I'm back! Let the story of Solaron's adventure continue.--I stand there for a few moments more, making sure they are well and truly gone. Once the sound of their fleeing horses and rumbling wagon has disappeared into the distance, I short in aggravation. I hoped that attacking passing strangers was not the norm in local society, though from what I could see humans had a tendency for visiting violence, purposeful or otherwise, on their fellows. Now sure of our safety, I turn to see the old male the ruffians had been tormenting.He was a frail old thing, skin wizened and wrinkled by the years. As he walks he holds his walking stick out ahead of him, tapping the ground before his feet. His hood is pulled up over his head, but under it I can see a white cloth which is tied over his eyes.“Are you all right?” I ask, and the old man. When I speak, he starts for a moment, looking around.“Hello?” He asks in a somewhat shaky voice. “Who’s there?”“My name is Solaron.” I say, “And you don’t have to worry about those scoundrels anymore, I sent them running right quick.”The old man nods. “Thank you.” He says, starting to walk along the road again. “They had been entertaining themselves by harassing me for some time.”
>>25643581“Why didn’t you fight back or call for help?” I ask. The old man had simply been taking the abuse the younger males had been throwing out.“One old man against three strong lads?” He asks, scoffing under his voice. “I would not have stood a chance. Besides, they are young, and the young are often foolish. They will learn how better to live in the world, or the world will punish them for it.”“You are very forgiving.” I say, “I would have sent them off with a few scars had it been me.”“I am simply very patient.” Says the old man, smiling. “Being blind can teach you to take things slowly.”Ah, so that explains the blindfold, I was starting to wonder about that. He starts off down the road again and I fall in beside him.“Where are you going?” I ask.“I am going to the town of Rutherford, to see my family. It has been too long since I spoke to my children and grandchildren.”“Do you live alone?” I ask, and he nods. “That must not be easy, especially since…” I trail off, a little embarrassed.>>25643626I wouldn't just leave you hanging.
>>25643760He smiles then, a quiet, gentle sort of smile. “Be at ease friend, I came to terms with my injury long ago. And no, living alone in the hills is not always easy, but I would only be a burden on my family as I am and that would break my heart. I pass the time tending to my garden. But tomorrow is a special occasion, one of my grandchildren is turning ten years old, and I would not want to miss that.”“Of course not.” I say, “I understand completely. But I think we have already proven that these roads are not safe for a lone traveler, and I would hate to think you might be waylaid along your path to your family. Perhaps I could travel with you the rest of the way?”He considers this. “It has been a long time since I have spoken at length to another, perhaps a traveling companion would do me good. Is Rutherford also along your path?”“I have no path.” I said, “I go where the wind takes me.”“Then it is settled.” Says my new companion. “My name is Menthus, by the way.”“A pleasure.” I say as we start off down the road.--Remember, I use comments to measure my worth as a human being!
>More SolaronGood to have you back, OP.
>>25643981Also, for any newcomers, the old thread can be found here.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Solaron
>>25643981Well you're a very worthy human being then, because your writing is damn good fun.
>>25643991Was grabbing some food, more in a moment.
>>25643981We talked about many things as we traveled together. Menthus, it seems, had been a merchant in his younger days before a disease took his sight. He had been up and down the coastline, traveled the length and breadth of the continent, seen many strange societies and wondrous sights. He spoke of ancient stone statues carved straight from a mountain face, and of artificial gardens five floors high in the middle of cities. He spoke of humans and other races he had met, other traders and travelers from far off lands, people from strange cultures with whom he had traded stories.I in turn told him of my homeland, of great cities of stone rising out of the jungles of my youth, of an ancient and proud civilization living amidst the old and new alike. We talked, traded songs and old stories, and it was in general high spirits that we continued our journey together. Eventually, the topic of the conversation turned to family.“I have two sons.” Menthus says, “The elder of which we visit now. From those sons I have seven grandchildren. Three of them are the children of Michael, who we are on our way to seeing.”“Do you get to see them often?” I ask.“Not as often as I would like, but the journey here from my home is not a very easy one, and I am not as young as I used to be, so I do not make the journey often. I am not usually lucky enough to meet a good traveling companion on the way there.”
>>25644281“And what of your family?” Menthus asks, “I have spoken for too long about my own, and wish to hear of yours.”I think for a little while on that. “My family was, not as close to me as yours.”“Did something happen to them?” Menthus asks, “I am sorry if I have awoken uncomfortable memories.”“No, no it’s all right, my memories of my family are not painful.” I think for a moment more. “I have four siblings, two brothers and two sisters. We, never really got along all that well. My brothers would often tease me for something or another, and my sisters were not very kind in their own way. They were not openly belligerent or cruel, but there was a sly cunning to them, always on the watch for anything they could use against you. My father was a very distant man, I did not see him very often when I was growing up. His work kept him busy so it was largely up to the servants and tutors to raise me and my siblings.”I think for a moment before continuing.“My mother though, her I saw more of. She was a very busy woman, between helping my father manage his business and keeping the home affairs in order she had little time for herself, and with five children each of us only saw her for a little while. But what memories I have of her are fond enough. I remember she used to sing to me when I could not sleep, or would sit up with me and read to me when I was sick. So I remember her at least with fondness.”We traveled in silence for a little while after that.
>>25644465Eventually, it was Menthus who broke the silence.“May I ask what business brought you down this lonely road alone?”“No business.” I say, “I just set off down the road and eventually it carried me here.”“Have you no home?” He asks, “Or employment?”“I am my own employer.” I say happily, “And I have not had a home for some months now. My father sent me away, I suspect he was disappointed with me. So here I am out in the great wide world with nobody to care for but myself, and so very many things to see.”“And can you return home?” My companion asks.I stop, a little surprised. Simply returning home was an option which had never occurred to me. It struck me that with Burgel gone and no word, they might think me dead. That prospect did not disturb me as much as I had anticipated, though the thought of worrying my mother did sadden me.“I do not think so.” I say, “My home lies far to the south across a wide ocean, it took weeks by ship for me to reach a port on these shores. Even if I could find a ship for home and afford passage, I doubt my father would take me back, as it was he who cast me out in the first place.”I am unexpectedly saddened by this realization. I had always understood that it would be a very long time before I would ever be able to see the city of my childhood, but the idea that I was forever barred from going there was an unpleasant one. Even if practicality kept me from returning, it was always an option. Knowing that I was purposefully shut out from the streets and halls I had grown up in made me feel suddenly very small and vulnerable.--Quiet thread today.
>>25644742I don't really have much to say or add. People are reading/watching, they just can't think of anything clever right now.
>>25644752What this guy said. I'm certainly enjoying what you've posted so far and I'm interested to know how this next town will react to Menthus turning up with Sol in tow, but otherwise I feel I have nothing meaningful to contribute.
>>25644742>>25644752>>25644813What these guys said, I just can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said.
>>25644813>>25644790>>25644752I appreciate your comments.I know it seems petty, but seeing comments from people enjoying the writing makes it easier and more fun to write this, I can't really explain the great feeling from knowing that your work is bringing joy to someone else.More in a moment.
>>25644742>quiet thread todayWell you're writefagging, best to just let that settle and do its thing. Don't want to upset the natural balance or whatever.
>>25644842As someone who's done a little writefagging here and there, I know exactly how you feel. Positive reinforcement and all that. I swear I'll get around to editing the wiki article into something prettier at some point, honest guv!
>>25644926I think it's a good start. Personally I would put the character concept nearer the top of the article and maybe expand the intro blurb.Also, don't worry about trying to post the entire story in one massive block, the links at the bottom go to the whole story anyway, so don't spend your time trying to copy paste the whole thing over into the article.
>>25644961If I trusted myself enough to put in some kind of chapter breaks that didn't mess with the flow too badly I'd do that. While I personally would like to have the whole thing in one place for convenient reading, I'll take it under consideration along with the rest of your suggestions.
>>25644742“Do you not get lonely?” Asks Menthus. “I may live by myself but my family is only a day’s walk away.”“Not really.” I say, recovering from my sudden moment of sadness. “I have the entire world ahead of me to see, and every passing day I am discovering things I have never seen before. And plus I have my book for lonely nights.”We continue to exchange pleasantries and stories for a while, the sun starting to sink past noon as we go. After a few hours of travel we pass a wooden sign along the side of the road, stating that our destination is only a mile or so away now, we are almost there.As we draw closer to the town itself we start to pass farms and outlying homes. Some people recognize Menthus from a distance and wave. Sometimes I wave back and they get shy all of a sudden, must not be comfortable around strangers. After a little more time we start to draw into the town itself. It is evening by the time we arrive, some farmers and craftsmen have evidently finished the days toil and are retiring to the town pup or walking the market stalls. Rutherford is evidently somewhat larger than Linda’s hometown, a larger town square and bigger buildings indicating a town which has been here longer.I see human female, probably about my age if I’m not mistaken, start coming towards us about to speak. She looks up and her words seem to catch on her lips, leaving her standing there with a somewhat shocked expression.>>25645094You're the one running the page, so I have no right to complain, just trying to lighten your workload.
>>25645156She seems to be upset about something, so I crank up the old Solaron charm and give her a big smile, waving as we pass. She seems a bit confused for a moment and tentatively waves back. I grin back and give her a little nod, which sends her scurrying. Others around the square are taking notice of me, some whispering and pointing, others seeming to be on rather urgent business and rushing off. We are most of the way across the town square when a town guard walks up and stops us. This guard is a bit better equipped than the ones I had seen before, chainmail and a solid longsword at his hip, the handle of which he is gripping tightly. He is joined a moment later by three of his compatriots.“Menthus.” He asks, “What is wrong, and who, what, is…” He looks at me, “this?”“This,” Menthus says calmly, “Is Solaron, I met him on the roadside and we have been traveling together for most of the day.”The guard blinks a few times.“Are you all right Menthus? Are you aware that,”“He’s had a bit of a rough day.” I say, the guards looking at me like they’re surprised I can speak. “On his way here he was waylaid by a trio of young scoundrels on the roadside, who took sport in harassing him as he walked. I imagine he is rather tired after his long day and would like to go and see his son and grandchildren, which is why he is here.”I must admit I was a little annoyed at this point, I had not traveled with Menthus all this way just to see him stopped and harassed by a town guard, he was too old to be walking that far and should get to his son’s house as soon as possible.
>>25645419Be right back, am going to walk my dog.
>>25645419He guard was taken aback for a moment, before turning back to Menthus. “Is this true?” He asks incredulously.“Yes, my friend speaks the truth, if not for him I would likely have been very late indeed. Now I am going to go to my son’s house and visit with my family, and my friend here is coming with me.”He walks straight forward and the guard reflexively jumps aside. I slither through before the gap can close and smile at the guard as I pass, leaving him looking somewhat confused. Michael’s house is just a little further now, just three streets off of the main square, and a minute or two later Menthus feels his way to the door and starts to knock. I’m a few feet off to the side examining a flowering bush when the door opens behind me.“Father!” I hear a hearty male voice say, “good to see you.”“And you as well son, it has been too long.”“Glad you could make it father, I had feared that you may find trouble on the road, but it seems you have gotten here well enough.”“Yes,” says Menthus, “Safe and sound thanks to my friend here, Solaron come and introduce yourself.”I turn and raise myself up, slithering forward into the light spilling from the open doorway, reaching out a hand to shake.“Hi there. I’m Solaron and it’s nice to meet you, Menthus has said some great things.”
>>25645888>“Hi there. I’m Solaron and it’s nice to meet you, Menthus has said some great things.”Oh, Sol, you perpetual ray of sunshine, you.
>>25645909Almost nothing is capable of even temporarily darkening his mood.
>>25645934I love how he just assumes that people think that there's a monster behind him, or they're harassing the old man instead of being confused as to his presence. He's the best kind of oblivious.
>>25645979He expends so much energy on being unfailingly friendly that it never occurs to him that anyone might have a problem with him.Why would you, he's such a nice guy.
>>25645888Michael stood in the door, his mouth opening and closing a few times, though no sound came out.Menthus seemed to detect his son’s discomfort and spoke to him. “Solaron here protected me from a few young thugs who waylaid me on the road here, had it not been for him I do not know what would have happened to me, and he has kept me company all day on the walk here. I find him quite friendly and helpful, and he has been a perfect gentleman all day.”Michael stammers for a moment before talking. “You cannot be serious. Father, do you not know what he is?”“Yes I do know.” Menthus says, “He is a kind helpful soul who stopped to help an old man on the roadside.” Michal looks unconvinced. After a moment of patting and searching, Menthus puts a hand on his son’s shoulder.“Please, trust your father as you always have. Go inside and tell Martha to put out the food, we are quite tired and hungry from our long journey.”
>>25643981There are no comments in this world, the one(s) that came before it, or the one(s) that will come after it that would properly convey just how highly I value your writing, at least the stuff pertaining to the story of this particular character.
>>25646444Thank you very much.
>>25646444Different anon, but on a similar note: as I said last thread, I've been looking to read this kind of story (ie, member of typically evil-aligned reptillian race decides to Do Good, in spite of all the prejudices he might face in the wider world) for so very long. You're delivering on that with Solaron, and I want to see as much as you can give us. The fact that I get to read it instead of having to write it myself is just icing on the cake.
>>25646554On the phone, will be back soon.
I'd like to see how a playwright that almost exclusively uses melodrama in his acts would deal with Solaron demanding more sword fights and adventure.
>>25646141Michael looked dubious, and glanced back over to me. I grinned cheerily and after a moment’s consideration he seemed to relent.“Very well father, I hope you know what you’re doing. I’m just glad you’re here, I shall go and tell Martha and the children.”He turns and goes back into the house. I slither over to Menthus.“Well I’m glad you’re here safe.” I say, “I hope you enjoy your grandson’s birthday. It has been a pleasure traveling with you Menthus but I should probably get going.”I turn to leave, but feel a hand on my arm.“Oh no you’re not.” Menthus says, pulling me back toward the house, “You haven’t escorted an old man across the countryside for an entire day on the goodness of your heart just to be turned out into the night, you’re staying here until you have rested up.”“Are you sure?” I ask, “This is a family gathering and I would hate to impose.”“No imposition.” Menthus says, “You have kept me company for the entire day, the least I can do is offer you dinner and a bed for the night.”“Well, if you’re sure.” I say, “Slithering through the door behind Malthus into the home of his son.
OP you maginificient bastard, sols tale is giving me warm feelings.
>>25647121And someone already voted it down.How sad.
>>25647141Dont worry about assholes or trolls OP
>>25647141Upvoted. 'Tis now on its journey towards a higher score.
>>25647141Don't pay attention to the autists. They're probably just angry that the glorious journey of Sol has a higher vote count than their imbecilic quest thread.
>>25647141This is a serious problem with suptg's archive. The fact that people can downvote threads means that it's prime trolling ground. That, combined with the mistagging going on really makes me want to start a better archive.
>>25647205Wow, I mean wow, +5 already.You guys are great.
The scaly brigade rushes to your aid.
>>25647225No, _you_ are great.We're just riding the wave you make, all the way to adventure.>has nounskYes, captcha. The story does indeed have nouns.
>>25647255Sorry for the delay, talking to one of my D&D buddies on the phone, will write more soon.
>>25647240Or maybe people actually, y'know, like the story? It's not high literature or anything but it's still entertaining enough that I think archiving is deserved. That was sup/tg/'s purpose before quest threads, you see: saving quality threads so people who missed them at the time could read them back and share them with others.
>>25647328>That was sup/tg/'s purpose before quest threads>Writefaggotry>implying it's better than questfaggotry>implying they both aren't cancer
>>25647364Do you mean to imply that tabletop gaming is not an act of storytelling?
>>25647381My call is done, let the story continue!
>>25647364So the lone down voter reveals himself!Why do you hate adventure so anon?
>>25647381>muh storytelling is table-top gamingGo on.
>>25647328Why are you dragging quests in to this?
>>25647422>So the lone down voter reveals himself!It is my mission to make as many dents as possible into writefaggotry and questfaggotry.Enjoy, anon.
>>25647422Well, that's a different guy.
>>25647458I'll back you for the quests. I'm tired of hiding all those fucking "Girl's und Panzers" threads.But ADVENTURE!
Menthus knows Sol is a yuan-ti. He can hear the slithering instead of footsteps.
>>25647482When they came for the porn, I did nothing, for I didn't like porn. When they came for the quests, I did nothing, for I didn't like quests. When they came for the writefaggotry, there was no-one left to help.
>>25647495Also he grab his scaly arm!
>>25647509Yes, because a downvote is basically the holocaust.
>>25647522that was the joke, yes. Thank you for pointing it out and explaining it.
>>25647509I vote, and I NEVER vote. Also where's is OP damn I wanna keep reading. Move those fingers dude.
>>25647515Remember, Sol is wearing what amounts to a duster coat, so he wouldn't feel his scales.
>>25647522Mistaggings are though.
>>25647542But footsteps. FOOTSTEPS!
>>25647534Was on the phone, writing now.
>>25646925Michael’s house is moderately sized, but it carries a certain warmth to it. It seems that Michael inherited some leftover wealth from Menthus’ days as a traveling merchant, and has used it to set him and his family up in moderate comfort here in Rutherford. The family room I peek into is lit by a crackling fire and hanging lanterns, suffusing the place with a warm yellow glow. On the walls hang framed maps of faraway lands, and I can smell something absolutely delicious wafting out of the kitchen.I hear footsteps coming out of the kitchen, and see Michael and a female who could only be his wife Martha, who is standing just behind him, and holding his arm. If I had a hat, I would have doffed it now, so instead I simply bow low with a sweep of my arm.“Greetings, I am Solaron, wandering wayfarer and teller of tales. Your father in law has been kind enough to offer me a roof for the night and, with some persuasion, I have accepted.”Martha does not seem very impressed.“Yes,” She says, “Mighty gracious of him considering it wasn’t his roof to offer, but I suppose the damage is done so you might as well have a seat, dinner will be served in a moment.”“Thank you milady.” I say, “But before you go, is there someplace I could hang my things?” I gesture to my coat and sword belt, “These are hardly fit for the dinner table.”She purses her lips and points to a door beside the front door, which reveals a closet. I story away my pack and belt, and hang up my coat, coming back into the dining room.--Sorry for the wait!
>>25647650No Apologies. Write. Edit. Publish. Sell. Write.
>>25647429Quests dominate the archive now. Of course it doesn't help that /tg/ doesn't produce nearly as much OC as it used to.
>>25647364>>25647428>>25647458I don't see what's so objectionable about writefaggotry in the first place. Over the course of several years I've been given to the understanding that writefagging about /tg/-related subjects is as much a part of the board as worldbuilding, art dumps, homebrew and mechanical discussions. I'm interested to hear why you think a creative exercise like writing is a bad thing to do on a board dedicated to creative pastimes.>>25647429I'm not trying to. That was more a comment on the current usage of sup/tg/ compared to that of three, four years ago. I think quests have gotten a bit too prolific these days, and I say that as someone who was very much in favour of them way back when.>>25647748Too much arguing about what the right kind of fun is, I reckon. If people would just put that extra bit of effort into making entertaining and interesting content to share then I think the board would be a much improved place.Polite sage for meta talk.
>>25647650I head over to the table. Evidently I am to take a seat here, though I wince slightly at the idea of me trying to wedge myself into the chairs, so I push one aside and simply settle down onto my coils. Martha comes out a moment later bearing a large pot of steaming stew. She stops for a moment in the door and gives me an odd look.“I wouldn’t fit into the chair.” I say sheepishly, “I’m quite comfortable.”She considers this for a moment and then comes over to set the bowl down.“Is there anything I can help you carry?” I ask as she walks away.“No! No I am quite all right.” She says, bearing a tray of drinks, setting them out at each place setting. When she is done, Martha walks over to a door and calls out, “Children, time for dinner.”I hear the thumping and scrabbling of feet on the wooden floor, and a few moments later three children come bursting into the room, one male, one female, and one so young I am quite unable to tell which. The female is the oldest, looking to be around my age, the male is younger, he must be the birthday boy about to turn ten, and the unknown is just old enough to waddle around unassisted.The two younger ones huddle around their older sister, who looks at me warily.>>25647867WILL DO.
>>25647877I wonder if Solaron is going to tell the children a story of ADVENTURE and rescuing maidens.
>>25647877There are just so many scenes in this story that feel like they'd look good in picture form. I wonder if we could coax a drawfag into doing something...>>25647900Sol's got to get his Bard legs from somewhere. He's got some natural talent, but that's only going to get him so far.
>>25647959Wait for a drawfag thread to open, and then go request ones aid, I may do so just to see if one is interested.
>>25647877“Children,” I hear Menthus say, “This is my friend Solaron, who helped me get here today, do be polite and come over to say hello.”They edge over, the smaller ones still hiding behind their larger sibling. When they finally draw near, she introduces herself first.“Rebecca.” She says simply.“Solaron.” I say, before tucking my arm in front of me and bowing, “At your service.” I say, glancing back up. I grin up at her, and she quickly looks away before wandering toward the table. The male comes up next, puffing out his chest.“I’m Marcus.” He says, “And I’m not scared of you.”“Really?” I say, dropping down to his level, “Well that’s good, I think that we’re off to a pretty good start then, I generally try to be as non-scary as possible.”He doesn’t seem to know how to respond to that, and at that point he detects the presence of food on the table, and quickly runs over and jumps in his chair. Well, that just leaves the toddler left. I go down all the way on my belly and prop my chin on my palms.“And who are you little one?”The child burbles at me.
>>25648067THAT'S A CHALLENGE TO A DUELSLAY THE TINY HUMAN!
>>25648067“Sam can’t talk yet.” Says Rebecca.The tiny human looks up at me with its big watery eyes and starts sucking its own thumb. Martha rushes over and swoops the child up, depositing it in a high chair next to her. I pull myself off the floor and settle back down in my place at the table. Martha begins to pour out the stew, the only sound at the table being the clink of the ladle on the bowl.“So.” Michael begins awkwardly, “Where exactly are you from Solaron, we haven’t ever seen one of your kind around here before.”“I would expect not.” I say, “I was born and raised in the jungles far to the south and across the sea, it took me many weeks of traveling to get this far.”“And have you seen many interesting things?” Menthus asks, trying to prod along the conversation.“Not yet sadly.” I say, “Though I am hopeful, there is so much to see out here I don’t want to miss any of it.”“Done anything interesting?” Menthus asks.“Well,” I say, “I did fight some bandits.”
>>25648352HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOo
>>25648352Marcus leaps halfway out of his chair, almost spilling his stew.“You fought bandits?” He asks, all shyness gone, “How many? How big were they? How did you,”His mother gently pushes him back into his chair.“Marcus,” She fusses, “You shouldn’t bother people about these things, I’m sure he doesn’t want to,”“There were three of them.” I say, “And they were pretty big, for humans anyway. Yes, big nasty smelly brutes, with swords and axes and clubs.”Martha looks as if she’s about to say something, but the look of intense curious happiness on her son’s face forestalls her objection.“What were they doing?” Marcus asked, “Were they attacking a town, robbing travelers?”“Actually,” I say slyly, “They were trying to kidnap a girl.”“A girl?” Marcus asks, incredulously.“Yes, fairly young at that in fact,” I lean over the table and look Marcus right in the eye, “She was just about your age.”Marcus leans back in his chair, quivering a little.
>>25648476DONT STOP NAO OP
>>25648533Sorry, was called away by my folks, writing more now.
>>25648476“Where was I?” I ponder, “Oh yes, the bandits. I could smell them before I could see them, for I don’t think those foul brutes have seen the inside of a bath since it was their mothers who washed them. Then I could hear them, running and shouting. I see them coming around a bend in the road ahead of me, so I dive into the trees to hide myself.”Here I lower myself down, so that just my eyes show over the top of the table, glancing furtively back and forth.“So then I see the girl they’re chasing, young thing like I said. Anyway she trips on her dress and falls, and then the bandits are on her and start to tie her up, their big leader starting to carry her off, never to be seen again.”Marcus draws in a frightened breath, and the rest of the table is at least interested if nothing else.“Unhand her now! I said, just a voice hidden in the trees. The bandit leader looked to his followers and told them to go check it out. So the two bandits pulled out their weapons and started after me, coming to hunt me down.”“What happened then?” Marcus asked, enraptured.“Well you see,” I said, drawing myself over the table to stare him down. “They went into the forest,” I smile a slow grin, “But they didn’t come back out.” I held the silence in the room for a long moment before continuing.
>>25648834“So now you see, the bandit leader is scared now. His only two men just went into the woods and up and vanished without a trace, and there’s me, standing on the edge of the woods. I’m just a shape in the shadows to him. So he’s spitting and cursing and telling me to come out and fight like a man. Well, I oblige him. I come gliding out of the mist, sword in hand, and tell him to let the girl go one more time. Now you see, now he must really understand exactly how bad a place he’s in. But never let it be said that bandits were the smartest breed out there, and he comes at me with his sword swinging.”Marcus is hanging on my every word, the rest of the room pulled in as well.“So up comes my saber,” I say, making appropriate hand motions, “And we clash together, swords sparking in the shadows. We whirled and twisted, slashed and parried, he almost had me once but I lashed out at him and drove him back. Then I finally saw an opening and,” I mimed a coup de grace, “Finished my opponent.”I let the moment hang, an easy grin on my face.“And then I went over and untied the female.” I said, leaning back as though nothing had happened.Marcus was obviously still lost somewhere in the mental image I had just given him, and the others at the table were trying to look as though they hadn’t just been listening in rapt attention.“So what happened to the girl?” Michael asked, feigning disinterest.“I picked her up and carried her back to her father.” I say, a little confused, “Why?”“Nothing.” Michael says, waving as if to say it was only a passing fancy. Now with the ice well and truly broken, we lay into our dinners with somewhat lighter hearts.
>>25648995I fear it is that time of the night again /tg/, I must retire to bed soon.I will be on the thread for a few more minutes if anyone wants to comment or discuss now, else I shall go to sleep and post more tomorrow.If this thread is still up I shall continue here, else I shall make a new one and continue in that one.Thanks for reading.
>>25649051Thank you for writing. Have a good night.
>>25649051Your writing is good, but there's a few things you can work on. Overuse of words (I only spotted the multiple "now/so you see"'s in the last few posts by chance), a few grammar mistakes here and there. Also, your uses of tenses; stick to one tense per paragraph. Personally, I'd stay with past tense for all these "flashback" scenes (since it's established that Sol is telling his story to the reader), but that's just me.Also, pick up "Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. Fantastic tool for any writer.
>>25643581OP, I'm the guy who almost abandoned thread the other day when it looked like it was getting all fetishy, and I'm really glad I didn't. I had to leave for work not long after I found this thread today and I just got off. It's 2:30 in the morning, I should be going to sleep as I have to be awake for my other job at 9:00 AM, but I have to finish where I left off, great story so far.Thanks for posting.
>>25654091Thanks, I was afraid some readers might jump ship when they saw that scene, so I tried to follow up on it as soon as possible, glad you stuck it out.>>25649519Thanks for the ConCrit, I know I sometimes lose track of tenses, I'll try to keep a better handle on that moving forward.