Read the sticky note.

Get the fuck out of the dungeon and take everything I need with me.
Better not risk meeting with Dovahkiin.

>>17402661
Plucking the sticky note off the scroll you look and read it.
"This may or may not be a Elder Scroll. You will know what it is when the time is right."

That was not really helpful. Sounds like whoever wrote it is a pompous ass.

Marry Ysolda.

MARRY YSOLDA!

>>17402689
Well, now we know for sure that it either is an elder scroll or it isn't.

..No wait, what?

>>17402691
You look around desperately for your waifu. Despite all your searching she does not appear to be in the ruined dungeon.

>>17402689

Read the scroll then, I guess?

Leave the dungeon and check the area around you.

>>17402707
Trembling slightly, you pick the scroll up and prepare yourself to possibly be stricken blind.

You open it up.... And nothing happens. You feel power in the scroll of a unusual sort. The surface of the scroll is not covered in the nonsensical runes you expected by instead a series of dots.

Clearly whatever this is you do not understand how to use it.

>>17402727
Check if the sticky note said Elder Scrolls or Scroll of the Elders.

>>17402726
You gather up you gear, stuff the note in your pocket and put on the mask. With a sudden crack and a whiff of ozone you feel the powers of the mask surge into you. It seems to bring your mind into focus.

Picking up your staff you set off into the passageways of the dungeon.

>>17402707
Reading an elder scroll is generally a very bad idea and will leave you blind at best and erase your very existsnce from all of reality at worst.

... Lets do it.

>>17402747

Try seeing if there might be some Draugr you can order to follow you?

>>17402736
While walking down a ruined hallway the thought occurs to you to double check the sticky note.

Pulling it out you reread what is written there:

"This may or may not be a Elder Scroll. You will know what it is when the time is right."


You halt and float into the air slightly when you hear movement up ahead.

Do you investigate?

>>17402727
This is the "elderscroll" ?

>>17402761
WE MUST DO BATTLE.

PREPARE YOUR ANUS

What is a dragon priest's anal circumference?

>>17402761
Listen carefully. If there seems like there is something coming, find a hiding spot from which you easily spy on the intruder.

>>17402768
Carefully moving in the shadows you sneak into the large chamber that seems to be the source of the movement. Peeking out from behind a crumbling pillar you see what appears to be a reanimated skeleton. Looking closer however you see that it is like no skeleton or dragur in your knowledge.

The creatures body resembles that a skeleton yet it seems to be slick and almost gooey. Examining it closer still you see that the skeleton seems to actually be made out of some type of jelly.

What do you do?

>>17402761

Crouch into Stealth Mode! In fact, always be in Stealth Mode!

>>17402747
ssssmokin!

>>17402790
Or just float up to the cieling. People NEVER look up.

You know what? Let's have some fun with this guy, if s/he isn't too dangerous.

>>17402794
Attempt to befriend skeleton jelly. That or test a dragon shout on him. We are one of the dragon priests after all

>>17402796
Oh god yes.
This is us.

>>17402794
RUN AND SCREAM MY BRAIN IS MADE OF TINY ANIMALS

Use some ventriloquism to lure it to another spot, see how it reacts

>>17402836
Throw voice. That's a shout, right?

>>17402704
Clearly we must acquire a mammoth tusk.

And a body, with like muscles and a penis.

>>17402810
>>17402807
You decide to attempt to befriend the skeleton. Rising up in the air you float toward the jelly skeleton until you are just 5 feet or so behind its head.
"Boo" you say.
The skeleton jelly whips around and peers up at you questioningly. Opening what seems to be a mouth it questioningly speaks:
"Skeleton jelly"?
This would seem to be its name or at least whatever type of creature it is.

You have gained a companion! Skeleton jelly can carry items for you, will try and defend you and you can ask it for advice on the situations you get into as well!

What now?

Is it a Reuniclus?

Ask the beautiful creature about where you are, and what it is.

Ask Skelleton Jelly "Where are we?"

>>17402876
>>17402874
Seeking some answers you ask Skeleton Jelly what exactly he is, where the fuck you are and who you are.

Skeleton Jelly looks at you wisely and tells you his what he thinks.

"Skeleton Jelly!"

Clearly he is a philosopher and a gentleman.

>>17402859
Might as well mess around and see what we are capable of, in terms of magic.

Also, do we have any memories from before we woke up here?

Tell Skeleton Jelly that we are moving out and move to the next room of the dungeon

>>17402889
Quietly applaud this scholarly statesman's speech, and continue through the tunnels, carefully, skeleton jelly behind you while you float on the ceiling observantly.

Fuck this shit it is getting us nowhere. Read the note by akatosh.

>>17402901
And you can bet your ass that involves a puzzle.

Which will be on the other side of the door.

The door is going to be locked.

Do we have any spells that can conjure a tophat

>>17402895

Dual Cast Incinerate on a Draghr. If it doesn't get stunned then we are doomed.

We need to find some armor for Skeleton Jelly.

>>17402912
This, read the note. It may give some clues as to what the FUCK is going on.

They call me Dragon Pete. I'm the Priest of the Dova beat.

When I shout the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom
Yessir, I'm Dragon Pete. I'm the craze of my native tomb.

When I start to dance, skeleton's go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom

The dovahkiin they sing and they swing with terampero-

It's very nice, so full of mead.

And when they dance in they bring a happy ring that era krosis-

Singin' a song, all the day long....

rolled 8 = 8

Can we teach the skeleton jelly to sing the female part? or at least do the skeleton jig?>>17402937

>>17402903
>>17402912
Awed at the magnificence of this philosopher-poet of a creature you applaud as tears of joy run down what is left of your face.

After you are done sobbing quietly you realize you still have not read the note by Akatosh. Opening it you read:

"Hey brah what the fuck is up? I am like totally high right now! See me and my boy Alduin here decided to have a bet at this party about the fate of the world or some silly shit like that. Teh only problem with all this was we both being minor gods we always were rolling the odds in our favors and got nowhere so we decided to get a half half deal.

Alduin get to create a single dragon priest on your plane of reality who can usher in the apocalypse but you are not bound to him in any way or form. I get a lifetimes supply of weed. So everything worked out all right.

So go on and do whatever you want to do. Just stay excellent and more importantly
Stay classy, Akatosh."

Your think you are getting a headache. That or your skull has finally rotted away.

What now?

>>17402983

Commence taking over the world as a totally legit Businessman.

Like Drew did.

>>17402983

See if you can take your own head off.

>>17402983

We need to get our priorities in order, and I guess they are the following:

1. Get out of the dungeon.
2. Find our old body.
3. Rendezvous with Ysolda.

>>17402916
Shoving the letter in a pocket in your robe you focus on what spells you have.

Deciding to take fate into your own hands you attempt to conjure a daedric tophat.

Roll 1-20 for Conjuration check,

Hug Skeleton Jelly. Romantically.

>>17403016
Its not as if we want to summon a slutty fire atronarch by accident or anything...

>>17403016
OURS SHALL BE THE MOST WONDERFUL TOPHAT!

rolled 18 = 18

IT SHALL BE SO

rolled 19 = 19

rolling. its not like I want to summon cuthulu from his oblivion lair

>>17403051

We are going to be one classy undead abomination.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17403034
Re-rollan. I are tarded

>>17403055
>>17403051
Focusing on summoning your tophat you pour all your will into the spell. You drag it closer to you until...
BANG.

Resting on a golden pedestal before you on a silver plate is the most glorious tophat to have ever existed in this reality. Gently lifting the plate up, Skeleton Jelly brings it over to you.

Mere words cannot describe this creation. Placing it on you head, you smooth a few of the hairs that remain on your head to the sides or your mask. All in all you cut a gloriously dashing figure.

You have gained new effects and powers. Occasionally while in battle your hat will shoot lightning bolts and flames at your enemies. It also has a very rare chance to summon a Daedra lord to do your bidding for a time.

Being an object of daedric origin you may also consult your hat for advice, though it is doubtful it will answer.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17403123
Summon matching suit?

>>17403123
We need a weapon. We should summon a bound cane!

>>17403136
rollan

>>17403136

But we already have a staff and a sword... Oh, I know! We can merge them into a cane and a cane sword.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17403150
le sigh

>>17403123

Try summoning a monocle!

rolled 2 = 2

>>17403154
I like this. We shall be a truly elegant gentleman. Like Watson.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17403130
>>17403154
These. Maybe a suit with arrow collars, maybe some white spats. We are going to be the classiest motherfucker in mundus. Also, we're going to need a matching outfit for Skeleton Jelly, our humble manservant,

So wait.


Are we becoming the Dragonpriest version of Ciaphas Cain? With Skeleton Jelly as our Jurgen?

I could grow to love this quest.

QUICKLY MY FRIENDS! WE MUST SEDUCE THE ARGONIAN PRINCESS!

>>17403130
Deciding to go the extra mile you conjure up a tuxedo, a monocle.

Your efforts are not in vain as lady luck seems to be saving you from summoning a eldritch horror.

One of the eye slits in your mask seems to be perfectly shaped to receive the monocle. You put on the suit over your armor. All in all you now look like a rather classy undead gentlemen with some deadly tricks up his sleeve .

rolled 3 = 3

>>17403183

Well, then, so will I roll.

>>17403230

Oh yes, we sure are dressed to the nines right now.

Anyway, that's enough of this foolishness. Let's get out of here.

rolled 17 = 17

Okay, well since we're no outfitted, how about we just try to get out of the dungeon?

>>17403250
>>17403243
Enough of this madness! You may be the classiest motherfucker in this worlds but nobody can worship your glory if you are stuck in a crypt.

Shouting to skeleton jelly to keep up with you, you race down a passageway till you come to a intersection.

To your left you see a slight gleam of light, possibly from the opening of a cave entrance to the outside.

To your right is a passage leading higher up but into darkness.

Where do you go?

>>17403288

Right. We should clear this place out before we move on, see if there's anything interesting stashed away.

rolled 15 = 15

>>17403288
Hmmm...towards the gleam. It's either an artifact, a trap, or an exit. 2/3 is good enough for me.

rolled 14 = 14

>>17403288

Examine the tunnel to the right first, we might have forgotten some good loot in there.

>>17403288

Poke the wall and activate the conveniently hidden servant's entrance that takes us directly to the front door.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17403288
Into the light. Once we get into the outside world we should Go Postal, then maybe start Making Money

>>17403306
>>17403314
Deciding to go to the right you head up a rickety circular stairway and emerge into a well lit room. Ahead of you is a golden gate unlike any you have ever seen before. Behind it is a stone chest with some gears linked to a mechanism for opening it.

Do you attempt to open it, get skeleton jelly to open it or ask your tophat for advice?

>>17403345

Ask Tophat for advice, of course!

>>17403345

Such menial labour is beneath a gentleman of our class. Send Jelly to open it.

I....kinda want to see our guy become a bard and sing The Rolling Stones at various taverns with a skeleton band....but that is just me..

>>17403373

Time is on my side?

>>17403355
Decrying such tasks as beneath you, you decide to send Skeleton Jelly to open it. Watching, you see him touch the gate. Making no attempt to pick the master lock, he instead preforms some unknowable spell that causes the gate to crumble into dust.

Jelly moves further into the room and opens the chest. From it he lifts out something that looks suspiciously like the possible elder scroll that you have.

Skeleton Jellys pauses after picking the object up and opens it up to examine whatever is written inside. Watching, you see his jelly eyes open wide as he sees whatever is written down. After several second he nods and passes the scroll to you. You look upon it....

...And pass out as you see what seems to be god and infinity at the same time.

Some time later you wake up, you vision still slightly skewed with a massive headache and Skeleton Jelly standing guard over you.

You have discovered a new ability in your companion! Skeleton Jelly has the ability to somehow read a elder scroll without being stricken blind or insane...er. The only problem is that Skeleton Jellys seems unable to speak and tell anything other than "Skeleton Jelly"

>>17403421
Standing up you look around the treasure room. It seems the scroll was the only thing of value in here. You notice a ladder leading to a hatch in the ceiling. Do you climb the ladder or go back to the cave exit?

>>17403439
Up the ladder

>>17403439

Float up to the hatch and see what is on the other side of it, if it isn't locked. If it is, return to the possible cave-exit, though it might just be a giant room with an opening at the top which is too high for you to reach.

rolled 10 = 10

how dapper does skeleton jelly look?

>>17402835
THIS FUCKING COMIC

WHAT IS THE CONTEXT DAMMIT

>>17403458
Climbing up with Jelly taking the rear you finally feel fresh air.

Hoisting yourself up you find yourself on at the top of a keep overlooking a small ruin. It seems whatever fort or temple this place once was has now been destroyed by years of neglect.

Looking further you see that you the ruin is located at the top a mountain, the tallest in a chain of them heading west and east. To the south you see a vast desert. To the north there seems to be more temperate and moist climates. There is a massive stairway leading down the mountain in both directions.

Which way?

>>17403504

North

>>17403504

Let's go to the north. The desert would dry up our manservant, Skeleton Jelly.

>>17403504
East.

Why? at some point you will hit a mountain pass, with people.

>>17403504

Follow the arrow on the mini-map.

...Okay fine, I vote the Desert!

>>17403513
You decide to head north to the more temperate zone. Eventually you reach the bottom. Your ability to float prevents you from falling down the mountain several times along the way.

To one side there is a deep forest that seems to go quite far. On the other side is a rocky craggy terrain covered with bushes.

>>17403554

Hmm....to Whiterun...or to seduce Spriggans?

This is actually the most difficult situation I have ever found myself in.

>>17403554

Head into the forest, it's sure to contain more interesting things than the rocky plain.

>>17403504
>South - Desert
>North - Moist, temperate

Me thinks we are on the border between Cyrodiil and Elsweyr.

South! To Khaajiit land!

>>17403569
>>17403565
You and Skeleton Jelly are less than ten feet into the forest before you hear a lady screaming loudly. A few seconds later said lady runs into you and promptly crashes to the ground.

"Help, you need to help me! Don't let them capture me!"

Something is quickly coming through the trees toward you three.

What do you do?

>>17403421
Send Skeleton Jelly to Nord Primary School.

If they can teach Nord kids how to speak Imperial, they can teach Skeleton Jelly how to talk.

>>17403565
spriggens. Dont know what they are, but I like the name.

Sorry to interrupt - I saw the picture and just had to post the finished puzzle.

>>17403585
WE SHALL STAND AND FIGHT. WE MAY BE DEAD BUT WE STILL HAVE HONOR

>>17403585

Brandish your ebony sword and yell: "Halt, foul interloper! Who are you to hunt down a lady?"

rolled 4 = 4

CAST YOUR STRONGEST FIRE SPELL!

>>17403585

Take cover, let's see what we're up against before we decide to fight or flee.

>>17403585
Ask Skeleton for advice.

rolled 4 = 4

WE BESEECH THE TOP HAT FOR FURTHER GUIDANCE ON THIS SITUATION!

If Akatosh created us we must be Dragonborn. Just saiyan'.

>>17403609
With an iron will you turn toward whatever is coming toward you and prepare for a fight.

The bush in front of you rustles and out comes....

...A dwermer sphere. But this is like no creation of the dwermer you have ever seen before. It looks utterly...corrupted. Where there usually would be a sword at the end of its arm has now been replaced by a evil looking set of whips. Electricity crackles down them as the pass along the ground. The crossbow on the other arm seems to have been modified to shoot nets.

You also cannot help but notice the Large Decorative Dwermer Lever, weight 5, value 10 sticking out from between its legs.

All in all the thing seems to have been twisted into a machine that exists to pillage, torture, rape, murder and kill everything it comes across, possibly at the same time.

You

-Pull out the ebony sword you have while shouting "En Garde you plebeian!"
-Prepare to shoot a fireball at the thing
-Team up with skeleton jelly to destroy this thing.
-Beg your hat to save you
-Let the corrupted machine defile the young lady passed out behind you,

>>17403686
OH BOY HERE WE GO.PDF

>>17403686

>-Team up with skeleton jelly to destroy this thing.
>-Prepare to shoot a fireball at the thing

These

>Jolly co-operation!

>>17403686

The first one.

We are a Gentleman after all.

>-Pull out the ebony sword you have while shouting "En Garde you plebeian!"
>-Prepare to shoot a fireball at the thing
>-Team up with skeleton jelly to destroy this thing.

Do all, of course.

rolled 1, 6 = 7

>>17403686
Well I kinda want to watch -

OH GODDAMMIT FINE

SHOOT A FIREBALL AT IT

rolled 20 = 20

>>17403686
"TO THE DEFENCE OF THE LADY!"

>-Team up with skeleton jelly to destroy this thing.

>>17403686

Is it sexy?
If not then burn away.

>>17403706
Pulling out your sword you and Jelly explode into action.

Jelly circles around the machine while you run up a tree nearby you while simultaneously doing a backflip. You fly through the air over the Corrupter Spheres head to where Jelly is waiting.

At the precise moment jelly catches you, swings you around and throws you at the back of the shocked sphere while losing none of the momentum. While flying through the air you pull out your swords and stab forward with it.

At the precise moment when the sword hit the sphere your hat shoots a gout of lightning at the centurion, blasting it through several trees.

Before it dies you can swear it looked almost gleeful at seeing such a display of awesome.

You are standing in a forest. Nearby is the passes out lady and across from several trees is the busted corrupted dwermer sphere.

What do you do first?

>>17403764
Loot the sphere, of course.

rolled 15 = 15

>>17403764

not sure if alduin

>>17403764

Frisk corpse, see what you can find.

>>17403764

Loot the sphere, and then go to the lady to see if she is alright.

>>17403713

This is now what our suit looks like.

>>17403764

If we have any drawing materials, doodle on her face.

>>17403779
Yup its me. Incorrect capcha stole the trip.
>>17403776
You walk to the sphere to inspect it more closely. As you peer at it the differences become more obvious. Aside from the aftermentioned weapons changes and rape tool the sphere is covered in sigils and markings that seems to twist and glow with a unusual light. One thing in particular grabs your attention, a small square mechanical object that glows softly. Pulling it out of the machine you are startled when the rest of the sphere crumbles into ash.

The lady you rescued is moaning softly as she wakes up.

What now?

>>17403824

"You are safe now! Saved by... Tophatman and Jellyboy!"

Then fly away.

>>17403824

Try feeding her to Skeleton Jelly. He deserves a treat for that.

>>17403824
Group hug with the lady you and skeleton jelly

>>17403824

Go to her, bow, introduce yourself and Skeleton Jelly, and then ask her who she is, where we are and what that thing was.

>>17403840
Speaking to Skeleton Jelly, you attempt to convince him to eat the young maiden. Despite your best efforts skeleton jelly refuses. If he eats anything you think it would be liquids.

The lady is now sitting up and rubbing her head.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17403853

i vote this

rolled 9 = 9

>>17403870

DO we have Restoratiion magic? If so lets heal her!

Rolling.

>>17403870
"Bring me to the nearest town, fair maiden!"

>>17403800

I agree with this guy right here, fuck the one on the left's head has the same basic structure of our mask, and a hole PERFECT for Tophat'd goodness!

>>17403853
Walking over to her you can see the fright on her face. Understandable considering you are a dead dragon priest and Skeleton Jelly is Jelly and Skeleton.

Nonetheless, you are still a gentleman. Bowing to her you politely introduce yourself as a nameless wandering adventurer, having a grand adventure with your servant Skeleton Jelly.

Or at least this is what you hope to achieve.

Roll 1-20 for speech.

rolled 11 = 11

>>17403894
guess restoration is not our forte

rolled 3 = 3

>>17403901
Rolling for her not to freak out

rolled 13 = 13

>>17403901

rollan

>>17403907

YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL!

>>17403904

He rolled first! Pick him!

>>17403912

Least it isn't a 1

>>17403907

Roll for tripping her up when she tries to flee. Her information is needed.

>>17403907
You try and politely introduce yourself yet all that comes out is a earsplitting croak. Your vocal cords must have seized up somehow. Punching yourself in the throat, you sputter and realize you can now talk.

Looking at the maiden you realize she has passed out in a dead faint. You feel some loose string from your robes fall to the ground.

What do you do?

>>17403942
Investigate the string!

>>17403942

>You feel some loose string from your robes fall to the ground.

Retrieve my most precious spaghetti.

>>17403942

Well, we can't just leave her there. Let's have Jelly pick her up and we can get some answers when she wakes up next time.

>>17403942

Let's put the Elder Scroll on her face so it's the first thing she'll see when she wakes up!

>>17403942
> You feel some loose string from your robes fall to the ground.

>>17403953
You look closer at the string. There seems to be nothing of note other than its resemblance to some types of pasta.

rolled 11 = 11

>>17403942

It seems like we can't do anything until she awakens. Let us make a camp and send Skeleton Jelly out to get some sticks to make a campfire, and try conjure a bucket for him to use to get some water with.

(rolling for conjuration)

>>17403973

Seconding this, should be fun.

>>17403955
You decide that in spite of it having no remarkable properties whatsoever it must be a lucky string. Picking it up you put it back in a pocket in your robe from whence it came.

1 string of eternal shame added to inventory.

>>17404002
Write a note to give to the girl in case your vocal chords seize up again, then wait for here to wake up.

>>17403990
>>17403973
Deciding it would be a fun thing to do to someone who slighted you in such a way you carefully unroll the elder scroll and place it on her face.

You hear her waking up. At the precise moment when she opens her eyes you can see her entire body tense up. The maiden emits a shriek so loud it leaves your head ringing and then collapses. Shrouding the elder scroll first, you take a look at what is left of the maiden. She seems be be in a functioning catonic state. Whatever she once was there is surely nobody home anymore. Searching her you find a small tattered letter addressed to her. It seems her name is Lydia,

You have gained a new companion! Lydia is incapable of fighting or carrying out any complex orders due to the brain damage inflicted by the elder scroll. She is utterly obedient to you and and will carry out any orders, provided they are simple enough and do anything for you.

Anything at all.

>>17404068

Score! Now then, let's move on. Head off in the direction that monster came from.

>>17404068
Recovering a map lydia had on her person you see there are some places of interest nearby.

To the east there is a place called Elemental Cave. To the west is the deeper areas of the forest. Or you can go back the way you came.

Where do the 3 of you go?

>>17404068

DANCE!

Gentlemen I am going on a short break.

I will probably be back in an hour of so.

Behave!

>>17404098

The Elemental Cave sounds suitably mysterious and adventure-laden. Tally ho!

hmm...
Elder scroll has the ability to brainwash people...
Kinky.

>>17404114
Godspeed Alduin,
Godspeed.

Well gentlemen it turns out that I don't actually have to be gone.

Lets us resume! And sorry for the false info

>>17404200
ELEMENTAL CAVE!

>>17404168

Are we being controlled by Jelly?

>>17404120
Heading to the Elemental Cave sounds like a good idea. You may even be able to get some information if there is any.

You, Lydia and Skeleton Jelly set off to discover what is located there.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17404232
>>17404232
rollan for ADVENTURE and EXCITEMENT, with our stalwart manservant Skeleton Jelly!

>>17404232
Turning a corner in the woods you find the entrance to the Elemental Cave. What you were not expecting was the large dragon perched on the rocky ledge above the door. Immediately you prepare to cast a spell, Jelly prepares to help and Lydia stands there drooling.

"Whoa! Chill the fuck down kiddo!" says the dragon. "I'm just the bouncer here!"

"Bouncer"?" you ask.
"Yeah, for the club."

Upon asking further question you discover that the Elemental Cave is actually a strip bar where a variety of miscreants, abominations and evil people conspiring to destroy the universe go to get drunk.

Before you enter you must pay something to the bouncer however.

You pay
-A IOU. Surely you will be able to pay later.
-Your staff. Who needs a staff?
-Lydia. It's not as if she would mind whatever that dragon did with her, being a drooling puppet now and all.

rolled 5, 3 = 8

>>17404305
We are a gentleman of honor.

Good luck with the dragon, Lydia.

>>17404305
The ring we have.

>>17404305
Give Lydia. It's not like it's a she anymore.

>>17404305

Leave a lady with that foul creature? Never! We'd have to carry our own stuff.

See if he'll take an IOU.

>>17404305

The String of Eternal LUCK!

>>17404321
>>17404310
"Don't worry, you will get her back when you leave the club" says the dragon with a lewd twinge to its voice.
"Lydia stay with that dragon and do whatever it wants".
She gives you a dopey nod.

With that you head through the doors and into...
Incredible. You are in a huge room. in one corner is tucked a massive dance floor, only taking up a small amount of the space. Along the far wall is a stage where several Flame Atronarchs are and a Spriggan are dancing on strip poles. Along another wall is the largest bar counter you have ever seen. With the most drinks you ever will see.
Finally, to your right is a number of tables and several doors leading deeper in. Around you and Skeleton Jelly hums all manners of brigands, evildoers, world destroyers, gods of death and creatures you have never seen.

If you are to ever get answers, this is the place.
You see:

-Sheogarth, the daedric prince of madness speaking to something that looks alarmingly like a Slashneeshi Keeper of secrets.
-The bartender. The bartender always knows everything.
-The shadowy dark brotherhood member sitting at the table
-The attractive Spriggan leaning against a wall next to you.

>>17404390

Let's go chat to the bartender and find out who's likely to know what's going on.

>>17404390
Tell the spriggan to "b-back that ass up"

>skeleton jelly
>pieces of string falling from robes
>a useless companion named Lydia
pfhahaha

>>17404390
WE ARE A GENTLEMAN, AND AS SUCH WILL DO NOTHING UNTIL WE HAVE OUR BRANDY.
After that, however, try to strike up conversation with Sheogorath or the Spriggan.

>>17404390
bartender for rumors

>>17404390
TRY TO PICKPOCKET SHEOGORATH! OR HAVE JELLY DO IT!

I really enjoy the story OP. Good job.

Ask Oblivion Guy whatever happened to Jyggalag after he set him free.

>>17404390

Talk to the Spriggon. She seems the least dangerous. Also clear your throat.

"Hello pretty tree lady thing! Wanna go on an adventure with me, Jelly and the chick back there with the dragon? With you it'll be a foursome!"

>>17402654
>Hide in a coffin
>Kill all who approach
>Hide in a coffin
>Wear a fancy mask

I am the best dragon priest

>>17404402
>>17404410
Clearly you need a drink. And information. Skeleton Jelly is looking a little dry too.

Walking over to the bar, you squeeze past a wizard who is casting different colored fireballs in time to the lights and sit next to a frost atronarch.

"What can I get ya"?
"Brandy and information".
The brandy suddenly appears before you faster than you can say "Magnets".
"As for information, I don't have any."
"Well can I get a drink for my companion? He is a bit dry"
You take your brandy and leave Skeleton Jelly to soak up some drink at the bar.
You go to:
-Sheogarth, the daedric prince of madness speaking to something that looks alarmingly like a Slashneeshi Keeper of secrets.
-The necromancer sitting at a table behind the dance floor.
-The shadowy dark brotherhood member sitting at the table
-The attractive Spriggan leaning against a wall next to you.

>>17404451

>>17404468
Thats me by the way.

Imma be gone for about half an hour guys.

>>17404468
Approach Sheogorath and try to listen in if possible.

>>17404468

Go to the necromancer and say "Silly Necromancer! Don't hit on me! :3"

>Acute-phase tifersp

This is a cute phase I'm going through, captcha.

>>17404468
Go chill with the necromancer

Say to him "No, I am skeleton jelly"

>>17404488
Op back soon?

>>17405075
I think this may be a dead quest, mate.

>>17405286
>hurr

I HAVE RETURNED!

>>17405613
REJOICE!

>>17405613
JUBILATIONS!

>>17404545
>>17404507
You slip past Sheogarth and head over to the necromancer. You can see now that he is in fact a she. Those robes, the perfect disguise.

"Silly Necromancer! Don't hit on me! :3".

Roll 1-20 for speech check.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17405663
More string for the string throne!

>>17405680

Yay!

rolled 12 = 12

Is Lydia still outside fucking the dragon?

rolled 14 = 14

>>17405663
Yo boys
I am sing song
String song
Flop song

>>17405722

What makes you think they're fucking? You dirty minded rapscallion!

>>17405718
Wait, does this mean she doesn't hit on us because we were successful in our speech check, or does she hit on us because that's what we wanted all along?

rolled 13 = 13

>>17405680

The necromancer smiles and gestures you over.

"Well ain't you the cutest undead thing I have ever seen! Let me get you a drink and we can go up to my room to talk things over!"

You have no idea what the fuck is going on but this lady may be able to help you out.
Do you:

-Go with her
-Politely refuse
-Attend to Skeleton Jelly. He looks like he is getting to be drunk jelly.

>>17405772
Have to check if our dick is dust or not. Go with her.

>>17405772
It's been, what? thousands of years without feeling the touch of a woman. Of course I go with her!

>>17405772
Skeleton jelly.
Bros before ho's

>>17405772
Shit
I think I know who this is

>>17405772

>Go with her.

Light hearted romance! Yeah!

>>17405772

Skeljelly! Come follow me for some fun!

>Go with her

>>17405802
>>17405791
>>17405839
You have all forgoten your bro.

>>17405791
What the hell, even if you don't get any information from this necromage at least you might get your little dragon fed.

The both of you move through the teeming mass of people, creatures and gods toward one of the doors that leads deeper into the cave/nightclub. Eventually you reach the room.

The place is homey to you at the least, considering your kind usually spend their lives sleeping in coffins. A large bed occupies one corner of the room. One wall is dominated by a hearth. Instead of flames insider there is what appears to be a small portal to the realm of oblivion.

"So now....where were we?" You say.

Roll for seduction check.

>>17405861
He's probably thousands of years old, he can handle his booze

Oh well, fuck it. If >>17405833 is right, we can have a threesome, I guess.
Ask her if she likes jelly.

rolled 12 = 12

>>17405874
Lets be a sauve gentleman.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17405874
"I do believe I was politely asking you not to hit on me, madame.
Though I will happily rectify that statement"
Then laugh a little and take a sip of brandy, exclaiming: "Jolly good"

>little dragon fed.

Cutest euphemism!

rolled 14 = 14

>>17405928
Ho
Ly
Shit

Cockblock to the max
That'll probably just come out as "b-back that conversation up"

rolled 15 = 15

>>17406000
"Madam, I can only say that -"

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

THIS CAN ONLY END BADLY

>>17406000
I thought Azura was female?
I distinctly remember tits
I don't see how this changes anything, if anything, it'll make her a better prey, a better lay, and more fun to lay in the hay with.
'kay?

>>17405928
Somehow whilst trying to say that you simultaneously burped and tripped over a flea.

You land crashing onto the table in front of the necromancer, your robes covered in drink and strands of cloth spilling everywhere and falling into her lap.

>>17406038
but... we had a twelve in the post right before that one...

rolled 17 = 17

>>17406038
Yay, more string!
Offer her some string

You distinctly feels as if some malign force has pulled you from a realm of possibility and changed the very fabric of reality to screw you over.

Blushing as much as you can, you gather up the strands of cloth and push away into the crowd. That may not have worked but there are still others!

-Sheogarth, the daedric prince of madness speaking to something that looks alarmingly like a Slashneeshi Keeper of secrets.
-The strip dancing fire atronarch sipping some brandy.
-The shadowy dark brotherhood member sitting at the table
-The attractive Spriggan leaning against a wall next to you.

rolled 6 = 6

mm necro

rolled 18 = 18

>>17406038

She still thinks we're cute, we need to abuse this!

"I... made a mess... I'm sorry, I'm useless... ;_;"

PUPPY DOG EYES AT MAX POWER!

>>17406082
Second.

>>17406074
Are you kidding me? WE HAVE TO FUCK A DAEDRIC PRINCESS
THINK OF THE BRAGGING RIGHTS WE'D HAVE TO SJ

>>17406068
>>17406082
Your determination to power through and right your wrong pushes through everything else.

Walking back to the necromancers table you sit down and apologize, making a fairly good excuse about a curse that makes you trip everywhere at the worst moments.

She may or may not believe it but at least she is smiling.

>>17406114
Deciding to take the initiative you boldly ask her if she would like to go and talk in private.

She smiles, says yes and asks if its ok that she invites some friends.

Do you:

-Invite Skeleton Jelly as well
-Go to contend with this creature and her friends by yourself.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17406114
Make pleasant small-talk about corpses. Necromancers love that kinda shit.

>>17406149
Invite Skeleton Jelly
Brag that he can read Elder Scrolls, then get him to read his mad Jelly Poetry
Call him MC SJ
Bitches love poetry

>>17406149

Invite Skeljelly and play some Dwemer Temples and Dovahkin. Skeljelly is the Dwemer Master.

>>17406164
Bring up a wwhale
bitches love wwhales

>>17406164
"Only if I can bring one of my friends as well. You will like him. His name is Skeleton Jelly. Pretty cool guy, reads elder scrolls and aint afraid of anything."

She agrees but only under one condition: You give her whatever she wants.

ARE THESE TERMS ACCEPTABLE GENERAL?

Invite SJ.

>>17406226
Lie and say yes. If whatever she wants is acceptable we can still give it to her.

>>17406226

I accept! She's a master of the undead and I'm a zombie. What could go wrong?

>>17406226
No.
We'll give it WHEREVER she wants, though

>>17406240
You smile and say yes. The trio of you pushes your way through the crowd and make your way to the room.

You experience a moment of deja vu. At the left of the room, a small portal where there should be a mantle activates and out come a Flame atronarch, a spriggan and a strange floating ball that looks like a sigil stone.

"Now that we are all here..."

What do you do?

>>17406296
Bow and say hello to the lovely ladies

rolled 2 = 2

>>17406296
Put the goddamn charm on. We've been around the block a couple a thousand times, and this is no different.

>>17406324

Oh god... WHIP OUT THE ELDER SCROLL AND POINT IT AT THEM!

>>17406311
A gentleman as always, you greet each of the ladies in turn. Skeleton Jelly does his best to bow and wave at them. You notice the Flame atronarch turn and whisper something to the spriggan, making them both giggle.

"Don't mind them, they just want to have fun...I just want to have fun." Azura whispers to you.

Skeleton jelly seems thoroughly interested in the floating stone.
Do you:
-Whisper back to Azura how you want to make fierce passionate undead love to her?
-Go to the Flame Atronarch. She looks spicy.
-Occupy yourself with the Spriggan. She looks rather earthy.
-Steal the floating sigil stone.

Trip into the portal.

>>17406379
"Why, my good Azura, you will find that I am positively a fount of... fun
Despite it being a mere buzzword, I do believe I've got a way to... make it *buzz*"

>>17406379
Go for the Spriggan. Least likely to set you on fire or curse you unto a thousand generations.

>>17406379
Fuck this, steal the sigil stone. WE MUST CONTINUE OUR QUEST. Also find out what was causing the dwermer devices to be corrupted.

>>17406379
Tell her that fun is a buzzword.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17406379

We clearly aren't good at flirting so we should keep being adorable.

>Whisper to Azura if we could cuddle and stuff.

>>17406415
>>17406402
Well not you will find me to be full of a buzzilion fun things to do!

She smiles and moves close to you whispering softly.

Suddenly your spidey senses start tingling.

Roll 1-20 for perception.

>>17406449
Pfft. Capcha ate my name

rolled 13 = 13

>>17406449

EXCLAIMATION MARK!

rolled 18 = 18

>>17406449
We left our Elder Scroll with Lydia
I thought we made that obvious

rolled 15 = 15

>>17406449
There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

>>17406472
>>17406470
Something is very wrong here. Out of the corner of your eye you see the flame atronarch moving close to you with a flaming dagger. The spriggan seems to be readying a spell.

What do you do?
-Draw your sword and fight like a man!
-Cast a ward on yourself. YOU IS MAGICIAN!
-Grab for the sigil stone Jelly is so interested in. Something is clearly tied to it.
-Fus Do Rah the fuck out of the two elementals and Azura

rolled 13 = 13

>>17406519
Fus Ro Dah sucks
WULD at the Sigil and snatch it like it's a motherfucking golden snitch, steal Azura's top before we go (so she'll be completely ashamed and unable to cast anything) then run the fuck out

>>17406519
Fus Roh Dah the fuck outta everyone and sprint for the Sigil Stone. Fus Roh Dah is so absurdly overpowered it's not even funny, and magic resistance is meaningless.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17406519
It's obviously just a kinky fetish.
I say we raise an eyebrow and go all french on her

Start shitting all over the place and eat Skeletonjelly.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17406519

Have an emotional break down as the light hearted romance is ruined. Fight wildly while screaming "I thought you loved me!"

This is great.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17406535
Fus roh dah sucks dicks
Then again, the entire combat system of Skyrim sucks dicks. It's saddening how easy it is, and how imbalanced it is. Being a glass cannon as a giant two-hand weapon-wielding berserker should be true, yes, but not to this degree!

>>17406535
>>17406529
Moving fast you rip off Azuras shirt. And pause along with everyone else to gape for a moment at her glorious assets. Blood rushes to Azuras face all at once. She looks quite shocked.

Turning you grab Jelly by one gooey arm and snatch the Stone with another. With a groan the room quakes and beings to shake. You realize with a shock that you must be on one of the planes of oblivions.

As the room decends into fire you hear Azura shout out "I will get you for this Priest! Sent by Alduin or no you will pay!"

With a sudden jolt the room vanishes,,,

rolled 16 = 16

>>17406580

Equip Azura's shirt.

>>17406580
Do we have a cigar to puff in satisfaction? If not, make a mental note to find one.

>>17406580
...And the entrance to the cave that house the nightclub appears as you crash to the ground in front of the door.

The dragon guarding the cave is nowhere to be found and seems to have taken Lydia with him.

What do you do?
-I must seek this dragon and Lydia out!
-Forget them, I only need me and the Skeleton Jelly!

rolled 13 = 13

>>17406612
We need to find Lydia.
It's not that we need her, it's that NO ONE STEALS FROM THE GREAT DRAGON PRIEST OF STRINGS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT

>>17406597
>>17406603
You search the pockets of your robes. Rooting through all the strings in there you finally find, much to your surprise, a cigar. Lighting it up, you take a puff or too of it. Not bad, you just defied a daedric princess.

But back to the task at hand...

>>17406641
Make a further mental note to reenact The Lusty Daedric Goddess some day.

>>17406632
With a sudden crash the dragon lands in front of you.
For one tense moment you are about to blast it all the way to the summerset isles but then it laughs.

"Here is you little meatpuppet back, Dragon Priest. She was fun." With that the Dragon Bouncer leaps into the air and takes off.

You see to your left that before he left the dragon dumped Lydia in a sticky heap. You quickly check her vital signs and find she is quite stable, but in the same condition as before. Meaning she remain a mostly useless obedient mule. You notice that she seems to be covered in some sort of slimy purple fluid.

What do you do?

-Grab Lydia and Jelly and head back into the forest
-Circle around the rocky craig that cave/nightclub was embedded in
-Taste the purple fluid

rolled 4 = 4

>>17406690
FEED JELLY TO SKELETON JELLY

>>17406690

Aww sweet! Jam!
>I taste a bit, is it delicious or is it delicious?

>>17406690
Grab Lydia.

We need to figure out a way to enchant her to gain a semblance of life back, independence, intelligence, creativity too... Maybe a Daedric artifact implanted withing her, that posses her?

rolled 17 = 17

>>17406747
CONJURE YE DAEDRIC MONOCLE FOR YONDER MAIDEN

>>17406734
>>17406731
You decide to give most of the sticky purple stuff to Skeleton Jelly but leave a bit for you. Putting a strand of the stuff in your mouth you are startled to feel some sort of magic in it working through you...

Looking over at Skeleton Jelly you are shocked. He has changed. Whereas before he was a pasty grey color he is not a bright purple. After talking to him and asking him how he feels you realize that his personality has changed somewhat also. He seems more...Corrupt. There is no better word for it.


And with that gentlemen, I must say goodnight.

I may continue this thread in a few days or so. i hope you enjoyed it.

>>17406789
NO
NOT SKELETON JELLY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

>>17406789
We... We've corrupted Skeleton Jelly?
WHY
Quickly, commit sudoku in shame.

archive?

>>17406801
>Quickly, commit sudoku in shame.

>>17406813

I don't know how.

Archived
Sorry if it's kinda shitty

>>17406836
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

MODDERBRO ARE YOU IN HERE

YOU NEVER EMAILED ME

rolled 73, 44, 64 = 181

>>17406819 like a boss.

>>17406819


>>17406977

Aww, came in too late.

rolled 43, 41, 43 = 127

>>17407086 Serves you right for doing it neat! 9 minutes of neat

bump

Buah! I need to know exactly when you will continue. Don't want to miss it :(