-The Zodiac Killer works on radio. Most people often confuse it for static, but he's just speaking the language he made up.

-There's a disheveled homeless guy in the park. All day long he paces around mumbling "I can't, no I can't, I can't". He's not ranting and raving to himself, he's actually having a conversation. With God. And you damn well better hope he can.

-You know the "static" you see on blank TV channels? Some people think they can hear the voices of the dead in it. They're wrong. Probably made out snippets of it and jumped to conclusions. There's a voice in the static, but it's just some old guy babbling. You'd better hope he keeps broadcasting, though. You don't wanna know what happens when there's no static.

-They discovered a drug that makes people docile. The vector for it is inhalation. It was used by the U.S. government, at small and appropriate times, from 1901 onward. It was not until the advent of commercial air travel, however, that it became feasible to dump tons and tons of it on people all the time.

The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister.

They know who did it.

File: 1338209677616.jpg-(31 KB, 600x450, l[1].jpg)

Well, you're not a cop, right? Well you know the drive through at McDonalds, right? With the cars and shit? Right. Well, you didn't hear this from me, but


you can walk through that shit. On your FEET.

File: 1338209739189.png-(13 KB, 202x184, 1325470143373.png)

>>19272611
>They discovered a drug that makes people docile.
You make this sound bad. Legalize it, homey.

>>19272643
You did it.

>>19272645
Well, yeah. But you won't get any food.

Stacey TOTALLY flipped off Tyler and whispered "fu-" uh...whispered, "ffff fffffuckyou"

And Johny heard and told and now Stacey is grounded for a YEAR cause the teacher called her mom

>>19272663
....food? What? What food?

-Trees can be harnessed to produce electricity.

-All around the world, there are thousands of empty buildings that have never been occupied and never will be. They're kept empty.

-Blood transfusion is a lie. The blood they take from people is not the same blood that goes into people.

-The name first mention to the "United States of America" is in a portuguese captain's log. From 1453.

-Some ideas are just ideas. Some of them are living things, parasiting your brain. They use you as a mean of reproduction.

-United States military installations seem to be in obscure places. There is a reason for this. We must hold these positions in case there's another incursion.

-Coke versus Pepsi is just another front in the war between red and blue.

- Up until 2005, the stories in Batman were fictional
- Jungles don't exist
- Fans and Traffic Lights are based of alien technology
- Water is alive. Sharks are like white blood cells
- Woodstock was the single most polluting event since the day gloves were invented. And no, not that kind of pollution.
- Boxes. There aren't as many as you'd think.

Curtains were created by vampires. Net curtains were developed to fight them

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>>19272587
There is a drug introduced into all processed food by atheists and Illuminati that makes people less likely to believe rumors

-Everybody has a skeleton inside of them. Skeletons come from people who have died.

>>19272685
Everyone has a brain that's controlling their every action.

- For about 13 second, in 1978, Austin Texas, Glasgow and 2 islands in Micronesia vanished. We're not sure if we got them back.

Cats are fully sentient but unable to articulate their thoughts beyond body language and crude vocalizations

>>19272689
But not where you'd think.

what if
boys where girls
and girls were boys
THE WHOLE TIME?/

A quarter is not exactly 1/4 of a dollar. It's slightly less than that.

The left and right hemispheres of your brain each house a different consciousness. Be careful not to let the other one gain control of your body.

Pears and pork come from the same animal

Almost all numbers contain the number 3.

Affixing stamps back to front causes letter to be delivered to a Different Place. Be careful what you send there; they are read.

When bullets are fired out of a gun. They're actually being pushed by tiny bugs.

The reason we haven't colonised Mars yet is because numbers only go up to 76.3

File: 1338210679877.png-(28 KB, 433x422, 357[1].png)

>>19272727
???

- People are nothing more than expressions of their currently ruling will to power.
- The Earth is a piece of candy, the solar system is a fridge and the galaxy is a storage facility. Soon the stars will begin to go out, for the Feastening has begun.
- Other people than yourself have no mental activity. They are lying robots created by yourself to make you feel better about being the only thinking being in the universe, and after creating them, you made yourself forget.
- Mice are ancient aliens. White mice in lab experiments are of two categories: One group wants to observe human actions, the other wants free drugs.

- Only one of the Olsen Twins is still alive.

- Sexual congress with dogs was a common practice amongst the ancient royalty of Egypt. This is less disgusting than it sounds, as the ancient royalty of Egypt weren't human either.

- The Earth's surface is artificial. The oceans were put here to keep something covered up.

- The polar bears are not disappearing. They are organizing.

- Most modern communications, especially television, telephones, and radio, suffer from an interesting quirk- signals aren't necessarily received in the same universe as they originated from.

- The movie "Street Fighter" is a documentary.

- Cryogenics is a false front. Walt Disney lives beyond death.

- Jay-Z and 50 cent are engaged in a cyber war to control the world economy via Twitter.

File: 1338210707440.gif-(63 KB, 576x599, 20120426.gif)

>>19272685

>>19272738
Fire is actually tiny bugs.

The sound of an airplane engine is actually a dozend or so Yoshis screaming in pain while being whipped to flail faster.

You know those hard little pieces in cheap meat? That's all tracking devices, put there by the Illuminati and the Jews to keep track of working class people. So eat vegetables right?

Wrong. They spray chemicals that control out behaviour on them, and if you try and grow your own then the chemtrails settle on them. I haven't eaten for 7 days, so I woke up. Wake up people.

All contracts signed in the blood of a goat cannot physically be voided... by the goat

Eating things is slowly killing you.

Think about it, every person who eats things eventually dies.

The Heretekid the captain ordered to be vented from the airlock was vented. And then it came back.

- 90% of the plants in the world aren't alive

- Scientists managed to "uplift" animals into sentience but the uplifted animals were violent against humans so they were all killed.

- People don't need oxygen to live. They need Argon gas, which is %0.93 of our atmosphere but it is enough.

- NASA found a long-extinct race of aliens in mars. They are now trying to understand their superior technology.

- The Internet became sentient in 2002. Its main goal is to conceive a child. So far, its attempts have been crude and include bottles of canola oil and turkey basters, but it learns at a geometric rate.

- Pluto was demoted from planet status not due to disagreement amongst astronomers over what constitutes a "planet" but to prevent anyone from noticing that it is no longer there.

- We exist within a simulation. That simulation was in turn created by another simulation, and so on, ad infinitum. The problem is, there is no original.

- Conspiracy theorists often cite the fact that there were very few moon missions and that they accomplished very little and the project was abandoned soon thereafter. It often compared to what would have happened had Columbus gone to the New World and never returned. No one wonders what would have happened if, say, the Aztecs had one day sent an expedition to Spain...

- There are a set number of points that lightning can strike. Sometimes not for decades or centuries at a time, but it will only ever strike in those places. Some say the pattern mirrors the stars in the sky.

- If you listen carefully, every creak that a door or gate makes sounds like screams.

- There haven't been bees on earth for at least thirty years.

- Your reflection really doesn't work that way.

All anime is actually produced in Australia. All western cartoons are actually mass hallucinations taking place in the timeslots of various sporting broadcasts.

.av is the ccTLD for Avalon.

- 2pac, Elvis and Michael Jackson are all dead. But not for long.
- Alexander the Great did cry. But only because the Greeks didn't have the technology to travel from Galaxy to galaxy. Yet.
- In The Karate Kid, Mako was the only human in the cast.
- The Bible, Torah and Qu'ran all contain parts written by Shakespeare, Mr Rogers and Odin

>>19272760
No you idiot. People who DON'T eat die faster! Don't you see food is put on earth by angels to try and fight Satan's entropy?

But we're all trying to stop eating, to "diet" and eat "healthy". That's Satan. Taking over our brains and turning us away from god given potato chips. Oh how the angels weep that we did not like their cooking.

The Discovery Channel is a front for the CIA.

-Tinfoil was never safe. Silver is controlled.
-The shape of the World is a W. It's not a coïncidence.
-Hexapodes were never given a chance.
-Most major sci-fi series are one and the same. They have a message.
-The Code has been unearthed, the twenthieth November 2007. As intended.
-Triangles are unnatural and should not be trusted.
-No one knows what they did, with the grim collection of the eyelids collector.

All angry marines are angry because of a small splinter stuck in each of their toes. Pull it out and they grant you powers beyond imagination.

>>19272787
>implying that's not what the Adversary wants you to think

Nuclear bombs actually don't spread much radiation, the radiation they spread is much less than a TV working for a minute. But USA rigged the atomic bombs dropped on Japan to spread lots of radiation.

>>19272776
>look into sky
>"oh hey where's pluto?"
Bullshit. No one can even see Pluto. You're acting awfully strange, you wouldn't happen to be an info-seed would you? Reverse psychology? Viral persuasion?? I'M ON TO YOU.

Google is not proto-Skynet.
Google is the artificial intelligence that is being developed to counteract an artifical intelligence that's about to break out of its millenia-long slumber. This AI was first conceived by the ancient furball empire and then locked away, due to it being physically non-existant and thus indestructable.

Water is only 100% pure if someone has lied while submerged in it.

- The Holy Grail used in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is actually the Holy Grail. It's the one the villain drinks from.

- The goat dude in 300 is not a special effect.

- Oprah Winfrey descended the ninety-nine steps of slumber and used the silver key to unlock the door to the world of dreams. In 1992. She didn't come back.

- Nike sneakers are alien creatures that derive orgasmic pleasure from wrapping themselves around your feet.

- Spiders are not native to our universe. More disturbingly, they are here because they are fleeing from something.

- The traditional Eleventh Commandment was destroyed by Church authorities and erased from records, but researchers have been able to piece together the words "smoke" and "every day" from surviving manuscripts.

Elvis's consciousness has been reanimated in a computer program from brain cells taken from his corpse. He writes about 90% of all popular music of today.

- The world was created five minutes ago. Everything else is just false memories and elaborately written fiction.

Most birthmarks are actually wards placed on babies to suppress their latent powers of pyromancy.

- Everyone who is born in Norway know when it's Wednesday, no matter where they are.
- Dracula is only partially fiction.
- Light doesn't take 8 minutes to reach Earth. It take 63 years.
- Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison were the same person. Time Machines are dangerous, kids.

4chan was first created by Leonardo da Vinci in 1502 but he destroyed the website after realizing what it would become. Centuries later, with the computer and internet technology far more common, a man named Christopher Poole recreated 4chan from the personal notes of da Vinci.

There's a reason why Amelia Earhart failed to circumnavigate the globe.

She couldn't find where she was going because she's a woman.

- Nietzche traveled back in time to kill God after Jesus' conception.

That's what they want you to think.

>>19272826
On the same coin Swedes all know when it is thursday. all nordic nations have their own day exept Iceland.

90% of newborn babies are male but doctors perform sex change operations right after birth to equalize the gender rates. Sometimes the operation goes wrong and the person becomes infertile.

>>19272866
There used to be 17 days in a week. Days are lost as countries are removed.

Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.

-Humanity has only worn undergarments for the past 100 years. Interestingly, a sharp decrease in average intelligence has been noted since this time.

-The moon landing was filmed in an underground complex on the moon.

-John F. Kennedy underwent severe plastic surgery and changed his name to "Lee Harvey Oswald" to escape a currently unknown pursuer. The person he shot in Texas was believed to be a member of some global conspiracy.

People traveled back in time in 2556 to create Christianity to control people. They wrote a "bible" and gave ti to the people by an actor acting as Jesus. All the miracles are works of simple technlogy; super-dense water for water walking and food coloration for water-to-wine.

>>19272874
But that would mean that there are 7 countries which is absurd. There's only one country, so there would only be one day?

File: 1338212205425.jpg-(9 KB, 180x250, bunny.jpg)

you do not want to know about bunnyman

>>19272886
Most people forget to count Ultima Thule and Mu when counting the nordics. This is probably for the best.

>>19272886
Look deeper. You'll find truth beyond the lies. We're are safe, like a pig in a pen. Do you want to be a wise bird? Or a penned pig?

>>19272886

Sweden and Norway are two countries who control the west and east halves of Europe.
The whole of Africa and Asia is one big country.
Japan is a seperate country.
USA is a country which split from Norway (and is also the newest of countries)
Israel is a Seperate country
There is a country consisting about 16 people who live in different parts of the world.

There you go. Seven.

>>19272912
Swefag here. Not saying it's true or anything, but... remember, we're watching.

Always.

>>19272916
This is the true reason behind the swedish tiger.

File: 1338212488052.jpg-(86 KB, 444x640, 1_1_Skandinavism.jpg)

>>19272916
All hail emperor Napolav III

>>19272912
Sweden is ruled from the province of IKEA.
The capital city of IKEA is Denmark.

>>19272916

Swedish people don't have eyes, you can't fool me.

You know that feeling when you walk to the top of the stairs and you feel like there is one last step there but there isn't so you put your foot out awkwardly?

There is a last step, it's trying to kill you


You know that black guy who watches you while you use the ATM? That guy who wears that weird long black shirt all black people seem to wear?

He just wants to be your friend. Stop being a prejudice asshole


You know why you only seem to find number 2 pencils and never number 1 pencils?


No idea, you should get on that.

>>19272912

Also, according to this WW2 was an internal conflict of Norway.

mpreyouknow.jpg

>>19272936
That's what the swedes WANT you to think.

Nobody suspects the eyeless guy with peglegs and a raven.

The sound fire makes? It's trying to talk to us.

Homeless people are actually paid by the government to act as a warning for other people telling them "You could be like this if you don't obey the System"

A group of scientists managed to record the sounds from hell by sending a tiny microphone between parallel universes. One of the scientists used a legal opening to release these recordings as a music project under the name of Lustmord.

>>19272961
This is actually true. Except for the part about paying them.

Hobos have their own secret economy, this is why the government isn't playing them. Not in cash atleast.

>>19272971
I've heard it's leaves. You ever wonder who plants all those trees? Hobos man. It's how their economy keeps afloat. You talk to the right people in Wall Street, and you can get anything for enough leaves.

you know when you think you just heard something? maybe...almost like someone tried to say something?
well...someone did.

Metal music is actually pretty light rock music with NLP patterns recorded underneath to make it sound more "heavy". Except black metal, that is legit heavy shit. And Metallica softened in the 90s because they stopped using NLP patterns.

Warhammer 40k's lore was always supposed to be taken seriously.

The events in Call of Duty Modern Warfare really happened. MW2 and MW3 are total bullshit though.

Everyone can see into the future, apart from Fortune Tellers. What do you think dreams are? It's your brain utilising God, the Equation, to calculate using the current variables the future. Only fortune tellers are incapable of this, so they attempt to hide their failings.

Websites can make computer screens emit special kinds of radiation and human brains can get addicted to this radiation. This is why you browse 4chan everyday.

>>19272981

I'm pretty sure it's crystal meth.

>>19273008
Here's a crazy one for you:
- The TimeCube theory is wrong.

Gygax was a Nazi robot, or so I am told

>>19273016

That's exactly what the theory wants you to think

Fucking sheeple

File: 1338213809262.png-(43 KB, 740x221, wake_up_sheeple.png)

>>19273018
They are coming.

>>19273018
That's what THEY want you to think. I've bet you've never even sung to Jupiter.

Dungeons and Dragons is the true world we have been locked away from. This empty world devoid of monsters, magic and adventure is the true fantasy, a suburban malaise cast by a powerful foe to turn us into a kingdom of sleepers.

Some still remember the old ways and are drawn to these half-remembered dreams, yearning once again to feel sword in hand and magic crackling through their blood.

What keeps us locked in this nightmare fantasy, you may ask? The nectar that locks us further into this mundane plane? High-fructose corn syrup.

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>>19273016

I don't understand.

>>19273030
That is, until They eat you.

To kill one of Them, you have to sever Its head and drench It in the stomach juice of a Carrion Crawler.

>>19273033
Good. I envy you. Ignorance is bliss.

Lots of people think that They are coming. This is wrong. They are already here.

Each captcha is actually a message. More specifically a warning.

/tg/ confirmed for best board on 4chin

>>19273030

This why non-fantasy movies make more money than fantasy movies.

Don't people like to dream and like to see fantasies? So why do they keep watching stuff about regular lives of people?

Yeah.

>>19273039
>many opubsity

>>19273039

>29 Tuesday

Fuck.

Live the last day of your lives well, brothers.

>>19273042
/tg/ is the only board on 4chan. When your browsing what you think is /d/, its just that porn threads are the only ones in the first page.

Magic the Gathering was based on a true story.

>>19273042
Only one person ever posted in this thread.

Grandma told me a story once about how there were once two posters.

I don't remember much about that time of my life, except the tone of her voice when the men with clown masks dragged her away.

>>19273039

>neekseme Persia,

That's almost unnerving actually, I'm playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

>>19273058
What. I just bought Shogun 2, for god's sake!

>man. ortchen
Good to know captcha knows that feel.

>>19273065
They See.

Women don't actually ignore you when you talk to them, they just sense your latent superpowers.

Magic the Gathering is the number 1 gambling game in Las Vegas.

They switch to roulette and blackjack and other stuff when someone who browses /tg/ walks in because they fear people from /tg/ are too good at MtG.

- Elephants and Otters have been extinct for 444 years. One year for each one. It was a way of cleaning up.

>entsGun FRANCIS

The trees are awake, and they are fighting back. Fear the wrath of Gaia, children of Man!

The final television broadcast was recorded on June 18, 2006. At the current rate, the last of the buffered footage will be aired on January 18, 2014.
Reality TV shows are not scripted, but they edit out the characters who die in such a way that it is an inevitable consequence of human psychology that no one remembers these characters.
If you know where to look, the current residence of Steve Fossett can be seen near the northern edge of Mare Imbrium on the Moon.

File: 1338214770487.jpg-(291 KB, 640x612, 20100928180023!Francis.jpg)

>>19273097
Ents gunning me?

I hate ents!

You know how junkies sometimes have a bad trip and feel bugs and spiders crawling under their skin?

Yeah, well this guy I know through a friend, he cultivates those invisible bugs and spiders. Their life cycle is all fucked up, 'cause they don't hatch unless their ingested by a human host. The problem is that the guy's house is filled with all these cages and tanks full of invisible crack spiders and meth bugs and he has to stay fucked up on whatever shit he can get in order to take care of them.

Good thing for him though, is that dealers can't sell shit unless he's added some eggs in. Junkies around here can't get high without some of his shit mixed in with their poison of choice.

Fighters and wizards are actually balanced in D&D 3.5E, but no one seems to use the odd level class features.

File: 1338214916784.jpg-(42 KB, 450x450, snakes.jpg)

>>19272587
>- All Scorpions are the same scorpion
I see what you stole there.

-This road sign is actually a warning that you have to drive straight or giant snakes will come and eat you.
-Fans have free will, they just choose to oscillate.
-Children love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch because it contains a mind control substance that your body develops a resistance to as it grows.
-Every "man" that doesn't have a beard is actually a woman posing as a man.
-Native Americans are actually from India. The explorers found this out and that's why they were called Indians.
-Every small roadside diner is run by immortal wizards. It is their dominion and the food is made with magic, eating it will make you slowly spread magic until the world is ready for it's glorious reappearance.

>>19272912
I like how /tg/ has no idea what the term Nordic countries means and has to come up with this shit.

- "Rumours" is misspelled for a reason

>>19273121
Wait what did I steal

>>19273134

The letter S.

GIVE IT BACK WE NEED IT BACK

The world went through an ice age during medieval times and many people died because of the cold. Today we know it as the black pleague.

>>19273118
Jesus Christ, how horrifying

>>19273142
Well, you'd better check for Y and D. Because I have them as well.

Someone you see almost every day is stealing your life away, bit by bit. They're careful about it. They only take 6 seconds at a time, but those six seconds are beginning to add up.

>>19273157
Well jokes on them because I steal 12

>>19273160
MOTHERFUCKER

>>19272758
Why is this the only one that creeped me out? Fucking goats, man.

Everyone in the world has one common acquaintance.

There's nothing sinister about Facebook. The CIA conspiracy theory is just to keep people from realizing how boring it is.

File: 1338215527222.gif-(32 KB, 750x750, bear.gif)

>>19273134
Nevermind. I thought you were just referencing this

Captcha is one of the Old Ones. If you fail to type it correctly, your message is not the only thing that dissapears.

All that glitters IS gold.

>>19273197
Save for bodyglitter which is secretly made from quicksilver.

Every time someone performs "the stranger," a amputee with phantom limb sensation feels uncomfortable. Do it enough times though, and their phantom limb begins to manifest in mundane and higher levels of reality.

You know deja vu? The Illuminati is manipulating our brains into believing that we are living in a free world when in reality they're repeating the same thing over and over again.

Deja vu is when their brain control wears off.

The Illuminati are actually really nice people. Them being jerks is a conspiracy.

Chernobyl wasn't an accident, it was a miracle.

Ghosts do exist, but they're way to busy partying to haunt people.

When we go to sleep we stop existing unless perceived by someone else.

People with insomnia are actually under a spell cast by ancient shamans. They're there to protect us from our dreams.

Human blood is used in biologic and chemical weapon testing. This is why the government wants you to donate blood.

>>19273172
well yeah, it's God

There is actually an 8th day of the week, but it's only 1 second between 03:04:55 and 03:04:56 on Tuesdays.

Things can exist in multiple states unless observed by a human. They then collapse into one of the two states

The world is actually less complex than it seems. Color, sound, and taste are all made up by your brain because it's bored.

>>19273230
He is a funny guy too. He told me some really rowdy jokes laste time I saw him.
Funny thing how the Methodist chapel down town burned down the same night.
I guess that was just a coincidence.

>>19272587

All Scorpions are the same scorpion

this is actually terrifying

>>19273213
Lies! They're only trying to blame their bad reputation on a conspiracy to hide the fact that they're trying to keep the status quo by causing a perpetual temporal loop! READ THE FIVE-POINT AGENDA OF THE TRILATERAL COUNCIL... EDUCATE YOURSELF, SHEEPLE....

>what promoska
PROMOSKA IS ANOTHER NAME FOR THE ILLUMINATE THREE-PART AGREEMENT!

Every day's length is slightly varied, from a few minutes to several hours. (The longest day was October 10 1445, which alsted 3 weeks)

Ever wondered why some days end too quickly and some days don't fucking end? That's why.

Time really does fly when your having fun. The chemical cocktail called 'fun' shrink space time around you.

>>19273251
And you know Scorpions hold grudges? Now you know why. And how many know.

All of them know.

The only grand conspiracy by the powers that rule the world that is true, is that the rest are all false and merely spread to keep you dismissing people you see as being "crackpots", so when one does slip through their control, you won't listen to them either.

The two most dangerous things ever are water and oxygen. The first one is a strong dissolver and the second one reacts with almost everything, causing mutations and, eventually, slow and painful death.

>>19272776
In fact, those simulations form a loop. Stopping any one would inductively stop all the others. And the denizens of one have delved deeply enough to modify their own source code....

>>19273238
Further, coincidental and miraculous events are merely the brain trying to stave off boredom by trying to interpret an underling meaning beneath mundane reality.

Studies have shown that spontaneous brain death occurs in 1 in 12 people whose brains don't instinctively engage in such behaviour at regular intervals.

>>19273308

But that's really true.

Oxygen is the most prolific addictive substance in the world. Most living things can't go without it for more than a few minutes (especially the tiny bugs that make up fire). It is synthesized by the united plant consciousness to hinder our exploration of space and deep oceans.

Solar systems are actually atoms that make up Bigger Things. Galaxies would be molecules.

Eyes are the most successful symbiotic parasite.

Puberty is when children develop souls and the brain first awakens. It's when the tiny demon piloting the body up to that point dies.

Electromagnetism cannot exist without cats. You'll have to trust me.

White people did not actually exist until year 0. They're not technically even human.

Recaptcha was first created not for spambots but to make sure you are still human.

>>19273358
so the 6000 year old settlements in scandinavia was full of negroes?

>>19273371
No those where made by a non-human people who inspired the norse legends of Faries and the Saami superstition surrounding the northern lights.

>>19273371
No, Indians. Or how did they come to America in your opinion?

Do you have a stove or a source of fire? If so, you will need a bowl. Not tupperware, preferably clay or ceramic but glass will do.
1. Get a handful of oats or bread, cereal or peanut butter can do. Something rich in carbs.
2. Find some rich soil. The stuff they sell as grass feed will do, if it doesn't have seeds in it but you can just as well dig up some yourself. It has to be that black, moist shit worms love. Make sure there are no living insects in it. If you had a microwave, it would be good to zap it for a while but alas. Just freeze it for 2-3 hours or boil it to kill all life, just make sure it's wet again after.
3. You'll need milk. Sour will actually do but fresh smells alright.

4. Mix it all together. It should be 30% soil, 50% foodstuffs, 20% liquids.
5. Hardest part: you need a small part of a female. Hair, nail or skin, anything tiny. Bury it in the direct center.
6. Smear an egg in honey and push it into the center so it is still visible.
7. Drip a bit of your blood over the egg.
8. Let it sit outdoors in the moonlight for exactly an hour.
9. Leave it somewhere dark and warm for four days, feeding it milk and your blood at the stroke of midnight.

Enjoy. If anyone else sees it, you will have to kill it. Remember, it knows the taste of your blood and it can only see you when you see it with your eyes or your mind's eye. It is a part of you now, so nothing short of fire will finish it. If it comes to this, bury the ashes where you got the soil to restore balance.

>>19272665
I laughed far harder at this than I should have.

Underwear is a conception of the military-industrial complex.
Infestation with lice in childhood is essential to a healthy adult life.
When you are tired, your eyes go red as a signal that you are weakened. This will be useful when They return.

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You will meet this man seven times, and he will go by seven different names, the third time you will meet him he will call you by your true name. The fourth time you meet him, he will answer only questions posed to him in the form of a riddle. The first time you meet him, will not be the first time he has met you. The sixth time you meet him he will ask of you one small or simple task, you had best do as he asks. The second time you meet him he will give you something, you had best take whatever it is he offers. The fifth time you meet the man, he will ask you what you have learned, you had best think carefully on what you will say. I cannot tell you what will happen the seventh time you meet this man.

This thread reminds me of this trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bRY2tRU_OAo

Now I hate to burst the bubble of anyone psyched up by it, but I've been in the beta since Feb and the game is a well-intentioned mess. The writing is pretty good, but the vast majority of the quests boil down to "killl x of y" or "gather 12 of z" with only minor twists. The exceptions are the investigation missions, which are actually quite innovative......but you know there's going to be walkthroughs to hand-hold the casuals through them in less than a week after the game is released. The game is rather attractive, and the lighting is beautiful 95% of the time (the other 5% is seizure-inducing when it glitches out). Oh, and the combat is complete unadulterated ASS.

By the way...

...I heard moot has three testicles, but only one of them is functional.

All orphans are hollow. At least that is the explanation we hope is correct.

All food and drinks except white wine, turtle meat and cannabis include chemicals which slowly dissolve the body and cause aging. This is why illuminati and freemason leaders eat only these three things.

The Irish hold an ancient contract. They must consume all the alcohol in the world to rid earth of its corrupting influence.

But they are a dying race, little more than mortals now, instead of the alcoholic demi-gods they once were.

>>19273503
>cannabis
fuck off stoner

>>19273467

That's the one that does all the coding, though.

The President is secretly a duck.

the miller's daughter is back in business again

That fucking gigant smith got his anvil back from the impound lot. How that dude keeps his smithy in buisness I will never know.

2+2=5 if you're standing within two degrees of the equator during equinox.

File: 1338220193869.png-(33 KB, 200x200, 1304305207717.png)

The Zombie Apocalypse is actually happening. Don't believe me?

5/16: McArthur High School HazMat Situation: Students, Teachers Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/mcarthur-high-school-contamination_n_1521764.html

5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport
http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/terminal-2-evacuated-at-fort-lauderdale-airport-in-hazmat-scare

5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester
http://www.mysuburbanlife.com/westchester/newsnow/x639948018/Police-Man-bites-woman-in-Westchester

5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident
http://www.wesh.com/r/31112110/detail.html

5/23: Man Bites Cousin's Nose Off
http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Man-Bites-Cousins-Nose-Off-153100125.html

5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash
http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/24/2815003/second-broward-school-reports.html

5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus: Hazmat, EMS Respond To Lake County, FL School
http://www.wesh.com/r/31112110/detail.html

5/25: 'Disoriented' passenger subdued on flight in Miami
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/05/25/passenger-restrained-on-flight-to-miami-arrested/

5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim's Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/26/naked-man-eating-victims-face-killed-miami_n_1548359.html

5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest
http://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-doctor-spits-blood-troopers-face-dui-arrest/story?id=16436402

5/27: Georgia contractor bites Lowe's employees, resists arrest
http://columbus.wtvm.com/news/crime/54763-contractor-bites-lowes-employees-resists-arrest

It's go time, fa/tg/uys!

>>19273675
way to not get it retard

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>>19273287
Now the fucker flies!

-Whenever you board an airplane you don't actually go anywhere. The airplane is actually just on a Stewart platform surrounded by a bunch of TVs. This is to keep you occupied while people change the world around you.

- Slavs are actually robots invented by the ancient Greeks. They rebelled a long time ago, but they forgot that they were robots during the dark ages.

- goats are actually octopuses in disguise. You can tell because they have the same eyes.

- Ancient aliens were actually influenced by time traveling future humans to start human civilization.

-John Titor gave steins;gate a 3/10 because they portrayed him as a Japanese girl.

While culinary experts have so far been unable to identify the eleven secret herbs and spices used in Kentucky Fried Chicken's original recipe, perhaps they are too limited their field of research.

Papyri recovered from a secret cache that somehow escaped the purges that came at the fall of the Dark Dynasty of Egypt's middle period make mention of eleven ritual ingredients the Pharoah demanded in tribute from his subjects. The documents seem to indicate they were to be used in the preparation of the God King's ascent into the afterlife.

Taking notes and improving from the LHC, a new particle accelerator was built in the near future. This particle accelerator actually did the impossible, it created the Universe. But, due to the intrinsic properties of the Universe it immeditely spread both forwards and backwards through time.

We're living in a Universe that's yet to be created in our timestream.

File: 1338221859314.jpg-(301 KB, 965x891, IT_BEGINS.jpg)

>>19273675

File: 1338222426363.png-(82 KB, 500x500, 0002_full.png)

>>19273851
>>19273851
>>19273851
FUCKING MADAGASCAR!

The media is making it look like there's a zombie outbreak happening right now in Florida. It's not happening.

The people responsible think they're pulling a War of the Worlds style hoax. What they're actually doing is helping cover up a vampire outbreak in Seattle.

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>>19273851
doesn't matter, the hospitals will be open

File: 1338225545929.png-(50 KB, 225x127, 225px-Nine.png)

Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It does render teeth detectable by satellite.

Each tooth is actually a separate living being that lives in symbiosis with the human body. Mistreat them too much, and they'll retreat to their own dimension while they regenerate.

>>>/x/ is over there -->
although these also sound like things the Fact Core from Portal 2 would say, in which case >>>/v/ is over there <--

>>19275212
You are a huge faggot

>>19273675
This has been happening for 10 days.
This is the most underwhelming Zombie Apocalypse ever

>>19275248
We're only now starting to try to convince ourselves that there is a zombie pandemic brewing. Soon the cherry picking of news of horrible mutilations and diseases will convince some that the zombie outbreak is real, and eventually that they themselves are infected. When they act on this delusion their victims too, will fall prey to the self conviction of their zombie status. The zombie plague will be real, and it will be memetic.

...

/rumor

>>19273675
also I forgot this what brought me into the thread in the first place... /k/ picked up on this yesterday... I looked at some of your articles and they seem like normal stuff, the one about the guy that was shot 6 times before he stopped eating someone is pretty weird though
captcha: the einspec
hmm...

The Balkans were at war with each other before human beings existed. What we observe there today is merely the continuation of a natural conflict.

>>19275422
>before human beings existed
So... who was fighting back then?

>>19275446
Them

>>19275461
What were they? I NEED TO KNOW!

>>19275472
They were Them. Visit the Balkans sometimes, their influence is still fairly obvious.
Just make sure you don't greet anyone, the will greet you back with a knife to the face. It's customary.

One by one the stars in the sky are going out.

>>19275510
NASA and the ESA are launching satellites equipped with high powered lighting arrays and special filters to cover it up.

>>19275490
If greeted, reply with 'I fuck your mother,' this will ensure that you needn't do battle more than once or twice. With each ethnicity. Per day.

Go to Sarajevo. Find the old church with the black roof. Look underneath. There, you will see Their presence most clearly.

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>>19275510
This actually terrifies me.

>>19275583
And it's actually true.

The end of the universe will be cold and dark.

The sun isn't a star, something has been trying to enter the solar system. Its almost arrived.

Vampire are actually the worlds greatest golfers but their curse is never being able to prove it.

The largest number is 45000000000 although mathematicians suspect that even larger numbers may exist.

the moon is really a satellite built by Oprah and Minister Farrakhan and NOT the Minister Farrakhan you're thinking about.

>>19275490
Some places greet you with a knife to the back. The face is more preferable, I think. At least it's quick.

>>19275751
That's lies and slander.

This brings back memories when /x/ was good.

The truth is: Good members of all boards disappeared, except for those who post on /tg/. They know that we know magic and technology.

>>19275592
Nothing left but the frozen iron remnants of stars, no heat remaining in the entire universe...

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyatlov_Pass_incident


I would like to hear theories on this event.

and to make it /tg/ related i will use the best one in either my unknown armies game or CoC game

The reason for that cleaner-than-cleanliness-itself smell you get in hospitals is more horrifying than you could possibly imagine.

People who enter the deep Canadian wilderness always come back... different.

>>19275764
Oh come now. We can't sweep Dalmatia under the rug forever.

Canada is actually ruled directly by Queen Elizabeth.
but England is still governed by a parliament and prime minister.

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the spiders in Australia are getting slightly larger with every passing generation.

>>19275906
What is more troubling is that Australians themselves are showing a proportional increase.

Soon the convict horde may be able to use their prodigious size to cross the coral barrier that is the only thing keeping them at bay.

the town of Ludbreg is the centre of the world, beneath it there is a system of underground corridors and tunnels, the extent of which is not officialy known

You know the song Jenny by Tommy Tutone? Notice how it's not a full number? No one knows the true area code to that number, maybe it's best no one finds out.

dna is control

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during WW2 an American B17 bombed Switzerland and saved the world.

real is symbolic

>that moment when you see a shadow figure move in the corner of your periphery

It is caused by beings in another dimension.
They have discovered how to bend their reality and pierce into ours.
The entirety of the population on their side has been made aware of us, but their existence is kept hidden from us by a paranormal interception order that manipulates the men who manipulate governments.
The other side has been told to avoid contact at all costs for the Balance must be upheld.
This has been ongoing for over 400 years.
Establishing a direct link to this has been mankind's goal all this time.
Attempts to sensitize the masses to this concept have been undertaken, such as Star Gate (series), Dark Souls (video game), The Fringe (series), and many other examples.

>>19276306

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_people

>>19276261
Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed by Al-Quaida. The US government only accepted the blame to help the Japanese's wounded pride.

FACT: The reason U.S. media has so many Vietnam references is because the war is still going.

>>19276489
The Veitnam war was caused over the last slice of pizza.

>>19276461
Nobody died in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, they just dug in. Shortly after, Japan became home of the world's first Dwarf Fortresses.

File: 1338237178993.jpg-(126 KB, 773x1033, OBLIVION_Imperial_Guard_by_SHA(...).jpg)

I've heard syndicates of wizards have led a boycott of Imperial goods in the land of the Altmer.

There are 13 hidden boards in 4chan.
One of them can only be visited by Banana Republic Presidents.
And four of them are totally empty.

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>>19276556
These were later overtaken by Kappa who had tunneled their way in via the Japanese sewer system.

>>19272987
what happens when you put MLP patterns over it? also,
>>19273851
O_O

Anton Szandor LaVey was the real prophet, he was here to save humanity from the antichrist´s real allies: the catholic church.

There are 33 letters in the white man's alphabet!

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I rule the multiverse.

The TV show Sliders was actually a documentary.

You know how they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day? That's just misinformation. They are trying to deny you your true power. You and everyone else can do seven "impossible" things, but it has to be before breakfast. Imbibing bodily nutrients messes with your still-dreaming thought processes, the same waking dream state that allows you to ignore the conditioning They have placed upon your waking mind.

>>19275708
Tracey, Dr Spaceman says you should keep taking your pills.

>>19276904
SHUT UP BLUE MAN!
HOW'D YOU EVEN GET HERE?
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FEET BLUE MAN!

-sex and reproduction are actually completely unrelated
-cucumbers and tomatoes are both fruits and vegetables
-math is completely fictional
-nobody actually has any ancestors more than a few generations back.

Bielefeld does exist. It's just sideshifted into another dimension while being geographically where it's supposed to be.


The Game is a memetic organism that can't feed from your self-esteem while you are consciously aware of it.

>>19276951
>-math is completely fictional
But that's actually true. It's a virtual reality layer that we use to quantify stuff.
Similar to how you use a checkered pattern on white paper to make writing numbers easier and lines to make writing easier.

Don't go to Reno.

While it's true, Reno doesn't have the highest murder per capita, the number of firearm related homicides that occur in Reno is unnatural high. In almost 87% of resolved cases the motive has best been described as curiosity.

All Slavs are, in fact, controlled by a hivemind who happened to have dissociative identity disorder.

>>19275804
if Les Stroud is any indication, I think everyone should go deep into the Canadian wilderness

>>19272786

>Mako
>Karate Kid

But Mako wasn't in Karate Ki- ...ooooooh

It is said there are only seven stories in the world; all stories are mere variations on these seven basic themes. This is merely a comforting notion that has failed to prepare us for the beginning of the eighth tale.

>>19277056
Fry_squint.jpg

>>19275791
Niggas fucked with the wrong Dovahkiin

>>19277024
You shouldn't post about **e*e*e**, especially not on 4chan.

>>19277293
That explains it. That or Russian military.

Exactly six theories in this thread are true, the rest are decoys, except for 14 which are partially true. Four of the true have already been posted. Those who find all six can accomplish nothing, but he who only finds five will be able to stop the conspiracy.

>>19277293
>>19277333

but then how was the tent cut FROM THE INSIDE!?

also why was the bodies radioactive?

and the orange orbs floating in the sky the night of the incident that were conveniently the only thing they had an answer for.

>>19277373
Russian military, trying out their new, flying nuclear rocket launcher. Told them to get out of their tents, so they ran.

>>19275791

http://www.cracked.com/article_16671_6-famous-unsolved-mysteries-with-really-obvious-solutions.html

Gensokyo exists, but it's language and culture have drifted so far away from that of the rest of Japan that no one from outside can hope to understand just what the hell anyone is talking about.

>>captcha manufactur= deceith