>>28383163
>Yeah… wait no we’re not. Check his dick.

“Excuse me?”

>The last thing we want is some cockless wonder. Check his dick.

Rolling his eyes and groaning as loudly as he thought prudent, Ivan lowers the dead man’s pants and undergarments.

“Holy shit.”

>My God. Bind us, right now.

Ivan steps back and begins to read off the mystic words written in the Grimoire. As he recites the last words, there is a bright flash of light.

You’re lying on the ground. You can feel the hard packed earth through your clothes. Wait. You can FEEL it. By the Gods, could this have really happened? Are you alive once more?!

You clamber upright and let out a shout of joy. After a few moments of uncontrollable laughter, you raise your hands to your face, overjoyed. Only these aren’t your hands. They’re bones.

Fucking Gods Damn it. You’re a Skeleton now.

>GIVE ME YOUR SKELETON NAME WORM!

>>28383180
Sandro

>>28383163
Dick Bonaparte the bonermancer.

>>28383180
I suppose I should leave a list of names from the last thread:

>BoneShank
>Mr. Bones
>Zhukovski
>Bonaparte
>Dick/GoatBones

>>28383180

Mr. Bones

The ride never ends hehe.

>>28383180
Mr. Bones, but we will need a suit.

>>28383447
>>28383444
>>28383428
>>28383370
Big Time Tie going on here folks, So here's the dealio.

Another 10 minutes, Then I roll a d-whatever to determine the name

>>28383515

Tie broken my good man.

>>28383529
hot Diggity Damn, you're right. I'll start writing presuming Mr. Bones, but I'll leave the voting window open anyhow.

>Shit dude. We Bones now.

Ivan shrugs indifferently. “Hey, I warned you this was only a skeleton binding ritual. I’m somewhat surprised it worked at all.”

You grumble slightly as you look at your now utterly unendowed pelvis, wistfully thinking of all the possibilities you missed.

>All bones, no boners. You can call us Mr. Bones, it seems appropriate.

Ivan begins to back away from you, hands in the air. “Hey Mr. Bones, if that’s what your name is gonna be that’s fine, but we got a more serious issue here. Namely the murder of a local authority figure in a well populated town. I dunno about you, but I’m getting out of here.”

With that, Ivan begins to pat down the ex-guard’s clothing, look for his coin purse and other valuables, before turning tail and starting to run out of the alley.

>You are confronted with a choice!
>Follow Ivan, he must pay for botching this!
>Go back to Jack’s inn?
>Run in a random direction?
>Sit and wait?
>Other?

>>28383728
>Other?
>Ivan! Give me the book.

>>28383728
>>Follow Ivan, he must pay for botching this!
More specifically, ride on his shoulder and contantly whisper into his hear dirty limmericks.

>>28383815
>>28383809
It seems Ivan isn't yet free of Mr. Bones, writing

>>28383973
As if he will ever be free from us. He will join us before we leave.

>>28384106
If anything, I will make him a ghost, rather than let him get away.

>Hey Ivan, you ten penny fuckhead! Either give us a working dick, or give us that book!

“Screw you, Bones!” shouts Ivan as he bolts down the alley, to the main road.

You snarl as best a skeleton can, and snatch up the guard’s sword before giving chase to the escaping peasant. After several seconds of confused running, you finally reestablish visual contact with Ivan, just in time to see him turn a corner. Sprinting forward, you barrel out onto the main road, and run into Ivan, knocking both of you over and into a pile of bones and filthy farmer.

>Why the fuck did you stop you jackass?

You look up to see your answer. Two guards, one of them holding an open jug of what you presume to be alcohol, are both standing where their comrade would have been if not for the surprise daggering. One of them is laughing at the two of you in shock more than anything else, while the other is considering the alleyway curiously, no doubt wondering where a skeleton could have fallen from. That’s when you stand up.

Their looks of amusement and confusion are replaced by one of mutual horror. One raises a gauntleted hand and points at Ivan, stammering, “N-N-Necromancer!”

His comrade draws his sword with a loud gulp.

>Shit cracker! It seems that these good people don’t take too well to the living dead! What shall you do?
>We have a blade. LET THE DARK HARVEST BEGIN. roll d20
>We saw some of dat magic shnizz, FIST EVERYTHING. roll d20
>Other. Roll d20 anyway.

Rolled 8

>>28384313
>>We saw some of dat magic shnizz, FIST EVERYTHING. roll d20
MAGICAL FISTING!

>>28384313
>>We have a blade. LET THE DARK HARVEST BEGIN. roll d20

Rolled 2

>>28384404
forgot

>>28384423
>>28384377
Oh... Oh my. It seems Mr. Bones is setting himself for a disappointing combat debut.

Lurkers, should there be any, I suggest you vote and roll

Rolled 1

>>28384313
>>We saw some of dat magic shnizz, FIST EVERYTHING. roll d20

Rolled 2

>>28384456

my god...

Rolled 15

>>28384313

>We have a blade. LET THE DARK HARVEST BEGIN. roll d20

>>28384492
>>28384456
>>28384423
>>28384377

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...sob...

Rolled 1

>>28384501
>>28384404
Two decent rolls for Swording.

>>28384404
>>28384456
>>28384492
Three Shit rolls for Fisting. (Yes, I know one was the same guy)

Roll d2 to see Mr. Bones' fate!

1:Sword
2:Clusterfist

Rolled 1

>>28384632

You act as quickly as your bones allow, which is pretty damned fast, all things considered, and blitz forward, sword in hand. You barrel into the guard who had the foresight to draw his weapon, the blade passing harmlessly through the space between your ribs, and trip him up, knocking him onto his back. Straddling his chest, you bring the sword down with all the strength you can muster.

Pity it isn’t all that much.

The blade bounces off of the man’s breastplate, and stabs into the ground. Yanking it free, you take a slash at his unarmored underarms, and are rewarded with a burst of crimson. The guard howls in pain, and kicks you off. Considering how little bones weigh, this sends you flying backwards, clattering against the wall of a house. You look up to see Ivan swinging his fists around at the other guard, screaming “Eldschlag!”. Although none of his blows are making contact, the much larger bursts of flame have put the second guard on the defense, and he stumbles backwards from Ivan’s fists of fury.

>Shit! Ivan the bitch is showing you up! What do?
>Fist more! roll d20
>Sword more! roll d20
>Other more! roll d20

Rolled 18

>>28384839
>>Sword more! roll d20

Rolled 1

>>28384839

>>Sword more! roll d20
moaar

>>28384945
>>28384904
We got us some schizo dice up in here.

Rolled 20

>>28384957
>>28384945
>>28384904
Ill break the curse!

>>28385028
mother of god.

>>28385038
Also, Writing now, Mr. Bones will be swording again

Shit. Ivan really is hopeless. Its time to show him a real man’s fighting style. Something other than the spastic movements that seem to qualify as a technique in his world. Getting back on your feet, you raise your blade once more, this time carefully considering your enemy, instead of charging forward.

The man grits his teeth convulsively.

Sweat drips down his left cheek.

And his eyes bulge.

“I know that sword. That’s Arseny’s sword! What did you do with my frien…”

The guard face contorts into a look of pure rage. His mouth opens wide, baring crooked, yellowed teeth/

Its the guard’s turn to charge forward this time, and he does so, bellowing loudly. You watch his approach, almost as if he was moving through water, slow, motions exaggerated. As he draws near you, you use your unnatural agility to jump to the side, allowing the point of his sword to pass by, followed by the rest of the man. As he charges past you, his head turns to face you, creating an opening on his neck that the back of his helmet would have otherwise covered.

You swing down.

The sword slices through flesh before becoming lodged between two vertebrae. The man’s forward momentum yanks the blade out of your hand and he stumbles forward for a few more steps, before collapsing face first into the ground, blood spilling out across the road.

>First Kill! Good work! Do you?
>Assist Ivan?
>Retrieve Sword?
>Other?

>>28385428
>>Retrieve Sword?
Pull it free, master sword style.

>>28385428

this body is lame, take hos sword instead

>>28385428
>Retrieve Sword
>Assist Ivan
In that order

Rolled 4

>>28385428
>>Assist Ivan?
tackle, tell him to get sword

>>28385661
>>28385595
>>28385585
>>28385480

It seems sword retrieval, followed by Ivan assistance, has won out. Writing

>>28385428
Speak to his corpse while you pull the sword out.
>And your friend had a big cock, too.

File: 1384913148115.png-(651 KB, 600x449, 20,000 Hours in MS paint.png)

651 KB PNG

You run forward to the body of the dead guard and place a foot on his neck, and grip the handle of your sword with both hands. With a mighty jerk, you yank the sword free from his neck, spattering the ground with yet more blood. With your magical spirit vision you are able to see the man’s ghost, floating over his corpse, looking somewhat startled at the sudden weightlessness inherent with being dead. You lean forward and mutter to him,

>Hey buddy, shame that the jerk off fighting your friend couldn’t do a proper soul binding. Your pal Arseny has packing quite the greatsword.

The guard’s ghost nods mournfully in agreement.

>Fuck. I guess what they say about those barracks full of sweaty men is true after all.

Turning back around, you’re not surprised to see that the fight had turned against Ivan’s favor. The guard has on the offensive, and Ivan the ducking his mad swings with the grace of an alcoholic cow trying to climb a ladder. Bolting forward, you arrive just in time to block an otherwise fatal downwards slice, halting the guard’s sword with the flat of your blade. The man’s weapon bounces off of yours, and he stumbles backwards from the recoil. Taking advantage of the momentary respite you help Ivan to his feet.

The gate out of the city is behind you.

>What do you do?
>Run?
>Finish the Job?
>other?

>>28386012
Killsteal and claim that Ivan only won thanks to you.

>>28386012
run
2 scaree

>>28386012
>>Finish the Job?
mwahahaha

Rolled 2

>>28386012
>>Finish the Job?

>>28386242
>>28386060
>>28386048
>>28386046
It seems like finishing the job has it. Will start writing, but updates may not be as speedy as normal, Imma be working on dinner for a bit.

Also, are we all having fun ITT?

>>28386340
We are having fun, are you?

>>28386340
No.

Fun is overrated. This is serious business.

>>28386363
higgity diggity hell yeah anon!

>implying big plans for Mr. Bones and Ivan

Rolled 2

>>28386394
yes

>>28386412
Ya'll be rollin a lot of 2s for serious business.

In other news, have the rice going and seaweed cut for spam musubi, Will get back to writing.

>>28386648
Because 2 is least lonely of all numbers.

Okay, Okay its two versus one, and these guards seem pretty pathetic for a professional force of law enforcers.

>Shit. Okay Ivan. Don’t do as I’ve come to expect from you and have a mental attack every time someone comes charging at your ass. Instead lets try something new, called not pissing ourselves, alright?

Ivan swallows and nods, too nervous to properly respond to your constant attacks on his self-esteem.

>Alright here’s the plan-

You begin to move your hand into postion.

>We employ Attack Pattern Delta.

“What’s that?”

>Its where one of us runs directly in front of the enemy’s line of attack and attempts to trip him.

Before Ivan can properly protest the ludicrousness of Attack Pattern Delta, you push him as hard as you can. The rangy mage stumbles forward, startling the guard momentarily, before he brings back his arm to bisect the peasant. Taking advantage of this opening, you quickly move to the guard’s right, and attempt your own little bit of FISTcraft.

You lunge forward, your right hand extending outwards in a fist, aimed directly at the guard’s face.

>Eldschlag!

The guard winces at the incoming burst of flame.

There is no burst of flame.

Everyone freezes, Ivan cowering on the ground, the guard part way through a downward swing, and you, your hand hanging less than an inch away from the guard’s face, rather impotently.

You recover first, and flick out your index and middle finger.

The guard screams in agony as you gouge out both of his eyes, dropping to his knees.

>What shall we do?
>Mercy is for the weak.
>mercy is for the Weak.
>Mercy is For The Weak.
>mErCy Is FoR tHe wEaK.
>Other.

>>28387196
Tear out his skull.

>>28387196
>>Mercy is for the weak.
Steal his bones and incorporate them into our body.

Rolled 16

>>28387196
Cut his head off, then wear the head flesh like a helmet.

>>28387196
>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>28387196
>Other: MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK

>>28387317
>>28387279
>>28387245
>>28387242
>>28387215
Sorry about the delay gents, I'll start writing about our lack of mercy right now

>Shit. This guy is fucking loud. Should’ve become an opera singer or something.

You pull off the guard’s helmet and yank back on his hair, exposing his neck.

>Time to shut you up.

You drag you sword across his throat, spilling blood everywhere. The guard expires with a dejected gurgle and you’re left, standing over two men, one dead and one terrified. You quickly pull off most of the guard’s armor and clothing and hoist him onto your back.

>Yo. lets get outta here dude. Methinks someone is probably going to notice the sudden disappearance of three town guards, and the sudden abundance of bloody uniforms.

Ivan nods, and hurries to the nearby gate. After unlocking, the pair of you escape into the night, carrying a pack full of travelling supplies and a human corpse. You run for several hours before coming across what appears to be an abandoned farmstead. The door is unlocked and you both deposit your items on the floor. Ivan lights a candle before ransacking the house, while you drag the body out of the pool of light. While Ivan rushes to barricade the door, you lay out the dead man, looking at him contemplatively. Eventually you nod to yourself, and pull Ivan’s iron dagger out of his pack, and get to work.

>[1/2]

By the time Ivan has finished barricading the door, you’ve also finished with stage one of your little plot. Without turning around you say:

>Ivan, does this place have a needle and thread?

Ivan looks up at you curiously, unable to see you clearly in the darkened room. “Why do you ask?”

You walk into the light, the guard’s face hanging hideously off of your own skull.

>No real reason, I just figure this could be a better fit.

“Gyaaaahhh!”

>Jeez I didn’t think it’d clash that badly.

“What the fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Ivan runs forward and yanks the dead man’s skin off of your head, before stumbling into the opposite corner of the house and vomiting violently.

>Seriously dude. I won’t even touch how unsanitary that is, because what you just did right then was a real blow to the old self esteem.

You lean over and pick up the now ruined face you were planning on rocking. This is probably way outside of your ability to fix.

>How shall Ivan make up for his thoughtlessness?
>Limerick time?
>Skeletal enhancements?
>Other?

>>28388080
>Skeletal enhancements (for us, I presume)
WE BONEYARD YET?

>>28388080
>other?
Make him spend 2 hours studying dark magic.

>>28388080
>>Skeletal enhancements?
Lets get more arms and a second head for twice the limericks!

>>28388080
Skeletal enhancements.

The more arms, the more middle fingers we can simultaneously extend.

>>28388080
>Skeletal enhancements

-double up on our limb-bones with the new bones
-transplant ribs so we have a solid ribcage of bone

So begins our quest to become the biggest, baddest, douchebaggiest bone golem in the land

If we keep accumulating arms and heads, we will soon be a giant skeletal centimani.

>>28388106
>>28388117
>>28388153
>>28388193
>>28388212
It seems we want the upgrade path. Will be writing, but may take a while, as dinner preparation has reached the part where I actually need to pay attention

>Alright, for your extreme disregard for my emotional wellbeing, I want you to read your Grimoire and think about how you can be an adder in other people’s lives, rather than a subtractor. I have some work I need to do. I’ll let you know when I’m done so you can properly apologize.

Ivan merely nods dully, and pulls out the Grimoire, reading the rituals section. You return to your important work, carefully defleshing the guard’s body. After several hours of reading/butchery, you sit back admiring your handiwork.

>Well hot shit. Looks like I’m done now brah. You ready for some casting?

Ivan yawns loudly and shakes his head in the negative. “No way, you raging psychopath. You might not need sleep, but I do. Talk to me in the morning.”

You’re shocked and disappointed, its hard to believe only a day has passed so far, but there you have it.

>Well fuck. Is there anything I can do to speed things up when you wake up tomorrow?

Ivan slides into his bed roll and mumbles sleepily, “Yeah I guess. The book says that if you want improve your existing skeleton we’ll need bone powder, not bones, other than that… no not really.”

Ivan quickly falls asleep snoring loudly. You are now completely alone for the first time since appearing on the material plane.

>What shall you do?
>Grind bones for an improved skeleton?
>Keep them intact for more limbs and shit?
>Other?

>>28389075
>>Grind bones for an improved skeleton?
Of course it says so in the book

>>28389075
Extra arms would be sweet o have, but do we really need everything else?

>>28389075
keep the arms grind the rest

>>28389075
Read book

>>28389220
>>28389173
>>28389131
>>28389120
Arright based anons, I'll remember your votes for next thread, but I'm downright pooped. We've finally gotten through our first day in quest, and I figure this'll be as good a place as any to end this thread.

Is everyone still having a good time? Any suggestions? Anything you'd like to see more or less of?

>>28389392
When will you make The next one?

>>28389392
More skeletons.

ANd maybe a bit more horrific necromancy.

>>28389501
Wednesday is possible but highly unlikely, I have a midterm on Thursday. Friday for sure.

>>28389522
I'll be sure to keep that in mind anon.


On another note, should we try to find a new victim for Mr. Bones? (new party member)

>>28389565
>On another note, should we try to find a new victim for Mr. Bones? (new party member)
How is that even a question?

We'll be...the skeleton crew (and Ivana)

>>28389605
I was thinking maybe something a bit more fleshy in the undead department, gonna have to do some research otherwise we're just gonna default to zombie, which would be unoriginal.

Should we archive this?

>>28389833
whynot.jpg