You are Sir Sigmund Venhaus, knight errant of the Kingdom of Heldengrad and former squire to the Hammer of Heldengrad, the King’s champion, Jorge Kleisner (You wish to someday have a beard as MAGNIFICENT and as MANLY as his, but fear that that day may never come).Before you could acquire a lord to swear your service to, war broke out down south as the Orc city states pushed north to try and conquer the borderlands again. Following your old master Jorge, you headed south with the army led by crown prince Adalwulf. During the many battles of the campaign to repel the orcs, you acquitted yourself well, impressing all with your prowess in battle, managing to kill even an enemy general in the battle of Rorikstead.Then during the final battle of the campaign, you saved Arch Duke Ericksen, a close friend of the prince, from being mashed like a potato by an ogre gone berserk.As thanks for this deed the crown prince has decided to award you the title of Earl and some land to go with it, while the Duke is quite keen for you to join his service but is understanding if take the title and is willingly to give you a 100 crowns(500g) as thanks instead.Do you accept the title and land or do you swear service to Ericksen and become his loyal knight? Or do you do neither and strike it out on your own as a questing knight errant?>What do you do?Pic related, it's you and your battle flag.
We must become a Knight Errant and learn the lost arts of Magic Sword-wielding. We shall become not unlike the dragon-slaying juggernauts of legend!
>>19180656As cool as it would be to serve under a Duke, the Quest and the Road call.We shall earn a beard through surmounting MANLY trials!
Become the wandering badass knight, fuck bitches, build up our own castle and eventually kingdom.With the understanding that we totally owe the Duke a favor and consider him a bro. Perhaps recommend to him another lordless knight we know of to enter his service?
>>19180685>>19180701>>19180707Decided on your course of action, you tell them of your action and recommend Sir Bjorn, a close friend, to the Arch Duke in your stead.Roll d20 to see how well they take it. Higher is better.
rolled 12 = 12>>19180745Charisma roll
We must travel to the lands of fire and ice and claim the sword that was so properly our birthright. I talk, of course, of the legendary blade of Balmung!
>>19180751They are disapointed with the news and take it as well as can be. The Duke turns down your recommendation.>What now oh mighty hero?
>>19180751Oh God, talking is not one of our better skills.
>>19180770You already carry your family sword. It is nothing remarkable but serves you well in your murderous endevours like it has for many generations of your family.
Get our supplies ready and set off towards the north, certain the legendary blade lies somewhere in the frozen wastes where your ancestors were last seen wielding it.
>>19180770Ride towards the colder lands, and in a village near snowy lands, begin your rigorous training in the icy mountains to become immune to winter attrition.Alternatively, try to secure the knowledge of any art related to merging magical arts with the swordfighting martial disciplines.
>>19180810>>19180817Your loyal servant Jensen quickly gets everything ready and you're soon on your way riding your trusty steed whom you call sir Cadric. You head north in hopes of great adventure and more magical means to kill your foes.Roll a d30 for progress.
>>19180856Holy crap, even our horse is knighted?!
rolled 28 = 28>>19180856We shall triumph!
rolled 18 = 18HUZZAH!
>>19180883Oh. FUCK.YES.
>>19180883You manage to travel far during the days ride but with darkness closing quickly and no town or inn in sight, Jensen suggests setting up camp and continuing in the morning.>Do you continue or set up camp?Roll d10 for an encounter
>Knights errant>Of a place.BITCH WUT?
Why did we turn down land and title from The Crown Prince?An Earl hardly pays anything toward other lords, just the king, doesnt he?
dice+1d10Is Jensen our squire or have any sort of fighting ability?
rolled 4 = 4>>19180928Set up camp. Venturing into the cold without a good night's sleep is a fool's errand.Bless me o ye mighty gods of dice
rolled 5 = 5>>19180945Haha, oops, rerolling properly.
>>19180942Just some taxes to the King. You may not have had to due to your favor with the prince>>19180945He's just some guy who attached himself to you at the start of the campaign. You never asked for him but you don't know how you ever lived with out him.
>>19180942An earl answers only to the king, unless he's from Scotland.
>>19180979>>19180993See, possibly Zero Taxes!We could bleed the peasants for all they're worth!Or have them pay hardly any at all and make it a huge rich merchant mecca!
>>19180948As you search for a place to camp, you are ambushed by a group of 5 bandits. they look poorly equipped but desperate.>What do you do?Roll d20 for combat. Higher is always better.
>>19181012Pffft. Too late for that. We're going the HERO route, bitch.
rolled 9 = 9>>19181017Take out your sword, make sure Jensen stays behind you. They are numerous, which leaves you with a course of action that is very simple.You need to prevent them from being able to gang up on you; first withdraw to a narrower passage, or make sure to stay in the high ground. From the high ground, you will be able to prevent any encirclement attacks by thrusting forward.Also, before engaging, try to intimidate them into backing off and avoiding combat, hopefully.
rolled 1 = 1>>19181017>Let us deal swiftly with these ruffians! What-ho!
rolled 11 = 11>>19181017Ambushed?Or did our aura of JUSTICE draw the bandits to us subconciously so we could inact Law on these neardowellsThey are poor, starving possibly.It would be far too much to come at them with everything.Pommel strikes, shield bashes, and punches to go easy on them
>>19181047>9FML.At least I gave a solid plan, and didn't just go "LOLOLOLO KILL EVERYTHING"
>>19181059>>19181062lol.
>>19181059I have shamed my ancestors this day.
rolled 11 = 11>>19181087The only honorable action is to commit ritual Sudoku.
>>19181047You try to maneuver for better ground but they the suddenness of the attack and your inattention to your surroundings results in you being quickly encircled. They seem to have ignored Jensen and concentrated on you as the biggest threat.Roll d20 for intimidation. d20 for combat with a -1 modifier for being encircled.
rolled 15, 6 = 21>>19181128Make your best "demon knight" face. Then swipe their legs.ALL THEIR LEGS.
rolled 13 = 13>>19181128What did the Shield say to the face?CLONG'That doesnt makes sense.'It doesnt have to, I'm a Knight"You ambush Sir Venhaus, slayer of monsters thrice your size! I'm trained with the Hammer of Heldengrad, and You Whelps come at me this day! Flee your wretches, give up your crimes and till the fields, lest i make you Fertilizer for them!"
>>19181164So we make a totally terrifying face but slip when they retreat?
rolled 8, 16 = 24"Please, gentleman, I have just returned from doing battle with the orcs to the south. Either we talk this out or many of you will never return home." (as gentleManly as possible)
/tg/ dice are being a ho today.
>>19181164"You ambush Sir Venhaus, slayer of monsters thrice your size! I'm trained with the Hammer of Heldengrad, and You Whelps come at me this day! Flee your wretches, give up your crimes and till the fields, lest i make you Fertilizer for them!"You mange to intimidate most of them, 2 flee altogether and the rest look like they're having second thoughts.You try to knock them off their feet while they're wavering but as you attack your horse trips due to the bad conditions of the road and despite your best attempts, you fall, hurting your shield arm.Seeing your predicament the 3 bandits attack while you're down.d24 for combat go!
rolled 12 = 12>>19181265Quick!Curly Stooge spin kick!WoopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopNyaaanyaanyaa
rolled 11 = 11>>19181265Ancestors, I call upon thee!
I sure hope our shield arm doesn't have a serious injury.
boy, were perfectly mediocre it looks like
>>19181281You just manage to regain your feet when they're upon you. You barely dodge a slash for your neck, the tip scrapping across your chain mail. Parrying a thrust meant to disembowl you, you kick him back before deftly spinning away from your third attacker.roll d20, -1 modifier because of arm injury from fall.
rolled 12 + 1 = 13>>19181384Rolling with modifier included.Let's see if we can fend them off! Our legend begins now!
>>19181384You've never heard of the 3 stooges have you?
rolled 7 + 1 = 8>>19181384We shall incapacitate them but not kill them, we are chivalrous and understand these poor men had no choice, when we're done and cleaned up, we'll offer them a position as followers, this will be the start of our very own party of adventurers.
>>19181397>Use a - symbol, get a bonus instead.tg'dice ftaghn.Anyway, that's an 11, not a 13 then.
rolled 19 = 19>>19181414>>19181397oh boy these rolls.
We are become Knight Errant, master of mediocre battle.
>>19181429FUCKINGFIGURES
rolled 17 = 17>>19181340Oop, reroll
>>19181398I have heard of them, never watched them though.>>19181397They recover quickly before you can go on the offensive and press you hard, forcing you to use your injured shield arm to block. Luckily one wanders too close to your horse and gets a kick for his trouble. His sword arm appears badly broken with a bone sticking through. He screams in rage and clutches his injured arm.The other two press the attack jarring your injured shield arm.roll d20, -1 modifier again.
rolled 10 = 10>>19181483Destroy them, we shall from now on be called Gutts, demon knight errant.
rolled 7 = 7>>19181483ARRRRRRRGH STOP BEING SO AVERAGE
rolled 5 = 5>>19181540let me guesswe'll start using a two handed sword too right?
>>19181556thisisnotokay.jpg
We might have used all of our luck on that orc general
It's good to be back.
>>19181540They're pressing you hard and you're barely able to hold block them. The 2 bandits are getting more confident now and keep pressing you, pushing you back. As you move back, you slip, momentarily lowering you're guard. They see this and aim to end this.One of them manages to strike you in the head with his sword dazing you. If it wasn't for your helmet you'd be dead.Roll d22, -1 modifier.
>>19181596FUCKING HELL
rolled 9 = 9>>19181636Last roll for the night.
rolled 4 = 4welp, this sucks
rolled 8 + 1 = 9>>19181636A d 22?
rolled 5 = 5>>19181665>>19181647right then, time to turn this around.
>>19181483>>19181540>>19181556>>19181561This... is going poorly, perhaps we should try talking them out of this before we get taken out by the first enemies we met.
rolled 11 = 11Guys, I think we should have taken that title and land.
rolled 22 = 22>>19181686I MEANT THE OTHER WAY DICETHE OTHER WAY
rolled 10 = 10>>19181696that's more like it.
>>19181647As you reel from that knock to the head, they follow up, knocking away your shield, they manage to stab you in the leg. Your armour saves you from the worst of it, but the wound isn't good and you're down to one knee.Seeing your predicament, Jensen, your ever loyal servant charges in with a log from behind and manages to brain one of them.Roll d19, -1 mod.
rolled 13 = 13>>19181727let's try our newfound fortune then, shall we?
rolled 19 = 19>>19181727Sans mod
>>19181681Temporary injuries, that knock to the head and the enemy being in a good position add to it.
>>19181694TOO LATE NOW, WE MUST FORGE AHEAD.FOR GOD, KING AND COUNTRY!
this is some Don Quixote shit here.
>>19181750The bandit Jensen struck is dead and the now incensed lone bandit goes after him, cutting his make shift log in half and about to kill him, but you manage to tackle him before he can. You're now grappling with him, with and injured arm and badly bleeding leg. In his surprise the bandit dropped his sword but you still have yours.Roll d12, -2 mod.
rolled 3 = 3>>19181818Our luck will surely take us through this.also holy shit 19181818 that's a lucky post number.
rolled 9 = 9>>19181830love is overwe're fucking done for.
rolled 10 = 10Please dice, please let us live
>>19181818NEVER touch a knight's faithful servant!
>>19181830Not lucky enough apparently.CRITICAL FAILURE: The bandit is stronger than you thought and manages to wrest control of your sword from you and get on top. After bashing away at your helmet for a bit leaving you badly dazed he goes for the kill, stabbing down at your throat.What do you do? You currently have a fate point with a maximum of three possible.
>>19181889Hurl him up and off that our swords narrowly misses its own, leaving up a neat cut on our forehead, as the bandit falls over us onto his head dazing him quite well enough for us to grab our trusty apple knife in our boot to stab him in the throat/head
>>19181988You use your fate point. Roll d10 for action success.
rolled 1 = 1>>19182065
>>19182100wow......
>>19182100
>>19182100NOPE
>>19182065>>19182100Seems like /tg/ doesn't want this quest.
FUCK THIS.
>>19182100CRITICAL FAILURE: Your attempts at hurling him off of you are ineffectual and he is still intent on stabbing the shit out of you with your own sword.What do you do? Last chance now either burn a fate point and roll a d10 again or leave it up to the gods and roll a d2 for divine intervention.
>>19182139we can't help that fate is raping us with a knife
rolled 6 = 6>>19182132Lets try that again, its late and I have the dumb.
this thread has managed to produce one good thingi present to you/tg/ in a single picture.
rolled 2 = 2SAVE ME LORD
>>19182157Accept it. The dice hate us.
>>19182170FUCK YEAH, I hope he goes to swing the sword and gets struck by lighting
>>19182170The gods intervene and the bandit miss the fatal blow but still manages to stab you. Jensen has grabbed the sword stopping it from killing you but majorly fucking up his hands. The sword goes in missing your jugular but badly damaging your vocal cords. You will never speak again.Roll d20 for combat. If you get a 1, he's fucking dead.
rolled 9 = 9>>19182172Nope, giving up before we even start our quest is unacceptable, we shall take this knight, however unlucky and unloved by the gods and fashion him into something great!Final role from me.
rolled 3 = 3>>19182220cmon 20.
>>19182234FUCK THISI give up. fuck this gay earth
Some people just aren't meant to be knights I guess.I retitle this DICE QUEST
>>19182220Why the fuck would I even want to continue to play after all that? Even if we manage to survive.This has been about as unenjoyable as quest threads can be.
rolled 8 = 8Well here goes nothing
>>19182265It's not that bad. The author writes well.but dese dice man
>>19182234Jensen loses most of his right hand fingers pulling the sword away and badly hurts his left hand. You try to punch the bandit with your armored fist but you miss. The bandit begins trying to beat you to death with his fists, Jensen now having the sword but unable to help anymore.
rolled 4 = 4>>19182245>>19182234We were damned from the start...
rolled 13 = 13rolling to kill myself to save myself from further mutilation and humiliation at the hands of lowly bandits. It's the honorable thing to do
rolled 11 = 11This man is obviously HATED by Fate but i support playing him until he dies or turns into that grizzled old veteran sitting in the corner of the bar. Plus its not like we were good at talking anyways,>>19182265This guy can leave if he doesnt like it
>>19182265I'm sorry about that but I can't change the dice results.
rolled 14 = 14>>19182287YEAH NO FUCK THIS, THE MUTE KNIGHT SHALL LIVE
If we survive, we shall ride into battle half crippled and mute.And we shall still conquer.
>>19182316see>>19182333
rolled 7 = 7Oh Lawdy, Jensen back us up on this! Use your left
>>19182339Conquer what?And why is this thread breaking my 4chan x Greasemonkey quick reply?
>>19182306You are overcome with rage at your predicament. Beaten this badly by lowly bandits and almost killed with your own sword and servant maimed! This can't go on.In your rage you throw the bandit off of you taking by surprise. Your rage lending you power, you get up and start go after him.Roll a d10. Your rage has given you power.
rolled 7 = 7This'll end well.
rolled 20 = 20>>19182362I... have noting left last ditch effort.
>>19182389>nokodice
>>19182392A malnourished 10-years old peasant girl comes along and rescues you.Easily.
>>19182392Fucks sake.
>>19182389You see the bandit scrambling to get up but you dive at him before he can. You hit him in the face with your helmet, breaking his and begin to beat the shit out of him with your armored fists.What do you do?
rolled 7 = 7One more I guess...
>>19182439*breaking his nose
rolled 19 = 19>>19182439POUND THE FUCKER'S FACE IN WITH YOUR FISTS.
rolled 1 = 1Punch his face is and tend to Jenkins wounds, then our own unless ours are worse then reversed order
>>19182439>>19182443Lets just beat him to death, that seems safe.
>>19182457>fist and bloodied stump handFTFY
>>19182457You pound away at his vulnerable face. Lost in your fury, you beat away at him until his head is all but mush and blood stains on your gauntlets. He struggled ineffectual once but soon stopped.>What now oh mighty knight?
>>19182505Pray to our lord and savior jesus christ that he heals your hand so that we might smite the dirty muslims in his name
>>19182505Bleed to death unless we do something about our severed vocal cords. How are we still walking?
>>19182516hand and other injuries*
>>19182516We make our own hand!
>>19182522By the power of rage and divine intervention.Satisfied that the bandit is truly dead you fall back off his body only now begining to truly feel the effects of your injuries. Jensen having dealt with his own wounds some how during the time you beat the bandit to death comes to help you, treating his wounds as best he can with one badly cut hand what remains of his left. You feel lucky to have him and praise the gods he appears talented in healing.You pass out shortly after.>What now?
rolled 7 = 7>>19182590die of infection
>>19182590treats your wounds
>>19182604You run a mild fever due to your injuries but in your already weakened state, the effects are quite bad.You awaken after weeks of hallucinations and fever dreams, feeling considerably weaker, in quite a comfy bed. You have no idea where you are or how you got here. The last thing you remember is beating a bandit to a pulp.>What now?
The story so far was very entertaining.Check your surroundings - any specific banners or something that could identify where you are?captcha:>uineed neccessaryTruly, captcha knows what we need.
>>19184318Confused at your surroundings you look around, hoping to find something that would help you identify where you are.The room is sparsely decorated, a tapestry, much like you would find anywhere in Heldengrad hangs lonely on the wall opposite you. To your right there is a small table with what appears to be your equipment piled atop it and to your left you see Jensen sleeping in a chair near the narrow window. The room appears to be made of stone and the furniture of a higher quality than what a peasant could hope afford.You think you are in a castle of some kind or perhaps a manor house.>What do you do?
>>19185131Try to sneak around, maybe we can find out more. Do we need to roll for this?
>>19185265Oh well, going to roll anyway.
rolled 17 = 17>>19185282Fuck me sideways, goddamn dice.
>>19185286>>19185265You didn't need to roll but okay.Getting out of the bed as quietly as you can so as not to disturb Jensen, you find out that you're currently not wearing anything. You quickly slip on your tabard, which appears to have been cleaned and repaired, not finding any other clothes. After taking your sword you slip out of the room, the door being unlocked.You find yourself in an empty corridor, the stone cold beneath your feet. To your right the corridor is hidden in darkness and you can't tell how far it continues for. Opposite you is a door the same as to your room and to the left the corridor continues for a few meters before turning right.>Which way do you go?
Dear god. This quest has begun inauspiciously. It may be the first quest I actually follow!
>>19185367Knock on every door until we find someone, mime for writing materials and ask where the fuck we are.
>>19185526I really didn't think the bandits would be so hard to defeat. They must have been cursed by the dark gods.
>>19185569Were you just deciding outcomes on rolls in this thread, or were you making opposed checks and shit?
>>19185547You knock on the door opposite you. Inside you can hear moaning and the sounds of banging. Not to be deterred you start pounding on the door with the pommel of you sword.After some minutes of this, you eventually hear a female scream before the door swings open.Stood before is your very naked friend Sir Bjorn Nylund. At first he seems angry but upon realizing it's you, he hugs you, managing to lift you from your feet as he does.>What do you do?>>19185582On the outcomes of dice rolled in the thread.
>>19185637Wait for him to put us down, then mime for writing equipment. Unless we can talk again.You may want to make opposed rolls for the enemies and for skill checks, unless you want the quest to continue on this very DFesque path. I vote for the latter.
>>19185663This. Were the gods kind enough to restore our voice?
>>19185663I have no idea what DF stands for but I plan to continue using the current system unless people really want me to roll opposed.He eventually puts you down. You knew Bjorn was always a mountain of a man but you never expected him to be able to lift you up, maybe the sickness has taken more out of you than you expected?"Sigmund, thank the gods your better. Looked like you weren't going to make it for a while there. All this praying I've been doing with the sister must have helped." That sounded like weird praying to you."Lucky I turned up when I did or you'd be lying dead at the side of the road."Not knowing you can't speak you try speaking to him, to ask where you are, but you discover you can't and barely manage some croaks. Panicking you try to gesture for something to right with. Bjorn doesn't seem to understand your flailing."What the fuck are you doing Sig?">What now?
>>19185737*Wright
>>19185737Shit I guess we really can't talk. Thats going to suck. Go to the kitchen or a study or something and find a quil and some partchment and tell him you can't speak.
>>19185752Fucking hell *write
rolled 6, 9 = 15>>19185737DF=Dwarf Fortress. Pic related.Rolling to see if we cry, and if so, how hard.
>>19185753You decide to look for some writing materials but don't know your way around to know where to start. You try communicating with Bjorn again, but he just looks at you quizzically wondering perhaps if you've taken a blow to the head (which you have, repeatedly) and lost your marbles.Just as you were starting to get frustrated, a woman draped in a bed sheet appears behind Bjorn.Roll d10 to communicate successfully with her. 5+ will do.
rolled 7 = 7>>19185816Oh god help me woman!
>>19185816ROLLAN ON A RIVAH
rolled 5 = 5>>19185834fail
>>19185831You flail about a bit more hoping to get your point across. She seems amused, but appears to get the jist of what you mean. She disappears into the room for a moment, returning with some writing utensils. You could almost burst into tears your so happy.You have acquired writing equipment! Successful communication unlocked! >What now?>>19185788I have heard of DF but have never played it.>>19185788
>>19185831Great success.
>>19185868Hmm... Let's try asking how long we've been here.
rolled 2 = 2>>19185868I'm not really sure what we should write. I guess start out with "How did you find me you amazing bastard?" and something along the lines of "Oh god I can't talk! :( :("
rolled 7 = 7>>19185868"Bjorn put some goddamn clothes on. I was accosted by some bandits, and they unluckily managed to get a blow at my neck, so I can't talk anymore. How did you find me and how long have I been here?"
>>19185840>>19185831Oh dear, we have become Sir Sigmund the Mute, unable to communicate without pens and paper and rely on gestures and pantomime to get our point across.
rolled 4 = 4I just realised we are never going to be able to scare bandits and other knights with our amazing manly knightly voice ever again! :(
rolled 5 = 5>>19185914>:(No need for that here, mate.And we can be a crazy badass silent killer. We just need to work on a piercing stare and carry a fuck off huge sword.
rolled 6 = 6>>19185931Hahaha I suppose that'd work.
>>19185880You ask how long you've been here after having to get Bjorn to turn around to have a flat surface to write upon. You seriously wish he'd put something on.The answers first, "You arrived here seven weeks ago with your servant and Bjorn here." She smiles meekly at him. "And before you ask, this is a temple to Freij, near Hoarsburg."Bjorn speaks up then. "You're lucky I was taking this road back to my estate. I don't usually go this way but thought I'd try a different route on this occasion and you still owe me 3 crowns gods dammit. It's been 3 months now, injured or not I still expect payment." He shows no intention of getting dressed. He doesn't appear to have realized his state of undress and is happily swinging in the wind.
>>19185914You know a silent killer is pretty intimidating to.
rolled 9 = 9>>19185947Pay him the three crows, we are an honourable knight and have the money to spare anyway.
>>19185966You would pay him but your family has seen some bad times in recent years. While upstanding members of the nobility, your estates were never very profitable and the last few harsh winters have decimated your lands.Bjorn knows this and would never truly pressure you into paying, he just likes bringing it up.
rolled 9 = 9>>19186000Oh right, no title, no cash. Oh well.
>>19186018You do have cash, just not an abundance of it.Cash:1crown, 2g, 1s and 74 copper bitsA crown = 5g
rolled 2 = 2>>19186054Ok good to know. So what now? I guess we should chill in the temple until we get our strength back, maybe do some light training to help that along. See how our servant is doing. Also a question, would it look particularly bad to train and arm our servant a little better in case of situations like the last time? If not have him make a couple of practise swords from wood when he is awake and able and have him train with us.Shit wait...does he even have enough fingers to do that anymore? Man we got owned earlier.
>>19186089I could time skip while you heal and get back to strenght. The temple would be more than willing to help. Freij is all about the kill of enemies and martial prowess.Jensen still has his left hand usable and it should be good as newish soon enough, his right hand is pretty fucked with only his thumb and some finger stumps just above the knuckles. Most of his pinky is still there though. There's nothing preventing you from training him.
>>19186089Well we could get him to be better with his left hand, main gauche anyone?
rolled 10 = 10>>19186166Sounds great, lets do this. TRAINING MONTAGE TIME!
>>19186166Sweet, we can still salvage this.
rolled 8 = 8I vote we find others like us, souls disadvantaged by the war but willing to fight. Form an order of knights.
rolled 9 = 9>>19186221You just might have something there.
>>19186178You decide to stay at the temple while you and Jensen recover from your wounds and begin training so that something like this doesn't happen again. By the time you feel well enough to leave, winter has set in and you're stuck at the temple until the new year.With the help of the priests of Freij you fully recover and begin to really train Jensen over the long winter months. He shows particular aptitude with the mace and a buckler that can be strapped to his right arm. You yourself work to improve your own abilities but make only meager progress with out real enemies to face. You have also learned a sign language and are able to communicate with Jensen with out pen and paper.It is now mid march in the year 8000CY. Happy new millenia!Hoarsburg, a minor town is near by just a few hours ride through the forest.Bjorn's holdings are to the north west a week away.The capital of Heldengrad is two weeks north.Or perhaps you wish to do something else?>What do you do?>>19186221The best places to look for other knights like us would be in the major cities where particularly influential nobles live.Fucking Captcha
rolled 3 = 3>>19186347TO HELDENGRAD
>>19186347>Heldengrad for work I suppose
>>19186366>>19186361You decide to travel to Heldengrad, the capital of the Kingdom of Heldengrad.As you finish loading up your horses, you are approached by the head priest to let an acolyte accompany you to the capital where he can take his vows and become a full battle priest of Freij.They are willing to pay if you demand it.>What do you do?Roll d20 for travel and d10 for encounters. The higher the better.Fucking Captcha, fucking electricity, FML.
rolled 12 + 1 = 13>>19186488No pay. They did help us after all.
rolled 7 + 1 = 8>>19186488Allow him to come, do not ask for payment considering how hospitable they've been.
>>19186502>>19186497We just simply have no luck at all
>>19186502>>191864972 1's for the encounterWell fuck us.
rolled 15 + 1 = 16>>19186488
>>19186497this is how it started last time. gods help us
rolled 14 + 1 = 15>>19186512>>19186502>>19186497what the fuck 3 1s. IN A ROW.
>>19186507Our new title is Sir Sigismund the Unlucky
>>19186517I forsee Sir Sigmund the Paraplegic!
>>19186497>>19186502>>19186512>>19186520FOUR. FOUR FUCKING ONES IN A ROW. THE FUCK. PROBABILITY JUST CURLED UP IN A CORNER AND DIED.
The fates truly have it out for Sir Sigmund! But how they will tremble with our silent rage when we come for them!
Result of our next encounter
>>19186497You bring the priest with you as thanks for their hospitality. His name is Alaric Steinn.You make it over half way to Heldengrad but as you pass through a mountain pass you are suddenly attacked!Oh shit! you rolled a 1 for encounters. Roll a d10 on the legendary monster table to see what's attacking.
rolled 5 = 5>>19186556please dont eat us!
rolled 3 + 1 = 4Wait, this bears investigation. I believe the dice roller is broken.
rolled 1 = 1>>19186556Fluffy Bunny of Friendship PLEASE.
rolled 15 + 1 = 16>>19186569And last one, just to dispell doubt.
rolled 10 = 10>>19186574I think I should stop rolling d10's.
>>19186582The dice gods have one hell of a sense of irony.
>>19186580Yep, you can only roll 2 different dice, and it seems the second die will always be a 1.>>19186582God fucking damnit.
rolled 9 = 9>>19186594Suppose we should start rolling multiple dice seperately
>>19186614Fuck...I forgot to take of the dice roller and wasted a 9
>>19186564You are beset by a pack of 6 Vargr and a Vargwulf.It has also started to snow quite heavily.Vargr are wolves on roids and a vargwulf is a wolf man who has lost all sense of humanity and is stuck half way between a wolf and a man.>What now? Roll d20 for combat. If you roll a 1 you're losing a limb at least.
rolled 10 = 10>>19186619Charge the wolfman, if we kill him perhaps it will scare the pack off
rolled 16 = 16>>19186619
rolled 19 = 19>>19186619
Go for the Vargwulf he’s probably their leader, if we kill the Alpha the pack will disperse.
rolled 3 = 3>>19186628This is indeed our best hope for survival.
With multiple dice, it only parses as far as "1d20+1"d10, for example. Common in less advanced dice scripts.
rolled 11 = 11>>19186661Ah, that makes sense...oh well, we know better now.
>>19186628You charge forward bellowing silently, thinking that eliminating the vargwulf will make the vargr flee.Before you can react, the vargr have surrounded you and the wolfman leaps at you, biting at your helmet. You barely avoid losing your head but your helmet is now useless, massive rents in its face and your left eye now useless. You don't know how badly it's damaged.Jensen charges forward with his mace and buckler, managing to come up behind a vargr he strikes it in the back, snapping its spine. Another one leaps at him but he knocks it away with his buckler.Alaric also charges in, his warhmmer held aloft chanting prayers of battle to Freij. He knocks a vargr out of the way and starts to beat back the vargwulf but is having no discernible effect on it.roll d20 for combat.In case anyone is interested I rolled for Jensen and Alaric. Alaric got a 17 and Jensen a 20.
rolled 18 = 18>>19186724Oh wow, the gods hate our guts.Return the favor to the vargwulf. Straight through his skull.
rolled 3 = 3>>19186724Man these guys are better than us.Rollin'
>>19186724Jensen's a badass it seemscaptcha also suggests retreat, though that's hardly a good idea against wolves
rolled 1 = 1>>19186739MOTHERFUCK YEAH.
>>19186739Hell yeah. One dead werewolf coming right up.
rolled 4 = 4>>19186750Oh fuck, please accept >>19186739Also Arch, you should condiser getting the 4chan X script so you can roll whilst noko and come back to the page. It will allow everyone to see your dice etc
>>19186764I'll consider it.
rolled 6 = 6>>19186770Yes, get 4chanX. I have no idea how I have managed thus far without it.
rolled 6 = 6>>19186755OH FUCK
rolled 2 = 2>>19186788Very much this. It has made following quest threads so much easier. It also tells you when there are new posts and updates the page for you.
>>19186755
>>19186797I just use the Chrome extension.
Alaric rolled 9Jensen rolled 18>>19186739The vargwulf strikes back at Alaric swiping at his arms as he lifts his hammer for another attack. The attack is devastating, he loses his left hand at the wrist and before he can even realize what's happened it knocks him away cracking some of his ribs.As it charges you, you charge at it again, attempting to end this quickly, you try to stab it in the face, it dodges it, the sword only opening a cut along the side of it's snout. It barrels into you but you get your shield up in time and only get thrown to the ground. It appears to favor its left leg, maybe Alaric wounded it?Jensen quickly finishes off the crippled vargr taking their numbers down to 5 before trying to come your aid. As he does so a vargr leaps at his back. He quickly turns to meet the threat, his mace connecting with its shoulder midair, knocking it down..roll d20 again.
rolled 1 = 1>>19186844FUCK YOU WEREWOLF MAN!
rolled 20 = 20>>19186844RENDER HIM IN TWAIN!
rolled 17 = 17>>19186844Rolling to avoid death
rolled 4 = 4>>19186855why.WHY.
>>19186855
>>19186858TAKE THIS ROLL PLEASE.
rolled 8 = 8>>19186855Oh no....Op....Op can we please ignore this one roll.... please? This one time? Dear lord.
>>19186855Ignore this one.>>19186858Take this.
>>19186865You can burn a fate point slot to reroll or I'm taking>>19186855
rolled 7 = 7>>19186866No. To ignore this is to ignore all that we stand for! Even should we lose a limb, we shall continue on!THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES!
rolled 8 = 8>>19186877Lets burn a fate point
rolled 16 = 16>>19186877We burn that fucking point.
rolled 1 = 1>>19186887Fuck it, that was useless. We are the worst knight ever.Sir Sigmund the Useless
rolled 5 = 5>>19186877Burning a fate point. Roll a d10, right?
Im actually beginning to suspect people are rolling smaller dice for shits and gigs
>>19186878This is a legendary beast encounter, 1 is a critical fail and you will die unless Alaric or Jensen get some good rolls.
rolled 6 = 6>>19186897We aren't. Check the email.
rolled 17 = 17>>19186897Take a look at the rolls yourself, no one is rolling low on purpose.
>>19186900Can we reroll the d20 for burning the fate pointor is it based on the d10 we roll for burning it?
rolled 2 = 2>>19186894Burning ANOTHER fate point to re-roll this one.
>>19186895D15 due to legendary beast.
>>19186918OH GOD STOP YOU'RE KILLING US WHY FUCK
rolled 8 = 8>>19186921EVERYONE, STOP SUCKING!
OP, the dice gods officially hate our guts.
rolled 14 = 14>>19186921Oh....
>>19186918Dude, you need to quit rollingYou're murdering us to death till we die from it
rolled 11 = 11>>19186931Can we burn another fate point to lock this one in?
>>19186931Take this one for once OP. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.
>>19186918
And that why you don't rely on dice for questOr at the very least have the main dude get some fucking modifier.
rolled 9 = 9>>19186949We really need to start taking the average of say 3 dice rolls or the best of 3 or something like in AC-Quest.
How many fate points do we have anyway?
rolled 2 = 2>>19186964Well we started out with 3, now I think we're down to 2. Rolling to see how lucky I am.
>>191869643 in total before burning any
>>19186976YOU HAVE TO BE SHITTING ME
>>19186982Guess its time to roll a new Knight.
This quest was fucking awesome tooStoryteller, you are awesome and I would love if you made another character / quest or something
I think it would be cool if a guy named Burlington Stachefinisher would walk up and punch the wolf man through his mouth.Guys?Guys?Fuck.
>>19186924You burn a slot, only two fate points possible from now on.Just as the beast is about to kill you, you manage to roll the fuck away. It follows quickly and before you can react it picks you screaming in your face before throwing you into the side of the pass. You black out momentarily and find yourself faced with two vargr charging you.Alaric: rolled 13Gripping his mighty hammer one handed he struggles to stand but before he can a vargr leaps at him going for his throat, he's now grappling for his life bleeding to death.Jensen: rolled 19(the gods must love him)He follows up on the injured vargr smashing it in the snout repeatedly, teeth fly every where and one of its eyes pop out. Before he can go for the killing blow, the remaining vargr takes a bite at his leg but he boots it away easily.roll d20
Or you know, we could stop being fucking pussies and go until die, no matter how many bits fall off. It is the MANLY thing to do.
rolled 12 = 12>>19187040DICE GODS HEAR MY PLEA, LET US KILL THESE BITCHES
rolled 14 = 14>>19187040Do a matador.
>>19187051Fuck it, we're going to die
>>1918706512 isnt that bad on a d20buck up
rolled 6 = 6>>19187065I agree. We are soooo FUCKED.
>>19187079Stop bitching girls
>>19187079Forgot to take my dice off.
rolled 15 = 15>>19187065Shits sad, man... But we refuse to give up, rolling to punt those vargs to establish dominance, we shall lead the pack from now on!
>>19187125Rolling again doesnt do anythingHe takes the first roll
>>19187051Alaric 19Jensen 9You manage to bash one away with your shield but the other aviods your lunge at it and grabs onto your arm, biting hard. Its teeth pierce your arm armour and is barely stopped by the chain underneath it.Alaric shouting at the top of his lung for Freij to lend him power manages to beat the vargr off of him destroying its right eye with his stump. Before it can recover he caves in its skull with his hammer. He struggles up chanting to Freij and charges the Vargwulf now attacking Jensen.Jensen follows up on his kick hoping end the vargr but the vargwulf takes him unaware from the side. It rips through his chain mail leaving deep rents on his right arm and chest. His buckler now a mangled piece of metal.d20
>>19187139Well, shit...
rolled 3 = 3>>19187173
rolled 4 = 4>>19187173I just sacrificed a chicken, so I hope to god this works.
>>19187173Grab the wolf's jawWrench its head backAttempt to break its head in half at the jaw
rolled 7 = 7>>19187185Welp.>>19187173I guess we are out of fate points
>>19187189Well, that was a waste. Now I need to go get all the feathers and blood off my shirt. BRB.
Oh god this quest.OP, whatever you do, continue on. NO MERCY, FINAL DESTINATION!
rolled 4 = 4>>19187218Looks like we're about to become a one armed muteNO MERCYUNTIL THE DEATHWE SHALL RIP OFF THIS WEREWOLF'S ARMS
You know those times on quest threads where we get really lucky and roll just the right numbers to do ridiculous stuff? This entire thread is exactly the opposite.
This is my favourite thread on /tg/ right now. I seriously hope this is being saved, I can't stop laughing.
Alaric 14Jensen 20 (He's made a comeback, great success)>>19187185The vargr bites down harder, piercing your chain mail and into your flesh below. you go punch it with other arm, but the other vargr lunges ripping away at half your face. The left side of your head is a mask of blood a ripped flesh. Your ear and eye gone, most of your cheek and flesh ripped away exposing bone. You begin to feel your arm breaking where the other vargr is latched on.Alaric charges in put the vargrs attack, he manages to dispatch the badly injured one, but is having a difficult time with the other.Jensen recovers quickly, overcoming the pain of his injuries he lands a blow with his mace on the vargwulf's face and manages to kick it in the knee, breaking the joint, the leg now bent in an unnatural way. Not letting up he manages destroy the majority of its teeth as it howls in pain falling to the ground.d20
rolled 18 = 18>>19187357
>>19187374Finally
rolled 8 = 8>>19187357Oh god here we go
rolled 7 = 7>>19187357Rolling to break the wolf on our arms neck. PRAY TO ALL THE GODS
rolled 11 = 11>>19187374Yes! Come on, we can turn this aroound, half face or not.
>>19187374FREIJ BE PRAISED.Also, >You are currently voting on thread 19180656 ("Knight Quest Part 1")>Its current score is -2 after 6 votes.VOTE THIS SHIT UP YOU TREMENDOUS FAGGOTS.
>>19187374Damn. We're gonna have to wear a helmet to prevent people from running away screaming in the streets.
So, wait...What injuries has the Knight already sustained?
>>19187400Nah man, we can just explain to them calmly wait shit we're mute.
rolled 18 = 18RIP THAT FUCKING WOLF LIMB FROM LIMB AND BEAT ITS FRIENDS TO DEATH WITH ITS OWN CLAWS
>>19187416So is fairly fucked up at this point, as are the other two. Haven't been keeping track of injuries but I'm suprised we can still fight. Praise Freij
>>19187416Can't speak, due to a bandit stabbing the fuck out of our throat, and now missing half his face.
rolled 10 = 10>>19187399>Thread 19180656 is now archived.OH YES.
This brings back my late night reading of Wolfsmund.We're so going to die a pitiful, grim death, aren't we?
>>19187416A sliced throat, no vocal cords, and now the whole left? side of our face has no skin, no eye and no ear. Also our left arm is prolly fucked up. And the way the dice have been going we will probably get werwolvism...
>>19187480WAIT THAT COULD BE ARE TICKET OUT OF THESE CRIPPLING INJURIES, CONTRACT LYCANTHROPY AND REGENERATE
Alaric: 2Jensen 17 (He's totally got the favor of Freij)>>19187357Reeling from your mauling bash the vargr away with your shield, landing a solid blow to its face. Using you the arm the other vargr is attached to you begin to swing it around, slamming the gods damn beast into the mountain pass walls until it lets up letting go. With your sword arm now free you quickly sever its head from its shoulders before turning back to the fucker who ate your face.As Alaric faces the vargr, he blacks out from blood loss, falling to the ground, prayers to Freij still on his lips. The vargr takes this chance and goes for his throat. Unable to defend himself, the vargr rips out his throat in a spray of blood.Jensen never relents, pounding at the unnatural horror that is the vargwulf. Landing blows everywhere, he breaks bones. The wulfman struggles but is ineffectual against the juggernaut that is Jensen, servant extraordinaire. d20. almost over guys!Fucking Captcha. I really hate it.
rolled 16 = 16>>19187540I hate you dice gods. I hate you with a fury approaching that of a sun.
rolled 20 = 20>>19187540Do or Die.
rolled 14 = 14>>19187540Ram our sword through that mother fucking wolfman's heartBathe in his blood and place his saliva in our woundsWe want lycanthropy methinkies
>>19187557Damn, would have been amazing.Agreeing with >>19187569 about the stabbing of hearts
>>19187557>>19187555TWO FUCKAWESOME ROLLS.
>>19187557FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK
rolled 7 = 7>>19187557Petitioning to have Arch-Magos Winters Dice's dice discounted due to noko. Especially in favour of this!
>>19187585BroThe fact that you keep rollingis making me sadAt least it was a 16, not bad
rolled 17 = 17>>19187598I sign this petition with the weight of my roll.
>>19187569>>19187557>>19187555Well, the gods don't want us dead yet .... they require suffering and agony first.
OP you still alive?
>>19187767I was worried about this too...
No chance of becoming a werewolf guys, wrong type of werewolf here. If you catch this one, it will kill the shit out of you in an excruciatingly painful way.Jensen 16Will take due >>19187557to public opinion. Will no longer take rolls that I can't see.Ignoring the pain of your injuries you set out to get revenge on this bastard of a face eating vargr. Charging at it you kick it in the face as it leaps at you, deforming its snout. Following this up you slam the edge of your shield into the back of its neck, severing its spine. Defenseless now you stab it through the heart twisting your sword as you do, before cutting the fucker's head off.Jensen looking to end this now once and for all begins concentrating on its head. Soon its face is an unrecognizable mass of blood and flesh and yet the damned cursed monster still lives.As Jensen pulverizes the vargwulf, Sigmund strides over, righteous fury blazing in his eye. Shouting soundlessly you end the wretched creatures life once and for all. Stabbing it repeatedly through the heart before cutting off its head.The final vargr, the one that killed Alaric, flees after seeing the vargwulf killed. Too late you realize this and now it's gone forever.Praise Freij, you are victorious!>What now oh great and mighty knight?
>>19187830Bury Alaric, he fought well.
>>19187830Patch ourselves up as well as we can. How far until the next town or village? If we have time we should head there and rest for the night at least.
Sooo....Jensen is like...way cooler than us....damn
>>19187830Take some sort of trophy, bury Alric, and then go to the Capital to ask the count if we can become an Earl and then fucking RETIRE.
>>19187830Bury Alaric.Bring the head into town on a stick.Seek a healer for our fucked up face.
rolled 1 = 1We roar!Then we do something about the corpse. Something appropriate to the situation.
>>19187863Totally agreeing with this and the bury Alaric bit. We need a trophy for this shit
>>19187863Prince, I meant to say Prince. We need to take a couple of years as a break.
Holy FUCK!Lost SpeechLost Half of the FaceLost AlaricThat what I calll grimdark quest!>>19187830I think we REAL need to take care of the wound on our face first. And we maybe should bury Alaric's dead body.
>>19187875at least you got that fucking one out
>>19187767Maybe the hidden second wargwulf got him.
>cut vocal chords>"We roar!">Nat 1At least dice gods have a sense of humour.Bump because can't wait like a normal person.
>>19187868>>19187863>>19187856>>19187855You patch up your injuries as best you can, managing to stop the worst of the bleeding. Jensen being your ever loyal servant and the only one with any healing ability does his best and say that you should last until the village at the end of the pass. Wishing to bury Alaric you attempt to dig a grave but the ground is frozen solid and you don't have the tools necessary to break it. You instead decide to take his body with you, placing body over the back of your horse.Jensen and you, after taking the vargwulf's head for a trophy, then set of for Gottstead at the end of the pass, arriving there at 2 hours later and >>19187859quite a bit of blood less. The local healer begins treating you immediatly.>What do you do?
>>19187969Funeral pyre for a fallen warrior.
>>19187969I say we make a will that if we die, all our honours and our wealth go to Jensen. He should also become a knight.
>>19187996Totally agree. Although we can't make him a knight but let it show that he has great valor and loyalty and should be considered for such an honor
>>19187996And then we kill ourselvesAnd play as Jensen
>>19187996We should also put on a clause in case Jensen is dead with us. Who is next in line for us?
>>19187982Agreeing with this as the actual action for right now. Afterwards lets attempt to replace our damaged gear and find work
>>19187982The next day after having your injuries treated and scaring all the local children, you and Jensen set about arranging an funeral pyre for Alaric, a true priest of Freij. You burn his body later that night in an appropriate ceremony as you could manage.>>19187996>>19188013Later that night after the funeral in your room at the inn, you begin to write will. You never thought you would need one, being only 21 and a knight for less than a year. You bequeth all our belongings to Jensen should he still live and determine to find some way to honour his service and ability in battle.>>What now?
>>19188054Do >>19188038
>>19188062In the village or do you wish to continue on to Heldengrad after "recovering"?
>>19188054Being a Knight is all well and goodBut perhaps we should get some paid employment so we can commission some new armour to replace that busted up shit from the wolf fight
See if anyone wants a sword for hire.
>>19188095Oh right, I forgot we hadn't made it to the big city yet. What is the likelyhood of being paid in crowns rather than copper etc whilst in this town? If its low lets continue on to Heldengrad to find work.
>>19188054See if there was a bounty on the head of that Vargwulf. See what sort of jobs we can do.
>>19188122Unlikely in this village.>>19188123You're unlikely to find well paying work here, at least for a knight anyways.Onto Heldengrad it is! Roll d30 for progress, 25+ and you've made it.Roll d10 for encounter if less than 25.Also is anyone else having problems getting on tg?
rolled 16 = 16>>19188185Rolling for progress. Not having any issues currently
rolled 1 = 1>>19188185Rolling for encounter
>>19188201FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
rolled 4 = 4>>19188201Wow....not again.
>>19188201You make decent progress but while traveling you run into a .......Roll d10 for legendary monster! Again.
On the plus sideIf we survive thisWe're fucking legendary regardless of how much better Jensen is
rolled 8 = 8>>19188223NO MERCY
rolled 10 = 10>>19188223We've only be a knight for a year...we should be deemed a hero for this shit
>>19188241YES! FLUFFY KITTY OF FRIENDSHIP IS GO!BEST DAMN ROLL OF MY LIFE
rolled 6 = 6>>19188223Fluffy bunny of Friendship and healing?
>>19188244Thank the dice gods.
>>19188211Fuck. Whats next, Cyclops? A hydra? 50 Zubats?I elect that what ever it is, we instruct Jensen to run for the hills while we hold it off. Jensen has better luck.
>>19188258Except he wont take that...There was an 8 before it
>>19188258ANDFor all we know, 10 is the worst monster possible
>>19188264The 8 didn't show the dice, he said he would only take dice that showed the rolls. 10 ftw.>>191882721 is a crit failure, 10 is good
1 is a crit failure on encounter roll.This was just a roll to decide what kind of fucker is going to maim us next.
>>19188272Or, it's a taco that shits friendship and ice cream.
>>19188310So a 1 would have been some sort of Anchient Liche Wizard riding a gigantic zombie dragon leading his hordes of skeletons to attack Heldengrad?I would have liked that
>>191883101 has always been a crit failure in this quest. Every single time. It would be silly to think it will be different now
Dont keep us waiting OPI want some more juicy juicy story
>>19188241Yay, you get the easiest legendary monster!As you ride through Bane's forest with Jensen close behind on his on, if less magnificent, horse you are a attacked by a gargoyle swooping down upon you.>what do you do?Roll d20Also, fucking internet!
rolled 12 = 12>>19188378Cut it in half.
rolled 12 = 12>>19188378Try and grab the thing by the foot/leg/whatever and tear its wings
rolled 6 = 6>>19188330I just meant that we have already gotten the bad luck. This roll was just to determine HOW bad it actually was.And flying stone golem that looks like the devil attacking us right after surviving against a wolfman and his pack is how bad our luck is...Gut the bastard!
rolled 14 = 14>>19188395Hari Kari.
Jensen: 16>>19188389You urge your horse onward, sword raised to meet this flying terror. Its horrifying features an image of pure hate.Just as your about to slice the monster in half, it suddenly drops like a stone, landing upon your horse's head ripping it off in a torrent of blood and gore, killing your horse from under you. You quickly leap away but land awkwardly, dazing you for a while.Jensen seeing this charges forward, mace drawn, at the gargoyle. As it leaps towards him he manages to knock it out of the air with a good solid blow to the face. It lands near you.Roll d20!
rolled 1 = 1>>19188489
rolled 4 = 4>>19188489Cleanse this foul beast
rolled 7 = 7....!
rolled 10 = 10>>19188489Chop off its arms and wings!
You shitting me?What evenFuck /tg/'s dice roller
>>19188498Gonna need to spend a fate point, or burn one then.
rolled 17 = 17>>19188498What. What?
>>19188513Now that were dead, we should instruct Jensen to make a run for it. Lets face it, we all knew this was what was going to happen
so this is basically Jensen Quest?
Jensen: 20>>19188498Still dazed from your jump from your horse, you don't even realize the gargoyle is near you before it picks you and sets about dismembering you limb from limb. Unable to act, it rips your left arm from the shoulder and gets ready to do the same to your right, but just as its about to do that, Jensen charges in on his horse.Passing to the gargoyle's left he hits it with speed shattering the gargoyle's stone head, before making another pass and breaking the arm that holds you up.You fall to the ground unconscious.Your lucky Jensen rolled a 20 and you just lost an arm.>What now?Roll a d10 for survival.
Christ we're burning fate points like coal in an old steam train. All aboard the fate train of misfortune folkes, next stop, fighting a dragon lich king demigod. If there is a next stop.
rolled 17 = 17I'm just testing a theoryIf we do something that makes Jensen awesomeI wonder if we get awesome rolls?I suck Jensen off
>>19188616Welp. I think that's a sign that we should retire. Or get one fuck awesome metal arm and start clubbing bitches to death with it.
rolled 3 = 3>>19188616jesus christ this is grim
rolled 8 = 8>>19188616Anything but a one.
>>19188629Sorry guys.
rolled 5 = 5>>19188622Good god, Jense.... is the messiah.
rolled 2 = 2>>19188630If I'd just been a bit quicker... noooooo.
>>19188622Well, our knighting days a defiantly done. No one will hire a one armed knight. If we survive the gargoyle, it's time to make a pact with the daemons for some good ole dark powers, and swear vengeance on the creatures of the night.
>>19188660Totally agree with this. We are now a one armed knight with a mutilated face and no voice. This quest has been excellent and hillarious so far. Lets see how long we can continue it
>>19188629You fall into a coma, barely hanging on to the thread of life.You suddenly find yourself standing naked, with nothing with you, your body still mutilated. around you see nothing but endless grayness.Before you stands...roll d5 for deity.
rolled 3 = 3>>19188712Rollin' for God of Rage
rolled 2 = 2>>19188712Hoping for a non "GIVE ME YOUR SOUL OR NO DEAL" entity.
rolled 1 = 1>>19188712Rolling for Vengence God
>>19188728>>19188726>>191887253, 2, 1.God dammit dice gods.
rolled 2 = 2To be honest, I'd like a fucking word or two with the god of dice
>>19188725Before you stands Grim, the reaper of souls and keeper of the dead. All you can see of him is a black robe, his face hidden in the darkness of his hood.He just stands there, staring at you. Don't know how you can tell but you do.Then he speaks, his voice, it is like a booming inside his skull, as if his brain has just exploded, so powerful, so uncaring. You fall to your knees before him, your one hand gripping at your head."Why are you here Sigmund Maximilian Venhaus the third and why should I care?">what do you do?You're lucky you only got Grim, he's rather neutral in the scale of gods you could have met.Also, fuck you internet connection.
rolled 13 = 13>>19188830Roll for persuasion.Lord of Death, I request to be sent back to the land of life! I have much to do, and if you allow it, I shall serve you when I die truly.
>>19188830Ask to serve him in the mortal realm in exchange for being restored full and whole and alive in his bodily fully healed. Tell him you will claim many lives for him so that he may reap many souls all in exchange for yours continuing on for now.
>>19188830"I wish to serve you, Lord. Perhaps you should not care, but what is one life to one such as you? I will drag screaming in to your realm those who would cheat you of their souls."Fingers crossed
>>19188830ask for a second chance, maybe a boon. if not that, ask for the chance to let Jensen live
rolled 9 = 9>>19188830I wish to swear vengeance on the creatures of the night that did this to me.Rolling for success
rolled 15 = 15>>19188830I wish to swear vengeance on the creatures of the night that did this to me.Rolling for success
rolled 4 = 4>>19188855Did we need to roll..?
rolled 5 = 5>>19188870Fucking net fucking me over too. Nevermind the second roll.
rolled 7 = 7>>19188830I'm here because life won't give me a break, so maybe death will instead. Ever since I left the service of my lord it seems like the universe will stop at nothing to kill me, or at least maim me. I'm here because I'm sick of this and I would like it to stop. You should care because there's someone out there trying to out death you.
>>19188857>>19188855>>19188847You try saying this to him, thinking perhaps you can speak, but nothing happens, you can't speak.A dry, haunting sound, like the screams of thousands issues forth from his hood.It appears he understood and is laughing at you."You wish for life, I can understand that, a chance to continue your cursed life and in exchange you are willing to serve me. I will grant this. You shall return to life and be my pawn in the world doing as I bid, when I bid it." You feel odd for a moment, as if something has happened but you're not sure what, but then your head practically explodes with Grim's voice."But you ask for more! For a boon, when you would be lucky to just carry on living. You ask to much, it is insulting and for this you shall continue to live on in your crippled body and no magic shall ever be able to help you. You shall forever be mute, one armed and bearing your destroyed face fall all to see! And when it is time for your death, you shall die in the most painful way possible. Now, begone!"You sit up suddenly back in ruined body, in another unfamiliar room.>What do you do?
rolled 4 = 4>>19189018Ok I can't stop laughing. Damn you are a cruel cruel man. I love it. foreverdeformed.jpg
>>19189018Move into the country, and eat a lot of peaches
>>19189018Fucks sake guysYou asked too much, being a good servant was clearly a better idea than asking for favours from the God of Death, why would he do as we say?
rolled 15 = 15>>19189018Train with our remaining arm. We'll be the One Armed Knight of No Speech. He who swings his greatsword with ultimate fury.
rolled 5 = 5>>19189018Lets get back on the road to that place we were going to, after we gather a claw or something from the gargoyle as a trophy. Have hope, maybe another god can help us. Out luck should turn around at least now.
>>19189043My bad.
OP what system are you using? Is this something you created yourself? Do you perhaps have tables and stats etc written down?
Continue on the roadAnd serve our god well, we have a cause now, let us honour our debt to Grim.
>>19189059Your no longer on the battle field. You're in some room recovering from almost dying.>>19189075Made it myself. I have tables for loot, how well combat goes, actions, what you encounter and basic stats.
rolled 8 = 8>>19189117Rollan d30 for travel
rolled 4 = 4GOD DAMNITWE NEEDED A NINE
>>19189117Awesome, its a fun system. Nice work
You rise, getting out of the bed and get a better look around at the room you're in. It is decadently decorated, every thing screaming of power and excess wealth. You walk around a bit getting your bearings and looking for clothes, when the door opens and Jensen and a vaguely familiar man following him.>What do you do?
>>19189179Ask Jensen what happened, how we got here.
>>19189147I also never thought it would be this brutal and dark.
>>19189207Not at all what I was expecting either but still fantastic
>>19189207Let me guess, you wanted a light hearted tale of valor and knightlyness?
Fuck valour and Knightliness, this is brutal and awesomeI would like us to do something awesome so I can stop being so jealous of Jensen however
Definitely taking this as the backstory of my next PC, named Jensen
>>19189246Oh damn, that is an excellent idea
>>19189190You sign your question to Jensen and he begins to answer but the other man interrupts and then you recognize him. There could be no other beard as magnificent as that, it's your old meant Jorge, the king's champion.It feels so long since you were squire but it has only been a year and yet so much has happened."Gods have mercy on you boy, what the fuck happened to you? It's only been a year since we last saw each other, but fuck. Look at you! I just got back Dishelm and had heard you were in a bad way but shit boy."What do you do?
>>19189288Have Jesen give him the brief lowdown on what happened to us I suppose.
>>19189288Smile and have Jensen say "Tis but a flesh wound!"
Write or sign"Apparently, the roads in our kingdom are the most dangerous thing in existance."
>>19189228No, I just didn't expect you to get so fucked up so quickly and to have such bad luck with the dice for it to turn out this way.I'd have gone along with anything if enough people agreed.
>>19189321>>19189306>>19189324You do this. Jensen quickly relays all this to Jorge who listens attentively. At the end he burst out laughing. "They must be or you are the most cursed man in existence. Seriously though, we have been hearing in the palace that the number of monsters sighted have been increasing, some kind of population resurgence the kings advisers say.">What now?
>>19189386Get familiar with one handed fighting then find a job.
"I need armour, a horse, and a finely balanced one handed sword."
>>19189386Say that we should form a battalion to hunt down and slay these monsters
>>19189386>>19189395>>19189401>>19189404PRIORITIES, guys.We really should get completly wasted before doing that.
>>19189425We're already a cripple and a muteFuck being a drunkard too.
>>19189386Is this guy really laughing at the faceless, mute, one armed guy?
>>19189433Indeed. With our luck we'll be asked to roll a d100 and score a 1. Severe addiction to alcohol, severe reduction in skill etc etc
>>19189395>>19189401>>19189404You get Jensen to relay all this to him. He looks approvingly at you, proud that you still want to fight."It's good to see you've still got some fire boy, but first, prince Adalwulf wanted to see you and your man Jensen here as soon as you come around. I servant should be arriving with some clothes soon. Once you've seen him, then I'll see about getting what you want."
rolled 1 = 1>>19189386We should team up with Jorge, then kill these monsters 1 terrible encounter at a time. Also, go visit some temples and look for guidance. This is the introspective part of our quest where we find out who we are.
>>19189452Make sure that Jensen gets Knighted. That fucker deserves it.
>>19189464Critical failure to team up with JorgeJorge is now the BBEG
>>19189470Absolutely agree, he has saved our lives multiple times, slain hideous monsters and been totally loyal at all times. He has true valour and knightly principals.Get freshened up and into new clothes and go see the prince
>>19189433>>19189451Well yes. We lost half our face, our arm, our voice and pledged our soul to the god of death who we also pissed of while doing so. And rememeber the part about dieing in a horrible and painfull way? Dieing of alcohol poisoning is the least of the bad things that could happen to us.But yeah, what ever.
rolled 4 = 4>>19189484Jesus this really is getting grimdark. Rolling to feel depressed.
>>19189509Fuck, we can't even successfully feel depressed.
Sorry guys, I'm done for today. I still haven't revised for my chemistry exam tomorrow and it 1o:44pm.I'll be back soon with another Knight Quest!
>>19189509FailedYou are in a good mood...for some reason
rolled 5 = 5>>19189523Rolling to not miss the next thread and have to read the archive.Also any idea when you'll be back OP?
>>19189522It's a good thing, in a way. But yes, on to meet the prince, get Jensen a knighthood, no matter what we have to do, and then we should really at least look into the other gods of the setting to see if there are any leads about out death cures.
OK, who want to archive this? Knight quest sounds good, need to place emphasises on how horrible it has been.
>>19189538Either Wednesday or Thursday. Can't give a time but sometime in the afternoon GMT.
>>19189571rgr thanks
>>19189523It's already been archived, managing to get 17 votes but only a +5.The description doesn't really convey how shitty we are, though. Mainly because I think it was archived somewhere around our second fumble, when we were still a whole person.
>>19189565http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19180656/already archived
