[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [cm / hm / y] [3 / adv / an / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / hc / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / po / pol / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / x] [rs] [status / ? / @] [Settings] [Home]
Board:  
Settings   Home
4chan
/tg/ - Traditional Games


File: 1381200619368.jpg-(271 KB, 1680x1050, warhammer-imperial-aquila.jpg)
271 KB
271 KB JPG
LET US TELL JOKES FOR THE GLORY OF THE IMPERIUM BROTHERS
>>
A HERETIC, XENO, AND MUTANT WALK INTO A BAR

THEY ARE BATHED IN PROMETHIUM AND TURNED TO ASH
>>
ONCE A XENOS WITCH ASKED ME TO ASSIST HIM, SO I LUNGS OUT THROUGH HIS ANUS

MY BROTHERS AND I LAUGHED HEARTILY TO THE SOUNDS OF HIS FEEBLE ATTEMPTS AT BREATHING
>>
>>27633893
>>27633862

BY THE EMPEROR MY SIDES BROTHERS
>>
>>27633815
AN ORC ATTEMPTED TO MAKE DIALOG WITH ME

I RIPPED OUT HIS TONG AND SHOT OUT HIS EYES.
>>
>>27633815
HOW MANY ORCS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

I DONT KNOW BUT STANDING ON THERE BODYS TO DO IT YOUR SELF IS BETTER
>>
File: 1381201624327.jpg-(6 KB, 125x125, image.jpg)
6 KB
6 KB JPG
My parents told me to be anything I wanted, so I became an imperial guardsman
>>
>>27633815
Have you heard the one about the black and white space marine on the black and white bike?
>>
YOU KNOW, GABRIEL, I EXPECTED THE THE DAEMON OF THE MALEDICTUM TO BE FAR MORE DIFFICULT TO DEFEAT

>INDEED DIOMEDES. IN FACT, THAT FARSEER ON TARTARUS MAY HAVE OVERESTIMATED ITS CAPABILITIES.

I DARESAY THAT SHE WAS MAKING MACHA DO ABOUT NOTHING

>MIGHTY CHORTLING
>>
>>27634130
No, brother, I am unfamiliar with this space marine.
>>
File: 1381201882078.png-(42 KB, 937x410, improve it because poop j(...).png)
42 KB
42 KB PNG
BROTHERS, I KNOW NOT WHAT THIS MEANS
>>
>>27634130

NO BROTHER I HAVE NOT
>>
>BROTHER, IS IT JUST ME OR DOES OUR KILL-TEAM'S SPACE WOLF HAVE A BIT OF A DRINKING PROBLEM?

PROBLEM? HE SEEMS TO HAVE NO TROUBLE CONSUMING HIS ALCOHOL RATIONS.

>I MAY NEED A TRIP TO THE APOTHECARION, FOR MY SIDES HAVE LEFT ME ENTIRELY
>>
WHAT DID THE BLIND, RETARDED, PENNILESS, LEGLESS, ARMLESS, DISEASED GUARDSMAN GET FOR EMPEROR'S DAY? AN EXECUTION
>>
>WAKE UP, YOU OLD FOOL, YOU'RE MISSING CALGAR'S SPEECH.

WHO'S THE FOOL? YOU WERE AWAKE TO LISTEN TO IT.

>DOHOHOHOHO
>>
>>27634280
36 HOURS IN THE PAIN GLOVE
>>
I'm not convinced that these guys actually talk like this.
>>
WHY ARE GUARDSMEN SO DIFFICULT TO SLAY, BATTLE BROTHER?
>I KNOW NOT. WHY IS IT?
THE COMMISSAR ALWAYS GETS TO THEM FIRST!
>>
A sentinel and a dreadnought are walking together after a battle when the sentinel says, "Dude, open-topped? AV10? HP2? This thing is a walking coffin!"
"FUCK. YOU." said the dreadnought as it stomped off.
>>
File: 1381203134983.png-(33 KB, 510x546, 1357086683289.png)
33 KB
33 KB PNG
>>27634526
This got a legit laugh from me anon, thank you.
>>
>>27634227
I would have made the punchline 'Mercy'
>>
WHAT DID THE SLAANESHI HERETIC FROM THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE OF TERRA SAY TO THE BATTLE BROTHER WHO DISABLED HIS SONIC WEAPON?

>I DON'T KNOW, BROTHER

HEY MATE, THAT'S NOT VERY NOISE
>>
BROTHER, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE DARK ANGELS HAVE A REPUTATION FOR LAZINESS?

>TRULY, BROTHER SIGVALD? WHY?

BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS LION ABOUT.

>BY THE GREAT WOLF, MY SIDES
>>
Meanwhile, on Hive Fleet Leviathan...

>SCREEEDE CLICK CLICK SCREEEE

>CLICK SCREEEE CLICK?

CLICK CLICK SCREEEEEEEEE CLICK SCREEE

>AMUSED CHITTERING
>>
ATTENTION BATTLE BROTHERS, THERE ARE ORKS IN THE DINING HALL

>CHAPTER MASTER ORDERS THAT ONE BE LEFT ALIVE

WHAT FOR, LIBRARIAN?

>MORE ORKS
>>
>>27634134
i like that one
>>
>>27634453
go play dawn of war
>>
>"I don't know which is more disgusting, Battle-Brother, all the guard corpses lying around or the field rations."
>"There's no contest there! They're one and the same!"
>DO HO HO HO HO HO
>>
Supreme Grand Master Azrael of the Dark Angels was making a surprise inspection of the Rock when he arrived at the Shower-orium.
There, he found a large splotch of semen on the wall.
"Brothers!" her roared. "Have you been defiling this holy place with the vile act of masturbation?!"
"No, Grand Master!" said Brother Titus, "I farted!"
"Ah, carry on then," said Azrael.
>>
TECHMARINE SJ'EL-DAN HELPS SISTER OF BATTLE ONE-HUNDREDTH-THRONE AWAKEN HER ARMOR'S MACHINE SPIRIT

>SJEL'DAN THANK YOU FOR ASSISTING ME I MUST ADMIT MY KNOWLEDGE IN THIS FIELD IS INFERIOR TO YOURS
>SISTER I AM SHOCKED AT YOUR TECHNOLOGICAL INEPTITUDE DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE BASIC SPIRIT-SOOTHING RITES?

ISTVAAN V
>>
AH, MACHA, GOOD EVENING.

Hello, Gabriel. What's that you've got there?

A SALAD. I HAVE HEARD THAT IT IS POLITE FOR HOSTS TO FURNISH GUESTS WITH EDIBLES.

That sound nice. What sort of dressing did you use?

ALAS, THE CHAPTER STOCKS WERE DEPLETED, SO I HAD TO MAKE DO WITH NAUGHT MORE THAN EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL.

To this day, Gabriel still has no idea why Macha broke his jaw that day.
>>
>"Battle Brother Sven, do you know how to extract Thousand Sons marines from a fortification?"
>"That is an easy one, Eirik! With a vacuum, of course!
>>
VULKAN, IS IT TRUE THAT OUR BROTHER, CONRAD IS UNWELL?

>I AM AFRAID SO, CORAX. HIS MENTAL STATE DETERIORATES MORE AND MORE BY THE DAY.

SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE'S GONE POSITIVELY BATTY?

>DAMN YOU, CORAX, THAT'S SO WRONG IT'S HILARIOUS
>>
TAU.
>>
TARIK, IS THE COMMANDER UNWELL? HE SOUNDED SICK AT TODAY'S MOURNIVAL MEETING.

>IT'S NOTHING, GARVI. DON'T BE SUCH A WORRYWORT.

HOW CAN YOU SPEAK SO LIGHTLY ABOUT THIS?

>RELAX. THE PRIMARCH'S THROAT WAS JUST FEELING A LITTLE HORUS.

I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, TARIK.

>YUB YUB, LOKEN.
>>
>>27634893
i chortled at that
>>
>>27635096
I don't get it actually.

Does she somehow think he's calling her a virgin? Am I just not reading it right?
>>
This thread is fucking amazing. You're all doing the Emperor's Work. Carry on.
>>
>>27635046

THAT WAS MILDLY AMUSING, BATTLE-BROTHER
>>
OI, BOSS, WOT 'APPENS TO A ROOM WHEN YA SWITCH A LIGHTBULB OUT FER ANUVVA SHOOTA?

>DUNNO. WOT 'APPENS?

IT GETS DAKKA

>GUFFAW
>>
What did the Inquisitor say to the Xeno scum?

>NOTHING, AND YOU'VE ALL BEEN MARKED FOR THE EMPEROR'S MERCY
>>
BROTHERS, WHAT IS THE FASTEST WAY TO THE HEART OF A FAIR SORORITAS?

THROUGH HER RIBCAGE
>>
>>27635188

Well done. wellll donne
>>
>>27635211

*single eyebrow raised in unbridled mirth*
>>
>>27635188
Laughed a vit.
>>
>>27635239

Brothers, how many servitors does it take to change a lightbulb?
>>
A cultist was scouting ahead of the Chaos horde one day when he came across a lonely Imperial shrine in a bombed out village. He looked through the window and saw a lone Sister of Battle praying at the altar.
Suddenly overcome with the urge to pillage and defile, he ran back to his army's lines. There, he sought out the Noise Marine.
"Master," he said, "I have found a lone Sister of Battle and wish to defile her in the name of the Dark Gods. What do I do?"
"Simple," said the Noise Marine. "All you need to do is dress like the Emperor and tell her you are there to answer her prayers. She'll be all over you. Then, once you have had your way with her, show your true identity! She'll be completely devastated and your goal will be accomplished."
Borrowing a spare suit of power armor from the Noise Marine and painting it gold, the cultist ran back to the shrine.
He burst through the door and called out to the Sister, "Oh, my most devoted servant! Your prayers have brought me here to deliver this world form the Great Enemy."
"Oh, my Emperor. I knew you would come!" She rushed into his arms. Soon they were on the floor, fucking like rabbits in heat.

As he reached climax, the cultist knew the time was right. He removed his golden helm and roared, "I was in disguise the whole time!"
"So was I," said the Noise Marine.
>>
>>27635268

One servitor, and ten chanting techpriests to figure out the sacred rites
>>
>>27635280
ahahahah!
>>
+Comedic package...unpacking...+
>-37%...
>-56%...
>-89%...
>-100%+
=Unpacking=
+Stock Comedy file extension 0177219230.cmd+
Why did the flesh unit travel across the central arterial roadway system?
To understand the cosine equvilance value of the statistical anomaly of a vehicular collision on a passing subject with enough force to render the flesh unit docile and harvestable.

+Stock Comedy file extension 0188219230.cmd+
What is the most prudent way to harvest servitors?
It is still unkowns because Servitors do not grow on trees.
>>Error
>>Error

SCRAPCODE ALERT!
>>
BROTHER CICERUS: HOW DOES ONE ENSURE A NEOPHYTE OF THE SALAMANDERS CHAPTER DOES NOT LEAP ON HIS COT?

ONE ATTACHES VELCRONIUM TO HIS CHAMBER CEILING.
>>
>>27635280
This should really replace noise marine with alpha legion.
>>
>>27635624
Why would an Alpha Legionnaire want to be fucked by a cultist?

If I had a punchline, this might make a good lead in to a joke
>>
>>27635704
I figured the deception was better suited to Alpha Legion, but it works both ways I suppose.
>>
BROTHER: WHAT DOES AN ASTARTES OF THE WHITE SCARS CHAPTER DO DURING AN ERECTION?

>I DO NOT KNOW BROTHER.

HE VOTES.
>>
>>27635722
>works both ways
Just like the Noise Marine.
>>
>COLONEL, WHY ARE THE GUARDSMAN ALL SINGING "ITS RAINING MEN"?!?!
>SIMPLE COMMISSAR, THE DEATHSTRIKES JUST FIRED AGAINST THOSE HERETICS, SO ITS RAINING MEN!
>DO HO HO HO
>>
>>27635723
I need some explanation of this one.
>>
>>27635976
Anon wrote a mediocre joke.
>>
An eldar and a space marine sat in a bar. They didn't like eachother, but had decided that they would try, just this once, to get to know eachother's species better before judging. So they go off to explore eachother's worlds for a week before meeting back up at the bar. The eldar is ecstatic, saying, "Wow! I learned so much! I had no idea that both male and female space marines had such huge muscles!". The space marine, however, looked bored and disappointed, "I didn't learn anything. I already knew that both male and female eldar had such huge vaginas"
>>
>>27636055
>male and female space marines
>female space marines
>>
>>27636084
>Sisters of battle
>close enough
>>
>>27635976
White scars are of Asian decent
>>
>>27636108
I take it back, that wasn't a mediocre joke at all. I'm just an idiot.
>>
>>27636143
I finally get it. That was a good one
>>
BROTHER: WHAT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF COOKING A VEGETABLE?

FITTING THE GOLDEN THRONE IN THE OVEN.
>>
>>27636174
I AM REPORTING YOU TO THE CHAPLAIN.
>>
File: 1381209634273.gif-(1.01 MB, 200x200, 1358546053780.gif)
1.01 MB
1.01 MB GIF
>>27636174

HA-HA-HERESY!
>>
File: 1381209669931.gif-(1.83 MB, 320x240, bold bratha.gif)
1.83 MB
1.83 MB GIF
>>
>>27636174
THE EMPEROR PROTECT MY SIDES!
>>
OH! OH! I KNOW A WONDERFUL JOKE BROTHERS!
OKAY, HERE IT COMES
FOR THE EMPEROR!
>>
>>27636055
Is this vait?
>>
BROTHERS, ARE YOU READY? I SHALL ORDER AN EXTERMINATUS ON YOUR SIDES
BE CERTAIN YOU ARE READY.

HERE IT IS:
>Salamanders
>>
Here's a joke:

>Games Workshop's profit margin
>>
>>27634859
This is the best one
>>
>>27636174
REINFORCE THE FLANKS BROTHERS!
>>
BROTHER. DO YOU KNOW WHY DREADNOUGHTS ARE SEALED?
>I DO NOT KNOW. EXPLAIN.
BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DYING TO GET IN
>>
>>27634414
Those are venerable dreadnought Statler and venerable dreadnought Waldorf. You can't put heroes of the chapter in the pain glove, especially when they're dead.
>>
>>27634577
That would have been an actual joke, not a space marine joke

BECAUSE SPACE MARINES ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT SOCIAL INTERACTION
>>
>THAT BATTLE WAS QUITE OUT OF THE ORDINARY
DID YOU LIKE IT?
>YES
THEN IT WASN'T OUT OF THE ORDINARY, BROTHER
>COLOSSAL MIRTH
>>
>>27635112
Yes, that is the joke. Macha will never get laid.
>>
BROTHER: WHY DID THE SISTERS OF BATTLE NOT TAKE PART IN THE GREAT CRUSADE?

BECAUSE THE GALAXY DID NOT YET REQUIRE CLEANING.
>>
THE APOTHECARY SAYS THAT ATTENDING THE CHAPLAIN'S SERMONS WILL BE GOOD FOR WHAT AILS ME, BATTLE-BROTHER.

I WAS NOT AWARE YOU WERE UNWELL, BROTHER. WHAT TROUBLES YOU?

INSOMNIA.
>>
>>27636751
BROTHER, I HAVE COME TO BELIEVE THE CODEX ASTARTES CALLS FOR MEDIUM TACTICS

> WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

THEY ARE NOT RARE, NOR ARE THEY WELL DONE!
>>
>>27635280
I love it. It's such a Slaaneshii thing to do, too.
>>
BROTHER, THE SLAANESHI HERETICS ARE MOVING TOWARD OUR POSITION
>I AM READY TO RESIST THEIR ADVANCES, BROTHER
GUFFAW
>>
>DREADFUL NEWS, BROTHER. A CHAPEL TO THE GOD-EMPEROR BURNED DOWN.
HOLY SMOKE
>THE INQUISITION SHALL HEAR OF THIS
>>
>>27636849
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT WHAT CYRUS DID WHEN HE CAUGHT THE CHAPLAIN MOLESTING HIS SCOUTS?
NO, BATTLE BROTHER, I DID NOT.
HE JOINED IN.
>>
THAT BATTLE BETWEEN THE GUARD AND THE ORKS WAS QUITE HUMOROUS, DON'T YOU THINK, BROTHER?

[a guardsman runs past, chased by an ork]

I HATE RUNNING GAGS
>>
Canoness Superior, the Inquisition is hailing us. They say they require our assistance.
Ah, very well set our course-
Canoness I see a they are already being escorted by a Grey space marine vessel.
Tell them to go find living cans of paint somewhere else.
>>
JOIN THE ASTARTES, THEY SAID. SEE THE GALAXY, THEY SAID. NOW I AM STUCK ON THIS SPACE HULK AND 95% OF THE CHAPTER IS DEAD.

>IT COULD BE WORSE, BROTHER.

HOW?

>WE COULD HAVE BEEN IN THE IMPERIAL GUARD

YOUR OBSERVATION IS AMUSING, BROTHER, BUT OUR SITUATION REMAINS DIRE.
>>
WHAT DID THE ORPHANED CHILD OF SLAIN HERETICS GET FOR EMPEROR'S DAY?
>I DO NOT KNOW BROTHER
LONELY
>>
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO AN ELDAR WHEN YOU HIT IT WITH A POWER FIST, BROTHER?
NO, BROTHER, I HAVE ALWAYS PREFERRED TO USE MY CHAINSWORD AGAINST THE ELDAR.
THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENS TO EVERYTHING ELSE.
>>
HOW MANY SLAANESHI HERETICS DOES IT TAKE TO REPLACE A LUMINATOR UNIT?

TWO. ONE TO CHANGE IT AND ONE TO HOLD THE PENI- I MEAN LADDER
>>
CHAPLAIN, IF I AM SLAIN IN SERVICE TO THE EMPEROR, WILL MY FUNERAL BE OPEN CASKET?

>REMAINS TO BE SEEN, BROTHER.
>>
File: 1381214536629.jpg-(84 KB, 512x512, image.jpg)
84 KB
84 KB JPG
>>
WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH FIVE ARMS?

>I HAVE NO IDEA BROTHER

AN ABOMINATION TO BE BATHED IN PROMETHIUM
>>
>>27633815
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO HELP THE GUARDSMEN?

I DONT KNOW BROTHER

KILL HIM, TEN MORE WILL TAKE HIS PLACE
>>
>>27635280

Noice.
>>
File: 1381215196887.png-(48 KB, 150x125, toahighfive.png)
48 KB
48 KB PNG
>>27635188
Best one.
>>
A chapter master, a canoness, and a commissar are on the bridge of a starship, arguing about who has the bravest soldiers under their command.
The canoness called one of her sisters to the bridge and tells her to eject herself out of the airlock.
"As the Emperor wishes," she says as the door seals shut behind her.
The chapter master calls one of his brothers to the bridge and tells him to take off his helmet and eject himself out of the airlock.
"For the Emperor!" he says as he runs to comply.
"That's nothing," says the commissar. He calls a guardsman to the bridge. "Trooper, I order you to eject yourself out of the airlock."
"No, sir."
The commissar turns to his compatriots.
"Now THAT is bravery."
>>
BROTHERS, I DO NOT KNOW IF THIS THREAD IS EXCEPTIONAL ENOUGH TO WARRANT AN ARCHIVE, BUT I WISH TO SAVE IT, AND DO NOT CARE TO GET MY SERVITOR TO SCREENCAP THE ENTIRE PAGE (BROWSER APPS FOR THIS DO NOT WORK)
>>
An Imperial pilot is shot down over ork territory. The warboss just learned what prisoners are and decided to try it out. The pilot was injured in the crash and has to have a leg amputated.
He asks the orks to drop it over his base behind Imperial lines, and they do it.
A week later his other leg goes gangrenous and has to be amputated.
He asks the orks to drop it over his base behind Imperial lines, and they do it.
Another week goes by and they have to cut of an arm. Again, he asks if they'll drop it over his base behind Imperial lines.
"No!" they tell him.
"Why not?"
"We's tink yoos iz tryin' ta ez'cape!"
>>
An eldar, an ork, and a space marine are lost on a daemon world. They come across a chasm that can only be crossed by passing by a roiling portal of pure chaos. As they draw near, a voice says, "Speak the truth, and pass."
The eldar steps up but is pushed aside by the space marine. "I think I'm the bravest," he says and passes unscathed.
The eldar walks forwards and says, "I think I'm the smartest." He passes by safely.
The ork trudged up and says, "I tinks-" and is pulled into the vortex where he is ripped into trillions of pieces and spat back out.
>>
SO, THE BLOOD RAVEN WALKS INTO...
...

> GO ON

I CAN'T. THE BAR IS STOLEN NOW.
>>
>>27638445
DO YOU NOT MEAN GIFTED BROTHER?
>>
>>27637763
HERE!

RES TOO HIGH FOR ORDO 4CHAN!
FILTERED OUT THAT XENO SCUM WHO WRITES "v" INSTEAD OF "b"!
http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/2843/1kmd.png
>>
>>27635704
B-because he's too beta?
>>
>>27636643
MY SIDES, I NEED REINFORCMENTS BROTHERS.
>>
YOUR DAEMONETTE IS SO FAT, ONLY PEOPLE IN AN AMUSEMENT PARK WOULD RIDE HER!
>>
>>27639567
YOUR DAEMONETTE IS SO FAT, NURGLE CULTISTS MISTAKER HER FOR A PLAGUEBRINGER!
>>
YOUR DAEMONETTE IS SO FAT, THAT SHE MEASURES 36-26-36 AND HER OTHER LEG IS JUST AS BIG!
>>
File: 1381225862305.jpg-(297 KB, 1000x707, orks.jpg)
297 KB
297 KB JPG
Old, and not original to 40k, but eh...

An Ork warboss is sitting in a trench with his horde of boyz behind him, when he hears an Astartes shout from the other side of no-man's land "One Space Marine is worth ten Orks!" Recognizing a challenge when he hears one, the Warboss immediately sends ten eager boyz up and over to make the space marine eat his words. A moment later, the sounds of battle echo across the field, and ends just as quickly without a single Ork returning.
Then the same voice calls out "One Space Marine is worth fifty Orks!" Now a bit miffed, The Boss sends fifty lads to stomp in the challenger's face. Once again, the sounds of combat are heard, the Orkish warcries filling the air, but after a few minutes it dies down and the greenskin attack is completely silenced.
"One Space Marine is worth a HUNDRED Orks!" cries the champion. Utterly furious, the Warboss summons a hundred of his best warriors, taking a while and enlisting a few Grots to help count that high with their fingers, and the warhost charges the Imperial position with a deafening WAAAGH. An epic battle is heard for ten minutes, but much to the boss's frustration, even that peters out until the field is silent once again.
However, this time a single nob crawls back into the Ork trench, and tells him "They cheated, boss! Dere was TWO of 'em!"
>>
>>27635057
>Tarik jokes

By the emperor, that one got me right in the feels :(
>>
>>27635280

Actually laughed out loud. Well played.
>>
File: 1381226790797.png-(553 KB, 745x902, Noise_Marine_update[1].png)
553 KB
553 KB PNG
>>27633815

I HAVE A MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM
>>
>>27639761
>Brother, I must share with you my experience of this morning.

> I am prepared to hear, Brother

>I have been training an acolyte in close combat. Three days ago I gave him a chainsword and ordered him to slay one hundred xenos scum. At the end of the day, he had slain only ninety.

> I presume you had him purged at once?

>Nay, Brother, for this acolyte was from a planet known for the stupidity of its inhabitants. So, the second day I offered him another chance, and he slew only ninety-nine foul xenos scum.

> So then you purged him?

>Nay, Brother, for when a sword is poorly tempered, do you blame the sword or the smith? I realised I had not properly trained the acolyte, so I took him to the battlefield myself. Facing the xenos horde, I drew my chainsword, flicked it on - and the acolyte turned to me and said "Emperor on Earth, what is that noise?!"
>>
>>27635425
HOLD, BATTLE BROTHER. YOU MAY HAVE TAKEN THAT ONE TOO FAR.
>>
>>27634822
haha sheeeeeeeeeeeit
>>
BROTHERS, WHAT'S WORSE THAN AN ORK WAAAGH?

NOT GETTING TO SLAUGHTER FILTHY GREENSKIN XENOS IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME!
>>
File: 1381245641698.jpg-(Spoiler Image, 328 KB, 894x894)
Spoiler Image, 328 KB
328 KB JPG
>>27633815
Why did the emperor's girlfriend break up with him?

He kept leaving the seat up on the golden throne.
>>
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DAEMON AND A GREY KNIGHT?

ONE IS A WARP-INFUSED FANATIC ENTIRELY DEDICATED TO DOING ITS LORD'S WORK, AND MINDLESSLY SLAUGHTERING ANYONE AND ANYTHING THAT STANDS IN THEIR WAY.

THE OTHER IS A DAEMON.
>>
Bump?
>>
>>27642636
BROTHER IN ARMS, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU CALL A LASGUN WITH A LASER AIM IMPROVMENT?

>I DO NOT KNOW THIS BROTHER, PRAY TELL.

TWINLINKED.

>YOUR HUMOR DOES YOU CREDIT BROTHER.
>>
File: 1381249601462.jpg-(69 KB, 563x587, orkz.jpg)
69 KB
69 KB JPG
>>27633977
>AN ORC
Wuds n orc umie?
>>
>>27637200
Actually lolled
>>
>>27642231
NICE
>>
MY SIDES QUAKE WITH LAUGHTER BROTHERS
>>
WHAT IS THE ONE REDEEMING TRAIT OF TRAITORS AND DAEMONS AND HOW THEY RELEATE TO A CHILDREN'S TOY KNOWN AS THE SLINKIE?

THEY'RE BOTH FUN TO WATCH AS YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A STEEP FLIGHT OF STAIRS
>>
File: 1381259028470.png-(49 KB, 200x200, Seal_of_Approval_by_LittleGit.png)
49 KB
49 KB PNG
This thread is as golden as the Emperors throne.
>>
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ORK WHO IS JEALOUS OF THE MIGHT OF THE GREAT ADEPTUS ASTRATES?

GREEN WITH ENVY
>>
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT AWESOME BATTLE WHEN THE ULTRAMARINES USED THEIR SUPERIOUS TACTICAL SKILL TO SAVE THE IMPERIUM FROM CERTAIN DOOM?

NO?

NEITHER DO I!
>>
>>27636253
This fits with EVERY song.
>>
>BROTHER

THE HERETIC MARINES OF SLAANESH ARE MOVING TOWARDS OUR POSITION

>I STAND READY TO RESIST THEIR ADVANCES.

WAS THAT A JOKE, MY BROTHER?

>IT WAS INDEED, BROTHER.

I FOUND IT AMUSING.

>AS DID I BROTHER. BUT ENOUGH OF THIS LEVITY, IT IS TIME FOR WAR.
>>
>>27645180
Someone beat you to it:
>>27636904
>>
>>27633815
MARNEUS CALGAR
>>
>>27645235
>implying Space Marines don't reuse the same jokes constantly
>>
>>27645235

I WILL REPORT MY TRANSGESSION TO THE CHAPLAIN
>>
WHY DID THE MALE PURITAN INQUISITOR PURCHASE BEAUTY CREAM?

>I KNOW NOT, BROTHER, ENLIGHTEN ME.

IT PROMISED TO GET RID OF FREE RADICALS!
>>
>>27645979

Not loose radicals?
>>
INTERROGATOR CHAPLAIN, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU?
>SPEAK, BROTHER
WHAT GAME DO THE SPACE WOLVES TEACH THEIR INITIATES?
>I AM UNSURE, BROTHER. A DRINKING GAME?
THAT IS THE SECOND ONE, CHAPLAIN, THE FIRST IS YIFFLEBALL
>BY THE LION, HOW DROLL!
>>
>>27646099
WOLF LORD, A QUESTION. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DARK ANGEL AND A CROSS-DRESSING SLAANESHI MARINE?
>I AM UNAWARE THERE WAS ONE.
>drunken laughter
>>
BROTHERS

WHAT DID BROTHER-CAPTAIN GARRO SAY TO CAPTAIN CALGAR WHEN HE WAS MAKING A SPEECH TO THE EXPEDITIONARY FLEET?
>>
>>27646142
NOTHING, HIS MOUTH WAS FULL!
>>
>>27646189

NO MY FELLOW OATH-TAKER HE SAID

"STOP IT DEATH GUARD, YOU ARE BORING ME TO


DEATH"
>>
>>27646211
>>27646142

Ugh, that was a bad joke Garro and you should feel bad for telling it.
>>
>>27646211
BY THE EMPEROR HOW HOW HERETICALLY HILARIOUS!
>>
A FAITHFUL MEMBER OF THE GLORIOUS ADEPTUS ASTARTES WERE PUNCHING A GROUP OF VILE TAU INTO A PULP WITH HIS FISTS

"WAIT!" SAID ONE OF THE FILTHY XENOS

"CAN'T WE TALK THIS OVER, AND OVERCOME OUR DIFFERENCES THROUGH PEACEFUL DIALOG?"

AND THAT'S THE BIGGEST JOKE OF THEM ALL.
>>
>>27646211

Ah fellow Astartes from the IX Legion, did you want to hear what Horus said about our Father Sanguinius's manner?

>Yes Brother! What did the Warmaster say?

He said, "Sanguinius, you're a real flighty fellow!"
>>
>>27646325
IN THAT VEIN
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TIME THE BLOOD ANGELS WOUND UP ON THE SET OF A VAMPIRE ROMANCE MOVIE?
>NO BROTHER, WHAT HAPPENED.
THEY STARTED CULLEN THE CREW.
>>
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE GREY KNIGHTS WHO VISITED A SORORITAS CONVENT?
WHEN THEY LEFT, THEY HAD TO HANG SIGNS ON THEIR ARMOUR THAT READ "CAUTION: WET PAINT"
>>
>>27635057

>You'll never see Tarik's genuine smile ever again
>You'll never be with your fellow captain and joke between campaigns of compliance
>the "old" horus will never give you a pat on the back and tell you he's proud of you
>you're going to die alone, as the last loyal oath taker of your Legion.

Brothers, I am Captain of Legion XVI, the Luna Feels Legion
>>
My fellow Astartes, what did our Captain Tarik Targaddon say on Isstvan?
>>
BATTLE BROTHERS, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE HONORABLE BLOOD RAVENS CHAPTER AND DUTIFUL IMPERIAL GUARDS?

MULTI-LASE-

OH, WAIT!
>>
File: 1381269150705.jpg-(93 KB, 855x420, 1377067695569.jpg)
93 KB
93 KB JPG
>>27633815
Once, i was on a regalus51 and me and my traiter buddies were watching the sunset when kharn aproached us. He said to me "you there, what do you call an animal with 48 legs,48 arms, 48 eyes and 24 torsos?"
I replied that i didn't know so he then scooped up all my men, mashed them up whole they screamed and dropped the mess in front of me. He said "your mates!!!" Oh gods, how we laughed...
Great guy that kharn.
>>
>>27646600

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT DID HE SAY BROTHER
>>
>>27646696

I DON'T KNOW, I COULDN'T HEAR HIM OVER MY BOLTER FIRE
>>
BATTLE BROTHERS, HAVE YOU HEARD THAT THE SPACE WOLVES HAVE BEGUN CONSTRUCTING ROBOTIC WOLVES TO SUPPLEMENT THEIR GROWING RANKS OF CAVALRY?

BUT THE PROJECT WAS ABANDONED AFTER THEY WERE FIRST USED AGAINST THE FOUL TRAITOR LEGIONS. REPORTS STATED THAT THE TRAITOR COMMANDER CALLED THE SPACE WOLVES COWARDS FOR USING METAL FOXES.
>>
File: 1381269669450.jpg-(82 KB, 475x344, 1350513287949.jpg)
82 KB
82 KB JPG
>>27646746
>>
By order of the God Emperor's most Holy Inquisition: There is no such thing as the God Emperor's most Holy Inquisition. Any person or persons making comments to the contrary will be deemed Heretic by the God Emperor's most Holy Inquisition and purged accordingly.
>>
File: 1381278949267.jpg-(125 KB, 500x418, 1334331520034.jpg)
125 KB
125 KB JPG
MY FELLOW TECH PRIEST UNIT! I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO IMPLEMENT HUMOR

> CONFIRMED, COMMENCE HUMOR

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN IRON HANDS SPACE MARINE UNIT AND AN ULTRAMARINE?

>DOES NOT COMPUTE, PLEASE INSERT ANSWER

ONE IS A GLORIOUS EXAMPLE OF THE PURITY OF THE MACHINE GOD OMNISSAIAH... THE OTHER IS A... FLESH FILLED PUSSIE

>JOKE COMMUTES, NOW COMMENCING THE PHYSICAL EXPRESSION KNOWN AS... "LAUGHTER"

AFFIRMATIVE

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
>>
>>27649002

Tech-Priest are not AI...
>>
File: 1381282043352.jpg-(9 KB, 251x239, its time.jpg)
9 KB
9 KB JPG
>>27634526
I sat there for 2 seconds then exploded
>>
File: 1381287983437.gif-(1.77 MB, 300x174, Laughter.gif)
1.77 MB
1.77 MB GIF
>>27634526
>>
There is an Eldar Craftworld and the Eldar are doing their typical foul xenos witchery when all of a sudden they are hailed from a small asteroid not far away. Over the communications channels a voice boasts that,
“One Space Marine can defeat ten Eldar.”
The Eldar snidely send ten aspect warriors over to the asteroid. They wait a few minutes but then all they hear is screaming Eldar. After a short pause the voice from before comes back on and proudly declares that,
“One Space Marine can defeat one hundred Eldar.”
The Eldar are now angry and so round up ninety aspect warriors and ten warlocks and send them over to the asteroid. This time the sound of battle is almost instantaneous but once again the screams of dying are the only thing heard save perhaps the barking of a bolter. Before the screaming has even stopped the voice says that
“One Space Marine can defeat one thousand Eldar.” The popping of an Eldar skull punctuates the sentence.
The Eldar are now furious and gather all the warriors they have remaining as well awakening the Avatar of Khaine. They send this host full speed to the asteroid. The battle sounds a little less one sided this time and eventually the ship that was sent to the asteroid limps back towards the craftworld. From the ship emerges and a dying Avatar, power armoured boot-prints right on its face and its ass.
“They-they cheated!” gasped the Avatar as it began to crumble to ash, “It-it was an Ultramarine!”
>>
>>27651734
NO
>>
>>27651859
You jelly?
>>
>BROTHER-CAPTAIN!
WHAT IS IT, MY STALWART FOE OF HERESY?
>WHAT IS THE GREATEST FEAR OF THOSE AIMING TO JOIN THEMSELVES TO SLAANESH?
THE SOUND OF OUR DROP POD ENGINES, SCREECHING FROM THE ATMOSPHERE?
>NAY! FALLING, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GET IT UP!
>>
File: 1381290159996.png-(129 KB, 874x892, 1358095367101.png)
129 KB
129 KB PNG
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEAD GUARDSMAN?

NOTHING BECAUSE SUCH GUARDSMAN DOES NOT EXIST, FUCKING XENOS PROPAGANDA.

SO A BLUE WITCH, A XENOS WITCH WITH EARS AND AN ORK JUMP FROM A BRIDGE, WHO WINS?

THE IMPERIUM.


BE RIGHT BACK BROTHERS OF IMPERIUM, HORDES OF PUNY WEAK RACE ARE CHARGING OUR POSITIONS
>>
BROTHER
>YES?
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU SEE YOUR AUSPEX FLOATING THROUGH THE ROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
>I DO NOT KNOW.
DROP IT ANGELOS!
>>
>>27637511

Chortled heartly.
>>
BROTHER I MET A SQUAT TODAY.

DID YOU KNOW BROTHER? WHATS HE LIKE?

I DONT KNOW BUT HE HAD HARD KNOCK LIFE
>>
>>27653157
NOW*

PANE GLOVE TIME
>>
>>27653167
*PAIN
>>
File: 1381317928770.jpg-(242 KB, 850x1224, Asmodai.jpg)
242 KB
242 KB JPG
PENANCE OF SILENCE UPON ALL OF YOU!
NO FUN ALLOWED!
>>
>>27640814
Very good.
>>
File: 1381318423822.jpg-(9 KB, 321x157, download (1).jpg)
9 KB
9 KB JPG
>>27656771
FUCK OFF YOU COCKSUCKING FAGGOT!!!!!
>>
>BROTHER
BROTHER
>SAY, DID YOU HEAR WHAT THOSE HERETICS SAID ABOUT THE BROTHER-CAPTAIN
I DID NOT BROTHER, BUT I CARE LITTLE FOR THE RAVINGS OF HERETICS
>THEY SAID HE'S TERRA-IBLE TO BEHOLD
THAT IS NOT AMUSING BROTHER
>>
What did a mad terminator say to another teminator?
*Yo momma so fat and dumb she thought heavy support meant she could get more benfits.*
(you know where this is from)
>>
File: 1381319216108.gif-(37 KB, 150x247, asmodai.gif)
37 KB
37 KB GIF
>>27656826
Repent and i'll give you a swift death.
Or don't, and make this much, much more pleasurable for me.
>>
File: 1381319361893.jpg-(69 KB, 459x413, 1372725727166.jpg)
69 KB
69 KB JPG
>>27656927
>>27656771
>>
>>27656927
HEY

HEY

ASMODAI

WHAT INTERNET PROVIDER DO THE DARK ANGELS USE?

COX
>>
>>27656958

GOLLY GEE, I LOVE TO PRANK OLD-MAN ASMODAI
>>
>>27634859
I really don't get this one.
>>
File: 1381320468521.jpg-(125 KB, 600x431, 1376523087541.jpg)
125 KB
125 KB JPG
Holy shit, this thread
>>
File: 1381320759754.png-(171 KB, 956x650, 1376850511570.png)
171 KB
171 KB PNG
>>
>'EY BOSS

>WOT?

>WEN IS A 'UMIE A GOOD 'UMIE?

>WOT?

>WEN 'E'S DEAD

>WAAAGHAHAHAHA
>>
File: 1381321741867.png-(857 KB, 1408x4853, 1350157911093.png)
857 KB
857 KB PNG
>>
>>27633977
>TONG
Read it as thong.

>mfw ork in a thong
>>
File: 1381321901081.jpg-(45 KB, 206x844, 1377054541058.jpg)
45 KB
45 KB JPG
>>27633815
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Comedy_Marines
>>
A genestealer walks in the air duckts of an inquisiton black ship filled with psykers are adeptus sororitas. Carefully it choses it's victims and implants them with it's genetic material.
Decades later a servitor wipes it's withered corpse from a less used compartment in the cargo deck. Next to it lies a pile of crushed dildos.
>>
File: 1381322793586.jpg-(23 KB, 400x400, black templar 3.jpg)
23 KB
23 KB JPG
Welp, time to show my age in the hobby. IT IS TIME!


There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."
>>
File: 1381322888930.jpg-(107 KB, 873x627, black templar.jpg)
107 KB
107 KB JPG
>>27657249

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."
>>
File: 1381322979003.gif-(18 KB, 261x143, Black_Templar_Attack_Bike.gif)
18 KB
18 KB GIF
>>27657254
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
>>
File: 1381323070866.jpg-(39 KB, 500x375, black templar 2.jpg)
39 KB
39 KB JPG
>>27657260
Conclusion:

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."
>>
>BROTHER SVEN, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DARK ANGEL WHO WAS THROWN FROM A FORTRESS' WINDOW?

NO, BROTHER BULIWYF. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

>HE WAS EXECUTED FOR BEING ONE OF THE FALLEN.

BY THE GREAT WOLF, MY SIDES. THE LION'S CHILDREN SHALL HAVE TO HUNT ME AS WELL, FOR I HAVE FALLEN IN MIRTH!
>>
>>27646527
So Erebus stole his progenoids for some shenanigans on Calth, right?

>Torgaddon resurrected as the daemon prince Tormageddon
>Doesn't bother with conquest
>Instead spends the rest of his days cracking bad jokes aboard the Vengeful Spirit
>"OH, HELLO, LITTLE GUARDSMEN. DO NOT FEAR ABADDON THE DESPOILER. HE'S MOSTLY 'ARMLESS."
>>
BROTHERS, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLOOD ANGEL AND A SISTER OF BATTLE?

>WHAT, BROTHER?

ONE IS OFTEN COVERED IN THEIR OWN BLOOD AND WEARS WINGS. THE OTHER IS A SPACE MARINE!
>>
Meanwhile, on Tomb World 77V2-D...

>........ ... ....

... ..... ........?

>............

MIRTHFUL BEEPING
>>
>>27638049
SIDES BROKEN
>>
>>27637830
Took me a second then I realised that might be EXACTLY what orks might think.
>>
CONTACT AN ASTROPATH, BROTHER

MY SIDES ARE IN ORBIT
>>
>>27637830
I laughed merrily!
>>
File: 1381342646938.gif-(442 KB, 500x375, batapproval.gif)
442 KB
442 KB GIF
>>27635188
WELL PLAYED
>>
A lapdog of the False Emperor walks into a bar. Truly those who serve Terra are as blind as their dead master.
>>
File: 1381345966341.gif-(75 KB, 1200x1200, YOU'Z FUNNY 'UMIE.gif)
75 KB
75 KB GIF
>>27660912
>>
"Brother Waldorf, do you remember that awesome battle when the Ultramarines used their superior tactical skill to save the Imperium from certain doom?"
"No."
"Neither do I!"
"DOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
>>
Three filthy Tau Ethereals go to eat at a restaurant. After looking at the menu, they all decide on a pasta dish to eat. However, when the meals arrive, they are covered in large amounts of cheese. One of the treacherous Ethereals asks the waiter why there is so much cheese, to which he replies: "Sir, the chef insists it was for the Grater Good."
>>
>>27664195
BROTHER, I AM PINNED FROM LAUGHTER.
>>
File: 1381365834012.jpg-(162 KB, 800x600, 1366588018012.jpg)
162 KB
162 KB JPG
A Sororitas, Commissar, and Brother-Captain of the Ultramarines were sitting in a temple one day. Overhearing the Captain thank the Emperor for granting him the bravest warriors in the Segmentum, the Sororitas turned to him.
"What makes you believe yours are the bravest?" She said.
"Obverse." He replied, calling for a Battle-Brother of his. A blue-clad marine stepped forward.
"Brother Cassius!" He bellowed.
"My Captain!" The marine said, kneeling.
"Kill yourself, as a demonstration of our will!" And with that, the marine stood, removed his helmet, and loaded a bolt shell into his head.
"Pah!" The Sororitas scoffed. "Mine can do that as well. Sister Juliana!" She called, the woman striding up.
"Kill yourself, to prove our will is matched with the Astartes!" The woman bowed low, and loaded one bolt round into her head.

"Pff." Came the Commissar. "That's nothing. Watch this. Guardsman, front and center!" He yelled. A Guardsman ran forth.
"Aye?" He said, meekly.
"Kill yourself!" The Commissar said, handing him his bolt pistol. The Guardsman looked down at it, then back at the three.

"No." He said.
"See? Mine are the bravest."
>>
>>27636756
except that time when she did...
>>
>>27666016
Nice try, ALPHARIUS!
>>27637755
>>
>>27667173
That was heresy. Extreme heresy.
>>
File: 1381377846624.jpg-(267 KB, 763x764, 1378706090863.jpg)
267 KB
267 KB JPG
>>
>>27634822
oh well... it took me some time to get the joke.... i should go to sleep
>>
Brothers! I need more jokes!
>>
>>27657249
>>27657254
>>27657260
>>27657270


Fukkin Hilarious!
>>
File: 1381382637927.jpg-(3 KB, 159x120, The Joke and me.jpg)
3 KB
3 KB JPG
Rolled 23

>>27657270
I dont get it......
>>
>>27671641

Can you explain? I didn't get it at all.
>>
>>27671711
there isn't really, it's just a 40k shaggy dog story
>>
File: 1381384517015.png-(1.45 MB, 1280x906, 1358902240003.png)
1.45 MB
1.45 MB PNG
>>
>>27671711
It's a "shaggy dog" joke; a really, really long "joke" story with a completely unsatisfying ending as the punchline. It's supposed to be funny because it wasted your time. The lack of punchline is the punchline.
>>
File: 1381386081496.jpg-(69 KB, 800x533, Mademelaugh.jpg)
69 KB
69 KB JPG
>>27670112
Noice.
>>
File: 1381386175956.gif-(705 KB, 500x281, 1377561368846.gif)
705 KB
705 KB GIF
>>27672247
>>
>>27672548
Like the Purple Panter, except the Purple Panter literally ends with, "It's a forty minute joke that drives all your friends crazy."
>>
File: 1381386470282.gif-(2.33 MB, 320x169, 1368847498026.gif)
2.33 MB
2.33 MB GIF
>>27672619
>>
A Champion of Khorne and a Lord Commander are each reviewing their respecting battle plans on the night before an upcoming battle. The Champion, not so much interested in the plans and eager for the slaughter, is busy making the proper sacrifices to the Blood God.

"More slaves!" the champion yelled. "More slaves! More blood! Coat my armor in red, for if I am wounded, none will see my pain, and none will falter in their slaughter!"

Meanwhile, the Lord Commander finishes reviewing his own battle plans. Finishing his reviews, he turns to his staff. "Aide, fetch me my brown pants..."
>>
WHAT DO YOU CALL A POND OF RED CORSAIR'S BLOOD?
>>
>>27646141
[silence intensifies]
>>
>>27672988
LAKE HURON
>>
>>27672669
...That's possibly the gayest thing ever. Like, more so than two guys fucking each other in the ass.
>>
Did you know that Honsou is actually A Fe-male?
>>
WHAT IS BOWDEN'S FAVORITE FUNCTION IN HIS CAR?
>>
>>27657034
>Sjel'dan
>Sheldon

ZIMBABWE
>>
File: 1381390218224.jpg-(40 KB, 273x320, image.jpg)
40 KB
40 KB JPG
>>27635188
Best joke!
>>
>>27634859
ONE OF MY FOURTEEN SIDES!
>>
>>27657270

I fucking hate that joke.

Over here, the punchline is that he has no daughter, though.
>>
>>27673167
CRUIZE CONTROL
>>
>>27635112
>>27671711
>>27672160
THEN I SUGGEST YOU PAY FOR DINNER FOR A CHANGE, AND PERHAPS TRY CHANGING YOUR AFTERSHAVE, BROTHER
>>
WHY DID MEPHISTON FALL OVER?! [Spoiler]Because he was imbalanced.[/spoiler]
>>
>>27674159
Replace Mephiston with Riptide.
>>
A Space Wolf walks into a bar and exclaims, "Goddamn, Ultramarines are fucking assholes!"
The Minotaur at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I am offended by that!" "
Why, you aren't an Ultramarine?"
"I know, I'm a fucking asshole!"
>>
>>27674502
First one to get me to actually laugh out loud.
Congratulations, you just woke up my cat.
>>
File: 1381409885945.jpg-(20 KB, 300x259, img-thing.jpg)
20 KB
20 KB JPG
>This thread
Creative as fuck fa/tg/entleman
>>
>Goodness, Gabriel, I'm surprised you mon'keigh deigned to maintain the sanctity of these islands.

THE EMPEROR BELIEVED THAT PROGRESS WAS NOTHING IF ITS MARCH DESTROYED ALL THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, FARSEER. EVEN ON HOLY TERRA, SOME PLACES REMAIN UNTOUCHED BY INDUSTRY AND POLLUTION. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD FEEL MORE AT HOME HERE THAN IN TERRA'S CITY STREETS.

>Indeed I do. What IS this place called?

THE VIRGIN ISLANDS, I BELIEVE...WHAT? WHAT DID I SAY?
>>
>TARIK, IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU TELL SUCH CHEESY JOKES?

WELL, THIS IS THE GRATE CRUSADE, GARVI.

>COLLECTIVE MOURNIVAL GROAN
>>
>>27667173
That was a retarded fanfic, who gives a shit.
>>
>BY THE DARK GODS, THE PRIMARCH OF THE IRON HANDS SURE GOT ANGRY WHEN HE FOUGHT FULGRIM.

INDEED. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY HE LOST HIS HEAD.

>HE WAS ALWAYS A BIT OF A HEADCASE ANYWAY, EH?

HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HIS HEAD CHECKED.

>HERETICAL CHORTLING
>>
>TIGURIUS, IS IT TRUE THAT THE HIVE FLEET HAS DEVELOPED A NEW WEAPON AGAINST US?

AYE, MY LORD CALGAR. IT IS SAID THAT THIS BEAST IS CAPABLE OF BESTING US NOT ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE...BUT IN THE FIELD OF WORDPLAY.

>WORDPLAY? WHAT SORT OF STRANGE ABOMINATION IS THIS?

THE DEATHWATCH REPORTS WE HAVE REFER TO IT AS THE "SMARMLORD".
>>
BROTHER, IS IT JUST ME OR DID THIS INCLEMENT WEATHER END UNNATURALLY QUICKLY?

>WELL, YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE BLOOD RAVENS ON THE FIELD.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

>DIDN'T YOU HEAR ABOUT THEIR FAVORED CODEX MANEUVER?

NO, WHICH ONE IS IT?

>THE CODEX ASTARTES NAMES THIS MANEUVER, "STEAL RAIN".

GUFFAW
>>
A guardsmen squad has been holding a trench for days against an Ork onslaught and their power packs are almost spent. The company psyker tells them that if they pretend to fire their Las guns and make laser sounds the dumg Orks will beleive they have been shot and die.

One of the guardsmen, alone in the trench runs out of ammunition and decides he has no other choice so yells "zappity zap!" while pretending to fire is las gun. The Ork he is aiming at falls. He is surprised it worked and does it again again.

One Work he aims at doesn't go down. So he tries again "zapity zap! Zapity zap!" The Ork jumps into the trench stomps the Guardsmen, and keeps running.

"Tankity tank tankity tank"
>>
>>27673609
I dinnae get it.
>>
File: 1381416716637.jpg-(136 KB, 400x640, 1368441425662.jpg)
136 KB
136 KB JPG
>>
File: 1381416869955.jpg-(890 B, 125x125, 1360216668989.jpg)
890 B
890 B JPG
BATTLE-BROTHER, WHY DO AGENTS OF HIS INQUISITION ALWAYSTRAVEL IN THREES?

ONE TO WRITE A LITANY OF YOUR HERESIES, ONE TO READ THEM TO YOU, AND A THIRD TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE TWO EMPLOYING DANGEROUS, FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE.
>>
File: 1381417259396.gif-(82 KB, 278x340, 1372336193635.gif)
82 KB
82 KB GIF
>>27637830
>>
>>27673115
HAW!
>>
>>27635280
>might chortle
>>
>>27676413
lol
>>
File: 1381440124205.jpg-(132 KB, 383x566, 4000_year_old_virgin.jpg)
132 KB
132 KB JPG
>>27676041
And it was made mainly to "end" the evervirgin jokes. So it's doubly retarded.


[Advertise on 4chan]

Delete Post [File Only] Password
Style
[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [s4s] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / adv / an / asp / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / out / po / pol / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / x] [rs] [@] [Settings] [Rules] [FAQ] [Feedback] [Status] [Home]
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

- futaba + yotsuba -
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.