Just so you know we're mashing magic and science then smushing it against the wall. A good chance it is gonna smell bad, but that's expected.
We seemed to have created hundreds of monsters that have escaped into the wild. Before you submit proposals on how to contain the situation I already have one: send children out to capture them in magical containment devices. That we SELL them. Make a new hobby, get hundreds of weirdoes buying our products. Make it so.
Cave Johnson here, and lemme tell you, we've finally gotten that old 'maximize' problem licked. Y'see, your normal wizard will think that maximizing spells is the best way to go about things. We here at Aperture have taken the next step in spell-effectiveness, by combining every known metamagic feat into a single meta-feat.
Now, the boys down in R&D tell me it's a bit unstable, so that's why we have field testing. So, from now on, every single wand will be given this feature. Now, I'm told that some of you don't want your Wands of Cure Light destroying everything in a three city radius, and that it's 'environmentally irresponsible' to burn down an entire forest to make one of these beauties. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, though, which is why we decided to exterminate a couple species of egg-bearing monster, plus something my boys down in R&D called the 'Dire Moose', just to give these babies an extra kick.
Now, I'm sure a few of you are wondering what will happen. That's a concern for people like me; visionaries, and real thinkers. If you have any problems, have your charred remains write a note to the legal department, and if you manage to pass the reviews, we'll see you get a nice gift certificate good for 20% off your next purchase.
Aperture Magitech; we're done here.