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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>I will not play a Space Wolf with a lisp
>I will not 'release the dragon' at the formal ball
>I will not 'release the dragon' in the dungeon
>I will not release the dragon at all.
>If any of my characters attempt to write a book called, "How to Service Dragons." they shall be struck down
>I will not use my oracle's remove from time ability to rob stores.
>I will not teleport in and out of bank vaults.
>I will not be a cheeky cunt to everyone just because I'm invisible.
>I will not abuse the memory lapse spell to grope men, women, children, objects, and monsters.
>I will not use the False Alibi memory for insidious purposes.
>Why you should ban time mages, the list.
>When playing Dark Heresy, I cannot be the camera guy.
>>Or the guy with the boom mic
>The combination of Finger of Death + Animate Dead is not what we in the business call "The Necromancer's Diplomacy Check".
>My dragonborn mecenary's battlecry is not "For the hoard!"
>The kegstand is not the central rite of the traditional dwarven wedding ceremony. Nor their funeral ceremonies.
>The NPC villains are trying to steal the artifact in possession of the party's halfling; they are not always after his lucky charms.
>If I have to go with the "twin weapons with clever names" cliche, those names must me appropriate to the tone of the game. Phobos and Deimos, Melody and Harmony, or Treason and Sedition = ACCEPTABLE. Smokey and the Bandit, Macaroni and Cheese, or Shits and Giggles = UNACCEPTABLE.
>*Although I am allowed to call my two +4 Corrosive Maiming Bloodfeeding heavy maces of Impact "Comfort and Joy"; irony makes up for a lot.
>If I fail an acrobats check for something I do while entering the BBEG's lair, I can not ask the BBEG if I can try that again
I am not allowed to name all my weapons after skills, regardless of how funny it is to play "NO, this was an attack roll, not Diplomacy" with my GM.
>As a character concept, "If Nichola Tesla knew kung fu" is not quite what the GM was looking for for the Mutants and Masterminds campaign.
>* And it's completely inappropriate for Little Fears.
>My Sin Eater's Geist cannot be the representation of death by Autoerotic Asphyxiation
>*Death by chocolate is just silly.
>The Remove Disease spell can't cure Jungle Fever.
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>The Hail Mary is not in the Codex Astartes
He did manage a 'touchdown' at least.
>Doctor Fate is an excellent model to base my superhero on. Doctor Doolittle is acceptable. Doctor Mario is a little too weird. Doctor Mengele is right out.
>My Warforged Druid/Master of Many Forms is neither a Dinobot, Maximal, nor Predacon. This matter is closed.
>Regardless of my ranks in the skills Heal and Craft: Prosthetics, I must slaughter the whole goat before I begin cooking it.
>There is no such thing as "Shark Style Kung Fu", it is not the world's most deadly underwater fighting style, and even if my Monk can breathe water, he has not studied it.
>*Especially not to the exclusion of any land based fighting techniques.
>My Warmage's name is not "J. Robert Oppenheimer".
>No Monk, Ninja, Samurai, Shugenja, or Wu Jen I play is allowed to put ranks in Perform: Bukake.
>"FATAL is an underrated game" is not the verbal component of the Blasphemy spell; I have to stop saying it.
>My Druid's alignment prevents him from attending cockfights. Especially as a ringer.
> Even if Drow elves are the antagonists of the campaign, "Imperial Grand Wizard" is not available to me as a prestige class.
>Race: Dwarf is not a pre-req for the Drunken Master PrC.
>If I'm forced to play the party healer, I'm not allowed to specialize in gynecology.
>*Pediatric gynecology is right out.
>Using the Suggestion spell to order the NPCs to divide by zero does not make their heads explode. I have to stop trying.
>The head of the thieves guild is not, in fact, obligated to grant any favor asked on the day of his daughter's wedding.
> No, my Chaotic Evil wizard is not famous as the author of The Anarchist's Spellbook.
>Warforged Grafts are a privilege, not a right. That privilege will be revoked the first time my character says "Go-Go Gadget Pimp Slap!"
Found on the tvtropes.org forum:
>My summoner's Eidolon cannot be Pinkie Pie.
>I cannot give Pinki Peidolon the Swallow Whole evolution.
>Pinkie Peidolon's Swallow Whole ability is not retroactively the reason goblins are afraid of horses in Pathfinder.
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>tvtropes.org forum
My god Anon. Why? Why would you go there?
I didn't know, mang. I DIDN"T KNOW!
>I will not polymorph the parties horses into spell components
>I will not polymorph my party members into spell components
>I will not polymorph the bbeg into spell components
>The battle cry of the Blood Drinkers is not "Blah! I vant to suck your blad!"
>Obsessive counting is not a Blood Angel gene-seed mutation.
>Sparkling in the sunlight is not a Blood Angel gene-seed mutation.
>The Blood Angels do not and have never had a Battle-Brother named Edward or Eduardo, and I may not play one with that name.
>I may not play a Blood Angel, or any of their successors.
>The NPC pilot we hired is not named "Spanish Sex God Estevon."
>>Estevon does not need to be shirtless to pilot the ship
I dunno, Doctor Mengele was quite seminal in the medical field.
>The crew does not need pre-battle gropes
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>I am not allowed to pack "yes" levels of demo
>I am not allowed to use plastic explosive to glue mines, grenades and anti tank charges together in one great big IED special
>I am not allowed to drop said device anywhere near the party without first knowing the blast radius
>I am no longer allowed explosives except with the express permission of the three highest ranking officers present
>I am not allowed to intentionally misplace the nuclear football after the mission in lieu of returning it
>I am not allowed to try to guess the go codes to the nuclear football in my spare time
>I am never to play an AI ever again
>Especially if it's based on that freaky double eye ring angel thingy
>I am not to refer to satellites as "Kinetic kill vehicles"
>At higher levels of play, running the bad guys over doesn't always work
>If your gun can obliterate the metal console, it can also probably obliterate the window to space behind it
>Don't forget mag boots
>Cramming a grenade down the throat of an enemy that has you by your throat will still result in cracked ribs on your behalf and quite possibly a punctured lung
>I will not destroy the Ad Mech's precious war machine
>I will not return in the smoldering hulk back and ask they give me another one.
>The dreadnought imprint on the front of the Chimera will not 'just buff out'.
>I will not play my Kill-Team's Salamander Devastator as a thinly-veiled BA Baracus
>I will not play my Kill-Team's Mantis Warrior Assault Marine as a hammy biker ninja fighting for JUSTICE
>I am not allowed to play a vegetarian hippy Ranger with the munchies
>That goes double if his animal companion is a canine
>My Krieger does not get an Intimidate bonus against the Space French
>I will not play my Guard unit's Operator as a thinly-veiled Cpl. Ray Person
>My Sith wrestler is not the most electrifying man in all of entertainment
>My Sith wrestler is not allowed to ask what happens when Chokeamania runs wild over you
>No, my Sith wrestler did NOT just unmask Darth Malgus in lucha libre (TOR-era campaign)
>No longer allowed to play my Sith wrestler
>My Warforged Druid cannot "transform and roll out"
>Not allowed to justify Baneblade crashes with, "It's just a rental!"
>Blood Angels are not deathly allergic to garlic. Sending them garlic-cheese pizza is a waste of Deathwatch funding.
>None of my stealthy, knife-obsessed characters may introduce themselves with alliteration.
>Elak Sarda of the Stigmartus is not Kane.
>Killing a rival Thousand Sons warband in Black Crusade is fine. Singing, "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen is just offensive to the squad's Thousand Sons sorceror.
>When faced with a Greater Daemon, the answer is not to order the nearby Titan formation to combine.
>I am not allowed to attempt a Highlander Burial with our Warlord Titan.
>My Nurglite Chaos Marine is not infected with a contagious strain of disco fever.
You funny guy. I kill you last.
Well, since I'm joining a new dungeon tomorrow the following stipulations were added:

>No prehensile tongues
>No clowns
>None of the following can ever become at will: Breeze, Drench, Summon Instrument, Prestidigitation
>No rap/hip-hop styled monks or bards
In something went wrong
If you dont know its a rules light rpg where anything goes, you choose what your character can do and the DM switches as the night goes on. Oh, and you switch sheets at the beginning.

>Not allowed to make pony characters
>>Especially psychotic control freak ones
>Not allowed to make a KKK member again
>Not allowed to make a Juggalo again
>>Even if a halfling juggalo is hilarious, someone else has to play him
>The character I make can't have the specialty suicide
>When DM'ing please no Homestuck
>Or Equestria
>Or adventure time
>Or berserk...
>>to hell with it I DM non-themed shit now
>Cannot make an Indian stereotype whose specialty is "scalping white men."
Funniest guy in thread.
Thank you very much for the compliment. I try to bring my A material to /tg/, and positive feedback is really encouraging.
>My Warforged Druid/Master of Many Forms is neither a Dinobot, Maximal, nor Predacon. This matter is closed.

Fuck you bro, my idiot HERO OF JUSTICE super robot Warforged Druid was a blast to play. Rocket punching Beholders, PHOTON BEAM'ing elf slavers and more.

Then again it was ok'd with the GM beforehand and in an appropriate campaign.
>I am not allowed to have the weapon proficiency (Gnome Monks)
That's what you get for sending cream puffs from Armageddon.
>I will not surf the chimera into battle.
>The combination of Finger of Death + Animate Dead is not what we in the business call "The Necromancer's Diplomacy Check".
I don't see why not. That's a clever use of spells.

And let's suggest some more!

>I am no longer allowed to play characters with any sexual orientation.
>>No, not even "saving self for marriage".
>those three statements
I admire that player for their dedication

... isn't that the plot from Fullmetal Alchemist?
>It's not a good idea to taunt a lich by playing keep-away with its phylactery
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>no rap/hip-hop style monks or bards
>no rap/hip-hop style monks
>rap/hip-hop style monks

Coincidentally, I have a player doing that.
>My character can not speak only in music titles
>My character can not speak only in song lyrics
>This is no Slaashi Cultist porn site on the net
>>Making one is a form of heresy
>I am not allowed murder mooks in a golden age game of Mutants and Masterminds
>Even if he did come back my headless horsemen nemesis
>I am no long allowed to make themesongs for our party AND/OR certain NPC's.
>I will no longer let the Techpriest get near a Heavy Bolter ever again.
>I will remind the GM that I have a Laser-Eye every so often so as he doesn't forget.
>I must stop thinking RIFTS is a good game
>I can no longer create Gnomish Scryers on the run from local authorities just so I can make the "Small Medium at Large" pun.
>I can no longer play a Gnomish tinker in a wooden exoskeleton with a paranoid fear of trees
>My Half-Orc cannot be a bright red one man army named after my weapon of choice.
>Similarily, my Half-SeaHag CG Blackguard with Greatsword cannot fire glowing golden fists of energy that stun on contact.
>There is no such thing as a Healer optimised Elf class called "The National Elf"
>Nor does this setting have small elves that build toys for christmas.
>I am not allowed to use the works of Nasu for character inspirations
>And that goes double if were playing Mage.
>TRIPLE if I'm the GM.
>I am no longer allowed to blame it on the sunshine, moonlight or good times.
>Soylent Blue is not made out trolls
>There is most certainly NOT always room for a gelatinous cube.
>Calling the Tavern "The Quest Shop" is only funny once
>Preferred Enemy: Sarcastic Cunts is not an available option in any splatbook
>No rap/hip-hop styled monks or bards
1/10 would not game with
> I am no longer allowed to crib my motivational speeches from Team Rocket
> I may not spend six months filling a barrel with mixed alkalis in order to "Drop the Base" on the BBEG
> I am not allowed to yell "Murder him" as a direction for my pet flock of crows to attack.
> "It only flows into fake France" is not a valid excuse for poisoning the river.
>I will not use summoning charms on girls' underwear
>I will not use invisibility spells on girls' clothing
>I will not create cloaks of temporary invisibility to sneak into the girls bathrooms to watch them bathe
>I will not befriend lonely ghosts with the intent to recieve sexual favors
>I will not slip love potion in my mate's glass so he falls in love with the teacher's pet fish
>I will not cast enlargement spells on food my friends are currently chewing
>It's not a good idea to cast enlargement spells on my genitals during sex
>I'm not allowed to seek out the vampires my first day of school to gain special abilities
>It's not appropriate to cast immobility spells on my friends so I can grope them
>It is unwise to make unwanted sexual advances twards someone when memory charms are not my strong point
>> I am not allowed to yell "Murder him" as a direction for my pet flock of crows to attack.
>> I may not spend six months filling a barrel with mixed alkalis in order to "Drop the Base" on the BBEG
Holy fuck anon, I'm dying over here.
>I am no longer allowed to blame it on the sunshine, moonlight or good times.

What about blaming it on the boogie?
Not the same anon but I tried that once; I was told my bluff check wasn't high enough.
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Same here, anon
> I may no longer blame my monks increased movement speed on the Jagger swagger
> I cannot take my inspirational fighter speeches from Macbeth's third act
>I may not use ray enfeeblement on the party fighter and laugh as the weight of his own armour causes him to collapse.
>I may not refer to the enemy cannon piece as "THE BAAAAAAAANEBLADE,"
>I may not say that the heavily armoured knights I'm fighting are hiding in "METAL BAWXES," nor follow that with "THE COWARDS THE FOOLS,":
>When firing a gun on full auto, I am longer allowed to yell like an 80's action hero
>If I roll successfully for Perform, I am not allowed to prove how successful it was by bursting into song at the table
>When I GM a game with time travel as a plot point, I am not allowed to shift the entire game to a different system
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my nigga
I aim to please, although weirdly my GM was less than thrilled; nor was she particularly happy when I later successful "Dropped the Space" on the BBEG's this-is-even-my-final-form.
>I may not have a suspiciously short and stocky Mechanicus-adept in my personal staff.
>The ship provost motto is not "FABRICATI DIEM PVNC"
>I'm not allowed to make puns in latin anymore
>I'm not allowed to situate the tech-church between ship sections P and R.
Vimes? What are you doing on a space ship.
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>I may not pour all the excess gunpowder from my excess bullets into containers and wait for a time to use them
>I may not throw rookies infront of a rampaging mutant to check their meele skills
>I may not toss rookies into anomalies to check their survivability
>I may not check to test rookies' anything
>I may not go into the underground with drugged rookies and yell 'CHEEKI BREEKI', only to leave the rookies to die horrible mutanty deaths.
From a deathwatch campaign.
>I am not allowed to make a Salamander Techmarine version of Liam Neeson as McGuyver
>I am not allowed to stack bonus to tech use for a cumulative 168 Tech us roll on a D100
>I am not permitted to lead the defense of a forge world via techfucking the archaeotech defense system back online.
>In defending a forge world I am not allowed to forcibly hijack a disabled Imperator and use my fellowship to coax the now insane princeps and the 2 surviving crew into playing Rock 'em Sock 'em titans with a Tyranid Bio Titan.
>When holding off a tyranid swarm without a single casualty, I am not allowed to try and hide from the fame I am given.
>I am not allowed a jump pack.
>I am not allowed to modify a jump pack to work with a servo harness.
>I am not allowed to combine a jump pack and a bionic heart to create a salamander flashmarine.
>I am not to turn an ornate gilded door on a space hulk into a "Talos Pain Engine Decoring Devince" via a jump pack
>I am not allowed to give the space wolf rune priest any liqour.
>When drunken space wolf accidentally reveals the eldar corsair in the inquisitor's retinue is an incognito eldrad, I am not allowed to ignore his dickery, as this flusters him.
>When leaving the resulting clandestine meeting caused by the space wolfs actions, I am not allowed to acknowledge the stealth insults to people by saying goodbye in their tongue, even if the DM did not realize I had spent points on it.
>I am not allowed to joke that my merchant house born marine had a descendant named Lawrence that claimed to have met Leman Russ.
>When finding out the DM actually incorporated a version of HoroRuss into the game, I am not allowed to make the excuse "I wasn't serious at all."
>When accidentally winding up on nocturne, I am supposed to turn over Fire Drake eggs that a fellow brother smuggled aboard the ship to the captain.
This isn't even half of that campaing.
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You're right..
>I am not allowed to give a fire drake bionics to the point I can use it as a flying steed
>I am not allowed to name the new airborne fire drake after any of Aegon's Dragons.
>I am not allowed to name the Drake Aegon.
>I am not allowed to give the Bionic Dragon Bone'ead implants.
>I am not allowed to go on any recovery missions, especially to forbidden worlds.
>If on a forbidden world, if and I encounter what looks to be men of iron, I am to disengage and contact the mechanicus immediately, not delve deeper into it.
>If I find an abominable intelligence that controls a revolutionary terraforming system, I am not to name it EVE and befriend it rather than run away, no matter how many bricks I may shit in the process.
>Should I do the above, I will not gather the other techmarine, and techpriest, and commence any operation titled 'operation mechanicus unfuckery'
>I am not allowed, upon finding evidence on the location of vulkan, hijack the entire salamanders chapter on a hunt for him.
>Upon finding the world where the chapter master is on. I am not allowed to flee from a nurgles rot infected Gnarloc by a combination of jump pack leaping and disney tarzan style branch surfing.
>Upon finding Vulkan, and unable to be extracted, I am to investigate the corpse frozen to the chair guarding the last comms relay on the planet rather than take a flamer to it to thaw it out.
>Upon releasing the daemon 'king' sealed in that throne, I am not to set my primarch, even if the daemon tries to encase him in ice, even if it proves to be successful.
>I am not allowed to use my now fully grown bionic drake to kill the Doom of Malantai.
>I am not allowed to actually give soulstones back to the eldar, even if we weren't the ones who killed them.
>When moving to combat the warhost, aforementioned daemon raised, I am not allowed to lead a two man team to evacuate an entire hive.
>I am not allowed to shove a relic lance a of change and press the 'melta charge' button
*set my primarch on fire
*into a lord of change rather.
Anyway, fucking rank 9 Deathwatch is a hell of a drug.
>You are not allowed to combat a squad of dark mechanicus Skitarii based of the metal gear B&B squad by capturing them like pokemon and unfucking their mental trauma after removing their neural inhibitors.
>If you see Ahzek Ahriman turn the Lucifer Black you rescued into a daemonhost, the correct response is not, 'Jump Pack, full charge'
>You do not Ram Ahzek Ahriman so hard that he perils.
>You do not prevent the consumption of Azhek Ahriman and powerup of the summoned Khornate Daemon by challenging it to an honor duel
>You do not continue to fight the Greater Khornate Daemon after he snaps your relic lance over his leg.
>You do not bodily ram a Khornate Daemon until he explodes
>You do not do the aforementioned five instances when you are escorting a rookie Raptors Chapter deathwatch initiate on his first proper mission leaving him to fight the daemonhost himself.
>You do not adopt a space wolfs wolf after he gets himself killed, first mission with your squad, even if it is to prevent it from going on a rampage.
>You do not hijack a macrocannon equipped drydocked warship to fire at a Chaos Titan, even if it is possessed by that daemon you set free.
>You do not take the place of the fallen blackshield in the "New Chapter Founding Head" Even if it is his last wish.
>You do not base your marines on the same planet you found the terraformed AI
>You do not make them a Flying Fire Drake Riding verson of the Adeptus Obstinatus and the Knights Inductor.

So yeah, that was the result of roughly... 2 years of gaming, and the scary part is, I'm certain the other players have a much bigger list. They effectively played Exalted 40k while I played Kingmaker.
Sounds like a fun time. I ran a campaign that lasted 4-5 sessions and I got a couple for my players
>Do not pin down captive PDFs and spit on them till they melt
>The chimera the Tech Priests gave you is a privilege, not a right
>No starting an Ogyrn fight club
>No playing "Marine Ball" against guardsmen
>Do not bring bears onto the ship
I remember that thread. Yeah, shit was hilarious and on a scale that plot advanced in 40k, but in the sort of way that has me hesitant to write up because might attract calls that it was badwrongfun. Though it was more the DM thrown into a loop when we all made marines that were effectively Reasonable Marines Join Deathwatch and the unreasonable lengths they go to make things better.
It was a funny as hell campaign I ran though.
On a side note, does anyone have rules about lifting and throwing distance in relation to strength for Deathwatch? I had to impromptu some rules for it, cause I couldn't find any.
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Also, anyone up for Rogue Trader cyberkroot?
I think by the time you get to Rank 9 in Deathwatch you should in fact be moving and shaking. You're kind of a big deal at that point.
No that I know of, I'd assume it'd be standard factoring in the unnatural strength and whatnot. I had to use Vehicle Ramming rules for power armor jump pack impacts. I think my record was... 60d10 damage? I think the concept thread had fucking 155d10 from a blood angel with more focus on move speed. Though I helt the ram back, after the talos engine, the DM ended up imposing these restrictions for a miss or an impact with a

Ground Impact- 1d5 meter scatter. 1d5 fatigue. 1 round stun.
High AP impact- 1d5 Ribs Break. 10% death chance of actions 1d5 fatigue.

We did a one/two shot Black Crusade Campaign in the middle of that, I ended up playing a null that got infected with the Obliterator Virus. Burnt out most of the warp side of shit and left a pissed off Blacklight Virus style mutant.
Indeed, thats why I wasn't too upset to be running into Primarchs and shit, or when our squad leader got Alpha Legion to 'undefect.' Him and I had worked out a specialist we had worked with on a tyranid job was Omegon a while earlier.
I would allow him in a morally gray campaign.
Well I mean one of my players did >>24795512
Essentially they had to take out a tower that was shooting at their ship in orbit and knew basically all the enemies were waiting there. Cause they announced they were going to attack the tower.
So the tech marine and assault marine stood on top of the tank they had, which was going about 75kph. The tech marine threw the assault marine as hard as he could forward, before the assault marine used his jump pack to go even faster before throwing the bomb as hard as he could at the tower. We ended the session right after he threw it, so if it made it or not is still up in the air.
> I am not allowed to yell "Murder him" as a direction for my pet flock of crows to attack.

I love you.
And I'm going to carry your babies whether you like it or not (and despite the fact that I'm a man).
....gotta admit I frowned a little at that, if only because I am big on "The Alpha Legion is fooling itself if it thinks it ain't fallen."

...like maybe a sizable percentage, like a bunch of Omegon-loyal warbands...

EH anyway its a matter of inches. You guys are digging the game and that's the most important thing.
Fun times. Lets see how good my memory is.

>When sent on a suicide mission, you are expected to actually die.
>When you find a Norn Queen between you and the biopool you need to get a genetic sample from, you are supposed to evade the queen, get the sample, and get out, NOT throatfuck the queen to death with your chainsword.
>The chest cavity of a living Harradan is not a chapter-approved atmospheric re-entry vehicle.
>You do not join fight clubs to get funds for your deep cover mission in Tau space.
>No punching Gue'Vasa so hard they go unstupid.
>No giving highlander burials to tau battlesuits that are bigger than you are, you aren't even in power armor.
>When confronted by a bounty hunter with power armor that puts terminators to shame, do not stick him with a device that violently detonates his armor's power supply, even if you're pretty sure you can make it to the minimum safe distance.
>Stealing his weapon first is in poor taste.
>You are an apothecary, stop beating the guy stalking you in a stealth suit at his own game.
>You aren't a space woof, why are you bringing along one of those mutant wolf carcasses to skin?
>A massive tournament still counts as a fight club, stop that.
>While not against the rules, throwing your opponent out of the ring to face the several hundred meter drop is poor sportsmanship.
>Removing his magboots at the knees doubly so.
>No beating your established as a damn good melee combatant battlebrother in the final match.
To be fair, it wasn't on my end so I can't do it justice, from what I understand the legion was actually split down the middle on what to do, to the point Alpharius and Omegon were about to off each other. The person who was a part of that is asleep right now as far as I can tell so I can't get any info on it. Its the main reason I did my personal list and not the whole parties.

I think the one biggest gamebreakers was the three STC patterns I managed to loot out of the AI stronghold though.
A Thermobaric Hovertank, a Lasgun with pen, and a special project I ended up working on with Vulkan, something akin to the Fifth Element organic matter reconstruction device.
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Muh Raven. I'd talk about the retcon, but that's more a statement on how comfortable our group got with each that shit didn't splinter after that.
>my Warforged Druid can not wildshape into a catapult
>he can wildshape into a cart if he really has to
>he can't warshape into a cart anymore

It was fun while it lasted.

Well, there goes my e-credibility.
Man, it could be worse, I look over the deathwatch shit and I see all those fucking typos. Fucking killing me.
> I may not spend six months filling a barrel with mixed alkalis in order to "Drop the Base" on the BBEG

Obviously you should steal all the alkalis from the BBEG instead, so all his base are belong to you.
Rolled 6, 4 = 10


>Prototype battlesuits designed for Astartes pilots are basically the definition of tech heresy.
>No using the bogeyman status your previous antics have spawned stories of to send the enemy into a panic.
>No sparing the life of the Ethereal's last line of defense after he almost killed you.

>When volunteering to help Eidelan capture the 46th terminator, no setting the hive's voxes to all broadcast NO LIGHT BUT THE EMPEROR'S.
>No grappling with Thureos to hold him still long enough for Eidelan to stick him with sedatives.
>No finding the proper chemical cocktail to bring true sleep to the Sleepless.

>No overcoming the reality-warping powers of a C'tan shard by setting aside your preconceptions of reality.
>When Lucius the Eternal burns his hand on a door sealed by the Emperor himself, do not mock him.
>Combat stims designed for dreadnaughts are not for use by regular marines, even if you're facing a C'tan shard in the shape of a dragon.
>Ramming your C'tan blade into its skull and using the now-embedded grip to steer it into a forge's AA guns is cheating.
>No cockblocking Lucius the Eternal by refusing to fight him.
>When he tries to force the issue, don't break his nose, he's getting tired of that happening.

and that's the end of the things I can solidly remember, there may be more I've missed.
>I can no longer create Gnomish Scryers on the run from local authorities just so I can make the "Small Medium at Large" pun.
>I can no longer play a Gnomish tinker in a wooden exoskeleton with a paranoid fear of trees
>My Half-Orc cannot be a bright red one man army named after my weapon of choice.
>Similarily, my Half-SeaHag CG Blackguard with Greatsword cannot fire glowing golden fists of energy that stun on contact.

You are a man of taste and I would like to play with you.
That was a fun game. Here's my share:
>You should not make a lifelong ally of a renegade Primarch.
>You should not save his life in the process.
>When thrown from a hovercar, you should consider disengaging and attempt to save yourself, not continuing the battle.
>Using a tau battlesuit's head to brace and stabilize and kill another is unkind.
>If forced to make a shot in freefall with a -100% accuracy penalty, you are expected to miss.
>No using rebar and thermite to make a punji stake pit.
>Lighting it with a lho stick is just showboating.
>No sniping the Mantas.
>No sniping the Mantas with a battlesuit.
>No sniping the Mantas with a manportable sniper rifle.
>No restructuring the Tau with a speech.
>No cutting off your hand to sell the illusion.
>The proper protocol for dealing with Blood Raven battle-brothers in your sector is to bolt down everything.
>Not to instead give some of your own custom wargear to the Chapter Master's honor guard.
>Despite the long odds, a space marine should not meet his mother 300 years after being inducted to the chapter.
>On the off chance he does, he should not rally her and the civilians she's protecting with a speech.
>Learning and recording a daemon's true name is a worthy feat, but try not to cause an entire librarium's psykers to lose their eyes speaking it aloud.
>Putting the chapter's assault company captain to shame in a spar by striking seventeen blows in one second is uncharitable.
>When disemboweled, you should consider disengaging and attempt to save yourself, not continuing the battle.
>No helping Alpha Legion re-defect to the Imperium.
>Demoralizing an entire chaos invasion with one speech is prohibited.
>Wielding an eldar blade of their xenos death-god is considered heresy, even if it is needed to fell a greater daemon of Tzeentch.
>Not allowed to use said blade to deal almost 500 wounds of damage to a greater daemon of Tzeentch in one round.
>Not allowed to ask the techmarine to finish him off with a nova cannon at ground zero.
>Not allowed to survive the nova cannon.
>You are not allowed to follow the reactive camoflauged terminator into a native cultist base.
>You are not allowed to play tribes ascend with a rocket launcher and a jump pack.
>You do not get points for 'air mail' impacts on flying targets
>You are not allowed to catch the limbless remnant of a battle brother after a macrocannon obliterates the chaos titan hs was fighting the daemon in
>Everyone who was in the game at the end has posted.
Well shit.

Oh shit, just remembered some more stuff.

>When an enemy is trying to escape, you are not allowed to slow him down by throwing your sword into the thunderhawk's engine, giving you time to board the craft.
>Shooting him in the back as he tries to pilot the damaged craft is unsporting.
>Bodily using a rubric marine as a shield to approach a thousand sons sorcerer is in poor taste.
>Throwing said shield at the sorcerer as you finish your approach is just adding injury to insult.
>Just because you got a fancy new combat knife doesn't mean it's the best weapon to use when fighting a chaos sorcerer. Maybe you shouldn't have thrown your sword earlier.
>Injecting the blatantly fire-themed sorcerer with life-eater virus is a bad idea, even if it isn't anywhere near the amount used for exterminatus.
Homebrew cyberpunk game
>I should never ask the groups cyberneticist to "Surprise me"
>Just because assassins are legal, yelling "don't worry, we're assassins" will not calm down a crowd.
>Can no longer show up to a race dressed as Dick Dastardly.
>I will not base an AI's personality on any character from the portal series.
>Robbing a gun store at gun point is a bad idea. Because it will get you punched to death.
>I will not tell the army to wait here to prevent casualties while I fight the BBEG alone.
>I will not start off any given encounter with eight faith talents.
>I will not 'res' dead party members every time it happens.
>I will not use faith and Medicae mid-fight to First Aid to heal for more wounds than anyone possesses.
>I will not fire a bolt pistol at a Sentinel until it one-shots it.
>I will not use anime-style swordplay to damage a Rhino to -37 Structural Integrity in one hit.
>I will not attempt to intimidate the zombie wizard
>I will not attempt to intimidate the entire orc village
>I will not attempt to intimidate the Astral Plane
>Just because I worship Yeenoghu doesn't mean that I have to attach every object that bears a similarity to Baphomet
>Seriously, not every minotaur statue is a real minotaur in disguise
>No statues are actually minotaurs disguised as non-minotaur statues
>Minotaurs are not hiding behind every wall, and I should not attempt to break through them to search them out.
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>I will not shout "now THIS is what I call more bang for my buck!" when using explosive shotgun pellets for the first time
>I will not make the dreamworks face while doing so
>I will not offer resistance when the party beats me liberally after the fight
Totally worth it
> Always tell the captain if you decide to tear apart the hyperdrive
> Mouse droids aren't wookie rollerblades.
> Jury-rigging a blaster ammopack to explode can be a good thing, jury-rigging a star destroyer in drydock at Kuati driveyards to do the same is a BAD IDEA
> When Mr.Safety Is Off, The Thermal Detonator Is Not Your Friend
> Ewoks can NOT pilot snubfighters.

Rogue Trader
> Do not joke about wanting a dreadnought. The techpriests have lots of lead, an unused teleportarium and even more free time.
> We do not have a 100 man army choir on the bridge "just in case we need dramatic music"
> No you can't broadside Port Wander just because one nobleman called you style of clothing "ork raider chic" at the dinner
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> Ewoks can NOT pilot snubfighters.

Yub yub, commander!
>>When you find a Norn Queen between you and the biopool you need to get a genetic sample from, you are supposed to evade the queen, get the sample, and get out, NOT throatfuck the queen to death with your chainsword.

And with good fucking reason!
It's called the "Hydra effect", you just made the nearest 3 hive fleets spawn a new Norn Queen!

Thats brilliant. I am totally running a tongue in cheek version of "COPS" next time I get a chance.
Not fleets, man. Ships. Three pissed off sisters within fuck-you distance.
Oh yea, forgot it was ships, not fleets.
Still 'A bad Thing' though!
Boom mic deals 1d10 - 2 I damage. 0 pen.
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>Casting Detect Evil is not a formality.
>Casting Assume Evil as a free action and opening fire is not an acceptable substitute for Detect Evil.
>Assume Evil is not a spell.

>I will not attempt to Tokyo drift in an M1 Abrams.
>I will not helicopter spin my penis at terrorists.
>I may not roll to ghost-ride the whip.
>I will remain clothed while operating a tank.
>I will not shout 'the British are coming' as we launch a surprise attack on an entrenched position.
>I will not sing 'God Save the Queen' as we launch a surprise attack on an entrenched position.
>I will not pawn my standard issue KABAR for a gilded Leatherman tool, regardless of its proven CQB efficacy.
>I will not allow my favorite bartender to ride along in the tank, regardless of my debts.
>The .950 JDJ is not a NATO munition and zip guns are not acceptable weaponry.
>Attacks and skills do not have vocal components.
>>Unless you are playing a bard
>>>Playing a bard is not an excuse to scream every attack however
To be fair, I was using Charlotte Chuhlhourne length attack names.
>Just because I put a ring on it, doesn't mean I'm married to it
>Slight of hand can also be used for taking items, not just planting them
Do it
>I am not allowed to make the players go through the Jack the Ripper killings in Call of Cthulhu
>I am no longer allowed to play a controller class if my solution to everything is defenestration
>Profession: Gigolo is never to be spoken of again
> I am not allowed to roll for the length of my penis on a 10 sided die
> It doesn't matter if it's an asian setting, I am not allowed to put on a badly faked American accent by a Japanese person.
( http://vocaroo.com/i/s1td1gaYltSX ) <-- example of accent
>> I am not allowed to roll for the length of my penis on a 10 sided die
Obviously you've never rolled a 1 with that.
>>My Half-Orc cannot be a bright red one man army named after my weapon of choice.
>>Similarily, my Half-SeaHag CG Blackguard with Greatsword cannot fire glowing golden fists of energy that stun on contact.
There's a pop culture reference I'm not getting here, right?
Even worse, most d10s are numbered 0-9.

I would enforce a ruling that the player was hung like a Ken doll if he rolled a 0 for dick size and I was GMing. Rare medical condition, botched circumcision, let him fluff it, but it's 0 inches.
The second one is Sven, from DotA.
And the first is Axe, which is possibly more obvious.
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>My cleric is not allowed to forcibly marry people who commit adultery.
>My cleric is not allowed inside the brothel.
>My cleric is not allowed to bless the parties water supply "just to be safe"
>My cleric is not allowed to "raise dead" the roast goat on the spit again
>Seriously, the visceral and gruesome description of what followed was horrible.
>My cleric is not allowed to purify and remove scar on a whore to make her a virgin again
>My cleric is not allowed to bless people in their sleep.
The 0 usually means 10 doesn't it?
> I should NOT be dancing... yeah
> Pimp slapping is not a valid monk school
> I may not call to my meadbrothers for aid using "BRUVA I AM HIT!"
>My cleric's dick is not a deity
>It cannot repeal evil
>My dick does not know color spray
Maybe I'm a prude, but the ramifications and technical challenges of fluffing a 0 inch penis are beyond me.
I have no idea what this thread is supposed to be about, but I am giggling like a goblin

Be enlightened.
Perfectly smooth.
-No longer allowed to play psionic characters because the DM somehow forgets how to read when I lend him the book and he's always surprised when I do something he's not expecting.
-No longer allowed to try to explain why I'm allowed to do something.
-No longer allowed to make characters that have feats from the Expanded Psionics Handbook because having a Fighter that can hit harder with his bare hand than he can with his greatsword is apparently broken.
-No longer allowed to ask if the gods have reintroduced the concept of psionics.
-The gods have, in fact, forsaken me. They will not explain why. Stop asking.
-I'm to turn in my character sheet for evaluation upon creation, after leveling up, and anytime there's a question about my abilities.
-As an addendum to the above, I'm to turn in my character sheet and give a verbal synopsis of what my character is capable of before play begins.
-A verbal synopsis should include anything a vanilla fighter cannot do.
-A vanilla fighter cannot cast Mage Hand as a spell-like ability.
-"Vanilla" means "Limited solely to the Player's Handbook."
-The Player's Handbook does not allow a vanilla fighter to break the fourth wall.
-Dave is making my characters from now on.
>I will not use Hero Points and my temporary Half-Celestial powers to power bomb the plot device Balor into the ground.
>I will not use the Keep card from the deck of many things to summon a small castle at the perfect distance to achieve terminal velocity above said Balor as he climbs out of the crater of said power bombing.
>>My Nurglite Chaos Marine is not infected with a contagious strain of disco fever.
goddamnit that's the funniest thing I've read all day

Reverse trap. Done.
Recent Fantasy Craft game:
>I am not allowed to calm the town guard by introducing the group "Prince Ali Style" No matter how catchy my version is
>I cannot ride in my giant wife's cleavage. Even if I'm a halfling and I spent the feat points to get her at level 1
>I will stop quoting Gurren Lagaan when using my sage abilities to help the Explorer research in the library
>I will stop bolaing-up the deathknight's feet
>I will not challenge the mounted knight to a race between his warhorse and my wife
>I will not use my "fascinate" ability to become the pied piper of giant beetles
>Just because my magic relic can open any lock up to complexity 15 does not mean I can open the lady spymaster's heart
>Running max speed on my horse while throwing my spear does not make it deal double damage
>I will stop mocking the elf-king who just lost his daughter
>I will pick an origin story for the group and stick with it
I should note that 2/3rds of the list is from one player.
>>Running max speed on my horse while throwing my spear does not make it deal double damage

it totally should,
>I cannot kill the BBEG with a slime in a mimic bucket, placed on the top of the door to his room
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>Fantasy Craft
We were having a nice thread until you came along.

I'm still having a nice thread.
>If I'm the only character that can read, I am not to communicate purely with notes
>I will not hire a hype-man.
>I am no longer allowed to play Kobolds
>I am no longer allowed to play Gnomes
>I am no longer allowed to play Small races
>I am no longer allowed to suggest my own custom races.
>I am no longer allowed to play any race from any splatbook.
>I am no longer allowed to play Orcs
>I am no longer allowed to play Dwarves
>I am no longer allowed to play anything but a human

>I am no longer allowed to play a Druid
>I am no longer allowed to play a Wizard
>I am no longer allowed to play a caster class
>I am no longer allowed to play anything but a Fighter
>I am no longer allowed to take any options regarding my Fighter. It must be a plain, vanilla Fighter.

>I must present my character sheet to the GM a week in advance. The GM will make a copy for him to use.
>The GM now keeps the original copy, and all alterations must be approved by him
>I am not allowed to assign attributes, feats, skills ect. This part will be handled by the GM.
>I am no longer allowed to create my own backstory. The GM now decides what parameters I will play my character.

>I am no longer allowed to bring food from home.
>I was never allowed to cook at the GM's house.
>I am no longer allowed to suggest places to get food.
>I am no longer allowed to be the person who collects food.
>I am no longer allowed to collect my own food when the food-getter arrives. It will be given to be during the division proccess.
>I am no longer allowed to make custom orders when decide on food.
>I will stop bringing hot sauce to the GM's house. If there needs to be a rule where I need to be searched, I will be removed from the group.

>I am no longer allowed to laugh when one of these rules are brought up.
>"Did I bring enough for everyone" applies to gum, not cyanide.
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This is less funny and more terrifying in terms of implications.
>the squad's rough riders cannot dress up as banditos and go pillaging while screaming in Spanish and firing stub revolvers in the air
All of the food thing is because the GM cannot tolerate any spicy food at all, so I keep trying to get him to eat spicy food to get used to it. If he has to go to take a couple drinks after his tongue touches the mild sauce from Taco Bell, there's a problem.
That poor poor man.
I fucking love hot food. I just don't like the day after and wish for a quick death.

Aaaand the problem is you. Sure, you can ask him to dine with you otherwise, but not during games, okay? (Try feeding him chili after the game, though.)

Boy, do I love spicy food. Once went to a Mexican restaurant for locals, and ordered the spiciest they had. Didn't regret a single manly tear.
Try a Thai food place.

Somehow I don't find Thai that spicy. Delicious, but not as spicy as Mexican.
Seconded. Thai food is fantastic if you can find a good one.
Order some special hot sauce. Use it liberally if you just want the heat. Also, give Cajun food a shot.
I've beaten the Blazing Buffalo challenge. Not the hottest thing I've had, but found most people are familiar with it.
I went to a Thai restaurant and they asked how spicy I want my food, on a 1-7 scale. I had 3. It was just as hot if not hotter than that sauce. Those that eat 7 are true champions or masochists.

I will, thanks. Cajun is pretty nice, yeah. I'll check with the special hot sauce... Somehow I've never thought about that before, shame on me.


Never heard of it. (I'm from Finland.)

I'm kinda masochistic.
The Blazing sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings is quite hot. But just hot, no real flavor.
And try to find a good Thai place. I had to go to the second biggest city in my state before I found a really good one.
Got a food related one
>If I have any 'special' foods, I will mark them before telling people to help themselves to my food.
What a fun session that was.
If you live anywhere near a multi-cultural grocery store, look for a hot sauce aisle. Me being an Ohiofag, I have Jungle Jim's in my area, and they have a hot sauce aisle that includes a section that requires an employee to unlock for you. This includes things that have bhut jolokia and other such ridiculously hot shit. The one bottle I had to buy, just for the name, was Ass Blasters. I have heard that it is incredibly hot, though, but the dumbass that used it put it on a Wendy's burger like ketchup. He did not have a fun week.
>have a cold
>nose is plugged can't breath through it
>go to favorite Mexican place and ear chips and salsa along with spicy beef enchiladas
>nose cleared can breath just fine.

Mexican food is best food

I don't think we have such here, but we do have specialized shops. I'll check one.
Here is a website for you, as well. The first one looks pretty god damned hot.


What is with all you people who suffer on the tail end of spicy food? I eat spicy--real spicy--food now and then, never have any problems on the other side of a meal. Are you people just weak, or what?
Look at this faggot with his golden anus.

I used to eat chili peppers from our school's kitchen-class cabinet, since our teacher never allowed us to spice our foods freely.

>The one time I did that, she said it was the best that class had ever made.


Perhaps people are different. Thought about that?
I think it has to do with diet.
that happens to be what i am doing.
>My adept does not know Gun Kata
>Nor does my technomancer
>My techno cannot be a follower of the paragon Pornsite
>No plan should ever contain the words "and then we escape in the confusion."
>The same goes for "so we ram the van full of explosives through the front entrance."
>The most common last words in the CSA are not "HEY Y'ALL, WATCH THIS!"
>"Let's just start killing everyone in sight and see where that leads us" is not a complete plan for a run.
>Especially from the character with the Pacifist flaw.
>No plan should ever contain the words "and then we escape in the confusion."

But that's, like, the best way to end a plan. Leave it open for interpretation/shenanigans/unplanned deaths.
I've got to know the reasons behind all the character limitations.
>No longer am I allowed to use action points at first round of combat
>No longer am I allowed to make hybrid classes
>No longer am I allowed to play rogues
>No longer am I allowed to punch things in the face
>I am no longer allowed to mind-link a gryphon to my character below Epic-Level.
>I am no longer allowed to mind-link any creature to my character below Epic-Level.
>I am no longer allowed to have mind-links done with any of my characters with anything.

>I am no longer allowed to blow up the entire bottom twenty stories of a mile-high tower of doom.
>I am no longer allowed to handle explosives.
>The party in general is no longer allowed to handle explosives, and any diplomacy or persuasion towards NPCs to do what you want automatically fails.

>I am no longer allowed to use the Peasant Railgun to launch items into a ballistic sub-orbital trajectory
>I am no longer allowed to suggest the peasant railgun.
>I am no longer allowed to use any form of long range weapon, unless it's a bow.
>Scratch the 'unless it's a bow' part.
>>The most common last words in the CSA are not "HEY Y'ALL, WATCH THIS!"
I love it.
>I am no longer allowed to make grapple centric characters.
>I am no longer allowed to make efficient and competent AI characters.
>I am no longer allowed to make a character that by all rights should be hated and feared more personable than a good portion of the party.
>I am no longer allowed to accidentally get top secret information from aforementioned team.
>I am no longer allowed to be in charge of making battle plans.
>I am no longer allowed to make campaign modules inside the campaign for a campaign inside the campaign.
>I am no longer allowed to use a scope.
>not making your own hot sauce.

Come on guys.
>I may not use a jar full of urine as a weapon. Not even if I am an Australian sniper.
>I may not splice together footage from my spotter drones to make a "greatest hits" collection.
>Showing poorly-edited anime music videos to the GM does not count as an interrogation method.
>I may not count body odor as an offensive weapon.
>No longer allowed to tell horror stories of groups I've been in in the past.
>No longer allowed to switch details on the aforementioned stories to make new players think they were about my current group.
>No longer allowed to bring the sketchbook that some mysterious bastard used to draw porn of a catfolk sorcerer character from an old group, give a significant look to the elf's player, and imply very strongly that he did it.
>The game table is not a schoolroom. As such, I am not to teach players how to say anything I can't write on a billboard, no matter how useful it may be.
>Not allowed to teach non-facts to anyone.
>Horses do not come from eggs.
>My character does not live in a blue world, nor is he blue. Catchy pop songs about such things are not to be sung at the table.
>Not allowed to take any illusion spells that will invalidate the argument that my character is not blue.
>There is no "Hold (Person) It" spell and even if there were, it is illegal to cast such a spell during court proceedings.
>I am not okay with being held in contempt of court.
>There is no such thing as a friendly warning shank.
>Trucks are not my character's worst enemies and I do not have a compelling reason to battle them, even if all of my problems in-game seem to come from them. Optimus Prime is the King of Trucks, but I do not have a reason to destroy him because he doesn't exist in World of Darkness.
>I may not use a jar full of urine as a weapon. Not even if I am an Australian sniper.

But Jar-jitsu is best jitsu.
>My character cannot marry the other PCs.
>My character cannot marry the other PCs, even if they just traded magic rings.
>My character cannot accidentally marry the other PCs by rambling for three to five minutes, hesitating, and then announcing that I may have done just that.
>My character cannot perform last rites on a child that isn't dying.
>I am not the Holey Man, in spite of how many times the dice have favored my character in combat.
>Flasks of acid may have the same properties on the undead as holy water, but they are not interchangeable.
>Fharlanghn's weapon is not a boot, nor does it "travel upon the realms where the sun does not shine" on his enemies.
>Losing a battle against a fighter twice my level is not a sign that I have failed as a cleric. It just means that I make poor choices. My god still likes me.
>Fharlanghn is not Fred Rogers.
>Yondalla is not Jewish and it is foolhardy to imitate Fran from The Nanny to a halfling cleric devoted to her.
>I am not a low-fat alternative to fighters and wizards and should not advertise this to dragons. It cheapens heroic sacrifice.
>No longer allowed to play clerics.
>no, you do not earn the experience of killing a god when your dyslexic character kills a poodle
>No you may not worship Mcfluff the poodle
>your character flaw cannot be dyslexia
Not allowed to play an artificer anymore, especially if I plan on creating stat-boosting items that shock the wearer if I press a certain button.
>No, the prescription to Nurgle's Rot is not more cowbell
>Not allowed to play my almost-heretek Techpriest as Jeremy Clarkson
>Not allowed to play my White Scar Deathwatch Marine as The Stig
>If my next Assault Marine is discovered to be Macho Man Randy Savage as a Space Wolf, he will be vetoed immediately
>I am most definitely not the new Warboss
>Doombolt does not have a vocal component that goes, "Avada Kedavra".
>There is no Wizarding World of Prospero.
>Not allowed to pick up chicks in the Warlord Titan
>Yes, there was a Renegade Chapter called the Flame Falcons. No, their captain may not show you their moves.
>May not play my Alpha Legionnaire as a smug Frenchman
>I am forbidden from starting the Astartes Football League
>I am also forbidden from starting the Astartes Basketball Association. Especially if the term "Space Jam" is used.
>Noise Marines are supposed to be hardcore. They do not love to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a.
>Marneus Calgar's weapons are not called the Fists of the North Star.
>Not allowed to elbow-drop with a jump pack.
>My Salamander does not have a power sword with a purple energy field.
>Salamanders are nice Marines. They do not interrogate people, especially with "Gothic, muthafucka, do you speak it?"
>The Tau's lips are not out of sync with his speech.
>my artificer is not allowed to invent modern means of conveyance or weaponry.
>A mustang convertible is a modern means of conveyance
>Adding a retractable tarp mechanism to a horse is animal cruelty
>In no DnD setting ever, is there a person willing to trade my donkey for their Dodge Charger.
>If the GM says we're playing pen'n'paper Halo, I'm not allowed to mimic the announcer.
>Further, I am to listen when the GM tells us what character types we're rolling.
>I am not the best firefighter the SPARTAN IIs have ever seen.
>I am not allowed to roll a hacker for the sole purpose of blasting Flight Of The Valkyries when the ODST characters open fire on the Elites that have been harassing us for the entire session.
>Rumble drugs are canon, surviving several doses of them is not.
>An Irishman is not a weapon.
>An Irish brogue is not a weapon.
>An Irish coffee is not a weapon.
>An Irish Halo Ring is not a thing.
>If the GM allows me to play a character with software engineering, I am not allowed to disable safety features on a slipspace drive and force a Mexican standoff by threatening to steal a planet.
>the not named clan was not 'wu tang'
>'method man' is not an honourable bloodname
>'death from above' is the correct term, not 'protect ya neck'
>whenever Plot NPCs turn up at the elysium, not allowed to use high level dominate to pursuade them to emigrate to argentina immediately
>not allowed to play character concept: Nostitute.
>When asked how that would even work, not allowed to graphically describe sex with a Nosferatu Prostitute.
>Not allowed to put all my starting XP into humanity, particularly if I am a gangrel who lives in a cave.
>Not allowed to diablarise Longinus, even if my mage buddy did just turn him into a vase of flowers.
>If each retainer is an extre downtime action, and I have 35 XP to spend, I cannot roll up with an invictus character with 35 basic retainers.Not even if I stat them all myself.
>Not allowed to open a portal to the Hedge and 'hope something cool comes out' when I get bored.
>If I cast a covert spell and get away with it, telling witnesses that I did it by magic and pointing out how impossible it was will earn me retroactive paradox.
>nWoD Malkovians do not have 'brain cooties'
>Plans ending in 'and then we Diablarise them all' will not endear me to the invictus.
>'The Cat from Red Dwarf' is not a suitible Daeva concept.
>Not allowed to settle a three-way planetary war by challenging the Orks and Dark Eldar to a race along the equator.
>Impersonating Rob Halford while playing as the Noise Marine is cool. Lemmy Kilmister, too. But impersonating Keanu Reeves or Alex Winter is totally bogus, dude.
>If my Marine brings gum, he must bring enough for everyone.
>If he comes in the next day without gum, he does not have any say about whether or not it is time to kick ass.
>My Krieger medic's first option is not euthanasia.
>My Cadian does not need to end every sentence with "eh".
>No putting bumper stickers on the AT-AT.
>Using "What's Up" by Four Non-Blondes to interrogate someone gets me a Dark Side point.
>Not allowed to precede every combat drop with ten minutes of orbital bombardment.
>Not allowed to touch anything that registers on a Geiger counter.
>Not allowed to bring my chemistry textbooks to any future sessions.
>Not allowed to bring my chemistry notes to any future sessions.
>There is no such thing as an Intercontinental Ballistic Magic Missile.
>Not allowed to use the Psyker for kamikaze Perils attacks.
>Not allowed to start a restaurant on Deathwatch funds.
>Napalming the whole jungle is not an option. Your squad WILL have to enter that death-trap of an AO.
>My Blood Raven may not take Rival: Arsene Lupin
>Same goes for Rival: Carmen Sandiego and Rival: Danny Ocean.
>My Blood Raven may not be roleplayed as Danny Ocean. We don't even have eleven players.
>Not allowed to show off to the Guardsmen by doing pull-ups with my servo-arm
>'Dixie' is not an appropriate tune for our Chimera's horn.
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>>Fharlanghn's weapon is not a boot, nor does it "travel upon the realms where the sun does not shine" on his enemies.

>I am no longer allowed to cast psychic powers at Push 100% of the time on my Angry Marines Librarian.
>I am no longer allowed to play either a Librarian or an Angry Marine.
>>There is no such thing as "Shark Style Kung Fu", it is not the world's most deadly underwater fighting style, and even if my Monk can breathe water, he has not studied it.
I'm pretty sure there was a monk variant for PF that did exactly that.
> We do not have a 100 man army choir on the bridge "just in case we need dramatic music"

You clearly do not know how to rogue trader.
Dammit, Janson.
>I will not roll 3 consecutive natural 20s in a row, intimidating the Ghoul
>I will not attempt to make any sense of the investigative game
>Darkness traps filled with Darkness bats may be clever, but they serve no purpose
>I am not the night
>I will not put on a fake British accent every-time we visit a snowy place and loudly declare how we've found Canada, and suggest to live there
>I will not bluff the dragon into thinking I'm his child
>>I will not bluff the dragon into thinking I'm his child
Don't you get a situational bonus from wearing it's child's face during the bluff attempt?
>Telling the new player to "roll for anal circumference" Every time they get into a social situation is never appropriate
>*Not even when being attacked by bandits
>I will not refer to The Lord Protectorate Tyrone Penticast as "Mah Nigga"
>Burning the Fae forest down is never the best course of action, and in fact makes things worse
>Immovable rods are not weapons of mass destruction
>Orcs do not have 87 different words for salad.
I thought that was Elves.
I am very bad at knowledge checks.
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>> Even if Drow elves are the antagonists of the campaign, "Imperial Grand Wizard" is not available to me as a prestige class.
>Not allowed to critical on trees
>No, not even with Profession: Lumberjack
>Not allowed to play Lumberjacks anymore
>>Especially if they have Russian accents
>Not allowed to play an unarmored duelist when the party expects me to bring in a tank
>>Especially if he's got a Spanish accent
>Not allowed to play a female orc anymore
>>Especially a barbarian
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>>Not allowed to play Lumberjacks anymore
I bet you're not allowed to duel wield wagon wheels either.
Actually, that was from getting a critical hit with a tree.

Three times in a row.
So you can still duel wield wagon wheels?
> No you can't broadside Port Wander just because one nobleman called you style of clothing "ork raider chic" at the dinner

Whoever told you off is not a gentlemen and a scholar. I hope you broadsided him.
>Drow language is not simply ebonics.
>A priest of Lolth is not a "shorty"
>A hand crossbow is not a "piece", nor am I "Strapping"
>Ceremonial Drow headwear is not a do-rag
>Cannot put 'Biggie' as my deity (Even though he died for our sins)
>"A true motherfucker going out for the loot" Is not a proper battle cry.
>My character did not choose the thug life
>The thug life did not choose my character
>No, the GM is not simply 'Hating' (Even though the only black guy found it hilarious)
I love you for this
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Just what is it with furries and that fucking lisp?
Duke Nukem is not an appropriate personality for a player character in Magical Burst.
Seducing player characters is acceptable. Seducing players is not.
I am no longer allowed to prepare food or drinks unsupervised.
The Hokey Pokey does not confer a bonus to intimidate checks.
Holy shit, that picture oozes awkward. That guy on the right's stare is unnerving as fuck, as well.
>the Hokey Pokey does not confer a bonus to intimidate checks.
Bullshit. You just need to be holding something sharp and/or a severed head when you do it.

They believe it makes them disarming.

They are, for the most part, wrong.
>pinkie peidolon
Ok, I chuckled.
You take penalties for non-profiency, but they do give a deflection bonus.
>My cleric is not allowed to have an unhealthy obsession with vampires
>My time mage may not reverse age enemies no matter how easy it would make a fight
>Nor may my time mage reverse age party members so she "can see how cute they were as a kid"
>Bags of holding must be visible at all times
>Bags of holding are not to be used for relieving oneself
>Plot relevant female NPCs may never be named Ashley Graham
>When confronting cults, I must never bring up fornication with ancient deities
>My fighter's battle cry is not "Ora Ora Ora!"
>Nor is it "Muda Muda Muda"
>My healer cannot heal things by punching them
>Not even if he yells "Dorararara"
>Dakka is not slang for sexual prowess
>Just because you got a crit from throwing a stone once does not mean you can carry a bag full of them "just in case"
>Succubi may not roll for seduce on horses, farm animals, minors, or the BBEG
>I am not allowed to invite plot-relevant NPCs to join the 21 club.
>the stone cold stunner is not a real martial arts technique and even if it was it wouldn't work on creatures with necks wider than the length of your arm
>also "Lawful Redneck" is not a real alignment.
>Force Deflect does not let you catch lightsabers with your bare hands "like a goddamn ninja"
>Your drow bard can not be a "Crazy motherfucker named Aycek'jube from a guild called dark elves with attitude"
Dark Heresy
>PURGE THE MUTANT is not a pick up line.
>Especially if it is used on a mutant.
>A meat pie diner run by a cultist of sleenesh is not a good first date option.
>I am not allowed charm +50 on a third rank guardsman.
>Smiling and "finger guns" is not a charm test.
>I am not allowed to have five fate points no matter what the DM does.
>Rocket launchers are not close range weapons, dont care if I can survive them.
>Shove the assassin down the ladder does not count as stealth entry.
>I will not have sex in the med bay in flight when I am the only one capable of flying the gun cutter.
>A fancy hat and a smile is never a complete naval uniform.
>"Bromancing" with the cleric does not mean three cases of amasec, a tank, and a hive full of heretics.
>I am not allowed to call in air strikes by making prank calls.
>I am not allowed to use any technology ever.
>It doesn't matter what I roll, A rogue trader's vessel can't be hot wired by jamming my knife into it.
>I'm not allowed to play dark heresy
>My Ogryn is no longer allowed to refer to enemies as "Five Gum"
>or "Juicy Fruits"
>No chewing on enemies, period.
>Major Kaspian is not "Special K"
>The Ogryn's mother has never talked about chocolates.
>She did not tell him that he is the last Macludd
>There can be more than one Ogryn
>Ogryn do not get a speed bonus when attacking one-another
>Ogryns cannot play the spoons
>Ogryns cannot disguise themselves as children, no matter how well they roll
>I cannot play Ogryns anymore
>Ratlings cannot speak to rats
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>Not allowed to play my almost-heretek Techpriest as Jeremy Clarkson
>Not allowed to play my White Scar Deathwatch Marine as The Stig
This is fucking wonderful.
Just woke up and
God DAMN how much that would scare the bejesus out of a newbie.
>Prometheum enters the turbocharger, witchcraft happens, and you fly faster.
I must do this.
>For tonight's Celebrity in a Reasonably Priced Speeder, please welcome...Ciaphas Cain!
>>The Tau's lips are not out of sync with his speech.
I implore your GM to reconsider.


>I am not allowed to build anything or be a merchant
>I will not ever attempt to buy an Apparatus of Kwalish
>I certainly won't stick in an airship engine and get an air elemental to provide a supply of oxygen
>I will not recruit a barbarian catfolk and a samurai to help me go fuck up space with my claw ship
>If I so much as mention the words "profit margins" the GM will take away every piece of paper in front of me other than my character sheet
>Preemptively, no character shall ever cause me to write up manifests or ledgers
>Diplomacy does not allow me to hire every NPC we run across
>Dragons will never, ever make a deal with me
>I am no longer allowed to make the activation word for a wand a musical note
>Music boxes and wands of disintegration do not make a gattling wand
>I will not make mech suits in any setting where they did not originally exist
>I will not roleplay insanity, even if the GM inflicted my character with it
>I will not create deities out of a box of magical scrap and an old beat up golem
>I will not abuse pocket dimensions for fun or profit
>"Mister psyker, please burn this man to death" is not an acceptable defense when asked to testify to my innocence in front of an Inqusitiorial court
>I will not chug a bottle of rotgut before representing myself in court
>I will not ignore the party members in favor of the servo skulls of their previous characters
>Or the characters before those
I am literally crying over these right now. Hooooly shit.
And now, fun with GURPS
>I will not make characters with skill points in sex
>Having all your gear stolen is not a reason to default to prostitution
>I will not become a pornstar
>I will not convince alien species that humanity is a pan-dimensional super race, exceeded in power only by dolphins and small white mice
>I will most definitely not use the co stars of my intergalactic pornos to pull off an Ocean's Eleven style heist
>I can not use the phrase "Give her the D" to suggest that I shall perform the works of the best band in the world
>Undead or not I'm not allowed to use "Wrrrrrryyyyyyyy!!!" as my battle cry
>If the rest of the party is playing more or less the cast of Heroes I probably shouldn't play Kamen Rider
>I will not completely ignore the rest of the party go go battle evil with the 60's pulp action hero
I suppose this isn't TECHNICALLY the right place to ask this, but my GM got real annoyed at me earlier because my Explorator gave zero fucks about some idiot with a lasgun, so I'm thinking of annoying him even more. Should I make a squirtgun and add some DMSO? Anybody know the process of synthesizing DMSO?
>>I will not throw Magic Stars down Nicole's cleavage.

This is more of a general house rule.
>I will not strap 300 thrones worth of explosives to my body to suicide bomb the BBEG and burn a fate point to unsuicide
>I will not push my psychic power to deal with perils of the warp

I have a hard time participating in these threads since my GM generally just runs with my ideas.
>I will not increase the miniboss CR every time my players ask for something retarded.
>I will not put a lich as a miniboss for a level 5 party
>I will not powergame, specially if I'm the DM
>I will not obey this list.
>No Matter how high my athletism skill is, I cannot cross the desert in a single dice roll with the mage on my back, even with a Nat 20
>I cannot use the wardrobe that warps us in a different universe to lock the bandits in and burn it afterwards
>I will not gain Experience points for every creatures in the burned universe.
>I will not build an arsenal only using Meat Cleavers.
>No matter how high my Athletism skill is, I cannot run through an army of a thousand with the mage on my back.
>I am no longer allowed to make the activation word for a wand a musical note
>Music boxes and wands of disintegration do not make a gattling wand

Fucking genius. I want to do this now.
>I will be up front and honest with the party about my race
>I will be up front an honest with the party about my class
>I will be up front an honest with the party about the number of characters I'm playing
>I will not convince people that my summon is a demon that controls my soul and I am but a simple bard
>I will not exploit the BBEG's plot as part of a land grab scheme
>I will not hold the land of half the town ransom until the mayor resigns
>I will not hold political office
>I will not ever play a superintelligent character.
>Gadgeteer is, likewise, completely off limits
>I cannot forgo supervillainy in favor of working towards the Singularity.
>I will not build any structure larger than one kilometer in any direction
>The City is not a good model for a system of government
>I will no longer be allowed to build NPCs with either computers or genetics
>I will not intentionally trick the GM into disobeying me in such a way as to advance my agendas
>I will not use nanobots to ruin the world's economy
>I will not start buying up countries
>When the party finally does try to stop me, I will not ask them if they believe in angels
Stick a pin in the gears of the music box attached to a trip wire. Now it's a trap
>Being not allowed to play "Freddy mercury and david bowie son with lazorbeams" does not entitle me to brutally break the system seven ways out of mars.
>I am not allowed to use Dwarf Fortress created worlds as my setting
>Especially if I describe their history in detail
>Under no circumstances will I go into detail about the geology of the planet the game takes place on
>As a player, I am not allowed to brew an alcohol so strong it allows time and space to be shattered to call a drunken martial arts master to my side
>I am not allowed to drink said alcohol, even if I have the CON score to survive it
>I am not allowed to give said alcohol to a dragon that cannot breath fire any more
>even if I would survive the resulting explosion
>Purify does not work on cryolite or bauxite, for the purposes of obtaining aluminium for thermite
>creating an electrolytic cell to obtain aluminium is also not allowed
>using geological knowledge to infer that there is native aluminium in the area is also not allowed
>aluminium no longer exists in the setting
>not allowed to point out that sapphires no longer exist either
>no longer allowed to exploit pumice as a ship-building material to make the natives believe I am a god
>I am not allowed to use time travel to make a fossilised cast of my penis
>I am not allowed to use said cast as the figurehead for my pumice ship
>I am pre-emptively barred from playing any kind of warforged
>I am pre-emptively banned from destroying/neutralising/creating a golem or other animated construct from any rock whatsoever
>Silicone dioxide is not the true name of a demon composed of quartz

I think that's everything
And for Engine Heart
>Being made in Mexico does not give your bot a Lucha Libre subroutine
>I will not use my nuclear reactor as a threat
>I will not find more copies of my bot and instate myself as their leader
>I will not have control of enough NPCs to start assigning them to squads
>I will not subvert every AI I meet
>Having a bagger 288 does not entitle me to lead a robotic pilgrimage
>Declaring myself a devout Norseman does not count as "religious tolerance in the workplace"
>I will not build robovalhalla
>I will not loot parts from enemies and attach them to myself
>I will not build a remote control for a bagger 288
>Percussive maintenance should not be a threat
>I will not graft my allies to F-Zero racers just because they asked me to
>I am not Thor, guardian of mankind
>I'm not allowed to pose. In game or out of it.
>Yelling "ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA" doesn't give my flurry of blows a +tohit
>No, I can't have a stand.
>When the party finally does try to stop me, I will not ask them if they believe in angels
You. I like you.
Disintergrate is not the most useful spell ever.
>I am not allowed to use Disintergrate to reveal secret rooms that must be hidden at the end of otherwise deadend corridors.
>Just becuase a pillar has a base that perfectly matches the dimension of matter disintergrate removes is not a reason to cast said spell on base of said pillar.
>Disintergrate cannot be used to remove stains off the fighters prized set of full plate.
>Disintergrate is not to be reffered to as "Mage Door".
>>Or "Universal lockpick" .
>Disintergrate is not an option for "dealing with" the BBEG's mountian hideout. It doesn't matter how many times a day you can cast iy or how many days you have spare.
>When in the company of of former enemies turned reluctant allies, Disintergrating random mundane objects to "pass the time" is considered an aggresive action.
>Randomly casting Disintergrate is always considered an aggresive action.
>When an old ladies cat is stuck up a tree you are not coming to the rescue by Disintergrating the tree.
>Disintergrate can not be "prescion cast" to etch my name onto objects.
>Not even with libral application of the Sculpt Spell feat.
>Whether my character considers the warforged king a mere object or not he still recives a will save.
>I am no longer allowed to learn the spell Disintergrate.
I would instantly ban the player from my games.
>I'm not allowed to laugh
>I'm not allowed to laugh and hurt my head when I play dredge
>I'm no longer allowed to play dredge with new players
>I'm not longer allowed allowed to play dredge and try to win in less than 30s.
>Yelling "DON'T STOP ME NOW! I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME, WOWOWOOW!" doesn't make my spell have protection.
>I'm no longer allowed to play combo. Ever.
>If I gain control over gravity or time I will use it only for the prescribed purposes
>I will most certainly not try to use gravity to dilate time or time dilation to create a gravity well
>A force mage cannot force light to move any faster than c.
>I will not so much as utter the word "tachyons"
>All objects currently above their Schwarzschild Radius are to stay that way
>I will not build any golem capable of golem craft
>Skeletons capable of necromacy are likewise out
>As per above rules I will certainly not be creating a golem with more aptitude for golem craft than me
>I will not start the golem singularity
>I will not use skeletons as logic gates
>I will not build a skeleputer or even a skelculator
>I will not use alchemy and engineering to make an internal combustion engine
>I will not be installing said engine into a carriage
>A vow of silence might be appropriate for this crime.
>I will not use a vow of silence to be the Stig
let's not go down this road anon
Maybe he didn't know about the alternate spellings.

>Calling an enemy of mine a dog is acceptable.
>Readying an action to go "WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK BARK BARK" whenever he speaks is not.
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>I am not allowed near half-elf bards ever again.
>>I am not allowed to give them pun names that no-one notices until the end of the campaign. ("Quinn Tessential, flamboyant Half-Elf Bard.")
>I am not allowed to design and commission a cart that features both upholstered seats and a mounted crossbow.
>I am not allowed to turn anything into a company.
>> Mercenary or otherwise.
>I am not allowed to outbid the BBEG for the services of minibosses.
>>I am not allowed to take responsibility for their actions, clear their name in the eyes of the law and give them a second chance at life.
>I am not allowed to play a Vampire Bard in D&D, even if it's by accident.
>>I am not allowed to refer to myself as "the classiest motherfucker who ever unlived".
>>>Even if it's true.
>I am not allowed to be indignant about the public opinion of the undead, just because I'm now playing one.
>I am not allowed to start a revolution.
>>I am not allowed to complain that my plan of creating an army of thralls to overrun a town and install me as the new (undead friendly) ruler suffers heavily when i'm picky about what I eat.
>>>Large bosomed noblewomen are not "Nature's ultimate warriors", and I do not get any bonuses for having an undead warrior harem.
>I am not allowed to play an undead character ever again.
>I cannot play any character that has already died twice.
>>No, that does not "technically bring me full circle."
>I am not allowed to play a ghost, whight, spirit or anything that involves that goddamn vampire bard ever again.
>I cannot base my next character on Scar, just so that I can retake my place as rightful leader of the group, betray one character to his doom and make fun of the rest of the mooks in one fell swoop.
>>Especially not if it's so subtle that no-one notices until the campaign's over.
>>>I am not allowed to find it hilarious that the campaign ended with most of the party dying in a Gnoll swarm.
You sound like a wonderful player and I would like to subscribe to your news letter
I have some GURPS stuff also
>My Robot character is not Yandere for the party's Mechanic
>My Robot character is not allowed to hand the Mechanic a wrench and ask them to "make me into a real woman"
>I am not allowed to give it the Berzerk disadvantage and then yell KILL ALL HUMANS when I fail self-control
>I am not allowed to quote 2001 a space oddyssey, System Shock 2, or IHNMAIMS while berzerking
>I am not allowed to take the Hermaphromorph advantage for any reason
>Sleeping with another character does not qualify me for the Slippery advantage
>Or the Flexible advantage
>Or the Knot-tying skill
>My dick is not big enough to qualify as an innate crushing attack
>I cannot give myself an innate fist attack that does 4d crushing with a delay of ten seconds, and then use it to hit someone in the head and mutter "Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru"
>Cannot fall in love with Revan posthumously via holocron.
>Cannot play a closeted Sith.
>Cannot be a force user under the nose of our zealous jedi for half the campaign.
>Cannot save his life with my first use of the Force in the very last session of the game.
>Especially with a Destiny and Force Point enhanced Force Lightning.
>When the party, IC and OOC, goes "What," I am not allowed to shrug and smile sheepishly.
>Percussive maintenance should not be a threat
My fucking sides.
>Clothing are a right, not a privilege
>I am not allowed to be the Kobold Messiah
>I cannot unite all the Kobold's into one massive unstoppable army
>I am not allowed to build anything
>I am not allowed to commission anything
>If offered a reward, I will not ask for a statue of myself

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