>You can't roll for shit, at this rate I'm going to get killed>just let me mack on the elf already, I don't care if you think it's too creepy>One day I'm going to kill that rogue and there's NOTHING you can do about it
>I don't trust the drow, for obvious reasons. I dislike the Dwarf, on general principle, and don't get me started on how screwy the damn half-elf is.>Why did you buy all these RITUALS? the gods never let me cast any of them!
>Pick a mood and stick with it bastard. I'm tired of the others accusing me of being bipolar.>Did we really have to walk into that obvious ambush?
>Who cares if you knew something was up, you shoulda let me plow that merchant's daughter.>Nigga, you better at least let me make it with the Mayor. She's pretty fine.>Also just let me shoot things. You never miss with the gun, but you never hit with the sword.
>Why won't you let me do anything awesome?>Grandpa is boring as shit, just let me take advantage of him>let me use the cannon more often damn it
>"Good job. Keep it up."
>dat OPGood lord did I hate that about the first AC, almost as much as the game gradually taking away my ability to free run.
> "No, fuck you, you talk to the fucking elder god of mindfuckery."
>so, what exactly am I supposed to be GOOD AT?
>Do I really have to carry all that shit all the time?>It's way too damn hot outside to walk around in full plate.
>So wait, when I bludgeoned those three guys in the face with that other guy's face, that was your idea?>And the 300 bottles of rum in the hold, that was you too?>What about the time I escaped the noose with nothing but my last smoke?>...I think I owe you a drink kid.
>Why do I have to loot EVERYTHING? A burnt tunic? Really?>Couldn't I just retire already? That's the third time I've come back from the dead...>Being able to regenerate is not a reason to get stabbed!
>Hey, they have these things called brothels. We should visit them more often, you too. Gods knows you need something. >Hey! I didn't take any points in parkour, what's with all the roof jumping? My bones are going to hurt for the rest of my life now!
>Damn it you fucking heretic stop making me cooperate with aliens, the Unforgiven reward their sin of existence with death.>And give me a plasma pistol already!
>Why didn't you think to ask if there were an alternate means of medical care that would actually work on my fucked-up biology?>Why couldn't you have overslept and gotten written out of this session?!>You bitch, I'd totally survive an interplanetary trip back home!>Quit rolling noncombatants, anon!!My character's not having a very good day.
>All of them are evil. ALL of them. No, stop, evil is EXACTLY a strong enough word. Every fucking one. Yes, even the bar- know what, no, ESPECIALLY the bard. Smite, cleave, justice.>"I roll to poison our provisions". That's all it will take. What happened to the greater good, man? Get me the hell out of here. Fuck the lich and the horde of gibbering fleshbeasts he rode in on. I am getting way too righteous for this shit.
>By the Divine Exchequer, why are you so honest? These fuckers deserve being screwed.>So do you actively try to waste money?
>>25763413Nothing, because I am forever GM.>that feel
>Kill the elf. You know we hate their kind.>Kill the elf. He's nearly gotten himself and us killed several times and we've only known him for 5 days.>KILL THE ELF. >Probably should kill the others too, just to be sure.
>Every one of these are criticismsNever change /tg/.
>>25765964>paladin>poisonThat's a fallin'.
>Stop putting me into shitty PrCs. One class is fine.>You exist to roll dice. Nothing more.
> Why am I adventuring with a bunch of helpless chucklenuggets like these? I'm a wizard, I can handle everything myself. I guess when they inevitably get themselves killed I can get "their" share of the loot back, but still...
Character 1>Why did you give me these crippling insecurities? I'm piloting a mech, I can't worry about my weight on top of that!>Seriously, let me shoot the other pilot. He's pissing me off. Seriously. I don't care how much you like the other player, I'm going to force-feed the bastard his Koran if he keeps mumbling on. >If you make me mood snap again I swear to GOD I will kill you. You won't? Aw, thank you!Character 2>Please stop making me talk about my past all mopey and all. I'm not depressing, I'm happy. Being mopey is boring as fuck.>Oh man, we should totally piss off the evil wizard more. What's the worst that could happen?>What in the hell do you want from me? I don't know where I'm going, and you sure as hell don't know either.
>>25766147My Wizard would probably break down into tears while feebly whapping my chest with her wet bagel hands screaming>"Why do you keep doing this to meeeee"Because you're not allowed to be happy.
>>25766080>Know what? Worth it. We have brought nothing but pain since this started. I refuse to believe it's cosmically possible for five people to have luck this awful.>Fuck it, i'll be a farmer.
>>25766216>wet bagel handsW-what?
I think the moment any of your characters realized how much it sucks to be "in the real world" they'd wonder why everyone didn't just give up, act chaotic and or evil stupid, and just murder hobo everything. Fuck... most of you don't even have money. You make commoners look well off.
>why are you making me hang around with these fucktards, again?
>Why haven't we killed everyone yet? No, I don't care that you have "Plans" for when we have to, We probably wont ever have to.
>>25766033Then what would the PC's say to YOU?
>dude I can't believe you made me the king of Greenvein what the fuck, I'm just bard, I have no idea what I'm doing!?!
>So i'm just the manifestation of randomly decided numbers and multipliers- dictating everything from physical form to my effects on the world around me-, given form through an amalgam of histories greatest minds and conquerers alike? And not even my own history as evidently everything i know was created by entirely different parties written in an old book (Or several), that were only given meaning through another entity entirely known as the "Master". I... i have never been this happy. One moment, i'm getting my quill.>The implications of you having no idea what i'm talking about is an entirely different matter all together. If you are the man behind the wheel, am i just as a puppet mouthing-SHUT UP. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. JESUS CHRIST JUST SWING THE GODDAMN AXE. An idiot like me should never be allowed to play a philosopher.
>You should've killed that hobo>And that guy in the theater>And those security guards>Why won't you let me indulge my beast more often>I'm not even on the humanity path>Why the fuck haven't you killed Stan yet>Good job with those werewolves
She'd probably beg me on her knees.>Please stop hurting me, I really am sorry for being a psyker.>I'll do double flagellation every day, just stop it.>And stop forcing me into uncomfortable situation with the Null, damn you.
>So let me get this straight, you rolled a soulknife, a class so terribad, that even a monk will pity you, just so you can pretend to be a self-loathing hero of justice? Well, you certainly nailed self-loathing right.
>Thanks for making me the most broken demigod wizard in this plane of existence.>But was it really necessary for me to trade away my soul, and my humanity?>Also, if I am the most omnipotent wizard, why must I still stay amongst these lowly barbarians and bards?>Sacrifice them for more power? Great Idea!
>pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens pain tokens
DRYH> Well /you're/ an optimistic one, aren't you? Lucky for me you're smarter than I am. Oh, and I do /not/ appreciate you 'shipping' me with Lucy, just because I might get off to a /picture/ of something like her doesn't mean I want to meet her.AdEva> Wait, you're telling me I'll /never/ get replaced out of here. And that my employment working with the MAGI is completely insignificant in any wider sense. And that the metaphorical god of the universe doesn't really know what he's doing.> Fuckit, I'm asking the OD on a date. At least Sgt June Cleaver vanished for reasons outside of the universe, she seemed ready to crack and we've barely seen anything.FATE hacked for magical girls> So /that's/ why so many bad things keep happening to Manami? Guess I'd better just keep my distance so she doesn't get tragically crippled or someth--> Wait, you plan for me to WHAT? I know some magical girls maybe do bad things sometimes, but--WHAT?FATE hacked for Jojo's Bizarre Adventure> Okay, so the lady here is cool, and I'll walk out of this with frankly more money than I'd ever care to have. And I have fucked-up superpowers.> Now get me the fuck away from those two helmet heroes I'm apparently stuck with for "plot". Your GM is a straight-up dyke, and I happen to swing that way. Derail shit, you're almost as good a manipulator as I am. Chop-chop!
>WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVER MAKE ME A TRUENAMER YOU FUCKING ASSWRANGLER? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU.
>"I don't like the underdark"
My first character would probably just stare at me blankly, horrified...My currant character?>You're the mastermind behind my existence? You're the reason that child died a miserable death, and the force that had me puppet him to keep his parents in blissful ignorance?>YOU ARE THE REASON I LIED TO MY "BEST FRIEND" FOR SIX MONTHS?>I... I need to sit down...Granted, it's not my fault the GM decided to mindfuck him with a shadow spirit.
>"Also I want more swords"Asura we've been over this, you can't hold more than 6>"I can in my octopus form"No, the DM ruled that that would be stupid
>>25763413>please can I kill this fox lady thing? Please dammit?>why didn't you have me stab her through the throat when you got a chance?>enough armor boosts, that damn elf is upstaging the fuck out of me on damage>although I do kind of like that elf
>Okay, I get you have a huge boner for sniper rifles.>And I appreciate you giving me a sniper rifle that disintegrates anything it hits, that's pretty cool.>But dude, this is a space orchestra battle! >While my allies are launching missiles and spraying bullets everywhere and can kill due to random chance, you want me to pick off my enemies one by one, not to mention, this rifle can't let me move while firing.>I'm just saying, gimme a couple of pistols and maybe I won't be "crirtically damaged" more often.
>Why did you make me a demon's child, Kyantol?>You make me rape and kill people, and make me cry myself to sleep from guilt every night. You make me unable to control my rage and anger, and make me jealous to where I've slashed myself with my own claws just to release my stress!>You optimized my stats for killing, just to make it easier to cause suffering! Then my terrible spirit stat makes me have a nervous breakdown for days at a time!>Do you enjoy torturing me like this, you bastard!?>Am I doomed to be a deconstruction of half-demons just because you're frustrated at the legions of mary sues who use it as a ticket to power!? That was five years ago, Kyantol!!Yes. Yes you are, child. You are the sacrifice.
>Don't say another Goddamn word. >Up until now, I've been polite.>If you say ANYTHING else - ONE word - I will kill myself.> And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the Master of that dark place. >From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this Fear Engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. >When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming -as though from a great distance. >A smoking orb of NOTHING will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. >As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. >Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark world will begin. >I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.
>You...you double nigger! I'm not half as gruff as I need to be! Get your act together, man>For fucksake, if I die to another goddamn insect, I'm going to punch your ass>Fuck, why did you make me completely non-lethal, you dick? >Let the clerics kill each other! It's hilarious! >You better not make me convert to no god. Donating money to Soa was pretty gay, dude.
>"So you're the person who claims to control of me? You will pay for this insolence, cretin. I am the rightful King of this world and I answer to noone."
>>25766652>Quit whining, my player has a boner for swords>And in THIS space opera battle, I'm the sole idiot who brought a knife to a gun fight.
one of them: "...well, it could be worse. But we both know we're disappointed."the other: "...when do I get to stop them from just flouncing around like that?"
>"You have put me and my family through hell. My mind is shattered, broken by the torture you have put me through, for the sake of what? An interesting backstory? A useless gimmick, rolling your little dice to see what aspect of my personality comes to light today? Toying with innocent lives, just for the sake of an afternoon's entertainment? Were you ever aware of the consequences of your actions?">"Fix me. If you had the power to break me, you have this power to mend me. Fix my broken mind. Make these nightmares STOP. PLEASE! I JUST WANT TO WAKE UP TWO DAYS IN A ROW AS THE SAME PERSON! PLEASE, FIX ME! PLEASE!"In retrospect, maybe my grand idea wasn't so grand.
>>25766872>Everyone is John
>>25766872THIS.THIS.The feeling of looking back after months of play and realizing you've been torturing your character because "it was a fun and interesting backstory and/or personality quirk" is awful.
> Serious question. How did I go from a simple cowardly wizard who wants to help sustain his family to a FUCKING GOLEM MADE FROM GREEN SPACE METAL.
>Hey, dat guy always not spell right. he make me sound like retard>I didnt scream when ork shoot me yesterday, why you bitch like tiny girl when stub toe on table?>What, I did you favor, plot character would just lead to big encounter with some nurgle guy who smell like barn and dead skin, I DID PARTY FAVOR!
>>25763413>I am god. Look at those murderhobos constantly get their asses beaten by monsters they shouldn't be challenging.I'm a forever GM, so I guess my character is god.
They'd probably thank me for helping them tap into their inner strength and change from a cowardly little boy to a badass hero.I feel like the odd one out here.
>>25766928Does it make anything better if I actually do have plans to make my character sane again?Even if it's possible the game won't last long enough to make it happen?
>>25766976I once actually wanted to run a game where the PCs were teaming up with EVERY OTHER god in the verse to slay one evil god who was going around, ruining everyone's live along with his right hand minion and high priest Garret Stewart.The god's name? Diem.
>>25766681>Deconstructing half-demon mary suesYour ideals are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your magazine.
>You? You had me lose my parents and then dedicate my life to the Church, only to be defrocked and denounced as a witch? For MECHANICAL BENEFITS?
A dwarf pirate>Bloody hell lad, you don't drink you don't smoke, ye have never been with a wooman! Ye don't try some of that halfling pipe weed!>Ye have'nt "tamed the leviathan" once in your bloody life!>EVER>YE GIVE TO CHARITY, YOU CURSE SOMETIMES BUT ARE TRYING TO STOP>WHY IN THE LOWER PLANES ARE YOU PLAYING A PIRATE?
>>25763413>Did you really have to insult the demonically possessed king >I'm liking the dragon skull hat>So in all likley hood my tribe is dead as fuck, correct?>Why did you let the Cub die, he was our friend
>>25767010This anon here -> >>25766603I know how you feel, although I'm in a slightly different boat.Making it better will take a long, LONG time, and hopefully be some of the best roleplay you'll have, but if you can bring your character peace... Go for it!Being a shapeshifter and not telling anyone was a recipe for a fucking explosion IC and OOC, btw.
>Eh? You are Miroir's muse? Or is Miroir your muse? Ah, distinctions.>Ah monsieur, Miroir is hoping you are rolling highly, so that Miroir may be rolling himself. Miroir as no interest in another red cheek.>Eh? Ah, please, no more of the, uh, killing. Miroir is suave, not brave. Miroir is thinking Miroir plays them the song of his people, and once they are in the land of dreams, we are doing the f-oh. There goes beardy-shout-dwarf. Alas.
>The game hasn't even started yet and I have a bad feeling about this, you know.>I might be trying to resurrect a forgotten god and all, but what about that asshole over there? Shouldn't we do something about him?>I know you know what spells he's going to take. He's going to try and fuck us all over. I don't care if it's metagaming, I hate him anyway and WILL blame anything that goes south on him.>And the monk, on principle. Pretentious assholes.>I'm hungry.
> So... I used to be a farmer's son.Yes.> Who joined the town guard.Yes.> And led a pretty uneventful life, mostly dealing with petty crooks? You had this much power over me, and you gave me a normal life?Do you want to be like Edwyn Darkflame, the son of a noble and a demon, who is tortured and brooding?> Sir no sir.
Philosophical, Peaceful, Stupid as all fucking hell Half-Orc Barbarian.It works about as well as it sounds it does.>"Feng tired after long day. What lifts sun in air and pulls it down every time? Feng don't know, but Feng bet it taste good.">"You make Feng fight, fight, fight. But you say Feng not like fight. Do you like see Feng sad?">"You make Feng so mean to Halfling. Just because he Halfling no mean half person. It only mean Feng half full."
>wait wait a second>are you CONTROLLING ME?yes god damnit go away>this is complete bullshit, i demand you let me have my own freedom! I don't care that you can make me not exist!you get to pilot a mech and preach about freedom later>... I get a mech? I'll shut up.
>>25767242Holy fuck, that's adorable. And really depressing.
>>25767242I really want to give Feng a hug now.
>>25767262>>25767282I always imagined his appearance to be a little Godzilla Jr.-esque.
>God, are you there?Yes, my child?>Why am I without a family?But your companions are your new family>Why was it that I, a lowly human, have been given powers, so great as to slay titans?Because I love you>Why is it, despite my great powers, I keep running into monsters and traps designed to counter me and my fellow adventurers?Because MY god is a sadistic, vindictive, bastard full of bad ideas.
>Mother FUCKER>GOD DAMNIT>Why'd the campaign die, man? You could've badgered that asshole into keeping on running it.>Even if I was an enchanter in the middle of a sea of undead. That was a terrible idea, you know?>And the other campaign, that one that went for two sessions and almost got me mouthfucked by an elf?>Good job keeping me away from the water. Fuck water.
>you're the tallest damn dwarf I've ever met!
>>25767469Holy fuck, are you my Bard?
>>25767242>Just because he Halfling no mean half person. It only mean Feng half full."
>So, I'm dead then? Properly now?Yes mate. Sorry about that.>Well. I hope you're pleased with yourself, you pernicious great tit.Look, it was part of the character arc. I thou->Oh yes, you couldn't have THOUGHT to just let me swallow the vampirism cure, could you?I thought->THOUGHT you had to be dramatic didn't you?I just->THOUGHT you needed to have your 'character arc' didn't you?I->Now I'm not saying I didn't enjoy most of it. The prostitutes were fun. So was the constant drinking.>But gods man, could you not have showed a bit more discretion? Some forethought?Are you seriously saying you could have done any better in my shoes?>Well obviously not you cretin.>Just tell me this- Did the Lizard get his?He...went a bit...insane. He pretty much went mad and disappeared from the face fo the earth.>He went mad? Ha! Brilliant!>That'll teach him for doing that thing ... with the, uh. The thing. You know, that thing he did.Do you even remember what he did?>...to be honest it escapes me.(Pic related, it's an excerpt from his diary.)
>does our party have to kill so many people? >it was really sickening when you made me harm that child, even if it was just with a flashbang.>do you really think this revolution thing is a good idea?
I'm playing a greensnake naga factotum, who is a high-functioning alcoholic.Talking about me:>You know, you're going to have to stop relying on clever skill rolls to kill off enemies sooner or later>I mean, I know that using Knowledge checks, abusing elements in the environment, and running alot are kind of our schtick, but I have this awesome sword too>You want the scotch tonight. Trust me on this one.We could never hang out. It would end up like the Hangover, but with 100% more snakegirls. Actually, that might make a fun side-campaign... gonna have to run that past my DM.
>Why did you make me learn blood magic?
>Dude why the hell are you ripping off movies so much I don't care if it works make your own lines up.>Jesus shit am I glad you roll well, otherwise we'd be dead by now with how often we just charge into the thick of it. You've read WFRP, right? This shit is not okay.>Stop making me look like I care about impressing my dad, we're looking for bro and having our own fucking adventure here.>Can I be flirty with the elf yet or would that be one of those 'too soon' things you keep talking about?
>why can't I just kill the draegloth? I don't care if he is a "Player Character", he's an ass. I'm sure Lolth won't mind as long as I don't get caught.>Hey idiot, nice job almost getting me killed by mind flayers because you just HAD to go alone.>hey remember that time we put that hit out on that other Player Character and almost got him killed? good job
>Why are you trying to be a meatshield? You're a Warlord, not a fighter!>NO! Stop sending me into crowds of kobolds!>I know you're new at this, but try to take SOME opportunity for roleplay. You could at least improv your intimidate checks better.>Why is everyone in the group discussing the genetelia of birds during gameplay?
Did I really have to smash the dead guy's crotch with my knee? It seemed gratuitous and immature.Why didn't you let me get god-kicking boots?What the hell made you think 4 compassion was a good idea?
Character: Why would you let them trigger the magical turrets?Me: Because I thought that sending a single guy into the room when we just slaughtered the ones in the previous room, but make it look like it was just me, would scare them enough to surrender.
"WHY DO YOU MAKE ME USE THE HAMMER? THAT ONE TIME I TORE ALL THAT DUDE'S FLESH OFF HIS HEAD WITH MY CLAWS HAVE ME DO THAT MORE." Beast totem barbarians are the best
>>25766452That's just wrong dude. Nulls are freaky..
>>25766350Probably nothing. They'd probably pound his head in.
>>25766212>>Why did you give me these crippling insecurities? I'm piloting a mech, I can't worry about my weight on top of that!Did you make Shinji?
>"You should have just let me shoot him. Fuck party solidarity."
>>25768958I'm always kind of an asshole to my characters.I like making them miserable.
>Stop using that flaming sword! I'ts worth shit! Lets just stick to the fireballs alright?redrefs uncest
> I like the party putting me in cocktail parties and shit! Stop trying to get me killed!Or, if he is how I intended to play him instead of how I wound up playing him> Stop letting them talk you into avoiding the adventure, numbnuts. I'm here to get away from the high-class hoity-toity parties and learn what the real world is about. I can't do that if everyone else is doing the work.
>>25763413>Look here! Fate points! Do you see how many fate points we've got left? None! And this? Insanity points? Eleven, man, eleven insanity points! Stop being a hero or you'll get me killed moron.
>>25763413>You know when we started on this adventure I thought I was manlyI'm sorry>Now look at me!I'm so sorry>Not only do I now have a great ass I also have a vag!The DM is pretty effed sorry>MY BODY ID COMPLETELY CHANGED!
>>25763413WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THESE THINGS!And then he breaks down crying.
>I like the setup you've given me, but I'm a little irritated about how everyone thinks I'm a paladin.>I'm not. I'm a NICE GUY. I want to make people proud. Be a good example to the little girl.>Oh, by the way, WHY DID YOU GIVE ME NO SOCIAL SKILLS?>All this magic's gonna backfire horribly one day. Glad I can't do any.
>>25766237It's a template, don't ask.
>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>25763413>Why do you have to make things so hard for me? I just want to make friends and have a good life...>You. You're the reason I can't do my duty. I smash stuff with a hammer and keep the others safe. How do you muck that up for me?
>What kind of food do you have in this place? I'm kind of hungry and I'd rather not have to eat you.>I can still hear his screams, when I try to sleep. I can feel the blood spray on my face as I bash his head in. And you made me do it.>My own clone!I'm not too good at making characters, come to think of it.
>Gorum fuck I wish I could swing my greatsword>This battle is going quite valorously, it lasted more than a(n) (in-game)minute!>I took the hits that saved you, cleric and paladin>There is a void in my heart and I don't know why.
>You know, the barbarian is far more likely to just kick me and take the greataxe than he is to start being nice to me so I'll give it to him>Seriously. He doesn't like being treated like the idiot he is. He's gonna kill me.>Also get more smoke bombs. That was fucking excellent.
>Hey, I know you made me for an ERP, but...>The fact that I'm hanging out with a psycho who'd kill me and trap my soul and a cold blooded killer is just a bit worrying for a conwoman, y'know?>And... look, yes, it's fun to tease them and everyone and yes I KNOW I'm supposed to prank folks, but really, someone's going to snap before I have them both twisted round my little finger.>At least I want to get laid before I die horribly, or get vanished like the bard. I didn't even get to tap dat paladin who was going to screw everyone over.>Also, please, invest in a scavenging skill or clothesmaking, I'll die of exposure if more of my outfits go missing.
> ...I hate cloning so much.> So let me get this straight. A girl who turned out to be my half sister (goddamn clones) AND her girlfriend, then her girlfriend, then a hobo... and then what might as well be a demigoddess. who is now my pet hobo. Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not /that/ kind of soldier!> I hate cloning so much.> I need a drink. ...Oh shut up, like age matters at this point.> Someone owes me one hell of an explanation, and I better get it before I start mindfucking the omniscient bastard right back.> I hate cloning so much.> You can't fool me of all people. Aloof as you act, you despise almost as much as I do. And yet you don't do anything about it. Do as I say, not as I do?> I won't allow any gods to be imposed over humanity. I will kill anyone with aspirations of divinity, or anyone willingly enabling such causes. And you /knew/ this, even then, you bastard. You know I'd kill anyone who does that, even if it's... even...> Just... get it over with already. It's time to act.> We are far from done yet.> I hate cloning SO MUCH.
>So you made my mother an evil, manipulating bitch?Er, yeah.>And my sister.Yyyyeaaah.>Not to mention making us all werewolves.I didn't make you perfect, so what?>Not PERFECT? My life SUCKS. My only saving grace to my family's eyes is that I'm a powerful instrument of a Demon Lord's will. Do you know how goddamn difficult it is to stay in a Demon Lord's favor when s/he requires multiple human sacrifices, not to MENTION having to kill other non-Werewolf lycanthropes on sight?!Well, I'm sorry, I guess. I dunno what to say. You wouldn't have been an interesting character otherwise.>Hmph.Don't be like that.>HMPH.Look, metagamer's secret? You're gonna get cured. I'm working out the 'redemption arc' with the GM right now.You're gonna get cured and then you can do whatever the hell you want.>...Including fuck girls?Yes. Including fuck girls, you huge fucking dyke.>YOU'RE THE BEST DAD EVER!
> Why do I have to hang around with those assholes again?
Character one;>Well, that was a lucky find on our part, this spoon is awesome.>I really love this salt and pepper shaker, my rations don't taste like Byron's undergarments anymore.>I really like traveling with Byron, but can we leave the wizard next time? >And the paladin too. He's a moron.>I wonder if there's a cute female traveler out there who has a thing for adamantine full plate and smiting Aberrations? Perhaps we could walk the road together, settling down in a magical house each night...>Ya think Fharlanghn will like this staff?Character 2;>I need to steal more tech.>And better tech while we're at it. The Nazi's had some good shit, but I'm the fabricator general for Omnisiah's sake. >Stealing all that Nazi gold was the best move ever.>Who are you? WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO MY THOUGHTS? DIE TZEENTCHIAN HERETIC!?!And that's the end of me...
>>25773509>So you're saying I have three ghosts in me?Yep remember that room with all the chests?>Yea?Some of them had ghosts.>So why am I a sherm now?The one with the most influence on you is a girl.>So i'm gonna loose my dick?!?!And balls, but she's a lesbian so you gonna get da pussy dawg!>MY DICK AND BALLS!
>Your rolls are awful, man. Go get some better luck.>Learn how to play Lawful Good ffs.>Learn how to roleplay too.
>Damn it, when am I going to get my revenge! I know my backstory isn't much, but it's all I've got!>That reminds me, why is my backstory so crappy?
>I AM DOG>DOG DOG DOG>BACON IS NICE
>Redemption doesn't exist. >Lets kill the bastard next time>No mercy for the damned.
>You couldn't find a way to score me that diamond?
>jesus fucking christ>Can you successfully roll Domination just once?>Come on man>at least Nightmare works.>and it was pretty cool how we blew that guy's kneecaps out, I guess.
>Why am i walking around with these retards>Kill the paladin>There's two elves>I could best them both
>Please stop putting me in danger>I'm tired>My feet hurt>This demon-possessed gauntlet keeps asking for blood
>Why the fuck does the ranger have a better sword than you? YOU CAN'T HIT ELEMENTALS WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT. STOP LETTING EVERYBODY ELSE GET THE GOOD LOOT.
>That nat 10 last session was pretty clutch, thanks for *not* landing me in the hospital.>I kind of want to see what else we run into, besides the Leviathan.>We really need to get my squadmates laid.>Really.>Good job on upgrading the mech so far, by the way, you've earned me the highest kill-count on the squad.
>What the fuck am I carrying all this gold for? It's 200lbs of gold>You know the little girl is evil right?>When do we get more hats?
>why am i not drunk right now>why do i have to lead these retards>why am i not drunk right now>why is this birdman still alive>please let me kill the queen's advisor she is a cunt>seriously kill the birdman so i can drinkand that's what happen when you are made the main character i guess,
>Your so called rolls are, to be frank, awful. The statistical chance of failure is so low it's silly. And yet you manage.>Why did you make me build those damned bolt pistols?>Though, more importantly, why did you let those "Fate points" you claim you have be used construction when I almost died!>Why oh why won't you let me execute those blasphemers for their tech-heresy? I'm responsible for that, you know.
The Rogue> Stop what your doing. It's stupid. Take a step back and look at the situation from a different angle. Like fuck. Stabbing shit isn't always the answer. You can also poison people, frame them, bludgeon them, hang them, drown them, bribe the wizard (who am I kidding? He'd fuck it up and we both know it.) Hell, We don't even need to kill them. Eternal servitude works just as well. Wait, that was your shtick wasn't it? Mk. Friends make Faceless Happy. Nice job with the dragon too. I like my boots of speed. Oh, and I need some more magic stuff. I hear the king's got some gold he can spare. Get on that shit.The Paladin>What do you mean were not talking into the trap blindly? The Lich EXPECTS us to avoid the trap. Also, stop rolling below a fucking 4 you gobliod. I'm tired of not hitting Jack Shit. Jack Shit needs to fucking die already.
>>25766682I read PA too!
>You fucking asshole, why did you remove the pool ladder>How the fuck do I get out of here without a ladder>I'm getting tired>Oh god help I'm drowning
>The amount of gold I'm getting? Unsatisfactory.>You better let me weasel a more appropriately sized slice of the funding pie.>I swear, if this keeps up, I'm going to find out how to turn people into statues of gold, and go on a damn rampage. >I'd make a castle out of gold. Walls of men, halls of women, and a throne of children, and sleeping in a pile of gold coins.>Leave now, before you ruin my fantasy.
>I wish that sweaty neckbeard would stop making me dance without my gear on and jack off to it
>>25780169Some MMO, right?
>Why cant I control myself holy shit>When will this hell end
>I swear to god you better pimp out that napalm axe with dwarven jesus metal so the next time I try "diplomacy" with the goblin king you can back me up instead of shooting ceiling spiders with your super nazi stab cannon of butt
>I hate you. Seriously.
>i know smashing faces in is fun, but ive got this bigass cannon for a reason you know.>you do relise im basically a viking, right? that means get more booze.>okay, shooting that dragon in the face from almost a mile away? fuck yeah, that was awesome.>how the fuck am i the diplomat? i kill shit for a living goddamnit.
>Look, I know the curse wasn't your fault.>It was either us or the gnome, and that short faggot wasn't gonna do shit.>But did you HAVE to keep taking advantage of it in your plans?!>Dying fucking hurts!>Also, 15 points of Nemesis? Really?>I lost all my stuff and had to sleep on the fucking streets because of him!>...but seeing the look on his face right before I shot him after he thought he made me kill myself was pretty funny, I'll admit.My Shadowrun adept had a hard time.
>You know why I'm such so sarcastic?Umm... one of your quirks?>Well, yes, that.>But, there's only so much you can do with 150 points. So you decided, "Hey, we need someone to be the rogue of the group", and made me a mechanic, engineer, and overall wrench-wench.>What happens when the other two members of the party drop out, huh? They leave, but you and the GM still want to continue?>I wasn't designed to be a fighter, yet you still go, "Yeah, let's do it"?>You know how many rolls I've failed, how many times I should have died, but rather than let that happen the GM thinks it would be 'more fun' and 'engaging' to role-play what the alternative is?>I am getting REALLY tired of the shit you two put me through. Just find me another party member, please.
Struct_byLightning the Technomancer>You fucking asshole, don't fucking get drunk when you're playing me. Next time, I'll show you what a fucking headache Black IC gives me!Templar, the ex-Knight Errant Mage>HOLY SHIT WHY AM I SO HORRIBLY UNOPTIMIZEDBlitz the go-ganger/infiltrator>You're a pretty cool guy, for a nerd. Let's get some brewskis.
>You come up with a lot of twisted ideas for me. Are you sure you're not evil?>My familiar wants to be used more often.>Stop trying to create a romantic subplot! I don't have feelings for him!
>GODDAMN IT WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME LITERACY. THINKING LOTS HURTS
I often have moments where I imagine my characters as though they were actors who have no real life outside of playing their role.>Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, I'll be in my trailer.>Have you been watching the cleric? Some parts of my script are crossed out, but I have this feeling that he's evil.>The Director is insane. How are we supposed to fight something that big?
>>25763413>You can't fight for shit, idiot.>Why do you make me be such a whore, you fucking pervert?>I swear I will kill you if you make me put that stupid hat again.
>Dammit Anon! I know piloting the giant robot isn't supposed to be fun But did you have to make it an eldritch abomination, just to make feel bad about enjoying it?>Stop making me drop spaghetti already, I wouldn't be a cannibalistic serial killer waiting to happen if I could actually make friends.>You're going to ruin my relationship too, aren't you?
>>25780202WoW, most likely. You can strip your character of every piece of gear, leaving it only in a thong (and bra, if female)