/tg/, is it truly sodomy if one's squire is sorely entreating one for such a congress? Why else would he bathe so wantonly and with such frequency? He always dresses in the same tunic afterwards, a tunic known to relieve all good knights of their senses.It is long while since I have known the touch of a fair maid. What do, honorable /tg/?
Art thou sworn to a fair maiden? If so, cease thine sodomous urges posthaste!
What value has the beliefs of wordly men in the face of God's gift of love? If the emotions of you and your squire are pure and mutual, who could claim legitimacy to stop you from partaking?
Nay, beholden yourself to your strictest code, upon when chaste buxom maid shall praise thanks of you, know that thine congress be worth such pleasures tenfold! A dutiful knight be a gafe-less one!
>>30753475Fie on your abjurations. If a man wisheth he may do as he chooseth with his lance. None need know of it.
>>30753636Do not defile the purity of love with fiendish dalliances!
Has anyone watched the movie adaptation of Michael Crichton's timeline?
Sodomy is the name of the act, so yes, it is. It's sodomy if performed on a female, consenusally, non-consensually, performed on a male, or inflicted on you. Sodomy=buttsex. It's the damn definition of the word.
>>30753404Thou areth a knave and blackguard if thou'st allow thineself to be taken by thine sinful urges if thou arth betrowed to a maiden most fair! If thou are noth then thineself are free to celebrate thine faunish desire, though dost take care! Doth thine know for truth if thine squire most charming am as taken with thineself as thou areth with him? Most vile is the knave whom forceth himself uponest others, be they fauns or nymphs!
>>30754041Sodomy is any form of non vaginal sex yo. Oral and anal are both sodomy.
>>30754114>>30754041But Sirs, when I squired under the valiant Sir Rowan, he gave many assurances that no act be sodomy if one doth commit it in congress with those of the elven race, and with the half-elven the acts be deemed a half-sodomy.
>>30754174Sir Rowan is then a knave and a lout! Sodomy is sodomy, despite whotever kinsfolk one's victim is! Be they of proud elven stock of thine father's father's forests of the mountin dwelling stout folk and all other races that dost wander the realms!Excepting the French. Then it is bestiality.
>>30753404>Why else would he bathe so wantonly and with such frequency? He always dresses in the same tunic afterwards, a tunic known to relieve all good knights of their senses.Art thou.. certain dost have a lad rather than a lady?It is not unheard for dissatisfied and unmarried maidens to don the guise of a man and go to war. More than a handful of noble, and indeed famous, knights to be found of the fairer persuasion upon inspection of the body at death.
>>30753475>>30754055Verily I am not betrothed to a maiden most fair, nor have I received womanly attentions in a long while, for we have waged a great war against the Hobgoblin Empire for three summers now, and I have only my faithful squire for company in these trying times. The Archduke took for himself all the hobgoblin maids captured thus far, that he might quench his own heavy lusts, while leaving his knights and men-at-arms bereft of any such prizes of affection.Truly I am unsure of my squire's intentions, though why would he so wantonly prance about in such a comely state of half-dress unless he desired manful company?>>30754333Perhaps a thorough investigation of my trusted spearbearer is in order, good sir.
Should we not taketh a comely lass of virtue true to ease our longings with ministrations of the hand? Be even that sodomy in the eyes of the Almighty?
>>30754477>The Archduke took for himself all the hobgoblin maids captured thus far, that he might quench his own heavy lusts,
Fuck that glorious Boypussy, man. It is the duty of one instructing a noble youth.
>>30754218But how shall I ever reclaim my virtue from Sir Rowan and the others now, Sir Blackheart? Your uncompromising standards have shattered my belief that my mother's elven grace protected my moral integrity from the stain of the Sodomite. Lo, I am sorely ashamed this day.
wtf this is not a traditional game
>>30754505The Archduke is a most virile and mighty man. By his hand do the Hobgoblin Emperor's soldiers know death, and by his mighty spear do the hobgoblin womenfolk know the firm, throbbing resolve of the righteous.
>>30754477>The Archduke took for himself all the hobgoblin maids captured thus far, that he might quench his own heavy lustsVerily, such villainy dost make mine heart quiver with rage most dreadful!>Truly I am unsure of my squire's intentions, though why would he so wantonly prance about in such a comely state of half-dress unless he desired manful company?Uncertainty is unbecoming, good sir knight, from a man of valour and martial virtue. Do goest and ask thine squire or squireess (I admit I am unfamiliar with squires of the fair sex, mineself dost never meet once such maiden before!) if he or she is interested in courtship with thineself. Should the squire bend (oho, ribald humor! Forgive me.) to your desires, then all is merry! If not, then that is thine cross to bare in sorrow and with great fortitude I am afraid. Taketh thine lusts to thine bed servants instead, though spawn no bastards.
>>30754535Fear not young sir, thou needs not do more then live a life of virtue and chaste emotions, keep thine lusts to thineself till thou marry thineself with a maiden (or sir, I hear such things are possible in elven lands, I am not one to judge either way as long as it is all fair and just). This Sir Rowan on the other hand dost need a good trashing I believe! I shall set out first thing at dawn to challenge and defeat him in your name good sir, you have my word!
>>30754535Show us on the doll where the foul knave defiled you
>>30754610I can hardly wait to hear thine challenge of the scoundrel.Verily, a fight for the ages over one man's ruse of half-sodomy. Thus it is our order is the laughing stock of the kingdom with this sort of public prancing.
A knight should not make love outside the confines of marriage. Take a wife, either your own, or that of another man who you shall always consider your lady-love.
>>30754654Worry not, I shall be discreet and challenge the knave on ground of being ill fit for a knight and mistreatment of squires with fiendish malevolence!
>>30754610>Fear not young sir, thou needs not do more then live a life of virtue and chaste emotions, keep thine lusts to thineself till thou marry thineself with a maideStuff that you pale plodded stick in the mud. I have some real advice for the boy.
Pft. Losers.Sodomy is the best.>>30754706This manly fellow knows his stuff.
>>30754706Hah! Thou arent a fool and a braggart! Siring bastards aplenty and the vice of gluttony are ill suited traits for a knight! Thou sound like some sort of rapscallion from the mountains! Dwarven folk make ill knights I say!They cannot ride horses, you see.
>>30754584Excellent counsel, Sir Blackheart. I shall court my faithful squire with propriety, and struggle mightily to avoid ravishing his youthful buttocks in the dark of night.
>>30754692By the gods, my friends I implore you to feast thine eyes upon this white knight. Thou shan't be winning any hobgoblin maidens from the Archduke's dungeon just because you stood up for some half-wit who fell for the old "half-sodomy" routine.
>>30754744My pleasure good sir. My pleasure.>>30754754Hmph, I shall have the last laugh when thine manhood falls off from crotchpox that hobgoblin maidens spread, thou fool!
>>30754041That's BUGGERY. Which it turns out is actually a racist term used to slander Bulgarians. SODOMY is much broader and basically just means "fun sex", much like fornication.
>>30754743Joke's on you. Dwarves cannot sire children with other races so easily.I ride a horse just fine. I made one out of steel. It bellows smoke and screams like a flight of dragons. Those I ride past remember me even when I am gone by the scent of it's fumes.
>>30754610I am most indebted to you, Sir Blackheart. Your bravery is without peer, and the girth of your lance leaves foes trembling for fear of its mighty shaft.
>>30754779Hmph. I have heard tales of your metal horses. Thine mo-tor-dykes impress me not! Neither dost their fumes, if they are not THINE fumes! Haha!
>>30754771I wouldn't plow a hobgoblin even with thine longsword; which if the scrawlings upon the walls by the lower square trowels are any indicator may as well be a shovel with the places it has been stored.
>>30754798It's motorbikes, ye filthy elfson. The Motor Dyke is my wife.
>>30754735>Sodomy is the best.Verily, forsooth. I doth not go a day without sodomizing at least one fair maid or comely lad, lest that day remain a day fully wasted.
>>30754792...Sir Rowan is a knave and a vile man but I must admit, thou arth one charming knight sir elf. I pray thee polish mine lance once I defeat the villain! I-in a chaste way of course.
>>30754779And to think people wonder why male human knights are stuck with their squires.
>>30754771>>30754800This dost begs the question, my fellow men.What manner of sub-humans are most appropriate for the task of becoming a "Night Blossom"?I am in need of thine expertise upon this matter for . . . scholarly works, yes.
>>30754817Forgive me then sir dwarf, I meant no disrespect to thine spouse. Only to thine stench!>>30754800The only place mine longsword is stored good sir is its scabbard and the chests of wrongdoers. Hmph.
>>30754829>Sirrah, you appear to be subtly indicating that you are of the erroneous belief that it is not infinitely preferable to be the catamite in this situation>And this image is an entirely apt description of my visage upon such a realization
>>30754856>I meant no disrespect to thine spouse.I wish you had. I certainly do!
>>30754792This Elfmaid's chest be flat as the horizon before the dawn.
>>30754860Queer. Thou wear the purple colour of a bishop but thou areth not covered in any religious regalia.
>>30754834Toldest thou all I did. This knight doth hide his sodomy behind a very large shield, in spite of his protestations thus >>30754856>>30754853If thou art that concerned with being caught, thou might as well get thineself one of the small ones, that could be stored in a saddlebag. Like a halfling.
>>30754860He's a humble man. Give him some credit, without guy like it wouldn't work so well.
>>30754800But good sir, it is commonly known that the hobgoblin maiden is a most tractable specimen, ever eager to please her lawful husband and master in any fashion she is able. Furthermore, the hobgoblin maiden retains her comely appearance long after the human maiden has wrinkled and sagged, succumbing to the vagaries of Time.
>>30754898I-I meant it no lustful way! But mine lance is most heavy and long. Polishing it is an all night task. Better to share the burden with others of kindly heart, eager to aid one whom has fought for their honours!...No your other honor...
>>30754900Bloody oath Archduke, do what thou will but do not summon thine heralds to try to cast a veil of normality for your bizarre predilections upon the lay folk.>>30754928Methinks thou dost seek to best Sir Rowan for beating you to first tasting, rather than for the indignities he hath brought upon his squire in his lessons of sodomy.
>>30754900But how would thine clean the corruption of a hobgoblin maiden?I do be hearing tales of men whose spears become tainted and corrupt once plunged into a hobgoblin maiden's passage. I shant risk my spear for a mere chance.
>>30754928Display your lance for all to see, fair sir, that we may gauge its heft and girth. If the squire is of the proper sort, his instincts will take over at the sight of it and he shall lavish ministrations upon your shaft immediately.
>>30754945Thou arth wrong. Mineself did not knowst the knight wronged was an elven lad most fair before vowing on my quest to defeat Sir Rowan, the Foul. This fortunitous twist changes not my determination nor my reason for questing. Which is to right the wrongs committed by those ill fit to call themselves knights!Behold a picture of mine squire by the way. Valorous lad despite being cursed to bleed spontaneously once every full moon or so. My heart aches for his ills, wish mineself knew a way to cure this strange ail.
>>30754834>>30754928Were thou to champion my cause so valiantly, I would surely polish thine lance as well as show thee the full depth of my honor, if thou found it to be pleasing, Sir Blackheart.
>>30754994Verily Sir Blackheart, this is why all the bardic tales about you are bawdy limericks.
>>30754960Behold then and be awed by mine thunderous lance!
>Mine visage upon observing these events unfold
>>30754853The sorcerous breeds of every race are most befitting to serve as bedwarmers and secretive companions around the campfire at night, good sir. Their supernatural talents are numerous, and their arcane ways render them morally lax, and prone to sexual debauchery.
>>30754417Thou art a knight most beta. Be they sending kittens to fight us now?
>>30755014Do note how it widens out. It allows for more strong grips and greater strength of penetration!>>30755010What limericks?! Mineself doth not hear any of these songs! What has been going on behind mine back?!>>30755008Tis the least a knight can do.
>>30754994So, you say this lad has a curse that you might say bestows upon him a kind of 'moon-blood'? Art thou, perchance, a fellow to Sir A'sperg?
>>30755038That is some anime ass armor/weapon.I like it.
Consult the rules of courtly love.1. Marriage should not be a deterrent to love.2. Love cannot exist in the individual who cannot be jealous.3. A double love cannot obligate an individual.4. Love constantly waxes and wanes.5. That which is not given freely by the object of one's love loses its savor.6. It is necessary for a male to reach the age of maturity in order to love.7. A lover must observe a two-year widowhood after his beloved's death.8. Only the most urgent circumstances should deprive one of love.9. Only the insistence of love can motivate one to love.10. Love cannot coexist with avarice.11. A lover should not love anyone who would be an embarrassing marriage choice.12. True love excludes all from its embrace but the beloved.13. Public revelation of love is deadly to love in most instances.14. The value of love is commensurate with its difficulty of attainment.15. The presence of one's beloved causes palpitation of the heart.16. The sight of one's beloved causes palpitations of the heart.17. A new love brings an old one to a finish.18. Good character is the one real requirement for worthiness of love.19. When love grows faint its demise is usually certain.20. Apprehension is the constant companion of true love.21. Love is reinforced by jealousy.22. Suspicion of the beloved generates jealousy and therefore intensifies love.23. Eating and sleeping diminish greatly when one is aggravated by love.24. The lover's every deed is performed with the thought of his beloved in mind.25. Unless it please his beloved, no act or thought is worthy to the lover.26. Love is powerless to hold anything from love.27. There is no such thing as too much of the pleasure of one's beloved.28. Presumption on the part of the beloved causes suspicion in the lover.29. Aggravation of excessive passion does not usually afflict the true lover.30. Thought of the beloved never leaves the true lover.31. Two men may love one woman or two women one man.
>>30755039Nay, though I knowst of him. Too portly he is to fit in the armour of a knight. A poor ending for a knight's tale mineself believe.Of the moon blood I do not know, aside form that mine squire does bleed most profoundly from the strangest of places. He also becomes queerly irritate and easily angered like a dragon. It breaks mine heart that I know not how to cure him... These eastern knight doth have helms most strange!
>>30754955One must seek the aid of a doughty cleric, or perhaps some druidic sage or another, one versed in the art of relieving maidens and men alike of such ailments. They shall cleanse thine beloved, and thou shalt cleave unto thine hob maiden most mightily, to the satisfaction of all involved.
>>30755047Have a knight-samurai hybrid as well.
>>30755069I have heard that such curses fade with age, when silver comes into thy hair. I have also heard that those who have children are not afflicted by such moon-blood.Perhaps if you were to arrange for him to become of the parental persuasion, the curse shall fade.
>>30755105Hmmm, thine words might bear wisdom. I shall inquire of my squire his thoughts upon marriage and find a maiden most fair for him to bare his children, so his curse might be broken! Thank you, good sir.
>>30755033>Be they sending kittens to fight us now>to fight us>us>as contrasted with the good sir knightZounds, a hobgoblin spy lieth amongst us in a disguise most secretive! Begone, knave, lest thou face lances most fearsome!
>>30755111>bear wisdomMy traitorous tonuge! Excuse me sir I did not wish to claim thou areth a druid of some such, it was but a slip of the tongue.
>>30755038Oh, someone wants to hear a song?-Ahem-Sir Blackheart brave! Sir Blackheart true!Whatever will we do with you?You sweep the taverns waving lance,Bereft of your most knightly pants,Looking for a squire to do!
>>30755049>15. The presence of one's beloved causes palpitation of the heart.>16. The sight of one's beloved causes palpitations of the heart.What about palpitation of the member, fair Sir Anon?
>>30755133Tis a fair song, thou make me want to search for such a fair knight and become his squire.
>>30755111>>30755131What has been said cannot be unsaid
>>30755133...Mineself... Dost... Thou....Knave! Which cowardly bard did compose such a travesty upon my good name! I do not run around without my knightly pants! Lies! Mine greaves are where they should be nowhere else!
Verily, what traditional game serveth best to faithfully depict (with chivalry and decorum) that most intimate of bonds between a knight and his trusty squire?A comrade-in-arms once spoke of a mighty tourney code known as GURPS...
>>30755140The heart and the member are one and the same, gracious Sir Anon.
>>30755169Aye, thine knightly greaves be exactly where they should be, abandoned next to the secretive bathing grotto of the King's own half-elven nephew!I pronounce it thus; thou art of a sodomous temperament!
>>30755169Oh? You didn't like it? I hath heard others.-Ahem-If you doth seek a knight,Sir Blackheart will put up a fight!For where there's villains to be slain,He will instead seek squires be lain,In stables just out of your sight!Or maybe this one?-Ahem-Remember well this tale I send,Of Sir Blackheart's 'tempt to mend,His squire's weakness with his blood,So that with a mighty thud,He might put his lance to "end".
>>30755196But how doth one overcome the rule against embarrassing marriage choices? Doth the realm even permit the marriage of a noble knight to his squire?
>>30755231Thou fair bard your song sings true to my heart.In fact one could say it was art.There is not a name utteredTo make my heart flutterThan Sir Blackheart, to say, as a start!
You can bring in them city guards or them knights waitin' outside it don't make me no difference.Now, I tell you what squire. I like ya, and I want ya. And we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. The choice is yours.
>>30755022Verily. Their arcane talent and comeliness are inextricably linked. Even a boy sorcerer is fairer than the lion's share of noble maidens and highborn women.
>>30755253I... Do not believe so then again I am as of yet unwed, not having found my lady love. Perhaps in elven lands.>>30755231Silence your mischief thou knave! Thou are the Bard of Red Rivers! >>30755226I have not left there any of my graves! Thou are slandering my good na-...Curses!
>>30755296...I find this one limerick pleasing.
>>30755253I would advice against a marriage, my lord. Such an affair could prove to be most embarrassing not only for you but for the entire realm.
>>30755305>>30755342But could one not simply adopt one of the many talented orphans in the realm to serve as a mighty heir?
>>30755226>>30755305Sir Blackheart! Is it true? Hast thou been defiling mine own nephew with the acclaimed acts of sodomy?
>>30755121Fie to thee and thou's, villain. Glory to Agatha!
>>30755365It would be a virtous thing to elevate one so wronged by the cruel fates, though I am no lawman so mineself cannot say for sure.>>30755366No sire! I have merely been guarding the chastity and virtue of those in the royal bathing grotto! Upon my word and the Bard of Red Rivers' life, I swear!
>>30755366He only did it twice, Uncle.
>>30755386>>30755402Foul blaggart! Once I trusted thy word above all others, but the testimony brought before me this day hath shown your true colours! Henceforth, thou art banished! And never again are thee to be named 'Sir' Blackheart!As for you, mine nephew... perhaps some time in a monastery will cure thee of thy temperment.
>>30755455My lord, are thou sure that this be a wise.decision? Mineself has heard queer tales pertaining to the.holy men's chastity...
>>30755455Sire, I, Brother Hearblack would gladly care for thine nephew in our mountain monastery.
>>30755455But to be truthful to you, my king, most of the palace has defiled or have been defiled your nephew. I don't think it would be fair to punish Blackheart alone, your majesty.
>>30755488>>30755491>>30755492A pox upon all of you! Is mine kingdom full of you lecherous knaves? Is there not one godly, chaste man amongst us?
>>30755510To be fair sire your dungeons are full of hobgoblin maidens beyond number. This the crop thou hath sowed.
>>30755455Hold thy wrath fair king, for it is I, Sir Cumference! Back from the holy lands!Now my gracious King, in our age of enlightenment, we believe fully that the wisdom of the ancient Greeks and Romans holds true today yes? Well, they practiced sodomy and praised its practice between older men and younger lads. Are we to discard the old Grecian and Roman customs so easily? What is next, believing that there are no humors in our bodies? That the planets nor sun circle our great Earth? Let the knight and young lad be my benificent lord!
>>30755510>>30755526Sire, sire! Urgent news! One of the hobgoblin maidens is pregnant!
>>30755510My liege, do not hasten to punish Sir Blackheart, for he acts out of the goodness of his heart and the gentle nature of his soul. As an exiled Prince of the Fae, I expected to be cursed with a brutish and short life, but Sir Blackheart graciously allowed me to stay in his keep, bathe in his baths, and even sleep in his bedchambers, asking nothing in return.Please, show some clemency, your Grace.
>>30755544Your words ring true, good Sir Cumference, but the slight cannot be so easily forgiven.>>30755573Is exile not favourable to the death he should rightly deserve?>>30755546Curses! But... how can this be? The maids in mine dungeons have not been touched by mine own hand for many moons!
>>30755573>>30755492>>30755544My heart doth burn with emotion at the good court coming to my aid. Please ignore my monkly robes under my helmet. It has no bearing on the discussion and I am most certainly not also Brother Hearblack.
>Sirrah, hast thou ever considered plowing thy wife's other bounty?>Nay, whyever would I wish for her to die in childbirth?
>>30753404A bit of buggery between boys is to be expected. Just show a bit of discretion.
hell, i say fuck him
>>30755573An abomination such as yourself has no place in the world of men. Begone.
>>30755596>Is exile not favourable to the death he should rightly deserve?I only wish to remind your Grace that Sir Blackheart has done a great many valiant deeds in defense of your realm, and has ever been supportive of men in the trying time of their youth.
>>30755544Spare us your tales of eastern debauchery! Verily, ever since that tragic fencing accident, thou hast been of a most peculiar persuasion, good Sir Cumference!
>>30755651>>30755675T-to be fair I am also a patron of young maidens. ...Verily this day has turned strange.
>>30755675>>30755596My liege, the goblinoid wench in question is already at labor. What are your orders my king? Shall we summon the royal midwife to help?
>>30755603>>30755651>>30755675Perhaps I hath been too unkind in my zeal. Very well; Sir Blackheart, thy status shall be reinstated. However, know this; if anymore slights agaisnt thee come to light, I cannot guarantee that my word will be so easily remedied.>>30755691Indeed! Perhaps the spawn's form will provide us clues as to who hath sired it!
>>30755596My King, may I advise that I take care of Sir Blackheart in my personal chambers. I can promise that after but a few days there he will not even dream of returning to his old ways.As far as the hobgoblin problem goes we can always blame it on one of the guards. They are easily replacable and everyone knows they lack moral character.
>>30755705Thank you sire! Your mercy and wisdom knoweth no bounds! Mineself shall leave the royal city and go on a sacred pilgrimage for atonement at once! Oh damn I hope they dont notice that the hobgoblin has my eyes...
>>30755652Ah Sir Loin, my foe. You rammed your sword through my member in a most unhonerable way, but God hath smiled on me by granting me a beautiful singing voice thereafter.
>>30755705>>30755731Sire, the child is healthy and vigorous. It also has a birthmark shaped like a... black heart on its rump.
>>30754882>maidI have some news for you...
>>30755731>>30755748... Stay a while more, good Sir Blackheart. Pray, tell me... Doth thou know of any reason why such a mark would appear upon this child?
>>30755780...Have meinself told my liege that my birth name is Matthew?Why must have anon posted the sweating knight gif!
>>30755596>Is exile not favourable to the death he should rightly deserve?My leage! is thou more honorable way to let divines decide over judgement of blackhart, by duel to ones last breath? If the dishonorable knight is fouded with guilt, divines would have the heathen killed in this divine judgment?
I like that a thread about buggering nubile squires immediately attracted Blackheart.
>>30755836Purely a coincidence.
>>30755639But all I wanted was to sing and play for the shepherds and farmers, and for that, my cruel sister humiliated me before the Court, and banished me. Have you no pity?
>>30755791>>30755816>>30755725Tell me, my loyal advisors... What punishment would befit a man who hath defiled not only the nephew of the king, but also those the king has claimed as rightfully his through force?
>>30755816But who would duel Sir Blackheart? The king's nephew? Surely you see how such folly would only bring more embarrassment upon this court.
>>30755780Sire, the ambassador of the Hobgoblin Empire is at our gates. He says that we have the daughter of their Emperor at our dungeons and they want her back.And, uh, I am afraid that the said princess is... Um, has just given birth to a half-human creature... What should I say to the ambassador, my king?
>>30755854As soon as I would have pity for the serpent or the scorpion.
>>30755867He hast taken much of what is rightfully yours. Perchance it would be most fitting for you to... take what is his.
>>30755774Ah well. If be not sodomy to lie among Elves.
>>30755780My liege! Emissaries from the Hobgoblin Emperor have arrived!
My lord, I may have came to this knight's aid on practicing ancient customs long cherished, but stealing from the Lord is still unacceptable. I say ley him fight for his honor and if he lives, then he may stay. But if he does so and once again molests one of the lord's prisoners again, he may be banished or executed.
>>30755882>>30755924>Hobgoblins>sending multiple groups of ambassadorsDoes that mean this war is won or lost?
>>30755882>>30755918>>30755924Why, no matter! Tell him that I shall send him a gift, along with his daughter; I shall present the man who hath defiled her whilst she was under mine own protection!Guards, seize Sir Blackheart! I shall present him to these emissaries with or without his head!
I'm... just going to sit this one out.There's nothing I could say to make this court any better.
>>30753475THis would be a pretty boss tattoo
>>30755740T'was an accident, a mere coincidence! I swear it upon the children you former betrothed has born me in your absence.
>>30755947It only belies the massive lack of coordination hobgoblins have in regard to civilized matters.In several days, we'll likely receive one carrying a bushel of rotten fruit, shouting, "I heard y'all needed some ambassidorin'.
For Sir Blackheart I will be a slutHis polished lance, the one I will suckI just feel so hotWhen I think of his cockThat I hope that someday we will fuck
>>30755948Oi, his Highness won't like this at all. Best send word to your men encamped on the north plains. They're liable to get some unruly visitors very soon, "your Grace."
>>30756051Humans did WHAT to my daughter!?!?
Not having a somewhat butch blonde tomboy squire pretending to be a boy.>Come hither mang.
>>30756031That's it. I'm sick of all this "savage race" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Hobgoblins deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
>>30756097Your gloriousness, it was only one human! And he hath been tried as one of the most vile of our kind! I beg of you, do not take action agaisnt our simple people!
>>30756097It's reprehensible, sire. I'll gladly lead some of the lads on a murder-raping spree tonight.
>>30756131Yes, you do that. Also, sent some of your boys to burn down the Forest-Kingdom of the Elves. I bet they are somehow behind this.
>>30755919Doth thou not inspect thine thread before thou posteth? Verily Sir Blackheart hath preached against this vile doctrine of elf-hatred already, though he also may yet stand trial for sodomous crimes regardless.
>>30753404>squire slave wat do
>>30756183Enslaving a free man? Truly thou art a knave most foul
>that feel when you're in your cups and take certain manly liberties with your squire, only to get him out of his clothes and find out he's just a flat lady crossdressing.
>>30756131>>30756166>Suddenly, the clarion call of trumpets rings out over the horizon >Fearless Kobold cavalry come over the crest, and descend upon the Hobgoblin army's encampment>At the vanguard rides Sir Blackheart himself
>>30756227>and find out he's just a flat lady crossdressing.>>30756111This is my premier fetish.
>>30754533Greece and Japan pls.
>>30756297Baka gajin, go home desu!
>>30756297Most of the world has done that at one time or another.
>>30755836Hey, no shame in having interests
>>30756338We need to do something about those snakes, Gwyndolin.
>>30756244The enemy is in full retreat! This was a good and glorious day!
>>30756328Yeah, even during the Norman Conquest and for centuries after, mansex wasn't frowned on in most of Europe. There are references to the Bishop Rufus, during the reign of William II, who was well known and trusted among the local barons and was it was well known that they could send their daughters to him and their honor would remain intact. Their sons, on the other hand.. Homophobia was introduced later, as a tool to bring the nobility into line under the royalty.
>>30756400But would most DMs frown upon taking Leadership to get a qt squire cohort, Anon?
>>30756427If you took leadership specifically to have anal with your male squire, you'd probably be seen as a magical realm that guy.
>>30756364Why do you say that?
>>30756498>trivializing an entire fictional relationship into "anal"Do you even play roles?
Bloody Nora. I go on vacation for just two weeks and now all you lords are fancying boys again.I'm prescribing all you lords a course of leeches to help get you back on the straight and narrow. Attach one (1) leech to your spear, sword, or honor every night before rest and come back for another checkup in 3 weeks time.Now if you'll excuse me my lords I'd better go see to Lady Totty, she has been hysterical ever since her noble husband left to fight against the hobgoblin menace with his squire.
>>30756523I'm simply phrasing it how your group will.
>>30756552Can a man not balance his Lady and his Squire without discord? Is there no place in this realm for those with diverse tastes?
What if your squire is..."Bob"?A fine blond-haired blue-eyes youth is..."Bob"
>>30756608Have your squire satisfy your lady and you satisfy your squire.
>/tg/>chivalry and sodomy but mostly sodomy
>>30756649See >>30756552Though if you must continue on the route of sin, at least make sure Lord Flashheart isn't within 500 miles of the nuptials.
>>30756766"Chivalry & Sodomy"? That would by a great name for an RPG!
>>30754114AND bestiality too! I happened to learn that in criminal law last week.
>>30756957Please make this happen, /tg/
>>30757029>tfw Ancient Greek and Japanese expansion packs
>>30757029With Sir Blackheart as a bumbling, pervert NPC?
My liege! It is I, Ser Komsizyun the Ornate, returned from war against the Drow, and with a host of their foreskins as proof of mine deeds! Pray tell, what manner of converse doth enlighten thine forum on this beautiful morn?...You mammals are sodding weird.
>>30756677>not acquiring a masterworked strap-on for your lady>not spit-roasting your squire togetherArt thou a churlish knave?
>>30753404>unchaste behaviour You are no real knight.
>>30757118>with a host of their foreskins as proof of mine deeds!>Hebrew LizardmenReally, Anon?
>>30758937Stay thine harsh tongue, Anon. Sir OP was met with urges, but hath not conducted himself in an unchaste manner thus far. Posteth not lest thine eyes have amply surveyed thine elder posts.
>>30758856This is an option, of course. Since you top the squire who tops your lady, you top them both.Group activities are to be encouraged.
>>30759185>not topping your Lady who tops your SquireArt thou a heathen dog?
>>30758938It just makes sense.
>>30758938On the internet, nobody knows you're David Icke.
>>30758938>>30759372>he think's he's the First to play a Jew LizardmanI played A Necromancer Yuan-ti Merchant who went full Rothschild and Taxxed the dead using Debt riddled Necrocoin
>>30759213>not being topped by your Squire who is topped by your LadyWho doth propagate knavish ways now, cur?
Yes. It is.
>>30759558>implying thou shalt ever know the tender, wondrous love that exists between a noble knight and his youthful shieldbearer>implying thou shalt ever feel the heat of their passion, forged in the fires of war, and tempered by constancy and manful resolveVerily thou art a knave and a scoundrel
>>30753404It is written that if a man shall lay with another man in congress, he shall tonsure his head like a monk, go without meat for 20 days, and pray to the goddess of forgiveness 5 times a day while smiting himself with a leather whip for the duration of each prayer for the duration of that 20 day term.If a man shall lay habitually with another man in congress, they shall both be put to death by either stoning or drowning, the men tied together and cast into a body of water if drowned, tied facing each other to a stake if stoned.Source: Book of Canon law, chapter 5, sins of flesh or desire and their punishments
>>30759746Define "habitually," Brother Anon
>>30759771The root for the clerical language here is 'habito, habitum, or habitimus', which is taken in this context to mean 'in imitation of a proper relationship, i.e. in imitation of a relationship between man and woman'.In other words, "shall lay habitually" can be taken to mean; a purely sodomic relationship in which both partners are exclusive to each other and do not lay with others or with women.
>>30759829So if a noble knight were to lie with his purely hypothetical squire occasionally, and lie with his wedded wife occasionally, would that constitute "habitual" in the sense intended by canon law?Would the frequency of the types of sexual congresses relative to one another matter? What about an objective quota? X amount of Squirefucking = habitual regardless of how much wifefucking goes down?
Ya'll catamite as shit.
>>30759874No, it only constitutes "habitually" if the hypothetical knight has no sexual interest in his wife and does not lay with her.That violates the spirit of the law, not the letter. The gods are always watching, and there will be an accounting for every sin.What you do in your own privacy is between you and the gods.
>>30760013>cites canon law>makes references to gods>implying Christendom's laws and fantasy gods have even remotely similar moral proscriptions
Thread of the Day.
>>30760614The only reason they don't have moral proscriptions is that we don't discuss sex at the table. When D&D was forced into whitewashing itself due to the Mazes and Monsters backlash lost most sexuality in the game, and discussions of religion is a bit dicey... But you still see the occasional discussion in AD&D of such things.
>>30760618Agreed. This has informed every campaign of mine for the next year.What's a tastefully poetic aspect for FATE to signify that most noble pursuit, Squire Love?
>>30760747And on the flip side, Paizo's Golarion features Good Gods who embrace everything from sodomy to slavery. Even buttslavery, if you can believe it.
>>30756957>>30757029>>30757043>>30757058Classless system? Or should there be Knightly classes and the like?
>>30761150Judge not, Rodric, lest I chastise thee most fiercely with mine lance once more!
This thread wasted so many opportunities to have Sir Blackheart forcefully sodomized.It's a shame, really.
Unchaste behaviour, only fit for the fires of hell.If you wanted to molest boys, you should have joined the clergy.
>>30761245>Sir Knight becomes a mighty Paladin>Has his squires and buggers them tooVerily, forsooth
>>30761208Alas, his Lordship knew all too well that Sir Blackheart would no doubt enjoy such an experience, deviant as he is
>>30761132We can always use rules of Pendragon, I guess?
>>30755187Nay, thou wouldst do well to seek the lessons of the Pendragon! 'tis no better model than the tales of the first king!
>>30761303>>30761365Like a swarm of bees, these knaves.
>>30761423For the life of me I can't remember. Here's the page.
>>30761365Truly, if Lancelot would have done his squire instead of his Queen, much of the troubles could have been avoided.
>>30761303>>30761365Green Knight's Pendragon, brethren?
>>30761443Sirs Lionel and Bors? Weren't they his cousins?
>courting squires>not courting heathen womanfolk of the savage landsThe realm suffers under the yoke of the Catamite
>>30761439Sauce? Image search isn't working for me.
>>30761742Akanai Tobira, according to Sir Google>http://www.mangahere.com/manga/akanai_tobira/v01/c004/15.html
>>30761737verily brother, but mine squire......the ass was of pleasing thickness and heft
>>30761795Humble man-at-arms here. This sir speaketh sooth. The thickness was most pleasing.
>>30761694I think it is still more legal than having an affair with his King's wife.
>>30761595Yea verily, for the stories of the Pendragon do include the Green Knight, but also many stories of the Chaos of early days, and men like white Wolves, and even the Nocturnal murder that so plagued the court in its latter days. I suppose it would be a matter of preference, though I think the recent retellings are fine indeed.
>>30762009Alas, I knew not of the men like white wolves.
>>30762009>>30761595>>30761365>>30761303Doth yon Blackamoors speaketh of Pendragon?>http://www.gspendragon.com/
>>30762199>yon imageVerily, 'tis a tapestry befitting formian folk
Truly, this thread is worthy of preservation!
>>30762443tripfag circlejerks rarely are.
Like any good circlejerk, it's at least fun to watch. What have you accomplished?
>tfw no qt squire to bear shield and spear
>>30762470Observing the discourse of these noble warriors is still preferable by far to listening to the local knights errant speak endlessly of their quests.
>>30765154Consider this, good sir; a noble and valiant Knightly Quest for a Squire's affections!
>>30765154A worthy tale is had seldomly
How doth one create valiant knights and dependable squires in Rogue Trader, /tg/? Is the Arch-Militant spacious enough to accommodate such a dream?
>>30766531Go black crusade, be an honorable chaos space marine who butt burgles his ex-imperial guard squire minion with his gene-hanced organ.
>>30767017>Chaos Space Marine>Honorable
>This entire thread