>She was in the D-Day landings with my grandfather for fuck's sake!

YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR ELDERS BOOT!

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>>25928138

Okay... totally not downplaying what she did buuuut let's just say that her understanding of infantry tactics is just a liiiiitle bit dated.

I mean for fuck's sake, she's my co-fireteam leader. So how do I deal with this flighty nonagenarian?

>>25928216

If she's back in, she's obviously been cleared on current battlefield doctrine. What exactly is she doing that violates modern tactics?

>Everything must be kawaii uguu animu thing!

What happened, /tg/?

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Alfen rausch!

Just do what she says. Sooner or later, she will order you into your death for shits and giggles, but that's at least better than what she will do to you if you disobey an order. Or a request, elves don't differentiate between orders and requests when it comes to lesser races.


hint: it involves a chainsaw if you are lucky and a hand saw if you aren't. Just do as she says.

Touch her butt

just slap her ass and see whee it goes

captcha invisedu sheridan

>>25928243

SGT Knife Ear cannot into radio encryption.
Seriously, she whips out this old ass Technical Manual and starts coding her messages and noone's done that in twenty years.

And she tries to reload like every eight rounds.
>inb4 M1 Garand Faggots

>>25928256

Stormfags plaz go!

That's an old fucking wive's tale from the protocol of the glad council and you know that.

>>25928257

I like having both my hands, thanks.

>>25928337
>>25928256

Protocol of the Elders of the Glade Council. Fuck my spelling, tonight.

>>25928337
Nah man, just slap and grab and when she flips around to kick your ass, you're attached to one supple asscheek tight enough you turn with her so she can't ever get you.
Just ride it out 'til she calms down

>>25928349
Yeah. Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

I think listening to someone who's spent more time in active service than you've lived is a good idea. Especially considering that she's a veteran from the Karelian front. Do you realize how much action those hardass motherfuckers saw?

As for the "being batshit psycho" thing, I think you should just accept that your "infantry tactics" won't be the only thing she violates on the field.

>>25928216
You have to establish the appropriation of current-era tactics while respecting her superior experience.
While she does have some idea how shit goes down, her doctrine relies on long outdated gear and troop composition.
Just be thankful she witnessed mechanized infantry tactics and infantry-armor coordination in her time.
Best sit her down with a bit of vodka and talk military tactics, not as a sermon but as a dialogue. Explain the changes done and how the greater concern for personal safety is a principle that might be to her advantage. Also the new gear, if nobody ever saw fit to explain this shit, you will have to bite the bullet and go through everything as with a green recruit, but with less yelling.
While her technical standards may be dated, her experience with artillery and sniper tactics can prove invaluable in a pinch.
Best offer to have battlefield communications and technical stuff delegated until she can get used to it. She will probably be used dedicated radio operators anyway.

Also, a few bits of Finnish might smoothen your communication a lot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miqqtqUY7ts

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No elfs here, brother-captain.

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Steal your commanding officers good cigars and plant them in her kitbag, leave an anonymous note on said commanding officers table stating that the thief is said pointy ears bitch.
Enjoy the lulz when she gets executed via firing squad.

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>>25928244
Girls und Panzer happened. And then Quick Start!!

>>25928372

Why the hell do all of you skeezy fucks want me to grab her ass?

>>25928398

Yeah, that's the part where that whole "Standoffish" bit comes in. She's like a friggin' wall of Teutonic intensity when on duty and off duty, she's nowhere to be found.

It's like she just fades into the fucking forest or something.

Short Curt answers, expressionless face. The whole nine yards.

Do you have any experience dealing with elves in an operational environment?

Remember, it's not rape if it's an elf

>>25928470
Cute girls playing airsoft is the new GuP.

>>25928486

>MFW ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ

>>25928481

One, because elves have fine asses, and two, because it's always funny to see someone cave to peer pressure and get the shit kicked out of them for it.

In all serious, Elves tend to dislike military professions, if she's been around this long, she's likely a god fan of murder and an all-around psychopath. Contact your superior officer and request a transfer, it's about the only way out.

>>25928486

Yeah, if an elf rapes you, good luck trying to take that shit to court. Trust me, I know.

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>>25928511
>not raping the elf back with your superior human dick

>>25928126

Son, remember two things:

- First she got into OUR army, meaning she might be psycho like all elves, but she's not bad psycho enough to be booted out. You're the man incharhe, and yes she'll hate it, but goddamn after serving two or more tours of duty, she'll be used to it. Just respect her opinions and don't give her shit about being a knife-ear, and you'll be fine.

Now, second, shouls shit hit the fan, kindly remember her of the Oath she swore before their Elder Council (or whatever passes off for their government), insinutaing she doesn't want to be the one to break the peace treaty. Yeah, the goddamn democrat pieceashit who got up with the idea of making peace with them elves deserves repeaded introductions to the business end of a baseball bat, but since it's here, expooit it. Them elves might not give a shit about us humans, but they quite litterally piss themselves at the thought of being disapproved by their elders...

>>25928481
Yeah, I just happen to outrank her. Elvish NCOs tend not to like that... especially if it's an Academy boy running the show. Took a bit of time before she followed orders WILLINGLY rather than begrudgingly. And trust me, boy howdy is there a difference.

To put it simply, she probably views you and everyone else in your platoon as replacements. Fix that and you're golden.

>>25928529
And then they throw a glamour on you that makes you think your dick is a cobra so you punch it until you pass out then wake up hours later without the ability to father children anymore.

OP. There's only one thing you can do. Buckle up and talk about it. Talk about it to your superiors. Tell them she makes you feel uncomfortable.

Alternatively you could buckle and talk with her. The whole crazy and mysterious is not a facade, but hidden under it is a creature far more human you'd be led to believe to.

Don't try to court an elf unless you're ready for some crazy shit. Crazy as your ass is green and her playground for eternity crazy. But its worth every second of it.

>>25928509

If she'd been around that long, she'd be the Sergeant Major of the Army by now.

In actual truth, she's got a bit of a break in service. A seven year break in service.

>>25928511

Okay... this I have to hear. What's your story, Anon?

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Could be worse OP. Could be a cat girl.

>>25928470
'Upotte!!' was first. And it only follows a trend in manga wherein it is tried to combine two otaku interests. Militaria and cute little girls.

>>25928481
Why yes. Back in Serbia my Feldwebel was a pointy. And that sucker went back to the Franco-Prussian war. Some say he was in Waterloo, too. But what does Meyer know?
Anyway, this fucker was as much of a fossil. Prussian military tradition and shit, would lap up to the commissioned officers like a good little doggie but shoo his men around with impunity.
We had to band together as a squad and petition for a clarification while threatening to take the case a few steps higher before we could make our case.
I suggest you point out the changes in doctrine, the differences in structure and especially the proper reactions to incoming fire in asymmetric warfare.
Also, tell her she can drop the tough act and how heroism is no longer an option when you have more artillery, air support and rapid response up your sleeve than you can use.

Can't really say much about what makes American NCOs tick, though.
I don't imagine them to be that much different, though.

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What kind of elf we dealing with here?

Urban Elves? Tolkien Elves? Desert Elves?

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>>25928536

I'm gonna file that one away as a last resort.

>>25928549

Yeah... I've had some crazy chicks in my day and I'm about done with crazy.

>>25928542

That's fucking terrifying.

>>25928538

Replacements for what?

>>25928558

I would suck start a trench gun if that happened.

MFW

captcha: Bacocat its

>>25928558
In my squad? No, thanks.
In the same urban assault? Yes, please.
Seriously. When you are breaching a house with a team of those, you don't need your gun. You need a bucket and mop.
Also, best skip breakfast.

>tfw base commander is an elf
>tfw he fought against Napoleon in the Lützow Free Corps

This is gonna be interesting

>>25928538
>Fix that and you're golden.
That's basically impossible.

I got rescued from orcs once by a squad with an elf with it. He basically used his human squadmates as mobile cover and I saw him push one into a boobytrap. If he didn't do that I would be dead now, so I sure as hell don't mind, but never expect them to see you as anything more than an expendable resource.

>>25928587

Yeah... this is the problem with that whole "Perceived Elven Superiority" thing. The mission is priority 1, soldier welfare is priority 1a.

We really don't get that whole "Looking out for soldiers vibe off of her".

We don't really get ANY vibe off of her. Also, she might have wacked your grandpa so there's that.

>inb4 NATO bros don't talk about the war

>>25928600

Wood Elf. Don't know shit about wood elves. All we have are those dark elves shakin' their asses out on Bragg Boulevard.

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>>25928667

And you didn't give him a curt thank you and then cap him in the fucking face with your drop gun?

>>25928558

Yeah, nah, you know the saying: "A cat chosses its owner?". Kinda the same with catgirls. If she wanted to join your unit, then they're no sweat. Yes they get easily distracted (but there are humans just as bad), and yes you might wake up with a murderpresent in front of your door, but honestly it ain't that bad. The only real problem is if she runs out of hormonal pills against heat...

Now, if your CO hates you, and dumps a cat soldier (boy or girl, won't really matter) in a unit (s)he doesn't wan to be in, yeah... Eat your gun, it'll be the most painless solution.

>>25928631

Actually, that sounds kind of awesome. Are the catfolk really that fucking annoying, though?

>>25928680
>The only real problem is if she runs out of hormonal pills against heat...

Not even with your dick

>>25928677
People who try that tent do end up either missing or dying perfectly legitimate accidents.

how dumb do you think I am?

>>25928706

They're fucking elves, not Batman!

>>25928694
>>25928680


The one I had was always happy, she really liked messing around with our automatic rifleman. I also saw one that always looked really miffed in a Mechanized unit before.

I guess it really depends.

>>25928702

Son, sure, you can do the "natural treatment", but I really hope you enjoy beating the crap out of a woman before doing her, because that's what se'll expect. And do it four or five times in a row, because she'll expect that too. And better make sure there's someone ready with a transfusion and stitches nearby, because you might need them when you're both finished.

But yeah, if all that doesn't stop you, be my guest!

>>25928742
Or you could just take turns or some shit. I don't really think she'd notice if it was dark enough.

>>25928337
First off, you need to update her on encryption protocol. That shit's SUPPOSED to be covered for reenlisting Elven auxiliary troops, but apparently someone in logistics done fucked up, so it's down to you to handle it. A pain, but whatever.

After that, just let her play to her strengths. Outdated or no, she more than likely has more in-field experience than the rest of your squad put together. So long as you can familiarize her with current tech and procedure (which, as I said, should have been fucking covered beforehand when she signed up) she'll be most useful cut loose on her own with minimal interference barring chain-of-command requirements.

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>>25928742

>Angry, hatesex with catgirl Grenadier
>MFW

>>25928614
>Replacements for what?
not >>25928538 but

Replacement for your grandfather, who probably was replacement for his grandfather and if you ever have kids who end up joining the army, then he'll be your replacement.

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>>25928763

Yeah, somebody skipped that shit. They slapped a uniform on her and sent her straight to us.

Someone must have dropped a zero from the "Break in service" field on the forms.

>>25928718
They are 200+ years old, they suffer none of the negative side effects of old age and they train constantly.

Your average elf has caused more deaths just by not giving a fuck than most humans witness firsthand over the course of their lifetime.

The confirmed personal kill count is held by an elf. The four hundred spots below him are also all elves.

And those are just the official kills they scored while "serving" in the human military. You bet your ass that you will find yourself stepping on a land mine if you piss one of them off.

>>25928614
For combat losses from Normandy to Kabul.
Their perception of time can be a bit wonky when dealing with human dimensions, so the last half century or so may well look like a more or less continuous conflict to her.
Once you cover for her with an officer or two, you may get some respect out of her.

>>25928668
Hm. Nah, he came out of the war fine, though he once mentioned a little escapade from his time as a PoW in an American camp. May have been any 'Murrican elf though. His memories were a bit vague in that. Not even sure he said elf girl...

>>25928656
Don't tell me you get to serve under ol' Heideggen!
That mad old bastard has a very special kind of reputation.
When in the field, they say, he's calm as a lake on winter's morning and a fucking mother to his soldiers, but at base...
Raving mad doesn't begin to describe it.
And you can vaguely imagine how he acted in the decades of the Cold War.
They had to move him to a base almost at the Dutch border where he could play with his tanks. He tried to rally a strike force against the GDR border troops twice. Some say they built the wall to keep him out. I hope that's a joke.

>>25928694
Depends. Have a few of them in a room and you can get anything from a powder keg to a spontaneous orgy. It really depends on individual chemistry.
Some get rough, some cozy and none of them would object when ordered to rip out your jugular.
If you really need adrenaline, best address to get some, one way or the other.

>>25928795
>The confirmed personal kill count is
The confirmed personal kill count record is*

>>25928763

Yeah... I think I'm gonna get a bottle of sippin' hooch and sit her down for T H E T A L K

>>25928780

Gonna get her drunk and see what happens. If she starts calling me "George" (My grandfather's name), then I'm going to freak the fuck out.

>>25928795
Sot even the White Death made it somewhere into the top 400? His count IS kinda impressive.

>>25928795

Well, there's one guy in the top 400 that's (technically) human, since liches count as whatever species they were when they died.

>>25928788
Oh, and whatever you fucking do, don't suggest she go scouting/recon. unless she's already displayed a preference for it, or you literally cannot send anyone else. She WILL take offense, and best-case scenario you wind up with a faster route for air getting to your lungs.

>>25928795
>>25928823

Bah, but that shit's on technicality. Let me live a few hundred years and I'd get that much, too.

>>25928788
Elves arent too bad. I remember my Agung telling me stories about the kobolds in Naam. Told us about the traps they made for the americans, how they tunneled everywhere and sometimes burst out laughing, because they could hear screaming down a tunnel that the humans couldnt.
He was pretty glad they were on his side, but even if they did have a longer lifespan I don't reckon we'd be seeing any around for new years.

>>25928823

The White Death is undead. I don't know whether he counts, or only the kills he did while he was alive do.

>>25928839
Kill counts carry over for any sentient undead that can provide proof of former ID.

>>25928823
>>25928828
>>25928839
He's been busy with research lately and fell back to 438th place.

>>25928839
700 while alive seems like a contender, even if we discount the post-death kills.

>>25928823
I don't have the numbers, but I think he might have the highest kill count in a single conflict, while he was still human.
Some elves see that as a personal challenge to best it and are absolutely furious that the cold war kinda just ended before they got a chance to challenge his score.
off course, some have an argument like >>25928833
>bah, let me face an army that outnumber me 1 to 100 and I'd get that much, too.

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Dude... what the fuck is it about this shit that makes 99.9% of elves pansies and the rest fucking psycho hardcore.

>>25928871

Well, he got a lot of kills when they flew his mummified ass to Vietnam, Angola and Afghanistan too. So it's not like the Cold War didn't give the elves any opportunities.

>>25928871

And man, we don't talk about that shit. What could make a man do that kind of shit... I don't even like to think about that.

Motherfucker must have really hated commies.

>>25928829

Eh... Why's that?

>>25928871

>bah, let me face an army that outnumber me 1 to 100 and I'd get that much, too.

"Perceived Elven Superiority" again. Then again, that was winter war era Soviets he was fighting.

>>25928892
Most of them are civilians who never bother to leave the anscestral lands.Which is perfectly understandable because the place is a paradise.

The ones you could ever hope to meet are the ones that left and you would have to be crazy to leave that paradise.

What game are you guys talking about?
I am new to /tg/

worst thread on /tg/

>>25928126
Just checking: Are you sure she's actually been in service in WW2?

I used to think the one in my section did, until I found out she learned everything about driving a tank from her parents' stories.

>>25928931

Or exiled. You have to have committed some heinous shit to get exiled from the elven homelands.

>>25928892
Elves do everything by extremes. If their job is baking, then they bake with unholy precision, to the second, to the miligram. If its driving, they will spend weeks without sleeping, triangulating turn angles, where tehy should lean their body to get just THAT much more performance out of their machines. And its self propagating, since their teachers and lecturers do the same thing, determined that THEIR kids will be THE best at whatever they want to do.

You just landed the rare one who's chosen profession is killing.
>>25928871
White Death is insane. I heard his first battle was his liching ritual.

>>25928933
Game?
We are discussing experiences with non-humans in the military is all.

>>25928892
Same as why we have the 0.1% of humans who are fucknuts psychotic, only instead of commercialist culture they have a naturalist one.

So while our psychopaths are busy climbing corporate ladders and preying on the weak within society, theirs go out into the unspoiled wilderness and prey on shit that could eat you or I alive to make a point about 'survival of the fittest'.

>>25928923
>Eh... Why's that?
Because she'll assume you're being racist. The whole "Oh, you're an elf, you must be amazing at sneaking around undetected and spying on people!". Sure, as a race they tend to be better on average than humans at stealth and guerilla tactics, but it's the equivalent of someone saying to you "Hey humans improvise shit, right, why don't you go fix our tents yo?"

>>25928954

All the shit regarding his lichdom is classified, and I'm pretty sure that bauble they keep on display in Helsinki Cathedral isn't his real phylactery. But I'd believe that.

>>25928126
Johnny B Good if I find out you been posting shit about me on the internet I swear YOUR ASS IS MINE. Signed Delilah Wood

>>25928945

I have the old photo of her chilling in the Bocage with my gramps. She's leaning on him with his elbow propped up and they're both smiling.

Then again, they're both privates in that photo.

>>25928931

And why she picked Virginia, I have no idea.

>>25928961
But elfs are not real and even if they were there is no way a FEMALE elf would serve in any combat arm of the us armed forces during ww2, we were lulzy sexist back then.

>>25928963
>"Hey humans improvise shit, right, why don't you go fix our tents yo?"
I got that all the time back when I worked for the drow.

>>25928933
Spontaneous RP. Shh, don't spoil it.

>>25928987
>And why she picked Virginia, I have no idea.
Which part of "crazy" did you misunderstand?

>>25928997
Only with the drow? I get that with every. Single. Fucking. Race.

PMC is suffering.

>>25928990
>there is no way a FEMALE elf would serve in any combat arm of the us armed forces during ww2, we were lulzy sexist back then.
>implying any of us could fucking tell the difference back then

>>25928997
Drow are assholes, but when they've got your back they're fucking awesome. Like the stereotypical high school douchebag who talks shit about you constantly, but if you put up with it and trade insults without provoking an actual fight, he turns out to be a total bro.

>>25928997

Working for the Drow?

I call bullshit!

You still have fingers to type with.

>>25929007

Well, I can't argue that one.

>>25929028
Do female elves look like their male counterparts?

>>25928990
That limitation was imposed by humans, on humans.
They had no say in who was eligible for Elven troops. Bet your ass that got a few panties into serious twists among the higherups.

>>25929019
Never served with the dwarfs, did you? I remember my tour, they wouldnt let me touch anything. Couldn't drive anything, no radio equipment, none of their weird tunnelling things. I sometimes caught our contact officer actually cleaning my rifle.

>>25929052
Generally, they're a bit more macho, even.

>>25929052
The reverse, actually.
Male elves looks like female elves.

>>25928126
gonna have to put the bitch in her place this is your squad and you'll run it as you see fit.

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>>25929052

You know what they say, dude!

It's not gay if you're fae!

>>25928814
I doubt she'll call you George, as far as she's concerned, then you're a wet-behind-your-ears privileged pup with access to more drone, air and armoured support in a year, then your grandfather had for the entire WW2.

not discounting what you do off course, but frankly it's an uphill battle to win her respect.

and even then, then she might never really become one-of-the-guys so to speak, she's probably seen enough human squad members dying to fill a graveyard. and that's just on duty.
some cope by not giving a fuck and enjoy the moments, other distance them self and try not to get attached, while others build up an arrogance, to soften the blow...and off course, then there's those who just go bat shit insane.

>>25929052
Not any more so than all asians look identical. It's just that, unless you get one of the rare elven women who actually have a noticeable cup size, you can't tell the difference unless you're used to being around elves. Their sexual dimorphism is almost entirely facial, and we're pretty much adjusted to seeing that as an individual person trait rather than a gender thing.

>>25929079

Actually, it's my fire team and her fire team. It's Staff Sergeant Alvin's Squad.

Thus proceeds, my predicament.

Did the necrons attack?

>>25929070
Fucking Dwarves man. The one I had in my circuit was a pretty funny dude, but he never was uptight about equipment. We got shitfaced together and went to a concert, dude was a bro.

Hey, has anybody here confused a midget with a halfling or vice versa? It's kinda hard to tell 'em apart.

>>25929115
Don't be ridiculous. This isn't 40k.

>>25929095

Wow... that's just kind of sad, actually. Any ideas on how I could use that?

Bottom line: Queen Murderblossom needs to loosen the fuck up.

>>25929123
Ok, i'll be a golden dragon.
I'm sure that they eat wood elves.

>>25929117
>at bar on leave
>kid walks in, swaggers up to counter, demands a drink
>bartender tells him to get the fuck out
>kicks up a shit storm about racial discrimination, how dare you mistake me for a human child, fucking bigot etc.
>halfway through, woman runs over, grabs him by the back of the shirt, hauls him out of there
>he really was just some fucking kid trying to get a drink underage

And people wonder why halflings get more thorough ID checks when buying alcohol or cigarettes.

>>25929117

No, but I once confused a prepubescent child for a halfling. They all say they're halflings in Bangkok. "No sah, me no human, me haaaaaafling! Twenty yeas ooooold!" Fuck that shit, man.

>>25929035
Yo that's racist. Some of my best friends are Drow, you just have to get them into a social setting where all their bullshit gender warfare stuff doesn't matter.

>>25929117
I dont want to sound like some nutso divergent evolutionist, but I think halflings and humans are probably actually the same species. But in answering your question, midgets tend to have awkward proportions, and only halflings have those hairy feet things.

By the way, if a halfling ever requests to not wear his boots, let him. Its not a weird religious thing, its biological; they sweat like mothers, and eventually the boots going to have to come off and when it does your whole encaments going to lose their lunch. Let them bare hoof it. Besides, their leathery as all hell, the ones in our unit used to crush beer bottles under their feet for giggles.

>>25928799
>Don't tell me you get to serve under ol' Heideggen!
You should have been there during a joint German/French exercise.
He went totally bonkers

>>25929182
>>25929117
That reminds me the one time we had gnomes in the squad. Dwarves don't want you to touch anything. But gnomes... oh boy the tinker everything.

I caught one tinkering my handgun. It became a one-shot anti-tank cannon.

Good times

>>25929177

Dude! If I was some fucking scholar who knew what was really up with the elven expats, would I be on 4chan pouring my guts out about it?

> nutso divergent evolutionist

What are you, a religious fanatic? Its well known that elves and humans share a common ancestor, also known as Dwarvin's Elves. Heck, there's people saying both species can breed into "half-elves". As if.

>>25929035
>You still have fingers to type with.
That's because I'm not retarded.
The drow are raised to outright hate dumb people and their culture reflects it. They tend to set eachother up the proverbial bomb on a fairly regularl basis as a sort of moron test.

They do something similar with the people they hire and the first test is your contract. If you don't push for lowering your pay in exchange for health benefits, they pretty much consider getting you killed as public service.

>>25929172
Damn, that sneaky little punk.

>>25929173
I got put on contract in Bangkok once. I got my and almost got mugged. I stopped messing around after that. Is it really as bad as my shitty experience?

>>25929182
>>25929226

I haven't seen a halfling or a gnome in the circuit yet but I guess that's just because of height. If I was trying to kill a guy who had a contractors protecting his ass I wouldn't be too afraid of somebody about as tall as my knee. Oddly enough I see dwarves here and there, so maybe not.

>>25929259
wallet lifted*

>>25929177
see >>25929257

>>25929257

And dude... you're not making me feel any better about this.

>>25929311
So long you didn't murder flower plants trying to gift her a bouquet you should be fine.

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>>25928963
>"Hey humans improvise shit, right, why don't you go fix our tents yo?"
>my face during
I SWEAR I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE BUT IT JUST COMES NATURALLY

>>25929381
Yeah, my point was there's a difference between "Racial affinity for shit" and "Clearly this is what you must do because you will be better at this than anything else because race!"

Elf chicks are hot.

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>>25929435
>"Clearly this is what you must do because you will be better at this than anything else because race!"
B-but... aren't we?

Here's a good question, any of you guys seen any Orcs lately? I've seen exactly one half-orc, but never an actual orc. The hell?

>>25929455
They got deported into jungles after World War Orcus

>>25929450
>spend years training as a Linguist
>go into internal security, work as a translator for communications monitors
>slowly work my way up the ranks
>head of my own sub-department, operating elven liaisons and supply office
>that one elf guy in the department who always treats me like the fucking janitor, bitches about how the toilet's blocked/door hinge is stuck/his chair is unbalanced, and then stands there like he expects me to fix it

Motherfucker, I have actual work to do, get the goddamn janitorial staff to deal with your bullshit, you know I can't fix things for shit. You aren't even in my department, get the fuck out.

>>25929455
My country banned orcs, half-orcs and all other relatives of orcs from immigrating.
So, no, never seen one.

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>>25929489
>not handing him a potted plant and going "Here, I'm certain you can work something out"
Fight fire with ignited farts

>>25929489

Yeah, nah, he's just an asshole, and that's race-independant. I had about the same "problem", got a consulting mission in an elf-heavy business, and they too expected me to solve all such problems magically. But at least, they were polite about it!

>>25929481
>>25929499

Hm. I was on contract in Baghdad and we had a half-orc in our security detail. He always looked like he was completely and irrevocably pissed off. I guess they're just a rare breed.

Any military guys care to disagree? I didn't see any in my tours.

>>25929523
This is brilliant and I am going to stock up on office plants to fuck with him.

If he keeps it up I'll just start leaving them in his fucking office when he's out.

Guys, you've gotta help me. I think my captain's a fucking vampire.

I started to get suspicious about two months ago, before we shipped out to the Middle East. She always squirreled herself off to her office or something during mess, always took her food with her and said she would finish it later. Which is fine and dandy, except one day we're doing inventory and I'm the one who has to go deliver the report to her. I knock her door once, twice, no response, so I decided I may as well just go in and leave it there for her to get later. What do I find? Her "lunch", completely uneaten. Three hours after she got it. I know the COs have their work cut out for them these days, managing all this interspecies logistics, but who the hell leaves food for that long?

I didn't make any conclusions then, but then we went out to Afghanistan. And what would you know, on the first fucking car ride to the barracks thirty miles away, we hit an IED. Whoever it was didn't follow it up, we at least had some peace then, but we lost four humvees, a good quarter of the platoon and we were still stuck twenty miles from anywhere in the middle of no-man's land-and I know some of you are about to say "HURR, HOW'S SHE A VAMPIRE IF SHE WAS IN SUNLIGHT", and you'd be fucking stupid. Sunscreen's existed for seventy years, and it only took them a few months to make a version strong enough for vampires after the Bucharest Agreement.

Anyway, we ended up in a ghost town about ten miles from the barracks when the motherfuckers who planted the bomb decided they'd had enough of our not being dead. The moment we set foot in what I presume was town square, about a good dozen insurgents kick the boards off of the windows and start shooting. We lost about four men in the crossfire and barely made it into a townhouse we could hole up in once more of them started showing up. At that point, they were high on men and bullets, but low on explosives and gall, so they decided they would starve us out. (Cont.)

>>25929455
Genetic dilution, as it were. Most of the time they got shunted into gruntwork during the wars since preconceptions, so a large proportion of pure-blooded orcs were killed (relative to the halves). Now it's getting hard enough for orcs to meet other orcs and so they usually settle for half-orcs and that's what's causing the lack of them.

>>25929530

>solve all such problems magically

The Anti-Defamation League for the Magickally Attuned and Sensitive reminds you that "magical" solutions to problems aren't easy nor cheap. Please don't perpetuate the stereotype of the lazy wizard.

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>>25929555
I would stop if all the wizards weren't so damn lazy.

>>25929555
>>25929571
Hey no. Wizards work really hard, study all the time. They put in a lot of time and effort to do what they do. They have to, poor guys.

No, it's us sorcerers who are lazy.

>>25929555
I was put in the protection detail of a wizard once. He made us do everything. The ADLMAS can suck my dick.

>>25929555
>"magical" solutions to problems aren't easy nor cheap

UNLIKE THE WIZARDS!

Heyoooooooooooooo!

>>25929602
Nobody likes you, you little "born bourgeouis".

And nobody liked wizzurds either because the "dey had to study hart" excuse didn't make my boss any more sympathetic either, except in this case the person in question can fucking summon hot ghost bitches on demand.

>>25929144
Getting her up to speed on current doctrine and equipment would be a good start. If you're lucky, then she'll hate logistic fuck up as much as you.
Basically show her that you're not a fuck head and will try to do what you can to avoid getting yourself and the others killed.
And I guess she'll appreciate being shown how she can kill even more efficiently with her new equipment.

Following that, don't be a fuck head and get killed during your deployment, she might be one of those who doesn't even bother to really care about a human who hadn't proven himself able to survive an engagement.

oh, and don't bring up shit you have seen as some kind of leverage against her, unless you have actually been on active duty before in a conflict heavy area. There's probably stuff about world war 2 that your grandfather don't want to talk about, right?
well, she have seen the exact same stuff, perhaps more, giving their heightened sense and all.

>>25929552
We get stuck in there for about four days with no food, water, barely any sleep and no way out of the house that isn't being watched by about six guys with AKs. Most of us manage, in the same way any starving, sleepless soldier would, nothing special, but the captain... lady starts getting all jittery. Starts stuttering. Starts going OCD, pacing about with precise stride lengths and trying to organise her kit alphabetically or something. She starts giving us these weird looks, like she was trying desperately not to hit us for no reason or something. She started licking her lips a lot, and I will eat my fucking hat if I didn't see any canines that were longer than they should have been when she did.

About what was probably a week in, apparently the terrorists outside scrounged together a few grenades or something and decided to flush us out. They blew in one of the walls while I was sleeping, screaming and laying down covering fire-thank god they were awful shots or I might not be writing this. All the while the captain was just staring at the far wall, in some kind of daze... until one particularly ballsy Arab tried to knife her in the back. Ordinarily he would have killed her, from what I saw the knife should have gone straight into her lung, but she just reached back, pulled it out, and turned around. She was fucking snarling, bared her teeth like a dog, and gave the guy a solid right hook. About half his skull caved in.

And after that, the whole place turned into a fucking meat grinder. I'm still trying to forget what I saw. There were more piles of blood than corpses, and when the whole thing was over, I saw her crouching over one of the more intact bodies, licking at a bullet wound on his arm. And then she looked at me. Didn't even raise her head or anything, didn't change her posture or anything, she just stared at me with eyes that looked more like rose-tinted flashlights. I could almost hear the unspoken "You saw nothing". (Cont.)

>>25929533
I can tell you that they're some of the most competent soldiers you'll ever meet if you do run into one. Once saw a half-orc with a hand axe and a pistol completely clear a room. Just went straight through the door, chopped through half of one guy's neck as ye was standing tight next to it, shot two others with his pistol while hardly looking and killed the last guy by throwing his axe.

The guy was a natural soldier. No fear, nothing slowed him down, and a lot faster than he looked.

Didn't see him off duty, worked with a different unit

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>>25928126

Report her to the Colonel, she's relaxing under the tree there

>>25929674
Jesus that's something out of an action movie.

I was thinking about jumping back into the service but the pay's too good in the private sector.

>>25929664
After that, we got shipped back to the US of A indefinitely, checking for post-traumatic stress and all. I still see her sometimes in the waiting rooms, acting like nothing happened. She does glance at me every so often, and I don't think she's angry or anything, but... she still seems suspicious. Kind of worried that's going to boil over into something worse when we go back into service.

Advice, guys? I'm actually kind of scared here. I know she wouldn't ever try it on her own men, but seeing what she did in Afghanistan... I'm pretty fucking intimidated.

>>25929674
Orcs dont do off duty. Most of the tribes are signed up with PMC's, last time I got to see them was doing a stint in China for the Olympics, just general security stuff. An Orc who isnt killing is an Orc prepping to kill. Their either sleeping, eating or working out. Hardly a word between them, the grunts will just follow their sergeant whenever its time to change excersise or whatever. Stone cold man.

>>25929700
Eat more garlic, keep a vial of sanctified water.

>>25929664

well, ever since they repealed DADT, vampos don't need to hide their true nature anymore. I met one in Landstuhl, slept in a coffin in the barracks. Pretty chill dude, had a lot of stories to tell about the Hundred Years' War.

>>25929700
Vamps are part of the military, we've known it for years. Dont Ask Dont Tell doesnt work, and she should know this, but dont make a deal of it. Theres still a bunch of fogeys in the upper echelons who could make her life uncomfortable. Maybe talk to her sometime about it, make sure she knows your not one of those staker types.

Dwarves squadmate are better, "accidentally" leave a broken or damage weapon near its area and you'll find it fully repaired and workable within the next hours.

>>25929700
Just ask her. Not like she'll do anthing, seems like a god-fearin' American if she stood by her squadmates for so long and kept her shit together without hurting somebody. At least it seems like it matters to her so you might have caught one of the few with a sense of morals.

Given that most the rest of the squad presumably saw too and nobody ended up mysteriously dead from your description you might want to talk to her about it.

>>25929700
Talk to her and try not to piss your pants.

It's pretty obvious she knows you know and is contemplating the easiest way to wrap up, so I would go and get her to recognize that you're not planning to out her.

>>25929741

Yeah, and it will be branded with their personal forge rune and give off a high-pitched whine when used by non-dwarves. I've been through this shit so many times as QM. Hoarding little bastards.

>>25929700
Just drop it. The higher-ups almost certainly know, and you making an issue of it is just going to upset her and make the rest of your squad uncomfortable.

If you're really worried about the tension, then talk to her in private. But if you trusted her to watch your back in Afghanistan, then you should still trust her, she's the same fucking person.

Going blood-crazy after a siege is just the vampire equivalent of "Oh hey, I'm going to lock you in a room full of delicious food you can't eat for ages, then when you're starving I'm going to threaten you with a knife while carrying a tray of freshly-grilled steaks".

> she
> front lines in the 40s
yeah, okay

>>25929700

Ask yourself this question: do you still trust her to watch your back, and do everything she can to bring you back home safely?

I fully understand that what you saw shook you badly, but in tthe end, it's not worse than serving alongside a human with some extreme tendencies. And the army has a long story of accepting those with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy as long as they do it on the enemy, do their job, and look out for their comerades.

And if you really think it's too bad, you can always request transfer to another unit.

>>25929768
see >>25929028

>>25929715
Shit, really? Makes me wonder why I haven't seen an Orc yet while on contract.

They don't really seem to be the kinda guys to do the 'Stand Around and Watch' deal. Maybe I should start signing up for the more dangerous jobs.

>>25929700
Vamps are pretty bro if they like you. She didn't suck you dry while you were under siege, so I'm guessing that she likes you guys at least well enough to not kill you. I'd say just drop it.

I was on patrol with, my squad's mostly human, we've got an orc, and an undead for non humans. It might come off as obvious, but it's hard to believe just how fucking durable the undead are.

He's on point when some assdick jumps us with a from an alleyway. Most of us got out in time. Not our good old Zed pointman though. Shrapnel tears his legs off from the knee down. It wasn't pretty, let me tell you

The fucker doesn't miss a beat. He's sat against a wall, slotting the Taliban fighters before most of us got our dicks out of the dirt.

Needless to say, I never spoke of his horrible stench around him again.

>>25929804
>undead that don't walk around in MOPP gear all day
disgusting
I'd recommend perfume but it does nothing
at least the MOPP keeps most of the stench inside

>>25929761
Well, to be fair, the weapon must've turned into something very high quality if they brand a forge rune on to it, worth the trade I suppose.
Just tell him to remove the whine since that'll just fuck up stealth.

>>25929811
Which is why he practically swims in Cologne. It doesn't help much though.

>>25929837
tell him to get a hazmat suit and duct tape
lots of duct tape

>>25929804
>>25929811
Did no one think of getting the guy Formalin or something?

>>25929847
Theres some guys who can get you desicated and smelling musty rather than rotten, but its pretty top dollar.

Source: Girlfriends a twice alive

>>25929804

I thought only mummified undead were cleared for desert ops.

>>25929862
Well I suppose if he'd lay down in the sand in his undies and bake for a couple of days it'd end up mostly the same, right

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>>25929847
That's why they always wear full CBRN here.
Not like they can get heatstrokes or something, right?

>>25928795
Threehundred and ninetyeight sweetie.
Simo Hanya for humanity an Ohrug the sleepwalker for the orcs.

Captcha: naughty messmix

>>25929847
He's a third generation Jiangshi, they don't really rot further than they did. They just smell like they do.

Speaking of which, he saved us from a pretty nasty green on blue incident recently. He caught the poor guy with his tounge. Sucker was screaming and begging for him not to eat him. The Lieutenant ordered us back to,our bunks, and I assume you can figure out what happenes.

>>25930641
I thought the sticker prevented them from rotting.

>>25930641
Third generation?
How does it work with undeads?
Forgive my ignorance but I've never met one.
You know, Italy isn't exactly welcoming for them... fucking vatican...

>>25930754
I don't like religion but they got dat shit down the right way for sure. One of the only states in the world where you can be somewhat sure that all the votes and public decisions aren't 100% rigged by dominated or temporarily ghouled citizens, fucking undead, fucking vamps.

Dance in the Vampire Bund wasn't a lovestory, it was a documentation on how everything can go wrong.

>>25930754
>Implying you don't owe the fact you aren't shambling around looking for brains thanks to exorcists trained by the church or using techniques they developped.

The church may be full of perverts and greedy assholes but keeping bonebags away from our country is the single right thing they have ever done.

>>25930807
I want /pol to leave

>>25930754
I think it means the third person the curse was passed to, each generation getting further away from the 'true' definition of the species.

3rd gen Jiang shi lack the rigor mortis of their 1st gen counterparts.

>>25930835
>Implying they didn't help the nazis come up with reanimation rituals in first place.

Keep justifying the church to justify your necrofobia bro, I'm sure it will work allright in the long term,.

>>25930867
Jesus christ, I bet you believe the whole "Mendele dopplegangers" shit - fucking summerfags...

We had a paladin in our unit. They tried to transfer some poor unborn airhead. They did not like each other, let me tell you that.

Wasn't the poor girl's fault she died at birth.

>>25930807
You honestly believe in that "Vampires are secretly running the Government" conspiracy crap?

Citations, please.

>>25930923
I's a bit like saying "it's not a wolf's fault he's a wolf".
You still wouldn't let him around a flock of sheeps.

Look, I know I sound nasty and I know there are decent undeads out there too - just as I'm sure that there are pittbulls that are playful and safe to leave around kids. It's just not what the breed is known for.

ITT: The reason I stay the fuck out of the military.

Besides the fact with how multiracial every branch is now, you can say some random shit and SOMEBODY gets pissed off by it. Heard a half orc nearly ripped one MP's arm off because he was making fun of how 'green' the new recruits were.

No thanks.

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Yees, yees dear humans! Defend us, fight for ou rights! You know how good it feels to have our incisors in your neck, you know how great it feels when we suckle and lick on you!
If you want others to share this great feeling then vote! Vote for vampire rights in every county and every prefecture! Soon, everyone in the whole world will be able to feel the greatness of being allowed into a vampire's subjug- I mean embrace!

>>25930963
>secretly

They are pretty fucking open about it in the eastern repubblics.

You should probably find out how old she is and how long she's been doing the whole 'war' thing.

Just saying. If she's been a soldier for over 700 years there's a good chance she'll soon enter the raistrad. Which can be all good if you're in a bind, but it's pretty alarming when your squadmate suddenly gets so angry they start burning through their skin, headbutts an oncoming jeep, and explodes.

So, yeah, you want to be ready for that.

>>25931011
[Dude, seriously, that's just lazy. Go find a proper vampire caricature.]

>>25930889
Mendele's work with werewolfs is well known - I don't find it all that crazy that he might have played a role in the whole changeling accident.

>>25931036
>lazy
paint is hard ;__;

Holy Fuck, guys anyone serve with Dragonborn? God Fucking Damn these clowns practically made me shit my pants. And I was at the yufor incident

>>25931034
>raistrad
Wat?

>>25931049
As a MD myself I'm pretty damn disturbed by one thing: without that crazy psycho's work we would stil be hundred miles from curing lychantropy.
And the pils to keep catfolks calm during heat? still a byproduct of his research on hormones.

...all nice and fun until you think the kind of shit he did to achieve those results...

>humans acting butthurt over undead

You know, according to higher planar definitions, you guys don't classify as truly alive either.

>>25931077
I did once, during the Yugoslavian civil war. Fucker was built like a brick shithouse and was as hard as one. Saw him charge into one of those "purge squads" while they were firing on him, gutted the fuckers with his bare hands.

Hardcore motherfuckers.

>>25931103
I couldn't care less about the dead/alive status, I have a problem with the whole "oh whoops my teeth slipped into your neck guess you'll do everything I tell you and the rest of the world is none the wiser" thing.

>>25931082
Aw, shit, typo. Riastrad.

You should probably look up some elvish metaphysiology. It's what happens when an elf no longer has any reason to keep living, or has reached a point where they cannot psychologically interact with the rest of the world in any meaningful sense. Generally you can see it coming if the elf is exceptionally long lived, secluded, and has been doing one thing for a long time. Symptoms close enough to those of human depression can also precursor it.

Basically, it's a death rage. The spiritus major aspect of the elf literally burns its way out of their physical body. During this time they'll exhibit heightened strength and uncontrollable anger, before finally exploding as the SM exits the body in a single surge.

It's often triggered by seemingly no-win situations.

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>>25931077

Well, I don't know how about you /k/ommandos, but in my district (Eastern Europe) we have one in riot police. When recently a gang of nosferatus from even easterner Europe that settled in a nearly town started giving us trouble (You know, the usual, missing virgins, vandalised garlic patches, Kosher restaurants break ins) she was deployed to handle them.

Alone. Well, there was an auxiliary squad of water elementals to limit collateral damage, but she was the only to enter a confrontation.

There were no survivors.

It was quite spectacular, really. I understand it was something of a shock and awe she is used for, I can't imagine the Department of Mystic Threats to be able of handing such generous reconstruction compensations on regular basis, especially with recent cuts to Union budget.

>>25931120
Any mage can do much more than that and worse. Any psion, too.

>>25928126
(wakes up after pulling a real late nighter)
(reads this thread)
(feels good man)
never change /tg/. i love this.

maybe i should tell the story about the dwarf recruit we got on my M777 howitzer squad some day.

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>>25931145

Wow. That's impressive.

It also puts the many stories of heroic defence of Elvish settlements into completely new light. I always thought those were exaggerations meant to bolster one's resolve.

>>25931181
Do tell.

>>25931156

That's why those professions are regulated and policed by respective Guilds, even above and beyond regular and irregular police and internal security bodies.

>>25931156
Still doesn't make it any better.

>>25931156
Two wrongs don't make a right. And at least the mages are not infectious. Since when were "races", I mean, fucking races, a transmitted disease anyway?

>>25931181
>(wakes up after pulling a real late nighter)
>(reads this thread)
>(feels good man)
(actions)
Please don't do that anymore.

>>25931156
Yes.

It also takes years to train one and they are, fundamentally, human. They don't suddenly crave your red, warm, sticky blood. Also, charm spells are more easily detectable and controllable.

...BTW, how's that law about obligatory blood checks to senators going? I can't fucking believe there is anyone dumb enough to oppose it.

>>25931270
>implying people would ever oppose it
they are among them already

>>25931270
>...BTW, how's that law about obligatory blood checks to senators going? I can't fucking believe there is anyone dumb enough to oppose it.

It has more to do with them not wanting the world to find out how much coke they snort.

>>25931319

>It has more to do with them not wanting the world to find out how much coke they snort.

...a likely excuse.

>>25931210
Vampires are designated as a subtype of whatever race they were originally. With all the rights of the race.

>>25931270
>fundamentally, human

When has this ever been an requisite for being afforded basic rights? Dwarves are not fundamentally human, elves are not fundamentally human, etc.

Civilization requires a level of trust. Sylvan elves and dryads trust humans not to give in to their impulses and deforest the shit out of their homes. We trust mages not to abuse their abilities. We can afford the same trust to undead. If they abuse that trust then they are punished as individuals who have broken the law.

You may have to frag her.

She might just end up sharing a tent with a live hand grenade one evening.

>>25931077
I'm gonna tell this story.
This was, maybe, two years ago, yeah two years ago. I don't know if Y'all remember those Orc Pirates who were raiding ships in the Phillipines/ But nobody wanted to touch them? And then one day it just stopped. Yeah three dragonborn plus myself can be thanked for that.

Should I continue?

>>25931346
Ignoring the fact that while a single mage can run out of spells and it takes years for him to be trained a single vamp can spawn like kudzu and ghoulify to his heart content.

Also
>Sylvan elves and dryads trust humans not to give in to their impulses and deforest the shit out of their homes

And how well is it working for them? Because last time I checked dryads are becoming less and less common, with at most a dozen being born in the whole world per year.

(Think we should archive this, guys?)

>>25931346
There's a difference between trust and a creature that is designed to undermine everything civilization is built upon, especially ours. Humans don't have to deforest woods. Mages don't have to cast domination spells on people. Vampires however do have to drink blood and just as an aside dominate the person they drink from. Inb4 Red Cross Blood Sharing Service, the max loadout those guys have been handing out per year is barely fiftythousand liters, roughly a tenth of what the corresponding vamp population needs. I can imagine where they get the rest of the blood they require.

>>25931424
not really no

>>25931155
In North America deployment of that sort of asset is usually reserved for special circumstances, and it's always accompanied by restrictions. In military deployments they're sometimes used as anti-technical/anti-building.

There's really nothing more terrifying than having a dragon-man or dragon-lady pidgeonhole through the wall of whatever building you're hiding in, followed rapidly by a stream of guys in heavy armor with big guns who aren't in the habit of asking for things nicely.

>>25931424
Yeah do it.

>Talk of Elves, Vampires, Dwarves, Halflings and Gnomes in the military
>Not a word of the Centaur Snipers

>>25931441
Mostly via the direct feeding service

Vampires don't have to turn those they bite, and they certainly don't have to drain all the blood in a person, and a guy can earn quite the pretty penny by letting vampires at his neck.

>>25928126
Don't make the mistake of thinking about her as a very old human - this is the basic error most people do.
Remember that their psychology is fundamentally different from ours and to be honest, outside fro some fundamental lines of thinking all elves share, they are very different from one another - the older they are, the more noticeable this gets.

>>25931483
>Centaur Snipers
How the fuck would they even conceal themselves

>>25931011
FINALLY, somebody got it right.

>>25931443

Well, can't complain, I can't. Hemophilia-related crime dropped by an order of magnitude in my region and by a significant amount across the nation.


>>25931394

Please do

>>25931424

This kind of thread is not really uncommon, and people like to play along. Alternate themes include future, space or galactic politics

>>25931501

>Concealing themselves
>Implying you can see them at 1.75 km
>Implying you will even get the chance
Put three on a hill. Two kilometer lockdown.

>>25931501
By distance and camouflage?

>>25931483
They kind of suck

I mean, they have the eye for it, but a sniper rifle has range beyond what they're built for, and they have a hard time crouching low enough to lay one on the ground, forcing them to hold it steady with their hands.

It's funny isn't it? 500 years ago centaurs were the best marksmen in the world, now the best sniper in the world is a depth-preceptionless cyclops

>>25931514
>Put three on a hill

>Dude spots them
>Calls in a mortar strike

And let's not even talk about how utterly useless they are in urban warfare

>>25931490
>being this naive
I'm pretty certain a lot of people like giving themselves over completely to someone who could turn their mind inside-out with the snap of his fingers.
Four times a week.
Thrall pls go.

>>25931520

I've seen a few that actually just take shots on the go. They just start moving, stop, take a shot, and keep going. I didn't even know what the guy was shooting at until we got to the encampment.
>Mfw I was pointman for the day
>mfw we break down the doors
>mfw everyone was dead.
So maybe sniper is the wrong term, but I'm pretty sure there aren't that many non-centaurs that can snipe accurately while at full sprint (or gallop as the case may be).

>>25931524
Weren't built for urban warfare, I'll give them that, but Centaurs are hella-good on the hill. It's rather unlikely that anyone spots them before they spot, oh, anyone within a couple of miles, and if they are spotted they've been clocked at 60 on decent terrain.
There's a marksman around here that can hit a target a half-mile away scopeless, Centaurs got crazy-good distance vision.

>>25931441
Vampires aren't designed to do anything. They have free will, and are subject to choice. And they don't have to drink the blood of sapients, so are very much able to subsist on animal blood. So, no, the truth of "how do vampires get their blood" is not some ridiculous conspiracy shit where every vampire has a secret bloodslave.

>>25931414
Actually, there are limits to how many ghouls or thrall vampires a single vampire can control, based on age and personal will. And there are limits to how many times a vampire can propagate - the process is not without effort.

A mage must be trained, but this doesn't change the power they wield. And it doesn't account for the various biped and non-biped species with inborn abilities far more formidable than those of a vampire.

The only think you're right about is that forest protection needs to get tighter. But we can't just institute a 'no humans' law because humans burn down forests.

>>25931531
Amulets of protection against evil

prevents mind control

all mind control.

Expensive as all hell, but worth it if you're worried about vampiric enthrallment

>>25931558
>Centaurs got crazy-good distance vision.
And most armies have drones and binoculars

>>25931572

>Drones
Money cost of drones is a mite bit silly when you think about it.
>Binoculars
You scan with a set of binoculars at about 2 seconds per 20 degrees vision for accuracy. Centaurs do 2 seconds 90 degrees, with their eyes, with greater distance and precision.

>>25931567
>And they don't have to drink the blood of sapients, so are very much able to subsist on animal blood.

What the fuck kind of vampire are you talking about?
it's a well known fact that they need the blood of sentients, even the vampire community themselves don't deny it.
Stop pulling shit out of your ass

>>25931394
Alright, Here we go!

Being a poor fag who wanted to go to law school, I enlisted in the Airforce. I went for CRO because pararescue fuck yes. Now, trying to compete against elves and Drow for those spots WAS the hardest thing I'd ever done, but that's besides the point. Fresh out of training I was assigned to the 97th Combined Arms unit. I assumed you know, I 'd be dropping in with wood elves, or perhaps Paladins to rescue people. Boy was I wrong. I was assigned to three Dragonborn savages, whose tribal scarring and snarling feature were quite the sight. I learned I wasn't actually there to lead, I was to make sure they didn't actually eat anyone they weren't supposed to.

>>25931156
I actually feel sorry for the mind-benders. I served under one in the sandbox, best CO a guy could ask for. Then the first time the man uses his powers to make one target shoot another one the entire squad starts to wonder if they're being forced to think that. They all transfer out, and the cycle just repeats itself for the new recruits. I stuck with him, and it turns out I was his only friend stateside. Poor bastard blew his brains out last week. I bet I'll be one of the few people that show up to his funeral.

>>25931568
Fun fact: they don't dispel existing thralldom.
Now, ask thyself: would it take a vamp a lot to
a) take an amulet off someone
b) ghoulify him
c) put the amulet back

>>25931568
Great, so I am protected with a trinket that costs three month salaries.
What about my senators, my congressmen, all the other voters in my state?

This isn't a race, it's a massive-scale security hazard.

>>25931552
Yes

They're cavalry, the only cavalries still used. They're mid-range because what was long range 200 years ago is now mid-range.

>>25931627

Wait, 1.75 km is mid range?

>>25931614
I have never seen a politician not wearing an amulet

Nor have I ever seen any voting facility without a cleric on hand to detect mind-control

It's common fucking sense, there's way too many groups out there with access to mind-controlling capabilities for the security to not be there.

Gods, have you been living under a rock since before the civil war or something?

>>25931567
Well yeah mister smartypants, if we want to get evolutional then even humans are not designed to reproduce, it's just something that coincidentially happens like that. They still outbreed everyone on the planet anyway.

There is such a thing as trends and stuff certain species are just made to do. And vamps apparently are good at being underminers of every norm I took for granted.

>>25931679
>designed to reproduce
Nigga u dum

>>25931672
Thralldom is largely a mix of chemicals in the blood of vamps, manipulation and magic.
It is not as easily detectable as a charm spell - not saying it can remain completely undetected but it's not as the press says - divinations are not as accurated as you think.

All this not counting ancients, by the way.

On the original subject, OP, it's not that your Elf is crazy, it's that you're human and she's a hundred if not hundreds of years old. Elves don't like to make friends with humans because they tend to die of old age. Add war ontop of that and they die even faster, because the elf is quicker, has better senses, and never sleeps.

The Warface is a defense mechanism - what we would consider severe PTSD is a mental exercise performed by Elves to seperate their "soldier" identity from their "civilian" identity so they don't go home after service and start shooting up schools or hang themselves.

It's unlikely she'll ever warm up to you, explain new military doctrine to her as a matter of EFFICIENCY and she'll accept it. Elves are almost always perfectionists. They'll adapt to new things if they're really a better way to do it (unlike dwarves), you just have to convince her that modern tactics and technology aren't just a flash-in-the-pan distraction.

>>25931687
lrn2readingcomprehension thicko

>>25931567
>Implying elves wouldn't impose anti human laws if they still could.

Jesus christ, we may not live as long as them but I cannot be the only one who remembers how humans were treated in the high elve's empire. And some of the pointy ears who owned my grand grandma are still alive and healty.

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>>25931599
Now, those damn pirates had been harassing shipping lanes for over a year by this point, and were doing a damned good job of it. So, My team of three Dragon born were sent to cleanse it. And Cleanse we did.

I don't know if you've ever seen these fuckers air drop in, but, it's a sight that you never forget. Bastards need fuck huge canopies and scream and spew fire the whole time. Needless to say, we were being swarmed by the time we hit the ground.

Now, most humans fare very poorly against orcs in CQC, and I was no exception, though at least thanks to the Vorenus legislation I did have a gladius. And holy Hell did I need it. Granted I killed A orc, after running away for the most part, but man did I get the Dragonborns respect. But after about 15 minutes, every Fucking greenie on the island was either in pieces or cooked. I'll never forget the smell. I've done a couple more Ops with other "Savage" races, none can hold a candle to the Dragonborn of Pyro squad.
>Pic related

>>25931199
some day later. just dropping in from work. i really shouldn't be here right now.

I had a urban elf in my unit.... once.
She was a such a sweetie and a hippie rolled in to be such an incredible marksmen... well at least until she wanted me to try her lunch.

Had to be evacuated due to food poisoning. She felt so bad she stayed at my side the whole time. Would been such an interracial scandal if they we didn't declare each other a couple.

>>25931784
What the fuck was she eating that it gave you food poisoning.

Why the fuck would people care if some dumbass human got food poisoning from an Elf's food, but not care because they decided they were fucking.

Look, you tapped that elven ass, you're proud of that, we're all proud of you anon. But shake the lovey stars out of your head, in a few decades you'll be old and she'll be fresh as a daisy and that'll be the end of that

>>25931598
Even Carpathian bluebloods can drink the blood of nonsentients. They just say they can't, because they're hoighty toighty old world cunts who want to keep drinking human blood. There are entire subgroups of vampires that have traditionally eaten certain nonsentient species for centuries, particularly across Southeast Asia and Western Europe.

As long as it's warm, it works.

>>25931784

I was about to complain, but
>Urban Elf
>Probably enlisted civvie
Lucky jerk. The only two elves I've ever been in units with were really cold and distant like
>>25931718

>>25931802
I think that's a bit wrong.

I've seen a vampire drink crocodile blood before.

Then again, I've also seen a vampire die, like, actually have their soul leave this world forever, due to a spider-bite.

Living in Australia is WEIRD

>>25931828
Current theory is that Australia was subject to a realspace drift from one of the hell planes somewhere in its prehuman development. Would explain the high number of fiendish genetic markers found in its fauna.

Kindred and kin most sublime, brothers of blood
and those aligned to the most effluent folk of grace
whose name is known throughout the worldly brood
As the Aelfan people of ancient solace,
Hearken to my story most comical and droll
Of the time I served alongside a human upon a grassy gnoll

>>25931752

Very impressive. It's a good thing that we foiled the "humon supremacy" coup back then. I'd hate to see a civil war that would probably eradicate almost everyone.

It's not like that sort of things did not happen in the past.

>>25931850
In warfare most dire we were embroiled,
Against the kindred of kobold and troll
Whose malcontent had the peace spoiled,
And brought against our nation violence and toil
So allied with the humans we were we made stand
In full panoply within the jungles of Gojong's hand.

Wholly unprepared for this war were our drum-eared friends
Ill equipped for the dirt and moisture which plagued
Our forces supply and arms to no insufferable end.
Rations would become rotten and guns befouled,
whilst the clumsy humans senses and temperament
were unsuited completely to that jungled land and it's sediment

>>25931806
Don't take it personally.

I've served with humans. I even bedded one. We were greatness. We marched into Berlin together when Hitler invoked Ghulghammanrond in a last ditch attempt to turn the tide of his war. When we helped raise the flags we thought we were both invincible. But then I turned around and she was gone.

Did you know, we don't have the same aversion to the physical signs of aging that you do? They're without context to us, after all. You can still appear beautiful to us on your last day, and no matter how old you are you can still catch us off guard when you disappear.

>>25931718
Really, it depends on the age of the elf, relative rank, how you attained that rank, and the sort of unit you're in.

I went through basic and OCS, served for a while as a butterbars, and found myself transferred into a newly reformed parachute infantry regiment in charge of a company with four platoons: a weapons platoon commanded by a dragonborn first Lieutenant (my XO), a rifle company lead by an elf Second Lieutenant who had served in the unit as an NCO during the Korean War, and two rifle companies commanded by human Second Lieutenants. One of those was fresh out of OCS, and the other was a West Pointer.

Here's what all that leads up to: of the four other commissioned officers in the Company, the elf lieutenant treated three of us like replacements at first. The dragonborn got a pass from the start. After leading the unit for a few weeks, both of them warmed to me a fair bit as it became obvious that I had my shit straight. The Lt. out of OCS? She got used to him eventually. Never really LIKED him, just tolerated him on a professional level. Same went for the senior NCOs.

The West Pointer she never really learned to like, since it was obvious he wasn't an experienced combat leader and he made a lot of rookie mistakes. Eventually I had to take sides, and sent him back to battalion to serve as a G-2.

So elf officers CAN get used to new face, it's just hard for them to see you as anything but a replacement for their buddies that are all either old or dead.

>>25931945
So it was we endeavored to divide the labor fairly
betwixt our two peoples in a manner fair and strategic.
The nation we divided into parcels of land barely
rational yet by some means valuable to tactic.
Hill 37 we were stationed to take and guard
It's name of "dead-meat hill" became well earned

>>25931511
>Hemophilia
God...
because if we stop calling them vampires they'll stopp sucking people dry uh?

>>25931989
At the first assault the humans excelled,
their natural aggression and build allowing
for great resistance to wounds which would have felled
Aelfan soldiers whose form resembles more a spring
Coiled tightly around slight bones and sinew
with which sudden controlled bursts we thrust and hew

The fighting was bloody and brief, and many
men and women fell to the canny traps of kobold
kind whilst the slavering jaws of trollish gluttony
consumed others who advanced too bold.
But at last the butchery was through and
the unnamed hill we had well in hand.

>captcha reveries muhavel

>>25932039
>still having captcha
4chan pass master race
supporting god emperor moot errydae

I'm not sure which was worse, The Dragonborn, the Elf, or the Dwarf when I served. Scratch that, the Elf was just fine, although a little on the crazy side. The other two, you know I though Dwarves were supposed to be bros, instead they're like fucking mechanical nazis, if you so much as went near a machine and the Sarge didn't make them do PT until THEY dropped (meaning your entire unit was fucked for the day) you got the look like they wouldn't think twice about killing you in your sleep.

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>>25932039
In the holding it was more difficult still,
for the enemy endeavored with artillery and snipers
to retake our prize, that blood and flesh soaked hill.
So with the iron grip of a surgeons caliper
we dug into the turf defended only by bags
of sand and dead bodies piled to sag


>>25932045
I declare moot to have consigned himself to the race of the Gnomes

>>25931956
Reminds me of an elf major I worked with for a bit.

I was never in the military as a soldier in any sense, my speciality was always law, but she recognised my last name, and thought that I'd be a perfect replacement for the last man in my family to join the military, a man who had served under her in the franco-prussian war, my great-great-grandfather.

She told me every time I had to present a document to her that it was shameful I was doing a desk job rather than fighting like he did. She wouldn't stop telling me how disappointing it was that I wasn't a hero like him. I think she still resents me for it even today

>>25932089
It's hard to explain if you weren't there. The stirring vision of Calvary mustering upon the hill. The perfect order and grace of columns of men marching in step, weapons braced, united by discipline and martial pride. And then the crush of battle itself, a mad rush of horror and joy and the bitter sting of pain and the elation of victory or defeats agony.

Unbreakable bonds were formed in those days, when soldiers of all races would come together to face overwhelming threats. Nobunaga, Ghengis Khan, Napoleon, Hitler.

>>25932088
stop trying to compose in iambic you old faggot, or this will take all day

>>25932089
Did you try the old trick with handing her a potted plant and telling her maybe that will be a better conversational partner? You've got to draw lines somewhere and just because they live longer doesn't excuse them from basic cranial activity (I want to say, be elf =! DURR HURR I GET TO TURN MY BRAIN OFF HURR).

Look at halflings, flaming up a storm wherever they get confused for teenagers. So they get tobut humans don't?

>>25932139
fine fuck you
>>25932088
Anyway we were in Korea dug into this hill (why the humans insisted on taking ground and holding it I have no idea, I blame the dwarves) and of course the fucking kobolds are always trying to take it back, taking potshots at us and driving trolls to charge the line all day and night and always the artillery

Of course the humans hated it - being nearly blind and deaf and having to sleep every so many hours it played hell on their morale. Eventually we realized if we depended on them we were doomed so we started looking at them more like portable meat-filled sandbags.

We got in trouble for trying to pile their bodies onto the embankment :(

>>25932144
You know it might have been a civvy elf who got shell shocked in Franco-Prussia, then again, it's not like Dwarves are any better. Try calling IT with a dwarf at the helm.

This thread is amusing.

>>25931806
Back in 'Nam I served with a couple elves, one in particular was a HUEy pilot. I got slotted in as a doorgunner for a couple months after some combat losses, and had time to talk with the elf while we were waiting for the next insertion to be called up.

He always struck me as reserved, as though he knew what was going to happen, but truth is, anyone or all of us could have died if our chop went down in the bush. I asked him one day, "If we're all going to die in a crash together, why do you insist on being a distant bastard?"

"I've crashed 6 times out here, lost my crew every single time, the thing that kills you isn't the crash. It's the jungle, it eats men alive. My mother is a wild elf, I learned how to survive in the shit 200 years ago. Can't pass it on in 20 minutes though."

Funny thing is, he died on our next lift out, same one where I picked up my purple heart and disabled vet's benefits. We got a line on a VC general working some covert plans in our AOO, so they sent in a helifleet to lay down the law.

Lot's of AA though, ZSU's and some of those open topped T-63s, we were 45 seconds from touchdown, I was lighting up one of those T-63s that was off to our left flank when I find myself hanging in my harness looking at my arm dangling from the gun.

A round punched straight through the cockpit, killed the knifey, straight through his chest, punched the wall and took my arm. He must have been alive for a little while because he managed to put us down hard on the skids.

Never did get to the funeral what with being stuck in the hospital and all, I heard it was nice, they gave him a bronze star for his heroic action, saving the rest of the crew while bleeding out.

Sure elves are distant, I guess they have their reasons though, combat mask, or just not caring. I'm not sure, but in the end, they're dedicated and I'd rather have one cold elfy bastard watching my back than a dozen humans who think they're hot shit.

>>25932089
She'll get over it. They usually do, given enough time. And if you get them to invest, they're yours for life.

When they eventually disbanded my Company, I got some of the officers and senior NCOs to come do contract work for the Army CID with me. It's not quite like working for the JAG, but it's a nice split between active combat situations and brainy detective work. As it turns out we have a particularly diverse array of skills, and still work well together.

>>25932178
Could have been, I still try to keep my distance from her though

>>25928511
I know your pain...

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>>25931949

That's actually... quite touching.

Damn you.

>>25932258
I'm not working directly under her anymore. It's not a problem like it used to be.

Still awkward to bump into her in the hall though

Considering thay we've all served with non humans, has anyone fought one? I remember fighting a lycanthrope in the Middle East. The only way me and a mate made it out of there was a lucky tracer that lit his fur on fire. Otherwise, it was absolutely terrifying. He fucking ate a half a mag of 5.56 from my 36C before he even flinched. Not to mention his fucking claws that could probably rip through light armor.

>>25932264
I'm not saying Elves are great people, fuck they're all a little fucked in the head when it comes to short term planning, but fuck man, at least get that she might still be recovering from something like that.

Once had a dwarf boss who served in the trenches, fucker still couldn't take cubicles, explained it to me as him being one of the goddamn few in his unit that didn't end up with his head being shot, or drowning in mud. And of those that remained 3 were dwarves, and two died from Portuguese Flu.

Though one can say none of them are orcs, fucking vertgers.

>>25932179
Shit, I was in the 87th, clearing tunnels, if you think the VC are bad, when they decided to pull in the northern KBs. Tunnel hell took on a whole new meaning, the scaly little bastards are descened from satan. VC might lay out a mesh floor with punji's in a pit. KB's will lay out a mesh floor, drop you into some shit smeared razorwire, then when your buddy is trying to pull you out, the pour some oil down the tunnel, light it up and burn your friend out while your struggling in the wire.

A dead man slows down the group for a minute, a wounded man slows down the group for the whole OP. KB's man, fuckem. I don't like to think I'm racist, but damn, spics, chinks, nigs, I'll drink with any of them. You let a KB walk into a bar where I've had a few, it's on.

At least I never got caught in a drow bunker, I heard about a squad in the 7th, they found those guys like 2 years later. Alive and well, except there was nothing going on upstairs, until they encounted that colonel, Bronson I think his name was. They jumped on him like a group of catfolk in heat, I heard they needed to hose out his office afterwards. Drow are scary in their own way.

>>25932317
Descartes.jpg

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>>25932323
Inb4 horde of nonhumans come here and push their percieved badassery in my face
oh wait I'm too late
hi wolfie how's it going, getting mooned recently?

>tfw part of the strongest race
>tfw the part that makes us strongest is that there's a neverending horde of us
>tfw that will never be done justice anywhere because the lone fighter that kills a billion enemies and then dies heroically is so much cooler
>tfw the only use in stories is to be that billion casualties before the kill
feels GOOD MAN EAT IT EVERYONE HAHAHAHA HE WHO WINS LAST WINS BEST

>>25928839
You clearly never heard of the Dead Man Walking. The guy killed so many people as soldier in the line of duty he was thought to be a war criminal. When they tried to capture them he killed them all. Any pursuers fell to traps. Last I heard the guy still alive and killing somewhere. Of course he isn't on the list due to being 'disqualified'. Interesting enough the guy is still isn't undead.

>>25932381
Why does everyone seem to suggest this? The sargeant I was working with under her even suggested this.

I'd honestly consider it if I wasn't worried that she may have boinked my great-great-grandpa, which would just make things really awkward

>>25932414
Elves are tsundere for humans by nature.

The fact she even notices you exist means she cares.

She's probably upset and trying to work out the fact you aren't your GGGranpa, who she probably did fuck.

Giving her the dick will probably make it worse. But the dick giveth, and the dick taketh away

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>>25932414
You're a human. If you're not boning everything that's hot and ready to take you then something is going wrong.

>>25932386
>troll detected
Seriously, all you fucking greenskins look the same to me, still killing each other over smudged sneakers?

>>25932458
I'm human you scrub.

>>25932468
Sure you are buddy. And Lil Waaagh is a man of African descent.

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>>25932386
I have a feeling I know who you're talking about, and I'm not him.
>implying I'm not a human as well.

>>25932453
I don't want to make it worse, I want her to stop viewing me as a stain on my GGGrandpa's memory

>>25932454
I am not a pervert, and I still don't think she;s "ready to take me"

>>25932538
You're shaming your grandpa by not tapping that elven ass. Seriously, even the "demure" ones who are shorter lived are fucking freaks in the sack.

>>25932538
>pervert
>feeding inches of your meat into dat steaming-hot elvan pussy
>perverted
It's what you're basically made to do mate. If your grandaddy could see you give it to her he'd be proud.