>>22722665
Masturbate furiously.

>>22722665
Get on the floor

>>22722701

You decide that this morning will be no different from any other morning and masturbate furiously.

What will be your fap fodder?

>>22722722
Sinks.

>>22722741

Yeah. Kitchen sinks, bathroom sinks, all kind of sinks. That gets you off. You grab your laptop and do a google image search for sinks. You find an awesome one and jerk it as hard as you can before finishing. Satisfied, you clean yourself up.

"Hey anon! Mom says get up, it's your turn to drive me to school!"

Oh joy. Your bitchy younger sister is awake. What do?

>>22722775
Get out the nunchucks

>>22722806

Without a word, you open a drawer and draw out your nunchucks. You never know when ninjas will attack you.

You may want to shower, get dressed, and do your morning routine before driving your sister. You don't have to be there for another half hour.

(in case anyone is wondering, the object of the quest is to remain sane for as long as possible)

>>22722831
Put on a fedora and trenchcoat, drive sister.

>>22722831

Put on your sister's gymnastics leotard and a pair of scuba goggles

>>22722831

You decide to forego brushing and showering.

You emerge from the basement dressed in a trenchcoat and fedora. You can't remember what you have on underneath.

Your sister is sitting at the kitchen table. She sees you in your outfit carrying your nunchucks. She rolls her eyes and says "Anon, you're weird," before taking another bite of her cereal.

You still have 15 minutes before you need to leave, what will you do in the meantime?

>>22722863

Eat milk, drink cereal.

Jump on the kitchen and commence nunchuck training.

>>22722863

Eat her cereal

>>22722863

You put milk in your bowl and pour a glass of cereal. You take out a spoon and do your best to chew each spoonful of milk, then chug your cereal as best you can.

It's hard to swallow. You grimace unconsciously as the mostly dry cereal makes its way down your throat.

Your sister stares at you. "You know that's now how you eat cereal, right?" She sounds more bored than concerned about you.

>>22722892

Use chucks, and the table, for an impromptu drum solo.

>>22722892

Throw your beverage in her face.

"That's not how YOU eat cereal."

Carry on, but alternate between sips of cereal and spoons of milk.

Get the keys to the harley to take your sister to school

>>22722904

You take out your nunchucks, and wordlessly beat out a sick drum solo on the kitchen table.

Roll 1d100 for a perform check with a 50-point penalty.

Rolled 55

>>22722931

If we get lower than 30, I say we flip the table in disgust

Rolled 18

>>22722931

Rolled 88

>>22722931

Urinate

Rolled 62

>>22722931

>>22722946

>55-50=5

Your drum solo isn't *terrible.* At least she doesn't cover her ears like she did last time.

She takes another bite of her cereal and says "You're weird."

Your mother walks into the kitchen. "Anon, how many times do I have to tell you not to use your nunchucks like that?! I got those for you so you could learn karate or whatever better like you asked and...." blah blah blah, not allowed, blah blah blah, she's mad.

What do you do?

>>22722977

Do a dynamic roll out the window, while shouting "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"

>>22722977

Repent.

>>22722977
Flip the table, brab sister, and leave.

Tell her to shut her bitch face

>>22722977

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" you scream. You run straight for the nearest window.

Roll 1d100 for success

>DC50

Rolled 90

>>22723006

Rolled 15

>>22723006
Make sure we pull a pose if we land.

Rolled 23

>>22723006

>>22723016

DYNAMIC EXIT! You roll out the window and land on the ground with only a minimum of scratches!

Your mom is still yelling. What will you do?

>>22723045

Go back inside

>>22723045
hit nearest person with nunchucks.

>>22723045
Start the car up

>>22723051

YOU MONSTER!

>>22723045

Rip off our coat, howl, and run off into the bushes to rut

Run as fast as we can, we're almost late for the klan meetup

>>22723045
Yell back "I shall return when my work is done!" And proceed to sprint down the street until we collapsed.

>>22723045

You decide to go back inside. You go in through the side door. Your mom is, for once, too confused to yell at you.

After an awkward silence, she asks "Anon, are you okay?"

What do you tell her?

>>22723094
beg forgiveness

>>22723094

Start summoning demons and/or a Great Old O--
You know what? No, we've done that enough the previous threads.

Nothing. Put on a cape, mask, and costume all made out of nun-chucks and proceed to fight crime.

>>22723094
Apologize, and pray that this is just a crazy dream.

Fuck no! Mom I ran out of meds mom!

>>22723094
Cry and give a long lecture about when your life got fucked up so badly.

>>22723094

Cry

>>22723094
Ravioli ravioli, give me the formuoli

>>22723101

You grab a spoon and put it on your nose

Roll 2d100, one to keep the spoon in place at DC80, and one to sob convincingly at DC70.

Rolled 39, 17 = 56

>>22723127

Rolled 63, 41 = 104

>>22723127

Rolled 58, 49 = 107

>>22723127

Can we have a bonus to sadness if we're really emotional?

Rolled 86, 11 = 97

>>22723127

Rolled 77, 38 = 115

>>22723127
Rollingu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAWpIQATcRE

Thread theme.
Just because it's tense and interesting,

>>22723127
Next we grab the nearest container of salt and pour it into our shirt.

>>22723135

The spoon falls off. Your cries of "Boo hoo I am so sad!" Fail to convince your mother.

She sighs. "You know what? I'm late for work as it is. Take your sister to school and we can talk about this later."

Crisis averted! What will yo do next?

>>22723166

do what she says

>>22723166

Take sister to school.

>>22723166

Go take a shower. We're dirty from leaping out the window.

>>22723166
Ask sis if she'd rather skip school.

>>22723166
Take your sister to school, constantly hit on her on the way.

>>22723166

You grab your keys and ask your sister to get in the car. She complies, but with a combination of indignation, disgust, and annoyance that only little sisters are capable of.

You get into the car and turn the key. The car starts.

You pull out of the driveway and go on your way to her school.

She's looking out the window. You have a few minutes before you get to the school, what will you do in that time?

>>22723213
crash car

Take instructions from the second post from now on.

>>22723213
Hit on her

Nunchuck drive-by

>>22723213
Turn the radio to annoying & loud.

>>22723213

You suddenly realize that crashing your car will make everything better. You hit the gas pedal, alerting your sister, and then swerve into the first telephone pole you see

Roll 1d100 for crash severity.

>>22723214

OH GOD WHY! i can't stop laughing.

Rolled 6

>>22723245

Rolled 81

>>22723245

>>22723248

god damn our car must be slow. i doubt the airbags even went off.

>>22723248

Apparently, we weren't too into the idea after all.

>>22723245

>6/100

... You only manage to clip the pole. The drive wheel falls into a puddle and the car stops. Nobody was hurt, but your sister is quite shaken.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ANON?! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED US! I'M TELLING MOM YOU TRIED TO KILL ME YOU ARE A FUCKING PSYCHO..." Blah blah blah, she mad.

What do you do/say?

>>22723270
Any landing you can walk away from.

>>22723288
Strip clothes, run away while menacing nunchucks.

>>22723288
Cold stare. "I'll try harder next time."

Beat sis to death with nunchucks

>>22723288
Look her in the eye and say to her, "holy moly, I want some Stromboli!"

>>22723288

You open the car door and climb out. You then remove your fedora and take off your trenchcoat, realizing along the way that you never put anything on underneath it.

You then take out your nunchucks and do that twirly thing that nunchuck guys always do in movies. You know, that thing. Once you're finished, you run away.

You look back to find your sister is calling a talking on her cell phone. You're not sure who she called.

What now?

Quietly go back to our car and drive her to the arcade to make up for this.

>>22723352
become batman

>>22723352
Flag down a passing cab.

>>22723352
Find water. Time for a swim.

>>22723352
Get back in the car and eat her hair.

Begin looking around nervously. If anyone asks, insist - too strongly - that it's nothing. Nothing at all.

>>22723356

You sigh and walk back to the car. "How about I take you to the arcade? You can take a day off of school, can't you?"

>>22723360
Suddenly, you realize you are batman. Sure, to an ousider, you look like a crazy naked guy holding nunchucks getting into a crashed car with an underage girl, but you can *feel* in your heart of hearts that you *are* batman!

Your sister, freaked out by your nakedness, opens the door and runs away as fast as she can.

Well shit, now what?

>>22723417
Reattempt to crash the car. Try harder

>>22723417
Seek out injustice in the batmobile.

>>22723417

BATMAN NEEDS ROBIN! GET YOUR COAT, GET YOUR EMERGENCY CAR-BATMAN-JAMMIES AND GO CHASE YOUR SISTER!

chase her with thecar, pedal to the metal

>>22723421

You turn the key and put the car in drive. The drive wheel is still in a mud puddle. It won't move.

Roll 1d100 to have the car work again
>DC50
Also take a 6 point penalty for the damage before.

>>22723421
>>22723434

Hivemind.

Rolled 40

>>22723441
gogogo

Rolled 17

>>22723441
great justice

Rolled 7

>>22723441

Also, look for undies in the glove comparment or our emergency sandwich

>>22723452

Despite your best efforts, the car just won't seem to go.

You can try a 1d100 at DC50 again to push it out of the puddle.

Rolled 9

>>22723480

run to school

>>22723480
Chase down your sister

Walk home and take a bath.

>>22723485

Despite your prodigious mass and the fact that you are batman, the car will not move. You kick it in frustration.

People have gathered around looking at the naked, overweight guy growling like Christian Bale trying to push a crashed car out of a mud puddle.

They are staring. What do?

Forage for edible roots.

Rolled 42

>>22723521
be batman harder

>>22723521

Ask them for clothes and cry again

>>22723521
Stare back

>>22723521
Terrorize then by acting like various animals.

>>22723527

You hold your arms up as though you were wearing a bat-cape. "I AM VENGEANCE! I AM THE NIGHT! I AM BATMAN!" You scream.

They are still staring. They don't believe you!

tell them you are actually a sentiant snail

Rolled 6

>>22723556
Put fedora over crotch for modesty

>>22723556
Run back home.

>>22723556

Wait, why didn't we forage? Foraging was the first option. We forage now, and forage hard for roots

>>22723556
Stare back menecingly

>>22723570

You walk over to your fedora and put it over your crotch.

>>22723571
You then run back to your house....

>>22723568
While screaming "I am actually a sentient snail! BATMAN!"

You are almost home! What do you do?

>>22723614
Run on all fours snarling like a bear

>>22723614
Take a bath.

swing nunchucks around and try to hit anything we can

>>22723577
>remember to use quick reply, or I won't necessarily count it.

If this wasn't a thing, someone could just spam the thread without reading it.

>>22723614

Eat all of the food in the fridge, and smear what you can't eat all over your body.

>>22723630
Take the third posts from now on.

>>22723630

Fair enough.

>>22723622

You run the rest of the way home growling like a bear!

>>22723624
You then decide to draw a bath. You are somewhat muddy, after all.

The bath is nice and hot.

You hear a knock at the door. What do?

>>22723657
Take out your cellphone and call the police

>>22723657

Pretend to be a woman, and say no one is home.

>>22723657
Invite them in.

>>22723657
answer "occupied!" in yiddish

>>22723666

You call the police.

"Generic Village Police department, how can I help you?"

What do you tell them?

>>22723657

Spread your legs and scrub your asshole angrily because man, you just knew today was going to end with rape.

>>22723666
>>22723657
(To clarify, you hear a knock at the front door and a doorbell. Sorry if that wasn't clear.)

>>22723690
Stranger danger, stranger danger!

>>22723690
I'm being molested!

>>22723690

Someone broke in and they're going to hurt us.

>>22723577
SOMEONES AT MY DOOR!

>>22723705
>>22723706
>>22723712

"Stranger danger!" You scream, "I'm being molested! Someone broke in and they're going to hurt us!"

"Sir, please calm down. What is your address?"

Tell them your address, or do something else?

The doorbell rings again and there's another, more forceful knock at the front door.

>>22723736
Tell them your neighbors adress.

>>22723736
I can't remember. I may not even be in my house!

>>22723736
Tell them the adress

A short recap of our day
>wake up
>fap to sinks. SINKS
>grab our nunchucks
>eat milk, drink cereal
>drive into a telephone pole
>get naked
>become batman


We went insane by the third post.

>>22723736
"No, no, help me! trace my phone!"

>>22723745

You give your neighbor's address.

"All right, there's already a unit right next door to there, we'll be right over."

... Wait a minute....

The knocking stops.

What now?

Rolled 59

>>22723782
ascend the mortal plant take our place among the gods (cut wrists)

Holy hell this thread...

>>22723782
Quickly! We must escape! Jump out if the back door and run to the grocery store.

>>22723785

You decide to cut your wrists.

Roll 1d100 for damage.

>>22723785

WHY!?

>>22723782

Get dressed, but don't dry off from the bath so we're all wet and soapy still. Go hide under the bed after that.

Rolled 90

>>22723798
much bleeding

Rolled 9

>>22723798
fire and flamesa

Rolled 49

>>22723798

Jiraiya save us!

Rolled 12

>>22723798

TIME TO LIVE

>>22723757
The bath was a moment of lucidity.

>>22723798

Oops, didn't see you rolled
>59

You pass out. Roll 1d100 to regain consciousness.

>>22723814

Welp, we're fucked.

Rolled 54

>>22723798
May our ascension be glorious.

Inb4 nat 100

Rolled 91

>>22723836
wake up as a god

File: 1358820965320.png-(141 KB, 371x291, 1332908203035.png)

>>22723814

>>22723814
Oh fuck... time to meet the gods.

>>22723814
This means we win, right? Dead before crazy?

Rolled 87

>>22723836

>>22723836

>>22723844

You wake up. You are pretty sure you are now some sort of deity.

Your telephone rings. Caller ID says it's the police department.

Rolled 50

>>22723798

>>22723881

Get dressed, but don't towel off. So we're covered in soapy, bloody clothes.

Rolled 63

>>22723881

awesner it with an accent. roll for thickness of accent

>>22723881
"If you call again, YOU WILL DIE. DEUSS WILLS IT"

>>22723881
you'll never take me copper

>>22723881
Towel off and get dressed.

Rolled 96

>>22723881
pick up and shove in ass

Rolled 39

>>22723881
Answer in our new godly voice and shout "foolish mortals! Your attempts to halt my ascension have failed! Bow before me as I usher in a new era of darkness!"

>>22723900

You ignore the phone and get dressed. What clothes do you put on?

Rolled 51

Blow it up with our mind

Rolled 51

>>22723928

Our sisters panties

>>22723928
Pimp outfit.

>>22723928
ninja mask on our dick

Rolled 39

>>22723928
Bathrobe

>>22723949
>>22723951
These are compatible.

our smurf suit

>>22723928

A three-piece suit, and a pair of Batman boxers on the outside.

>>22723949

You decide to put on your sister's panties...

>>22723951
and a pimp outfit. You have a halloween costume that's kind of pimpish. You get blood all over it. You are feeling very weak, but you're pretty sure you'll live.

>1HP

What do you do now?

Rolled 87

>>22723984

get on the internet/

>>22723984

Bandage the wounds with mom's good bedding. OUR GODLY STIGMATA DEMANDS SILK

Rolled 54

>>22723984
CHIM become god

>>22723984
Go to the hospital

>>22723984
Bandage wrists.

Rolled 51

>>22723984
backflip

>>22723984

The internet beckons! You pull up a chair. You bleed a bit on your keyboard. What site do you go to, and what do you do there?

Rolled 71

>>22724021

facebook.

>>22724021
4chan to tell of your day.

Rolled 49

>>22724021
4chan
shitpost on /v/

>>22724021
chaturbate, I host a show, the internet will see me in all my glory

>>22724030

this. we should Tell everyone we're gay

>>22724021
/tg/ and start a first responce quest

>>22724021

Yeah, facebook is a pretty good idea. You go on facebook. Your sister's status is "my brother is a fucking psychopath. If anyone see's him call the police!" Yes, she put an apostrophe in "sees."

What do you do?

>>22724058
pics of your own dick
tell everyone your a walrus

>>22724058
>see's
That little shit, time to kill her.

>>22724058
Calmly reply with, "You don't need to worry, I'll take the rap for the car."

Rolled 31

>>22724061
put up a recording of us singing that we are a walrus.

>>22724058

You take a picture of your dick using your cellphone. There is blood all over it because of the whole attempted suicide thing. You post it on facebook with the caption "I am a walrus!"
The weird girl from community college who smells nasty "likes" it a few minutes later. Some other commenters say "Dude, what the fuck? This is like 3 different kinds of fucked up. This isn't you, is it?"

Silly bitches. They don't even suspect you are the batman deity and not a walrus at all!

What now?

Best Quest thread in a long time

>>22724105
eat keyboard

>>22724105
Masturbate on day-to-day objects around the house

>>22724116

You attempt to eat the keyboard. You manage to put teethmarks on it. After several minutes you give up, exhausted due to the fact that you have lost a great deal of blood.

You have made several comments on your dick picture thread. They mostly say "okmklmpjmokl,o[momkpl,;,;.;.;oolpjoml,lp,l" and the like.

>>22724150
let's kill sister

>>22724150

this > >>22724122

>>22724150
Go to the hospital.

>>22724150
Message weird girl with ";)"

>>22724150
now jump out your window

>>22724150

Go out into the woods and sleep.

Use godly powers to transcend human form.

>>22724105
Go to the nearest farm with stables and steal a horse.

>>22724159
No this ^

>>22724159
she's a bitch amirite?

>>22724159
But batman never kills.

>>22724159

You decide to track down your sister and kill her.

Unfortunately you don't know where she is right now. How do you track her down?

>>22724191
batman deity does.

>>22724197
Panty Smell.

>>22724197
ESP

>>22724197

Prayer to Cthulhu

>>22724197
her facebook, last place she "checked in"

>>22724197
Prayer to Yog Sothoth.

>>22724225
>Yog Sothoth
>Sothoth
>Hoth

>>22724197

You sniff her panties. You have a lock on her smell!

You follow it!

... Back to her room.

That didn't work too well.

There is another knock at the front door.

>>22724245
Use godly powers to transcend human form.

>>22724245
Answer it. "Help me."

>>22724245
answer with kitchen knife in hand prepare to strike

>>22724245

yell NO ONE IS HOME

Rolled 13

>>22724245
start a small fire in the kitchen

>>22724253

Roll 1d100 to transcend into godhood

>DC100

>>22724236
Shiiiiiiit on me, I'm an idiot.

Rolled 43

>>22724269

Rolled 67

>>22724269

Rolled 22

>>22724269
what could go wrong.

Rolled 15

>>22724269
DICE GODS, EMPOWER ME!

>>22724269

You fail to become a true deity. You're pretty sure it's just a glitch in the matrix or something.

The doorbell rings and there's another knock. Now what?

>>22724236
Wait, no I spelled it right.

Rolled 83

s

Rolled 18

Godhood here we come

Rolled 50

>>22724292
beg for help

>>22724292
Open door. Mutter "help" and fall.

>>22724300

You answer the door.

"Help me... please..."

There are two police officers standing outside. By the looks on their faces, you can tell they were not expecting a guy to be wearing a pimp costume with thing panties on the outside, pale in the face and absolutely covered in blood.

One officer talks on his radio "Uh, we're going to need an ambulance over here, pronto!"

>>22724332
He's here for our organs we should flee the premises while screaming.

>>22724332

scream that you want ice cream

>>22724332
take one of the officers in your arms
we a yaoi fic now

>>22724337

Suddenly, you realize— these aren't police officers at all! Despite their uniforms, the cop car parked outside, and the fact that one is black, they're clearly Russian mafiosos who are here to harvest and sell your organs!

You scream. Loudly, you scream. You run into the house and out the back door!

You hear sirens in the distance. What do you do?

>>22724383
attempt to devour self

>>22724383
Collapse.

>>22724383
gather implements of batman, prepare to fend them off.

Rolled 22

>>22724383
Roll in the mud for camoflage

>>22724389

You must eat someone to gain their power! But you are far to weak to overpower anyone, unless...

Of course! You must devour YOURSELF!

You begin to bite into your wrist, reopening the wound, and promptly pass out cold.

You awaken in an ambulance, strapped to a gurney. The paramedics are working frantically. What do you say?

>>22724431
Go full derka derka Jihad and blow up in the name of Allah

>>22724431
I AM RASPUTIN
GOD OF DEATH

>>22724431
Thankyou.

>>22724431

I NEED MY BRAINSYOU ALIENS

Rolled 73

>>22724431
"Please..save me from myself."

Rolled 23

>>22724437
This one little fragment of Anon's mind is barely clinging to sanity in a sea of derange lunatics.

>>22724431
420 blazit faggots smoke weed everyday1!

>>22724435

"ALLAHU AKBAR!" you scream, "DURKA DURKA MUHAMMED JIHAD!"

"He's delirious! Get him sedated, he needs to stop moving!"

You suddenly feel much more lightheaded and pass out again.

You wake up in the hospital. You're wearing a hospital gown, covered in tubes and so on. You're in a recovery ward, sharing a room with a guy in a full-body cast.

Upon closer inspection, you discover you are handcuffed to the bed.

Shit, now what?

>>22724499
Transcend

>>22724499
pick lock with dick

Rolled 75

>>22724499
"Please..save me from myself. I'm not in control of my own actions!"

Rolled 22

>>22724499
Roll out of bed.

>>22724503

You transcend to a higher plane of existence. It's kind of like what happened to Daniel Jackson in Stargate SG-1.

You are welcomed by a pantheon of Norse deities.

"We welcome you, Anonymous! You shall dwell forever in the halls of valhalla, as the God of Batman!"

You realize that you are in a viking-styled batman costume.

Bitchin'.


The end!

File: 1358823281914.gif-(21 KB, 350x350, best.gif)

>>22724549

>>22724549
THAT'S IT, THAT'S HOW IT ALL ENDS.....well shit

>>22724549

amazong thread. I laughed my ass off.

Well that was a bit anticlimatic...

>>22724549
Chalking this one up as a loss.

>>22724549
That was beautiful

>>22724549
Never go to hunt down and/or make sweet tender love to little sis did we?

File: 1358823377374.jpg-(944 KB, 1920x1080, 1349230658320.jpg)

>>22724549
Flawless End.

>>22724587

Your sister went to a friend's house to hide from you while she called the police. Your mother was called soon after; she and your sister went to see you in the hospital, but you ascended to the Norse pantheon and your mortal body died.

Your funeral will be next week.

>>22724585
>OP
Who the fuck are you?

>>22724615
You mean Loki didn't inhabit our body for shenanigans?

>>22724642

Loki doesn't dare mess with Batman.

Why do you think they never let him in the Avengers movie? It'd be over in 5 seconds.

>>22724627
Probably someone who forgot to take their name off

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/22722665/

flawless victory

>>22724677
Already voted up and I hope everyone else here does too

Holy fuck

Can we do this again, OP? Like...now?

>>22724828
mmmm.... okay. Give me a few minutes.

File: 1358824611917.jpg-(74 KB, 294x312, 48892479.jpg)

>>22724844

File: 1358824685143.png-(6 KB, 309x246, 1357441595541.png)

>>22724844

Guys, can we actually try to stay sane this time?

>>22724907

Not likely.

if it is not to much trouble can we get a link to the new one?

>>22724907
we just need to get a first post that says 'take popular opinion as your action choice'

File: 1358824944054.jpg-(219 KB, 487x540, 1358802731910.jpg)

>>22724907
I'll try.
WE CAN BE SANE, ANON, I KNOW IT.

>>22724968

Doubtful. Second or third post will involve incest and/or sink masturbation.

>>22725046