[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [cm / hm / y] [3 / adv / an / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / hc / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / po / pol / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / x] [rs] [status / ? / @] [Settings] [Home]
Settings   Home
/tg/ - Traditional Games

File: 1344955876872.jpg-(21 KB, 522x399, 1273657530323.jpg)
21 KB
That guy thread, these are always fun for a giggle.

>Five years ago, playing 3.5 with college folks
>DMing, have a trap in a room
>Rogue has disarm skills sure, rolls poorly
>Starts demanding to know the specifics of how the trap is triggered
"It's a touchplate on the floor that triggers axes to slice through the corridor."
>Demands to know the mechanisms, weight required, all kinds of specifics he has no way of knowing
>I BS some stuff on the spot, because I mean it's a damn trap from the book
>Sidetracks the game for hours babbling about mechanics and how they should mine all the walls out to get the axes and disable and etc etc etc.

Goddamn people I swear.
Should'ved answered "It works by killing you. Which it does. Roll a new PC."
In this situation, you are also That Guy. "It's a trap from the book". Shit, you ain't go no idea...
If he rolled poorly then tell him just that, "I'm not going to tell you anything more because you didn't roll high enough to learn/know about that information."
Tell him to stop playing Minecraft.
File: 1344969645517.jpg-(31 KB, 500x334, durrhorse.jpg)
31 KB
This seems about right.

>Running a 3.5 game with mostly newish players
>Archer Ranger with a horse, one of the more "experienced" players
>Scouts ahead solo as soon as the game begins
>Finds talking giant wolf waiting ahead
>Tries to hide and ambush
>Wolf smells him and says hello
>Cordial conversation, wolf is sinister but not hostile
>Horseguy heads back
>Solo adventure over? Returning to party?
>Shoots at wolf from cover
>Attacking a non-hostile creature that was going to be an encounter for the entire party
>Two rounds later
>Wolf has Horseguy pinned
>Breaks his bow
>Warns him that he has drawn the ire of the wolves of the valley
I didn't want to kill anyone off this early, especially in a noob's game, but I immediately began to regret that decision when
>"I cut off my pinky as a sacrifice to my dark god to have him kill the wolf"
More coming
Appropriate response: Armok Demands More blood, the whole hand should do the trick.
I thought more was coming?
>Playing 3.5 a few years ago
>One of our PC's was a Dwarf Fighter who had decided he was our pallys bodyguard.
>We get to the end of a dungeon and find a sleeping giant
>Dm tells us it looks stronger than all of us, so we should sneak past.
>We all sneak by with the exception of the Fighter
>He decided to yell "Giant, i challenge you".
He ended up taking on the giant with our elf scout guy, who just blatantly cheated the whole campaign (a story for another time). Lucky for our fighter the DM wasnt in a killing mood and just sundered all of the Dwarfs armor and weapons.
This guy also killed a farmers chicken earlier in the campaign claiming it was a Cockatrice in disguise and tried to graft harpy wings onto his armor so he could fly.
your dwarf was ahead of his time and your Dm simply held him back from his true potential
Fuck your GM for too many reasons I want to list right now.

Fuck him right in the goddamn eye.
putting in challenges that look stronger than the whole party is the problem there. Sneaking is one way of getting past stuff but fighting it should have been a feasible option.
>Argue about even being able to attract the attention of one's god like that
>Something something you're not even a cleric, something something knowledge (religion)
>Drop that argument, go over the mechanics involved in cutting off your finger while pinned
>Determine that at the very least it would incur an AoO, which would drop Horseguy into the negatives
>Wolf leaves unsmote
>Horseguy starts talking about how his character is going to commit suicide because he's useless without his bow
>Remind him about Mending spell
I know there are like a dozen points in this story at which I could have stopped this nonsense and let his character die off. I had never dealt with a player like this before (or since) and, again, didn't want to kill off anyone this early.
>Horseguy finally saddles up and returns to party
>This bullshit took like an hour

I think somewhere along the line I decided that if this was going to be a recurring thing, then his god could be an asshole. Exorbitant costs for things he probably could get done himself.
Yeah i had no problem fighting it, the problem was we agreed to just sneak by and he just ignored us all and did his own thing.
Worst That Guy I gamed with was a... well, he wasn't a BAD DM, he was just the kind of Dm who thinks that if a PC doesn't die every session, then he's not doing his job as a DM right.

He was also a player in a few games. One instance that sticks in my memory is the time he was playing a rogue and spent about an hour of real time playing cat burglar. We were level 1 and he made something like an eight fucking GP profit. I was pissed off because we could have been doing something AS A GROUP during that time and literally earning a hundred times that much money.
Little addition on his DMing style- A game with a high casualty rate is fine, but he had a pretty deeply ingrained "DM vs. players" mentality. He'd do shit like send the party up against banshees at level 5, or a pair of adult blue dragons at level 7.
That guy huh?

>3 Player Party
>Conjurer with Abrupt Jaunt, Bard and a Barbarian
>Gathering in the Garnison
>Guards look for people to protect merchants
>Barb want's to sign up but Wizard Jaunts in front of him
>Sorry pal imma be the first to sign
>Barb goes full rage mode and starts to wrestle Wizard
>Can't grab him since wizard has 3 jaunts left
>Goes crazy about it threaten to kill wizard
>Eventually they got a long fine
>Bard got in some trouble and needs 100g
>Barb has stole like 300g from Bard nad Wizards
>Refuses to give them Gold
>Guard give out a price on the Bard's head
>Barb agrees to kill him and get the reward

I hate stupid shit like that i had to railroad the Bard/Wizard away from the Barb. I had even intelligent Skeletons who had an ambush ready for the Barb and would wait until he would come down the stairs

I hate railroading but it had to be done

No,fighting should not always be a feasible option.
I never said fighting should always be a feasible option just in that scenario. It didn't appear to be very well planned out just kind of a difficult monster plopped down so they could get some sneaking in.

Then I have no quarrel with you,stranger.
I wished my dm would aloow me to do Rogue stuff. I can't sneak, hide, spot, or listen to shit because lol no tiem and shit i can't even lay out traps or buy poisons or any gadgets. One time we were in this cave with some ogres after we finished 2 off one ran away. I was sure he's getting back up so i sayed i wanna lay out a few traps for them "lol they run to fast for u" i was pretty angry at that time i just sticked 10 bolts randomly into the earth and layed down 3 bags of cantrips on the ground but damm i never get to do sneaking or shit not even lockpicking
Is it bad I read
>>have a trap in a room

As meaning you had a trap player?(at least tilli kept reading, but still)

Dammit 4chans.
File: 1344972273897.jpg-(174 KB, 640x512, 416.jpg)
174 KB
More Horseguy, later incident

>Giant and halfling bandit team roaming around the area
>Giant had already out-barbarianed the (minotaur) barbarian (who had also run off ahead on his own, because Horseguy had already proven how brilliant a tactic that was)
>Party finds tracks, evidence of combat
>Horseguy either forgets or neglects to track the prints
>Horseguy, the "experienced" player, whips party into a paranoid frenzy as they approach the edge of an abandoned village
>Listen and spot reveal nothing significant
>Horseguy whips up some convoluted plan
>Him and rogue take point, horse about a hundred feet behind, rest of party behind horse
>Takes about 45 minutes to get into the very first house on the empty outskirts of the village
>There was never a threat in the first place

Looking back, I think he mentally appointed himself the role of party leader. He took point often and made sure that everyone got the most cheese out of every roll.
i love giving my player's the opportunity to shine especially the rogue. Sure he gets do lots of roguish stuff like pick locks and search for traps buts that's because the party would be fucked without him but he rarely gets to do sneaking and stuff on his own just when the party is trying to not alert the enemies as a whole. So last session the rogue spent the majority of the time scaling walls,sliding along ledges,sneaking through windows, and other home invader style shit to break into this mansion and let the rest of the party in through the front door and gate.
i did the same thing...

I never get to do shit like that besides that my whole party gives me shit for "being crap" when it comes down to combat despite the fact that i lead through a whole dungeon unharmed by disarming all traps besides one which i trigered by myself because i didn't want them to get hurt. The only member who doesn't give a crap about me is my brother (We play Dwarf Brothers)

I meant the only who doesn't give me crap is my bro
File: 1344972963923.png-(110 KB, 512x512, tf_sniper_kill_everyone_y(...).png)
110 KB
Horseguy: the finale: the beginning

>Party has just cleared out an abandoned alchemist's lab, emerge onto the street to hear a very obvious non-stealthed giant
>Battle formations
>Successful combat, tricked giant into barreling headfirst into a pit of acid back in the lab
>Wizard blinds the halfling, who surrenders
>Party plans to use him as a GPS to save the barbarian that he kidnapped and robbed
>Horseguy shoots him
>The blinded, surrendered, bound, now-harmless halfling
>That was going to lead them to their friend
>Entire party is pissed at Horseguy
>Allow cleric to jump in front of the arrow, saving halfling
>Party is still pissed at Horseguy
>Horseguy is notching another arrow
>Roll initiative
>Wizard wins, casts Blindness
>Fortitude vs permanently blind
>Guess who fails his saving throw
That's fucked up. Make a plan to backstab your party with your bro and leave them to die in a dungeon as you reset all the traps on your way out. That'll show them how crap you are.
your wizard walks around with blindness prepared?
yours doesnt?
What wizard doesn't?

Actually i just wanted to stop laying at all since i get the crap on everything in RL i get to blame for shitting on the partys Wizard who first laughed at me for no reason and just pissed me off all the time and second drug his own party members for reasearch i also get shit for when we want to get food because i don't want the cheap ass pizza we always get. I was supossed to steal some shit from an NPC but since a new player joined in the NPC is suddenly the player who is a fucking Paladin in plate i could have just murdered him in sleep but i'm not a dick. In the end i got beat up pretty good and had 2 PC's who don't like me at all/hate me
seriously is there anything better than blinding a random npc and running off without having to worry if he looks and catches your description
File: 1344973684238.jpg-(287 KB, 1060x958, tableflip.jpg)
287 KB
Horseguy: the finale: the middle

>A little arguing over the results of the roll, ways to avoid the spell
>"Can my horse block the spell?"
>Nothing to argue about, dice are final
>Horseguy leaves table almost crying
>Take over his character in continuing combat
>Wizard (who is actually Horseguy's friend off the table) gets three calls
>One is pleading, begging him to undo his spell
>One is arguing the numbers again
>They're still final and everyone knows what he rolled
>One is him pretending to have sex with Wizard's girlfriend
>Moaning and calling her name in the phone
>I offer Wizard the opportunity to undo the spell, because it's eaten up about half a session so far
>Horseguy returns to table, red-faced
>Demands to rewind to where he left
>"I make a sacrifice to my dark god to smite Wizard"
File: 1344973727614.jpg-(838 KB, 1182x2001, kili-aidanturner.jpg)
838 KB
that sounds like the dumbest nigger dwarf I've ever heard of.
And I'd like to hear more about this cheating bastard
pussy should have started attacking the wizard blinded or not.
File: 1344974171358.gif-(1.83 MB, 162x149, 1330863405839.gif)
1.83 MB
>"I make a sacrifice to my dark god to smite Wizard"
>D&D 4e
>party hanging around a tavern for the evening
>goliath monk chills with random elf girl NPC
>offers to walk her home
>she accepts
>they go outside
>shade warlock decides to follow them
>with the intent of fapping into her hair
>declares rolling for stealth
>elf turns around
>monk calmly walks up to him
>open the gates of battle
>nat. 20
File: 1344974529889.jpg-(74 KB, 528x764, Grim-adventures-of-Billy-(...).jpg)
74 KB
Horseguy: the finale: the end

>Horseguy is trying to cut off his hand or something
>Remind him that party is still trying to kill him
>Remind him that he's sitting on his horse and is probably using his hands to balance, considering he's blind
>Manages to escape entire party, though decently wounded first
>Leaves city
>Party doesn't bother pursuing
>Outside city
>"I sacrifice all my limbs to my dark god to smite Wizard"
>"My horse helps"
>He doesn't have the HP to actually pull that stunt off and will kill himself in the process
>Decide to just get this nonsense over with
>Dark god appears, makes fun of him for a while
>"I sacrifice... the eyes of a ranger"
>Nope, someone beat you to it
>Eventually work out an OOTS deal - every relative in the world sacrificed for Wizard
>World has noticably fewer elves
>Dark god bisects Wizard
>Wizard laughs and leaves the table with Horseguy to go play Magic or something
>Session ends after three straight hours of bullshit

>Lower half of Wizard animated by necromantic forces from dark god
>Legs go on to be productive member of team
That comes close to topping my lists of totally retarded, inane actions I've witnessed or been told of.
>Legs go on to be productive member of team
Your DM and your party sucks. I'd quit if I were you and find a group that isn't all faggots.
File: 1344974814268.jpg-(37 KB, 582x447, thefuuu.jpg)
37 KB
>"My horse helps"
File: 1344974861180.jpg-(7 KB, 108x180, Bincat.jpg)
7 KB
>Legs go on to be productive member of team.

Tell me more.

To bad these are my rl friends well most of them also i don't wanna let my Dwarf Bro hangin along with the Gnome Cleric we all come from one town and all have been drunk together so i stick in the group because of them and pretty much give crap about the others also robbed the wizard of 500 gold once he was unconscious "If you all give me crap i at least give you a fucking reason" if what i said to the Wzard and DM after they told me how shitty that was
>Play a Pathfinder game over IRC with a few friends
>It's Legacy of Fire, a premade thing
>Everyone makes their characters, SERIOUS slant towards young, beautiful furry races
>Like, only 2 out of 7 players don't have fur or scales
>Two of the furred characters are in a gay relationship and also are both constantly trying to seduce everyone else in the party minus the not-furries
>One guy makes a Kitsune
>Centers her skillset totally around social interaction
>In a campaign about retaking a city from monsters
>After being told this several times
>We do some combat, players spend HOURS doing out-of-session roleplaying
>Kitsune player gets really upset when we do combat, complains that his character is completely useless and that he's not having fun
>Because he centered on social interaction
>In a premade campaign with a heavy amount of fighting

FUCK. I really, really wish I was joking about all of this.
File: 1344974919783.gif-(1.21 MB, 125x125, 1344568067588.gif)
1.21 MB

>Legs go on to be productive member of team

I am intrigued. Tell me more.
I don't even think I can propperly comprehend the annoyance that must bring.
I'll light a candle for you and all other DM's stranded in with a party of asshats
The Elf i mentioned has a reputation of cheating dice rolls which is only exacerbated by the fact he uses a D20 that is pretty hard to read. In this particular campaign he was using some scout dmg buff with some other full attack thing which wasn't legal and it isn't the first time hes done something similar.
Well one 4E session I ran we had a dwarf barbarian who took the Rape and Pillage... well more "Rape" too srsly. Every battle they had that had a survivor remaining to interrogate for information was raped. including but not limited to

>>Female Elf
>>Male Goblin
>>Male Kobold
>>Female Kobold
>>Hobgoblin Miniboss
Another with the same group, but with dm switched
>Walking around questing one of our PCs was a ghost face killer
>He had previously spoken to the DM (who was the dwarf i mentioned earlier) and said he was gonna be NE to fit the prestige requirements, but didn't want it to get in the way of playing with the party.
>the DM had no problem with this
>Later, we come across Unicorns
>All the Unicorns look at the Ghost Face killer
>The DM announces they sensed his evil and proceeded to murder the fuck out of him
>never played the campaign again.
I've played with these guys for years and we all have that guy moments, but this made me what all over.
File: 1344976130367.jpg-(104 KB, 800x1132, Artemis_Entreri_by_aditya777.jpg)
104 KB
if ur not thunder twins then u suck

and fuck them, ur a rogue. Fuck what the DM says, tell him "I'm sneaking" and don't be ahead of the party, and visible during combat.
if they argue, use the modified quote from Jarhead that I used:
"The fighter dies for ten thousand poorly placed sword swings; the rogue dies for that one perfect shot."
and then sneak attack the BBEG and win the game forever.
Also, it just sounds like the GM hates you dude. I'd suggest letting someone else be the GM and lay the smackdown on that nigger to see how it feels. Shitty GMs usually knock their shit off once they see how much it sucks to get shit on all the time for no reason.
If you didn't stop that from happening you are a That Guy enabler

sounds like he should've been a Ghostwalker then
if ur gonna be evil just to get a prestige class, then ur character is evil
however, if he wasn't being evil and doing evil things, and fucking with the rape-icorns, then they shouldn't have any reason to murder the shit out of him
maybe be pissed about him soiling their sacred grove or whatever with his presence, but not just straight up kill him.
Sounds like the DM was just a dick.
O and the DM of this campaign just reminded me of another story about this "nigger Dwarf". I had mentioned earlier he was Body guarding a Pally, well.
>I had separated from the party to get an airship
>they go to a church in the middle of the desert
>the group is investigating the God of Death Nerull, because some tribes in the north have been freaking out about undead or something
>The Pallidan comes across a unholy alter, and is stricken with a sickness and falls unconcious
>The fighter walks over and says he wants to coup de grace him
>The Entire party goes silent for a few seconds
>The Dm just goes off asking why would you ever do that ect.
>The Dwarf Claims "Nerull compels me"
>The DM tells him he doesn't
At this point the DM was pretty fed up and decided to have a dark hooded figure come into the church and kill the Dwarf. After much wining they rewound the whole situation.

agreed. Rapists have two choices.
Castration or life of slavery.
Either way he isn't gonna be raping anymore prisoners.
Dude, if you don't like the pizza just bring some stuff of your own. A bag of beef jerky or something. Shure ain't no real meal, ut it's better than being the one dude who allways complains about the food.

He doesn't hate me he's a pretty good friend in RL the thing is pretty complicated anyway we have a party of 6 but it's too much for him to handle so he want's to cut it down to 4 the 4 people would be the cleric my bro me and the wizard who rolled a sorc since his wizard got thrown in jail for drugging people in town that kinda doesn't want me to play this campaign anymore but i don't want to be a party pooper for the others
They're usually not asshats. They're at their worst when RPing, though. For example:

>Kitsune is incredibly curious about things and free-thinking
>Because of shapeshifting into a fox and other shenanigans, she is alone and naked with druid (one half of the gay relationship) who is also naked for some reason?
>They start talking about sex because WHY NOT
>Kitsune wants to learn how to do it because she's young and naive or something, druid offers to teach, starts touching the kitsune
>Kitsune suddenly decides to not do that
>Druid insists and keeps going, Kitsune pops into fox-form and runs off
>Entire party now embroiled in an almost-rape drama
>This entire thing took about 12 hours of in-character roleplaying and is still going
>implying slaves can't escape and go on a raping rampage
File: 1344976740157.jpg-(38 KB, 380x380, stock-photo-6701033-woman(...).jpg)
38 KB

Legs (which quickly became a name for the creature rather than a description, hence awkward grammar from here on out) was basically the party's spare PC. I never bothered statting it out (and never had to, because it never got hit), it just sort of ran around and took part in the party's plans as directed. The only thing I ever looked at was the zombie template, so it had that "single actions only" limitation and charged basically anytime it was needed to do something

Highlights include a flying tackle to knock off a possessed tiara off of the minotaur barbarian and freeing him from its control (being mindless, contact with the thing couldn't affect it) and becoming an ambulatory chair for Wizard when he got rezzed.

Oh, and Wizard was playing a hot woman, so pic related.
assuming this was an encounter he couldn't win
>DM gives the Okay for something
>sends shit to fuck you over, specifically over what he said wouldn't cause problems
I wouldn't see a problem with this if the DM didn't throw it at you in such a dickish way.
File: 1344976768573.jpg-(20 KB, 465x446, Are you serious.jpg)
20 KB
>>Nerull compels me
File: 1344976776888.jpg-(145 KB, 630x440, 1323905092128.jpg)
145 KB
>This entire thing took about 12 hours of in-character roleplaying and is still going
Why don't they just not play D&D and just roleplay in an IRC room or some shit?
File: 1344976857172.jpg-(199 KB, 400x408, 1314554657412.jpg)
199 KB

Let me tell you how it was

>People getting hungry
>Talk about what to eat
>Dm and Wizard want to order Pizza
>Monk wants BK
>My Bro Dwarf, the Swashbuckler, me and the cleric want KFC
>DM also wants kfc but doesnt want to drive
>agree on the fact that Dwarf bro and Monk go and get the food while we give them some money
>DM has briliant idea to also drive with wizard and me to KFC so bro dwarf doesnt need to buy all that shit himself
>call dwarf bro and say that
>DM realised he can't drive because of his dog and tells us let's just order
>mfw i could have gotten kfc and it wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for his idea
>mfw he gives me crap that i always "wipe" the group no matter what

I was really close to just rip my sheet apart nad never play with him being DM
not when the player has to roll up a new PC because his old rapist had to "Ride off into the sunset" because he was enslaved on a galley ship or something
and the new character gets -1 to every stat. And if he rapes anyone, he gets all his stats reduced to 1 and his nuts chopped off and isn't allowed to be useful or talk and disrupt the game until he knocks his shit off.
File: 1344976940348.jpg-(41 KB, 394x340, 1344815288920.jpg)
41 KB

>This entire thing took about 12 hours of in-character roleplaying and is still going

What the fuck
Jesus christ, it's just food, bro. Bring your own shit. Get KFC before going to the game. Honestly why are you complaining about cheapass gross pizza when you're perfectly fine eating cheapass gross chicken instead? They're both cheap, both gross, and both horrible for you, so what's the difference?
then he's a bad GM.
6 people is not hard to handle.
Just have everyone else STFU when they're not directly contributing to the scene.
and if he doesn't let u stealth, sneak attack, set traps, or buy poisons, and u want to, then he's fucking u as a player and is a bad GM.
bring it up to him, or u GM and show him how it's done.
If u want I can give a lot of good advice for a new GM.
I been GMing over 10 years.
>Get rid of player's character as punishment
I'm okay with this

>Penalize player's replacement character with permanent stat penalties
Hey, now that's a bit excessi-

> if he rapes anyone, he gets all his stats reduced to 1 and his nuts chopped off and isn't allowed to be useful or talk and disrupt the game until he knocks his shit off.

Holy fuck you're just as bad as he is.

The difference is the fact that we ordered pizza the last 5 settings and i just don't want anymore pizza also it's not like it would be a problem to get KFC or whatever else because the Fighter had to drive anyway i am just upset that DM gives me shit for things that are unnacessery
To be fair, it goes really really slow when not on a scheduled session. Like, 1 or 2 posts a minute.

Well it started as a Pathfinder game. I don't think anyone really anticipated the sheer amount of roleplay that takes place.

There's also another campaign going on with most of the same people, DM'd by the Kitsune guy. It's actually really fun and is all original writing made to work with the stories of the characters in every aspect of the game, including combat. Not nearly as much pointless drama and overly-long RP goes on in that one.
Get back at them by bringing amazing food that you didn't get at a fast foot restaurant and eat it in front of them without letting them have any.
>wanting to DM for the first time
>everyone is okay with playing Deathwatch
>buy all the books and shit
>the hardback, not too cheap, books
>week from first session
>guys gf joins our group
>everyone tells me to find another game to DM because she gets too attached to her characters and they know dying is hugely possible in Deathwatch
>AFTER I bought these fucking books

If it's something right in the way that just happens to be there randomly. Then fighting should be somewhat feasible.

If at least to distract it and then run. Forcing your entire party to stealth around the main roadblock when some of them aren't very good at it is just asking for frustration and combat happening anyway.
not the same guy, but he does kinda have a point there. he being >>20319603
If you're a GM who doesn't want players raping NPCs in your way, you gotta make sure you get the message across. And since some guys don't get it when you tell it to them ooc, you have to get out the heavy ic guns.
Hell, since you're barely doing anything in the first place in the game, bring all the trappings to make a great homecooked meal for one to the guy's house and cook it right there and not let him them have any because "Oh, you're getting pizza from that shitty place again."
Tell her beforehand that characters will die. If she bitches about it, tell her that everyone else (including her boyfriend) were the ones who suggested it, and that they can handle it like mature responsible adults.

Or just make sure a few other people die first, so she gets used to the idea.
If they don't want their characters to die so much, indulge them. Kill the players instead.

I feel your pain. Had a similar issue once playing as an Artificer in the Worlds Largest Dungeon. Everyone was ok with giving my character a day or two for making magic items and crafting shit. And with 7 party members no one had an issue with me standing in the back healing our warforged fighter and saying go team. That is except for the wizard who kept complaining that her spells ran out too fast and wanted me to keep making and recharging wands for her.
Why even bother playing with those kinds of people? Just kick them out of the game and be done with it.
Probably going to tell her to deal with it and play anyway.
I dont mind doing something else, but tell me before I spend 100+ dollars of my money on fucking source books.
Exactly. Tell them you bought the books and by fuck they're going to play it.

Sounds like a good idea but since the DM want's to kill off half of the group i probably won't continue the campaign since this is reatarded in my eyes

>can't dm a group of 7
>kill 3 off

Or the always-favorite, "Well, this is what I'm going to run. If nobody wants to play it, then who's going to GM, and what are we playing?" Break out character sheets and look really excited.
I dated a girl like this. We'd play quake on the xbox or something and if she died in-game she'd start bawwing because of it.

There's no cure, she's forever an idiot.
So they feel like shit and don't want to hurt your feelings?

Works for me.

The opposite; a cold, cynical understanding that it's put up or shut up. I meant for GM to break out character sheets for the character he's getting ready to make, and looking excited about not GMing.

Or you know, actually don't flake out on a GM, and realize they need to stop being fucking assholes.
Oh, I get it. Works for me.
Double this.
Got some news for my dillema (dwarf)

>Chat with the Wizard
>Tell him if DM doesn't make it reasonable to kill off 3 people from the party i won't playing the campaign
>He tells me im on an ego trip
>ask him if i don't enjoy playing like this why should i play in the first way
>he tells me he plays too even though he doesn't want too
>tell him to stop playing then
>he says no because it would be shit

Why do people play a game if they don't enjoy playing it
Try Lesser Shades of Evil. The player characters are more or less immortal and the books are nearly impossible to find as a physical copy, so you have a good reason to pirate.

>Legs go on to be productive member of team

File: 1344978285980.jpg-(7 KB, 200x196, 1269011496262.jpg)
7 KB
>have a new guy join the campaign
>plays ok, no real problems there
>time to get dinner, we normally order pizza
>he whines a little, doesn't want pizza, but then eventually says to get him a large w/everything
>doesn't have any cash, he'll "pay us back later"
>pizza arrives, we go back to playing while eating
>he looks at his pizza
>says he's not hungry
>flips the box over and off the table
>laughs at the mess on the floor

Could not get his stupid ass out of my apartment fast enough. Stain is still there too.
File: 1344978405956.gif-(74 KB, 320x320, 1344974789382.gif)
74 KB
Wow, I personally woulda slapped his shit, did you just ask him to leave and he went?
This shit makes me wonder why there's no unified site for finding/blacklisting players and GMs.
Jesus H Christ, that's way beyond That Guy it's THE Guy.
Make him pay for cleaning services to get the stain out of your floor. Seriously.

did he payed back for the pizza?
Did you throw him out of your apartment like a bouncer at a bar or did you just tell him he needed to leave?
Just ordered him to get the fuck out, and after protesting a bit but seeing everyone being pissed he left.

No money is worth contacting people like that again.
>I'm a better role player that X
>Your character wouldn't do that, he's Y aligned
>Wow, Z is a really bad class, they do C badly. A is a much better class
>I did roll for my stats! When? At hom
Rolls and covers die with hand
Picks up die with the same hand
>I read X's backstory and it's nothing compared to mine
Interrupts session constantly for whole minute chunks at a time, consuming over half a potential session with remarks
>Wow, this session was boring, I got no RP time
>I've got this much in this stat though, why did I fail?
Instinctively rolls bluff to cover up theft, despite the fact that the victim of the theft caught him red handed
>Why not? That's horse shit!
Cleric passes will save vs quest
>That's bullshit, Clerics are broken this system is shit I could write better

the list goes on
but not here, sadly. Just guess some others if you want. They don't get worse, but they don't get better either
This story belongs to this guy I know who's been working at gaming shops/tabletop gaming for years. he has so many that guy stories.

So friend is at a Warhammer 40k tourney, and he goes up against the person with a bunch of nekrons. friend is playing Orks, and almost all of them have choppas. apparently, this was back when nekron reanimation occurred only if armor saves could, so when friend's Orks killed them, they couldn't rez.

so other guy keeps trying to res his nekrons after they die in close combat. friend stops him, because that is adainst the rules. for the whole match, guy keeps trying to rez. finally, friend calls over a judge. judge tells guy what friend has been telling him. judge leaves.

friend destroys almost all of guys army, guy tries to res. friend stops him....

guy lifts the whole playing field and flips it over onto the ground, crushing friends entire army. He then started screaming and raging until officials called the cops.
File: 1344980304662.jpg-(109 KB, 326x367, 1332306265992.jpg)
109 KB
> your friend's face when the police cuff him
Run Paranoia.
Kill her first debriefing for sitting down.
Chairs are above your clearance level
>Playing VTM
>4 players + ST
>Investigating Prince's murder, Gehenna Cult & Sabbat incursions in London
>Stake a Sabbat member for interrogation later
>Split up party, me (playing Ventrue) and Brujah are interviewing Primogen, while Nosferatu and Toreador are interrogating Sabbat
>During my bit, Toreador player keeps interrupting about proper investigative procedure
>Explain how Primogen can just tell me to fuck off without consequence if we piss them off
>Still does it
>Ignore him, everything goes fine.

Then the ST's focus switches to the Nos and Toreador's time.

>Toreador spends 20 minutes bickering about the decor for the interrogation room (wants to make it look like a fucking Iranian torture chamber or some shit).
>Unstakes Sabbat
>Spends so long threatening the Sabbat with torture without asking anything the prisoner escapes
>And nothing of value was gained.

Later on, we've just barely survived a Sabbat raid on the Tower of London.

>Everyone pretty dry, Toreador has barely any blood and is on like -3 die due to injuries.
>Convenient mortal walks by nearly dying
>Offer him to Toreador since he needs it the most
>Staunchly refuses
>Try to pin him down and force blood down him
>Still nope.jpg
>"Why the fuck are you refusing?"
>I'm being in character, I'm Humanity 8.
>All of my what.
>New guy joins group
>Seems alright
>Brings food and all that
>I provide drinks
>Can't use my usual table so need to use the nice one
>Ask everyone to use coasters
>New guy says coasters are for fags
>Think, whatever no damage will be caused one time
>New guy proceeds to be a massive faggot
>Finds out one play is actually gay, and constantly hits on him IC while making fun of him OOC

>Skip a few weeks
>Cousin gives me some passes to Six Flags
>Ask group if they want to go, new guy wasn't there was gonna ask later
>They say yes, and I ask if they want the new guy to come
>Gay guy chimes in, "You heard him, coasters are for fags."
>We all chuckle and don't tell him about the passes
File: 1344981751155.jpg-(37 KB, 500x379, 1343108063841.jpg)
37 KB
>playing 2E AD&D
>my friend who was playing a fighter took a lantern to the face and was engulfed in flames
>Me: you've got to take some time to put out the flames.
>when suddenly, out of the blue
>Me: I...l'm pretty sure you'd be kind of busy with being on fire...

Granted, he DID have his leg catch on fire when he was younger, so I guess he had a point? Still, a few sessions later and I found out how badly That Guy he was.
File: 1344982008608.jpg-(120 KB, 600x902, e3c.jpg)
120 KB
>"You heard him, coasters are for fags."

>Very start of the compaign.
>Playing Shadowcaster (slightly fixed version).
>Fellow party member (that guy) is a wizard, and member of the mage academy.
>I tell him I want to join the academy too.
>He takes me there and they test me.
>As final part of test, Archmage (who is a mischievous type of NPC) asks me and That Guy to have a duel to test my skills in combat.
>My character is all about stealth, so the first thing he does is cast faerie fire on me, followed by glitterdust (probably a little metagamey, but whatever).
>Casts improved invisibility on himself and his familiar.
>Tells me to look away so he can tell the DM what he's doing without letting me metagame.
>His *familiar* then proceeds to lead me on a wild goose chase around the room by casting magic missiles at me while That Guy's wizard is somewhere hidden. That Guy completely FAILS TO MENTION that the Coure Eladrin's voice doesn't sound AT ALL like an 80-year old man's, and that the verbal components I'm rolling listen checks for are being spoken by a little fairy thing, which my character would have realized instantly.
>DM doesn't realize this, and I wasn't told till after.

>Nevertheless, DM decides he doesn't want to see my character get totally embarrassed, so the Archmage dispels the faerie fire to see what will happen.
>I vanish on the spot.
>That Guy makes me leave the room for 30-45 minutes while he takes his next turn.
>Apparently he tried to flip through all the PDFs on his computer looking for something to polymorph into that had Blindsense, completely disregarding the fact that the rules for polymorph specifically say that they do not grant extrasensory abilities.
>Later ask That Guy why he didn't tell me it was his familiar's voice I was hearing
>"You didn't ask."
File: 1344983077939.jpg-(84 KB, 575x699, 1331088074506.jpg)
84 KB
Tell your friend he's awesome.

>The session after this, That Guy tries to use prestidigitation to dig a 20 foot deep trench, and wastes another hour arguing when I tell him that's not how the spell works.

I tried to tell This Guy, who is my friend, how much of a That Guy he was being, and he threw a complete fit, left the game we were playing in and took half of the other players with him, saying, "You've finally killed my passion for DnD." They later went on to start their own game, leaving me, one other player, and our DM. It was grade A straight-out-of-highschool level bull. Luckily, DM was a real bro about it and just asked three more of his friends to join in. So now the only effective change is we are now That Guy-less.

C'mon, now you *have* to tell us how bad he got.
File: 1344983926796.png-(18 KB, 560x407, Idk.png)
18 KB
>Find a group to play with on a local forum
>Assemble at DM house
>Hmm, this group looks nice from first glance
>Wait, no, there is ThatGuy
>I want to play Shadowrun
>Well, no, we are going to play DnD
>Ugh, fine, whatever
>Roll up the characters
>ThatGuy minmaxes and makes a barbarian with an INT of potato
>Hey, it`s okay, maybe he wants to roleplay a dumb strong brute
>Nope, his character speaks normally
>%plothook% shows up, seems reasonable enough for our group to follow
>"Hey guys, screw this %plothook% let`s go live in the woods and rob caravans
>Wait, what? No we won`t, this %plothook% is important for the rest of the party, would it be money, fame, or revenge
>No, we will go live as rogues in the woods. I`m your leader, and you do what I say
>Erm, no, Paladin is our leader. Your character is borderline retarded, why would we follow him
>UGH, FINE, WHATEVER. I`m gonna go live in the woods by myself
>DM tells him that he is not going to roleplay with him alone for hours.
>Guy starts bitching that his character does not want to go at that %plothook%
>Well, how about you roll up a new character then?
>Guy takes it like a personal insult, rips his character sheet, spits at the floor and leaves.
File: 1344984013486.png-(928 KB, 1343x364, 1344035444365.png)
928 KB
Oh god, where do I start? Let's just say that he's mentioned more than once how he considers it his job to "break" anyone's game. And he's massively passive-aggressive.

It got to the point where he "apologized", said he just could not stand how I railroaded him all the time and left the campaign, so it saved me the trouble of kicking him out, I guess.

But he is now my roommate, which is mostly okay except when I was running an Ancient Egypt campaign in Savage Worlds. He did not want to play (he let me know exactly why) but he would come into the game room just to watch what would happen and would constantly interrupt with snide comments. Eventually, he stopped. I think my husband must have had a word with him because I was getting really frustrated.
man, what kind of drooling idiots are there out there?

Makes me glad I'm a recluse.
I'm so glad im the only one in my group who comes close being ThatGuy and i usually DM anyway so i dont break other people's campaigns
File: 1344984537838.jpg-(106 KB, 625x467, y85.jpg)
106 KB
>he considers it his job to "break" anyone's game
Why do people think that this is an acceptable way to behave?
>Friend who is major comics guy invites me and few others to play in a Mutants and Masterminds game
>I make character who shrinks/grows
>Spend at least 5 hours of the 6 hour session arguing back and forth about every single thing I attempt to do or anything I try and do with my powers
>Game can't advance at all unless I basically say or do fucking nothing because it would devolve into arguments about why my super-powered costumed crime-fighter isn't strictly adhering to the laws of science in every one of the ways the DM has decided still apply
>The team also happens to include a DMPC who is able to move fast enough as to go back in time
>Next session, we try it again, this time I end up making a by-the-numbers genius-level detective with some good martial arts skills
>DM spends 5 hours of the session grinding everything to a halt yet again to argue with the player who has a shapeshifting character
And he became your room mate by magic or what? I don't understand why people move in with shitty people.
Sometimes you just need another person to pay rent. And often going with someone you don't like, but can tolerate is better than going with random stranger.
>arguing science
>in a comic book superhero style role-playing game
boy did someone miss the point.
>Fat as fuck
>Always plays slut girls who crave cock
>Slept through the entire session. In my fucking bed.

Never invited again after he pulled this shit.

This boggles the mind. All the disbelief he would have to suspend to accept superpowers at all and he can't deal with shapeshifting? What the fuck did he argue with you about?
No fucking shit. If you're going to let someone make a character who can shrink and grow or shapeshift when you know you aren't going to let them use their powers in anyway, you're That DM.

>DM then forces the party to hang out with his time-travel DMPC who travels through time by fucking being fast
File: 1344985137734.jpg-(8 KB, 187x147, 1344467667946.jpg)
8 KB

>a player acting irrational when he's fucking on fire

That's not a that guy, you're a that guy for telling him what he should be doing.


You see, most of the time he can be pretty fun to hang out with. And we enjoy the extra money. It's when we're playing a game, ANY game, that it gets aggravating.

For example, we were playing a card game and he said, "The rules SAY that you have to show the card you drew to to other players. It said nothing about giving them time to read it." Then he flashes the card ever so briefly and continues. So I guess no more games of any kind with him now.
You totally can use Prestidigitation to dig a 20 foot trench.
It'd just take as long as it would take you to dig it all on your lonesome, without a shovel, using just your hands, laboriously carrying out one handful of dirt at a time.
The first time I tried to shrink down, in a light-hearted moment when we were all meeting each other for the first time in some kind of recruitment drive for a Justice League ripoff superteam because somebody asked what I could do, things stopped for 20 minutes so he could tear into me how it was impossible, there's no way I'd do it without becoming retarded, or just fucking exploding, and a thousand other fucking reasons. So fine, whatever. He's not goin to let me use literally half of the powers he approved me to stat my character for, so instead I try and grow some to show them what I can do.

This, he insisted, would kill everyone in the room by increasing the pressure suddenly.
i don't think the GM was the one arguing this, i think it was one of the players.
The only way that shit with cards might fly is if it's Munchkin. Otherwise, Superb Cuntery.
File: 1344985406287.jpg-(36 KB, 509x385, everything_went_better_th(...).jpg)
36 KB
>Guy starts bitching that his character does not want to go at that %plothook%
>Well, how about you roll up a new character then?
>Guy takes it like a personal insult, rips his character sheet, spits at the floor and leaves.

>Guy takes it like a personal insult, rips his character sheet, spits at the floor and leaves.

Nearly spit out water all over my keyboard, thanks.

Jesus christ... these are some horror stories. There's a potential That Girl in the group I'm in, but she's only been in for a short time. Still didn't stop her from trying to seduce everything (she even ICly roleplayed the voice, which was awkward as fuck since she's fat and has a lisp), and then went on to yell at the DM for what she deemed "imbalanced" even though she never once opened the fucking core book in her life.

I'm worried about the future. I hope she gets her shit together.
File: 1344985459211.jpg-(42 KB, 480x720, 1341811862175.jpg)
42 KB
The rules don't forbid you from cutting his deck at the start of the game, either.
Chainsaws are made for cutting.
That is unbelievably retarded. And do mean that in the literal sense: I am very tempted to believe that this is a fictional tale you're telling us.
>This, he insisted, would kill everyone in the room by increasing the pressure suddenly.

oh man that's funny
Any yet he was perfectly fine with someone that can run so fast they can time travel, without causing the planet to burst into flames due to the friction he was creating.
I wish this were the case. It would've been one thing if when I was making my character he was like, 'Do not make a shrinking guy, it wouldn't work in my setting.' Then fine. It's cape comics and shit, in one comic you've got aliens absorbing sunrays and becoming powerful enough to somehow push the planet out of the way of a meteor, and in other comics that shit is unheard of, so I would've been fine working with him to fit into his setting.

But he just told everyone to go for it, as long as we told him what we were making in advance. He let us make any hero we wanted and then waited until gameplay and the first attempt to do something he decided wasn't feasible in his world to tell us we had just made a character named 'Shrinker' who can't shrink, and when asked what he does by another character, strikes a pose and says 'Watch this!' despite the fact that he actually can not shrink or grow and does not even have anything usable that he can do anymore.

After nearly a solid hour of arguing over just an attempt to shrink or grow, I gave in and said, "Fine, then forget it, when they ask me what I can do I act like I didn't hear em and move off in another direction to mingle with some other heroes." No. He insisted that I still struck a pose triumphantly to display my abilities even though my character knows he doesn't have any abilities.

My character by way of DM faggotry went from being a god damn superhero to a guy who dresses up in spandex and hangs out.
>V:tR in Invictus and Lance-only city
>ThatGuy builds obnoxious Ravnos-expy that makes a habit of convincing people to leave the Invictus with some vague bullshit about dharma, which he doesn't actually understand
> Specifically tries to humble other characters
> Especially the Invictus Knights, two characters known for PRIDE and MURDER
> Uses his character's outsider status to avoid doing shit he doesn't want to do because "he has no reason to be there"
> Complains that we don't bring his character along for stuff, which we do because "he has no reason to be there"
> Bitches and moans constantly about how everyone wants to kill him and how he never gets to do anything cool
> Also constantly bitches about how everyone's characters are shallow and never develop
> Fuck him, he's the shitty roleplayer, everyone else is fine

He blew up all the time and would go sit in his car for hours after everyone told him to fuck off. Eventually, he'd come in and make some half-assed apology and we'd try to catch him up.

He finally got kicked out of the group when I said I wanted to run Mage and he thought I was trying to kill his Mage game that he had made virtually no progress on actually starting. He exploded and we kicked him to the curb. The worst part was that I was the only person that had actually turned in a sheet for his game and was hoping for it to run, since he's a better ST than player.
Did you try the good old 'it's magic, I don't have to explain anything' routine, or was he not having any of it?

Please tell me you did NOT go back to that faggot.
I went back to the second session and decided that there must've been some kind of terrible childhood trauma involving size changing superheroes that has scarred him for life, but when I watched him to the same fucking shit all over again with another player's shapeshifter character, all while expecting all of us to just accept that his DMPC is nigh-omnipotent in that they cannot ever be surprised in any way whatsoever, I lost it.

He wanted us to be super impressed by the ultra cool fact that his DMPC would not let someone speak in a conversation, and would instead just fuck around with time-travel to know what we were going to say before saying it. Conversations with this DMPC literally comprised any time that was NOT spent arguing over how a player's character couldn't use any of their powers.

>Okay, I want to talk to [DMPC]
>What do you say?
>I'll ask about their powers.
>Before you speak, [DMPC] turns to you and says, "Well...." (DM proceeds to pseudo in-character describe how the DMPC's powers work, and any time we get a moment to say anything, he asks us to write it down and hand it to him so he can read it before the other players/characters would hear it, and then formulate his response, and enjoy the confused as fuck look on everyone else's faces because a question that was never asked is being answered and a DMPC is literally conversing alone in front of us)
File: 1344986795695.gif-(21 KB, 445x331, 1343750460763.gif)
21 KB
>and enjoy the confused as fuck look on everyone else's faces because a question that was never asked is being answered and a DMPC is literally conversing alone in front of us
That might've been cool in the hands of a good GM. Pity yours was such a faggot.
File: 1344987224806.png-(77 KB, 218x147, whyyy.png)
77 KB
>Walk up to DMPC
>About to ask DMPC question to drum up polite conversation
>DMPC suddenly starts talking, turning to look at you, asking questions without giving you time to answer, answering questions you don't have the time to ask, continuously dancing back and forth through the timestream for the sake of perhaps speeding up a conversation, the abuse of the timestream not giving the DMPC any indication that this course of action will just fucking confuse the shit out of everybody
Yeah. Seems like that was one of the DMs that was just telling a story and you were all along for the ride. That might be why he kept your powers so limited, so you couldn't outshine his DMPC
What's funny is that I would not have any problem playing a character like the Atom, or any one of those characters who is pretty much just sitting around reading the newspaper while Superman solves every single problem, and every once in a blue moon gets the actual chance to contribute minorly, but mostly just pats Supes on the back and says, "Good job, again, man, the day is saved. You uh, just let me know if anything falls down a drain or something."
Don't diss Atom. You never know when you need a guy with that specific powers.
That's my point. I'd love to be that guy on the team who everybody acts like is just dead-weight, mooching the free cable and doughnuts, until all of a sudden you need somebody who can go in someone's ear and stomp their brain.
Does NOBODY fucking vet new players with an interview?

My god tier DM picked me up on nearbygamers and we sat down over a cup of coffee, not too far from where I live and we shot the shit. I pitched my concepts for the 4e game and we talked about past experiences in gaming.

I got in, and its been good for the last 3 years now. I just fucking challenged Baphomet to a duel.

Has this just not occured to anyone or does it prevent these horror stories from occuring?
In retrospect, I was probably that guy.

>join the role-playing club in college
>Complete newb
>Only game available for me to play is a shadow-run 2.0 campaign they're starting.
>In so far over my head I can't even cast a simple magic spell
>Latch onto this obscure character class that lets me transform into a seal as pretty much the only way this campaign was going to be any fun for me
>Could tell the DM wanted a serious campaign, and had worked for months creating an interactive story for us.
>Fuck that, I'm a seal
>Insist all my armor be fitted for seals
>Only take weapons a seal could use
>Insist if he was a good DM he could fit my whale phobia in somewhere.
>Insist my contacts all be seals
>Finally he has enough of it and tells me there's now a bomb implanted in my brain preventing me from transforming into a seal.
Lots people don't live in zones with high gamer density and have to take what they can get.
I only GM for people I know. Only That Guy I've ever had in my group I didn't even invite. He actually followed two of other players to my house cause he follows them everywhere.
You weren't outright That Guy, but you were in over your head and reacting badly.
File: 1344988817523.jpg-(120 KB, 750x563, 1322592892083.jpg)
120 KB
I think you could have played it better, maybe asked for help.
Insisting that your contacts all be seals, and fitting your whale phobia in are where you crossed the line.
I wouldn't really call you That Guy. Probably more of a Loon. That Guy ruins other people's fun. Loons usually do silly or whacky antics. Nothing is wrong with being The Loon, just remember, there is a time and place for everything.
man, I remember when Superman and Atom teamed up, and because of the beyond microscopic size, Atom was as strong as Supes.

They needed to save this race of people who had developed inside someone, but there was no way to do it safely.

I forget some of the story, but Superman stays behind to help ease there passing or something and lives for what feels like millennia watching this race evolve, create a civilisation and then die out due to laser scalpel.

He just had this distant look on his face. That goddamn powerset is god tier if your DM is good. I mean, entire worlds open up. Universes. Shrink down and hop in a quark, OH HAI ITS A MINIATURE COPY UNIVERSE, about to be destroyed? Time to save it!

Also, why are the size changing powers so popular? I had a comic buff who fucking loved it in my game. Sadly I was a poor DM and it ultimately ended up being several curb stomps of unoriginal villains and an unsatisfying ending.

That's why I've only ever played with friends or friends of friends who I trust to not bring shitcocks. Of course, it means that it's a small group and I only get to play one campaign at a time (which we've not even done due to Real Life), but at least if someone's being That Guy we can respectfully point it out and they'll make an effort to change.
Tiny = Super sneaky, really good at hiding
Big = Stronger and can carry more
>Ancient Egypt campaign in Savage Worlds
>Ancient Egypt
>Savage Worlds
While I don't know that much about ancient Egypt (nor current) that sounds like it could be oodles of fun.
File: 1344989907106.jpg-(90 KB, 531x362, the20wee20free20men.jpg)
90 KB

If you are capable of maintaining density at small size you retain your strength and become comparatively strong.

Superman actually became quite weak at microscopic size, but because he is super strong it was barely noticed. Atom maintained his density or w/e and had no loss of strength, so he appeared super strong to the microscopic inhabitants despite being slightly weaker than your average adult male.

Size powers are all kinds of fucked up.
A human gets tiny, he gots super strong.
But superman doesn't.


That's comic book logic for you.
DMPC doesn't automatically mean That DM. I use them quite often and the players enjoy them. Especially in Paranoia games. Nothing beats a meat shield. Especially when more keep showing up to help build up that fortification of corpses to protect you from those mutant commies.
>City escape campaign
>Friend is faced by guards
>Tries to run away
>Terrible roll...
>DM says he slips and falls into a pile of shit
>His reply,
>"I make a shit robot"

Goddamn people I swear.
basically yeah. Superman was still super strong because of his powers, he just wasn't AS super strong. Put the Atom more on an even playing field with him. Not that it mattered because they didn't fight.
I was wondering if y'all could help me with a moral dilemma I've been having. See, a mate of mine's doing a V:TM game (V20 ruleset), first time as DM/ST/Whatever, and wanted to do a session with each player one-on-one to establish a reason why we've had to flee our respective hometowns to come to the city.

So I drafted a Caitiff contract killer with 5 languages and a fuckton of dots in Knowledges, going for a Thane Krios type only with intellectual pursuits instead of meditation and prayer. Nothing too fancy, but I felt such a person would be a pure professional. Doesn't allow himself to be distracted, just does a clean kill with as little collateral as possible. None of this Hollywood sending gift baskets to the family or other M.O shit.

So with this in mind, we start the prologue;

>Gets a contract to off a Russian Mafiya boss in St. Petersburg
>Offered £50,000 for it.
>Asks client for details about hangouts et cetera.
>Sent details about his local pub
>Get over there, sneak into pub bathroom.
>Smash light, sit in corner, ready weapon, Obfuscate 1
>Target comes in with bodyguard
>Sees me, clearly has Auspex 1 (supernatural perception, only way too see Obfuscated people)
>Clearly a ghoul (this was not mentioned)

Now at this point it's clear the ST doesn't want me to just shoot him and run like a bitch.

>Ignore plot hook, announce "I shoot him in the head"
>ST: "What?"
>"He's the target, I'm compromised, I shoot him in the head"
>"But, but there's a bodyguard..." Good point.
>"I grab the target and point the gun to his head using Celerity
>Ask who the target's "drinking from"
>Turns out it's the City's Sheriff
>A Wild Plot Hook appeared!
>Player used Ignore!
>It's Super Effective!
>I shoot a window, shoot the target anyway and run like a bitch through the window.

So I'm making my escape and plan to go to the train station. Turns out there's a whole bunch of Mafiya types waiting for me. Eavesdrop and overhear they want to bring me to the Sheriff.

>Fuck that.
>I sneak away onto the train, getting really lucky with my dice rolls.

So there's the problem. I consistently ignored the obvious plot hooks in order to stay in character, probably ruining whatever plans the ST had for me and the story. He didn't exactly sound too happy. Was I acting like That Guy, or were my actions justified? I still feel guilty for it.
>He actually followed two of other players to my house cause he follows them everywhere.
The shit?
The Story Teller sets you a scene.
You partake in the scene as you please.

What makes That Guy is irrationality, moreso to spite than anything else. This among other things, but mostly this.
What you did in character was not irrational. You got a job; to kill someone. It so happened to be the Sheriff. You made the attempt because you were getting money for it if you were to have killed him.

Seems fine from what you've said so far. If the storyteller were to force your hand with his own then you'd be the victim of a possible That DM. Storytellers can't map things out exactly how they want in a table top RP because the story revolves around the players, not the Storyteller. At least, that's how it should be.
The DM is not a player. He is the DM. The DM should not, under any circumstances, ever, have a DMPC. If you have a hundred DMPCs and everybody was having a blast and each DMPC only contributed in the typical supporting-cast fashion, those are NPCs.

If you are calling any character you portrayed for the players a DMPC you are either misusing the term, or you are That DM.
DMPC doesn't mean what you think it means. If you have an NPC with the party, it's not necessarily a DMPC. a DM can have an NPC cleric or rogue or fighter accompany the party and help fill in the holes the party lacks. If played right, it's still a NPC - the extra party member is not vital to the group, doesn't overcontribute in combat, doesn't reveal all the plot critical details, and may die at any point, either to heighten tension, due to bad rolls, or because of player (in)action. If the players change goals and no longer align with what the NPC wants, he'll leave. In short, an NPC party member is supporting cast to the PC's, who are the stars in this adventure.

A DMPC means that the DM is using his special snowflake - it's stronger than other players in combat, it knows more than them about the plot, and/or will never leave the party. It's never in danger from any actions the players or monsters take, and it will go to great lengths to try and guide the party along the rails. In short, a DMPC is insufferable and steals the spotlight and agency from the players.
Yeah. His mom is a special ed teacher. The kid isn't disabled, but it is clear he was raised like he was.
This. As a DM you should never consider anything that you are roleplaying or introducing to the party as a player character for you to play the game with. Most people at one point or another make the mistake of, 'Well, I want to play too, so I'll just make up a character like the others did and play the game while also running the game.' It doesn't work. It can NOT work. At all times, the DMPC's "player" is privy to all of the knowledge the DM is. Whether or not you are blatantly using the meta knowledge you possess to gain an advantage, or create situations in which you as a player instead of a DM are going to be entertained is irrelevant.

You will either spare your DMPC the suffering due him, pulling punches and fudging the numbers to suit you, for good or bad, or you will strive to play the character as fairly as possible, never using him to advance the plot, deal the final blow, save the day, or shine.

In EITHER case you are wrong. If the DMPC shines, it is unfair. If the DMPC does NOT shine, it still is unfair. There is no balance that can be found that will make up for the fact that you know all there is to know, and like it or not your meta knowledge does influence your decisions as a 'player' in the game you're running, even if only subtly.

In the end, having a DMPC is like playing checkers against yourself. Surprise surprise. You won.
File: 1344994070747.jpg-(88 KB, 535x465, 1342731985401.jpg)
88 KB
>party encounters female necromancer running a giant crossbow factory with zombies
>being sent to steal blueprints of said crossbows
>female ranger busts into main room after we defeat 2 massive zombie guards
>she gets this crazy look on her face and yells I TAKE OFF MY TOP TO SEDUCE THE NECROMANCER.
>DM wats
>rest of party wats
>DM says alright, you have to roll 2 20's for a 'lesbian check'.
>rolls first die, gets nat 20.
>second is a fifteen
At the end of the game she ended up getting strip-searched by guards after running off with the blueprints.

Another time, my buddy who has zero intrest in DnD decided to roll a character 'for shits'.
>Bob Saget, Human brawler
>grows his chest hair an inch every roll he takes
>eventually, he works up a good foot or so of chest hair
>run into two scorpions in the middle of the night. Completely pitch black darkness.
>Bob Saget turns his chest hair into a torch, lights it, and we kill the scorpions
>DM is like what the fuck

Now that I Think of it, we were all 'that guy' that campaign. FFS, I attacked a pile of boxes, critted it, and looted 5 crossbows from the wreckage.
I'm going to GM a Grail War. The players are Masters, the Servants are NPCs. How could I avoid having them become DMPCs?
This kind of retarded shit would make me walk out.

What kind of moron 12 year old considers any of this to be clever or funny?
DMPCs are a character that the DM controls directly over the game, like a Player would with their PC.

They guy I control in the Paranoia game is to act as their happiness officer. I fully control him as a Player would. Because he's constantly happy, he doesn't care when the other players throw him through a door to see if there are enemies on the other side.
Have each player run the Servant of another player. Only step in and run a Servant yourself if a player would be running a Servant and Master on opposite sides of the same fight.
>people having fun? not in my game
Oh Buddha my sides!
I'm not saying no fun. It's just LOL SO RANDUM I ATTAX BOXES!!!11 and it's not even fun or interesting, it's just moronic. I dunno, maybe I'm just too serious for the kids these days.
Well technically, every NPC should be controlled by a GM like a player would, right?

The setup is basically like this. The players summon heroes which basically act as super powerful mercenaries for the PCs. That means most of the power is going to be in the NPC's hands, but he takes his orders from the player, and he'll be around to give someone to roleplay with.

Just not sure if that would be considered bad or something, but based on the premise it's kind of unavoidable.

The players don't want to control the Servants.
Blackbeard would light his beard on fire during fights to make people think he was an evil spirit.
His character just didn't have a beard and needed to use what he has available.
Well DMPCs are controlled long term. While NPCs are often only controlled per encounter.

As for the Servants. Set up a personality for each of them. And just think about how they would react to the players giving them orders, and have them act that way.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing. They're going to be fully fleshed out characters that can induce plot hooks and have the players interact with.

I just thought people might be put off because they aren't the strongest around ever, since a lot of the posts around here I see are like "you fucked up, you put something stronger than the PCs in front of them."

Personally, I don't subscribe to that idea. The game world shouldn't be bending over to fit perfectly with the players.
Right. As long as the players are having fun. Plus nothing is to stop them from going Kiritsugu on the other mages.
If is god is Pazuzu, he could totally make a small sacrifice for a Wish spell. Takes a DC 20 Knowledge(religion) check, but still.

The sacrifice gets bigger every time he uses the ability, with the base being something like a drop of blood. If he's already lopping off fingers, then he's kinda fucked.
File: 1344998698844.gif-(975 KB, 256x192, Deal wiARGH.gif)
975 KB
I know it's bad for me, but I just can't stop eating fast feet. They're so tasty and cheap.

>DM's face when moving fast enough to travel through time implies both negative velocity (a MATHEMATICALLY impossible concept) to travel forward in time, and faster-than-light travel to move backward (which would cause every atom in his body to split, shock and heat waves to permeate the several-thousand-yard before even the atomic bomb he basically just became detonates, killing anything that is not immune to heat, shock and radiation and would ultimately dissolve his entire body into a cloud of helium and hydrogen plasma which would then combust into water, all in under a second (starting before he actually began running, obviously))
>his face when he tried pulling that shit on mere issues of density and pressure
>I know it's bad for me, but I just can't stop eating fast feet. They're so tasty and cheap.
Go to a local pub/bar/restaurant. Order any of their sandwiches, ask if you can get it to go.
$9 for a sandwich and fries/chips that are 10x better than any fast food.

If he wants everything to be super realistic, then why does he have a DMNPC that moves fast? That concept has more holes in it that the shrinking one. If he wants realism, show him this. It will fix his DMNPC pretty quick.

Back when I first started playing, I was kinda ThatGuy. I was a bard who mostly buffed however, but I wrote my character to be sort of a womanizer, but don't get me wrong, he was no date-rapist-fetish-outlet. Anyhow, our group was to break into the evil bad guys lair and get some information on where they were keeping prisoners we were looking for. Shackled in the second room was a girl, who the DM described as being one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen. After killing the prison dudes, we questioned her and she said that there was just one more room. I made a sexual remark, and she leaned in and gave me a kiss. Turns out it was a succubus. DM passed me a note explaining what was up, and so during the third room, which contained a portal to demon-land, I had to stab the wizard, who had figured out that she what she was.

I felt like a super dick later, although he went on to make a sorcerer who prestiged into a bunch of shit in order to outshine mostly everyone else, and proclaimed that he was the leader of the our group.

If the DM's basically saying "this is what happened, so you've got to do x", I think that exonerates you from That Guyhood.
My DM loves to create over-leveled DMPCs, only to kill them off minutes later in hilariously embarrassing ways in order to increase the sense of dread and urgency.

>Everyone level 5
>In old dungeon labyrinth
>DMPC Knight is with us
>"Do not worry, bold adventurers, as long as I, Ser Silverbane, is here, you'll all be fin-"
>Knight is dragged off kicking and screaming by tentacles from a hole in the roof

Other times they slip on a slimey floor and break their necks, or fall into rivers and drown because of their really heavy and protective armour.
>"A careful reading of official Major League Baseball Rule 6.08(b) suggests that in this situation, the batter would be considered "hit by pitch", and would be eligible to advance to first base."

What a quaint ending.
File: 1345000046994.jpg-(78 KB, 481x585, DAFUQ!~.jpg)
78 KB
>>two wizards having a friendly duel
>>not using mage duel rules
>>he considers it his job to "break" anyone's game.

that's it
this asshole is fired from breathing!
Sooooo, he makes Worf NPCs?
Come again?
I think you mean Red Shirts

Worf won most of his fights.
Basically, in Star Trek: the Next Generation and DS9, if they had to show how dangerous something was, they'd have it kick Worf, the Klingon's, ass.

It happens in a lot of media, it's just the most well-known example.
Yeah, but drowning in a puddle because you're too heavy to be picked up doesn't really sound like it's a badass enemy.
No, a red shirt is a nameless guy played by an extra who dies for cheap drama.

Worf got his ass thrown around big time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nqb-o1ub54
Gravity is a dangerous being.

It will kill you every chance it gets.

Density too, that faggot.
Size changing powers are popular because the actual comic characters who used them are usually pretty awesome.

The Atom? Complete badass. Hank Pym? He's the goddamned SCIENTIST SUPREME of the Marvel universe. Giganta? Okay, not as cool, but she's hot so I'm listing her here.

Point is, size changing powers are cool, yo.

I've never played one but holy shit. It seems like 1/4 of RPGers are crazy. Sounds like they've never had a job or their own house/apartment/w/e
Nah. It's not nearly as bad as it seems, I don't think.

Gotta remember, /tg/ has THAT GUY/THAT DM threads all the time, but very rarely do we have an 'Awesome Guy/Awesome DM' thread.
If I didn't have to dig through 10,000+ images to find it, I'd post slowclap.gif.
It's because pnp games are seen as the "social outcast" thing to do, even though I know a lot of people who enjoy it. I've ran a few games as GM for some of the football team back in High School.
But because it's seen as something for social rejects, the actual social rejects try to join in. And they tend to be Those Guys/Girls/GMs

It's not as bad as you'd think. To use a non-RP example, I used to work in a call centre. This was about a year ago. I'd get dozens of calls per day, from all sorts of people. By the time I got home, everyone had blurred into a vague tedious memory except the utter shitcocks. A year later, I can only remember about half a dozen people.
If I may add to this? I used to work in a Gamestop, a fairly busy one, a few years back. I dealt with dozens and dozens of people a day, but the only ones I remember are the ones that gave me trouble. The guy calling wanting to know how much trade-in credit he could get for his wife, the guy with an entire duffel bag full of games to trade in, half of which smelled like cigarette smoke and the other half were without cases (MY BANE), the woman who would steal games from the Wal-mart across the shopping center and trade them in with us on a daily basis.

It's a human thing. We tend to remember the worst part of any situation or event we're involved with instead of the ones that go well or like they're supposed to.
My daddy taught me not to be that guy when I was 10.

He was running his homebrew RuneQuest/D&D hybrid. I had my friend over. I played a magic user, he played a fighter.

We started in a tavern because fuck you it's 1990 and dad was old school. We carouse in the place and have a good time, being skilled performers. We eventually read that a church is offering a reward to someone who can retrieve a magic ring from some cultists who have stolen it. We accept and dad just fiats that eventually we find the place since this is our first time playing and neither of us has much wilderness or tracking ability.

We go in and win one encounter versus some spiders, and my friend (who grew up to became a That Guy/DM nonpareil and connoisseur of CP) decides it's a good time to break out into our tavern antherm, at the top of his lungs, in character. I, being 10 and therefore also a dumbass, decide to join in. From that point we encounter fierce resistance from the now amply-warned cultists who are running the place. We don't even make it halfway to the end (I find out later) before my singing special friend takes two arrows to the arm and can't use his 2-handed weapon well anymore (runequest had locational HP =). We were summarily reduced to rubble by troll minions.

The lesson was simple; pay attention to the context of the game. What's fun for everyone at one point can be awfully stupid at another.
Oh boy do I have a story (or ten) for you....

>Pathfinder 3.5 campaign with college friends
>DM is kind of a railroading fucktard, but didn't know this going in
>encounter elder god. He puts things in our water.
>DM forces us to drink water at various oppurtunities
>the whole party dies
>spend 8 hours of gameplay irl trying to get back to our bodies
>we're now trapped in the warp
>my teenage human rogue picks up a paedophiliac water goddess as terms of getting out of the warp alive
>DM offers no help whatsoever on any of the warp puzzles
>makes annoying references to 'Gary'

Let me get to the players next....
For the first eight years of my life I thought it was a social activity that mainly jocks participated in because my uncle (younger than my mother that got preggers with me when she was seventeen) told me about when he played D&D with his friends in high school, and he was the stereotypical jock pretty much.

It seems to me like both traditional RPG and videogames are becoming more of a popular or mainstream luxury than something seen as an outcast's activity. At least it doesn't seem like tabletop gamers have as many issues with things being dumbed down for casuals or flanderised into self-referential injokes for cultural ADHD.

>same campaign
>long story short, we have to deliver archmages diary to college of magic
>sitting in waiting room
>obvious signs we're not going to be served if we don't show the diary
>'Guys, why don't we, y'know, pull the book out and show them?'
>other players think we should wait
>forced to pickpocket the fucking book to move the plot along
>rest of the party pissed at me
>walk in to meet with the college of mages
>Orc Fighter in party says he is from rival country
>almost gets us killed
>have to talk the mages down by backing up claims
>mages back down, DM is impressed
>party still scowling, says that I threw them all under the bus
It's both a blessing and a curse. We'll never have to worry about things being dumbed down for the masses, or have to worry about things like DLC, but at the same time, our hobbies will forever be looked down upon by those same masses. It is the cross we must bear as traditional gamers, alas.
Yeah, I s'pose PC gamers at the very least can play older games with modded graphics, engines, &cetera.
but... but splatbooks with power creep are pretty much the original DLC.

At least they can't make us pay for hats....
>Macguffin in possession of party.
>DM doesn't just assume the obvious.
>Namely that you show that you have the macguffin.
>Party realizes that they'll get served if they show the macguffin.
>Party still refuses to show the macguffin.
>Doesn't comment as to why, at all.
>One party member forced to basically steal something from the other party members to progress the game, because they're being idiots.
>THEY think that HE threw THEM under the bus.

Okay, prefacing a little bit. In my last two sessions, I've had two separate enemy warlocks blow their own firing arms off with critfail; a barbarian hit himself with two weapons, both on a critfail, a javelin followed by a battleaxe, in one encounter; a druid wild shaped into a dire bear knock herself into negatives trying to bite a player, again with critfail; and a paladin manage to nearly cut out his own eye when his over-eager sword swing caused it to rebound off of a dagger's guard, also a critfail.

That's a whole shitload of derp, y'know? And I'm having trouble figuring out who, between the enemies that I'm throwing at my party, and your party from that story, are stupider.
Kind of, I suppose.

For PnP RPGs though, you can always just create your own splat stuffs. That's half the fun of roleplaying, is homebrewing up your own things. Sure, having that splatbook would be awesome, but you don't really need it like you do a lot of DLC.

Games, you can't really do that, unless you're a PC gamer I guess.

It gets worse....

>making way to city
>decide we'll never make it into the city tonight, we'll just camp outside it
>all the sleep
>get woken up by patrol of guards
>turns out we were camping on the royal gardens
>okay, I can buy that.
>guards are still incoming, sent to arrest us
>rest of the party (all faces) want to fight the guards, and steal their shit
>my FUCKING ROGUE has to be party face on this one
>'we come bearing news'
>it works, knights stand down, want to personally escort us into city
>captain of the guards says he recognizes our elf ranger
>rest of the party still angry at me for alerting the guards to our presence

Do I go on, /tg/? I have either the story of the Illusionist vs the Elf, the exploding Klepto Illusionist, or (again) the Illusionist vs the Rogue?
Yes. All three, in the order presented.

yes im pretty tired so finish already
I will now continue the story of the young fellow who grew up to become that guy. I've told it before, but don't worry, I'm going to embellish it slightly differently this time so that it will remain fresh.

So, throughout middle school, high school, and college, I slowly lose touch with my friend. He just stops growing up, and while we both remain interested in games, by the time I'm done with my biology learnings I and catch back up with him, I am the Taco Bell sauce weird to his Bhut Jolokia billion Furville units grade /a/ moesauce. At nearly 30, he's not much different than I remember him at 20, which wasn't that different from how I remember him at 10. Still, he had been my best friend at one point and out of nostalgia or whatever I liked to talk to him now and again. He always wanted to play D&D but I knew he wouldn't be a good fit for my group: for one there were three women, and he just didn't do that well around women. At the time I didn't really understand the depth of his problems, or maybe I had an idea, but I have always been the type to give the benefit of the doubt. He also had a schedule that didn't fit with mine, and there were plenty or reasons that we never got together to game. I think, in retrospect, that those reasons were more flimsy than I was leading myself to believe; basically my survival instinct was kicking in without my even realizing it.

>Illusionist vs the elf
>so our illusionist was a newcomer to the party like me.
>He had been too busy for session 1. I got my character killed session 1
>Both working on a boat docked at the port, ready to pick up the party
>also, being introduced to them at that point
>rest of parties nation is rival to ours, so we are to stay on board at all cost or spark diplomatic incident
>gnome illusionist gets bored, illusions himself as captain of the ship and goes to get off the ship
>captain spots him
>our elf ranger draws his bow, knocks and fires
>did you use dum dum arrows?
>rest of party shows up and have to use healing spells because illusionist was so dumb.
Told this once before in more detail, but it's my 'That Guy' story.

>Roleplaying in a group I know with a new guy
>After a few sessions, one of my books is missing; think DM has it. He's cool, it's all good
>A few sessions later, new guy has a copy of it.
>Seems legit.
>Few more sessions laters, book one still missing and now I'm missing another.
>WTF, where did I put them?
>Few more sessions, new guy has a copy of that book too. Ask if it's mine.
>Something is up, I just know it
>Mark ALL my books in multiple locations and record them all in a word file
>A few sessions later, another goes missing.
>I know what you did...
>Few sessions later, lo and behold, new guy has a copy of it.
>Ask to look at it. While doing so, say out loud it's mine.
>Double Nope
>Hand to DM. Quote the pages and locations of three markings I made on it; each one is my initials.
>Newguy is thrown out of apartment and group.
>Everyone else noticed things missing over the 6 months he was in the group, including the DM missing $50 cash a few weeks back.
>Put the world out to our FLGS's; they blackball newguy for all other groups, warning anyone who might take him into their game about him.
>He hasn't played in a game in the nearly two years that have gone by since I busted him.

Game of RT is coming up for my group and I get to play the RT. Noble Glorious Bastard is how I intend to play him; I cannot wait.

>Klepto Illusionist that explodes

>alien invasion happens at peace summit
>run back to tavern to gather equipment
>get into tavern and find archmages acolyte who gives us archmages diary
>illusionist sees a whole bunch of magic pendants and charms on the acolyte who is now dead
>goes to steal one
>blown across the river, a good 500+m
>critical damage
>Gnome player gets furious at the DM
>gets close to flipping the table
>DM tells him to shut up
>asks the gnome if he has never heard of warding his gear before
>gnome player sits in corner and sulks for a while
That's why I really just don't like critical failures, you know? They can lead to some neat little moments, but they also cause some weird shit like that, and if you're playing a game like 3.5, they happen more frequently the more powerful you are, which is just all sorts of counter-intuitive.

Polite sage for off-topic.

I apologize for the weird formatting, not sure what's going on.

Anyhow eventually the 3.5 game I'm running goes on hiatus for awhile as one of the core party members has some important real world shit to do. We fill the game nights with other stuff, but nobody else has a campaign.

Now, I love me some cooperative fucking storytelling, and without a steady game I get restless. So, after a couple of months when my old friend says that he wants to run a game, I'm actually pretty interested. Besides, I'm usually the GM, and I was pretty excited about the book of Weeabo Fightan Magic at the time; I was itching to try out a swordsage. He tells me to go ahead and make my character and bring it. The stipulations should have warned me off right away.

They were, as best I can remember:

1) it's going to be at this game store called XXX, it's not really a game store, it's some guy's house that he sells magic cards out of but he lets people come over and play all the time (...)
2) It's not fair that unless you're a rogue you get NOO skill points, so all characters start with extra skill points equal to their intelligence and get bonus skill points every level equal to 1/4 their wisdom. (lolwut)
3) If you want to play two characters that's okay we don't have enough people yet and this game requires a full party. (uhoh)
4) if you want you can be a half-dragon, there's no level penalty, but just to let you know all half dragons are female.

Now, of course this is the point that a wise person would have submitted his nope.jpg and gone off to another thread. I make no such claims of having been such a person. The worst thing I'd ever seen in a game was some railroading where everyone had their magic items taken away on some bullshit wizard island where non-spellcasters were 2nd class citizens.

So you'll have to excuse me; I was not prepared.
and finally, we get to the main event - The Gnome vs the Rogue.

Where to begin this one....

>so mine and gnomes backstories overlapped
>turns out we were both on a pirate ship, >while I got treated well because of being rogue prodigy, Gnome got whipped
>Has a phobia of whips
>Rogue makes a whip sound every time him and Gnome run into each other
>Later, be having boxing match with Orc Fighter
>Suddenly, Blinding Lights Everywhere
>Orc calls off boxing match
>Other Gnome casts Detect magic
>points out that Gnome 1 cast the spell
>everyone rounds on Gnome1
>Gnome1 says he's casting frost Ray so he could float away to safety off the ship
>DM stops it and asks what the actual fuck

Okay one more - the only time I have had to reboot an RPG
>just to let you know all half dragons are female

This is a place I normally would not want to visit, but morbid curiosity is overpowering my common sense. Lurking for more, friendanon.
>Be DM
>create standard fantasy world
>Gods are there, but due to a cold war cannot interfere directly, only give advice
>That Guy wants to make an atheist
>An atheist cleric
>An atheist cleric of science
>tell him no, that it's impossible to be all of those things ath the same time
>calls me a christfag but decides to play
>makes snarky comments on religion in-game
>tries to cast spells, I tell him he can't since no god granted him anything
>tries to invoke the Platonic ideal of science
>tell him science isn't fucking magic and he has a mace wielding full plate character with low BAB and no spells unless he pledges himself to a god.
>mutters shit about sheeple and leaves.
and Finally, The Reboot...no greentext for me on this one.

So here we were in the bedroom of this young upstart king. We had been sent to kill him, and done a great job of getting past his guards.

Now we had been transported by this Elder God we were working for and he was observing us and what our plan was when our Gnome (singular, Gnome 2 died) came up with the idea to disguise himself as the young Kings mother.

The DM said 'why not' and let it play out...

Time restarts, the King steps in and IMMEDIATELY KNOWS ITS AN IMPOSTER because he saw his mother just before.

So our Gnome then tells everyone to get clear AND PURPOSELY TRIES TO MISCAST SO HE CAN SUCK THE KING INTO A WARP RIFT.

He succeeds in opening the rift but when it comes to controlling it, can't seem too. He gets pulled into the rift and then rift gets bigger, and bigger and bigger. Plus, warp creatures start hunting down all of us and kill us in seconds (we're level 4).

Its only FUCKING THEN that the DM tells us Gnome has all the McGuffins we need and because he got sucked into his own fucking rift, we now failed the campaign.

DM then goes ballistic saying he'll reset the game back to the last 'safe point' but he's never saving us again for another one of these fuck-ups...

Turns out it was all a dream anyway.....

In any case, eventually the night of the first session of the game comes, and without any sense of dramatic irony I head toward this place.

At least, I think I am heading towards it. I pass by it four times, before realizing I have to take a dirt trail. All the external lights are burnt out or off, and although it looks like some people are hanging out outside, they're basically totally in the dark.

I drove up and surveyed the place. It really is just some guy's house, maybe 2000 square feet max, but there's like 30 cars there. I get greeted by one of the people standing in the dark. She's a woman in her mid forties, holding what was probably her fifteenth cocktail for the day. Attached to her leg is a girl, maybe eight years old. She is continually trying to get this woman, who must be her mother, to pay her some attention the entire time I'm there, and I never see it given once. This lady lets me know that she's the wife of the guy who owns this place, and that I should just come in through the garage.

I have never seen as many mountain dew cans in my entire life. I have another friend who subsists entirely on mountain dew, generic beef jerky, and marlboro reds. He plays an awesome cleric. It would have taken him weeks to reproducing this menagerie.

The "store owner" recognizes my new face and asks if I want to buy any packs. There is no register, no counter. The merchandise is all over dressers, the kitchen counter, on the bin above the toilet. I lie and say that I don't play cards. He knows I'm lying probably, but doesn't seem to care. I ask him if he's seen my friend, and he politely points me to another room.

There my friend is sitting, already playing with the one other player, a woman who he'd always had a crush on throughout his hole life. I'd met her only once, and she seemed nice enough but nothing special, still, you can't fault a guy for falling in love with someone that's not to your tastes.

Except now, she's gone to rot. She's gained over 100 pounds, which doesn't bother me, but she's clearly not happy with herself. She's also very clearly bored with my friend, who has been trying to get her to roleplay between the three characters she has brought to the game.

She, I find out quickly, is basically here because it provides an escape from having to take care of her toddler at home. During the hour I spend in this place, her parents call her four times, telling her she needs to come take care of the kid. Each time she yells at them, only to hang out and return to being uninterested in the game.

In fact, the only thing she IS interested in is me. As soon as I sit down, she starts flirting with me in and out of character. I am nothing special, a bit chubby, and I already have a wonderful girlfriend. That doesn't matter to this poor creature, though. Her elven ranger (lol) and centaur druid (lololol) actual compete for my humble human swordsage's attention for five minutes.

It was the longest I've ever heard anybody roleplay with themselves without getting paid per the minute.
>Turns out it was all a dream anyway.....

Fuck that DM.

This is... wow. So many warning bells, flashing lights and red flags. I'd have bailed at the woman with the cocktail and kid if it was not my friend expecting me.

That was how he made it a reboot. Turning it into a dream.
I feel sorry for that kid.
I know a guy like that; he seems really stupid, but a few times he's said something insightful. When I learned a bit of his background it became clear that the guy is at least average intelligence, but he was raised to be stupid.

I want to slap parents that do that to their kids.

She would have been tolerable, though. It was the game itself that was the real problem.

After the social niceties were out of the way, our characters were summoned from their daily business by the King of our country. The king was of course Bahamut, who ruled our nation of druids and monks and swordsages apparently.

Bahamut made plenty of examples of his power for us, then without offering an explanation told us that for the sake of the kingdom we must go take care of some CR 3 shit in the wilderness. I rolled a 18 on suspension of disbelief and gladly accepted this holy quest from my liege. Despite the third character of the woman player being a face rogue, and my not having taken any of the "free extra skill points", I had to do all the talking, because the other player was so committed to losing interest in the DM.

I am thinking, well, at least he's given us a quest that fits our talents. I'm good at climbing and hiding, and we have a druid and a ranger, so tracking some baddies in the wilderness ought to be quite doable. I am about to suggest us when Bahamut offers us help.

And by help I mean he has his twin daughters, who are loli halfdragon archwizards WHO ARE ALSO VERY POWERFUL, show up, and offer to teleport us directly to the source of the problem so that we can accomplish our sacred quest.


out of my friend's mouth is some variant on luscious, when describing these dracoprincesses. He specifically mentions their budding chests that we can see beneath their robes. They are totally identical in their beauty, except one has silver hair and one has gold. Though I have never seen them except in my mind's eye, the image of these fapbait DMPC shitstains has burned itself in my mind forever.

At this point, finally, the woman gets a call from her parents DEMANDING that she come home.

The game is suspended since I didn't think to bring 3 characters. I am invited back to the next session of the game, which will happen maybe next Wednesday, or whenever the other player can afford a babysitter. I told him that I didn't think the game was up my alley, and it took him a while to comprehend it.

He didn't realize, like I hadn't fully realized, that there was a fundamental difference in the reasons that we loved to game.

Later, I found out that my friend had been dishonorably discharged from the military for downloading CP onto his MILITARY ISSUE laptop. His side of the story was that he had gotten a virus that did it. By now I realized that our friendship was over, so all I could think to say was "you should have used a proxy, man". He said he didn't know what one was.

Only days later did I realize the sad truth, that this man child spends all of his time in proxy. He was utterly divorced from reality, from his extreme ignorance of workplace etiquette, to his fixation on a sad woman who was nothing like the average girl he had fallen in love with, to his sublimation of his longing for a time when it was okay to be in love with that same young girl into his hobby.

I can't say I miss you that guy. I feel sorry for you, but I can't say I miss you.
That's depressing, bro.

I feel like I've got some soulsearching to do. I've been thinking lately that I rely on escapism too much anyway.
>Only days later did I realize the sad truth, that this man child spends all of his time in proxy. He was utterly divorced from reality, from his extreme ignorance of workplace etiquette, to his fixation on a sad woman who was nothing like the average girl he had fallen in love with, to his sublimation of his longing for a time when it was okay to be in love with that same young girl into his hobby.

I just felt a lump in my throat, and not the good kind.

I...I think I need to take a good, long look at my life, right now.
Oh shit, I knew a guy like that, although only over the internet. Poor fucker had some real issues, and when he needed someone to help him the most the community we were both in just turned him away. I still don't know if he killed himself or just went back to drawing Katia and pony porn.
I need to take a think after that. I do rely on escapism quite a bit, mainly to deal with the stress of school... probably not healthy.

Despair not, anon. The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Besides, I don't think that games are this guy's problem. It's everything else that's the problem. It really got me to thinking, behind every that guy is a that life.

Does that mean I want them in MY escapism? Hell no.
It's why I homebrew critical failures out of my games.
File: 1345012868055.png-(111 KB, 1920x1460, horriblywrong.png)
111 KB
Been lurking the thread, capping notable tales.
File: 1345012941737.png-(4 KB, 320x154, dammit.png)
4 KB
File: 1345012978462.png-(41 KB, 865x233, fastfeet.png)
41 KB
I just have it so that if you would succeed on a roll of 2, it's no longer possible to critically fail that particular check. A roll of 1 becomes a normal failure.
File: 1345013055087.png-(57 KB, 894x378, watsaget.png)
57 KB
File: 1345013092639.png-(6 KB, 355x201, shitrobot.png)
6 KB
File: 1345013130343.png-(339 KB, 1348x2418, horseguy.png)
339 KB
File: 1345013189869.png-(107 KB, 629x620, justwhy.png)
107 KB
File: 1345013226847.png-(13 KB, 633x321, coasters.png)
13 KB
File: 1345013277720.png-(14 KB, 930x275, sealot.png)
14 KB
...Aaaaaand that's it.
The thing with the shrinking superhero reminds me of a GM I almost had.

I was making a speedster in some system or other, and she kept telling me that if I ran that fast I wouldn't be able to breathe, or I'd compress the air around me as I went, or start fires and tornadoes. My character wasn't allowed to run faster than the speed of sound, since that was "Ridiculous."

They had a DMPC who was able to turn into metal, and another player who could stop time.

I just decided I didn't want to play. I mean, if we're going to do this realistically my character would just liquefy, right?
File: 1345016953883.jpg-(105 KB, 500x640, Too many.jpg)
105 KB
>Homebrew zombie apocalypse themed game.

Character generation rules were WoD like, attributes, skills, and backgrounds ranging from 1 to 5.

Three of us decided to dump all our points into wealth, security force, and arsenal. So basically, we were all billionaires, with mega-yachts, helicopters, personal jets, submarines, a small army of highly trained and highly loyal security personnel, and all of these things were equipped with high-tech weapons and armor.

>We all seek refuge from the zombies on my mega-yacht
>Coast Guard starts hassling us because I parked my Russian nuclear submarine in a handicap space, I don't remember the real reason.
>Decide to let them on board the yacht
>Take them hostage pirate style
>Take one of the women, wrap her head in plastic wrap covered in peanut butter
>Force the rest of the hostages to watch her suffocate
>Breakdance while simultaneously mixing up martinis the entire time she's suffocating

We never played again after that

File: 1345017713526.jpg-(62 KB, 435x450, 1281494964565.jpg)
62 KB
>>20324386 I know it's bad for me, but I just can't stop eating fast feet. They're so tasty and cheap.

>>fast feet

let me guess, you love to eat them with CATCH-UP, amirite?
So you guys basically had Assy McGee in the group?
Should have given Legs a gas cone attack.
I was playing a knightly dude in 3.5e

Another guy was playing an evil monk.

He spent most of his time doing dickish things in-game. I can't remember the exact details, but it was similar in nature to what he does below. We were on some kind of mission or something to aid a town that had been attacked. I had my knightly dude ask the monk to stop being suck a prick to every person to we came across. The second time he said this the monk responded by slapping the knight around (no damage or anything) with a severed human arm we found on at the site of a battle that took place several weeks ago.

Well not really a battle, more like helpless peasants who were slaughtered by monsters.

But anyway I figured the knight had had enough and told the monk he was under arrest. This lead to a fitght of course. The knight beat up the monk (nonlethal) and then handed him over to the local guardsmen. The other two PCs didn't want to be involved so they just continued the adventure.

The campaign was meant to be somewhat serious. I'm sure either me or the monk player were being THATGUYS, but maybe we both were. What do you think /tg/

>play evil character
>be outwardly, retardedly evil in front of party

yeah, jail was pretty much deserved. if you don't want to suffer the consequences of being an evil character then don't play one.

inb4 some faggot claims i'm a bad DM for 'stifling his creativity' or some shit.
>The Dwarf Claims "Nerull compels me"
>The DM tells him he doesn't

Bolt of divine energy from heaven strikes the dwarf breaking the roof in the process, roll Reflex.
I have a group of friends that we all play various systems together. When we started, it was a fucking huge 3.5 gestalt world that my DM made to suit two different parties, ended up being a blast. Myself and two other players were new to roleplaying as a whole at the time and everybody else at least had at least a clue. DM put myself, the two other newbies, one vet player, and a few moderately experienced players together for the "Beta" campaign. And oh, oh dear do I have some tales to spin. I hate to be a cocktease, but I have to leave for work right now. Once my shift is over, I shall share tales of our Guy.
File: 1345033975381.jpg-(23 KB, 704x400, 1335500851342.jpg)
23 KB
>mutters shit about sheeple and leaves.

Hey screencap guy, thanks for that. I was gonna do it when I woke up, you're a bro.

Polite sage.
Oh god...World's Largest Dungeon. The memories of an UNINTENTIONALLY broken game.

DM had us all making characters...we all live in different towns IRL and come together at DM's place in the center weekly. DM decides to only tell us vague hints of other players choices ("Magic user, frontline guy").

I show up as a warlock, ready to go with the seeing in magical darkness and unlimited (That's the key) Spell-like zapping.

Someone else rolls up with a bard...who has the spellfire channeling feats.

He can ready an action to catch any spell or spell-like effect and convert it to energy for healing or damage. I can throw an unlimited amount of spell-like energy.

"Hey music-man...CATCH!" became codeword for UNLIMITED HEALING WORKS
File: 1345037748238.jpg-(22 KB, 400x396, 1332338062219.jpg)
22 KB
I have a proto That Guy story.

My friend is otherwise a great guy, total bro, couldn't have train-on-the-brain if he tried. In spite of not being a 'sperg, its like he has absolutely NO ability to respond to social cues. Zones out playing shitty guitar and annoys everyone, misses the tone of collaborative efforts and derails them, and generally gets passive aggressive when his ego gets bruised. Usually doesn't even know he's doing it.

I feel sorry for him that his ADHD is that bad, but even putting him in the same room as a game would be disaster. It's a shame cause he's pretty creative and if it weren't for the fucking solipsism he'd have something to bring to the table.
But I'm realistic. If I rebuked him, he'd try to ruin my game. If a player did, he'd try to ruin theirs. If it were a dungeon crawl, he would eat mushrooms and run off in the woods. If it were a sandbox, he'd take up fucking pottery. If his character died, he'd throw his coaster at you, shit on the pool table and stick his drink in it.

You WANT him on your team in a video game. You WANT him watching your back in a bar fight. You want to KILL him when everyone involved is trying to work together. The moment there's no adversary, this good guy Gregg goes all bizarro.

>friend great guy
>fucking ADHD solipsist
>never coming near my game
You might even try to look into the actual history of something. Because servants are the reincarnation (of sorts) of historic figures, read up on their history to get an idea of their personality.

Also, this doesnt remove the ability to customize the backstory, as there is always the "He is a heroic spirit from the future" or "History was wrong" clauses.
Turns out they didnt need me at work so story time!

Our party consisted of myself (wizard/druid. shoot lightning and shit), a bard/fighter focused on being the party face and his cohort fighter, an asimaar Kundala/sorceress (sexmonk, spells were mostly rays and debuffs) and druidzilla (druid/cleric of sylvanas, hated civilization and rp'd as "feral"). Party had a few other members that came and went, but this was our core. Myself, bard and druidzilla were new players and the Kundala was the most experienced (and a total bro at that, didn't describe his character 'recharging' her spells in gross detail, just did a roll or two).

Bard and I did fairly well and learned at a decent pace, but druidzilla...Well, he had a week off of work and was bored. Guess what he did. He downloaded as many DnD books as he could find and read them all cover to cover. And somehow retained the information. So, he evolved into the rules lawyer. Every chance he got during our sessions, he would harass our DM about stuff he just let us wing since he didn't give a damn. He would try and twist the rules into his advantage at every turn and would make battles, that were supposed to take a half hour at best, last the whole night.
Even moreso, he became a beastly optimizer. Over the course of a month, his druid became our tank and started dealing out half of the damage. Normally, we wouldn't mind this. Except he started trying to optimize our characters so we'd stop dragging him down. He was there for roll-play, when we built our characters for the roleplay aspect.

There is one instance in particular where druidzilla managed to disgust us as a whole though. We were maybe Level10 and were in this big Funhouse-from-Hell sort of idea. Big dungeon with "random" rooms, was actually pretty fun once we got our shit in gear. There was one room in particular that looked like a huge child's room, blue carpet that looked like water and the bed was on the deck of a large ship-shaped playhouse beside the door. We discover the carpet was actually water and housed a bigfuckhuge shark in it that nearly destroyed us before we retreated to the ship. Now, this funhouse is run by a group of god-children. Bunch of scary little bastards. This was the room of one of the elder boys who, donning his pirate beard and hat, demanded to be called Bluebeard and said he would grant us passage if we gave him something in exchange. Druidzilla offers to have sex with him. A God, sure. But in a CHILD'S body that was stated as 12 at best. DM stops for a sec and stares at him and asks if he's sure and Druidzilla nods. So Druid and Bluebeard go off to the captain's quarters and a few rolls later Druidzilla asks if he pulls out. We all look at him disgusted, but DM stares at him and sighs, "Yes, he pulls out" And then Druidzilla screams at the top of his lungs, " NO! I PUT IT IN MY VAGINA!" and even mimes it out. DM ended the session shortly after because he was too tired to deal with Druidzilla asking if he was pregnant at that point.

There were a few other moments, but it was mostly him being a dick to DMPCs we were trying to negotiate/befriend. In the end, we saved the world and the party went their seperate ways and the campaign came to a close

Druidzilla later became a DM for his own campaign, but I'm still too pissed at that clusterfuck to bother retelling it
File: 1345041418124.jpg-(2 KB, 126x122, 1305598031426.jpg)
2 KB
>And then Druidzilla screams at the top of his lungs, " NO! I PUT IT IN MY VAGINA!"

That is how you properly handle a zombie apocalypse. Because as much as I'd like to believe the tales of rich fucks being bitten, and Joe Everyman who has the skills to survive, let's face it: The rich would buy up everything and leave to safety with a private army, and Joe Everyman would be left to starve amongst the undead.
Well to be honest, if I ever ended up having sex with a god, I would probably want to have his child as well.
Yeah, but he actually was stupid.
Almost made me fail my Living on Your Own class in High School because he thought he was being 'funny' by wasting my ingredients, turning up the hot plates on the stove top, ect.
Marty was a guy I knew from my first year university. It bugged me that he was on either the football or lacrosse team (I forget which one), and that he was fifth year into his engineering degree with a >3.7 GPA. He lived in the same dorms as most of us, which was also where we played all of our games, so it was sometimes difficult to hide from him, as no one wanted to confront him. He was a loud guy who couldn't argue his was out of a paper bag, but he was a loud guy, but boy could he whine. If one of us upset him, we would hear about it for weeks.

He played a paladin in our group. He would always purposely draw attention to the group and always attempt to kick in doors because sneaking was "not paladin like". This sucked for our elven sorcerer and bard who were both kind a rogue-like, and pissed off everyone else. The mount he chose was a dragon, which was fucking dumb on the DM's part.
Yugioh was another game that Marty sucked the fun out of. If he won, he was in your face about it, but if he lost he was a baby. I don't know a whole lot about yugioh, but I think he deck was called a sixth samurai deck. I rarely beat Marty as most of my cards were real old, but one night I broke his combo that he rarely got to use. Marty grabbed his deck, and flipped the table and left. Everyone in the room just looked at each other, and started laughing.

I remember one other time, 3 of us and Marty were playing civ5. I was China, and he was Greece, and about 50 turns in, we found that we were on the same continent, but on opposite sides. I asked Marty if he wanted to work together against the other two, who were already working together. He said sure, and that he was going for a culture victory anyway. I checked the demographics and Marty had the largest army in the world, so I started to build up a bit of a defense. To no one's surprise he attacked me a few turns later, and he did quite a bit of damage to one of my cities and my army, but didn't take anything. I had enough money saved that I could form a decent army in a couple turns and counter attack. I moved my army closer, and when he saw it, he said that if I take one of his cities that he was going to leave. So I took Sparta, and he closed his laptop and left the room.
>Starts demanding to know the specifics of how the trap is triggered
"It's magic. I will explain shit no further."
Better yet.
Tell him it was actually a wizard.
Roll for initiative.
File: 1345046971603.jpg-(28 KB, 432x288, 1259033898347.jpg)
28 KB
>join an IRC group from this site I generally enjoy
>LN Human Fighter
>N Dwarven Druidess
>CN Half Orc Barbarian
>CG Human Bard
>I play LN Human Wizard
>Last guy, DM's friend, rolls Pixie half-celestial CE cleric of gruumsh
>DM is fine with this

File: 1345051606602.png-(447 KB, 1280x2494, legsarecredittoteam.png)
447 KB
mine has a picture.
Beat that.
>The DM should not, under any circumstances, ever, have a DMPC

I had a great campaign where we had a successful DMPC:
It was a massive group, 12 people. Where we ran a 2 DM system. One DM was the main DM, he did his thing. But when the 11 PCs needed to break into smaller groups one of the PCs would convert to the other DM and would handle the second group at the same time. The other DM would also field DM questions from the players while the main DM did things like crunch numbers or look up rules conflicts, allowing for very little downtime despite the size of the group. But DM2 still had a DMPC because there were days when the whole group was together and we didn't need a second DM, or a particularly important secret was about to be revealed and the DM wanted to even surprise DM2. DM2 played a mostly support "quirky" wizard. He often knew things he shouldn't have, but was crazy as a bat so at best you'd get riddles. But everyone kept a close eye on him because when the crazy guy ducked or ran for a corner, you knew to do the same.

Best game ever.
Here's mine
>Back at highschool
>Playing DnD 2.0
>A 9 PC party on a boat vs a Kraken
>That guy is the wizard
>7 of us were thrown in the water by the kraken
>the wizard freezes the entire fuckin lake
>Kills the kraken and almost the entire party
>That guy jumps of his chair making a fuss of all the exp he won
>All the others Including the DM gave him a hate look
>He never noticed everyone is dead

The DM inmediatly said "Nothing of tht happended" and went back to the battle before the Freezing shit
sorry, but that last demonstrates exactly why dming and having a pc will never work for YOU.

The Dm is not out to win, they are out to set challenges for the party and to adjudicate rules. They also should be making a story out of it all.

Delete Post [File Only] Password
[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [cm / hm / y] [3 / adv / an / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / hc / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / po / pol / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / x] [rs] [status / q / @] [Settings] [Home]
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

- futaba + yotsuba -
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.