YOU ARE THE VOICES IN SCOTT YELLOWMAN'S HEAD!YELLOWMAN IS A SOLDIER DESPERATELY RACING THROUGH MANY ALTERNATE WORLDS IN ORDER TO TRY AND GET HOME!THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS STuck oh there it goes.Last thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/24462783/When last we left off, our heroes had taken refuge in a mountainside shrine and were drifting off into an uneasy sleep. Normally when Yellowman goes to sleep, you, the voices in his head, have your awareness taken away until he wakes.That doesn't seem to happen this time.Instead your awareness phases in and out until it restores itself in a gray misty expanse. A weightless void, you see your host, Scott Yellowman, floating in the expanse, garbed in his battered Scout Armor and uniform. The slumbering figure of Charlie drifts nearby, but he is in an immaculate suit, pressed and cleaned. An inordinate amount of scented gel infests his hair as well. Fat-Fot-Pot is nowhere to be seen.An immense figure seems to loom in the gray mist before the pair."MAKE YOUR WISH," a booming voice commands.
>>24595163"It's usually considered polite for the wish granter to reveal themselves. Also, if you're that genie that makes people suck his cock or he cuts their legs off... Sorry but no sale."
>>24595306Don't forget the straw doll. That one's a real douchebag.
>>24595306The mists shift a little, but the looming figure does not reveal itself."I AM THE GOD OF THE SHRINE YOU SLUMBER IN, THE SHRINE OF WISHES. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR WISH?"
>>24595441I can't really think of a wish that wouldn't somehow backfire. This world loves backfires on wishes. I mean; there's the obvious stuff like getting back to the Guard and all sorts of other stuff; but is it worth it?Ideas guys?
>>24595583Maybe a paradoxical wish, like 'I wish for not wishing this wish'?>>24595441"This is not a wish. What is your resume of previous wishes granted? Because we know about the dick-ass genie and the jerk doll, and we've already dealt with the Wish-Granter, and one of our previous employees dealt with Gozer the Sumerian."
>>24595624"I..." the booming voice pauses. After a few seconds, it resumes. "WHOEVER HEARD OF A RESUME FOR WISH-GRANTING? THIS IS A SACRED RITE, NOT A JOB INTERVIEW. NOW DO YOU WANT A WISH OR NOT?"
>>24595676No, not really. Wishes have a nasty habit of being corrupted.If you're bored though, we could have a nice conversation.
>>24595676Hey, no need to get angry. We just want to make sure you're on the level, I mean you don't want to be lumped in with that Genie that wants people to suck his dick do you? And that doll is just stupid.We just want to know what kind of wishes you've granted before and how they resolved, so we know we're getting quality wishes.
>>24595676"Of course we want a wish; we're just not sure what price you'll extract in exchange, or how horribly you'll twist the wish so that it's more of a curse. "If you just want to talk, that'll be fine."
>>24595726>>24595714>>24595704There is another long pause."LOOK. I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO TALK. BUT IT'D BE PRETTY SILLY IF YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY TO GET A WISH AND DIDN'T GET ONE, RIGHT? GO AHEAD, MAKE A WISH. TELL YOU WHAT, MAKE TWO. WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?"The sleeping form of your cursed Shadowrunner emerges from the mist beside your other companions.
>>24595894But we didn't come here for a wish. We just wanted a place to sleep.Why don't you have time to talk? Aren't you stuck here? Djinni are generally bound to a place.
>>24595920There is another pause. The mist roils a little more, the figure behind it becoming a little more distinct. The vague shape of an 'X' comes into focus."I'M NOT A STUPID DJINNI! THOSE IDIOTIC AIRBAGS WOULDN'T KNOW THE PROPER WAY TO... GRANT A WISH IF THEY WISHED FOR IT THEMSELVES! I'M THE GOD OF THIS SHRINE, AND I CAN GO ANYWHERE I WISH... UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS," the voice booms."LOOK, YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT A WISH? YOU SURE? ALRIGHT... GUESS I'LL TRY ONE OF THE MORTALS, THEN."An invisible force begins to poke at Yellowman."HEY. YOU. WAKE UP," the voice booms. Yellowman continues to snore. "HEY! WAKE UP!"The invisible force begins to pull Yellowman to his feet, supporting him in a sort of stand as the Scout Commander continues to slumber."WAKE! UP!" the voice screams, invisible hands slapping Yellowman around. He still fails to stir. The Scout Commander is pulled up by a leg and shaken violently in the air, the voice continuing to roar."ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW CAN ANYONE SLEEP THIS DEEPLY IN REAL LIFE LET ALONE THE DREAM-REALM?" the voice wonders, letting Yellowman slip back to his original pose. "I GUESS WE'LL TRY... THIS GUY."Charlie begins to wake with a startled snort."Blackjack! I- Aw, damn it, this isn't the Ultra-Luxe," he mumbles, blinking. He looks around with a blank look on his face. "Wait, am I still dreaming?""AWAKEN MORTAL!" the voice booms, all traces of earlier irritation gone. "THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO CHOOSE A WISH!"
>>24596163Oh, well of course you'll get a wish from those guys; they haven't read about this world like we have. Though Sam, is probably on to this world's tricks.But seriously, how do you twist wishes? Go with the literal interpretation? Set things to an extreme such that it becomes a curse?
>>24596163What are you even a god of?
>>24596163>The vague shape of an 'X' comes into focus.I still think it's that shitty wishing dolly. Oh hey, can Charlie hear us since this is a psychotropically created altered state of reality?"Hey Charlie! It's us, the voices in Scott's head! Gotta warn ya, we got bad vibes coming from this guy. I think he's a hustler-type wish granter. Probably has hidden conditions, and traps you here if you make a wish."
>>24596385"I'M THE GOD OF GR...EEEEAT WISHES," the voice booms. "NOW SHUT UP, I'M GRANTING THIS GUY'S WISH NOW.""I get a wish? What?" Charlie asks, looking around.>>24596449"Who said that?" Charlie asks, looking around with more speed. "Voices in Scott's head? The hell kinda circus act is this?""PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE YAMMERING SPIRIT SHARDS," the voice of the 'god' booms. "YOU SLEEP IN MY SACRED SHRINE AND ARE ENTITLED TO A WISH. WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?""Quite a lot, but I ain't ever been in no casino where you can win a jackpot without putting in any sort of stake," Charlie replies, his eyes narrowing. "What's the catch?""CATCH? WHY WOULD IT HAVE A CATCH? JUST BE CLEAR WITH WHAT YOU WANT TO WISH FOR, NO CATCH, NO CATCH."Charlie's eyes lock onto the shadowy figure behind the mists. He crosses his arms and tilts his head, raising an eyebrow."Buddy, I've been in Vegas long enough to know that when someone assures you that there's no catch, there's probably a catch," he says. "So before I do anything, you gotta explain this whole wish business.""YOU MAKE A WISH AND I GRANT IT, WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?" the voice booms, mist roiling even harder. Charlie frowns."I dunno... something smells off...""Fine, sit there an- I MEAN FINE, SIT THERE AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND, I'LL CHECK THE WOMAN," the voice says, losing its resonant quality for a moment as it turns high pitched."Wuh-huh?" Scott says, suddenly jolting awake. "Wuz goin' on?""YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME," the voice exclaims. "WELL, WHATEVER. MAKE YOUR WISH, SLEEPING BEAUTY.""My what?" Scott asks.
>>24596573He wants you to make a wish, but it's probably horribly cursed or something. Or highly ironic. You know how things in this world are.
>>24596573Scott. This "god" grants "wishes" in the same style as the Wishgranter. I suggest you pass.
>>24596573Scott, Booming Voice In The Mist here says it's the god of granting wishes and we're in it's shrine. It's being a dick and not speaking up about the consequences of making said wish.You know; the whole "be careful what you wish for" scenario? Also, you are a very heavy sleeper when you're not on fire...
>>24596573"Scott, the psychopomp over here says that it grants wishes. You KNOW there's always a catch with these kinds of things at the best of times; consider what world we're on before you open your mouth."I mean, come on, at least Gozer had the manners to tell you that the wish you ask for will be the shape of your doom. "And the Wish-Granter at least had the whole 'greater being created by human hubris sitting in the middle of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone' down better than this guy."At least hold out for someone who isn't cribbing off other asshole wish-granter's notes before wishing for your own doom."
>>24596573>losing its resonant quality for a moment as it turns high pitched.Do you need any more evidence that this guy's not on the level?
>>24596641Scott heaves a sigh. "Yeah. I do.">>24596648"Thinkin' the same thing.">>24596653"Oh come on, I can't be THAT heavy of a sleeper.""Scott, who are you talkin' to?" Charlie asks, looking around. "Honestly all the invisible voices around here are startin' ta spook me out a bit.""Think of them as helpful guides," Scott suggests."YES, THINK OF US AS HELPFUL GUIDES," the booming voice says."Not YOU," Scott growls."WORDS CAN HURT EVEN THE IMMORTAL, YOU KNOW.">>24596701"Hey, I didn't crib off anyone, THEY- I mean, I AM NOTHING LIKE THOSE... THINGS. THAT YOU MENTIONED. JUST NOW," the voice says, once more breaking for a few moments."There are two things my grandma told me as a kid. Never take candy from strangers, never sign on for a tour of duty if the recruiter won't make eye contact when you sign the papers, and don't make wishes with questionable magic. I fucked up the first two, but MAN ALIVE I am NOT going to fuck up the last one. Go get your deific jollies somewhere else, we're not falling for it," Scott declares."YOU GUYS SUCK!" the voice booms. "FIRST VISITORS I GET IN YEARS AND... BAH!"Samantha begins to wake up. "What's with all the yelling?" she murmurs."HEY YOU," the voice shouts. "THE LADY IN THE BIKINI! IF YOU COULD WISH FOR ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?""Sam DON'T-" Yellowman begins to shout."It's a-" Charlie tries to warn."Well to be a man again, duh," Samantha says. Immediately she vanishes in a poof of smoke, replaced by a doddering old man leaning heavily on a cane. Once again Sam instead of Samantha, the former Street Samurai looks at his decrepit form with a gap-toothed open jaw as the voice booms with laughter, though the volume swiftly lowers. The mists draw back to reveal the stone statue from earlier."Hahahahaha, got you! I'm the god of granting wishes that backfire!" the statue yells in a high-pitched child-like voice. "You never stated what age man you wanted to be! Sucker! Oh man, I got you good!"
>>24597007Tell the statue that if he doesn't grant him a proper wish without bad repurcussions that we will break it to pieces, destroy the cave, turn half the pieces into the bottom of an outhouse, and throw the other half in a lake.
Hey. God of granting wishes that backfire. Would you like something to drink? You've been trapped here for so long.
>>24597007Seriously? That's it? That's fucking it? That is one of the lamest, most infantile twisting of wishes ever. It's like, fuck, scraping the shit underneath the barrel at this point, your material is so fucking asinine and played out.>>24597146Would that work? Eh, as long as we don't use it all up at once.
>>24597007But he didn't actually say that he wished for anything.You're horrible at this ironic wish-granting thing. No tact or subtlety at all.
>>24597178>>24597179"I... Hey, shut up! You think you can do better, why don't you wish to become the god of wishes!" the statue says. "I do the best with what I got.">>24597146"Don't have a digestive tract. Thanks for the thought, though."
>>24597227Alright, alright. Let's not lose our cool here. Think pouring some of the water on the statue would work? "And don't worry too much, Sam. We've got a way to fix this.">why don't you wish to become the god of wishes!"How about you grant yourself better material? Or is that beyond your power? Man, this guy must think we're Jaffar or some other Disney villain."
>>24597227What's your story anyway, wish-god? Why do you have to screw over all of the people who come into here? What happened to all of your followers?
>>24597227Well. Let it be on record that you're a shit-tier wish-granter.. No formality, no drama.. Someone's just musing aloud and BAM! You are a scrub, sir.>>24597292We do have a way to un-fuck Sam for the moment.. Let him take a swig of the cursed water. He'd be a woman again but at least he wouldn't be old. His choice, obviously.And if this guy's gonna be a dick, I think he needs an introduction to Waldorf.
>>24597076>>24597351I told you we should threaten him. Bottom. Of. An. Outhouse.
>>24597351>We do have a way to un-fuck Sam for the moment.Yes, that's what I was referring to. I didn't want to say it out in front of this guy since all our posts are being read.
>>24597348"They buggered off. Something about not wanting to serve a deity that only granted prayers with terrible curses. Also, the commute was terrible. Good riddance, I say. Who needs worshipers afraid of a little climb through dragon and medusa infested mountains!">>24597292>>24597351"You guys are REALLY getting on my nerves! Talking like you're connoisseurs of wishes or something. This job is really hard, you know that? Not just ANYONE can take a wish and twist it around! Especially when a bunch of suspicious so and sos are the only supplicants you've had in ages!""Well they're right, though," Scott says. "This whole show was pretty second rate. And I HAVE encountered a few other wish granters, even of the monkey paw variety. If you really are the god of twisting wishes, you're horribly out of practice.""Yeah, this whole show was a real Mickey Rat operation," Charlie notes."Mickey Mouse operation," Scott corrects."Who's that?" Charlie asks, frowning."Yeah right, you guys don't know what you're talking about," the statue laughs without humor.
>>24597428"Oh, I'd love to see you try! Go ahead! I'm just a statue, right? How am I gonna defend myself?"
>>24597503I'm tempted. What do the rest of the voices think?
>>24597492Anyway. Since we're all up anyway, maybe it's time to get going. Sam, you can stay a guy or be young, until we find a more permanent fix. But make sure to strip before taking a drink.
>>24597565It's an obvious trap and a waste of plasma.
>>24597565Nah, he probably has some leftover residual power or something. A better way to attack him might be his ego or somesuch.>>24597492Well, you didn't even try to convince someone to make a wish beyond "HEY HEY! YOU WANT TO MAKE A WISH? IT'S NOT GONNA TOTALLY SCREW YOU OVER LATER, I PROMISE!". I mean, if Sam over there wasn't half-asleep, he probably would've figured it out too.A true ironic wish-granter would do something deep and profound. Like grant people initially what they want, but later make them regret it. Like granting some nobody perfect fighting abilities, only to have him ruin his own life due to substance to his inability to manage his newfound infamy.
>>24597587"Hahahaha, go where? You can't leave until you make your wishes!" the statue declares, everyone still floating in the misty void. "I mean, yeah, anyone who makes a wish in my presence gets totally screwed, but hey! Whaddya gonna do?">>24597626"That's not... That takes way too long!" the 'god' protests. "Quit insulting me! You don't know anything about being a wish granter! I mean it, stop!"
>>24597717Look, we understand if it's a bit tricky getting back into the business. Tell you what, we'll go away and give you a while, and come back when we think you've had enough time. Sound good?
>>24597717We could go for a paradox wish, that might work.Maybe ask for all of his powers to instantly stop working after we have been safely returned to the real world within 5 minutes of outside time?
>>24597717But it works on so many angles! People would flock far and wide to see this wish god and have their desires granted, only for it to turn to ash in their mouths. It is tragic, poetic, elegant, and guarantees more followers.
>>24597717>>24597792You can even shift the blame for the consequences on them! After all, a wish granting god wouldn't make a mistake in the wish, so it must have been them!
>>24597823Exactly! It would demonstrate the hubris of mortals, who think that they were getting the better end of a deal with a god!
>>24597842They go away satisfied, realizing that they must have been happy before, and praising your wisdom!
Rolled 66>>24597792>>24597823"That's... But I..." the voice stammers. "ARGH! I wish you would leave me alone! I- WAIT!"A terrible brilliance begins to pour from the statue as cracks begin to spread all over the idol, the mist vanishing as the shrine room comes into sight once more, everyone touching down on the ground, which is shaking terribly as rocks fall from the ceiling."...I DO suck at this!" the idol exclaims in sudden realization, just before he explodes into a million stone shards.
>>24597880Charlie, Sam, and Scott hit the deck quickly enough that the hail of stone shards does no harm to them, the tremors fading shortly after the statue's explosive exit. Scott gets up and dusts himself off a minute later."Well that certainly did suck," he states, looking around. "Morning already, huh? Where's Fat-Fot-Pot?"
>>24597880Guess he just couldn't...take the pressure.>>24597907Where is the alien trio?Better look for them, and make sure that Bob the Donkey is okay.And if Sam wants to switch to being young and female, or if he wants to stay male and old for a little while longer. Make sure he strips before drinking the Girl Water; it'll destroy whatever clothes he's wearing at the time. And ration that stuff; it could be very valuable depending on the place we go to next.And we also need to check the disabled traps for any acid flasks or other possibly valuable components.
>>24597942Is checking the traps again irony?
>>24597942Bob the donkey is in the corner of the room, munching oats from his feedbag, with a completely disinterested look on his face, as if being in the presence of insecure self-destructing gods was an everyday occurrence.>>24597942After a short search, you find Fat-Fot-Pot flying back to the cave mouth."You're awake!" squeaks Fat. "We thought we saw something moving around at the cave mouth and flew out to have a look. Tracked it for a few minutes, but lost it. Whatever it was, it's gone now. Everything OK?""Just peachy. Next time you see something like that, just wake me," Yellowman says with a sigh."We TRIED," Pot declares. "Short of a napalm alarm clock, we don't think ANYTHING wakes you up!""Wait. We've got other humans with us now. Maybe next time we try to wake Charlie instead?" Fat suggests."Oh yeah! Good thinking!" Pot happily says. "He shifts around all the time in his sleep, so it can't be as deep as Sergeant Snoresalot here.""That's COMMANDER Snoresalot," Yellowman grumbles, heading back into the shrine and seeking out Sam."Hey Sam... Uh. I think you should know there are options..." Yellowman begins."Save the water for now," Sam mumbles. "I'm still deciding."The old man looks down at his body and sighs, heavily. "...either I have it and it doesn't work, or I don't have it at all. This sucks."
>>24598052Don't suppose that you got any of your augmentations back with that transformation, did you?
>>24598052If it's any help, you'll make better time and likely have less to fear from injury as a young woman than as an older man.
>>24597982There is nothing removable about the disabled traps.>>24598052The group eats a quick breakfast of bear steak, having to toss out the rest of the meat due to it spoiling.>Lose remaining Bear Steaks."Hey! Would you call this breakfast UN-BEAR-ABLE?" Pot chirps near Yellowman's shoulder."I'll chop you up and use you for seasoning, Pot," Yellowman remarks without missing a beat. Pot floats back a bit."Sheesh, everyone's a critic," he mumbles."Are we getting back on the road again then?" Charlie asks. "Or is there something left here to do?"
>>24598086>>24598074Sam doesn't answer until Scott relays your words. It looks like your brief ability to converse with the others has vanished along with the mist."No augs," Sam says. He pauses. "Wait. I think I might have a pacemaker in me now.">>24598086"Yeah. That's a LOAD of help."
>>24598098There WAS that one cave that went in deeper, but considering what world we're on, it's most likely to be something terrible and rapey.Let's just get on the road, we've already lost enough time as it is.
Rolled 62, 88, 73 = 223>>24598135"Let's get moving, we're done here," Yellowman says, everyone getting their gear together as they prepare to move out. Yellowman spares a glance behind at the ruined shrine as they leave. He shakes his head."I really hate mountains."
>>24598250We've still got some trail rations. Man, hopefully the next world we go to will be at least 21st century Earth; then we can some tacticool accessories for Statler, Waldorf, and the plasma rifle. Maybe even pick up an M-14 if we're lucky to be in either Pennsylvania or one of the southern states with a gun show going on.
>>24598250While we're going along, we should discuss strategy with our companions. Who's gonna do what, what any cover story may be, work out some quick signals. No reason to let travel time be wasted.Also I think that we should keep ready. There is some stuff in the mountains but it shouldn't be too hard.
Rolled 82>>24598250Sneaking past Devil Bears, giant Cave Worms, and flights of Mountain Griffins, Yellowman and the others reach the foot of the mountain after a few hours, the sun now high in the sky. A few foothills surround the mountain, giving you a good vantage point to see the vast swamp beyond that, gnarled trees and huge patches of still waters stretching in either direction.
>>24598433Dammit, the swamp? Is there a path through the swamp that we can see from this vantage point?
>>24598433Swamp of Despair. Search for a path up here from our vantage point.
>>24598433Watch out for lightning sand and ROUS's.
>>24598433"So we know you hate mountains..." Charlie says as the group begins to cross the foothills. "How do you feel about swamps?""I could take them or leave them," Yellowman says, keeping on hand on Waldorf as he looks from side to side."I hate swamps. Full of bugs," Sam grumbles, leading the donkey. "Bloodsucky bugs. Itchy bugs.""We LOVE swamps!" Pot shouts. "There are a million and one different molds to savor in them! Not to mention that sweet sweet humidity and heat!""Too many other plants," Fat complains. "They block out the sun. But if you can find an unclaimed patch of ground... Mmm!""I take it back, I hate swamps," Yellowman says to Charlie as the group approaches a small lake. "Anyway... Hang on. What the hell is that?"Floating along the nearer side of the lake appears to be a wooden door. From this distance it's hard to make out details, but it seems to be carved and decorated.
>>24598491That's the Princess Bride.We've got Bog Beasts, dangerous crocodiles, and probably other nasty rape-tastic stuff.
>>24598540>but it seems to be carved and decorated.I know that door. It's the Forbidden Door, ran from the castle because it knew it'd get turned into kindling for not tempting the Apprentice.Eh, it's kind of stupid, but mostly harmless.
>>24598561If it is sapient, perhaps it could help give the crew some pointers about the castle's structure and/or good ways to approach it?
>>24598540>>24598561Maybe it's the statues from that one guy that fucks things.
>>24598579Maybe. Might be able to get us a contact inside the castle, such as the talking coat rack it was friends with. But remember, it's not that smart.
>>24598603Then we'd be seeing statues of women in various poses of being fucked, not a door in a lake.
>>24598603>>24598644I appear to be unable to read. I shall go to bed and rectify this.
>>24598540Yellowman stares at the door for a while.Charlie frowns."It's just a floating door, doc. Shouldn't we get moving?"
Alright, so, are we talking with the Door?I don't see the harm in it, as long as we don't get stupid.
>>24598855I say leave the door alone. No need to go looking for trouble. This world's got enough bad shit to deal with.Find a path and get past this swamp ASAP. Be swift, be efficient, be professional.
>>24598855Let's get going. The door could turn us in if we try to get it to lead us through the castle.
Rolled 60>>24598885>>24598881>>24598861"Yeah, let's get going," Yellowman finally says, turning. "We've got to go around this lake, that'll already eat some time."The group slowly shuffles after their defacto leader, Yellowman walking along the bank of the lake to get around it. After a few minutes, naught but silence is around the floating door."...no one EVER wants to ride the Forbidden Raft," it quietly complains after everyone had gone.
>>24599002"Maybe if you weren't such an obvious trap that you'd drown us!"
>>24599031Shush! Don't attract it! Just keep going, Scott.
Sneeze. Sneeze. Go on, sneeze. Sneeze for my amusement, damn you, Yellowman!
>>24599002Shortly after leaving the lake behind, Yellowman motions for everyone to stop again as they make their way through a grove of gnarled trees with drooping branches and low-hanging vines."What's up, doc?" Charlie whispers to Scott."Heard something. Hang on," he replies, sneaking forward. Quietly entering the brush, he moves forward for a good minute or two before parting a pair of ferns to see a small band of goblins sitting around a campfire. Short swords lay next to them and they stare disinterestedly into the roaring flame, not speaking. Occasionally one will give out a low sigh.
>>24599100Well it would seem that they ran into one of the other contestants.
>>24599100Huh. Don't really know about them.Let's move around them and continue moving.
>>24599100I was going to go a little further, but I'm exhausted. We'll pick up tomorrow, guys.
>>24599221Out of curiosity, what would have happened had we actually attacked the statue?
>>24599281At least he wasn't this guy.
I JUST noticed the title of this session.Anyway, I don't think we want to spend a single moment longer than needed in this world. I hope that the next one is a world that we can resupply in.Maybe we should steal a tank, and rob a bank.
>>24604350I hope the next world has magic that can turn Sam back to normal. An old man is not going to help us much.
>>24605852Yes, but a modern setting gives us opportunities to go on a little crime spree to acquire fungible resources for other worlds. If we go to a place with magic, we can't just hit up the local bank to get the gold we need to pay off a wizard, since there might be paladins or do-gooding sorcerers around.But in a modern world, we can steal a tank, knock over some jewelry stores and a bank or two, then drive into the portal.As long as we, you know, don't do this in the city of the main characters of whatever show we find ourselves in (and even if we are in that city, it's 2 hours to hotwire a car, drive to someplace where the main characters never go, knock over a local bank, and then get out).Come on, man. I've wanted to rob a bank for years, but I've kept myself pure. Finally the time has come!
>>24607480Like, the X-Files Canon. We go in, hotwire a car, get some cash, buy some gold, buy some guns, buy parts to fix the Damaged Comm Headset, and then get out before the Smoking Man finds us.
>>24599221I return. Do you still wish to attempt to go around the goblins?
>>24599281He would've reflected the shots back at you.
>>24612355>>24599100I think these are the goblins that had their army wiped out by the Thaumaturge. They may not be too inclined to trust humans, who settled on their ancient territories. Perhaps it would be best to avoid them for now.
>>24612355Yes, go around the goblins.After what some dick humans did to them, they won't take too kindly to us.
Rolled 50, 36, 32, 19 = 137>>24612567>>24612447Yellowman creeps back and attempts to lead everyone around the goblins. After a few minutes pass with no stirring, it can be assumed that either you've succeeded in sneaking past them or they just don't care enough to pursue.It's a few minutes later when Yellowman's card begins to pulse in his pocket.
>>24612804Scott, can you determine the direction of the other racer?Fot, take a look.
>>24612804Proceed carefully, alert everyone to the racer(s) nearby. With any luck, it's a reasonable one or an incapacitated one.
>>24612907"I don't see anything," Scott says, frowning. Right now the group is surrounded by gnarled trees, marsh grass, and pools of fetid water."There's no point," Fat sighs. "We never manage to see these things in time anyway.""Another racer? Might as well just let them win. How far behind are we by now?" Charlie scowls. "Might as well face it, we're outta luck."
>>24612972Haven't you learned anything, Charlie? We'll always be behind, but no matter what we'll end up at the prize along with a few others and it'll turn into a massive scramble for the finish.....And then just as you think you've won, a dickass lich decides to try a power grab with clones of your friends and a dead girl in turtle armor and you have to kick his ass too.
>>24612972Well yes, in this case, on this world, we want the other racers to soften up the Sorceress' defenses. So trailing behind them isn't a bad thing. Fat, stop complaining and have Fot do his job. You'd think you were a Spaathi with that attitude.
>>24612972Could be face-down in the muck or slumped against a tree. Or hiding in said areas. Or turned into a frog. Unless one of the Zot-Fot-Pik has a keen sense of smell or some sort of thermal vision, it's going to be hard to single out a racer who doesn't want to be found. It might be prudent to keep pressing forward while keeping an eye out. >CharlieLuck is an equal opportunity asshole. >Swamp, general pessimismAw shit, I think that the swamp being named after some depressing stuff wasn't just a fancy name. There might be an enchantment that causes people to become less motivated.
>>24613076Yellowman relays your words and Pot sighs."Those Spaathi had the right idea. Just kicking back under a nice red shield... It wouldn't be so bad," Pot says."Yeah it would," Fat replies, shaking his leaves. "Just in a different way. There's no winning.""At least not for us... The house always wins, and whatever the house is in the casino of life, we ain't it," Charlie moans, leaning against a tree."I wish I was dead," Sam mumbles, lying on the donkey as the animal leans against a tree.>>24613063"We'll always be behind, but no matter what, we'll end up at the prize an- actually, no, I'll stop there," Yellowman says."Might as well," Sam mumbles. "No point wasting your breath.">>24613098"Hey, I AM a scout, remember?" Scott grumbles. "If it's hiding near us, it's not using any of the usual tricks."
>>24613217Woah, Woah, Woah. Wait guys, I think >>24613098 is right. And seeing as none of you are grey lanterns, in which case this would make you retardedly powerful, stop being apathetic. We'll win this, we just gotta get through this swamp. We even have a mostly secret way into the sorceress' castle. We can do this!
>>24613217Depression enchantment effect confirmed. Good news, Yellowman, it appears that you have resisted the effects of the swamp. Unfortunately, the rest of our posse here has not done the same. Yellowman, you need to motivate them as best you can and get them moving. The longer they stay in the swamp, the worse. >CharlieSomeone always wins it big at the casinos, every once in a while. Don't you want to be that person, Charlie? There's a way for that to happen, and I guarantee you that it's either at the end of this race or somewhere along the way.>Fat-Fot-PotThe Spathi didn't do anything, and it would've bitten them in the ass if it weren't for Zelnick and the rest of the crew at the Starbase. If he was able to form The New Alliance of Free Stars, re-awaken the Chmmr, destroy the Sa-matra and defeat the Ur-Quan AND the Kohr-Ah at once, you can surely just make it through this swamp can't you? The Zoq-Fot-Pik never gave up, from the predations of the Zebranky to when the Kohr-Ah were staring them right in the face and raining down fiery bolts of plasma on the face of their planet.>SamYou were Six-Slash Sam, *THE* Street Sammy! Sure, life is a bitch right now, but when you get your picturesque samurai form back, you can give life the finger and hack and slash your way to fortune.
>>24613405"I'M not apathetic, I wanna get the hell out of here!" Scott complains."There's no point," Charlie mumbles. "My entire life is a waste.""That's such hors- ew. Charlie, there's a huge leech on your arm," Yellowman notes."Just leave it there. At least I'll be good to someone," Charlie says."Oh for Pete's sake..." Yellowman sighs.>Yellowman seems to be unaffected, but you must find a way to shake the lethargy of his companions to proceed!
Rolled 12, 66, 53 = 131>>24613517Putting your words in his mouth, Yellowman makes one impassioned speech and two enthusiastic arguments.
>>24613595"You're right!" Fat squeaks. "If we give up now, that's letting the Zebrankys WIN!""And Zebrankys SUCK!" Pot echoes. The three buzz up on their hoverdiscs and fly around. "OK, Commander! We're ready to go!""Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's right. Yeah... That's the ticket!" Charlie gets up, shaking his head. "I dunno what came over me! I've never been a quitter! Not even when I really should, like when I'm letting two thou in chips ride!"Sam on the other hand just breaks out into tears."I'll NEVER be Six-Slash Sam again! What does it matter? Nothing matters... At least in this body I won't have to wait long to die...">It looks like words alone aren't going to do it for Sammy boy.
>>24613718"Would it make you feel any better to have your nice and perky tits back?"If that doesn't work, pick the frail old man up and just carry him out. And see if we can find the other racer, just to know who got stuck.
>>24613718"Oh for fuck's sake, Sam. You're a runner, a street sam, the real deal, not an actor on the trid like Karl Kombatmage. You're going to let an area-effect emotion field get the better of you, chummer? You've got a chance at a payout bigger than Big D's Will, and you're just going to let it slip through your fingers? Come on, the run ain't over yet!"
>>24613718>Second tryBut you weren't *born* Six-Slash Sam, were you? At one time, you were someone else. Maybe some poor schmuck living out on the streets or a salaryman working day and night just to eat. But something happened, right? Something that started you on your life and motivated you to work hard and become a legend amongst batshit insane mercenaries. Even if you don't have all the fancy cybernetics, you are still fundamentally Sam! The person who was able to rise above all the other rabble to become a legend, and SURVIVE despite being a legend and a huge obvious target. It doesn't matter if you're an old man or a disturbingly curvy blonde woman, what made you Sam is still in there!And if that doesn't work, I guess we could just carry him on the donkey and move along. If the Donkey is depressed, maybe we can get some food to motivate him. Or use a riding crop.
>>24613718"Fuck it, here's the lady-juice. Now drink."
>>24613761"NO!" Sam wails.Luckily your idea of simply carrying him out works, as he's far too apathetic and sad to move. Him already being on the donkey, it's a simple matter of just making sure he won't fall off."We'd better double time it. I don't wanna spend anymore time than needed in a mind affecting swamp," Yellowman winces."It's just as bad as anywhere else," Sam mumbles."Shaddup.""It's true, it's-""Old man, why are you wasting breath? It's not like your words will do anything," Charlie says."You're right..." Sam says, falling silent."THANK you," Yellowman says to Charlie, who just gives him a thumbs up in return.The group travels onward, putting distance between them and the site of the sudden onset of apathy. The landscape does not change, and neither does the constant pulsing of the card in Yellowman's pocket, or the constant bite of mosquitoes and horseflies."We're being followed," Scott murmurs to Charlie, who nods after slapping a bug off his neck. The group emerges from the trees into a large clearing cut across several times with rivers and huge swathes of bulrushes. A low chattering begins to fill the air as the tall grass and rushes move.
>>24613960Fukkin Dwarves, maybe? Get weapons ready.
Rolled 76, 48, 66, 42 = 232>>24613960Yellowman and the others draw weapons as the chattering sound increases.
>>24613960Get ready to make with the plasma, Scott. Waldorf, and if it's the Dwarves, don't take what they offer.
Rolled 36>>24614056"Goddamn that sound is annoying," Yellowman mumbles as he looks around, Waldorf drawn."Coming from all around us. Whatever it is, there's a lot of them," Charlie notes. "And I agree, that sound makes me wanna shove wax in my ears.""It's absolutely terrible," Sam agrees. "But so's everything else.""Wasted words, remember?""Oh, yeah."
Rolled 17, 78, 21, 19 = 135>>24614085>Lore check failed."Well I don't have a clue what it is," Yellowman shrugs.
>>24614102Well fuck. Scott, get FFP to fly up, see if they can get a look at what's making the noises from the air.
>>24614102Could be gibberlings, maybe? Although this is the wrong place for them, unless the person who's following Yellowman has some cheap summon scrolls on him.
Rolled 48, 7, 48, 30 = 133>>24614143Yellowman tells FFP to scout, then starts to walk in place, agitatedly."That noise is REALLY getting on my nerves!" he snarls. "It's enough to make a man want to kill someone!""Like you even could, I'm the one that has to carry the weight in combat around here. You almost got aced by a bear," Charlie sneers."Shut up you two bit Bogart wannabe!" Yellowman shouts. "I'm not the one that almost bought it for a glorified bout of capture the flag!""If I had my body back, I could kill both of you. And maybe I would!" Sam roars."I found out what was causing the sound! There's weird rodent-monsters all around us in the- uh? Guys?" Fat Fot Pot says, confused as Yellowman, Charlie, and Sam all suddenly point their weapons at each other.
>>24614369Yeah, you all suck. I bet none of you could kill even one chattering rodent monster, much less get out of this swamp.
>>24614369I'm going to assume worst-case scenario and assume that a FLOCK OF CRANIUM RATS is the contestant! Yellowman, you and the others need to get to toasting those rats before they start chanting up some spells to toss at you guys!
>>24595163I wonder why this didn't appear on the catalog until only recently. Let's see what shenaniganry I missed.
>>24614369Dammit, Scott, calm the fuck down! The other racer is here! And it's using a mind-control effect on you to make you hyper-aggressive!Shoot the fucking rats in the bush before they make you kill each other!
>>24614369If Yellowman regains control, he could have Fat-Fot-Pot fire a poison cloud into the densest concentration of the rats.
Rolled 29, 31 = 60>>24614420"IF I COULD SHOOT YOU VOICE IN MY HEAD I WOULD! Wait..." Scott says, getting a crazed grin on his face as he lifts Waldorf to his temple."YAAAAAAH! COMMANDER, NO!" Fat wails as he and Fot zip over to Scott's head and impotently try to wrestle the weapon away from the Scout Commander."Let me go! If I blow a hole in my HEAD, all the VOICES will come out, see? PERFECT LOGIC! Hahahahaha!" Yellowman laughs as Fat Fot Pot manage to keep the gun's barrel away from his head."Kid ain't playing with a full deck. NO ONE is playing with a full deck..." Charlie says, looking around nervously as he switches his aim from Scott, to Fat Fot Pot, to Sam, to himself, and then back to Scott."Deck... Decker... When I find that decker, I'll deck her, de-neck her, hehehehe..." Sam begins chuckling."Commander... stop... being... difficult!" Pot wails as the fungal tube futilely bumps against Scott's head in an attempt to snap him out of it.>>24614483>>24614432At the same time Pot administers a particularly forceful bump to the head, your combined insistence to shoot the rats seems to get through. Yellowman blunders over to the nearest cluster of rushes and stomps around until a group of bizarre creatures that look almost like rats with humanoid heads. With one eye closed, he begins to gun them down one by one.
>>24614369HEY FUCKHEAD.SOMEONE'S MESSING WITH YOUR MIND.DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU ANGRY AT THEM?Also,>7Uhh ... if that's a roll to resist something ... we might want to use Charlie's reroll.
>>24614729Poison spore the rats, Shotgun spam the rats, Plasma spam the rats, and Sam? You can keep being useless if you want. Or shoot the rats. You know.
Rolled 76, 38, 49, 92 = 255Hey what's these 4 things lying on the ground?
>>24614729Sandmirks, from the movie The Flight of Dragons.Fuck, does that mean that Ommadon is around here?Scott, get FFP to use their spores to take out the other rats while you kill these ones. Save your ammo, use your sword! And won't it feel good to run them through with a couple feet of steel?
>>24614733A shotgun blast nearly takes Yellowman's head off as he melts rat after rat. He turns with fury to see an almost hyperventilating Charlie."Hey asshole, watch where you're firing that thing!" he shouts. "I'm trying to kill rats here!""Yeah, gotta kill the rats. Dirty rats... All of them dirty rats..." Charlie says, his hands shaking as he reloads. "Kill all the dirty rats.""Oh boy, I think Charlie's checked out for the day, boss," Pot murmurs."Goddammit, why is everyone going coo coo for Cocoa Puffs when I need them to be more maim kill burn on things that AREN'T me!" Scott yells, being shot at seeming to have at least cleared his mind a bit. Charlie fires again and Yellowman rolls into another cluster of rushes, firing Waldorf again and again."This isn't working! There's way too many rats!" he says, a hint of panic edging at his voice.
>>24614896Have Fat-Fot-Pot fire a cloud of poison into the swarm of rats. With any luck, that'll take out a good amount of them and force the rest of them from hiding.
>>24614896Calm down, Scott, they're messing with your head again. Get FFP to release a spore cloud that'll kill all of the rats. It's an area effect, so it should get most of them. Then you can kill the rest by skewering them; we're running low on Waldorf's ammo.
Rolled 60, 15, 85, 73 = 233>>24614862>>24614753>>24614919>>24614924Pot exhales a huge cloud of spores into the rushes as Scott brings out his sword and goes to work cutting and slashing.
>>24614994That 15 is going to complicate matters, isn't it?And how many shots does Waldorf have left? Until we get to a world that can handle the power drain, we won't be able to recharge its power cell.
>>24614994Scott's saber slices through sandmirk after sandmirk, the hordes of vermin easy prey for him even as Pot's poison cloud wipes out a large concentration of the beasts. Scott gives a short cry of pain as Charlie nails him with a shotgun blast, laughing madly as he sprays the area with indisciminate gunfire. Sam appears to be struggling, the growing insanity fighting with the apathetic enchantment. Finally, he gives up and just sits down next to the donkey, taking a drink and watching the chaos.No matter how many sandmirks Pot and Scott kill, it doesn't seem to be enough, the chittering voices begin to claw even at your sanity, until finally there is a thunderclap sound as a line of blinding light lances from a nearby treetop and strikes something hidden in a patch of rushes. The chittering sound immediately fades as the sandmirks bolt in all directions.Charlie drops his shotgun and falls to his knees, panting heavily as the pressure in everyone's head slowly recedes. Yellowman falls to a knee, cradling his head with one hand. Fat Fot Pot wearily come to rest on a nearby branch."Commander... you were right," Pot says. "Swamps DO suck."
>>24615127After all that?Two shots left.
>>24615194I think we might have found the other racer. Looks like he or she decided to lend us a hand.
>>24615194>lance of lightLook alive, Scott, we've got another racer. Better thank them for the save.They're on that treetop over there.
>>24615194>SandmirksOh god! Scott look for the Quee- ...Never mind.
>>24615201>Two shots left.And I think we only have 40 shots in the plasma rifle, and 18 shots in Statler.We can't afford to beam-spam at all.Scott, can you keep the depleted MFC's for later charging?
>>24615225"Hey, thanks!" Scott calls out to the indicated tree. There is no response. Scott pauses. "Uh... for the save. It's appreciated."There is still no response. Slowly the pulsing begins to lessen until the Card has returned to the slow pulse you get from having Charlie near you."What the hell was I doing?" the ex-bouncer mumbles, looking at his hands. "I almost blew a partner away! That ain't never happened before!"Sam just sighs and climbs back on the donkey, going right back to being a useless lump.
>>24615305It's OK, Charlie. Just a bit of pionically/magically-induced insanity. Happens to the best of us.Check up on how everyone's doing, Yellowman, yourself included. If everyone's mostly OK, you might want to see if there's anything else around here; all that commotion might have attracted more guests. We don't want to stick around in this swamp any longer than we have to.
>>24615305"Don't worry too much about it. It was a sonically and magically induced effect. You need special equipment, or be a strong psychic, to block that kind of stuff out."Scott, make sure that everythings okay, and then let's get moving. The less time we spend here, the better.
>>24615305Scott, check on the queen sandmirk!See if she's dead or if she just limped away!Check to make sure that there's a body.
>>24615305I wonder if we can find the other racer and thank him/her for lending us a hand.
Rolled 28I wonder if we'll keep getting a boot in the bum from badrolls.
>>24615614Keep an eye ear out for his gun. It looked like either a railgun or a laser blast. I'm leaning railgun because of the discharge.
>>24615454Scott runs to where the weapon had discharged and indeed finds the dead body of a Queen Sandmirk lying there.>>24615433>>24615395"Yeah... yeah, I guess..." Charlie mumbles.Yellowman looks around, prodding at his chestplate with some satisfaction. The adamant installed into the Scout Armor by the blacksmith nullified Charlie's rampaging shotgun blast.>Wound negated by armor.Fat Fot Pot is fine, but a bit ruffled.In the course of searching for the queen's body, Scott also finds a trio of what looks like large escape pods rigged to act as creature transports.
Rolled 78, 29, 44, 2, 67, 70, 22, 95, 32, 89 = 528>>24615614They didn't answer us, so they probably don't want to be found.>>24615672I don't know, it could have been a lightning spell of some kind.
>>24615680>trio of what looks like large escape pods rigged to act as creature transports.Oh those fucking gamesters. They wanted to "make the race more interesting" by introducing the sandmirks, didn't they?Scott, checked the escape pods, any power cells or usable electronics you can scavenge from them?
>>24615680Are there any markings or anything on the pods? Or do they have a distinctive shape we can maybe use to try and figure out where they're from?
Rolled 44>>24615697Perception+Investigation and Scott has a look...
>>24615680Looks like the three suits in charge of the race decided to spice things up a bit in case some racers decided to get real chummy with each other. They might've taken some lessons from the Combine on this one, but decided to use something way more obscure than headcrabs.
>>24615680LOOK PODGO TO PODOPEN PODRECHARGE WALDORF WITH PODUSE WALDORF ON PODUSE POD WITH WALDORFLOOK PODLOOK ELECTRONICSUSE ELECTRONICS WITH WALDORFUSE WALDORF WITH ELECTRONICSRECHARGE WALDORFRELOAD WALDORFFUCK IT WHAT'S THE VERB...USE GUN WITH POD
>>24615718You forgot TAKE FLASK
Rolled 71>>24615746>implying you can get ye flask
>>24615708>>24615697Scott doesn't find any useful salvage, but there are several markings on the pods. A layered grid with an arrow through it being the largest symbol."Conti Transplanar Shipping," Scott reads. "You crate it, we gate it."
>>24615783That was a shipping company back in World 1.Niggers!
>>24615783If there's nothing we can salvage, and the power cells are drained, let's get moving.
Rolled 32, 80, 58 = 170>>24615864The intrepid band of fortune seekers moves on, traversing the vast swamp with only a little difficulty.
Rolled 86, 94 = 180>>24615950Gotta eat some bad rolls
Rolled 3, 97, 78, 35 = 213>>24615960Wait don't worry, I'll eat 4 bad rolls to make up for it
Rolled 4, 70, 11, 6 = 91>>24615979These 4 rolls will be bad for sure.
>>24615989See? Fixed it. Below 100 on 4d100
Rolled 97>>24615950Scott and company come across an abandoned campsite not too far from where they encountered the sandmirks. From the state of the camp and the fact that several discarded fast food wrappers are found at the site, it's both clear that they left a short time ago, and that they were probably otherworlders.A second campsite is found after that one, a while after finding the first. This one was neatly cleaned, Scott's experience as a scout the only thing allowing him to detect it.There being nothing of value at either site, the group continues until they come across a huge shallow pool, about four feet deep. A large tree rises from a small isle in the middle, and the broken remains of a road seem to be on the other side.
>>24616223Like everything else in this world:Avoid it, keep moving.If you must throw us in a deathworld where everything kills you, you have to at least acknowledge we're going to try to avoid stuff.
>>24616223"Hang on..." Yellowman says, narrowing his eyes. The Scout's eagle eyed vision catches two things almost immediately. There is a figure in shining armor sitting on one of the upper branches of the tree, and something is moving in the water. Something large, and moving like a serpent.The figure in the tree appears to be looking at the water, though it's hard to tell at this range.
>>24616267Who's got Oglaf lore?
>>24616267Scott, does the guy in shining armor look like this?
>>24616364"Naw, silver and gold color scheme."
>>24616252So you're ignoring the figure and going around the pool?
>>24616402Silver and gold?Not many in Oglaf with that color scheme. None of the regulars, at least.Well, we don't want to go in the water; is there a way around it?
>>24616402>>24616402Like one of these guys right here? It's probably not Morag, but could be another immortal. Maybe he doesn't want to get eaten.Failing that, could you describe the armored guy to us, Yellowman? We can't exactly see what you're seeing.
>>24616480Yeah, I thought maybe one of the Immortals, too, but that's mostly gold with a white cloth helmet.
>>24616480"Well it's hard to see from here," Scott says, getting a little closer to the water's edge. As he does so, his card begins to pulse. "Looks like... He or she's got a cape and there's something floating over their shoulder. Some kind of plate mail, looks like."
>>24616582He's a racer. You see any emblems or markings? Like maybe a sun or another heraldry?
>>24616629"Not from this range, it's a good two hundred feet away, you're lucky I'm getting this much. Wish I had some binoculars."
>>24616582One of the contestants. It could be a Hunter from the phantasy star series with a MAG. Pic related, sorta.
>>24616646Yeah, we'll pick up binoculars in the next world.Hey, try to get the racer's attention, then have Fat fly over to the racer, try to coordinate what to do.I'd normally say do nothing, but a racer did save our skins a bit back, and we should return the favor.
>>24616677I'm going to guess that the serpent/worm/other slithery creature in the water ambushed that racer in the tree. We could attempt to expose it by running back a fair distance, then throwing rocks or some meat in the water. If it leaps out, then we at least know what we're dealing with.
>>24616749Yes, but we should tell the racer that's what we're going to do first, so that they're ready for it.
>>24616677"Fat, go over and talk to our newfound friend, I'll try to signal we're here, get some attention," Yellowman says, chucking a rock into the lake and jumping up and down waving his hands. The figure stands, apparently noticing this, making hand and arm motions difficult to make out. Fat zips off as Yellowman waves a few more times."Well whoever it is sees us, doc," Charlie says. "Now what?""Now we wait, I guess," he says.
Rolled 100>>24616788Forgot to roll something.
>>24616937>100Welp. Time to rewrite the post I was making.
>>24616956>>24616937Oh boy! A new friend, maybe?
>>24616989That's one way of putting it.Fat zips back to Yellowman. "Good news, Commander! She-""Hang on," Yellowman says, pulling Waldorf out from its holster. "That thing in the water isn't there any-no. There it is. Just under the water, swimming towards us."Yellowman motions and everyone backs away from the edge of the pool, weapons drawn."In a few seconds it'll be close enough to shoot through the water, or we can just hightail it out of here," Yellowman says."But if you do that, she'll be trapped there!" Fat protests. "She ran out of magic and then that giant worm treed her!"There may be other options, but the most obvious ones are:>Battle with a free surprise round.>Avoid.
>>24617093There's only one way to kill this. Yellowman, when it bursts out of the water we have to CALL KIRYU!
>>24617093>Battle with a free surprise round.Ran out of magic? Sounds like she's the one that saved our asses back there. We do owe her one.Scott, use Waldorf first, then when the last 2 shots are expended, switch to the plasma rifle. We might be able to recharge MFC's in the next world.
>>24617093Let's pay it forward. Erryone prepare for combat against a sea-snake type creature that can go on land. Fat-Fot-Pot, give us a quick run-down on what that worm can do. Then stay back and keep an eye on Sam.
Rolled 71, 52, 17 = 140>>24617183>>24617172>>24617153"Yeah, I guess. How hard can it be to kill a giant worm, anyway? OK, guys, take aim! Wait for it... NOW! OPEN FIRE!" Yellowman roars as he fires Waldorf into the water, Charlie firing a burst from Gertrude and even Sam snapping off a revolver shot.In the distance, the armored figure seems to be climbing down in a hurry, finally dropping to the ground in a crouch.
>>24617268"Well, first off, it regenerates if not burned. You can still hurt it with bullets and stuff, but if you don't burn the wound, it'll eventually grow back. It's main attack is latching onto someone with its suckers and...""Wait, suckers?" Yellowman pauses. "Just what kind of giant wo-">>24617268Yellowman is cut off as a mammoth segmented monster bursts from the water, letting loose a shrill cry from four circular mouths ringed with tiny teeth. Small tendrils whip around the eyeless head in a sickening fashion. Yellowman's eyes widen and his nose wrinkles in digust as Charlie's face twists."A giant TAPEWORM?!" Yellowman shouts.
>>24617315A tapeworm will have no defense against spores! FFP, can you hit the thing with spores from this distance?Scott, aim with plasma for wherever Charlie's shotgun shells land.
Rolled 19, 74, 71, 22 = 186>>24617268Sam howls in pain as he lets the pistol drop shortly after making the shot, apparently having hurt his frail wrist during the attempt. As the worm looms closer, A large burn and a torn piece of carapace that oozes yellow pus indicate some damage dealt by Yellowman and Charlie."A GIANT TAPEWORM?!" Yellowman shouts as he scrambles to put distance between him and the monster. "This is the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life!""What, did a dragon eat some bad beef? How does something like this come to be?" Charlie asks, backpedaling while emptying his riot shotgun at the worm."Well if you really want to know..." Fat begins."NO!" both men shout in unison, Sam slowly guiding the donkey away from the fight.
>>24617371Scott, we've got limited ammo. Aim for that place you already did damage.
>>24617359"I've already used my poison spores, and I don't think something like this sleeps!" Pot squeaks in dismay.
>>24617474Well shit. No way you can distract it by flying above it where it can detect you but can't catch you?
>>24617474>>24617551We could have Fat-Fot-Pot go to work as overwatch. While they can't fire any guns or anything, it might help to have a spotter to alert Yellowman or Charlie about any impending attacks that they might not see.
>>24617576"Ooooh, we can totally do that, boss!"
>>24617588Then get to it.How fast is this thing on land? We might be able to simply run away from it.Also, there's a central nerve cluster in its head; destroy it if you want to kill it.
>>24617371Tapeworm Goddess. Oy vey.Have charlie aim for the Scolex! Then try to shoot that same area with energy weapons. Allows both of us to actually do damage since it won't regenerate from plasma.
Rolled 81, 22, 47, 86 = 236>>24617666"Makes sense," Yellowman says, leaping aside as the head swoops down at him. The scout narrowly avoids being caught by the writhing tendrils. "Aim for the head, boys!"Yellowman fires his last Waldorf shot at the same time as Charlie blasts away with Gertrude. Fat Fot Pot buzzes the tapeworm's head, but it doesn't do much, so the three then hover up to act as overwatch.The tapeworm shrieks in pain as part of its 'head' catches fire from the plasma blast, part of it blown away from the shotgun as well."Hey, the nice lady's splashing through the pool! I think she's trying to join us!" Pot says from his aerial vantage point.
>>24617769Scott, switch to the plasma rifle, and take careful aimed shots. We've got less than 40 shots, and no idea when we can get more, even if we go all Terminator 1 in the next world we go to.
Rolled 36, 7, 35 = 78>>24617804>>24617801"I got it, I got it, I-" Yellowman says as he fumbles with the rifle and sends the first shot flying into the air. "I don't got it."Charlie's own shot goes wide as the giant tapeworm darts forward with lightning speed, clubbing its head against his chest and latching on with a suck. Many thin tendrils slip in under the skin of the wound created as the tiny teeth bore away the skin. Charlie screams in pain as he feels the tendrils move inside of him.The figure from the tree continues to race towards the battle.>Charlie takes 1 Wound.
>>24617979RUN UP, PRESS TO SCOLEX, FIRE. BUT NOT WITH THOSE NUMBERS.Fot! Heal Charlie!
>>24617979God-fucking-dammit. Scott, make sure to aim carefully with the plasma rifle. The thing is occupied with Charlie, so aim and take the shot.
Rolled 39, 7, 20 = 66>>24618003Fat hovers over Charlie and squirts him with healing juice.>Charlie regains 1 Wound."Get this thing offa me!" Charlie shouts, trying without success to pull the head off him.Yellowman swears as he narrowly dodges the thrashing tail of the grotesque worm. He brings the rifle up, carefully aims, and accidentally nails Charlie in the chest when the worm jerks to the right. Charlie screams in pain as Yellowman winces."WITHOUT killing me!" Charlie shouts."Sorry!" Yellowman yells.>7>Charlie takes 1 Wound.The worm continues to suck fluids from Charlie, weakening the former Chairman.>Charlie takes 1 Wound.
>>24618145Fucks sake, Scott. Knock the thing away from Charlie before he dies. FFP, heal Charlie again.
Plan B: Start smacking it with the butt of your rifle, or slash off most of its tail with a sword.
>>24618145Should I remind you gentlemen now that Charlie hasn't used his free reroll for the session?
>>24618294We keep thinking that it doesn't apply (since we kept using it where it wouldn't). I vote for use.
>>24618294I say use it. It's free, and Charlie is cool.
>>24618294I'd have liked to save it but he'll did at this rate. Reroll now.
Rolled 98>>24618321>>24618323Charlie's fate is challenged...
>>24618393FUCK YEAH CHARLIE!Pound it, bro! You deserve it.
Rolled 22, 39, 3 = 64>>24618393Yellowman narrowly dodges another tail lash, but the blow causes him to toss the Plasma Rifle into the pool, the weapon flying from his hands.Meanwhile, with a superhuman act of will, Charlie rips himself free of the worm's sickening embrace, a ragged wound left on his chest as he rolls over to where his shotgun lay. Bringing the weapon up, he fires a burst of three shots at the head, tearing it apart and causing the worm to thrash about wildly as its primary nerve cluster is destroyed."Grab that damn plasma gun and finish it, Yellow!" Charlie calls."Don't fucking call me YELLOW!" Yellowman roars, diving into the pool to find his rifle.
Rolled 60, 71, 2, 98, 22, 51 = 304>>24618617Oh for fucks sake.
Rolled 65, 16, 34 = 115>>24618617>3"AAAAAH! SNAPPING TURTLES!!!" Yellowman screams as he bursts back up from the water covered in small biting turtles. He runs to and fro tearing the little animals off him.>Wound suffered, but negated by armor upgrade. The Tapeworm lashes out with its tail at Charlie, but he rolls back, giving up his attack to do so.
Rolled 98, 25, 81, 86, 93, 80 = 463>>24618617What fucked up this time, Scott.
>>24618657I assume we're filing "Snapping Turtles" under the "things we never speak of again" category?
Rolled 16, 30, 55, 69, 76, 33 = 279>>24618657The fuck is this. I use the same time stamp for the dice seed, and I get great rolls while you get shit?Dammit, get back in there and get the plasma rifle.
Rolled 44, 49, 2 = 95>>24618657The giant tapeworm loops several coils of its segmented body around Charlie, who is unable to avoid the attack this time.Yellowman continues to try and find his gun...>16"SNAKE! SNAAAAAKE!"...but instead finds more new friends as a huge constrictor attempts to entangle him.
>>24618657>>24618724Which rolls are Charlie's and Yellowman's? Because it seems like sometimes it's the first two and sometimes it's the last two.
Rolled 62, 32, 62 = 156>>24618724Charlie barely manages to wrestle his way out of the coils of the giant tapeworm as Yellowman blunders into some rushes in an attempt to shake the snake off. A scream later and Yellowman runs right back out, a few small crocodiles latched onto his legs. With snakes, turtles, and crocs covering him, Yellowman drops to the ground and attempts to tear his unwanted visitors off.>Yellowman loses a wound.
>>24618781This went to Three Stooges slapstick, then looped back to just plain silly, and now we're down to pathetic. And you still haven't gotten the rifle, Scott.
>>24618840Charlie is our get shit done guy, Yellowman is our...uh...Yellowman is a very valuable asset to the team.And you people wanted to shoot Charlie. We'd probably be dead by now.
>>24618749Since the constrict attempt I switched Charlie's to second slot to easier keep track of how he does versus the worm, which is first. Yellowman's was bumped to last. I mixed it up on the 16 roll, but both rolls were fails anyway, so I didn't bother to fix it.>>24618781Charlie manages to scramble a bit away only to suffer a nasty knock on the head as the tapeworm's tail whips into him again and again.>Charlie suffers a Wound."I HAVE HAD..." Yellowman booms, emerging from the poolside covered in bites, scratches, and bruises, but carrying his rifle again. "...ENOUGH OF THIIIIIIIIIS!"The Scout Commander raises the plasma rifle and fires a double tap straight at the ruined remains of the giant tapeworm's 'head'. The burning plasma reduces the regenerating remnants to ash and causes the rest of the tapeworm to shudder and fall still. Yellowman fires one more shot into it to ensure its death and then slings the rifle. He looks to Charlie. "You OK?""That's a really goddamn dumb question," Charlie wheezes."Yeah..." Yellowman admits. "I guess it is."The sound of splashing grows louder as the formerly treed racer finally begins to draw near.
>>24618898FFP, Heal Charlie.Charlie's down to 2/5 if I'm counting right.Scott's at 3/4 and should be okay at least for now. Plus ablative armor.We're getting pretty beat up. Scott, you able to use any Medicine skill to aid things here?Finally, we should see if Sam ded.
>>24618965>Scott has 0 Points in Medicine currently."Eh... nope. Sorry," Yellowman winces.Fat Fot Point uses the last of his healing juice on Charlie, shrinking the size of the ragged wound on his chest.>Charlie regains one Wound.The figure from the tree approaches, at first glance a pretty young human woman until you noticed the long pointed ears jutting out from either side of her head. She is gabed in silver armor with gold highlights and a tabard with a sword and starburst insignia on it. However, the silver armor looks like it was manufactured, not forged. Smoothed curves and machined edges give the armor a distinctive technological feel... and that's before Yellowman notes the glowing energy blade she carries in both hands. A small floating machine that looks almost like a teardrop with a camera floats beside her."Sorry! Sorry!" she says, putting down her sword. "I ran here as fast as I could to help... but it looks like you didn't need it after all."
>>24618965Sam is hiding in a bush nearby with the donkey, waiting for the fighting to end. You hear him warily ask. "Is it over?"
>>24619082It's a Newman! And she has a Mag! Yellowman, we should keep her!
>>24619082...What is yellowmans leadership score? Can we have more followers?>>24619096Yes Sam, its over. The tapeworm is deaded
>>24619272At the very least she might wanna come along with us, never hurts to have more help. Especially if she can Mag Blast.
>>24619272Yellowman's Leadership score should be 3 right now. Your current Sidekicks are Fat Fot Pot and Charlie.
>>24619345OK, I've got to call it here. Next session Tuesday.Seeya all then!