These items could almost be useful, and might just get you killed!>Amulet of Spell Turning - All spells directed towards you are turned 360 degrees>Wand of Ghost Sound - Upon use, wand emits a spOoOoOoky ghost noise>Staff of Spiderform - The staff turns into a spiderSome good stuff from the last thread:>Gem of Feather Fall - All nearby birds lose their feathers>Orb of Slope Detection - An Old Favorite>Wand of Raise Dead - Levitates a nearby Corpse
>>30724242>hat of memes: control over the DNA of the soul
>>30724321Fuck off, you were the most boring boss fight.
Wand of spell counterCounts spells cast in it's vicinity. Lense of detect magic:Too bright to see through.
Wand of Cure Critical WoundsTarget is cured of emotional distress caused by being criticized.
>>30724340what an exquisite meme
>>30724353>Counts spells cast in it's vicinity.That is not useless. That's incredibly valuable for detecting spellcasters who are trying to hide their magic. Especially valuable for ensuring that mind-control and ability boosts are not in use in politics and competitions.
Staff of magehandIs actually a mundane staff was the amputated hand of a mage tied to it.
>>30724584But how is the wand going to tell you how many spells it has counted?
Rod of Mighty Dragonslaying Reads as non-magical, is too heavy for a human to wield, and the 's' was only recently scratched into the grip.
>>30724403Imagine if you could fire this through the Internet.Imagine if you could create a charm that applies this effect constantly.Imagine if you could create a machine that spreads a field of anti-butthurt across the entire world.
Rod of CloudkillKills target cloud
>>30724242Sword of Mercy - Like a regular sword, only it cannot actually harm anything, no matter how hard you swing it.
>>30724637I envision it having a setting of gems in it that show a binary display in like 4 or 8 bits.
>>30724894It should only harm things that want to die.
Rope of Untying: A rope that will not hold a knot no matter how hard you tryStaff of Balance: A staff that will always fall and right itself to stand on endRebounding Lantern: A lantern that bounces as if made from rubberCape of Despair: The wearer of this cape cries uncontrollably until removed
Amulet of Reverse GravityUpon putting it on, amulet will reverse its gravity and fly up off your head.
>>30724894Might be nice by putting on a play.
>>30724242Wand of shadowwarpTurns shadows inside out
Wand of disintegration: Wand disintegrates on use.
>>30724946Give is a slip knot and put it on your enemies
>>30724850Not at all useless. Aim it at a hurricane, goodbye flood-producing clouds.
Ring of spiderclimbAllows wearers to climb spiders.
>>30724799Peace and happiness for everyone, forever.
>>30725048Would have been useful in Limbo.
>>30724242Ring of Radius - It always fits the finger its placed on.
>>30725098Now i have an idea of a mud golem covered in sod and shaped like a gnoll that you hide behindhehehehe I need to take my medicine and go to sleep
Ring of Invisibility, when you put it on, the ring turns invisible.
Sword of Chaos: when you attempt to attack with it, the attack is redirected in a random direction.
>>30725193That's an awesome item, invisible knuckle dusters for days
Potion of Dihydrogen Monoxide: Corrodes non-enchanted iron objects, causes severe burns in gaseous form, lethal if inhaled.
>>30725222The whole point of useless items is to find uses for them.
>>30724242Hat of OP - Turns you into a bundle of sticks
Wand of obscure objectWand turns into an obscure object on use.
>>30724242>Orb of Slope DetectionI don't get it
>>30725300Think about it for a moment.
>>30725040>Fire rod at hurricane>Hurricane dies>Corpse of hurricane falls to the ground>Including all the water vapor it containedGoodbye flood-producing clouds. Hello flood.
Wand of alarmTarget is surprised
>>30725113Good for proposing to fat people
>>30725113>Not Ring of Perfect FitIt would be great for marriage.
>>30724894Foil the execution of the true kind by switching the sword!
>>30724894Sword of No MercyYou become unable to heal people while wielding it in two hands.
Wand of Locate ObjectLocates whatever object it is pointed at
>>30724941Staff of Balance? You just discovered a source of perpetual energy! Attach the staff of balance to a wheel or mill and voila! Free energy.
>>30725383King*Fucking smartphones are retards sometimes
>>30725441Goggles of See InvisibleAny invisible objects you see are visible to you.
Good one ring. From time to time, after saying a relevant phrase, the wearer can hear a voice saying "good one."
>>30725222௵ What IS that. I've never seen it before
>>30725485Looks like Sanskrit to me.
>>30724403Wand of Cause critical woundCauses target to suffer from the humiliation of being criticized
Sword of Healing - Heals every wound it causes instandly
>>30725589Eh, probably wouldn't be that effective. What if you stab them and leave it in them?
>>30725631Or just kill them in one stroke.Even if their brain is repaired afterwards, cutting off access to the brain for even a second is not healthy.
Wand of Wish Target experiences wishful thinking
Helm of Nostalgia - Wearer will suddenly remember the show Dinosaurs.Wand of Sadness - User will become sad while using it.Gloves of Unified Phalanges - Really, just mittens.
>>30725501>>30725485nvm, not Sanskrit or Arabic, too loopy.Something Middle-eastern though.
>>30725631>>30725654 ah i guess it kind of Works like the Sword of Mercy further up but it does damage only it heals it instantly so you wont get deeper than a little cut becuase always rehealing does stop it from penetrating further...Guess it like a konstant scratch on the person cut with it must be realy anoying
Ring of Speak with PlantsAllows the wearer to speak with plants. Plants will not answer being non-sentient.
Wand of Chilling GraspChills target drink
>>30725822You do realize how goddamn useful that is, right?
Boots of Tightness - Boots magically change so that they are a size too small for whoever wears them.Ring of Arnold Murphy - The wearer's name will temporarily change to Arnold MurphyAxe of Bovine Execution - Whenever the axe draws blood a random cow somewhere on Earth will die a mysterious death.
>>30725839Pants of Tightness - Same effect.
Klingon ArmorIt's just spandex.
>>30725839>Limiting the axe of bovine execution to only one planetIf it were me, I'd make it off a random cow anywhere on that plane
>>30725839>Boots of Tightness = Wonderfull Torture Device>Axe of Bovine Execution = +3 dmg +Moral dmg Against Indian People
>>30724982How the hell would that work? Best not to think about it.
Wand of TortureGives splinters to whoever holds it.
>>30725901 still usefull you could become Arnold Murphy the thight bane of Hinduism
>>30725885That would be the worst torture devise."So prisoner, how are the boots?""Ok... I mean, if you can find me a size eleven that would be great but these will do for now.""Are you ready to talk?!"
Cape of apparent invisibility - Wearer is under the impression that they are invisble as long as it's worn, and even being confronted cannot convince them otherwise
>>30725193Is it possible for that kind of magic to be imbued into something other than a ring? Like a pair of gloves with spikes on the end. That aught to give a nasty surprise.
>>30725924let them walk around a bit
>>30725944>magic things that aren't ringsI don't u-understand?
>>30725232So, it's a potion full of water.
>>30725366>target is surprisedThe rogue would get a heck of a lot of use out of that. Sneak Attack damage for DAYS
>>30725959I think that was the joke anon-sama
>>30725948"Well traitor! I hope you don't mind a little trip... to the store and back!""Oh boy, I am going to have a blister tomorrow, I just know it."
>>30725485looks like that weird language they have in Thailand.
Weatherproof cloak - Cannot be affected by any weather phenomenon. They will pass right through and onto the wearer.
>>30725831Bar owners would kill for that sort of thing.
>>30725995I think they sell those at Wal Mart.
Helm of the unseen - makes the user unable to see things
Plate of buffetContinuously shows live footage of jimmy buffet shows
>>30724242Helmet of mind controlWearing it allows you to control the mind of whoever is wearing the helmet
>>30726025Monks could POWERLEVEL with that shit.
>Wind-blown Cloak: a cloak that will always appear to be blown by an invisible wind. not useful for protection from the elements.
>>30724242Ring of invisibilityAllows you to be invisible so long as no one is looking at you
Bracelet of Perpetual Time - A metal band worn on the wrist that magically indicates that it is 4:25 regardless of the actual time.
Wand of TimestopActivating stops time for everybody for 10 seconds.
>Ring of ethereal formUpon wearing, a person will move through any physical material, causing the ring to fall off.
>>30725989you never went around in boots that are to small did you ?at first its only a blister but when you walk around nonstop for a day parts of your foot start to "disapear"
>>30726043Useful for looking dramatic
>>30724242>Ring of fireA metal band that while worn can be activated by the userWhen activated it engulfs whatever is touching in in resistance ignoring fire>amulet of mind readingA steel amulet that broadasts the users thoughts involuntarily to everyone in a 100ft radius
>>30726065Can keep a readied action to get a free dodge against all missile attacks.
>>30726025>>30726035yeah, I had a player mind control his character into doing nothing but training, also effectively giving himself infinite willpower and a number of feats involving ignoring pain and fatigue to accomplish certain actionsThis item can be broken by a clever player
>>30726093>amulet of mind reading>A steel amulet that broadasts the users thoughts involuntarily to everyone in a 100ft radiusAlso images? If so in the hands of the Sick Mind that thing would become quiet terrible
Necklace of Fresh Beats - Wearer will speak only in rap.
>>30726093So, everyone in my building will hear and see my rape fantasies?
>>30726173and your inane thoughts about how you really like whatever food you are smelling, and that you itch, and pretty much everything
>>30726223or your plot to overthrow the monarch of <x>..
>>30726167Has no effect on white dragons.
>>30726223Put it on the right gibbering psychotic and you could conceivably get a WMD. Just need a tightly packed crowd, like a colosseum, which would already give them a predilection toward violent thoughts and acts. Nutter of Instant Riot.
>>30724602Is it wrong i imagined this?
Ring of Truth - The wearer is able to tell when they are lying
Orb of Smash Mouth - Summons the band Smash Mouth, can only be used once.
>>30726285They will not eat any eggs presented to them as tribute.
Wand of Wish: When you tell this wand your wish, anything you wish, it will tell you one of its own wishes.>"I wish for a million gold pieces">"I wish I was a real child ;_;"
>>30726319I thought of a similar thingSword of truth: Whenever someone touches it, they tell the truth of a random lie they've told
>>30726319>"I wish I was immortal">"I wish you would stop sticking me in your back pocket"
Ring of One Up - Whenever the wearer describes his abilities to someone, Josh will interrupt and talk about how he is slightly better at it.
Ring of Flight: This ring has tiny silver wings on it. When you wear it, it will start rapidly flapping its wings.
>>30726336Sword of Uncomfortable Truth: When wielded, user blurts out a true fact relating to themselves they'd rather not reveal in polite society.
Ring of HasteWearer is always in a hurry
Sword of Dragonslaying: When held, this sword will give you tips about slaying dragons.>"Try not to get hit by a dragon's breat attacks! They can hurt a lot."
Boots of Quickness: These boots can be put on or taken off in less than a second.
Ring of Giant Determination - Wearer will be able to tell if something is big or not
Boots of Water WalkingWhen filled with water, they start walking away.
>>30726445>PROTIP: Stab the dragon until it dies.
Ring of Counter SpellWhen placed on a counter, this ring will cast a random spell.
Sentient armour: rearranges itself to avoid being struck by weapons.
>>30726491That spell will almost always be Random teleport
>>30726520Alternatively: Ring of TeleportationRing will occasionally teleport itself randomly
Sword of judgement:States it's opinion on every action you make.
Cloak of Misdirection: The wearer will randomly hear spoken directions incorrectly.
Wand of Summon Wand: This wand can summon Wands of Summon Wand. Using the wand destroys it though.
>>30726421>why'd they call it the xbox 360?
Antimagic ringRing occasionally states its negative opinion concerning wizards
Sword of Axe: This sword turns into a battleaxe when a command word is spoken. It can't change back.
>>30726554The voice sounds like Gilbert Gottfried.
Helm of Charisma: When you wear this full helm, your face appears to be strikingly beautiful, increasing your social ability when talking to anyone that can see your face.
Fire distinguisherPointing at a fire will tell you if it is fire or not
Wand of Steve Extermination - causes all Steves in a one mile radius to instantly die.
>>30726629Good for identifying illusions.
Sword of Rust: This sword rusts very easily. It will practically be useless after a few minutes of use under rain.
>>30726638more like ray of steve extermination right?
>>30726420Jesus Christ, that's evil.
Red Gauntlets of Illusion - Fools everyone but the wearer into thinking they are actually blue
>>30726613>When you wear this full helm, your face appears to be strikingly beautiful, increasing your social ability when talking to anyone that can see your face.>full helm>can see your face.That was a subtle one.
Bag of Holding: This bag can be held by anyone.
>>30726461Good to issue to fast reaction troops and rogues. You can quickly "toggle" between barefoot (read: moving silently) and wearing heavy boots.>>30726467Useful as a distraction. Water a small plot of land. Auto-walking boots if it still counts as "filled" when you stick your feet in afterwards.
>>30726638Situational, but powerful.
>>30724941Rebounding Lantern could be good for determining the depth of pits and shit.
>>30726740my DM insists on calling EVERY BBEG Steve, we don't know why.
>>30724941>keep rope of untying on you at all times>get attacked and knocked out>your attackers tie you with the nearest rope available
>>30724894Interesting, the paladin in my current game has a sword of this name, it receives +1 to attack rolls but only deals nonlethal damage.
Shirt of Duck Perception Prevention - Wearer is immune from all spells that would make him think he is a duck.
>>30726784People named steve are assholes. See: Steve Jobs
Bag of bags: This bag can only hold other empty bags, and once placed into this bag, said bags can also only hold other empty bags, any bag of bags has infinite holding space though.
>>30726822Very useful if you are a bag salesman.
>>30725915Summons a Lego under target's foot.
>>30726663Took me four seconds. crikey.
>>30726822Nesting bags are always useful. Carrying one bag that is actually 85 bags is far better than carrying 85 bags.
>>30725232>Potion of Dihydrogen Monoxide: Corrodes non-enchanted iron objects, causes severe burns in gaseous form, lethal if inhaled.Too obvious. You need to do better than that anon. Dihydrogen Monoxide is a common sense test to see if people figure out it spells our H20 meaning water.Call it a "Potion of Hydroxylic Acid." Unless they know their chemistry, they're much more likely to fall for it with that name.
>>30726894"Potion of pOH 7"
Wand of create wand. Has one charge. Creates a wand of create wand that has one charge. When out of charges, wand of create wand turns to dust.
>>30727036Think of all the free dust you could get.
>>30726279There've been times I could have used this for myself. Also self discovery tool for monks.
>>30727127If you say something you think is true, even if it isn't, you aren't lying.
Codpiece of the Infinite Erection
>>30727151I think in uncertainties and am very good at fooling myself. Or maybe I'm not. I dunno.
>Ring of Strength Draining - Drains the wearer's strength, ring becomes stronger
>>30727256You can reforge the ring into a badass spearhead, or at least the tip of a spearhead if its too small.
>Ring of concienceYou feel really bad about yourself. The ring can be removed, but you're afraid you'd feel even worse if you did.>Invisibility cloakThe cloak turns invisible when you put it on. You don't.>Hat of discomfortThe hat never goes with the rest of your attire, and you're painfully aware of the fact. Can't be removed.
>>30727282Not if it's too strong to reforge.
>>30726445>"Hit it´s weakpoint to do massive damage"
>>30727287I hang glittery shit on it and twirl.
>>30726564>peasant's firecrackerShame peasants can't afford such a wand
>>30727287>Hat of discomfort
>>30724941>Rope of UntyingCould be useful in a situation where you need a rope to not get tangled up.>>30725276Depends on what the obscure object is. Could be very useful for disposing of possibly dangerous materials.>>30725693Useful for door-to-door salesmen>damn, I wish I could have a chocolate bar right now>sir, do I have just the product for you>>30725716>Wand of SadnessCould be interesting, have that be an unidentified mark on a wand and watch as your local wizard becomes more and more depressed over his work.>>30726017So a blindfold, or a bag over someone's head?>>30726052>of course it's 4:25, just check my watch>>30726404Shit, I'd wear that just to show off for rich people>>30726428Never miss another meeting>>30726498A goo-filled suit of armor with this would be pretty hard to deal with.>>30726822Again, very helpful for door to door salesmenCursed throwing dartsA potion of curingfilled with pineapple juice.
>>30727287>>30725193>weave rings together into invisible chainmail>look like a toughguy braving a rough storm naked
>>30727762Man I wished that comic never died. I always got a chuckle from it.
>Tin of Great Storage - A small tin used to store anything that can fit inside it>Hammer of the Brittle Mountain - A hammer imbued with the power to crush mountains, but will break permanently if used even once>The Egg of Hands - An oval shaped object bound in the skin of the great Devil Boar. When held under the arm is shields the holder in a thick casing of armor>Staff of Giant Killing - Boosts any rolls related to playing sports>The Twenty First Helm of Shielding - Increases movement speed and agility to super human levels
>>30727762What's the comic?
>>30725839>Evil sorcerer learns your name and is going to use it to curse you.>Wear Ring of Arnold Murphy>curse fails because you are no longer Fighter McFighterson.
>>30726084A particularly important modifier for Perfomance (Brooding Hero)
Spear of Godslaying - A spear capable of piercing a god's heart even in their heaven's. Too long to actually move
>>30727826I thought it just took months to update. Is it really over?>>30727895Gone with the Blastwave. Check it out man.
>>30726663You evil motherfucker.
>>30728076Will do. Thanks mate.
>>30725781But aren't plants sentient?Excuse my stupidity, I wasn't very good at Science and Biology.
>>30724242>Gem of Anti-Magic - Casts an at-will anti-magic field five meters around the user. This artifact is magical.
>>30729659Sentient implies they can make decisions and think independently outside of basic responses. Plants, and some would say most animals, only respond to basic stimuli and don't think for themselves. If you put a mixture of flies and pebbles in a flytrap's mouth, it doesn't think to pick up and remove the pebbles, it just closes and tries to digest everything inside it.
>>30726112Wouldn't it also make him susceptible to crashing into mental feedback loops? If he slept with it on, could dreams adversely affect his psyche?
Card of Distraction: See other side for more details on how it is used.
>>30726701Even those with a horrible aversion to holding bags?
Wand of Growth - a stick that magically grows over timeBag of Holding - a magical satchel that can easily be held (assuming nothing is inside it and you have free hands)Ring of Warmth - a ring that is magically lukewarm to the touchRing of Cold - same as above, except the ring feels slightly cold
>>30729800>Wand of GrowthEnchant that thing with some indestructibility and strength enhancements, place it somewhere structurally weak and use time magic to accelerate its growth.The wand is suddenly impaling the planet.
Glock's wand of Minor Perforation: An intricate magic-imbued piece of machinery that cauese holes to appear in the object it's pointed at upon use. A critical miss however will cause it to explode like a Fireball spell centered on the caster.
>>30729822If you had that kind of magic at your disposal, you could just alter the time around the structurally weak point, leading to its quick decay. You wouldn't really need the wand or enchantments.
>>30729826>Glock's wand.Use it on a ship."Yar, captain, the ship be full of minor perforations! We be going under!"Also, debuff yourself so you will critical miss and wear talismans that render you immune to fire. Magical grenade ahoy!
>>30729822Assuming playing around with the density of the wand doesn't alter its ability to grow, eventually it would hit something strong and stop.
>>30729750Sentience is what you described in the second and third sentences. Sapience is "I think, therefore I am."
>>30725468No no, Goggles of See Invisible: these opaque goggles make everything invisible to the wearer.
Belt of belting: when worn, the wearer's behind stings as if it had just been lashed by a leather beltHound of Tind-Er-lust: a small, onyx figure of a twisted eldritch dog. Sniffing the rear of the dog makes you suddenly attracted to thin wooden objects
>>30726019>Continuously shows live footage of jimmy buffet showsYou are an evil, evil person.
Bow of Seeking Missile: When fired the arrow seeks the user of the bow
Ring of Silence: The ring makes no noise when it comes in contacts with something
Sword of Fire: The handle of the Sword bursts into flames when wielded.
Staff of Summoning Skeleton: The staff summons the users skeleton to fight your enemies.
>>30731687replace your with his or her
>>30725839>Ring of Arnold Murphy - The wearer's name will temporarily change to Arnold Murphy>put ring on devil>now devil's truename is Arnold Murphy
>>30731846To add to this:>as the devil "Arnold Murphy" what his real truename is>remove ring and use it for the next devilWith this item you could enslave all of the nine Hells to your will.
>>30726467"the man we're tracking went this way!"
>>30727836>The Twenty First Helm of Shielding - Increases movement speed and agility to super human levelsPresumably it doesn't change your reaction speed or ability to survive running full-tilt into a wall head-first?
>>30726638Incredibly useful in Minecraft PVP.
Ring of Stoneform: Gold ring that turns to stone when worn
>>30725822You just invented the fridge.
Shoes of Mercury: fly away when unattended
>>30724403tumblr would rejoice.
Amulet of Water Breathing: Fills users lungs with water
>>30730016Wouldn't those be 'Goggles of Unsee Visible' ?
Wand of Death: Causes target to die 1 hour before they would normally have died of old age
>>30727175Should be Chastity Belt of Infinite Erection.
>>30731656Useful for grabbing the attention of one person and one person only.
Helm of darkness. When worn darkness surrounds the wearers head and makes it impossible for him to see.
>>30726093>Amulet of mind readingThe solution to broadcasting your thoughts to everyone is to babble about inane shit like the weather or sports
>>30725589Non-holy Double damage to undeads! That's really awesome
>>30726663I hate you.
>Sword of Planar Crossing - When swung, the sword teleports to the other plane it is bound to.
>>30726796Then they say "Wow, this rope doesnt work" and use a different one.Its not like it wont hold a knot very long. It wont hold one at all. As soon as you tie one, it gets unknotted.
Tome of Darkness: Opening the book causes the opener to go blind until it is closed.
>>30729851>Debuff yourself so you will critical miss>Implying you can debuff yourself to critical miss.5% chance. Always.
>>30731631>Wear all over my body>Stealth mode engage
Ring of Farming: Wooden ring, gives wielder the ability to items they own into shit. Spell is cast when wielder thinks about item turning into shit.
>>30734832*to turn items
>>30734786>>30729851>>30729826Flaw in the design of this one is a misinterpeting of the rules, skill checks cannot critically fail. Would be better to re-write as "has a 1/20 chance of".
>>30726819fuck you Wozniak is practically a saint the guy's so fucking nice
>>30726063I see use of this, fire crossbow, activate, watch as guy falls over dead as the bolt has already been in him for most of those 10 seconds.
>>30735389Stops time.Not freezes everyone.Stops time.
>>30734832That is OP as fuck.>Steal item>Turn it to shit>No more macguffins.
>>30726025Makes you immune to psionics.
>>30726894I find people are more freaked out by Hydrogen Hydroxide as a name, due to vaguely-understood concepts of alkalis from school.Further, Dihydrogen Monoxide is simply wrong. Following correct guidelines the name would simply be Hydrogen Oxide. This is because, chemically, each of two hydrogen atoms are acting as a single electron donor to oxygen to form a covalent bond. There is no way for a single hydrogen to bond covalently with oxygen and no way for multiple oxygens to bond with single electron donors, so neither the specifier Di- or mono- are necessary (hydrogen hydroxide, incidentally, is describing the alkali solute of water in water, where hydrogen ions and covalently bonded hydroxide ions are diffused through hydrogen oxide molecules)
>>30726564You mean the wand of placing itself in a terrible position, breaking and therefore exploding? Nice!
>>30726701My handless gnome thanks you.
>>30726812This... This wizard had a very odd rival.
Orb of Orb Detection - Detects the first orb in a hundred mile radius (itself included).Fork of Disappointment - Regular fork sold at a very high price.
>>30725314>>30725320Not that Anon but, fuck I'm an idiot. My first thought was that it calculated the slope of a line.
Research TomeThis 100 page book, filled with 25 different versions of the same 3rd level spell, plus a primer page each casting noting the high end academic brief on the strengths and weaknesses of each version. While only good to learn this spell once, the entirety of the tome is excellent reference into the magical underpinnings of the effect and grants you a +2 circumstantial bonus to spellcraft check made to craft magical items that has this spell as a requirement. This bonus stacks. Price: As spellbook with 25 lv 3 spells in it.
>>30726025Someone could use that to undo mind control effects on someone by putting it on the controlled persons head.
Satchel of Spoilers - When books are stored in this satchel, it will tell you (in a boring, masculine, monotonous voice) all of the boring and/or lame stuff that happens in the book.
>>30736975Place in a reference text, suddenly audiobook learning onbound.
>>30728076>I thought it just took months to update. Is it really over?I think that the one I am just looking at right now is completely new.
>Helmet of Mind ReadingWhen worn, allows user to physically see the brains of others. Has no psychic effects whatsoever.
>>30737790It lets you see infiltrators from non-human races disguised as humans by nonmagical guises.Bet you didn't think to disguise your internal organs, huh?
>>30725589That sword is the perfect torture device. You can break any man by feeding him his own testicles 3 times a day. Or even running it along the sensitive nerve endings 3 times per day. What If you use a different knife to cut someone open then put the sword in their body cavity then sew them up/heal them magically.
>>30726582Stab someone with it and say the command word. It'll fuckemup real nice.
Rod of meat.It's just a big salami.
Infinite Pot of Re fried BeansCan produce an unlimited amount of refried beans from nothing. The more you make in a day, the worse they taste.
>Greatmace of the Gelatinous Cube - Squelch.
Night of the Living Haggis:This peice of meat is indestuctable and will always move towards the nearest true scotsman.
Cockring of Penis ExtensionWill allow you to trade width for length or vice versa in equal proportion by volume.
Novelty Singing Hooters of AutranachtFake boobies that create a sound like a theramin depending on how you touch them.
>>30739692Ah yes, Autranacht. The women have a saying Autranacht, it goes, "Thats not what you said da Autranacht!"
Skeptics SpellbookAny person who tries to write in this spellbook becomes convinced during that period that magic does not exist.
lamp of inadequete light. Provides just enough light to obscure the details of whatever it is you are looking at.
ring of murderous shadowyour shadow gestures to the people around you while you are not looking and tries to convince them to kill you.
>>30726887Can be argued against, with an unclear victor. Primarily, lose-one-lose-them-all cases are the point I'd like to make. Same situation as carrying a bunch of fivers, or a larger denomination of money. Convenience is convenient, but less secure to a degree.
Utiliks Magical Consentual Lovemaking Tentacles.This spell summons tenticles from the negative material plane. They will not restrain, fight, or combat anyone, but will engage in consentual intercourse with any one who desires to do so.
>>30732465>Epicly long boss battle>Several party members die>Boss close to death>Use wand on him>Finish him off>Time fucks itself bringing dead party to life and healing your wounds
Obo's magic stinkpileThe more waste is piled on this heap of unnatural pink flesh, the worse its odor. First conceived of as a seige weapon, it was abandoned when they realized that before the stench reached the neighboring castle, they could no longer approach the pile to feed it more garbage due to the odor.
Ring of Not Your FetishWill make all those you are attracted to sexually inclined to indulge in fetishes you find abhorrent, even if they normally have no such inclination.
>>30739718Why am I hearing this in Fred Amerson's voice from "the Fingerlakes" sketch!?!?!?
>>30740137*sexually inclined to indulge in fetishes with you that you find abhorrent
>>30729973>filenameFuck, man, I got myself a Boomerang in BL2 and it was THE MOST THING EVER fuck mang loved it
>>30730016Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses?
>>30739570endless supply of fertilizer for the magic stinkpile. potential wmd when put together.
>>30732413Even better, Tumblr wouldn't have any motivation to keep being... tumblr-y anymore.
Cigar Cutter of Regenerative Penile FunctionWhen a penis is cut off using this cigar cutter, it will grow back.
Wand of Forgetting.This item would come in handy, if you ever remembered you had it.
>>30740304feed the world. If they are hungry enough, they will eat it.
>>30740030>old ageYou just guaranteed your boss can't die until an hour before he dies of old age. Congrats.
Deck of 2/7 Offsuit.Whoever owns this deck of cards will be dealt a 2 and a 7 of different suites while playing the first hand of Texas Hold Em, everytime.
>>30740379>gift to someoneSay, anyone up for poker?
Dress of the NoblewomanWhile wearing this dress, everyone will be convinced that you are a woman, no matter how hideous. It automatically adjusts to your height and weight.
Horn of Amplified FlatulenceMakes your flatulence 10 times louder than it normally would be. Is of no use as a weapon, despite what your friends might say.
>>30740364what about preemtively shooting it at your party members before fighting that boss?
Petrified Monkey Anus.This ring will cause male apes and monkeys to be amorously inclined towards you.
>>30739648Is it willpower activated? Can I activate it while already inside of somebody, so as to pulsate inside of them as it switches back and forth?
Reusable TrojanThis condom is made of rawhide and can be used over and over again without any chance of getting a female pregnant.
>>30740637why... yes, yes it is!
>>30726019shows it to the wearer or to the people looking at the wearer? Would be effective if it's the second one
>>30740573Why would that help? It only affects natural death causes. If you fuck up and die any other way the rod isn't gonna save you.
>>30740304i should mention this only works if it is applied to oneself.
>>30740573Doesn't seem to prevent anything, just makes them die then if they haven't already died.
>>30740512Perhaps by itself, it is of no use as a weapon, but add a torch and you've got yourself a burning hands spell that never runs out of gas...
>>30740030Your party retroactively found the boss already dead. You gain no XP and his minions have already looted the treasure.
>>30724242>Gem of Feather Fall - All nearby birds lose their feathersThat would be really useful to a poultry farmer.
bucket of dirtthis 1 gallon bucket appears empty, until it is tipped over, when a bucketfull of earth appears inside of it and falls onto whatever it is being poured on.
Shovel Of Unending FatigueThis shovel allows you to use it for shoveling for as long as you normally would be able, only you will feel no fatigue so long as you continue to use it.After you finish using it, you will become as exhausted as you normally would after working for however long you continued using it.
Ring of ChastityThis ring will cause those you are attracted to to become sexually aroused at the thought of rejecting you, to the point where they will find any excuse to repeatedly deny you any form of affection or sexual contact.
>>30741156Ring of Appreciated UnrequitementThis ring will cause you to become sexually aroused at the event of somebody rejecting you, to the point where you'll intentionally and uncontrollably botch any and all moves made on somebody while wearing it.They're complementary.
Ring of CharityThis ring will cause others to seek any excuse not to pay you or give you money for any reason. People will still accept any money you have, and will not necessarily try to cheat or trick you, but will simply refuse any offer you make that would require them to pay you, no matter the circumstances.
>>30741224>>30741156A couple wearing these. One rejects the other. Suddenly both so horny they fuck right there and then.
>>30741254A couple only in the... strangest sense.
Ring of the Homosexual AgendaThis will cause everyone who you are sexually attracted to to want to watch and/or participate with you while you have sex with a person of your own gender, regardless of your orientation.When asked why the enchantress Sylvia created the ring, she said, "Its a power thing."
Illusionary ElephantThis will create a large pink elephant to appear to everyone in your vicinity, except you. It will follow you around no matter where you go, even indoors, and others must make a willpower roll to comment on it or even mention that it exists.
Gloves of the Barn DoorThese gloves will cause every door in the room you are currently in to slowly begin to unlock and creak open. This happens very slowly, over the course of an hour or more.
This thread turned into "items just fuck the user over, but aren't I funny for thinking of this?!"
>>30741619they are supposed to be cursed or useless, or only mildly beneficial.The idea is find ways to subvert their powers to make them useful.
>>30741618I forgot to mention, this only happens on doors you could open or unlock normally, and has no effect unless the gloves are being worn.
>>30739478this one got me
Poison wig! It must be eaten, though; you have to make someone eat it, not just wear it.
New gamemode, /tg/:Find the best two-item combinations of these things. Obvious combos like >>30741156 and >>30741224 are to be avoided. Define "best" and try to impress us.
>>30725407Well, DUH. You need a free hand to heal anyway.