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>>29905017
Take his Omni-tool data, ask his name, then kill him. Preferably with a bullet.

>>29905143
Yeah, this sounds good, make sure to check his cred balance too while we're at it.

>>29905185
>>29905143
Scanning the weeping Quarian's omni-tool, you run into several high-grade blocks on his information, not surprising seeing as he's a Quarian engineer. If you want to break in, he'll have to open it for you, you don't have the skills to crack the software.

"What's your name," he doesn't answer coherently, the reply lost in his blubbering, you slap him harder than the last time, "What. Is. Your. Name."

"Regel! It's Regel nar Dende!" He yells, "Please, please leave me alone...." The Quarian is shaking now, your interrogation is breaking him.

What do you do next?
>Kill him
>Intimidate to open the omni-tool data.
>Other(write-in)

>>29905383
>Intimidate to open the omni-tool data.
Copy all his data, and take all his creds. Afterwards kill him with a bullet.

>>29905383
>Intimidate to open the omni-tool data.
Gotta get the data!

>Intimidate

Should be pretty easy now that he's a crying mess.

>>29905383
Better idea.
>You're coming with me
Take him to the boss.

>>29905418
>>29905429
>>29905487
DC[20], his fear of you will make this easy.
All rolls unless stated otherwise are 1d100, for anyone new to this quest

Rolled 49

>>29905383

>>29905532
For once, I did that on purpose, posted from my mobile when I went outside for a minute.

Rolled 56

>>29905532

Rolled 3

>>29905532

>>29905586
Well shit. c:

>>29905610
Guess we'll just have to torture him into doing it instead of through intimidation.

>>29905561
Success.

Drawing the Omni-blade slowly up his neck, you lightly let the blade graze the soft flesh of his neck, traveling past his cartilage-like cheek-bones, resting it in-between his eyes.

"Now then..." you whisper into his ear, "Unlock your omnitool.... And I might let you live...." you pull the tip away, and like a marionette puppet, he follows your commands immediately, hurriedly typing in he proper codes.

You pass the omnitool over his again, and the information is clear, his identity is as he said, and his credit account is at 600 creds.

The bastard already spent his payment on something, over 9,000 creds. You glare at him, causing him to shrink into a ball, hugging his knees and muttering in the Quarian language.

>Kill him, Gun
>Kill him, Feed
>Kill him, Omniblade
>Knock him out and tie him up, come back for him later.
>Release him, warning him not to cross you, you have his life's information aftervall.
>Other(write-in)

>>29905821
>Kill him, Feed
Useless fucker, might as well sate the hunger with him at least.

>>29905586
Fuck, I jumped the gun on that one, can anyone confirm it was a d100?

>>29905866
They were all d100

>>29905821
>Kill him, Feed
Be sure to cut off his head with your omniblade, and then smash it into unrecognizable mush though.

>>29905844
DO NOT FEED DAMMIT

The whole thing is addictive, and so far we've done it twice. The more we do it, the less choice we'll have about doing it.

>>29905844
>>29905885
>>29905897
For the sake of not back-tracking, we're going to continue, however, I'm going to wait for all three rolls to be made from now on.

Entirely my fault, sorry guys.

>>29905910
Only when we're in situations to feed, and we get ore power, maybe we can meditate or some shit to prevent it, I mean morinth has sucked the souls of hundreds if not thousands of people, and she was mostly able to control it... kind of

>>29905910
While yes, we shouldn't be feeding on everyone we kill, there's no reason to waste all the opportunities either.

>>29905821
Tie up his arms, take him with. Oh, and take his creds...and see what he'd spent his money on.

>>29905962
We'll have plenty of oppurtunities. No reason to take every one of them.

>>29905999
We've only fed twice, and we're Public Enemy # 1 to the asari. They some powerful bitches

>>29906031
This.
We're firmly in scrub ville as far as biotic power is concerned right now, we definitely need to feed on him.

>>29906031
>>29906074
We've killed 3 times. as you said, we shouldn't be feeding on EVERYONE we've killed.

>>29906100
It was only two times. That asari, and Gil.

>>29906153
>>29906100
>>29906074


Gonna call a tie-breaker here
>1
for feed
>2
for capture
>3
for feed

>>29905821
>Knock him out and tie him up, come back for him later.
Guys, we can use him. No need to mindlessly kill.

>>29906153
And the merc leader, who we also fed on

>>29906201
>3
for kill with gun*

>>29906201
2

>>29906201
3

>>29906201
>3

>>29906228
The merc leader was Gil.

>>29906201
>3

>>29906283
Whatever, I don't feel comfy maintaining a high raatio of feeding:nonfeeding kills. It'll only get us caught that much faster.

>>29906318
>>29906281
>>29906258
3 for gun kill, writing

>>29906354
Yup, writing it.

>>29906322
So long as we don't just leave fed on bodies just laying around, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

>>29906423
If you think the disposal of bodies is all...these are Asari Justicars that will be hunting us. They know more about this stuff than we do.

Taking one final look at the Quarian before you, and fearing the evidence of another feeding, you draw your gun and aim at the Quarian. He looks up, and his crying ceases, a looked of resolution passes across his face, and you fire. Blood splatters across the ground, among Quarian-brain matter. Taking a moment to look through his files, you find a strange schematic for an experimental ship-part, what it is for, you aren't sure exactly. "Maybe it's worth a few creds to the right buyer?" you mutter to yourself, not understanding the complex algorithms and diagrams filling the file, Quarians are well known for their technological prowess after-all.

You head farther down the life-support maintenance hall-way, checking your virtual map to find the right path. Luckily, it's primarily linear.

Coming to the end of the shaft, you notice a small trap-door that presumably opens into the control-room below. Lifting the hatch, you peer into the room below, inside, several people are setting up equipment of some kind. An unrecognizable female Quarian, a Hanar, and Salarian. Definitely an odd mix. You could take them by surprise and forego talking to them, after-all the equipment does seem foreign to the room, and you couldn't take all three of them if you didn't take atleast one out.

>Target the Quarian
>Target the Hanar
>Target the Salarian
>Attempt to talk to them (Write-in)
>Other(Write-in)

>>29906698
>Walk up to them, greet them normally, and when close enough, aim a gun at the Salarian while pointing the omni-blade at the Quarian, both preferably at point blank range. Hopefully, that Hanar isn't Blasto.

>>29906776
This is supposed to be an intimidation/hostage situation, preferably.

>>29906698
>Target the Salarian
Jump down and snap his neck, then fire a gun at the Hanar.

>>29906812
>>29906776
Thread's going pretty slowly tonight,

>>29906842
Seconding this.
I'm betting this is the quarian we're after.

>>29906879
>>29906842
>>29906812
>>29906776
Dc[50]

Rolled 85

>>29906900

Rolled 52

>>29906900

Rolled 68

>>29906900

rollan

>>29906959
>>29906948
>>29906911

I'll be back in less than an hour, keep the thread alive, discuss future course of action!

I'll be running for several hours after I get back!

Rolled 20

>>29906991
...the Asari...assuming the message we got sent is still in the data we took, we can give it to the boss. He'll be able to answer any questions.

>>29906991
Beep boop, I am a bump.

>>29907281
Would you like some tits with that bump?

>>29906991
There really is no reason to bump if you're going to be back within an hour. /tg/ isn't that fast a board. Unless you expect to be gone for 3+ hours, you don't have to bump.

>>29907376
We're staving off boredom. Join in or gtfo

>>29907376
Dunno, Once made a thread and it was gone after an hour on no one posting. It really varies.

>>29907335
Temping, but I'm gonna have to say no. Rather not get fed on by the MC.

>>29907412
And there's that.

So, I'm really liking this so far. Other than some beginner QM mistakes, there's nothing too bad. I'm liking the writing style and the tone so far. I'm just wondering how dark it's going to get.

Back! Writing as we speak.

>>29907431
It happens really fast lately, thanks for bumping bros

The edge of the hatch bites into your hands while you lower yourself into the room, the trio still pre-occupied in their tinkering. To your left, the Quarian stands, hurriedly typing on a terminal, her fingers collide so hard with the holographic projection that the metal on the table makes a steady beat, reminding you of rain.

Grasping the Salarian’s neck on your side of the room, you apply sight biotic force to your hands, with over 100 pounds of force you twist his neck in a solid 180, not a sound is made by the action. With a fluid motion, you pull your pistol away from your armor’s anchoring point, and fire 3 times. The energy-based blasts tear through the soft skin of the Hanar, and with flashes of light just breaching into the visible spectrum, the Hanar screeches and falls limp. The body is grotesquely similar to a deflated plastic bag, the gravity-pack still holding the Hanar afloat.

You point your gun at the Quarian, who is now pointing her own at you.

You bite back a gasp.

Mel grins at you.

What do you do?

> ”What the fuck is going on here! Mel, what! Are you doing!”
> ”So the Quarian brat is a terrorist after all. Go figure.”
>Say something (Write-in)
> Fire, hopefully you can get the shot off before her.
> Use a biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.
>Other (Write-in)

>>29907956
> Use a biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.
> ”So the Quarian brat is a terrorist after all. Go figure.”
Get the gun, then dialogue.

>>29907956
>Say something (Write-in)
Why are you here Mel?
Don't be hysterical or blatantly accusative yet.

>>29908010
Probably best, I mean she /is/ our only friend around here

>>29908010
I think it's pretty obvious why she's here.
> Use a biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.

>>29907956
Mel, you've been kind to me. Put your gun down and cooperate, and I can keep you from being on the bad end of this.

>>29908010
>>29908041
Am I the only one here that remembers we're on Omega? You don't just become friends with someone after a single day or two.

>>29907956
>Use biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.

>>29907956
>> ”What the fuck is going on here! Mel, what! Are you doing!”
> Use a biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.

>>29907956
>Use a biotic pull to get the gun from her hands.

>>29907956
Pull but target her feet and throw up.a barrier (we can do that right?)

>>29908085
>>29908071
>>29908043
>>29908007

You reach deep into your mind, accessing the vestige of biotic power that you had earlier accessed in Mel's apartment, appropraite that the same ability you learned on Mel's floor would be the same one to disable her. You charge the energy in your right palm, and thrust it forward...

DC[40]

>>29908135
(Don't think we can, yet)

Rolled 24

>>29908147

Rolled 41

>>29908147

Rolled 99

>>29908147
Dual wielding

>>29908135
Barrier isn't a skill Vayle knows yet, she only knows how to use push/pull as coherently stable abilities.

Rolled 31

>>29908147

Rolled 94

>>29908147
cmon sexy blue alien work your magic

>>29908169
We pulled the fuck out of that gun.

>>29908169
Dat crit.

Post incoming.

Rolled 73

>>29908172
Worth a shot mentioning

>>29908169
Aw shit son, I didn't rip her arm off too?

>>29908169
Critical Success.

The ball of energy collides directly with the gun, ripping it from Mel's hand so suddenly that it shatters on the wall behind you, a small 'pop' as the mechanisms inside implode. To your surprise, the pull seemed to have an extra 'umph' behind it, traveling beyond the gun and lifting Mel herself. Her body limp from the biotic field surrounding her, she stares at you, her smirk replaced with a sneer more at-home on a Vorcha.

[Pull has been upgraded to level 2, you can now choose to have a pull travel through an object and pull anything touching it, or not if you'd like. Your maximum load is now 270 lbs of force.]

Being in a particularly vulnerable position, the field holds as you take spare wiring from the room, thank the Goddess for the surplus this place has, and tie her hands and legs together. The biotic field collapses, and Mel is helpless at your feet.

>What do you do?

Rolled 21

>>29908147
"Looks like each of us has something to hide."

>>29908308
Talk to her, ask her why she was sabotaging the place.

On a side note, if we kill her, we're down to only one other named NPC.

>>29908308
seconding >>29908333

yeah, i'm reluctant to kill the first 'friend' we've got here

>>29908333
True, but letting her live is still entirely out of the question.
Running on the likelihood that she's the on that sabotaged the drill, it's our job to kill her. Not to mention she's likely to try and kill us later on if we do.

>>29908325
This.
Try and find out who she's working for, copy her omnitool data, intimidate or torture her so that she unlocks anything on there that needs it, take her credits, and then feed.

>>29908386
Why not bring her on as sub-contractor? She's our little sidekick/Oracle, doing remote hacks and shit?

>>29908386
Why should we be completely loyal to "the boss" again? Besides, we can already point to 3 other corpses if the boss demands proof that we dealt with the perpetrators. Plus we technically already killed the person who sabotaged the drill.

>>29908386
seconding >>29908434 & >>29908441
she can still be useful to us, we just need to figure out what the fuck is going on

and if we do need to cover up her involvement in the sabotage, we've got her gear, the salarian, hanar and the male quarian outside to lay blame at

>>29908441
>>29908434
We met her two days ago, and know nothing about her. How does giving her an opportunity later on to kill us seem like a good idea?

Rolled 92

>>29908308
Mel, you were kind to me. Cooperate, and I can be kind to you as well.

>>29908518
We slept on her couch one day ago when we knew nothing about her and she didin't kill us then.

>>29908518
By oh I don't know talking with them, making them a deal, and always being ready to B.A.W. their spine out.

"Mel, what are you doing here? What the hell do you think you're going to accomplish with this?" The previous demeanor of a cool, collected assassin is lost, this was the only person who had shown you kindness on this station, the only face you could appreciate as a friend turns out to be your enemy, atleast by contract.

"The Boss told me I have to make you suffer Mel! What happened to 'don't get on the bosses' bad side'?!" You ask, an edge of desperation clear.

"Remember the story of my grandmother, the admission her VI made?" You nod slowly, “I’m her successor.”

“You’re a terrorist? What the hell!? Why?”

Shesighs, “Mel, whatever you have heard of us, The Ahn’Qui aren’t around for causing random acts of chaos. We do have a purpose.” This is making no sense, the salarian talking about an Asari, the Quarian who is clearly Mel….

What do you say?

Rolled 46

>>29908670
Who's the asari

>>29908670
Why is disabling a mining drill on Omega anything other than a random act of chaos?

>>29908670
then explain what the fuck it is your doing and why, give me a reason why I shouldnt murder the only friend I thought I had here

>>29908670
Should probably ask her about Ahn’Qui command structure and personnel and then get all the data from her omni tool and as a final act kiss her brains out.

>>29908670
'Then start talking, Mel, because we don't want interruptions." Move her and ourself to a position that we can watch exits to make sure no one gets the drop on us while Story Time begins.

Rolled 26

>>29908865
This

>>29908865
This.
I'm still of the opinion we should kill her, but let's hear her story first.

>>29908767
>>29908721
Grabbing Mel by the ties on her hands, you drag her behind a large databank, sitting her and yourself in a position to watch the exits.

"Who is the Asari your engineer buddy in the maintenance shaft was talking about? And how is disabling Omega's drill not a random act of chaos?" You pace back and forth in front of the tied up Quarian,

"The Asari? Are you sure he said Asari?"

She is looking at you now, concern on her face,

"Mel, TELL ME WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS"

She squirms, looking you in the eyes.

"Vayle, we didn't have an agent in the maintenance tunnels," she jerks her head towards the boxes the three had been working on before your sudden entrance, "We were going to blow the control room and life-support to hell. We have to get out of here. Now."

You shake your head,

"Mel, I'm no fool, you're involved, you have to be. What would a terrorist group benefit from blowing up a mining station in the Terminus system? You're making no god damned sense!"

She shakes her head, "We don't have time if there's someone else involved, there's something else at work here!"

What do you say/do?

>>29908968
Honestly, I am of the opinion that or current boss is far too flashy for continued survival. If she gives a good enough job offer, we can take it (but if she tries to screw with us, she will have to die).

Also, thank you for the support, currently going for a 'gone-too-far'angle with the rp. It'll pay of if I can get the acting seem just normal enough to be horrifying.

>>29909161
well, we stopped the sabotage, so lets haul her ass elsewhere in case what she is saying is true

Rolled 18

>>29909161
Mel, you were kind to me. As such, I'm going to be kind to you.
>Free her
I'm going to drop Ahn'Qui to the boss, but I won't mention you. And I'll wait for three hours to do it, taking time to 'Assemble my data'. Come and find me if you have other plans, or get off this station while you can. I don't care which.

>>29909161
Can we use any of our powers relating to melding without nomming someone? Just enough to see if she's telling the truth, as this sounds like a trap to lure us into an open position.

>>29909218
To be honest, I think this is more in character. We may have killed people, but she is literally the only person who cared for us, she helped us out, we should give her a chance.

Or atleast flee with her, not release her.

>>29909232
Ardat-Yakshi kill anyone who they successfully meld with, so no.

>>29909218
Lets handle one thing at a time, this Asari probably show herself at some point. We need to be ready if it's a Justicar.

Rolled 64

>>29909309
Yes we do. Which is why having the Ahn'Qui as allies would be...actually, another suggestion.

>>29909309
If it's a justicar, we are royally fucked.

Rolled 100

>>29909161
"You were kind to me, so let's cooperate. The Ahn'Qui were being framed for this, and are outraged about it. Given that, you're willing to work with the Boss to figure out who the 'Asari' is. You and I will be liaisons for the Ahn'Qui and the Boss respectively.

>>29909161
seconding >>29909218

but lets escort her back to the apartment, we can report to the boss that we took care of it, and blame the quarian we shot as the leader of the sabotage

>>29909367
Also, I'd like to bank this.

>>29909161
Seconding >>29909377

>>29909367
that is all kinds of wrong and assumptions on things we've not even discovered yet

>>29909367
For all we know, Ahn'Qui could be after the boss.

>>29909367
we don't know half of that stuff yet, let alone have even asked about it

>>29909398
It's all lying. The only lie there is that the Ahn'Qui did NOT want to have this sabotage happen.
>>29909408
If the Ahn'Qui is after the boss, we can help them. I'm all for killing off this Krogan here.

>>29909430
A, its pretty damn out of character

B, its just making up a bunch of shit in a poor attempt to bluff

C, she would know more about the lies than we do, so they are pointless

>>29909430
I say we keep working for the krogan a while longer, if only for the credits and the training.

>>29909483
You're missing the point. We are going to say this to the boss, arrange the Ahn'Qui and the boss to cooperate (supposedly) to take down this Asari, and if the Ahn'Qui want the Boss dead, we can arrange it. If they AREN'T trying to hurt the Boss, then we can actually both work to take down the Asari.

>>29909161
Let's get out of here just in case, but definitely don't free her.

>>29909489
He's drawing too much attention, insults us all the time, and is paying us pretty decently for some random deep. But we're expendable to him, never forget that.

>>29909537
>We are going to say this to the boss
then you should have explained it and said it better because its not worded like that at all, you wrote it like we're saying it verbatim to Mel, which just does not make sense

Calling a vote:
>1
Free Mel as per
>>29909367

>2
Flee, with Mel in tow

>>29909561
I'm not saying we work for him forever, just long enough for some decent training and a decent amount of cash.

>>29909564
We'd explain to Mel that that's how things are going to be, and how they should act as though they are.

>>29909592
>2

>>29909592
>2

>>29909592
1

>>29909592
1

>>29909592
>2

>>29909592
>1

>>29909592
2

>>29909161
> free her.
don't make me regret this.

>>29909592
>2

>>29909592
2

Also, have her talk about the Ahn'Qui while we leave.

>>29909592
>2
Don't trust her at all

>>29909592
>2

>>29909592
>1
free her

9 vs. 3

>2 wins.

Post incoming

>>29909592
Blow up the mine. Make it look like the Asari did it.

All of Omega will be after her.

>>29909798
That's a horrible idea.

>>29909592
Oh, and comm our boss, tell him an Asari who seemed professional wanted to blow up the station, and hired some idiots to do it. Make sure Mel doesn't talk and wink at her to keep her silent.

>>29909814
If it's made to look like she did it to confirm a kill, it should work.
Then we get all of Omega on the bitch on boss's orders.

>>29909817
>wanted to sabotage the mine*

>>29909798
>>29909838
we know very little about this mystery asari, we'd need more information to make it stick

and blowing up the mines and the life support for it, would utterly fucking ruin Omega, like kill thousands and render it useless and fuck up all infrastructure on it

I don't think you realise how much of Omega is tied to the running of the asteroids mines, that is literally its beating heart

>>29909887
Aren't we more concerned about our own beating heart?

>>29909912
can't really do that if we blow up the center of Omega and it takes us with it

>>29909912
Sure, let's cripple Omega's infrastructure and hope it sets them against the asari who's identity we don't have a clue about.

>>29910001
How long have we been in Omega? Like, all of three days or something?
Time to change that canon history.

>>29910062
It just seems wildly out of character.

>>29910062
It just seems wildly out of character.

You use your omniblade to cut the ties at Mel’s feet, and pull her up. Quickly, the two of you dash out of the room, through an emergency exit onto the cat-walks. Your gun is firmly pressed against Mel’s back, still not trusting her, but rather curious about where the rabbit-hole will lead.

As the two of you run, you notice several armed figures entering the control room from the opposite end that you exited from, cursing under your breath, you point out the soldiers, whispering “Please for the sake of the Goddess tell me they’re Ahn’Qui,” you hear a small laugh under her breath, “Not a chance.” You two continue on, considerably slower in order to draw less attention, every step resounding in tiny clangs, unpreventable. A guard is stationed several feet ahead of you, you fling a Push towards the man, and he falls screaming onto the drill, his body visibly catching flame as it touches the metal, heated to outrageous temperatures from friction with the rock. Nobody heard his scream, and you continued onwards.

You reach an exit, and Mel leads you to find an empty car, her vehicle. She powers her omnitool to open the doors, a simple motion activated by her wrist despite being bound, you hope into the driver’s seat after shoving her into the passenger’s.

Where to?

>Straight to Boss, he needs to be updated on the situation.
>The Apartment, a quiet place to hear Mel’s story
>Continue driving, it’s safer to keep moving
>Other(Write-in)

Also, what questions do you want to ask?

>>29910132
>The Apartment, a quiet place to hear Mel’s story.
If her story ends up being bullshit in an attempt to get away like I think it will be though, we can just dump her off with the boss.

>>29910132
>Straight to the Boss
Tell Mel we're going to fudge the details about who's responsible for the drill sabotage, for her sake.

>>29910132
>>The Apartment, a quiet place to hear Mel’s story
put in a call to boss and say we stopped the sabotage and got out quickly

>>29910132
>>The Apartment, a quiet place to hear Mel’s story

>>29910175
This

>>29910172
A call won't allow us to use what charisma we have on him.
I'm sure even he's not able to resist our charms.

>>29910132
>To the Yakshi Lair, time for back story ahoy
Put in a call to Boss, vague and general like

>>29910244
>>29910219
>>29910175

Apartment wins, but will we call the boss or no?

>>29910288
After we hear her story, I don't think it should take too long.

>>29910288
Yes, but keep Mel out of sight/tell her to keep quiet.

>>29910132

>The Apartment, a quiet place to hear Mel’s story

>>29909798
>make it look like the Asari did it
How? We don't know if they have any calling card or modus operandi, and simply saying 'an Asari did it' makes us a suspect as well.

>>29910288
After we hear her story.

>>29910322
>'an Asari did it- that WASN'T us.'

Fixed.

>>29910396
...do you even logical reasoning?

>>29910436
It was sarcasm.

>>29910062
>Time to change that canon history.
Except Aria and her Asari used the Patriarch's men against him, and Quarians and Hanar don't seem the mercenary types.

unless that's not what you're talking about

>>29910513
>Hanar don't seem the mercenary type
Do you even Blasto?

>>29910300
I think this is a fair enough representation.


You rev the car up, programming the Apartment's district into your Omnitool's map, and follow the established route. Along the way, Mel stays silent, staring blankly ahead, not saying a word, and you follow suit, focusing on the air-ways.

Parking, and subsequently walking to the apartment, you manage to hide the fact that Mel is bound from passery-bys, standing at just the right angle to hide her hands from view, an awkward style of walking, but it only attracts a few awkward glances rather than uncomfortable accusations.

Opening the door, you order Mel to the couch, you pull a chair from the kitchen in front of the couch, look her in the eye, and aim your gun at her.


"Start talking."


Well guys, I'm gonna have to call it a night, thank you all for sticking around for this quest, I'm beyond happy that this quest has the potential to carry on for longer than a few threads, I love writing this, and I hope you enjoy the writing. The next quest will be up around 14:00 Central American Time. Follow me on twitter, https://twitter.com/VolitionQM ,for updates on times, in the mean time

I'd be very grateful if you could give me tips on how to improve my writing/QM abilities, I want to provide the best, but I won't get there without feedback!

>>29910513
I meant killing Omega economically by destroying their mine.

>>29910132
Apartment isn't safe. Boss may not be either. Contact the boss, having our Quarian friend make us add untraceable as possible.

>>29910583
Thanks OP, it's a good quest but sometimes you use too many commas.

Just look at this sentence:
"Along the way, Mel stays silent, staring blankly ahead, not saying a word, and you follow suit, focusing on the air-ways"
It interrupts the flow of the paragraph and makes it hard to read.

>>29910724
Ahh fuck, now that you mention it I can see it's pretty out of hand .-. I'll definitely correct this habit! Thanks Anon