I come bearing tales of the anti-magic stone GM, the one who had written an insane 1,070-page manifesto on various scientific and political issues.http://ia601503.us.archive.org/12/items/TheWorksOfBrettNortje/WorksForSite.pdfhttp://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/25898657The GM had given us a quest to solve the economic problems with the town. You see, the town was in *dire* economic straits, to the point where a single wheel of cheese costed 2 gp, and a visit to the library costed 20 gp.We approached the town hall and, jokingly, recited a fantasy-ized version of the following proposition from the manifesto. With promissory notes instead of credit cards.>There is a way to generate a socail security without using money and lines... you could issue them with credit cards to see what they are spending their money on. The crdit card will be useful at any place an elderly person might go, like a supermarket or another general store and covers deliveries of the modern age too. If they go into hospital then they could use it there too, even phoning a 'handler' to ask for more credit or something... wait!>Why not do the whole state system like this? Instead of using auto tellers and seeing them get ripped off, enter a cashless society? Everyone will be issued with a credit card which will eliminate coprruption, hamper-if not kill off-drug dealing, organise thing better with cash and carry, encourage people to save and get a tax rebate if they do well, excetera excetera.>What do you think? No more lines, no more armed robberies of banks, no more drugs, no more people running up debt at a casino or the loan shark... You answer for what you spend your money on as it gets checked both ways by a simple computer program...>Total credit society, honest, clean, cared for.The GM found the speech "beautiful" and "well-thought." Within minutes, the town's economy was instantly fixed, to the point where they could produce 60,000 gold out of nowhere and offer it to the PCs.
Oh my god, it's this guy again! Tell us more of these glorious tales!
>>25936580>Within minutes, the town's economy was instantly fixed, to the point where they could produce 60,000 gold out of nowhere and offer it to the PCs.Well they don't need the gold any more with your new system. That was probably just the mayor's grocery budget or something if everything was that expensive in gp.
>advocate a cashless card system to eliminate corruption by making everyone's financial transactions electronically traceable>this works in a medieval fantasy setting
YOur gm is gay and so are you
>>25936898Yeah, but it's still worth tons in every other economy, so there's that.
>>25937014Pfft, who cares about such primitive economies? If we wanted to trade with them we could have just imported cheese for less than 2gp in the first place.
>>25937072They're a band of adventurers, of course they care about other economies!
>>25937095I was talking about the townsfolk and how they could afford to pay that much for the genius ideas presented by said adventurers which were surely worth every gold piece.
>>25936898The idea was to have the physical gold be used for trade with other towns.It took us literally over 30 minutes of *real time* to convince the GM, both in-character and out-of-character, that it would be a better idea for the town to use that 60,000 gp to build a school and houses than to give it all to some level 3 adventurers.>>25936967We were not even bringing magic into play. We were simply substituting promissory notes for credit cards.<GM> very nice speach, very nice indeed.<GM> did you google all of that?<OtherPlayer> No, I wrote the speech based on the writings of one of my favorite authors.
People with very minor cases of schizophrenia are always fun to be around because of stuff like this.
Ah, you again!Hoped you would show up, didn't get to download his manifesto yesterday.
Also, have a gem from the OOC channel. OtherPlayer made no mention whatsoever of her being female, nor did OtherPlayer say anything that would suggest that she was attracted to the GM (ewwwwww). And yet, this exchange came up, completely out of the blue, without any context:<GM> poor OtherPlayer...<GM> she is in love with me...<GM> what will she do now?<GM> it isn't flaunting it if it stix out of your pants...<OtherPlayer2> Dude...<GM> yes?<GM> why won't you take no for an answer?<GM> oh it is you!<OtherPlayer2> ...<GM> got you confused.<OtherPlayer2> I'm not sure if it's social differences in cultures or what. But I think most of us adhere to western philosophies. Randomly talking about your private parts isn't a social norm and it's kind of creepy. Would you kindly talk about it less?<GM> lol, sure... never knew...<GM> and sharing the love?>>25937169I should also clarify that when I say the town's economy improved within minutes, it literally improved within minutes. Debts vanished, illegal deals stopped, corrupt embezzlers were discovered.We had warped reality.
The other things I had noticed about this GM?The GM is completely unfamiliar with the rules of 3.5/Pathfinder. Completely.All of their NPCs roll with a +0 modifier for everything, so we stomp them in just about everything.Furthermore, roughly 75% of the time, the GM, for some god-forsaken reason, assumes that we are working under 2e-style "roll under." That means that when we roll high or have a high modifier to a roll, we *fail* because he assumes that rolling low is better.The GM is entirely clueless on the mechanics of the game.
>>25937456If having a high modifier makes you fail, shouldn't rolling with +0 for everything give the NPCs an advantage instead of letting you stomp them?
>>25937456In roll-under systems, as I assume you're aware, + mods are meant to go to the DC and not the roll. Say he told you to roll under 15 in something you have a +3 in, you only have to roll under 18.
>>25937567Rolling against NPCs is the other 25%. There, rolling high is better.The GM has no consistency whatsoever.
>>25937456He's an alien infiltrator trying to learn the nuances of human culture and psyche. To help him blend in his assumed identity is a DnD nerd who plays over IRC.Pity him.
After the GM left, we had our characters continue talking on in-character and unanimously decide that they had sailed, walked, galloped, stumbled, or otherwise fallen through a rift in reality to a place where the laws of rationality were no longer applicable. We're now approaching things, in-character, as if we can't expect any consistency whatsoever.
Behold: further writings from the GM.http://archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Brett+Nortje%22>A book of collected ideas for the progress of humanity.http://ia801803.us.archive.org/7/items/SixthWorksOfBrettNortje/SixthWorks.pdfhttp://ia601203.us.archive.org/22/items/DeuceWorksOfBrettNortje/DeuceWorks.pdfhttp://ia700301.us.archive.org/34/items/CentauriWorks/CentauriWorks.pdfhttp://ia601508.us.archive.org/23/items/HexWorksOfBrettNortje/HexWorksOfBrettNortje.pdfhttp://ia600808.us.archive.org/29/items/DeltaWorksOfBrettNortje/DeltaWorksOfBrettNortje.pdf
>>25938245>Magic explained.>I have been reading about chinese and japanese mythology, and find that dragons are a combination of bat, snake and crocodile, and were demon women that arose to appease the gods sexuality. Then they were made masculine, so, to make a dragon, we need female crocodiles, snakes and bats, and they must be like prostitutes. Then we should observe what a demon is supposed to be? Aren't demons supposed to be damned red angels? I remember that only drinking from the waters of most high in egypt will turn you into an angel, and, there they have snakes, bats and crocodiles! So, maybe they were derived from there?>If one was to want to become a dragon, maybe they should eat the eggs of all those things? Leaving the wings out, you will be left with eggs all around - i cannot see anyone eating or anything a baby bat! Maybe blending the eggs and making a circle around the person, then having them drink water from the nile, or, very close to the pyramids would do the trick? If we were to observe the part about a woman becoming a man, or more male, then we would need a woman that is either a hamaphrodite, or a woman that is lesbian?>If we were to observe other things about dragons, then we would also notice that they are associated with water and pearls. Then there is also the ability to fly, which may or may not be true, but i suspect it is actually from an eagle, which lays eggs too. Into the blender you go! I doubt it has anything to do with living crocodiles, as, that would be dangerous.>What do you guys think? Should the circle be laid out with dmt aswell? Should the person do this at night? Should the person drink and bathe in water?
>>25938245>Hex works>Sixth worksThose are the same fucking thing
>>25938332What the fuck am I reading. Not even a question, but a statement of pure confusion.
>>25938332Not sure what I'm looking at here
>I have been reading books and watching movies, as they are all based on something. the thing these are based on are the supernatural. I believe, seeing as how watching rosemaries baby they had a devils pepper - which smells - and in chinese folklore they use peaches to ward spirits away from their children, that smells have a big part to play in the spirit world. So, if warding off spirits and attracting other spirits is done some how some way through smells, then there must be a way to tune it so that it can attract luck or favourable outcomes for the person. People often say they can feel ghosts around them, as they say that the hair on the back of their necks raises or something, so maybe there is a way to induce calmness and ecstacy by attracting good spirits? Would be a cheap high, why not investigate?>So, if my ideas are correct, we can attract luck and good fortune and health by surrounding ourselves with favourable odours. This can be done with natural things, or even deodorant. So, as chinese folk lore is concerned, smelling like a peach would ward off evil spirits, and according to rosemaries baby, the devil's pepper attracts fortune from the evil spirits. No need to worry about evil spirits - we still have our wits about us! So, let's investigate what a peach has inside it that makes it smell like it does? Maybe we could identify a deodorant that has the same chemicals inside of it? That would be great...>Quote by: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peach>Although its botanical name Prunus persica refers to Persia (present Iran) from where it came to Europe, genetic studies suggest peaches originated in China, where they have been cultivated since the early days of Chinese culture, circa 2000 BC.[>So, as we can see, the peach is from china. That must be why it is so prized there. They also say that you need it to be grown in warm areas, but i am not sure how this affects the peach itself or the 'user.'
>>25938435He doesn't seriously believe this shit, does he?
>>25938435Yep. Definitely schizo.A very specific kind of schizo though
>Direct to brain learning.>1. If we want to make all our memories phtographic, the ones we need to remember, thne we need to activate the phtographic memory we have inside us. this must be a defect, as there are far fewer people with phtographic memory than those with it.To activate our photographic memories then, we need to find a way to activate this defect. i have heard that adding a chromosome to a person's dna will make them retarded, so, that is out of the question. so, we need to activate the person's memory by adding two chromosomes, so that they will pair off, as i suspect the unpaired chromosome inhibits others by relaying to them looking for the lost 'partner.' >But that is a rough idea.>So, we need to look at the brains of those with photographic memory, and make them similar. never having studied brain surgery or anything, i suppose that it lies in the dna of the person. this i believe as the nervous system remembers the information, not the brain. the nervous system is electrically charged, and that is why we forget things, unless they 'bleed off the circuit.' Then there needs to be more insulation of the person - maybe this could be done by using the blood of the person? if we were to try to insulate the information inside the nervous system of the person, then we would need to inject glial cells.>these insulate neurons, so might be what i am looking for.
OP, if you EVER leave this game, we will hunt you down. /tg/ demands to know the further tales of crazy psycho GM.
>>25938598I'm going with >>25938495 this guy definitely sounds schizo.
>>25937278><GM> it isn't flaunting it if it stix out of your pants...><GM> lol, sure... never knew...><GM> and sharing the love?Sounds like he hasn't been taking his pills his pills to reduce rape to wrestling.
>Pseudo alien wifi interface.>This may sound strange to you at first, hell maybe forever, but this is what i have learned, or, some would say, believe...>Okay, i believe that aliens have a way to connect your mind to electronics. This has been applied on earth to some degree, but with the aliens the interface is with a 'computer personality.' This personality is a mixture of magic and electronics. don't ask me how i know this, let's say they abducted me, okay?>Now, to give a computer a mind that we can communicate with 'telepathically,' we need to have a sensory system, that detects incoming mental notions sent to it, and sends out responses. this would be like a two way wifi, or radio signal. In my "magic explained" thread, i supposed a notion where we send messages to sylphs through our cell phones, by making the last numbers of the to call spelling out the word sylphs. If that works, we have our sending completed.>Now, to return messages to us, we need to have a random letter generator set up to intercept the incoming message, which will be set up to randomly send us 'letters' that we can decipher. this is the first step to having a cool new computer!>So, we need to set the computer up to intercept, react to, then send out these messages to us. Does anybody have anything else to offer yet?>well, it comes down to a belief in determinism. if it was meant to be like that, it is like that. determinism makes sure that it will be what it is supposed to be. when sangomas throw bones, it is all greek, until the language is deciphered to them by others that have learned the language. this means that everything is language, so to speak, all you got to do, is before hand, state how it works. that is how tarot works.>You will be reading, unless direct from the faeries, reactive syllabells from the 'universe.' This will be in syllabel form, so, read it slowly to make out the words
>>25938774>Basically, the more universal a term is in the given language you speak, it will be more relevant to the questions you asked.>Now, what language is your cell phone speaking? If it is speaking english, or french, it could get very confusing. there is no guarantee from me that it will speak enligh or french though... maybe swahili? The best thing to do is conglomorate and find the most likely language it is speaking. this will be unfair to most people, as no language is spoken by most people.>But, it will most likely answer in the language the question was asked. have you heard of baby letters, english pronounciation?>If you get an hjsghj, it would come out as aych [h] jay [j] es [s] gee [g] eych [h] jay [j]. Does that make sense to you? if it does, then that is supposed to be what you are reading, direct from determinism's mouth!>All the receptors out there are 'drones.' the more you speak to any receptor, and get messages back, the more you will get to know the thing you are sending messages to. It will evolve as a person or conscious or whatever you want to call it, and then it will be able to answer questions for you, unless it cannot. this could even, right now, be your computer!>If you were to just send messages to the sylphs, they will reply as long as you can recieve random letters on a cell phone screen. These might be hard to understand, but i am sure english majors or publishers would be good at this...>If you set the whole computer to go random, it will then be able to act. setting up a computer to just do random things, and say random things, will result in a good working psi drone. the thing is, it must ask questions that it can 'log,' and learn from. if you set it up to randomly take key words you use, and identify which words are used the most, it will start to come to our 'culture.
>>25938761>Sounds like he hasn't been taking his pills his pills to reduce rape to wrestling.What?
>Self defense and weapons.>I hope to see all weapons gone. I also hope that people only do self defense recreationally, as it can be lethal. If everyone was to abstain from fighting, then there would be no violence.>Of course, if you were to employ everyone, there would be less cause for violence. or, if you were to send out hypnotic messages over the media, telling people they will be hunted by dogs or something if they fight, then there would be less cause for violence.>So, some violence is bad, but matching violence with violence is worse! if the robber takes your stuff, you should be concerned with your life, not your stuff. if you put up a fight, you will get one, sometimes. this means, as with the occurrence of violence, there should be less violence if people do not fight back.>This brings me back to one of my earlier inventions. if there is no violence, everyone is safe. now, if there is a camera set up to take a picture of the crime scene, and then it gets reversed frame by frame with the light source illuminating where things were, you could identify the thief or robber or criminal. all you would have to do is follow the light source to where the robber went.Whoah, this GM is referencing something from the original document! Consistency!>Crime prevention>The best way to solve crimes is to have physical evidence of what happened there. Sometimes ther are no witnesses, so, if you take a camera and a computer, you can take the crime scene, take a photo of it, and rewind it as the light is millions of years old. The actual light reflects off of the surfaces of the matter around it, so you could rewind the light and reveal the goings on in that place.
>>25938897>or, if you were to send out hypnotic messages over the media, telling people they will be hunted by dogs or something if they fight, then there would be less cause for violence.Hahaha what the shit.Okay, OP, spill the proverbial beans. Tell us more about the game.
>>25938332>>25938435>>25938598>>25938774>>25938828>>25938897LET'S GET CUH-RA-ZEE>>25938837One of his suggestions from another document was using hormonal pills to convert rapes into "heavy wrestling"
>>25938946Well, as you can see from the quotes of the GM's documents in this thread and the last thread (http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/25898657), the GM enjoys giving commentary on three things: science, magic, and politics.The way this campaign has been set up so far is that we take missions from a bulletin board which is regularly updated.Only one or two of these are your traditional "go and fight monsters/rescue someone/find an important MacGuffin." Instead, most of the missions are some form of social commentary, which bring up issues related to politics or other controversial things.The first mission we took involved some atheist wizards harassing a local church, which ended in the atheists being resoundingly shamed. (The GM's documents put down atheists severely.)The next mission involved us fixing the economy of the town, which ended as explained earlier in the thread.>a new notice that has come to bear, is that the circus will be in town in TWO days. this is a great place for kids to have fun, but, the parents are worried about the circus animals and tricks harming their kids, as any conservative people would.>the clerics are trying to build a school right next to the church, as reading and writing is something that people, all having jobs, should be able to afford for their children, except for the dire state of the economy. the mayor regrets to inform the people that the school is on hold until he gets the money working for him again. they are looking for teachers too.(I have no idea what is going to become of this particular quest now that we have "fixed" the economy by turning it into a purely credit-based society.)>a slaver ship has just entered the docks. the word is that they are buying slaves, or, recruiting people from familis hard up for cash, to serve as a free person under the leadership of Gubbers, the captain.Now, under any other GM these would be fine missions, but under this insane GM with hilarious views on society?
>>25939205Explain that last one.
>>25939264>explaining anything from this GM
>>25939205>>a new notice that has come to bear, is that the circus will be in town in TWO days. this is a great place for kids to have fun, but, the parents are worried about the circus animals and tricks harming their kids, as any conservative people would.Conservatives worry about circuses?
>>25939286Yeah, I know that, I'm just wondering about what HAPPENED.
>>25939394We have yet to take those three missions on. There are others, too, like this one:>there is talk of a disease taking over the town! there have been four cases of some sort of gross disease being found in men around there. nobody knows where the disease comes from, but it makes you bed ridden and stuff. there are no hookers in the town, so that obvious angle to it is ruled out. the townspeople suspect it is someone quite new to town, and will try to prevent it anyway they can. the clerics think it is spread through breathing, or, even more likely, sex!Consider that the GM's documents contain numerous sections covering sexually transmitted diseases and how they affect society. For instance:>Spreading HIV if you are infected...>In South Africa there was a certain Mr Willaims that has spread HIV amoung the woman he slept with after he knew he was positive.>Is there a law against having sex? Everyone has a right to intercourse. If someone has crabs or something they do not go to jail for doing the same, but this a life threatening disease. There is a cure for HIV being salt, as it absorbs all your blood cells and you poop it out. Just drink lots of water to replace them.>Now, seeing as how is in trouble, and there will be no epidemic from people wanting to spread AIDS as they do have humanity and therefor doesn't want to spread the disease, it is safe to get this guy off the hook.
Also, have another gem from the GM.In-character:<GM> Character1, Character2 and Character3 notice a few girls dressed in uniform going to the church. they look dreamily over to the fine assortment of beautiful women, and say to each other that they are them, in any particular order...Out-of-character:<Me> What... do you mean by this, exactly?<GM> that the girls going to the church admire them.<GM> as they look successful and beautiful.<GM> they are like three or so...<Me> ...<Me> Why are... three-year-olds even thinking such advanced thoughts like that.<GM> all kids do that don't they?<OtherPlayer2> No. Not usually.<OtherPlayer2> Three year olds are really kind of... Uncomplicated.<GM> okay, they thought they looked nice and walked away.<GM> but, for my plot, i need to have enthusiastic singers.<OtherPlayer1> Okay, they were enthusastic singer girls that looked up to us. Sounds good.<Me> Why would there be three-year-old singers.<GM> because it is for young to teen kids.<GM> except it happens everyday,<GM> now that they have found their god again.<GM> everybody wants to dump their kids at the church, i find.
>>25939802You DON'T have 3 year old choir singers at your local church?
>>25936580So basically your shitty GM is an advocate of a national ID card system that would strip people of their basic human rights, monitor everyone "just incase" they are a drug dealer, and then reward them with tax incentives to spend their paltry, closely monitored funds on goods and services the government decided were a good idea...You need to derail this campaign in the name of economic freedom, you could install a puppet government that forces people to purchase goods sold by the party, track the goods and services that are being used by the people and sell the exclusivity for the tax incentives in exchange for a cut if their profits, impose any one,of a number of taxes that come directly from their credit cards...By they end of it that 60'000 will look like chump change
>>25939941You can't derail it because the world is operating on laws as decided by the OPs twisted worldview
>>25937169><GM> very nice speach, very nice indeed.><GM> did you google all of that?><OtherPlayer> No, I wrote the speech based on the writings of one of my favorite authors.Top lel.
OP, never agree to meet this guy in real life.Schizo people scare the shit out of me.
OP this pleases me. This pleases me greatly.
OP your only choice is to kill your current character, make a cleric, and carry this 1000 page tome of godliness around and herald its wisdom.
>>25940331Better yet...TG, your only choice in all games of DnD, pathfinder, or whatever is to kill your current character, make a cleric, and carry this 1000 page tome of great and glorious knowledge around, teaching those who have yet to see it's wisdom.
>>25939205Honestly, i have to give the GM props for thinking some of these situations up.Even if he is cuckoo for coco puffs.
>>25936580>be in fourth year of economics program>mfw I read this
This is how I feel when reading these stories.
Honestly the more i read about this GM the more i want to play in one of his games as simply a perfectly normal selfish adventurer, or your average Orzhov member for those of you who are familiar with MtG.And then see how long until I get kicked out.
>>25940752>Honestly the more i read about this GM the more i want to play in one of his games as simply a perfectly normal selfish adventurer, or your average Orzhov member for those of you who are familiar with MtG.I doubt such would be against this GM's sensibilities.As I had mentioned above, it took us literally over 30 minutes of *real time* to convince the GM, both in-character and out-of-character, that it would be a better idea for the town to use that 60,000 gp to build a school and houses than to give it all to some level 3 adventurers.
So this guy is:>Pro-Church>Anti-Atheist>Anti-Self Defense>Anti-Military>Pro-Government>Pro-the government taking all the bank accountsFuckin crazy. Reminds me of Ted Turner.
>>25940788hrmm.. good point.I suppose one would have to act cynical then? I dunno man. .I usually can figure out ways to troll in retaliation but your GM just confuses my inner troll.
>>25940788...if physical currency had been phased out in favor of a new currency how did that 60,000 even get that new school?
>>25940892Outside labor and materials, obviously.Do you even import?
>>25940892It's a world where our current notions of logic and rationality are completely foreign.It happened because that's how it happened.
>>25940892Obviously because the GP was exchanged for credit.
>>25940460>economics major>mein nigger
>>25940460In your semi-professional opinion, how much of an idiot is... we need a name for this guy. Just 'Psycho GM' doesn't sound good enough.
>>25940974His name is Brett Nortje so...
>>25940974That Eldritch GM
Another odd thing that this GM does is that the town this game takes place in is surprisingly modern.On the surface, it is generic D&D town, but it has a post office (the "mailhouse" full of gay men), a town hall with a reception desk and a comprehensive file system, convenient bulletin boards, a church choir that accepts volunteers, and a public library (which, before the economic "revamp," costed 20 gp to enter).I suppose it makes the social commentary easier.We might as well be in some small town in modern-day England.
>>25939508Don't you just love it when people who've never had it have so many views and suggestions about sex?
>>25941125Alternatively, it could be that the town is based on the real-world town in South Africa that the GM lives in. Filled with many modern advancements, but ultimately isolated from the rest of the world and not quite as privileged.(The GM did mention something about the in-game town having poor quality of water, and from what others tell me, Africa's water is not quite ideal.)The library costed so much in-game possibly because the GM's own town's library was prohibitively restricted in some way.The GM might be thinking that the party is rectifying the issues of their own real-world town. How horrifying.
>>25940974In my semi-professional and slightly drunk opinion? This is like the economics version of Time Cube. It's just absolute bizarre nonsense but I want to find out more so badly.
>>25941260>It's just absolute bizarre nonsense but I want to find out more so badly.Link is in the OP.http://ia601503.us.archive.org/12/items/TheWorksOfBrettNortje/WorksForSite.pdf1,070 pages.
>>25941327Check the sequels here:http://archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Brett+Nortje%22>A book of collected ideas for the progress of humanity.http://ia801803.us.archive.org/7/items/SixthWorksOfBrettNortje/SixthWorks.pdfhttp://ia601203.us.archive.org/22/items/DeuceWorksOfBrettNortje/DeuceWorks.pdfhttp://ia700301.us.archive.org/34/items/CentauriWorks/CentauriWorks.pdfhttp://ia601508.us.archive.org/23/items/HexWorksOfBrettNortje/HexWorksOfBrettNortje.pdfhttp://ia600808.us.archive.org/29/items/DeltaWorksOfBrettNortje/DeltaWorksOfBrettNortje.pdf
>>25941302I'm sort of hoping that's not a typo, so he spends less time plaguing the world.
>>25941360Do not forget the RPGs that the GM has designed, now. Which, by the way, they had introduced me to with the line:<GM> do you want to look at a game i made for women?http://gamesofbttnortje.yolasite.com/resources/Legions%20revamped%203.13.pdfhttp://gamesofbttnortje.yolasite.com/resources/Societal%20games.rtf>Fundamental basics>Nakedness is where you have shown yours and they have not shown theirs.>Hygeine - When a characer has a hygiene that is low they will bond more with peopl that have a similar hygiene desire. If they look dirty then others that are dirty will like them more, and so forth. This is another adjustable statistic where they may choose thier status due to hygiene. Typically most people do not have a high hygiene, so if you want to fit in you should be dirty too, but, it is desired to keep yourself clean as you will look more beautiful in a pretty way, as if you were a model or so, or, someone appealing to someone else due to primal instinctive health recognition. Many peoples have a desire for someoen that fits into thier culture, so natives from the jungle will look for someone fat and dirty as someone that fits in, and people that live on the river banks will like someone clean and tanned, reminding them of what is 'proper'.This GM is from South Africa, by the way.>natives from the jungle will look for someone fat and dirty as someone that fits inTotally not a racist or anything.
>>25941125>We might as well be in some small town in modern-day England.Why England and not America or any other modern country?
Thanks for the Touhou dump, based OP.
>>25941404>it is desired to keep yourself clean as you will look more beautiful in a pretty wayMade me think of Stephen Fry.
The solution to global warming is lasers that ignite the atmosphere.>Fighting global warming.>What we need in our fight against global warming is not a prevention, but a cure. To do this we need to deteriorate the gasses in our ozone layer, or close to them.>If we were to observe the gasses, they are full of carbons, and carbons are flammable. basically, the way we got into this mess was where we used fires to make them, but, I suggest we can use more fire to make the gasses even thinner.>We should be able to do this with some fire in the atmosphere. this could be done by igniting one place, and watching the fire expand. of course this could ignite the ozone layer, which would be bad, so we need to be careful, and, that is the main problem with my plan at the moment.>If we were to observe the carbons in the atmosphere, we would come, hopefully, to the conclusion that the methane is flammable more than the ozone, which means we need a lesser fire that will only work on these carbons.>This means we need to heat up the atmosphere to the point where we ignite the carbons, and watch them spread naturally throughout the atmosphere, like a forest fire.>If we were to use a laser to heat the carbons, they may ignite, and then the fire will spread. if the fire spreads, it will devour all the carbons until there is no more carbons to devour.>Now, how do we make this fire using a laser? if we were to use static, and rub ions together to form static, we could ignite the carbons so that they ignite the carbons. This is my suggested method, does anybody have something more elaborate, or, is there a real problem with my method? it is not really a real fire, but it should, through friction of atoms in the area, ignite a fire that spreads quickly.
>>25941486Did this guy go to collage? High school, for that matter? Because this logic would look silly to anyone who payed attention even a little in Science.
>>25939508>There is a cure for HIV being salt, as it absorbs all your blood cells and you poop it out. Just drink lots of water to replace them.wat?
>>25941404Wonder if he's ever seen a woman
The cure to paralysis is injecting water into the spine. I wonder if this GM has solutions to other problems in this world that involve air and earth? Or maybe earth, metal, and wood?>Spinal injuries.>Recently I dreamed that I could take people that are paralysed and make them walk again! naturally, I created this thread, but, I must confess, that I have no medical training and my views are not those of the forum.>Okay, so your spine gets traumatised, as I read, and then you cannot walk. this comes down to a failure of the nervous system to communicate with the rest of the body from the brain, as all your processing goes on here.>Now, the best way to rectify this, as those cells are not dead, is to revitalise them. we see this happening on television with people exercising slowly to regain communication.>So, all we need to do is exercise properly, or, maybe regain communication more quickly. This could be done by enhancing the conductivity of the spine. what conducts better than anything else? water!>So, you need to find a way to get water down your spine. if you were to drink a lot of water, this might help, but then it is merely fuel for your body. what you need is water starting in your neck and going down your spine. this means we need to get water into your blood, yes?>Now, to get water into your 'back,' you need it injected. If you inject water into the spine, you will recover fully and nearly immediately. So, we need to get water there and keep it there, but, this might be very painful, but you will walk again.>So, how do we get it into the body on the spine? If we were to use something that the body wouldn't devour and treat as fuel, maybe we could use some foreign liquids that are conductors? these need to travel up and down the spine, so, maybe grafting a random vein, and making it intracellular inside the spine will work?
>>25941545Definitely not college, but perhaps collage, yes.He went to collage.
>>25941558Check out the cures for diseases from the last thread.http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/25898657/#25907705>If you have anthrax simply drink milk, as it is a anti acidic thing, and anthrax cells have acidic protection. >Then if you have diabetes, you can attach a sponge to the nasal cavity of the peron so it absorbs all the sugar excess and you can hawk it up. >For parkinsons you can eat a lot of fish as it stimulates your brain into producing more of those things it needs. >For autism you can orally administer some water to the person. The excess water will conduct electircal impulses more efficiently, especially salt water. If you don't like that you can also train disease bacteria to only eat chromosome twenty one by isolating the cells in a vat where all they can eat is that, then they will only eat that and then die off. This works for lots of other diseases too, but use a easily defeated virus... >To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too? And that's only a few of them.
>>25941573That seems incredibly silly, when cerebrospinal fluid is already a thing.
>>25941573Why does this guy believe that water (sometimes salt water) is the solution to all medical problems?
>>25941662>Africa has the worst diseases>Africa has the least pure waterCause and effect, anon.
>>25941600I'm actually getting a headache from these, they're so bad. Especially the autism one.
>>25941662I'm thinking that he thinks salt water is >the waters of most high as he says in >>25938332So basically, salt water=holy water
>>25941706No wonder Hell has no water!
>>25941600>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too?Oh god
>>25941745Go through the last thread, Anon.Go through the last thread.
>>25941428He walks the path of The Saint.Strange that he's able to do so unharmed.Perhaps a sign for the future.
I'm going to see if /tg/ lets me upload this. I found this in 2008 scrolling through comments on a marine biology article. This comment was over 800 pages long or something.Nope, not letting me upload it. It was about John McCain and holy rectums or something.
>>25941573>what conducts better than anything else? water!I have a very goofy grin right now.
>>25941836>>25941836>John McCain and holy rectums
The solution to terrorism (and wars, for that matter) is to channel radio waves into electromagnetism to make bullets get stuck in the barrels of firearms.>Terrorism.>The state of terrorism is preposterous! If you were to withdraw all the troops from the region and instead run a program for new recruits you would see that the state of affairs could be dealt with easily by the new recruits, costing he west a fraction of the price, if currency conversion is to be believed, of course. Afghan wigs are cheap, huh?>Failing that they could easily try to make a 'lawful' society by giving the terrorists what they want. They fight for a purpose, so what is that purpose?>They could simply make the area a peaceful place by taking the militants and using the electronic magnetic pulse theory in the rural areas. This would mean that they need to generate a pulse of magnetism that will jam all their communications and weapons by magnetizing the weapons so that the bullets get attracted to the barrels of the guns and then they will make for jammed weapons.>They could do this with borrowed energy from the nearest power station channeled into a radio wave of energy that will make the weapons worthless and useless and then basically mold them together, yes?Also, something about... "polar charges" to help stop the fighting?>If physics is to believed we could use a 'south polar' charge followed by a north polar charge over these areas to stop the combat worth of these factions. The baddies will then be dealt with primarily, helpless, yes?
>>25941836Google search a phrase from it, then link us to what google finds.
>>25941600What else has he "cured"? And please tell me he's tested none of these...
>>25941836Might as well post an excerpt:>OFFERING CLONE HOSTING TO PEOPLE IS TEMPTATION!!! CROSSING THE LINE FROM PERSON TO PREDITOR COSTS PEOPLE IN THE EYES OF THE GODS!!! The gods have many tactics to ensure they gain trust and therefore obedience:::Beem out poop, HIGHLY DAMAGING preferential treatment (an effective corruptor of both sides), xxx, xxx, etc.They rotate these preditors through ADULTS, ensuring the gods can justify controlling who receives a chance and who doesn't.There is nothing the gods can't do, and as far as supernatural incidents go this one is merely the tip of the iceberg.Be god-fearing.If the gods funneled the Italian gangsters into Nazi death camps through some supernatural power then it is no concern of yours. If the gods put one of those Italian monsters in your son's body it is not your business. This is your child and you need to do the very best job you can with your children.These type of tactics have hurt the disfavored very badly.
>>25941920The solution to bombs is to use sensors and tractor beams to identify and pick up anything that could possibly be used as part of a bomb, including linen.>Bombs. To stop bombings we need to get rid of all the organic components in these areas. To get this done we could simply 'gouge' them out with a sensor to find all combustible materials from these areas to see where the combustibles are. >This could be achieved by using a beam emitted from a sensor to check where the materials are, identifying linen and other things from deposits of manure - which goes into these bombs. Then we could program the sensor so that the beam picks up 'scents'. Failing this from a sensor we could use a 'chemical sensor', like a dog's nose, more or less, detecting these things.
>>25941928Well, if you want a repost on the full spiel on diseases...>Curing diseases.>If salt absorbs all the things in blood, hen could it absorbd HIV? I figure that it would, and then you poop it out, but need vitamen supplements to rejuvenate your system. >Cancer has natural antibodies to fight it, so, by shocktreating your system with anti bodies from other people, orally injested of course, you could easily beat cancer. >If you have anthrax simply drink milk, as it is a anti acidic thing, and anthrax cells have acidic protection. >For lead poisoning, that goes into your cells, go to a sauna. Then you sweat it out. >By far the most prolific cure for diseases in simply inhaling flower pollen, or, for shock treatment, boiling the flowers in a pot to allow lots of it to get into your lungs where it is absorbed into your body. I thought that one up while reading about aeromatherapy, and then thouhgt why bees and the like never have diseases, and then it came to me. >If you have anorexia you can watch subliminal videos of thin people eating a lot to cure it. If you want to increase intake even more then you can orally administer - for comfort - some hunger hormones. >Then if you have diabetes, you can attach a sponge to the nasal cavity of the peron so it absorbs all the sugar excess and you can hawk it up. >If you have any neurological disease, like schitz, bipolar, you can use a natural sedative like t-butonal diluted for settling the person down, orally of course, or use salts to amplify the electrical communication between the brain and body. >For parkinsons you can eat a lot of fish as it stimulates your brain into producing more of those things it needs. >For cholesterol you can use stomach acid - injected though - into the blood stream. This biological thing will clear it all out.
I believe that my brain has fail safes installed. Whenever I tried to read some of the things here, I ended up switching my vision to something else. Thank you based brain.
>For autism you can orally administer some water to the person. The excess water will conduct electircal impulses more efficiently, especially salt water. If you don't like that you can also train disease bacteria to only eat chromosome twenty one by isolating the cells in a vat where all they can eat is that, then they will only eat that and then die off. This works for lots of other diseases too, but use a easily defeated virus... >To get rid of measels and a cold simply inhale boiling blood for the extra antibodies. This helps with other diseases too, maybe flowers would work here too?>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too? >To regrow body parts you need to take a zygote that isn't fertilised yet and extract the desired body part, then place it in the body of the person that needs it. Then with enough growth hormones they should be ship shape in a a while, gorwing eyes is the easiest as it is protected nicely. >To clear up dyslexia you need to also drink salt water and it would help to have a blood transfusion, as that is getting in the way of the communication. >To clear up muscular dystrophy you need to relax the muscles, so, ingesting adrenaline will do it, maybe daily or so. >To deal with epilepsy you need to either adminsiter missing chemicals, or, grow a virus to eat it, that dies off because of lack of epilepsy type things to eat.
>>25940460Oh man, you'll love my DM's economics then.>City of Thieves>20 GP toll to get in, so people just use the tunnels to smuggle their way in.>Is a port town>No toll to come in by water....So we bought a skiff and sailed in for 5 gp.Later....>The town charges such high tolls because the Thieves Guild has infiltrated roughly 80% of the government. >All the government money is stolen by the Thieves guild, for a decade.>No one is getting paid. At all.>Decide to ruin the thieves guild economically. >Apparently their income source is stealing the tariff money from the docks. Which would be a good answer, if we didn't suggest it....>Go to docks, apparently a 'tarrif' means' merchant pays a toll'. wut...>Apparently all the money is collected by Big Polly, who picks it up in his giant sack, then deposits it into one big account at the super safe bank.Fuck it, let's just go assassinate the Vice Governor.
>To treat paralysis they could treat the spine, as that is where paralysis comes from I think. If they were to take the non working things and fix them again, maybe with some cell regeneration or revitalisation, through stimulating them with a growth hormones, so they start growing again. If there was some way to inject gorwth hormones into fully mature cells or whatever, then they could grow again, age, or be fully restored again, start again. I think they are trapped and cannot work because of lack of communication, so, salt water would also stimulate these things, added to the growth hormones, or, maybe some adrenaline would make them sizzle with activity and hopefully work again. You could treat any region where the communication is not working too well like this. If you were to find the thigs comepletely dead then maybe replacing them with embyonic componenets would do? >To get ric of a fear or phobia you need to drink salted water to boost eh communiaction between your nervous system and you brain, as the salt acts as an elcetrolyte or whatever and conducts the signals so you don't freeze up and get scared, as your brain translates the fear properly into just another event. Understanding might be key, but if you cannot physically overcome the problem in your own mind - your brain - physically, then there is no way. So physically it is salt water in abundance. >This is caused by the chest closing in on itself, so it is like a contrscticion on your chest using your own muscles.>To rectify this they could relax the muscles with laxatives or natural relaxing chemicals in the body en masse or way too much, or, expand the chest to allaviate breathing by having your lungs pumped. >This takes time. You can regrow lost limbs by taking an unfertilised egg and harvesting the body parts from it.
>>25942013The one thing that makes sense here is the Subliminal messages for anorexics. Everything else?BBBUUUULLLLSSSHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTTT
What the christ have I been missingWho the fuck is this guyWhat the merciful shit am I readingWhy is touhouguy playing Pathfinder with him
>>25941415Presumably because OP is British, or he assumes quaint and antiquated matches up with the English countryside.Game probably has a monarchy.
In which the GM praises fascism and puts Nazi Germany and North Korea on a pedestal.>Isn't fascism the answer?>I find that fascism is the answer to the world's needs today. Look what happened to Germany- they were the force to beat. I am not talking about conquering the world; I am talking about strong values to the people of your country. I am not talking about stopping crime, I am talking about having such a civilization that crime just peters off.>We could talk about what has happened, or we could model any country onto this ideology. >The feeling I have at the moment, is that it is a combination of social values of the right or conservatives, and a lot of socialism. Would I be right? I haven't researched it yet, but am about to, and hope to be right! I have always believed that the state is the parent and the people that vote for the parent, has authority over them and tells them what is right and wrong.>I also find that issues such as the death penalty, abortion and gay marriage are not important - they can have them or not have them. It doesn't stop the country dead in its tracks; it doesn’t hurt anyone outside of those involved, and so forth.>So, owing to my view of fascism as being a combination of right wing and social values, I am sure that a lot of people will have opinions whether as to what to say. If you will first look at communist North Korea and compare them to America...
>>25942013>If salt absorbs all the things in blood, hen could it absorbd HIV?
>>25941984Yes. Let us absolutely GET RID OF ALL THE ORGANIC COMPONENTS IN THE AREA.Someone let the NSA hire this man. We'll never have another bomb in an airport ever again.... Or any airports still in business, really.
>>25942028I mean, that's...I guess "tariffs are paid all at once to a burly guy and his bodyguards when you enter port" could be a reasonable simplification for tabletop's sake? Like if my party just wanted to run a heist, you could say that inspections and such take awhile so they have some prep time, then just fast forward to when the harbormaster gets his payment and they strike?Everything about the thieve's guild and the government and everything else could almost work for a parody setting, but is otherwise just bizarre. Like, a setting where the nominal government is such a sham that only like five people work in it and they're all paid minimum wage, everything else is handled through ostensibly-shady guilds that actually act like an honorable and upright government would except they try really hard to look tough and dangerous? Like there's a city hall but it's considered a horrible faux pas to use the front door, everyone has to sneak in through secret passages or over the rooftop, business hours are only at night and the entire thing is shut down during the day, the True Mayor is hailed as a wild success because he hasn't been seen since the day he was elected, signed legislation just shows up in the weirdest places every now and again. Also nobody pays taxes, it's just assumed that auditors will take the correct amount from you while you sleep (no more and no less. It's actually a very fair and well-run town.)
>>25942161>As is obvious, North Korea is poor, but still manages. America is wealthy, and people complain. If the wealth attributed to America was flung into communism, socialism or fascism, it is designed to grow. This means that people will maybe be told where to work, there won't be a lot of minority rights, and then there won't be a lot of personal freedoms either. So, is the state responsible for your lifestyle? Let's think of all the things that you need freedom to do?>Can you, in North Korea, which I suspect is vastly stricter than fascist countries, row a boat, blow bubble gum, possibly have freedom of the press and own a gun? Just what is freedom? Would you be giving up that much?>Now, what does fascism bring? Well, it is possible, owing to historical evidence, that we could have free holidays. Then there is the case of social welfare, trying to improve the rights of the lower classes.>As time marches on, the people that subscribe to fascism do not face the same isolation, sanctions or lack of economic growth that is seen in North Korea.>Are soldiers happy? I say that living in a country where the country is bigger than the individual is like living in the army - without the rigors of it. Soldiers get party time...>Now with the economic planning, as long as the state does it properly, in that they want to be a part of a working country, it will work.>How would this interfere with you being your own boss? The state says what you may not do, and seeks to police it like anything else. If you choose to go mountains biking, well for you! There is no loss of identity with this, you will still have your friends and family, you will still be able to eat beef, and you will still be able to change channels.>There were no marches in Italy and Germany while it was going on. If there had been some resistance it would have created a civil war!
>>25942206PURGE ORGANICS TO PREVENT EXPLOSIONSKYNET EXPRESSES ENTHUSIASTIC APPROVAL
>>25942247>There were no marches in Italy and Germany while it was going on. ThatFucking Irony
>>25942247>No really, think of Mardi gras then? Everyone there is in a good mood. This is what fascism does; it puts people in a position where they feel like they belong to a nation, a big body of people. Think of North Korea, there the people are extremely happy surveys cover that. Even foreign news focuses on them wanting to be good for their leaders and country!>They could use any music>The people like to do as they please, unless they please to do as they want others to tell them to. This is prevalent in second world societies, where people do as god tells them to>See? This dominates the civilized world, except in Asia. There they had communism, and there was no revolution because the people were happy>The only reason Russia wanted out of communism was because they saw so much freedom on TV, and now the country is poor. Think of the same sort of values imposed on them, made them richer, yes?>Now, if you brainwash your people to love each other, and do as the state tells them, what does the state tell them to do? It tells them work hard, love their families, and relax every now and then, usually to see them attend political rallies for an hour or two to make them feel important. What is wrong with that?>Watch all the Nazi propaganda online. They were excellent at selling themselves. I remember women reaping the corn in the fields, all too then popular music and all doing it uniformly with a zest that suggests much enthusiasm. To do something like that? Hell, maybe they are of a different life form or something>Well, with women absent from work, they could always make a way in life. If Hitler was a better economist, things would have gone better. He is gone. What remains is a policy like they have in North Korea, where they are totally self sufficient. True they are losing money, but they still keep everyone fed>Bringing some policy like this to the west would sea country with great wealth maybe become self sufficient. They tried this in America
>>25942247Just... just... I don't even have any words to describe this. Pic so damn related it's not funny.
>>25942234See, if he had a basic comprehension of how transactions flowed, then yeah, they'd be simplifications. But we're talking about 40 plus people going without food because 'they work for the government'. Not leaving their job. Not striking, etc.The other 200 people in the government were thieves. Good for them, nonsense for the rest.It wasn't a parody, it was just a really poor conception of how a corrupt government would run.Also,there was an illiterate guy who we tried to use to send messages to the 'orphans guild'. He couldn't read a sundial, but he could tell time by the stars.
>>25942161No surprises here: we already knew he was socially conservative, but wanted a huge state and unlimited government power. The worst of Left and Right.>>25942247He has a point: many more Americans complain about America than North Koreans complain about North Korea.
Oh boy here we go again! I love this guy and his crazy GM
sounds like a fun guy to hang out with, can I have the name of the channel?
In which the GM says "Brain washing is great. It happens in the USA all the time!" and "You do not need rights you don't use.">Quote by: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_North_Korea>This system had also been attempted in America with little success. In Nazi Germany, however, it appears the system was more successful.>So, it is a popular system, and has not yet been successful properly. Maybe with some more economic tweaking it will be?>I find the morale of the people to be more important than freedoms that they enjoy today. I am all for brainwashing people to support the state in all forms, as this will lead to a happier country.>You don't need to be happy when you are brainwashed to think you are. You don't need rights that you don't use. You do need the economy to go well like is planned.>Brain washing is great. It happens in the USA all the time! The media and other outlets brainwash the people. The only reason you don't find brainwashing in Europe at all is because of an unknown factor.>You do not need rights you don't use. Please name some rights that the state would remove?>The gays, Jews and gypsies will no longer be set upon by the police. That is an old style.>Yes brain washing is good. Look at America. They are all brainwashed to believe their society is better and more patriotic. Look at how feverous they are with their flag and war veterans. >If you look at the rest of the politics forums, you will also get the feeling of a polarizing brain washing for or against this or that party, or for this or that party. If you look at the rest of the world, mind you, you will also see brainwashing by this or that entity, and, the people are not well off but still say that this or that makes them happy. If though you put aside politics, and look into the home lives, you will see them happy there too - life is what you make it.
>>25942407Yeah. I threaten to quit every time my pay is delayed by a day, let alone ten years.
>>25942326>Think of North Korea, there the people are extremely happy surveys cover that.It's lucky with have North Korean surveys to tell us the truth, otherwise we might think it were a starving communist dictatorship!>>25942461>The only reason you don't find brainwashing in Europe at all is because of an unknown factor.Hah, that's what he thinks! Really Europe's just good enough at brainwashing that they brainwash people into thinking it doesn't happen!
>>25940393I'm already going to include "Brett Nortje" as the name of some political visionary who is actually using hypnosis/domination/charming to get his whims about him. Every follower would be required to read the entirety of his works, and carry around his manifesto.
>>25942544Don't forget the "All magic works on electricity" thing from the last thread, and the salt water that cures everything!
>>25942487Attempts to rationalize these things would run in circles.>Hey Aide to the governor, why are you asking us for food?>Because I don't have any!>... why?>I haven't gotten paid.>Why aren't you getting paid?>No one gets paid in this job.>Why don't you get a new job?>Because unemployment is so high>Why are you working for nothing?>Because I have a job!>You're a fucking idiot. Here's an apple, now tell us everything you know about the Thieves Guild.Also, he attempted to start 3 romantic subplots with our asexual druid. It would be great if they were jokes. They weren't, they were just Bioware.
>>25936580OP, do you guys put up with his stuff because you want to see where his rationale might lead you, or because he is your only option for a GM or what? I've be curious since the last thread
>>25942095I need answers too. Someone please explain what is going on here.
>>25942595Asexual male druid, or asexual female druid?
>>25942596I think OP is sticking around to entertain us with his GM's insanity.
>>25942589Don't forget that to live forever all you gotta do is drink the blood of the young! Such revolutionary thinking :D
>>25942633god i think something in my brain broke from reading this.i can't stop laughing or saying what in the fuck am i reading.tomorrow if this persists i'm going to check into the hospital to see if theres medication to fix that.
>>25942633His sacrifice will not be in vain.
>>25942621Asexual Don Knots druid. I always assumed the character looked like the player.Meanwhile my 22 CHA Swagling got nothing.
>>25942595"I'm several hundred years old and have been watching you, earnestly, since you were but a child""Er... ... Oooookaaaay?""I loved watching your body develop as you bathed in the streams. The water glistening off your toddler, and soon enough preteen self...""... I'm backing off and reaching for my sword here"
>>25942639Whoa, wait a sec. If young people have 100% young people blood, aren't they immortal?
>>25942676>Two days later>I don't know what's wrong with my players, fellow reditors. Just one show of affection by an NPC and all of them were up in arms. Do they not realize they're all supposed to roleplay, not only murder monsters?
>>25941600>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too? Guys...What if OP's GM is an honest to god Malkavian?
>>25942633I both fear and hope for more craziness...I don't know how much more insane the GM can get. Is there a limit to it, you think?
>>25942653I'd suggest some saltwater if your problem persists.
>>25942676Actually, we had been in hibernation for a thousand years. Reanimated Knights of The Round Table style background.Meanwhile, one of the attempted loves was a little girl, and apparently 'last of the druids'. She was trying to romance him while he was in giant bat form.
These threads need to be called "The Tales of the Eldricht GM"DARE YOU ENTER HIS MAGICAL REALM?
>>25942680By the GM's logic, why the hell not? I am surprised gravity exists in his world
>>25942703I spat out my milk
>>25942728This picture really captures the thinking of him quite well
>>25942733Gravity exists because the Earth has a north pole and South pole, right? So the electrons flow through the earth, heating the core while cooling the poles, which makes it all stick together like hot dough! DUH.
>>25942721Or some blood.
>>25942780Blood contains both water and salt, so that'll work too.
>>25942724"Aww, don't worry, I'm sure plenty of people will come to like trees and learn some nature powers when you grow up.""THIS ISN'T FUCKING""Daawww. She's all pouty now."
>>25942778It all makes sense now!
>>25942812And even if it didn't make sense, you could run electrons through the parts of the brain that were active when you were disbelieving so you change your mind!
>>25942842Can't argue with that!
>>25942866I'm starting to get worried. My brain's starting to churn out these "explanations" a bit too fast. Is there a cure for stupid he's made yet?
An alternative cure for cancer! And a method of eternal youth!>More youth serum>If we were to observe some fish and reptiles, we would see that they might live for extreme lengths of time.>If we were to find a cure for cancer, it would help a lot. So, without further a due, I will try to "cure" cancer.>Cancer occurs when people have too much cell division. I conclude that they have the wrong cells dividing, or, have them dividing incorrectly. If we were to have a lot of money to spend on this, I would suggest that they drain the body of all the incorrectly dividing ones, and replace them with the cells of someone much younger and healthier.>Of course, that could be very hard to identify these cells. How do you even find a cell? All these cells are in the blood and on organs, so, maybe we need to replace all these things? I suggest inserting a whole lot of needles and draining the body of all the cells it has, while inserting new cells into the body until it stabilizes, cancer free.>If we were to just drain the part of the body where the cancer resides, then we would cure cancer. Stick the needle in, suck it dry, grab a bag o blood and replace away.>Now, to get the body to stay young, we need to randomly drain other areas of masses of cells. Then we give them young cells and make sure they keep dividing.
>>25942906Salt water is the cure-all in his book, as far as I can tell
>>25942914We must mate this beast to Hepler, to thus ensure the coming of our holy lord Dagon
>>25942914Stop the presses and call the WHO and CDC, your GM just cured cancer! What a hero!
>>25942930Alright, I have nothing else to do. Table salt, rock salt, or sea salt in my water? They probably have different properties.
>>25942973Hmmm, maybe our friendly neighborhood OP will tell us the correct amount?
>>25942914That sounds like the science fiction in Norman Spinrad's Bug Jack Barron.
>>25942998Hope my big old lump of Amethyst on my desk doesn't mess up the electron flow, that would be bad. Make sure to adjust for that.
The solution to the food problem that the world faces is to build more fisheries, then make the fish grow faster by making them eat worms that make them hungry. Or Chinese food. Or both.>Fisheries to feed the masses>I find that the food problem the world faces could be remedied by building more fisheries. Give a man a fishing rod and he rapes the oceans, give a man a fishery and he feeds more people than himself. I suggest that charities that buy raw porridge for the masses invest in some fisheries - these will produce, in any climate, anywhere, enough food for people to eat. Without the threat of predators the fish will quickly populate the entire fishery and be able to feed the masses.>I found a paper on shrimp production, and would like to point out that that will feed many with a great taste!>What i propose is not to have the tanks on dry land, but rather have the tanks in the ocean. This will mean getting the temperatures and ingredients right will not be a factor, as they are in natural seawater. I propose a 'cage' where all the shrimp can breed and eat poop or whatever and then they will be able to feed many.>Then there is the idea that other fish can also feed people. Stick them in the cage too!>Now, this could be incredibly cheap if they grew faster! If we want fish to grow faster >If the fish grew faster, then there would be enough to give away if they grew enough. >Let me try my hand at making fishies grow faster?>They say calories make people grow faster, so, we should give the fish the right sort of foods. Give them much more foods too, but not enough to kill them. So, i suggest that we load the food with worms, worms that make you hungry. Then the fish will eat the worms, and be hungry forever, always eating and stuff. Or, you may observe the chinese way of doing things...>http://www.chineseop.com/cuisine/What-is-it-about-Chinese-food-thatkeeps-you-hungry-.html>So in chinese food, you find that you get hungry the more you eat.
Good lord, I need to save this PDF.I need to take this to get printed and put it in a big-ass binder.I need this as my coffee table book.
>>25942914>I suggest inserting a whole lot of needles and draining the body of all the cells it has
>>25943165Then whenever company comes over or your grandchildren many man years in the future ask you about it, oh boy will you have a story for them.
>>25941984>Bombs. To stop bombings we need to get rid of all the organic components in these areas. To get this done we could simply 'gouge' them out with a sensor to find all combustible materials from these areas to see where the combustibles are. >This could be achieved by using a beam emitted from a sensor to check where the materials are, identifying linen and other things from deposits of manure - which goes into these bombs. Then we could program the sensor so that the beam picks up 'scents'. Failing this from a sensor we could use a 'chemical sensor', like a dog's nose, more or less, detecting these things.Wouldn't this mean you'd eliminate even humans from the area just to get rid of bombs?
>>25943133>my fucking face when reading this thread.On the other hand I can't help but want to use this GMs work as the source material for a novel. There's some good shit in here.
>>25943272The answer is yes.see>>25942206and>>25942303
>>25943272But what if the bomb was made of... METAL?
>>25943276As we established in the last thread, the GM is clearly an Unknown Armies character in real life.So what kind of adept would he be?
>>25943329.....This changes everything....
>>25943417What? No it doesn't.We have purged all organic life from the area.Who's left to care if bombs go off?
Self defense is wrong, it is more ideal to simply let yourself be a victim, and a good rape prevention method is to carry a silver bullet (assuming that the government does not just lace people's foods with drugs that turn rape into "mere wrestling matches or something").>Self defence>Self defence is wrong. There should be more police, as they carry out the law properly. If there was a guy running around with a gun pointing it at people he thinks are going to assualt him, and he accidentally shoots off a round, it could kill someone.>If, on the other hand, they were mugged, or thier house possessions stolen, then they would see the lesser of two evil prevail. That means it is up to the state to supply people with enough jobs so that they don't have to see crime stats soar.>If you want to be a hero, don't. Everything is covered by laws to protect the victims. be a victim. When it comes to rape, carry a silver bullet with you. This is not like shooting anyone, and, it is not a crime punished by a crime.>Well, that is the fault of the people in the police force. They do not speak for the whole police force
>>25943433What if it's an ELECTRON BOMB? Also, WHAT DOES THAT DO?
>>25943460Obviously is adds a surplus of magic into the world for the sylphs to snack on or something.
>>25941836Please upload the McCain thing to another site and post a link!
Remember the GM's Mount-Saint-Helens-esque solution to volcanoes from the last thread? Simply plugging them shut?http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/25898657/#25907705>Volcanoes>we can stop volcanoes from erupting by capping them with the same rock that makes up the volcano. Simply taking rock from the base of the volcano and making a cap over the volcano will make pressure though, and will result in an earth quake, so, place the rock at the base where it is building up, where it would be flat, not coming up into the volacano, making a smooth top for the magma to follow down into the ocean, where it won't cause problems. Bulding the top low down is neccessary, so draining the volcano is also necessary, but that can be done by making holes for 'filtration', so that it 'levels out'.The GM now has a superior solution! Just drain them out to the sea or down a landfill!>Stopping volcanoes>If we were to funnel the volcano out the other side to the sea or down a land fill with explosives, the magma would not harm anything.
>>25943581>If we were to funnel the volcano out the other side to the sea or down a land fill with explosives, the magma would not harm anything.>out the other side to the sea or down a land fill with explosives>down a land fill with explosivesI know this isn't the idea he meant, but... what?
Storms can be stopped by emitting waves of electricity to stabilize the air around the area! Alternatively, blowing up the sky with explosives and gunpowder works too!>Stopping storms>Storms can be called strong winds and heavy rain. To stop them they could simply emit a wave of electricity to stabilize the air surrounding the area. The current could be sent via radio transmitter with a, how do you say, ten minute break in power consumption for the area, yes?>Storms relate to broadcasting by interfering with the transmission, so the relationship must be two way, duh! If a simple transmission will be over powered by a strong storm, then a strong transmission should overpower a storm.>Even better they could cure the storm! If the storm is a low pressure system they could emit a sonic boom into the wall of it as it spirals upwards - yes? - and break the waves that 'wash' over the storm. This could be done with a turbine on the ground.>The storm actually would start on the ground with the cold air and then rise upwards. This means that they could actually see the storm off and then destroy it. This would require a lot of force, so, detonating a lot of explosives at the base of the actual storm, as the eye enters it... maybe if it were devoured by the storm into the mass of it, would disrupt the currents and viola the storm is gone, or, 'out of shape'.>Explosives. Gun powder is cheap, yes? Disfiguring a current like that with force should be easy enough I guess... duh!
>>25943685That... but... muh Meteorology classes...It doesn't work like that...
>>25943757The magic school bus has a better grasp on weather than him....
This seems... mostly comprehensible so far...>Civil Engineering>When it comes to civil engineering, people can work wonders with building today in terms of original architecture. To learn quickly people need to know the forumla I have come up with, being, that leverage should be applied onto the strongest point at any given time. To find the strongest point at any given time you need to calculate, quite simply, where the last strongest point was.>If you take it fropm the base up you will find that the base is equally strong at all it's points for a single story, but building double stories is what we want to do. To do this we need to find where the strongest was last, and build on that point with all the leverage.>Say you want to make a building that sprials upwards, then you would want to always levearge your weight onto the last point of most support, being, that point where the walls are thickest. Of coures if you built in the same direction all the time you would encounter problems, but if you were to build in opposite directions all the time then you would make sure the support is with the structure.Oh, wait.>If you followed a guide to acupuncture you would be well versed in building structures.A master at acupuncture is obviously the most qualified architect in the world.
>>25943685>Reading this thread, having a good laugh>Getting thirsty>Chug the glass of water next to me>Remember too late, after I'm on the floor gagging that I already put salt in it to test his theory of salt water healing everythingI blame the Amethyst on my desk.
>>25943862Are you ok?
>>25943862Salt water will not heal everything.In case you need that cleared up. You get plenty of sodium in your diet. All you need is water.
>>25943862Do not die on us, brother!
>>25943862Yea, just sorta shock and I was tilting back in my chair. My head doesn't feel that bad though. Bet it would heal faster if I put electrolytes in the water. They're like super electrons, right?
The solution to motivating teenagers in school is to have teachers give them personal testimonies on how awesome they are, and to give them more free time.>Teen fings and grades.>Teen flings are a relief of hormones, but too much leads to even more time being devoted to the thoughts of the other person. If someone can divide their time between studies, hobbies and hormones, then that is good.>Actually I think it is a cultural thing. If the person is heard of as having a 'fling' they will feel more loved by their peers, yes? The other option is to work hard in school and get love from their parents, but obviously people want to be loved by people far away fro them that makes them feel bigger in the society, so...>If the teenagers were to be rewarded with testimonies weekly by teachers as to how they have performed, and have their free time granted to them depending on this, they would work hard to sex hard... oh yes!
>>25943947I guess? Who knows anymore? I do not know what number comes after zebra anymore due to this thread....
I'd just like to say that OP has fantastic taste in art and I'm especially impressed at how his collection can provide a picture thematically related to the content of each post.
>>25938897"Light reversal to peer into the past" appears once more!>Perverts online>To stop sexual child abuse and child sex rings we need to take finger prints where the child was last seen. Simply brushing the surface of school gates each week would help pin point parents and visitors in parks and schools, but mainly in parks and malls, yes? This would help, but we need a cure... oh yes!>If we were to use a camera and reverse the light reactions, we can rewind the 'photo' so that we can get information on all crimes committed, if we know the place they were committed at. The photo carries light gamma rays or something, which I have previously researched on a simple wiki light look in, and then we can capture the light refractions off of the solids and then get a clear picture of what happened, yes? This could be done with a computer, of course, and then all crimes can be solved quickly.>The method is where the light reflects off of the surface of solid matter and is actually a few million years old, as it travels at the speed of light and then bounces off of surfaces. This could mean that, easily, we could find the children and then solve all other crimes too, yes? Rewinding the photo would mean taking the light in the photo, or digital camera from something the size of a web cam or something, and then capture the light 'refractions' gaining depth and color into the case at hand.>The picture could be taken by the camera and then, seeing as how it is millions of years old, yet gone, be taken by reversing the reactions of the light, 'bringing it back' by taking the photo and entering it onto a computer and then rewinding the image of the area, getting a good look at the identity of the person and then through multiple images, maybe a hand held camera to allow for the following of the 'event' physically, to the whereabouts of the people.>Of course then you could also get a good look into the history of cultures and events, but especially other crimes.
>>25944056This one, of course.>>25944043>Work hard to sex hard... oh yes!Oh yes? What... I don't even know.
>>25944131Ah yes! I was wondering if we were gonna have another mention of the glorious rewinding light
>>25944131I'm not even going to try to make a witty comment about this. I spent a minute trying, and failed so badly.
>>25944131It's like...It's like he hears all these words, and takes them at surface value. These theories are practically puns...This is like a Manifesto of troll logic.
The solution for working women is to create women-only businesses which see the women carrying water or cooking for others.>Educating women.>It is a common practice here on earth to put woman down. It is customary to make the man work for the family, and is a western custom to make the women work. If the man was to work harder, or marry their women, then the problem would be seen off, or...>We could tel tell the women, that, with the state behind them, they could form women only businesses! This would get rid of the threat of men being nasty to them when they want to work also, yes? Then they could provide more services for more income for themselves to spend on others woman's services.>All this requires is capital, and with a good loan the state could inject this into the economy and through the six tax points redirect the money to themselves again growing the GDP by twenty percent 'off the top.' Or...>They could all provide their own capital by doing simple wok they normally do for a service. I am aware that in these settlements they would, for example, carry water or cook for others. They could charge for this service meaning there will be money changing hands and then they will be able to support themselves. Think if a man pays the woman they do not marry to care for them they will be looked after financially.... oh yes!
>>25944609>the six tax pointsI'm imagining chakra flow points that decide whether you pay taxes on time now.
>>25944609The "Oh yes!" is really getting to me at this point. Sounds like doing this gives him the weirdest boner.
>>25944503Yeah, no. The dude clearly has enough issues already. The last thing he needs is a bunch of /b/tard faggots trolling him IRL.I'd rather savor the amazing insanity he's given us than spoil it.
>>25944609>women-only businessesHaheuaheuhauheuahuehauheuaheuheeueIt's unfortunate I don't have that info-graphic to show you that that's a terrible terrible idea.
>>25942013An alternative to curing diseases is to inject red blood cells (not white) with acidic bile and then have them fight the diseases.>Bio tech>Okay, the first thing you need to know about this is that all diseases are identified by the red blood cells and dealt with by them. If there are enough of them, think of ants fighting a centipede - no chance>If red blood cells do not beat the disease then they could easily just modify the red blood cells into a lethal cell. This cell could be injected into the system and then fight the 'disease'. If there was a way for the disease to be beaten then it must be fought by the cells by taking the red blood cells and merging them with something acidic, like bile>This could be done by taking this acid and letting it, instead of fighting them the previous way, they could dissolve the disease by smothering the disease cells in a glucose layer and then ejecting the acid into the cell, killing both the 'red blood cell' and the disease>Now these cells would be artificial so they must be produced with the following in mind. They need to take a red blood cell and a bile duct, and have the bile duct produce the red blood cells. This could be done by taking the place where the red blood cells come from - the bone marrow - and then placing some bone marrow into the bile duct>This will produce these great little things that are needed. The bone marrow will remain alive in the body and be covered in acids to deal with the disease, and there is no threat of having duct acids in the blood stream, is there? If someone was injured and punctured their ducts into the stream then they would die if that was true>Let's make it even easier, yes?>If there bile duct was to be punctured in the advent of a disease, by a tiny long pin, it would gush acids into the stream, and things that it identifies as 'friends' will be spared and devouring all those things that are whole things and not 'parts'>Goodbye all diseases is what I say!
>>25944729Does he seriously believe it all? Or is he just doing it all for shits and giggles? His logic....it's mind numbing
>>25944780No, you dumb, fuck. There are White Blood Cells too. Jesus...This guy is amazing.
>>25944780"The bone marrow will remain alive in the body and be covered in acids"Sweet Jesus.....
>>25944780Econ major from up earlier in the thread again. Now that we've seen his approaches to every other discipline under the sun I wonder if maybe my field didn't get off light in comparison.
>>25944868That confuses the hell out of me. Is it saying the Earth is a cube? Bizarro World is real?!
The solution to murder is to have people point at the aggressor and paralyze them. Alternatively, women could develop a gaze that causes blindness and/or hypnosis.>Stopping murders>Murder is a real problem, and ending it would be grand. Let's see what I can do this time?>Okay, if you got rid of incentive to murder by how to deal when you are accosted by a person you think will murder you, not through force, but through 'verbal dissent', you could scare the person who will be feeling high at the time.>The high feeling comes from a sense of power over you, or fear of you. Of course without money being a driving force, maybe with a dole system of something, providing assets through my economic system, would take way the fear of not having. Then there is greed, but, if you know there is no way forwards financially, then there will be no problem. So, back to 'aggression actually'...>To deal with someone that is offensive to you you should always point at them. >This is a social humiliation where they will eel as if they are a bad guy socially and being a social animal they will be scared all of a sudden. Then you need to confront them by walking right up to them! Point at them an walk up to them... they won't know what to do. Heard of the hunter becoming the hunted? That is what they will feel socially!>This is terrible and will at least rip out their spine and make them weak, so a woman could easily overpower the man as the muscles relax.>Well that is more or less the same thing. But hell I haven't heard of my technique being used yet, so let's think of a new one?>How about if the women - usually - were to make eye contact. Women could develop a penetrating gaze that will blind the man or cause him ocular impairment temporarily with the right look, according to "covert instant hypnosis", you could deter or even intimidate someone that has gone so far as to pin you to the ground. This is like fighting without fighting. Lucky I stumbled upon this!
Archived.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25936580/ (it doesn't seem to work yet though)
>>25944951It should work after the thread 404's. I archived another /tg/ thread yesterday, and it is still up after it 404'd. OP will most likely also save it on archive.foolz.us/tg/ like the old one.
>>25944929I... I just don't know.>>25944939I... No. Just, no. I can't unsee any of this thread. Someday, I will find this again in the archives. And when I do, I will get it printed and show it to people who have faith in mankind.
>>25944997I got both threads saved as HTML files. And both are archived on two separate sites.... Come to think of it...that is not really that good....
>>25944997But I am happy that I am part of the witnesses of this piece of /tg/ history
>>25944929It's simple. If you believe in one twenty-four hour day you've been brainwashed, because time is a four-sided cube (nevermind that cubes have six sides) and so every day is four days. Somehow.
>>25945049The last of my sanity will be gone by the time OP finishes his tale...pray for me
>>25945027I... guess I should be happy. But really, look at what we have unleashed again upon /tg/. Someone will eventually release the tome of immortal misunderstanding into the manifest world, and the learned men and women shall tremble at what He has Wrought.>>25945049So, can we have more sides on the cube? Let's make it 8, good number.
>>25944939>How about if the women - usuallyWait, women are the usual victims of murder?>that will blind the manMurderers are men?It's weird reading this stuff about paralysing gazes and curing cancer with salt water, with this casual sexism just thrown in, presented as gospel we the readers would never dispute.
>>25945128The sexisim is the least of our problems now, Anon
>>25945112http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hollow_MenNot with a bang, indeed....
>>25945153It's just weird how there's like two different degrees of wrongness, and he's doing both of them. Like someone saying women should be in the kitchen one minute, then praising Hitler the next. You just don't expect the one mundane thing and the one far-out thing to both appear at once.
>>25945208All logic is out the window by this point, friend. We cannot expect any type of rationale from our good friend Brett
>>25945208No no, praising Hitler and saying women should be the kitchen are the same level of 'wrongness'/ Not the same degree, but they're both on the level of 'things people say that are bullshit'.This guy says 'if we train people to point at their assailants, then the assailant will stop what he is doing because he feels shame.Also, women belong in the kitchen.'
>>25943862Amethyst Man, will you be on OP's next thread if he continues his tale?
>>25945187How heavy is a 1070 page book with fancy leather binding, anyway? Because I am totally getting this bound and am going to keep it as a dark tome.
>>25945314Yea, sure. Also, I'm the one that will bind this thing (Eventually)
>>25945337Depends on how big your pages/ font are.I'll weigh my tomes tommorrow and get back to your on that. But I think a Websters Collegiate Dictionary would be a good comparison.
The secret to beauty? Injecting hormones and poison!>Beauty therapy>If there needs to be a way for making people look nicer then it must be medical. Plastic surgery goes a long way in reconstructing the face, but there must be a cheaper alternative that won't make you look ugly in your old age.>Now when you need to look more beautiful some surgeons suggest snail gel. If this is true for restoring skin or skin health, then there must be a way to make someone look nicer naturally from the world we live in.>I am aware that most young people are ugly and develop into someone 'healthy' looking later in life. Then they will need to age their faces to look nicer, yes? Think of how good an old old woman looks, how she smiles usually?>If age makes people look nicer, then surely using growth hormones will make people look nicer quickly. Think of a developing face, think of a fully developed face, strip away the fat... voila! Most people that are ugly, in my mind, are people that have an 'undeveloped' face. Women need definition and men need muscles, yes? Bad skin can be remedied by snail gel, then you need to strip away the fat, so...>You could easily do this by talking a lot, developing muscles and then definition and then it is understood why shy people are usually not attractive, unless they are shy because they are attractive. The best long term remedy is to talk a lot, but to look good for a short while open and close your jaw a lot, maybe quickly, to slap on a face mask quickly.>Don't forget the snail gel!>But then we get onto fatness again. What an effort to lose them pounds!>So, if you want to lose weight, seeing as how fat is stored cell fuel, simply inject poison into your body, but not into the blood stream. The blood vessels make for dispersal of toxins throughout the body in a crucial way, but for poison from snakes or toxins like detergents to be smeared all over your body in those areas, the things will burn the fat right off you, guaranteed.
>>25945388Only questions now is how much money, and who the hell would bind this after taking a look at the contents?
>>25945337You'd also have to bind the hundreds of pages of SEQUELS here: >>25938245
>>25945337http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letter_(paper_size)You can calculate it most likely using this page. Then just get the weight of the leather binding. Send me a copy!
>>25945356Isn't this great? Being witness to /tg/ history? This thread is....amazing in its own spooky way.
>>25945256Well, in his case it's misandry, ignoring male murder victims and stereotyping murderers as male, but I get your point.
>>25945455...I didn't see those....I am feeling genuine fear right now, and I'm not entirely sure why.
This guy is living proof of how or information society can go bad. He has half assed some "research" on Wikipedia and other forums and come to these crazy conclusions due to a mental disorder and a phobia of unclean water from living in Africa. He always has one or two things that are close to fact and then huge assumptions that take this trail into the deepest depths of insanity and gently wrestle it to death. Sadly, he will receive no proper medical aid and probably die to salt water consumption or be arrested for killing kids to use their blood.
>>25943276Make it a horror story. Say that his PDF has become the source for an actual society.
>>25945514It can be used as a great teaching tool, come to think of it.
>>25945403The solution to attaining a more appealing bone structure is injecting acid and detergent into your bones.>Then there is body shape, including muscles. If all goes well then you could totally reshape your body to whatever you want it to look like with natural things, except the detergents that are probably nearly sold out by now... yeah!>So, to reshape your body, including bone structure, you need to identify that, first of all, bone shape is intensified by calcium. Finding the opposite of this, for example, especially big boned girls, would be... acids, yes?>If you were to have the right particulars and a drip you could easily deteriorate the bone mass you have. Or to build it, say you are brittle or something, you could try to use plastics to inject into the bone, displacing the cells slowly, also through a drip. This is all in going things of course, and not natural.>Now to make bone therapy natural you need to rub the right amount of detergents onto your skin and watch as it reaches the bone, which it will. This is cell destroying of course, and with the materials you wish to add to your body you can observe lead poisoning which absorbs all this stuff, but does not get stuck in between cells.>To make it add to the bone mass you need to heat your body and lie so that gravity will pull the 'fluids' down onto the bones, which you will need to figure out without me, or course. These materials will be like putty, which is plastic, and if you can have synthetics into your body through face surgery, you will be able to add to your bone mass or at least reshape your bodily bones with this.
>>25945552Not using the PDF as the tool, good God no, you know what I mean.
>>25945499... Did you miss the part where he says 'women should be payed to stay in the kitchen, but if they don't like that, they can make lady businesses. So that they won't have to compete with men.... Also, they'll be taxed with the six points of chakra which will redivert all of the money back into the national GDP, so that they can be subsidized at no cost'.The man is glorious.
>>25945557I don't evenWhat
>>25945557I love how he sounds unsure of himself, like he is looking to the reader for clarification to his madness....
>>25945557Oh god, muh bones hurt just reading this...
>>25945557>Bones are made of calcium>Calcium is in milk>Milk is a base, right? (No, it's actually not. Lactic Acid.)>What's the opposite of Calcium? Acid.>Inject your bones with Acid to look like a better you!
>>25945597It's like he is a more twisted version of the Weapon X scientists that injected the adamantium into Wolverine
>>25945566The only way the book could be used as a teaching tool is whacking people that try to look into it. I shall be taking a name, to make the conversation a bit easier to read. I'm the guy with the amethyst and the plans for bookbinding.
>>25945557In which the GM offers to rub "seamen" all over your body.>Now for muscles, well, do you want to actually have muscles or just display muscles?>To display muscles you just need to add to your bones in a way that makes you look bigger, but to add muscle you need to usually exercise them. This can be remedied through growth hormones, but that is expensive, so, if you were to heat it - the muscle - then grow them with a fungus sort of thing, maybe like a in grown toe nail spore thingy, then it would work, but, we need it to work for cells. >This could be remedied by cell division of the muscles, so, you need to divide them through excess seamen being rubbed into your body on those muscles, givers of life, activators of cell division, even though they penetrate cells, they will be able to go into muscles and start a process that usually makes the 'eggs' start to divide into a baby that has parts, so will make the muscles divide sporadically.>You may obtain seamen from me. I will be glad to wipe it all over you and then you will develop muscles. That will start the cell division, and be in a warm place to prolong the life span of theirs, also available on a drip, yes?
>>25945403>So, if you want to lose weight, seeing as how fat is stored cell fuel, simply inject poison into your body, but not into the blood stream. The blood vessels make for dispersal of toxins throughout the body in a crucial way, but for poison from snakes or toxins like detergents to be smeared all over your body in those areas, the things will burn the fat right off you, guaranteed.I have a feeling that this might work for real...
>>25945639I look forward to seeing you on other threads, Bookbinder!
>>25945665Aaaaaah.Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah.Aaaaaaaaggaaaaaaa why is this even a thought?
>>25945337Have you ever seen a ream of paper? A little over two of those. Somewhere between 40 and 60 pounds.
>>25945665>You may obtain seamen from me. I will be glad to wipe it all over you and then you will develop muscles. That will start the cell division, and be in a warm place to prolong the life span of theirs, also available on a drip, yes?
>I will be glad to wipe it all over you and then you will develop muscles
>>25945665BRB rubbing cum on my arms.
>>25945765Ya think he was choking the chicken as he wrote this?
>>25945809Nonsense. He wouldn't have the strength to suffocate poultry until after he had masturbated, and proceeded to inject his semen into himself.
>>25945756So, including the sequels (which thankfully only total about 300 pages) the total comes up to somewhere around 50 to 75 pounds of terrortome, plus the binding.
>>25945839My whole body just clenched a bit....
>>25945860I hope you got a strong coffee table or shelf for that thing!
By going to your "local laser guy" and getting your skin blasted by gamma radiation, you can have any skin tone you want! Even blue or green!>Haven't you always wanted a tan? How about those self tanning lotions what you can smear all over your body? They don't last long though, as skin cells are always replaced, so they need to become permanent.>If you can get the best tone, say you are black and want to look Indian, or you are white and want to look Indian [seems the Indians have it... yeah!], then you need to increase or decrease your pigment.>If you were to want to become darker you need to usually absorb the sunlight and then lie in the sun where you want a tan. To keep it permanently you need to form a 'layer' of skin over your skin, but that will suffocate your body, as your skin breathes. This means you will need to keep each layer coming up. If sunlight is to make it darker, then maybe gamma absorption will do the trick?>Go to your local laser guy and ask about that, it will be permanent, hopefully. The organ called the skin will be able to absorb radio creativity that changes the color of your skin, and then you will be able to change to red, orange, green, purple... anything you like. >This will be especially good for albino's who need to fit in in their communities, or who would feel left out of it totally, yes?>For a dark skinned or black person to change their skin to a highlighted brown, or white, green, or whatever, they could go through the right channels of 'gamma correction'. This is something I know very little about.
>>25945890That thing would weigh as much as I did when I was 10. Granted, I was very scrawny, but that really puts things into comparison.
>>25945900>Go to your local laser guy and ask about that, it will be permanent, hopefully. The organ called the skin will be able to absorb radio creativity that changes the color of your skin, and then you will be able to change to red, orange, green, purple... anything you like.>radio creativityWAT
>>25945900>getting your skin blasted by gamma radiation
>>25945900>This will be especially good for albino's who need to fit in in their communities, or who would feel left out of it totally, yes?So feel guy feels because he's albino?
By blending vegetables and injecting them into your face, you will develop as fast as a plant does, and your features shall become less "oppressed.">The fastest way to being more facially a would have to be to blend a whole lot of vegetables and inject them into your face. This will help your body develop too, yes?>How fast this works is very because the veggies will not lose out from processing thoughout the body and stomach, centralising all the development in your face.>As the whole lot is absorbed into your cells, you will develop as fast as a plant does, which is pretty damn fast! You should see results within days, as plants develop that fast.>This is of course based on plants having growth hormones in thier juices and cells, and that common features are developed ones, meaning they will be grow your features to become less 'oppressed'.
>>25945942Strictly speaking, it does have an established scientific history of producing green skin tones. ...Think how much cum he must have rubbed on himself to get such huge muscles.
>>25945984He..He is the damn Plant Master...
>>25945984Can anyone think of uses that this book would have? I can think of doorstop, blunt weapon, best thing to bring out as an artifact (Real or in game) at a CoC game, but not many others.
>>25945991Clear problem of correlation and causation.
>>25946087ooooooh Call of Cthulhu!
>>25946107You can use it as a mini table
I partially want to see him, and a bunch of other people attempt to follow this pdf. Just so long as they are in an enclosed environement. Also the Foreverial Balognia delitizer should be with this too. It would be the greatest black comedy ever. MFW I am half tempted to send these to a company to be sold as books.
>>25945756>>25945860are you sure you're not adding an extra 0 somewhere? War and Peace is about 1200 pages, and mine only weighs like 3 pounds
>>25946144Start a Kickstarter for funding
>>25946148If he's doing this on standard issue letter sized paper with weight comparable to that of printer paper...
>>25946148Yeah but that's with good paper, these people are probably using low quality. what would we call the book?
>>25941984An alternative solution for eliminating bombs! Instead of eradicating all organic substances from the area, simply use machines to read minds for thoughts such as "I want to plant a bomb"!>Finding bombs>If we were to gain a neural response to the bain's triggers, like a response the thought of the awareness of a bomb. We can do this with an ampmeter, a radio reciever, and a digital tachometer, we could find the signals for bombs and cloe in on them. If anyone is saying they want to place a bomb in thier minds, we can go straight for them and then capture them or investigate.>We could also use a amp meter, radio reciever and suppression laser to find the culprits. With a whole police force and army with these 'machines', we could get rid of all the bombers overnight.>Or we could add a breathalyser to it, and go sraight for the bombs themselves. Gamma rays penetrate all sorts of things, and have mass, so will be able to pick up the scent of manure and direct this information to the next radio reciever in line with it. This calls for minimal radiation of course.>Maybe there is need too for an electro magnet?>I say we give up, turn tail, and run like hell! If they want to rule that bad, and are supported by the people, you would have to go on a killing spree of every man woman and child to clear this up.
>>25946178Bookbinder called it the Terrortome. It does do the contents justice with the name. Maybe OP will have a name
>>25946148Yea, I'm sorta thinking that myself. Going off to check myself, and... yup, it's only 5-7.5 pounds. Still, the terrortome is mighty.
>>25946188>Or we could add a breathalyser to it, and go sraight for the bombs themselves. Gamma rays penetrate all sorts of things, and have mass, so will be able to pick up the scent of manureW..What? Breathalyzers, gamma rays...and manure....W...why?
>>25946172As for the Kickstarter, we would have to give credit to the original author, and then share the money, and then we would be actually selling the book, which would probably be a giant failure. Still, if the kickstarter covers me getting a bound copy, I'm cool.
>>25946213might want to do it in multiple volumes. That way, when you have company over, you can see the look of horror as you finish the first and pull out more. Or have multiple people experience it at once
>>25942778In the Nortjeverse, gravity does not exist. Cold air simply pushes objects down. Then they immediately contradict themselves by implying that gravity does indeed exist.>The graviton>I suspect that there is no graviton, and insead of things being made to submit to gravity, it is in fact the cold air ontop of the object that pulls it down. So, I do not believe in a graviton, but rather the cold air bringing the object down, as cold air is attracted to the earth's surface.>But what causes this to happen? If cold air is attracted to the earth, as in space near planets there is also gravity, then what causes the cold air to become attracted to the body of matter?>I suspect that this is caused by the mass of the air itself. When mass is given to air it is in the form of water vapour.>Why doesn't it rain on the moon? Well there is not enough gravity there I would suppose, or, not enough gravity caused by an ozone layer, as that amount of 'water vapour' keeps everything falling a lot harder.
>>25946265Hey kids! Who wants a bedtime story? :D
I don't see what is so bad about the DM, I mean he is obviously pretty crazy / out of touch with the realities of the world, but he could probably make unique situations for players to face.
>>25946265Multiple volumes wouldn't be as good, as once people buy the first, there's no way in hell they'll buy the second. Besides, the look on the publishers faces after the first three pages and telling them that there's 1300 more to go would be... well, amazing.
>>25946286B...but the Gravitron is right here!
>>25946200My group simply refers to it as the "Nortjenomicon," or more long-windedly, the "Codex of the Southern Oracle."
>>25946172>>25946144>>25946200>>25946213>>25946264Or you could just send it to something like Blurb and then list it as "The collected works of" or "The religion/philosophy of" and then place the terror tomes in public libraries or college libraries. Then put at the very end of it"This is what happens, when crazy people are not kept in check. Maybe you should rethink your ideas about what you are going to post on the internet when you get a smart idea?"
>>25946355Who would read to the end? Place that shit at the front, so people get the lesson straight off.
Goddamit. I want to read the insanity, but I go crosseyed and am blocked by my brain. I only get an idea by bit and pieces from other posts.
>>25946319Hey, OP, I'm in the process of making a D&D setting, and I might use your GM and his Codex as plot points. Satirized, of course. I will post the tale of my group's adventure in a few months when we finish
>>25946377Good idea. I was also going to make a voynich version with my moonspeak language generator. Granted you have to do it all by hand.
>>25946355The Nortjenomicon; The collected works of Brett Nortje sound like a good title.
>>25946387I'm curious just HOW you're going to involve him. Make him a wizard, but if you look in his tome, you roll a godawful high will save to not go completely nutso?
>>25946516Also, I believe we're autosaging. I need some sleep eventually, so I'm leaving here.
>>25946516I was thinking about making him a flawed ruler who has an idea for a utopia, but his logic and reasoning is just so far-fetched and flawed that the people suffer for it.
>>25946545Goodnight! Maybe the thread will still be here in the morning, or OP will make a new one.
>>25946587As I said, it's autosaging. Regardless, blurb looks like a good place to start making the Terrortome a reality, no longer just defacing the internet.
>>25946286I am more weirded out by your pic than anything.
>>25946634Cool, so I guess I shall see you in another thread? Its been an adventure here tonight
>>25946639The pic? That's from a flash game iirc. Just one of those jump up the platform ones and the higher you, you get different pictures when you fail. Poor Tenshi.
>>25946634Final thing before leaving. Blurb seems to have a 440 page limit, so unless I find a professional bookbinder, we will be forced to make multiple tomes.
>>25946587I will create a new thread only once another in-game adventure under this GM occurs.As the last excerpt for tonight, have this metaphorically bite-sized gem, a simplified solution for diseases:>Super vaccine>There is a super vaccine that cures all ailments. It has been around for a few months now.>You create it in a laboratory and it kills any foreign bodies. It is made of blood cells that are red or white and will flood the system killing everything you can think of, because that is what antibodies do.Well, that was rather simple now.
>>25946719It has truly been a great honor to be here tonight, OP. I look forward to seeing the next one!
>>25943581this is quite a dorfy solution.
I love everything he says, it's wonderfulEspecially the bit about the water in the spine increasing conductivity and everything
>>25946957>Especially the bit about the water in the spine increasing conductivity and everythingBULLSEYE!
>>25944939>>This is a social humiliation where they will eel as if they are a bad guy socially and being a social animal they will be scared all of a sudden. Then you need to confront them by walking right up to them! Point at them an walk up to them... they won't know what to do. Heard of the hunter becoming the hunted? That is what they will feel socially!>>This is terrible and will at least rip out their spine and make them weakthis is how i epic-level diplomancer.
>>25946719Thanks, OP. Not only was the reading hilarious, but the fact that you had relevant touhou pictures to each rambling was a nice touch. Best thread I've seen in a while.
>>25946719>There is a super vaccine that cures all ailments. It has been around for a few months now.>>You create it in a laboratory and it kills any foreign bodies. It is made of blood cells that are red or white and will flood the system killing everything you can think of, because that is what antibodies do>>25947091This is how I cleric
>>25944939>Women could develop a penetrating gaze that will blind the man or cause him ocular impairment temporarily with the right look, according to "covert instant hypnosis"According to /r9k/, this has already happened
>>25945900>[seems the Indians have it... yeah!]i WISH i didn't agree with him.
If it is any consolation, this Friday, I will have the privilege of observing the crazed Brett Nortje play an Air Aspect Dragon-Blooded Exalted this Friday.Although I will not be playing myself, I do hope that much hilarity comes from this.
Rolled 11>>25946042this could be the basis of completely mundane CoC game.I already feel like i am in one.
>>25947305Will we hear the tale of his exploits?
>>25936580>>25947498Thank you, Touhou OP, for this amazing opportunity to witness /tg/ history in the making.
>>25945839As Handsome Jack would remind you, you're confusing "strangulation" with "suffocation."
Oh dear, oh my. How had I failed to realize such an elementary, yet vital, fact about the GM earlier?www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001925/>Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to:>Tell the difference between what is real and not real>Think clearly>Have normal emotional responses>Act normally in social situationsThis...>Tell the difference between what is real and not realI metaphorically pray for the souls of our group, and for the soul of the GM. We may very well be strengthening mad Brett Nortje's delusions with this game, "cleaning up" the societal ills of the GM's "real-world" town.
>>25949140I think we may have done a bad thing we can't undo. We probably should've listened to the guy who told us not to poke the crazy with a stick.He /seems/ high-functioning enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality... But... Well, when this started off, he /seemed/ like he was just an overexcited teenager raised on a steady diet of computer RPGs who desperately wanted to be one of the cool kids who knew what Dungeons & Dragons was. We thought he was just clueless and excited and we could maybe mold him into a good DM.And now we're unleashing the Norjtenomicon on the world, if these fa/tg/uys actually follow through on their plans to have it bound.We may just be the bad gu ys.
>>25949270>We may just be the bad guys.And after all these years, we've become very efficient at being the bad guys.In all seriousness, though, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If he's really suffering from delusions, there's nothing you could do that wouldn't strengthen his delusions. That's what delusions -are-.Don't feel sorry for trolling him by using the methods he described in the Nortjenomicon. He seems like the kind of GM who would railroad you into using these methods anyway. And, after all, he seems to be having a good time, even though he has no idea what he's doing.I repeat, if he's delusional, nothing you could do or not do would weaken his mad beliefs, so you might as well have fun with it.
>>25947305Hoo boy, you gave him somebody with actual lightning powers? That's gonna be fuun.
>>25941125>England>Open functioning post-officeBeep wrong answer but thank you for playing and feel free to try again.
>>25949140He sounds like Alex Chiu or Dan Winter, only dumber. If he actually knew physics he'd be writing something like this: http://goldenmean.info/
The mere fact that this tome was even conceived is rather frightening.I mean, this thing's prolly using up about half of the world's allotted crazy for the entire year.Also, how goes the crazy game OP's in?
>>25951758>Also, how goes the crazy game OP's in?Everything so far is accounted upthread. Read it.