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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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That guy thread? I'll go first.

A while ago I was looking for a group to join for just anything. After a while a friend introduced me to a new group of pretty ok people.

First session its an undead campaign, party is short on casters so I roll up a spell-slinger. Whole session guy next to me is complaining about loot being stolen from him by one of the players, don't think anything of it so I move on with the game.

Next session same guy is still complaining about it, get some more detail, it was a stealth ring he could have used that the witch who stole it off him already had a copy of. Still say nothing, new group I don't know the details, don't get involved.

That session witch steals something from another party member without their knowledge and sells it, don't find this out till the end. Moving on we find a church, revamp it set everything up and get a jug of unlimited holy water. Awesome in an undead campaign!
Witch steals shit from the church because jug doesn't interest her. Party try's to stop her and she Black tentacles the party and runs off to join the thieves guild.

DM is a pretty cool guy gives her some options says she obviously can't play this character anymore since it is now working against the party. Everyone is happy, this character was represented as greedy, but apparently only ever stole from the party.

She roles up some divine caster, and the campaign moves on. Anytime we interact with the witch character she perks up cause the DM allowed her control whenever we were fighting her.

Fastforward to us taking out the thieves guild due to repeated events like this. We hunt down the witch and cohorts and kill them taking the spoils of the thieves guild for ourselves. Witch/divine caster's player flips, starts saying how we persecuted her character and didn't let her just live happily and how we "raped her corpse" just to please ourselves.

Que her new character, Previously Chaotic Good flipping completely around to chaotic evil to begin plotting against and attacking the party for no good in game reason, other than she saw the "rape and torture of the witches body and rethought why she would be with these people" aka she wanted to control another fucking antagonist and reroll for a new character.
Convince the DM to make her come out on different nights, and then she can play the BBEG. On nights she is to interact with you guys she plays with you as the bad guy. If she dies, she has to make a new character with no ties to her old characters.
Sucks bro, hate it when witches turn to bitches. Anyways here's a little black lump of coal I remember from about three years ago.
>At LGS with buds, looking at the obscure card game rack and wondering why Bob's Burgers doesn't have one
>All of a sudden this burly older guy comes walking in, a little kid that looks about ten carrying one of those big see through card carrying cases. Dude walks up to the counter and yanks the case out of the kids arms, who looks visibly depressed
>"Hey, how much you give me for this?" He asks, showing the owner the case of cards. Little kid looks even more depressed, and we've all stopped what we were doing to watch this.
>Owner looks over the cards, taking care not to bend them or anything, all the while taking occasional glances at the kids sad demeanor. We find out later the cards were pretty fucking good as far as value goes. "Before I can say how much I can give you, I gotta' ask, who do the cards belong to."
>"They're mine-"
>"They're his, but I paid for him so they're mind technically." The dad cuts in, not even bothering to look at his son.
>"No you didn't dad, mom's boyfriend bought them for me."
>The owner immediately closes the case and pushes it back across the counter. "If the cards don't belong to you sir then I can't purchase them."
>All of a sudden the dad chucks the case onto the floor and just starts stomping on it, yelling at his kid the whole time. "For fucks sake why didn't you keep quiet! I needed that fucking money!"
>Little kid tries to grab the case, but gets his hand stomped on by his dad. It unfortunately also cracked the case apart and cut the kid up at the same time.
>"Stop whining! Stop whining!" The dad keeps screaming, picking his kid up roughly and dragging him out of the store before the owner can stop him.
>Luckily the shop is located right next to a popular Chinese restaurant that's a hangout for the local cops. They stop the guy before he gets away.
>Find out later from the little kid while he was waiting for his mom that it was his dads turn for visitations, he had brought his cards along in hopes of playing together with him.
>Dad apparently knew enough about the game that he knew his son was carrying around a lot of cash. Basically dad told his son that he needed some money quick, and that if he loved him he'd sell the cards.
>Turns out the whole reason that his parents were even separated was because the dad sold a bunch of old comics that used to belong to his moms father, like shit from the 40's.

Owner ended up giving the kid another case for free, and even a couple booster packs. I even pitched in and bought him a yoohoo.
Damn, what a tale.
What a total cunt. I hope the bastard got maced on his way past the cops.
Not sure that counts as a "That Guy" story, but it's certainly pleasant to see an asshole got what he deserved.
Damn dude. That's just sad.
I don't quite know if this quite fits under "that guy", but here goes
>School starts up a game club
>Large majority of members are 40K players
>All is well
>This kid named Jack decides he wants to play 40k
>His first game ever
>Challenges my friend to a game, borrowing my army
>Jack sees all my friend's Blood Angels
>Yeah, they would have been a pain in the ass, but no big deal
>Jack has a panic attack
>Literally has a panic attack
>Comes back the next week with an "army" of Orks
>He has grazgull Thrakka, some tankbustas and pain boyz, and some gretchin
>He comes to play with some other people in the group
>ROTC teacher who heads the club is asked by Jack to give him some tips
>teacher asks what he has in his army
>Starts listing shit off
>"Hold up, Jack, are you counting your points up?"
>Teacher explains to him what points are
>Jack didn't know what points are.
Fast forward about an hour
>The Blood Angel player from earlier actually plays Jack this time
>He brought his Tyranid army
>Has a blob of gaunts, the Doom, a hive tyrant, some shit like that
>Jack brings his stuff, borrows some of mine again to proxy
>Tyranids get first blood, slay the warlord, linebreaker, and hold all of the objectives
>Jack thinks he won
>Nid player asks why the fuck he thinks he won
>"I killed more of your guys"
>He killed 15 of his 25 gaunts, and that's it
>Nid player killed 10 boyz, his warlord, and a looted wagon
>Jack, they're meant to be used as cannon fodder. They're worth, like, 3 points apiece. I killed way more of your guys in point value
>But I killed more models so I won

Yeah, he's knew, but me and the BA/Nid guy are pretty new too. We at least knew to read the rulebook and think about what to buy rather than just buy random shit and not read the rulebook.

>We can't stand Jack.
Really sad. I hope the kid turns out OK. I hope he gets invited to the FLGS and everyone treats him like a bro
I've got some more stories with this kid, not at all That Guy except for maybe one time that involved a Yu-Gi-Oh player.
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go ahead it's sunday
Rolled 68

Well anon, do share a few.
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>undead campaign
>gooby pls
Anybody interested in a brief storytime?
I have one about a dear friend who was That DM
tell us
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Before I get started, some basics.
The five of us were playing the Fallout PnP system. It is a terrible and poorly optimized system, but can still be fun due to the setting.
The DM was a good friend of ours, and as much as I will speak poorly of in this story, outside of a tabletop setting, he is an incredible person.

He got all of us into tabletop in the first place.
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So the four of us created our characters while our DM enthusiastically wrote a campaign.
The characters were as follows:

Abel Dretski: An agile and amiable sniper who was fond of taunting his foes. Abel hailed from the small camp in the wastes.. Human.

Thad Francillion: My character, planned to be a humorous take on a Sue. Long white hair, high charisma, melee only. Had a bad case of MUH AMNESIA.

Ferdinand: A ghoul (human immortalized by radiation, for those of you unfamiliar). He wore pajamas everywhere, and since Fallout PnP allows you to play as some animals, he used small guns and had some pseudo-homebrew skills surrounding animal communion. Had no real backstory to speak of.

REG-E: This player dropped out after the first session due to being thoroughly disinterested. REG-E was a security robot.
>rules heavy game
>complains when a newbie doesn't know all rules
With these characters, we embarked from the lonely town of Edwards Airforce Base. Some friendly locals had informed us that a nearby mine was infested with Geckos, and that it was up to our gun-toting, disoriented crew to go clean things out.
Very little introduction time, all of our wandering characters, including a robot, are sent into the mine to exterminate the beasties.

The first few encounters go alright, our team eliminates the lizards with relative ease. As soon as we reach the mouth of the cave, though, we slowly began to realize that the DM's math was a little faulty. See, there's nothing wrong with having four players take on four geckos- that's an easy encounter, even at level 1. However, nearing the mouth of the cave, we encountered 12 geckos at once.

Even with our primitive stats we managed to ward them off, and even found some loot lying about. Inside a trashed backpack we found some ammo and 7 sticks of dynamite. We distribute these amongst the team.

As we enter the cave, we are assaulted by 12 more geckos, far too many to take at our reduced health. Only an hour or so in, the table is buzzing with complaints- the encounters are horribly balanced.

I will take a moment here to detail the workings of the robot. Since they are made of metal, they have much better resistances than humans- 100% radiation and poison resistance, and a 40% resistance to every other form of damage.
However, each character gets two level one traits.
The robot only has three possible traits, and 2/3 are terrible. The 3rd, however, entitled 'tight nuts,' granted the robot double resistances- an 80% reduction to any form of damage, starting from level 1.

So needless to say, we used the robot as a suicide bomber.
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My first DM was a That Guy DM at times.

>>First D&D campaign ever after being a snob closet nerd my whole life up until this point.
>>Reluctantly play an NPC jousting savant with Autism.
>>One of the players, lets call her Shelby, constantly cheats on die rolls and steals camera time like its going out of style. >>Seriously monopolizes 3 1/2 hours of every 6 hour session.
>>After several fun if tangential weeks, DM invites my Femmebro to the game
>>The girl without my knowledge has a crush on me.
>>DM immediately sets up an awkward plot twist that my friend, who is playing a sorceress, is a prize in a jousting tournament.
>>Win Tournament.
>>Have to fake marry friend.
>>Spend many awkward hours roleplaying an unhappy arranged marriage with a girl that has a crush on me.
>>Characters cheat on each other constantly in a revenge hate spiral.
>>DM excitedly explains this to everyone he knows as a feature of his game.
>>I assume all games of D&D are like this for years.
>>Play VtM to escape the heavy drama of D&D.
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We LOADED the fucker down with dynamite (which we kept finding around the mines, much to the DM's chagrin. he was rolling for drops) and plowed him into the waves of geckos emerging from the mines.

We reached the end of the mine shortly after with three sticks of dynamite to spare. The boss emerged from the darkness- a large, vile beast, a queen gecko.

So we load the rest of the dynamite onto the robot and have him walk up to it and explode, destroying the first boss in one turn and taking minimal damage.
Three hours into the game, the DM was already angry at us- we obliterated his terribly balanced encounters, and all survived to tell the tale. We looted the mine, searched for survivors and headed back to base.

The next morning, DM sent out a group text that Tight Nuts would no longer be available in the game, and robots would only have 20% resistances.
It hardly mattered, as the robot's player never showed again.
>punishes you because of his own incompetence

GM's like this are just awful.
>implying the problem was misunderstood rules
I wouldn't call that punishment. He discovered something in the rules that provided an unbalancing advantage, and took it out.

That's life, adjust for it and move on.
>Play VtM to escape the heavy drama of D&D
That's like drinking liquor to avoid the alcohol beer contains.

Anyway, did you get together with femmebro?
What did the father need money for? Drugs?
Sorry for the late reply, fell asleep.
So here's the story of how the little kid, who shall be called Kid, got into D&D
>Takes place two years after the incident with Kid's dad.
>He's been a regular since then, Owner goes out of his way to always keep a pull list for him free of charge.
>Recently the LCS started up a D&D group using AD&D as the basis
>Me, Owner, Chuck(imagine a bird in human form), DM, and Kid are in one group together.
>I choose Bard because I like to party, Owner was Fighter, Chuck was Ranger, and Kid played a Mage.
>Whole campaign was like The Goonies, I shit you not. We were a group of humans about to loose our whole home land to a bunch of Elves because of some ancient written text or something. We could keep the land if we were able to offer something of equal value for it though. Of course the place just happened to be a hot spot for mining diamonds.
>So of course the only thing that can be done is to try and find ol' Horthgar, Son of Brothgar's ancient treasure cave said to reside deep in the mountains.
>It was fun watching Kid play the Mage, often sticking to Illusion spells so that I could add in some Ghost Sound. One time that sticks out is a time a group of Goblins fled in terror as Kid produced a Dragon out of thin air, and I just added Dragony sounds.
>After much trekking and the Owner getting to beat a Troll with one hand( that he ripped off), we managed to find Horthgar's cave. Only time I was worried that Kid might die, as this place sorta' had anti-magic areas where it would backfire terribly. Imagine a three headed polar bear showing up because Kid tried to scare off some spiders.
>Good news is Chuck got a new pelt.
>We traversed more traps, made stupid but funny jokes, and just all around good times.
Noob=/=That Guy.
It would be a punishment next time they play and he is still unable to balance encounters. And the story implies he was annoyed they succeeded, that is terrible.

If the GM does not want the party to win in the end he should quit immediately.
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The Right Reason: I was dating a girl that later became my wife. Also, my friend was a legitimate plutonic conversation partner that I did not think of romantically.

The Real Reason: Femmebro was a solid 5; Wife is a 7. Never gamble a Lexus for a Toyota.
>I'll never forget when we entered the treasure room at last, the DM described it perfectly. It wasn't like a grave filled with gold like we'd all thought, more like a home with items that reminded you of better times, good times with friends.
>My favorite part has to be from Kid again though, it really touches my heart every time.
>Kid's Mage stepped forward, a smile planted on his face. "Well what are you guys waiting for, an invitation?" And boy did we all start digging, a little greedily I might add. Owner's Fighter was about to take Horthgars sword from his skeletal grasp, and boy was it a beauty, described as being embedded with gems, rubies, and the blade itself made of some kind of unknown metals. But just before he could take the sword Kid stopped him, his voice stern. "Not that, that's Horthgars."
>So we took what loot we could carry and left, the DM saying Horthgar's skeletal face seemed to somehow bear a brightened grin from adventures past, his old boney hands still grasped tightly around his old sword.
>And so we made it back to town, paid off the Elves and got to keep our home.
>We did alright.
Made my day. Thanks Anon
You're too socially succesful to be on /tg/.
Be gone, foul Daemon!
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>my face when good Kid

Well, can't blame you here.
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I feel for her but you made the right choice
more pls

>five star stories
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>"Not that, that's Horthgars."

Am I the only one who finds those lines extremely lame and cringe-worthy?
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One day I'll tell share the story about how my scumbag hipster friends publically shamed me and sabotaged my birthday party after they found out I played D&D with the "campus rejects".

6 years on, Femmebro lost her mind after I got married, no longer really talk to that GM, and one of the hipsters was diagnosed with RA. Life goes on.
missing a part
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Whoops, got it flipped
Okay, this is the one takes place about seven months ago.
>We're all trying to figure out a good way to come up with a Pacific Rim pen and paper game.
>Kid keeps stating that Cherno was so cool.
>We eventually start talking about Godzilla and our favorite Kaiju, when Kid starts getting this confused look on his face.
>Noticing this we ask him what his favorite Godzilla movie was.
>"Well I've only ever seen the one with the fish."
>We can not have this, so Owner breaks out the old VCR player and pops in Godzilla vs Ebirah(or Godzilla vs. the giant sea monster/Crab Monster/Lobster of doom)
>Kid finds the idea that these are all men in suits astounding, as they look so real.
>This begins a six hour marathon of Godzilla, and by the end of it he states that Jet Jaguar is his favorite.
>Owner lent him that one to watch whenever he wanted, had to return it though since he didn't have a VCR.
>Still never came up with a Pacific Rim game.

Next, the story of how Kid met That Yu-Gi-Oh Guy.
>publically shaming

I don't call that a friend

>sabotaged my birthday party
that was not a friend at all

> Femmebro lost her mind after I got married
shit nigga was she crazy or something ?
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Like this?
neato, thanks mate
story. now.

also moar kid
I'm assuming from the quotation marks no actual corpse raping happened? Just checking that it's not a team of that-guy.
I ask for story right now

>Takes place about a year and a half ago
You'll have to excuse me cause I only have a basic understanding of Yu-Gi-Oh, but I know a son of a bitch when I see one.
>YGO tournament is happening, Owner making some decent cash from people just buying some boosters at the last minute and the three dollar entrance fee. It was three dollars because, in his words, "If you take two dollars off anything people will feel like they got a deal."
>Kid has decided to enter the tournament, using a Space Hero deck or something, they looked like they were cool though.
>At the same time this dude from three counties over is there as well. We all know this dude because he's an asshole at 40k. Always tries to cheat, blantantly picks up other peoples models and then tosses them back down, and paints everything in Yellow and Purple.
>I don't mean as a color scheme, I mean it is literally half yellow, half purple
>Somehow he got into YGO and here he is. He's using a Dragon deck or something, and he too gets pretty far into the tourney.
>Of course him and Kid face off, with Kid apparently doing well. Half way through though asshole calls over Owner(he's a judge), for a rule violation.
>Apparently Kid tried to summon a ten star monster or something, and didn't have that many monster or something with that value. What's hilarious is that Kid did have that much, asshole just can't count worth shit.
>Again, this guy plays 40k.
>Asshole starts to throw a hissy fit, and tries to grab and rip Kid's cards. Fortunately Owner stopped that shit in its tracks and told asshole to hit the rode and never come back.
>Kid ended up getting fifth, loosing a group of Asian guys who, while being cool, play YGO like it's the fucking bible.
You monster.
>Jet Jaguar
He's a kid so I'll forgive him, this time.
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Lifelong alcohol-medicated Manic-Depression and Hashimoto's were doing a constant number on her mental stability. After I moved in with my wife, refused to come around or hang out. Every conversation became an examination about how I and life were victimizing her. Constantly setting dates for her suicide and telling me them. I told the family she was living with about the killy self stuff. Got screamed at for being on a mission to destroy her life. Fed up, I had her blocked on every service I knew before the call was even over. Haven't heard from her since, except a mutual friend who says she now goes around claiming I sabotaged a book deal for her.
I think the only qualification to put down a non-special ten star monster is having two other creatures out to sacrifice for it.

So the guy couldn't count to fucking two.

i want to hug that kid, I WANT TO HUG HIM RIGHT FUCKING NOW
You are correct.
Well, he's still a kid. It's just cool that he puts some thought behind his actions. If it was story-anon who had said this, it wouldn't be have as awesome.
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>sabotage story

cmon give it to us you greedy sneeky little shit
>that awkward, tensioned silence that descends upon the table when a player kills another player instead of helping him when he's bloodied
I mean the lines in the image, not the story.
I obviously meant to say 'half' as awesome. Duh.
Once again, this guy plays 40k
My favorite is Ebirah
Well, here's one about Kid trying to step up his game.
>Takes place a month after the YGO tourney incident.
>The Asian Group, or TAG, decided they liked Kid as well and wanted to help him improve his deck.
>No other motives, for real they just liked him. So they get him to start spending more time with their group, building his deck up and working up another one.
>Normally Kid wouldn't spend this much on one thing, but there was a pretty good reason this time around. TAG were all brothers, which meant their little sister came around some times.
>Surprisingly she was close to Kid's age.
>Anyways Kid keeps hanging out with TAG, while at the same time obviously falling in love with a qtp2t Asian.
>Don't know why, but he asks us some good ways to pick up thirteen year old girls. I told him to buy her a soda, Owner said just be yourself. Chuck said just ask her out before he got an ulcer from all this waiting.
>So TAG of course finds out that Kid has a crush on their kid sister. Well shit that's all fine and dandy, but how did they know he was worthy to even hold her hand? There was only one way to find out if Kid was worthy enough.
>It's time-sigh...
>...It's time to duel
How old is the kid?
>It's time to duel
Oh god, it's perfect
Oh. Well, yeah, maybe. I like it, but I can see what you mean.
unless it was a syrnchro summon, but even then that's very easy to figure out with out having to call over the owner, it would literally be counting the stars.
Where is this LGS? The description and nearby Chinese restaurant sounds exactly like mine.
And so you derail a That Guy thread with stories of a bro-tier Kid and shop-owner.
Well played, anon, well played!
I came for hilaribad people and stayed for the Kid.
10/10, would read again.
>the only qualification to put down a non-special ten star monster
i'm saving all of this, this is gold and heartwarming
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Femmebro gets drunk with my friends, who are legitimately not nice people. Tells them about how she is secretly married to me in D&D.


Friends, excited that their too cool friend has a secret hobby he is embarrassed of, decide to throw a competing party to my birthday. They returned the presents they were going to get me and replaced them with fuzzy dice and a wizard hat. After half my birthday party is missing, I call around and find a PARTY. When I arrive, my friends make a big deal over my new gifts.

"Oh man, I thought you were better than that. I just would have never expected."

"Why D&D? I expect someone like Femmebro, but come on."

"Friends" should be defined here as "the group of people that all bullied each other because we had no self worth."

I lost my shit. I looked at the "friend" who had been ring leader to my humiliation, who had weasled my secret out of Femmebro. I stared at this person who had violated my trust and I violated hers in the most profound way I could.

"No wonder your brother fucked your mouth all those times when you were a little girl. He just wanted you to shut up."

>>Drop the Mic
>>Walk away
>>Before midnight on 21st birthday.
>>Go home.
>>Eat cake.
>So TAG challenges Kid to a fucking endurance match basically, all four of them going against him one at a time, if Kid wins he gets to continue to hang out with their little sister, maybe hold her hand.
>This is even more hilarious because kid sister finds out about this, and says she's fine with it.
>Well shit now Kid has no choice, time to bust out the deck.
>It must've slowly dawned on TAG that they'd been helping Kid build up his Space Hero deck over the last month, so now they actually had a challenge before them.
>Me, Owner, and Chuck were of course rooting for Kid, even making crappy posters like you'd see at a WWE event. Chuck drew a piss poor rendition of Kid's face on a purple poster that still haunts me.
>So it's a 8000 LP game, and Kid manages to take down the first three guys without going below half of his LP any of the times. Then comes the oldest brother.
>Oldest Brother was apparently a beast at YGO, having never lost once. I didn't realize how good he was though till he dropped Kid to 2500 LP by the third turn. If Owner had hair still he'd have been pulling it out.
>Still Kid wasn't no pushover and managed some cool stuff, at least I thought it was cool cause like I said I don't know shit about YGO. He knocks Older Brother down to 5000 and then shit just hits the fan.
>Older brother does something with a trap card and he gets to paralyze or something Kid's main monster for three turns. Then he pulls out this nasty looking fucker on a horse, fuses it with another fucker, and from the look on Kid's face it was not good.
>So of course Older Brother demolishes the rest of Kid's life points, winning the game and dashing all hope of Kid ever getting to be a player.
>Nah, TAG said they still liked him and let him hang out with little sister. Come on, these are cool guys remember?
>And yes, they are still dating. Though Chuck is no longer aloud to give him advice after telling kid to "Dance for her".
>Goddamnit Chuck.
>how my scumbag hipster friends publically shamed me and sabotaged my birthday party

>shaming you

What kind of dystopian 1984 world do you live where friends just betray you?

Are you perhaps still in middleschool?
I want to meet this kid, high five him, and shake the store owners hand. That sounds like the best LGS in the world
Right now he's thirteen, but his birthday's in March and we're all planning get him a skateboard with an airbrushed picture of Macho Man Randy Savage wearing the Green Lantern Ring and holding Mjolnir on the board.
Glad you guys like it.
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I can see why you would be mad, but you totally fucked that up. Friends fuck with each other, be a man and rearrange their house.
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Alas, this was a top 100 US University, everyone here was over the age of 21.

The story in not about normal people. I have never had an experience like this again.
This is like an episode of actual YGO, big challenge, ends up losing the game but proving his worth and gaining lifelong friends.

And God damn it chuck.
thank you good Sir, those kid stories made my morning
While these guys are assholes, I don't think you had the right to say this out loud. I mean come on, is D&D really the reason for everyone abandoning any social relationship with you?
Where is this LGS if you don't mind me asking?
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Yeah I did. I was still trying to play their game. Always a losing one.
I am going to assume that you were lying with that last line, because if it was truthful, you escalating things way too fucking much.
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>Nah, TAG said they still liked him and let him hang out with little sister. Come on, these are cool guys remember?

Awesome. This Guys all around.
I agree.

If someone tells you about something nasty like that, you just don't blurt it out in the open.

How fucking ashamed about your D&D hobby do you even have to be to fucking blurt out how one of your friends got raped by family?

Like seriously?

The more I think about it, the more I think that the guy who posted that story is a fucking hipster douchebag himself.

>friends joke about your D&D habit
It's in Kentucky, Owensboro area called Big Bang Comics....
I know, but the Owner needs money.
Chuck's okay, he just doesn't realize it isn't 1994 anymore.
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Not proud of it, but I was not good with dealing with humiliation. I don't come to 4chan to remember things rosier than they happened. I was acting childishly and wanted the last word. Didn't realize the cost. Youth.

Not only is Kid a good Kid, I applaud your LGS for being excellent rolemodels for the lad. I only wish half the other places I hear could be more like this and like hives of neckbeards and filth.

Why the Macho Man airbrushed on a skateboardy? Not questioning the choice (Macho's my favorite 80s/90s wrestler) just curious
With that last line this scarily reminds me of a girl I once knew. That shit was pretty mean, mang.
I will assume you apologized at some point, then.

Dude, what the hell. Sure your friends are assholes for what they did, but fuck me, you made fun of her for being molested infront of everyone she knew.

What the hell is wrong with you?
We all got to choose one thing to put on the skateboard. Owner chose Mjolnir, I chose Lantern Ring, and Chuck chose Randy.
Really after reading all that, it shouldn't be surprising that's what Chuck chose.

Well yes, but really, could I expect any real forgiveness?


Huge sense of entitlement, no self control, and a crippling fear of shame and status loss. Seriously. Not bragging. Don't do what I did.
The hardest fall is the one from innocence

even then, I feel even more for her, no wonder she became crazy.

Maybe you can ask her what does it feel like to have the man you love say in front of everybody (who don't seem to like her) her darkest secret ?

sorry anon, I don't want to be rude, it's just my feels.

Well I suppose learning from it and showing contrition makes up for it somewhat at least.

Just to clarify, I did not drop that on Femmebro, who intolerance of my marriage aside is an awesome person. I dropped that on a mutual acquaintance that arranged the whole party thing.
/b/ would aprproved
Oh. Well at least it promotes you from Soul Crushing Monster to Kind of a Dickbag.
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oh sorry I misread that

well then it isn't that bad but still hardcore bad
disregard >>29966019
I feel like this kid has been put through a number of trials to train him to save humanity or something

>tfw kids final form

Not exactly a hard criteria to meet.
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Is this the image you're looking for?
Hopefully he ends up okay. I know the teen years are usually the toughest, but from I hear from him his mom is pretty good, and his step-dad is a pretty chill dude.
His biological dad is still problem apparently, since he still gets visits from Kid occasionally and doesn't like that he hangs around the store. Kid is too nice of a person sometimes.
Well done anon.
It's time to d-d-d-d-dddddd-DUEL
this must have been the shittiest birthday in the history of shitty birthdays
He'll be, I'm sure. He's got a bunch of friends as awesome as it gets.
I don't think it was that bad, what they did was obviously terrible and it's likely that if he knew it then everyone close enough to her to be involved in that "party" knew it
You're a total fucking loser pal, sorry to break it to you. D+D is about the coolest thing about you.

Seriously, don't defend me. There is no excuse for being noxious, ungentlemanly , and boorish.

Seriously, though, /tg/. What I did was not cool. Learn to keep your cool, you'll be less lonely in the long run.
>you'll be less lonely

Didn't you say yourself that that group of people were complete assholes?
Had one recently. Poor guy in my group was constantly being harassed by our local "That Guy", for unknown reasons.

>Play Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay.
>Well-balanced group of Human Knight Errant (That Guy), Dwarf Runesmith, Human Camp Follower and an elf Kithband Warrior (Me)
>That Guy is playing the Knight Errant
>Constantly claims he is the "Boss" of the party, and that he gets to decide what we do.
>Camp-follower guy doesn't care.
>Me and the Runesmith does, roleplay it as us not giving a fuck about the prissy human faggot who thinks he is better than everyone else.
>Knight Errant gets mad OOC, and starts calling the Runesmith player names.
>Skip 1 session forward, where he had taken every chance he got to badmouth the runesmith.
>Get into an ambush.
>Knight Errant grapples the Runesmith to use him as a shield against the arrows.
>Runesmith tries to get free, fails, takes several wounds from the arrows.
>Runesmith attacks the Knight Errant to get free.
>Knight Errant attacks the runesmith, killing him.

Didn't even bother trying to do anything in-game. Packed up my things and told the GM to either throw that faggot out of the group, or find some new players. Me and the Runesmith left.

Yesterday we ran the next session. Runesmith guy got to keep his character, and we are now down to 3 players, and are severely missing a good melee character, but at least our Runesmith is making good use of everything the Knight Errant had. And we're actually having fun now.
Laying it in to thick. Ruseman detected.
So was I, obviously. This happened six years ago. I'm a lot more whole hearted and secure, much less of an asshole. For all I know, those people are all well adjusted friends now eating pasta salad somewhere.

People grow if you let them. Not always for the better. But if you rage quit friendships rather than saying "You are hurting my feelings and violating my trust", you're not even going to find out.

Nah, Just feeling wordy and melancholy, man.
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oh don't worry, I am a nice guy and I know how to keep my cool but I am still lonely as fuck
That GM that hates being a GM and so his adventures always revolve around an VINPC and has special snowflake plots about his character ...
Well, look at the bright side.

You and Kharn the Betrayer have something in common.

Who knows, maybe one day you'll be a swell guy too.
At least the ERP is good, right?
Yeah, why the hell did the guy bring his little kid in with him to sell the cards?
Never asked, but I'm assuming the dad just didn't wanna' leave Kid out of his site, or it would've looked weirder if the dad had come in there alone.
>it would've looked weirder if the dad had come in there alone.

Eh, I don't think so. Plenty of old creeps play card games.

I just don't buy it. You think he would have taken the case out of the kids grasp BEFORE he went into the store. I mean, he ripped it away from him in front of a bunch of people, so there's no reason he wouldn't do the same thing in the privacy of his car.
pretty accurate
You have to realize the dude was an asshole and a parent. I read about the shit parents do just to spite their kids all the times, so it wouldn't surprise me if he just forced Kid along to add to the pain.
I think if one thing is obvious, it's that this man is not nearly clever enough to do something like that.
>it's that this man is not nearly clever enough to do something like that.

But, no, wasn't he smart enough to know that he could pawn off the cards and that they were even worth pawning off? That takes a bit of prep work and planning. It's not like the kid showed up with a gold watch or something.

Eh, whatever I guess. Just having a realllly hard time buying that a parent would be either a) cruel or b) stupid enough to do what he did as incompetent (not to mention hint hint pathos invoking) as he did.

Strains my belief. Call it faith in humanity, guess.
Not alone there mate; been there, done stupid things, got the punishment.
There's an entire subreddit full of similar horror stories called raisedbynarcissists. Why the fuck do these people exist and why aren't they locked up in mental hospitals?

The cumstain probably had a gambling addiction. Fucking scumbags the lot of them. At least an alcoholic will wind up unconscious with a fried liver.
Or flying through another person's windshield at 80 mph.
You did the right thing, dont let the other fags convince you otherwise.
You know, I wonder how many /tg/'ers have gambling problems.

Yeah, agreed :/

If someone has some personal demons that they don't want to be let out, the last thing they should do is fuck over someone's birthday and throw a whole party shaming them just cause, you know, whatever.

There's no shame in not showing compassion for people who are so blatantly and intentionally malicious and hurtful to you. What you did wasn't the best way to handle the situation, but it wasn't a breech of trust or something morally wrong.

Like, if they had just been like "haha, you seriously play dnd?" and you responded with "yeah i have time to because i'm not too busy gettin' raped lol" then yeah there might be a problem there but
You're a total dick.
>marry qt nerd chick, have kid
>hit on hard times, forced to sell your shit
>wife has useless comics collection hmm
>divorced, lose custody
>your kid grows up with loser-enabling parents and spends all his time at LGS
>first gf is asian
>son destined to be a con-going race-mixing otaku
>try to sell some crap he got from his faggot step dad
>get arrested
>what a shit dad, i bet he was gonna buy drugs, nice to see people get what they deserve

this is why i don't date nerds
I know you're trying to make him look like the good guy like in every other threads but seriously even with this he still looks like a shit dad
>Try to sell something which doesn't belong to me
>Stomp on my kid's hand into a broken case and berate him publicly when I don't get my way
>Cause enough of a commotion for nearby police officers to become concerned and arrest me
i've not been on tg for months, this is my legitimate reaction

you're shit as a dad if you don't always support your kids no matter what stupid shit they do?

>son, don't be a faggot
>but roleplaying is fun
>okay well as long as you're having fun, please become a social outcast
>my kid is enjoying himself and making friends
>in a non-standard activity
>better put a stop to that shit
DnD =/= social outcast

atleast he is gonna get some social skills playing DnD. He has a higher risk of becoming socially awkward if he plays video games alon.
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you're a shit dad if you try to impose your "grate" opinions on your son who is having fun

you're a shit dad when you're selling your son's stuff

>social outcast
>getting a girlfriend
>wanting to stop him

what the fuck are you doing
>Try to sell something which doesn't belong to me
>you're a shit dad when you're selling your son's stuff
kids don't own things man, in an emergency your kids' stuff is yours. If you don't believe this then you've clear autistic tendencies
>Stomp on my kid's hand into a broken case and berate him publicly when I don't get my way
maybe not the most advanced child-rearing tactics but maybe he had rage issues or something. Even if it happened like that, whatever, not cause for officers to undermine his parental authority
>Cause enough of a commotion for nearby police officers to become concerned and arrest me
could grant this, but it really depends on who these cops are, idk about your country but in sweden cops are more often than not faggots
>you're a shit dad if you try to impose your "grate" opinions on your son who is having fun
sorry but you are a complete faggot, if your kids were having fun blowing guys in a parking lot would you be okay with that
yeah sure but this kid is clearly not just playing DnD.
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0/10, worst troll on /tg/
0/10, equivalent to 10 Billy Elliot's dads.

You should at least put bait on your hooks, mate
syrnchro what?
just sayin' if your parents had been more like this maybe you'd have grown up like normal people
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Since you're just spouting nonsense now, I'm going to respond with nonsense images.
Oh the game has changed a bit, There are Synchro Summons, that are special summons that use Tunner Monster, They are like fusions only that you don't need 3 cards only 1 Tuner and a monster with an equal number of stars than your synchro, and then there is XYZ Summon I seriously don't remember how it works.
whatever man, please don't have kids

captcha: reicry brothers
>kids don't own things man
but the individual that purchased them does.
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I'm not allowed to have kids anyway
ps : you would be (or you are) a shit troll
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>be 43
>have had only a single episode in 30+ years of gaming where I've had an actual "That Guy" in our group and he was immediately ass-raped in game by the party Cleric/Mage and ejected permanently from our group with zero fucks given.
>Have played every edition of D&D, PF, V:tM, several editions of L5R, WFB, WHFR, M:tG, Jyhad/V:tES, Magi-Nation, Descent, Axis&Allies, FoW... fuck you name it and I've probably played it except FATAL and WarmaHordes... Not a single incident of douchebaggery on the level of the shit I see here.
A DnD session nearly devolved into an orgy once but it's not a very good story.

>4 players, me DM
>Even mix of girls and guys, all cool.
>One chick has enormous tits and always wears sideboob-enabling singlets, dating other player who is a rugged manly german who could drag any man several notches along the kinsey scale.
>Other chick is cute and often drops hints about how long it's been since she had some dick, gigantic crush on a guy in the group since before he broke up with his legit insane girlfriend.
>Other chick is reformed shithead player who used to try to play Skyrim on her laptop but at least is hot but also probably insane.
>Other guy is some weenie 18 year old who the other players think is a bit of a dickhead but he always comes to sessions so I'm not going to kick him out. Also he's not a bad guy despite the failings of a teenager.
>Heavy drinking during session because obviously.
>Oh turns out someone brought weed how convenient.
>Various things happen, strip DnD is proposed, things get steamy.
>Me: "Oh shit I should probably inform my girlfriend who is asleep in the next room"
>Girlfriend sleepily ascedes
>Return a few minutes later, everyone is asleep. Cute Chick lazily wakes up from floor, looks around, sleepily says "Oh damn you came back. We went to sleep because without the DM we didn't know what we were allowed to do" and drops off.

i got a story of that guyism
>be me
>at age 86
>see lil kid walk in with his dad in store
>dad tries to sell kids cars or somethin i dont give a fuck
>just concerned with that sweet, sweet ass
>shit happens, dad flips out
>they leave
>follow him
>dad gets arrested
>tell cops ill take the kid home
>oh i took him to a home alright
>whether or not it was his doesn't even matter.
Exceed summons are when you have two monsters (or more depending on the summon) that are the same level on the field as the XYZ you want to summon. You stack them on top of each other with the XYZ monster on top.
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Speaking of hot and crazy, one of my longtime players had a boner about getting his wife involved in our ongoing campaign. (a WHFR game that had been going strong for almost a full year)
Now our group goes back back almost a decade, but we ALL know his wife. She's a legit manic-depressive, two-timing whore that has cheated on this idiot at least twice. He doesn't leave her because "Muh Kids" and since he lives in Mass where the court would fuck him deep no matter what shit his wife pulls, I can't blame him.
Anyway, I flat out refuse to let her in.
2 of the 5 players side with me, 2 with him.
It creates a bit of breach in the play for a bit, until he decides to run his own group with her on alternate game nights. One of the 2 guys on my side joins.
It takes TWO whole sessions. (actually, 1 and about 20 minutes of actual gaming into the 2nd) for all 3, hubby included to decide Bitch Crazy shouldn't be allowed within a mile of an RP game unless its serving pizza and beer in a maid outfit.
So what happened in their game? Do you know?
Knigh Errant being prissy bretonian faggot should be roleplayed as someone thinking that he's better than anyone, especially some scum like the camp follower, but also he should be insanely suicidally brave, so hiding behind dwarf is tolally wrong on many fucking levels.
Conflicts in the group are ok as long as they are roleplayed reasonably, but that guy was just a moron.
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Well, she wanted to play EXACTLY the same game we were, which just happened to be WHFR 3e. For those not familiar with it, it's a clusterfuck of cards, chits and dice that are unique to the game. It's actually really damn simple once you get beyond the initial hump, but it's imposing to kick it off.
Anyway, she saw the basics and flipped her shit, she played V:tM in high school, (she was a gothy chick, cutter, but even I admit, she is one of those rare, really cute girls who make almost stunning goths)
Moving On.
She wanted to use V:tM rules for the setting, so after some dicking around, they were playing.
Now she was playing an Apprentice Bright Wizard, the others a Road Warden, a Rat Catcher and some other human job I can't remember, but its not important.
The hubby decided to kick things off with a little Skaven fun. Now he let everyone know that NOBODY in the Empire really believes in these guys. Well Wifey had none of that, she immediately got upset that "I'm a Wizard! I know everything about this stuff. I have a book on them." To keep shit quiet, hubby lets her have a bit of knowledge about them, despite the fact that the Rat Catcher was supposed to be the guy that had some knowledge... (cont)
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>It's in Kentucky, Owensboro area called Big Bang Comics....
Huh, I don't live too far off from Owensboro, and since I'll be going there around June anyhow, I think I'll visit the city before hand and check out this place tomorrow or Tuesday.

Adventure, etc etc.
Glad my gf isn't like that.
>Better at rping than I am, and a hot punk chick to boot.

Trying to get a post apoc game IRL with her. Should be fun.
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This one takes a little bit of build-up; it's about a Dwarven Fighter named Treshawn.

In my Pathfinder game today, I was down to 0hp on a boat about to be hit by a massive wave in an ocean filled with floating zombies (some of whom were climbing up the sides of the ship), so I decided to tie myself to the railing of the ship. That way I could be knocked off (or even jump to evade zombies) and not be lost at sea.

Unfortunately, I'd left my rope on my donkey so instead I attempted to hook one arm loop around the railing and keep the other arm loop over my shoulder. The DM said that, as combat was (temporarily) over, I could probably just do it, but I said that there was a chance I'd roll a natural 1 and fuck it up. He said 'whatever' so I rolled and guess fucking what: a natural 1.

So my backpack went over the side of the ship into the ocean of flesh-eating zombies. It had nothing in it other than 5 days of trail rations (I had 16 days spare on my donkey anyway) but MUHFUGGIN TRESHAWN gets naked (to stop the -dex modifier for having armour), ties himself to the railing (he has rope) and then jumps overboard.

He rolls brilliantly to evade the attacks of all the zombies, don the backpack, and scale the side of the ship. Some of those rolls were extremely difficult to make, especially after he failed his climb roll and fell back into the water, but he did it anyway.

And when he got back on deck, he gave me my backpack back and only asked for 2 days of trail rations, which I happily obliged him. 'All in a day's work, nigga', he said.
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So Rat Catcher player (who was one of the 2 initial supporters of Hubby) is now starting to see the light. He's completely sidelined and when he tries to interject anything IC or OOC, wifey flips her shit.
At the same time, she's openly flirting with the other player who is there with his own wife (the Roadwarden, and the only player who sided with me previously) I guess it got to the point where they were smoking wed around the table and Roadwarden's hubby, who hasn't smoked in years was like "Ha! I'm not smoking unless someone shotguns me" and slutty wife actually leans across the table to do it!
The game ended after about 4 hours and I spent about that same amount of time chatting with all 4 players afterwards about it. The only one who was having any fun was the husband of Road Warden because he thought it was funny shit that his wife was getting pissed about Goth Wife. We informed him that he was being an asshat, and when his own wife decided to re-add an ex from FB later that night he realized just how wrong he was.

Anyway, the next session began and ended pretty much with Goth Wife putting on one of her old Goth boob dresses to "get in character" with her Wizard, (who, as a Bright Mage looked more like a Lhmaian Vampiress) and continuing to flirt with Road Warden's guy. The entire group had enough of everything after less than a half hour and called it.
From what I understand, she threw a hissy fit and refused to let him play with us for a few weeks, but shit soon returned to normal after she started going back to school and lost interest again in her husband's social life.

>pic related, wifey looks almost exactly like this, nose included, outfit for game included.
A good story. Personally, I've never had a problem with my girlfriend joining in. My longest running gaming group includes her and though she doesn't always know the rules the best, she's always keen and is a decent role-player and definitely never railroads or distracts and REALLY DEFINITELY never flirts with anyone else.
Yeesh. Good thing THAT game fell apart.
>I wish i had a group to play.
>Gm and 2 players is not a group.

The only problem I've ever seen is when someone with a HUGE personality joins in on our games, because the little lady gets pissed when she literally can't do anything other than roll a few dice for combat.
Lawful Evil faggot reporting in, give me that scumbag's identity.
Would be hard pressed to not respond were I Roadwarden's hubby.
this one too >>29967537
Dude Chuck seems so cool
The majority of my group are Those Guys

My group has like 10 people per session, so it's already a clusterfuck and it takes an hour to do a single turn of combat.

All but three guys are Those Guys. Those Guys are constantly going on tangents the moment the DM stops describing something. They managed to get some goblins to follow us, and then an NPC got sick, so they decided that the best cure was to make goblin sausages to feed to the NPC.

All they do is go for the first lolrandumb thing they see, and the entire campaign is constant shenanigans because the DM is legit autistic and doesn't realise that it's all shit.
Find a new group. If they're having fun I don't see why they should stop. If you're a minority and it bother you that much then just leave, don't go all passive-aggressive over it.
I recall a group I played a few sessions with that fell apart.
Our first session, the DM described the lake next to the dungeon we were supposed to assault as "unnaturally calm and placid."
We spent more than an hour debating how to figure out what was wrong with the lake, including my dwarf fighter stripping down to his breeches, tying himself off to a tree, and cannonballing in.
If I recall correctly, one of the guys had brought his girlfriend in, who was a legitimately cool elf druid. Although through no fault of her own, she was worthless in combat. Dice just hated her. She summoned a rat from a bag of tricks and the RAT did more damage in the fight than she did.
>There's no shame in not showing compassion for people who are so blatantly and intentionally malicious and hurtful to you.
This. Genuinely shitty people simply don't deserve anything good in their lives. No exceptions.
to be honest you seem to be much less "normal" than the other people around here with that edgy "hurr i can do whatever i want without being criticized because its my kid durr"-mentality
Working on it, or at least taking the three other guys and making a side group.

The sessions are still fun, though, but we've spent months going around in circles because everything needs to be shenanigans, and it's dragging on.
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Last year, my dnd group at school decided we wanted to do a classic high fantasy style campaign in Forgotten Realms, and players were encouraged to go nuts on character creation. We also try something new: two dms. Long story short, we decided to do this to speed up combat, make roleplaying a little easier, and deal with multiple plot lines and players splitting up.

We also did this because one of our dms, well call him John, was incompetent.

The characters were:
A half-orc warblade (Me. Yeah I know, but I had never played any of the warblade like classes, and wanted to give it a shot)
A human rogue (another that guy who we will get to later)
A gnome artificer
A gnome druid

We had some other players every once in a while, but they weren't around enough to make a huge impact.

So the campaign starts off fine, Characters introduced, quests done. Things were fun, but it wouldn't last. John had a paladin npc who he loved. John is a super devout Catholic, and it really showed every time he dm'd, but we struggled through. Anyway, Dan, who was playing the rogue, was essentially told to assassinate John's npc, and does. John decides that this is unacceptable, and a wrath of god curse is placed on Dan's rogue, making it incredibly hard for him to roleplay and play. Dan gets, understandably pissed.John still acts like a child the while time until the other dm is able to calm things down between them, and the curse is lifted without any conversion (which is what John's goal was).

Dan, however, the entire campaign, wasn't helping things. As a rogue, he wouldn't shut up and tried to be the party's face AND sneaking around the entire time. When he was caught, he bitched that the dms "never make stealth based challenges". When he didn't one hit kill something in combat and had to fight it, he bitched that he can never kill anything. Basically, Dan was the type of that guy who complains when things don't go his way, and gloat when they do.
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Game continues fine, despite Dan's bitching. However, John decided, without telling the other dm, that the campaign wasn't Lawful Good or "epic" enough. We soon are transported into the past to a Wood Elf kingdom.

As a side note, John had been fudging dice rolls to what he determined would be more stupid or more epic. All of his npcs are idiots for "lolz comedy" unless they are heroes.

We end up learning about some Wood Elf political bullshit that makes the campaign about this one Wood Elf prince, and not about our characters. His npc becomes the hero of the campaign of the plot he created. This gets annoying, and we want to leave the past... he tells us we can't. We are all confused and slowly realize John's fetish for Wood Elves. We talk to the other dm separately, and he says he is working on it, but we need to do one last quest because fuck us. The campaign continues, and we are taken on a sort of theme park safari tour of the Elf city where we see their suffering and good Christian values on display. No character choice is given, and anything not Lawful Good is suppressed. Before our other dm can fix it, he breaks his arm, and his role dwindles until it is just us and John.

John then decides to do an epic battle. It is hard to explain, but he has no idea how to do a large sale battle. The battle falls apart, pissing off every player how terribly he handled it. This was the worst railroading we had experienced, and it pissed us off that we couldn't do anything.

Finally, we are able to go back to our time, but John's forcing of Christianity into the campaign continues on top of Dan continuing to bitch about how he is never allowed to sneak (which is a lie, he just sucked at it).

The campaign was finally forced to end when the other dm came back. He was able to fix everything, and we killed the campaign, ending with more of a fizzle than a bang.

Long story short, John was an idiot who forced his Christian values into campaigns, and Dan was a child who always needed things to go his way.

Never have two dms. The experiment failed miserably.
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>The hardest fall is the one from innocence
This is right.
Banter is one thing, pranks are one thing, but maliciously fucking someone's entire birthday over just because you can is utterly unacceptable, and they deserve everything (short of actual violence) they get.
>this is why i don't date nerds
You don't date anyone at all.
>playing 40k
>play Space Marines
>take three stormtalons
>other guy I play with plays chaos
>the fucking douche takes 2 heldrakes at 2000 points to 'help stop all those flyers'
Seriously, those things are fucking broken, the Chaos codex is so outragously overpowered it's not funny. I've tried getting him to drop the drakes but the fucking faggot just won't do it. Suck of his TFG bullshit.
Well for starters, he literally didn't even read the rulebook. At all. Ever.

Secondly, the problem wasn't the rules, it was that he was an obnoxious tool.
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>"No wonder your brother fucked your mouth all those times when you were a little girl. He just wanted you to shut up."
Shit man. This, plus your sessions with the kid made my day. I hope that kid grows up to have a great family and treats his kids as well as you treated him.
But I also have a story about terribles dads. This is one of many (someday, you wills ee the movie), but here goes. Slightly /tg/ because it happend during a 3e game and melee weapons involved. I call it the night of claymores. This is NOT made up. I will get my book published.
>Highschool, freshmen. Hang out with this girl because she was angelic and /tg/ to the core
>She introduces me to her boy friend. Hes scum, but the good, loyal kind, that just had terrible upbringing and no manners.
>Get invited over. We hit it off. Hes a great guy under the skin. His brother is much the same. Slightly older.
I cant stress enough: They did not have proper upbringing. They lived like junkyard kids
>At there place. Vidya abound. They oddly jump everytime theres a creak in the house. I ask where there parents are
>"Dont worry about it. Lets play some D&D! I'll call random friend over to DM"
> Apparently this guy came over alot, he know the drills that I did not. He sneaks in through a window.
>Odd, but what ever. We set up and are having fun. Never played before that night.
>Our fun created an aura of good. The beast had awoken. A mighty roar came from upstairs.
>We are all silent. As I sit there wondering what abomination had made that noise, the other had left the table. They had all grabbed claymores
To clarify, they lived in the whitest trash house you could think of. Since the kids were of a fantasy fandom, they lined walls with swords and armors. You know, shit that could have been spent on food, or fixing the roof hole
>The DM actually pulls out a paint ball pistol and loads it up. The two brothers have helmets of different eras on. They gave me a bat, and run upstairs
>I come from a middle class white family and had a decent upbringing. My heart is raceing. What the FUCK is going on?
I think the hardest fall is actually from orbit and landing in a pit full stone fish and bullet ants.
The "raping" was us doing all the necessary things to a vampire's corpse to ensure that it didn't come back.
Okay, you piqued my curiosity, go on.
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>Right now he's thirteen, but his birthday's in March and we're all planning get him a skateboard with an airbrushed picture of Macho Man Randy Savage wearing the Green Lantern Ring and holding Mjolnir on the board.

That is seriously the most incredible thing I've ever heard.
Goddamnit Kevin, that's a five! You call yourself a dicegod? You don't even know which number is on top!
>As we entered the main room of the house, the beast presented himself
>He was a large, hairy beast wearing nothing but dirty briefs and a ski mask. He is weilding an axe.
I shit you not. He had a wood chopping axe.
>The smell of alcohol on him was enough to cause a small explosion. He obviously vomited in the face mask.
>To our dismay, he took off the mask (which was on wrong and covering his sight). He saw us.
>The charge came. He was so drunk that the long hallway was a peril for him. Our DM let the first volley of paint balls go
>He just enraged the beast. The axe hit a tv, and the two brothers went into action. They rammed him and sent him into a wall. Drunk as he was, he was a fucking bull. He was strong as hell.
>He punched one son in the head (the roman helmet took most of the blow, but still stunned him), the other brother slipped on the wet wooden floor.
>DM's out of the window, I shut the door to the basement. I hear the screams of the father as the brothers yell for me to help
>Against my judgment, I throw the bat and go help. I tackle this smelly, hairy drunk man. He drag him to his room and lock it
>"Lets go for a walk" the brothers say, and we scramble out of the window.
>I am shaking uncontrollably in dunkin donuts at 4am as they tell me the father went to jail for murdering the mother and got custody after he got out.
>We came home the next day to find the claymores and axe sticking out of the dads vehicle. Stabbed into it. Tires too.

Ah, my youth. Hung out with them almost daily. So many stories...
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>went to jail for murdering the mother and got custody after he got out.
What the actual fuck
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What the hell am I reading?
Yup. He was in for 11 years. He threw her out of a moving car.
Our that guy...
>Always...ALWAYS the high Agility/Dex character.
>Always Stealth
>4e D&D Always Striker
>VtM Bitches if not Assamite
>VtR Mekhet Sniper
...and so forth.
At least when we begin a new game we know what he'll be doing.
>Always shows up for game 15-30 minutes late.
>He always tries to play hero but is one of the most self-centered people that we know. He doesn't see it this way.
>Monopolizes ST/DM/GM attention to spotlight his Sue. Often tries to interrupt other people's personal scenes either in or out of character.
>Thinks he's a natural leader, sulks when other party members come up with better plans (often.)
>Asks for special rules bends all the time.
>Hates being outdamaged...bitches about how stupid an encounter is when he isn't dealing the most damage.
>When he rolls a critical hit/exceptional success/saving throw, he throws his hands up in the air holding up the #1 on both as if he's personally done something great.
>Plays on laptop when not his turn and often will play loud music or video. Yes, the ST tells him to cut it out and he does, but "forgets" a half hour later, constantly have to remind him that this shit doesn't fly.
>When he wants to run a game, always has a GMPC. Always dark, mysterious speshul snowflake. Never chooses wrong answer, always unbeatable in combat.
God, there are so many specific stories I could go into.
Why do we continue to game with him?
He used to be a real bro, I think everyone just remembers those times and kind of hopes that one day, he will too.
He doesn't ever complain about chipping in for snacks/drinks and always contributes. (It doesn't hurt that bringing snacks/drinks for the group nets a small exp bump at the end of the session.)
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Guess you could say she was on a roll, huh?
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What the hell man
I did right here >>29969804

I found out the father liked to "roughhouse" as he called it. He thinks its a game to use weapons and fight in the house, but it got VERY carried away over time and turned into "fight for your life hes not holding back". If he wasnt drunk, there would be ALOT more blood. The man was on tons of different drugs and drink that he was no longer considered sane most of the time.

Fucking carlos. But yea, the brothers didnt care. They laughed about it and were very nonchalant about bringing it up. Had a new guy come over (I was already an established member) and he said a your mom joke, the younger brother says "My moms dead". Guy felt horrible, and goes "How?". "My dad killed her!" we all laugh, the guy thinks its a joke, and we say "no, really". in one of the few moments of sobriety, he says "Hey dad! Come tell this guy what happend to mom!".
>Lumbers in
>"I threw that bitch out of the car and the curb did the rest!"
>I can see my own face in the new guy, see the look of "The fuck did I get into?"

So many. I am writing this all in a book too. Theres plenty of drama and romance, but I digress
Was she a vampire? Assuming this was the case, did you explain the rationale?
>but I digress
>on /tg/

Tell us all about it. Now.
Dear lord, anymore stories?
Ah, I can imagine what it was like for that poor newbie.

Oh, theres many classics. I often take the role of story teller before our weekly game. People I have never met before gather around the table to listen.
Classics such as:
>The futon pinata
>CJ hits the oak tree in the front yard at 40mph
>The bloody golf course consusion
>The illegal golf cart gumball rally
>Baseball diamond explosion
>The infamous "Brick through the football stadium window that resulted in a broken arm and a 2 hour police chase"
>The heist
>The broken ribs with a lodged katana
>The dan his dad ran over a black kid of purpose
>Captain june bug and his exciting 23 bottle rocket adventure into the neighbors living room
and many more. But all does not end in smiles. The last chapter
>My forked path to brother hood or love. The long knife in both our backs

Theres ALOT of shit. And I alwaysd have to clarify: none of it is made up. Shit that I've gone through probably wont be seen again for ages.
Oh! another favorite
>The great fire extinguisher smoke out of the local college
Ive got a little one that happened last night at pre-release.
>top 8 are playing out
>personally went 3-2, finishing 12th thanks to opening Phenax and Prophet of Kruphix
>friend walks in, so we start up a 4 man game of EDH
>partway through, realize its pretty late and I have work tomorrow
>mention this, and player 3 says he needs to go soon, too
>player 4 then proceeds to slow the game down as much as he can
>hes knocked out by player 2, who also knocked out 4 same turn
>eot, slaughter pact a creature, then dont pay during upkeep

Player 3 is USUALLY pretty cool, but his biggest flaw is dragging out games we all want ended.
>playing 40k
stopped reading. jk but not really
>play Space Marines
here we go
>take three stormtalons
mate if you want to handicap yourself it's noone elses' fault
>the fucking douche takes 2 heldrakes at 2000 points to 'help stop all those flyers'
2 heldrakes at 2k is completely within limits, many serious players take 3 and without reserves manipulation even that is a zero on the cheese meters
>the Chaos codex is so outragously overpowered it's not funny.
i seriously hope you don't think this
>I've tried getting him to drop the drakes but the fucking faggot just won't do it. those things are fucking broken. Sick of his TFG bullshit.
a guy can't take competitive units without you trying to make him drop them and call him faggot who's the real faggot faggot

7/10 good troll
Alright, alright, I'll buy your book, just post one of them. How about The infamous "Brick through the football stadium window that resulted in a broken arm and a 2 hour police chase"?

Ah, who am I kidding. Of course I wanna know all about the last chapter. Please tell us more.
>Hes a great guy under the skin
was he black
>Social outcast

This is something I will never understand.

DnD, and games like it, are an entirely social activity. You need to know and trust at least three other people to commit to them. More, if you want a better experience. You meet with them once a week if not more often. Why is this not a social experience?
>implying space marines that hit at Eldar speed and get FNP aren't OP as fuck
>implying Heldrakes don't break the game
>implying taking more than one of them isn't powergaming faggotry
Chaos player pls.
Can a player be a thatguy if he's the only player?

I DM a game for a friend set in the MLP world, really fun playing around with the world and the stereotypes.

But my player has no sense of agency. He plays the game like a text-based adventure game, trying to find the "correct way to advance the plot.

I pride myself on making shit up on the fly, even planning what would happen if he just stopped chasing the BBEG and just said "Fuck it, let's be sky-pirates". But he does nothing. Also I made a character parodying the standard "Sexy nympho" commonly made by thatguys.
>Is ex-prostitute.
>Tries to sleep with everything.
>Her home is decorated like a bunch of porn-sets smashed together.
>Confessed to having once raped three guys when they didn't want to rape her.
>Constantly flirts with Player, described as creepy and disgusting.
>Every other NPC in the Party thinks she's an ass, secretly hates her.

Guess who my player decides to romance?

It ended with one session starting with him in her bed, alone with no memory of the night before after them going on a date. Finds card on table grading her (Player is male, plays it remarkably well) sex skills (Pretty mediocre)

Then he keeps going all emo, calling the character a "hopeless romantic" for trying to have a meaningful relationship with the only girl in town who takes "whore" as a compliment...

Fuck my player and fuck my town for having no-one else to PnP with.
No, just our cloths fuck you every white kid has a goth phase and I'm just happy mine ended
Ah yes, the brick and tims arm that magically pointed behind him
>We are fucking around with the local college as usual. We are terrible people.
>The Giant football stadium had a fancy as hell announcer box enclosed in glass
>As we were jousting with fuck huge, sand filled pipes that LITERALLY exploded with Co2 when broken, we thought"They must have an intercom in there"
As a side note, we weren't really thief's or straight evil, just trickster god type.
>So we jump the 10 foot fence, the younger brother and I. Older brother stayed with weakling man (another member) who couldnt climb for shit
>We take the explosion tube, and run up the bleechers. The metal bleachers
>We hoist the tube at the window.
>Nothing happends
>or so we thought
yeah it's a social experience, between autists and perverts. it's the kind that raises kids to identify with the oppressed and imitate orcs on their job interviews
She was, and she was well aware. She thought we'd forget that she started as one. And she was extremely pissed when we remembered, because every damn time before that she would dim door or some other bullshit and then stealth or disguise. This time we Started with dimensional anchor and had her backed into a corner with nowhere to go and she thought she could just weasel her way out again with vampire immortality.
>the tube just bounces off and makes a loud as FUCK
>The tube, perfectly round, in now rolling down the metal bleachers. It sounds like a bowling ball with a megaphone attached rolling through a china shop
>Half way down, one section explodes, causing it to lift higher and fall louder
>Reaches the bottem. The glass in the box falls off and is now making loud noises down the metal bleachers.
>The lights all turn on at once.
>We fucking cheese it. Weakling managed to get over right as the tube exploded. He scrambled with all his might to get back.
>Falls 10 feet and his arm is a bendy straw. We pick him up and hobble off, we are breaking for the woods as the blue lights flash.
>Lights are everywhere, we leave wimp-lo, the confused look on his face is pricless.
>one problem, we used a rope swing to get over a fucking canyon in the woods (figuratively, it was a very deep gash with mud).
>I jump, younger jumps, and older Weakling is behind
>Weakingl cant swing, has the fucking brilliant idea to pulvolt with a large branch since wimp los capture bought us time
>implying space marines that hit at Eldar speed and get FNP aren't OP as fuck
vs. marines it doesn't matter because armour and vs. fodder it doesn't matter because fodder and they're prob already slower than marines. plague marines go down like anything else
>implying Heldrakes don't break the game
croissant circus broke the game. implying people don't bunch up their precious marines too much
>implying taking more than one of them isn't powergaming faggotry
impossible. no-one has run a chassis solo since 4th ed, the odds of surviving an attack are approximately 3,720 to 1.
>Chaos player pls.
got me there
Whatever you want to believe. If anything, it made me into a social chameleon who can hang out in pretty much any group.
You could confuse her for a planet?
>The stick breaks, he falls another 10 feet into the mud
>Hes throwing up and crying. We teill him to shut the fuck up and we will be back for him
>Police completely miss him, chasing us
>We Use every metal gear technique we can. Under leaf piles. in old stumps. Throwing sticks to make noise in the other direction
>We made it home after 2 hours of instense chace

>We forgot weakling in the ditch

We went back later and found him crying. We was sent to the hospital. Wimp-Lo was blamed for everything.
Whatever you want to believe.
If you really believe that most roleplayers have trouble distinguishing reality from fiction, I am very sorry for the people you've been forced to play with.
>They just made a joke about your hobby
The fuckers threw a PARTY to make fun of him. What sort of 'friend' does this?
>Come on USA, we just bomb pearl harbor as joke. No need to retaliate.
a) He's a troll, and this is bait.
b) He probably doesn't even have ONE social contact, let alone several and spends his time here, trying to shame people for their hobbies. Sad, really.
c) he has trouble distinguishing his imagination from reality.
>Wimp-Lo was blamed for everything.

And who do you rule, the large dark nipple people?

Man, those remind me of my stories, but none are TG related- but it's what happens when you hang out with 2 hot goth chicks, a stoner LEGITIMATELY named Breeze, a boxer and a man who is every "Rage Against the Machine" album put into one person.
Duuuuude, I know hindsight and all of that, but ya shoulda just laughed it off. Sounds like they're messin with you, you know, poking fun. Reacted like that before and it always turned out to bite you in the ass after it turns out you're the only one being serious in the group.
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Not sure if there's any great interest in this, as I posted it a couple of days ago, but I could regale everyone with the tale of Ol' Pete, a former GW employee who was a nice guy and took the fall to teach an obnoxious Douche Canoe a lesson.

If anyone wants me to post it/ heard it before and still wants me to post it, I will oblige.

Go ahead.
>second session with a new group, feeling confident
>first session was just explaining the setting as is and catching me and my gf up to speed in the campaign, making character and leveling him up
>I'm playing an undeath cleric who is also undead, play him like a doctor. "You don't see positive energy cleric going around Ressurection every corpse they see, why would you expect me to just kill everything?"
>gf is a leap/lunge/charge fighter, huge weapon
>others in group consist of duelist bard, and a longbow monk
>pretty soon after our characters meet, gf jokes about how "if there's no life in you, how can you get it up?"
>subtle teasing about her 'weapon' being bigger
>gf knows I have a humiliation fetish, she's doing because she knows I'm into it
>campaign goes on, stopped a group of gnolls from making a terrorist attack on an Orc warband, who would have blamed nearby human/Halfling settlement for it
>over time gf character has bonded with the bard
>great duo of snappy one-liners from him and the muscle/heroics to back it up from her
>having good times
>go home, gf asks if I had fun
>agree, sex, whatever you guys don't really want I hear about this part I think
>afterwards, says she was having a lot of fun with bardbro, says its too bad she can have as much fun as we and I just had with him
>Intsant boner, more sex blah blah blah
>third session
>she's obviously flirting with him now
>archer is too neutral to care
>GM doesn't want to be seen as a heavy
>when I try to interject either gf or GM asks me why someone who is undead would care about this sort of thing
>grumble grumble fine, whatever
>take a break, have some cigars around on the back patio
>gf stays inside, doesn't smoke
>bard gets a text, goes back inside
>I didn't notice at first, too busy chillin and chatting
>notice he's gone after about 7 minutes, realize they're alone together
>head back in, excuse myself
>So no one
>light on under bathroom door
>hear wet noises, hear bardbro muttering quietly

>>29971463 here, taking up a temporary alias to tell my story

So, to begin, a little background on Pete; back in 2005, when I first got into 40K at the age of 10, Pete did me, and later my mates, the world of good in terms of learning the game.
Pete believed in fair play, respecting your fellow gamers, having fun while gaming, and generally being a community.
He helped with conversions, paint jobs, learning the rules, and generally being a mentor to every new gamer that entered the shop.

Eventually Pete stopped working at GW, to open his own independent hobby shop, but he still came in for two saturdays every month to play, teach the new players the ropes, and generally be Pete.

Two essential points to remember from now on; Pete has almost never lost a game, and Pete reserves a quiet, simmering hatred for douchebaggery and foul play.

Now, to celebrate the release of the new Necrons codex, our local GW hosted an apocalypse-size battle, which of course Pete turned up too, with a rather large force of 'crons.
I was on the Imperial side, playing with my Blood Ravens (I was a big fan of the DoW RTS), and next to me was the shop manager's son, henceforth referred to as Douche-Canoe.

And so our tale begins...
>Go back to the table
>bard comes back first, 10min later
>flushed face slightly, sits down and talks like nothing happened
>a minute later gf comes back
>cheeks and lips are red, clearly just sucked some cock
>archer and GM come back in, start again
>not long before jokes about how bardbro's weapon is bigger than hers
>laugh it off, keep playing
>track down whoever organized the gnolls terrorist cell
>buckle down to prepare, we attack next session
>head home for the night, asked what happened
>she's playing dumb
>she steps into the bathroom when we get home
>shorty after I get a text saying "fine, by only because you asked so nicely ;)"
>attached is a pic of her with her tits out and a finger in her mouth
>immediately followed by "Sorry hun, that was supposed to e a surprise for you! idk where the text came from..."
>not buying it one bit .png
>check her phone, she leaves it unlocked
>find text conversation that must have happened right next to me under the table, all sexual inuendo
>contact name is saved as "9in"
>scroll to see she sent him the same pic I got less than a minute after I got it
>followed by dick pics of him, he's hung
>confront her, she calmly admits it, calls me a few names and says that she just needs a real dick
>why boner, why have you betrayed me?
>notices I'm hard, gives me a handjob
>next week, next session
>more flirting with them two
>in-game they fuck, GM fades to black
>as far as I know she still sucks his dick anders him fuck her more often than I get to
>become more and more okay with this
>tfw D&D has actually turned me into a beta like everyone says
>tfw a bard turned me into a cuckold

Why not Join in next time
I have, and she makes it a point to compare my dick to his and only uses her hand on me while he get the half-and-half treatment
At least when it's just her and me I get some pussy out of it.
>at local tournament
>usually pretty casual
>first opponent
>"kinda upset last week because usually I win"
>go on to draw crap and he beats me
>go on
>tourney closes
>top 4 are deciding how to decide the packs
>that guy says pack wars; whoever pulls the most expensive card gets all the packs
>they choose M14
>first card he pulls is mutavault
(Made a slight error in the last post, Douche-Canoe was the shop-manager's nephew, not his son)

Anyway, Douche-Canoe was justly named; he was loud, bossy, highly judgemental of other people's armies (for example, berating me for two metal minis that wouldn't stay upright on their bases, while his crapfest Imperial Guard had two left arms in some cases) and above all else, not comradely in the slightest.

So, the Imperials were all set up, with Douche-Canoe making the blunder of dumping his badly-painted Warhound Titan right in the middle of the Imperial infantry, right next to my Blood Ravens and in front of everything but his own Guardsmen, blocking line of sight for a good majority of our troops.
Considering the size of the blast if the Warhound were to blow, Douche Canoe was effectively endangering a good majority of our infantry, but no amount of persuasion was going to convince him that his Titan shouldn't lead the charge behind his Guardsmen.

So, we're about to start when Pete turns up, quiet and calm as always, and apologises for being late because he had to drop his girlfriend off at the train station.
We all tell him it's cool, apart from Douche Canoe, who states in an annoyingly high tone that "He can't play because we've already started!"
We all tell Douche Canoe that it's fine, that Pete's a cool guy who's been around longer than any of us and knows fair play.
In response, Douche Canoe beckons us into a corner and hisses "Don't you want to win?!"

Normally, for this kind of blatant fuckery, we would drop a guy from the game right there, but because Douche Canoe was a blood relative of the shop manager, we didn't know how it'd be taken, so we just turned away and decided to get on with it.
So Pete sets up his necrons on the opposite side of the board, and the game begins.
By turn 3, we're knee-deep in Pete's 'crons, and he's successfully managed to whittle down the Warhound (don't ask me what the specs are, I haven't a clue).
Douche Canoe is too busy "pewpew"-ing everything to notice how close his Warhound is to blowing and blasting a hole in our infantry.

Pete has successfully managed to move a few units around Douche Canoe's Warhound, which is doing as much damage to our forces as it is to the necrons.
I know that Pete can decimate my infantry with what he managed to get past the Warhound, as my force has taken the brunt of the assault from another 'cron player while Douche Canoe made a spectacular job of not using the cover available for his Imperial Guard.

But Pete turns his forces around, denying the option of completely wiping a player from the board.
He instead targets the Warhound, and begins firing at it mercilessly from the back.
Eventually, Pete's Necron Lord successfully manages to destroy the Warhound Titan, but it was his description that made the moment truly memorable.

> "A pulse of pure light emits from the Necron Lord's staff, causing the Titan's rear exhaust plant to backfire, sucking the Necron Lord and several other Necrons in, before emitting a pitched whining noise and erupting in a ball of sheer fire."

Douche Canoe flips his shit, is told to calm down by his uncle, and goes to sulk in a corner.
Minimum losses overall on our side, apart from Douche Canoe's forces, which were doggedly surrounding his titan, and Pete's, a quarter of which were destroyed in the blast.

That was the first, and last, time that Pete had ever lost a game.
He took the fall to rid us of a truly apocalyptic cunt.
Pete will never know that his story has been sung, mostly because he doesn't like /tg/, and partly because he has crap internet connection...
sounds like a decent guy, who should really set those intro games, and mentoring in his own shop
good guys like that deserve the business
God damn son. So do you even have any lingering desire at this point to have a life that most wouldn't consider a steaming shitheap.
I need your help with a judgement call on if someone is a that guy or not, and if i'ma become a that guy if i do this.
>Be playing Pathfinder with a group of friends, all of us pretty tight with each other
>except this one guy, whom I can't quite get along with, he can't get along with me either, Let's call him Timmy
>Start of with our friend, Let's call him Calvin, and his campaign
>We all roll our characters, I roll a 2spooky necromancer in training
>friends roll some dudes, including a dumb ork fighter, a ranger, a pissy ol' druid, and a rogue
>timmy is the rogue, made into the biggest Mary sue I've seen
>literally no flaws, his good stat rolls didn't help
>anyway, we play, and our characters grow to dislike each other
>campaign is cut short because of other things happening IRL to GM, he goes through some shit
>we've already started hating each other, IC and OOC

>Our other friend, Let's call him Fredrick (He rolled the ranger IIRC) starts a campaign of his own, the PCs are sent from the local Adventurer's guild to send some orcs settling near the new silver mine packin'
>We roll up our characters, I roll a dorf barbarian, extremely racist towards elves, humans and the rest are tolerable, dorfs are master tier
>Value honor in combat highly and all that shit
>Campaign starts, in our group of 6 there's 1 dorf, 2humins, 1 half elf, and 2 elves, one elf becomes bro tier (Calvin's elf)
>Get going, we get to the second city and get ambushed by a group of orcs
>We dispatch of them easily enough, one of the humins get fucked up and is bleedan out, was a bro-tier Monk with cooking (my dorf loves his food, so instant-bro right there)
>Timmy's char ignores our fallen member, goes to loot shit
>my character sees this
>Supressed-dorfrage.png, he'd earn less from the guild if party dies
>fix monk up, get back to town, get Timmy's character kicked out IC by riling up the other members, Start bro-ing up with calvin's character, whom gets sent from the guild to replace timmy's
>We head out again, no sign of Timmy's character anywhere
>time passes, we defeat some shitlorrds, my character gets hammered to celebrate how well it's going
>decides to go on a trip by horse while smashed
>end up lost because dat nat 1 roll on survival
>Sidebar with GM(Asking for making this shit as crazy as possibru)
>End up waking on top of a mountain, with a dragon egg and like 600 gold on me, and a horrid hangover (con check, rolled a 5)
>long story short: survive talking and returning egg to dragon and *only* lose most of my HP, get to nearest city and relax at an inn after getting heals, dorf mining town so dorf church, all the better
>while in inn, get robbed while sleepan off the drunk and lose 100g
Forgot to mention, Timmy's new character is a bit of a mary sue this time too, although his rolls were a bit worse (around 15,12,16,7,10,11, iirc)

>while in inn, get robbed while sleepan off the drunk and lose 100g
>Turns out it was timmy's character, who had followed me ALL this way for m-muh revenge
>end session with burning hate for both his character and him, but I appreciate the twist none the less
>Talk to timmy outside the game, make plans for our characters to meet and fite (Mine will leave a note on his packing as an invitation to a duel, winner takes ALL the gold), I tell him that my char will go for knocking his out and tying it up
>Plot to do this, but then fucking behead the little weasel to get rid of the trouble and save myself from being backstabbed by the greedy fuck

Am I being that guy here?
Oh, and 'timmy' never shares shit when we play, and always leeches of the rest of us. greedy bastard. So far he's only gone for my character, and although all of us kicked him out of the IC group, he seems to have it out for mine the most.
It sounds in-character for his rogue to seek revenge. It's dishonorable to behead your opponent like that. were you saying you already killed his character, or...?

You haven't told us enough to be certain, but I'm betting you're mad about his Sue characters, and he's picking up on your disapproval and consequently being hostile to you. Try not to fuck this up; you aren't in That Guy territory yet but you'll land there if you push this guy too hard. Try to lead him on to better behavior by example and talk to the GM to see if he can help you two sort this out.
Well, my character is sort of the stereotypical dwarf: Pissy, greedy as hell, Chaotic neutral, Hates elves with all his heart (comes from one of the areas of conflict between the dwarven mountains and the elven expansions), and He almost killed the character the first time around when he saw his behavior IC... If I RP it properly, and get proper reason as to why I kill him, would it still be that guy-ish?
Just break up with her to retain some pride.
I was kinda mad at you for what you did to your femmebro for a little while partly because of personal shit (my own brother called me a cocksucker in front of others knowing I had been abused in such a manner and was generally an asshole) but reading this you, seem to have really grown as a person. Forgiveness really is a valuable life lesson and we shouldn't judge people too harshly because we're all fuck ups in one way or another. Making mistakes is not what makes one a good or bad person, it's whether or not they learn from those mistakes and improve themselves as a result.
Hate to break it to you, but there are plenty of people who are that stupid.
>Value honor in combat highly and all that shit
is what you said about your character, so I figured honor was a thing. Is the guy an elf?

Anyways, my prior advice (the second half of it at least) still stands.
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Timmy's character is a full on elf ranger, stealing shit from my dorf. my dorf has a hateboner for it for the following reasons
>chose lootan over comrade (my character's most bro char in the team at that point)'s health
>Stole gold, the most important substance in his life other than booze, from him
>Uses a coward's weapon (the bow), not looking his prey in the eyes as it dies
>being an elf-ass elf
>Insulting him

That's pretty much it. the only other elf in our campaign is bro-ish because he promised divinity through violence.
Why the hell do people even play the game at this point?
Is this actually "fun" for your group?
As much as I love P&P, if these were my "best friends" irl, I'd stick with vidya and porn.
>stereotypical dwarf
>Chaotic Neutral

Pick one you fucking worthless faggot.
He probably enjoys it maybe
It began for fun, but now we play it for fun and all dat drama.
gr8 b8 m8! r8 8/8!
>as the robot's player never showed again.
this is hardly a coincidence, the player was just smart enough to see what was gonna happen
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Today on /tg/ I learned...
"Dear God-Emperor of Mankind, today I learned that making mistakes are not what makes one a good or bad person, it's whether or not they learn from those mistakes and improve themselves as a result.

Your faithful student, Anon
Why do I keep forgetting the second quotation mark today?

Oh well, off to bed.

Also, this thread I'd say was worth Archiving... Don't know how to do it though...
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My DM is probably the That Guy of my group.

>90% of NPCs are all unhelpful assholes who look down on us or outright attack us for things nobody would attack you for in reality (asking basic questions, trying to be friendly), even ones that are confirmed Good aligned
>positive rewards are small, whilst small fuck-ups are usually elevated to a degree that can outright kill players or make them in-game pariahs
>one player was killed, brought back and then killed again cause the DM hated that particular player
>makes us lose HP in situations that we are unable to counter against or prevent, even if the situation is meant to be jokey (jokes set up by him)
>ally NPCs deliberately do stupid things in battle that either get themselves killed, us hurt or just generally make the fights harder for us
>is a big fan of magical realms, inserts fetishes into the game

The first one probably bothers me the most, because I honestly can name the NPCs that haven't been unreasonable on one hand. I think asshole characters like this might be a reflection of his actual personality, which is always a problem.

I would walk, though I'd feel bad abandoning the other players.
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Totally agree, but also:

Holy shit, its been forever since i read nightmares and fairytales. Loved that series.
My parents WERE like this dude.
>some guys made fun of me for playing d&d

Jesus, do you right fanfics where naruto murders your middleschool bully
I had a true neutral mercenary/archaeologist working to give her kids a good life send some bandits in the direction of my players (who aren't exactly nice folk). The bandits described her as their employer (technically true) while being interrogated, and the party wound up launching a demon-guided missile at her. They found a letter on her body, which read:

>A few paragraphs of irrelevant campaign detail omitted.

>P.S. Darian asks that I inform you that your son has recovered from his illness, and that both he and his father miss you.

Am I that guy?

... Well yeah, but it's justified. Those guys are dicks.
Honestly I thought I would never have to contribute to this thread but as fate would have it I had a That Guy. I shall go into detail:

Last week I finally broke my DnD cherry and played a session on Roll20. My group was great, and our first session ended with a loud bang with me soloing a Lava Elemental and our ninja getting half of her thigh blown off.

Next session cam rolling in and two new guys joined us who weren't able to join us last session. The first guy was a Dark Elf Ranger nothing to fancy, but then came in That Guy with THIS sheet.


Our GM (nice guy) uses 3.5e for his games because it's easier to customize and make our own shit and the like. So this fucker decides to bring in Exalted traits and whole lot of other shit (read the fucking sheet I know you aren't), and basically solo'd a dungeon because he didn't show the GM his sheet till the game started so he couldn't make any changes before the session. So the chucklefuck solo's a dungeon, has us Ally with some sort of fire elemental demon cult for his mc edgy past, and basically railroaded us.

I am currently planning on how to kill this bastard in game.

I feel for you. 3.5 is a terrible system.
Wow, fuck what the hell did yall let him get that as his character image? NEVER allow a player with that for a character image unless you're all playing demons or something.
>Wanderer of the Demon Smile
I never understood how people can think things like that sound good.
W/E man, that character pic totally makes sense. I mean, didn't you see, he has nimbus of light as an extra ability. Fire creates light. Therefore, he is always on fire. That pic totally shows how much he radiates goodness and purity with that nimbus of light.
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>Wander of the Demon Smite
>Infinity Storm
>113 (Looks 24)
>Chaotic Neutral
>Chaos Dragon Descent
>Fire Red

My god. It's like an conglomeration of everything That Guy.

But honestly it does amuse me that you never thought you'd be contributing. Sooner or later, everyone get's their That Guy.

a* conglomeration, that is.
At least I got my wish of having my first session having a That Guy
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Dude. What's the name of this thing going to be, and how much do you have written? I want to save the title so I can look for it in the future.
Is it bad, like, REALLY bad, that I looked at that sheet, said "oh, 3.5e 8th level" and immediately autistically broke down the character into game worth? Am I missing something? This worthless whelp couldn't possibly solo a campaign.

On top of the fact that a That Guy can never play an Exalted character, since the DM can make an Exalted fall like a paladin basically... whenever they want. "You killed an orc. Killing sapient life is an evil act. As per the BoED, the means justify the ends: Saving it and letting it kill more is more goodly than killing it. Too bad. Lose all your feats. Yeah, I know its poverty and not nonviolence. Should read the fluff too, poindexter."

And most of the abilities are useless. Damage is subpar compared to a dedicated monk, let alone something more DPS-y. Grapple sucks in 3.5e, and someone who persues it is a That Guy by virtue of wanting to slow down the game...

I can see That Guy-ness from it, but it is so terribly underpowered and subpar that I'd brush it aside. LA 8... At LA 8, the wizard is chucking field save-or-dies, the CoDzilla is a juggernaut, and even the humble Warlock is dealing more damage and debilitation.

If THIS piece of junk is soloing stuff that is CR 9-10 ish in your campaign, your DM needs work, or I am missing something REALLY critical.

Nope, stay away.
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You, the Owner, Kid, Chuck, and TAG are the Broest of Bros. If every game store had people like you, the world would be a better place.
I have twice now ask people who love werewolfs/wolfs in general if that wanted me to run a WtF game with no means/intention of running, I don't really know why I did it.
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saw something similar at a bookstore I used to go to, only the guy got killed by some passing skinhead
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Uh, fuck. At first I thought this was some kind of RPG story, then I did a doubletake at >custody, then read it again.
I didn't say campaign anon (did I?), he solo'd a dungeon and basically is giving us no choice in other matters on what to do.

Also the campaign is homebrew and there is currently 3 factions we have to deal with. A bunch of underground dwelling fire elemental's, some sort of bureaucratic not-america, and something that lives in the forest.
Our entire group might be that guys. It was just the three of us and my younger brother was DMing the game.
So our party meets up in the tavern, standard fare, and then the innkeep starts to usher us out so that a "special group" of customers can come in, since they reserved the bar.
So we get a look at the guys, leave, and just go to bed. All of them are as suspicious as all hell.
In the morning, the innkeeper is dead, used in some horrible dark ritual. So we tell the guards everything we know, and go about our lives.
Time of the entire session was about ten minutes, because he had never expected for us to let the guards do their job.
He spent the next two hours in another room trying to come up with something to run instead.
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Well I've been waiting for one of these threads to post this in. A tale in 4 parts.

>Go to encounters.
>Long story short, find out there's a secret room in the back where they're having a D&D Next session.
>One of the other guys there kindly helps me with making a fighter.
>Make a fighter.
Oh boy! I'm gonna have so much fu-
>"Oh, by the way, I'm a Kender"
>A wha?
>DM: "Hey, roll a d4. You got a 4? Hey, Anon, lemme see your character sheet. Ummm. . .you now have 1 less manacle"
>"wut. Don't I get a perception check or anything?"
>DM: "No".
>We start off in the middle of a picked up session
>Trying to track down a wererat
>Find a house.
>DM: "Okay, you're at the house. The trail ends here."
Literally, THAT much information about the scene or the entire start of the adventure. Just that.
>"Uh. . .search?"
>DM: "You find parts of the snow on the rooftop of the house are different."
>"Different in what way? Like it's new snow?"
>DM: "It's ALL new snow."
>. . .
>"How is it different?"
>DM: "Some of it is kinda like, scooped out in smaller places a distance away from each other, but not really scooped."
>"Like. . .maybe footprints?"
>DM: Smug look before "Yyyeess." in the most sarcastic way possible
>Climb up on the house
>Have to roll a search check to track these foot prints across the roof to the edge
>DM:"You're at the edge. The footprints end here."
>"Do they jump down?"
>DM: "No."
>"I look up."
>DM: "Roll perception"
>Roll 1
>Which is just auto fail in Next rules.
>DM: "Roll Dex saving throw"
>DM: "You DON'T fall off the roof"

Are you familiar with the new Advantage/Disadvantage system? If you have either, you roll 2d20 for any d20 roll, and you take the highest result only if you're advantaged, and the lowest result only if you're disadvantaged. This is important later.

Anyways, on the rooftop

>"I look up. are there any trees?"
>DM: "You see. . .sky." More shit-eating grins
>What the fuck is going on here?
>Other player: "Is there another roof?"
>DM: ". . .yes! There is!"
>Other player: "How far is it?"
>DM: "Jumping distance"
>Nigga, how the fuck am I not going to notice that shit?
>Get to the next roof fine, follow the footprints
>Ends at the edge
>Look for another building. Yes, a building is there.
>Other player: "Is it just one?"
>DM: Shit-eating grin, followed by "No, there are multiple of them."
>Kender guy actually has d% dice he rolls every now and then "to determine if he cares"
>Kender guy decides to 'fuck off cause he's bored' and walks into town, with the halfling thief following him to keep an eye on him
>Fuck it, don't need them.
>Other player manages to get DM to skip this rooftop nonsense
>DM: "You're at a warehouse."
>. . .
>. . . . . .
>. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
>DM: "That's it."
>"What kind of warehouse is it? Describe it."
>DM: "It's your standard warehouse."
>Search around the building
>Forced to roll a search check
>. . .to find a common door in the back
>Try the door.
>Try fiddling with it for ten minutes
>We can't get it open.
>Other player: "Are there any windows that we can see?"
>DM: "yes, there are."
>"Where are they? How far away are there? How big are they?"
>DM: "Uh. . .I dunno, like, 2 or 3 feet apart from each other?"
>"No, I mean, how far away are the windows from us?"
>DM: "Oh, uh, I dunno, like, three feet from the waist?"
>"wat. You mean they start at the waist and go up across the building?"
>DM: "Yeah"
>. . .
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>Get inside the warehouse by smashing a window
>Luckily manage to somehow outroll three guards on a shitty roll, so no interference.
>DM: "You're in a warehouse"
>"Okay, we look for secret doors and try to search the place."
>This takes a couple of rolls, but eventually manage to roll a 22 search check
>Every single check the DM says "You find. . .nothing." with even more shit-eating grins
>"I look around the warehouse in general, what's there?"
>DM: "It's a warehouse."
>. . .
>DM: "It has crates and stuff."
>"Can I look at the crates?"
>DM: "They're shut very tightly."
>"Well, I have a battleaxe here, and a large strength score. I could levy my axe into the edge of the box and try to leverage the crate open."
>DM: "Sure, roll a Str check with advantage"
>Roll 2d20s. One is a 1, one is a 20.
>"Oh shit, I rolled a nat 1 and a crit."
>DM eats more shit with a grin
>DM: "The box shatters forth as you exert too much effort on it."
>. . . . . . .
>"Well, it's open. What's in it?"
>DM: "Straw."
>"What? That's it?"
>DM: "Roll a search check"
>Roll between three people
>Mage had been there and had detect magic on the whole time
>DM: "The mage finds a bottle that is glowing with magic from his spell."
>. . . . . . . .
>We're stuck again
>What the fuck? The trail goes into THIS place, we're very sure of it.
>Keep searching
>Cleric manages to find another crate that's hidden away, pries it open carefully, reaches in.
>DM: "Roll a Dex saving throw."
>Guy rolls like a 7
>DM: "You cut yourself and take. . ." roll ". . .1 point of damage"
>"On what?"
>DM:"You look in and see the box is filled with nothing but weapons"
>I'm 100% sure he's not psychic because he did not react to my thoughts of his throat involving a knife at that time.
>But we're still lost regardless.
>Well, fuck, it's a rat, maybe it's in the ceiling rafters?
>"I look up?"
>DM: "All you see is the second floor."

>"There's a second floor?"
>DM: "Well, yeah."
>We go up there, just find absolutely nothing.
>Head back down
>Walking around the city, we find the halfling and the kender.
>As we're about to leave, we hear an explosion, and find out that the warehouse we were just in exploded with green flames. Which is somehow significant, but never explained to me.
>We're all watching this
>Kender is the only one to succeed his wisdom check, sees a hobgoblin in the back of the crowd.
>Rolls his d% dice
>Yells out to us "AFTER HIM!" with no explanation.
>Chase him into an ally
>Roll for initiative
>Kender and I go first in that order
>Kender attacks with a magic item that the player actually was looking up on his screen after remembering the new rules came out, and I get the feeling that he didn't actually HAVE that ring until just now
>It's my turn
>Have no idea who we're fighting, why we're fighting, or if it's at all important to a story nobody has explained to me yet.
>Role play that. My guy goes up to Kender and asks him "why we're fighting this guy?"
>All of a sudden, 5 random dudes jump out, all of them attack me.
>one of them attacks the kender.
>DM rolls, and then tells the kender that the Kender somehow killed one of them despite the player not rolling at all.
>We end the battle and have the hobgoblin alive.
>Take him back to one of the other player's house
>They already had another guy tied up there from before they forgot about.
>Much laughter ensued.
>"SO, it was great having you Anon. See you next week?"
>Charisma (lying) "Of course!"
The fucking end.
to be fair, the properly translated version is much smoother
>Chuck sounds like my kind of gue'la.
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>Pic related
>Jet Jaguar
Plebs all of you. Gigan is best Kaiju.
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Why do I have my suspicions that this is going to reach Henderson Levels of awesomeness?

I am not complaining.

Uuugh. The problem with Kender is, and always will be, the people that want to play them. Kender aren't stupid, they don't steal things they know will be important to their friends (like, say swords, spell books or manacles). Kender also have totally normal attention spans; I have no idea where that trope even comes from. More often than not, the irritation (in-canon) with Kender that isn't a direct result from the casual theft comes from them being TOO focused on stuff and the incessant stream of questions and experimentation that follows. They're also loyal to a fault, so 'rolling to give a fuck' is just about the least Kender thing you could do. /frustrated rant
My problem in particular was I had no idea what a kender was to begin with. I had heard stories from /tg/, but this was my first time experiencing one.

I read up the D&D Next rules for the race later on. The way the DM was working him was he would roll a d4 at random times while near people and that would determine whom he stole an object from. But the ACTUAL rules are "Roll a 1d4, a 4 means you pull out a MINOR non-magical item that you happened to need that you got from absolutely nowhere. It also takes 10 minutes of searching your pack for it"

So, basically, the DM house ruled in rules to allow the kender a chance to rob us for no reason.

Really, like 4/6 parts of that group were kinda equal parts that guy.

He's trying to shill his kid's toys for money. If he has to do that for a quick buck, I'm doubtful he's the brightest knife short of a picnic.
That.. that's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

What a disgusting story.
I don't think so. It might make your players feel like dicks, but it's not like you've done anything that screws them over, well, except for the bandit attack, but by PC standards, getting attacked by bandits is basically a Tuesday. A boring Tuesday.

Really, you've just created a character with motivations beyond "RAAAH DAMN THOSE PESKY ADVENTURERS! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!!!!!"
Is it alright if I save this, and use it as an example of what a character sheet SHOULDN'T be?

>The majority of my group are Those Guys

It's horrible, isn't it? Granted my DM isn't so bad, it's just the two other players who aren't great.

One can play and RP pretty good, but he has this incredibly annoying habit of completely halting games by inviting this guy into our Skype calls just annoy us, somebody who we don't let in them to just listen in cause 1: It's weird as fuck having somebody listen in every session when he has nothing to do with it and isn't talking, and 2: He's become insanely emo recently due to his girlfriend breaking up with him 3 months ago, which he still hasn't gotten over.

The other guy just generally lacks initiative in roleplay, yet ironically loves playing Chaotic Neutral characters, the guys who you would expect to take the MOST initiative, usually.
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>Not Destoroyah
U Wot M8?
The Kid needs to be screencapped. anyone up for this?

This is basically what happens with Kender all the damn time, although it's usually the players that do it. Most rules for 'handling' end up being something along those lines (you have a lot of random shit in your pockets from fuck knows where), but the assholes that play Kender end up being dick-ass thiefs who just want an excuse to be childish prats for a few hours every week.
I might do it if the thread 404s, but I'm lazy and tired. Unless this thread is still up tomorrow morning, don't expect me to do it.
>divinity through violence
Reach Heaven Through Violence Hortator
He said in his first post that he has a humiliation fetish. His GF is obviously playing along, acting the part of a particular subtype of dominatrix to get him rock-hard.
Still, I'd suggest the two of them talk it over and discuss whether boundaries are being crossed or anything. OTOH, it sounds like he's having a good time, just that he has some minor reservations.
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Hey, your 'friends' were total fucking assholes. If this guy had some semblance of intelligence, he would've known that you don't handle humiliation, what he was doing was a cunt move, and that you knew this dark secret of his.
Any chimp could've put two and two together.
You said something out of turn, and I'm not saying you should be proud of it.

but I'm still proud you said it.

I hate to say it, but there's a lot of parents who are just that shitty. There are foster homes and orphanages filled with kids who will tell you about them.

A friend of mine is divorced, and the guy she's with now (Another friend that I actually knew longer) is really cool with her kid and is trying his hardest to be a good parent to the kid, but the kid's biological father is a complete scumbag. Ignoring all the bullshit he pulled during the divorce proceedings, or his scumbag lawyers trying to sabotage it in the last part of the proceedings (Or even the fact that the divorce was prompted by the dude trying to hook up with a 16 year-old, while he was 26, while he was married), the guy is an awful fucking father to his son. There was a week where the kid thought he was sick, but was actually perfectly healthy, but his dad didn't want to play with him while he was visiting, so he told him he was sick. He also often just tells the kid to stay in his room during his visits.

There's also my own little brother's mom (We share the same father but different mothers), who is absolutely fucked in the head. She uses my little brother as leverage for blackmail, then tries to spoil him rotten. She basically alienates everyone, and is almost the entire reason me and my dad had a really shitty relationship from when I was like 13 to about 19, when I was starting to forgive him for things he'd actually done, and recognize what a shitty position he was in. She also tries to spoil my kid brother, but thankfully he has a good head on his shoulders, but I'm still worried about him when he has to stay with her 'cause he's 13 now and starting to act out. She also has a daughter from her first marriage and I got to witness her pull her daughter's hair through a doorway and slam the door shut on it and refused to let her go. Her daughter's a piece of work too, but that was still really fucked up.

Some people shouldn't be parents.
That shit's fucked up. Don't know why you have to go through such a procedure to adopt a kid (checking basically everything about you) while being free to squeeze out one on your own to abuse to your delight.
Ouch, that sounded really dull. Hopefully he improves in the future, it might have been one of his first attempts.

Because it's stupid easy for (most) people to make a child on their own, without even trying, or maybe actively trying to prevent it. It's hard then, afterwards, to give a child to a family that isn't that child's family, even if they're better for the child.

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