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You think this is a story about you.

No. This is a story about aliens.

You think the main character is also you.

No. This is a story about me.

Who am I? I am Colonel Sergei Gorokhova.

Maybe you do not believe in aliens. This is okay. Sergei is here to protect you from these aliens.

You see, this is Sergei's job. Normally Sergei would not be allowed to tell you such things. But you know that you will read this. You will laugh. You will believe that Sergei is merely telling a fun story.

It is okay.

This is why Sergei is allowed to tell you this story.

This is why Sergei is allowed to tell you he works for a governmental agency known as X-Com.

So. Sergei will tell you a story today.

>Story of an Interceptor pilot
>Story of Rk. Murphy's First Terror Mission
>Story of a remote radar station
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First Terror Mision.
seconding terror mission
Come on, this should have been pre-typed!
Patience! You are like Rookie who attempts to use auto shooting. Many of bullet, but none of hit. Why not simply throw grenade and wait?

Sergei knows. Is because weak arm of child or chechen is what you have. Is okay. All rookies have usefulness.

Even if is only as armor.


Ah, rookies. Sergei does well and truly love rookies.

Rookies are first and best line of defense. Alien plasma does not normally penetrate through rookies.

Sometimes Commander will say to me, “Sergei, why do you not lead from the front?”

I tell him I am not crazy. Is what rookies are for. Aliens are sneaky as Chechens besides, and may come up behind squad. And there are so many different kind of aliens! What if alien introduces mind-rapings of control?

Then what is to be done if the rookie is behind Sergei? No, Sergei is smarter than this. Sergei is behind rookie, rookie is scout. If rookie is mind controlled, Sergei is commissar. I have had much experience in this sort of thing.

Murphy, Sergei does remember Murphy. Perhaps Sergei might say he remembers him well. Remembering Murphy fondly, though... is different story.

So many different types of aliens, though.

>What race was the terror mission?
motherfucking CHRYSSALIDS.
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Snakemen. Of course was Snakemen.

They by themselves are no big deal. Sergei takes his heavy cannon, he loads it with AP, and pow. Alien now has large hole in it. Occasionally I like to change it up. Load HE shell. Pow, large hole now has alien bits in it.

But Snakemen have awful friends.


A Chryssalid infestation is almost as bad as Chechen invasion. Is good though, in both cases removal is accomplished by same means. Overwhelming firepower and good old-fashioned fire.

But nobody told Murphy about that. No, nobody tells Murphy anything. He is just rookie.

Murphy is bouncing around inside Skyranger, trying not to piss himself. Rest of squad includes a Captain leading them, a Sergeant, two Squaddies, and one other rookie. Other rookie got a rifle. Murphy did not get a rifle.

Squaddies have Heavy Cannon and Autocannon. Murphy did not get Heavy Cannon or autocannon.

Sergeant has rocket launcher. Murphy received rockets, no launcher.

Murphy has many explosives- several of rocket, many of grenade, and even bricks of High Explosive.

But Murphy only has a pistol.

Occasionally Murphy considers escaping with the pistol. But with his luck, he knows pistol will only maim, and not kill him.

So he sits in the Skyranger. And he hopes. He hopes that nothing can go wrong.

>Where is the Terror Mission?
>(Pick literally anywhere in the world that is populated, I don't give a rat's ass)
New Jersey
It was India, Comrade Colonel
New Jersey, India
Why do you hate the aliens that much?
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New Jersey, eh? Sergei has a funny story regarding capitalist American cities. One time, Sergei was on terror mission deployment. Was to a place called 'Detroit'. So we touch down, establish perimeter, look out for aliens.

Sergei has his breath taken away by the destruction. Not even the German Front devastated cities quite like this. But was a confusing mission- no aliens in sight, and civilians were not even panicking.

It turns out, was a false report of a terror mission.

This was how Detroit always looked.

Compared to that, New Jersey is nice place, good for aliens to set up vacation home.

Murphy is grateful for one thing- he will not be first out of Skyranger. He is too valuable and loaded with explosives to be first out of the Skyranger.

As they are landing, Murphy peeks out of windows of Skyranger. Is dark, and city is not on fire. This is ominous. Aliens almost always set city on fire.

Almost always.

Ramp goes down, smoke grenade goes out. No plasma fire. Is very odd.

Other rookie is first out, in traditional order.

Other rookie is then tackled by black, chitinous blur.

Evac, minimize losses
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Rookie Murphy is known for one thing. Is known for making exceptionally poor decisions.

Fellow rookie gets tackled by a blur. Common, correct response, is to spray bullet at last seen location, because other rookie is probably no longer with squad.

Murphy gets this half right.

Murphy leaves his pistol holstered on his hip. Murphy does not think to throw a grenade. Murphy also does not think to let Sergeant with rocket launcher make his way to the front to fire a rocket.

No, Murphy does none of these things. He reaches into his pack, lets out a bloodcurdling scream, shoulderchecks the Sergeant out of the way, and flings the rocket as hard as he can at the Chryssalid.

The Chryssalid had just finished biting his rookie friend. But Murphy was... well, panic would not be the right word.

It was as if a red mist had descended over Murphy. The first rocket served no purpose but to get the Chryssalid's attention, and alert it to another fertile Rookie breeding ground.

Murphy's second rocket, however, was already in his hands, over his head, and Murphy had leapt off of the ramp, screaming, screaming as only a Highlander could do, in a suicidal charge. The first blow surprised the Chryssalid, and knocked its head around. The Chryssalid did not expect this.

The second blow, however, the Chryssalid was prepared for. It caught the rocket in its jaws. And then Murphy introduces the Right Honorable Chryssalid's Shin to the Gentleman from Virginia, Steel-Toe-Boots.

But of course this does nothing- Chryssalid is not heavily armored for nothing.

>So Murphy pulls out his pistol and magdumps into the Chryssalid at point blank range.
>But Murphy is saved by an AP shell that goes whizzing right past his head.
Murphy snaps the alium's neck
>But Murphy is saved by an AP shell that goes whizzing right past his head.
>So murphy accidentally arms fuse on rocket while flailing. Chrysalid takes a swipe at him but misses cause murphy trips, and chrysallid falls down, detonating the armed rocket in its mouth. Murphy is miraculously unharmed
Murphy is unfazed by this development, or perhaps Murphy is just very dense. I have theory on this. So he takes his scrawny arms, left to atrophy due to trembling, fear and general cowardice, and locks them squarely around the Chryssalid's neck.

This may be the poorest decision Murphy has made in his life up to this point.

The Chryssalid yells, an otherworldly sound that sounds as if a chalkboard was being scratched by nails, underwater. The Chryssalid's head swivels, beady eyes focusing on Murphy's. They share a moment.

And then Murphy realizes the position he just put himself in, and panics.

He wrenches on the Chryssalid's neck as hard as he can, in a desperate attempt to break it. He squeezes his eyes shut, from either the effort, or an unwillingness to meet his own death head-on.

He pulls and he yanks, he squeezes and he struggles. Presently his heroic efforts are rewarded with a booming crack- as though the vertebrae of the Chryssalid crack louder than most gunshots.

And then Murphy opens his eyes. The Chryssalid's head is now no longer attached at the neck. What is left is a bloody stump, and a red mist.

The body twitches, and goes limp.

Murphy exhales a deep sigh of relief. He looks up at the Skyranger. One of the squaddies is there, yelling his lungs out at Murphy, and pointing. But Murphy can't make out what he's saying over the rush of blood in his ears, and the pounding of his own heart. So Murphy struggles back to his feet, having collapsed along with the Chryssalid.

The Squaddie is still yelling. Insistently. And pointing. Insistently.

>Murphy turns to look.
>Murphy watches the Squaddie, confused.
>>Murphy turns to look.
>turns to look AND draws gun
I am unfortunately being called away for something rather immediate.

I do intend to continue this tomorrow, though. And here's to hoping it's not an absolutely awful short length.
>Be Interceptor Pilot
>Just sit down to nice, hot meal after a bunch of stupid paperwork
>Hear alert siren to scramble
>Abandon uneaten hot meal, run to hangar
>Jump into cockpit of Interceptor
>Nearly throw up empty stomach as catapult launches Interceptor up into the sky
>Get vector on UFO from tower
>Way the fuck far away
>Full afterburn
>Blip doesn't seem to be getting any closer
>Suddenly blip on radar just gets the fuck out of there
>Get to last contact location and begin patrolling for UFO
>Suddenly, another, larger blip somewhere else entirely
>Full burn there
>The fucking thing lands
>There goes the Sky Ranger full of gun bunnies to deal with a terror mission
>Continue patrolling, bored, somehow unable to render Close Air Support (wtf is up with xcom sop?)
>Nearly bingo fuel
>Suddenly that little blip appears again hella far out
>Tower orders me to pursue and engage, even though I might not have fuel to make it back
>Whatthefuckever, afterburn after that fucker
>Out over the ocean
>Close to missile range
>Fire missile
>UFO fires back.
>Fucking plane shudders and starts smoking, nothing but water underneath as far as the eye can see
>Fuck this, fire another missile and close to canon range
>Eat dakka, stupid UFO
>We trade shots, UFO explodes over the ocean
>Whelp, looks like no salvage
>Turn around, head back to base
>Fucking plane's falling apart from all the damage
>Run out of fuel just shy of land
>Bail out, swim to shore
>Arrested by police for trespassing on private beach
>XCOM denies all knowledge of me
>Labeled some sort of foreign terrorist
>Sit in holding cell, don't even get to eat
>No food for like 24 fucking hours
>Highly decorated general fuckface shows up & gets me out of there
>Get ride back to base
>UFO hovering over base, all signs point to aliens all up in that motherfucker
>Make some calls, see if there's another base I can get assigned to that's not crawling with aliens
>Other bases have too many pilots
that better not be you, rabbit
not after that hissy fit you pulled
Shouldn't it be X-Cap if it's run by commies?
From a relevant IRC channel:
<Person 1> [person 2], are you aware that this is happening, and that the OP is copypasta'd from you and [person 3]'s abandoned collab?
<Person 2> [person 1]: WUT
<Person 2> top lel
<Person 2> I ain't even mad. Sharing.jpg
<Person 2> Dunno about [person 3], though

So, as person 1 - and given that person 3 isn't even on line right now - I'm confident that OP is neither of the guys who wrote the first edition of that copypasta'd opening post.
As person 3, I ain't give no fucks
This is basically a quest thread, OP. Just saying. It's courteous to put "Quest" in the subject line.
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Murphy turns to look, gun in hand. Dead rookie lies there, unmoving, the pallor of death already setting in.

He turns back to Squaddie. Squaddie is still yelling.

Murphy turns again. Dead rookie is still dead.

And then Murphy looks up.

Chryssalids are boiling out of the city, coming out of the crumbling masonry and the burning buildings. Lots of them.

They are all running for Skyranger.

>Grab dead rookie and hop into the Skyranger
>Take cover behind landing gear and start hurling explosives
>Grab dead rookie's gun, drop grenade on dead rookie.
>Forget to pull pin on grenade. Damn rookies.
>Take cover and start hurling explosives.
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>Sergei - male first name
>Gorohova - female last name

Goddamn it, op. This is some simple shit.
Start hurling explosives.
You think this is funny to Sergei either? Is not funny.

Is name Sergei was given upon joining X-Com project. I says to them, "Is name made of two different genders!"

But do they listen? Of course they do not listen.


So Murphy seizes upon this opportunity to acquire a new weapon, in the finest of people's traditions, and snatches the dead rookie's gun.

And, in the kind of brilliant foresight most wouldn't attribute to him, drops a grenade on the dead rookie.

Of course, Murphy being stupid rookie, he forgets to pull the pin. But was good effort!

So then Murphy takes cover behind Skyranger's landing gear, and starts hurling grenades.

But then the oddest thing happens. Murphy is covering behind landing gear one moment, next moment he is not.

Murphy has not moved. Skyranger ramp has raised. Skyranger has lifted off.

Murphy has but one thought in his head at this moment, and that thought is


But Murphy is now surrounded by charging Chryssalids on three sides. What do?

>Continue hurling explosives in a heroic last stand.
>Run like fuck in the open direction.
Apparently Sergei is also incompetent regarding tags.

Bah, I am Colonel. I should have someone to write this for me.
>Rookie is scared. Rookie runs far away.
>Run like fuck in the open direction.

Having seen the original this is based on, I sincerely hope you can live up to that standard.


Is Murphy's shittiest day ever. He runs as fast as his scrawny legs will take him, in the direction away from the Chryssalids.

Over his shoulder, he sees the other Rookie get up, and start shambling toward him. Said zombie Rookie proceeds to get run over by the wave of Chryssalids, and keeps falling over.

It would be funny, if Murphy didn't have to carry the extra weight in his pants now.

So Murphy runs. He runs, and the Chryssalids pursue. The sound of clicking and screeching and skittering follows him, and Murphy is running straight at a decrepit building. To the left of this building is a gas station. To the right, a playground.

>Run inside.
>Turn left.
>Turn right.

>Turn left

Explosions are fantastic against Chryssalids, doncha know.
A gas station and high explosives. How could this possibly go wrong
>turn left
>stop momentarily
>pull out and drop a grenade/slap a brick of HE onto a gas pump
>begin running again
>Decides to drop grenade/HE
>Drops rocket instead
>Damn rookies
>Prime and throw HE to another soldier for relay toss
>It lands in a wheat field

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