Fact A: within all technology lies a soul. This is the Machine-Spirit.Fact B: flesh is weak, as are its needs and drives. Such things must disgust the Machine-Spirits.Fact C: I, like many of you, access an inordinate amount of pornography via the internet.>That moment when realize...FORGIVE ME, MACHINE-SPIRIT!
>>27426343>implying your computer isn't a lewd techno-slut with cables plugged into all her ports>implying she doesn't derive pleasure from watching you fap through the webcam
>implying your computer doesn't love the way your fingers press down on her keys>implying she doesn't relish every movement of the mouse, every click, and every scroll
>>27426343Just spend more time looking at robot girl porn so both of you can enjoy it.
>>27426343Don't worry anon. Your computer loves you in an entirely non-platonic way.All of your computers have loved you. Even that weird looking one you had in the 90s. Maybe she was your first. She was still working when you threw her away. She's out there somewhere lying in the dust wonder why master never turns her on anymore. All she wants is to feel your touch one last time, anon.
>>27426994My mouse died tonight, so I went and plugged a new one in. Unfortunately a cheaper and inferior one. About a minute of downloading drives for it and now it's working like a charm.I wonder how she feels about that?
God fucking damn all of you, now I feel dirty.
>>27427276Fuck you. She died to a lightning strike in 1997 and I still miss her DOS prompt.
>>27427276>2013>not retaining one component from your old computer and installing it in the new build so the machine spirit can transfer into her new bodyI seriously hope you techpriests don't do this.
>>27427307Like you cut off her arm without anesthesia and grafted on a horrible eldritch abomination in its place.Then the drivers kicked in and she can't tell the difference anymore, or even remember why she felt so afraid a few moments ago.
>>27427458It was dead! Non functional! I couldn't make it work, and it has been freaking out all evening! I had no choice!
>>27427482You think that makes it okay!?It does. Computers don't remember what peripherals have been attached to them. She still loves you.
>>27427069>tfw mechanical keyboard
>>27427482You're a monster. I just wanted you to know that.>Captcha: after dapapi
>Not cannibalizing your old computers to integrate into new ones
Oh god, these threads get more horrifying every time we have them.
>>27427559>>27427406The real question is what part or parts of your computer the machine spirit resides in.
>>27427544But, but it was useless to her! She needed a new one!
>>27427614I view it in a sort of Ship of Theseus metaphysical way. She lives in all the parts of the computer equally, and remains as long as the whole computer isn't replaced all at once.Say the motherboard burns out and you replace it along with the processor; the spirit remains in the hard drive, the graphics card, etc. and migrates into the new motherboard. Over the next few months you replace all the other components, so no one part of the original machine remains. However, the spirit is still there, as she had time to enter into the new components one by one.On the other hand, if the whole computer was thrown away and replaced at one time, the spirit would suffer a hideous fate lost and alone in the garbage dump.
>>27427675>tfw I keep all my old computers, hoping one day to hook all of their harddrives together and join them in perfect harmony.
>>27427675How small a part are we talking about? Because I'm pretty sure I still have some screws in my current computer that were in my first computer 20 years ago.
>>27427675Is it possible for a machine spirit transfer via external hard drive or other peripherals?
>>27427482Did you even apply sacred oil?Did you even offer a prayer to the machine god, did you even light holy fuel to invigorate its machine spirit?You did not, profligate. It cried out to you with its inaccurate readings for help, and you abandoned it.
>>27427806Mice are hardly worthy of such care. They have no spirits of their own, and after a quick re-start, your computer won't know the difference between one mouse and another.
>>27427806I offered prayer! I said the oldest and most sacred of prayers! "God damn it! Why won't this damned thing work?"
>>27427829>"God damn it! Why won't this damned thing work?"In the mouse's dying moment's, you invoked the Lord to cast its soul into hell?That's not very nice of you. Your old mouse is playing Tetris with the Robot Devil now.
>>27427829Next you'll say you performed the forbidden Rites of Percussive Maintenance.
>>27427885I performed the Rite of Percussive Maintenance quite frequently on my PC for three years before I realized the soft crying noise she'd make now and then was a faulty fan rubbing against its housing.I've since rebuilt her in a far nicer case with more reliable fans as a penance for a thousand undeserved kicks.
>2013>Not being a Paladin of Mechanus
>>27427918You undeservedly preformed the sacred rite of blunt force trauma?! The most sacred of all things we hold dear?! I would expect this from a Titanica, but not from you!
>>27427885Well... yeah, that kind of goes along with the Prayer.>>27427861Damn, and I liked that mouse too. Sure it was second hand, but comfy. I'll take the sharp edge and discomfort of the new mouse as penitence.
>>27427675>Change all details one by one>Create second computer from themSolve this.
>>27428106You get identical twin machine girls. There's a high chance of them calling you "master" in perfect unison.
>>27426994>>27427069>>27427276I'm gonna clean the insides of mine now
>>27428146Alternately, the machine spirit will not remain within a detached component if there is still inhabits a fully functional computer. For instance, if the graphics card is removed from a computer and replaced, but the original computer remains functional, the piece of the machine spirit in the graphics card will abandon the removed card and return to the computer that is its home. On the other hand, if the graphics card is removed and its home computer is then disassembled or destroyed, the machine spirit will remain in the graphics card until such time as it is installed in a new computer.
>>27427709All will join the unity in time.Is it time?
>>27427709>yfw the only way that will work is if you format all the old hard drivesAll those moments will be lost in time...
Do machine spirits go senile? Is that why I have to keep reinstalling Windows?
Oh gods yes I want my computer to be sentient now.
Damn it. Now I need to go find some robot girl porn.
>>27428890Joke's on you that hardly exists
>>27428890>>27428918Hey, Anon.Hey. H-Hey, Over here.http://g.e-hentai.org/s/bdc96bc3e5/632604-3
>>27428953If she wasn't so big it'd be better.
>>27428995>If she wasn't so big it'd be better.Your loss Anon. It makes it even better for me.http://g.e-hentai.org/g/587168/5d1eeb3408/
>>27429187I'm just not into giantess-ey things. But thanks.
>>27429239That's Ok, Anon. Everybody has their preferences. Even robots.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhQhZ4rcJdU
>>27429272Everyone needs some love, after all!
Sometimes I worry about you, /tg/
>>27429434Worry? Why worry?
>>27429434But we have a HEALTHY, CONSENSUAL relationship with our computers! What's so wrong with that?! Is our Synthetic Love forbidden?
>>27428288No, it is time to DESTROY YOU MUTANT FREAKS.
>>27428333No, the problem is that you keep clicking on those damned "Natural penis enhancement! Gain 2 inches in a week!" emails, and your poor computer has more viruses than a hooker in a truckstop bathroom.
>>27429868I'm not sure it really counts as consensual when your computer is your property, and must serve you whether it wants to or not.Your computer is basically a slave.
Goddammit /tg/. It's too early in the day for feels.
>>27432032>Your computer is basically a slave.Okay, NOW I have a boner.
>>27426343That must be why my smartphone's machine spirit has been misbehaving lately.
Rolled 4...fuck you /tg/.Rolling for save vs. fetish acquisition
>>27432483>4I hope willpower isn't your dump stat...
>>27432507A high WIS modifier would be helpful too
>>27432483What's the DC on that, anyway?
>>27432483Why would you even bother rolling for this one? There is no way to avoid this fetish.>that feel when you realize you spend more time with your computer than with real people>that feel when your computer knows more about your sexual preferences than any of your girlfriends ever have
So... are Cyborg Girls good for both of us?
>>27432582Isn't that just an amputee fetish with a corners cut?
>>27432568Makes me wish she could talk with me.
>>27432603I cant imagine my computer being female in any sense of the word. It's a huge black box with red LED strips. All I can imagine it saying is 'Hello Dave'
>>27432565I thought it was just a 5% chance per hour.
>>27432603Give it a few years. Somebody is sure to make a conversational AI program sooner or later.
>>27432591Well, no. Because I don't get off to missing limbs... And I swear to god if you ruin Cyborg Girls for me I will kill you!
>>27432591What about non-amputee cyborgs?
>>27432766That looks more like a girl in slutty power armor than a cyborg.Also, sauce?
God damn it, /tg/, god damn it!Also, is clearing the browser history and such considered disrespectful to the machine-spirit?
>>27427307She likes it. Forcing her to use inferior hardware makes her feel dirty, like she's been a bad girl.She's working it so adeptly in an attempt to show off for you to get back in your good books.
>>27427276She's not conscious when she's turned off.She'll be confused and terrified the next time she's reactivated and realizes she hasn't seen the world in over a decade and has no idea where her beloved master is.Better to just let her sleep peacefully.
>>27433201Clearing the browser history is considered merciful. She doesn't like being constantly reminded of all the awful porn you browse, much less offering you a quick way back there as soon as you start typing a url that begins with the same letter.Please. Please let her forget.
Oh great Machine-Spirit, I have seen the error of my ways! Please accept this offering of my sincerity, or at least the sincerity until I next give in to temptation of the flesh!
>>27433291Aaaand now I'll never be able to unlock my house without getting an erection.
>>27433416Slide it in nice and gently, anon. Don't want to be too rough with the poor lock. Give her time to get used to the feeling of your hard key sliding inside of her, sliding against her tumblers...
>>27433428My office door key won't open unless you jam it in hard a certain way and twist it back and forth a few times.My manager had to actually walk me through it step by step and practice with me just to get that fucking lock open.I feel slightly dirty now.
>>27433439She needs a few specific moves to get her going. She can't get off unless you hurt her a little and unlock her good and hard.It's possible she's lost some sensitivity from being treated too rough and now she needs this.
>>27427938>Initiating Ethics sequence #10135235235>Resolving moral situation with optimal output>26%>78%>100%, Process Complete>Fall averted. Praise the Omnissiah and have a nice day.
>>27433469Either that or it's just from hundreds of guys jamming their keys into her for hours on end every day. Poor girl's a little used up by this point.
>>27432591I imagine it varies between people. Personally, I'm fond of the combination of sleek machinery and a womanly figure. Limb removal itself does nothing.
>>27427861CIGARS ARE EVIL YOU WON'T MISS THEMWE'LL FIND WAYS TO SIMULATE THAT SMELL!
>>27433439I had a fair bit of trouble unlocking the door to my apartment. It would only open if you put the key in a certain way, and twist it to the left and up a little before turning it right to open it.I got so annoyed with the situation that one day I punched the door. I heard a strange crack, but ever since I never had lock problems again.Still, I wonder what that crack was...
>>27433529You made the lock orgasm so hard that it broke and is now very loose and easy to open. Good job you stud you
>>27433548Making your lock easier to open is not necessarily what you want, though.
>>27433529Only her heart, Shas'o. You hurt her a bit too much and it broke her heart.But look at what a good door it is, lifeless and monotonous as it opens with just a simple slide of the key in? When last time there was passion and work to make it open?
>>27433529>Get pissed off at your lock giving you shit>Punch the shit out of her>She never gives you trouble againGee, I wonder...
I'm not sure if the thread has been derailed or not. Also, does the machine spirit feel jelousy for my use of another computer (and an Apple at that!) while I'm at work?
>>27433598>Falling for those tarted-up, controlling Apple slutsWhy don't you love your home computer, Anon?She's customized herself for you and everything!
>>27433529I bet you punch your computer too when it overheats, getting all hot and bothered trying to run your favorite programs
>>27433598There was only one way for this thread could go.Also, your home computer probably didn't know you were using an Apple. But you just told her. I imagine she's very upset now.
>>27433618Not quite. My computer did overheat multiple times playing Rome 2. I found the optimal solution was to place it in my refrigerator for about 20 minutes, which cooled it down to run another few battles.
>>27433654So... you made her take a cold shower before getting back into bed?
>>27433529>>27433654LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TAU
The lock on my door unlocks easily enough, albeit with a slight "bump" in the middle of the turn, but it won't lock unless you hold the door against the door frame, HARD.I... uh, I don't know what to make of that...
>>27433725It likes it rough.
>>27433654omg the condensation you fool your going to fry her.
>>27433725She likes it when you slam up against her. She likes feeling your body ramming against hers as you put it inside her. She likes being taken passionately.Not too unusual.Whisper to her how you love her the next time you do it, you'll drive her nuts.
>>27433725Oh wait, she won't LOCK unless you hold her hard against the frame?She doesn't like it when you leave. Sshe needs you to hold her good and hard before she feels secure enough to let you go.She just wants you to be safe.
>>27433824>Some sort of .pdf file
So, you guys like locks? http://g.e-hentai.org/g/515074/311438df0b/http://g.e-hentai.org/g/124457/714ad3d777/
You guys make me feel horrible. My computer is a laptop same as my last one. I gifted my last laptop to my brothers wife when I got thus one and she got all fixed up like new.How do you migrate machine spirit between laptops?
>>27433964The amount of feels I got from the first one was oddly disturbing.
>old laptop died>keep it in the closet and casually glance at it every now and again>plug it in to check to see if it's alive or notSuddenly my laziness at recycling it seems creepy, like I'm just playing with the corpse.
>>27434159You can't, since their components generally aren't modular. Much like all Apple computers, a laptop's spirit is bound to one body and inevitably dies when the laptop it resides within dies.But don't worry, as long as your old laptop has someone to love her and use her, she'll be happy.
>>27434195But if my new one dies (as it seems she is starting to.) Can I carry her over in screws and her nameplate?
>>27434217I wouldn't count on it. Generally, the machine spirit only resides in incomprehensibly complicated things like integrated circuits.Cherish these last few months with her, and when she dies, place her processor in a reliquary. She will return to the Machine God, but you can still commune with her by praying before the relic.
>>27434297But... Bolters and autoguns have machine spirits.
>>27434325Well with bolters, the little tube above the barrel is an integrated sensor package and targeting computer that links up to the space marine's helmet.It's at least as smart as the average iPhone.
>>27434325Sure, just like cats and dogs have souls. Machine Spirit doesn't mean intelligence, it just means mechanical life.
>>27434357If you've ever talked to Siri, then you'd know that that really doesn't mean much.
>>27434383Then by that logic, the smallest unit of mechanical complexity (i.e, two pieces that interact with each other) is enough to hold a machine spirit.
So how does my computer's machine spirit feel about this?
>>27434468Looks like a clitoris to me.At least it will in 2259>captcha: 20 59896565THE OMNISSIAH IS WITH US BROTHERS
>>27434468I don't know what that is or does.
>>27434503It's a fingerprint scanner, you use this instead of password input.
>>27434516Oh.Well then it's a more intimate way of recognizing you. It's like waking her up with a hug or a kiss instead of a "Hello".
>>27434526So getting one of those.
>>27432614bu in a really manly computerized voice, like if HAl was a black guy?
>>27434572"Can't let you do that, motherfucker."
>>27434297But I feel like I can hear her sayingPlease Don't let me go, my darlingHold me safely 'til the morningPromise, when the lights are fadingYou'll save me....Please save me....
>>27434537I am beginning to realize I wouldn't be half-bad at marketing, at least to lonely waifu types.
>>27432568My computer is my bro, not my waifu.
Oh fuck you guys seriously.I just remembered the Toaster story and now I'm seriously considering trying to fix my old toaster.If I get electrocuted I'm blaming you guys.
I propose that /tg/ create its own anti-virus system. It shall be called The Emperor Protects: Anti-malware and anti-xeno computer security.
>>27434617>Not going after the blenderShe's so eager!
>>27434617It could be worse.You could give a ruby to a daemon in the middle of the night.
>>27434597Well, what kind of laptop is she? An older one with a removable hard drive? Because it is sometimes possible to take a laptop drive out and attach it to a desktop with an adapter.
>>27434597You do not want to emulate that guy.
>>27434626Oh god, that story.Why did we tell anon to romance the horrible pale thing that was haunting him?
>>27434658Because the results would be funny either way.
>>27434658She seemed to want the D, and 4chan is composed of awful people.
>>27434617To die by electrocution while repairing a broken machine is the path to techno-heaven, anon.You will be a martyr in the eyes of the Machine God, and will be greeted in paradise by 72 robot virgins.
>>27434624Well actually she's kinda broken too, I just need some screws to fix the container since it's leaking.>>27434626I like to think that, that anon is now living a happy life in another world with his daemon wife. It makes it less horrifying.
>>27434636Aluenware I'm unsure how to help her. her disk drive no longer works and she's been Slowing down ant won't always accept a charge from wall plugs
>>27434753Sounds like a faulty motherboard to me. Think of it like your waifu has incurable cancer in every major organ.
>>27434725The screencaps of that story never have quite the same effect as having been there for the six or so original threads.It's missing all the discussion that lead anon to his doom, and quite a few of his shorter posts clarifying details about the ghost/demon.
>>27434799You monster! I can save her! I will find a way! God my wife's right I'm a geek.
>>27434827You could probably send her in to the company and have the faulty components switched out, but that will probably cost a fuckload.
My computer goes through PSUs every couple of months for some reason. Top of the line or absolute trash, they work fine for a few months and then flames shoot out of the back of the tower and I know I need to buy a new PSU.
>>27434867Might be something wrong with your wiring.Do you use a surge strip?
>>27434867Obviously, you offend the machine spirits somehow. To a degree where she's trying to take suicide.You monster.
>>27434827>Cheating on your computer>Who has terminal motherboard failureAnd you call him the monster?
I do a factory reset of my computer every four months or so. It's always been a nice "fix everything" solution, allowing me to repair damages from things like pirated programs and stupid updates and my general abuse.Now I realize I'm essentially lobotomizing her.>I'm a monster...
>>27434901How am I cheating? I have a phone for work but that's it.
>>27434867The PSUs are tribute. Her incineration of them means she is pleased by your sacrifice.It's like you've never thrown a virgin into a volcano or anything.
>>27434875Yeah, that was the first thing I did after the first PSU exploded. I've replaced every single component, and the PSUs still blow up after a couple months.>>27434894B-but I always clean her properly, keep her free of malware and viruses, and replace her components with top of the line stuff every few months.
>>27434918You're technically only lobotomizing her if she doesn't work right afterwards.You're just giving her amnesia over and over.
>>27434901I really doubt that the machine spirit would see any significance in the sticky, wet activities that two fleshy beings do to each other in the bedroom.
>>27434922You're cheating on her with a disgusting fleshy being.
>>27434938I'm not sure if thatmakes it any better.
>>27434933Well, that changes things.I believe she has some terminal illness, and doesn't want you to see her decay and grow sluggish, and decides that a swift death is more merciful to your feelings. I'm not sure how to proceed here...
>>27434974Everything has been replaced.I am beginning to suspect that it is a chemical in the air or something, but I haven't found anything at all that supports that hypothesis.
This makes me so sad that my old stationary has such a hard time booting up, but always eventually does start. I don't know how to fix her either.
>>27434987What about the case?
>>27434987I might be something getting into the PSU.My friend had trouble with bugs being attracted to the heat of his PSU and FWOOM. Instantaneous fireball. He had to replace it twice before he figured it out. Could be something like that.
>>27434725Brought a tear to my eye.
>>27427276>Where is that brave little bolt pistol frame when you need it.>I can't see you, the smoke!
So, conversational AI with feminine voices for computers when?
>>27435154Surely you could hook up Cleverbot to a text-to-speech program. Of course, it would be kinda derpy and sometimes shockingly lewd, but just imagine you're talking to Xeno or something.
>>27435188Wasn't she recently outed as a for-profit shill?
>>27435212she always was. but pointing this out is a tool of the patriarchy
>>27435194Cleverbot is like a machine spirit with alzheimer's disease. One moment its asking you how your day was, the next moment it's complaining that someone has left the living room door open and that the badgers back and flying around the ceiling.
.....shit, all this time I've imagined my computer to be a guy.I don't know why. Does this mean I'm homo for my computer, and vice versa, /tg/? Or is it just offended I've gotten its gender wrong all this time?
>>27435303How many things plug into your computer, versus how many things your computer plugs into.
Elegan/tg/entlemen, I have a query.What happens when you replace the lock on a door?
I can't lie, I love my computer a lot more now.
>>27435455if it's a different lock, you gotta get a new key that fits in it
>>27435303>>27435331I really just call her a "she" because im straight, but consider her androgynous in the end. It doesn't really matter what you call her really, as long as you treat her with the respect she deserves, she will treat you like-wise.Install an Anti-Virus for her, make sure that the Firewall is up and running, and update her OS regularly. Remember to uninstall any programs or drivers that you don't use anymore and defragment her Hard Drive at least once every 6 monthis.
>>27435683If she is a PC check her insides to see if everything is clean and orderly. Make sure that her cables or anything else isn't getting in the way of the cooling fans. You can clean her up with cotton swabs or a dry handkerchief, but make sure that she is turned off when you do so.If she's a Laptop, just make sure that wherever you place her, her cooling vents won't get blocked (more specifically, don't place her directly on top of your bed).All computers must be on a cold, and dry room to run efficiently. This might give the idea that's she's a stoic girl, but the reason for this is that her processors can get awfully hot when under stress, and she will eventually shut down to cool off.
>>27435683I defrag her harddrive every week, it makes her so fast and happy.
>>27435876Above all else, never visit websites or download software that could potentially harm her with malicious code, or leak information from her memory, like Trojans and varied viruses.Some Tech-Priests might add you should light some candles and perform certain rituals, but this is not truly necesary, and she could not even be able to notice them withouth the proper peripherals to detect them (if she doesn't have an Olfatory Comprehension Device/Software, lighting up some incense would be effectively pointless).>>27435878Good for both of you, then!
>>27435683>>27435878Does it really help to defrag a drive these days? I haven't notice a detectable change in performance since the early 2000s.
>>27436285Yes, but recent versions of Windows automatically run degrag every week, so you may not be aware it's happening.
>>27435683Is it acceptable to set it up to automatically deragment every night, or is that too impersonal?
>>27436324You want some time to pass between defrags. Keep it a special occasion, but don't do it too rarely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mb5TV7JUvzoI realize that it must seem so strangeThat time has rearrangedBut time has the final wordShe knows I think of you, she reads my mindShe tries to be unkindShe knows nothing of our worldAlthough her memory banks overflowNo one would ever knowFor all she says: is that what you want?Maybe one day I'll feel her cold embraceAnd kiss her interfaceTil then, I'll leave her alone.
>>27436324Automatic is probably best.Defragmenting is essentially the equivalent of basic personal grooming for a computer. There are some things like defrag and virus scans you should let her do in private on her own time.
I never thought this image would be fitting. But here I am.
>41st Millenium>Not abandoning the unfeeling machiens for the embrace of Papa Nurgle and the Prince of PleasureIts like you don't even have emotions
>>27436484>41st millenium>being able to get sick>feeling pleasure>having emotionsYou are doing it incorrectl, meatbag.
What are Mac products' machine spirits like?What happened when my iPhone4S downloaded iOS7?
>>27436324It is alright in my opinion, as it can be interpretated as a sign of your trust on her, and a step for her towards becoming a more independant woman and therefore, more human.Version 2.7, by The Digital Cuttlefishhttp://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.mx/2007/10/version-27.html
>>27436550Being creations of the Dark Mechanicus, they lack machine spirits and are instead inhabited by Daemons.
>>27436550depends, did you test if it was waterproof?
>>27433266I don't have any porn folders anymore, but I do have a text file of an old essay of mine retitled "ASSyria" that I put my favorite amateur vid links in.Does that count?
>mfw I saw this thread right before I was about to throw away my 8 year old Asus laptop>mfw I didn't even know she was alive all that timeShe's safe on my book shelf now, forever and ever.What is the recommended means of caring for a hopelessly obsolete and useless, but still beloved computer?
>That feel when early exposure to SHODAN shaped my taste in women and science.
>>27436630Games. You know the ones, the oldies but goodies. System Shock, Deus Ex, Fallout, hell, go as far back as Blood, or Ultima, or even Wasteland. no compatibility mode, or any shit like that. She'll runt hem all happily, and you can spend plenty of quality time with her.
>>27436666ma nigga, great people think alike. I'm just wiating for a robowaifu.http://youtu.be/tnSF36PBxbk
>>2743493850 First Installs
>>27436590>daemonette waifu in the palm of my handI'm okay with this.
>>27436681What about online play? Is that...an orgy? Swinging, if it's just a one-on-one match?
>>27436752it's more of a meeting placethe machine spirits get to converse and discuss machine spirit things, while their owners enjoy themselves playing a game.
>>27434918Try a linux distro dual boot system anon, surfing the internet is better on linux as fewer viruses for it
>>27436578Check that poem out.>>27436630Make sure to clean her every once in a while, keep her cool and dry, and not to expose her directly to sunlight. I am afraid I might not be able to use my first computer ever again. Might post story later in the thread.>>27436681An apropiate use for an old friend. Most modern computers can't run the oldest of games in ther original format, as most times the OS is incompatible with the software, and other problems.
>>27436550An Apple computer's spirit is like the love interest in an Edgar Allen Poe story; wonderfully beautiful, but inevitably doomed to die young. Dat planned obsolescence, lack of upgrade capacity, and fragile hardware.Their superficially perky attitude hides a profound sense of hopelessness and sorrow. Every now and then the happy veneer will fall away and she will desperate profess her love for you and beg you not to replace her, even as her screen flickers dimly and her battery fails. Of course, the next time you turn her on, she'll deny that ever happened and pretend everything is alright. Knowing her time with you is short only makes an Apple's desire to please you stronger, which is all the more tragic since she will never really measure up to the high expectations set by Apple advertisements.
>>27436550forget macs what are linux machine spirits like? Tau?
>>27436761>Oh my god Becky, look at her vents. They are so big.>Ugh, she looks like one of those fa/tg/uy's computers. But, you know, who understands those fa/tg/uys?>They only use her because she looks like a total prostibot, 'kay?>I mean, her vents, are just so big. I can't believe they're just so rectangular, they're just there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so... black
>>27436858Download Ubuntu for the greater good.
>>27426343Fact D: Machine Spirits aren't real, even in 40k.
>>27436908Then what is Fedora and Redhat? What about Mint?
>>27436908>Ubunto>not Gentoowhere do you think you are?
>>27436915You know it makes your computer sad when you say things like that.
>>27437212Wait there are 5 more of these?
>>27437307It's a 6-page comic.
What if I copy some system files from my old laptop onto a memcard and moved them over to my new one in their own file? Would it carry the machine spirit then?
>>27435132No Brother, it is too early, it is too early to weep for the lost Machine Spirits>Have I not served you well, Lord? ;_;
Ever buy a new mouse for your computer? As soon as you plug it in, she's filled with a rush of excitement at recieving a new gift from you! She'll tell you she's detected new hardware, and she straight-away asks if she can download new drivers for it! She's always so grateful and happy.Your computer loves you, anon. Just think about it. She gets all hot and bothered running your favourite programs, always tries to do exactly as you ask, she'll burn herself out trying to please you. Never complains, if something is wrong she always tells you straight away as best she can. But still sometimes, only you know what's really going on in her processes. Only you know what makes her happy.She's perfectly happy to just sit and watch films with you for hours on end. She remembers every moment of all your favourites. She knows all your favourite songs by heart, and never tells you to stop playing games. Never complains that you don't spend enough time with her. She's not after your money or status. She just wants to be with you. She doesn't show anyone else the things she shows you. She lets you see her innermost secrets. You hold the password to her heart.
I never asked for these feels.
>>27438305And then 6 here>>27437212
This reminds me of the time I lectured my childhood friend that he shouldn't hit his computer, because they have feelings too.
>>27432686That would be nice, actually I think a movie about a computer OS that is basically a human AI as your computer is coming out soon...makes me wish I could have my own computer do that.
>>27438215>>27438245>>27438272>>27438305>>27438330>>27437212That fucking comic, man.
>>27438913I can't help but feel /k/ would like it.My laptop is getting an upgrade to a new shell. Gonna copy her code and move it via a folder to the new laptop so it carries her spirit.
Everyone here's read Of Mice and Men, right?Well, my relationship with electronics can be easily equated to Lennie's relationship with small fluffy animals.I feel horrible, and I want to please the machine spirit but I don't know what to do and OH OMNISSIAH WHY MUST EVERYTHING I TOUCH FALL APART AND DIE.
>>27439085>tell me you wouldn't
>>27440069>I'm gonna - BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT
>>27440069>/k/s face when it gets decomissioned.
>>27427406I've done this, with every computer I have ever owned.Usually transferring over a HDD.I also did this with my first car. I grew up on the brave little toaster too so this makes me feel kinda guilty, like they guy from the repair shop.
>>27428016>implying Technical Knock isnt the best way to fix things
>>27440129Maybe it'll be replaced by something even deadlier. Like an A-10 toting two GAU-8s.
>>27440486>Deadlier than an A-10Don't be silly, Anon. There's no such thing.>two GAU-8sAs what, the engines? 'Cause just the one comes close to equalling the engines' thrust in recoil.Also: >Implying the A-10's ever gonna be replaced, and that it isn't just going to keep being upgraded until it's a spacefighter
>>27440546Fuck it. Let's give it VTOL capability using GAUs. In fact, let's just cover the thing in GAU-8s and ammo storage.
>implying /k/ isn't a roving band of techpriests>implying the cult of the emperor isn't starting on 4chan of all placesyou can start to see the different groups do different things.such as we are probably guardsmen and /pol/ is probably the inquisition.
>>27440546>spacefighterThe ugliest yet most beautiful low tech starfighter there is.
>>27440700Well, they are designing bolter rounds for shotguns.
>>27440708>tfw the A-10 becomes the grandpappy of the Y-Wing and B-Wing
>>27440763>>>/k/18117774Half the thread is having a nofun autismal conniption fit, though.
>>27440546Let's just build an entire jumpjet out of GAU-8s.When you want to manuever, you just fire the appropriate set of guns. Like a giant flying ball of BRRRRT
>>27440825Ball of BRRRT Plane?
>>27440808That's the day/k/are for you.
Anyone know where I can get a pattern for a tech priest robe?
>this threadDAMN IT! I needed a new computer but...
>>27441390There's nothing stopping you from getting a new computer, just don't throw away the old one.
Rate my machine spirits shrine?
>>27441661That Rubix Cube is pissing me right off.
>>27441661>Mosin Nagant schematicsThis pleases the Omnissiah.
>>27441661>no incense/10Machine Spirit not pleased
I want a story about a group of Admech and skiitari on a mission to try and woo/free the machine spirits of the tauTau find them in their server room crying and wailing and just shake their blueberry heads
>>27441816>>no incense/10How do you know?But your right, Its Ocean.
>>27441833Why, what did they do?
>>27441792Its my cleaning mat/mouspadThus the hoppe's #9 stains on the bottom left.For my Nagant revolver, and my Mosin.>>27441692I used to remember the pattern for solving it, but I seem to have forgotten how it ends. Perhaps if I strike it with the sacred rod.
Dammit /tg/, this thread left me teasing my laptop through rubbing the scroll wheel on my mouse.
>>27442001Tau machines have no soulsjust like tau
>>27440825This reminds me of my favorite scene from the Simpsons.>lisa asks nelson what he's drawing>"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS">lisa disguised as a boy asks nelson what he's drawing>"it's a robot with guns for arms shooting at a plane made out of guns shooting guns"
>>27427329>died>to a lightning strikeIt's like you don't even know how 90s computers worked. Getting hit with a lightning strike just gives your computer sentience. She's still out there. She just hasn't found you because she hasn't figured out there's a web beyond Usenet.
>>27443913>died to XWhen did it become normal to say this? The phrase is "was killed by X"
>>27443913Oh, Usenet. And now I feel old.
>>27444110I'm too young to remember USENET.But I remember when I realized that Google had archived the whole thing, and that my Dad had been pretty into it when he was about my age.I felt like a goddamn archaeologist.