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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Do elegan/tg/entlemen want storytime?

Is this /tg/?

My browser header seems to suggest so.
It's a story. Of course it is.
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FLCL is relevant to my interests, and while your pic may be unrelated, I'm already here so go ahead.
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If pic is related this will be good.
Elegan/tg/entlemen never stop wanting story time.

Then your path is already set before you.
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So the party is on a quest to help their Half-Orc Barbarian achieve ultimate power.

This may or may not involve eating the bones of his grandfather, but it did lead them to his long lost clan that the civilized folk had previously driven out of the land.
North, into the snowy mountains of Cliche's Past, they venture. They disregard the constabulary and give zero fucks about the savage monsters they have to slay on their path up its winding trails.

Higher they trek, finding a body, upon it a scroll of Dispel Magic, and an Invoice from one "Fiora, State Archeologist" addressed to the "Bloodtooth Clan Excavation Site" And after days of wandering they find renewed hope!

They venture so high amongst its peaks that they start to get short breath, but it is nothing so serious that they cannot press on.

Onward, to the keep looming ahead over the next pass!

Beside it, a humongous died up lake basin, with an antiquated battleship jutting out from the snow in the middle.

It is at this point that they notice the first strange thing in this serious of ridiculous events. There's about 600 feet of chains, ropes, and all manners of pulleys, chain gangs, and oxen, attached to various points along the old battleship's structure.

They get close enough to get a look, and I mention that while old, it still looks sturdy, and anything metallic upon it, such as cannons, still appear serviceable.

They poke around the site and find a wizard's dead skeleton leaned up against the bow. They know its a wizard because of its trademark wizard's robe and pointy hat.

Following the chains and ropes, they eventually meet up with Fiora at the lakeside keep, and trade the Dispell Magic scroll for rights to Sir Bloodtooth the Orc's family "heirlooms". Thus the archeologist dispells whatever she was afraid about concernign the wizard's corpse, and the numerous chain gangs begin to haul the derelict ship up the slippery icy slope and into the sturdy moorings of the keep's ruined halls.

It unearths a gigantic hall, leading deep into Orcish catacombs. The party does not hesitate to plumb it of riches.
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The second queer thing is noted by the party. The Elvin ranger, Awen comments that the entrance was so very vast, and that while most of the halls underneath were humanoid in size, there was one gigantic Hall leading deeper. Mental the human cleric voices his fear of dragons.

With balls of steel the group of level 7 adventurers boldly engage the monsters that have taken residence deeper within, many creatures waylay them, encountered almost at random.

Miss Sakura, the sorceress, and her hireling Mac the dwarven Cleric of Kord, call for the party after scouting down one of the side halls which leaded back to the massive one. She had found a humongous, gargantuan set of doors, but the queer thing was that it was barred from their side. Not to defend the fortress' depths, but to seal whatever lay within.

>dare tg enter my magical realm?
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Stealthily they advance. So quietly! Invisibility is cast, and other hide rolls are made. So carefully did Sir Bloodtooth and Mac lift the bar from the door, that they were sure they did not awaken whatever had made its lair within.

Awen the ranger was the sneakiest of all, and after cracking the door, crept inside.

Gigantic chains were bolted into the walls, the eyerings themselves the size of dinner tables. The bindings which trapped whatever lay deeper within ran around a corner and out of sight.

Gathering her courage, Awen, whom knew how deadly the dungeons in these lands could be; tiptoed foward to peek around the corner.

The very first thing she saw was the pattern of the next chamber's floor, as she slipped upon something wet! She panicked, as usually she was much more nimble than this, and the sound of her flailing hands against the ground echoed.

Awakening the Titan before her.

Screaming, she slips and falls again, scrambling back towards the way she came as the Titan rises.

"Feeding time again?"

There was something dark in its booming voice, this was no goodnatured creature.

The party yelled at her to hurry! And she ran. Slipping out the humongous doors again, they slam the gates shut and bar it as it had been. The intricately detailed gates of Pig's Iron shudder and crash as something beats upon it with savage force. Fearing for their lives, the party flees, deciding to check other halls instead for the resting place of Bloodtooth's family.

This proves to be a wise choice, as in the opposite direction lay more opulent halls, rooms of nobility, and secret passages which lead to the run down homes of orcish warlords of old. Sure that they were near the prize which they seeked, they pressed on.

Eventually they find the suite of the King of All Orcs, Durzek Bloodtooth. Vanquishing the Hook Horrors nesting in the adjacent baths, they then raid the inner sanctum of its riches. Dissapointed that he did not find anythign magical, Sir Bloodtooth gazes deeply into a painting of his grandfather.

When he goes to lift it off the wall, something clicks, and a secret passage opens. Beyond lay the tomb of his ancestors, and Bloodtooth howled for joy.

But despite all the trials they faced delving through the many halls, nothing could compare with what they were about to encounter next.

>So all I have to do is eat the bones, and I get magical powers?
>That is what the myth suggests, yes.

Sir Bloodtooth and his iron belly begin the difficult work of chowing down upon two hundred year old bones. The party waits respectfully until he finishes.

But there was no flash of light, no boom or explosion of glory. Only cuts on his lips and an upset stomach.

>Do I have to eat the grave dust too?
>You don't know, you could try it.

Sir Bloodtooth asks for a skin of wine, and washes down the taste of chalky remains.

"COME ON DAMNIT" He howls.

When finally, something answers.
The party looks at Bloodtooth oddly, while apparently a voice only he could hear addresses him.


"Yes!" he replies.


"Yes!" He replies again.

And then the entire dungeon quakes. Something booms from deeper within the halls, rattling the floors with such fury that the party falls upon the urns and plinths sitting next to them.

Everyone is yelling for answers about what just happened.

Screams echo, from excavation workers that must also be plumbing the upper level of its riches.

The party races back out the way they came. Bloodtooth is cussing about when his new powers are going to happen, and neglects to share the details of his conversation with his comrades.

They pass workers, covered in dust, as stones are falling from the walls, and people with torches are leading others out. A leader of the miners is directign traffic back out to the surface.

"Everybody out! This place is collapsing!" He yells.

The people are running out, and the party is running out, only to be confronted by more members of the dig team; running back in to the safety of the fortress.

"TITAN!" One of the panicked diggers cried.

With grim looks to one another, the party knew that they were somehow responsible for unwittingly setting this thing free.

They hoof it up the lake and towards the Keep above, outside in the snow they see the hundreds of chain gangers deserting, picking up anything at hand and running with it; looting as they went.

Fiora is screaming at them, and seems to be loosing coherancy with every passing word. Stelio the human fighter, asks her what was going on.

"That damn Titan! Can't you see it?!"

And indeed they could see it from their vantage point in the keep, its massive stride pacing down the mountain. In the time it took them to journey all the way back, the Titan was almost 3,000 feet downslope.

"Oh good, its traveling away." Mental comments.

"Not good! There are farms down in the valleys below there! The old Legion Garrison still stands in the town of Bywater. Those people are all doomed!" Fiora exclaims, going next into a fearful rant about how she was going to get fired, and then hanged for allowing the party to trespass into the Emperor's private property.

The party tries to calm her down.

Stelio and Bloodtooth suggest running down there and beating it up, to which Fiora replies it would be certain suicide.

Mental and Sakura offer to use their spells of air walking and levitation and blasting the Titan with spells.

"That would barely make a scratch! You'd need something big! Siege weapons! Catapults, trebuchets, grand ballistae, cannons! We're just a band of archeologists, we don't have anything like that."

Awen gazes over at the humongous warship fastened by riggign and chains into the hollow of the ruined keep, its prow jutting just over the rise of the hill it rested upon. Below walked the Titan.

The party continued to argue about the best spells to take it down.

>Or you can try to find bigger weapons to take down a bigger creature. Perhaps you'll find some around you.
>I can just cast fireball, and start an avalanche that buries the Titan!
>You could try that, but it may not be enough, it is truley powerful.

At the mention of avalanches Mental, the cleric of Olidamara, grins.

Awen points out that the ship's cannons might do the trick. And Fiora agrees with her.

Stelio looks excited about Sakura's plan to avalanche the giant and says Bloodtooth and himself could beat it up good after that.

Fiora says that they would be caught in the avalanche too, or fall prey to all manner of trecherous terrain on the slopes and die.

Stelio says they just need a bigger sled.

Awen as the voice of reason, pleads with the party to use the cannons instead, to which Mental replies grinning;

"Don't worry, we'll use them."

So the party boards the warship, its spiked prow looming over the mountainside. Knowing that their chances of survival were slim, they put their faith in the creaky wood of an old battleship, instead of the tremendous power of its cannons.

Bullheaded, undeterred, and with unparalleled bravery, they commanded the remaining diggers to drag the fore pulleys, and cut the aft lines.

Over twoscore men, and the gearbox of many a heavy duty crank, whined and strained at the weight it tugged.

Behind them, and at the back of the ship, his feet planted firmly in the ground, Mac, the cleric of Strength, called upon the powers of his mighty patron to give this vessel the nudge it needed to get over the edge. He was enlarged. The sorcerress blessed him with Bull Strength. He cast upon himself Righteous Might, and with a collosal shove;

The Warship tipped over the precipice of snow and ice.

Awen leapt off, in order to stay in the keep and take care of their beloved steeds.

Stelio cried that they were insane, and began to have second thoughts, also jumping from the tipping vessel.

Mental walked up the deck and stood next to his brother in arms, Sir Bloodtooth, and planted his shield in ready for their assault upon the Titan.

The Orc himself bellowed with rage and hefted his mighty axe, his bloodlust quick to overcome him. He wanted to smite the Titan, and earn the blessing of his bloodline.

Sakura took the helm, and as the ship groaned, a shuddering crash rocked the party, and suddenly, swiftly, the battleship was flying down the snowy slope of the mountain, trees whizzing past, dashed into pieces against the ship's ramming head.

"Sakura, NOW!" Mental yelled, and the sorcerress complied, shooting a fireball behind them.

It exploded violently, sending a shockwave of fire across the ice and snow, blowing it apart and with a screaming gust of snow an avalanche lifted behind them, thrust underneath them, and then the boat began to sway.

The warship flew off a short cliff, its bowed hull crunching as it hit the next slope, gaining a blistering speed as they zipped down the mountainside upon a roaring avalanche.
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The back end began to sway, and the prow's point leaned off course. Sakura, whom before her adventuring days earned her money sailing, was quick to grab the wheel and try to straighten the ship out.

Mac finishes climbing up over the back of the boat.


He exclaims, jogging past Sakura and coming up to Bloodtooth's other side.

A wave of heat was emanating from the barbarian, and the orc was growling. Mental glanced over to Mac and then pointed ahead at the Titan they were rushing towards.

"You get the right cannon, I'll get the left! Hold your fire until we're upon him. He'll never see this coming!"

A mile below, in the peaceful town of Bywater, a farmer was hooking a bit into the mouth of his trusty horse, about to take it and a wagon of jarred preserves in to trade at market.

When he looked back, and saw the entire mountain coming down into the valley.

Sakura was screaming.

Mental was screaming.

Mac was screaming.

But above it all they heard the cry of Bloodtooth, as he stomped, and worked himself into a frenzy, walking up onto the prow, even as it threatened to bounce out from under him and cast him into the rocks and snow below.

As the rumbling trembled beneath the feet of the Titan, it turned away from its Geas to destroy the Legion, looking back to see the onrushing deck of a guns-blazing warship crashing into its stomach, spiked prow first.

Bloodtooth charged! And with the full weight of an ancient mountain hammer, sundered the Titan's skull with herculean strength of his magical bloodline. As the Orc's body flattened against the Titan's head, Bloodtooth was spared the fatal crush of every bone in his body breaking, as stoney flakes exploded off of his skin, and a field of emerald energy shattered. Schooling the Titan once more, into why their kind would always bow knee to his Clan.

Below the furious charge of the barbarian, the ship's bow was rending through flesh and muscle, dealing catastrophic damage to the Titan.

Sakura attempted to levitate away, but the flurry of avalanche snow caught her and sucked her into the tumbling debri.

As the moment of suprise shot by in the blink of an eye, Mac went flying from the surface of the deck, along with the separated back end of a trashed and shattered warship. His aim was not true, and he could see himself flinging past the Titan's head, and past Bloodtooth. A yawning descent of rocks awaited beneath him. Panicking, he grabbed for the grapple slung from his belt, and hucked it, with rope attached, at the Titan's face.

The spiked hook snagged the Titan's nose, and the cleric held on to his rope for dear life.

On the other side of the Titan, Mental was also poorly aimed, and continued his forward momentum with a violent lurch, and for a brief second experienced what it was like to fly. However mournfully he realized that there was nothing but rocks to greet him at the other side.

And then, swinging around the Titan's head came Mac!


Mac and Mental collided with a winding smack, and clutched each other tightly.

As the Titan fell back it bellowed in its throes of death. Yet it would smite the creature that wounded it so, if it was the last act it could ever do. Its massive hand reached for Bloodtooth, who was staggering to rise, standing upon a ruined crater of part of its skull.

Mental and Mac both glanced back at the rushing snow and rocks racing to greet them, as the Titan was next to fall, threatening to crush them.

"This is it!" Mac cried.

"Hold on!" Mental yelled, as they both gripped the Titan's mangy hair and held themselves close with fierce determination.

Together they unleashed the magical power of their gods, and the combined necromantic lance of Inflict Wounds tore through the Titan, siezing its gigantic heart and rupturing it as it died;

With Bloodtooth in its hands, mouth wide in a wail as it attempted to crush the life out of the Orc.

And then snow plowed over them all.

An hour later Awen and Stelio arrived at the scene of carnage, following a trail of warship pieces and humongous red smears.

Somewhere in that twisted pile of sharply jutting debri and freezing snow, were their friends.

Villagers had come running after the disaster subsided, and besides Awen and Stelio they dug.

There was talk of panic, why did this happen?

There was confusion and dissent.

Yet as they got a better look at the Titan's freshly dead corpse they began to wonder who the heroes were that saved them from certain destruction.

Sakura was found unconscious, yet stable, half-buried in the snow a mere five feet from where a certain pine tree would have ended her life rather abruptly.

Yet Mac, Mental, and Bloodtooth, could not be found.
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It wasn't until they dug the Titan out from the snow and cleared the space around its head that they saw a Light spell shining beneath.

And as they all lifted the gargantuan creature's cranium, they found the three men, cuddling each other closely and shivering pitifully.

Then everyone leveled up.

>The End.
Nice story. These names sound a little familiar... ST?


I've mentioned their adventures at previous levels, so that's why they may ring a bell. They have a notorious habit of giving zero fucks when confronted with a blatantly deadly encounter.

They always pull off some physics damage, roll miraculous criticals, or cross their fingers and chuck unidentified magical items. Some of which were cursed and I intended to screw with them because I was very mad at a couple of their luck-driven victories. Ironically it lead to them slaying an encounter that was originally "Dialogue Only".

They have, to date, downed;

A mooncalf
A Hill Giant
Two Hydras
A Hezrou
A Black Dragon
And a Titan

They have only recently achieved level 8.
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I probably should have started this sooner for an earlier crowd, but L.O.L. was just too darn fun.

Anyways, here's a bump if you like Storytime, I'm heading to bed.
cool story bro
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That was fucking awesome.

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