I have a character idea:A paladin played as a parody of Lawful NofunallowedAlways deal nonlethal damage and subdue enemies, even if that means fighting with a sap or taking a -4 penalty to attacks.Hoard gold my character picks up to commission a Merciful magic sword. Bug the party casters IC to get Merciful Metamagic feat (while apologizing OOC for my character being a dick)Instead of killing enemies, bring them to justice. Every goblin, orc, and gnoll we come across is getting taken alive and made to do restitution for their crimes.Goblins get sent to a prison that has counselors willing to talk them out of their pyromania and homicidal impulsesOrcs get all their weapons confiscated and deported to that one country in-setting controlled by orcsGnolls get put on a chain gang and forced to do community serviceFor the Big Bad Evil Guy, my paladin shall be holding back the harshest punishment: an apprenticeship, being forced to travel the country alongside the paladin, getting heavy-handed lessons in justice and fairness.I'm trying to make playing a stick-in-the-mud entertaining.
I'm confused where's the parody?
>>I have a character idea:>>A paladin played as a parody of Lawful NofunallowedWasn't this the basic and generic paladin since... forever?
>an apprenticeship, being forced to travel the country alongside the paladin, getting heavy-handed lessons in justice and fairness.Pic related.
>>19116059>he thinks Kantian = nofunallowedConfirmed for chaotic nongood.
I had a fighter specced out like this in Pathfinder.Lots of combat maneuver stuff. He'd never kill anyone, he'd just kick their legs out from under them, smash their weapon and then knock them unconscious. Only time he would ever kill is if they were beyond saving as a mortal; he'd been there, he knew just what it was like.>A life is a terrible thing to waste.
Hey guys.What if Batman were a Paladin.
There are two different personalities of paladins I've been wanting to play.>A fallen god who worships himself and wishes to go about spreading good throughout the land to get back on the track to godhood.>A demon paladin cursed to do good, but shouting blasphemies and monstrous things the entire time.
>>19116131>>A demon paladin cursed to do good, but shouting blasphemies and monstrous things the entire time.Peasant: Thank you dearly, sir Tourettes! The orphanage is saved!Sir Tourettes: I WISH I COULD TEAR YOUR EARDRUMS WITH MY COCK AND MAKE YOU CHOKE ON THE BLOOD OF YOUR CHILDREN!Peasant: Gee wiz, Tourettes, I am so glad we have you around. I just know that as long as we got you, noting wrong will befall our peacefull hamlet of Cuddlington.Sir Tourettes: PENIIIIIIS!
>>19116206Sir Tourettes sounds like the best paladin ever
>>19116405COCK BURGLING BADGER-CUNTING DICK OF A WHORESON. YOU INTERUPTED MY MORNING PRAYERS FOR THIS?
>>19116206and the elderly menace of Jack Chick was defeated, thanks to the service of Sir Tourettes!
>>19116454>>19116206so does Sir Tourettes defeat the timid or those with weak cardio systems by giving them shock induced heart attacks?>SMITE CHUCKLEFUCK
>>19116482YOU EXPECT ME TO USE MY DIVINE LIGHT TO FIX YOUR HEART CONDITION, CUNT RAG? ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY GODDAMN OATH TO PROTECT THE WEAK AND HELP THE WRETCHED? MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A FAT TUB OF SHIT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WASTE MY VALUABLE TIME FIXING YOUR DIETARY ERRORS YOU OVERBURDENED PILE OF LARD. YOU CARRIER OF FERAL ODOURS. YOU ABUSER OF NASAL PASSAGES. ARE YOU? I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY AND ABUSIVE THAT IF YOU ARE, I'LL GIVE YOU SO MANY PALPITATIONS YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU.ALRIGHT THEN, FUCK-BAG, HOLD STILL WHILE I REMIND YOUR TICKER WHO'S IN CHARGE AROUND HERE.AND SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING PINT OF ALE. GODS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TOWN?
>>19116609A pleasure as allways to have you, sir tourettes. Here's thine ale! Now please, there are goblins making a ruckus in the sewers and doing away with the pups of the city watch dogs. Surely you can help us in this our time of need?
>>19116751 SEWERS? SEWERS?! I'M TO HEAD UNDERGROUND TO WADE THROUGH THE SHIT OF ALL YOU FEEBLE WRETCHES NOW? DON'T YOU HAVE A DWARF WHO OWES YOU ANY FAVOURS? THEY LOVE THIS SORT OF THING, THE STUNTED AND LOUD MOUTH PRICKS THAT THEY ARE. ANY TRIP BELOW THE SURFACE IS ADVENTURE WORTHY OF A HARDON TO THEM.NO? NO DWARVES WHO OWE FAVOURS? I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES SENSE REALLY. YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER BEEN ABLE TO HELP ANYONE IN YOUR WORTHLESS LIFES. I'VE SHAT OUT BETTER TOWNS THAN THIS. ONE TIME I ATE A MARZIPAN CASTLE AND WHEN IT CAME OUT THE NEXT DAY IT WAS INHABITED BY A RACE OF WARLIKE GUT DWELLERS. THATS RIGHT. MY SHIT IS LESS HELPLESS THAN YOU.FINE THEN, I'LL GO HANDLE YOUR GOBLIN PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE CLEARLY MADE OF HARDIER STUFF THAN YOU. MAYBE WE CAN ALL COME TO AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREBY THEY GET THE TOWN AND YOU GO SWIM IN YOUR OWN SHIT WHERE YOU BELONG. I DARE SAY THIS TOWN WILL IMPROVE A HUNDRED FUCKING FOLD YOU GODDAMN CUNT.
>>19116887Splendid! I knew we could trust you Sir Tourettes! I will have your wading boots readied at once!
>>19116887 Brave knight! Brave knight! Won't you help me find my lost puppy!?
>>19116996FAGGOT, I NEED A BREATHING MASK. YOU'RE IT.>>19117007SMALL CHILD, I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR FUCKING PUPPY, BUT THE SEARCH FOR THE WORTHLESS LITTLE RUNT IS A NOBLE QUEST INDEED. WHEN WE FIND THAT MONGREL WE SHALL TRAIN IT INTO A BEAST WORTHY OF RIPPING THE LANGUAGE ABUSING VOCAL CORDS OF THE IDIOT WHO IS ABUSING MY OATH AND MAKING ME CLEAN THE SEWERS.
Sir Tourettes, can you get my kitten out from this tree?
>>19117080Sir Tourettes! I lost my wedding ring! If your going down into the sewers, will you find it for me?
>>19117080A breathing apparatus it is then. I'll make it ready for you while you save that little girls puppy. Ta-ta now!
What wonderous thing is happening in this thread?
>>19117099>>19117119>>19117122GODS ABOVE, WE APPEAR TO HAVE FOUND SOMETHING YOU PEASANTS ARE GOOD AT.BREEDING INORDINATE NUMBERS OF MORONIC IMBECILES. GODDAMN, NO WONDER YOU HAVE PROBLEMS FEEDING YOUR USELESS SELVES, THERE ARE SO BADGER-CUNTING MANY OF YOU RETARDS.SEE THIS HERB HERE? MASH IT UP WITH HONEY AND FEED TO YOUR WHORE OF A WIFE AND SHE WON'T POP OUT ANY RETARD SPAWN FOR 18 MONTHS.
Sir tourettes, Sir tourettes! A kender stole all my soap...
>>19117197THE WONDER OF THE LIGHT OF THE GODS, SHIT BAG.>>19117210PEASANTS DON'T USE SOAP, FOOL. DID YOU SLEEP THROUGH THAT LESSON IN YOUR ESPIONAGE 101 COURSE, FAGGOT BREATH? YOU TRULY ARE THE MOST WORTHLESS SPY I HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF UNCOVERING. NOW PREPARE TO MEET MY BRAND OF DIVINE JUSTICE.
>>19117210 Sir Tourettes! A Soap golem stole my kender!
Um...Mister Sir Tourettes my daddy got really drunk and got into a fight with our neighbor. Daddy then hit Mister Serfington with a rock and ran off and now Mister Serfington is lying on the ground and is bleeding awful fierce from his ears. Can you go help Mister Serfington and find my daddy?
Sir Tourettes! I have a noble quest in need of accomplishment! A vile wizard who definitely exists is holed up in a tower a long way away from this town performing ungodly experiments, probably! You should leave this town to be free of u-, I mean, to stop this ghastly fiend! I must warn you, this tower really is quite a long ways away so we shouldn't expect to see you back for some time!Coincidentally, this wizard's tower is located suspiciously close to a beachside resort town known for its rejuvenating hot springs! As the most important and threatening quest of the lot you've heard of, it has the highest priority, so you should depart immediately!
>>19117267YOUR FATHER USED A FUCKING ROCK IN A GODDAMN FIST FIGHT? IS HE A FUCKING PANSY ASS FAGGOT?>>19117282SOUNDS GAY. DO YOU FUCK MEN OR SOMETHING?
Sir Tourettes, you look like you may be in need of a herald. Someone who can announce your presence in any town or city you reach. By your leave, I will be said herald.
>>19117309My, how bold, Sir Tourettes! Is that an invitation?
Oh my god. Sir tourettes deserves a trip code. This is amazing.
Sir Tourettes! We brought you the most beautiful girl in our village to be your bride!
>>19117309Daddy only used a rock because his bottle broke. He usually uses his fists like when he used to fight mommy but then during one fight mommy fell asleep and never woke up. Ooo, do you think you can help my mommy too Mister Sir Tourettes?
>>19117373 Hush now, girl! Sir Tourettes has to get married!
>>19117322>>19117328ARE YOU FORGETTING MY OATH OF CELIBACY? DID YOU NOT WONDER WHY I'M SO GODDAMN CRANKY? I HAVE BUSTED A NUT IN 25 FUCKING YEARS.>>19117325SIR TOURETTES HAS NO TRIP CODE. SIR TOURETTES NEEDS NO TRIP CODE. YOU SHALL KNOW ME BY MY WORDS AND BY MY HONEST OPNINIONS OF THOSE I BEHOLD.FAGGOT.>>19117319CAN YOU SHOUT LOUDER THAN ALL IN YONDER VALE? CAN YOU BELITTLE A MANS ENTIRE LIFE IN FIVE SECONDS FLAT? CAN YOU MAKE SURE I WAKE UP NEXT TO A GLASS OF WATER AFTER A NIGHT OF HEAVY DRINKING?IF THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTIONS IS YES, THEN I WILL TAKE YOU UNDER WING AS MY APPRENTICE.
>>19117404Yeah, if I had a vow of celibacy, I'd probably develop tourettes as well. However, I chose to be a paladin of a love god, so it's pretty much my civic duty to get laid as often as possible.
>>19117404Lord Tourettes...it is I...Lord Whisper....Sorceror-King of...the...black lands....I will now...commence battle...if that is....alright....
Sir Tourettes! An evil witch turned my wife into a goat!
>>19117432THE POWER OF FAITH IS ALL I NEED. AND COUGH MEDICINE.>>19117445THE BLACK LANDS? ARE YOU BEING RACIST? I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS LOUD AND HOLY THAT IF YOU ARE, I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE THAT YOUR BODY WILL BECOME A PARTICAL ACCELERATOR.
>>19117462I KNEW A WIZARD ON THE SOUTH COAST AT ONE TIME. THE MAN WAS A TOTAL CUNT BUT HE KNEW HIS SHIT. PERHAPS HE CAN TURN THIS WITCH INTO A GOAT AND ALLOW YOU TO FIND SOLACE.
>>19117489No..sir....misunderstand...me...it's...Black Lands because...of all the...ash....from the...volcano...where..my fortress...is...and please...keep your...voice down...this is a...public area...
>>19117489I'd suggest you learn a bit of blue magic, but it's not really designed for virgins, except maybe to use on them. Also, what kind of paladin doesn't have spells that yell for him? You must be trained in the shitty old ways, try the new ways, you'll get a lot more out of your powers, like a Smite that doesn't quit.
Sir tourettes, my goat ran off with my favourite bucket!
>>19117516I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY DIVINE CALLING AND SELF INDUCED TINNITUS. PERHAPS IF YOU SPOKE UP CUNT.>>19117518HAVE YOU TRIED STUDYING IN A LIBRARY WHERE THE AVERAGE NOISE LEVEL IS 220 DB?
> CAN YOU SHOUT LOUDER THAN ALL IN YONDER VALE?POSSIBLY!> CAN YOU BELITTLE A MANS ENTIRE LIFE IN FIVE SECONDS FLAT?I CAN CERTAINLY TRY!> CAN YOU MAKE SURE I WAKE UP NEXT TO A GLASS OF WATER AFTER A NIGHT OF HEAVY DRINKING?YES, MY LORD!
>>19117543THAT ANIMAL CLEARLY HAS MORE BRAINS THAN YOU. HE SHOULD BE MAYOR OF THIS NEURON FORSAKEN TOWN.>>19117547THE THIRD QUESTION WAS THE ONLY VITAL ONE. YOU'RE HIRED. NOW I NEED YOU TO GO AROUND THE ENTIRE TOWN AND HURL ABUSE AT ALL OF THE WINDOWS UNTIL THEY ARE CLEAN.OR BROKEN. BROKEN IS FINE TOO.
If it's not too personal, good sir Tourettes, how do you deal with the combination of hangovers and your own, righteous volume?
Sir tourettes, I fucked my mother and I have remorse. What can I do?
>>19117594I SHOUT UNTIL THE PAIN IN MY THROAT IS WORSE THAN THE PAIN IN MY SKULL.THEN I GET DRUNK TO MAKE MY THROAT FEEL BETTER.
>>19117546Great... he's also given himself hearing damage.... sigh... *casts Hell of a Night*THERE! THAT SHOULD.... FUCK... OKAY, WHATEVER.YOU SHOULD TRY LEARNING SOME BLUE MAGIC OR THE NEW WAYS OF BEING A PALADIN. EITHER WILL GIVE YOU SPELLS THAT WILL FIX YOUR TINNITUS AND IT MIGHT GIVE YOU SOME DEGREE OF YOUR HEARING BACK. IT ALSO WILL HELP YOU DEAL WITH HANGOVERS.
>>19117627DOES THIS PANSY BLUE MAGIC HAVE SPELLS THAT AMPLIFY SOUND?>>19117601.........WHAT?
>>19117686Out of all the things Sir Tourettes has had to put up with, I'm surprised the one thing that makes him pause for thought is hearing that someone fucked their mother.
Take me, Sir tourettes. Take me hard.
>>19117723THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN SIR TOURETTES WILL NOT TOUCH WITH A TEN FOOT POLEARM.
>>19117749ARE YOU A BEER?
MY LORD, BY ABUSE, DO YOU MEAN BRICKS?
>>19117768I can be anything you want me to be.
>>19117769DO THE BRICKS HAVE FINE PHRASES SUCH AS FAGGOT-MUCHING DICK BAG, JIZZ FACED HORSE MONGLER OR RAGING FAGGOT OF A WHORESON WRITTEN ON THEM?
>>19117786BEERS DON'T TALK, HELLSPAWN. GO MUNCH ON SOMEONE ELSES COCK. I NEED ONLY FAITH TO SATISFY MY DESIRES.
>>19117786THE YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN A BEER AND THERE WOULD BE NO NEED FOR THIS DISCUSSION YOU VILE CUM SNORTING SLATTERN
Sir tourettes, we need help in the underdark... the drow are revolting!
Lord Tourettes, I fucked my sister.But she's pregnant. What do I do?
>>19117804>>19117824Oh fuck, there's two of them. Which is the real one?!
>>19117824WHO THE FUCK IS THIS IMPOSTER?I CHALLENGE THEE TO A SHOUTING MATCH YOU GODDAMN COCK SMOKING FAGGOT OF A KNAVE.
>>19117833I'll say. They're hideous!
>>19117850Should have picked up a tripcode like I mentioned.Faggot.
>>19117834WHAT IS IT WITH THE TOWN OF /TG/ AND INCEST?GODDAMN, AM I GOING TO HAVE TO STAY HERE AND TEACH YOU RIGHT AND WRONG ALL OVER AGAIN?ALRIGHT THEN, LESSON ONE: IF YOU SHARE GENES, THEN YOU KEEP YOUR JEANS ON, YOU FUCKING PERVERTED SHIT EATER.
>>19117890How about step-sisters, we got a green light for that?
>>19117850YOU ARE THE IMPOSTER! FOR I AM THE REAL SIR AND MY CLEVER RUSE WAS ABLE TO UNCOVER YOUR HEINOUS ACTS! YOU ARE THE VERY REASON MOST OF THIS VILLAGE IS INBRED DUE TO INCEST!>>19117833YOU! DWARF! ASK MY SQUIRE TO ASSIST, HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS READY FOR A FUCKING FIGHT! >>19117885FOR IT IS YOU WHO ARE TRULY THE FAGGOT, ARE YOU NOT ABLE TO DETERMINE WHICH OF US IS THE TRUE SIR TOURETTES?
>>19117890>keeping my jeansbut when how do I piss?
>>19117885ALRIGHT SMART ARSE. SIR TOURETTES IS NOW TRIPPING. HAPPY FAGGOT?>>19117904NO RISK OF GENETIC MUTATION IN THE OFFSPRING.
>>19117953Much obliged, Sir Tourettes. Now, if you'll excuse me...OI! BITCH! IT'S RAPING TIME!
>>19117938I'm going to guess it's not the one who typed his name wrong the first time, and is now pretending he didn't.Fuck off, faggot.
>>19117938SCROLL UP THE PAGE. AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE ALWAYS SPACED MY RANTINGS OUT WITH RETURNS.YOU HOWEVER, YOU FAGGOT MUNCHING COCK BURGLER, HAVE ALLOWED ALL OF YOUR LINES TO BE CRAMPED TOGETHER.YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF AWARE, CUNT RAG. YOU ARE NO PALADIN.
>>19117953His trip has the word cunt in it, it must be him.
>>19117969SIR TOURETTES WISHES ALL PROBLEMS WERE THIS EASY TO SOLVE.
>>19117953>!GfcuntKtcQ >cuntHe even got a Tourette's-based trip. Well done.
>>19117989Oh my god.
>>19117982CURSES! YOU HAVE DISCOVERED ME PALADIN AND UNFURLED MY NEFARIOUS PLOT TO CAUSE YOUR TOWN FOLK TO BE MORE FOOLISH AND DRIVING YOU TO MADNESS! I SHALL NOW GO TO MY MOUNTAIN RETREAT AND PLOT MORE WAYS TO FUCK WITH YOU, YOU WALRUS FUCKING CUNT NIPPLE!
>>19117999I fucking lost it.
>>19117998YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME SIR TOURETTES! I SHALL BRING YOU.. DESPAIR!
MY LORD! ALLOW ME TO REMOVE THIS PERSON FROM YOUR VICINITY! IT WILL ALLOW YOU A RUN-UP FOR THE MASSIVE BALL-KICKING I'M SURE YOU WILL DELIVER WITH GREAT HEARTINESS!
>>19118046OH NO YOU DON'T BITCH. YOU ARE GETTING REFORMED. SO REFORMED YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO RECOGNISE YOURSELF ANYMORE.YOUR REFORMATION BEGINS WITH A TRIP INTO THE SEWERS TO HANDLE THE GOBLINS PROBLEMS.THE MARK OF A TRUELY GREAT PALADIN IS KNOWING WHEN TO PASS UP A QUEST TO ALLOW SOMEONE MORE WORTHY OF ITS UNDERTAKING TO CLAIM ITS GLORY. AND SHIT STAINS.
Sir tourettes. May I worship you as my new god?
>>19118100WORTHLESS PEASANT, I AM NO GOD. I MERELY CARRY THE GODS MESSAGE TO PEOPLES OF THIS WORLD.
>>19118093NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE SEWERS YOU BADGER CUNT STAIN! ISWEARREVENGE!
In that case, please tell me which god you pray to, Sir Tourettes. So that I may follow in your footsteps.
>>19118183TO BE HONEST I'VE NEVER BEEN TOTALLY SURE. THE HEADQUARTERS OF MY ORDER IS A LOUD AS THUNDEROUS ARSES PLACE AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD A SENTANCE COMPLETED BEFORE IT WAS CUT OFF BY SOMEONE LOUDER.
>>19118214WELL WHAT IF I JUST START SHOUTING VERY LOUDLY!?!
>>19118240THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING FOR AROUND 25 YEARS NOW. EVIL COVERS ITS EARS AND FLEES IN TERROR WHEN CONFRONTED BY ONE OF OUR ORDER. THEY FORSAKEN CANNOT WITHSTAND OUR THUNDEROUS VOLUME. THOSE WHO CAN ARE BROUGHT TO TEARS BY OUR FOUL MOUTHS.AND SO YOU ARE AWARE, I AM ONE OF THE MORE MILD SERVANTS OF OUR CREED.
>>19118280HE'S RIGHT YOU KNOW.
>>19118305Oh god, my sides.
>>19118305IT IS YOU. THE ONE FROM MY DREAMS. THE ONE WHO GUIDES US IN THE QUIET WITH YOUR LUDICROUSLY BOOMING VOICE. YOU ARE...OUR GOD!YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT.
Look...I tried...just...waiting for you...to calm down...and...talk at a...lower volume...but...you have forced...my hand...enguard...I will fight...you with..a sword...in one...hand...and a...spell...in the...other....
>>19118362MY BODY RESONATES WITH THE POWER OF THE BLESSED ONE AT PRECISELY 318.2 DB.I WILL ASK OF YOU, SHIT RAG. ARE YOU SURE?I MEAN I'M KIND OF HAMMERED RIGHT NOW AND WOULD RATHER SETTLE THIS OVER A BEER.
Sir Tourettes, the paladin I have been traveling with was possesed by a demon, and now kills orphans and eats their faces in exchange for power. He's been doing this for nigh on a year.What should I do?
>>19118394...Actually...that sounds nice...sure...I know a tavern...next to a...hill...quiet country...they brew a fine...dwarvish beer...come on lets...go...
>>19118397YOU MUST FIND THIS DEMONS TRUE NAME AND THEN...THEN YOU MUST RIDICULE IT. INSULT THIS ABOMINATION SO HARD HE GOES SCREAMING BACK INTO THE PITS OF HELL, NEVER AGAIN TO WALK THE EARTH LEST HE FINDS HIMSELF ONCE AGAIN DEALT SUCH MAGNIFICENT LEVELS OF BURN.THIS TASK... YOU CAN DO IT CUNT MONGLER. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
>>19118354MY MUSK IS MERELY AS POWERFUL AS MY AUDACIOUS VOICE.NOW STOMP THAT WHISPERING LITTLE SHITHOUSE INTO THE GROUND LEST YOU INCUR MY WRATH, YOU FESTERING, DISTENDED KOBOLD ANUS.
>>19118476AYE, I WILL, OH GREAT AND LOUD ONE WHO IS POSITIVELY HONKING.>>19118431SORRY CHUM. DATE'S CANCELLED. WE'RE DOING THIS THE LOUD WAY.
>mfw this thread
>>19118462But Sir, I am merely a journeyman artificer(lvl 15) while this blackguard is a fearsome warrior (lvl 23), and I, being a mere changling, do not have the lung capacity for this task. Surely you can spare the time to dispense with this foul creature. Did I mention that he often makes these children orphans himself?>Actually happening in our campaign
>>19117686WHERE DO YOU THINK I GOT THE SPELL CALLED "HELL OF A NIGHT"?
>>19118561WELL FUCK SUNSHINE. YOU NEED TO GROW YOURSELF SOME GODDAMN BOLLOCKS.HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE THING, THAT MAKES ME ANGRY, ASIDE FROM BEING OATH BOUND TO NOT GET ANY PUSSY, IT CHILDREN BEING HURT. THAT IS A LINE WHICH YOU DO NOT CROSS. NOT EVER, NO SIR CUNT RAG FAGGOT FONDLER.THIS QUEST I WILL TAKE. GET YOUR DM ON THE LINE. I HAVE A CAMPAIGN TO DERAIL.
>>19118518SHOULD YOU COMPLETE THIS TASK, OF WHICH I HAVE NO DOUBT, I SHALL GRANT YOU A MAGNIFICENT BOON OF A BOTTOMLESS TANKARD OF THE FINEST ALE, YOU WRETCHED ABORTION OF QUESTIONABLE HERITAGE.FAIL AND I SHALL SHOUT AT YOU UNTIL YOUR SKIN RIPS ASUNDER AND YOUR DISAPPOINTING BONES ARE NOTHING BUT DUST.
>>19118605Is this real life?
>>19118605Yes Sir, I'll get on that right away.>If you can get to the only FLGS in nw Louisiana, I'll sponser Sir Tourettes into the campaign.
>>19118619Is this just fantasy
>>19118643caught in a land slide
>>19118669No escape from reality
>>19118592A WHORES PURSE.>>19118612IT'S AT THE TOP OF MY QUEST LOG, GREAT ONE. ALSO MIGHT I ALSO RECOMMEND INSTALLING A SHOWER IN YOUR HOLY ABODE? YOU REALLY FUCKING NEED ONE. YOUR BO HAS THE POWER TO LAY WAY TO CIVILISATIONS.>>19118619DEFINITLY AIN'T NO SHIT SMEARING FANTASY.
>>19118669WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU NASTY LITTLE FAGGOTS ATTEMPTING HERE?GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS THREAD.
>>19118685DO I LOOK LIKE THE GOD OF FRUIT BUSHES AND ROSE PETALS, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN ORCS TESTICLE?
And so the Whisper of the Dark Lands, Lord of Whispers, and finally, Sorceror-King of the Black Lands sat on his bone-chilling throne. His skin was frozen by the obsidian of the chair. On this black throne he sits, his halls silent. No wind breaks in to bristle papers, no water dripping, nothing at all. There is zero sound. It is an unnatural silence that brings even the most sane men to madness. He is brooding, damning fate and cursing the silence which surrounds him. No one can hear him of course, but he is swearing. He says finally, "Just...wanted a bear..."
>>19118640QUITE THE TREK FROM THE MIDDLE OF ENGLAND.>>19118694AND LORD SHOUTETH THE TRUTHS FROM ON HIGH, AND THE FAITHFUL HEARD HIS CALL.AND ON THAT DAY, THE EARS ON THE FAITHFUL RANG WITH THE THUNDER OF THE BLESSED ONES CREED WHILE THEIR NASAL PASSAGES WERE ASSAILED BY HIS HOLY ODOUR.
Sir Tourettes! What is love?
>>19118685YOU OFFEND ME, I WOULD NEVER STEAL! AS A PALAdin..... fuck... spell wore off. Damnit.*Casts Hell of a Night*AHEM! AS A PALADIN OF SHELYN, I ASK YOU TO APOLOGIZE AT ONCE! FOR I DO NOT WISH TO HAVE A CONFRONTATION WITH ANOTHER PALADIN, IT IS UNECESSARY!
>>19118715THE PEASANTS OF THIS TOWN HAVE A RATHER NICE, SHIT FILLED SEWER FOR YOU TO SWIM IN, BLESSED ONE.
>>19118694It's simply I, the Sublime Chord.
And so, HERE WE ARE,
BORN TO BE KINGS
>>19118759WHAT A WONDERFUL SUGGESTION, A QUICK JAUNT IN THE FECULENCE OF THE PATHETIC MORTAL BEINGS SOUNDS LIKE JUST WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW.IF THERE ARE ANY CREATURES DOWN THERE, THEY HAD BETTER RUN FAR AND FAST.
FUCKING SHIT ANGRY PRIMARCH, WHAT THE COCKING FUCK ARE YOU DOING SCREAMING A GODFUCKING DAMN FEUDAL WORLD FUCKING SHITTING PEASANTS?
WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE
>>19118804LISTEN TO ME, YOU WARBLING LITTLE CLEFT.IF I WANTED TO HEAR YOUR GIRLY, VOMIT INDUCING WHISPERS, I'D CHAIN YOU TO A WALL AND LISTEN TO THE SWEET SOUND OF YOUR PATHETIC SCREAMING AS I CONSUMED YOUR HEART.BE GONE.
>>19118845YOU KNOW, I'M KINDA GLAD THAT THE ACTUAL BRIAN BLESSED ISN'T THIS MUCH OF A TOSSER.
>>19118826Why, there's nothing going on here sir. We're definantly not establishing a false god in place of the Most Holy Emperor.I did hear that there were some pretty marines in the neighboring star system giving peasents makeovers
>>19118826WHAT KIND OF FAGGOT CLADS HIMSELF IN YELLOW ARMOR?WANDER ELSEWHERE, YOU STINKING CARCINOMA IN A TIN CAN.
>>19118881I GOT ONE OF THOSE, I WAS NOT IMPREssed. Oh, there goes the spell again, it simply does not last as long as a spell called Hell of a Night should, it's more like hell of a minute or two.
>>19118858In fact, I think this guy >>19118826 might be a pretty marine trainee.
>>19118931That wouldn't surprise me, lots of marines switch to the Pretty Marines, why else would it still exist?
>>19118826>>19118881>>19118931>THREAD ISN'T ABOUT 40K>LETS MAKE IT ABOUT 40KNOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS THREAD ISN'T REALLY ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE AND YOU'RE PERHAPS TRYING TO GIVE IT A TOPIC, BUT GODDAMN COCK BURGLING BADGER-CUNTING DICK BASTARD OF A WHORE MONGLER, WHY?
>>19118954I was talking about you, with your flowery armor and pink silk ruffles and purple lace cuffs.
>>19118974I cannot be held responsible for what the ceremonial armor looks like, it's not even comfortable, but it's easy to get out of.
>>19118963YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE HOLY WARRIOR.I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.
>>19118963> Just trying to keep it flowing and include people, instead of letting someone who isn't paying attention kill it.
>>19119003EXCELLENT. CARRY ON THEN MY BROTHER IN LOUD AND MILDLY ABUSIVE.
So which God does Sir Tourettes worship anyway?
>>19118813WELCOME TO MY HOMELANDNOW, LET US BEGIN THE RITUALISTIC DANCE-FIGHT THAT IS THE RITE OF INITIATION FOR MY PEOPLE
>>19119055BRIAN FUCKING BLESSED, DICK WAD.
>>19119055Are... are you even reading the thread?
ANNIE ARE YOU OK? ARE YOU OK, ARE YOU OK ANNIE?*BEGINS MOON-WALKING*
>>19119055YOU KNOW BACK IN DAYS OF OLD THEY USED TO SACRIFICE THE ONES LIKE YOU, IN ORDER TO STAY MY HAND, YOU BLIND WHORE FONDLER.I MISS THOSE DAYS.TOURETTES, RID ME OFF THIS FOOL. HIS IGNORANCE DISGUSTS ME.
>>19119121Ach! An undead!...Wait, what the fuck is it doing?
>>19119152How old are you, 12?Come with me, I can take you away from all this, to magical land of love and fun.
>>19119183Nono, it's just that I've never seen an undead dancing.... quite like that before. Also, I have my duties, so I cannot go with you. Though, I will tell others of this land of which you speak, and it will be investigated.
>>19119143CONSIDER HIM FURIOUSLY SHOUTED AT, BLESSED ONE.
>>19119216That is too bad, my juvenile friend.Some other time perhaps? NOW, LET US DANCE!
>>19119121SHITTING FUCK BAGS, THOSE ARE SOME SWEET MOVES.
>>19115940>Bug the party casters IC to get Merciful Metamagic feat (while apologizing OOC for my character being a dick)>IC
>>19119278Why do you consider me a juvenile? Just because I don't have access to the tele-whatevers of the Imperium, doesn't mean I'm young.
This is hilariously insensitive to people who actually have Tourettes and also, basically just an angry marine rip off.Nice 'OC' /tg/.
>>19119325SUNSHINE, YOU ARE ONLY EVER AS OLD AS YOU FEEL.HOWEVER THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT OK TO SLEEP WITH CHILDREN.
>>19119121HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF THE SOUL PIT, YOU ESTRANGED MAN CHILD!?!TOURETTES, THIS ONE NEEDS BRINGING BACK TO THE SULFUR PLANES. MAKE IT HAPPEN BEFORE HE TURNS INTO A CAR OR SOME OTHER WILD ALARMING FANTASY BULLSHIT.
>>19119350No kidding! I would have never guessed that in a million years! Oh, wait, it's one of the basic tenants of my church: no pedophilia!
>>19119355BUT THOSE MOVES. AND THE BEAT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH THINGS.
>>19119349JOIN IN OR CAN IT.
>>19116206Reminds me of that demon in Planescape. You can ask him for all his stuff, he comply and will give it to you and reply he is totally not picturing gutting you.
>>19119291THEN CHECK THESE OUT>>19119325WHY, BY YOUR SMOOTH, PRE-PUBESCENT CHEEKS, THE LACE AND SILK, AND THE bishonen AURA YOU GIVE OFF, I ONLY ASSUMED YOU WERE YOUNG, AND NEEDED AN OLDER, LOVER-ERRR I MEAN BROTHER. FREUDIAN SLIP & ALL THAT
>>19119406A really passively aggressive sarcastic Paladin would also be pretty great.
>>19119349NICE SENSITIVITY, YOU WHITE KNIGHTING, DICKLESS EUNUCH.LOOK HOW FUCKING IMPRESSED I AM WITH HOW YOU TOLD US ALL.
>>19119418WELL I'LL BE. THAT'S SOME HOT SHIT. WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT? THE AMOUNT OF PUSSY I COULD SCORE WITH MOVES LIKE-OH GODAMMIT.
>>19119355YOU KNOW I CAN *AAAAH-EEH* WALK OUT WHENEVER I LIKE. BESIDES, THESE SEWERS ARE MY SUMMER VACATION HOME.>>19119349>Or...you can get over your puffed up sense of false self-rightousness, learn to take a fucking joke, and have a good time either playing or lurking. Or GET OFF THE FUCKING BUS!!!!!1
>>19119418I'll have you know that most of that is a huge burn-scar. The bishonen aura is just part of the package, something Shelyn sneaks in to differentiate us from other paladins. Like how the paladins of Iomedae glow at night, or how the paladins of Desna have a hobo-aura going on.
>>19119380I DO NOT MAKE A HABIT OF REPEATING MYSELF.GET IT DONE OR PREPARE TO SPEND AN ETERNITY AS MY WASHCLOTH YOU PLAGUE-WRACKED TROGLODYTE.
>>19119475Brian Blessed is a pretty cool guy, I don't think he's be impressed with your derogatory attitude toward's Tourette's sufferers....okay, I kid, I kid. The original post did say 'hilariously insensitive'. I guess I was just a little surprised no one else had brought up the fact that Tourette's is not 'swearing' and not is it anything intentional.
>>19119492> Sir Tourettes, Brian the Blessed, Paladin of love, it has been a pleasure to be silly with you all. I must be off to the strip club, however, for I just came in from the oil rig today. Until again-Wandering Artificer, etc./ Magos Explortator Steevie
>>19119533OR HOW MY PALADINS ACT LIKE REAL MEN.
>>19119569IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE CHAP. I HOPE YOU FIND SOME DICK BURGLING SHIT EATER AND PUNCH HIM IN THE MUTTON CHOPS.
>>19119589The ladies simply don't like manly-men anymore, so we lift and shift as is appropriate. Though I do miss not having to act the part, it's kind of a pain in the ass.
WELL IT APPEARS THAT'S IT.TILL NEXT TIME, CUNT RAGS.
Hey, has this been archived yet?
queer who posted this>>19116206 I love what you guys made with all this. I certainly didn't know it was going to skyrocket into awesome like so. Thank you. gentlemen! Thank you, Sir Tourettes!
>>19115940actually if you play Pathfinder there is a feat to do that very easily.http://www.d20pfsrd.com/feats/combat-feats/bludgeoner-combatUse that, get an Earth Breaker(Martial, 2d6x3) and start knocking people out with your fuck off huge hammer
Archive this shit.