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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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The Black Iron Tarkus, my deepest mark of shame as a knight, is a tale I feel merits a better telling than my earlier mention. He was a tragic case, one mentioned only in hushed tones among the brotherhood, and one I myself bear some blame for. He was once a symbol of what could be, but instead became a symbol of what to avoid.

I confess, I do not recall his name, something I can blame only on age and the fact that his adopted name, much like my own, overshadowed his past irrevocably. He was one of our recruits, one of many who joined in the wake of our brotherhood's initial rise to popularity among the people of this world. Many of them, I fear, came not for the same reasons as we, seeking wealth and glory rather than the quest of waifus and the joys of rubbing pointed ears and fluffy tails as many of the circle did. It was with his purpose that he, and many others, tried to emulate several of our number.

While he put voice to his request many times, I refused to teach him. Partially because I had my duties as sergeant of the guard at the time, and partially because I had taken more interest in my harem than I had in aiding my fellows. The young man showed promise as a warrior, besting most of his class in training, though he held a ruthless streak I can't say I approved of, to say nothing of his sense of disgust at the idea that we took subhumans, as he once called them, as our waifus.
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He was taught quickly, though perhaps a bit harshly, not to insult the harems of his brothers. Speaking poorly of another man's waifu is grounds for an honor duel, and many of us had forgotten that many outside of our circle held deep-seated animosity for many of the peoples present in our city. I suppose we were a bit naive about this at first, but we have still not lost hope, and even today we still strive to right these old prejudices.
While I do not think this was what set him off, as he seemed normal enough afterwards, he did take a downward turn after his knighting ceremony, where he took the name of Black Iron Tarkus. He quested with several others for a time, but something he saw on one such trip seemed to have bothered him deeply. It was around this time that he took to greatsword and shield, something I was only able to do effectively through the enchantments on my kit, and he had taken to copying my style in the training yard. I dismissed it at first, but on the night that he snapped, killing three visitors to our city and then fleeing, I could not ignore him anymore.
Bethany and I set out on the hunt, pursuing him for several days, but in that time he had struck again, killing innocents in another village before fleeing into woods. Had I not had Bethany with me he might have gotten away, but we tracked him to a cave where I confronted and killed the lad.
I am not proud of what I did that day, emerging some time later covered in blood, most of it not my own.
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He had fought as a creature possessed, but had become mindless in a fury I did not understand until later. He had idolized us, hearing of our tales of adventure and glory, particularly mine, as I found out from a fellow member of his class, and he was shocked at what we did. I can only guess that his shattered illusions of us, coupled with some other hatred for the "creatures" we kept that I have never understood, made him vulnerable to something sinister.

With Bethany's help, I managed to make it back to Teegee and delivered news of the lad's death. I cannot say what the others were thinking, but none of them betrayed their reaction of this event to me.

I hung up my sword for a time after that, thinking that perhaps I wasn't cut out for this line of work. I took some time to savor my harem and to reevaluate my life, having my first daughter, Amanda, and eventually opening a pub, and named it Ooliciale, a name I half remembered from the old world.
-exert from The Knight-Sergeant's Tale
I wanted to ask if Fearghaile ever got that dwarven fluff piece finished. Or have I got the wrong knight?

I also finished the first half of my Demon side story, but it doesn't even mention the Journals, being a fluff expansion on the time before TeeGee.
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No, you got the right Knight. I've got it outlined, but I have yet to do any definitive writing just yet. This actually relates to my request.

I have two story outlines prepared. I'm going to eventually write both, but that's not important. The first is Sir Fearghaile's Hero Quest, where he loses an old friend and gains a Holy Sword. Lots of action and character development. The second is more slice of life romance featuring Lem and Kikki that essentially amounts to softcore erotica. Some getting into the character's heads, lots of adorable intimacy, and will likely induce diabetes if you don't fap to it first, ya sick fuck

Once again, I'm not asking which one I should write, because I'll be writing both. What I'm asking is: Which one should I write first?
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That sounds like dark possession, and you know who else possesses people?
Coming soon, the audio diaries of a Demon Lord, stretching from formless Chaos to the time of Five!
Stay tuned!
Let's see...
The last thread was mostly light pieces, and with Artorias and my work it looks to start off dark.

Try action/adventure, I've had my fill of sugar for the hour.
Heh, but then wouldn't you want some sweet to balance the bitter? I'll count that as 1 for ADVENTURE, 1 for SMUT (GearHeart's vote)
holy sword you say? i'm interested in that
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Stolen from the Screaming Vaults of a Demon Lord of Miasma, these are the captured notes of a Demon Lord of Inferno, before his time. Transcribed from a screamer stone, a magical dictaphone, it records the events that led up to the near extinction, and subsequent revival, of the infernal race.

Chaos - First Age of Demons - Time of Beginning

"Spawnling's songs and mortal's screams, that's what dreams are made of." That's what Sals told me anyway, when she gave me this trinket. I say she, but none of us had set form or identity before now. Yes, I've finally graduated into full Demonhood! Geisal the Novice has passed his trials of the caste, and emerges blinking into the full freedom of Demon society. Along with his friends, Bal the Warmaker, Joed the Whisperer, Nebi the Flighty and Sals, who could forget you? Now Salzonia the Temper. Each tested and placed in a caste befitting our station, free to pursue any path before us.

Unfortunately, Demon society is not without its snares, and our lawless society does require us to be ever vigilant of our actions. That's why Sals gave me this screamer stone. It acts like second memory, and I can use it to record anything I observe, useful for safeguarding personal knowledge, and, apparently, using said knowledge. Blackmail, I believe it's called.
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Oooh, wait! A time and place setting was needed. Um, outside the Hall of Castes, just after our ascension, no, that's too specific. Its the Age of Demons, the First! Our place is in Chaos, the end and beginning, where death and control have no hold. Demons fade in and out of the Primordial Aether, nurtured and raised into this existence, feeding off the mewling souls of undreaming mortals. And, of course, ruled over by the most free Demon, the unfettered A-

"Stop playing with that rock, Jessy!" "Come on, we've got a speech to get to!" "Leave him alone, it's a gift from Sal the Temper~" (Laughter)

Alright, alright, I'll just finish this bit.


Well, that certainly wasn't foreboding. The Unfettered Free-est didn't show for their speech. The others thought it was a sign that we should knock off early, those souls aren't going to quaff themselves. Primodeus the Just ended up having to call off the ceremony, allotting us to our castes like feed into spawnling's mouths. Said something about a race called the Gods. Probably nothing serious, so we're off to the sollery to get sloshed on souls.

We're off, young Demons, new to the world. Anyway, what's the worst that could happen? I hear that we're entering talks with another realm. I see a bright future ahead for Demons.

//Distorted data//
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Dis - Golden Age of Demons - Time of Kings

The newly crowned King Primodeus is at war, and his vassal states follow. War against who? It would be easier to name those we aren't warring with. Not the mortals, for sure, they still haven't awoken to the reality around them.

The Gods declared a war. And the Demons followed.

(Muffled Explosion)

Apparently our use of soulful energies, wrought from the uncaring Cosmos, was not to their liking. They struck down the Unfettered, and our society fell to pieces. Lines were drawn and banners were raised. War is called among all Demonkind, and I don't think it will end there.

(Muffled Explosion)

The life of study and science was torn from me, now all effort contributed to the War Among Stars. A soft life has been traded poorly for a hard one. I only know of blood and flesh, fire and light, magic and hellbore. These hands for books have spilled Demon blood, long before they spilled God's.

(Muffled Explosion)

I haven't seen my friends in such a long time. Their castes were called to other courts, and I don't even now if they're alive. Death has returned to Demonkind, our home of Chaos has been destroyed. Demons live in Dis, our society's ruins, and Gods live in-


"Get out! Run! Gods incoming-"

//Distorted Data//
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-push here, slide here. This old thing still works? Right.

The Kings of Dis have united, calling it our "Golden Age". Gold for the blood that will run when we strike down Gods, and gold for the heavens we'll plunder. Primodeus, Baeleth, Aslam, Amy and their vassals have pooled resources. They need a weapon to strike back at the Gods, a weapon so powerful and fearful it will be like Demonkind were Death incarnate.

The lead Scholar dead, the project falls to me. Their commander Ter, the God who fights for mortals, has a lunar fortress, his "Eye". His counterpart, Tera, was more than happy to give us the coordinates, once the Caste of Whispers were done. Caste of Whispers, that's where Joed would be-

"Sir Disciple, the project"

I know about the project! We called it the Lance. Five hundred kinglengths of hellfire and soulsteel, with enough punch to burst the hold Ter's made, all hidden in a planar pocket. We've harvested enough soul from the mortals, and the land itself is burning in response. "Vital Forces", the Gods call it, having mortals behold them while they drain energy to power their own weapons of war.

"Sir Disciple, the Lance"

Goggles up. To positions! Calibrate sigils. Confirm dimensional punch-points.

Start Countdown!

"Alert! God soldiers breaking in!"

Don't stop the Lance! I'll kill them myself!

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Cough, cough! Hello? Is anyone still alive? Did the Lance hit...is the war over?

"Sir, the Eye is broken, cough"

You're dying. Is there anyone still alive? Opening all channels, is there any Demon still alive?

"Joed, of the Caste of Whispers, we have survivors"

"Bal the Warmaker, from the front. All's quiet"

"Nebi, stayin' alive at Central!"

My friends! You all live, rather improbably, but where is-

"Salzo the Tempest, calling in"

Sal! You're alive! Now what about-

"Commander Ter of the Gods. The Eye is watching"

[Untranslatable]. You live. Were the others so successful?

"You should be so lucky. The Gods are now few in number, as no doubt the Demons. Our War Among the Stars has gone on too long. It is time for Peace among Planes"

Peace. Peace?! You want to talk Peace, speak to the dead on our battlefields, the broken earth and the mortal millions, speak to the Unfettered. Speak to our Kings and our Elders-

"They're dead, all dead, and we're back. The incredibly imposing and demanding Gods who are inexplicably still worshipped. I've seen you, I've seen you torturing and suffering souls from on high. We all saw you, and we thought you were a [Untranslatable]

I'll give you a [Untranslatable]. Come at me, Ter-

"Jessy, let me speak to him! This may be our only chance!"
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Inferno - Dark Age of Demons - Time of the Five

And so it was that Ter and the Gods agreed to an uneasy peace for the Demons, brokered by the silver tongued Joed. Both sides would be eliminated by further conflict, but reparations were demanded.

First, Dis was rendered uninhabitable, so a new plane was created for the Demons. It was half-made, and burns at the edges, we named it Inferno. In return, Demonkind was barred from wreaking havoc in mortal realms, we would no longer sup on souls, nor drive on Vital Force.

Secondly, an armistice was called. No action be either side would be taken, unless on direct attacks. The dimensional walls were thin enough from our battles, that mortals would sometimes fall through with ritual or faultline.

Finally, the mortals were to be untouched.

It is our Dark Age. Only Five of our once glorious Legion of Castes remain. Cut off from Chaos and mortal souls, few or no new Demons will be spawned from Primordial Aether. Our race will die out, unlike the Gods who still receive "Vital Forces" from worship. Something needs to be done.

But first, the announcement ceremony. My friends and I are the highest ranking Demons left, so we're announcing our claims to the Castes.

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"Bal the Warmaker, now Balom the Warbringer"

"Joed the Whisperer, now Joedhe the Silvertongued"

"Salzo the Tempest, now Salzonia the Temptress"

Geisel the Disciple, now Geiselus the Scholar

"Nebi the Flighty, now Nebiroth the Trickster"

With the Five of us against the Realms, what could go wrong?


-fiddle here, add a pinch of that annnd done! I've modified the stone to record actions in a small radius now, and discreetly. So far, progress is slow on boosting the background energies to form new Demons, so I've been working on a way to bring mortal realms into Inferno. Its not invasion, if it's invitation! Sadly, it requires fluctuations in dimensional punch-points, or once every "Stars are Right" time. The first trial should be ready soon.

On another note, I've also been working on a method to breed fast and young spawnlings, using a method devised from seeing mortal insects and hives. I call it the Spawning pools, and results have been promising, except they're frail organics, rather than Demonic [Untranslatable].

In other news, morale is dropping among the surviving Demon Castes, my friends are doing what they can, but Balom is starting to get restless. I hear he's planning something big.

//Distorted Data//

Balom, what did you do?

"Like I told you, Geiselus, you set up the tools. We just did the rest, and invaded"
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{Balom is a Duke of Inferno, with 25 legions under his command. Depicted as a warrior, with the skin of a crab, the horns of a bull, and the head of a horse. He teaches mortals combat, tactics and strategy}

Invaded? You ripped entire islands into Inferno, slaughtered valuable workstock, then sent the breeders to the spawning pools to, to-

"Breed, yes. Genius, I'd say, finding a way to carry demon spawnlings to term in mortal bodies. Never thought it was possible 'til I saw it myself"


"Don't get so worked up, the invasion worked didn't it? You should be proud"

Worked? Yes, it worked, a grand total of TWICE! Now they've gotten wise, and set their entire nation to constant military exercise! Just be thankful the other mortals hate the beastkin, or we'd be in bigger trouble.

"So what, if the mortals make war? We still have their breeders, and fine crops will grow from Demonic seed"

You did not think this through. What will they eat? Inferno has no ambrosia. A good third will die during childbirth, spawning half-formed Demons, and half more during the spawn process. Mortal bodies are too frail to overcome Demonic infertility, and the way you've set up the queues, I can expect all of them dead before we replenish our losses.

"But what about-"

Leave. Just leave.

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-finished the talks with the Fey. They're not mortal, so it breaks no laws set by the Gods. They do bring mortals to their realms, as trophies, hostages or playthings, and that gives me an idea.


-using the Fey as cover! Then I'll just drop the mortals back home, and they'll wander off no worse and suddenly more attractive. I've become very good at tinkering with their messy bits, ever since the spawning pits collapsed, and their physicians will find no trace of black magic.

Give them enhanced vitality, pheromones and fertility. Those mortals will be very happy with the attention the breeders will give them. Why would they care about their many children? Its not like I gave them longevity. And if one or two, or all, their descendants become Demons, well, that's a plus. Its win-win! They get a fulfilling life of breeding and constant pleasure, Demons get reborn!

At the end of the day, the Fey are scapegoats. The Gods got nothing.

Now if you excuse me, memoirs, Nebiroth says he has something planned. Said something about casting Demons in a more sympathetic light. We don't need sympathy from mortals, we need souls! Especially since the War caste nearly all died from STDs.

//Distorted Data//

Nebi, remind me how this helps?

"Like I said, Jess, we dress up mortals as Demon Lords"
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{Nebiroth is an Earl of Inferno, with 16 legions under his command. He is depicted as a great raven, with the head of a jackal, that soon becomes a pale, suited man. He spreads dissent and revolutionary ideas among men}

And this helps keeping the Demonic race a secret, how?

"Well, it's a diversionary tactic, see. If they believe that Demon Lords walk among them, they'll never come looking through other Planes. And that pet project of yours helped out a lot!"

What...pet project?

"You know, the ancestral harem one. Classic Geiselus. Always tinkering with mortal bodies, trying to get them to make Demons. Now that mortal seed can carry Demonic heritage, we no longer need to worry about Primordial Aether running thin."

You haven't been tinkering with them enough. If a mortal is crowned Demon Lord, the Gods will be swift to dispatch their servants, before they can raise an army in response. You've got the right idea, but don't use my abductees, they're useless in a fight.

"Wait, they can't fight? Well, would you look at time, I've got someplane to be. Got to go, don't abduct any more mortals!"

Right, scratch that idea. Perhaps I should have mentioned I used exiled vassals to start the process? What was their name...Aventus, Veloris? Probably not important.

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Since the recalling of the last idea, little effort is put into biology. Currently trying a new idea, I call it the "Pyramid Scheme".

By implanting Demonic energy into mortals and letting it fester, Demons of Inferno can tap into their soul, while they fester into Demonhood. Weak Demons, but I need all I can get, once Neb's vassals ran into some Angels. Servants of the Gods, they call themselves. As if we didn't have enough problems!

The problem was getting the mortals to use the energy more, without them turning away from its corruptive effects. I anticipated one of my friends "helping out", so instead I went to them. Joedhe, that's your cue.

{Joedhe is a Countess of the Inferno, served by 10 legions. Depicted as a snake, whose skin melts into oil, and takes similar human form. They make deals to grant mortals power, in exchange for service}

"Right, here's the deal. We appear to mortals and give them rigged contracts, because what weak mortal doesn't crave more power. Basic package, soul draining, boosted mana, yadayada. But if they want more, they'll need to feed us, and that's when they start going Demon."


Needless to say, it all went wrong. The Church of the Iron God, Myrthter, raised an Inquisition, and the Warlocks summarily hounded. There's just the five of us left, now.
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This truly is our Dark Age. Soul deprival and constant mistakes have lowered our numbers to five. Neb's putting something together, said it was all or nothing.


"Right everyone, thanks for coming"

There's nothing else to do.

"That's true, but total freedom isn't helping keep us alive"

"What are you suggesting, Nebi?"

"I'm saying that we need laws"

There was an uproar. Laws and regulations went against everything Demonkind stood for. Freedom. Anarchy. Chaos. But his argument was sound. Rules were put into place so that we wouldn't hurt each other, which was unlikely, there too few of us left, or that we wouldn't bring further punishment on ourselves.

Then he dropped the bombshell.

"Despite our best efforts and Geisel's methods, we are slowly dying off. Demons will become extinct, and the Gods will have won. That's why I have developed a new method. One where we can fully convert a mortal into minor Demonhood, and have them produce new spawnlings. One that combines all previous trials into one package"

Wait, where did you get my notes from?

"That doesn't matter now. What does matter is that the process works, I've tested it and the prototype is proving promising."

"Come in, Lilith"
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It was once mortal, and elven. But now, they were a demon, not like any I had seen before. They now oozed with desire, eyes burning with passion, with skin and hair shifting colour.

But this kind of transformation would need all of my notes, even the ones I didn't put down! Who could have possibly known about the-

"It was me"

{Salzonia is a Duchess of Inferno, commanding a legion of one. Depicted as a bat winged woman, with pointed feet, and burning hair. She whispers into mortals dreams and makes them unfaithful, knowing the secrets of desire}


"It was the only way Jessy, your plans were too slow. You spoke everything into that rock I gave you back in the First Age, so I know what you know. How else did you think all our friends survived? Or how we always came by to help your plans? The succubus is the ultimate culmination of Demon knowledge, and you can't deny that!"


I felt sick after that. My friends had steadily betrayed me, even Sal. The succubus project will be a success, there's no denying it, but one I hesitate to accept. This turns demons into a laughingstock, no better than a mortal fantasy of flesh and fetish. I lock myself away, and begin my studies anew. I hope you're listening, Sal.
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Somewhere in an interval:

K: Interesting. Overturns much Theology. If true. How is Hell.
B: Called Miasma now. Demons obstructed. Bureaucracy. More incoming.
K: Record cuts off. Was there mention of Journal. Stealth.
B: Turn disc 2. Prepping escape route. Recontact in Underdark
And that's that from me.

Not one of my better pieces, since I'm afraid it might rape the fluff and canon too much, but check the spoilers for a justification.


Was it really THAT bad?!
I loved it, The demons rise and fall where depicted far better than I ever could have. The tech threw me a bit at first but I find that it works. Also I really like the descriptions of the demons.
To all those talking about ice cream in the last thread, I have you beat. Ever had maple bacon ice cream? I am not exaggerating that that stuff was the best ice cream I've ever had, aside from possibly Smitten. And that stuff's basically a pint of fresh Dippin' Dots, so that's saying a lot.

Seriously, try it. We use a modified maple walnut recipe from the Ben & Jerry's cookbook.

Also, I've been writing up a little thing on the moon and its physical properties. Should I go with it, or do we want to leave things open to a more mystical explanation?

And there's still the matter of the second moon. If we're going by real world physics, maybe it's now a ring?

By the way, who's the character in this picture? It's been bugging me for a while.
Go for it. The moons need explaining. How does it affect the calendar, tides, mythology, etc.

Well, if the Demon "wasn't" lying, the second moon is pretty much a hunk of space rubble.

I think...it might be Kikki.
I meant the character the art was originally meant to portray. Unless Fearghaile drew all that himself, in which case get crackin'. I want to see more drawfaggotry, and the best I can do is pencil sketches.
Another idea I'd had was werewolves, possibly living near the Free Kingdoms or the Felim jungles.

Not the werewolves you're thinking of, though. These guys are wolves that can take human form, usually to lure prey. They still have wolf-level intelligence, mind.

The only problem is that I have no idea what to do with them. If anyone wants to use these things, go ahead.

Also, I think these are the "original" werewolves, and that the modern kind came later. However, I forget where I'd heard this. I think it came from the Nordic area, though.
Funny you mention that since that cave turned into a pit of demons later on.
>decided to finish up a bit of the doctors earlier years
I have taken to writing this journal to record what I learn of in my travels in the case of my untimely demise
Note: I will need to find a method to have this journal returned to Castle Waifu should I perish.
1st January, 1 A.A. (Because I am not learning a new calendar for shits and giggles I have better things to do with my time.)
I’m currently heading to the human kingdoms west of home in hopes that I can unravel what their mages know of enchanting. Enchanting, from what little knowledge I’ve been able to gather on the subject before my departure, requires some sort of ritual requiring different reagents for different enchantments, I hope to find out more details in Mirthterrah.
8th January, 1 A.A.
I have arrived at the capitol of Mirthterrah and will begin with seeking out a local mages collage or some equivalent. For now I will find a tavern and get acquainted with the locals.
Note: it seems us outrealmers are not well thought of here will try to pass myself off as a primitive when possible.
9th January, 1 A.A.
After spending a few coin on a proper change of clothes to disguise myself; I found the collage only to be barred entry by armed guards saying something about me being lower class before throwing me out most violently, will have to find alternative route into the collage.
Addendum: I have gained entry into the mages collage after climbing the fence and finding an open window.
1st February, 1 A.A.
I haven’t been writing lately to busy reading every book on enchanting I can find, and finding unattended food.
Note: I find the lack of security here to be most surprising besides setting off a few traps and being given a few odd looks I’ve been able to successfully pass myself off as a bumbling apprentice. It’s rather amazing that all it took was a “borrowed” robe and acting like I belong to gain entry into such a seemingly prestigious school.
21st April, 1 A.A.
Finding it harder to remain undetected was asked who my “master” was by passing wizard was able to accidently drop all my books and trip over this damnable robe, the wizard sighed and just told me to be careful before leaving me to clean up the mess, damn wizards.
Note: have been sending a few of the books, mostly on novice magic and enchanting, back to Castle Waifu.
25th July, 1 A.A.
Was caught stealing books today, was thrown in a small dungeon cell under the collage.
Note: escape possible only one guard they didn’t bother taking my belongings, will have to improvise once out of the cell.
28th July, 1 A.A.
Guard fell asleep after climbing up the wall I’ve managed to perch myself above the doorway will wait for guard rotation.
They saw the empty room and thought I escaped they left in such a hurry they didn’t lock the cell door behind them, so far so good.
29th july 1 A.A.
Currently hiding in the woods around Mirthterrah will need to make way home on foot.
Note: it seems they haven’t figured out my identity as an outrealmer will have to be careful to not be seen heading for teegee.
??? 1 A.A.
I have finally lost track of the date may need to learn the elder scrolls calendar after all, I swear I wish I knew which jackass’s idea it was I’d have a few choice words with him that’s for sure. Getting side tracked I think I’ve been going in circles for some time now, luckily the search party gave up after the third night. I’ve also run out of the small amount of food I had pocketed at the collage won’t be able to go one much longer.
Note: chin up man you survived that damnable winter you’ll survive this too.
>will continue after a nap starting to nod off here.
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I was afraid I'd lost this thread! I'm so glad to see it lives yet!
Wilhelm mentioned that one of the engineers at The Hole made a telescope as glassworking practice. Wilhelm thought I’d get the most use out of it, and so it is in my possession for now.

I was never one for stargazing, and I doubt I can improve on our understanding of the cosmos with my limited knowledge in astronomy. Thus, I turned my attention to something closer. Specifically, the moon. One thing I’d always noticed about it that it’s rather large compared to Earth’s. The ports in the Free Kingdoms tend to make a big deal out of tides, and so I theorize that it’s significantly more massive than the one I grew up with.

Massive enough apparently, to support an atmosphere. While it is faint, I could make out a small glow on its sun-facing edge. What this atmosphere is made of, I’m unsure. It did appear somewhat blue, though.

I have also found evidence of the second moon of Orc legend. There is a band stretching across the night sky, through the Mosilia constellation. (Refer to the Felim star charts if you’re unfamiliar with this.)

While I’m talking about astronomy, I might as well include some findings I’d come across. One of The Hole’s scientists had done some experiments and had concluded that the gravity of the planet is 0.92 g. According to the most precise chronological instrument at their disposal, (a recharged cell phone) our day is 25 hours and 8 minutes long. As has been noted, our year is 365 days long, with a leap year every four years. As Earth shares this, I find it to be noteworthy. Whether it’s a coincidence is something that will have to be decided by future generations, as I lack the knowledge and resources to solve the puzzle.

On a tangential note, I enjoy the fact that The Hole is only a five minute walk away from my library. I don’t even have to leave the first floor of the castle!
Just so ya's all know, even though youse is all sleeping and shit, I'm writing up my Tale of the Ork Siege.

Anybody wants to get written in/whatever, email me.

Sir Giovanni, as Captain of the Guard, you cameo'd anyways.
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When were you planning to post it by?
Currently at a thousand words, might go to about three thousand tops.
Gimme another hour and I'll start throwing it up.

Battle at the main gates.
been away so long!
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Superior Lilith pic.
Boy you better have built numidium by now.
been working on a few things, Chaos space marines, dealing with muscular difficulties in my back, but will tales of magical explosion propelled cannonballs suffice?
Most certainly, good sir.
Back problems are a bitch. I hope they clear up for you.
they should, if i stop being a dumbshit laborer and lifting heavy shit like a moron!

i shall commence the tales editations and final touches!
Hello there, I'm the anon from before who was writing in the point-of-view of an outsider. I shall finish my story after I deal with school stuff.
On Hellcannons:

The day was a fateful one, when I unveiled the Hellcannon.

it was in the aftermath of the Orc invasion, where the scant rifles we had had, and what few 'grenades' i had been able to produce were ineffective against such hordes, we needed serious artillery.

Tsar Bomba, Schwerer Gustav Railroad Cannon serious.

Mounting it anywhere but in the outer courtyard of Castle Teegee would be near impossible.
unless i built a massive, Maus sized steel carriage, but even then, even with magical dampening, the recoil woul be tremendous. so i planned out my answer to enemy seigecraft.

As far as plans go it was simple, Shells enchanted to explode with collossal force are loaded into the breach, the breach is sealed, and when the firing cable is pulled, a mallet is swung onto a Magical rune, causing an explosion behind the shell, which is propelled out of the barrell and onto the target.

The problem is not so much the shells, they detonate with earth trembling force. my comrades amongst the dwarves helped me place one on a high peak, far away from any settlement, but the explosion was so large, even five hundred metres away, sheltering behind a stone wall, we felt the earth tremble.

The Problem is the magical explosion behind the shell, and getting a consistent explosion each time, which is important even if we want to fling thick steel balls!

Too powerful and the Cannons breech will rupture and annihilate the crew, which for now is myself and the Dwarven smith Dorf Dorffinson, who seems to be the only other sharing in my obsession with magical firepower.
Alesia is far to busy now to run around with us, Looking after her children, though she picked well, her husband is a fine knight, and the kids even call me 'uncle fatwelder' but i digress.
As i said, if the explosion is too powerful, the cannon misfires, too weak, and the shell or cannonball will not be propelled sufficiently, denying accuracy and range, something i do not wish for.

if i get permission to construct this, this cannon should deter all but the most insane assailants, and when they get within its reach, even warped minds will fear its barbarous roar and earth shattering force.
>Anybody wants to get written in/whatever, email me

Feel free to write me in, and this goes for whoever else wants to.

I have my waifu by the time the orcs invade, but I cant really post the story till fear gets back to me on the dwarf bits. Wouldn't want to cock up all the work he's done in just a few paragraphs now would I?
Blind, arrogant, self righteous, idiots! the council have forbidden constructon of the device, but they did not explicitly forbid me for experimenting with this new technology, and so i shall shrink the size. make it portable on the steel carriage. maybe many barrelled.
Dorf agrees that this avenue needs to be explored. it would allow us to take the fight to any enemy, anytime, anyplace. create our own Seige Regiment, maybe even call it the Kreig 69th if we're feeling juvenile about it.
>Since no one seems to be posting atm I'll finish up my story
Hunger I was so close to forgetting this abominable feeling in hindsight I should have took the time to at least learn basic survival skills before leaving. I look up at the night sky only to feel a drop land on my forehead. “Damnit it just never stops does it.” I mumble to myself as I look for someplace to take shelter from the rain. Only after being thoroughly drench was I able to find shelter in the form of a large crack in a rock face. I sat there cold, tired, and alone. “heh business as usual huh.” After a short laugh at my own expense I began to dose off in a rather uncomfortable position.
When I awoke it was dark, impossibly dark even. I would have thought I was dead if not for my old friend hunger, never can seem to get rid of that guy. As my eye started to adjust to the darkness I fumbled for my small pack mostly filled with notes and my trusty journal, but it also held a small torch. After a great deal of focus I was able to put what I learned from my time in the collage to use making a small flame to light the torch. Now with a source of light I take note of my surroundings, I do believe I am underground seems like a mine definitely not of local human design perhaps dwarven after a quick glance up I ascertain that the ceilings certainly are low enough.
Looking to my feet I notice several runes etched into the surface of the ground forming a circle with a triangle overlaid on top of it.
“well well what do we have here?” I really need to stop talking to myself but upon closer inspection these runes appear rather familiar. Quickly digging through my pack I pull all of the few books from the collage I still had on me, the rest either confiscated by the guards during my arrest while the others should be safe in Castle Waifu’s library right now. While trying to avoid thinking of my friends back home I go through as many pages of as many books as possible hoping to find some clue as to what the runes meant to no avail. “damn I must have sent that book to teegee.” Again talking to myself like a madman. While packing up the books I reach for my journal and quickly draw the runic circle and the different runes in it. Curiosity no longer distracting me from my predicament I begin to search for a passage to the surface, or a pub whichever I find first.
How long has it been hours? Days? The torch has long run out and I’ve taken to feeling along the walls to guide me. My eyes recently adjusted to the darkness well enough to make out small glyphs on the walls, maybe depicting past events? Before I could further muse about what the glyphs could possible mean I am interrupted yet again by my stomach growling.
“Chin up I survived that winter I’ll survive this” I begin chanting the word I wrote in my journal not so long ago to help me keep going.
"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅▃▃▄▄▄▅▅▃▃▄▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅!" a monstrous roar echoes through the tunnel. I don’t think that was my stomach. I turn around to face the direction of the noise.
“Hello could it be you’re a beautiful yet misunderstood maiden looking for love?” I meekly query.
“I thought so….”
I ran harder and faster than I thought possible with me only able to see a foot in front of me it was anyone’s guess where I was going, but when I looked back I saw some grotesque looking figure chasing after me, definitely not a beautiful maiden.
“NOPENOPENOPENOPE” no witty comments here just pure pants soiling fear. As I started to approach my limit I began to tire and started to slow down. With that “thing” starting to gain ground I was about to lose all hope but that was when I saw a light in the distance, hoping it was not the light at the end of the tunnel I picked up speed with seemingly renewed vigor. As I reached the light I found myself in a large space passing by several tables with old rotting paper and tools decorating the surface not sparring a moment to investigate I ran straight down a series of dark corridors that lead up until I finally reached the surface.

If you still haven't decided, my vote is for sweet and adorable.
Relief washed over me but before I could even finish catching my breath I noticed “it” silently watching me in the mouth of the cave almost daring me to go back inside. I merely turned and walked away hoping it decided I wasn’t worth leaving its cave of wonders to eat. After getting a look around I noticed the cave I emerged from was in fact a mountain cave. Trying to ignore the growing list questions I decided to make a beeline away from the cave of wondrous doom. Along the way ate every kind of berry I could find at this because point I just didn’t give a fuck if they were edible soon enough. I eventually found a familiar road leading to teegee. Finally making it to my little slice of heaven in the hole I lay down and start to drift off I start to dread having to report that cave to the council.
> that's it for today tell me how you liked it.
How on earth do you type those symbols out?

That kind of font would be great for my stories!
Remind me what Arms you fight with again?
Remembered seeing the font in Fate/stay night spent about 30 min trying to find how to type it then i just gave up and copy and pasted it from here

This intrigues me. And it would save me some time too, since I'd no longer have to write my own separate orc piece.
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Short, long bladed spear for precision, bastard sword/scimitar lovechild for choppy.

Was going to write myself in suit of heavy armour but now lack the time, so feel free to write that in too if you'd like.

pic related, plumage will come from mai waifu
PS How did you like the cameo from part 2? Never got your opinion on that.
Are we under-estimating the sheer cost involved in magic here? There's a reason enchantments aren't widely used. Making anything more than one gun would be kinda impractical, not to mention the ammo for it. Also, like you said, the explosions are kind of too variable. Not the greatest idea in the world, all in all.
I'll send you what I have written so far, or a link to a google doc or something, you are free to help and collaborate.

Thanks for the weapons, will write you in.

Loved the cameo in Part 2 was pretty awesome.
precisely the point i'm coming to, although that will have to wait for another day. times slipped away, and i have to be awake for work in less than five hours....sleepless laboring is not so good.

I'll probably be a while before I have a chance to add anything, I have to go to class shortly.
emailed. Yeah, don't fret, its nearly midnight here, so bed for me.



I have a 4 day weekend every week. I think I win.
I'm currently on mid semester break. I win relatively.
It'd be interesting to see the kind of anachronism we come up with.

Look at it like this: If firearms are powerful, but not widespread, we could end up with a small corps of modern riflemen (eventually) with maybe a tank in support... Alongside regiments of pikemen and knights. Insane, yes. Unbelievable? Probably. Unlikely? Perhaps. Awesome? Almost certainly.
I earn lots of money. How about you?

Being called Sir, despite being a Sergeant-Major, is going to be hilariously funny in my next story, ala "Welcome to the Guard!".

"B-b-but you're one of the first Harem Knights Sir...."

No one in a tourist town wants to hire people when all the tourists are gone.
That sucks man. I work in Trucks, In Australia, so my job is very safe. Trucks can't stop in Aus, or teh country goes under.

Bah, listen to me tell of teh Old Realm, where it no longer matters to us.

Yes. I shall use the art of the written word to live out my unrealistic fantasies.
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I'm game.
Rolled 1

Wooo! Fatwelder's back! Caught up on the threads? I hope you don't mind I borrowed your character for that one story.

Anyway, rolling to tell me which story I should write since it's currently tied at 2 for ADVENTURE and 2 for SMUT. 1 will indicate ADVENTURE, and a 2 will indicate SMUT.
ADVENTURE it is! Brace yourselves chaps, this may take a bit.
Send me an email and I'll shoot you the linky to the Google Doc.

You can write yourself in, or leave me instructions and stuffs.
New entry
Well, looks like we've got us a house here in Teegee. Teegee is the way to spell it, it seems. Fooled me. It's nothing too spectacular, but it's a house, it's comfortable, and I've gotten to the point where I'm somewhat capable of carving out furniture. Somewhat. The sofa still needs some work, no idea how I'm getting through that one. I still suspect Belen was pulling the strings behind this whole ordeal. Tried to confront her about it, didn't get anywhere. She's involved in all of this, I just know it. Whatever the case, I'm not complaining. This is a nice new life I've managed to settle in to. Spend my days working here and there. Sometimes I'm a, what they call, "live training dummy" to whatever group needs me. Most of the time I'm off using my old talent of being remarkably unremarkable to pick up gossip, rumors, and all sorts of neat stuff. I'm compiling it all for someone who plans on putting out a newspaper kind of thing, no idea how he's going to do that. Magic, I guess. They need this sort of thing to fill pages, though, and apparently it helps sell. I'm getting paid quite fairly for it, so I have no problems. Sometimes I'll even go out to a tavern or a street corner and rattle off some 60s and 70s songs. From what I've gathered, I'm one of the few still possessing a great knowledge of those songs, so the people who like them tend to be quite grateful with their donations. Haven't had the same success with any of the Lake Wobegon stories. Guess old man humor's a dying thing. Still, I get to come home every night to a woman who is also partly a cow. Not where I saw myself being, but I can deal with it. Wonder what mom and dad would think of that? I should probably just stop thinking about the past all together, there's no going back.
Annya and I are planning on giving the local milk producers a run for their money. We're saving up bottles so we can clean them out, fill them up, and sell them at the same price as everybody else. We'll have the advantage of Holstaurus milk, so I imagine we'll start stealing away quite a bit of business from the others. It also gives Annya something to do. The two of us can't drink all the milk she can put out in a day and I'd much rather not see it go to waste.
According to somebody from the castle, we're about a third of the way into our third year here. 3 A.A., as they call it, A.A. meaning After Arrival. The calendar confuses the heck out of me, so I just nod and pretend to understand it.
Well, Diary, can't imagine much more reason to write in you. I actually have someone to confide in now. I guess this whole entry is really just a formality. I probably need to hold off on using paper on things that aren't projects. Gave the Pre Calculus book to someone in the castle, they can probably use it much better than I'll ever be able to.
So kiss me and smile for me.
Tell me that you'll wait for me.
Hold me like you'll never let me go.

--Journal of Justin Winchester, certainly not a knight.
Mind giving my part 3 a proofread? Plan to post the first half tonight, as 7k ish words is a bit long for one dump.
Continued from previous thread-
"You've got it." She replied with a quick nod, once again dragging me along until we were at a small house about mid-city. It seemed homier than an inn so I figured it would suffice.
She sat down on a couch, her tail flicking back and fourth as she patted the seat next to her. I sat down cross-legged next to her, not exactly sure what to say so I just looked at her a bit awkwardly.
"So Deja. You come from the Kanin Homeland right?"
"Yes." I said simply.
"Do you have any family living here?"
I sighed, "No... I don't really have much of a family. Been on my own for a long time."
"Aww..." She said with a sigh, "I'm sorry."
"It... it's fine. I'm fine. It's what I know." I replied with a shrug.
"That's a little sad though."
"It really..." The Felim pulled me into her chest for a hug. I twitched, at the sign of effection and then began to growl. I pushed her away and continued to growl. Her ears flicked down and I sighed. This was no way to make friends, "I'm sorry. That was very rude of me. I suppose if we are going to live together you might need to know a little bit about me. Unlike a quite a bit of the other Kanin I'm more wild." I pulled her hand into mine and sighed, "I came here for adventure and I know I have to at least try to be nice to others if I want to get in on any of it."
Shey's ears flicked up, fear melting away, she appeared to be a rather happy-go-lucky type. "It's alright." She said with a smile, "Hey, we could go and see my friends tomorrow, maybe get you some pretty clothes too."
"Uhm... I really don't have much money."
"What a coincidence. I don't either." She replied with a laugh. "I know a certain tailor though that we can get a... discount from."
"Uhm... what?" I asked with the raise of an eyebrow.
"You really don't know people do you?" She asked with a sigh, "I flirt with him and he gives me stuff."
"Yeah. Now you're getting it." She replied with a sigh and then a laugh, "You'll be some fun Deja."
The next day Shey had introduced me to her best friend, another Felim by the name of Deena. She had white ears, tail and hair and her eyes were a fair blue. She was a lot like Shey, excitable and fun. We then headed to the tailor which Shey had spoke of.
"Mister Thomas!" She called, practically purring. There was a thud from behind the desk and a shorter man poked his head out, his hair was brown and he wore thick-rimmed glasses on his nose.
"Ooh, Miss Shey... and Miss Deena." He said nervously, his cheeks turning pink, "And who is this?"
"She's Deja. She just recently came here." She said, leaning over the desk, batting her eyelashes, "I'm afraid the poor girl doesn't have much in the realm of clothing and not much when it comes to money either."
I looked down at myself. I was wearing what was practical. Shorts, a tank top, gloves and... no shoes. Perhaps that was what she had meant. But I didn't like shoes. I don't want to wear shoes.
"Oh. Then come come." He said, looking at me, "What would you like to wear."
"I was thinking she needs a nice dress. Maybe yellow to match those pretty eyes of hers. Or purple." She said, circling me, "And hun, we're going to have to do something about that hair of yours." she said, pulling a leaf out of it.
"So which is it." He said, "Yellow or purple?" He asked with a sigh.
"Dresses aren't really my thing." I said. Apparently no one had heard me.
"Purple. Perhaps something that hugs those curves of hers." Shey stated.
Deena began plucking out more of the leaves that were in my hair. I twitched and looked back at her, resisting the urge to growl. Shey began whispering something to the tailor.
"You won't even have to wait for me to make that Miss Shey." He said with a smile, "It's already made. We'll just have to see how she looks in it."
"yay!" She said, grabbing me and dragging me along. Thomas gave her the garments which he was talking about. She pulled me into a spare room and began tearing off my clothes. She then shoved something over my head. It was very loose material. When I could see again I examined myself in a mirror she held up. The dress went down just above my knees and there was a slit that reached up a bit higher. It really didn't look that bad.
I began to growl as they started plucking leaves out of my hair and throwing random clothes at me to try on. This really just wasn't what I was up for. Deena didn't seem to realize it but Shey appeared to understand a little. After that fiasco was over and Shey and I had returned to her house she sat me down once again.
"Deja. You don't like this much do you?"
"N-no No I don't." I said, shaking my head.
"Well... You need to get out and go find adventure. That seems to be what you're interested in. I'm not. I just want a steady and safe life."
"I understand that." I said with a nod.
"You don't have to go with Deena and me places alright? It's fine. I understand. Just promise me something." Shey said, putting her hands on mine again.
"When you go off on your adventure and leave my house, please come back sometime and tell me your stories, okay?"
"Okay." I replied with a nod and a grin.
She kissed me on each cheek and I then went off to bed.
I wasn't able to sleep though for I knew that tomorrow I would be heading off to perhaps meet some people who had the same taste of excitement as me.
Mourn with me, for I have killed hundredsMight be a slight exaggeration. of innocent frogs while mowing the lawn in the past two days.
I hate mowing.
Hmm, no idea what to write about today. I'm not sure of the direction my character's going to take just yet.

I can see him doing everything in his power to become some kind of warlord, though. Hmm...ideas?
Conan what is best in life?
I have absolutely no idea what you mean, good sir. I'm assuming it's a Conan the Barbarian reference, but since the movie/books aren't available down here...well, yea.
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Conan one of the best warlords of all time is what I am talking about.
Geez, nearly 2 hours now.
Hey, what's the literacy rate of Mirthterrah like? I'm thinking of writing some Mitrhterran propaganda, and I want to know if I should frame it as a newspaper article or something a town crier would read.
Yep. Also writing a Outlanders guide where Lilly helps. By doing science. Lilly likes science.
I think its some where around 50% but don't quote me.
Alright, I'm all caught up. I'm going to be busy for most of the weekend, so I'll try and get through part of the current story tonight.
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There is a brief, fleeting moment upon waking when you know absolutely nothing. It's an interesting feeling, as your brain boots up and you feel everything come meet you in one brief moment. Faint sunlight streamed in through the window, a layer of frost covering the other side. Blankets formed a barrier between me and the chilly air. There was also something close to me; it was warm, a pleasant contrast to the cold.
The Felim lay on my chest, breathing softly. It needs not be said that I very much wanted to stay there forever. And yet, I had dungeon diving to do.
>Engaging hug and roll. Get off your ass, Al.
I regretfully escaped, and rummaged around the room for my armor. Chainmail, plates, belts, all were strapped on. The sallet and bevor I admired in my hands I always found immensely stylish, as if Robocop and Darth Vader had filthy helmet sex and this was their medieval bastard child. However, helmets were too cumbersome to wear all the time, so I carried it from a strap on my belt. Carefully, I took my trusty sword and board from where it hung on the wall. Sure, the blade on this was more plain than the finely etched sword I won in the festival a few months ago, but I'd used it longer and it felt better in my hands. Finally, I snatched up a satchel. It contained dried meats, a wineskin, and a few other supplies for the trip. Geared up and grinning, I pointed a finger at the now empty bed.
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"Leaving so soon?" a voice sounded from behind. Damn, I was hoping to be mysterious today.
"Business beckons."
"Business beckons too much during winter" Turning around, I faced the Felim, only to be met with another firm hug around my torso, getting a nice look at the top of her head.
"Hey, I didn't want me to get up and go, either."
"I told you, you should have saved up more money to wait out winter. Now you have to work...Your armor is cold."
"Well" I got ready to pry her away, a difficult thing to do to one's waifu, doubly so when they're only in a nightgown.
"You can help me warm it when I get back"
And with a kiss, I stepped into the shallow snow.
An Outlander's Guide to Indigenous Species, Dragons. Dragons are the most powerful of the mortal races. Though mortal is a bit of a stretch, from my research dragons just seem to keep growing as they age. The only problem with this is that there should be a bunch of giant dragons running around, but there are none. Then again they do have a pure human form, so they could be walking among us and we would never know. Well you could probably figure it out if you looked for people with huge amounts of magical talent and loads of treasure. Problem is that describes a good deal of the population of Teegee.

Anyway back to dragons. In my studies I have found that they come not only in many colors, but also in many variations. I met a nice female dragon who had feathers, also met a male dragon with fish like scales and gills. Frankly I have no clue to what causes these vast variations in dragon biology. My best guess would be throw back genes to some distant ancestor. I wish I had the tools to find out, but alas it's not to be.

The other odd thing about dragons is that they don't have a society as we would see it. They are highly insular, keeping only with their immediate family. Though my interactions with dragons are limited, so there could be some great dragon city out there and I have only met nomadic dragons.
Now on to the part where I know the most about dragons. Fighting them in dragon form. First off the weak spots. Eyes are good as they are rather large but the dragon has a lot of play in the neck to easily dodge. Then there are the armpits, one of the few unarmored spots. Hard to get a good hit, but a spear should give you an edge. Then we have the biggest weak-spot, the wings. These should be your first priority. Fuck up the wings well enough and the odds even out greatly. I recommend arrows for the wings, aim for the center of the wing, you make a big enough wound and down they go. Now we come to the best and worst weak spot. Dragons are not fire proof on the inside. They have three chemical chambers in their bodies. One in the snout, one in the stomach, and one in the throat. Under normal circumstances the chemicals only mix as they leave the body. As its the chemical in the nose that ignites the fire. So get a good flame down the throat and BOOM dragon heart burn. The trick is to get the flame in them as smart dragons keep their mouths shut.

The next thing to think about when fighting a dragon is tactics. Any dragon with half a brain will fight you in an open field on a windy day. The dragons greatest strength is not its fire or its magic though they do factor in. Its air superiority that makes them deadly. A smart dragon will stay high out of range of arrows and fling magic down and breath fire at people in a quick swooping pass. The dumb ones, which I have never actually met. I assume that they are all dead, but I hear stories about them. Try to fight in small enclosed spaces. In theory this would work, but it takes away the dragons biggest advantage, movement.

And now I turn the pen over to Lilly who decide to study dragon physiology, which really just means she went out and felt up some dragons.
OK, well see dragons in human form are reality normal, but there skin is really sensitive. Especially the boobies. See female dragons don't have breasts in dragon form so they tend to not be used to them. Also scales. Then we get to the meat of things, boy dragons have inneies instead of outeies. How did I learn this well... I found a sleeping dragon in a cave. And I wanted to get to know her. So what better way than a little tail. See both male and female dragons have scale flaps and you can't really tell whats in side 'till you poke around. But I didn't know that at the time. So I started to slide my tail in to get her measurements. When I poked up against something that was either the words biggest clit or a dragon dick. Turns out it was the dick, Deciding not to let this opportunity to pass up some good science I wrapped my tail around it. I would have to say four inches wide and 10 long flaccid. After a few more moments of measuring the dick slide out at an incredible speed. At errect I would have to say five and a half inched wide and pushing 16 inches. And I could have easily fit a finger in. This left one final test, load out. Frankly I have to say for the size of the cannon the round was disappointing. So far nothing has been able to match a good demon cock when it come to output. This makes me sad, but I think I'm making process with a certain spell.
“Lilly, remind me why did I let you help?”
“It was either let me help or help me with my new spell.”
“I like me just the way I am.”
“Oh fine, will you at least help with making my new toy. The god dong. With a good nine inches at the base and the ability to shoot off a gallon it will be amazing. I can't wait to test it out on Meina.”
“And I can't wait to see Meina kill you after you force that monstrosity into her.”
“Hey she knows the rules, its her week to do testing.”
“I still can't believe you two opened a sex toy and fetish clothing store.”
“Hey its a huge hit, that's why we need to keep making new products so we don't lose attention.”
“Between the name an...”
“Whats wrong with the name Lilly's Magical Place?”
“Like I said, that and the fact that you have live demonstrations and give lessons. I don't think its possible to lose customers.”
“You say it like there is something wrong with giving lessons to those who need them. Some mixes really need to be explained. Like that Gorgon and Merman couple, they really need some help figuring things out. Its a shame that we didn't open earlier then we might have been able to help Sir Iris.”
“I never said there was anything wrong with it I just can't believe that you and Meina have been able to run a successful store.”
“Well we couldn't drink all the milk Meina puts out and since it has such enhanceive properties in the stamina department. It was a logical step and everything just fell into place after that. And really the clothes were all so fuddyduddy and impractical. And after those people selling swimwear I realized that this world could really use better underthings. Like all those poor girls like Meina who need a little extra support. I am saving many a woman from early sagging.”
“Yes Lilly your humanitarian work is truly amazing. You just like helping girls find the perfect fit.”
“People always say to work with what you love.”
Fuck it, I'm assuming that the Mirthterran commoners are usually literate.
That works. I don't think anyone would argue with you over that.
Remind me to stay clear of that place. Those magic beads were more than enough.
85% of what they sell is normal. Its the other stuff you have to watch out for. Also the staff look out for the customers safety. Even Lilly. They make sure you know exactly what you are getting your self into. Writing up a piece about the oping day right now.
I like this. I really, really like this. Of course, I've always liked taking something mystical and giving it a sci-fi twist. Keep it up, this shit is getting good.

And while I'm here, I might as well pimp 10 Billion Days and 100 Billion Nights. Read it!

So no tricks like with the magic beads? I might have to check this place out, if only to satisfy my curiosity. Though I shall be appropriately wary.
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It may have been because it was early morning, but the town was very quiet. The only sound was my boots crunching in the snow. The silence let me think. The trip wasn't very long, three days over, a day for a solo dive, and three days back with the loot. Walking and insulating my armor would keep me relatively warm. There wasn't much left to do besides walk to my destination.
....Don't don't don't
>Sup bitch
What is it now, brain?
>You should get a spear
I'm fine with half-swording.
I throw my shield.
Sword does that in a pinch.
>You're no fun.
You're annoying.
Nope that was just Lilly being a dick and that sort of thing is not good for business. Though for the more daring they do have wildcard deals. Watch out for wildcard deals they come in a special red box with an ace on them.
i can vouch for the, what's the worksafe way to say this, "warming gel". works great with a lamia on a cold winter's night
And that's why they help out couple with odd things. Different races different things.

You'll have to get Meina to talk to Belle and Kuro. They're afraid of anything Lilly gives them now.
After I get the store hammered down I could see that happening. Have a few co-written pieces could be fun.

Gearheart, Lilly, and Meina are probably well acquainted with Kuro and Belle.
I imagine so, what I meant to say was after I had gotten the store right I would enjoy working with you on such a piece. As I never feel right writing other peoples characters.

I know what you mean.
i can also vouch for some dwarven warding runes that are placed around your house that glow and give demons headaches when they enter your home at three in the morning to offer "advice" and make sure you're using their merchandise correctly.
Commoners? Literate? HA! How else do you think their monarchy has survived the last thousand years? It's through ignorance and superstition.

There are commoners who can read, though, and there's a surprisingly rich oral folk-culture, but to say the literacy rate among the common-folk is above 35% would be very VERY generous.
Implying Lilly would enter you house when she could get in your head. Mindpowers for the win.
Anyone have a character who would enter a boxing tourney?
implying i didn't have my helm warded against shit like that after the first three times
i don't walk around everywhere fully armored just because i look good
Al might. Can't say how well he'd do, since his go to weapon is always "swords".
And we have found a true adventure. He wears his armor to bed. Good man.

Well I have done some boxing in my time so GearHeart would most likely give it a go.
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>Not being Stylish.
I specifically said in my current story, I chose the sallet because it looks like Robocop's and Darth Vader's lovechild.

I don't know if Kuro could beat Gearheart...
Well he would probably go easy on her.

The cute girl who floored the guy who decided it was a good idea to punch her in the face?
She's a dragon, he's a human. When it comes to hits and stamina, I'd be more worried about the Orks than GearHeart.

Anyway, the idea that Lilly has a sex shop amuses me greatly. I can just see Lem being against going. Not because he doesn't like making things interesting, but because Lilly. That's enough for him.

Also, I do hope you have a trajectory for Lilly to become more... contained. At her current rate, she's gonna end up stripped of her title and rank in the Knights Harem.
GearHeart likes a good match better than winning when it comes to the martial arts. And you did say it was just boxing. Now if it was MMA that would be a different story. But yeah GearHearts not going to go full out unless its a life or death thing. Going at it full power was how I broke a dudes rib.
She is going to be come more contained. I haven't done many stories after the night when she broke into Lem's place. And in the few I did do after that time she was a normal person. After getting drunk she starts to reel it in. I plan on writing a bit about her coming home that morning and deciding to give normal a shot.
Also Implying GearHearts still human.

I have the ref telling the participants that it's a bad idea to hit someone in the head even though it's within the rules. That stuff kills, ya know.
Good point, going with that instead.
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Two days is a really long time for someone who never learned music.

I arrived at the dungeon entrance, what appeared to be a wooden door in the side of a hill. A chalk marking from TeeGee scouts indicated that it was as of yet unexplored, and estimated to be fairly small, enough for one man to work well. I donned my helmet, strapped my shield to my left arm, and grasped my sword with my right, and clipped a lantern to my belt.
Slowly, I pulled the door open with a heavy creak. The inside was cold and dry, smelled like dirt, and started with a long stairwell into an eerie darkness.
Shield in front, I descended for several minutes, until the tree roots stopped reaching down, the soil grew rocky, and the stairs stopped at a gray stone tunnel. A chilly fog clung to the floor. Unlit torches lined the walls, set ablaze as I stopped by to amend the darkness, and warm my bones a tad.
>All this needs now is some skeletons. Gettin' spooky up in here yo.
>And so began Alaric's quest to get real Outrealm style underwear.
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did someone say skeletons
Honestly, true literacy among commonfolk is probably closer to 15%, and the majority of that is Church of Myrthter clergy. another 20-30% might have varying degrees of semi-literacy, able to write their own name and know how to count and write numbers, but the best they'll probably be able to read are general notices put up in the town square, if they're lucky.

This of course completely ignores the Merchant class, who tend to be well read enough to do their business.
I never said anything about blows to the head but yes that stuff is dangerous. One time in a match with a friend of mine. Well the friend was a great friend but he was also like my real life rival when it came to martial arts. So there we are in the octagon, match starts. He out right just swings at my nose as soon as the we started. Wasn't expecting it as he was always a let them come to him kind of guy. I am seeing stars and I give a mighty right cross dead on with his nose. He goes down. Nose is just busted, blood everywhere. To this day his nose is still crooked as can be.
I was thinking I should draw a pic that was a time line that had Lillys deviance mapped out to a line graph

They're everywhere!
And what are wheel skeletons anyway?
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The best thing since the Capra Demon.
there's two ways you can go about this
1. stay blissfully ignorant

2.go play dark souls right now, you'll know them when you see them and it will be hilarious (for us)
Implying that game was hard. It was a cake walk compared to Super Ghouls and Ghosts
Hey folks. Figured I'd try something before bed. Here's just something that was bouncing around my head.

“I will not mince words, recruits. I know many of you are here, worried what fresh hell will be heaped upon you today. For the last two weeks, you have been abused, belittled, your honour, pride and dignity stripped from you and ground into the filth beneath the boots of your drill instructors. I know for a fact many of you have been reduced to tears. Some of your number have broken under the strain and left the course. There is no shame in this. There is a very good reason why you have been put through so much and it is this: Your instructors were under orders to break you.”
“War is not glorious. It is brutal, bloody, filthy and terrible. More than just swords, arrows and spears, you will face mental strain and stress the like of which you have never seen before. That is why your instructors pushed you so hard. That is why they left you emotionally drained and battered. This is what you will be expected to endure in war. You must know not only that you can take it, but that the man or woman standing next to you can as well. You have shown that you can do just that. You have survived the first stage of your training and for that, you may have your pride and your dignity. Do not think that from here it is easy however. You have withstood the hammer-blow of a charge, now you have to endure the pressure of a prolonged melee.”
“Over the next thirty weeks, you will be pushed to your limits and past them. You have earned the title of recruits, but you have a long way to go before you are Men At Arms. It takes more than courage and skill at arms. You need to learn to act as a unit, as one being with a hundred hands and a hundred legs and a hundred eyes. If one of you acts, it is because you are ALL acting. When you attack, your companions attack with you and watch your flanks. When you defend, you cover your companions and they cover you. Individually, you are few in number and you are weak, but together, you form something greater than all of you alone. The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts.”
“War is a gruesome business and I said correctly there is no glory in it. There is no glory in taking another thinking, feeling being’s life. There is glory only in protecting what is precious; the lives, happiness and freedom of your loved ones and that of all Teegee. There is glory only in fighting for what is right; to protect the innocent and preserve peace and justice. This is the only glory you will win in the Men At Arms. That is precisely what you will train for and live for and fight for. You can take pride in knowing that so long as you fight for those things; for freedom, happiness, peace and justice and so long as you fight with honour, you will be honoured. First however, you have to become Men At Arms.”
“If you want to be the best, you must earn that title. If you want that dignity and pride so arduously earned this past fortnight, you will work for it like you have never worked before. Just because you instructors are not actively trying to break you any longer does not mean that some of you will not still break and fail under the strain. We are asking a lot of you. There is no question of that. But what we have built here... This haven of love, acceptance, tolerance, peace, hope and happiness... I ask you if that is not worth your best?”
“Give us your best and you will have it in return. This land is ours. This land, these lives are ours to cherish and to defend. If anyone seeks to take that from us, they go through you first! They go through the elite! They go through the Men At Arms! Show us you’re worth that title recruits!”
- Sir Andrew, central author of the Andrian Military Reforms, speech to the first class of Men At Arms recruits, 23rd Last Seed 4A.A.
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Something was in the distance, barely visible. As I lit another torch, it retreated, just out of sight.
"Hello? Are you gold?" I called, and it advanced.
The thing was a pale, deformed creature. It was hunched, vertebrae quite noticeably poking against the skin, and its head looked as if someone had took a man's and partially folded it in, like clay. In its spindly hands it gripped a spear, well, more of a sharpened stick really. It, along with the creature's hands and face were caked with dried red and brown fluids.
>Oh what the ungodly fuck.
Giving a shrill cry, it galloped at me, running like a cross between gorilla and man. With one mighty shove, my shield bashed it to the ground. The sword followed quickly, slipping through the ribs, piercing the lung and heart. It gasped for air and quickly died.
"I don't know what the FUCK you are, mate, but you better not have any buddies hiding."
I sidestepped around the corpse, and continued as I was, very cautious for more monstrosities.
There we go. I figured I'd try to give a little bit of insight into the espirit be corps of the Men At Arms, we well as little hints as to their training. I wanted to keep it fairly open though, considering others might want their own stories of Men At Arms basic training.

Essentially, after two weeks of living Full Metal Jacket, the recruits start their REAL training, the first 14 days being designed to test psychological toughness. 32 weeks is the length of training for the Royal Marine Commandos, which is widely regarded as some of the longest and toughest training in the world. I figured if we went with something based on that, we can't go far wrong.
>Andrian Military Reforms
Well, I gotta say, that sure is a mighty big head Andrew has, taking such credit for military reforms after not only completely missing the conflict against the Orks (understandably so) and then almost throwing us into war with Mirthterrah as soon as you got back. I say this with humor rather than scorn, since text does not afford tone

I would have named it something less self-aggrandizing and more general, not to mention probably put on a different hat to tell the tale. Sir Andrew I don't think fits that tone from what you've written of him so far.
Not doing psych training and combat training at the same time. Not going shock and awe from day one and nearly killing killing the recruits. I really need to write more about the combat monsters. Problem is I have to many balls in the air.
Decision time gents.

Next part can either be one chunk now and the rest later(when its polished to an acceptable level)


Both parts together in one huge 7-8k plus wordsplosion later when its all done?
I'd say do it in parts. It makes it easy to digest and put out there.
One chunk now, rest later!
One chunk now, rest later!

Dealing with a similar problem here, as I
write up the second half of the demon saga.
Just do one chunk at a time. I literally write as I go.
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>You know, you really think something this freaky wouldn't be able to exist, jacked up fantasy land or not.
I stared down at the third beast so far. These things were not worth rocks and two gold coins.
>At least they go down easy.
"Who the Hell even makes something like these?" I said as I continued onwards.
That would be retarded
>Well, let's get to the bottom of this, then.
As I advanced, the walls started to be less natural. Patterns began to cover the smooth stone, including strange symbols I couldn't recognize. Cul-
>It's Nazis, isn't it?
Looks like a pretty decisive win for split starting shortly.
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That’s what people started calling me after 2 years of freeing slaves nearly full time. Still hadn’t found my waifu yet but I had stopped worrying myself too much over it. A now firm believer in destiny, I was sure we would find each other when fate meant us to. No point trying to rush fate right? My work kept me plenty fulfilled as it was, and I really didn’t have time to fuss over it between trips. My life was now pretty routine, consisting of seeking out slave markets and slavers, freeing all the slaves I came across using various methods I learned in my travels. After coming back with an entourage of freed slaves, I would go home to collect the coin my mysterious benefactors had left for me in ever increasing quantities before setting off again.

The money in the kegs? No, I still have no clue who is leaving those for me, but I have my suspicions. Pretty much all of the coin was put directly into my anti slavery operations, paying for transportation, bribes and the largest share going directly to subsidizing the freed slaves costs of living until they got on their feet.

How many slaves came back with me in 2 years you ask? Somewhere around 341, but who’s keeping track right?
In those two years I had ventured to most of the lands west of Teegee. From the Snarletooth Isles to the Free Kingdoms and nearly everything in between already visited, I started to prepare for my most difficult trip to date. I was to venture south into the Desert of 1000 Sands for the first time.

Besides the dangers of the Desert itself it is surrounded by dangerous lands, with the Knolls and Orcs to the north and east and the Drow in their mountains to the west. It is nearly inaccessible to all but the most determined and prepared. I had been putting it off because of the risks.

Loaded up on a small garron with week’s worth of food rations and carrying a hefty sum of gold, I set out with a group of adventurers headed towards the Gnomish Holds, glad to have company for at least a small stretch of my journey. Reaching the first of the Gear Cities, the others wished me luck and, after restocking, I began the most perilous leg of the journey alone.
Hugging the mountains as close as I dared, my little garron and I crept past the edge of the Knoll wastes, the rumors surrounding the inhabitant’s keeping me wary. Alone with just a small horse, we would be easy pickings if anything hostile came across us. After a few nerve wracking days and thankfully drawing no unwanted attention, we finally broke free of the wastes into the Desert of 1000 Sands. So named for the hundreds of colours the grains of sand came in, it truly was a beautiful sight to behold. With my task’s difficulty increased tenfold due to my quarry’s nomadic nature, sightseeing would have to wait.

Most maps show a mighty river bordering the desert running from the mountains flowing through Harpy Canyon and reaching the sea at the great city of Serrid, the Jewel of the Sands. This river is where I began my search.

Travelling along its banks, I had planned to follow the river and use it as a water source and hoping the peoples here did the same. Vegetation thick for a hundred metres on each side of the water, there was plenty of shade and fresh food and several days had passed rather uneventfully when disaster struck.
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Walking through the grasses lining the shores, my horse stepped on a viper. Screaming in pain the horse reared up, throwing me and my saddlebags off its back before racing off through the plant life out of sight. That was the last time I saw that horse alive.

The next few days we some of the most trying days of my life, maybe even worse than the first winter, at least to me. Staying warm in the cold for me is easy, trudging through the desert heat carrying saddlebags full of food and gold is not. After 3 days, I was preparing to ditch my bags when I saw them.

Camels, dozens of them.

Stretching from the water’s edge all the way over a nearby dune, dozens of camels grazing and drinking from the river. Maybe I could grab one and ride it? It was worth a shot if it meant I could continue on, so I had to try.

I had just started toward the camels when I heard him.
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Then I saw him, walking out from behind some of the camels toward me. A dark skinned man of average build sporting a turban and a large beard, flashing me a smile as he walked that glinted in the sunlight.


He finally reached me, still too stunned to respond with anything coherent.
“You look tired my good friend! Come come, you can rest in my tent and share tea with Hassan before you buy camel!” He said as he lead me up the dune.
“Tea? Tent?” Were the only words I could stammer out. I saw nothing but a herd of camels.

As we crested the sandy slope, I saw the largest, most extravagant tent I have ever seen. Every surface embroidered elegantly and tassels aplenty, it was a tent fit for kings. Above the entrance hung a banner that read “CRAZY HASSANS USED CAMEL EMPORIUM”.

Leading me through the entrance, he sat me down at a table then sat opposite and said.

“Most honoured guest, tell Hassan of your troubles while my wife serves us tea!”

“W-wife?” I again stammered, still too flabbergasted to utter anything longer than a syllable.

Out of the corner of my eye, a woman approached with a tray laden with tea. Finally getting a good look at her, the most beautiful human woman in existence flashed me a smile as she set down our drinks. I still have no words to describe her beauty, and I dare not sully her perfection trying. Bowing away once she was finished, she vanished again out of the corner of my vision when Hassan spoke again.
“Tell Hassan of your journey most cherished customer, for a man does not walk in the desert without a camel unless he is in trouble! Or unless he has sold his camel to Hassan for fair and honest price!”

I told him of my journey, but left out the slaver hunting bits, unsure if I could trust the man. He listened intently for the better part of an hour. When I finally finished he again launched into his frantic pace of speaking.

“You in trouble because you ride horse! Better ride camel! Drink less water, die less often! Horse step on snake, horse dies! Camel step on snake, snake dies instead! Come now, Hassan has perfect camel for you! Only slightly used! Take you exactly where you need to go! Very good price! Great bargain!”

How he found time to breath I will never know.
Leading me to a camel, he patted the side of its neck and said.

“This camel is camel for you! Camel know where you need to go, even if you don’t! Great bargain! Half off on better-than-new camel! Barely used! Throw in good blanket when you buy, Hassan thinks you will be needing it!”

“I’ll take the camel, but I fear I may need more camels in the future. Will you be here should I need more?” I asked.

This caused Hassan to furrow his brow and frown, the first time I had seen him do so.

“Hassan cannot stay here, for Hassan has valued customers both old and new who need Hassan elsewhere.” he said. As quickly as his frown appeared, the smile reappeared.

“Hassan has another great bargain for his newest, most valued customer! Hassan sell you camel, and for just 20% more he throws in a herd of pocket camels! Great value!”
For the countless time this meeting I was confused.

“P-pocket....camels?” I asked cautiously.

Hassan beamed again.

“Camel that fits in pocket, always have the number of camels you need!” He said while stuffing a pouch into my saddlebags beside the blanket.

Wait...when the hell had my saddlebags been strapped on the camel?

Leading the camel and me back out the entrance, he again boomed

Now facing the open desert with the tent at our backs, Hassan nearly pushed me into the saddle before asking for his payment. A paltry sum by any standard, I gladly paid him and attempted to give him extra but Hassan just shook his head.

“Hassan could never take more from our most honoured customer, but tell your friends to buy from CRRAAAZZY HASSAN’S for all of their camel needs!” said Hassan as he started back towards his tent.

Sitting there on my new ride, I briefly absorbed everything that had taken place over the past few hours. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds before I realized I had never thanked him.
Turning in the saddle, I began to shout.

“THANK YOU HASSannnnn......?”

Nothing was there. No tent. No great herd of camels. Nothing between me and the river. Everything was just....gone.

I was still staring slack jawed when my new camel started plodding into the desert, in a direction of its own choosing.
Once my brain pulled itself back together inside my skull and I realised the camel was leading me into the desert, I attempted to steer him back toward the river. I say attempted because I couldn’t change the camels course, no matter what I tried. Reins didn’t work, heels couldn’t phase him, I even tried dismounting and leading him back on foot! Nothing could deter this camel from his unknown destination, always moving inexorably forward. I soon gave up trying, letting the camel do its own thing. He seemed to know where he was going anyway.

The next day, my camel leads me to a small tent city beside an oasis.

About 50 tents ranging from tiny to large, I estimated the groups population to number around 150. Riding into “town” on my camel, I put up a veil over my face hoping to attract less undesirable attention. I refilled my canteen and allowed the camel to drink his fill while I surveyed the area for those I hunted. Supposedly in Serridia slavers could sell their “goods” in the open, making my job both much easier and much harder. Easier to find them but harder to eliminate them without creating fallout for myself or TeeGee as a whole.

Not seeing anything in the immediate vicinity, I started into the “streets”.
I found myself in a sort of market, merchants peddling all sorts of wares. Delicious spices, vibrantly coloured fabrics, beautiful jewels and coloured glass all around me, I got to work. I bought several pounds of various spices, because while they were relatively cheap here, back up north the stuff was worth a small fortune. As I paid the old woman, I whispered my question into her ear.

A long wrinkled finger stretched toward a shady looking man at the edge of the market, standing in front a closed tent.

Slipping the woman another small coin as I thanked her, I made my way over to him. A large man with a long black moustache and goatee slicked into a point, he wore a long red robe lined with black and carried an ornate walking stick. He looked up at my approach and frowned.

“What do you want?” He practically growled.

“I understand I can buy...certain goods from you, for the right price of course.” I returned calmly.

I had done this dozens of times now, spooking them early only ever made my job harder. Flashing him a glimpse of my coin purse nearly overflowing in gold, his gruff persona evaporated instantly.

“Of course! Izz-ud-Din would be honoured to show you his merchandise!” he said as he placed an arm around my shoulders and lead me into the tent.
Inside the tent, I could make out three wheeled cages lined up to one side with a large crate with a sheet draped over it in the middle. The rest of the tent seemed to serve as this Izz-ud-Din’s living space.

Leading me to the cages he began.

“I am very sorry that my selection is so small, but I am sure you will find something suitable yes?”

Inside the cages were three human women. Two of them looked Serridian with their dark skin and black hair, the third had lighter skin and blond hair and could have come from Mirthterrah or even the Free Kingdoms. All three were fairly pretty and Izz knew it, as he kept them looking presentable.

He began his pitch.

“All three are for sale for a fair price, each of them would make a great servant for whatever you desire them for!”

I paused for a moment, and then began.

“I am but a humble servant to my lord, sent to discover and procure the most beautiful and exotic specimens for his pleasure and entertainment.” I bluffed.
This guy only had a few girls here, but any leads on other slaves I could fish out of this guy would be a lot better than searching randomly again.

To my surprise, the man grew very excited.

“Exotic specimens you say? Izz-ud-Din may just have what your lord is looking for, though even you may not have the coin for such a one-of-a-kind prize!’ He boasted as he gripped the sheet draped over the crate and pulled.

The sheet had been disguising a cage, and when the pair of eyes imprisoned within met mine, my heart skipped a beat.
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Cramped inside the cage was a harpy unlike any I had seen before. Even in the bad light of the enclosed tent, all the differences were obvious. Her skin, nearly as black as charcoal that matching her equally black feathers. Legs ending in huge talons easily capable of tearing a man’s head from his shoulders. Anyone could see she was much larger than a normal harpy should be. Her head was topped with shoulder-length silvery white hair in direct contrast to her skin. Her eyes, the eyes that seemed to bore into my skull, were pink, swimming in orbs of purest black.

Somewhere, deep down, I knew I had found someone very special.

“How much?” I demanded, composure lost.

“I can see you desire to please your lord, but I do not think you can afford her.”

When he stated the price, my heart plummeted. He wanted more than four times what I could pay.

It took all my restraint to keep myself from killing the man where he stood.
I could still get her out. I had plenty of methods of doing so, but she would have to endure one more day in her personal hell.

“I’ll take the 3 girls now...” I began as I straightened up “but I will need to return to my lord for more coin for the monster.”
“How much are the humans?” I asked, and when he turned to look at them I slipped a gloved hand into a pocket and carefully placed the ring contained within onto a finger.

His prices were exorbitant, but I paid them gladly for the chance to press the ring against his bare flesh while the coins changed hands.

“I will be back for the harpy within a week, will you still be here at that time?” I asked.

He happily responded in the affirmative. Who wouldn’t with that much money coming your way?

I left the tent with the three slave girls in tow, Izz-ud-Din beaming as I walked away.

Leading the women back to my camel, I mounted up and made a show of leading them out into the desert. I needed everyone here to see me leave for my plan to work, and I had the callous slave owner act down to a science at this point.
Maybe a half a kilometre from the oasis, I stopped and freed the three women. I gave them the standard options I gave every time I freed slaves, to come back to TeeGe or not. They reacted the same way most did, disbelief, lots of crying, thanks, beseeching of gods to bless me, you name it they did it. I wasn’t really paying attention this time though.

I had another slave to go back for, and this time it felt personal.

The only thing I could do was wait for nightfall, content with the knowledge Izz-ud-Din was dying as I did.

The ring I had slipped on had several tiny barbs, all coated with a slow acting poison. My preferred method to kill the slavers I had to resort to buying from. That way, no slavers could actually benefit when I bought from them and cut down on the amount of them running around the countryside. No one could connect the killings to me, as I might be leagues away by the time they died.
When the sun finally set after an agonizing wait, I snuck back to the oasis on foot. Carefully sneaking through the encampment, I made into Izz-ud-Din’s tent without incident.

Once inside, I found his corpse in his bed. One could easily mistake him as sleeping were it not for his eyes, wide open in shock, most likely when he woke from his slumber with his windpipe sealed shut. I grabbed the keys from his bedside and practically leapt to the cage in my eagerness. If her eyes had been closed, she would have been invisible in the darkness, but her pink eyes shone through the darkness, staring wide eyed at what was happening.

“What are you doing? What’s happening?” She finally whispered frantically, voice hoarse from disuse.

“I’m freeing you, you will be a slave no longer.” I said, still fumbling in the dark trying to find the right key.

“Why would you help me? Like you said, i’m a monster.” she asked, voice starting to crack. She sounded more self deprecating than accusatory.

Her eyes were glistening now.

“Because I could never leave someone behind, especially someone as pretty and special as you.” I replied. I meant every word.

She was sobbing as I finally opened the lock and pulled her close to me. Free of the cage, she practically fell into my arms finally let loose the waterworks into my chest.
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For a few minutes, I just held her. Now out of her prison, I could finally get a good look at the rest of her. Small claws at the “wrist” of her wings dug into my robes as she clung to me, and looking down I saw her tail feathers were nearly as long has her legs. I tried to calm her down after a few more moments and stood her up. When she was in the cage before, I could tell she was tall, but only now could I see to what extent. When I finally got her to her feet, she stood over half a foot taller than I, putting her around 6’6” tall.

What little clothing she had was in tatters, so I pulled the sheet used to cover her cage around her.

“What’s your name?” I enquired.

“Soraya” came her reply.

“Let’s escape now, shall we?” I asked playfully.

A thin grin appeared on Soraya’s lips for the first time as she nodded.
I lead her carefully back the way I came through the tents, and though the going was painfully slow we made it out of the camp. Leading her through the dunes, I had to catch her a few time slipping in the sand. I knew we were close to where I left the others, climbing the last dune between us when I heard it.

A great tearing sound and the startled screams of women floated over the dunes.

Practically hauling Soraya up the last hill, I braced for the worst. What I saw, though, nearly made me piss myself laughing. The three hysterical women screaming and scrambling away from the camel, well...camels.

Now standing next to my camel were four slightly smaller camels. One of the saddlebags strapped to my camel hanging in pieces, seemingly ripped to shreds from the inside. The same saddlebag Crazy Hassan had placed the pouch.

“Well i’ll be damned!” I laughed. “Pocket Camels!”
After I managed to calm the women down between my laughing fits, it was time to get down to business. The two Serridian women, whilst immensely thankful, would be parting ways with us. They said they would try to find their families, a daunting task considering the deserts size and its populations nomadic leanings. Wishing them well, they departed west while the three of us remaining started east. Soraya had some difficulty riding her camel at first, having to sit very carefully to avoid accidentally eviscerating or hamstringing the poor animal with her talons. By the time we found the river the next day and began to follow it northeast, she had gotten the hang of it.

Whenever we stopped to rest Soraya was always by my side, asking questions about me, where I came from, that type of stuff. Both of us oblivious to the eye rolling from the Mirthterran, she hung on every word. Her appetite for information concerning myself and TeeGee was voracious, asking dozens of questions before finally letting either of us sleep that first night. Each night we were closer to home, and each night she asked more questions. Toward the third night the questions starting getting more personal, and a week into our journey home was when she asked her bombshell question at the campfire.
“D-do you really think i’m pretty?” she whispered with her head downcast.

“Of course you’re pretty.” I replied, adding “Did you think I was lying when I said that?”

It took a few moments, but she finally whispered back “I haven't felt pretty since I changed.”

“...Changed?” I probed. The exchange felt a lot more serious than when it first started.

“Since he changed me into.....this.” gesturing to her body with her wings.

When pressed, her story unfolded in its entirety. She had been captured only a few weeks ago, and wound up in Izz-ud-Din’s possession. One day, when she was fed her meal she had blacked out. When she awoke, instead of the normal harpy she had been caught as, she had been...changed into the creature before me.

When it dawned on me, I felt sick to my stomach.

The bastard had, through magic or some other means, transformed her so he could charge more money for a “One-of-a-kind specimen”.

Fighting down the bile, I finally collected my feelings enough to proclaim.

“No matter what has happened, you truly are beautiful. Never forget that Soraya.” I stated confidently, for I meant every word.
The next morning I awoke in the middle of a harpy and camel sandwich. She had crept over to me during the wee hours of the morning and pressed herself against my back, placing an “arm” around me before falling asleep again. It’s a good thing she didn't try to worm her way into the front, let’s just say I don’t think I could have avoided prodding her with my “spear” if she had! This repeated itself night after night from that point forward.

When we had exited the desert and successful skirted the edge of the wastes without incident, we parted ways with the last of our companions. The Mirthterran woman, now close enough to make it home safely by camel, bid us farewell and split with us some 30km from the border of TeeGee.

Finally, we were home.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3...2! Electric Boogaloo.

this is what you call breaking it up into parts? holy damn
It was good.

One question, though. Was Hassan meant to be an integral part of the story, or intended as a cameo?
I liked it, then again I am a sucker for the damsel in distress. Especially ones with a tortured past.
Good thing wordsplosion did win then huh?
That chunk is about 4k, the continuation is sitting somewhere around 3k.
Kinda both?
With it split up into two parts, he definitely seems more central than when it's together.
Just had another idea I'm going to write up soon.

An autobiographical tale of the man who stopped an evil slave ring in the Free Kingdoms, wooed a princess of Mirthterrah, singlehandedly saved Teegee from the wrath of the Orks, and many other acts of heroism!

Only thing is, he's lying out his ass. He never did any of that stuff. He's also an impressively bad writer, to boot. Think Eye of Argon if it were an autobiography written by a man with an ego the size of a planet.

Of course, I have to finish up the Mirthterran propaganda first. Shouldn't take too long, assuming I don't ditch it for Borderlands 2 or Dark Souls.
Sounds like me. LoL
No, you're a good writer with a few grammar problems. I plan to use a thesaurus in a similar manner to artillery.
so rape and synonyms now?
Oh, fuck yes.
Heh, now the only thing to determine is if this con-man is an Outrealmer or a barely-literate disgraced son of some low-tier gentry from Mirthterrah who washed out in an attempt to join the Knights Harem.
Enough of that talk, we don't want a repeat.

I've almost finished my Demon piece, and I
need to know something about the Underdark.

What are the standard races there?

>Captcha: Consenting goarem
No, you shut up

What kind of words can we not rape with?
I was thinking Outrealmer, a Mirthterran might not know enough about writing to do the proper amount of damage.

Or maybe he is Mirthterran, and is using a thesaurus he probably stole from Olin's library.

I might go with the latter. I plan on him having a feud of sorts with Olin, and this could be great fuel for the fire.

The only limits are your imagination.
Drow, Spiderpeople, Batpeople, Vampires, ghouls, and chtulu beings. Ratpeople, rockpeopel, and lizardpeople. Could all be there.
I believe the only word you can not rape with is is, but I think I just proved myself wrong.

Squirrel people? Centipede people? Millipede people? Lemon people? Lime people? Roach people? I know I missed something...
No Squirrel people wouldn't really work in the underdark they would be more foresty.
I think Alaric stumbled across some Fun.
Sprite People

How about blind fish people?
Right, then. Has there been any consensus on what the Drow or like, or can I roll with the standard formula, but tweaked a bit?
Leaving all the exotic worldbuilding to one person can lead to these kind of problems...

Less evil? I think that was mentioned. Kind of like the regular elves but a little more accepting.
Nope its free game. Go crazy.
So no slave-takey, BDSM-ey, worship-Lol-thy,
misand-ry, go-cra-zy, impossibly-Su-ey drow?

Maybe I'll write it off as honour bound clans that
all have their own faults, set in a setting reminiscent
of Babylon or the Inca.

If there are no objections?
Works for me as there is not much difference.
>drow are the less evil elves
not all that hard to believe given what we've put up with

Inversion of normal elf roles.
Very quickly: No Drow. NO DROW. Drow are being worked into the Dark Mountains in a piece me and Bhikkhu are working on. It's also vaguely related to Shacklebane's story. It's very VERY important to the greater Elf lore on the evolution of society on the continent.

and yes, they're good

How about crazy wood elves?
What does this mean for my earlier piece on Dwarven mystics? Quietly retconned away?

Hmmm, maybe exiles of a once great empire? Now trying to carve out their own place in the Underdark?
So can we make crazy exiles work?
Already a part of the Elfish realms, hence "brown elves".

That's actually getting worked on in a separate piece I'm actually working on now as well, and that will get put up either tonight or tomorrow.

Close, but no. There's no Underdark (just misty mountains) and their distinctions as a separate race are rather mundane in source, however, it's VERY important for explaining how the Elves came to be as they are today. They're not crazy, in fact they're more traditional hippy elves than the current tree-fuckers we have to deal with. So let's not go down that avenue until Bhikkhu and me finish this.
I fine with writing anything, I just needed some restrictions.

So if there's no Underdark, where on Earth did I send B off to? Did I write myself into a corner, or should I retcon something?
I think there has been mention of the underdark before. Hear me out. Your Drow exile crazy drow to someplace else. Crazy drow find tunnel in some place no one normally goes. Boome crazy underdark drow.

I think we can have an underdark just don't call it that.
Then it'll need a name to separate it.

Shadowrealm, Undershelf, Cave Dimensions, Dark World, I'm throwing them out and seeing what sticks.
Oh no, there can totally be an Underdark, there just aren't any Drow/Dark Elves there.

My recommendation? Hilariously incompetent Mole People, comic book Villain style.


Honestly, that totally would not fit in with the Drow we've been crafting. I'd tell you more, but that would ruin the surprise! Just know it's going to be awesome.
Wait, idea!
You know the Skaven of Warhammer fantasy?
I'll just use a culture like that one, painted onto the insect and squid faces! And other cave-dwelling/burrowers.

Honestly, the Underdark seems to be more trouble than it's worth with the Drow conflict we're having.
Underdark can be whatever, just no Drow. The whole idea of Black Cave Elves, especially the ones in standard DnD lore, is stupid anyway.
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A Outlander's Guide to Indigenous Species, Telidron. Not much is know about the Telidron. Legends tell of a race of giant warrior's with six arms and four eyes. But I can tell you this they come from the Dark plane. The Dark plane is the barrier between what we know as hell and all other planes. Orc Legends say that after the war with the demons Ter created a new race in his image. If this is true Ter would be ten feet tall and have horns. And four eyes not two. But I don't know legends and rumors are know to be bad sources. Any way they have two different sets of eyes. The first normal enough if you don't mind them being blood red. The other set is disguised as eyebrows. If you don't pay attention you can easily miss them. These eyes have heat vision. They have ears like the Elves but pointed straight out. They are a wirey people. Thin but solid. The other thing to note about them is that though they are on average ten feet tail they are normally proportioned. My recommendation is don't get into a fight with one if you can help it.
Basically they are Ter's heavy hitters. His angles of war. They are gifted with the normal superhuman abilities. However they have not innate magic skill. They make up for this with an ungodly regeneration ability and heavy resistance to magic.

They don't use weapons but gauntlets, swords, and axes. The favorite though is the gauntlet understandable with their skill and advantages in hand to hand combat.

There has been more Telidrone activity in the past ten years than ever before and supposedly its increased even more since the arrival of us outrealmers. But there is still more for me to find out.
Taking it in good humour, but you're slightly wrong.

Sir Andrew, being me, can actually give a speech. Call it arrogance if you like, but I love public speaking (if I have time to plan first). I've always admired public speakers like Churchill et al. so a chance to give a speech of my own would have me cackling with delight.

The Ork attack took place in 4A.A. so Sir Andrew was actually there for it. He left Teegee in the year 5A.A. aaand then the Renwald Incident happened. Great start there!

And I called them the 'Andrian Military Reforms' because, as far as I recall, we settled on the platoon system I proposed, with detachments of other troop types in support. Hence 'central' author, rather than just 'author'. I don't claim sole credit for that.

Hope that clears it up. I'd have said something sooner, but I was asleep.
Renwald Incident?

What's that?
Diplomatic incident Sir Andrew stumbled into. Saved the daughter of a prominent duke from Mithterrah and thanks to political fuckery very nearly plunged Teegee into war. Totally NOT MY FAULT, by the way! This was just the fallout to the duke's daughter getting all independent and slightly tsundere. She's not Sir Andrew's waifu, but there's a bet on a) how long before she comes back; and b) how long before she's living with him.

This was a few threads back though...
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You know what else gets all political?
Coming soon, the thrilling conclusion to the Demon saga of the Journals of Clover!
Stay tuned!
is there anyone out there though?
Hello there, I'm in a bit of a block on my own right now but I was wondering if someone wanted to write with me. I'll have to do it after school and whatnot but whose interested?
I'm just waiting for an audience, sorry I can't help write.

Its almost bed time for me here.
Alright. I guess I'll wait for someone else then. I'll read your stuff though later.
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Further records from the Screaming Vaults, these contain memoirs after the succubus project, and document the discovery of the Journal and the subsequent revolution. Notable for confirming that Demons and Fey have access to temporal discontinuity, and the true nature of Outsiders.

Gehenna - Rising Age of Demons - The Time of Desires

I sealed myself away for a very long time, once I discovered Salzonia's betrayal. All of my former friends now wallow and wither away in the sins they once swore to press. The newly spawned Demons call this time their Rise, where Desires are granted, and renamed the plane Gehenna. Still didn't stop the fires of Inferno, which haven't been extinguished.

Lilith now titles herself the Great Mother, and most, if not all, Demons populating Gehenna are her kin. All of them humanoid, taking mortal form, and all of them cavorting in some form of hedonistic pleasure. Fewer deals are made with mortals for power, now they willingly throw away their souls for sensuousness.

Even though the Demon race has staved off extinction, I know it is only as a shadow of its former self. These Demons strut about in arrogance, bending the Laws so they can attack one another over petty slights, not a patch on the Demon Castes of old. They are also notably weaker, deriving from mortal flesh instead of Primordial Aether.
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Although I find it difficult to forgive my friends, I still want to contact them. Balom is restricted to his palace, weak from disease. Nebiroth spends more and more of his time with the Fey, claiming Sabbatical. Salzonia hasn't been heard from in eons, some fear Lilith has overthrown her. And Joedhe?

Today, Joedhe tried to make amends, giving me an interesting book she claimed "fell out a portal in time, where no word is law". No doubt a fool seeks to return to the past, and undo some evil future, an apt metaphor for our position in Gehenna. She also recited a poem, heard from an oracular soul that reacted to the book:

Three for the Elvish, under muttered breath,
Seven for the Dwarf-seers, with their minds of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men bless'd with Death,
One for the Demon on his Hell-spat throne.
In the land to the West, under the Mount of Light,
Steadfast, the Black Glass City holds back worldly might.

Oh, Joedhe, your silver tongue hasn't dulled. She had indeed peaked my interest with this book, this Journal of Clover. Perhaps it will take my thoughts off fixing the mess the succubus left.


Only a few pages in and I can tell the author was a fellow scholar. What other reason for keeping such a detailed journal would there be?
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There was a warning though, one that didn't seem to get much attention:

"This book is a work of non-fiction. For external use only, not internal digestion. For bouts of mania lasting more than four sunsets, contact your physician"

Gloves and goggles it is then. I haven't felt this giddy in a long time.


Most of the Journal was irrelevant but very entertaining. The plants and animals may have been exotic to a mortal, but a long lived Demon will see thrice as many sights in an Age. Its description of the songs and poems taught to birds were amusing and anachronistic, and not impossible for a mute with a flute. Immortality would have once been useful to the project, but not anymore.

Others parts were more disturbing. The description of the machinery and vaults beneath the city showed signs of a highly inventive and creative mind. Construction of a city would be unfeasible for a single soul, but not with the tools and techniques depicted.

It also mentions the discovery of magic, also not impossible for a flexible mind, and the use of symbols to animate objects as both labour and companionship. The symbols were also derived from a simple mixture of several mortal tongues.

Then I tried reading one of the symbols. I believe I spontaneously combusted, then blacked out.
I'm around now, doing some rewrites to what I already had in my Ork Seige tale before I continue on with it.

Continuity is a bitch, but it is nice showing where some of the Knights were in the biggest battle and the one where we nearly lost it all.
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The book is dangerous. But I find it hard to believe that it was sent as a weapon of malice. Joedhe wouldn't risk it, knowing how intelligent I am, so she must not have known about its contents. Whatever the case, the magic that the book contains is painfully familiar. It reminded me of the War Among Stars. I need to speak to the Fey...


What little I pieced together from Nebs as the go between has proven unhelpful. The Fey did not mastermind the book, it is genuinely a mortal's work. When pressed if the symbols had a similar effect, they changed the issue, confirming my suspicions. The symbols in this book, whether accidentally or purposefully, are from the First Age, the oldest magic, and the strongest. It is also lethal to ALL non-mortals, but I need to check with the current crop of demons.


Well, that was both educational and cathartic. While Demons born of Primordial Aether merely burn, these flesh whelps burst! I may, or may not, have broken the Laws we set so long ago, but that seems to matter very little when it comes to what the book implies. If I could just find someway to safely decrypt these symbols, I might be able to do what I failed so long ago, and successfully convert a mortal in Demonhood.
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I have gathered a great host of mortal souls, both as a buffer against the Journal's harmful effect, and as a translator for the more esoteric functions. It truly appears to be ahead of its time, so Joedhe wasn't lying about the time portal, and I'm beginning to suspect the poem is becoming prophetic.

One of the more interesting things is how the author came across the words of the First Age. They practised a study to convert known variables into information, then converted them to equations, then into symbols representing the sum of information. While this is unrelated to the magic, its methodology appears essential to understanding how it affects Outsiders, such as Demons, Fey, Gods and potentially more.


I think that I've finally cracked it. With the help of the mortal souls, I recognize the reason behind the symbol's strength. If creatures and reality can be said to be composed of "information", then the magic of the First Age disrupts that "information". I've known for a long time that magic is another form of energy, but as a mnemonic carrier? It could then be said that due to the "composition" of Outsider information, the Fey's discontinuity, the Demon's Primordial Aether, the God's Vital Forces, that this magic disrupts, that is to say harms, our structure a lot more. I've already begun reversing it.
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It appears that the newer Demons do not take kindly to my protection of mortal souls. I've heard them trying to break through my seals and my chambers. They'll have less luck than the last pack of heroes attempting my life.

I have begun to realise with my research into the Journal and its magic, that if it is possible for a mortal to become rewritten into Demonhood, it is equally possible for a Demon to attain mortality. The First Magic will no longer affect the mortal, and they can wield it, in fact. I have already identified which symbols are harmful to Demonkind, so as to avoid them, and I'm preparing the mortality process as a precaution. Perhaps someday Demonkind will raise itself from the pit and-


-what was that?

(Distant roars and challenges)

Well, it appears they have moved sooner rather than later. I'm switching the recorder to action mode. Sal, if you're listening to this, I want you to know how much Lilith has failed you. I also forgive all of you, because one way or another, this will be the last time I stay in Gehenna.

More explosions, the traps made to deter elven heroes sprung on Lilith's brood. Finally, the door is burst down, and officious looking demons, more mortal than demonic, rush through, conceited and confident in Demonhood.
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Oh, let's hear what they have cooked up at least.

"Geiselus the Scholar" the self-identified leader of them spoke, "You have been accused of harboring souls against torment and conspiring to overthrow the Great Mother. For these crimes and more, you have been judged by Law to death."

And so you thought to kill me for your mother's pleasure. Do you punks have any idea who I am? Check my entry!

{Geiselus is a Lord of Inferno, one of the Five, from the First Age of Demons, and requires no legions. He is depicted as a pillar of smokeless fire and arcane sigils, which soon becomes a man in white, with crook in hand. He teaches knowledge of the sciences, the secret paths of the world, and banishment of Demons}

"So what? You command no legions. You're a weakling and a coward, who hides in vaults-"


Oh dear, guess I'm more of a weakling than I thought, Mr doesn't-have-a-head-anymore.

"You have broken the first Law!" one of the others said, terrified "Demon shall not harm Demon! Lilith will have your head on a pike for this!"

Lilith, Lilith, Lilith! Last I checked, I was one of the Five, but I'll take that as admission of revolution. That Law was passed before any of you were mortal, and as far as I'm concerned, you don't count!
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I made short work of the rest, their bodies had all taken mortal form, and were proportionally frail. Cleaning myself up, I freed the rest of the souls I had in storage, letting them leave to whatever realm they wished to haunt. Making my way outside, I stepped past the fallen bodies and pools of blood that Lilith's hit squad made. Saw traps, spiked pits, statues filled with acidic gas, all classic traps, which no Demon of old would have fallen victim to.

Keeping that thought in mind, I was not all surprised when I stepped out of my Vaults and into the Plane for the first time in eons. Lilith's Brood had turned Inferno into a horrible parody, a pleasure pit, full of mortals that were brought in for their games and dances. Gehenna. My next thought was how many I could kill, but that was provided when the assassin's compatriot's attacked.

They surrounded me, eager to have the honour of slaying me. One threw his sword, a rookie mistake. Side-stepping, it impaled a demon behind me, I followed through by slicing it out of their face and cutting down those behind him before he could react. They're all so slow.

You all forget, I ended the War Among Stars! I've killed more Gods than you'll ever meet!

"He's just a Scholar!"

I blinded Ter!
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Lilith's brood have really overestimated their chances against a Lord of the First Age. I flowed through them like wildfire, reminding them why we set those Laws in the first place.

Parry axe here, roll on back, deflect blade into neighbour, roll under legs and scythe, I wonder what's for dinner, double counter and pull eyesockets, rip head off and spike it, catch arrow mid-air and stab, is it souls again, steal spear and kick off ledge, impale three charging, shish-kebab on fire and swing, jump into fray, hit him with his own spine, I think its souls again, dodge whip crack, grab one as shield, get over here, break in two and throw, what am I talking about, I don't eat.

Taking the time to reprieve, I think I'll give them all a sporting chance. Shifting into my mortal form in a great breath of fire, I seared the ones skulking in my shadow. My crook broke the face of one, as I drew him in to use his head as a club against fools that leapt at me. Throwing my robes up the face of another, I stole his sword and ran him through, backing his body into the crowd. To top it off, I slammed my crook into the ground, collapsing the cliffside into a pleasure pit.

My friends, I'm coming for you.
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It has become clear to me that Lilith is planning on crowning herself Queen of Gehenna, a task that requires death of the Five.

Balom would be the easiest to strike after myself. Being constrained to his throne due to disease and malnutrition makes him an easy target. I made my way to his palace, past the now incited throngs of Demons hungry for our deaths, only to find it surprisingly empty. Plaques for quarantine and plague had been strewn about, but also signs of a recent break in.

I entered cautiously, still seeing no sign of attack or further assassins. Then I saw Balom. Sitting on his throne of bone, his muscular form looked tired and old.

"I can hear you"

You're alive? What about the assassins?

"Lilith's spawn? Is that what passes for assassins these days, shameful it is."

I'm bringing the Five together. I feel that this Plane has become intolerable, and we should leave.

"Leave? Just when the fun is getting started? You're right, their games are not to my taste"

He stood up, his form crackling and muscles bulging. Hefted his axe onto his shoulders, and with slow thunderous step, followed me to the exit.

But what became of the assassins sent after you?

"Dear Geiselus, what do you think my throne is made of?"

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With Sal missing still and Neb being under the protection of the Fey, Balom and I crept through forgotten passages to the quarters of Joedhe. His massive bulk was deceptively flexible, and fit into small quarters with ease.

"I'm right here"

Yes, and do you have any idea why Lilith plans to kill us?

"My best guess is that she's tired of being seen as the brood mother, and wants greater authority. Starting with the removal of old authority"

Keep your silence, we've arrived.

Joedhe's Court of Whispers is renowned for deception and misdirection. Though we heard the distant sounds of clashing steel and the death cries of Lilith's brood, we had been expected and invited, the walls and corridors parting to meet us. So was Joedhe.

"Hello Balom, Jessy"

"Joedhe, you're looking well"

Did you know this was going to happen? Is that why you gave me the book, to warn me?

"Yes to the first and to the second, but only to remove you from your slump. Lilith has been planning this for a long time, the natural consequences of placing that much power under one Demon"

"So it is a revolution"

One that sparks with my death. But what of Sal? Last I heard, she was captured by Lilith, and she hasn't responded to the messages I left.
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"I suspect Nebi knows. It was he who planned the succubus project, with Salzonia, and the Fey hold strange salons."

"Where does he reside now"

Last time I checked, a pocket plane bridging the walls between Gehenna and Fey-land.

"Or I could be right here, old friends"

"???" "Y-you weren't here when I checked!"

And here I thought you were going to make a flashy entrance, Trickster.

"Hey, you know me. There when you least expect it. I see you've set up the adventuring standard of fighter, mage, thief..."

"You claim I am a cutpurse?" "Oh, I'm no great mage"

Don't play along. Nebs, has your time among the Fey addled your wits that much, are will you still join our flight from Gehenna?

"Flight or fight? The problem before that is the location of Salzonia. If we want to gather our party and venture forth, you should know Lilith holds her captive"

Very well. I opened up a way between the Court of Whispers and the Den of Desire, using dimensional punch-points to place in under Lilith's domain. Still odd to know Lilith overpowered Sal.

"Yes, well, I gave her too much power when I made the prototype. Seems obvious that rebellion would follow."

Given that you hold domain over dissent and revolution, that must have been a suprise.
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Lilith had carved a palace for herself, deep in Gehenna, where the fires burn hottest and desires run deep. It took many years and the sweat of her children and consorts, but her claimed had been staked as a Demon, along with the generations she had fostered-

"Is he always going to do that?" "Well, he is a Scholar" "Hush, do you hear an echo?"

It's coming from the cages where they put playthings and exhibits. Oh no, its not-


There's Sal. Her wings have been torn out, and it looks like she's been drained of Aether.

"So that's where Lilith's wings came from. I always wondered..."

"Poor form, Nebiroth, poor form"

"Can she still move?"

"Of course I can. I've been waiting for you."

Still as tempestuous as always. Let's get her out of there, Bal, take the cage.

"No, don't! Lilith placed a circle around me that will alarm her when it breaks!"

"Good thing we want her attention then. Break it open Bal!"

"With gusto!"


Let's get out of here. Bal needs medication and food, Neb needs therapy, Sal needs energy, and I'm hungry. Lilith will pay for what she's done. And I know how to solve the hunger problem.

"One thing that bugs me, is on whose authority did she act?"

"On my own authority, as Great Mother of Gehenna!"
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{Lilith is a Brood Mother of Gehenna, with all its legions under her command. Depicted as an unearthly beautiful bat-winged elf with ram horns and barbed tail, garbed in blood red cloth. She grants all earthly desires and taboo knowledge, at the cost of firstborn kin}

"Is that what they're calling it now?"

"How could you do this to Sal?"

"Answer for your crimes, foul succubus!"

"You took my wings. You took my wings, you mother!"

Everyone, anger is only going to make her spring her children on us. Which is exactly what we want, so we can feast on their Aether. Attack!

We moved in unison, a deadly machine of slaughter and hellfire. Lilith held back, flying away while doors burst open and windows crashed in, filling the Den with her berserk progeny. It was over a thousand to one, the odds in our favor. No blade could touch us as we crushed and crippled, moving from the center outwards in a flurry of blood.

In the time it takes to turn my head, Balom crushes a group flat with his axe blade before swinging it round in a lethal crescent, Sal burns and tears apart those who approach her, Joedhe breaks their bodies in her coils and lulls them to sleep, while Neb wafts in and out like a nightmare, stabbing their joints and throats.
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I turn my head back and blast a cone of hellfire and ice at the horde, bodies frozen and charred, breaking weapons away to chop at their living brethren. Whirling my crook, I bring one closer to snap its neck, hurling its body behind me as arrows thud into it. Though I knew we could keep up the pace as the Five, it was impractical to drag on.

Time to bring out the secret weapon, I shouted. Reaching into my robes, I removed the journal, clubbing Demons in an arc around me while its pages flipped to my mark. I held it out, and symbols flared, even behind my closed eyes, the smell of charred flesh and screaming reached my ears. The Brood was ill prepared to assault the Five united, and with the introduction of this new weapon, their squad was broken.

Lilith herself flew back, demanding her children return and fight, calling them cowards and whelps. Sal took opportunity to drag her down with stolen chain and grapple, and we crossed blades about her neck.

"You think that you can do this and walk away free?" she spat "I can birth an entire army even in death!"

Actually, I just want you to read something.

I opened the Journal once more, and magic blazed forth. We left her there, screaming, blinded and burning.
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"Salzonia, does the loss of your wings still trouble you?"

"Not anymore Bal, the sight of Lilith burning makes up for it. Besides, I can grow them back, unlike her"

Laughter rang out. The kind we haven't felt in a long time.

Lilith's brood was far from eliminated. There was an entire Plane's worth of her kin, and an army was gathered to meet us.

"Shall we enter the fight into the undying night, my friends?"

I have a much easier and lazier idea.

I spoke words from the book into existence, the sounds thundering from wall to wall, and shaking us where we stood. The front lines of Demons summarily exploded.

"Was that all, Jessy? Seems like you-"

Wait for it.

In a large circle around us, bolts were beginning to rain down from the sky. Ripping at such great speeds that towers would frequently explode rather than collapse, with gashes of fire filling the gaps. Foul and noxious gases soon spread, as Demon and soul alike screamed in terror.

"Well, that's one way to make an exit"

Glad you appreciate it, Nebs.

"I believe the property values will drop"

"Well, they say it's all about the fire sales"

"I wonder what they'll call the Plane when we leave?"

"Judging by the gases filling it up, probably Miasma"

Let's go and find a new home.
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"What else was in that book you read?"

This old thing? Just how to turn mortals into Demons, and vice versa. Probably a bit more.

"Then we could fix Bal's disease"

"Oh, shut up, Salzonia"


"I'd like to be mortal, just once"

You, Joedhe? Didn't you write this book?

"As far as I can tell, they haven't come into this world yet. I did tell you it was flung from the future"

"Where no word is law?"

"And some fool seeks to return, no doubt, and-

Undo the future-

"That is [Untranslatable]!"


And so, we went away to places unknown. It didn't matter where we would go, or if we were mortal or Demon, as long as we did so together.

One more thing I can tell about the Journals, is that the author did go on further adventures, and lived to write more of their journeys. What was strange was that no mortal I questioned realised this. Why else would they end it with "to be continued"?

>Further searches confirmed that the Journal copy is absent from the Vaults. The Five have not been sighted in Miasma since the incident, Laws put into place preventing the rise of more than one Lord. The stone was obtained from the cages of Lilith, the twin of the original, and more knowledge cut due to distance.
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Somewhere in the dark:

B: Have entered the Underdark. Sending messages has become easier. Not like we thought.
K: Then Hell abolished multiple Lords. The Five may still be around. How did you get Records?
B: We traded. I got Records, they got Revolution. Spread Red Manifesto. Invasion halted least fifty years.
K: Disturbing, will pass on. G and L need to know. Will inform Council. News Underdark?
B: Standard. Driders, Squids, no Drow. Blending in too easy. Apparently under continent.
K: Pull a Cuba Shuffle. Set them against Miasma if possible. Prevent Alliance.
B: Understood. Will continue Journal Investigation. Request change from Sword Hilts. Patrols harder to ambush.
K: Agreed. Wedding preparations difficult to explain weaponry shipments.
Excellent work!

I love how he is marrying the Harpy mailgirl to keep her quiet, or did he really fall in love?
*taps side of nose*
A little bit from Column A, a little bit from Column B
Clover, you magnificent bastard! I'VE READ YOUR BOOK!
I've also decided, for some strange reasonthe lulz, that Samurai Jack references are in jokes among old Demons.

I was also unsure if the first-person-action sequence worked out, and if this story messes with depictions of canon demons.

Also, a pronounciation guide!
Geisulus = je-igh-sel-us
Balum = bhaal-om
Joedhe = joe-dee
Nebiroth = ne-BYE-rot
Salzonia = sahl-zoh-nya
I quite enjoyed how the first person mechanic played out.

Are we in autosage yet? This thread is getting fairly long and I have nearly finished my tale of the Ork Siege of Castle Waifu. I'm nearing 2,500 words.
Is autosage 259 posts? It seems pretty quiet tonight (in Australia).

In other news, I'm enjoying the excellent auto-update features (among other things) that 4chan-x offers Google Chrome users.
It is quiet, its nearly midnight on a Long Weekend down here mate.

We're all good, autosage isn't till what, 300 these days? Besides, we're still on page 2, sweet as.
I wonder what everyone else will think of my story once they wake up.

Whatever. It's past midnight now, time for bed.

Night y'all!
“How many?” Sir Kasai asked.
“Reports are coming in putting them at two thousand strong.” Sir Giovanni replied.
“When will they arrive?”
“Within days.”
“Bugger. More than half of the Knights are out adventuring…”
“I know Kasai, but we can’t get word to them in time. We stand alone.”
“No Giovanni. We stand alone together. Has the Council been told?”
“That is the next course of action. Then we must ready the defences.”
“Yeah mate. I’ll spread the word, rally the men.”

The main hall of Castle Waifu shook with the roars, wails and shouts of all of TeeGee. Less than 200 Knights were in Castle Waifu itself, and an army of 2,000 marched towards her gates. The Council of DM’s met and approved the opening of the deepest vaults of the Armoury. Gunpowder and Cannon were brought forth, and all manner of weaponry was brought out to arm any and all who were willing to stand to. It was a grim sight, traders and Waifus taking up arms to defend their homes, with others weeping openly at their perceived doom. The defenceless barricaded themselves in their homes or fled to the catacombs of the Castle whilst the able grimly prepared the defences.
Two days passed and less than a dozen Knights made it back from their adventures before the Orks made it to the Castle walls. The sound of their roaring war drums frightened everyone. Knights, Waifus, men and women lined the Castle walls, bows and rifles at the ready for when the charge came. More stood ready by the main gates, formed up into a Vanguard led by Sir Alaric. Sir Kasai stood with them, his Waifus Tomoe and Larissa standing beside him. The khaki uniform he wore stood out sorely amongst the heavy plate armour that the other Knights wore, only a sheet of mithril mail underneath his shirt. His swords hung at his sides, his unique katana and his cavalry sabre, along with several daggers. Tomoe wore a flowing set of simple blue robes over a similar shirt of finely crafted Dwarven chainmail, only her swords were held horizontally in her obi sash, nearly hidden by the nervous swipes of her tails. Larissa hovered, her tail curling and uncurling as she trembled, clutching her massive longbow in both hands.

“She’ll be right girls. We’ll hold the line. I ain’t ready ta die just yet.” Kasai said as he hugged his girls.
“You can’t die Kasai, you’re too stupid to figure out how to do it.” Tomoe replied to him with a playful punch, trying to hide the fear in her voice and failing.
“W-We’ll protect you honey. The Orks have to go through us first…” Larissa added, trying to be strong but her voice shaking terribly.
“Yeah, speaking of that. Aren’t you supposed to be up on the walls love?” Kasai asked.
“Mmm. I love you.” Larissa said before she kissed him.

Breaking the kiss she hurried off to her spot on the wall. As she left, Sir Artorias rallied the small force and they marched out the gate, determination in all of them. They would protect their home to their dying breath. The Gate would stand.
The vanguard had not long formed up before a horrible shout went up from the other side of the field. The Orks had begun their charge. Upon the wall, the sharp crack-boom of each rifle firing added to each other in the volley, creating a wall of flame and lead and a terrible sound in reply to the Ork charge. The cadence of the lead archers and riflemen soon fell away as the Orks began to scale the wall and the focus shifted to simply getting as many shots downrange as possible. Siege weapons added to the symphony of destruction, but not for long as Rydia the Dragon dived off the wall and became an avatar of fire and death. The fighting on the walls was intense as the Orks attempted many times to gain a foothold. The screams of dying men, elves, lamia, kanin, felim, orks and many more filled the afternoon sky. No one in the Vanguard had time to worry for their comrades though, as the main Ork Charge neared the Gate.

“PREPARE YOURSELVES! THEY COME FOR THE GATE!” Sir Kasai shouted, trying to rally the Knights.

Sir Kasai drew his katana, as did Tomoe. Kasai turned his head and spoke to Tomoe.
“Ready to play the best killer game, Tomoe?” Kasai asked.
“I like that one. Don’t die or I’ll kill you myself, baka.” Tomoe quipped back, readying her sword.

Sir Kasai raised his sword high and bellowed what he thought would be his last battlecry with pure wrath.
The Vangaurd roared their approval and individual battlecries as they met the Orks head on. Fear and adrenaline coursed through Kasai’s veins as he parried the swing of the first Orc to meet his blade before he dropped his shoulder and carried his momentum into the big Orc, impaling the greenskin on the sword of the Orc behind him. Kasai sprung back off the dying Orc and slashed the throat of another Orc, snarling threats and challenges as the melee began. Tomoe ran through the first Orc she met, using him as a giant shield as she kept moving, her sword following and leaving guts spilling in her wake. Her sword flashed in the light before another Orc fell to his knees, clutching his insides in surprise. She reversed her action, bringing her sword up and across the exposed throat of an Orc about to put an axe into the back of an unlucky Harem Knight, then following the movement through into a delicate forward thrust into the visor of another Orc, killing him instantly. A cry of pain as a Knight lost his arm to an Orc axe and Tomoe spun upon her heel, sword flashing as she killed a path to the injured man.

“TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND! STAND AND FIGHT YOU BASTARDS!” He roared defiantly even as he was mobbed by several Orcs and hacked to gruesome pieces, but not before he jammed his sword through the belly of the Orc who took his arm. Tomoe grimaced as she avenged his death, her sword dulled with blood.
Kasai fought as a man possessed. These greenskin bastards sought to take his home, his family, his friends, everything he had worked for since that fateful day those 4 years ago. His katana glistened with the blood of Orcs and never stopped moving, each swing removing the life from another Orc even as two more stepped up to take its place. Screams of dying men signalled that they were losing ground despite all their efforts. They were getting singled out and beaten down by sheer numbers. But still the Vanguard fought with tooth and nail, drawn further and further apart. Each Knight knew they had to fight here, to keep the Orks from the Gate and breaking into the Castle itself.

Kasai looked up from his grim dance with death and despair took hold of him. He was close by the Gate, but he couldn’t see more than a few Knights close by. They were losing.

“TO ME! TO ME YOU FOOLS! FORM THE LINE!! HOLD THE LINE!” Kasai bellowed even as he decapitated a weedy looking Orc. If it was possible, the fighting intensified further as the Harem Knights began to fight their way back to the edges of the massive melee and the Orcs tried to stop them from teaming up. In twos, threes and fours Knights fell back, sacrificing ground for lives. Tomoe found herself back to back with a Knight wielding an odd sword that she recognized, a lovesick child of a Bastard sword and a Scimitar.
“Tanash Shacklesbane? We have to get back!”
“I’m working on it! Left!” the Knight shouted back.
Tomoe’s sword flashed blindly, severing the hand of an Orc as it attacked before reversing the blade to take out it’s throat and kill the beast. Drawing her sword back a little further the Kitsune let out a roar and swept her katana before her, Orcs leaping back in surprise as a sheet of flame burst forth from the blade.
“GO!” She shouted.
The two of them flew at the stunned Orks, slicing their way clean through them to another Knight. With a quick shout the three slew several more Orks to find themselves on the edge of the melee and near the center of the forming line. Things looked grim, with many of the defenders missing already. For a moment, Tomoe began to think they might hold the Gate and win the day. But they could not. The sheer weight of Orks forced the defenders from a line to a half circle around the Gate itself in the brutal fighting. Tomoe fought side by side with Tanash, the pair fighting hard on the left side of the crescent. Kasai stood dead center before the Gate, cleaving through flesh and bone with his sabre. He had long ago lost his katana to the bowels of a dead Ork out in the battlefield. The melee raged around the Gate, a swirling cacophony of dying screams and feral shouts, the orchestra of war in all it’s beautiful horror.

A horrible screech filled the air as an Ork siege weapon brought down the Dragon, Rydia. Distracted by her screech, Kasai looked away from his enemy and was knocked aside by a hammerblow. The Knight beside him was cleaved in half by an axe and within seconds half a dozen Orks had created a gap in the defence. With a series of grunts and shouts the Orks had gotten a battering ram from the midst of nowhere and attacked the Gate. Kasai scrambled to his feet but the line was broken. The Knights had been split into two groups, both fighting desperately to get to the Gate and stop the Orks. They had no chance.
Twelve Orks swung the battering ram. A sickening sound ripped the air asunder. BOOM. Sir Artorias killed two of the Orks with one mighty swing. BOOM. Tomoe sliced the legs from another Ork whilst Tanash removed the head of a fourth. BOOM. Sir Kasai ran an Ork through with his sabre. BOOM, and the gate was rendered asunder from its hinges and flung to the ground. The defenders rushed inside the courtyard and shouted for help as Orcs poured in after them. The courtyard of Castle Waifu filled with the screams of dying Orks as archers shifted their fire to meet them. By the dozen Orks fell from accurate arrow shots, but still more came.

Just as all hope was lost and the Gate’s valiant defenders looked to fall, a trumpet sounded, backed by the roar of four hundred riders of TeeGee. As one, the cavalry arrived from seemingly nowhere. Sir Fearghaile and Kikkirin The Flash led the Dragoons charging into the Ork’s open left flank, the banner of TeeGee’s elite fluttering high. The Ork Horde felt fear as the thunder of sixteen hundred hooves shook the very ground itself before crashing upon them. The Dragoon’s charge smashed its way into the Horde and wreaked havoc upon all in its path, but the Orks rallied quickly. Blade and axe took the legs of horses out from under them and Orks simply used their strength to pull Riders clean from their saddles. They had let the Dragoon’s charge carry itself too far, and they mobbed horses as they spilt up. Sir Fearghaile and Kikki fought hard to keep the Dragoon’s together, but the melee consumed horse, man and ork alike.
Standing before the shattered Gate, Sir Kasai met an Ork head on and gutted him, spinning to attack another Ork. The Ork ducked his swing and brought his axe up in a deadly swing. Kasai blocked the attack by reversing his sabre and thrusting it into the axehead. The Ork grinned evilly and headbutted him, dazing the Knight. Grabbing the axe with both hands, the Ork turned the blade back to Kasai and pushed, slicing into the man’s face diagonally over his left eye. Kasai screamed out in pain even as he lashed out with his foot, tripping the pair of them. Acting quickly, Kasai drew his dagger and stabbed the Ork in the eye, leaving the elven blade embedded in the dead Ork’s skull. He stood once more, taking the Ork’s axe as well as his sabre. Blood clouded his vision and he was forced to close his left eye.

At the same time, Tomoe kept moving, her blade always sheathed in blood. One Ork fell, clutching his throat, the swing turning into a stab as another Ork fell to his knees, his heart impaled. The blade flowed backwards, oiled by the blood it spilled and it flashed briefly before submerging into the soft belly of an enemy. It arced free on the other side, opening the insides of the Ork to the world and bringing the Ork to his deathbed before plunging into the neck of its next victim. Tomoe pulled her sword free and heard a scream that she knew.
“KASAI!” She shouted as she sliced her way to him.
One, two, three fallen Orks and she was nearly there. She could see him getting up, an axe in one hand and his sabre in the other, blood streaming down his face. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she killed the last Ork in her way. She stepped forward and was knocked into a Knight by a thrown Ork, missing an arm. She cried out in pain as her left arm bent in a way it was not supposed to, dislocating her shoulder. The Ork fell to the ground, dying, as Tomoe steadied herself and shifted the grip of her katana to her right hand. She looked to Kasai again and saw him take the head off an Ork with a mighty swing of his liberated axe.

As she stepped forward a mighty Orkish shout rendered the very skies asunder and shook the earth to the core. Every single Ork stopped fighting, a look of fear on their faces. As one every male Ork them turned to flee, cut down by their female comrades were they stood. Those that did escape were chased down and caught like lambs to slaughter, shown no mercy. The people of TeeGee watched as the female Orks surrendered to the stronger fighters, those who gave their all to protect their Waifus.
Tomoe looked at Kasai, who dropped his weapons and fell to his knees, utterly exhausted. She sheathed her sword and clutched her dislocated arm even as she sprinted to him. As the battered Knight fell backwards, the Kitsune caught him in her good arm. Kasai opened his good eye and smiled at Tomoe.
“So we won, eh?” he said weakly.
“Look at you! You’re all cut up you idiot...” Tomoe said, her voice shaking with a mixture of relief, worry and compassion.
“Eh. I got a scar. Bitches love scars.” Kasai chuckled.
“Here, lie down and I’ll clean it, ahh!” Tomoe said.
She had bumped her arm putting Kasai down.
“Love, are you alright? That looks dislocated, try not to move it.” Kasai offered.
“Ow, I’ll be okay, you’re worse you idiot...” Tomoe replied.

Kasai fumbled in a small pouch on his belt, pulling out a strip of clean cloth and a small bottle of alcohol. He handed the bottle to Tomoe.
“Be a dear and clean me wound eh? Gotta get it dressed before it gets infected.”
Tomoe popped the cork and took a swig, the burn of the raw alcohol warming her and taking the edge off her pain before carefully pouring the rest over Kasai’s face.
“Shaddup. You ain’t got the cut up face. Come on, we gotta get up and find Larissa.”
As Kasai and Tomoe got to their feet, they didn’t have to worry about finding their Lamia Waifu. She found them, sliding over and wrapping them both up in her tail, burying her face into Kasai’s chest. She was sobbing tears of joy as she babbled nonsense. Kasai and Tomoe enveloped her in the hug, Tomoe careful of her shoulder. Larissa knocked it and the Kitsune let out a yelp of pain again, causing Larissa to cry again as she tried to set things right. Several minutes later she had calmed down enough to speak.

“I-I-I’m so sorry! It was so scary and loud and things flying everywhere and blood and you’re both hurt!”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ve had my baby moment love. Reckon you know anything about dislocated arms though?” Kasai said.
“I-I can fix that. Which one Kasai?” Larissa replied.
“That one.” Kasai said simply, pointing at Tomoe’s left arm.
Larissa nodded and gently took hold of Tomoe’s arm. She leant in and whispered something into the Kitsune’s ear before she gave the arm a gentle shove and with a loud pop Tomoe’s arm was fixed.
“YEAARGH! Owwie owwie owwie...” Tomoe complained, rotating her arm.
“S-see, all better now. Can we go home?” Larissa asked.

“Yep, home sounds good. I’m buggered. Saving the day is fucking hard work, eh girls?”

--Excerpt from the Tales of Sir Kasai
Bloody hell, and I thought GearHeart wrote a shit ton of stuff. That there is just shy of three thousand words.

I'll see you guys in the morning, it's like 1am over here.
Good work right there.
And Clover always has long stuff, not that I mind.
Well, fun to read. Which there will be more of tonight if I'm not too busy.

Also, have we hit autosage yet? I'll add this to the archive either way.
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Guys? You still there?

I am now, but I was shooting a bb gun.
How do we feel about giving TeeGee air guns?
I was considering portable mini-ballistas.
Still around, putting the finishing touches on part 3.5, should be up in an hour or two.
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Except that we've already determined by popular opinion and already written works that the Renwald Incident took place over the summer of 4AA, and your arrival in TeeGee with Marieth came not even three months after the Ork attack.

This has been written into the plot of pretty much every person who's done festival stuff and particularly into my stuff. We've had this conversation before, threads ago: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20813165/#p20816849

And even then, that you're suggesting Sir Andrew would be so involved in Men-at-arms reforms that he would get them named after him, give a speech to the recruits, and then just up and LEAVE after less than a year? I'm sorry, but responsibility doesn't work like that. You are either a knight errant or a knight of the realm. You can't just so blithely switch hats because it suits you. You are NOT your character, as much as he may be based on you and what you would do in this situation.

Now, I can accept Sir Andrew having a decent amount of influence in the First Codex Reforms (a more fitting name, correct?), and I can even accept him being involved in training and/or speech giving, but this hubris that's coming across in the character isn't particularly desirable. Be careful with balancing what your characters can or can't do, or you might find you have some Sue showing.

If you want constructive criticism, create another character, someone where you can play through "Knight of the Realm" and Sir Andrew where you can play through "Knight Errant". You can't have both, at least not within that timeframe.
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And yes, the Renwald Incident WAS Sir Andrew's fault. He distinctly and pompously spoke out of turn in questioning Marieth's society. Regardless of whether or not said society is moral, it was STILL not Sir Andrew's place to speak in such a situation. Modesty is very clearly a chivalric trait Sir Andrew has yet to learn fully. Consider this text a part of the chewing out that Sir Fearghaile gave him.
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Bumping again
When the new thread starts part 3.5 is ready to go.
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I think we only got 15 or so posts before autsage.
Shall I make the next thread, or does someone else want to?

You make it.
New thread here.
Anyone archive this one yet?
Yeah, I did earlier.
76,000 words and counting.

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