Alright Dwarves and Dwarfettes. I have some good news, we got a job and it's top dollar. Some foreign guy in odd robes is paying us a crap ton of silver to make 10,000 of these. Well a Contracts a Contract, the first payment was made and we would not be Dwarves if we did hold to a contract.
>>28944162Sounds like a good change of pace
That handle looks wood. What are we, a bunch of elves?
>>28944246Aye, and it has to be wrapped in the skin of a strange flat fish. There's no sea within a hundred leagues of this mountain!
>>28944246What are you? Getting out of a contract! And you call yourself a Dwarf!
Excellent the money we save in using shitty steel will really improve the profit margin. Good thing they only wanted more of pic related and not dwarves versions. We can melt down some forks or plates to make these.
Let the short beards make them. We could use the laugh, and they can use the time at the forge.
>>28944162perfect!we'll use pig iron like he wants, and use the profits for more adamantine forges
>>28944347>>28944313Oh shut up. Let's avoid having another thread ruined by this sort of thing.>>28944270But we have a river what leads down to a fishing village. Maybe they know something about this fish.
>>28944289I'm not saying we did do the job, just suggesting we apply a little dwarven ingenuity to the project. First that grip has got to go. Replace it with a nice, solid, bronze getup
>>28944427*don't do the job
We can just use the leftover steel parts from the battleaxe production.
>>28944482Nothing wrong with recycling
>>28944162Can we upgrade them? I can't bear to have my family name tied to something so makeshift. Surely the client will be pleased if we give them something with an adamantine edge and a mithril core. We'll make the sheath using highest-grade darkwood and the leather of a dragon. Wrap the handle in silk of a color matching the sheath and in the style of grips of the client's homeland.Surely they'll be pleased with our upgrades to their... What is it, some sort of cavalry saber?
>>28944540Should straighten the blade while we're at it.
>>28944563Straighten the blades of their fancy cavalry sabers? Are you daft, man? We're trying to give them a better version of what they asked for, not a different sword entirely. Imagine how displeased they would be if we sent them all of these arms for their light cavalry, only to find that their sabers were bloody straight!No, no, we upgrade the materials, and maybe adjust some of the angles and other design specifications, but overall leave the design as it was. Give the client a better version of what they asked for - that's how we got our reputation as craftsmen. Not by giving someone a bloody javelin when they asked for bows and arrows.
>>28944563Add another edge too
>>28944563Are you daft? It's the defining feature? What do we do if he doesn't pay for 10,000 straight words?
>>28944610But straight edges work just as well for cavalry blades? Besides we would be doing them a favor to add another edge and maybe some kind of hand protection.
>>28944540EYEThere is no use, no reason, no pansy cheap lazy method like a non dwarf method. That flimsy little toothpick would be better suited hold'n me meat over the fire.Bigger, better, DORFIER!If'n we ain't makin' it OUR way, we ought not make it at all.
>>28944633Sell the swords to his rivals and laugh as they kill him?
>>28944540>10,000 swords>using dragon leather and mithril on all of themishygddt
>>28944663Agreed let's just leave out wood and wrap the handle in some silk. I mean the picture related is pretty shoddy but no need to waste dragon skin on the handle. Maybe some snakeskin would do? I know there are some tunnel vipers in mine 16b.
>>28944635Aye, definitely more hand protection. A larger crosspiece, and maybe a bar coming down to cover their hands. Perhaps we should increase how steep the curve is? I've got a feeling that blades like this don't have to deal with armor too much. Curved swords...Alright, I've drafted up a new design. I think this fits the client's designs closely enough while being a huge improvement overall. We make the blade out of adamantium, give it a flexible mithril core, and encase it all in a high-grade carbon-nickel steel alloy. The hand guard will be adamantium - no reason to skimp on protection - and the handle will be an easy-to-replace hardwood covered in leather, same as the sheath.I'm sure the client should be overjoyed with this production line.
What if we were to make all 10,000 swords and fold them all into one blade? Is that what the client is asking?
>>28944715That makes me notice that the original sword's hilt has space enough for two hands on it. You think he'll complain if the handle is too short?
>>28944742Who said anything about folding things into the blade, mate? Were there instructions that the foreman didn't mention?
>>28944613Now you're talkin. Come to think of it, does the blade really need to go all the way to the grip? What if we replace most of the blade's length with a steel shaft, and focus all the cutting power at the top where it'll be most effective.
So, they want gud old saber? Why not.
>>28944715Aye definitely an altogether better design. I'm sire their men will be overjoyed no to lose fingers. But correct me if I'm wrong. Doesn't this new design allow for single hand use? It looks like it to me. Maybe we should throw in a couple bucklers?
>>28944656And lose the trust of our customers? You might as well collapse the mountain on our heads.
I think you guys are confusing actual dwarves in any setting at all with Oglaf dwarves.
>>28944775Now hang on they don't want a spear.
>>28944772He muttered something about how the client told him the weapon had to be folded a million something odd times so it's hardness increases. I doubt he knew what he was going on about, but orders be orders.
>>28944806oglaf dwarves are so fucking based
>>28944802Lose his trust? He will be dead because he couldn't see how superior dwarvenndesign is to his own!
>stealth "lol katanas are shit" threadAs expected of country-grown neckbeards.
>>28944766Hmmm, that's a damn good question. But why would a cavalry saber need two hands? I mean, it's clearly the wrong shape for fighting when dismounted. Perhaps the extra length was to help keep the sword stable? The curve and pommel should serve the same function; I'm sure the humans will thank us for giving them blades that serve the intended function better than the original design.You know how daft humans can be when it comes to designing things sometimes.>>28944790Oh, are, that's a damn good idea. Something to protect their off-side while they're riding about. Toss it in for free and suggest they bring all future business to us. Call it an 'investment' in a 'partnership.'
>>28944790You're all a bunch of idjitts. The original design is clearly supposed to be used in two hands. We aren't gonna make money selling weapons the customers can't use properly.
>>28944817So we basically take 10000 swords and forge them into one?
Here.-improved handle with some guard, so your fingers won't be afraid of the other cutty-slashy-choppy -two handed as the original design-incredible cutting capabilities-Dorfy as fuck
>>28944806>Dwarves willingly selling their services to other races.>Not just taking the payment and throw useless shit at them.Elf, pls leave.
>>28944839Not his trust you dolt! Who will buy from us if we have a reputation of double crossing them?
>>28944844Everyone knows a true dwarf's beard starts at the neck
>>28944833>>28944806That's how dwarves or finally were before tolkien
>>28944817I'm honestly not sure how to respond to this. Urist, do we have some way to... To 'fold' a sword?
>>28944815Spears are for stabbing, this'll be for slicing. Although if we're gonna focus the cutting power at the top, we should do something to give it a little more weight. Like how's about a flared head. Almost like a hammer, but with blades on each side.
>>28944888I think, if you just take a really wide blank, and kinda hammer it over...But that's insane. You can only ever fold something in half six times before it's too thick to fold again. A million folds? Crazy talk.
>>28944715That looks a lot like my penis. Except curved downward instead.
>>28944872Claymores were used more as bludgeons than for cutting. Really, they're even more stupid than katanas are.
>>28944888He's pullin' yer leg, son. The metal gets folded a bit before yeh make it a sword, that's all.
>>28944908>Almost like a hammer, but with blades on each side.That's an axe, my friend.
>>28944888I believe we could take one of the panini presses we imported from the Gnomes last year and refit it.
>>28944879The ones who survive
>>28944919That's not a claymore, bro. Scottish two-handed swords tended to be thinner and lacked the leather-covered portion above the hilt.
>>28944910Aye, it's->>28944928Oh, that makes more sense. Low-grade iron folded to make harder steel? We'll just use better materials. We can certainly afford to.
>>28944919> calling a zweihnder a claymore> implying the goal at the time zweihanders were in use wasnt to knock an opponent down, then stab himGet out.
>>28944946>BroI'm not your bro, pal.
>>28944919That's bullshit you ignorant fuck.
>>28944382Better idea, we catch a few carp 'n hammer 'em flat. That'll do, right?
>>28944970I'm not your pal guy
>>28944970I'm not your pal, buddy.
>>28944939What makes you think they'd trust an oath breaker? In fact, what kind of dwarf are you to suggest oathbreaking?
>>28944162Why are we supplying a some Human Barber chain with their razors? And isn't that thing too bendy to be a razor. Wouldn't this design be better?
>>28944929Axe my arse. That my friend is a genuine dwarven katana.
>>28944959>to knock an opponent down>>28944971Yes. Like a bludgeon.Also >>28944919 is not >>28944970. I'll be anybody's bro. I'm not picky.
>>28944991I'm not your buddy, friend.
>>28945013I ain't your friend, man!
>>28945013I'm not your friend, pal.
>>28945013I'm not your friend guy
>>28945000And then stab the shit out of him. Zweihanders were used in the end of that era. Heavy armour was at its heaviest. Prior to that, cutting was actually a thing that still happened.
>>28944970>>28944990>>28944991>>28945013>>28945026>>28945027>>28945030Holy fuck, thread derailed.
>>28944953>Low-grade ironThat's a myth.
I thought that thing looked familiar, so I went and looked up some stuff in the archives.Found this here diagram. Apparently they want it to look like that, with no guard.Maybe we should double check that these aren't just ceremonial weapons or some such before we go and change the design.
>>28945027>>28945030>reusing terms used higher up the chainYOU HAVE FAILED.
>>28945000No they where sharped the entire length and sharp because you stab slice cut and thrust with them. Look up some god damn spa done or montante manuals you inbred ignorant fuck.
>>28945039I'M NOT YOUR DERAILED, THREAD.
>>28945026>manDo I have to check my plivelege?
>>28945048Oi, and I found this too. I supposed that's what they meant by "folding"? Probably just a mistranslation.
>>28945061Check this*whips out dic-sword*
>>28945043No it's not. The iron they used wasn't that great. The swords were decent because they overcompensated the fuck out of it during the sharpening process.
Guys, guys. I improved the design. The guard is now not needed because it's so long, and it's still two handed.
>>28945093They compensated enough that the iron being shitty didn't matter.
>>28945115Dat halberd rip off
>>28945123Exactly. Through methods like folding and sharpening.
>>28945082See attached pamphlet
>>28944929>>28944998i lol'd too hard at this
>>28945048>>28945074Oh, I see. Then yeah, the bloke suggesting an adamantine blade and a mithril core for some kind of cavalry saber was probably closest to the mark. I suppose the specific shape has some level of cultural or ceremonial importance?In that case, let's improve the materials, but otherwise leave the design alone. Wouldn't want to violate any of the client's human superstitions or anything.
All I want for Christmas is a +5 Adamantine Katana
>>28945093And Europeans and Middle Easterners did the same thing. Neither the steel nor the forging techniques were better or worse.
>>28945166But the design is so flawed! Surely if they wanted the exact same thing with no changes they would have gone to some human smith! People only bring us things to improve them.
>>28945166Boss m'n?I know this sword, aye?It's a noble's sword, meant for royal guard or somejunk, aye. Not a ceremonial one, nosah.
>>28945217Until they got gud and made better forges
>>28945233Aye, so we'll use better materials, and better forging practices. It seems important, though, that it still. We've made weapons with silly designs before when the client's culture or traditions demanded it. We just make them as well as we possibly can, with the best materials and best techniques.Humans are daft like that.
>>28945233>>28945166Then we should send an envoy to the client with our improved version of the sword, so sense crafting 10,000 of them only to breach the contract when they refuse them.
>>28945233>>28945280A katana is designed to be drawn and swung as quickly as possible, with the approach that in the kind of combat they were used in the first person to attack usually won and the user would start with a bow out.
>>28945301So, shorten the blades, maybe? Some kind of oversized combat knife?
>>28945301If drawing is the problem, why not work with the Gnomes to make some sort of automated scabbard?
>>28945301Then why not go into battle with it drawn? Daft idjits.
>>28945217>steel>forging techniquesThe Japanese used iron sand in forges called tatara, unique to Japan. The steel varied greatly in carbon content, for purposes shown in the diagram a few posts up.http://www.jsme.or.jp/tsd/ICBTT/conference02/TatsuoINOUE.htmlAnd this isn't even going into differences across historical periods, or European influence around the Sengoku era.Fuck, guys, it's not hard to get learned. Stop spouting your /tg/-isms.
>>28945347I heard they use wooden armor. There's just no arguing with these gits, let's just make what they want and move on to the next project.
>>28944715And where you planning on getting all that mithril for a bloody external client. My family garrison is having enough trouble getting mithril trim for their hats as it is.
>>28945366But it's so fun to spout stupid stereotypical memes mindlessly while remaining eternally ignorant so that you can more effectively rage autistically at anyone who provides facts contrary to your delusions.Some days I hate /tg/.Usually days where I find a thread like this one.
>>28945402Well there's mithril and then there's "mithril", if you get my meaning, yeah?
>>28945402Have you seen how much silver they're offering for this? We'll find a way.
>>28945329Like a tanto or a wakizashi?You can pretend you know better all you want, but the fact is the sword was designed to fill a particular role in a certain context and was popular because it filled that role well. It's not suited for every role or context but it's not some ass-backwards weapon that no one would use.
>>28945402Since adamantine is so hard perhaps we could use regular steel as the softer metal?
>>28945425>Like a tanto or a wakizashi?Are those some sort of short sword or combat knife? If so, aye, those will be better for quick-drawing after dropping a bow.
>>28945366Who are you arguing with?
>>28944972You insane lad, no client is gonna pay enough for carp skin.
Hey guys.What if we...What if we make a sword out of teeth and wood? I had a dream last night and I saw this in it. Isn't it awesome?
>>28945451Lads. Lads lads lads.I've been to that place. That image describes a noble's weapon. We have to really do this well, otherwise we gain a powerful enemy! I've seen what they do to themselves when they fail at something! It's...not pretty.
>>28945451But a katana will have better reach. What point are you trying to make?
>>28945529So reach is more important, then? The bloke up there said the point of these weapons was a quick draw as a backup for bow fighting. A shorter blade would help out with that. If that's not the actual use of the blasted things, then what are they for?
>>28945519I swear I've seen a design like that somewhere else before.
>>28945553You really ain't listenin', are you Urist?These are for nobles or the local royal guard.
>>28945564That looks really fucking gruesome.
>>28945522Yeah. They force themselves to play some strange game with boxes and numbers. Doesn't even look very entertaining.
>>28945419I hope you aren't suggesting we half arse the purification, I'm not going to be the dwarf that condones the first bodge job this mountain hall has done in eons.
>>28945519What if we replaced those teeth with some of these useless shards of obsidian we find in the mines from time to time?? Maybe thicken the width of the wood "blade" so we can just jam 'em in there.
>>28945586It's designed for the obsidian spikes to come off in the wound, making it hard to impossible for your unarmored opponent to flee. Then you knock them out with the club portion. It was used by the Aztecs during their flower wars; conflicts to capture people to use as slaves or sacrifices, requiring them to be taken alive.So, yeah. It's pretty gruesome.
>>28945595You didn't watch long enough. Once they solve it, they stab the paper into their bellies!
Who the fuck let those kids in the forge? All you ever look at is that some idiot human wanted a sword that looks so and so. You must look at the fucking function. So let's get it all together:-Able to profit from two hands using it-For quick drawing-Incredible potential to cut through flesh-Goes well with bowsAnd here, I present you something which improves on all of those. Feel free to ask any questions.
>>28945627That thing fails miserably with points two and four, and fails in the essential fifth category of "able to be fucking swung."
>>28945401Well, you heard wrong. They use metal armor like everyone else.This sword design isn't for battle anyway. They have spears, those knockoff halberd things, and bows for that.These things are for duels and cutting down unarmored peasants, not for wars.
>>28945627Urist, that's not only hard to draw quickly, it's hard to even lift without strength-augmenting magics. Unless they're ordering some kind of magitech armature, that's a wholly inappropriate suggestion.And that goes terribly with bows.
>>28945627Elderboss?How do you propose humans wield that sword?
>>28945649Right, duels and other traditional or ceremonial uses. So, we need to keep as close to the original design as possible, while putting our dwarven material resources and forging techniques to good use upgrading those aspects.
>>28945553Reach and speed are both important. Are you legitimately retarded?Again, generations of soldiers, generals, and swordsmiths chose this weapon as the most effective for the context and use. Some random neckbeard using his limited knowledge gleaned from RPGs, Total War, and his imagination doesn't know better than that. And no, that doesn't mean that it's a superior weapon to European swords or anything stupid like that.
>>28945665Thats roughly the same size as a fullblade.
>>28945674>Some random neckbeard using his limited knowledge gleaned from RPGs, Total War, and his imagination doesn't know better than that.Mate, you're getting a little personal here. Act like a dwarf, not like yourself. That's what everyone else in this thread is doing.
>>28945674>>28945697I'll fuck you both.
>>28945697They're either acting like the most retarded dwarves in all of Dwarflandia or they're giving their dumb opinions with that as camouflage.
>>28945647>-For quick drawingAre you drawing it like a goddamned retard? It's obvious you get in on your back and then drop it on your enemy's head. Since it's heavy it drops super fast.>-Goes well with bowsYou know what some forest fairy shooting at other forest fairies need? A shield! Now this works as both a sword and a shield because of how thick it is. You can even plant it in the ground and laugh as those cover-less bastards can't penetrate your defenses.>able to be fucking swungAre you some pansy, Urist? I suggest gaining some strength before you start bossing around and designing useless garbage.
>>28945745>Since it's heavy it drops super fast.Oh my lord, he doesn't even know basic physics.
>>28945745>I suggest gaining some strength before you start bossing around and designing useless garbage.That's not the issue, chief. The bloody thing's taller than both me sons stacked on top o' each other, is the issue.
What in the nine hells are you fools arguing aboutdo the job like the humans want don't change the metal or shapewe want them to come back for future jobs not tell people we can't do a simple job
>>28945766Shut up, Urist. It has been proven too many times that a feather in fact falls slower than an anvil.>>28945780Dose human lads are much taller, son. And your sons are midgets even by dwarven standards.
>>28945780Humans are tall. Too tall, so obviously they need special swords like this.
>>28945820That's a product of aether resistance, you dolt! A sword will cut though the aether no matter it's size, so they'll fall at the same rate!
Oi, Smithie, Urist, Urist, and everydwarf else! Ye got anything done yet down there or areye just arguin' about the shape o' the damn thing?
>>28945627We ain't suggesting weapons you drop from the battlements here Urist.
>>28945862We aint even decided on core material yet.
>>28945862AM WORKING ON IT
Hold my beer im going to test one
>>28945862Arguing, what else?
>>28945886Just use some steel like what was used in th' original, gits! Honestly, it's a mass production job, we don't need te put anything fancy in, we're Dwarves! The work we put in should be enough to make them all great without adamantine or any o' that nonsense.>>28945923NO YER NOT I CAN HEAR URIST AND URIST SAYING OTHERWISE!
>>28945854What's that idiocy you are talking about? Aether resistance affects everything. The heavier a thing is, the easier it is to cut through it and the faster it falls. There is no such a thing as "completely cut through the aether".>>28945865Humans are as tall as battlements. It will work fine.
why has this not been posted
>>28945967By your logic, you can paddle faster down the river with an oar of lead than with one of wood.
>>28945989No, because water resistance and aether resistance are not the same thing. The lead oar will fall faster though.
Oi, most of the fucking coal's gone. I think some dipshit took it. Anyone mind if I just throw in this Dorf-less cat? It's dead anyway, not like anyone would want it. Maybe the calcium'll help the metal a bit, too!
>>28945989If you mean actually fucking down, like in I-am-being-chased-by-a-thousand-tree-huggers and-have-to-jump-down-a-waterfall down
THAT IT IF YOU AIN'T A SMITH GET OUT I HAVE WORK TO DO
>>28946027But water is just another state of aether, just as smoke is just another state of wood, or as gold is a manifestation of the noble essence found in all metals. Lords, it's like they don't teach you kids anything these days.
>>28946029OI, GET YER GRUBBY MITTS OFF ME CAT!
>>28946034Can... can water flow in other directions? Good gravel, this changes EVERYTHING!
>>28946058IT'S FUCKIN' DEAD, YOU DUMB ROCKFUCKER
>>28946069IF IT COULDN'T HOW THE FUCK WOULD THOSE TREES EVEN BE HERE!? They somehow need to get all that water up there. You have much to learn, Urist.
>>28946029THIS IS A MAGICAL MAGMA FORGE YOU FOOL THERE IS NO COAL
>>28946075......i'll be in me workshop. Ya grubby elves better have a replacement by the time i get back out.
>>28946054Sure, but you don't inhale wood or slay a dragon for its hoard of tin. The different states have different properties.
>>28946097WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN ME MAGMA FORGE YOU FILTHY ELF-LOVER
Personally, I think we should just give 'em some spears. Humans like spears, right?
>>28946124YOUR FORGE THIS IS MY FORGE THAT MY INSIGNIA RIGHT THERE
おはようございます小人達!Could you be so kind as to allow me to observe the magnificent techniques of your brave people? I long to see the production of our fabled 刀, and have been given the mission of inspecting the progress of your craftsmanship, just as our contract says.
I'll...just let the human know we can't do the job right now.At least we can keep the silver.
>>28946220YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST CARVING THAT INTO THE FORGE TEN SECONDS AGOMY INSIGNIA'S LITERALLY BEEN HANGING OVER THE OPENING SINCE I CRAFTED IT MYSELF 40 YEARS AGOYOU'RE PUTTIN' ME IN A MOOD, YOU LANDCARP.
>>28946242Good an envoy has arrived, perhaps you can settle this. What's this talk of "folding" all about. Are we supposed to create a weapon that folds up to be smaller?
>>28946242Oh, uh, well.Shit.Fuck this, I'm just going to flood the trade dept with magma and call it a wash.
>>28946281NO! NOT AGAIN! We still haven't cleaned up from the last time we did that!
>>28946281YOU WILL NOT FLOOD ANYTHING IF IT TAKES MY LIFE TO STOP YE!
>>28946242Hey, go check out that inconspicuous hole that sounds like several dwarves are babbling inside of it. Don't worry, it's just the actual smiths.
>>28946277Baka chibi ningen you fold the metal on itself orewa baka neko kisama
>>28946277Of course! A true blade from the glorious 日本 is required to be foldagshasg...
>>28946305The magma will burn away the mess.Then leave a new, entirely different mess.
>>28946319And an entirely worse mess! Also we have dwarves down there still. We can't make money as it is, killing off more of us won't solve anything.
>>28946242no the smithing secrets of can't be showed to outsiders>>28946248its only been a few hours you fool we have plenty of time>>28946264YOU DARE TO QUESTION MY HONORPREPARE TO TASTE MY AXE
>>28946350TASTE MY AXE, YOU HALF-ELF
>>28946337I got an idea, how about we toss the shouty guys in the dept, THEN flood it with magma? Then everybody wins.
>>28946373Got it, I'll grab the shouty smith.
>>28946359TODAY IS A GOOD DAY FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DIE
>>28946392YOU SHALL BE THE SOMEONE ELSE
>>28946400>>28946400Can you lads stop shouting already and get on with the bloody order? IF we hafta fold steel a million times over, we need all dwarves on forge to even make one sword!
>>28946429its fine I wonand you don't need to fold it a million times just a fewI finished a few already
>>28946485...Aye. Let's get folding, then.URIST! GO GET SOME WOOD FROM THE TREE HUGGERS TO MAKE THE HANDLES!
>>28946532So what about the grips?I was thinking, see, they want leather from some fish called a "shark", because it's particularly rough and makes for a good grip, but you know what else is like that? Mermaid skins! Plus, they think that mermaid bones and blood can give you immortality, so we can double the price for including some mermaid bone caps and guards to the hilts.
>>28946610Now come on, we jus' got paid, we don' need to increase the price, that's low.But that's good, put that down next time we have someone making an order.
>>28946610Why not just use some Ogre hide? I doubt they'd notice much of a difference.
>>28946649Because ogre hide is shit, that's why. Literal shit. They wallow in their own filth so much it saturates their flesh.We use ogre leather on these swords, we can write the whole continent off as a customer, because they are NEVER coming back.
>>28946676So we'll send some miner boy to dredge up sharks. Or maybe we could use carp?
>>28946676So ye' think we should use mermaid hide?Ye' think the mermaids won't be a teensy bit angry wit' us jus' killin' em?They'd attack any ships we send out.
>>28946676The process of turning it into workable leather pretty much wipes out all that shit. Makes a supple hide after it's spent years wallowing in nutrients. You've not worked leather until you've worked Ogre flesh.
>>28946715Carp should work. But why are those idjits averse to magma? Dinnae they know we dwarves are fire retardent?
>>28946676Not to mention the disgrace of cutting corners. In my day, dwarves showed pride in their work, and you knew when you made a deal with a dwarf you would get exactly what you asked for, on time with no funny stuff.
>>28946734Donnae know. I think they said they was getting uncomfy with armor weighing them down.Also, Beetroot said he needs some Lyzula. Does anyone know what that is?
>>28946730>Ye' think the mermaids won't be a teensy bit angry wit' us jus' killin' em?Well, sure, but considering they're already a mite annoyed with, you know, how we're farming and slaughtering them for their bones, I don't think it'll make much of a difference.
>>28946748what?we have just as much need to ship things as any other race
>>28946748Of course we've got us some ships lad. Carved em straight from the rock we did. Work both in water and on in magma.
>>28946743Oh really? Do we have to remind you of the mirror shield incident? Or the boots of not quite weightlessness? Or the axe of really fucking choppiness? Granted the last one was great but the guy wanted a hammer!
>>28946770............we don't do that
>>28946775I've been in me smithy too long. Why did we not forge them from steel?
>>28946748Do ye' think whatever weapons we make just magically disappear to the customer?
>>28946794Are you mad? We've been doing that for years! Mermaid bone sells for almost twice it's weight in gold, you know, never mind the blood, skins and meat.
>>28946809I just make the weapon. Then I gives it to flimgrim and what he does is a mystery to me.
>>28946804Why would we waste all that steel on a ship when we have perfectly fine rock?If we were going to ship steel like that why not just set up a smithy there and forge the ship into swords on location?
>>28946809Besides last time you gave me an order the damn door caved in and you rat asses didt dig me out for a month! I had to eat my stores of sweetmeats and cheeses! I was almost OUT OF MEAD!
>>28946858Why not make a ship out of axes and ram other ships eh?
>>28946885I've tried. They're hard to walk aboard and the sails always cut themselves to shreds.
>>28946782If you don't want to do the job don't take the contract. In my day dwarves didn't work for just anyone with two pieces of gold together. We took jobs worthy of our skill, from people we could respect. Not respect as much as dwarves of course, but you know what I mean.
>>28946835ARE YOU THE REASON SO MANY OF OUR SHIPS SINK!Someone get the guardesand send a envoy to the merpeople
>>28946925But you made a hammer shaped like a badger!
>>28946925They days have changed. Gnomes have created autoforges that can produce cheap steel, humans have spread and can make their own. Elves deny us their service. We're left scrounging for work. We can hardly feed our people on rocks alone. After all, we need mead for the young ones to grow.
>>28944162Making these flimsy elven swords is no job for a proud dwarven smith! Dwarven tradition states that the minerals from the heart of the mountain may only be used for hammers and axes!
>>28946970We will weather it, as we have everything that came before. Dwarven tradition has served us well for generations, it is our shield, our home, our very soul. To turn away from the ancient ways is to turn your back on the very thing that makes us dwarves!>>28946961And it was the finest hammer shaped like a badger ever to be crafted.
>>28947100Why don't we. And I'm just wondering here. Why don't we cut a tunnel from one side o the mountain to the other. Then charge caravans and whatnot to use our shortcuts? I mean we can mine as we go anyway and maybe sell tours.
>>28947197Just to be clear, this shortcut would be well away from our actual strongholds? We don't want a bunch of surface dwellers wandering around our streets after all.Could be a good idea. We could set up concessions, sell traditional dwarf foods and miniature ballistae. For a suitable markup of course.
>>28947100Brother, even stone yields before heat. We must adapt.
>>28947331Stone just is weak is all...
>>28945166This guy's got the right idea
>>28944162But I only sell axes, hammers and accessories for those axes and hammers.
>>28949819>not selling dwarven crossbows augmented with runes of strength and sturdinessDo you not want your business to prosper and rake in a wealth of ducats and dragon scales?
>>28949819Then you get to make axes, Captain Klotz has ordered 50 hammers for the Fernberg Militia and he has already delivered us 10 pigs and a cask of wine for them.
None of these swords are what I asked for, what the fuck?
>>28950065You obviously brought us a design that needed improving. Is this not your intention?
>>28945233> If they wanted their order fulfilled they'd have gone to humans! If they wanted it ruined by bias, they'd go to dwarves!
>>28949957>10 pigs and a cask of wine>for 50 hammersSon, just how drunk were you when you negotiated that deal?
>>28950753Small hammers large pigs anon
>>28950976Small... hammers?How does that even work?
>>28951169You take a mallet extend the handle and make the metal head smaller. Humans love them for some reason
>>28951207>humansOf course. Humans ruins all that's good and nice in the world. Fuckers.
>>28951282I dunno, mate. Saw a human lodge the skinny end of one o' those hammers in another's helmet. Didn't look like the guy with the helmet was havin' too much fun.
>>28951282At least they aint as bad as the those rotten elves. Them humans know how to chop down a good forest or two. Traders they are, might stiff ya, but they don't chain themselves to rocks and trees and force you to hack through them to get at the good stuff.You know, in spite of the arguing about Katanners, and yelling, this has been a pretty nice thread. I love you guys.
>>28950753That's just the first payment. There will be four more.
Wait guys, i may be onto something here...so the curve is obviously there for a reason. the blade slashes well, but cant stab, and it looks like a good bash from a shield would snap it in two. what if we take two of the curved edges, add a point, and add a thicker area in the middle for cutting power? is anyone up to the task?
>>28951586Sort of a... I dunno, leaf shape? Sounds suspiciously elvish, Urist, have you been prancing with the treefuckers again?
>>28951629i care not how many a tree they fuck, their logic is sound. it could be like a sword and an axe in the same weapon. do you have any idea how much gold the humans would give us for these swords?
>>28951750>like a sword and an axe in the same weaponWait a minute... you may be on to something there.*quick sketch*
>>28951750No, Urist. Elf logic is NOT sound. It's anything BUT sound.Those filthy tree fuckers don't drink ale, don't eat meat, and don't have common sense. There is one simple truth, Urist. We have opposable thumbs.Opposable thumbs allow us to make, hold, and use tools. They allow us to tame the environment, to mar the earth and bend nature to our will. Whether it be from intelligent design, or mere luck, we have the power, and like hell if we won't use it.But them elves? They have opposable thumbs too, believe it or not. And they choose to do NOTHING. Maybe they'll make a flute, craft some fruity clothing, or just stick their thumbs up their ass, but no matter what they do, they sure as hell won't try to make mother nature their bitch like any proper race. They don't have the sense to do it. Every other race does, and us dorfs are easily among the best at it. But the elves? They think they're so smart, they'd rather fuck their trees and forest animals than lift a god damn finger for progress, or have any great works their race can take pride in. They live as animals.And that, Urist, is why we don't incorporate or give credence to "elf logic," lest we become like them.Now go get some damn ale, and keep drinking until you forget all this silly "elf logic" of yours.
>>28949957you traded our weapons FOR WINE!WE ARE DWARFS WE MAKE THE BEST ALE, MEAD AND BEER IN THE WORLD!
>>28952287I say we send him as our envoy to the elves. Nobody else can star him here anyway.
>>28944635Straight blades do NOT work just as well for cavalry purposes...
THAT'S ITI'M PULLIN' THE LEVERDON'T SAY YOU DIDN'T BRING THIS UPON YOURSELVES
>>28944382Because this thread has such noble and auspicious beginnings. Trollin for troll thread, nigga.
>>28952453Actually they do. This debate has been going back and forth for literally centuries.
>>28952587You know, the masterwork lever Urist made a couple of months back. menaces with spikes of carp bone.
>>28952620Oh yeah, that one's nice.Did we ever find anything to hook it up to, or did we just set it up in the master control room with the others?
>>28952642>>28952620oh that oneyou know I once checked out that leverits not apart of anything and I still don't know why it has spikes where you put your hand
>>28945982Because it's a terrible idea!
>>28952720I dunno man, Urist tried to explain it to me once, but he ended up just mumbling something about the "futility and inherent pain of existence" and trudging off to the ale stockpile.
>>28952786trust me I checked it out my self it didn't do anythingand even if it was supposed too I disabled it when I was done
>>28952786Is he STILL pissy about how we accidentally killed his pet goat? I swear, he engraves the damned beast's portrait on just about everything that passes through his shop.If he cared about it so much, he shouldn't have let it wander near the catapult batteries during a siege. I mean, we had to shoot SOMETHING at those goblins.
What are ye talking about changes?The humans don't want a sword they want THIS swordand 10,000 of these simple swords are easily forged so stop improving, I know the design is terrible and not very pleasant to look at, and start working
Sire, A one Zustash McUrist has taken over the forges, and is keeping them hostage. He's wanting some glass, some fish meat, some chalk, and some Adamantine. What do you want us to do?
>>28953059Give him all the glass, chalk, and Adamantine we have. Do so in small batches and regular intervals so that he doesn't go completely crazy.So long as he doesn't starve to death, this will allow us to stall for time indefinitely, or until we can trade for some fish meat. Whichever comes first.
>>28952893That's a GOAT he engraved on that mug he gave the foreman? I honestly thought he'd seen a Forgotten Beast and was too traumatised to talk about it or something.
>>28953059all of that but the fish I know is in there alreadyand some probably have fish for their lunchor we could have wizards and cleric stop him
>>28952287So obviously we have to trade for the best wine in the world, ye savvy? Besides, it's about the one thing that us and the Elves agree on.
>>28952987>Dorfs>Compromising the quality of their workNow I may be just a simple samurai, but that doesn't sound right to me.
>>28953179I was able to find a barrel of Carp Kidneys in the abandoned burrow. When I gave it to Zustash, he started working on something!
>>28953316I don't know where you were but we don't have anyplace abandoned in this fortress the king would never just let a place be unused
>>28953495It was in this room that had a really fancy window, and engravings of goats on the walls and floor.
>>28953582a window underground?
>>28953700Aye. It was just standing there, in the middle of the room.
>>28953782Ohyeah just do you self a favor and forgot about that roomall you need to know is wizards
>>28944162Think of it as a new challenge. A good stout dwarf always comes through on a challenge. Also, improve that flimsy blade while you're at it.
Why don't we just make a single blade, and they go to the Mage Guild and have them replicate it?
>>28953059Sire!Zustash McUrist is finished! He has produced Honeydrops, an Adamantine knife! All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. This object menaces with spikes of Carp Kidney. On the object is an image of a goat in basalt. On the object is an image of Honeydrops in chalk.
>>28953870because they're orney old farts who are just as likely to just immolate us as they are to do it and give us an invoice leaden with explosive runes
>>28953870BECAUSE THE SECOND ONE OF THEIR ENEMIES PUTS UP AN ANTI-MAGIC WARD EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SWORDPlus no magic can replicate our craftsmanship. A little bit of dwarvern sweat in each blade makes the product a true dwarvern ware.
Why hello, noble dwarves, it is I, Jasper, Conjurer of the Blue Mountains!I heard, through my magical thingamabob that you were having a problem with a blade design, so I thought I'd poof my way over and see if I could be of help. I'm sure you will have no trouble in forging the blades with good quality adamant, or perhaps mithril, if you're feeling fancy. This has already be mentioned, of course. I would love to be of service in enchanting this order of blades, to improve their abilities beyond what normal smith work can do, if it pleases.I'm sure these swords would work fine and well without my magical enhancements, but why stop at cutting, when you can have a sword that burns as hot as a brand, or perhaps tickles the enemy through vibration of their armor, so they are open to further attack?Of course, if you are not in need of my services, I'll leave you to your work, with a nice table of conjured ale.
>>28955051Fuck off Jasper, you double-half-elf.I still remember being turned into a newt because I called you out on that coin trick you did for the children that didn't use magic.
>>28955331You got better, didn't you?
>>28955516You have to ask?
I'm picturing the Oglaf Dwarves while reading this thread.
>>28953943That's leaving aside the rates that the fuckers charge for the service.
>>28944162Why would he need 1000 of our traditional blades? Doesn't he know that only the deepest and most enlightened of the dwarves can wield them properly?
>>28963268> Wield them properly> a hand and a half sword on each side> properly
>>28963375>not dual-wielding katanasdo you even dwarf.