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/tg/ - Traditional Games

File: 1379440004488.jpg-(73 KB, 590x400, Snail_bro.jpg)
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Quick recap:

A civilization consisting of multiple alien species who "see" with sound is thrown into chaos with the return of the enigmatic Humans to a distant Solar System. Two intrepid journalists have been sent out to find a Human and take it home to allay popular fears.


{[Bah]! Not so bright woman.} Captain Rerrgaat blinked dully {and no, this tub serves a more medical, rather than amorous, purpose my dear. In fact it was quite empty when I first flopped into it.}

Syensuush’s tail twitched in disgust {Most assuredly you are joking Captain. Anything else is too appalling to contemplate.}

{Alas my censorious comrade, this is no jape! Have you ever pondered why you never see a Gizmati drunk? We end up discharging [mobility slime] all over! Truly, if it were not for the vital nature of my inquiries, I would not have burdened you both with such a [reverberation sight]!}
{Inquiries? What inquiries?} Luminesced Jyoshish

{Why, merely the entire purpose of this voyage! Our mutual friend Vyinsaash was quite obscure as to the point of this all, I was hoping you might [illuminate] me.}

{Vyinsaash wants us to… enter Human Space. And bring back a representative to defuse tensions.}

Captain Rerrgaat sank into the pool of [mobility slime], sonar stalks retracting into his [head/torso]. {I [saw] you correctly, yes? My [photo-sensors] did not err? Vyinsaash truly wishes to send some reporters and a semi-legal trader into Human Space?}

Jyoshish [winced], this was the only response she could have reasonably expected. What sort of madgizmat would travel to the edges of known space to meet the most alien aliens in the known Galaxy?

{My apologies Captain, I would never make such an unreasonable demand of you, we shall find other passage.}
Jyoshish and Syensuush turned to leave, and were half way to the exit when Captain Rerrgaat slid in front of them, squarely blocking the way with his soft, jiggling form. {Stop right now friends,} He blared {To think that you would think that I would think of thinking about avoiding such an adventure is ludicrous in the extreme! An expedition into deep space, away from known civilization, to contact the most strange and mysterious aliens in the Galaxy! I would be a craven, undeserving of the title Captain, to refuse such an honor! My name would be etched into the Great [Fungal Tree] of Legends for all future Gizmat to learn and memorize! They would flash ballads and shanties in my honor for cycles to come! And you thought I would refuse, for fear of something as mundane as slowly asphyxiating to death alone in the cold void of deep space once our oxygen supplies ran dry!}

{So you intend to risk life and [limb]} flashed Syensuush, {all so that some Gizmati will deface some [fungal tree] with your name?}

{Precisely my lad,} responded Captain Rerrgaat, {well, that and all the copper those humans supposedly have. I hear that on their high-grav worlds the stuff is pushed straight to the surface by all the heavier metals! That they make buildings out of it! Why I’d be the richest Gizmati in the Union if I could fill the Sly Jiggle’s hold with copper! Fame AND fortune my lad, what’s not to love?}
I tried to keep it going last night but not many people were interested

I found out about this a few minutes ago, quite liking what I'm reading.
Are all members of the Galactic Union echolocating types? One of the aliens was mentioned to have a light-enhancing suit in order to make its [voice] heard.
Eh it got late, what can ya do?

I appreciate the effort all the same anon! And the thread got archived!

Which reminds me, here's the link:

Keep it up. There are some people reading.
Yeah, they all echo-locate, sort of a "humans are the REAL aliens" kind of deal.

Almost ready to post the next bit
The Captain slapped his [manipulators] onto the Sillyesh pair’s shoulders, spraying both of them with [mobility slime]. The Gizmati Captain began pushing the duo out of his quarters, flashing all the while, {Now that we have been assigned a great and noble quest by the [Father-Spore], surely you must intend to examine the Sly Jiggle? Can’t not know the void-ship you’ll be riding into deep uncharted space, am I right?} Continued Rerrgaat, completely oblivious to the tremendous amount of slime he was trailing behind him, and the disgruntled clicks of a Korok’x scooping it into a bucket behined him. The euphoric Gizmati pushed his reluctant charges into the main elevator, followed by the bucket wielding Korok’x.

{Elevator, engineering ho!} Strobed the Captain gaily. The elevator began its ponderous descent downwards. The Korok’x had given into inevitability and ceased her bailing efforts by the time the elevator passed life support, overturning the bucket and standing upon it to avoid the steadily rising tide of slime. Jyoshish and Syensuush were not so fortunate.
Hey op just sayin I'm liking this
Kw’mil stood next to the engineermates, inspecting the Sly Jiggle’s reserves of Helium 3. The station vendors waere charging an exorbitant amount of credits per liter, and ever since the incident on Berrish-4 no one was about to sell fuel to Rerrgaat on credit. {Soft-shelled fool, what civilized creature pumps and runs?}

One of the engineermates answered {The Captain can’t help being a gizmati, they’re just born that way.}

{Even so,} responded Kw’mil {The Captain is particularly soft shelled even for a gizma-} however, Kw’mil did not finish her thought, for at that moment the elevtor doors opened, disgorging several deciliters of slime, a Korok’x riding atop the wave on a bucket, two drenched Sillyesh, and a blast of [atonal] blaring {Adventuuuuure... Adventuuuuuure… Noble Noble Quest! Aaaaaaaadventuuuuuuuure!}
>covered in mobility slime
Good lord, how disgusting.
That'd be like swimming in someone else's sweat.
Kw’mil rubbed all three of her forearm pairs, and scurried forward {Captain! What are you doing in Engineering? Especially now!}

{Why Kw’mil, my dedicated Executive Assistant! Just the Korok’x I was echoing for! Please, give me the slitherdown on the Sly Jiggle’s systems so that I might in turn give the slitherdown to our two guests, and continue distributing slitherdowns long after these two have left my void-ship.}

Syensuush gagged in the background.

{Or perhaps, you may have simply directed them to me, and I could have given them the ‘slitherdown’ without you ever having the leave your containment tub?}

{Another brilliant suggestion Kw’mil! This is why I hired you after all! Such logistical insight, like I have nary echoed before! Farewell my friends, I leave you in the capable claws of Executive Assistant Kw’mil!}

Kw’mil turned to face the two dripping Sillyesh, waving her photo-frills in sympathy. {My apologies, Honored Guests. If it would improve your emotional state at all, it does scrape off rather easily once it dries.}

Both Syensuush and Jyoshish gagged at that.
{Well as you are probably well aware, this is the Sly Jiggle’s engineering bay. Undoubtedly the Captain intended to come down here and show you the engine. If he offers, refuse. The engine is in a sealed area, and even if it weren’t sealed, the radiation would be instantly fatal. Honestly, I am quite surprised the elevators allowed him down here at all, I thought I had his ship access limited.}

Kw’mil scuttled forward, gesturing towards various displays and vibrascreens. {These are all the various readouts on fuel containment and power supply. The Sly Jiggle has a Gorbidox Type 3 Nuclear fusion/fission power plant, which supplies electricity for all of the void-ship’s systems, primarily the ion drive and warp field generator. The estimated range of the Sly Jiggle, assuming all systems remain nominal and we do not have to engage in any major combat, is 127.52 lightyears.}

{So, barely enough to get us to that outer most human colony.} flashed Jyoshish.

{Aye, that’s assuming we knew where it is, which we don’t.} Responded Kw’mil, her photo-frills sagging slightly. {With the Union-wide [shitstorm] that the Human colony caused, the Planetary Registrat is keeping all the specifics of the human system locked up.}

{So first thing is first then. We need to find out where the Humans are hiding.} Jyoshish mused.

{Not unless you want drift, lost in the depths of space for a colony on the other side of the Union.} flashed Syensuush.
{You were the ones who broke the news, which Registrat office received the registration form?} asked Kw’mil

Jyoshish and Syensuush paused for a moment, before collectively flashing{The Mlaxek Office.}
Love the story! Keep up the good work!
Mlaxek- Union Planetary Registrat
Raggarrz supposed this his sonar stalks were probably quite well muscled by now, with the amount of twirling they had been doing for the past few days. First his supervisor had seen fit to saddle him with another trainee, spreading the dull thrum that his hind brain experienced every time he saw junior Verrguush to the other three. Discovering that they were spore-cousins managed to crystallize the dull thrum into quite a distinct twang.

And they had to talk, didn’t they? Couldn’t just keep the fact that the Humans were back to themselves. Oh no, they had to go to a bar and get brightly sloshed on spore wine, and broadcast to the whole [fucking] establishment that the Humans had founded a new colony somewhere around Union space. Finding out about that particular data breach really set off the Registrat Head. Who chewed out the Quadrant Chief. Who chewed out the Sub-director of Alien Registrations. Who chewed out the Mlaxek Department Chair. Who the proceeded to chew out every single one of its underlings until it managed to find Raggarrz’s Supervisor, who had just been chewed out by every single higher ranked member for the Mlaxek department who just got chewed out by the Department Chair. And then Raggarrz’s supervisor chewed out Raggarrz with all of the accumulated ire of the Registrat bureaucracy. And to top it all off, Raggarrz couldn’t chew out those responsible for the leak, because doing so would be ‘harassment’.

Raggarrz was seriously wondering whether two simultaneous pensions was really worth all the trouble.
The beleaguered bureaucrat didn’t slide so much as scraped up to his desk. The stress had completely depleted his slime glands, leaving movement a woefully painful experience. He wasn’t even able to get his photophones on before Verrguush-2, as he had taken to calling her, began whining for his attention.

{Senior Instructor Registrator Raggarrz! Several soil sample disks taken by these Koroth’x are wider than regulation ranges allow, but they are refusing to re-perform the measurements! Correct their impudence!}

Raggarrz’s slime gland released a sad sputtering noise as it attempted to secrete more [mobility jelly]. {Have you considered the possibility,} He flashed {that if you make them re-take their soil samples, they will have re-perform all of their previous tests as well to bring all of their data up to date?}

{Well obviously they would have to Senior Instructor Registrator,} flashed Verrguush-2 warmly {I told them as much myself! I have been studying the Planetary Registrat comprehensive code[book] like you suggested I do.}
oh sweet jebas, thought my writing got lost
Raggarrz’s sonar stalks bulged in horror. Was it not obvious he was flashing sarcastically when he told them to do that? {No, no there is no need for them to do that, I’m sure the Registry of Planets will be fine with this one small discrepancy.}

{Oh Senior Instructor Regitrator, you do so enjoy your pranks,} flashed Verrguush-1 indulgently {[Verrguush-2] please let the Korok’x know that if they err again in their registration forms we will forced to cancel their Writs of Exploration.}

To the best of his dried ability, Raggarrz slipped out of the office as quickly as possible. He was not going to be around when the telefos started beaming with some angry Korok’x captain on the other end. Raggarrz slithered towards the exit. Perhaps if he was fortunate the [small grassy field] outside would be dewy. Anything to resolve this damnable dryness. However, he did not even manage to reach the elevator when two Sillyesh sidled up to him.

{Greetings, Gizmat. Could you please direct us to the Planetary Registration Office?} flashed the female.

{Uhm, yes I just came from there as a matter of fact. It’s down the hall, third door to your [right].}
{Oh? You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that new human colony, would you?}

{And suppose I did?} Flashed Raggarrz defensively.

{Then,} flashed the male, both of their tails straightening with excitement, {We have an offer to make you.}
Raggarrz didn’t require much convincing. One echo at the tub full of Captain Rerrgaat’s [mobility slime] and Raggarrz couldn’t stop flashing. {Yes, the Galactis System is only barely within the buffer zone specified by the Non-Interaction Pact of [2437]. It lies about [(96.7, 234.56, -56.03)] from the system Syinvish. In layman’s terms the Galactis system is 96.7 light years away from the Synvish system, to the [SouthWestDown].}

{The Syinvish system, are you sure that’s even a real place?} queried Syensuush, as he accessed the Sly Jiggler’s data net {[The realm associated with Myuzish, evil packbrother of Myulesh], that’s not only on the other side of Union space, its barely even reachable by standard void-ships. Myulesh damned place is almost 75 lightyears away from the next closest Union system. It’s so [backwater] that I doubt they even know what a Human is!}

{Oh, they know what Humans are,} Blinked the Captain ominously, {and they aren’t nearly as backwater as you might think, Syensuush. There’s a damned good reason why such a distant system is populated… It’s a Pirate Hub!}
Fuck yeah, you actually came back and wrote more. I appreciate it.
I get bad writer's block sometimes, But I'm really honored you kept on monitoring anon!
Several flashes of light shone in the Captain’s quarters upon his words, but all were to the same effect, {What?}. {Aye me [primary heart comrades], ‘tis a Pirate Den.}

Jyoshish sniffed in disbelief {Impossible, the Corsair Clans of old were wiped out by the first Grand Alliance. Our ancestors made the Oath of Unity that brought our species together in the burnt out Halls of Xl’xex. Everyone knows that.}

{My dearest is right,} interjected Syensuush {wiping out the corsairs was the very reason for the formation of the Union so many cycles ago.}

{Alas and alack, if only t’were true} blinked the Captain, for once not full of boisterous energy, {but all the Grand Allaince was able to do was drive the pirates underground. Most of them simply claimed to be merchants when the Grand Armadas came [knocking], only the most foolish stood and fought.}
{What?} Flashed Jyoshish, her lips curling back to reveal fangs in addition to her luminescing tongue, {would you claim, Rerrgaat that the foundation of the Union, the promise of safety from corsairs, was a lie?}

{[Bah!] The Union wasn’t the spontaneous result of the Seven Sapients uniting together to fight a common enemy. Plans for it had existed long before the Grand Alliance and the Taming of the Arm. The pirates were merely a pretense, a way to unite the common citizenry to make the idea of a Union palatable. Lies tain’t wicked nor noble on their own, it’s how they’re used!}

{Moving on from arcane arguments about the founding of the Union,} Kw’mil flashed {I think we have more pressing concerns regarding the existence of pirates.}

{Indeed. While the Syinvish system has little to recommend it as a base, poor in resources and people, it does have one unique advantage. It sits at the center of a net of warp-ways all leading to systems with at least one or more gas giants rich in Helium 3.}

{Not that I care all that much, but I think you’re in error there,} flashed Raggarrz dreamily, {There aren’t any outward bound warp-ways around Syinvish system, only the one linking it back to the Union. Its why it’s a dead end.}
Please continue.
{That’s where the Registrat is wrong, friend. Syinvish is the designated meeting ground of the Pirate clans, the one system that ties all of their fiefdoms together. It’s from Syinvish that small raiding parties leave to attack merchant convoys. These aren’t the war-hosts of yester-cycle, they’re small, they’re inconspicuous, and they’re much smarter. They strike merchant ships that are travelling through dangerous areas, asteroid belts, particularly distant warp points. Make it look like another accident, another pilot who flew into more space dust than the point defense lasers could handle.}

The room was dark. No one flashed a single word.

{If the Humans really did start a colony in the Galactis system, then they had to pass through the Syinvish system in order to drop off their registration forms with a Registrat courier. I can guarantee you that the pirates of Syinvish have seen the Humans. If you truly wish to find Human space than you MUST treat with the Clans.}
loving this op!! continue!
Still enjoying the story!
well anons is good to hear from ya'll!

Is anyone else patiently waiting on my slow typing?


Jyoshish softly blinked {But Captain. If these pirate clans are as real and as vicious as you claim, how do expect for us to safely pass through the Syinvish system, let alone which pirate fief the Humans passed through?}

{Why that’s the simplest part of all, my dear!} blared Captain Rerrgaat suddenly, {We trick them! For whatever other reason would Vyinsaash entrust you to my capable [manipulators]? We shall place on such a great masquerade that our own sporemothers wouldn’t recognize us! Truly, it is the only choice left to a rag-tag band of plucky heroes such as ourselves! Oh what song this shall be!}

The reporters and bureaucrat took Captain Rerrgaat’s sudden burst into [lightsong] as a sign that it was time to retire to their respective quarters, oddly comforted by the impish Gizmati’s excited attitude. Soon Rerrgaat was alone with Kw’mil.

{So Kw’mil.}


[How long has it been?}

{Almost 20 cycles your captainship.}

Rerrgaat twinkled bitterly {So long. Let’s hope they haven’t forgotten.}

If you are worried about how slow you are maybe you could type a bunch of stuff on Word before making a topic then copy and paste chunks as posts?
I try. Then I end up way underestimating how much I have written. Got like 25 pages of this stuff on a word doc. I've never written so much (fiction) in my life
I am, this is very good.
Syensuush and Jyoshish stood upon the floor of the Sly Jiggle’s auditory, a specialized deck on the bottom of the void-ship, where the hull was made out of a clear plastic to allow light to flow into the void-ship. The Sly Jiggle was flying ‘over’ the Vimmr [Nebula], known for its sublime [starsong].

{You know, [hearing] this, it makes it hard to believe,} blinked Syensuush {that we’re shooting off to some barbarian free system in order to treat with pirates.}

{It really is quite soothing,} concurred Jyoshish {how odd, that space should be so [dark], and yet filled with such beautiful [song]. Perhaps great Myulesh made it so in order to keep us from [staring] for our entire lives up into the night.

{Can you imagine what the stars must echo like? How each planet must appear when you echo them from a ship?}

{Ah dearest, such is impossible for us in the vacuum of space. There’s a reason why the old [priests] called it the [Blind] Infinity.}

{Not for the Humans Syensuush.} blinked Jyoshish, {In their own indescribable way, all of this [starsong] must be the most beautiful echo in the universe. The galaxy must be filled with vibrations for them.}

Syensuush shifted his photo sensors forward in an attempt to [hear] the Vimmr [Nebula] better. {What an odd thought dearest one. What an odd thought indeed.}

I am waiting ghost rider.
Raggarrz could not wait for the Captain to throw another one of his parties. The gizmati seemed to hold one every four or five [days], and all of the hangover slime he produced afterwards was doing wonders for Raggarrz’s skin. Ever since absconding from his bureaucratic position in the Registrat Raggarrz’s slime glands had come a long way to recovery. They might not be as productive as they once were, but they were still thousands of motiles better than they were when he had informally resigned. Raggarrz descended to the Auditory, for some extra R&R, only to echo that Jyoshish and Syensuush were already down there, intently echoing the vibrascreen.

For the first time in nearly a [fortnight] the Sly Jiggler was close enough to civilized world to regain connection with the Weave, the information network of the Union. They were echoing a news channel from the sound of it, and based on their manes, pressed almost flat to the rest of their fur, they were not pleased by what they were echoing.

{… the Seven’s Front managed to maintain its standing in the [Triet] polls after adopting a much stronger anti-Human attitude last week, Representative Qw’kin had this to say:}
{And where does it stop citizens? What if this is merely the first prod of a new rival, a new foe? Will we allow them to catch us chitin up? Or will we be on our claws, hard-shelled and ready? Our shells must be harder than they ever were citizens! No humans in the Buffer Zone!}
{… and so the Creator did echo upon the Seven Species and flash it was good. And the Perverter did echo the noble work of the Creator, and he was seized by jealousy. And the night, near the Great Abyss He flashed an oath, that He would bring forth an abomination to undo the Creator’s good work. My [flock], this abomination is at hand, already it attempts to find a foothold in our Space. This is the cleansing rite the Creator has prepared us for! In faith you will find purity! In purity strength! And in stre-}

{-epite their recent tone shift on the Human issue, the Seven’s Front continued to lose ground to the Creator’s Work Party, which continued to make gains in all four major polls. However, these losses were nothing compared to the Allied Races Party, which continued to refuse comment on the Human issue-}

Syensuush flashed a shade of morbidity deep even for him {Well dearest, it’s like the old echoing goes: No news is good news.}

{Still!} flashed Jyoshsih, fangs out once more {To think that [people] were so easily moved to this. A cycle ago I would have never even dreamt some of the accusations [people] are levying against the Humans, and they’re being said as near fact!}
Raggarrz slowly slithered up to the two Sillyesh. {I am not so surprised,} he ventured, {When my junior first accessed the Human system claim report she thought there had been an error. She had never even heard of Humans before. Such ignorance allows many strange ideas to take hold. Especially since they have been missing for so long, and we never actually got to echo a Human world while they were around. I remember asking my sporefather once if humans really did sleep in deep space.}

{Yes, so maybe we know little of the humans for fact,} Flashed Jyoshish as she reached for the vibrascreen remote {but that does not mean that mindless fear may fill in the bla- yaaahhh!}

Syensuush swatted her hand away from the remote {No dearest, you are not re-activating that vibrascreen. I could echo your heartbeat after that [cleric] of the Creator’s Cult stopped flashing, and let me flash you, it was not pretty.}
"Rerrgaat" is gizmati for "Brannigan", isn't it.
I'm definitely waiting for more! Keep up the good work!
Very interesting.
Raggarrz slithered on, away from the arguing Sillyesh. Clearly the Auditory was not destined to be the relaxing venue he had hoped for. He slid down the corridors, back to the primary elevator shaft where hopefully he could find some peace to drink his allotment of [yeast]grog when Captain Rerrgaat sidled up next to him. {Raggarrz! Just the gizmati I wanted to see! Well I’d hope you’re the gizmati I wanted to see since we’re the only ones aboard the Sly Jiggle! Come with me my parched friend, I must ask you your opinion on something vital!}

The jovial Captain forced Raggarrz into the elevator, and pressed the button leading to the cargo bay. The elevator began its ponderous descent, trapping the soldier turned bureaucrat with the Captain, happily glowing a half formed shanty tune. As the doors opened the flamboyant gizmati forced his peer out into the bay, where several canvases stood, each covered in a different colored vibrapaint, all declaring an intent to disembowel anyone who dared to cross lasers with the owner.

{So Raggarrz, which color do you think would make for the best Pirate disguise? Please ignore Executive Assistant Kw’mil’s input by the way. Her suggestions were decidedly unhelpful.}

{I merely conjecture that entering into Syinvish with the words {Your sporemother suckles upon fragmar gonads in [Hell]} might not be the best way to pass through the system unnoticed.} flashed Kw’mil resignedly.

{And I propose that the brighter, the better! So which do you prefer Raggarrz, this brutal, aggressive baritone shade, or this somewhat higher triumphant hue?}

Raggarrz dimly wondered what exactly being a captain entailed, to leave Rerrgaat with such free time. {The baritone shade I suppose. Better to seem big and bloodthirsty after all.}

{Yes, yes, wonderful my dear comrade! Truly this color shall strike fear into the hearts of pirates across the Union! Thank you kindly for your vital input!}
Alright, this is about as far as I got last time, I think I'm done for tonight.

So how's it going for everyone?
Love it so far! Has anyone archived this yet?
dunno, I don't think I saw this thread on sup tg yet
Here you go then! Hope to see more of this soon!

It's great, the only complaint I could give is that we don't have more.
sweeet... Many thanks based anon
So it hasn't slipped in quality any? I've never written something this long before, so I'm not sure how well the story is holding up
>A civilization consisting of multiple alien species who "see" with sound is thrown into chaos with the return of the enigmatic Humans to a distant Solar System. Two intrepid journalists have been sent out to find a Human and take it home to allay popular fears.

Sounds like The Hunting Party.
The Hunting Party? Would you recommend it?
Not at all in my opinion.
this is awesome stuff,looking forward to more
>Creator’s Work Party
So this setting now has Nazi slugs?
No, they sound more like religious fundamentalists.
Oh this is awesome.

Is there a part1 somewhere?
I haven't noticed a drop in quality.

The bit with the nebula was interesting, with how the snails see space and the universe.
Raggarrz did not hesitate to take advantage of this opportunity to escape. Begging his inexpertise on the matter, the gizmati retreated from the Captain, blinking his apologies to a strained Kw’mil. Many cycles ago he would have berated his marines for abandoning an ally to the depredations of the enemy, but Raggarrz figured that civilian life held different standards than the one of a [senior morale/duty exemplar officer]. Raggarrz boarded the elevator, and pressed the button for the combat bridge, his last hope for some peace and darkness.

The doors opened and Raggarrz was happy to echo that the old warper’s superstitions held strong no matter the species. Back when he served on the [Indomitable Wiggle] the combat deck remained completely empty except for drills and well… combat; the crew unwilling to spend more time there than was strictly necessary, for fear of drawing the attention of [Lord Strife].
Raggarrz echoed around the bridge, and found it surprisingly large. Many more gunnery trenches lay carved into the floor than he had anticipated for a merchant, or more likely smuggler, void-ship. He moved up towards them, his sonar stalks coiling in surprise. The trenches were surprisingly shipshape, clear of detritus, allowing easy access to the lasers’ operation terminals; the terminals themselves were spotless, the vibrascreens free of dust, not a single chitin flake between the keys of the input panel. {Huh. Kw’mil must never sleep, between holding Rerrgaat in check and keeping the Sly Jiggle in such fine condition,} he blinked to himself. Raggarrz slithered on, to the front of the combat deck, where the command cockpit sprouted out and jutted into space. A saddle that could only be for a Gizmat hung in front of an array of controls, just as clean as the rest of the combat bridge.

{I know Rerrgaat’s proud, but doesn’t Kw’mil know better than to let that fop sit in the commander’s cockpit during combat?} mused Raggarrz as he slurped down his [yeast]grog. Raggarrz slithered back to the elevator shaft, pondering the juxtaposition between the discipline of the Sly Jiggle’s crew and the laxity of their nominal captain. Suddenly Raggarrz stopped, his [torso/head] wriggling softly.

{But of course!} Raggarrz twinkled, amused by his own insight. {This isn’t Rerrgaat’s ship! Not originally anyway. The [fellow] must have inherited it from one of his [spore-progenitors]. And not just the ship, probably the labor contract with the entire crew! Kw’mil is too much of a pragmatist to voluntarily sign on with Rerrgaat, and there’s no way she could actually be indebted to that [delightful incompetent]! Oh, Jyoshish and Syensuush are going to love this!}
Surprised to see the thread's still up, nice bumping anons!

Here's an obligatory summary of events thus far:

Our intrepid reporters and noble captain have enlisted the aid of the bureaucrat who initially filed the human system claim, as he's one of the few aliens in the Union who knows the location of the now classified human colony.

the Captain then told everyone that they would have to pass through a periphery system populated by pirates, long thought to be quashed.

Our two reporters then reflected on how different the universe must look to humans, and the Captain dropped a few ominous hints about his past.

A few weeks in-universe passed and we found ourselves with the bureaucrat, who observed rising anti-human sentiment among the Union species, helped the Captain choose a new pirate paint job for his spaceship, and discovered an abnormally well cared for combat bridge.
bump bump-a-dump
Hey anon! Nice to see ya!


The Sly Jiggle taxied into the spaceport, Kw’mil masterfully directing the ion thrusters as to avoid scraping the docking bay. Jyoshish did not appreciate this. It had been five [weeks] since they had collected Rarrgaaz, and according to her estimations they should have already completed the penultimate warp to Syinvish. Instead they were piddling about in one of the central systems, trading petty goods and refueling a pittance of Helium 3. Most likely only enough to warp them to the next nearest system, since Captain Rerrgaat seemed dead set on visiting every single one on the way to Syinvish. Jyoshish wondered if she would confront the gizmat about his tardiness, it might be nice to puncture that overinflated sense of self he possessed. Years as a [journalist specializing in hostile interviews] had left her with quite the sharp tongue, although she doubted it was sharp enough to slice through the Captain’s wall of delusions.

Jyoshish shook herself and stalked out of her berth. She had spent far too much time on the void-ship for her own good. What she needed to do was get off the Sly Jiggle and onto some semblance of civilization, away from the corpulent captain and his incessant requests for new expletives to write on the side of the void-ship. Jyoshish stalked toward the air lock, determined to make her exit, regardless of whether it lead to a space port or the vacuum. She was very nearly to the exit when Syensuush intercepted her.
>The Sly Taxie Jiggled into port

I think its better my way
Syensuush’s mane flattened with worry. He had been Jyoshish’s producer long enough to know when she was in a mood. The last time he had seen her like this was when they were both interns at UDD, and their boss, a smarmy Sillyesh three times their age, had made his twenty ninth attempted, and first successful, grab at her brooding pouch. Apparently filing the workplace assault form caused quite a headache in the [Human Resources] department, as they were unsure if the insertion of a Sillyesh’s tail into its anus qualified as a sexual or straight physical attack. By the time [HR] had decided it qualified as both, Jyoshish was three systems over, and had dragged Syensuush along with her. Apparently word had spread, once Jyoshish identified herself as ‘the tail [girl]” Vyinsaash had both of them hired on the spot.

Syensuush shook himself out of his reverie to find an even more irate Jyoshish glaring at him. {Ah yes… ah…} he flashed, fearful of what he had to say next.

{Yes?} Jyoshish responded, fangs poking out.

{Yes. The um. The Captain. He wishes to echo us both in the communications room.}

Jyoshish considered her producer. Her producer considered how best to retract his tail.}

Jyoshish eventually [shrugged]. {Lead on,} she flashed.
They found the Captain circling the comm dish, wriggling, as he so often did, with excitement. {Lovely! You’re both finally here! I have excellent news for the pair of you!}

{Allow me an opportunity to guess,} interrupted Jyoshish {there’s a system on the other side of the Union we forgot to visit, and we need to backtrack all the way there in order to snag a cask of the local brewery’s fungus ale?}

{My dear, that was perhaps the poorest guess in the history of the Union,} flashed Captain Rerrgaat, his mouth opening in concern. {Are you feeling quite well? If that was the case I’d be asking for both of you in the supply bay or around the nav-array, not the comm room. No I’ve called you here because I’ve managed to patch into the local Weave, and have managed to set up a real time call with our mutual friend.}

{A real time call to Vyinsaash?} asked Jyoshish, taken aback. {Why he’s almost 70 lightyears away, isn’t that ludicrously expensive?}

{Only if you were fool enough to pay for it!} twinkled the Captain, {which I’m not, my rule bound friends. We’re riding on the connection between the Galactic News Network and whichever puissant system we happened to be docked in right now! Operator, get my Editor Vyinsaash!}
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I love how you use the word "mane" for their hair, it makes them sound so glamorous!
Bumping for the most interesting writefaggotry I've seen in weeks.
my thanks, based bumpers

anyone else leaving a tab open here in case I ever actually post something?


The comm table vibrated slightly, throwing off [static vibrations] before they coalesced into Jyoshish and Syensuush’s editor. {Editor Vyinsaash! Truly it is excellent to see you,} flashed Jyoshish, all prior irritation forgotten. The editor echoed substantially more tired, fur sagging around his sonar-patches. {Greetings to you as well Jyoshish. And you Syensuush. Captain Rerrgaat has kept me well informed of your progress thus far. Excellent work finding the Registrator who filed the Human colony claim. I am here to inform you of a similar breakthrough.}

Vyinsaash continued {For the last few [weeks] Rerrgaat and I have been trawling over the Union, in our own separate fashions, searching for a Humanologist. As you have both probably discovered in your own searches-} Jyoshish’s tail twitched guiltily and Syensuush involuntarily luminesced {there are hardly any individuals in the Union left who are certified in Humanology. It’s been so long since the non-Interaction Pact was signed that interest in the subject has really died off.

{Fortunately the office in the Fraxis system uncovered a promising lead while digging through the local [university’s] academic records. While most of the Humanologists have died [years] age, or were spirited off by their respective governments in the last few [weeks] this one seems to have evaded detection.}

{How?} queried Syensuush

{Simple,} replied Vyinsaah. {Never graduated. She ran off right before presenting her [thesis] with some [delinquent male gang member primarily employing a motorcycle analog for transportation]. Board of Directors ended up closing shop on the Humanology department after that.}

Nope, refreshing on my iphone
I am just so sorry. Have an update:


{Hold on,} flashed Syensuush {You want us to entrust this delicate negotiation with the single most exotic sapients in the known galaxy, possibly with implications that will change the course of the Union forever, to some [impetuous female] dropout?}

Vyinsaash’s mane fluffed up with ire {Well [Mr. Producer-Man] unless you want to [fart] into the comm link and just hope that it comes out as a perfect Humanish request to “visit the Union in order to prevent a bunch of [New-Age] crazies from taking over and going on a Crusade against their systems” then yes, I will take the dropout. Or who knows, maybe Humans randomly evolved the normal way of perceiving reality, which would entail not only rewiring their photo sensors[eyes] and sonar disks[ears] but the structure of their entire [fucking] brain, in the last seventy [years] and this entire thing’ll be immediately cleared up when we cross into their system and they start flashing {Hey fellas! What’s up!}! Tell me Syensuush which one of those two solutions sounds the most likely? Or do you have your own suggestion to make?}
{No sir,} flashed Syensuush dully.

{Good. Her name is Lylnia Marrit. She’s on a hab-satellite orbiting Fraxis-3. I’m sending you the coordinates. Now get out of my office.}

Vyinsaash’s vibration simulacrum disappeared. And then it reappeared. {Also, good work you two. You’re doing me Myulesh damned proud out there.} Vyinsaash disappeared again, replaced with a set of solar coordinates, and a pulsating image of a young Fernian, her [hair analog] tied back into a [ponytail].

Jyoshsih patted her stunned producer on the back, {Look at it this way Syensuush. That wasn’t even a third as bad as the Union [Day] party when you forgot the ice.}

Syensuush [nodded] numbly as Captain Rerrgaat blared behind him, {Firaxis ho! To the Humanologist we shall go!}
Lylnia lay on her back, contemplating the stars. Somehow they were [singing] more beautifully than normal, despite being the same tableau they were every [night] since she arrived on the hab-satellite. {Perhaps they’re trying to [speak] to me,} she mused aloud. {[Sing] my glowing friends! Despite the millions of [miles] I can [hear] you whisper your secrets to me!} She strobed brightly. A more rational part of her mind considered the possibility that maybe the stars were [singing] differently due to the massive amount of psychotropic substances she had ingested not two [hours] before. Lylnia made a point of ignoring this part of her mind.

Two figures stood on the crest of a hillock behind Lylnia, crouching in a braxis bush. Although that wasn’t strictly necessary, the stealth suits absorbed their vibrations more than adequately. {Sister R’brin, the principle appears to be spinning in place.}

{You should [hear] what she’s flashing brother Michlu. Something about the stars and Myulesh playing [poker] on a bucking fragmar made of fungus.}

{Is the [Cleric] absolutely certain that she is the principle, sister R’brin? She hardly seems like the type to study something as complex as Humanology. Perhaps horticulture.}
{Ah yes, so that she might grow her own supply of mind altering herbs. That is what you were implying brother Michlu?}

Brother Michlu shifted tiredly, moving the rifle to a more comfortable position. {Yes sister R’brin. You have correctly divined what I was implying. Although normally one does not openly state such things. It ruins the effect.}

{Ah, my apologies brother Michlu, the subtleties of your Fernian humor eludes me on occasion.}

Brother Michlu was quite certain that an enraged herd of fragmars on the charge would be too subtle for sister R’Brin. Still better to leave such thoughts in his head, rather than glowing in the open for his partner to [hear]. As he shifted the rifle once more brother Michlu idly wondered when the heathens were going to arrive. They had been observing the degenerate Lylnia for the past two [days] and he was unsure how much longer he could endure sister R’brin as his sole source of conversation . Perhaps he had transgressed against the Creator in some way, yet another punishment for sins unknown.

He rather regretted joining the Order Militant of the Creator. Yes, you were well fed and clothed, and given the pick of the new initiates, but really, moments like these made brother Michlu question his life choices. Had simply remained a Helium 3 harvester like his father wanted he wouldn’t be crouched on a ridge echoing down a rifle [scope] watching a fellow fernian run away from the “tiny zarnel worms, they’ve got wings!”

hey, who else is lurking ITT?
Please continue this godly writefaggotry, Anon.
I'm here. Might just leave the thread up overnight, though. Getting late over here.
Yo. Keep it up
I pop in occasionally.

Awesome, really keeps me going, knowing that there are anons reading.

I'll get back to writing, had to prep dinner
Been keeping track for a while now, this is good stuff
Sister R’brin jerked brother Michlu out of his reverie, with a series of soft, yet urgent, blinks. {Brother Michlu! Our comrades in the docking bay! They inform me that the heathens have arrived! Already our fellow [Battle-Monks] are converging on their position.}

With a grin and exhalation of air, Brother Michlu relaxed his grip on the rifle. Perhaps the Creator had heard his entreaties for mercy after all.
Some of the best writing I've seen on here in a bit been reading since the first thread. I am intrigued. I hope there is an ending that works whenever that time comes.
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Jyoshish and Syensuush followed Captain Rerrgaat out of the air lock and onto the docking bay floor. Unlike most of their other star ports of call this one didn’t seem like it was held together with [duct tape], [mobility slime], and prayers to the Creator. The vibralamps hummed loudly and clearly, rendering the dock with strident vibrations. Various void-ships were docked next to the Sly Jiggle, many of them appearing to be personal pleasure craft. Their pilots gazed on the Jiggle, a mix of curiosity and suspicion. Syensuush and Jyoshish echoed the sound of scuttling claws, and turned to echo Kw’mil, mandibles wide to allow as much oxygen into her lungs as possible.

{He hasn’t gone far yet?} she flashed {hasn’t challenged anyone to a duel? Tried to seduce any [wives]?}

{No, not yet} twinkled Jyoshish. {You better catch him before he does.}

{Indeed, tis an inevitability regardless of my presence.} Kw’mil flashed bitterly.

Just as she finished flashing those words, Kw’mil was proven right, across the hanger came a series of bright flashes that could only be Captain Rerrgaat’s.

{No, I’m afraid I can’t come along with you rapscallion! I am on a mission of utmost importance and will be delayed by none, even your benighted Creator!}

Kw’mil’s photo-frills dropped. {Get down,} she flashed as she pushed Jyoshish and Syensuush behind a stack of crates {I believe the Captain may have initiated a situation.}
Sister X’vird could hardly believe what she [saw]. Did this corpulent gizmat really just insult the Creator’s glorious name? She reached for her laser pistol and strobed {Death to the blasphemer!} Her fellow [Battle-Monk], brother Varrgiil, was also pulling our his laser pistol, blaring {You shall face the Creator’s judgement early heat-} Brother Varrgill stopped blaring quite suddenly, and turned his sonar stalks down to echo at the smoking hole in his torso. Captain Rerrgaat performed the closest gizmati analogue to a grin. {It’s hard to quick draw when your manipulators are always clasped in prayer, monk!} he flashed as he slid behind a crate of moldbrew casks.

{Why hello Executive Assistant!} Captain Rerrgaat flashed merrily. {It’s been too long since my pistols got some exercise, wouldn’t you say?}

{No.} flashed Kw’mil, bearing two laser pistols herself. {I would not.}

{Ahhh! You just despise fun!} flashed Rerrgaat as he fired around the crate at a rapidly swelling crowd of the righteous and armed. Several tens of beams burnt through the air Rerrgaat had occupied moments before, the Captain back behind cover.

{Say, Kw’mil, aren’t we making it a little too easy for these Creator huggers?} flashed Rerrgaat gaily {How about we shake things up a bit and give them two targets to shoot at?}
Keep up the good work
Great stuff OP, keep it up!
And Rerrgaat has finally gone full Rogue Trader, and it is brilliant
Eagerly waiting for more
{Captain I would not advise-} flashed Kw’mil, too late. Rerrgaat was already slithering at an incredible clip to a nearby pleasure craft, lasers flashing just behind the intrepid gizmati as he ducked and weaved with surprising agility for a creature of his proportions. Rerrgaat briefly came airborne as he power-slid behind the primary landing strut of the small pleasure ship.

Kw’mil rubbed her forearms in exasperation. One of these days the Captain was going to get himself killed. Kw’mil pulled a small disk of metal out of her vest pouch and held it out from the crate. The reflected vibrations revealed a disturbing number of zealots converging on her position. She stuck both pistols out and fired in rapid succession. She pounded both triggers in a steady tempo, adding a hail of beams to the melee. As she withdrew from the furious response she briefly wondered how much a disturbing number minus three was.
I just had a thought, do they prefer lasers because they {sound} intemidating to them?
That, and the kickback on 'normal' firearms would probably break their arms/manipulators/whathaveyou. But yeah. Lasers also have the advantage of being "invisible" to them, which makes them particularly appealing as weapons.
Plus, since they communicate though light, being shot with a laser beam could end up being a rather more literal "Fuck you!" than usual.

They could make pulsed weapons with custom messages embedded in the beam, to tell whoever they're shooting what they think of them while perforating their face.
It would be like a gunshot sounding like custom written hate mail.
Absolutely wish I had thought of that.
Takes the idea of a bullet with your name on it to the logical extreme.
It would be just like a gun battle, but instead of gunshots there would just be a bunch of really loud, vulgar language be spewed out.
So gunfights are lethal laser rap battles?

Maybe I'll be a better writer if I drink more.
Brother Zilzyoosh could believe the gumption of these heretics. Why was submission to the Creator’s will so difficult for some people? And how in the Creator’s name did a full regiment of armed [Battle-Monks] end up cowering behind cover from a mere two heathens? Brother Zilyoosh raised his head above cover and began firing his rifle, the steady beam of light [screaming] as it attempted to burn through the void-ship’s strut. Brother Zilyoosh quickly desisted in his efforts when a series of beams lashed out from the moldbrew crate, singeing a significant percentage of his mane.

{We can’t handle the both of them} he strobed furiously {Brother Mvop, take five of your [Battle-Monks] and flank them to the right! Sister J’klak, you take another seven and get behind that [shipping container] on the left! I’ll provide covering fire. Move!}

Brother Zilzyoosh waited until the first of each group of [Battle-Monks] had left cover before rising up and powering on his rifle. {The Creator’s judgment shall burn the heathen! Learn the true meaning of infinity, scum!} he strobed as he blasted at the pleasure ship. The bright light of a laser beam striking his photo-sensor would have left brother Zilzyoosh with a splitting headache in the morning, had it not fried his brain long before the signal had even left his [ear].


If anyone wants to write about laser rap battles feel free, I feel bad stealing such a brilliant idea
Although laser rap battles sound cool, it could have more practical effects such as tracking which side is which.

I think it may be similar to how the way different calibre rounds sound.
>His gin level...
>It is exceeding [Fukken lots]

In thee grate slums of the planet slavaldi, on the 1300 level, the ravelords of the seven great gangs gather for battle. Beneath the starsong filtering through the massive air ducts of the overcity. The steam vents of the furnaces and generators filter through here, a echo obscuring mist ladens the area, the refracted light signs it's own song, a song of indusrty and power.

Here the ravelords battle. Each a chosen style and theme, each to do battle. The weapons of the rave armiex each loaded with a song, the song their lord brings to this battle.

> fuck this bgetting jacj dagnels
Captain Rerrgaat could not believe his good fortune. The [Battle-Monks] were literally lining up to get shot. And with damnably loud monk out of commission (really, who went around blaring all the time? Ridiculous and indulgent in the extreme.) Captain Rerrgaat [had his pick of the litter]. The Captain rose and began firing languidly, picking off fleeing [monks] with a keen sonar stalk. Already the monks were retreating back into the star port, undoubtedly demoralized by the loss of their obnoxious leader. {Come back damnit!} Captain Rerrgaat strobed, {We weren’t even half way done! I had at least three or four other pithy lines to flash off!}

The Captain slithered over to his Executive Assistant, torso inflated with indignation. {Did you echo that Kw’mil? They ran off just like that! And all because we were filling them with round roasty holes! The churls! The cravens!}

Kw’mil replaced the batteries on her laser pistols, {Perhaps they understood that the [day] was lost?}

{No!} blared Rerrgaat bitterly {That’s not how it’s supposed to work! They’re supposed to fight us until the last! This is all wrong Kw’mil.}

{I would be grateful that they retreated.} Kw’mil flashed {Besides when is the last ti-}

Kw’mil was not able to finish her thought, for at that moment the side of the hanger bay erupted in a shower of sparks, as a [mechanized loader] armed with two industrial plasma welders sliced through the wall.


Captain Rerrgaat wriggled with joy.


I think that's as good a place to stop as any.

Great work as always! I look forward to part 3!
I'll continue when I'm either mnor3 or less sober.
keep at it anon, I love it when people write more stuff in this universe
I am!
Please sir, can we have some more?
Best writefaggotry I've seen on tg for a while.
Hopeful bump before work.
"Captain Rerrgaat wriggled with joy." The sheer amount of joy this line gave me... I fucking love this story write a book I will buy it.
Yo straight up anons, I gotta take a day, feeling a bit under the weather. Will post moar once I'm back on my feet

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