>>27321694
>Other (write in)
They say I raped an elf. I say it wasn't rape.

>>27321694
>Other (write in)
"Being a smooth criminal. Guess I wasn't smooth enough, though."

>>27321723
>>27321744
Going to need some consensus.

>>27321694
>"I'm innocent."

>>27321694
"I got caught. Same as everyone else here."

>>27321723
>>27321744
>>27321802
>>27321803


Ok. Vote for one of these. First to 3 wins.

>>27321744
this.

>>27321802
This.

>>27321694
>I'm innocent

>>27321875

"I'm innocent" 2 votes
"Being a smooth criminal. Guess I wasn't smooth enough, though." 1 vote

>>27321875
I'm innocent

>>27321802
Doesn't mean we actually are. Second.

>>27322021
>>27321969
>>27321926


"I'm innocent." You say indignantly.

The entire cell block bursts into laughter. "You'll never find a more saintly bunch than a prison." The orc muses. "Gren, did you kill that guard?"

A goblin across the hallway responds. "Nope. He was like that when I got there."

The orc turns back to you. "Seems like you'll fit in just fine. But it's been a while since we've seen one of your kind here."

What race would that be?

>Write in. Excluded races are human, orc, and goblin

>>27322097
Lizard dude

>>27322097
Excluded? I'm assuming that is a mistake.
Human.

>>27322097
Dwarf.

>>27322126
Not a mistake. Humans are the most "common race" and orcs and goblins tend to be criminals.

>>27322126
Yo, QM has a plan.

>>27322134
seconding

File: 1379645015628.png-(314 KB, 800x600, Carl_from_athf_by_Buddas_axe.png)

314 KB PNG

I will retract my vote for Lizardfolk if we can be a hairy little Dwarf that looks like Carl

>>27322097
human

>>27322097
>>27322097
DORF

>>27322124
This.

>>27322192
This.

>>27322134
This.

File: 1379645217483.gif-(979 KB, 300x300, black-guy-star-trek-facep(...).gif)

979 KB GIF

>>27322212
I'm sorry OP, I'm reading what you say.

>>27322192
>>27322176
>>27322134

You look around. He's right. There aren't many dwarfs here. You stroke your mustache. Your kind tends to be good, hardworking people. Dwarfs are miners and craftsmen, not criminals.

Well, you're not a normal dwarf. You can't grow a beard. The best you can do is a mustache. Your brothers mocked you mercilessly for it.

(cont)

File: 1379645350396.gif-(973 KB, 312x213, tumblr_mhwciuvZoF1rjqzc1o1_400.gif)

973 KB GIF

>>27322265
>>27322265
YES. YES. HE LISTENED.

>>27322265
>You can't grow a beard.
But do we have bitchin' chest hair?

>>27322284
Probobly.

>>27322265

The orc appears to size you up. He leans against the bars. "Tell you what, dwarf. I like the look of you. Stick with me, and I'll get us both out of this shithole."

Well, at least this orc isn't racist.

>Nod curtly. "Friends are important, in places like this."
>"No thanks, I'll fend for myself."
>"Sounds like a generous offer. What's your angle?"

>>27322284

Of course. You're missing a nipple, though. You'd rather not say why.

>>27322316
"What's your angle?"

>>27322316
Generous offer, what's your angle?

Also, maybe we can't grow a beard, but our mustache shall be MAGNIFICIENT

>>27322316
C

>>27322316
>"Sounds like a generous offer. What's your angle?"

>>27322316
>What's you angle
Dwarves and Orcs don't usually mix well, and I'm not sure I trust this guy

>>27322316
Whats do you gain out of this, "Friend"?

File: 1379645964388.jpg-(18 KB, 480x360, 0.jpg)

18 KB JPG

>>27322328
Its all coming together now.

>>27322348
>>27322341
>>27322339
>>27322334

>"Sounds like a generous offer. What's your angle?"


The orc grins wide. "You're not as dumb as you look, dwarf. You're new here. Let me tell give you a rundown. Prison's like any society. There's rival factions vying for power. I've been here longer than anyone in this cell block. As such, I've got what you might call seniority. I keep the order. In exchange, I'm afforded certain privileges." Well, isn't he a power broker.

He continues. "It's in my best interest to get on the good side of any fresh meat. If I don't some upstart punk might. So what do you say?"

He offers his hand.

>Take it?
>Refuse.

>>27322430

Writ in's are also acceptable, if there's something I haven't covered.

>>27322430
>Take it?
If he is as powerful as he says he is it would be best not to make an enemy. If he isn't as powerful as he says he is we can just betray him later.

>>27322455
Yeah.
"s'pose I could use a friend in a place like this"

>>27322430
Smile and say "I'll think about it." No need to piss him off, but let's get the lay of the land first.

>>27322430
Aight. Take it.

>>27322455
>>27322482
>>27322509


>"s'pose I could use a friend in a place like this"

The orc smiles. "I knew I liked, you dwarf. What's your name?"

>write in. An actual name or a criminal alias is acceptable.

>>27322536
Grör

>>27322558

>tfw when you cannot into umlauts

>>27322582
Well, I would also accept Gror. I just enjoy the two little dots.

>>27322536
Karl.

>>27322594

Was self-depreciating. I'd be happy with Gror, but I personally can't get my keyboard to add the dots. The several stiff drinks I've had tonight are probably contributing to my ineptitude.

>>27322558
>>27322582
I was thinking the same thing. lol

>>27322599

I vote Kaarl

>>27322536
Largie. Largie Littles. My parents were assholes.

Kaarl Gror? Compromise?

>>27322617
Just copy and paste it. I just googled O two dots and found the wikipedia page, which gave me a small little copy to copy down.

>>27322662


"Kaarl Gror." You say, gripping the orc's callused hand and shaking heartily.

"Well met, Kaarl. I'm Uurlor"

>Alliance: Uurlor

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Uulor spends most of the time acquainting you with the cell block. Your only active responsibility as far as he's concerned is informing him of potential threats.

The day ends, and you fall into fitful sleep on the hard cot. You don't sleep well.

Far too soon, the morning comes, and a magically-enhanced voice echoes through the cell block. "Meal time, maggots. Make your way to the mess hall."

You're still groggy, and could really use a drink, but you stumble out of bed. The cell doors all unlock in unison, and the block door swings open.

Uulor pats you on the back as you make your way to the mess hall.

(cont)

>>27322738

You follow the crowd to the mess hall, almost on instinct. Damn, you could use some alcohol. Like a zombie, you join the line, and eventually are presented with a tray covered in grey mush. Breakfast, yum.

As you turn around, you see the mess hall is divided into three long tables. Uulor is sitting on the table to the right, along with most of the people in your cell block.

The middle table seems to be occupied by mostly humans.

The far left table is the most diverse. At the far end are several lizardfolk, talking in hushed tones amongst themselves.

>Go to the right table
>Go to the middle table
>Go to the left table

>>27322738
>>27322807

Great sign that I can't even spell my own characters' names. Replace Uulor with Uurlor everywhere you see it.

>>27322807
Its High School all over again.

Sit with our Orc friend on the right

>>27322857
>Its High School all over again.
Your high school had a chapter of the Humanis Policlub?

File: 1379648031318.jpg-(130 KB, 800x600, Kaarl.jpg)

130 KB JPG

>100,000 hours in photoshop

>>27322911
Saving this.

>>27322807
Left table. This might lead to something useful.

>>27322928
Hahaha. Well I picked his look and compromise name. Figure I'd go all in for the cause.

>>27322807
Left

>>27322935
>>27322957


You go straight to the left table, sitting next to the lizardfolk. Their conversation stops abruptly, as the four of them stare at you.

The one with a red tint finally breaks the silence. "Greetingsss dwarf, rumor hass it that you are in cell block 4. Right next to Uurlor."

>"Yes, he gave me the new meat schpiel. I don't buy it."
>"Yes, he gave me the new meat schpiel. I don't buy it." (bluff, 1d100)
>Other (write in)

Rolled 59

>>27323014
>"Yes, he gave me the new meat schpiel. I don't buy it." (bluff, 1d100)

>>27323031
"Yes, he gave me the new meat schpiel. I don't buy it." (bluff, 1d100)

>>27323037

Here's where you'd make the roll. I take best of first 3

Rolled 65

>>27323047
okay

Rolled 10

>>27323014
>>"Yes, he gave me the new meat schpiel. I don't buy it." (bluff, 1d100)

Rolled 84

>>27323047

Rolled 37

>>27323037
Ok didn't know if you wanted consensus and then roll.
>>27323054
>>27323054
That guy isn't me.

>>27323014
Is this high or low roll?

Rolled 52

>>27323074
Either way, I think we're covered.

>>27323060
>>27323054
>>27323037

>65

The lizardmen regard you suspiciously. "You dwarfsss are not good liarsss."

The the lizardman on your left flashes a shiv form somewhere you can't see.

Grapple roll!

>>27323090
>>27323074

High roll, best of 3.

>>27323111
We're not counting the 84?

>>27323122

59,65,10.

Sorry, one post too late.

Rolled 39

>>27323122
Wasn;t the first 3, dude.

Rolled 43

>>27323111

And I'll go ahead and make the executive ruling that rolls must link my post requesting the roll.

Rolled 49

>>27323111

>>27323132
>>27323159

One more roll and we're g2g

Rolled 82

>>27323180

Rolled 81

>>27323111

>>27323187
BOOYAH!

>>27323187

>82. Didn't actually link the proper post, but I'll allow it.

You're too fast for this green scaly asshole. You catch his wrist, and guide his arm away from your body, though he manages to slice through your tunic.

You headbutt him, knocking him backwards, and sending the entire mess hall into a frenzy.

Improvised weapons appear from everywhere. You managed to wrestle the shiv from the lizardman and stab him in the throat. Uurlor has leaped over from across the mess hall and is screaming wildly, bashing two of the lizardmens' heads together.

Something hits you in the back of your head, and you're knocked out.

(cont)

>>27323248


You awake in your cell. "Well, Kaarl. I know I said I'd like info on challengers, but you don't do anything halfway, do you?"

Your vision clears and you see Uurlor smiling in his cell. "I was pretty sure those lizardmen were trying to work against me, but I didn't have anything to go on."

"Did anyone survive?" You ask, still groggy.

"None on their side." Uurlor smiles. "You've made my job a lot easier, Kaarl."

>influence gained: Uurlor

"Now that there won't be any complications, I can commence with the plan. You've proven your worth, Kaarl. I'll let you chose. Do you want to help with the jailbreak, or just participate?"

>Help with jailbreak (Will likely increase friendship with Uurlor further. Will increas notoriety with authorities)
>Just participate

>>27323329
>Haven't you heard? Dorf is the new jailbird. Watch me fly, baby cakes.

>>27323329
Let's get out of this shihole. Help.

>>27323329
Ask for details, we can't be hasty.

>>27323329
>Help with jailbreak (Will likely increase friendship with Uurlor further. Will increas notoriety with authorities)
We need to get out of here now

>>27323356
>>27323350
>>27323344
Sounds like we want to help. Writing now.

>>27323329
What's the plan before we sign on?

>gotta go to bed. Good luck guys. Hope this gets Archived. Had fun QM, glad you liked the picture.

>>27323329
Help

>>27323372

Uurlor informs you of the plan. Once a week, prisoners are allowed out in the courtyard for physical exercise. Uurlor's contacts on the outside will strike in 3 days. Right now, Uurlor will need you to help get as much support and coordination as possible.

You've got three potential targets:

A group of humans. They keep to themselves, and are not in Uurlor's group. They haven't been amiable to accepting help from an Orc so far. Maybe a dorf would be better.

A single minotaur. He has refused alliance with Uurlor on principle that he can fend for himself. He's probably right, but you definitely want him on your side during a jailbreak.

The dark elves. Elves are always rather elitist. These particular dark elves are master thieves and believe that they can fend for themselves, and think they are "above" accepting help from an orc. Perhaps you could persuade them?

You have one persuasion attempt per day, and 3 days until jailbreak.

Who do you attempt to persuade? Roll 1d100 regardless.

>The humans
>The minotaur
>The dark elves

Rolled 39

>>27323487
>>The minotaur

Rolled 14

>>27323487
>The minotaurs

Rolled 47

>>27323487
>Minotaur funtimes engage.
>"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeey gurrrrrl~."

>>27323507
>>27323514
>>27323518

>47 OOh, boy. This'll be interesting. Writing.

Rolled 64

>>27323507
>>27323514
>>27323518
I think this is going to hurt

>>27323532

The next day at meal time, you notice that the minotaur is sitting by himself. You decide now is as good a time as any. You sit down next to him.

"Hello, my furry friend."

"Little man talks funny." The minotaur says. You do have a dwarvish accent, after all.

"I think you should join Uurlor in-" You find yourself being lifted by your collar before being able to finish the sentence.

"I told green man I don't need his help, little man!" You are hurled headlong across the dining hall and knocked unconscious.

You awake back in your cell. "I expected you to have more tact than that." Uurlor says.

You have 2 days left.Who do you attempt to persuade? Roll 1d100 regardless.

>The humans
>The minotaur
>The dark elves

Rolled 13

>>27323610
>>The minotaur
One more time

>>27323610
Humans
Dark Elves are clannish, probably won't be able to get in with them

>>27323625
fuck

Rolled 76

>>27323610
Minotaur

File: 1379651451104.jpg-(3 KB, 94x207, images.jpg)

3 KB JPG

>>27323630
Rolling is good, m'kay

Rolled 55

>>27323610
The dark elves.

>>27323625
>>27323630
>>27323651
>>27323665

2 for Minotaur, one for humans, one for dark elves.

Rolled 83

>>27323725
Minotaur triple threat inc, boss.

>>27323625
>>27323651
>>27323757

Writing, then.

>>27323762

>83

Kaarl Gror is nothing if not stubborn. The next day, you walk right up to the minotaur, and sit down.

"I think you should reconsider your position."

The minotaur regards you with his small, beady eyes.

You brace yourself for another physical collision, but he breaks into a hearty laugh, echoing through the mess hall. "Little man has bigger balls than large men. Nobody before has has been brave enough to come back to me after I told them no. If Uurlor inspires such loyalty, I will join him."

>Influence gained: Minotaur guy.

"Sorry, I didn't get your name."

"Borthos"

>Infuence gained: Borthos


You have 1 day left.Who do you attempt to persuade? Roll 1d100 regardless.

>The humans
>The dark elves

Rolled 73

>>27323822
>The dark elves

Rolled 21

>>27323822
>Dark Elf prison poon train is now leaving the station. All aboard! Choo choo!

Rolled 19

>>27323822
>The humans
We should probably at least meet the local skinheads.

Rolled 41

>>27323822
The dark elves.

Rolled 87

>>27323849
Oh crud, wrong die.
>>27323822
Rolling for Humans with the right die this time.

>>27323837
>>27323846
>>27323853

Writing

Rolled 20

>>27323822
elveses

>>27323872

>73

One day left till the jailbreak. You're starting to get a feel for this place. Time to go for the elves, the elitist bastards.

You sit down next to them and put on your best deferential smile. "Greetings, sirs. I have a proposition you may find mutually beneficial."

The lot of them regards you as though you were a leper.

"Look, I know that you don't like the rest of us, but give me a chance. We are planning an escape attempt, tomorrow, in fact. It will happen during the exercise period. I know you don't want to be in here with us, and we don't want to be here with you. What do you say we work together to a common goal?"

The dark elves speak amongst themselves in their own language. You can tell that one of them is vocally against you, and one advocates for you. The third sits back, and seems only talk at the end, with measured tones.

"We would find such an arrangement mutually beneficial. You will have our support during the attempt. But know that once on the outside, we hold no alliance to you or Uurlor."

Good enough for you.

(cont)

>>27323950

You tell of your success to Uurlor. "Excellent, brother!" he proclaims, clearly pleased at your effort. "All that's left is wait for my associates."

You're not quite sure you like the sound of that, but you've gone this far. Like you'd been told, the next day, the gates are unlocked and prisoners are instructed to go to the yard.

Your first sight of the sun in almost a week is blinding. Your eyes take a moment to adjust, before you can clearly see a large dirt expanse, walled in. The is punctuated by guard towers, each with guards surveying the scene intently.

Uurlor grabs your arm as you get into the center of the area and gestures to the center tower. "That's our exit."

You're not sure what he means, but one of the guards is acting strangely, walking away from his post. Suddenly, the tower explodes!

There's chaos in the yard.

Roll 1d100 to see how quickly you can get to the extraction point.

Rolled 89

>>27324035

Rolled 99

>>27324035
okay

Rolled 31

>>27324035

Rolled 58

>>27324048
Feeling pretty good.

>>27324048
For a little guy we sure can run fast

>>27324048
Fucking hell, man.

>>27324068
Of course.
We Dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances.

>>27324045
>>27324048
Nothing from 40's from here on out right?

>>27324045
>>27324048
>>27324060

>dem rolls

These prisoners are not ready for your dwarf legs. You are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances. You outrun Uurlor, Borthos, and the dark elves. The smoke has barely cleared by the time you reach the place where the watchtower was, and jump without fear.

You land in a roll, on a wood surface. Standing, you find yourself face to face with a one-eyed human with an eye patch.

"Dragon's wings, I didn't know dwarves could fly!"

"You'll learn a thing more about us, if you pay attention." You respond.

Borthos slams down onto the ship, and you take a moment to regard where you are. It's an airship.

About a dozen others jump onto the ship, before Uurlor finally arrives through the smoke, his back peppered with arrows. "That's it, let's move!" He commands

The airship begins to move, but lurches. A fireball hits the zepplin carrying the ship, and the craft begins to fall.

"Kaarl, take the helm!" Uurlor yells.

You're the closest to the helm. The other captain has fallen overboard.

1d100, best of 3

>>27324092
Fuck off, we're going to be busting through the walls with only our dwarven cock any minute now.

Rolled 88

>>27324171
All aboard the USS The Great Escape!

Rolled 37

>>27324171
SHIIIIIT...

Rolled 52

>>27324171

We got this motherfuckers.

Rolled 2

>>27324186
Dubs for the dubs god, freedom for the freedom throne.

Rolled 96

>>27324171

Rolled 74

>>27324171

This only gets better when you imagine a tiny Carl doing everything

>>27324223
So when do we get the Foreigner Belt?

>>27324186
>>27324193
>>27324194

>88

>>27324202
Oh, you.


You've never piloted a ship, or an airship for the matter before, but you leap over and grab hold of the giant wheel. You manage to right the ship, but it's loosing altitude fast. You steer past the outskirts of the city itself, but have a choice to make. You're not going to be airborne much longer.


1d100 regardless of the choice
>There are mountains to your left. It will be a risky landing, but if you succeed, it will be hard for any followers to track your actual whereabouts.
>The dense forest straight ahead. It will be an average difficulty landing, but there stands to be decent cover once you touch ground.
>The plains to the right. There isn't much cover. It will be an easy landing, but you will be easily spotted once you land.

Rolled 14

>>27324277
>>There are mountains to your left. It will be a risky landing, but if you succeed, it will be hard for any followers to track your actual whereabouts.
TIME TO GO HOME

Rolled 43

>>27324277
DORFS ARE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE THAT MEANS WE'RE GOING TO THE MOUNTAINS.

Rolled 54

>>27324277
There are mountains to your left. It will be a risky landing, but if you succeed, it will be hard for any followers to track your actual whereabouts.

Rolled 95

>>27324277

THE MOUNTAINS CALL TO US!

Rolled 60

>>27324286
>>27324288
>>27324310

We are going to fucking die...

Rolled 66

>>27324367
Nah we're fine

>>27324286
>>27324288
>>27324310


The mountains. They call you. You steer to the left. You yell out "Grab onto your butts, it's going to be a rough landing!"

The dirigible crashes down in between the peaks. Those onboard who weren't lucky to be holding onto something were thrown overboard.

The blimp above you, now more flame than fabric falls down, singing your glorious mustache and sizzling on the tempered wood of the craft.

After several tense moments, you survey the wreckage. Uurlor and Borthos are alive. The dark elf trio are hanging off the side of the vessel. It seems like you've lost about 1/3 of the prisoners that initially went with you.

"Well, a rough landing is better than a crash, I guess" Uurlor, says, visibly shaken. "This is your land, Kaarl. I'm expecting that you can lead us here."

Roll 1d100 to see if you're familiar with a dwarf civilization in these mountains.

Rolled 3

>>27324435
I got this

>>27324435
Hell yeah we're familiar.

Rolled 42

>>27324435
This seems familiar.

>>27324448
>>27324442


....

These are my players....

>>27324442
Or maybe all my luck went into that 99

Rolled 89

>>27324448
Shit I spelled dice wrong.

Rolled 73

>>27324435

Rolled 97

>>27324435
Fuck the dice gods

Rolled 10

>>27324456
It's cool bro, I rolled that sweet 89.

>>27324472
internethighfive.jpg

Rolled 54

>>27324435
also look for minotaur bro
if higher than 75 we find him damn it and he is safe

>>27324498
We saw him, he's alive.
It's borthos

>>27324515
oh good he better be alive he and karl are the most important guys in this.... im just imagining karl riding on his shoulders duel wielding dwarven axes using his dwarven defender prestige class since he is technically not moving and borthos bro rampaging every where

>>27324562
We can make a dorf out of him yet

>>27324442
>>27324454
>>27324468

>89

You know these mountains. There's not any active dwarf civilizations, but that might even be better. After doing some quick triage, you lead the ragtag group around the mountain peak.

Uurlor seems nervous, but you lead them up a deserted path.

"Where is the little man going?" Borthos asks, clearly tired as he's carrying a person on each shoulder.

You place your hand on a rock, and feel the mountain begin to rumble. "Friends, welcome to the city of Garrth Dur."

The rock parts and the group shambles into the mountain. Dwarf cities aren't known for their comfort to the larger races, but this will do for a time.

You pull Uurlor aside, once everyone gets settled. "This will serve as a temporary base, but we cannot stay here for long. The abandoned city of Gaarth Dur is well known among dwaves. Certainly we will be discovered eventually."

Uurlor nods. "My tribe roams the plains. We could make for there."

The dark elves were also within earshot. "Our city is closer, in the woods. We should go there."

Well, seems like there is a decision to make.

>Stay in the mountains
>Make for the Orc tribe
>Go seek haven in the dark elf settlement in the woods at the base of the mountains.

>>27324562
oh how about a chest carrier like those moms have for their children and karls just sitting in it swinging his axes around.

>>27324498
>>27324515

He's alive. Minotaurs are pretty hardy folks.

Rolled 48

Stay

>>27324595
We're kinda fucked up at the moment, best to stay put for now.

Rolled 97

>>27324595
>>Make for the Orc tribe

>>27324595

>Implying anyone would choose to hang with elves over orcs.

>orc tribe 4 lyfe

Rolled 87

>>27324595
ask borthos what to do since he is bro level

>>27324641

Borthos says that little man has led them safely so far. Borthos will follow regardless.

>>27324623
Obviously meant to link to >>27324595

>>27324641
i am forever calling him brothos from now on

>>27324653
thats cheap but w/e go to orc lands then
i was hoping for minotaurs to join who would eat the elves and party with the orcs

So.. go to orc tribe Y/N?

>>27324726
Yes

>>27324726
I still vote mountains but it looks like orcs won.

Rolled 5

>>27324726
Yes

>>27324740
I'd rather deal with orcs then fellow dorfs. They scare me more

>>27324735
>>27324740
>>27324743


"Uurlor, friend. We must make the journey to your tribe."

The dark elves appear miffed at this decision.

End of chapter 1.

Rolled 60

>>27324794
continue

>>27324794
Archive here:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Fantasy%20Criminal%20Quest

Next thread either tomorrow afternoon (america time, or same general time Sunday)

>>27324816

Sorry. I'm losing it tonight.

For next thread, see: >>27324820