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>>22113416
Clown.

>>22113428

...fuck it, I can work with this.

The arts will not go unknown on Babylon! Clowning is an ancient and noble art of comedic performance, and you have been chosen to represent your craft. ...well, you're ONE of the people chosen to represent your craft. Turns out, people really like clowns.

But you! You are certainly special. After all, who else learned their craft with...

CHOOSE YOUR BACKGROUND

The Crazy Clown College of Earth
Wacky Waldo's World of Wonder on Titan
Personally tutored by Pagliacci the Great
The internet

>>22113480
The Honklords of Space Station 13

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>>22113428
>>22113498

File: 1355905396055.png-(233 KB, 500x491, Catch dat clown.png)

>>22113531
We will be the clown that drives men past the deepest pits of insanity.

This has potential.

>>22113498

That infernal place. She was a cruel mistress. But she taught you well in the arts of clowning.

The Space Stations universally declared their allegiance to the Karebists, and your faction was no different. Kareb's revolutionary theories on the uselessness of centralized democracy and interplanetary economy threatened to tear Sol apart. Still, many of those who hail from the further reaches of the system still whisper under their breath that Kareb was right, and just, and the United Planets' tyranny cannot hold forever.

Or they could just get the fuck over it I mean come on it was like sixty years ago what the hell

As you are doing your clown-stretches in the greenroom, Mr. Flippy saunters in. Oooh, that Mr. Flippy! He's from the Crazy Clown College. Earth. Earth has always been the core of the United Planets.

"Hey, have you seen my nose?" he says, glancing around the room. "I could've sworn I left it in here somewhere..."

As a matter of fact, you did see his nose lying around. It's in the drawer by the sofa. You could tell him...but maybe you could watch him squirm, too.

>Tell him where his nose is
>Wait until he's gone, then steal it

>>22113586

Wait and steal!
Make him squirm!

>>22113586
Spray with seltzer.

>>22113586
Give him someone elses nose. Someone from Wacky Waldo's World of Wonder.

Start the Clown Wars.

>>22113596

You shrug and shake your head.

"Jesus, what are you, a mime? Let me know if you find it. It's important." He stomps out of the room with his oversized shoes.

Once he's out of the way, you saunter over to the drawer and take out the nose. It's astonishingly well made. It looks like it even contours to his actual nose. A perfect sculpt. You throw it into your pocket.

>>22113607

You spray seltzer at the door Mr. Flippy passed through. The door is now wet.

>>22113612

...god wouldn't that be something. After all this time, the war getting restarted over something as simple as a clown rivalry. Why, it might even be...HILARIOUS.

The most notable alumni of Wacky Waldo's World of Wonder is the classic entertainer Rumpety Bump. He wears a big red nose, too. If you wanted to, you could steal it. But that'd take some planning. You don't have much time before you all go to cyro for a millennium or two.

"...I mean what's the deal with all the clowns?"
"Eh, not digging the Jerry Seinfeld."
"Not working, huh?"

Shit. Someone's coming down the hallway.

>act nonchalantly
>hide

>>22113696
>act nonchalantly
No one suspects the clown until it is too late.

>>22113711

"Look, all I'm saying is..."

The door swings open. Two clowns, Lanky and Spanky, walk in to the sight of you leaning nonchalantly against the wall and whistling innocently.

"Oh hey, it's that guy," says Lanky.

"Oh. Yeah. That guy," replies Spanky, warily. "I'm sorry, I'm terrible with names. You are...?"

CHOOSE YOUR CLOWN NAME

>>22113749
Arterion, Decimator of Sides.

>>22113749
Spray with seltzer.

>>22113749
We have no name, only honking.

>>22113771 here
Definitely go with one of the other two.

>>22113787

You do not respond, but instead spray seltzer water on their faces.

"Agh! The hell is your problem!" yells Spanky. "We're not even performing yet!"

>>22113795

They are taken aback by your lack of verbal response. There is only honking, and for the first time in their lives, these clowns know fear.

>>22113818
Pie in face.

>>22113818
Slap Spanky with a piefist.

A Clown is ALWAYS performing!

>>22113818
Honk twice more and stare at them with cold dead eyes.

>>22113837
>>22113830

"Why I oughta..." Spanky starts, but before he can continue, a cream pie lands solidly in his face.

"Where the fuck did you even get that from?" laughs Lanky as Spanky falls to the ground. "You're alright, kid."

>>22113868

"I mean...oh, oh Jesus. Um. We'll just be going then. Uh. C'mon Spanky, we gotta go get ready for Rumpety Bump's Rambunctious Romp." Lanky grabs his partner and half walks, half drags him out the door they came through. Whipped cream and seltzer water cover the area near the door.

>>22113903
Kill yourself.

>>22113921

Your hollow eyes and haunting honk betray this great secret: you've been dead inside for a long, long time.

>>22113903
Let's get started on stealing Rumpety Bump's nose. We need to stake out the target first, find where he keeps it and replace it with a different one.

>>22113944
Be dead outside.

>>22113952
This. Like a chicken, cut off the head and the body runs around in panic. Hilarious, bloody panic.

>>22113952

Rumpety Bump. Yes. Where might he keep his nose?

That Rambunctious Romp the two fools mentioned. Some kind of cabaret show, you recall. But the details are being kept secret from anyone who isn't from Wacky Waldo's World of Wonder. You'll need to get some information.

>>22113988
Okay, nobody ever looks twice at the janitor, so grab a mop and follow those guys and look nonchalant. We'll listen in, find stuff out and then cause chaos.

>>22113988
Kill self for information.

>op outlines a detailed and serious Space Opera
>/tg/ turns it into psychotic space clown political intrigue
I cant praise the op enough for just rolling with it, too. Its threads like these that give me hope for quest threads. Beautiful threads where op and anon alike come together to restart a half-century dead war all in the name of a misplaced clown nose.

>>22113988
Tail the two -anky fools. Their mindless chatter will reveal much to us.
>>22114005
We need to know where its held before we can do that.

>>22114022
That's what trailing them is for. They'll surely reveal the location, and if not we'll find other members of the Wacky Waldos and honk at them until they tell us everything.

>>22114005
backing this, I'm sure we can find someone to honk into submission if we lay low long enough.

>>22114005
Fortunately, there's a janitor's closet nearby. It's child's play to throw on a passable costume.

>>22114022
Their babble fills the hallway.

"Did you see that did you see it"

"Shut UP"

"DID YOU SEE HIS EYES LANKY"

"Spanky look we really don't have-"

Lanky looks down the hallway at you, nonchalantly mopping up the whipped cream and seltzer water.

"Err...right. Spanky, don't worry about it. There's all kinds of weirdos out there. We're never gonna see that guy again."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Spanky pulls out a handkerchief and wipes his face. "C'mon, let's get over to the Romp recital."

Their shoes squeak excessively as they trundle down the hallway. It's perfect cover for your graceful gliding. Their conversation is mostly pointless tripe, but you manage to glean that the Romp has been in the works for well over a year, and Rumpety Bump means to use the opportunity to send off the ship on a positive, comical note. And, perhaps more subtly, to snub the Clown College.

It's not long before you follow them to the Colosseum, a great ampitheatre. Nobody questions your janitor's outfit.

Inside, Rumpety Bump is orchestrating a grand, majestic acrobatics affair. They're using a net--for now--and tossing the rotund clown back and forth. Elephants, tigers and bears await in the wings.

Rumpety Bump isn't wearing his nose. He's mostly out of costume. That's...mildly distressing. Don't...don't clowns always...aren't clowns always performing?

>>22114117
This is FUCKING HERESY -honk- Rumpety Bump is out of costume and that must be punished.

Go over to the animal cages, weaken the locks and set down some seltzer bombs with a remote detonator. When you're at a safe distance set off the seltzer bombs and watch animals rampage.

>>22114117
A CLOWN is ALWAYS PERFORMING!

It looks like things are about to get...silly. Look for his nose. If anyone asks, we were specially sent by the captain himself to ensure that everything is spick and span for the Romp.

>>22114143
Ruining the Romp before it even happens isnt funny! Now, if we were to set those bombs to go off -during- the performance...

>>22114117
Let out an involuntary cry of lament. Can't deal with the pain.

A WILD MEDICAL EMERGENCY APPEARS

Sorry people, gotta run. Maybe we can continue this some other time if someone wants to archive or screencap it.

>>22114170
Fair Enough, next time this thread rolls around we can sabotage the romp at its big climax.

Maybethrow in automatic pie launchers and wire up the sprinkler systems to hit everyone with seltzer water?