/tg/... I just returned from the fucking weirdest weekend.My family have relatives in London, hundreds of miles away that we never see. Like cousin's second cousins by marriage and previous dog owner or some convoluted shit like that. The father of the family is Mark, the mother is Laura, and their fifteen year old son is Jack. So last week it was decided that we'd go down to visit them. I didn't really want to go from my charming shithole hometown in Yorkshire - I've seen them a couple of times in my whole life and they were kind of snobby, but I figured "Hell, why not, London mite b cool.", so I agreed. My mum's only the kind of person who would guilt trip me about not going for about a month afterwards if I didn't.So after an ass-painful car journey we finally arrived in London. Not fancy, River Thames, Houses of Parliament, Tower of London, London Eye, London Bridge London, but run-down crime infested shithole East End suburbs London. And this being post-olympics I could tell already that this weekend would be a joyous occasion. My Mum and Dad went through the door first, and after the typical awkward greeting ceremonies we ended up standing around in the dining room chatting about how much the car journey sucked and how much I'd grown. It was a nice enough house for the area it was in - It had one of those doors that your foot would go straight through if you tried to kick it in, but other than that it was pretty well-decorated. Mostly IKEA stuff. I did notice, however, that Jack was absent - Just Mark and Laura there. Then, a little while later, Laura yelled for Jack.
I could hear him coming down the stairs. Jack is nineteen years old. He was a fat kid when I first met him at like six years old and time has not treated him well. When he marched into the dining room and finally showed himself, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or sob. Guy's still pretty chubby, but he marched in sporting an ass-fluff attempt at a moustache... And a My Little Pony t-shirt. I just kind of chose not to bring it up, shook his insanely sweaty hand and prayed that I wouldn't have to spend a huge amount of time in his presence over the following two days.Shortly after that less than pleasant introduction we all ended up in the garden drinking cans of coke and talking about stuff like jobs and the Olympics and so on. I was content to sit back and enjoy the heat, but then something dreadful happened. My Mum went to move the car to a better parking spot. My Dad went with her to get our bags out of the car and move them up to the rooms we'd be staying in. Mark got up to go to the toilet, and Laura went to the kitchen start making some food. I was left alone in the garden with Jack.I supposed, at that point, I was probably being unfair. I've known neckbeards who were alright before. This one just desperately needed a shave and a shower. So I wasn't going to ignore him completely. Just when I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing about university, it seemed he would actually break the ice first.
"So d'you wanna talk?" He blurted forth quickly in an eager tone. I thought about this for a moment. It may have been that social skills were not his strong point. Or it may have been some Londoner custom I'd been completely unaware of up until this point. Where I come from you don't invite people to have a conversation, they just happen. I responded with a fairly calm "Yeah, sure." and gave a smile which I hope didn't look too concerned."What kinf- Uh, kinda stuff d'you like then?" He asked. He seemed far more calm, even if he did trip over his words a little, which was good. I at least got the feeling that my organs wouldn't end up in a cooler by sunday evening. I thought about my response for a moment - Considered omitting my /tg/ hobbies, but I figured there wouldn't be much point. The guy was wearing an MLP t-shirt. He couldn't really call me a nerd or anything. So I told him that I'm into video games, mountain climbing, tabletop games and wargames, that kind of thing.That, /tg/, was my first mistake. That was what drew the dreaded words from him."OH MY FUCK!" he shouted, half lifting himself from his seat by the arms of the chair. It was loud enough to hurt my ears. "Do you play Yu-Gi-Oh!?"That was where it began.>>20426120Nineteen? Meant to type fifteen. My hands are being retarded today. This is why you proofread your stories, /tg/.
in b4 candlejack twist
im a productive 22 yr old member of society and I like yugioh. your hurting my feelings op
>>20426215You lie.You lie like cheap Japanese watch!
>>20426233>imprying grorioius nippon can make cheap watchesYOU HAVE OFFENDED MY HONORU
>Jack was absent >Laura yelled for Jack. I could hear him coming down the stairs. >Jack is nineteen years old. >I shook his insanely sweaty handAre you sure that was just sweat ?
>>20426215I'm an unproductive 30 years old parasite of the society and I like it too. plus, I don't have any kind of feeling left get on my level, kiddo
>>20426131>"So d'you wanna talk?"I can taste the spaghetti. Go on, OP.
>>20426233 im not lying! it was a fun game before it became explosive otk the card game. I still have fun with the DS games and every once in awhile building something super anti meta online
"No," I had to respond. "I don't. Never really been interested.""OH MAN!" That near-scream again. Then, he began to sing. "You'll love it! You'll sex it! It's Yu Gi Oh! Yu Gi Oh!"I am no expert on Yu Gi Oh, but I am entirely sure this little theme tune was never one of their marketing slogans. I could only surmise that Jack had written his little tune himself. I tried to discern whether I recalled Jack being autistic, but as far as I remembered, he was not, which is what made the situation even more concerning to me.He repeated his mantra a few times before stopping, standing up and asking me to follow him. Trying to be diplomatic, I told him I'd finish my drink first. Hopefully Mark would return from the toilet before I actually finished it so I could feign being distracted, but then I looked over through the kitchen window. Mark was in there, helping Laura with the food.
>>20426131>I at least got the feeling that my organs wouldn't end up in a cooler by sunday evening.As a person with no social skills, I resent your exaggerated reactions.
>and their fifteen year old son is Jack.>I could hear him coming down the stairs. Jack is nineteen years old.Just how slow is your car?
>>20426291Not slower than you, bro.>>20426131>Nineteen? Meant to type fifteen
>>20426291Fucking lost it, even if he did correct himself.Also, why do I get the feeling OP and Jack's families were trying to matchmake them?
>>2042627622? Maybe.Yugioh . . . Yeah . . .Productive? You're on /tg/ for a start, all hopes of being a productive human being went out the window years ago.Therefore - YOU RIE RIKE A CHEAP JAPANESE WATCHARU
>>20426322>What time is it dawg?>It's time for a watcharoo
>>20426322no more lying to you than I do to myself... depressing.
I took a few slow sips of my drink before Jack apparently decided he'd had enough waiting, reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling me from the chair and leading me indoors. He was shorter than me, and I'm pretty skinny, but certainly not weak, so I could easily have resisted him, but I decided it wouldn't be good to start off the weekend stopping in a clearly mentally unstable person's house by having a physical confrontation with him. I had no choice but to follow along, upstairs to his room. It being a boiling hot, humid day, entering this man's room with the windows and curtains shut tight was more than an unpleasant experience. Not only did I feel enough heat to probably sweat out all the coke I just drank, I'm afraid that if I described what I suspected the smell in that room of being, the CIA may pick me up for distributing chemical weapons recipes.Choking back a few coughs and avoiding the piles of unwashed clothing at the foot of the bed, I gave a quick glance over the My Little Pony posters on the walls. I'd sort of predicted them being there, walking in. I knew they'd be there, and hoped they wouldn't be. They were the least of my worries though. Jack motioned for me to sit on the bed, opened up his sock drawer, and pulled out a metal biscuit tin.
>>20426291>>20426311>Implying OP didn't attempt to cover up how shitty his parents' car is.
>>20426362It's French.'Nuff said.
PSA- IF you want to storytime, type the entire thing out before you post. It sucks having to sit and wait.
>>20426346learn to be a friendly asshole OP. I would of played yugioh.with the fatty and hung out with him but I damn well would of told him his room smells like ass and im not going in there
>>20426373I typed out the first three to get the ball rolling, but I enjoy reading back on the lively discussion between posts. Besides, you don't have to sit watching this thread constantly. Just check back and F5 now and again.
>>20426373What are ya talking about. That just makes it more exciting!
Got to as OP, did he look something like this?
>A yorkshireman goes to London.If yours was the worst experience a rural lad has had in the City of Rape and Assault, I'd be fucking surprised.
>>20426414I love his expression. His mind is clearly on higher things than foolish clearing out of rooms.
For the love of god, type faster!
God op, move your fucking assdon't typeset, go go go
He held it in both hands, turning towards me and holding it up almost reverentially as he opened it. It was a pretty big tin, but inside was piles upon piles upon piles of Yu Gi Oh cards, labelled with sticky notes in alphabetical order. At least this part of his life he could keep neat and organised, which, looking around his room, was evidently a problem. As he started sorting out cards he hummed the little tune he had sung earlier, before looking up at me. "Do you play?"I repeated what I'd said earlier about not playing Yu Gi Oh - His response was pretty panicked, and it was clear he'd tripped on his words again."No!""No... What?""No, I mean, you got it wrong.""Got what wrong?""What I said. I mean, do you want to play Yu Gi Oh with me? I've got like cards! Every card!"
OP hath forsaken us.
>>20426233So that's why I am always arriving late.
>>20426531"Do you Catan?"
>>20426531>Can't speak properly>Blames others' mishearing him for his inability to make himself understoodAnother red flag. Proceed.
>>20426391>Besides, you don't have to sit watching this thread constantly. Just check back and F5 now and again.I think you might be overestimating us a little.
>>20426531"No!" .. my sides op! you must be trolling no way he actually.talked like this
Jack had poor personal hygiene, inadequate social skills for a guy his age, and an unfortunate taste in interests, but I must confess that somewhere in there I saw a desperate fa/tg/uy just looking for a game. Besides, I figured it'd be less awkward over the weekend if I played a couple of games with him, so I agreed. He took me by the hand again and dragged me downstairs to the dining room. The four parents were outside in the back garden again, and food was cooking in the kitchen, so we had room to play on the dining table. He started laying out cards very carefully, and asked me to take a seat across from him, which I did - Albeit one at a distance. He began very, very carefully shuffling through his cards as though they might crumble to dust in his hands. Then, he began to look at each one of them before handing them out to him or me, or putting them back in the deck."Are you sure that's how this works?" I dared to ask. I don't know much about Yu Gi Oh, but that seemed... Inefficient."Yeah TOTES BRO. I'm just making sure we, uh, we have a fun game." He responded, putting on an awful American accent. I drummed my fingers on the table. Unsurprisingly I didn't believe him much, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Nothing wrong with making the odds interesting in a game.
LONG STORY SHORTTHE MOTHER HATES /tg/ STUFFCHILD GETS BEATENSUDDENLY, BEL AIRHURR I TROLL U
>>20426531>I've got like cards! Every card!Is it bad that I kinda want to hug him?
>>20426578Just in case you never found out, OP, that is not how you play Yu Gi Oh. That is not how you play any tcg.
>>20426580Look, just because you had some bad experiences with storytime, it doesn't mean you have to act all uppity about it. OP seems to be delivering.
>>20426578 so he didnt even understand the rules did he? inb4 he makes shit up and gets spergs out when op calls him on bullshit
>>20426479Calm down woman
Looks like he's jacking all the good cards for himself.
>"Yeah TOTES BRO. I'm just making sure we, uh, we have a fun game." He responded, putting on an awful American accent.As an American who has put on an awful English accent many times for comedic effect, I never once considered the possibility that they would do this. I wonder what it sounds like?
>>20426606more like "inb4 he knows the rules and gave OP the worst cards he had while building himself a stupidly overpowered deck"
>>20426580Do you know what year it is? Have you been cryogenically frozen for the past 5 to 7 years? Seriously, where the fuck do you think you are?
inb4 OP destroys him with a combo of shitty cards because a star deck will always win against a deck of stars
>>20426578>INB4 his catapult turtle destroys your dark castle crashing it down on your other creatures
>>20426621It sounds horrible. Always.
>>20426531If his cards fir in a little tin box, he does not have every card.I've been in YGO, until like five years ago and there are and have been so many cards they filled whole catalogues by themselves.Not to mention you are bombarded with tons of bullshitty common crap that is mostly not even remotely viable at the moment it is released. So if he had every card he would not only have to spend thousands of pounds or superior currency on this hobby but also have a considerably larger box.>>20426578What the hell?This is wrong. Horribly wrong.Not just the wrong approach to tell someone but just not in accordance with how the game is played.
>>20426621Kinda like one hand clapping.
After about five minutes of him going through and picking out very specific cards that I never saw, he smiled. "Uh, start, then."I told him again that I had no idea what to do, and as a response he immediately smacked his forehead, and in his best (worst) Homer Simpson impression, yelled "D'oh!", looking at me afterwards like it was the funniest thing ever. When he saw that I wasn't laughing, he did it again. I forced a smile, that time, and that seemed to do the job, so he burst into explaining the basic rules to me. To his credit, he actually did a very good job of that, even if I can't remember any of them for the life of me now.So we started. He went first, I recall, and the game began with me pulling out my first card. From the art it seemed to be some kind of pirate. I had no idea how powerful it actually was, so I decided to test it out.(Gonna quickly eat dinner, then continue when I return. Sorry to keep you gents waiting.
So... wait. This is the real life fa/tg/uy version of It's Not My Fault I'm Not Popular? Oh god.
>>20426632I lost it.
>>20426621Remember Die Hard, when Alan Rickman gets spotted by Bruce Willis and he reverts into this godawful accent to pretend he's one of the hostages?Yeah.
There had better be a good punchline to this.
>>20426709I'm waiting for the part where Fatty McAutism starts laying out his crudely custom painted pony cards, and insisting that they are unkillable and such.
Fuck, I know a Jack-guy.
>>20426735I'm waiting for anything real.
>>20426735I'm hoping for a happy end. Where OP teaches the kid how to be a real fa/tg/uy.
>>20426741You bet you pahtutty I do laddy.
First of all OP I wouldn't let anyone older than 12 take me by the hand and lead me anywhere. Who the fuck does that?
>>20426735And inventing a rule where you can have 6 monsters on board so he can lay the ponies (in order of appearance in the show).
Op has heart of the cards
>>20426641>>20426655>>20426667So about as good as the "American Style" chocolate chip cookies I had in Scotland then. I asked what "British Style" chocolate chip cookies were like, and my host replied, with typical modest understatement "The British have no style."
>>20426753>/tg/ storytime>real stories
>>20426773IT'S CALLED CHEATING!
>>20426754And become... AN AMERICAN
>>20426794And not a day goes by that I wish that we still had style.
>>20426828We still do.It's called chap-hopLINK IS FULL OF WIN.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iRTB-FTMdk
>>20426667Wow. Okay. That actually makes sense. I was thinking that any "American accent" would end up being a deep south drawl.
>>20426909>>20426931You do realize saging doesn't do anything
>>20426909sage doesn't "cancel" a bump you dumb fuck
>>20426900I know whatever board you came from is probably pretty fast, but /tg/ is a slower board. You don't need to bump a thread every ten minutes for it to live. Since we're just waiting on OP, best just to let it rest.
(I'm back.)So I place my pirate card on the table testingly, wondering if it's any use. In his turn he obliterates it with some huge-ass monster card. The situation is as I expected. A few rounds later and he eradicates everything I have by playing Blue-Eyes White Dragon. I've seen enough of the anime to know that shit is powerful. I just sort of sigh, avoid the urge to facepalm and say "Good Game", looking over my cards and how terrible they all are."It takes a long time to get good as I am." he said then in a wise chinese master voice, before laughing loudly at his own joke. I decided to change the topic a little."So you've played in tournaments then?""Only down ones.""Down ones?""You know, down?" He sat there grinning at me for a moment. "Like down down!"My blank look must have explained my lack of understanding to him."Underground! Underground tournaments. You're so noobie."At that point, Mark called from the kitchen that the food was ready. Thankyou Lord and Saviour Chicken Pot Pie. I have never vacated a seat faster in my life.
>>20426952Set his cards on fire.Then set him on fire.I saw this coming.
>>20426948On a faster board like this, sure it does.Besides, it's gonna be a daft end or possibly the troll is to leave and not come back...
>>20426941>>20426948Don't bother with him. He's just one of those "LEL IM RETARDRED R U TROLD YET U MAD????" people.
>>20426937America has a lot of accents too.Boston, Jersey, 'southern', Texan, cajin to name a few.And the way we say aluminum
>>20426952I'm not sure, but from how you tell it you probably should have won, since you can't summon powerful cards without sacrificing weaker ones.
>>20426979Just report the fucker and move on, abusing sage is a bannable offense and mods love banning people for abusing it.Keep going OP
>>20426952>"Underground! Underground tournaments."You are Jack's Blue Eyes White Dragon
>>20426971This is the dawning of the Sage of Aquarius.
>>20426979>On a faster board like this, sure it does.>faster board like this>faster board>/tg/This is one of the slowest boards, I do hope you realise this.
>>20426902Catchy tune though, I dig.
>>20427010Burn this guy down too.
>>20426952>Underground! Underground tournaments.For some reason, I just imagined hordes of people flooding the Underground to play Yu-Gi-Oh.
>>20427017Then here is another to sate your interests good sire.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyW8w8691UEProfessor Elemental for the goddamn win.
>>20426952>Blue-Eyes White DragonWhat a noob.
>>20427011Never been to /m/ have you?I've come back to a thread a week later in /m/
>>20426952>"Like down down!"I actually considered him explaining to OP how he made his fame among a "Special" Tournament
inb4 OP by the end of the weekend will repeadetly beat Jack at this whateva card game. OP is now Jack's nemesis and personal rival
>>20427043>"No, you can't! It's the motherfucking Blue Eyes White Dragon, you can't destroy it!"
It was a good meal, and I managed to sit myself far enough away from Jack at the table. Mark asked if I'd played Yu Gi Oh with Jack yet, and Jack began to talk about it in detail but I reached into my pocket and activated the fake call function on my phone so I could step outside and avoid the conversation. After dinner, I tried to sit down in the front room, but Jack took me by the hand again and led me back up to his bedroom. It was getting dark at this point, so the heat wasn't as bad, but the smell continued to be atrocious. When I got up there he turned to me and sang his little song once again, before clearing his throat."I'm gonna show you the custom Yu Gi Oh deck I work on..." He turned around and opened another drawer, pullin out a handful of what looked like rectangles of cardboard. He turned to me with a grin. I could see bits of pie between his teeth. "You'll love it! You'll sex it! It's Yu Gi Poh-Nee!"I stood there, telling myself in my head that this was inevitable and I should have seen this horror being spawned long before it was presented to my poor brain, but I made the mistake of letting my guard down. What he showed me were literally just rectangles of cardboard with writing scrawled on them, and pictures of ponies glued on, which looked like they'd been cut from a magazine.
>>20427109oh god this is getting better, i think, or horribly worse, im so happy you got out of this situation alive to tell us this, OP
>>20427109>fake call functionI want your phone
>>20426952I was expecting him to start singing Down Down to Goblin Town.
>>20427098Downs syndrome Yu-Gi-Oh makes more sense than "underground tournaments" whatever the fuck that means.
>>20427146Called an app
>Led me by the hand into his bedroom.Inb4 OP gets rap- Oh, the autistic kids just showing you more Pony shit. Awkward as shit, maybe. But not too bad.
>>20427109>mfw>>20427152Considering his size, shape, and foul habits... OP, does he have that freaky double-esophagus thing going on? I think your cousin is a servant of Sauron.
>>20427109Why can't people just enjoy the show and leave it at that?Why the obsession, why?
>>20427162my ten years old nokia can do fake callsain't hard, son.
>>20427109This seems totally legit.Yup.
Waiting for the part where he takes your pants off.
>>20427177my phone can't do shit, it drops calls alot too. screw you lg and your shit ass phones
>>20426902Professor Elemental is a pretenderThis is the real stuffhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6yh7ftRnw8
>>20427175Honestly, OP is just being a drama queen so far. I'm sure 75% of /tg/ makes or does something the rest of us would find unusual. Shit better get weird fast, or this is the lamest storytime ever.
>>20427190I've had two LG phones. My current phone is a Casio. Care to guess why?
>>20427175Shit ain't real.It just hits /tg/ hot buttons- Shitty Game- That Guy- Kids who play "our mature games for mature manchildren"And now finally- PoniesITISBULLSHIT
>>20427175I made custom cards for Arkham Horror once.I never showed them nobody.They were Dwarf Fortress themed.
>>20427197Now, now chaps let's not argue. They are both fine performers and each has their own merits.
>>20426657Not really. Summer ended Sunday.
>>20427212Man, most stories on /tg/ are probably constructed.We don't give a shit, what we DO give a shit about is how the story is told, and OP is doing that quite well.
>>20427204>I'm sure 75% of /tg/ makes or does something the rest of us would find unusual.At least we recognize it, and have some tact about it. Do not give the abomination OP describes more credit than it deserves.>>20427212>Iwanttobelieve.jpeg
>>20427212>reading /tg/ storytime for true storiesas long as there is a punchline...
>>20427229Summer Never Ends.
>>20427229It isn't even Spring yet, what are you talking about?
>>20427212The fuck are you on about? I've been to manchildren houses like this all the time. Jesus fuck someone post the fucking you hate fun please leave comic picture
Of course, he insisted on playing a game with them. He told me it was "Playtesting" to see if they were okay at his tournaments. He then began to go into detail about each of their stats and abilities. As it happens, the ponies, when played together, combine to make his 'OC', AppleJack or some shit, which he claimed was actually designed by him to be put in the show in a fan competition, which just so happens to have the same stats as Blue Eyes White Dragon. Except you can't attack it because of a "Friendship Aura". Once he was done explaining that he started humming his tune again. Down to the dining table we went again. This time it was obvious which cards he was selecting for himself, because they were made of cardboard and stood out like a sore thumb. The game roughly followed the same pattern as last time, except he jumped up and yelled "Yaaay!" when he won. "Why're you so boobie? Oh! Noobie! Noobie, sorry, I didn't, uh, what time is it? Eightaclock? Alright."He sat back down then, red-faced and kissed his OC card. I kept telling myself at this point I just had to get through one night and the rest of tomorrow and I'd be gone, free from his company. But that wasn't enormously comforting. I was having trouble with the few hours I'd spent here so far.
>>20427264Just cause it's believable, it doesn't make it true.
>>20427293No shit but what reason would he have to lie about it. Why tell us a fake story about this? Why not make it something interesting or with a good plot mechanism like rape.
>You'll love it! You'll sex it!Stopped here. No one in their right mind would say this. You had me going til then OP, I'll give you a 7.
>>20427284>AppleJack or some shit, which he claimed was actually designed by him to be put in the show in a fan competition
>>20427284PLEASE tell me you looked up on how to make one of the most OP decks possible and how to play it. Fucktwats like that shouldn't get any mercy gameplay wise.
>>20427284for the first few paragraphs and i almost thought you were being unkind.but holy shit. what the fuck is wrong with this kid.reminds me of my spoiled cousin who last time i saw him made me play a video game with him, without telling me any of its controlls and proceeded to keep on killing me over and over again laughing a ton each time he did so. And then as soon as i started getting good and getting a few good kills back he turned off the console to get another game.
>>20427313if you don't understand why you should lurk a few more years
>>20427313Rape isn't believable.It's an urban legend perpetuated by feminists who want to oppose the proper patriarchy.
>>20427356That's a great counter argument. You should feel special.
>>20427293just because it's not true, doesn't make it entertaining.After reading something cool on 4chan, I don't have to ask myself "now, did that really happened or not?" to be entertained. Or do you lose control of you jimmies every time you read a Bell Air story, or maybe some story involving laying on the pavement, and walking in a certain jurassic way?
>>20427337>>20427337I dated a fucker like that he was like "hahaha look at how good I am" and when I figured out how to do shit he went into the menu and excluded those maps from play.
It's a sad fifteen-year old.I feel sorry for him.But I guess he's happy with the things he does.Why else would he do them?
>>20427371stop trying to derail the thread with your shitty trolling.
>>20427345>eight bongthis is /tg/, we're better than that.
OP, please tell me you taught him how to be a proper fa/tg/uy>>20427396That isn't how you stop a troll bud, just ignore him, he'll eventually leave.
>>20427378*less entertaininggod, I'm even worse today
>"Do you play Yu-Gi-Oh!?"
>>20427396>trolling>You're spamming shit and trying to derail the threadHoly fuck you should be banned
I had hoped to escape a trip to his bedroom a third time, but no, he insisted on returning there once more to carefully return his cards. While I was up there, though, my eyes caught on to something. Looking up at a shelf, I saw a familiar logo. It looked like a Warhammer Fantasy box."Oh, you play Warhammer?" I brought it up pretty quickly, desperate to change the subject off either ponies or Yu-Gi-Oh."Oh, that thing? Yeah, sure, you want a game?" I nodded my approval. Now, at least, I would be on familiar territory, and could at least argue the rules against him if he tried the same shit he had with Yu Gi Oh. He got a stool and pulled it down - Looked familiar. One of the old Empire vs Orcs starter sets. Opening it up, I noticed he hadn't painted any of the models, but that's not a huge problem for me. Carefully, we both set up our armies. He played the Empire (So he could get 'ponies' from his cavalry) and I played the Orcs. Thinking that if we stuck to this, the weekend might not be -too- bad, I began the match.
>>20427378This isn't entertaining.It's rambling and directionless.
>>20427416I'm not posting shit words like feminism and rape and trying to get a rise out of people 0/10 for making me respond.
>>20427109> "You'll love it! You'll sex it! It's Yu Gi Poh-Nee!"Best marketing slogan ever. I think this guy might still have a future.JUST KIDDING LOL
>>20427432I'm not doing that shit either fucktard.
>>20426346Biscuit means cookies!
>>20427424I made him cry when I won.He accused me of rape.Now I'm in Jail.
Oh noes! Someone might have made up a story to amuse this board. Lynch him!
>>20427490You should put some baby clothes like a little hat on the troll to represent how most people refuse to see that they are trolls.
>>20427473>No trip code>Hurr durr Ima trollin lol u mad newfags lol
"So, are you gonna get the dice and a ruler?" I asked as I waited to begin.He gave me a look that I can only describe as offended. He put his hands on his hips and recoiled. Scoffed. "Oh, nah, playing it like that's boring." He then proceeded to move his hand up to the mouth of his cannon, make a little 'bang' sound, moved his fist down to some of my infantry, and knocked them over. Then he pushed his cavalry at mine and knocked them off their bases.I sort of sat there for a while slowly realising what was happening. I just sank my head into my hands and told him I had a headache, so I was going to get a drink. He said "Okay, I'll be waiting for you!" And sat there, continuing his little battle against stationary orcs without me. I gave the same excuse to my parents, Mark and Laura, grabbed a drink, went upstairs to the room I was supposed to be staying in and went to bed. I had another day of this to deal with.
>>20427526>necrophileSo far none of my sexual partners complained.
>>20427539I had a friend like that, "The rules are too big and stupid, we'll just play like this", I know your pain OP.
>>20427539>Oh, nah, playing it like that's boring.>mfw
>>20427539.....Are you sure he was 19, and not y'know, 9?
>>20427539Please, God, no. No no. No no no on.
>>20427539To correct my grammar:"My parents, Mark, and Laura".This is why we use the Oxford comma.
>>20427569>also mfw captcha eats my image
>>20427490And that on the roleplaying board?I find myself indignant.Also: Missed the button to qute, accidentally hit the iqdb and got trap pictures as relevant results.What the hell?
>>20427549I laughed pretty hard at this
>>20427539I repeat what I said before.Burn him down, burn the whole damn thing down.
>>20427539I know you said that this guy was not, to your knowledge, diagnosed with anything... But if this IS real, then he is definately on the spectrum. High on the spectrum.
>>20427539>He then proceeded to move his hand up to the mouth of his cannon, make a little 'bang' sound, moved his fist down to some of my infantry, and knocked them over. Then he pushed his cavalry at mine and knocked them off their bases.wtf
>>20427539...Those poor miniatures.....
>>20427539Jesus God, I remember when I had gotten my 10 Marines (I was 12 or somesuch) and we still used some sort of ruler (a Magic card) and a dice (hit at 4+, wound at 4+)...Poor kid... Poor society.
>>20427539The only faggot I see here is you.Several days in London, you waste them with this kid.You should have gone somewhere.Caught the fucking tube to ANYWHERE and come back.Christ, if this is real, the faggot is you.This was self inflicted.
>>20427647Hey, this was the first night, and it would be rude to just leave right away.
>>20427570he was 15, OP made a mistake in his first post.
>MFW I was in London on the same weekend as OP.Somewhere in the same city I was in, spaghetti was in unfathomably marvelous bloom.I went to Forbidden Planet and Orc's Nest. I bought myself a Paranoia GM's screen, a Delta Green novel, and some comics. What fun.
>>20427667Assuming that fella isn't trolling, I'd have a hard time believing that such a guy as OP's describing would willingly walk around anywhere at all, weight and interests considered.
>>20427109Fucking called it. >>20426735
>>20427667It's suggested it gets worse.so it's his own fault.
The following morning I woke up to Jack staring me in the face. He was nudging me. He was in My Little Pony pyjamas. "Hey, hi, hey, I'm not gay or anything, I just thought I'd wake you up. It's breakfast time. I brought the cat." He had, indeed, brought the cat, which he held up by the underbelly, then mashed against his mouth."Nom nom nom nom" he uttered, before holding it out towards me. "Here, have some!" he offered. I declined, and asked him to step outside while I washed myself and got dressed. This, at least, he obliged me on. Once I was ready I went downstairs to grab breakfast. Peanut butter on toast. Enjoyable, as with the rest of the food. If it weren't for Jack's presence it would have been a nice morning. I found myself spending every second wishing for my departure, longing for sitting around bored in the car for hours on end so I could get away from him. From the news that was about to be delivered to me, I knew it wasn't going to improve.My Dad came in and turned to me. "Laura and Mark are taking your mother and I to see her aunt Margaret today, so we were thinking you and Jack could go out and do something."I dived on my opportunity. "Oh, I'd like to come, actually!""Well... There's four of us going. We can't fit any more in the car. You two have fun though." He left, then, and I was left with Jack nudging me and giving me a conspiratorial grin.
>>20427742>Hey, hi, hey, I'm not gay or anythingWell at least OP's not going to get raped at the climax of this story.>My Little Pony pyjamasI know getting hung up on details in a /tg/ story that may or may not be true is futile... But can anybody confirm that they actually make MLP pyjamas in man-child size?
>>20427539Now I'm imagining a whole GW store full of fat older men tipping over minis with their fingers with lots of "P'chooo!" and "Bang bang!" sound effects, as if they were 4 years old playing toy soldiers.
>>20427742>"Fuck you dad, you and I both know that's a five seated car"
>>20427742>I brought the cat.
>>20427715Why dost thou taunt me?>>20427589I considered speaking to his parents about it but they were probably aware already. And you just can't really approach someone and say "Yo your kid's autismal.">>20427647I couldn't really leave. Like I said, I was in the shitty suburbs of London and wasn't sure what public transport to take into the city. And my parents would've probably cold-shouldered me for being rude to relatives or some shit.
>>20427742>someone suggests it was self inflicted>invent scenario where it's forced on youBollocks.
>>20427742Really at this point everything else is your fault for not getting on the tube and gtfoing. Fucking britons, dense as bricks.
>>20427742WHY CAN'T I STOP READING?
>>20427742>peanut butter toastFucking DELICIOUS. A shame it had to be marred by your suffering so.
>>20427742Oh... my... godthat right here is a brilliant twist!>Also, mfw
>>20427197Mr. is a ruffian and a cad from a most unpleasant class and era. At least the good Professor recalls the old days of Empire and exploration.I shan't share a thread with your brutish ilk any longer, good day sir..gif unrelated but oddly compelling.
>>20427742Inb4 he grabs his pony fursuit and demands you pound his colt pussy
>>20427747Iron-on decals, my friend.
>>20427762I don't believe you. In this case you catch the next bus to ANYWHERE.
>>20426104I feel so fucking bad for you OP
>>20427762>wasn't sure what public transport to take into the cityso you're retarded?UNDERGROUND CUNT
>>20427772I'm not won over by the Professor, but if you happen to enjoy the modern musical sensibilities with a touch of old-school class, look into some electroswing.
>>20427747By that I meant he was wearing the same clothes from the day before. Sorry, it's sort of a dialect thing in my area, wearing "Friday night pyjamas" means you've slept in your clothes.Should've clarified, just realised that it gave entirely the wrong idea.
>>20427762You should have taken the kid to London on Board, shown him some proper /tg/ stuff, and turned him from fa/tg/uy to elegan/tg/entleman. But then, you wouldn't be posting right now if it all ended well, right?
>>20427793Please let me pull this roadmap to the nearest underground station out of my rectum
>>20427776>colt pussy>colt>pussyI hope you're joking.I'm a biologist, not a ponyfag.
>>20427811Internet bro, clearly you are capable of using it.
>>20427793But what if he runs into one of Jack's tournaments?
>>20427814>he never heard of a boypussy
Well, keep going OP.
OP's thoughts: Damn I want to leave this shithead so badly. But this would make such a good story for /tg/.Thanks for suffering for our entertainment, bro.
>>20427811Street signs.Google maps.You're a moron.
>>20427818Why the fuck do you CARE if the OP didn't go anywhere? It's rude as fuck to leave people during a family gathering, and beyond that, what if you just don't want to go anywhere? Your posts reek of normalfaggotry
>>20427814He meant ass.
OP some of us don't really give a shit if it's fake. The story is entertaining and we want to see where it goes. Please continue!
>>20427797So My Little Ponies pajamas means...?
>>20427847I'm with this guy.I've been in this situation before and you really feel trapped, especially when it's family and relatives.Being the guy who just up and leaves makes you the guy who gets sneered at and bitched at nonstop for the whole ride home.
>>20427870Means the guy slept in the brony shit he was wearing the day before.>>20427797"Friday Night Pyjamas" as OP explained.
>>20427844"God why didn't you abandon your family and go get lost in the largest city in the country with no money just to get away from a retarded cousin jesus christ you're such a masochistic asshole this honestly gets me really really angry damnit you are actually homosexual because of this I'm going to samefag the fuck out of this thread about this shit right here."Now continuing with the show.
>>20427811You mean to tell me you don't keep the London A-Z up your arse? Op you're doing it wrong.
>>20427742>Peanut butter on toastAmerican here. Nobody I know does this except me. Is it popular across the pond?
>>20427772Where is that gif from, it is hypnotic, like a lava lamp.>sinicum, inntowlHow very topical, captcha.
>>20427870...means Jack didn't bother to change from the MLP shirt he wore the day before.
>>20427888American here, I do this. Shit's deliciousalso trips
>>20427888Only if you like peanut butter.
>>20426621 Watch QI and wait for Fry to make one.
>>20427908Who doesn't like peanut butter?
>>20427894here you go.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Z3R-6Od3E
>>20427888I'm from the west coast brah, and we don't do that because of Mexicans. Though when I showed all my Mexican friends, they loved it
>>20427886He's a northerner. They reserve their rectums for OS maps of the moors?
>>20427874Fucking cunt.If you give in to that kind of passive aggression you're a dickless shit.Suffer for days for a car journey.SEE LONDON, get a few jibes.I know which is the far better choice.
>>20427888American. I do it too. Sometimes I add variations. A light sprinkling of sugar (powdered, brown, whatever you have). Sliced bananas.Shit be simple and yummy.
>>20427925People with peanut allergies, I'd wager.>>20427930>MexicansAh, that might be why. I'm from California but currently live in southern Nevada.
Who the fuck doesn't eat peanut butter toast? Jesus christ you're all sick
>>20427939You're such a fag, do you even belong on /tg/?
>>20427948I know, right?Next they'll be telling us they don't eat spam sandwiches!
>>20427929Cheers buddy, that's the next few hours taken care of.
>>20427930How does the presence of Mexicans keep you from putting peanut butter on your toasted bread? im confusd.
>superior Nutella master race
>>20427967Not that guy, but I think that explains why nobody we know really does it except ourselves.
>>20427968I like to use both at the same time.
>>20427930>>20427944....I don't get it. Why would mexicans prevent you suckling the teat of peanut butter toast?
>>20427885>continuing with the show
>>20427968Have fun losing a foot when the diabetes kicks in
>>20427964>2011+1>not eating delicious (and nutritious) SPAM sandwichesshiggity
>>20427847>>20427874The fact that OPs first response to "why didn't you escape" was "didn't know how" instead of "familial obligation" suggests he doesn't particularly care much either.In addition, suggesting he and his cousin go out for the day and visit some places would have been a goody way to ensure he enjoyed himself - most people's behaviour dies down in public areas, and it would have been good for him as well.
>>20427968>putting chocolate spread on your toastJesus H Tits, America
>>20427995Not even the fish like that shit, stop being poor.
>>20427929Not request guy, but...>Related Videos:>Jailbait ;)>Sexy Teen Dance>Sexy Teens Rated RGoddammit, /tg/, only you could make me feel like a pedo 10 minutes before work.
>>20427982>>20427977, basically. I love it but nobody I know does it except me and whenever I have people over during the morning and I slap peanut butter on toast they look at me like I just discovered a new element.
>>20427888yeh ive done and known others who have, but unless its a chocolate bar type of thing i cant have sweet shit with it. nutella, 'jelly' or w/e just peanut butter and toast.
"We're going to go buy some awesome rocking sweet balls Yu Gi Oh cards. And I'm gonna try to sell my Yu Gi Poh-Nee cards to some underground players." That was what he told me as we went out the door. He'd decided to put on his dad's leather jacket, a pair of sunglasses, and spike up his hair with water. I pointed out some hairgel in the bathroom but he informed me he wasn't allowed to use hairgel. When I asked why he sort of just mumbled something and ignored the question. Onwards he went. He told me we were going to see "His friend Mohammed".I asked who Mohammed was. He looked around. I was sure he was doing that squinty-eyed excited look he does underneath those sunglasses. "He's like a Grand Theft Auto!"I had no idea what he meant by this. When pressed, he gave a little scoff and shrugged. "He's like a real Grand Theft Auto Four and shit. Dawg. He's a Yu Gi Oh gangster, yo."I have to tell you, /tg/, that I felt distinctly uncomfortable walking through a neighbourhood with a seemingly very large black community with a fifteen year old sperglord putting on a terrible african american joke voice in everything he said, but we made it through with just some very dirty looks. The walk was about ten minutes long, and mercifully, most of it was silent, save for Jack singing his Yu Gi Oh song underneath his breath. Occasionally he burst into it really loudly, flooding the street with "You'll love it! You'll sex it! It's Yu Gi Oh! Yu Gi Oh!", and I had to walk a few metres behind him to look like I didn't know him, but he stopped after a while.When we finally arrived at a local petrol station, he pointed out a kid standing around on the corner, then turned to me, leaned in with breath that reeked like rotting meat, and whispered in my ear. "Watch my back, I'm gonna play this fool."
>>20427939Good job being an unwanted autistic child of parents so disappointed that they never actually WANT you to meet the rest of the family. Kill yourself.
Guy ragging on OP for not going to explore London: I agree with you, but you can't change the past. You've made your point, now kindly stop doing so and let OP finish his story of woe.
OP, does this story at least have a happy end?
>>20428007First time I ever heard of/tasted Nutella was in Germany, brosef. Plus that shit is Italian.>google, do you use it?
Realize this is probably a bit of a slowpoke, but yeah, that kid is Mega Autistic. My GF works as a counselor at a kids' Summer camp, and she has to put up with autistic kids all the time (of course legally they're not allowed to take them, but they get in anyway because of parents with too little patience and too much spare ritalin). This twelfth cousin thrice removed or whatever is every horror story she's ever told me multiplied by Chris Chan to the power of Minecraft.OP, assuming this actually happened, I hope you realize that your parents and this kid's parents were wearing your sanity like a bullet-proof vest for that entire weekend.
>>20427888The fuck you sayin'? I'm an American as well and that's what I eat pretty much every morning. Lightly toasted Italian bread and ULTRA CRUNCHY peanut butter. The jar of blackberry preserves from the farmer's market is getting some love too. This probably has a lot to do with my lack of being able to cook anything else for breakfast besides eggs and I never have time for a good egg before class.
>>20428034>"Watch my back, I'm gonna play this fool."
>>20428008Fish are fucking retarded, they don't even know how to breathe. Don't tell me you actually like those aquatic aspies
>>20428034what. the. fuck.
>>20427982In Mexico it's illegal to put peanut butter on toast. Recently the Mexican government issued a warning to the U.N. and her allies warning that Mexico was fully prepared to go to war over the issue. The UN, deciding it was not prepared for a war with Mexico, offered this alternative to an international ban on peanut butter on toast, ''Any Mexican has authority to stop any person from eating peanut butter on toast at any time.'' Mexicans take this law very seriously, in the same way a five year old takes great pride in being told they are in charge of school hamster, and when they are not asleep under big floppy hats they make it their purpose in life to hunt down and destroy anyone eating this delicious snack/breakfast.
>asshole family comes down to visit from some backwards asspit up north>they bring autismal cousin who didn't even want to leave the house >I try to make the best of it by showing him how to play Yu-Gi-Oh which I figure is a simple enough game that he can manage>he wants to play warhammer which I haven't had time to paint yet but I figure someone like him wouldn't mind>start the game and he just gets up and leaves>tfw asspie cousin
>>20427793Chill the fuck out, some people have never used a goddamn subway; and with the London tube system, it's fucking hard to wrap your head around it when you've never been there before.
>>20428081Those BASTARDS. They took our jobs, and now they're taking away our salty-sweet confections?!
Alright, am I behind in slang? What the hell is you'll sex it?
>>20428116By calling him a cunt he didn't mean the connotation of 'motherfucker' you slag
>>20428133Take a fucking guess
>>20428082You've never actually met or dealt with someone who has autism for an extended period of time, have you?Not trying to be insulting, but seriously, it's deeply unnerving. I can only really equate it to dealing with the uncanny valley effect.
>>20428133You'll want to have sex with it?
>>20428006This>>20427885>Be over 18 - as you're posting here>Don't assert your independence Seriously, are you fucking 12?Your parents wouldn't begrudge you SEEING THE CAPITAL.and even of they do, fuck them, YOU'RE AN ADULT>no moneyMore excuses.We don't buy it.
OP pls continue
Can everyone just get the fuck off his case so he can finish his story and we can get the fuck on with our lives? Seriously, you guys put too much thought into poking holes in a story's narrator who doesn't have the benefit of hindsight.
>I typed out the first three to get the ball rolling, but I enjoy reading back on the lively discussion between posts.More like you've been incorporating everything people have been saying into the story.
>>20428148>We don't buy it.Why not? Not enough money? No excuses, pal.
>>20428175WHY ARE PEOPLE SO ASSPAINED OVER THIS? JESUS CHRIST
>>20428034Bracing for impact.Ignore the haters, OP. Some people on this board are deeply insulted by entertainment and need to inform us sheeple of our bad taste.
>>20428148Fuck off, you have to spend time with "family" it's the "proper" thing to do. I thank christ my family might have mental disorders but the cool kind where they do a bunch of drugs then become deadbeats. If I had to deal with a cousin like this guy I'd straight up tell the parents that their son is a waste of genetic material.Mad respect to OP for living through the weekend without gaining a criminal record.
He started marching towards the kid, arms spread out, swaggering "'Ey yo Mohammed!" he yelled over, before dropping into a Fonz pose and shouting "Eyyyy!" and walking over to him. He then began very discreetly getting up close to Mohammed and whispering to him, looking over his shoulders, before giving him £2 and taking something from his pocket like it was some kind of drug deal. Once 'Mohammed' started walking away, Jack looked at me, grinned, then yelled back towards him. "Yeah, yo, you better pay me what you owe me! West side Yu Gi Poh-nee Bloods, you understand! I wanna see the money for next week or I'll kneecap you!" He then swaggered back over to me, and pointed at me."You didn't see anything. I know some pretty hardcore people." Still in that ridiculous black guy voice. Logically, I asked him what the fuck just happened. He leaned in again with his rotting meat breath. I really wished he hadn't. "That was a card deal. Mohammed sells good counterfeit cards for Yu Gi Oh. We gotta keep it on the low-down or the five-0 or another Yu Gi Oh gang might find us. Five-0 means police."At this point I really wasn't sure what fantasy land Jack was living in, and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there for the probably beating when he tried to sell his pony bullshit cards to someone, but I sort of got the impression it wasn't safe for him to be out on his own anyway.
>>20428175Falsehoods or lies, I don't care. OP is doing a fantastic job of spinning a tale that /tg/ can enjoy.It has all the right elements and seems to have just enough truth to keep us reading and waiting.
>>20427794Caravan Palace is, in fact, to my preference.
>>20428148>>20428209Is this the new "coasters" issue?
I don't blame op for not wanting to roam London, I'd rather be stuck with an autistic than end up being murdered by a nigger.
>>20428116The Underground is Childs play.ITS COLOUR CODED
>>20428213I'm really questioning this story now.
>>20428228Well some of us are shy, introverted fucks that lack the spine to explore a city that's entirely alien to us without a lot of planning and cash.
>>20428175"Everything people have been saying"What you mean is somebody made a lucky guess about the pony cards thing.Honestly if you really don't like hearing how my weekend went go find another thread that you'll actually enjoy. Nothing you post is going to convince me to stop posting, because there are people who are enjoying this.
>>20428186Because whether or not the story is true or not, some people are just a bunch of jaded fucks. They had fun once.It was awful.
>>20428227confirmed for from shitty little whitebread nothern town
>>20428213OP i dont give a damn if this is true or not. Keep going, im enjoying myself
>>20428227I heard you can have a pretty good time in all those Londoner Football Pubs.
>>20428213>West side Yu Gi Poh-nee BloodsBRB Shooping something for OP...
>>20428227You ever been to London, friend?Fucking fabulous city.
>>20428242its a storyits entertainingquit being so buttdevastated
>>chicken pot pieOP isn't even from the UK let alone Yorkshire
If even half of this is true, I pity you beyond measure, OP.
>>20428228I once visited London when I was 18.I never intend to do so ever again. I thought Manchester was a bit of a shitpit but London is like Manchester without the good bits and a shit load of new bad bits thrown in.A pity as well. I had grown up and people had spoken of it as the golden heart of our fair nation and all that.
>>20428228Fucking agreed, I went there for holiday back in February.Easiest system of PT (public transport) I ever used.
More of this crazy story! I demand it!
Guy from arse end of nowhere North Norfolk currently studying in London. It took me the best part of a fortnight to understand and use the tubes properly, it's confusing as fuck to us rural folk, stop picking on OP, is he supposed to magically know how to use it the first time he goes to London? Naw hush yo bois and ley opee ge' aan with.
>>20428278he probably heard it off southpark
>>20428271I've lived in London for just over twenty years of my life.London is as fabulous as New York. Or Los Angeles. Or Washington DC. Or Paris. Or Amsterdam. Or Berlin.At best it probably has fifty square miles of beautiful scenic shit. The rest of it is an urban hellhole.
>>20428289u were right about manchester it is a fuckhole, but there are no 'good' bits.... its all shite. London is alright tho
>>20428250That was my first post in the thread, and I'm not trying to get you to stop. You can keep going and I'll keep reading. I'm just calling you out is all.
>>20428314Also agreed, it's beautiful in the beautiful parts and for the rest. Well it's a city. Like all cities some of it is a hellhole and other parts are even worse.
>>20428302>Has problem with subwaysI come from a city with less than 30 thousand inhabitants split up into separate villages, we barely have working buslines.It took me less than an hour to work out the underground system
>>20428271Maybe so, but OP already mentioned that he isn't in the city. He's in the shitty suburbs.
>>20428328Not every human in the world has a brain that functions identically to yours. Not everyone adapts to an alien transport system as quickly as you do.
>>20428336yup he could be in thurrock, greys, essex all of that shit and there wouldnt be no underground. Also a lot of people there essentially claim to live 'in London' ]
>>20428328>I come from a city with less than 30 thousand inhabitantsYew naat from round 'ere
you guys just calm the fuck down and let OP tell the story. who gives a shit if its real or not or whether he could've left or not stfu it's fun I like it I SEX IT
>>20428213please tell me this ends with you finding a real drug dealer and the story turns into Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
>>20428289>Manchester>London>shittyget the fuck out
>>20428302How?I mean, what was so complexing about the Underground?
>>20428355He's mentioned it's in the East End, so I'm guessing it's either Bexley or Bromley.
>>20428377>complexing>perplexingFuck it, I'm probably to tired to understand anyway.
>>20428314LA isn't bad, though. Just the occasional crazed hobo, but as long as you don't make eye contact with them it's a great city.
>>20428377METAL WAGONS WITHOUT HORSES, HOW DO THEY WORK?!
>>20428389It's okay bro, I read "perplexing" anyhow.
>>20428377Different lines, different line back, closures, accidents, all that shit, where to get off when you only have a vague idea of where you are going.
Why do you people go through such great efforts to be NOT entertained? Why do you have to make sure that no one here has anything resembling fun at whatever the cost? And most importantly, why the fuck can't you shut up about the public transportation?
OP needs a new thread, this one is hitting bump limit.
I started singing. Whenever I thought he was going to speak, I started singing "Can't Buy Me Love", since it seemed he was hesitant to interrupt me when I was speaking. It didn't always work - Sometimes he snuck up on me with a question or a phrase, but it worked for the most part. Apparently we were heading to an "Underground game" he had organised. He warned me that I was gonna meet some "Pretty hardcore people" that would "Totes fuck me up if I looked at them the wrong way. I just kept singing and wondering to what extent he was bullshitting me, and if he actually knew anyone who considered the "Yu Gi Poh-Nee Bloods" to be a tangible thing other than himself and his lonely imagination. Unfortunately, I couldn't even find solace in the Beatles, as, after a while, he decided that I was trying to give him a hint about singing and started trying to out-sing me with his Yu Gi Oh theme tune. I tried distancing myself, but he either stood still and waited for me to catch up or waddle-jogged to catch up with me. I'm not even religious, I'm atheist, but I genuinely thanked some unseen God when we finally reached the Tescos car park that this "Criminal underground Yu Gi Oh game" was taking place in. As we sauntered in, and Jack narrowly missed getting hit by a car for not looking around properly, I noted that other than shoppers there was nobody actually in the car park. There were no "Hardcore underground people" here. I turned to him, and mentioned this."That's the trick... We've just gotta wait for them."
>>20428302>Colour Coded>ComplexThere are no colours in rural lands?
>>20428268Just for you, OP
>>20428440You act like all you need to do is say "RED PLEASE." and you're teleported to where you want to be.
>>20428404Personally, I found the different lines to be fairly intuitive. Staring at the entire map when you aren't used to it can be pretty confusing, though, so I can understand that.>vague ideaThat is the worst thing you can do on the Underground. Never do that.
>>20428440subway's without colour coding are aids jus'sayin
>>20428422Mocking people for not understanding colours is officially more interesting than OPs long winded non event.
>>20428385It was Chingford, IIRC. Or somewhere in that general area. Not the east end, but rather the eastern side of London.
>>20428436This is both great and terrible
OP, you need to make a new thread. This one has hit the bump limit.
>>20428440>ColourNo wonder it's confusing, you add all this unnecessary shit like extra "u"'s.
>>20428422Im enjoying Ops story and wish for him to continue
>>20428455WALKING BETWEEN TRAINS AM TOO HARD!!STATIONS AM SCARY!!!
Okay, what's funny about OP's story. Is in the proverty striken city of Jackson MS there actually is what seems to be an "underground yu gi oh" market. A D boy I know also takes in stolen yu gi oh cards (not counterfit) and sells them to kids in the ghetto he lives in.Of course the times I've seen cops at his street . They of course weren't looking for stolen cards nor had I heard of gang warefare over it
So guys, what about dem coasters? Coasters huh, y'know. They sure are something.
>>20428507That sounds like the plot of the next season of the YuGiOh anime.
>>20428492Learn to spell you colonial fuck.
>>20428496WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE FOLLOW THE EXACT SAME THOUGHT PROCESS THAT I DO? WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE THINK LIKE ME? IF I CAN UNDERSTAND SOMETHING ANYONE CAN. I AM THE STANDARD THAT ALL HUMANS SHOULD LIVE UP TO.
I demand to hear OPs rendition of the new and improved Yu-Gi-Oh theme.
>>20428496>OH LOOK AT ME, I LIVE IN A CITY, THE SUN SHINES OUT OF MY FUCKING ARSE! i'M A PATRONISING FUCK WHO SPRUNG OUT OF MY MOTHERS VAGINA WITH AN A-Z OF LONDON AND AN OYSTER CARD!
Why couldn't you just finish this ridiculous bullshit three fuckin' hours ago?
We waited. And we waited. And we waited. He offered me a game of Yu Gi Poh-Nee on the floor of the Tescos car park in public, but understandably I refused him. Eventually, he stood up, and puffed out his chest, banging a fist against it. I asked him what he was doing."Maybe some Five-O showed up so they all ran away and hid or something, so I'm going to call them out and see if any of my gangsta brethren are still nearby." I knew what was coming next. He began to scream it, echoing through the car park of Tesco, surrounded by confused shoppers."YOU'LL LOVE IT! YOU'LL SEX IT! YU-GI-POH-NEE! YOU'LL LOVE IT! YOU'LL SEX IT! YU GI POH-NEE!"Fuck this. I quietly informed him I'd be back in a bit to see if his gangster friends had shown up, then went into tescos to take a look around. I didn't have any cash to buy a drink or anything, so I just browsed for a while. WHen I came back out to see if Jack had stopped, he was gone.Like, nowhere to be seen. I looked around the area for a few minutes but couldn't find him. I checked in Tesco but I still couldn't find him. I'd lost him.
>>20428530Colour coding, maybe also google maps.It isn't rocket science.
>>20428529Don't you mean "colounial fuck"?
What if this was all part of OPs plan?Being overly obvious to trick us into calling him out, and then turning the thread into a flame war about the London underground, because the machine wouldn't accept his money because it was ripped.Clearly, this was his intention all along.
>>20428445>pic related, it's everyone in this thread
>>20428561>I'd lost him.Huzzah!
>>20428561 Just as you think it might become a bit better.
>>20428565It isn't rocket science but it can be confusing to people who aren't used to it, not to mention some people are more capable at understanding systems than others.
>>20428561OP are you at the point in this story 18 or underageb&? how can you not have change for a drink? A vimto would've made the discovery of your missing autist much easier to take..
New thread, OP?
I have to go now, can somebody archive this when it's done?I NEED to read the end but I have to head out
At the end of it all, it was an elaborate troll by Jack on our unsuspecting OP. He never saw it coming.
Maybe post on 1d4 chan under YUGIPOHNI
>>20428588It's colour coded.Do you struggle with shapes too?Triangles go in the Triangular hole.
>>20428610Foolz auto-archives all threads.
>>20428625How do you get from Chatham to High Wycombe to Guildford and back to Chatham?Think fast, you've got three minutes. Should be a doddle - it's colour-coded.
>>20428561So OP abandons a minor, who he believes to be at least partially mentally impaired, in a part of London which he claims to be a run-down crime infested shithole, and he wants to make the kid sound like the bad guy.Right.
>>20428701You start walking.
>>20428440There are no underground trains in rural land. Now I live in a rural area, but I'm only a couple of miles from a train station and there's a bus stop right in front of my house but some of my friends really are from truly rural areas. They'd need to walk ten minutes to get to a bus stop for a bus that comes every few hours and then sit on it for hours to get to anywhere with a train station. The whole "get a train here, ride it for thirty seconds, get off, walk to the other side of the station, get on another train for five minutes, get off, change again, ascend ten flights of escalators, walk, get a bus, get another train, walk and you're now a mile away from where you were in the first place" can get a bit confusing for simple country folk.
>>20428561OP your problem is that you're so beta you let your 15 yearold shitstain cousin take control of the situation from the beginning.You need to lock that shit down take control and show that you're the alpha dog.But nope you fucked up and even worse you're just letting him lead you along.pathetic OP.
>>20428710How many hours a week do you volunteer to care for folk with impaired reasoning?I don't think the OP intended to spend any, either.
>>20428740Damn, you make it sound like humans are nothing but a pack of wolves that should be fighting to assert dominance over each other.
>>20428740I think you're on the wrong board...
>>20428753Don't worry. You will understand when you are older.
>>20428701>You take the A2 down the M20, then take that round to High Wycombe, then take the M40 down to the A3 turnoff and ride that down to Guildford, follow the M25 to get back to Chatham.>Alternatively, take the A2, through to the A102, A202, A304 and onto the A40, which you can lead on to the M40.Make it more difficult next time.
>>20428772That makes two of us.
>>20428753Pack wolves don't even run the way that anon is thinking they do, save for completely alien environments.
>Losing a mentally deficient person in a bad part of the capitol.Shit man, what are you doing? Now you have to find him before you can head back to the house. And to find him you have to look in the bad part of town for him. Fuck.
>>20428710He fucking lives there.OP doesnt.Its also obvious he goes there alone regularely.
>>20428772Pity you don't seem to have.
>>20428744OP volunteered for it when he didn't tell his parents, or the kid, to fuck off. Seriously, it would have been that easy.
>>20428761I'm somewhat curious which board you'd suggest for aspie wrangling.. /sp/ maybe? They can make it a sport? Maybe /fit/? Like a social exercise or something?
>>20428753Yeah, that's how the whole /r9k/ alphabet crowd ticks.
>>20428794>MAN I AM THE MANLIST I WILL TELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE TO FUCK OFF AND THEY CAN'T DO SHIT
I checked the road back towards the house, the way we'd came, but he wasn't there either. I looked around, but there was no CCTV covering the spot where he'd been standing. I asked a few people around if they'd seen him go, but they hadn't. Worrying that I might've let Mark and Laura's son get murdered or something like that, I called my Dad and informed him of the situation. I could hear down the other end of the phone that he was stifling laughter, then told me he'd get Mark to ring Jack's phone. I thanked him, closed the call off, and found a pub to sit in while I waited. In hindsight, that was probably a suspiciously nonchalant choice, but at least I could get some free bread and water and pretend I was going to order lunch from the menu. Then the call came. I hesitantly picked up my phone and answered. My Dad was on the other end and informed me of the details of the situation.Shortly after I'd entered Tesco, security had called the police to come up and deal with the strange kid disturbing the peace and worrying customers in their car park. The police had tried to move him but when he'd refused to give them any of his details because they were "Fucking pigs" they'd taken him to the local police station to try to contact relatives. Apparently Mark and Laura were going to pick him up now, while my Mum and Dad were coming to pick me up.
>>20428781you're looking at the motorway mapnot at the subway mapthe discussion was about subwayyou have failed the test
>>20428781Not faster enough. Sorry, man.
>>20428784>implying Jack isnt a bad motherfucker, backed up by a gang of hard, YuGiOh-deck packin' niggaz
>>20428701TrainChatham-London VictoriaTubeLondon Victoria- MaryleboneTrain Marylebone- WycombePint in the BootleggersBus to Bourne end pint in the FireflyTrainMaidenhead, Reading, GuildfordWhat I've done it before. But you should never try to take the train anywhere except london from wycombe as you nearly always have to go through Marylebone every time.
After the phone call ended, my head hit the table, and I just sort of waited in that position for a while until the barman, thinking I'd gone to sleep, nudged me and asked me to buy something. I waited outside then for a few minutes before my parents showed up and ushered me into the car.We got back to Mark and Laura's house before they did. We waited in the car for a while until they showed up, with Jack in tow, and quickly hurried him into the house for a loud, extensive bollocking for getting into so much trouble. I sort of just stuck with my parents for the rest of the day until it was time to go. Thankfully, we didn't really see Jack much. When it was time to leave, he emerged from the house as I was putting bags into the car, came over and hugged me."I didn't tell the police shit about the Yu Gi Poh-Nee bloods, totes didn't, yo. Here... I want you to have these. Maybe you can set up a Yu Gi Poh-Nee Bloods gang in Yorkshire, and then I'll be your boss. We could be gangster and find chicks to bang together." From the looks of his eyes he'd quite clearly been crying. He held out in his hands a plastic sandwich bag with some "counterfeit" Yu Gi Oh cards in. I couldn't really say no, so I took them, thanked him, and continued packing the car, avoiding him until we set off. As we were leaving, he saluted our car as it was setting off, and began to sing his song again before his parents quickly dragged him back inside the house.So /tg/, how was your weekend?
>>20428811I'm imagining a 15-year-old manchild screaming about sex and yu-gi-oh in front of the police in a parking lot.Jesus Christ, OP.
>>20428847Well, that was certainly something.
>>20428847Pics of the cards please?
>>20428847Pics or it didn't happen.
>>20428847>We could be gangster and find chicks to bang together.Sort of warms your heart, doesn't it?
>>20428847Ik don't give a shit whether it's real or not, I was entertained. GJ OP.
>>20428847MAKE PICTURES OF THE CARDSPOST THEM
>>20428847Pretty good, uneventful though... Did you burn those cards?
>>20428847Sounds like Jack, struggling with autism, desperately wanted and needed a friend all along.But all he got was a OP leaving him to be arrested in the London ghettos.Ah well, that's life I suppose!
>>20428847Pictures of cards! now!
>>20428847You didn't need to spend four fucking hours posting that.I was waiting for some kind of punchline or something.You're encouraging me to never read /tg/ stories again.
>>20428847I took the tube.It was awesome.
Will find them and post pics, gimme a little while
>>20428904At least someone did.
>>20428847Slow build up, with a decent pay off. It would have been better if you saw the battle between the Yu-Gi-Poh-Nee gang and the Five-Oh.The best I can give you is a 5/10.
>>20428881Dude, life for a straight thuggin' gansta ain't glamorous.
>>20428847Never visit again.Listen. I know its bad form to refuse a family obligation but holy fuck.You kept your shit together a hell of a lot better than I would in your situation.My reaction would have been to sneak out of the house whilst the rest of the family was leaving and just wander around until they came back.I found a pic you may find appropriate.
>>20428847So can we have pics of the cards?
>>20428915Oh god that hair.I thought the nightmares had stopped.Why /tg/?Why?
Thanks for the read =)My weekend wasn't nearly as that bad, mostly worked....and can't remember anything else...
>this entire goddamn thread>mfw
>>20428847Well, not exactly weekend, and not exactly an interesting story because it doesnt have a climax... but.In two days Im gonna be going to the middle of nowhere for an entire year, so I decided to drop by the LGS one last time to play some MTG, as I wont be doing it for a looong time.There were around three times as many people there as usual, so there was no trouble finding someone to play EDH with.After playing EDH and trading cards for a bit, I asked if anyone was up for some kebab (as I wanted to eat that once more before I left as well)But no, either everyone present had already eaten, or they wanted to go to shit tier McDonalds, which I declined.Well, everyone but one guy, the local neckbeard king. A 200kg neckbeard who always wears the same camo cargo pants and a thick brown knitted woolen sweater (yes, he wears this during the middle of summer too, which it still kind of is). He has been using this exact attire ever since I first came to this LGS almost two years ago. As is natural when you have never changed clothes once in your life, he stinks. (As in, theres a two meter dead-zone surrounding him. I've never dared enter it, but sometimes it leaks out so I have a general idea of how deadly it would be).
>>20428941Ah right, and this was yesterday
>>20428941Naturally, I was suddenly less interested in eating kebab, but I still wanted to fucking eat kebab one last time before I left.After a short while he started complaining about how hungry he was, and asking when we were going to go eat. I was starving myself as I hadnt eaten breakfast that day, but there was no chance in hell I would leave to go eat with him, so I lied and said I wasnt hungry and that I wouldnt be going out for a while, in the hopes of him giving in to his hunger and going out to eat on his own.So we continued to play EDH and trading cards.Now, this guy has been collecting for about 15 years, so theres always something I'm interested in when I look at his cards. Its also hard to find things he could be interested in. I point out some cards I want, and he requests a specific card in return.A card that I actually have, but after searching a bit, I quickly figure out I had left it at home.Some time later, he suddenly asks if I live far away, absorbed in the game I just respond "not really". Big, fucking, mistake. Now he has decided that he is going to follow me home and "finish the trade" after we had eaten.Now this story obviously continues...
I taught my little bro how to play pokemon cards and we played some Gen1/2 Pokemon with my old cards.He wasn't very good at it because he's only 6, but he had fun and said he wants to play magic "When Im a bit bigger cuz it looks real hard"
>426 replies and 67 images omittedyou need to make a new thread, OP
>>20429021OP's story is ovar.
>>20429021His story is over. There is no need for a new thread.
>>20429092Are these counterfeit cards or POH-NEE cards?
>>20429027And it was shit.The only punchline was OP himself. A supposed adult who can't figure out the colour coded underground and is scared of passive aggressive parents.
>>20429092Haha, Japanese card format with english text.CLEARLY NOT FAKE!
>>20429105These are regular Yu Gi Oh counterfeits.I think he cherishes his Pony cards far too much to give away.
>>20429113Stop trying to make this the next coastertopic pls.
>>20429108>those namesNow I haven't played YGO since I was a whelp, but even I know those are fake.
>>20429108>>20429092>posts generic YGO cards as proof of his bullshit storyFaggot
>>20428972Now, I would NEVER allow this to happen. My parents absolutely hate anything nerdy, saying that it ruins my life etc, and bringing that thing home with me would probably cause my parents to disown me.I tell him that theres no need, and that Ill simply bring it with me the next time Im there and that he shouldnt waste his time on something like this. Its still about 15 minutes each way after all, but he responds that he doesnt have anything to do the rest of the day, so thats no problem at all. Fucking great.So I continue to play, dreading the wait for the store to close. About one hour before it closes, another guy with a huge collection shows up, and he actually has the card the neckbeard king was after. So thats one thing I no longer need to worry about.Unfortunately there was still the food issue.
>>20429149>Doesn't look at the pictures, yet calls OP a faggot anywayScum
>>20429149Do you think the sperglord would part with his precious Pony cards? Nope.However, those are all obvious counterfeit cards. For instance, the Blue Eyes White Dragon is labeled "Stone Ogre Grotto" and the Dark Magician Girl is called "Fair Play". That and they have that wonky holographic print on them that ygo cards don't have, especially not like that.Unless he went to chinatown and spent 50 cents on some knock offs, I'm inclined to believe him.
>>20429181really, look.The Blue Eyes?name Stone Ogre Grotto.
>>20429206Derp. Respect Play, not Fair Play.
>>20429209Exactly why I actually believe OP's story.(I was calling the guy who disbelieved OP scum)
Someone gonna archive this?
>>20429235http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/20426104I do hope you're not implying this thread's good enough to go on sup/tg/.
>>20429235Not worth archiving on sup/tg/, and it's auto on foolz anyway. Learn yer shit.
>>20429154Now luckily I had a plan. A simple one at that. Now that he no longer was going to follow me home, I could just say that I had changed my mind and that I was gonna make myself something to eat when I got home.I live at another side of town from everyone in the LGS, so when the LGS closes and we are going home, I go one direction and everyone else goes the other. Once I was on my own, I could simply go and enjoy my goddamn kebab and go home.Well, I tried to put my plan into action, and foolishly, I thought this was the end.As we leave the LGS, the neckbeard king looks up at me as we go out and asks me which direction Im headed.Certain of victory, I say the truth, knowing that its in the opposite direction of where they typically go.Thats when he lights up and says that if he takes the same bus as me, he could just take it a few stops further and then swap to another one without wasting too much time.
>>20429263:(>>20429149I actually am a faggot.Your move.>>20429113You're missing the part about "Not being a dick to your actually pretty nice family" and "Not having any money".
>>20429270So now the neckbeard king has decided to accompany me the entire way home, or at least until I get off the bus. Suddenly my chances of eating kebab seemed dreadfully far away again.Not to mention the embarassment and agony of having to sit near him in a bus. I cant fucking imagine how horrible that would be.So I decide now is the time to stop being honest and just straight out lie in order to get him away from me, I say that the bus I plan taking changes direction before it gets to the point he wanted to be, and that the bus coming before the one I was going to take would take him where he wanted to go.He still wasnt sure, after all he could just take the bus with me, then go off at the point where it would change direction and hop onto the other one without wasting any time. Which is when I point out that his bus comes 3 minutes before mine. Eventually he agrees, and he gets on the bus when it comes.Finally free, I turn around, and go enjoy my hard-earned kebab.
>>20429372Hey, nothing personal, your story was entertaining enough, but sup/tg/ is only there for the really good threads. 1 story and a shitload of faggotry doesn't qualify as a good thread.
>>20429382Did you enjoy the kebab?
>>20429397I'm inclined to agree.If there was less arguing and e-peen waving between each post, this might be archive worthy, but it just sort of turned into a shitty thread with a few good moments in it.
>>20429409Fuck yeah, I went to the best one in the city, even though I had to walk for 20 minutes to get there.
>>20428847I don't like my cousins, uncles and aunts much. I'm a pretty spaghetti kind of guy, and I always feel self-conscious being around these people, at least around those who aren't much younger than me. So I mostly sit somewhere, let my parents and sisters do the talking, and try to look like I'm alternatively listening or daydreaming. After so many years, they got the hint and don't talk to me much either. It still feels uncomfortable.Well, I just realized how lucky I was that they're all pretty intelligent and civilized people, and that I am not oblivious to my own faults.
>>20429235Yeah this is not a quest thread. Only Quest threads need to be archived on suptg.
For some reason somebody actually seems to have put this on sup/tg/.Cool, I guess.
>>20429382The thing I dont understand is that the guy usually hates me.When I play against him, I dont treat him all special and let him win, I remove his creatures when they become a threat, etc. You know, like a normal person would.Which is when he starts whining about me targetting him all the time and not bothering with anyone else. It might have something to do with him playing Captain Sisay as his general and having an infinite amount of cards at hand to construct his decks with.No shit Im gonna have to remove his cards if he plays Gaea's Cradle, Mirari's Wake, Asceticism, Avacyn, Linvala and Iona in rapid succession.
I just spent a week visiting my family, with all the arguments and friction and so on that goes with that, and drove back over a thousand kilometers through 40 C heat, with no air conditioning, suffering traffic delays that put my trip at a total of 20 hours. Somewhere along the way, my guitar was stolen from the trunk, and the tail lights were smashed out. When I finally got home, I discovered that I had left my keys on my parents' kitchen counter, my landlady was in a city I'd passed through 8 hours earlier, and the only 24 hour locksmith in town had just broken both his hands. After trying to check into a motel and discovering that my debit card did not work, I spent an uncomfortable night in my car, woke up with a stiff neck, drove all the way back to get a key from my landlady, and made it home late last night. This morning, she called laughing, saying that she'd forgotten that her son had a key, that he lives 10 minutes away, and as he does not work, he could have easily let me in. Ha ha, ha ha.Still, I would rather go through this than put up with one annoying YuGiOh fan.