/tg/ - I bring you DARK HERESY STORYTIME!A game in which everything went from good to bad to worse to merely bad again!Meet your characters in this story;The FERAL WORLD GUARDMAN, and his TRUSTY CHAINAXEThe ASSASSIN, and his MANY GRENADESThe PSYKER, who is THE CAUSE OF IT ALLThe ADEPT-SORCERER , a COWARD who MAKES THINGS MUCH WORSEand the SCUM, a man who is SCORNED BY LUCK
>>21038431(And of course, the TECHPRIEST, who DOES NOTHING MUCH, which is indeed, WHY I FORGOT HIM)We start out as humble (5000 XP) men, following our Inquisitor into a prison for psykers.The security they have here is silly. There are no landing strips, just areas where food, ammunition, men and prisoners are dropped from a height, in order to stop any escaping psyker from commandeering a ship and escaping. We drop into the snow of Fort Dismal, from about 12 km up, and none of us manage to critically fluff the landing rolls, so we are fine, for now at least.As we approach Prison Foreboding, we realise two things;1. This prison is surrounded by a huge void shield.and2. We have been surrounded by lots of Stormtroopers.Luckily, they are on our side, and we manage to get into the Emperor-forsaken place without any deaths, maimings or injuries.The first room we enter, is a cavernous cavers, full of loverly automated bolter turrets, and a small retinue of wardens, guards and suchlike. The Inquisitor has a brief chat, leaves through a sidedoor, but not before telling us to go up to floor 6 and talk to (read: Interrogate) a resident there.
>>21038494The place itself is a bit of a panopticon - the prisoners are held in a donut around the central tower, where our Inquisitor has gone off to. Interestingly enough, all the floors are ramps. Gentle, slightly sloping ramps. No stairs, anywhere. At all.Anyway, we are given a dataslate with a the coordinates of our hapless resident, and we all set off to find him. The donut area path is set out as a thin passageway between two rows of psyker cages, all of them warp- noise- and plot- shielded. It is only wide enough for about 1 person to walk (Maybe 2 is they are small) up it. We put the meatshields first, and head up.Everything is going swimmingly until we get to the third floor.Then all the alarms go off. The PSYKER, in true psyker fashion, decides to use his power to silence the alarms around us.This works.As a side effect, he also causes the locks on the doors of the psyker cages to fuse.After several tense moments, nothing happens. No zerg rush of warp-spawn, no reality excursion, nothing.We call the Inquisitor who says things about Chaos god, sacrifices, us being the aforesaid sacrifices, and didn't we get the memo? We quickly terminate the call.On the map, it says that floor 5 is a control floor - it could help us get out of this mess.We pull out our weaponry, and head on up.
>>21038568When we get to floor 5, we are stumped by our first obstacle - a metal gate. After we convince the Psyker not to use his powers again, the Assassin manages to open it mundanely, and so we continue to floor 5.Floor 5 is a charnel house, pretty much. It has roughly the same structure as the previous floors, except for cages, it has small offices.Also the floor is covered with the remains of dead officeworkers, most of them missing the back of their heads.The Techpriest and the Scum fail their Fear 1 checks, and start vomiting everywhere.The Adept on the other hand, walks up and starts poking the corpses with a gun, convinced that they are zombies.The Psyker sees strange warp signatures flare into being in six offices the second the Adept pokes the corpses, and starts panicking.The corpse opens its eyes, which are glowing purple with warp-energy, only to get shot in the face by the Adept. Then all the other corpses start groaning and rising up, so combat happens.The Psyker gets everyone less fear-y and less vomit-y, and for the only time in the session, fails to roll any warp phenomena. The Scum, Guardsman, and Assassin start to shoot the zombies, and fell a few, and the Adept uses Time Warp to fade out of existence for a few turns.Then the Assassin tries to kill one of the Warp signatures in the offices, but all he sees is a little girl. Either way, he shoots it.The girl then gets angry, and uses Warpery, but the Perils cause her mind and the mind of the Scum to switch.
>>21038643The Witch (Now a Scum) shoots the Techpriest in the back, twice, and knocks him down to -5, and unconscious, where he will be for the rest of the game.The Psyker tries to force the Witch from the Scum's brain,but fails.The Guardsman attacks the Scum, and misses.The Assassin tries to shoot the witch (now with the mind of the Scum) and misses.The Adept pops back into time, looks around at the zombies surrounding him, and does the TIme Warp again
>>21038675>and does the TIme Warp againOh gods did I laugh.
>>21038675The Psyker succeeds at forcing the witch out of the mind of the Scum, just as the Assassin ventilates her body.The Guardsman is convinced not to attack the Scum, and everyone gets back to killing zombies, and the Techpriest is still leaking (blood? oil?) onto the floor. Several grenades later, most of the zombies are dead, and about 4 are remaining (out of around 50), so of course the Psyker tries to kill them.And rolls a daemonhost.And fails to resist possession, or to mercy-kill himself, despite re-rolling via fate-points.So a Psy-Rating 8 Daemonhost pops into existance just as the Adept comes back to reality.The Daemonhost promptly knocks the Adept onto 3 health, and deafens everyone in a 1km radius.The Adept tries to Psychic Blade the daemonhost, and rolls blood flowing upwards on the phenomena table, knocking it down to half health after a very lucky roll.Everyone else unloads into the Daemonhost, who responds with a second psychic knife at the adept, who somehow dodges.However, the phenomena include swapping minds with the Scum, who promptly unloads into the back of the Guardsman The Adept replies with another knife, and rolls many, many psychic phenomena, including rain of blood and Daemonhost.Another Daemonhost.So he kills the first Daemonhost, only to turn into one.There's probably a moral there somewhere.
>>21038767This just gets better and better.
>>21038767So wait, the Daemonhost died in the Scum's body? And the Scum is now in the Daemonhost's?Or are they both dead?
>>21038767The Daemonhost appearing causes Psychic Phenomena, this time with Reverse Gravity!Now there in Reverse Gravity, Blood Rain, and Upwards-Flowing Blood. We have creates is a Tumble-Dryer of Blood.The Guardsman tries to attack the Scum (again) and fails (again).The Scum (now with the mind of a Daemonhost) shoots the Daemon, and with the help of the Assassin and his grenades, nearly kills him.The Daemonhost retaliates with force barrage at the Scum, dealing 101 points of damage and 4 Psychic Phenomena, which cause;1.The attack to kill the Daemonhost instead.2.The mind of the Daemonhost to be trapped in an Ethereal Prison.3.Another Daemonhost to be summoned where the second one was, and be killed by the Pushed, Veil-Weakened Force Barrage.4.The mind of that Daemonhost to be trapped in an Ethereal Prison also.The Scum then kills the Guardman with another 9mm greeting, to get blasted down to half health by Grenadespam McMuppet, our resident Assassin (he wasn't a stealthy build).He responds by shooting the Assassin with a sawn-off shotgun, and almost killing him.The Assassin fluffs his next grenade, which lands between the two of them, knocking them both into critical damage.The Scum fires again, and kills the Assassin, but not before he manages (with his last fate point) to throw a last grenade at the Scumonhost, killing it.
>>21038836EVERYONE IS DEAD
>>21038865EVERYONE IS DAEMONHOSTEVEN YOU
>>21038860This all happened in less than 10 combat rounds. So less than a minute, game time.In that, we killed over 50 zombies, one witch, summoned 3 daemonhost, the scum switched bodies three times and killed 2 party members whilst mind controlled, caused a tumble-dryer of blood, and TPK'd.So yeah. Dark Heresy
>>21038860>Now there in Reverse Gravity, Blood Rain, and Upwards-Flowing Blood.>We have creates is a Tumble-Dryer of Blood.Lost it.
>>21038881My sides!glorious tale chap, thank you for sharing!
I bet the daemonhosts were even wondering what the flying fuck was going on.
>>21039193Khorne loves blood and hates psykers
"Who's ready for the second quest?"
How it should continue: Camera pans back from video recoding of that single-minute-of-terror-and-demonhost-filled-proceedings.Inquisitor 2: "That was the last transmission from the prison. A warp storm is building in system. We land in 2 hours. Get ready."New PCs. "Well shit."
>>21039400>New PCs. "Kill the new psyker first."ftfy
Thanks for the storytime OP. You've made my day
>>21039400>>21039418New PCs make a quick stop to a nearby moon and LEAVE THE PSYKER THERE.Also the SCUM wears a tinfoil hat.
This was hilarious, thanks OP