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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Last time on Harem Knights:
-In Search of Bats Continues, Vampires (known as Reavers) are introduced. (~10AA)
-The gunrunner war is discussed (~5-9AA?)
-Religions are discussed

Old Thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21613623/
Wikipedia: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights
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Hail fellow Knights!
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Was waiting for a new thread. Here we go gents.

I always thought the phrase, “may you live in interesting times,” was a curse. When you’re sucked through a portal with nothing but the clothes on your back and your steak dinner in to the middle of the woods night you’ll know what I mean. Hey don’t look at me like that, I like eating and catching up on the latest events at the same time. No I did not get crumbs all over my “laptop”, I’m not a slovenly mess of a slob. So I’m just a slob? Sounds about right.

Well the first thing I did was finish my dinner. There’s no point in letting that stuff go to waste. Seeing as I didn’t want to carry a dirty dinner plate with me, I left it where it was. The fork and knife went in my pocket and I went exploring the dark woods I was dropped in to. I stayed away from the voices in the dark. My nose didn’t need to be stuck in even more trouble. It wasn’t hard to find a tucked away spot in the trees to huddle in despite the darkness.
Morning brought with it hunger and though I’m more of a city person I can say I could fully appreciate eating small rodents for breakfast if that meant I didn’t have to go hungry. Unfortunately, small rodents are fast, like, hella fast. That was of course until I came upon a creature caught in a snare trying in vain to free itself. Whoever the hunter was, it was hist fault for not checking on the trap soon enough and I thought I’d get a free meal out of it.

Upon closer inspection, the creature was black and white like a panda but it’s general anatomy looked like a cat. I suppose I could call it a pandacat but that was neither here nor there at the moment. There was however, no such thing as a free lunch. The little bugger fought to save itself from the trap and me at the same time. Or so I thought, as soon as I let go from a claw swipe to the face two arrows made their passage known by planting themselves in a nearby tree.

Our struggle had loosened the snare and the pandacat fell on to me as I fell on to the ground. No time for rest though the pandacat started running and I took after breakfast as more arrows whistled from between the trees. It was rather comical now that I think about it. The pandacat was running from me as I tried to nab it for breakfast while dodging arrows at the same time. Then my luck ran out.
A bodkin arrow went through my palm. I would have taken time to admire the beauty of the whole thing if I wasn’t screaming in pain at the time. The pandacat turned around pretty quick and probably tried to drag me along as I was rolling in the dirt. Yeah I didn’t know how I lived through that.

All I knew was I woke up in a room that was not mine. So much for all that being a dream. It turns out some woodsmen found me and the pandacat. They told me I was lucky to have escaped being shot at by elves. A picture of where and when I landed was starting to form in my head but I’d have to sniff out more clues to confirm it. Clues? Oh yeah, a result of too many mystery related media.

I was in a small village just a small ways away from the forest I was in last night. Small being half a day’s travel by foot which consequently could range from the 10 to 30 kilometres by my reckoning. The elves in the woods kept sticking humans with arrows so they were surprised to find me at all. The village is called Orniere, part of the County of South Drasavia which itself is part of the Great Kingdom of Mirthterrah.
Yeah definitely doesn’t sound like the Earth we both know and love. I pretty much spent the first year or so living with these Mirthans and the pandacat. Did you know that the pandacat is actually quite smart? You’d think it’d be hard for us to communicate but they do a little dance and they sprinkle a little water. Yeah, naw just shittin’ ya. Didn’t think you’d catch that. The pandacat communicated through gesture and somehow I just knew what it was trying to say. I named him Prez, as in President. He’s been a helpful little fellow.

Living with the Mirthans wasn’t so bad. True, I had to adapt and adopt some of their customs but they were rather easy going with me having no idea where I came from. Hell they didn’t even blink when I introduced myself as Roy Fokker. Earned my keep doing manual labour, mostly woodworking but also a little side job with the apothecary. Most of the time Orniere is pretty uneventful but there are occasional thefts and incidents at the tavern. I myself was a regular, so I figure I could use my sleuthing skills to keep my mind sharp. A few got caught, a few got away but I usually was able to solve local mysteries like these to break the monotony of sanding down wood watching water boil.
Then there was that one time a bald beggar passed through town. Wrote in a journal in English. No it was not intentional but I didn’t even know there were more people like me until then. Why didn’t I think the knights passing through were like me? Well let’s be honest, when you see a guy trucked up in armour in a feudal society, us common folk tend to shy away if we don’t have any business with them. They could be the King’s men or bandits for all I knew and I didn’t need the extra trouble. But enough about me, tell me about yourself, Bhikkhu Thai.
And that's a wrap, until next time gents.
Can't wait to see how this folds out :D
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So, are we still talking about the Rogue Knights or what?
Probably, put up ideas >.>
Okay, still working on the siblings of the Fair Lady. Would have been done with the first part, but I keep getting sidetracked.
In the middle of nowhere, amidst a lot of trees; it was the year of 3 AA.

“Idiots, I offer them MY knowledge about guns and gunpowder and what do they do? Ignore me and they have had the fucking balls to have one of their “Blades” try and lift my gun. No one fucking steals from me.”

“Right Boss, but man. You gave that kid a beatdown like I've never seen. I’m worried that they might not respond well to that.”

“What they gona fuckn do about it? I still got the Judge on my side and he still has plenty of backup.”

“How many?”


“Well what next?”

“I’ll tell you what next Abe, we go home, spend time with our families then we go and see the gnomes and dwarves the day after. I’m tired of this adventuring crap, I’m fucking tired of giving MY money to some fat elitist snobs who never grew up.”

“Yeah see, ya boss. Tell Wyona I said hi.”

“Same here.”

With that the two men parted ways, both heading home, to families unaware of what all they did.
A day and a trip later, four men came to the gnomish capital. After doing some street pounding they found a gnome that would fit their needs. A gnome with a reputation for not thinking things through as far as he should, but a skilled craftsman no the less.

The Boss knocked on the heavy wood door. Seconds later the gnome opened the door.

“Hello, my name is Fletch, I have a business proposition for you. What I’ve heard is that you’re the one for the job.” The Boss said.

“Must have heard wrong friend. I’m not allowed to tinker after the last incident.”

“You’re really going to let others keep you from your art? The Stepfast shoe may not have been safe, but it was a work of art not to mention a work of genius.”

“You think so?”

“Would I be here if I didn’t? I even had an idea I wanted to show you.” The Boss said pulling out a piece of paper covered in scribbles.

“This, this would work. Why would you need me if you can do this?”

“I have a little skill for planning and a few ideas from the Old Realm. You’ve heard of it right? Of course you have. Anyhow I have ideas but I don’t have the skill to make them real. You, you have those skills. Come work with me, I’ll back you on your projects if you help me with mine.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on it will be fun. You and me, building explosives from my old world.”

“Explosives?” The gnome said almost salivating.

“Yep, we had a lot back there. I want to remake them.”

“Well then count me in.”

“Its a deal. Me and my boys are ready to help you move to Teegee whenever you are.”

“This city has nothing for me now.”
A time of moving a workshop later. Deep within the catacombs.

“I know it isn’t much to look at right now. But the start up went towards getting the basics done. We knocked out a wall and then worked to hide this place. Also the set up for the metalworking station was the hardest part. I hope it’s to your liking.”

“Feels like home. Has a lot of potential also.”

“I knew someone like you would see what I saw. Now then I want to show you the plans for the first project. We need the tools to make the real thing first, so we need to build them.” The Boss said.

“Looking at this it looks like its to make something I could make just as easily without this.” The gnome said confused.

“It’s a practice that comes from the Old Realm. Industrialization. You could make one easily of course, but lets say you wanted to make a bunch. You make a machine that makes it easy for others to do it. freeing you up to do what you want.”

“That sounds almost too good to be true.”

“Trust me, this works.”

In the span of a day and a half the first machine was ready.

“Well this is it boys. One pull of this lever and we are in business.” The Boss pulled the lever. The machine went to work filling the mold then popping the pieces out when it was done. “Just about every piece you need to make a good bolt action rifle, just need a stock and a barrel. Which is why I made them up while you were working on this.”

The Boss took the cooling parts in his gloved hands and fitted the pieces together. In a matter of seconds, two minutes tops, he had a rifle in his hands.

“Getting a bit rusty. Used to have one apart and back together much faster. Well Marshall, take your time and work on whatever project you want. I need to find a supplier for the next part.”

“I’m going to get started on something to make those barrels.”

“Sounds like a plan, you’re a good man Marshall.”
Two weeks later.

“We have the raw materials, we got the tools, we even got a cover. What we need now is man power.”

“About that boss. Me and some of the boys were talking. Those drugs we been making dosh off, they can’t get enough if that shit in the Free Kingdoms. Lots of poor dumb people looking for money to support the habit.” Abe said.

“I see where you are going with this. It’s a good idea, its a little too hot for me here anyway.”

“”Well I like it here.” Marshall added.

“I was thinking you would say that. We can keep this as the main place of business and have the Free Kingdom branch handle the building and distribution. This was always meant more as a workshop and thinktank place.”
A long Month later.

“All right, you people have been hired to work a special job. Now, our employer, Mr Anderson, he wants this all hush hush, so if you want to keep your job you don’t say a word of this to anyone. Now some of you might be wondering what we do here. We make the tools that make your favorite drug. Thats right we make the things that make GodZhroom. Mr. Anderson is also willing to pay you in GodZhroom if that is what you wish.” Abe said to the crowd that had gathered in the warehouse.

There was much cheering at the last sentence.

“Now then, all of you who want a job, just go through that there door.” Abe said pointing at a normal looking door that was really a magic portal.

As the last of the people went on through the Boss stepped out of the shadows.

“You know what I love about this business plan Abe?”

“What’s that Boss?”

“It works. You remember white sugar? Course you do. Well this is how they made it back home. Slavery never goes out of style it just gets hidden better. But see I have it better than the Vasile family did, think it was Vasile never could remember their fucking name, anyhow. See we keep them in a underground world, one way out and just feed them all the drugs and just enough food for them to work. You need more workers and you just go and find some more dumb schmucks. That wizard girl you picked up sure is handy Abe. This magic shit is beyond me, but it gets things done.”

“Yeah, Jez sure is something. Almost as greedy and cut throat as you Boss.”

“Fucking Dragons.”

“That I am.”
The two men shared a laugh at this. “Come on Abe lets go see what piss they call a drink here.”

“Yeah Wrex can handle the people.”

“I would give my left nut for 20 Wrexs. Giants, they make good enforcers and they don’t ask questions.”
A few minutes later at a pub. They were sitting at a table Jez had been saving for them.

“So you two how does it feel to be coal barons of Teegee?” The Boss asked with a grin.

“Dirty, a good dirty.” Jez said.

“I can drink to that.” Abe said, they all knocked their mugs together in a toast and then chugged down the crap.

“Told ya it would taste like piss.” The Boss said with a grin.

“Speaking of piss. We need to do something about Shacklesbane.” Said Jez with a murderous look in her eye.

“Why? He supplies us with a lot of good workers for the Coal business and as long as we play nice with those girls and help fund his hobby we should have no problem.” Abe said.
“Abe I love you but I swear sometimes you don’t use the head you got on your neck. Sooner or later he’s going to get wind of the warehouse, what then?”

“There is this one guy who runs out of the docks. We could use his as a patsy. But not yet. The more slavers he knocks out the more workers we get.” The Boss said.

“We don’t really need any more workers though. The girls make the charcoal and powder it, the kobolds handle all the rest, and those things breed like crazy.”

“Yep, those little bastards are great for harvesting raw material and making bullets, best part is no one cares about them and they are so stupid they enjoy the work.”

“Well then I guess we are about ready to start the next phase of the plan. We have plenty of rounds stocked up and we should soon have the guns to go with them. Hell’s bells we are even ahead of schedule.”

“You know Boss, you never were clear on what comes next.”

“What else, we get some more men, we sell out and we start a war. But not yet, we need to get cemented, we start right on the first day of 5AA.”

“Thats over a year and a half away though.” Jez said.

“We need more money, guns, and intel. Besides patience is a virtue. But when we got everything then you put a bullet through some nobles eyes.”
Does that answer your questions. Working on the part about the start next.
Uhhh, just so you remember that Jistin wrote up the pirate admirals visiting their gun foundry in about 9AA. (My own time inconsistencies aside)

Try to keep the "open secret" from spilling out too much
I see this thread often. I don't know what to do. I'll watch.
Ok going to go with a no shit here. But Jistins was decidedly non cannon. As we came to the conclusion that this was a 5- late 8 early 9 thing as this is going to be springborading into the FK v. M war. You were there when we had this conversation last night. Damn it. So Jistin can we say that the Pirate story was earlier so it fits with Lems FK v. M war plot?
just realized how much more boned you guys might be than you are when you arrived.

You might have ended up like the MC from Erfworld, inside of a GAME, not just a fantasy world.
>Ok going to go with a no shit here. But Jistins was decidedly non cannon. As we came to the conclusion that this was a 5- late 8 early 9 thing as this is going to be springborading into the FK v. M war. You were there when we had this conversation last night. Damn it. So Jistin can we say that the Pirate story was earlier so it fits with Lems FK v. M war plot?
Works for me, and it wasn't a foundry, it was a place for duels and demonstrations.

Also Kobolds traditionally hate technology, at least as they were written up as a variant on goblin in the wiki, but provided they're no where near the industrialized parts and are just handling the alchemy, would make sense, or we change them up :P
They are no where near machinery. They handle "alchemy' and grunt labor. We have the poor of Free Kingdoms doing the industrialized parts. I though I had made that clear in story. I may need to make it more so then.
>They are no where near machinery. They handle "alchemy' and grunt labor. We have the poor of Free Kingdoms doing the industrialized parts. I though I had made that clear in story. I may need to make it more so then.

sounds good then.

apologies, but after reading the first few chapters of OP's manga, I've lost track of it. would anyone be able to provide me with a link?

There's only one chapter of the manga I'm afraid. Cannot for the life of me recall the name, but look up "My Life With Lamia" and find the author name from gelbooru or something, and then run a search on his works.
Deadline Summoner is the English name
Mango trolling? On my /tg/? Go eat a dick.

I believe it's called monster musume.
>Mango trolling? On my /tg/? Go eat a dick.
>I believe it's called monster musume.
No, that's his NEW one. The one linked in the OP Image is from Deadline Summoner.
No really. That one is deadline summoner you go eat a dick.
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Well shit. I fucked up. You have my sincerest apologies, gentlemen. I shall find the nearest phallus and consume it post-haste. Again, apologies.
The Tactician has been executed. Rest in Peace.
OH FUCK MAGI-NATION. THE ELDER DUDE. Your image pleases e greatly
>OH FUCK MAGI-NATION. THE ELDER DUDE. Your image pleases e greatly

Magi-nation? Elder Dude?
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Okay, after a quick run through on lore, the known siblings are the Fair Lady, Ceaseless Discharge, Quelaag, Quelaan, and Quelana. So 2 spider demons, 1...thing, and 2 humans.

I think that should make for a nice story arc.
...that's five in total.

Is this going to be a running gag on First Demons?

>Venus heresy
...not sure if we can handle that, captcha
Possibly, but not likely. I think someone wrote her in as a creation of the First Demons and her siblings were the rejects from that, but she's trying to reunite with them for whatever reason(haven't planned that far ahead).
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>Ceaseless Discharge
>Too easy. Way too easy.
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He does seem to cry out for a hug, doesn't he?
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He does look friendly and warm.

>Give me a hug big guy.
If you look closely at the lump that is probably his head, it looks like he's crying in pain. Creepy, isn't it?
According to the source lore, yeah, he is, mostly because he dropped the ring his sisters gave him , which itself became a demon.
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Oh yeah, I remember that crime against nature!
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Yes, and guess who's getting included in that story too, or maybe they won't.
is that her breast plate or a metal onion? o-O
Its her helmet silly Hetty.
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it's female armor
The Knights of Katarina. Goofy-looking armor, amusing characters wearing it, but alas, their story can only end one way...
Two ways, technically. Both of which can be described as unpleasant at best.
If you want to see how things are going, the link to the google doc is on the previous thread. It might seem like we're cutting ourselves off, but it's either that or fill up the thread with brainstorming. That's not to say you can't chip in- we appreciate any ideas you can come up with.
“Really? Then, SONIC BOOM!” Jean shouted bringing her hands together and sending out a shockwave at mach 5 in front of them. Deafening and disorienting the vampires in front of her, Girlheart had brought her group valuable time and an advantage. It had shaken Mikela and Irila also, though to a lesser extent.

The seasoned adventurers quickly dropped into fighting stances, and with weapons readied, charged at the reeling vampires. Except for Belle and Lilly who stayed back and fired off multitudes of arrows at the Vampires.

They hit the first line of guards like a tornado hitting a house of cards. They would knock a vampire down, then Hetros would hammer a stake clean through their heart, Cook chopped off the head, and Kuro would burn the body to a pile of black ash. They were five guards in when Vulair spoke up.

“Seems you can handle a few of my weaker guards. Oh well, they get what they deserve.” He snapped his fingers and a second wave of guards advanced.

The gang was greatly outnumbered. Belle and Lilly switched to the gravity arrows, pining each guard that was hit to the ground.

“Bunch of weaklings, can’t even handle four times normal gravity.” Lilly shouted.

The vampire guards in the backlines started to let fly arrows of their own.
“Sonic BOOM!” Jean shouted, using her best trick again, causing all the arrows to stop and fall to the floor. If you looked closely you could see Vulair’s left eye twitch and a vein throb.

“Hey sparkles, do these toys come a dime a dozen or what?” Meina said, bringing her hammer around in a wide spinning arch, pulping every vampire it touched.

“Guards I tire of this show, end them already.” Vulair said, all his men going into battle.

Quickly the gang was completely surrounded and back to back.

“Ha, now that you have me surrounded you can’t get away.” Jim quoted.

“You do realize that you have that backwards.” Said Vulair facepalming.

“Really? I don’t think so.”

“Always expect the unexpected.”

“Tri-attack in 3.” Lilly thought to Kuro and Jeanine.

Jean, Lilly, and Kuro all stomped a foot into the ground before them. Spires of stone shot from the ground impaling guards left and right, the spires continued up into the ceiling trapping a large number of the vampires. At this Vulair lost it.
“It was going to be so dramatic.” Vulair said dropping his air of composure and act of a kindly old man entirely. He kicked up a bow from the ground and fired an arrow at the librarian, pinning her to a wall “I’ll deal with you later, Irila”

He strode towards the battling mesh of the few remaining vampires and the adventurers, unsheathing a savage looking sabre from his studded sceptre.

“You would all banter with me, I would try to demoralize you about the nature of lower beings places as food or servants, we would-” he casually deflected a blow aimed at his head and ran Belle through “-battle and trade blows-” dodging deftly a gout of dragon fire to gouge scale and skin with his blade, “-that your people would sing for years to come, but you” stab someone absentmindedly, judging from Hetros’ yell it hurt “-just-” disarm another with a snap, counter with a punch across room, slamming Jean into the wall, “-wouldn’t-” parry hammer blow with sceptre causing the sceptre to disintegrate, smack face hard enough to concuss “-behave!”

And with that, the entire group was beaten back in moments, single handedly. The vampire Khan looked a mess, stray strands across his face combined with his bleeding eardrums giving him a wild look, one that seemed natural and fitting. He had barely broken a sweat, and calmly wiped blood from his sabre blade with an immaculate scrap.

“Really expected you to put up more of a fight, given the-” with this he threw the kerchief into thin air at Lilly’s invisible form. Lilly dodged to the side and the Khan brought a strike to her head. “-bizarre assortment of individuals that were brought to face me.”
He snapped his fingers and a couple of vampire footmen brought out a chair for him to sit down. A glass was provided and filled with rich red fluid that he accepted in a graceful palm.

A psychopathic evil sounding laugh rang out. It came from Girlheart who was laying on the floor near the wall she had hit.

“Well then.” Jeanine said standing up. “I have good news for you. These bizarre individuals are ready and raring for round one. Nice little warm up. But look at you, vampire lord, done lost his head. He wore his sin like it was some kind of pride”

“You’re monologuing, too?” Vulair grinned.

“You wanted witty banter, come and fucking get it.”

“I’ve been bantered at by better men and monsters than you, stranger”

“Everyone is better than me don’t you know. I’m not one of the good knights here to save the day and woo the young maidens and save princesses. I’m here to kill my way to the top. I have a beef with a higher power and I need to bulk up.”

“Yes, you have beef,” the Khan pointed a sceptre at Meina, “and bulk” pointed at Kuro, still in dragon form, “and bat. Haven’t had that in a while”

“But enough about my dinner plans, what to do, with you?” Vulair clasped palms in a practiced motion. “You seem to be the ‘head’ of this fine group, that fellow screaming at cobwebs yours?”

“I would recommend a red wine and a fine steak sauce. And yes, yes he is. He has issues. But he is still better than those meat-pushing wood munchers you called gate guards. Oh by the way they died like bitches and then Lilly ate their souls, so there is that.”

“Good to know they served a purpose. Rashad! I am displeased.”

At the vampire’s yell, dust began coalescing from the air, and the shade of the gate guards was kneeling at the Khan’s feet. The vampire footmen cut at the shades, and they dispersed.
“Note to self, from now on destroy ashes, call shades then kill shades.”

“Blah blah blah” Vulair mocked with a suddenly produced skull in hand.

“Neat, now make it recite Shakespeare.”

“Now that I’ve had my fill of banter”, the Khan put away the suddenly screaming skull, “A question, if you would.”

“Sure, but first I need to know, where do you get screaming skulls. I want one for my door knocker. Ok now ask your question.”

“Wait, I have question as well!”

“Rip them from their owner’s untimely body. Silence, Madman, the grownups are talking. Enough about me, what about you? Specifically, who. Sent. You.” Vulair’s face turned stony at the last words.

“The goddess I want to kill and most don’t believe me about. She likes to make me suffer for her amusement.” Jeanine said playing at being mad.

The Khan waved Jean off, “No, not the blatherer, or the anti-hero. You! Girl in the back, trying to creep away through the windows!”

Vulair was pointing at someone behind the ragged group, someone very good at being silent and hidden. Mikela freezes as his hand points at her, grinning innocently in a “Oh? Me?” kinda way.

“No really she was the pawn used by the goddess. But whatever no one ever believes me.”

“Let’s play a game called if you talk again I kill this man. I go first” Vulair had his guards pull Hetros to his feet. “Who sent you, bats?”

Jeanine was quiet. Lilly who was on the floor, faking injury, made a gesture with her hand, then she made it again.
Mikela spaced out for a second. “I... was... sent... by... “ her wings pulling back to reveal the crystal clutched to her bosom.

The Khan’s eyes flew open and a hand scrambled at his chest. He rose to his feet but before he could make a sound... Mikela let out a subsonic screech, it made the world seem to vibrate, light radiated from her.

The crystal begins vibrating, harder and harder, amplifying the scream that Mikela gives off, her voice beginning to modulate once more, just as it had at the door. The crystal glows brighter and brighter, sending ripples of light and sound. The guards nearest the group immediately turn to dust, the ones further away cringed, throwing arms over their heads and chest to protect their vitals from the searing sun light emanating from the crystal. Vulair snarls, and lunges forward towards the light. turning himself into the waves. A sickly, putrid smell fills the air as the first layer of skin on the right side of his body is burned away. And the next, and the next. Each wave of light strikes him like a physical blow. The ancient vampire marched forward, unable to do anything else. If he stopped, he’d die. With a cracking noise, his hand, little more than seared flesh hanging off of his bones, slams across Mikela’s face, silencing her and darkening the crystal immediately as she falls to the ground.

“Blood and Thunder! How did that bloodline survive!” He hisses, eyes turning to a deep red-black shade, no pupils or whites, just that color of old blood. “Kill you...kill them all.” Half his body was a charred mess. No regeneration, just blackened skin sticking to blackened bones, he pulls out a long sword, curved and carved to collect the blood along the blade and drip it into the cup of the hilt, raising it to strike down on Mikela. He didn’t seem to take into account that all of his guards were in far worse condition than he was, probably too addled from the light.
He didn’t even feel the axe go through his limbs and neck. He was shocked though to see his arms fell off his body to the floor.

“And that’s how a decapitation works. Anyway, my question is going to be answered,” a calm voice behind said.

The madman of the group strode in front of the Khan, axe dulled and bloodied in hand, his eyes distant as if listening to something.

“Do you know where the fate of all things lie?”

The head of the Khan rolled about, then focussed. A grin spread on its stretched skin and it laughed, oh how it laughed.

“Well then, good work everyone. Next time though lets just kill the bad guy. Now we need a big fire, a jar and lots of spare metal. Just in case.”

“Jim we have told you you’re paranoid right?” Hetros said.

“Everyone has everyday of my life, but I’m still here. Lilly see to the wounded. Kuro if you're up to it help me with burning this guy to ashes and then mixing him into a nice bookstop.”

The two turned to their work chasing down the hopping head, as everyone took stock of their injuries and consoled one another.

The side of Mikela’s face was already swelling up, Hetros gently helped her to sit up, very gently kissing her. His hand grasping up the crystal that had given them the advantage they had needed. He held her gently against himself, “Good job hun. That’s my little savior.” He says, kissing her forehead, her chuckling and saying “ow” over and over in turn, her jaw hurting with each movement.

Jean and Kuro were chasing the head around the room. “I swear if anyone makes a head pun.”
Jean and Kuro were cornering the lolling head of the Khan, which had given them more trouble than it was worth.

“Fuck it all.” Jeanine levitated the head off the ground. He then added it to the pyre that Kuro had made.

The head of Vulair then stopped laughing, an amazing feat since it was long since separated from its lungs. And turned its burning form around to a wall.

“Hello, again, my old friend”

The last words of Khan Vulair, Darkener of the Skies, sworn servant of the Great Khan, were lost in the flames as his head summarily turned to ash in a flash of black.

A large clunk was heard throughout the castle.

“Oh goddamn it.” Hetros hisses through his teeth, and stands up without a further word, beginning to walk. “Why. Why God. Why did that trope have to be -real-.” He carries the light Mikela in his arms, taking long strides, “What trope?” She asks, wincing. “Load bearing boss.”

“Have no fear wonder Lilly is here. One crystal teleporter going out here we go.” She said pulling the crystal from her pack.

“Let’s get the fuck out of the mists -now-” Hetros says, nodding, “this place fucks with time and space. Do you want to find out where the hell we end up when this place falls apart?”

Everyone used the crystal to teleport out of the castle, to where they had been before they had first entered it. Rumbles and thuds could be heard from within, as rooms and walls seemed to both expand and contract upon themselves. The massive walls on the sides fell over and up, retracting themselves into the castle.

If that wasn't enough, cracks and explosions ran up the sides of the structure, and it bled. Thick gouts and rivers of blood spilled from arches and crenellations. A shrill scream could be heard as the ones left inside were consumed by the structure.
“Well fuck, we didn’t save the people. See, I really am an anti-hero. Damn it. Fuck mothering vampires. At least we got his ashes before we ported out. Next time we really need to do a better job.” Jean said, Kuro holding the jar of ashes.

“Girlheart stop being so hormonal.”

“Right, but seriously no sandbagging next time, just cut loose. These complicated plans hurt more.”

“It worked. Didn’t it?”

“Besides we had to get the crystal and we couldn't risk destroying it.”

“All my books are gone! I’ve spent almost a thousand years with them! What are going to do to replace them?” Irila asked angrily.

Belle pulls the lilly book out of a bag, “I did save your favorite book.”

“Give me that!” Irila snatched the book out of Belle’s hands, “You’re all too dangerous to be let near any of my books.” She said, cradling the book in her hands.

“I disagree, I grew up with much, much worse.” Lilly said. “Also don’t worry we will get your smut collection back to its former glory in no time. Tell me how do you feel about Girl on Guy on Guy? Meina has a whole bunch of books on that.”

“No I don’t. Lilly, why must you say such hurtful things?” Meina said as snarkily as could be. “Oh well, I’ll just have to tell them about the book you're writing.”

Irila turns beet red and stutters out some unintelligible words.

“I’m sorry but I’m still new to this and my women speak isn’t the sharpest. Can someone translate?” Girheart said.
Irila finally mumbles something understandable while looking at the ground, “I don’t mind it.”

Lilly gave her a hearty slap on the ass. “I like this girl, one right after my heart.” Lilly said giving Kuro a knowing look. “Just wait untill we introduce you to Outlander porn. Never seen anything like it in all my years.”

“You can’t have her,” Kuro said, she then whispered into Lilly’s ear, “Unless she agrees of course.”

“Oh I don’t want HER, I want her as an apprentice. One that will keep you two busy.” Lilly whispered back.

“Sure you don’t”

“Ok, I'll admit it. Maybe just a little.”

“I do believe its time to get back on the road now, when Kuro and Lilly start to whisper it can only lead to one thing.” Jeanine said

“Oh, before we leave the mists, I’m going to need some blood. I have to have taken some within the past day to actually stay out under the sun.”

“I’m sure Kuro wouldn’t mind a few hickys. Belle too.”

“Will deer do?” asked the Cook some feet away, holding up a freshly killed stag.

“Humanoid blood is best. To get the same effect from most animal blood requires me to drink more than I can stomach.”
“... Well that makes jack-all sense, still we have linner now... or is it lunner?”

“Soul saturation, the blood gets a little rub off. Animals have almost zero soul. Least that would be my guess.” Said Lilly.

“I can eat normal stuff just fine. It’s something about the blood that keeps me human though. I don’t really get it.”

“Not even if they had afros and high heeled boots?”

“Cook, I do believe the answer to that question is similar to the one you asked Vulair, and on that note, trophy is done.” Jim said holding up a little metal sculpture with a plaque at the base. The plaque read: Vulair defeated, and had their names and the date on it. The sculpture was a little upright coffin with a cross emblazoned on it, the coffin rested on a rocky looking mound.

“Gear, I will never understand your need to make the remains of your enemies into trophies.” Hetros said.

“When you mix the ashes with the lead and steel it makes things really really hard for them to come back. The trophy part is just a hobby. So I think this one goes to either Mikela or Cook. Any arguments for or against?”
“My strength has made him cry.” Cook proclaimed.

“Mikela won the day,” Belle said.

“Going to say Mikela, she did the most.” Meina said.

“Well can’t argue with that. Sorry Cook, better luck next time. Mikela, I bequeath to you this statue containing the remains of a villain we fought together against, and so on and so on. Just don’t lose it will you. I don’t know if its possible to get the ashes out, but I don’t want to find out.”

“Yeah!” she claps the tops of her wings together and takes the trophy. Hetros just shakes his head, “great... I take it you want it to go on the mantle?” “Of course” she chuckles back at her husband.

Shortly after that the gang was back on the road again, headed for the city of bats.

Last chapter coming up next.
In time the gang arrived at the great city of bats. They were quickly brought before the council, no one remembering the incident from before.

“You return. With two new companions and missing one. I do not know if that means success or failure. Will you speak as to what it is?”

Girlheart stepped forward. “Well we aren't missing anyone, though we did get a new team member.”

“Truth?” The council said in unanimous confusion.

“Wait, where be the Gearheart?”

“Cook we went over this like five billion times on the way here. I am GearHeart. Lik-”

“Truth? What is the meaning of this. Who are you creature of lies?”

“You are Gearheart’s twin sister?”

“GirlHeart is GearHeart.”

“Girls, can we remove the ring long enough to finish this conversation?”

“Killjoy...”All the girls said at near the same time. Lilly took the ring off of Jims hand, and with that he was back to being a man. Albeit a man wearing a dress.
“Well thats somewhat better, now like I was saying. We went, We saw, We kicked butt, We took the crystal, and We killed a Reaver Lord thing. I now turn this over to my constituent.”

Cook stood there with a rather blank look on his face. Somewhere, deep in his addled brain, little figments were trying to make sense of what he saw. The only solution they could come up with was a fist to the face.

“My constituent means to say he is an idiot and has nothing further to say, my other constituent I was speaking of.” Jim said pointing to Mikela.

Things moved quickly from there. Scouts were deployed to find out the truth of the matter, celebrations were had all round, crazily so. The council, and the Chironen in general, seemed more than happy to work with their “Saviors” and to establish trade with the people of /TG/. It would be slow at first, the Deep Chironens’ primary economy was not all that different from that of the Dwarves, but what they lacked in materials, they more than made up for in unique perspectives and ideas. No less than 3 scholars of the Chironen approached the group about coming to visit /TG/, all of which were most interested once the university had been explained to them. It took much talk in the end, and nothing was truly finalized, but a power on the other side of the Elven forests had been established, or at the very least, a start at it was made.
Finally, came the time to figure out how to get back. The council, at first, was dead against establishing a portal within their city, and Hetros often mentioned how it would be bad to keep one that lead so far away from lands controlled by TG to be near any major area of TG itself. It was decided to place the portal on this end in a distant, well guarded, and easily collapsed, cavern about a half days journey from the Chironen city. The one on the other end would, eventually, be housed in a secure fortress (Hetros was already working on making it as close to the Stargate SG:1 gate room as possible).

Some time later Jeanine and Lilly were at work, creating a gateway between Chironen lands and Castle Demon Reach.

“You know its a damn good thing I always have a gate ready back home. Still not sure about this one though.”

“Why do you always make them at your castle?” Belle asked.

“Nobody else wants a portal that may let enemies and strangers in past your defenses. Its part of the reason I gave Demon Reach intelligence so it can help manage gate activity. I could make them somewhere else and have one to the castle but that kind of is the same thing.”

“We’ll just rip the gate up and move it to a border fortress a couple days between Demon Reach and Castle Waifu,” Hetros says, sitting down and watching the process. His little notebook open as he begins to sketch the preliminary fortress.
“You have an intelligent building? Doesn’t it try to eat you or stuff?” Irila asked cautiously.

“Nah, it feeds of the Lay Lines, which is part of the defense system, if a gate opens and Demon Reach knows its not an authorized user it can cut the power by sucking up all the magic in that line.”

“That sounds neat. Can you do anything else with it?”

“Well I use it to keep an eye on the goings on of and around the house, and it has some defensive and offensive capabilities. It can also sing rather well, it likes Phantom of the Opera the most.

“A singing castle? I want to see!”

“I’m sure it would love to give you a performance.”

They had finished carving the runes into the arch. Now came the process of powering and setting the gate. Girlheart took her gauntlet off her hand, she slit the palm of her hand and ran it over some of the runes causing the runes to light up with a dark deep red.

“How come this one is red, when the ones at your castle were green?” Belle asked.

“Safety thing I came up with, if the gate is functioning properly it uses green if not then red. As much as I like to spread the rumor that I’m a unhinged hair trigger mad wizard with a total disregard for safety, I do make sure that I don’t kill myself and people I care about.”

Lilly all the while had been using chalk to connect different runes together. She then spoke up saying some nonsense syllables. Then she spoke clearly. “Ok, gate’s password is set, now all we have to do is connect it.” She then wiped the chalk from the arch.
“Right well here we go, once more into the primordial blood of this land.” Girlheart placed her hand on the center of the gate and then he was falling over, a blank look on her face and vacant eyes. Lilly caught her and laid her down.

“Is she alright?” Irila asked.

“Yeah she is, this is what happens when you go outside your own mind to such an extent. Right now shes traversing the Lay Lines all the way back to home.”

“When we get to wherever your home is, can you teach me magic?” Irila asked.

“Sure, though it can be a hard process. Some people have it easier than others, like dragons or people who see the world differently.”

“What about me?”

“Don’t know, you seem sane enough. But anyone can learn magic, its just different paths to get there.”

“You know what I was thinking. Now would be a fun time to mess with the helpless Girlheart.” Meina spoke up.

“I like the sound of that.”
There we go. All done.

Also realized that if we do an epilogue, it should probably involve Gearheart walking into the Council of DM's chamber, and saying "Hey guys, remember how I said demons and hell were real? Same thing applies to Vampires. Bye."
Jistin, you post up the real epilogue toot-sweet!
I agree. I'll get right on it.
um, um, um D: which one? The one with the evil ritual? Or the one I just described or what?


You best do what he says, he punctuated with emphasis. You know he means business.
“Tum, te tum, te tum~”

A withered hag was making her way through the plains, her steps surefooted and steady despite the wreckage and blood littering the ground. In her two outstretched hands were simple rods of wire that twisted and turned, but never crossed. The winds, howling with the shades and ghouls of the untimely departed, did not trouble her, in fact, she began humming a nursery rhyme among the rubble!

“A man crossed death, he kept it locked

He put it in a crooked box

But first he put it in a horse

The horse inside he put a wolf

And in the wolf, was hid a goat

And in the goat he put a chick

And in the chick was laid an egg

And in the egg he hid a sk-”

The hag stopped suddenly, as the two wires had firmly crossed one another, with no intention of separating. Pursing her lips, she hummed and hawed, before putting away the two rods and scuffing a rough circle in the dirt and wreckage around the point. Rummaging through one of the many pouches by her waist, the old woman collected a small amount of leaves, bones and nuts in a craggy hand, before crumbling them with surprising strength over the circle. A pass of the hands and a few worldly chants, and the dirt rippled onto itself and exhumed a screaming skull. She brought it to her face and silenced it with a finger to its lips.

“I’ve found it, Khatun!” the hag cried out, as she made her way out of the ruins “The last words of the Sky Darkener are captured within!”
A lavishly veiled palanquin was parked on a beaten path, with conspiracies of ravens circling overhead and heavily clothed guards in floppy hats and shining eyes pacing the perimeter. Overly large wolves pressed snouts to ground and snuffled to trace blood or prey, and gaunt archers shot down wayward spirits and captured them in giant screeching jars.

“Thank you, Baba Roga”, a silky voice wafted out from the veiled palanquin. “Corvus, Corax, bring me the words of my love and reward her”

Two attendants snapped into action, both finely dressed and with bird’s skulls for heads.

“Haven’t had a Khan die in ages” one remarked to his double.


“Didn’t think it would be so soon”


“Ullo boys” the hag said to the macabre twins “Bit of a turn up, isn’t this?”

“Hello Baba” both chorused back “How many this time?”

“Just a few doughty boys and fair maidens. The last batch were disappointingly thick and amounted to nothing.” She tapped a bony claw to her forehead “Send me some thinkers”

“Sometime today!” the passenger called out, impatiently.

“At once, Khatun”
One of the bird-headed men tucked the skull under an arm while the other haggled with a hag. Both would give no quarter, but that is another story. A pale arm extended itself from the veils, parting them to reveal a vision of predatory beauty. Midnight black hair framing an ivory face, piercing eyes and red lips parting with the hint of fangs. She snatched away the proffered skull greedily and whispered words to it.

“Alas, this fool did play his part, but now to new discussion talk” she intoned, “Tell me what became of my beloved, so that I may revive him and slay his killers by his side.”

The skull ground its teeth together, before spouting a long stream of babble:

“From this day forth, we are Khan-” “Too early, skip”

“-where the fate of all things lie?” “Deep in the dark, everyone knows that, too far ahead, back”

“-bizarre assortment of individuals-you have beef and bulk and bat-how did that bloodline survive!” “Now this is interesting...what did the others say?”

“-I swear on my father’s grave to hunt you down and pay you back-” “No, not them”

“-I cast thee out from my castle-” “Isn’t that your dad?” “Eaves-drop” “Shoo, you two”

“-not one of the good knights-the goddess that I want to kill-she was the pawn used by the goddess” “I hate this woman already, but she’s none of our concern, this girl on the other hand”
“-I was sent by-”

“That’s enough of that”, said the hag who stuffed a balled rag into the skull’s mouth, “Cover your ears, Khatun”

A shrill noise echoed around the clearing, making the guards and the vampiress wince slightly while the ghouls paused their ghastly work and the bird-skulled duo stood to one side.

“Sounds painful” “Artefact?” “The timing’s right enough, by the old tales of things”

“Blood and Thunder, how can you three stand that noise!” thin cracks ran along the vampire’s fair features, exposing blackened flesh to the air even as it sealed up, “Anything you want to share, Baba?”

“A crystal, m’dear” the hag responded, ungagging and cleaning the skull, “THAT crystal. The one your father should have plunged into the deepest darkness than entrust your fool lover with. Remember? The one the go-”

“Don’t say it” a look of horror and realization crossed the Khatun’s face, “But if the crystal has returned...then that could mean...”

With a shriek she turned towards the ruins of the castle and tore something from her neck. She raised an old bone to the air and spoke “Khan Vulair the Sky Darkener! With this bone pulled so close to your heart, I command you to return to me, your love, and walk the dark plains once more!”

Several ghoul servants had been awaiting this cue, and began cracking open barrels of blood, cooled by ice, over the torn ground, standing back as flames and gases consumed the fluid. The ribcage bone flew through the air, latching itself to a half-formed spectre that clawed its way out of the air, scraps of flesh hanging over semi-formed bones, torn rags covering malformed features, as it made tracks towards the awaiting vampiress.
“hello love...sorry I couldn’t make it out...in one piece”

“Oh, Vully. Poor, flaunting Vully. Why didn’t you cut them down with unseen arrows or choke the air from their lungs. Fill the castle with poisonous pitch or have your pet tear them to shreds? W-why did you have to die?”

“so...tired. waited...too long for a fight”

The vampire turned her piercing gaze onto the roads “Ulric! Daciana! Where did his killers flee to!”

The great wolves that had their noses pressed to the ground changed shape, and a bevy of rangers clad in wolf skins knelt before the vampire, “They came from the west and returned hence, not to homes of Iron, but through elven forests and the caves of blind cowards”

“Return to your people and ready your eyes and ears for an attack!”

“At once, milady Khatun” they changed forms back into a pack of wolves, that ran howling through the woods westwards.

The Vampire Lady pressed the dessicated shade to her heaving chest, as attendants watched in equal parts disgust and envy. “I, Khatun Matryoshka, Siren of the Black Forests, favored daughter of the Lord of Ruin and beloved to the Sky Darkener, pledge by Blood and Thunder to rain havoc on your murderers, until they break and falter-” *cough* “-or till time stands still at the Iron Hill.”

The ravens cawed ominously and distant clouds thundered in the mists. Trapped spirits wailed in their glass prisons and sudden winds rustled through trees.

“I like...” the deformed shade growled before his eyes guttered out, the last bit of intelligence leaving them. The vampiress wailed once more, clutching the last shred of her lover close. Her attendants looked warily at one another.
“Favored?” “I like Vasilya better”

“Are we talking about Vasilya now? Such a sweet child”

“Would my retainers REFRAIN from spoiling this moment by talking about my sister”

Both bird butlers and the hag shut up at that, their mouths unwillingly snapping closed. One of them managed to snap open their jawbone, working loose the hinges before turning back to the distraught Vampire Khatun.

“We’ll still need to tell the Great Khan this news. A Khan dying to the crystal warrants a visit to” *glare* “...discuss any retaliatory measures” His twin finally unglued his own teeth, agreeing “Roadtrip!”

“I hate visiting father. It’s too sunny, his house is noisy and the cattl-” *cough* “-humans look so unbearably happy it makes me sick,” Matryoshka complained, somewhat childishly “Then he’ll lecture me on how ‘the strong will always conquer the weak’ before listening to a word I say, and then-”


“Fine, Baba Roga. Go ahead and tell Father of my approach” the hag nodded at this as ravens swarmed around her, leaving nothing behind “Can’t trust these two not to get lost”

“Then you should have wanted messenger pigeons instead, but they make lousy conversationalists” “Dull”

Furrowed brow creasing her perfect face, the Khatun Matryoshka ignored the jabs of her father’s gifts and lay the gibbering shade onto her pillowed palanquinn. “Hush now, beloved, I’m going to call for our horses. You always liked watching this part”
She strode out regally from her resting place, bare feet hovering over despoiled earth. More ghoul servants stood ready with strange bridles and saddles. The vampire took out a slim blade from her side and ran it cleanly over a palm, letting thick, fat drops fall onto the dirt.

“Our blood is spilt

On cursed blight

The horde rides forth

On steeds of night”
The air cracked and the sky split, gouts of flame spitting out from unseen wounds as distant whinnies drew closer with the thud of unnatural hoofbeats. Equine forms leapt onto the ground, powerful muscles rippling under skins the colour of burning coal. Gnashing mouths of countless needles and pawing the ground with flaming hooves, intelligent eyes dared those nearby to approach. The ghoulish servants sprang into action, fitting bridles and saddles to the beasts while vampiric guards filed out and becalmed the hell horses with soothing words and bloody meats.
“Haven’t seen your pa since he raised us” the more talkative twin said, rubbing gloved hands in anticipation, “So, which horses are ours?”

“None” the vampire lady mounted a fearsome flaming destrier with practised ease “You get the important task of supervising the ghouls in their cleanup. Hya!”
The two skeletal butlers watched the vampiric procession charge off into the skies, leaving flaming hoofprints. The mists returned and covered the land in an eerie calm, the silence only broken by the sudden squeal of another spirit caught and jarred.

“This is going to get very boring, very quick”


“Best out of infinity?”

“Of course”

As the more tacit bird butler set up the playing board and its pieces, his twin turned aside, “While we spend our time in the exciting task of ghoul watch, why don’t you all see what everyone else is up to?”
Epliogue Done
And the rest...

No, you post it D=<
sorry x-X Just tired of posting them all. I agreed to one epilogue post, you want the others? You need to post them. This is a collaborative work :P
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Those terms are understandable. I do need to post up a story section, or I'll drop from the radar.

Huh, a trip. In this thread? More likely than I thought.
Late at night in a place outside of reality. On a small island, under a wooden roof with no walls. Sat two figures around a table. Strange flowers gave off light, barely illuminating the area. There was a meteor shower going on painting the night sky.

“I like this one. It has a nice style to it.” Said the woman in the dress.

“I knew you would.” Said the woman in the cloak.

“You know a lot. Enough to make a lot of people dance to your tune. So I seem to don’t know the next step of this tango. What’s next?”

“We wait for the other side to go for the dip.”

“I don’t like the sound of that. Why don’t I like the sound of that?”

“Because you don’t like being off balance.”

“True. I have to ask though. How long was this plan in the making. Seems to me setting up something like this seems impossible.”

“Easier than it seems. Just had to make sure that enough Chironen survived. Then when I found the right one I just brought the right pieces into play.”

“Just keep the other pieces safe would you.”

“Oh I will, I’m still not happy with you though.”

“Come on, the crystal is safe now.”

“Its not that.”

“Was it the cracks about you? It was wasn’t it. It wasn’t serious, you know me. Keep them on the edge.”

“Still, it’s the principle of the thing.”

“What is it this time?”

"Oh, you'll find out"
Let me tell you something about the people who work at The Hole. We like to blow stuff up. I can't count the number of times someone's suggested something the Council considered too dangerous to make. Usually, it gets made anyway. Ostensibly as a proof of concept, but we just do it because we think it's cool.

These prototypes never get destroyed, of course. They're too valuable for that, and we might just need them one day. So they get put with all the others. Somewhere deep beneath Castle Waifu is an armory containing every idea our engineers dreamed up. So far, its doors have only been opened to combat the Ork siege.

There's more to The Hole than the stuff we hide away, of course. And despite what you might think, we make much more than gimmicks and toys. Street lamps, printing presses, hot air balloons, and countless other things that you've probably benefited from. We've also made countless innovations in various fields. RUNIAC showed that runic computing is viable, we're making progress with magically enhanced machinery, and our railguns are getting better with every one we make. Oh, and we have a vacuum chamber. I'm not sure why we do, but we'll find a use for it sooner or later.
It was the day the gang of adventurers returned to the capital of Teegee. The others went to rest and clean up, well Jim went to see the council.

He flung open the doors to the meeting hall. As they were discussing the finer points of flame wars. “Everyone, remember what I said about those demons? Fuck mother vampires now. See y’all.” Then Jim just moonwalked out the door.

“Da Fauq?”

“Was that GearHeart?”

“Of course it was GearHeart. Jim get back here NOW!” Lem shouted.

But Jim was already gone. A time later a Blade was sent to find Jim. Course the Blade did’t so much find Jim as Lilly found the Blade.

They were soon in front of the council. Jim had just finished giving his report as he was the senior most knight of the group. This was followed by Irila being questioned by the council.

Sir Fearghaile stepped forth. He’s had a long history of interrogations, but no interviews with a vampire just yet. “My name is Sir Lem Fearghaile. I will be perfectly clear. Not everyone here trusts you. I am among them. This is nothing against you personally, we just have a bad record on this front. Do you understand this?”

“I don’t really trust you either. But yes, I understand.” Irila said.
“And we are off to a great start. I hate diplomacy.” Girlheart said under her breath to the others of their little gang..

“It’s not like she knows how anyone else will react to her presence. I don’t think she fully trusts Lilly yet either. That whole soul stealing thing.” Kuro said to Jim.

“True, I just miss the old days when Teegee was more trusting. As for Lilly, I think Irila may soon learn the two have far more in common than she thinks.”

“TeeGee has never been trusting, Jim. But that’s a discussion for another time.” Lem turned to the vampiresse. “Ms. Irila, we are now going to ask you a series of questions which we request you answer as truthfully as possible. I neither desire nor intend to harm you, but you may have information that will save many of our citizens lives, so do forgive us if things get a bit heated. First, can you state your full name and what your role in the Vampire society to the east is?”

“My name is Irila, and I was an underappreciated librarian until these nuts destroyed my library.”

“And a castle, and about oh 200 vampires, and a bunch of innocent people. Also Hetros’ tools.”

“Jim, enough interference. I don’t want to have to ask you to leave.” Lem turned back to Irila once more. “What is the basis of your knowledge on the Vampire forces?”
“I don’t know anymore. Vulair never really shared that with me, and my books didn’t say much on it either. The band I was with before they decided to start an empire was about 20 strong, and they united about a dozen or so similar bands to start everything, but that was centuries ago.”

“Based on what you do know, what would be the most likely make-up of the current Vampire forces?”

“A good number of living Reavers, even more Shades, and whatever creatures they’ve managed to magic together.”

“Like spiderbats, spiders that mimic into food! Oh the horror.”

“What is your understanding of Vampire and sub-vampire anatomy?” Sir Fearghaile ignored the outburst.

“Normal Reavers are the same as whatever they were before being turned. Shades are mostly incorporeal, but they have bits of their old bodies stuck in the mist that forms them. Smaller the parts of the original body, the older and weaker it is.”

“And Vampires themselves?”

“I thought what you’re calling vampires are Reavers.” Irila looks back at rest of her group questioningly.

“He wants to know about weaknesses and stuff. That vampires have.” Jim communicated through the Lilly thought messaging system.

“Now I’m going to ask you something that you might find very strange. What is the most efficient manner of disabling, killing, or otherwise destroying a Reaver?”

“Fire works better than normal. Really bright lights can hurt us too, unless we’ve happened to have fed recently, then it doesn’t really affect us much. The more powerful might be unaffected under most circumstances. Reavers have some strange allergic reaction to garlic too. It varies from person to person though, doesn’t seem to be related to anything I can tell. Vulair at least seemed to have a strange obsession with spiders too. I’m not sure if that’s something you wanted to know though.”
“Every bit helps.” The knight paced a bit and then paused. “Now I’m curious. You said you were with the original band of Vampires that started your... Empire, correct?”


“So presumably you’ve been with these people for hundreds, if not thousands of years, correct?”

“2000 or so. I haven’t seen Draaklug in a few hundred years though.”

“Why are you betraying them?” Sir Fearghaile looked very deeply into Irila’s red eyes with a mix of distrust and curiosity.

“They changed. They used to be like family to me before this whole Empire business started, but they lost any kindness they had during the centuries after they started the empire. Kuro offered me kindness that I hadn’t seen in so long, even though it was possible I could have been her enemy. Her motivation was a little strange though, something about me being cute.”

“Then I hope you’ll forgive our unkindness, at least for right now.” Sir Fearghaile turned to the rest of the council, nodded and turned back to the rest. “I’d like to ask the rest of you to leave the chambers. We’re going to discuss this issue. We’ll reconvene in an hour and a half. Sound good?”

“The laws say any Knight of good standing may listen in on any council meeting, but we will leave.” Jim said standing and making for the door, the rest following after him.

“I’m sure Irila would love to see the library.”

“Right, let the uptights have their talks, lets show her around time.” And with that the gang left the room.

You know what you did.

If you really must:
Meanwhile, somewhere smelling of tallow and ink:

An old man shuffled through papers, both yellowed and wrinkled with age, when the door to his secluded study is opened by a cautious hand. He doesn’t look up as the clerk places a new folio on his desk, and continues working through his current pile while the clerk heads off to other tasks.

Finally reaching the folio, his eyes opened slightly in surprise, yellowed eyes bulging in their sockets, and he nearly jumped back from his desk in shock. Taking the files in one hand, the old man took off with a speed deceptive of his age and ran through solemn corridors and winding passages, empty save for the sound of his sandalled feet on stone floors.

Past bookshelves and scroll piles, practicing choirs and orchestras, armouries and armourers, he reached his destination, a simple red door, guarded by two unswerving armoured paladins in crimson banners. He approached the door, heart thudding inside his ribcage, gasping for air, when the guards drew flaming steel from their scabbards and crossed blades about the scribe. The old man was no stranger to these periodic checks, and withdrew a hand into his voluminous robes, presenting a scrap of paper with a seal on it.

The leftwards paladin took the paper and examined it, while the rightwards paladin kept their burning swords and burning attention on the scribe. Satisfied, the paladin opened their helmet’s face guard and popped the paper inside, before both returned to their posts, silently giving the old man permission to approach the room. The door was unlocked and opened on quiet hinges before he could touch the handle, and closed behind him as he entered.

The room was dark and musky, smelling of foreign incense and myrrh. A single sliver of light illuminated a pedestal, from which an imposing figure, bedecked in red, inspected some arcane grimoire with their back to the door. Candles were strewn about haphazardly and a place had been cleared for the scribe to put his file, atop more documents and books of some unknowable importance.

He moved towards the table slowly, taking care not to disturb the figure in red from its study, and put down the folio onto its identical brothers. As he prepared to leave, something in the corner of his eye drew his interest. A simple pearl, set in carved green stone, the eyecatch of a comb, was placed on a mantle. As the scribe took silent steps towards the mantle, keeping one eye upon the red robed man in the light, other objects were noticed.

An indescribably odd feather kept under a glass dome, a wooden bowl carved with dancing frogs, a small transparent box wrapped in silver chains, these items were placed around other various exotica and artifacts, seemingly as camouflage. The scribe reached a hand out to the comb when suddenly-

“So, the situation in the East has changed?”
The scribe whirled around, and received a hint of a figure clothed in red, reading the folio he placed mere minutes ago not two paces from his back and immediately knelt himself on the tiled floor, one knee on the ground, eyes directed at the man’s feet.

“I wouldn’t know, Your Eminence”, his mouth said, while every thought in his mind screamed out when did he move, when did he move, when did he move?! “Scribes have no place in the course of such things”

One of the man’s feet tapped in disappointment, “No need for such supplication, on your feet-”, the old man shot up to obey, “-and don’t think so lowly of yourself. The right words can change the world...I would know”

“As you say, Your Eminence. A thousand thanks, Your Eminence” the scribe kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look the speaker in the eye.

Seconds may have passed, or maybe minutes, but the wait was like an unbearable eternity to the scribe. He felt like he could die in the presence of such a notorious man, indeed, death would be one of the lighter punishments he imagined. Finally, the man in red spoke up again, breaking the tense silence.

“Excellent work in the delivery and in bringing it to my attention. Your service is noted, but-”, every muscle in the old man’s body tensed up at once in apprehension, his mind racing in thought, what did I do, what did I do, what did I do?! “-don’t you have more work to get to?”

“Yes, Your Eminence, I should go, Your Eminence” the words spilled out like a torrent, relief flooding the scribe’s face, as he turned to the door. But where was the door? The room’s walls blended in seamlessly with the shadows and apart from the few windows, no other exit could be seen.
(What if time!)

(the following events never happened as a result of a coin toss)

The blood from the scribe’s face drained as he realised what the man meant.

“Please, don’t let me keep you”

“As you say, Your Eminence”

The scribe walked to the window, past the suddenly surprised man-

“What are you doing?”

And threw himself out the window with a burst of strength.

Glass shards spiralled and sparkled in the day’s light as he fell, and shattered on the unforgiving ground with his body. Old bones breaking immediately and organs rupturing on impact, death would soon follow for the scribe.

He prepared to close his eyes for the last time, a peaceful smile creeping its way on his face when he felt a presence by his side. He turned his head, perhaps a small child or a man had approached his fallen form, when he saw something that made him choke on his own blood.

The man in red was crouching by him.

The scribe’s mind could not take this kind of shock any further, and his body couldn’t take the strain. His heart was bleeding out, now fit to burst! What unworldly spectre or vision had come to taunt his in his last moments?

“We can’t have that happen now, can we?” and with that, the vision in red thrust an arm into the dying man’s chest. He could feel cold fingers wrapping around his heart and slowing his bleeding. Nails digging into his flesh, a sensation of being torn apart and filled up once more coursed through his body, a red haze descended on his sight and the last thing he saw the bloodied hand of the man withdrawing from now seamless and reknit flesh.

The last thing he heard before blacking out was,

“There was a door, you know”
(But none of the above happened, due to a lucky coin toss!)

(Now, time for what REALLY happened)

Noting the puzzled expression on the scribe’s face, the crimson-clad man touched an innocuous panel on the wall. A door opened up, harsh light breaking in from outside the room, and the corridor was visible. The scribe walked with purpose and deliberation to the door, but as soon as it closed, they could be heard to break away in a run.

The Red Cardinal shook their head and closed up the folio in their hands. Making their way to the bookshelf, gloved hands traced out and picked at leatherbound spines, collecting tomes and scriptures in one arm while the other sorted.

Placing the stack on the desktop, and clearing the desktop with the sweep of an arm, the man moved back to the pedestal with the intention of moving it closer to the desk. They closed the book that was being inspected under harsh sunlight, floating glyphs and glowing pictures suddenly shut off, and moved it back to its resting place, the four petalled flower on the cover placed deep in a chest and locked tight with a snap.
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The End.

Thank you for reading the collaborative work:

"In Search of Bats"
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>Start writing a bloodsucker story while this is in development
>Procrastinate like all Hell
>This 20 chapter vampire beast gets posted
>Not sure if I'm still original
>Get confused, scared, and angry simultaneously

Maybe if I.... fuck. Wat do guys?
Isn't it obvious? You eat strawberry sundaes.
I always preferred chocolate myself.
Oh hi Shas'O. How's Squat Crusade: The Musical going so far?
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Still working, and I think that that fucking cat is going to be a recurring character for the duration of the arc.


Alvina, you mean? I was wondering what she was doing working for the Fair Lady.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the cat-lizard-thing from the Forest hunters, but no, different cat.

Think something closer to a cat possessed by a demon acting mostly as a messenger.
Legion Kitty
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"We are many, we are Legion."

I'm starting to like this cat more and more.
And that why I've always been a dog person.
And now you understand why I have a pack of Dire Wolves a few years after this.
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“The Den of Evil…seriously, the Mirthterrans couldn’t think of a better name for a place than that,” complained Artorias to his guide. “That sounds like something from a bad Blizzard game.”

“A what, sir,” asked the Mirthterran guide, obviously confused.

“Nevermind,” said Artorias. He had to remember that no one outside of Teegee would get the majority of his old world references, and come to think of it, this long after the fact, even he had to think hard over some of them. “How much further is it?”

“Not much further,” he said, pushing through some underbrush, “and there she is, sir, the Den of Evil.”

The place certainly looked ominous enough. It was a cave dug in the ruins of a tower of some kind, bones of various creatures scattered around and a strange glow visible even in daylight. Defiantly the right place.

“Good work,” said Artorias, fishing out the other half of the man’s pay, plus a little extra. “I think I can find my way back to town from here.”

“You sure, good knight,” he asked. “I haven’t seen anyone make it out of that place alive yet. For a little extra I could wait around and take something of yours back to the loved ones.”

“Quite all right,” he said. “I should be done here within a few hours.”
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For a supposedly dark and foreboding cave that had been the bane of many a foolish adventurer, this “Den of Evil” was surprisingly well lit. Typically Artorias had to use the crystal lantern he had looted from the elves some years back to see anything, but here there was a strange ambiance, not quite the same as the Fair Lady’s area, but similar enough that he was expecting to see giant egg sacks before long.

Still, out of habit he kept an eye out for anything to indicate traps, looking for slightly raised bits of floor, slits in the wall to indicate darts, arrows, or blades of some kind that could be ready to make his day miserable. He mentally reminded himself to look for old blood as well, but the fact that the floor was dirt meant that unless it was recent, he wasn’t likely to gleam much of a hint from that. The lack of threats was starting to unnerve him a bit since this place, according to his guide anyway, ate armies of brave knights and their loyal retainers every year…and the more he thought about that the more it sounded like an excuse for the man to charge him more to show him the damned place.

Thankfully the knight hadn’t let his guard down because when the tunnel he was traveling down opened up a bit he was attacked by what looked like an armored human, albeit one with an unnaturally large suit of brass armor, a halberd of some kind, and a large shield of some kind. The first strike from the halberd sent a shock up the knight’s arm. An electric weapon, eh? Well, this would be fun.
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A few things became obvious while he was fighting this thing. First, it had inhuman strength, but from the look of the armor that was to be expected. Second, that armor was incredibly hard to damage, much more so than brass had any right to be. Blows that would have punched through a hauberk or broken bones through plate just seemed to make whatever this thing was angry, and the blows from its halberd were only just being kept at bay by the knight’s greatshield.

Things were looking up for the knight when he managed to sidestep one particularly nasty swing and made a stab at the thing’s side, finding much to his relief, that the mail underneath the armored plates wasn’t nearly as sturdy, and he managed to puncture what should have been a lung, but received a very nasty backhand for his efforts, making him loose grip on his sword. The creature pulled the blade from its side and tossed it aside before walking towards the dazed knight. In his dazed stupor, Artorias remembered that he could throw fire, and did so with a quick backhand throw.

Flames didn’t have quite the effect Artorias had hoped for, but it stunned the creature enough for him to scramble for his sword. Another fireball, this one detonating as a two meter ball of fire in its face staggered the creature enough for Artorias to bowl it over and stab it in the throat, finally stilling it. Always the cautious one, he pulled its helmet off, revealing a scared, hideous face, which was promptly liberated from the rest of its body. After checking to make sure there wasn’t anything else nearby, he proceeded to strip the creature of its armor, convinced that either the magic users back in Teegee could find something to do with it or he’d just put it on display in his man-cave once he got one.
After separating the creature from its armored shell, which strangely enough didn’t have any blood, he set its body on fire and proceeded on, reminding himself to grab that thing’s gear on the way out, and set forward. He encountered a few imps, small, fat, and mildly annoying demons that tried to stab him with small daggers, but none of them ever found purchase and they were rewarded for their efforts with a decapitating swing.

Deeper in, he came upon a large cave mouth hidden by a large wall of fog that was surprisingly solid to the touch. Boldly, he pushed through and after clearing the cloud, was assaulted by an almost unbearable stench, something akin to a mix of burned flesh, brimstone, and a cesspool. The floor was covered in a sickly-brown mud with only a small island near the back free of the stuff with a vaguely human figure on it. Believing this to be the person he was after, he started to trudge through the filth, making a note to replace his boots at the earliest possible convenience, but when he was most of the way there, the figure called out to him.

“Go back,” the figure called. “The guardian may not have seen you yet!”

“I’m here for the one called Quelaan,” he called back. “Would that be you?”

“It is, but it is too dangerous here for- oh no, it’s found you!”

“What are you talking abou-“ he started, looking around, but lost the rest of that thought when he turned around and saw a great beast, appearing to be made from a mass of worms. Instinctively he threw his shield up in time to block the great beast’s swing, sending him flying, landing solidly in more mud. So much for the idea of staying somewhat clean.
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As the creature started towards him again, Artorias tossed a few fireballs at the thing, setting it ablaze. While the worms it was composed of died and fell off at a suprising rate, the creature still trudged ever closer, heedless of the fact that it was on fire. Another fireball made it blaze even brighter, but still it trudged onwards, so the knight decided it was a good idea to start trying to get away, but being nearly knee-deep in mud didn’t allow him to go very fast. Thankfully this was enough for him to stay away long enough for the pile of worms to collapse into a burning heap before it caught up to him. He slowly made his way towards the woman in the back of the chamber before collapsing on the bank. Not very heroic, but after 2 life or death fights in a few hours he was beat.

“My sister sent you then,” the woman stated more than asked, looking down at him.

He noticed that under her hood she had a very pretty face, but reminded himself that this was not the time to be thinking about such things. “Did the flames give me away,” he asked after a moment.

“They did,” she said, “but then I’ve been down here for quite some time, so I don’t know how wide-spread my sister’s gifts are. I assume, then, you are here to take me back to her?”

“After I’ve had a breather, yes,” he said, wondering, for a moment, if that was the smart thing to admit.

“Then let us not waste time with foolish talk. Have your rest and let us be away from this place.”

She expected him to carry her across the mire of filth, something he could understand, but disliked doing none-the-less. Blessedly the fog seemed to clean off the filth and smell of that place when they passed through it and nothing else appeared along the way out to interrupt them, Artorias stopping only to bundle up the brass armor and rig a backpack from it with some straps he kept in his bag, opting to just carry the massive shield and halberd.
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Quelaan didn’t speak much as they made their way back through the woods, stopping at the nearby village to rest for the night before catching a ride with one of the caravans passing through on its way to Teegee, a grand stroke of luck indeed. A few days travel later and Artorias had brought the woman to the cave of demons, thankfully met at the entrance by that fucking cat.

“Mistress sends her greetings to you, Lady Quelaan, and bids you to come this way,” she said, “and you as well,” she added as an afterthought towards Artorias.

Deep below in the Fair Lady’s chamber, the spider demon seemed overjoyed to see her sister, though Quelaan seemed at best lukewarm to the reunion. “This is a joyous day indeed,” she declared in her voice, now less raspy than before. “You have done well, my champion, now please, name your reward.”

“The ability to use this spirit seeker spell would make a grand reward, I should think,” he said.

“And one I shall be happy to grant, along with a little gift for your efforts,” she said, waving her hand, empowering the knight with a renewed vigor he hadn’t fealt in years, as well as the knowledge of how to use the catalyst he had looted from Anor Londo. “A bit of youth for my champion, enough to keep you healthy until you are needed again. Alas, I do not know the location of my other siblings as of yet, but rest assured, with this victory I do not think it will take long. Until then, my champion, rest and ready yourself for the next task.”

The knight had to admit he was relieved that that was over, and made his way back home.
>Remembered he could throw fire

Shit, Artorias, get it together.
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He managed to get there just as everyone else was about to have dinner, fortunate, since it gave him a moment to drop the brass gear before he was tackled to the ground by his wives. They had been worried when he had set off on his own, something almost no one did after the Captain of the Guard had done so and come back missing a limb.

Bethany and Melena both had whined before about him taking them along, and true to form they did the same thing now that he was back, but after being gone for a few weeks he was more than happy to hear it again. Karrigan had been reluctant to let him leave, but had known for years that this was how he and many like him had chosen to live, and as much as he hated making those he left at home worry, he knew it had to be done.

It was funny in a way. In the old world he had done his best to distance himself from others because her knew he might be sent off to fight, leaving his loved ones at home to worry about him, yet now he was still doing the same thing, of his own free will no less.

He had 3 wives and a child on the way, and it was foolish to try to do this crazy crusade all by himself. He would need help next time, and he planned to get it.
It's a very recent thing, and not one he practices with much.

Should be ready to start the next section in a few days, I'll just have to figure out the whole google docs thing, figure out how I want seekers to function, then I should be able to get underway.
From the game, they seem to be energy balls that well...seek the closest enemy nearby. Maybe you can designate their target mentally?
Artorias, I haven't got the game myself, but you're not just lifting the story wholecloth, are you?
I did that once and nobody noticed.
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That's about what I'm thinking.

Do, just a few monsters and names. I know better than to rip off something completely, even if I do have plans for the Giant's armor later.
If it was lifted wholesale, it would be much, much more depressing. Not grimdark, just depressing.
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>mfw restoring Anastasia yesterday
I think he meant either of the Souls game's story. They usually end with everyone dead. Take Brolair and Logan, for example.
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Google Docs...
Do I smell a collab coming on?
The next planned target is Ceaseless Discharge, and unlike Quelaan he doesn't strike me as the talking kind and he's a big old boy.

Interested in joining?
Would like to, but question beforehand: what year does this take place?
I always am.
Which year was this again? 8AA?
Where is OP's image from, and why does it look almost exactly like Monster Musume No Iru Nichijou?
9 AA.

The Fair Lady isn't the most efficient at finding things.
Well considering there's a war in 8AA, I should hope so~
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The fuck did I miss?

and i'm pretty sure it's the same author
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why cant i ever catch these treads when they start. are you still accepting new knights?
always, the exact number is deliberately left open so new people can join
Of course
We always are. Need help getting started? Setting info? Races, nations, what not?
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any help would be greatly appreciated. have a few stories i need to fix up but they should be arriving. How does naming convention for names work if there is any
name yourself whatever you want, the point of the setting is self insert. if you would want to change your name go ahead, if not keep your own. hell we even have sir bearington
There's a war before the Vampire incident?

I thought we agreed on waiting till after.
There are no rules to names, as far as I can tell.
Anything else?
Bullshit as you go and hope it takes. If your talking about races and places.

Lem wants pre.
All of the Outrealmers(that'd be us) were from our world and either kept their old names or just took a new one shortly after arriving.

General background can be found here: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights
SO a war in 8AA, the vamps in 10AA.

By which the guns become an open secret already, so how long was this war planning to last?

Hundred Years war? Great War? 7 Days of Fire?
8 days of hell
A war in 8 AA? Did we piss someone off again or are we just meddling in someone else's war?

>>1865 unemark
No, captcha, I'm not making any Cival War refferences
Introducing: The knight of Warmwaters

mission: to show and spread the superiority of saunas, hot springs and bathhouses to this world
I'm starting a war with FK and M and setting them against each other maybe a little Serrid action also. I make guns and the time to buy is NOW.

You tarnish that name with your choice of occupation.

This gunrunner is a bad, bad person.

"Want to see the world burn" and all that.

"A gun in every hand and a bullet in every man"

Yep, a bad, bad man.
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Oh god someone's finally answering the question that kept bugging me
and that would be, what Sir Alaric?
Not a bad concept. Teegee has a public bathouse, but as the years go by more and more of us start settling outside of the city and more private ones would be a blessing.

Not sure if we have saunas though...

Oh lord, we were bound to have someone with the merchant of death mindset, didn't we?
As far as I can tell, the religious war is one we're only tangentially related to. Nobody invades etc.etc.
Do Monstergirls poop.
How people used to the hygiene levels of a first world society intended to remain clean in a feudal era world.
i think lots of us got over that the first winter
If I helped found a town after at least a full winter spent in filth, I think the first thing I would want is a hot bath.
you could always use the blood of elves, it's probably plenty warm
It's like my father would say, there is never i wrong time for a sauna. You're drenched with sweat from cutting wood all day sauna, after gym sauna, tired sauna, need to shave sauna. Then you either jump in the river or a snow bank depending on the season.

Ultimately i would like to have a franchise of these places or you know a mom and pop bathhouse if i fail.
Wooden tubs of warm water, soap made from lye and animal fat, and empty the tub afterwards.
At the very least you'd get a local business set up. As mentioned, most Teegeeians would pay up for a regular bath, and it's established as being wealthy enough where that's probably affordable for more people.
It's actually another collaborative thing. There should be a link to the Google doc last thread explaining the story so far. Feel free to check it out if you can- we still need to work on some monor details here and there.
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That's more boring and less antics-y than any bathhouse I can think of.
No arguments here, but that would have been how we'd have had to do it until the bath house got finished.

We're not going to do like pre-industrialized Europeans and take a bath once a year, now are we?
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I'm filling up my little black leather date book up with names. Any of you fellows have a Noble you want me to have a word with? But I will tell you this, life and lead may be cheap, but death is expensive. Course for you do it yourselves types I have the Firesell Line. Handcrafted tools of killing. Nothing link sinking a wade of lead clean through a guys fucking head is there? Remember Folks, a Gun in every hand and a bullet in every Noble.
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I dunno... I think we as knights qualify as minor nobles of some sort.
This may backfire on me.
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This reminds me of something I heard.

Three great men sit in a circle, a King, a Priest and a Rich man. In the centre stands a man with a sword, or in this case, a gun.

I forget where it leads, but power leads to more power, and what you deal in is an "exciting" addition to the world. Just remember, you could have been a grocer.

Work on your motto, your last one was more honest.

>nobles any
Don't encourage him.
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Hold on, let me take a look see. Uhm, Alaric, Alaric. Nope no Alaric in my book. Unless you go by Albert Fritzen also?
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And now I face every man's greatest question: do I want to put a hit out on myself?
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That is a question every man must answer for himself.

Alas, I don't think I could make that choice. I have too much to live for.
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I'll tell you were it all leads. Either one man dead or three men dead. Or you could equalize everyone and those four men could just go their separate ways. But I'll tell you this not a one is a great man. They all got to where they were on the backs of others. Don't let them ride you like a dumb animal. Be a man and take a stand. And put lead in any bastard who tries to take you for a ride. Hows that for honest.

Son I like you, you might not be the brightest firefly in the jar but you got big brass ones.
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It's not like being constantly assaulted is something I don't have experience with...

I got scars on my back for a reason.
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It's not every night a woman immediately tries to make a deal with you.

My eyes slowly adjusted to see across the moonlit street, still only making out a feminine shape. It began closing the distance.
“Don't be scared. It's an easy deal. I get what I need, and you can have something as well”
“...what?” I asked, feeling rather confused. To tell the truth, I didn't realize what was happening until she was standing a few inches away from my face. She was tall, and carried herself confidently, with an air of a refined woman, and what I could make of her blonde hair and clothes reflected this.

“Your blood, Alaric. I need your blood.”
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“Whoa, hold it lady” I took a step back. “You don't just ask someone for their blood. That's weird. And dangerous. But mostly wei- ah, crap. You're a vampire, aren't you?”
“Clever.” she pushed up against me, still on the offensive.
“And I should give you my blood, angry smiting free, for what reason, again?” I asked. The woman grinned, then sighed, taking a short step back.
“It's simple. You give me a little blood each day, and I don't have to take it from random villagers each night. I'm sure you're used to losing it.” she traced the scar across my cheek. “And I'm sure we can find some way to pay you back. I've lived for a while, you know.”
“And as for giving away my blood? I can't exactly throw that away. I need it to live”
“Just to subsist, I can last on surprisingly little. Why, a grown man such as yourself... we'd have no problem. And I'm sure you'll oblige. I know you well enough, Alaric. You want the best ending for all of us, even a vampire. And that works fine for me; I've had it being chased of by those Mirthterran riffraff.”
“So, you expect me to give up my blood, just to keep you from having to attack others?”
“Well, if y-”
“I expected a little more thought than that.”
“Yeah, well. It'll be hard to run this by my waifu, but I can make this work. One more thing.”
“I'm gonna need your name.”
“Call me Victoria.”
/end story bit.
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As always, questions/comments welcome
I've seen quite a few of these threads. What exactly are the harem knughts? Is this some kind of quest?
more along the lines of collaborative world building through story telling
Nice to see that your dialogue is just as chaotic and unrealistic as ever after forty threads.
I have to agree with the other anon your dialog can be a bit chaotic at times but beyond that great as always.

>Vampire named Victoria
>Sounds familer...
this: >>21685268

anyway. Knights aren't nobility. In fact, out of everyone "employed" by the government of /TG/ they have to pay the highest tax rates.

Government Employees (Non-Knight, Non-Adventuring): 0% Income Tax
Normal Citizens: 5-10% Income Tax
Government Employees (Non-Knight, Adventuring): 10-15% Income Tax (Government Wages exempt)
Harem Knights: 20% Income Tax

These tax rates, as I recall, are the BASE LINE, and are modified by your economic bracket, more you earn as a citizen of /TG/, the more you pay the Council of DMs and its employees, who in turn, pour that into infrastructure such as walls, roads, aqueducts, sewers, farm land conversion, habitation construction, portal building, research of all sorts, the University, the various public schools, the archives near the Hole where they're still transcribing all the various PDFs stored in various surviving electronic appliances (thank god at least some of us have been getting our text books in pirated, and nonpirated, ebook format since 10th grade ehn?).

Basically, /TG/ doesn't QUITE run into the same problems that the modern world does when it comes to people complaining about Taxation... almost everyone is very, very, clearly aware that without some kind of overarching organization, the group wouldn't have survived at all. And besides, when you live in a world that is still, mostly, feudal, and you don't have the same level of ammenities as you once did, you REALLY learn the importance of relying on others.
>Government Employees (Non-Knight, Non-Adventuring): 0% Income Tax
>Normal Citizens: 5-10% Income Tax
>Government Employees (Non-Knight, Adventuring): 10-15% Income Tax (Government Wages exempt)
>Harem Knights: 20% Income Tax
no idea how accurate these are btw >_> they're pulled from memory.
I think the knight's tax rate is even higher since we also give a share of our proceeds for larger groups in addition to the 20%.

A certian blonde/redhead big-titied police girl perhaps?
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In total including the cut of proceeds the Adventuring Knights are taxed about 30-35%

Thats it Police Girl. :P
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Thats not the best picture though so have another
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That one... it got me right in the feels. Feels bad man. Happier picture time. Whats a blood rage?
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Get that bitch a canon! Bitches love canons!

The abridged version is a fucking riot if you haven't seen it yet.

Found another one of the pictures I'd been looking for most of a month now. Why can I never find these when I might actually need them?
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Oh I've seen it. Remember we talked briefly of this when 3 came out. Also I've made a fuckton of references to it. But yes to all of you who haven't seen it go and watch it.
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That's really what I get for writing at 4 in the morning.

>mfw I fucked up the name
Run with it.
I intend to.
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So... pretty quiet in here, eh?
Indeed. Someone should write something funny.
I would write something, but first I need to know.

What's the limit on words or characters for tg posts?
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Like, two paragraphs? Something like that.
I don't got anything 'funny', but I got a story I want to share.
But first I would like to know, since I haven't finished all the other threads yet, are any species in particular enslaved often by the human lands?
Hmmm. The most common, from what I can tell, would probably be the Felim, with harpies being a close second. They do still go after a wide variety, though, including humans from outside the kingdoms.
Thanks, my main idea included a minotaur girl but several species could work.
A better question is whic species they HAVEN'T tried to enslave or wipe out. The humans in this world are assholes like that.
none, there is even a market for dragon eggs
Then again, the monstrous species aren't much better.

Weren't the Mithrans descended from slaves?

Elven empire slaves?

(They were slaves under elves, not elves that were slaves)

d-Dragon eggs?!

Don't be silly, how would they even hatch.

lyric dealt with an egg in a slaver's possession and ended up hatching another one, and the witch's lamia is currently caring for one. with the parent is probably the best place to hatch it, but it's not the only one
Life is a funny thing sometimes.

When I was a boy, years before we came here, I had....anger issues. I often got into fights, I smashes kid's heads into brick walls, I even stabbed someone in the knee once. Like I said, anger issues, my most common acts of violence where kicks of some kind or another. The oddest part was the fact that I can never remember the worst moments of violence. I remember what made me mad, I remember what lead up to it, and I remember what happened afterwords. But I never remembered the actions I did while in a rage. Then....and event happened in my life, that caused me to be incapable of hitting people. I still got angry, and often, but I found myself in capable of punching people, even when I actively tried, my arms wouldn't listen. I spent years like this

Then, I got transported here. I'm lucky I survived. Many other knights have shared the story of those fateful first few months before and I won't do so. But I found myself useless. I had no skills of note, no knowledge others lacked, and as much as I wanted to join the Knights, I still found myself incapable of violence. Even during the raids on the Elves I couldn't help. I just hid and wallowed in self pity.

I suppose that's why it was so surprising when I found myself stomping on a corpse.
Your like a different me. Similar anger issues, but this event sounds like where we differ.
To clarify, I was in one of the native human towns. Not a large one, but not a small village either. I was just....wandering. To be honest I was kind of lost, not knowing what to do in this new world. But then I saw her. A harpy woman, bound in chains by a man on a stage. A public slave auction. I looked into her eyes and just saw utter despair and fear. Then I found myself stomping on a corpse.

As I later found out I ran at the man, reared up my leg till my knee was at my chest, and kicked him. Before stomping on his skull repeatedly. I still don't remember a second of it. Just one moment I was looking at this woman, and the next I was standing over a dead man. I felt...surprise, and that's about it when I realized I killed someone.I suppose I should have felt regret for taking a life, but it was just surprise I managed to hit someone that I felt. I calmly took the keys from him and unlocked the Harpy's chains. Then I realized I had just murdered someone, in the middle of the street. I ran like a bitch, fast as my legs could take me. I just did anything I could to get away from the guards. Whether by luck or fate none of the guards seemed armed with bows, or they missed me and in my rush of adrenaline I didn't notice. I escaped into the near by forest where I laid by a tree to calm myself. I suppose at some point I ended up falling asleep.

Because I woke up to a Harpy staring me in the face.
She waited for me to wake up, and I swear to this day she smirked when I nearly shrieked in surprise. She then asked me why I did what I did. I couldn't answer, I just felt utter rage at seeing some one in that position. Forced to submit to another against their own free will. After my explanation, where I struggled to find the words to what I meant, we just spoke for a time. Then I headed home, back to Teegee, and she followed. Heh, The day I found my ability to hit again is the day I found my first waifu. After I returned home I began to work to be a proper member of the knights, doing everything in my power to learn how to fight and to protect others. I ended up going on what can only be called a Crusade against slavers, most of my waifus being women I had freed during said Crusade.

Yet here I sit, in my home, watching my firstborn child playing with blocks. I still continue my work, but I've slowed down. Part of me wants to keep fighting, another wants to just stay here and care for my family.
Heh, life is a funny thing sometimes.

-Sir Matticus; "The Chain-Breaker"
And another for the Slaver Killers. You and Shacklesbane. Both freedom fighter who end up slowing down. He was talking about a group of people to fight slavery you two should talk if he ever shows up again.
Perhaps. I suppose it would depend on...well, any number of things truly.
Just saying two nearly identical slavery fighters with harpie waifus and a chain based name who both end up slowing down but still want to keep fighting.
Like I said, haven't read alot of the threads. And in truth in my head the first waifu was going to be a Minotaur lass, but I changed it at the last second
Not saying its a bad thing. I just think the two of them meeting up and freeing slaves would be a good story.
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>See like 20 new posts in my tab
>"Cool, maybe someone posted a new story."
>read it
Now you know how I felt when that one guy wrote his story about having a young succubi named Lilly and being a crazy wizard.
Heh, sorry dude.
Didn't see that one.

Or the one about the tank.

Working on a little side snippet in a cafe.
Are you implying somethin? But no really I'll find that one give me a bit.
Well I'm the only guy with short races for wives. It's weird =P no reason for there not to be lots of duplicated races provided their personalities are sufficiently different.
Short races, Tall races. All women are equal in my eyes.
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And I'm still the only dumbass with a sword, luck, and am just now getting special gear.

Feels good.
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Touche and Checkmate http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20852968/#p20865790
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>Have zero magic gear.
>Gain a doppleganger and am forgotten in a matter of minutes.
oh right

THAT one.

I think I blanked it out when they started talking Tarrasque, and it would be very, VERY odd if more devils or succubi or what have you were walking free round the surface, doing as they pleased.

The structure and mistakes didn't help memory retention either.
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I said I'm getting some stuff, just give me a story or two. There's already the whip, and a gauntlet on the way.
And we all know how much gear I have.
Was more pointing out that you aren't the only one with mundane equipment.

I'm waiting for the next guy to write about a waifu with magic Alzheimers, then i'll truly be obsolete.
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We need to make a list. I can, off the top of my head think of the throwing knives, magic saber, I think some sort of dart gauntlets...
I made a list twice. Posted it in the thread twice also but it was boring so people forgot it.
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Wait, this thread?

Did I really miss that?
Not this very thread. Older ones.
Do you remember which one, or should I dig through the wiki?
I don't remember which threads. But does my load out really matter. If so I could just post it again.
I was honestly just curious. It's alright though, I can dig through the wiki myself.
1500 characters including spaces.
Found it, thread ten.
Yeah that would be the older one that has less stuff. But oh well, I plan on making a new one sometime. With all the new toys.
So many new toys.
And so little time to use them all.
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I think I know a way to make time.
Does it involve building a fleet of zeplins to attack the enemies who defeated us in the last great war?

Cause that won't work.
1) Magic = Anti Air, or they have something capable of sniping harpies and capturing them since they're one of the common slave races in the human lands, a zeplin is probably not a good idea.
2) We don't want to give the guys around us even MORE ideas...
3) We didn't lose, or even participate in, whatever the last great war was.
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I bring war soon.
It was right before the Ork attack.

The Boss had gather his top men together at the Coal Palace.

“Right well people. We have four new plants open now. The gnomes and dwarves are buying up the coal and charcoal as fast as we can make it. Our outreach program in the Free kingdoms has reduced the poverty level and just about eliminated the homeless. Our foray into medicine has come into full bloom. Best of all we got Sir Whitaker on the council of DMs.”

There was a round of applause.

“Now we are ready to move onto the next big thing. We begin the equal man project. To make all men equal has long been a dream of mine. One I am proud to share with you, my constituents. If we come to agreement diplomats will be sent to all the nobles and they shall negotiate for better lives and rights for their people if they want to continue to benefit from our products. Not just coal and medicine, the metal works will be opened up to them. Allowing for better and cheaper made metals to be used by them. I might not be a very good knight but I can be a great industrialist. Let them no longer live in the dirt, help me lift them up into greatness.”

A day after the Ork incident the people were trying to get back to some level of normalcy. In town square Abe, in costume, stood up on a platform.
“People of Teegee. My lord has an announcement to make. As you have been weakened by the pitiful attack of those Orks, I lord Hercule Gaston offer you this. Lay down your arms and join me. I will protect you from the other coming lords who wish to prey on you.”

“Sod off you stuffed suit.” Someone from the crowd shouted.

“Why I never. I will be recommending to lord Gaston that he lets the next one take you lot by force.” He said and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

He reappeared in the arms of Jez in a nearby building.

“How was that for a performance.”

“Almost didn’t recognize you.”

“You just say that as you want to sleep with another man.”

“Guilty. I wonder how the others are doing. We had to really speed things up with that attack.”

“Boss didn’t even bat an eye though. I think he may have know something like this was coming.”

“That’s impossible even by his standards.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been with him since we got here and he has done some stuff I would have never believed before. Sides I heard a rumor that the council had word that this was coming.”

“You really think so? Whit didn’t say anything to us.”

“It’s the Boss, he may have told Whit not to tell us.”

“Why would he do that. I thought he would be able to trust us by now.”

“I think it has less to do with trust and more to do with response. If we had know this was coming our response would have been off. And if we look at it his sending his family to the Free Kingdoms makes more and more sense.”
Meanwhile in the hall of a pompous noble.

“Look I’m not saying you need to buy these. But you being a person who keeps up with the news has surely heard of the Ork attack on Teegee just the other day. These things just about single handedly won that fight. Times are changing, you don’t want to be one of the foolish lords who doesn’t arm his men with one of these babies. And I’ll tell you I have met with a lot of fools today, but I can tell you're not one of them. Just like the one who told me not to come to you. He said you would be too stupid to buy, jokes on him ain’t it.”

“How many?”

“How many did he buy? Well let me see.” The Boss pulled out a notepad and flipped through its pages pretending to read them closely. “Well that fellow bought 100.”

“100 of these rifles?” The lord said shocked.

“Oops sorry, meant to say 100 cases. Thats five rifles a case. He also bought a lot of ammo for them. And I do mean a lot, talking 100 rounds per gun.”

“Double his order for mine.”

“Easily done. Its half the price up front though. Your first shipment will be here within the month.”
They were well on their way to the safe house they had set up in Mirthterrah when one of the men armed with a shotgun came and spoke up. “Boss some of us been wondering.”


“You got a tongue like quicksilver. One of the boys said you cut out the tongue of a fey and ate it.”

“So what you wondering about?”

“Is it true?”

“Have I ever eaten tongue, yes. Was it fey? Well if it was I don’t think that weak creature would have made me any stronger. Then again I imagine I would send any fey running. Stench of iron and lead on me is heavy.”

“You know Boss I was thinking, we could just keep the money and never give them the guns.”

“Leave the thinking for me from now on. If we do that we don’t get to sell more and we don’t sell as many bullets.”

Meanwhile over in the Free Kingdoms.

“Look, those bastards in Mirthterrah are buying about these things up like you would not believe. My rival has sold over 100 hundred cases to just about every lord and at least 10 to every lesser noble. You and your boys just can’t afford to fall behind in times. This is the weapon of the future, and it makes the crossbow look like a piece of junk.”

“I think we are done listening to your talk. In fact I think we are going to just kill you and take the guns you have. I’m sure I can find a smith who can copy it.”

“Oh you want a demonstration why didn’t you say so. Well then, boys put a hole through the first man who moves.”

“He’s bluffing.”

One of the guards moved forward to attack the rogue knights. The armed man to the Boss’ left drew his revolver and pulled the trigger twice, putting a lump of lead in the guys chest and another in his head.

“There we are. Proof is in the pudding as my momma always said.So how many cases will you be buying?”
Later that very day, the gang had gathered together.

“Boss these rings are a trip. Fun playing at being someone else.” Marshall said.

“Yeah Jez really out did herself.” Said the one named Jake.

“I don’t like it, feels wrong walkin bout in someone elses skin.” The one named George said.

“Figures you were the one who always hated magic back when we played in the Old Realm.” said the guy who was called Robert.

“All Right. Now listen. We’ve made a good number of deals. Got a few nobles buyin up product. We have multiple store houses and warehouses. What we need to do now is get these guns into their hands. But we got time. We do this slow and we do it right. I want you each to find one of your grunts and have them play at being a bigshot. They are to take care of hiring merchants to carry the shipments. First off make sure they are smart, second costumes, third keep it subtle.

“You want the second coming and the holy grail too boss?” Abe joked.

“Sure if you can find them while your getting those guns shipped. So then boys use different merchants as much as possible, no more than ten shipments a month in total, and no more than 50 guns per shipment.”

“Thats slow going Boss, at that rate its going to take a long time to get enough guns out to have a proper war.”

“I think three years will be about right. Thats a lot of guns, they add up fast. The upside is that when the war starts we can switch up the distribution method. Use the old fog of war to sell them like hotcakes.”
The very next day Abe had picked a thug to approach a merchant. The thugs name was Samuel and he was dressed as a Serrid Nobel. The Merchant was pulled into a dark alley.

“My employer Mr. Archer would like you to deliver this shipment of potatoes to Lord Braxan.”

“You can tell Mr. Archer to deal like a normal person. He wants to me to deliver he can come and talk to me like a normal person. I don’t deal with people who drag me into Alleys.”

Samuel drew the concealed revolver he carried and pressed it into the merchant's gut.

“You being a smart man I’m sure you know what this is. A Teegee Boomstick. Thing is My bosses boss back in Serrid has started making them, and he wants these delivered. Or you can spend the rest of your life doing manual labor as a slave.”

“I would be more than happy to deliver these potatoes to Lord Braxan for Mr. Archer, Keep my mouth shut also.”

“Good man.” And with that Samuel walked away and the merchant took the cart out of the alley. Abe watched from a nearby rooftop the whole time. The merchant delivered the cart without a hitch and later that night he found a sack of gold and a letter on his bed.

At the end of the month The Boss and his top men meet once more, under the guise of a game of shadowrun as was their norm.
“Now that we got the lower rings set up I was thinking its time we start distancing ourselves a bit from the ground pounders. From now on, dead drops are the way to communicate. Use one time pads, those things are just about uncrackable. Now about those rumors.”

“Serrid.” Said Abe.

“Dwarves.” Said Robert.

“Gnomes.” Marshall said with a shit eating grin.

“Mirythterra.” Added George.

“Elves.” Jez said smugly.

Everyone got a kick out of that and congratulated her on starting such a rumor. Except for Whit, who sat there looking like the cat who caught the mouse.

“How about them fuckn Drow?” He said smoothly.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble Whit old boy but I can beat that. I heard it was Demons.” The Boss said with a poker face that could sell a dollar bill, a uno card, a get out of jail free card, and the instructions to the game of life as a royal flush.

The quiet Jake spoke up next, “Well I heard from one fellow that it was angels ushering in a new age for the people and there is word about to those in the know that its them frellan Orks.”

“Kid I like your fucking style. How the blood soaked protestant whore did you do that?”

“Alcohol and magic in liberal quantities.”

“Well the lets get our game on. These mages aren’t going to geek themselves and I want to get home to Wyona before too late.” The Boss said.
Hours later they parted their ways and went to their respective homes. Except for Abe and Jez as the game was at their house.

The Boss walked the streets of Castle Waifu Town watching the people go about their business as the streetlights came on.

“Heh, sure came a long way in just five years. Now if we could only be rid of those sandmonkies and those fucking crusaders and the fucking nigerian wannabes. Then them fucking elves, pointy eared hippies. Nazi hippies at that. With those wastes of space gone then we can really get this place up and running like a real civilization. Too bad I won’t see it. But my Kid will. He’s going to grow up in a better world than I did, a better world than this also. But me? There’s no safe haven here for me. Reminds me of a song, never was one much for singing. But why the fuck not. Just this once, I’m in a mood to celebrate.

“My time is drawing thinner, I'm just a tired old sinner, No chips left on this shoulder, No pride in growing older.” The Boss started to sing in a broken key and with a voice that sounded like he had throat cancer.

“No man can truly outlast, All the mistakes of his past, There's no haven here for me, That's safe from my memories. My time is drawing thinner... I'm just a tired old sinner... Eh, the moods left me.” He walked the rest of the way home in silence.

He soon came to his little house hidden among all the other little houses. He smiled at that though, compared to what he had grown up in this was a palace. He took off his old battered boots and went inside.

“Honey I’m-”

“Home.” Wyona, his wife, had been hiding besides the door and pulled him into a surprise kiss.

Wyona was a High Orc that he had met early in his travels looking for raw materials. In fact he met her during the second year. She had been a Shaman of one of the lesser tribes and he had accidentally wandered into sacred land. Through a series of really odd events that included a acid storm they had bonded. He had been looking for goods but he had found something far more valuable. A mother for his young son whom he had dragged along to this strange world.

“I’m so sorry for being so late and keeping you up with worry.”
“Frank, Love. It’s nothing compared to how it used to be. I’m so glad you stopped that knight adventuring business and sold the coal company to that Whitaker guy. When you were gone for days at a time, that was when I was worried. I can handle an hour late. Sure your job as a bookkeeper for the council doesn’t pay as well. But, with what you saved from the coal and that we can live for a good long time. So I don’t care if you're an hour late or a dollar short. Stop apologising for those things all the time.”

“Ok Love.”

“But if you want to make it up to me~ I’ve been thinking Tommy could use a sibling.”

“That he could. I always hated growing up as an only child. Sides we need a little girl to round out this family.”

“A little girl? Not a big strong boy like you and Tommy?” Wyona teased.

“Nah, I always wanted a cute little girl. Back in the old world... had a friend who had three. They drove him crazy but you could tell he loved them. I always though... I don’t know, that that sort of thing gave you a kind of insight into the world. Something you got that others didn’t.”

“Still looking for that.”

“Yeah. I don’t know what it is still. At times it feels like its so close I can taste it, but then its gone.”

“I still say you should look to Ter. He is strong in you and you have the way of war.”

“You’ve seen me in a fight, during those games you talked me into. That GearHeart fellow cleaned my clock in that boxing match. Then there was the sword duels... I still have phantom pains in the balls.”

“Oh my poor baby do you want me to message them?” She said with a come hither look as she moved to their bedroom.
“I don’t know, do you have your problem taken care of, fish rags?”

“Oh I do so love it when you talk dirty, now if only you could do it like a man.”

“Its not my fault you're such a masculine Ork. When I first saw you in truth I thought that was a dick between your legs not just the clit of a really horny young weed rubber.”

“Well... I concede defeat. You win this time Mr. Sir.”

“Thats Mr. Frank Sir. Little miss, now be a dear cutey and polish my cane.”

“Well then for such a job you better pay me well.”

“Oh I’ll make a large deposit.”
Sometime later, after a large number of batches had been delivered to the buyers the Boss had gathered his top lieutenants.

“Alright boys, time to get back to work. I think we got these little pop guns distributed well enough. I know I said I would let one of you guys fire the shot heard round the world. But I’ve been thinking. I need you all to much to let you guys risk yourselves. We also just so happen to have a young girl who is a really good shot and good at moving around.”

“That squirrely girl thats been following Jake around?” Said Abe.

“You mean Piko? Shes a hell of a shot. But if we put her to it I want her moved up to a more secure line of work.” Jake said.

“Ah, Jakes got a soft spot for a girl. Going to leave the game and settle down, have a nice little family?” Jez teased.

“Eff that. Boss, me and her would make one hell of a team.”

“True, you have a way for making things disappear and also planning. Well you too are on a trial basis. Pull this one off and you two will be my first ones for each.” The Boss said.

“What happened to us being too important?” Robert asked.
“Two people working as a team is a far better bet. Less likely to get themselves killed off. Marshall, let’s see the masterpiece you’ve made for this lovely couple then.”

Marshall pulled a bag from under the table and opened it up. “It breaks down into four main parts and the scope. Its a single shot falling block model. Hand built by me of course. Based off the Stevens Model 30 according to Boss. Fires a 50-90 round. With its 30 inch barrel it easily hits into the 1000 yard range. Now the scope is 25x50 magnification and has a bullet drop reticle.”

The gnome was only met with blank stares and nods from everyone but the Boss. He sighed, “It’s very good at killing from a long range.”

“Jez, your gift.” The Boss said.

“Right, ‘port crystals. They only have a range of about a mile though. So you will need to plan ahead.”

“And from me a gift also.” The Boss said handing Jake a calculator and a pad of paper with a bunch of formulas and references on it. “Before you two can go and but a hole in a Nobles head you two need to practice. You're going to be her spotter. You’ll both need to learn your parts of the trade. Take her out to the wastes and practice putting holes in things.”
Two weeks later Jake and Piko were making their through the streets of Aubrey.

“Jake, My tail itchs. And my ears, and my... well you know what else. I think I’m allergic to magic.” Piko said.

“You're not allergic to magic. Its all in you head. Your anxious.”

“Of course I am. I walk in the valley of death and I fear the evil within it. Add in this disguise and I feel like I’m coming out of my clothes. I saw that grin.”

“More thinking how fast we came in this time.”

“Tell me about it. I never thought you were going to catch on. Which is why I finally just made it clear, the look on your face was funny though.”

“What can I say I didn’t expect to wake to a woman laying on top of me her face less than an inch from mine when we went out to the wastes. I was startled.”

“Thats an understatement.”

“I’ve said I’m sorry like a thousand times and made up for it countless more.”

“Oh~ I know that. But I plan on milking it as long as I can. So who are we meeting with again?”

“Antoine d’Auger the Earl of Aubrey. Your turn.”

“Blond fop, kind of dim, likes to demonstrate his kindness to the people to cement popularity to weigh out his shortcomings as an administrator. All yours.”

“Fond of drugs, but not to a conspicuous extent. “Harmless” in the grand scheme but is known by enough nobles to cause a ripple. I hand the flag off to you.”

“He’s tall at 6 foot 3 and lanky. The scout said he has a solid routine and that dusk is the best time as hes always takes a evening ride by himself.”

“Talk about an easy target.”
“I still don’t like this costume.”

“You look like Jack Sparrow.”

“Wasn’t he a guy?”

“The argument is there, but in the third movie there was a girl sparrow. No wait forth movie. All that crap is starting to blend.”

“Airs still, thats nice. Dry and warm too, good weather for this kind of thing.”

“Not just for this kind of thing.I was thinking, since we need to take some time off after this job just in case. Why don’t we go and visit your family.”

“I like that idea. Also I think its time we disappear. We have a good number of eyes on us shadowy pirates now.”

“I think you're right. It may have to do with you saying you were going to and I quote ‘Kill that limp wristed Noble faggot for screwing me over. No one steals from Captain Piker of the Free Kingdoms.’ End quote.”

“Was it too much?”

“Maybe just a little.”

They ducked into an alleyway and activated the port crystal. Just barely escaping the guards that were after them. They had placed the other crystal outside of town a good distance under a large tree. They had paced out the distance the other day. From the tallest tree they could find to the castle. measuring it to 800 yards.
“You know thats the one thing about having a clear line of sight around your castle. If its not big enough then you're just shooting yourself in the foot. Like this guy, trees are cleared up to 600 yards from the city walls. Then his building is the tallest in the city. Sure he can see any army coming his way, but it gives us a clean shot.”

“I’m not complaining makes it easier to do our job.”

“True that.”

Piko started to climb up the tree. Jake following up behind her. “Least I’m not wearing a skirt.” She said.

“You think that would be embarrassing. What's really embarrassing is that you’ve got the heavy bag with the rifle. The guys would never let me live that down.”

“I’ll be sure to tell the guys all about it then. Now hurry up or I really will. I swear my great grandfather climbs better than you. And he’s 50 years old.”

“Wait... if hes 50. How long lived are Squirrelpeople?”

“Normally around 40 years.”

“How old are you anyway. It never really came up, you know when we were...”

“Yeah we didn’t really talk about kind of thing. I’m... kind of an old maid.”

“Lies, you look far too young and beautiful to be old of any kind.”

“You're just saying that, I’m 25.” Piko said reaching the highest point that would support her.

“I always liked younger women. I’m 26.” Jake said lying about his age by (Insert amount here) “How about the sound of this? We live life to the fullest, and when time comes we go out in a blaze of glory that people will remember for generations to come.”

“Sounds nice, real nice. But how will we know when the time comes. And being together when it comes.”
“I won’t leave your side until then. As for knowing, well we just play it one day at a time.”

“I knew there was a reason I kept looking until I found you.”

Time passed as they whiled away the day sitting there in the tree. Jake alternated spending his time keeping an eye on the castle and redoing the numbers countless times. Piko sat there just relaxing talking Jake’s ear off

“Just making sure, we are going with shooting him before he gets on the horse right?” Jake said.

“I kind of want to see if I can get him in the saddle. You don’t think I can do it.”

“Its a tricky shot, moving targets and all that, at this range. If you think you can do it, I’ll back you on it.”

“I’m doing it.”

Dusk came and they were ready. They had the scope calibrated for the distance long ago. Jake rattled off the numbers to adjust for the wind, Piko made the minute change in the dials. The Earl came out of the stables on his horse. He was going at a slow stroll letting the horse warm up first.

“I got him in my sights. Looks like a clean shot to me.”

“Hell if I know. Just put a hole in him so we can be out of this tree. Sitting on a tree branch is nowhere near as fun for me as for you.”

“Right. Say goodnight Earl.” Piko said placing the dot right on his chest above his heart. She pulled the trigger, a loud crack sounded that the Earl would never hear. The bullet whizzed through the air and went straight through his heart. At first he was unsure of what happened, then he looked down and put his hand over the wound. Seconds later he fell from the saddle.
“Damn it, load was off. Little on the weak side. Probably wasn’t a clean through and through.”

“Doesn’t really matter. Does it?”

“Well no, but it was my first assassination, I kind of wanted it to be perfect.”

“He’s dead and we aren’t caught yet, sounds perfect to me. Now lets get out of here.” Jake said starting to climb down the tree.

“Would they even be able to figure out where the shot came from?”

“I don’t plan on sticking around to find out.”

They got down from the tree, Jake making sure to “accidentally” misplace a letter from a Free Kingdom pirate. Anyone who would follow up on that letter would be ran an interesting chase about the ports and pirate docks, which would bring up more questions than correct answers. It would also most likely end with finding said person dead.

Piko and Jake ditched their costumes and started on the road to Pikos family after they dropped a message at a dead drop at the next town over. The message was a simple one, saying only the word ‘green’.

>Thats all for now. More some time soonish.
So now we've got gunrunner assassins making a fortune off of the sulphur I bring in whenever I kill off a demon?

I feel slightly ripped off at this point.
We don't use sulfur. We use a willow charcoal and potassium nitrate mix. Its cheaper and easier and works just as well. Also helps us keep under the radar.
Ummm...you'd still need sulfur. Charcoal and saltpeter are only part of the mix.
Sulfur is used to make it more ignitable. Willow charcoal is so easy to light you don't need sulfur.
Oops forgot to put his real age then again thats hardly the only error I made in this so far. Hes most likely younger
That's one I've never heard of before...TO GOOLGE!


Seems it can be done, but the mix is incredibly finicky and the powder has to be about as fine as confectioner's sugar to be about on par with a sulfur mix.

Possible, but about as hard to make as rifling without industrialization.
Luckily I brought industrialization with me. And those freed slaves that old Shackles freed do good work. I can just about see the look on his fuckn face if he were ever to find out who was helping fund his project, but I have to say its a worth while investment. Nobody questions the guy who employes all the freed people in need of work.
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>I can just about see the look on his fuckn face if he were ever to find out who was helping fund his project

It's too bad he already knows who was doing that, and it wasn't you.
No I was saying the Boss was contributing to the pot and was also employing the Freed slaves. Also I like the TM
>Live up to 40
I don't know whether be happy or displeased at this news.
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>contributing to the pot
That's fine, as long we're clear contributing a little =/= funding everything.

>Also I like the TM
I wondered when someone would notice that when I added it earlier in the thread.
Yeah I know I'm an asshole. But, I felt like changing things up. A race that isn't better than humans in everyway.

Crystal clear. If it wasn't in the story I may need to make that clearer
Why does this plot remind me of an episode of Samurai Champloo where a guy had Christians convinced their duty was to make guns?
Its not? Also I admit nothing.
Didn't want them to be better at everything, just wanted them squirrely ranger, which you did. Just didn't want their life-span to be THAT short.
Well her grandfather lives past 50 so it may be more than genetics. Might have to do with living conditions and such.
Not enough macadamia nuts maybe... or mayo.
about to start saging, somebody archive please.
As well as a new thread. bumpin
289 post bump.
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May as well just finish this one off. Nothing really to be discussed in 10 posts. Killing the thread.
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I wonder if anyone but Olin is going to deal with the Scotsbunnies. Unless Britfag posted his story under my nose?
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Also, I think I'm glad no one has tried to make a member of the [Family] their waifu yet.
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But eh. Weirder shit could happen.
I will get to that eventually.
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Good to hear. I really do have to finish up with this Kikki's Dad story. It's almost done, I'm just looking to keep it from being too formulaic.
God that's a disturbing image.
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Oh well, dump'n until the end.
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She can be both Eldritch Abomination and my waifu!
Subtle and Classy
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Honestly, it's just weird. Sort of a "Why would you do that?" sort of thing. There's nothing inherently dirty about it, it's just your prior cultural experience telling you "That looks like a bukakke, but it isn't.

All endings to that game are bad. Still not your waifu.
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Last post, we sage now bitches. Good job thread.
>Still not your waifu.
She's my waifu in my heart, thet's where it counts.
Also Bloom Ending. Well, it's not technically "her" but billions of living creatures reshaped to resemble her just for you is the sweetest thing ever.
Ouch right in the feels.
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>reshaped into sin-against-nature blobs of flesh and blood to exist in unending agony.
Sure, real sweet.

New thread

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