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Can we have a cool magic items thread?

My harddrive failed and I lost my folder full of cool magical items/pictures
File deleted.
Here's one our half-orc fighter got yesterday

>Gold and crimson armor
>Once it's identified we get these stats
>Can cast overland flight once per day
>Can cast fireball (CL5) three times per day
>Same stats as plate armor except for 2 extra AC
>Armor is intelligent
>Armor calls itself JARVIS
Pic Fucking Related
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Magic hoodie becomes a live dinosaur.
A /tg/'er suggested this to me a while back

>The ring of true intention
>Regular gold ring with a smallish ruby on it
>When someone actively wishes/intends to harm the wearer within 100 feet, it glows
>Have it glow in the middle of a tavern for !FUN!
I saw this on tg and thought it was cool

>Storm quiver
>looks like a regular quiver for your arrows
>works like a modified bag of holding - you can put as many arrows in it as you want
>but you can only ever take out a single arrow
>once you notch and release, that single arrow splits into every arrow previously stored in the Storm Quiver, simultaneously
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Not sure what this is.
>The Hermit's Safeguard
>When worn you only take a fraction of the damage you usually would take
>Movement speed cut to 5 feet per round
>Anyone trying to hit you just needs to meet half your AC
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>bitten to death by swarm of common rats
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Clockwork croc
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All its previous owners have died under mysterious circumstances.

Not that mysterious. 50 Cent killed them.
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Thief Catcher
>Upon attempted removal sends the ring finger to another dimension from the ring up effectively removing the finger.
>"that'll teach those little shits!". -Random Angry Wizard
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Magic scroll
I know you have found the skull. I can keep you safe.
- A. Brennenburg
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>Believe it!
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n1 m8
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Glove of Power
Now, pictures are all well and good, but what really makes them work is the story behind them, what they DO.
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Puzzling Statue with Many Symbolizes
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Voodoo Doll of Agony
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Spade of Aces
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Sword in the Grass
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>Ancient Tome

>Supreme Power?
>The knowledge of ancients?
>Best recipe for a wizard on a budget?
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Awakened rock sculpting itself a body.
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Box of Magmatic Energy

+2 to Wisdom
Can only be equipped as a weapon
Has Dual Power!
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I like this one.

Its a chaos focus.
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>Box of Answers

>Answers two questions per day.
>One answer is true, but seems completely unbelievable.
>Other answer is false, but sounds disturbingly possible.
>No other clue as to which it will say.
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Serpent Generator

WMD of an Evil Wizard
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>Watercolour Cloak

>Changes colours to dramatically contrast with the scenery
>Makes everything you do look amazing
>Increases spell-power
>Impossible to be stealthy, everyone will notice you
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Soul jar. Captures the spirits of defeated enemies that can be communed with or consumed to increase the necromancers power.
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Green Helm of Enviroment

+5 Constitution
+20% Pollution Resistance
-3 Wisdom
-1 Intelligence
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>Enchanted Dagger

>Traps souls of those it kills inside of it.
>Prevents those people from being resurrected.
>Slowly getting too full, will reach critical mass.
>Will explode with spectral energy and angry ghosts once it is over-filled.
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>Stat me
2d6 Sonic Damage to those within 30 feet
Deafness to those within 50 feet
4d6 damage ranged touch attack on target
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Prospero's Tomes.

Nobody knows what they contain except for the Gandalf of my campaign, and the only reason he holds on to them is because he believes their knowledge can't be trusted to mortal beings. He doesn't even use them they're so powerful.
So what do they contain?
Wizard porn
I had a Shadowrun mage who used a lego Darth Vader and a flash drive with porn on it as magical foci.
The most heinous, terrible, and eldritch wizard porn. In fact, it's so powerful, legends say that every picture you look at will eat away one of your memories and replace it with itself, but even despite that, you'll always be compelled to turn to the next page.

It's pretty good porn, though.
I present to you: the fleshless Fleshlight.
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Mysterious Cube
>Grants the ability to store magical energies: There is no observable upper end to this storage level
>Long amounts of time spent studying the Mysterious Cube will allow the bearer to harness not only its stored power, but also gain insights into the fundamental nature of magic itself.
>Will cause insanity in the long run. The bearer will begin to hear voices, promising his or her heart's true desire - and all they have to do is feed it.
>Do not allow near Shota Jesus, calm armless people or men whose wives have a Hips:Shoulder ratio greater than 2:1
Wait, doesn't this mean the wizard's finger gets zapped into an alternate dimension?
Assuming the wizard wears it, and a thief is trying to take it off.
I guess it is like a trinket to keep in your pocket to give a thief when they ask for your stuff.
That's exactly what it is, this magic item allows intelligent undead to feel the pleasures they did in life. Unfortunately, the magically softened crystals only transmit their own sensations , leading to maddening dysphoria, when used by males. >>27463634
This entrenching tool was used at every decisive frontline battle in World War II and always by whoever in the unit had the most field time. it allows it's wielder to call upon all that experience and strength, instantly turning them into one of the greatest soldiers of the modern age, so long as they have it in their primary hand. >>27464227
It's pretty obvious you just keep it in your pocket and wait for the screaming.
Yeah, using this.
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Our party has a small wooden box with a simple metal latch.
Upon opening the box, it pours forth 1d6 spiders every second.
Not just any kind of spider, wolf spiders.
Wolf spiders the size of your hand.
It does this until the box is forced shut. The box can not be destroyed.
Your DM is a terrible person

I like him
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>inb4 rubber ducky
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>inafter rubber ducky
>buy ten thousand regular arrows because any reasonable leveled character can
>shoot 10k arrows at one enemy because there were no restrictions

This better be some end-campaign item.
well, you can always play the physics card,p=mv, the momentum is divided by a fuck ton of arrows, so now they have far less velocity, and likely wont do the damage you have in mind....
>ask the party caster to fly you up
>fly up as high as spell allows before leaving the atmosphere
>shoot downwards
>rain of death at terminal speed over a large area

If you're going to play the physycs card you're only making things easier.
10,000 arrows dropped from a kilometer's altitude? You /MIGHT/ hit someone though it'd be really unlikely.
Honestly at that level of prep. you're either completely overdoing it for an enemy that doesn't warrant it, or using it on an enemy so big it doesn't really affect it as much

At that point it becomes less "a hundred thousand arrows" and more "A giant mass of wood plated with a bit of iron", the only thing it'd be really good against is an army of sorts (which, incidentally, was what the original poster of the storm quiver used it for)
That's actually a type of god-given weapon in Hindu mythology.

Tik Tok here comes the croc.
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Here's the story
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Pic related.

My group has "ponchos of holding". It functions like a bag of holding, but you can wear it like a normal poncho.

We came up with it after a description of some NPCs our DM gave us. These guys in the abyss met up with us as part of the plot to kill the BBEG, and one of them pulled all these things out from under his poncho that didn't seem like they would fit and be well hidden at all.

For the sake of keeping things simple, we just re-fluffed a deep pocket cloak (D&D 4E) as a poncho.
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Bitches took my skull.
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Sounds like a Booru Book.

Grolius. *hand-clap*
It's less of an attack vs. AC, it's more of a Fortitude vs. Shit thine pants.

Also, flechette artillery [of which I couldn't find a link/image. Tiny-ass steel arrows get sprayed over a big field, as shrapnel from a cannon round, exploding right before the ground. Anti-Infantry.]

>Cloak of Infinite Gales
Enchanted to always billow gloriously, as if caught in the most dramatic of breezes, regardless of surrounding conditions.

>Boots of Lunar Celerity
When adorned with these boots, the wearer may moonwalk effortlessly. This is the only method of movement they are capable of while wearing the boots.

Does nothing unusual, but makes you look quite dapper and damn classy, like a true gentleman.
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Magic marbles. A seemingly ordinary bag of marbles, that upon being obtained disappears from time time to time. It will always reappear having dumped a vast amount of marbles on the ground in a convenient location ( think reappears in the nick of time of tripped up the BBEG allowing the PC's to escape).Never runs out of marbles
*after tripping up
I like this thread. Always need additions to my reliquary.
Millstone of inopportune timing. A millstone that suddenly appears to the person that owns it at the worst possible moment. When running away from a group of trolls, you are bound to trip over it, when climbing a perilous cliff, it'll start rolling down towards you, when escaping from the BBEG's prison, it will be blocking the last door. It cannot be destroyed, given, or stolen. It's ownership can only be transferred by selling it, or if the previous owner has died, the next person to touch it now owns it. It will only appear and disappear outside of a person's line of sight. Created by Uglhir Forjear, the wizard that crafted the necklace of seabird summoning, which causes albatrosses to flock to the person wearing it until the birds die.

The Scholar's Focus

At first appearing as an unassuming pair of glasses, upon further inspection you find that the frame is made of bronze with the "glass" actuallying being shaped crystal lenses.

Upon donning the glasses one finds that their focus sharpens and that they can concentrate on anything that they set their mind to, more so when reading a scroll or a book. While doing so you may find yourself moving about seemlessly dodging steps and furniture legs as easily as you would dodge blades, fists, and arrows.

As long as you have a book or scroll in hand and are studying it you gain your intelligence modifer X2 to your AC and touch AC but you cannot fight back being so absorbed in reading nor actively control where and how you move while reading.

The pen of black thoughts

A pen of exquisite craftsmenship with a body like smooth, polished marble and gold trimming. The Pen has a small golden leaver where in the tip of the pen can be touched to the shadow of an individual's head and enough ink for a full sheet of paper is extracted.

The Pen functions as a Read Thought's spell but will extract one negative thing the individual is or was thinking about at the time.
The book Atlas Mundum Effudit.

Reading this book when under the effects of the new moon or in youth will cause the reader to go insane with greed and sociopathy. Fortunately, the effect will run out in a matter of years, unless the reader is especially vulnerable to eldritch forces. If so, the reader will slowly turn into an al-ghalt, a lonely and gibbering spirit who sets up a throne of sand in the desert where it tries to rule over the Sun and the wind.
I was just writing this up for my current campaign...

The Sea-Killing Blade

+6 weapon, encrusted with fire opals. Each opal is cracked in a star pattern, like a tiny sun when the light passes through it.

Appears to be an oversized longsword or short-bladed greatsword, but it will subtly shift its mass to match the properties of any one-handed or two-handed sword that the wielder is proficient with. It wants to be used and will change itself to match whatever the person who just found it is currently using.

Can flare on command, dealing fire damage instead of slashing damage, for as long as the wielder desires.

Can destroy water on contact. If plunged into a container or body of water, it annihilates 1 gallon per round. There is no steam or vapor, though the blade flares with great heat while this happens. This effect requires a living will to direct it- if the blade is dropped, or the wielder decides the effect should stop, it stops.

After ten rounds in a single body of water, it begins consuming 10 gallons per round. Every ten rounds thereafter, it consumes ten times as much.

Once the rate of annihilation becomes faster than the water's flow can keep up with, the water begins to vanish from the far edges instead of close to the blade. This prevents "thunderclap" effects and tsunami from stopping the all-important work.

It can empty the oceans of an Earthlike world in about half an hour, but it never has. The worst it's ever done is cause horrible worldwide droughts and desertification. The sea level is where it is now because of the blade; at least 50% of the world's land surface was underwater a thousand years ago.

The blade very much wants to destroy the sea, but it has no power to control its wielder. It can only whisper encouragement and make suggestions, and it's too stupid to actually manipulate anyone.

Even so, it will one day find the right nihilist and achieve its destiny.
That sounds pretty fucking brutal.
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So it wants to blow up the ocean?
The Twin Maces of the Dancing Bard.

These two round-headed maces don't seem like much. About two feet long, the heads detaper out into a pear shape about two inches in diameter.

When both are used the wielder is possessed by song that is accompanied by a rhythmic, brutal and deadly choreography. The song will bubble to their lips in a blood-thirsty glee, the heads and shafts bump into each other in time with it, and heads are mushed at the appropriate crescendos.

Two heads at the same time? Even better.

The show must go on.
Weaponized headbanging maces?
The Universal Catalog of Books.

This is a normal-seeming library card catalog.

It's got every single book ever written in the world in it.

Also keyword indexes.
The Bone Ripper.

This piece of metal is cast in the familiar shape of a femur bone. The big one in your thigh.

It is a kind of wand. When pointed at a being with bones, it will bond with a bone in their body.

By wrenching the Ripper, the aforementioned bone can be dislodged or ripped out of the body with surprisingly little difficult.

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