾ͭ̆̋ͨ
ு̝̓̋̽̔ͭ̅̅̕ ͚̜̤̻̙̠ͧͪͥ̅̊̓̚͠இ̶͕̬̬̟̘ͧͧͅல்̛̺͍͉̟̣̉͑̿ல̲͈͖̺͖ͩ̋͛͒͐ͤ̀
̯ை̥̗̓̓̓̃͟ ̻̼̺̥͇͓͓̆͌͞க̝̦̲͙̼ண்͇̬͙̠̞͙̟͔͋̇͑͂ͣ͞ட̧̹̙̞͈̌ͧ̓̈̈ͣு̹̼̕
͍ப̆̂̿͌ͦͧ̚͏̖̗̮̜̥ி̃͞டͫ̃͐ͦ͗ͭ͏̜͔͇͉̼ி̭͇͕ͫ̒ͬ̾ͅபͥ̍̀͆̔̇
்̥̞̖̣̳͍̼̘̱̺͕̙̐͌̈́ͧͦ͆ͤ͠ப̮̯̻̤̞̌̍ͯே̜̿͘ன்̘̜̤͕̘͎͚̾̾̂̆͞
̜̓̓͋̅̋
̮͉͊̏̏ͅ
̲̝͚̙͖̀̕ந̹͎̫ா͛ͥ͏̖̞͍̩͓͉ன்͓͈̰͚̘͕ͧ̚͢ ̠͔̘̻̜̗̜ͮ̃̀̊உ̵̭͖͕ͧͨ̈̾ͥ̂ங்̼̼̝͔ͪ̕க͔͎̹̳̹̻ள̥̯̭̮̑ைͫ́̚
̥͇̗̻ ̛̣̺̘͓͔ͨம̷̬̆̆ͣͭ̓̚ண்̢̳̺̝͕̆ͭͩ̔̌͐ͥ̎ͪ̉ͅட̥̖̬̳͓̹̿̎͑ͬ̍̆ி
̝̫̘͍̯̳ͤ͘ய̸̰̈́ி̝̘̠̬͔͈̗͒͋̂́ட்͎̬͔̥̀̾̓ட̤̯̺̮̥͉ͪͮ̈́ ̭͆ͨ̄̃எͨ̃̂ͬன்̗̦̦͖͙͇ͬͫ͂̎̈́̅͛̇͆

>>17277251
Oh great. It's not just a sanity-rending meme-plague. It's fucking advertising

>>17277202
No that is not much emotional consolation, but my wallet is a bit relieved.

>>17277223
Hey, don't judge me! You weren't there, you don't know what it was like!

She's a friend from work, we both stayed late to finish up a project, then when we finished, we sorta... went out for drinks. She starts talking about how its lonely business being a drider and... fuck, I dunno. I don't have much luck with women, so it'd been a long time since.... anyway.

I invite her over to my place and the next thing I know, I'm waking up covered in webbing feeling lightheaded from blood loss.

>>17277274
"Sanity-rending meme plague?" Really? It's just giving me a bit of a headache and making my jaws itch. I don't see what the big deal is here.

>>17277224

I'd say you need to do some panty un-knotting yourself after reading what you just said to him.

Leaving that aside at least you get some "cool factor" thanks to all the were-sympathetic movies and books that have been out lately.

Obyrith slayer here, it's saying it will pay in the armhairs of old humans and the melted heads of chickens. I recommend you take it.

>>17277274

Isn't that the definition of viral advertising?

b'dum tish!

>>17277297
Sorry. I get rather testy when people start going on about 'my crimes'. Bad memories of way too many crazy paladins trying to put my head on a pike. Besides...however many people I killed and ate back then, I'm respectable folks now, or at least I try to be. Haven't done anything like that since the treaties.

>>17276654
So wait, I'm confused, are you the one in the picture or is he?

>>17277289
Give it time. Or better yet, get to a temple. Now.

>>17277282
Don't get too happy, you've still got a few hundred. Although I'm pretty sure you could negotiate it out with her. (Do all of the little hellspawn REALLY need college money?)

>>17277302
Why? What the fuck am I going to do with a soul? Besides, external soul possession is illegal.

>>17277282
Well, I'm not a biology major, but I'm pretty sure that actually give birth to drow offspring.

Was she born like this or was she transformed into a drider?

I got a question, you see in the line of work that my family tends to favor there is often use for Abjurers.

Thanks to my family's contacts and means i have been fortunate enough to get into the Initiates, Yup, the Initiates of the Sevenfold Veil.

That is the problem you see, apparently the Initiates are considered a bunch of arrogant racist Prime Material Plane supremacists by certain parts of the population.

Anyone know if that is true? They are a bit stuck up and arrogant, but i have only been at the campus for a few months and due to the fact that they hew closely to that old "No one must know our secret lore." model of magical learning i still have not got a solid grasp on their politics and views on extraplanars.

So anyone got any info on them?

>>17277333
Take the hair and melted chicken, you twit.

>>17277108
>>17277187

You say we're not slaves, and your kin call us crazy.

Is it crazy to want retribution for the suffering we endured? For the rampant expansion of human territory to be undone?

The treaty ended the wars, but did not undo the damage. Holds taken in blood remain trodden under human boots. Mass murderers masquerading as adventurers- Retired in luxury, surrounded by their stolen wealth! Where is the justice? Where is the retribution? Where is the pain we suffered but caught in our throats and ours alone to endure?

There will be no peace until there is vengeance. Did you think the Sixth Day Blaze was an accident? Do you think the Clocktower Massacre was a lone madman? Wake up. Wake up and realize there is a war brewing around you, and know: You are with us, or against us.

Did you guys hear on the news, about the Large Thaum Collider?

They claim to have found many of the base patterns conductive to magic. Turns out our runes might be just impure bastardizations of pure magic, which apparently looks like a fractal.

Just think, with our advanced computers we can print out a rune with nearly infinite symbols inside it. INFINITE POWER ON A PIECE OF PRINTER-PARCHMENT.

Boggles the mind.

>>17277325
Well, she has a habit of being reasonable. Maybe you're right...

>>17277336
Natural born that last i heard, but all of them say that...
I have no idea how she gives birth.... I kinda faked a dropped connection the second I found out. I honestly have no idea how to react to this information.

>>17277338

I recall hearing that they're the sort that believes that if you aren't part of the Prime Material Plane (whether an outsider or you have outsider blood or are fueled by other planes), you don't belong here and should be sent back.

The fact that there are people like this guy: >>17276825, who's probably never even seen another plane, is irrelevant and it probably extends to those who couldn't even survive in the planes that their ancestors are from.

But this is mostly third-hand information. I don't know if it's true, but it's what I've heard from the detractors.

>>17277282
>>17277171
its time to be a responsible adult, man up a be a father.

>>17277319

>pre-treaty stories.

Oh man, are we talking about Pre-treaty stories?
I'm not old enough to have any myself, but my Father and my Grandfather are a treasure trove of fucking horrifying and awesome stories.

If anyone here thinks those times were better you're either ignorant or you want magical cross-species STDS to no longer be extinct.

>>17277373

Looks like we have to call in Uncle Grobnar again, the savages are getting unruly.

The Pithash Cleansers will pacify them, just you see.

Servers successfully reset.

Odds of temporary insanity event recurrence: 43.313152%

Odds that I'm still insane and I just don't know it: 98.515%

Odds that my sanity will ever fully recover: 0.0%

And now I'm going on a date. With an Elder Evil. Who tried to kill me. And erased all my memories of my childhood between the age of 7 and 12.

Fuck this gay earth.

>>17277373
And this is why Humanity First members are correct. Every time I try to be a progressive, I get yelled at by a bunch of crazies telling me they don't want my help.

>>17277387
Man, this is something you have to own up to, one way or another.

You have to call her, and find out exactly this is going to go down, and then you need to find out if you have the grit to make a father.

>>17277393

It is a bit worrying that the Professor insists on defining them as Mobile Planar Incursions.

It is strictly speaking correct, but it does not sound very respectful.

>>17277433

Nah man, it's always a vocal minority. Most of the rest just want to get by and live their lives without worrying about being blasted into another dimension for having shiny skin or having their house burned down because they have raggedy ears.

Just report the nuts to the authorities and leave it at that.

>>17277433

I figure its just best to ignore the damn thing. A lot easier said than done, though, if you live in a tense neighborhood.

I can only imagine how well we all would get along if our differences were something simple, like skin color or eye shape instead of god damn superpowers. There could be so much peace....

>>17277414

They have tried. They will fail. They cannot kill what cannot be seen. We are a shadow, human; we follow you unseen in day, and at night we are everywhere.

>>17277433

You do not want to help, you want to feign appeasement so as not to upset the delicate balance that sees creatures of all species kept docile, pacified, ignorant.

>>17277319

I see you remember the old times, friend. Do you hunger for them again? We can bring them back.

>>17277456
Man, I don't need to take this shit. I hang out with a Minotaur on a daily basis, have breakfast with a fucking Gnome, and play poker against a godamn Halfelf.

>>17277456

The old times? Please, you don't want that man!

Sure, all the races pretty much practiced their culture with no say from anyone else, but that also meant predators, supernatural monstrosities and adventurers could fuck your shit up with no repercussions.

You may be a strong race, but without the support of everyone else you cannot stand.

>>17277398
You want a pre-treaty story? Fine...let me tell you one of my favorites.
All right, this was back in the bad old days before the treaties were ever thought of. Werewolves were a law unto themselves. If you were smart, and human, you gave us tribute once a month and left us the fuck alone, and we didn't touch you. Worked well for both sides, right?
Well, this one group didn't think so. God-buggerers, every one of them, called themselves the Flame of God, vowed to cleanse the forest of all the evils that infested it. And by cleansing it, they meant burn it to the fucking ground. Great believers in the cleansing nature of flame, they were. Well, quite a few people were upset by that. Dryads, the fae, even a few fucking pointy-ears were in on this.
So one night, dead of night, not a soul awake, we all descend on this little hamlet where they made their base. Anyone who kept to the old ways, iron horseshoes on the door, a saucer of milk for the fairies, a sprig of wolfsbane to let us know they paid tribute, they were left alone. Anyone who flew a Flame flag, or tried to attack us, got dragged off. Not killed, that was too good for them.
Once we got back, we divided our captives, maybe thirty guys all in all. We split it so many ways, the pack only got three. Those three we turned, and dragged to the most ass-backwards, remote part of the forest for their First Change. Two of them killed each other before the night was through. One...decided that maybe burning everything evil wasn't such a good thing now that he was 'evil' and joined us. From what I hear...those three got it easy compared to their friends. Apparently, the fae decided to teach them the hard way why you don't fuck with the forest, ever.
Of course, all that is in the past now. I don't eat people or turn them, and paladins don't fuck with me or my pack. It all works out so much better, and if things are boring now, eh, I'm an old graymane anyway. Not my world anymore.

>>17277449

I advise you not to disrupt the proceedings, then. Education is important, and the lessons your professor can teach may come in handy.

That said, you should always remember to use a sieve. Take what's useful and leave the rest. Whether the other planes are actually trying to destroy our home is irrelevant, because if it's true we won't have a shot in Hell of stopping it and there's no sense in ruining a perfectly good mind by trying to tackle an impossible task.

>>17277456
What's all this "we" bullshit? Don't Kenkus only live, like 40 years? Anyone among you who was around during the treaties? Fucking dead. Integrate already. The rest of us have.

>>17277456

But that is wrong, you were not some kind of invisible or invincible specter of death.

You terrified the peasants, then from time to time adventurers would pop up and basically eradicate anyone of you who was too stupid to flee.

Divination magics exists, divination psionics exist, for that matter keen eyes exist.

To harbor hope of remaining unseen in todays society is foolishness, the side you want to antagonize have more magic, more weapons, more eager hands to wield them with, and for that matter they even have more gods on their side.

>>17277456
The old times were a fucking time of barbarity. I won't lie about what I am, but that doesn't mean I want them back. I'm bored now, and I hate the feeling I've gone soft, but it's better than being in danger every day of my life, I'll say that much. I'm old, the old times were most of my life. That was my world, and it isn't coming back. Maybe the next generation will have a better rep than mine ever will.

Bah, stupid History Channel is playing that god damn show again.

You know the one, where they claim Pelor is actually the new form of Zarus or whatever.

a thousand eyes
many see look upon go as far as to do
decided being is unnatural

>>17277481
>>17277502

The pre-treaty times were essentially a crap-shoot of suffering and ignorance.

My Grandfather regularly had to run off with a Grain Silo strapped to his back with his arms full of Livestock so he could provide for his family.

But more to the point it also made everybody really, really, cruel. Now My grandfather had a personal vendetta against Animal people after a Bearman Werebear? BEARPERSON slashed his big toe and he had to get it amputated or lose it to infection.

He Enacted his revenge by doing something equal parts eccentric and poetic: he essentially made a tunic completely out of Animal people hides.

Werewolves, Deermen, Werebears, Pigmen, etc..etc..

It wouldn't have been "so" disturbing if not for the fact that when you keep the heads on hides there are always those weird little eye holes in the pelts.
He made sure every single one of those pelts "heads" were looking right at where his Toe stub was.

He figured if the Animal people wanted to maim him so badly they could spend all of eternity admiring their work.

>>17277502
Now that I can agree with. I've hung up my blade and put away my armour and I hope never to have to need them again.
More blood on my hands than I can ever wash away, deserved and not.
My grandkids pester me about old war stories of guts and glory. Of protecting the innocents and slaying the monsters. Being a "hero".
Maybe one day I'll tell them what it was really like. That the words "hero" and "monster" really meant the same thing viewed from a different angle.
But not just yet. I want them to be able to sleep.

>>17277492

I carry in my heart the fury of my father, and his father, and one day my son will carry in his heart my fury too.

An oath was made- Before my time, but of my blood. To say too much would give away my location, but I will say it was a good oath to a great creature; one dying, one watching its way of life die with it. Slain when those refusing to abide by the treaty were brought under its thrall.

In so short a time, the struggles of so many were forgotten... We vowed never to forget. Never to become docile, nor to forsake our independence- for we know the peace of Man. It is a withering death. To see your children taken into their communes and pushed into their ghettos, clinging to human culture and convenience while the ways of old languish in their mind, and are erased altogether.

We know. We have seen the face of Man, and it has seen us- And it is now the Shining One, but it was not always. We will not let the truth be buried with our ashes, rendered from flesh by the slaves of the Unspoken One.

That is why -I- fight. That is not why Liberty fights, but why I fight for them.

>>17277644
>I'm full of shit

Go find something shiny to hoard.

>>17277609
See, that is what the old times were all about. Push back against anyone who fucked with your family. It started centuries-long cycles of revenge all over the fucking place. If I saw your grandfather back then, I'd have killed him without a second thought, and scaled that coat of his up to his neck and torn it out. It was just the way things were done. Blood for blood, death for death. Now...we live in a really different time.

Occasionally seeing in triplicate. Getting tired, craving rat. Temples all turn me out. Apprentices waving contract saying they owe me nothin'.

why did I just sneeze fire
>captcha: cos ersifire

>>17277656

Personally I enjoy being able to have clothes that fit, enough food that I don't have to literally start kicking over houses because I'm starving to death, and god do I love movies, games, and fucking junk food.

My Grandpa just about shit himself the first day they release giant kin sized wagon wheels and twinkies.

>>17277609

...Your grandfather was the Huntsman?

Do you have any idea how many creatures would give anything to see you skinned?

>>17277373

You know what the Treaties did? They saved your life you dumbfuck. And now you're going to throw it away. Oh well, you're keeping ME employ ed at least, see you in...3 or 4 days.

>>17277798

Hah! Good luck finding me, I'm behind 7 scrying wards!

>>17277715
Heh. And I remember the day they banned the use of silver for weaponmaking. My dad would've thought they were insane. Like I said, things are different now, and a lot of folk say they're better. Soon enough, graymanes like me will be gone and there won't be anyone who remembers them personally. I'm not sure how to feel about that idea. I see the young pups walking down the street showing off their fangs and reeking of fur and musk, not a single scar on them, and I know they'd have been dead in seconds back in the day, and I'm still not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing. I own a house, have a steady day job, and only transform when I have a hunger for raw meat. Deer and rabbit, mind. I feel like I've gone soft, but...I like the safety.

>>17277761

My Grandfather was also 45ft tall and died like 7 years ago.


Hopefully no one. I'd at least like to keep pretending that people understand there's no vengence to be had when The guy who killed all dem Animal peoples died in his sleep while watching soccer.

>>17277818

It could be worse.

We could be trying to change the world and fouling it all up in the process.

>>17277847

But that's the worst part. That one who inflicted such a violent death on so many got to spend his final years and minutes peacefully, quietly. You must see the injustice in that, surely?

>>17277813

Like most of your type you vastly over-estimate your own capabilities. The fact that we haven't already killed you simply means you aren't important enough for us to bother with. The reality is that your every action serves my employers purposes, the only reason your type are allowed to "rebel" against the Treaties is because it benefits my employer in the long run. When you go above and beyond, when you step out of line and become an annoyance rather than a tool, you are cleansed just like the rest.

>>17277818

Animal man, I work as a parking Attendent. It's good pay for just sitting around all day and moving cars around so they aren't parked like idiots.

Important to lift with the legs though- a lot of my friends forget we're made out of flesh and guts and throw out their backs lifting heavy machinery. I guy I know pulled a muscle while lifting over a dozen porta potties and they all just sort of.. fell.


>>17277880
Ends with him man. Anything else creates an unhealthy unjust cycle of hatred.

>>17277899

I think you're a 15 year old human fledgeling pulling things out of his cloaca. Try to find me if you can- I promise we'll make it quick, if you co-operate.

>>17277880
And where is the justice in killing and maiming innocent people who had nothing to do with anything that happened back then?

No, the old days are done and good riddance to them.

Hell, if it weren't for the treaties I would have never met my second wife. A medusa mind you. I was the first man to be able to look her in the eye and tell her no. Heh, I guess having all that mental combat training was worth it. Being a stubborn sumbitch helps too.

>>17277923
>>unhealthy unjust cycle of hatred.
The old days in a nutshell, frankly, like I already said. Half of the shit I did was done in the name of repaying old insults. The other half was stopping new ones before I started.
>>Work
Yeah, these days I work at a hunting supplies store. Apparently, there's a certain...charm in having a graymane werewolf give forestry advice to pups. I don't see it myself, but enough people seem to lap it up that I make good cash. Even with my bluntness.

>>17277880
Stop being such a self-righteous prick. You're obsessed with avenging injustices seven generations removed from you. You're just being short-sighted and bloodthirsty. The treaties were a big hatchet that we all had a part in burying. You act like no human has ever suffered at the hands of a kenku. My great-grandfather was at Naples when Kawrak's murder descended on the townsfolk in the last week of the Neapolitan Conflict. He never spoke of it but we've gone through his memoirs. His hands shook violently when he wrote about the retreat. Children and the elderly were singled out and eaten alive because they couldn't fight back.

Get off your fucking high horse.

...if you are reading this letter, then that's one blasted thing I can count on these lummoxes to do right. I can only hope that Brugok didn't pummel too many letter-carriers until someone figured out what I had instructed him to do.

I am a junior wizard, apprentice of Archmage Sontius Saius. I was apprehended by a tribe of ogres while collecting herbs, and I was only able to save myself from certain death by casting an illusion to project to them the figure of a ogress. This only led them to carry me back to their camp, where they brutalize each other in an attempt to court me. The oafs didn't even question why I weighed a fifth of what I should have, or why I only eat a tenth.

I cannot escape them. In order to not arouse their suspicions, I am forced to... "enhance" the facade occasionally. I am not sure I will ever live down the shame of what I am doing for self-preservation. Please, if you or anyone you know is capable, come either free me or put me out of my misery.

Anyone know what to do about an epic level wizard that still run around with a lot of pre-treaty instincts?

Old man Fibbert is a good neighbor but he is kind of scaring the crap out of us when he disintegrates someone because of threatening behavior or otherwise antagonizing him, he don't actively track down people to hurt them, but when the Three Fangs gang broke into his house all of them just disappeared the next day. No one saw anything. Hell, for that matter most of us is having a hard time remembering that there even were a Three Fangs gang at all.

This is kind of ruining the neighborhood, lots of racial distrust building up. Everyone not Human, Dwarf, Elf, Halfling is convinced that it is all a part of some prelude to a pogrom and they have begun striking back, of course the smart ones avoid Fibbert and target innocents instead.

>>17277924

I imagine you probably haven't seen Taken have you?

"You don't remember me? We spoke on the phone two days ago. I told you I would find you"

>>17277988
>epic level wizard casting Disintegrate

That leaves ethereal evidence. Get someplace far away from your home and call the police. That shit is strictly forbidden. He could be banished for that.

>>17277988
Report him to the Mage's college. Every race polices their own, and sounds like this prick hasn't made many friends in his time leading up to 'retirement'. Nothing says 'satisfaction' like watching that policing in action. I remember, once, there was this vamp snacking on young girls, like fourteen and thirteen. Back in the old days, he'd have been fine dust spread over seven neighborhoods once whoever got there first was finished. Instead, we called up the Courts and told them about him, and the very next night he was carried off by three different Elders. Last I heard, they had him scrubbing their toilets all night, every night for the next five centuries.

>>17277984
A possible in with an archmage for a few scrolls? I'll be right there- er, I guess you can't be reading this, can you.

A quest, and they laughed when I got an adventurer's permit.
>captcha:ubstro protection
I'm pretty sure the side effects did not include prophecy....pretty sure...hope this works...

>>17277925

The violence can stop. Liberty fights for what should have been in the treaty to begin with- Filling in of the Sidemont iron mines and returning the ancestral aeries of the kenku, the ogres' barrows, and a memorial erected to Algroth, the Emerald Dragon. In addition, everything below South Harbor must be returned as the Packlands and the human settlements there removed.

Lastly, we have a list of the worst offenders against many species of monsterkind, almost all former 'adventurers'. Of the some 130 people on it, some are dead, but many are either elderly or, worse yet, rendered ageless or renewed due to magic or potions. A special tribunal must be established to locate and punish these people, and those that have already died must have their descendants pay reparations to go towards memorials for the fallen.

The rulers are deaf to our pleas. The people have turned away from them. They will be made to hear until things are set right.

>>17277974

Naples was not our proudest moment, but in his later years Kawrak was little more than a creature of bitter hatred. Many followed him because they saw him as he was when he was young- Charismatic, driven, and a great tactical thinker. When he ordered slaughter, good kenku obeyed out of the belief that it was some grand tactical feint, or it was preventing greater bloodshed. Maybe at some point that was true, I do not know, but perhaps if he was not raised seeing so much violence perpetrated by humans he would not have become what he did.

>>17278015

He is three hundred years old, he owns about a third of the city, he is Professor Emeritus in the College of Applied Energetic. He have advised Presidents.

The cops would not touch him unless they caught him standing in a pile of dead babies while screaming benedictions to the dark gods.

As for ethereal evidence, we had someone looking into it on a freelance basis, and he found nothing. By his guess he have some way of obscuring it, it is probably possible to find some evidence if we could afford to hire someone really skilled but we cant afford to use that much money on a longshot.

>>17278079
And who will repay the blood he and his spilled then?

Are you seeing my fucking point? You're a hypocrite.

>>17278096

He is blinded by hate, and he has become more a problem than a solution. He doesn't understand the nature of the Treaties, doesn't understand that they are the only things standing between his people and annihilation.


Don't worry though, he will be handled shortly.

>>17277966

>Wolf man
>Working at a Hunting Store
>My head immidietly fills with the image of this grey furred naked Animal person flapping his maw like a muppet and snarling whenever someone buys something or asks for advice.

Hilarious.
My Father was an elevator mechanic before he retired. For him it was a lot like a combination between Toy repair and whatever job requires smaller humanoids to climb telephone poles.

>>17277924
>>17277880

I JUST REALISED KENKU IS FANCY TERM FOR CROW PEOPLE.

Why would a Crow person even want the pre-treaty time to return?
Some people thought it was acceptable to EAT certain kinds of animal men during those times.

I wouldn't imagine you guys would have it very hard now.. you can fly to work, you adapt well to an urban lifestyle, you're very good with numbers.

>>17278079
You're an idiot if you think humans will move for anything. And an even bigger idiot for demanding a return to the cycle of revenge. You know what we weres called a kenku back in the day? A snack, that's what. Now, I see a kenku, I'm probably here to hand your cousin money so he can fix my tools. It's a safer world now, and you're just making it worse. I did a ton of shit back that'd get me arrested now, and while I don't really regret it...I'm not going back. And neither should you, pup."

>>17278004

I try not to watch human entertainment, it pollutes the mind. That one about the birds was good.

>>17278096

The humans had their time, they had their justice for centuries. In relation, we ask little. We are branded terrorists for our methods, but we resort to them only because people have tried so hard to ignore our message. If you would stop forcing our hand, there would be no death.

>>17278120
>My head immidietly fills with the image of this grey furred naked Animal person flapping his maw like a muppet and snarling whenever someone buys something or asks for advice.
I look human when I want to, you know. Wear clothes and everything, just like real people. I can just change into a giant wolf or a half-ton beast-man killing machine whenever I want. And I do, now and again, usually when someone has the balls to tell me he doesn't think I'm a werewolf. My coworkers hate it when that happens. Apparently terror-piss is hell on the floorboards.

Is it just my personal experience, or are all domesticated-animal zoocephalus women as needy as fuck?

Except cats, of course.

>>17278061
P.S.

You will find four ogresses in the tribe. I do not care what you do with the others, but know that I am the... visibly ovulating one.

>>17277984
>>17278061
Where is this guy I've tried like half the ogre hangouts that are anywhere near the coordinates he left. You know how embarrassing it is to explain to an ogre family that no, sorry, it was a mistake, I thought you were an illusion when you try to carry off the mother? maybe these grafts are a little handy, I don't actually know Ogre.

Does this Sontius Saius even have a son?

>>17278134

>I try not to watch human entertainment, it pollutes the mind.

Speaking of which.

What do you guys think of the string of awefull fucking movies about werewolves and vampires and what not?

They're even making a horrible modern remake of "Jack the Giant Killer."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPBFv8HJ_bo

The Story gets significantly less adorable when in reality Jack was a teenager who went around killing impoverished giants while they slept in dug outs on the side of the road.

Though there's some hidden gems.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-w3M_aqWBw

I highly recommend every single Animal person here to briefly check out the Opera "The Minotaur." Skip to 2:56 for the good shit.

>>17278125

I confess it's been... odd fighting for this alongside were-people, but it's an alliance of necessity. And only the most extreme members of Liberty advocate a complete removal of the treaty. I don't know how to feel about it, myself; what I've told you is what I and most of the other moderates want. Land back, reparations, justice. That's it.

>>17278120

You see? Look at those stereotypes. Do you think I want to settle down in some dingy apartment and conform to that?

And yes, I am aware of the... culinary atrocities inflicted on my ancestors. Those slights, at least, were repaid many times over.

>>17278189
...damn, that was the third one I visited! Why didn't you say anything? I'm glad I look poisonous and have two serpents' tongues...now, you can use an Invisibility scroll fine right? I'll have a few on me...
>kenku and treaties
>captcha edentsv truce
Yes, captcha. The fighting must end, preferably before these ogres catch me trying to make off with their "ogress".

So. I'm technically human. But I've been cursed, or blessed if you want to go by the caster's point of view. Long story short, my car broke down, I tried to get a lift into town but turns out these cultist who worshipped a tiger god of some sort used me in a ritual. They wanted to bring said tiger god to Earth and rule the world, y'know the usual stuff. But they needed a vessel.

Which happened to be me.

So they picked me up. Konk me out. Strap me to a table in their temple. Transform my body, then do the ritual, but part-way through it, a rival cultist (of some sort of snake god or something) bursts in, kills my attackers, and in the chaos I escaped.

But now I'm a 800 something pound tiger man. Every mage collective, wise sage, priest, doctor and what have you all say my condition is irreversable. So now I guess I'm no longer human.

What do I do now? I lost my job (because who wants a fucking tiger person to be a chef, I would need an entire body hair net), my girlfriend left me for a fucking minotaur, and now I get hit with racial slurs everywhere I go. The law enforcement believe I'll freak out and eat small children..

I'm not even sure if I'm a race.

>>17278240

You will get nothing, your actions serve the desires of those in power. Once they cease to do so they send people like me to end your activities, that's the way it's been since before the Treaties were dreamed of. Be heartened though, you aren't alone, the blood of MANY humans, elves and the like are on my hands too. My employers have a very progressive, equal opportunity mindset when it comes to execution orders. Good night, I'll be meeting you soon.

>>17278258
Technically, you're lumped in with all the other werecreatures now. Welcome to the pack, friend. Try to contact your local pack, they'll lead you to someone you can consult, and they'll hook you up with a tiger pack somewhere close. It's good for you, pack is the truest family you'll ever know. And do it soon, you don't want to be packless long.

>>17278093

You know what is really scary?

He don't seem to hate his victims or understand why people should hate him.

Today Old Man Fibbert shopped at Gemshas corner store, bought the newspaper and some donuts. When i entered the store i could feel a veritable wall of hate and sheer terror.

You see, Gemsha`s younger son was one of the Three Fangs, and he disappeared just like the rest, apparently from what the rest of us have been able to piece together Gemshas husband decided to get revenge and we believe he poisoned Fibberts donuts.

And in a few hours he promptly mutated into a hideous shrieking blob, in the end a few neighbors put him down in a mercy kill.

Anyways, in the corner store today, a dead man could have sensed the tension and emotions, and yet Fibbert, he did not notice. Just continued his same old forgetful old teacher routine.

Wizards are Creepy.

>>17278258
>>17278258

Giant Anon here.

You could always try moving to the closest Animal Man District/town in your city. You'd feel right at home if you can get used to the "ethnic food smell."

>my girlfriend left me for a fucking minotaur
That doesn't even make sense.
"Oh man, my bf turned into a weretiger. I'd better leave him for a Large Human with a bull head."
How are you even supposed to make out with that mess!
She was obviously a whore.

>>17278258
>technically human

Yeah, no. You're a monster and all you scum gonna get put down. Don't even think about comparing yourself to real humans.

>>17278283
Do you think any pack will accept me? I'm not technically a were-creature. I'm stuck in this tiger-man form, I don't have any aversion to silver and I don't have any of the perks of being a were-creature.

I mean I can see the dark pretty well, and I'm pretty darn strong but thats really the only thing I found out. Unles I have some other perk I don't know about.

Mostly I'm just worried more of these cultist will find me and finish the ritual. I really don't want to become a vessel to some tiger god. It keeps me up at night y'know.

>>17278334
We werecreatures are a protective lot. To my eyes, you're 'close enough', a zoomorph stuck in his war form. They're fairly common, actually. Got a few packs with those, even a few with sentient beasts. We're all family, and pack fights to the death to protect pack. Once you have one...they'll protect you from the cult.

>>17278240

Pardon the question, but do you have any young ones of your own?

>>17278360

A son. He is a bit too young yet to be involved in any of this, and the fight keeps me from staying in one place any too long so I rarely get to see him. His mother understands what I do, but doesn't want to get involved, and I don't want to involve her in it. Why?

>>17278258
>I'm not even sure if I'm a race.

Start one. Races may be hard to begin but they're also hard to end. Your impact on the world will be great.

I don't know why some of /you/ can't eke out a respectable living, I've been a lawyer since the Treaty and it's just about the most delightful job I've ever had. Humans are fantastic, especially their court systems.

Ever since they ruled the use of psionics acceptable in court for the purposes of evidence, my success rate's never been higher. I tell you, if that Phoenix who's been laying about gets in /my/ court with his 'defense of the innocent' nonsense, I'll show him what for.

By the by, if any of you lot ever need a good attorney, call me! 1-666-FLA-YERS, ask for Miles; Miles M. Flayer, at Flayer, Flayer, and Flayers, the only Illithid-run law firm in the Greater New York Area.

>>17278355
But what if it..wears off or something.

The ritual was interrupted after all. And I reek of black magic, so I could only cause trouble.

But..I'll give it a shot I s'pose. Anything I should know about were-creature customs? I don't want to make a fool of myself.

>>17278402

Legally your First Change is a temporary insanity thanks to "Lupe vs. The State". If you feel like murdering anything, that's the time to do it.

Not really *customs* but law's about all I have.

So anyone know what to do with a brass minotaur golem?

I work as security in a building, now the building itself is warded with some of the best wards the Initiates can craft, so it is not getting in.

But apparently there is someone working in the building that have transgressed against the creator of the golem.

So now we have a golem stalking outside that wants to shorten someone with a headlength or so.

And our boss wants it gone, if we don't find a solution in a day or so he will probably send us out to take care of it . And i really don't want to fight a twelve feet tall metal minotaur.

>>17278381
What kind of childhood is that? To have your father always away, fighting for something you don't understand? Do you think your son cares about what it is you're fighting for? What if he doesn't? What does that mean to him? Only that he has a father who chooses not to be anywhere near him.

What's really important?

>>17278428
Ask for its registration number. It's legally obligated to provide it. From there you can contact the owner and ask it to remove the being from the premises.

If its owner has been slain and it's seeking revenge then you need to get the authorities involved. That means that there is a possibility of murder or manslaughter and its vengeful impetus counts as evidence and cannot be interfered with.

If it's unregistered then you can just call a removal service. Many of them employ beholders who will just stare at the thing while they cut it down and load it up for transport. It's one of the few jobs they can reliably get. The sane ones anyway.

Oh, you want stories?

Back in the day when I was a courier, one of my most important assignments was to deliver a message to the chancellorship in Dartor. Yes, the undead commonwealth. The mission itself went well enough, but my stay was rather... unsettling.

You have not tested your intestinal fortitude until you have been accidentally directed to the wrong quarters and walked in upon a display of mutual necrophilia.

It haunts to me to this day in many ways, some of which I did not expect. Needless to say, no matter how dingy the slum I visit, I am unable to find a harlot willing to smear herself with rotting flesh.

>>17278460
Christ, man, that's a serious mental scar. Go find a neural reconfiguration clinic. If it's seriously impacting your life you can just have it molded away. It's expensive but if you've got good insurance (couriers usually do) then it should be at least partially covered. If not then they will often offer payment plans.

>>17278454
That's terrible. If it can't provide its registration number, it could be damaged, perhaps because some well-meaning-but-idiotic would-be adventurer thought its master was some sort of ravening lunatic.

And getting the authorities involved when there's a golem in lockdown just makes trouble for everyone. He could be recharging, for all you know; is your building atop a particular set of ley lines? I've had golems lurk in my office, it's built atop an intersection for proper rituals.

Paperwork goes /much/ smoother with proper rituals.

In any case, if it doesn't provide the registration number or you can't contact its owner, don't go getting the authorities involved until you've confirmed something is wrong. Nothing embarasses a wizard on holiday more than plane shifting into a home full of police rooting through his personal belongings, and an embarassed wizard is an enemy to you and everyone you care about.

Drow woman here, i seem to have terrible luck with men...

you see, it seems all i attract are man who want to "dominate me" or be "dominated", and well, it gets really old, really fast, not to mention how creepy they are... I want a Lover, not a slave! is that too much to ask for!?! they don't even bother buying me a drink before coming on to me.....

>>17278422
Temporary my ass. I've known people to go permanently berserk from it. Usually people who never should've been turned in the first place. Weaklings, children, that kind of thing. In the old days...they were usually left for the paladins to clean up. Now...we have to put them down ourselves. It's the worst duty a pack can call you to, frankly.

>>17278402
Your pack is your family. That's the first law. You obey your Alpha, you obey the Alpha Bitch, you obey the Great Alphas, and you never, ever hurt your packmates or deny them what you can freely give. Take care of your packmates, and they'll take care of you.
The second law is harder: Keep your own sacred. That basically means...don't fuck with other weres. We're all one big family, and if you've ever seen a holiday domestic dispute, you know what that can mean sometimes. The second law says you can't just up and kill another were over less than a capital offense. Nonfatal stuff only, and you need a legitimate reason to issue a challenge to someone else.
For approaching a pack for the first time, be humble, be respectful, bring gifts. Your Alpha is your boss, your father, and your priest. Show it. Act like someone they want to associate with, but don't deceive them about who you are. Don't get disheartened if they run you through a lot of hoops. They're checking to see if you're tough enough. Prove that you are. We value strength and toughness, so show it. Kick ass, take names, stand up for yourself, and don't take no for an answer. But don't be too aggressive, or they'll think you're feral. It sounds complicated, but it's surprisingly easy. Any other questions?

>>17278430

Our childhood is shorter than a human's. Even still, I made a promise to my father, and part of that was to have my son make the same promise, when the time comes. It's a hard life I'll be bringing him into; I pray it's not a short one...

I've been told at times my word is my jewel- That, like a crow with something bright, I hoard my promises, and will not let them go. It's a comparison I find demeaning, but at times I can't fault its truth.

>>17278454

Hmmm. Not good.

Me and Krulth flipped a coin, he lost so he had to talk to it.

He tried that registration number dealie.

It would only give him the first four numbers, Og28-. And it added that it was on a sanctioned venegance mission from the Church of Vecna.

If we wanted to know more we would have to take it up with the department of homeland security.

This is bad is it not?

>>17278478
Terrible? That thing is on private property. And yes, it is a thing. They don't have souls and there are certain people that would argue that it's an abomination to begin with. Most elementals are non-sapient but it's still cruel to forcibly bind them into service as a glorified engine for a personal slave made of inanimate matter.

It's no different than illegally parking your car. Well, slightly different in that your car can't go on a rampage and kill a dozen people if left unattended. The removal service is legal, usually cheap since they retain salvage rights, and they're required by law to document the capture of the elemental and turn it over to planar denizen control to release it to the proper dimension.

>>17278484
You've been looking for elven and Drow partners, I bet. The cliches are just too deeply ingrained. The only time you'll find someone willing to treat you like an equal would be if you hooked up with another Drow gal or were willing to expand your proclivities to races that have less interaction with the Drow or greater respect of partner equality, like Centaur or maybe gnome

>>17278497
I said /legally/, not /literally/.

>>17278422
As much as I would like to slaughter my minotaur loving ex-girlfriend I'm just not that kind of person.

Though this guy,
>>17278322


who didn't seem to realize that I was a human, transformed by other humans into a tiger person would be a good choice..

Nah. He's probably some guy looking for attention. S'okay buddy, I lost my girl to a animal person too.

>>17278383

Can I even breed? I'm not sure, even if I could even find Missus Tiger-Lady I may be sterile or something. I s'pose I'd meet a nice were-tigress.

But a race of tiger people..s'pose we would need a different name..

Well I was a Power Ranger's fan. We could be called the Saba!

>>17278515
Inform your boss immediately. Like, right now. I don't care if he's balls-deep in a whore, if he's not answering his phone knock on his goddamn door and tell him what's up.

You'll want to get the company's lawyers involved immediately. And do call up homeland security and verify this thing's claims. If it doesn't check out then you need to call the cops because something very, very illegal is going on.

>>17278497
I wish the were-wolf pack in my area where like that.
The ones here are giving all kinds of hell just because I'm a scaley Were.

>>17278535
adoption is always an option if you want kids.

>>17278519
There are certain people that would argue /I/ am an abomination to begin with simply because the circumstances of my birth involved me worming my way into the brainstem of an intelligent human (actually, former elf, but that's hardly the point) and growing into a full-fledged parasite, then obliterating the brain and intelligence to replace with my own.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm the most successful attorney at the firm, or that I have rights; so does that golem.

Don't tell me about *legal* salvage rights; if someone damaged the golem's wards because of something as inane as a lawn ornament arranged
improperly and you let it get scrapped, you're the one who has to pay their towing. Let your boss or your co-worker deal with it, don't get involved.

>>17278484
I've been told I'm an excellent lover, but lacking in genitalia, I suspect it would mean very little to you. If you want polite intellectual conversation and stimulation, however, I am always free for dinner with an intelligent drow.

>>17278484
I know that feel, sis. I'm a changeling who passes most of the time to avoid suspicion. The one time I don't get discriminated against is from freaks who want to take advantage of my "natural talents" in bed. Freaks should be read as everyone. And everyone asks, eventually, be it for futa or a celebrity. Even the people who you thought understood that the form you take on a day to day basis is who you see yourself as, both in looks and gender.

>>17278551
Adoption does not a race begin. Unless you give the kid some of your blood or something. As you are a special and possibly unique case, this is inadvisable.

>>17278535
Forced Transformation is still "First Change" on the books, and most judges and police won't know the difference or care anyhow.

>>17278556
No, people argue that you're an abomination because once a month you have to go down to death row and pick out a meal if you don't want to die. The circumstances of your creation haven't been relevant for a while.

Golems are property and they don't have rights beyond that. If a golem can't provide registration then that's not the guy's problem. If it's been there for 24 hours so it's officially abandoned. Ergo, it can be disabled and scrapped with no legal recourse.

But it seems that this line of debate has been rendered moot due to the whole homeland security thing. I'd hate to be in that guy's shoes right now.

>>17278569
I wouldn't be so sure about that. There are a lot of weres going into police work these days. Our strength, speed, and scent abilities are rather valuable to that line of work. And any Were will be able to tell a transformed person from a First Change were at a glance. Even the pups have probably had to do a Blood Hunt on some poor mad bastard at some point. And if the arresting officer knew you weren't acting as a Changed...things get messy, fast.

>>17278470
Oh believe me, I have a history with the king's mindshapers, I do. My ventures are what they call "alternative coping procedures", which they recommended I explore instead of being molded for the fourth time. I go under the foci again, I might not know who I am when I come up. It might be my last resort, though, either that or I respond to that ad in the Weekly Necropolitan about the "young-at-death woman seeking a 'lively' companion".

>>17278588
Yes, the homeland security argument tends to default everything.

And as for eating something on death row, what are *you* going to do with your prisoners? Kill them? Oh, no, that's *much* more humane than allowing us to feed, my apologies; we'll just die over here while you throw your delicious prisoners away.

How very forward.

>>17278536

Shit gets worse, Homeland security wont talk much but apparently the golem is:

"A specialist in handling situations regarding information theft" and "we would appreciate your cooperation in this matter and would encourage you to lower your wards so that the matter can be brought to an end."

Well, the latter wont happen (yet), thanks to the Castle Doctrine and Supreme Courts corporations are people too stance our lawyers are stalling the matter.

Still there is an twelve feet metal minotaur pacing outside our doors.

>>17278598
King? What backwards country do you live in?

But yeah, if you have a legitimate outlet then go for it. There's nothing wrong with sexual... well, "deviance" has such a negative connotation, but that's technically what it is. Fuck, my brother's married to a tar-keen or however the hell you spell it. My dad freaked out when he first found out about it but we've come to accept Tak-Kli as part of the family now. The pressure to have grandkids is all on me now though, even though I don't really have time for a girlfriend...

But anyway, good luck to you, friend.

>>17278322
>not human
>>17278145
>Wear clothes and everything, just like real people.
Human != person, you guys. Part of the treaties. Update your vocabulary; obviously PackHunter IS a real person.

>>17277984
Junior Wizard chap, you got away too, right? I know you used the invisibility scroll, I saw the issues you were having keeping that blanket draped properly beforehand, could you hook me up with the archmage now?
It'sss kind of disconcerting talking three at a time. At least the hexocularity's stopped being disconcerting.

I mean seriously, those students aren't bothering to study me from what I can tell, might as well make them make a real research project on experimental grafting out of it and see if I can get some help that way...

>>17278610
Technically the "corporations are people" thing only applies if you have a corporate totem who's capable of asking for a lawyer.

>>17278636
They pay very well, too.

>>17278631
I was being facetious with the 'just like real people' line, just so you know. I know the giant pup didn't mean anything by it, but still. I couldn't help but be sarcastic about it.

>>17278644
Well, seeing as they're only capable of speaking via financial transactions that's a given.

I had a roommate who used to send in customer suggestions to corporate totems all day, every day, just to get the one cent donations with the "Thank you for your input" transaction description in his bank account. He was able to pull in what amounted to minimum wage that way.

He fucked up and accidentally bound himself into Wal-Mart's service by forgetting to click something on a form once. He's got three months of unpaid live-in greeting work left, last I checked.

>>17278627
Force of habit. My home country has never been quick to adopt the new systems of thought.

And yes, I suppose I'll just have to accept it, won't I? Your brother's fortunate in his own way, though. I hear the lady revenants are all about RAISING a family.

Cheers.

>>17278558
Would you happen to want consensual sex in the missionary position with a respectable Drow woman, would you?

>>17278675
Well the rest of us are less fortunate. They're both big drinkers. And when they drink they're... very affectionate. He tells me it's how the relationship got started to begin with.

We don't serve wine at Thanksgiving dinner anymore after what happened three years ago. Uncle Frank made them pay for the carpet.

>>17278673
There is nothing I equate to the emotion you call love more than a corporate spirit with a lot of contracts needing to be sorted out.

>>17278631
To the brave Mr. Snakes-for-Arms

Thank you very much for facilitating my departure from that ghastly hovel. I was running out of homunculi to disguise as ogre infants, and no matter how adept I may have been at approximating ogre standards of beauty, I would not have been tolerated long if I weren't able to produce more heirs to the bone and feces throne, as it were.

As promised, I've tried to put in a good word with Master Saius, though I'm not sure how much clout I have with him now that I've been reduced to, as he phrases it, "a pitiful, sullied worm of a man". If he does grant you an audience I'm sure your condition would be simple for him to assist you with.

I must apologize for not being able to help you myself, but I haven't the proper licensing yet to reconfigure anatomy. I'm also most sorry that I did not stay in person to thank you, but I had several pressing needs to take long baths in boiling pitch.

Regards, Auran Hortensius
Junior Wizard, Third Class

>>17278610

Mystery solved.

After the boss threatened to turn off the wards unless someone told him why the golem was there, people caved.

Its all bad, seems like the programmers got hopped up on some druid weed, decided that : "Like, information just wants to be free, dude." and hacked some government contractor and then they put it on the net.

So now the government is pissed, the church of Vecna is pissed and the contractor is pissed.

Oh, and our programmers are probably toast too. See, that golem there? It infallibly knows who is guilty or not of a crime, it is created by the church of Vecna but have been verified as unbiased and unflawed by the Pantheic Council.

So that thing out there will be chopping up the programers like dry kindling before they can even utter words like : Due process, jury or mercy.

Well, my shift is over in ten minutes. Then i will go home and then i guess i will see tomorrow if i still have a job or a place to perform that job in.

>>17278753
Worker's Comp is wonderful. Do you work in the Greater New York Area?

>>17278759

New Jersey.

Whatever happens, i am just happy that i don't have to try to chase that thing off the lawn.

>>17278813
I know a fellow. Look up Larry "Lar'larrlarrflhganrz" Larr; he's Beholderkin, but a great attorney.

>>17278735
I've still got my originals on. Hunt-and-fang typing is not something I want to HAVE to do, it's more than a little annoying.

Well, uh. thanks. I'm a little less concerned that these are making me evil and stealing my soul or whatnot now, though I still have...hey, Miles, I don't suppose you know any easy ways off the Experimental and Unstable Magical Afflictions Registry? I don't think I could sue them, the contracts looked pretty tight to me, but IANAL.

>>17278853
The easiest way is to get the affliction removed. If you can't do that, you ought to see one of the specialists in discriminatory cases. I've heard about a few people who get off the list based on proving such things as 'well you can't /prove/ it's an unstable affliction' and so on, but it takes a skilled lawyer.

If you're in New Jersey like the other fellow, look up Larry. If you're in New York, I might be able to help you out, or at least talk to some of my associates.

sagecheck