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File: 1341528289737.jpg-(11 KB, 450x337, drew_carey_on_whose_line_is_it_anyway.jpg)
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Name something you'll want to see in town, but not in a dungeon.
>>
>>19753711
A cemetery.
>>
Giant statues
>>
A tarrasque being used like a bear in some type of weird travelling circus.
>>
Brothel.

But hey, i wouldn't mind a dungeon in my brothel!
>>
My wife. On the other hand, my mother in law I would like to see the other way around.
>>
A well-armed military unit.
>>
Naked, drunken, hobo with some cake and a knife.
>>
>>19753738
"Plumb the depths and then you can plumb OUR depths!"
>>
A bridge to otherwise inaccessible places.
>>
File: 1341528766508.jpg-(38 KB, 430x300, drew-carey1.jpg)
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The last thing you want the BBEG to say to you.
>>
>>19753738
>Not visiting a dungeon brothel
casual
>>
A tarrasque in a latex bodysuit being suspended from the roof with adamantine chains, with a ballgag in its mouth and a buttplug in its ass.
>>
>>19753786
>Me and your mother we well things happened
>>
>>19753786
"You ARE my father."
>>
>>19753786
>Remember that Barmaid you went bareback on .Well funny thing about illusions
>>
>>19753786

You got a purdy mouth.
>>
"Remember when that doctor did surgery on that sweet little girl? Guess where my phylactery is."
>>
The wizard who sent me on the fucking quest in the first place.
>>
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>>19753786
>>
>>19753786
>whilst dying
"I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."
>>
>>19753837
I think this ranks in the top 10, if not top 100 of things you never want to hear in a campaign ever.
>>
>>19753786
"Oh, shit! Tristan Greggors? Class of '56 at Ertai Secondary Wizard Academy? It's me! Jeeves LaLouche! Remember me?"
>>
File: 1341529678630.jpg-(12 KB, 480x360, Drew.jpg)
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Things said at chargen that tip you off to the fact that it's going to be a fantastic campaign.
>>
>>19753938
This'll be an all elf campaign
>>
>>19753938
This'll be an all dwarf campaign
>>
>>19753938
Right, so, make a level 20 character, then you're all gonna get busted down to level 1.
>>
>>19753938
Roll completely random on every aspect of your character, no do-overs.
>>
Does deathless frenzy turn my skin green?
>>
>>19753938

So, we're going to start on Sigil for this one.
>>
>>19753938
Exactly how many bards does your group need?
>>
>>19753938
3d6. In order. No re-rolls.
>>
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>>19753944
>>19753953
>>
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>>19753751
gave me a hearty chuckle
>>
Gods and Demigods, or Immortal's Handbook?
>>
>>19753938
This'll be an all bard campaign
>>
>>19753938
everyone has to take a polearm. swords do not exist

Mages in this campaign are a lot like Armored Cores
>>
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>>19753938
"Hey Danny, can I talk to you a second?

"Sure, what's up, dude? Ready for the campaign?"

"Yeah, but I was wondering if we could fit in another person tonight. My boyfriend's off tonight, and he wants something to do. I was thinking we could play as a married couple in-game if you could maybe find a way to introduce that."

>mfw one of the other players was a Muslim

I lived for those moments.
>>
File: 1341530181252.jpg-(12 KB, 424x318, WhoseLineisitAnywayS1Ep9.jpg)
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People your game master should impersonate while narrating the game.
>>
>>19754029
morgan freeman
>>
>>19754029
Bill Cosby
>>
File: 1341530271648.jpg-(41 KB, 600x394, charles-manson.jpg)
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>>19754029

note: I no longer try to find groups on Craigslist
>>
>>19754029
Steve Buscemi.
>>
>>19754029
Bill Clinton, especially when the GM's girlfriend is playing
>>
File: 1341530381769.jpg-(48 KB, 450x459, 6a23fab123a38cbc4a6d07866fd0db(...).jpg)
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>>19754029
Good folks listened to all my tales, 'till the Calamity hit. The adventurers were there. They saw it. They knew their childhood was over. They just ran for a while from the gasfellas, but they found their old friends, spade, shovel, and pitchfork. The gasfellas were comin' right at 'em. They got 'em good. Gasfellas didn't know what hit 'em.
>>
>>19754029
Drew Carey
>>
>>19754029

James Earl Jones
>>
>>19754029
Sean Connery.
Then I'll try and recreate Dragonheart as soon as I have the opportunity.
>>
File: 1341530923177.png-(226 KB, 900x1238, zecora_by_zekrom111-d42e5s0.png)
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>>19754029
"You travel the blazing lands, and not too soon, you thank your Gods for their gracious boon. The desert heat burns your skin, but they rewarded you for your lack of sin. You endure the infinite heat, the sun not cooking your meat. Look, before you in the sand, an iconic beast none shall consider bland. An Antlion swims towards your group, the same one that killed the guardsman's troop.Among the desert beasts, the Antlion is definitive, draw your swords and roll for initiative."
>>
>>19754156
>definitive
>initiative
Look I know its hard to DM in rhyme, but that was bad.
>>
File: 1341530999269.jpg-(6 KB, 212x172, Carey.jpg)
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Facts that your Game Master always gets wrong.
>>
>>19754163
Let's see you come up with a word that rhymes with initiative!

>>19754164
Noble titles.
>>
>>19754164
Natural 20s on skill rolls doing ridiculous things.
Every time.
>>
>>19754164
Elves are better than dwarves
>>
>>19754164
Female anatomy.
>>
>>19754164

The guards at buckingham palace being incompetent
>>
>>19754164
Everything.
>>
>>19754156
>tried to come up with a rhyme
>got a quick reminder that the creative side of my brain shuts off at 1 in the morning
>okay.jpg
>>
>>19754164
the price of good drink
>>
>>19754164
The cost of living.

One DM actually wanted us to fork over 50g/day for the "cost of living".
>>
>>19754249
Did you turn yourselves undead to cut costs?
>>
>>19754256
No, we bought 5000 chickens per day.
>>
File: 1341531638996.jpg-(14 KB, 400x300, nobodyreadsfilenames.jpg)
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The one sentence that will always start an argument in your group.
>>
>>19753711
A PC's child

>>19753786
"I'm going in dry."

>>19753938
"My character's hair is white!"

>>19754029
Robin Williams

>>19754164
My birthday
>>
>>19754268
"Your character wouldn't do that."
>>
>>19754268
"Goddamnit, you're playing that card combo wrong."
>>
>>19754268
I am going to wear Full Plate as a ranger, fuck you.
>>
>>19754280
I'll admit, that I'm generally the instigator of it.
>>
>>19754268

"That's gonna be half AD"
>>
>>19754268
um, so do we get a chance to roll for that...or is it just happening?
>>
>>19754268
Don't put that drink straight on the table, use a damn coaster!
>>
"But you're *insert alignment here*!"
>>
>>19754268

What's the plan.

We're going to have to work as a team.
>>
>>19754268
Lets try not to invoke godwin's law
>>
>>19754268
"I don't care that my character is female, stop calling my Tengu 'bird' at every opportunity."
>>
>>19754268
Your stats are too high, reroll them.
>>
File: 1341532118121.jpg-(19 KB, 320x220, screenie.whoseline.usa.hats.01.jpg)
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Plot twists that should never happen.
>>
>>19754353
rock falls
everybody dies
time to reroll guys!
guys?
>>
>>19754353
the bbeg wizard has ranks in bluff.
>>
>>19754370
and is working as your ally
>>
>>19754353
And it was all a dream
>>
>>19754353
BBEG rapes character.
>>
>>19754353
This is a sexual encounter. You'll need to roll for your sexual stamina.
>>
>>19754156
I read this whole thing in her voice.
>>
>>19754353
You had a 5th party member traveling with you, but a mindrape spell erased him from your memories. The entire game up until now with you being badass was because he was helping you. You were playing out a memory.

Difficulty spikes here on in. You gotta save John Doe.
>>
>>19753733

THIS.

EVERY TIME I SEE A GIANT STATUE.
>>
Helpful NPC X was behind it all, not the BBEG!
No real believable reasoning or motivation
>>
>>19754387

character is pregnant from it.
>>
>>19754353
dm: And the female bar wench npc that you encountered in the first game is the all powerful sorcererous of the region !
us: Who?
>>
>>19754387
Character rapes BBEG. The party now has to spend the rest of the campaign counseling the BBEG to continue their evil plans instead of crying and eating icecream.
>>
>>19754391
Now that is serious mindfuckery. Stealing it.
>>
>>19754391
That's... actually kinda interesting.
>>
>>19754353
The local guide points you to the dungeon you're tasked with clearing out. "They call it the Tomb of Horrors."
>>
>>19754353
The heavily armored soldiers with the advanced firearms invading your planet are Space Marines.

And you're playing D&D.
>>
>>19754421
It's just an overly dramatic name for a storage closet for old Halloween costumes
>>
A maiden diddling herself, moaning about not caring about love anymore, but just a good shag.
>>
>>19754268
"No, you can't be female."
>>
File: 1341532724692.jpg-(24 KB, 333x500, drew4.jpg)
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Music tracks that instill a sense of dread in your group when played.
>>
>>19754353
The anti-paladin player planned to betray the entire party since the beginning. He succeeds.
>>
>>19754468
Don't Stop Believin'
>>
>>19754468
Friday by Rebecca Black
>>
>>19754468
F.O.E. theme.
>>
>>19754353
The BBEG was a Diviner. He knew you would save the world, but you weren't ready. So he took it upon himself to goad you into learning, into becoming a hero so that one day you could save the world. His Divination also included his own death. To save the world, to continue with your life's goal, you have to kill him.

He's also your father.
>>
Kinda missed my chance, but...
>>19753711
An attractive woman who looks at you with a beckoning expression.
>>
>>19754421
>The local guide points you to the dungeon you're tasked with clearing out. "They call it Rape City."
>>
>>19754468
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvyNOg4jSRg
I'm not even kidding.
>>
>>19754468
My Glorious Days.
>>
>>19754468
teardrop by massive attack
everytime my gm plays it, a huge hoard of zombies attack
in every game, pathfinder, hunter, scion, xmen
>>
>>19754353
"...and suddenly you all realize that you're pregnant. Yes, even the male characters. And the warforged."
>>
>>19754468
>Music tracks that instill a sense of dread in your group when played
Anything by Lady GaGa, Justin Bieber, Kanie West or the Backdoor Boys-- I mean the Backstreet Boys.
>>
>>19754468
Chocolate Rain.
...Actually, that would make an interesting ritual spell.
>>
>>19754468
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2jM4mHxhGI
>>
>>19754353
That magic items seller is, in fact, the BBEG! Also, all of your magic gear is cursed.
>>
>>19754468
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPJrCYJ9UPk
I don't use music in my games, but this does the trick, usually.
>>
>>19754468
A little girl singing in a soft voice. No background music, just that.
>>
>>19754468
Disgaea 3 - Poem of the Vagabond. It's the theme of a Pale Stranger in our Pathfinder game, and he knows how to kill us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lm4Au5IdUMo
>>
>>19754468
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfK5QVBS8xc

This one I plan on playing whenever a player is angry about something.
>>
File: 1341533308743.png-(193 KB, 400x301, WhoseLine04.png)
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Simple-looking items that make you "NOPE."
>>
>>19754581
Dragon Dildos
>>
>>19754581
A deck of cards.
>>
>>19754581
Dragon dildos.

Some one had to say it.
>>
>>19754593
Beat me to it.
>>
>>19754561
Funny you mention Disgaea, last night in a Fate game we got on the bad side of Pleinair herself and she stomped us to this theme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qwuaF8kHwI
>>
>>19754468
We're suddenly exploring the area around the gates of hell, and we hear Who Let the Dogs Out.

>baptism reasonsp
>>
>>19754468
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrGmuInMc0o

Maybe not in the group itself, but it sure creeped me out when my GM played that out of nowhere.
>>
>>19754581
Enchanted belts.

>>19754598
And someone already did.
>>19754592
>>
>>19754581
A necklace we find around the neck of a skeleton.
>>
File: 1341533478207.png-(37 KB, 855x2585, Dont Do It.png)
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>>19754581
>>
>>19754482
Fuck you, that's my favorite plot twist.
>>
>>19754593
Pretty much this
>>
>>19754616
He beat me by seconds, I say! Seconds! When 4chanX only updates in half minute intervals, that's plenty of time for something to not show up.
>>
>>19754581

wooden statues.
>>
>>19754268

I thought YOU were bringing rope.
>>
>>19754581
Anything with Runes on it.

My fucking GM (who's awesome btw) made up his own language.
With grammar, moon roon equivalent, translation table and everything.
It's not a complex language but fucking hell it's real. About half the group could probably write a sentence in it with no help needed while the GM and one of the players were fluid in it at one point in time
>>
>>19754635
Click the timer and you can set it to something else.
>>
>>19754652
my god that takes dedication.
>>
File: 1341533762163.jpg-(8 KB, 480x360, Carey6.jpg)
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The one setting above all others you want to play or run a game in.
>>
>>19754680
spanish civil war meets fantasy setting.

This warforged kills facists
>>
>>19754581
Anything in the middle of an otherwise empty room.
>>
>>19754680
The Ghost in the Shell Universe...with a good GM
>>
>>19754680
Nippon-Ichiverse.
>>
>>19754680
Sin City
>>
>>19754680
A South African setting, set sometime around the Boer War
>>
>>19754680
Maid RPG.
Judge me. I deserve it.
>>
>>19754680
Holy Terra in 40k. The greasy underbelly bit.

Alternatively, Dark Heresy in the bowels of Coruscant.
>>
>>19754680
Atelier universe
>>
>>19754680
At this point? Any goddamn thing.
>>
>>19754680
Your mom
>>
>>19754680
Doctor Who
>>
>>19754680
Spelljammer.
>>
File: 1341534035824.jpg-(28 KB, 316x457, Furies_Of_Calderon.jpg)
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>>19754680

Alera. any time period but the vord war.
>>
>>19754723
But more specifically, some goofy animu bull shit game.
>>
>>19754680
Paranoia
>>
>>19754716
Go visit Malfi.
Like Coruscant, but less politics and more scheming.
>>
>>19754680
A setting where one's power is determined by the mustache he has.
>>
>>19754762
It's called Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo.
>>
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>>19754680
One of the FF 40k games circa RT/2e. Pic oh so very related.
>>
>>19754750
Ooo, that actually would be really awesome. What RP would you think to use for that?
>>
>>19754771
YES

YES

A THOUSAND TIMES YES
>>
>>19754771
A Princess of Biel'Tan
>>
File: 1341534383008.jpg-(38 KB, 471x352, HadToGetThisFromYouTube.jpg)
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Rejected plans for sneaking into the castle.
>>
>>19754808
Since this is a stealth mission, half as much gunpowder as the last time.
>>
>>19754808
Giant wooden badger.
>>
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>>19754808
>>
>>19754808
Step 1, we get elected as the Pope...
>>
>>19754808
"Okay, me and the sorceress dress up like nobles and tell whoever answers the door we're here to view the tapestries."
>>
>>19754808
We're not all dressing as maids. Not again.
>>
>>19754808
"First, we dress up as Mind Flayers..."
>>
>>19754830
>>19754833
hivemide
>>
>>19754808
So, guys, here's what we'll do. Drink tons of ale and assertively dominate the guards in turn by being overly friendly and cracking up jokes about mothers.
>>
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>>19754715
In nomine Imperatoris hoc ego te condemnabo haereticus.
>>
>>19754808
I will blast my way in through the front while everyone sneaks in from behind.

Just let me die, please.
>>
>>19754808
I'll run a distraction.
>>
> Players "It's next to a fuckhuge cliff right?"
> DM "Yah"
> "And we could climb the cliff from the other side?"
> "I suppose. It would take a while and you'd be a couple thousand feet above where you want to be..."
> "I know the spell feather fall and can cast it on X people. My friends, it is time to invent base jumping"

Sadly this one wasn't rejected...
>>
>>19754808
Well, they DO call me Cuban Pete.
>>
>>19754869
It think it's rejected ideas, not awesome ideas.
>>
>>19754857
That Latin is awful. It's like you're really from the Imperium!
>>
>>19754885
High Gothic
>Language made up of English, Latin, German, and a LOT of make believe
>>
>>19754869
That seems like a pretty good plan to me.
>>
>>19754765
It's actually just hair in general
>>
>>19754878

It was technically rejected by half the party. And based on the way things turned out the other half should have followed suit.
>>
File: 1341534859341.jpg-(36 KB, 472x345, Drew Himself.jpg)
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Your PCs reason for appearing on Jerry Springer
>>
>>19754903
Players fall, everybody dies?
>>
>>19754911
The money was right.
>>
>>19754911
"Has outlived his great-granddaughter"
>>
>>19754869
Too bad you had no opportunity to go for orbital insertion.

>>19754895
Where is there German in the mix?
>>
>>19754911
So it turns out I'm responsible for killing my God (as a Cleric), all magic, all magic beings and all other gods.
>>
>>19754903
What made it fail?
>>
>>19754911
I bent my sword during an adventure.
>>
Hero can't stop murdering innocents.
>>
>>19754911
The party Wizard.
>>
>>19754911

I just found out that my girlfriend has been getting chaotic nasty with a halfling bard.
>>
>>19754911
In love with an elf older than me, but still considered a minor by her people.
>>
File: 1341535322500.jpg-(40 KB, 474x351, DrewCarey.jpg)
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Something someone can say in Sigil... that will make everyone else dive for cover.
>>
>>19755013
Praise the gods!
>>
>>19755000
Tad Williams: That War of the Flowers.
>>
>>19755013
FATAL thread!
>>
>>19755013
"Pf. The Lady can't touch me!"
>>
>>19755013
I've decided to start worshiping the Lady of Pain.
>>
>>19755013
"Is the Lady of Pain a dominatrix in an S&M brothel?"
>>
>>19755013
something something LADY OF PAIN something something, SPACE SHIP!
>>
>>19755013
"I'm going to smite that Tiefling!"
>>
>>19755013
Rest assured.
I've got a plan.
>>
>>19755013
That Balor looks like he's having a heart-attack.
>>
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>>19754911
He impregnated the BBEG.
Pic related because bards.
>>
>>19755013
Pff, I could get out of any "maze" in like ten minutes. Lady ain't shit.
>>
>>19755013
"Hey, baby. That ass is just A-MAZE-ING!"
>>
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The fastest way to commit suicide while in Holy Terra.
>>
>>19755013
Think about it: if the Lady can keep out the gods, she must be some sort of super-god! Why pray to anyone else?
>>
>>19755102
"DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR!"
>>
>>19755102
Skipping in Line
>>
>>19755102
saying "death to the false emperor" or being non human.
>>
>>19755126
>custodes
>human
>>
>>19755102
So these Custodes guys don't move on duty, right? I have a GREAT idea..."
>>
>>19755102
*ahem* ""For Khorne!"
>>
>>19755102
"So, um, the Emperor's cool and all... But I've heard good things about this 'Slaanesh" guy..."
>>
>>19755102
"I think the Tau are pretty cool guys"
>>
>>19755102
Shoot yourself in the head with a bolt pistol.
>>
>>19755131
That put a hilarious image into my head.
>>
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Places you don't want to wind up during a teleport mishap.
>>
>>19755171
Halfway through a ship's bulkhead
>>
>>19755171
Spellhold.
>>
>>19755171
The spot where a Warhound Titan is about to put it's foot.
>>
>>19755171
below the bard
>>
>>19755171
Yo momma, Isaac, yo momma.
>>
>>19755171
interpenetrated with another peson.
>>
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Posters in the tavern no adventurer will respond to.
>>
>>19755222
"Strange bugs are eating all my knives and forks, get rid of them for me."
>>
>>19755222
Blackheart?
>>
>>19755222
Help wanted mowing grass.
>>
>>19755222
Imperial Guard accepting recruits! Join up now for a free flashlight!
>>
>>19755222
"Snake-haired woman is blackmailing me, shank her in the ribs!"
>>
>>19755251
Oh fuck, I don't think I can top that one.
The only thing scarier to adventurers would be that weird thing from the Immortal's Handbook that has a touch attack that basically causes all your wealth (no matter where it is) to disintegrate round by round. Yes, that includes property.
>>
>>19755298
but... but... my monk's only true wealth is his family!
>>
>>19755298
You mean Kender?
>>
>>19755309
Son, how fucked you are now depends entirely on how evil your DM is.
>>
>>19755329
At that point the DM has to fuck you over.
>>
>>19755319
+1 internet, my good sir. I lol'd heartily.
>>
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The last thing you expect the Paladin to say to Royalty.
>>
>>19755356
I fucked your mom.

true story
>>
>>19755356
I attack the king
>>
>>19755356
After the consummation of my marriage, the Prophet came and sat on my bed as far from me as you are sitting now, and our little girls started beating the tambourines and reciting elegiac verses mourning my father who had been killed in the battle of Badr. One of them said, "Among us is a Prophet who knows what will happen tomorrow." On that the Prophet said, "Leave this (saying) and keep on saying the verses which you had been saying before."
>>
>>19755356
I roll for anal circumfrence
>>
>>19755356
Your royal highness; I enjoyed you last night.
>>
>>19755356
Smite Evil
>>
>>19755389
he said UNEXPECTED things.

or is royalty not corrupt and selfish in your campaigns?
>>
>>19755356
>An ox (plural oxen), also known as a bullock in Australia, New Zealand and India, is a bovine trained as a draft animal. Oxen are commonly castrated adult male cattle; castration makes the animals more tractable. Cows (adult females) or bulls (intact males) may also be used in some areas.
>Oxen are used for plowing, for transport (pulling carts, hauling wagons and even riding), for threshing grain by trampling, and for powering machines that grind grain or supply irrigation among other purposes. Oxen may be also used to skid logs in forests, particularly in low-impact, select-cut logging.
>Oxen are usually yoked in pairs. Light work such as carting household items on good roads might require just one pair, while for heavier work, further pairs would be added as necessary. A team used for a heavy load over difficult ground might exceed nine or ten pairs.
>>
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Warhammer 40k pick-up lines.
>>
>>19755454
Hey there, honey. Wanna see my tyranid?
>>
>>19755454
Hey baby, mind if I devour that biomass tonight?
>>
>>19755454
Wanna see my greater wood?
>>
>>19755454
>Hwee have been verrry wicked. Hwee have consorted with thee ruinouuus poweers. Whee have made pacts with thee dark gods. Hwee have falleen to heresyy... Hwee need a beeg, strong, mehreen to geef us thee Emperor's mercyy..."
>>
>>19755454
Wanna steal my genes?
>>
>>19755470
Just... Just don't forget to use purity seals.
>>
>>19755454
Welcome to the weekly mass of the church of the prince of pleasure
>>
>>19755454
Hey baby, are you an ork? Because I think you'll be goin' "WAAAAAAGH" tonight.
>>
>>19755489
>purity seals are condoms
>none purer.jpeg

oh gods
>>
>>19755454
"Have you accepted Slaneesh into your life today?"
>>
>>19755512
you make it sound like slaanesh cares if you accept
>>
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Things written in Dorf fortune cookies.
>>
>>19755454
"Yo, baby, my dick is strength 8."
>>
>>19755523
>Thatsthejoke.jpg
>>
>>19755529
>Urist stole your cheese. you gonna take shit from that motherfucker?
>>
>>19755529
"You will meet a short, handsome stranger. He is going to kill you with a copper mug when he couldn't find any wool thread for his artifact."
>>
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>>19755501
>>
>>19755529
dwarf who owns smithy is wife beater
>>
>>19755529

"Divination is for the weak"
>>
>>19755373
what the fuck?
>>
>>19755529
"Your axe is sharper than the others. Take advantage of this."
>>
>>19755568
I just randomly selected a hadith.
>>
>>19755529

''Elves are better''
>>
>>19755584
>>19755568
To be fair, it is probably one of the last things I'd expect a Paladin to say
>>
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>>19755588
TANTRUM!
>>
>>19755529
beware of carp
>>
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First World Problems for a Rogue Trader.
>>
>>19755637
"I dont know where to go"
>>
>>19755637
I want to have sex with an eldar women, but I can't decide which of my harem to pick
>>
>>19755637
I find it difficult to organize 100 fleets of interstellar warships into position.
>>
>>19755637

"The Emperor doesn't actually protects...damn it."
>>
>>19755637
HAve to use Imperial tech cause the Tau stuff broke down.
>>
>>19755637
my ship is too big
>>
>>19755637
What do you mean, heresy? Trading with the Tau is a mere ten percent of my business.
>>
>>19755637
"I've run out of relatives to cheat and murder!"
>>
>>19755637
My sexy Eldar pirate queen girlfriend is PMSing again.
>>
Your wife.
>>
>>19755680
Well that's gonna be a fun century.
>>
>>19755680
oh fucking hell, I have to abandon all these worlds I rule so she can't find me!
>>
>>19753786
"Will you have my child?"
>>
>>19753938
"Fuck you, you're not playing a Kender."
>>
>>19754029
Morgan Freeman.

Seriously, if he can do it, you cannot do better.
>>
>>19755637
It takes too long to reach the coffee machine from the deck of my ship.
>>
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>>19755637

My golden command throne while impressive and extravagant is murder on my lower back
>>
>>19754164
"You cannot turn a ship ove rin space! Everything will fall onto the cieling as soon as it's upside down!"

I lol'd so hard. Also you cannot turn 180 degrees in 30 minutes because of lateral stresses, when I've done the work on paper and shown him you can push the tonnage in half the time using modern day steel, let alone 40k super uber titaniun diamond nanotubes whatever.
>>
>>19755637
I had to use an army instead of orbital bombardment to take over this diamond-encrusted planet.
>>
>>19755637
I've burned out every astopath in the sector... and they're so expensive.
>>
>>19755637
I destroyed the economy of Holy Terra when I was asked for a percentage of my wealth.
>>
>>19754268
>dat filename

I'll be our healer this game.

My third heal check fatalitied a guy, so...yeah.

also, I've got the chests. Due to dice shenangians I did not die even when the DM made the only cure a worse poison, which I chugged and nat 20'd on. The DM was trying to kill me and managed to fail. Lol.
>>
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>>19755771
>"You cannot turn a ship ove rin space! Everything will fall onto the cieling as soon as it's upside down!"
>>
My refractor field comes in a belt module, not a monocle
>>
>>19755637
"What do you mean 'they're out of Saurian carnosaur veal'? I pay you to find shit for me, not make excuses. It's impossible to find good help these days..."
>>
>>19755637
The servants left a scratch on my favorite set of Power Armour
>>
>>19754353
I once banged my long lost half sister.

If it were anyone else in my group, they'd have vomited, but I figured it out early on and lol'd when I cut him off as he tried to drop the bomb.
>>
>>19754468
IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA oh god i'm instilling myself into a sense of fear.

Wait.
>>
File: 1341539482882.jpg-(14 KB, 250x188, 250px-WhoseLineUS.jpg)
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Thank you, you've been a terrific audience, goodnight!
>>
>>19754581
Rope.

Fuck rope, if it ain't mine, it ain't movin.
>>
>>19754680
I liked Ebberon, actually.
>>
>>19755637

one of my servants made eye contact with me.
>>
>>19754808
The front door.
>>
>>19755847
FUCK YOU MAN
I WANTED TO GO ON WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME

THIS WAS A CONSOLATION PRIZE.
>>
>>19755828
>Figured out NPC was your half-sister before DM told you
>Fucked her anyway

...not sure what to think of that Anon
>>
>>19754680
deathwatch or any of the 40k rpgs.

but my group keeps saying I'd have to DM it.
>>
>>19755873
Take up the mantle if you want, I'm out of ideas for questions.
>>
>>19754911
Oh god, I can't even begin lol.

"So, you roll intimidate checks on everything?"

"That's right, Jerry"

"Why?"

"Bitch, don't question me!" and nat 20 intimidate.
>>
>>19755883
I think it was another PC, myself.
>>
>>19755102
Being on Holy Terra.
>>
>>19755883
No, I fucked her, then figured it out.

Sorry if there was any confusion.
>>
>>19755171
Holy Terra.
>>
>>19755222
"Seeking women for brothel. Men need not apply."
>>
>>19755922
But was it an NPC, or another PC?
>>
>>19755171

my mother in law's house
>>
>>19755356
"I'm the juggernaut, bitch!"
>>
>>19755960
It was an npc
>>
>>19754272
That last one... ouch.
>>
File: 1341546990239.png-(291 KB, 499x334, 1522be16c8e4468a8b8211c.png)
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>>19754409
Fucking excellent post;
>mfw that mental image


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