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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Our last adventure left off with the youngest member of the party, James, being approached by a swarthy thief dude we named Brynjolf since he wanted us to steal a macguffin for his evil thief organization.

James didn't trust this guy as far as he could throw him and he has a Strength of 6. The player pulled us all aside and we hatched a plot to not steal his shitty macguffin, but BRYNJOLF HIMSELF. We were stealing a person. Ocean's 11 initiated.

We had all caught some Spinaraks earlier, which are these dinky spider Pokemon that aren't terribly useful outside of what we were going to do. The party met up with Brynjolf again in the sewers because lol Thief Guild shenanigans. We ambushed him, neatly tied him into a cocoon, and hauled ass back to the police station because this dude is shift as all fuck and had a Team Asshole insignia on his lapel. The rest of the guild caught wind and chased us through the streets, which ended with James getting an arrow through his leg and Ken, our martial artist with an INT of 6, arrested along with guild leader guy.

Officer Kia(Jenny on crack), congratulates us, shuttles us to the gym where we swiftly destroy the leader, and then promptly kicks us out of town for causing so much mayhem. This is only the beginning of our path of destruction.

On the road south towards Waving Wheat village now. Things are going dandy until the party happens upon a big ol' gate with signs saying "DO NOT ENTER" "WE MEAN IT" OH COME ON, GUYS" and the like. We of course decide to fuck around with it. Our psychics use their mind powers to bring some of the higher-up signs within reading distance since we were all rolling 4s and 7s on our perception checks. It has Team Asshole written all over it. Shit. Shit. Put it back and GTFO, guys. Suddenly a truck filled with creepy Scientologist-esque dudes comes trundling down the road and we all hide in the tall grass. They hop out, notice some psychic residue, and we get brought into custody. I'm going to die at the hands of some dudes in dresses. Crap.

They lead us through an archaeological dig site and into a set of temporary offices to be questioned. Turns out that the guy who nabbed us is Matsu's older half brother. He's unaware of Matsu's existence, which is good since he hates his father and wants to destroy everything that he ever loved. Daddy issues galore since the asshole basically left his mom and started a whole new family without telling anyone.

Team Asshole is collecting psychics for re-education since they're very powerful allies and somewhat rare. The non-psychics of the party are sentenced to death. matsu's older brother leaves the room to yell at some bigwig in the organization on his phone and leaves us to the tender mercies of two really gnarly-looking dudes. Pokemon battle ensues. Fists are flying, someone is psychically controlling a huge wrench to fly around like a weapon, and I'm laying waste to this poor dude with a frying pan to the head. Riggs phases through the wall and almost murders Matsu's older brother, but he's saved when the building catches fire and he makes a hasty retreat. Somewhere in all of the confusion, I call Kia and let her know what all is going on.

Shit is on fire and we're all going to die at the hands of some creepy zealots.

The cavalry finally arrives and I've never been so grateful to see Kia, even though she's blue in the face with rage. We give her a debrief of what all has happened and she lets us meander on down to Waving Wheat like we initially intended.

The town is a God damned hole. It's a farming community, so there's little else to do besides watch corn grow and train Pokemon.

Matsu and James go off to search for Pokemon out in the fields and happen upon some birds that I can't rightly recall the name of, but hey, NEW POKIMINZ. James doesn't want to battle it. He wants to try to convince it to come along with him on an adventure. He tries to read its mind and rolls a 1. He misses and ends up reading the mind of a grain of corn.

The resulting levels of agony has and never will again be experienced by man. He was one with the earth. He could see smells and hear colors. He saw the face of God and it was corn. This all lasted for about twelve seconds. They ended up catching their bird Pokemon, but James never wanted to eat corn again.

> He tries to read its mind and rolls a 1. He misses and ends up reading the mind of a grain of corn.

this is not actually how it works but ha ha goddamn.
Matsu and James get back to town and decide to fight some local kids. One of them if Joe, the kid we helped in a previous session when Team Asshole stole his Pokemon and attacked him in a forest. He whips out his Lilipup(which is ADORABLE in a "i frew up" way) and Matsu whips out his new Deerling. Deerling uses Double Kick and absolutely destroys this poor little thing. The damage is so bad that the DM feels compelled to describe the gore and blood covering Deerling while Lilipup twitches helplessly in its death throes. Joe is inconsolable and Matsu's reaction is "sorry, kid, you should have known better." This is how super villains are born, you idiot. Also, rude.

The next day rolls around quite uneventfully. We get a mission to fix the water distribution center for the whole town. Before that, though, we go shopping. I immediately head into the closest looking thing to a hipster clothing store and run into Lauren Blue, Cindy Blue's father. Cindy was the creepy photographer chick who smelled like durians. This guy is completely different. Artsy fartsy designer guy who was designed like Andy Warhol. I roll a nat 20 to get some free hipster queen clothes out of him and they give me a +2 to CHA when I'm speaking ironically. I hate myself a little more.

We toddle on over to the distribution center, which is actually under an amphitheater designated for worship and concerts, which is currently being rented out to Team Asshole. Oh Lord.

We pass by some chick in a robe who is talking to one of our rivals, Grayson. She finally shuffles away and we make our way down into the bowels of the earth with Grayson in tow.

Ken and James have run off at this point and are adventuring their little hearts out in the tunnels down below while the rest of us keep going deeper. And deeper. And deeper. This does not bode well.
I'll finish updating tomorrow after some sleep. The story picks back up after we say "fuck the storyline" and dick around on a mountain.

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