"In this strange, magic-rich world of ours, theology makes for a bizarre field of study, populated as it is by even stranger people. More often than not, in order to piece together even one god's full and storied history, scholars from one civilization find themselves having to compare notes with scholars of other races, because- to put it frankly- gods have a way of getting around."Perhaps reflecting on the sheer diversification of the elven race, Yggdrasil (the head of their divine pantheon) alone is known to have innumerable children. While some have budded off from the god's various body parts (head, eyes, nose, kidneys), most are the result of illicit trysts with various unaffiliated deities (i.e. most of the 'nature'-related gods, etc)."It gets even more complicated depending on WHICH chicken-or-egg theory is followed; some claim that the gods' actions influence their ward civilization, while others propose that a civilization's own actions determine what a god will do. For example, the dwarves believe that their own discovery of blacksmithing and mining was what convinced their god to take up the hammer and anvil (though this is a simplification, as the more accurate explanation would not be at all work-safe for various reasons)."Regardless, only in times of great turmoil would ANY god end up dying, though this only ever happens by the hands of another god."(Cont.)
>>31066815-----------------------------------------------Ogir Place - Flying Golem OasisEQUIP - Sandstorm/Magmastorm Drill, Ruoumoko-----------------------------------------------Population: ???/??? ogres (6 dead), 90/90 elves, ∞/∞ patchwings, 50/50 Solar Skellies- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)- [Resources] Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles, Bones [Ogir Fist]- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Cheevo Hunter Dwarves [???]- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks, BMasters, Rockkits, Riders, Heallusionist- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)- [Settlement] Ruined Rock Shanties, Broken Storehouse, Mud Farms, Anchor/Stairs, SOGGY HELL ASHES- [Named Ogres] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy to All, +Ruoumoko, +Time], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture]- [Allied VIPs] Celicia Silverstone, Gunston Lockstock, Vultan- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Farm[+Protection+Fertilizer], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography- [Magic] Geomancy X, Heallusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best-----------------------------------------------ROLLS>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>90-98: Stupidly Successful>60-90: Successful>40-60: So-So>10-40: Kind Of A Problem>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID(Cont.)
>>31066847>Still halfway through a turn...>[VISIT SCARATONES]"Lockstock, have you seen-" Celicia trails off, frowning at the dwarven prince. If it wasn't for the lack of magical energy, she would almost think that he's tracing sigils through the air and/or trying to perform some sort of ritual. "... did I catch you at a bad time?""Nah, just checking up on my cheevos, lass. Here, gimme a sec-" Lockstock pinches his fingers together and swipes them down through the air, as if closing an invisible window. "What's up?""You can actually CHECK on- no, never mind, I don't want to fucking know." Celicia shakes her head, dismissing that as one of the many things she doesn't want to spare any of her thinly-stretched brainpower for. "Anyway, have you seen Gubbins anywhere?""Oh, him? If you need HIM to do anything, you're fresh out of luck. He's conked out in the shade underneath Ogir Place, and I'll bet you he's not getting up for a good long time. Probably burned himself out casting all that magical gobbledygook," Lockstock adds."Figures. Well, shit- look, SOMEONE has to go check up on the Scaratones. We haven't seen hide or hair of them since the battle."Lockstock frowns. "That ain't anything to worry about, is it, lass?""Normally, no, but the beetles usually have a token force here to help the ogres with their mining and farming efforts. I only just found out that Kilkkarak brought them ALL home without telling anyone." The elf gunner swipes a hand down her face, pondering their next move.>WHO GETS TO GO VISIT THE SCARATONES?[A] [GUBBINS] [!Roll required!] Try to wake up the geomancer. The Scaratones are more familiar with ogres, after all. [B] [CELICIA] Have Celicia go and check up on the Scaratones. Demons and portals are her forte, and after what happened with the Yellow Ant...[C] [LOCKSTOCK] Have Lockstock go and pay his respects to Queen Kilkkarak. Maybe he can help with the repair efforts that are surely going underway?[D] [TWO OF THE ABOVE]
>>31066815YUSSSSS!!!!>>31066928[B] [CELICIA]It's about time that she spent more time with Queenie.
>>31066928[E][ALL OF THE ABOVE]
>>31066928[B] [CELICIA] Have Celicia go and check up on the Scaratones. Demons and portals are her forte, and after what happened with the Yellow Ant...Yessss.Ogre Civ time!
>>31066928A & CIf we can't get Gubbins up then just CAlso, good to have you back BLORP!
>>31066928>[B] [CELICIA]She better do it herself. God only knows what will happen if anyone else does it... Who knows, maybe something normal and not Orger related... Ha. Poor Celicia.
>>31066928[B] [CELICIA] Have Celicia go and check up on the Scaratones. Demons and portals are her forte, and after what happened with the Yellow Ant...
OOOOORRRGGGGEEEESSSSS[B] [CELICIA] Have Celicia go and check up on the Scaratones. Demons and portals are her forte, and after what happened with the Yellow Ant...
>>31066928>[B] [CELICIA] Have Celicia go and check up on the Scaratones. Demons and portals are her forte, and after what happened with the Yellow Ant...
>>31066928>"Normally, no, but the beetles usually have a token force here to help the ogres with their mining and farming efforts. I only just found out that Kilkkarak brought them ALL home without telling anyone." The elf gunner swipes a hand down her face, pondering their next move.Well, didn't the Yellow Ant come and attack us again? Maybe the Formichroma haven't given up yet on the fight? I don't think we ever managed to get the peace council thing going after the fight.Nor did we ever get the food we ordered delivered.
>>31066928>[B]I'm not sure Celicia could take Queeny's teasing in front of Lockstock without going OGRE...
Looks like Celicia is gonna be talking to the beetles- vote's over, TIME TO WRITE!>>31067140Also, nah, they already had their little pizza party.
>>31067324>Also, nah, they already had their little pizza party.Oh, wonderful. It would have been such a shame otherwise.
>>31066928[B] CELICIA We don't see nearly enough of her.
>>31067397We don't see nearly enough of this quest.
I missed you Blorp.Never leave again.
>>31067462don't jinx it.
It is a glorious day to OGRE.
>>31066928>[X] [CELICIA] Time to talk to the Scaratones!Eventually, Celicia glances back up, her mind set. "Alright, I'll go check on them. Lockstock, do me a favor and keep an eye on the ogres. And also Gubbins and Bawss."To his credit, the dwarven prince's only response to being ordered around like that is to raise his eyebrows. "Well now, lass, I'm fairly certain the ogres can look after themselves-"He's interrupted as an explosion rocks the top level of Ogir Place, followed by That Guy screaming out of the cave as fast as he can- although he certainly can't outrun the fire that's engulfed every part of his body. "I HAVE DISCOVERED DAT ALL FOUR STATES OF MASS ARE FIREEEEE," the hapless ogre shrieks as he plunges into the lake."... you know what I mean," Celicia growls, leveling her best glare at Lockstock as the lake fails to put out That Guy's flames; instead, the water ITSELF catches fire."... point taken."It doesn't take too long for Celicia to assemble a quick escort- a few elven sharpshooters and a handful of ogres- and it's an even shorter walk to the main Scaratone Hive, since the final battle against the Formichroma's prophet took place a mere mile or so away.And it doesn't take a genius to realize that something's /off/ about the place, even from the aboveground approach.Celicia curses under her breath, her teeth clamped down around yet another cigarette; behind her, the ogres shift their feet uneasily, even as the elves murmur among themselves. She's not nearly as magic-sensitive as most of her fellow elves, but even she can taste something terribly wrong in the air.To the sides, the secondary and tertiary hive structures are silent, no longer emitting the sound of thousands of workers scurrying around; instead, there's a strong scent of magic from these above-ground hives, tangy and sour and annoyingly familiar.In contrast, the ground beneath their feet vibrates constantly, the underground tunnels fairly buzzing with activity.
>>31067886Showing off your figurine?
>>31067886>"I HAVE DISCOVERED DAT ALL FOUR STATES OF MASS ARE FIREEEEE,"... yup Ogres.
>>31067886>DECISION TIME![A] [EXPLORE THE SIDE-HIVES] Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to leave yourselves open to ambush from another front![B] [GO STRAIGHT UNDERGROUND] No time for dilly-dallying; something may be terribly wrong, and whatever's happening is mainly underground![C] [REINFORCEMENTS] Whatever's going on here could be way too heavy for a small-ish escort. Acquire back-up from Ogir Place![D] [WRITE-IN]
>>31068008[A] [EXPLORE THE SIDE-HIVES] Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to leave yourselves open to ambush from another front!
>>31068008>[A] [EXPLORE THE SIDE-HIVES] Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to leave yourselves open to ambush from another front!
>>31068008>[B] [GO STRAIGHT UNDERGROUND]We need to do something before anything blows up on us. I don't feel safe when we aren't controlling Bawss, we lack ogre luck.
>>31068008[D] [WRITE-IN]Ears to the ground, put those elf ears to work!
>>31067886 >"I HAVE DISCOVERED DAT ALL FOUR STATES OF MASS ARE FIREEEEE," That Guy is at it again.>>31068008[A] [EXPLORE THE SIDE-HIVES] Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to leave yourselves open to ambush from another front!
>>31068008>[A] [EXPLORE THE SIDE-HIVES] Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to leave yourselves open to ambush from another front!I MADE IT
Rolled 1>>31068008>[B] [GO STRAIGHT UNDERGROUND] No time for dilly-dallying; something may be terribly wrong, and whatever's happening is mainly underground!Head for the royal chambers! The queen may be in danger!
>>31068063We can do better then that. Have all our ogre geomancers make a quick tunnel so we can see what all the hubbub is with our own eyes!
>>31068113We don't roll a 1d20 here.
Rolled 10>>31068147but its happening already
>>31068129Oh right we keep forgetting about that.
>>31068129Oh yeah... All Ogres have geomancy.Right, changing my vote to this.[D] [OGRE GEOMANCY]TUNNELING TIME!
>>31068217Not with a d20 it isn't.
>>31068242...we're playing as Celicia. An elf, not an ogre.
>>31068129>>31068242I'm in support of this.>>31068283>It doesn't take too long for Celicia to assemble a quick escort- a few elven sharpshooters and a handful of ogres-
Rolled 5>>31068244I dont care. can't be arsed to take off my dice yet.
>>31068283>It doesn't take too long for Celicia to assemble a quick escort- a few elven sharpshooters and a handful of ogres-WE HAVE OGRES WITH US
>>31068129>>31068242DID we bring the dedicated Geomancers? Or are these guys just the regular Ogre grunts?
>>31068326>>31068308>>31068298>>31068242>>31068283Yeah, all ogres have a touch of geomancy in them, but just to be clear, she DID bring a few dedicated geomancers with her.
>>31068326It doesn't matter.
>>31068348Well Blorp, we're making our own door.
>>31068008>>31068348Well then, allow me to switch my vote here>>31068035to>[D] [OGRE GEOMANCY]
>>31068008Alright, it DOES seem like>[OGRE GEOMANCY] Bust our own entrance inis the winning entry! As such:>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>best 1 of 3!
>>31068454>>31068457>>31068463>Stupidly Successful>Successful>So stupid it's brilliant
>>31068463Wait, is 10 SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT or is it Kind Of A Problem?
>>31068510It's... it's so stupid that it's brilliant. Just barely getting there, actually.YUP.
>>31068510I feel like this problem was brought up before.
>>31068531So Blorp, is this the proper roll chart?>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>91-98: Stupidly Successful>61-90: Successful>41-60: So-So>12-40: Kind Of A Problem>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID
>>31068531Say Blorp, what is the status of our Goddess of Luck intervention?
>>31068531Well BLORP you knew what you were getting into when you did this
>>31068570God, I think we all forgot to keep rolling. I don't even remember how that mechanic works, except that it had to do with Ogre Pop (and that's already unknown).
>>31068606Speaking of which, we've got 6 dead ogres...And we have access to time magic and necromancy...Something fun to do once we settle down, guys. Ogres for Chronodeathknights, yeah?
Rolled 32>>31068438For old time sake
>>31068560... AHAHAHA shit, you're right, I literally cannot math for the life of me, especially when I changed my roll chart last thread. I'll have to use that next time!>>31068570Up and ready, last time I checked!>>31068606... I'll have to reexamine how to fit Ogre Population in as a mechanic, so that's gonna be on hold for now.
>>31068606No, I mean is it usable or not, the stats don't say.NOT SAYING TO USE IT, JUST WONDERING.
Rolled 6>>31068630This man has ideas.
>>31068660No, no, what I meant was that the intervention is powered up by our rolls in excess of the first 3 Blorp asks for.
Rolled 33>>31068652I can't wait to go to space
>>31068743>DubsSpace age civilization 'ere we go!!!
>>31068749I wonder if it will be like spelljammer.
>>31068743Welp, that's happening now.
>>31068743>>31068749>>31068768Technically it already happened when Gubbins talked to Oiwatsmilk.
>>31068764Probably more like 40K, we gonna met da boyz!
Rolled 17>>31068768>>31068806AND we will invoke the goddess' luck
>>31068665Chronoptic Death Knights of The Triangular Table of Ogir Place?
>>31068806See, even Blorp has starts in his eyes!
>>31068827Spelljammer and 40K
>>31068806>All the stars in the sky are friends, Blorp.
Rolled 63>>31068836They ride patchwings, right? Like, each of them rides on a cloud of patchwings.>∞/∞ patchwingsWhy haven't we ever abused this?
>>31068909because we fear for blorps sanity
>>31068871In before we meet simon in the gang and fight anti spirals
>>31068909Because we don't need to.
>>31068924We're more likely going to be fighting the Inevitables.
>>31068909>Why haven't we ever abused this?>>31068922And we're not a fan of meat grinder tactics.
>ogre civ quest is alive
>>31069014>meat grinder tactics.I was thinking mass ogre airdrops.
>>31067886>>31068008>>31068438>>31067886>[X] [OGRE GEOMANCY] Blaze your own tunnel down into the depths for scouting purposes!>92 - Stupidly Successful!>10 - SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT!Under normal circumstances ("normal" meaning "before ogres"), Celicia would be faced with a tough decision- she sure as hell can't plow ahead into the main hive, leaving her back open to whatever horrible magic phenomena is going on in the secondary/tertiary hives. But on the other hand, she would have to pray that whatever's going on in those hives won't delay her from getting down to where Queen Kilkkarak may or may not be in trouble. In the worst case scenario, they could get bogged down by enemies, enemies everywhere.Of course, it's been a LONG time since Celicia found herself under normal circumstances."So, ogres, do you know what's fucking great?"The ogres mull this over, frowning in all-too-serious thought. "... talking butts?" one of them eventually hazards.As accustomed as she is to ogre life, Celicia has to close her eyes to stave off the beginnings of a headache. "Tunnels through the ground," she continues. "We can go straight to Queen Kilkkarak if we do that." And also seal the entrance behind them to avoid any back-attacks from whatever's in the side hives, but THAT might be a bit too complicated for them."Hah!" One ogre, his top hat made of dirt marking him out as a dedicated geomancer, perks up. "Leave it to me! I'll get us straight downstairs in no time at all! Heck, I'll dig it out so fast dat we'll go right past all dat dirt an' space an' stuff!"(Cont.)
>>31069074WE CALL THIS MANEUVER OGRE RAIN!
Right, almost forgot.Everyone bookmark Blorp's twitter page.https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest
>>31069091Celicia squints as the geomancer grabs the ground and peels it back, dirt and stone and the fabric of space itself spooling into one long thread of something impossible that kind of hurts to look at. The elves accompanying them turn away, one unlucky soldier quietly emptying out the contents of his stomach onto the desert floor (where it's quickly melted into the space-dirt-stone continuum). Not for the first OR last time, Celicia reflects that someday, she's going to deeply regret relying so much on stupid ogre luck to see them through.... but she's quickly wrenched back into the present as she peers straight into the- tunnel? Portal?- and sees nothing but chaos and violence.Here and there, the Formichroma soldiers have discarded all their rigid strategies, tearing at the Scaratones with nothing but their claws and mandibles, fighting like the giant ants that they so resemble; meanwhile, mixed among the usual Scaratone soldiers are a large number of horrifically injured beetle-men AND Formichroma alike, rattling groans escaping from their ruined throats, looking like nothing more than walking corpses- hell, they ARE nothing but walking corpses. Some are missing limbs, or have gaping holes in their heads.(Cont.)
>>31069112>not having already bookmarked and follow itTsk.
>>31069120Further in is Queen Kilkkarak, smashing Formichroma into the ground with some sort of scepter (and her own considerable body weight; even from out here, the expression of sheer manic rage on her face is easily visible as wades through the melee, the usually urbane queen roaring war cries with all the fury of a dwarven berserker.... Celicia's snapped out of her revere when she realizes that the damn tunnel/portal actually CONNECTS straight down into this underground chamber; they could step right in, but on the other hand, it's only a matter of time before the fighters within begin spilling out onto the surface by accident.[A] [INTO THE FRAY] Queen Kilkkarak needs help, and we're the ones to give it. All in![B] [SHOCK & AWE] The elves have guns, and the ogres have... ogres. Fire a volley in to clear a path through![C] [REINFORCEMENTS] Okay, this is WAY too big. Get more ogres and elves and other allies, stat![D] [WRITE-IN/GEOMANCY] If you have a tunnel through to the bottom, the possibilities are endless...!
>>31069154>[B] [SHOCK & AWE] The elves have guns, and the ogres have... ogres. Fire a volley in to clear a path through!We smart.
>>31069154shock and awe. if the zombies wont die, then geomance them into a stone coffin
>>31069120[D] WHO SAYS TUNNELS ONLY NEED TO GO DOWN!?Make a tunnel to our reinforcements.
>>31069154[D] [WRITE-IN/GEOMANCY] OPERATION VACCCUUM: Suck out all the evil-doers to the surface so the good guys are okay. Then we krumps 'em good!
Rolled 5>>31069154>[B] [SHOCK & AWE] The elves have guns, and the ogres have... ogres. Fire a volley in to clear a path through!then>[A] [INTO THE FRAY] Queen Kilkkarak needs help, and we're the ones to give it. All in!>[C] [REINFORCEMENTS] Okay, this is WAY too big. Get more ogres and elves and other allies, stat!>[D] [WRITE-IN/GEOMANCY] If you have a tunnel through to the bottom, the possibilities are endless...!OGRES.CONNECT THIS TUNNEL.TO OGIR PLACE
>>31069154>[B] [SHOCK & AWE] The elves have guns, and the ogres have... ogres. Fire a volley in to clear a path through!HUZZAH!
>>31069190>>[C] [REINFORCEMENTS] Okay, this is WAY too big. Get more ogres and elves and other allies, stat!>>[D] [WRITE-IN/GEOMANCY] If you have a tunnel through to the bottom, the possibilities are endless...!>OGRES.>CONNECT THIS TUNNEL.>TO OGIR PLACEI can hear blorp's mind breakingyessss
>>31069154We need to stop the violence right now. Just think, what would Bawss do to get everyone to stop killing each other?Staggered gunline of screaming healing butts! Everyone will be so shocked they'll stop, and better yet, no more casualties!
>>31069154>[D] WHO SAYS TUNNELS ONLY NEED TO GO DOWN!?>DESTINATION: OGIR PLACE
>>31069154>[B] [SHOCK & AWE] The elves have guns, and the ogres have... ogres. Fire a volley in to clear a path through!
>>31069190YES. I SUPPORT THIS LINE OF THOUGHT.
>>31068924>implying the destructive, carefree nature of ogres isn't what convinced the antispirals that they needed to lock down spiral energy in the first place
>>31069154Let's send messages through the rocks using geomancy.
>>31069154>>31069190Oh yes. Adding my vote to this.
ALRIGHT, stopping voting here because>[D] [GEOMANCY] CONNECT THIS TUNNEL TO OGIR PLACEjustyou guysYOU GUYS>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>best 1 out of 3
Rolled 19>>31069367>>31069385>>31069388OGRES HAPPENING
>>31069385>>31069388>Stupidly Successful>Stupidly SuccessfulIT'S OGRE.
>>31069367>>31069385>>31069388>96 and 95 are Stupidly Successful>59 and 95 are inverse of each otherWelp
Rolled 23Guys.Guys.We should use the Goddess' luck here too.Just because.Who else wants to see blorps head explode.
Rolled 53>>31069444YES, WE NEED MORE OGRE-POWER!No to blorpsplosion, though.
>o-oh, well, okay, stupidly successful is good, it's nothing reality shattering or anyth->>31069424>>31069430>inverse numbers>>31069444>possible goddess intervention
>>31069349>>31069424OH GODTHESE FUCKING PATTERNS
>>31069464Haha. It's just a joke, Blorp.We'll wait for a worse time to use it on you.
>>31069444Put the entire Scaratone hive inside of Ogir Place.
>>31069444Strangely I am okay with this.
Rolled 59>>31069491When we get a Nat 1 or Nat 100->>31069503HmmThis has potential.OGIR PLACE IS JUST SMALLER THAN IT LOOKS. THERES ENOUGH SPACE FOR A WHOLE MOUNTAIN RANGE IN THERE.
>>31069503Place the entire Scaratoine Empire inside of Ogir Place, like a Tardis. Let the Formichroma have the old Enmpire, it's no longer needed.
>>31069530I am willing to pop the Goddess Intervention to turn this into Doctor Ogre.Gentlemen, are you in agreement?Blorp, can your sanity hold for it?
>>31069566We need to collect all our friends.
>>31069566Leave that kind of reality warping, space defying antics to when Gubbins is up and at it again.
>>31069566Save it for later.
>>31069566Good goddess no. We're saving the intervention for Bawss' resurrection.
>>31069607>>31069621Spoilsports. We used saved it to end the war. It would end the war. But fiiiiiiiiiiiine. We'll continue to hoard it for another 7 turns for no good raisin.>>31069650Baws ain't dead. Just sleepin' it off.
Rolled 13>>31069566I would support Doctor Ogre
Alright, gonna put it to an actual vote:>USE THE GODDESS OF LUCK INTERVENTION TO CAUSE TERRIFYING AND/OR AMAZING THINGS TO HAPPEN?[A] [YES][B] [NO]Remember, it will be available again no earlier than the turn after next!
>>31069566No, save the intervention for the big players like Bawss or Gubbins.
Rolled 28>>31069708YES, OGRE!!!
>>31069708G-g-god damn it Blorp...I was so set on saying no, but seeing you actually offer up the option...makes it so much more tempting.I'm sticking to my guns.>No
>>31069724BELATED NOTE: Goddess of Luck Intervention has the same effect no matter who the current character is!Also, Bawss is waking up next turn no matter what.
>>31069708Yes.Because fuck spatial relations! And fuck Euclid and his asshole geometry too!
>>31069708[A] [YES]All our allies must be roommates in this sitcom!
>>31069747I figured they wouldn't make it more effective, it's just that Bawss or Gubbins are usually more funny whenever they go all out.
Rolled 59>>31069708YES.Because TARDIS
>>31069708>terrifying and/or amazing thingsAlright ya sold me, yes.
>>31069708>>31069734God damnit. Fuck.Okay, I'm switching my vote her to yes. Fuuuuuck. The temptation.
>>31069747oh wait, bawss is waking up?>>31069708Then YES
>>31069708 [A] [YES]
>>31069708... I asked about it earlier.Let's do this shit.[A] [YES]
>>31069708Wait wait wait, is this the vote to turn Ogir Place into the TARDIS?>[A] [YES]>[A] [YES]>[A] [YES]
Alright, looks like the winning vote is YES! Writing...... and dice preserve our souls
>>31069708[B] [NO]I have plans for that intervention.
>>31069878Thus Cecilia learned not to keep relying so much on Ogre luck
I remember when this quest was just a quirky civilization thread. Where did everything go right?
>>31069942When the dubs happened.
>>31069942When we got a 1 and a 100 in the same thread.
>>31069915That already happened, but we aren't taking this quest cosmic until we teach Bawss to invent the secret Ogre Racial Power that's always existed and everyone knows about. We ain't getting off this world until we're rocking Spiral Power (as unlocked by Bawss inventing sunglasses).
>>31070139Hat technology still needs to advance even further before ogres discover the wonders of eye-wear.
>>31069318That made too much sense for a quest such as this.
>>31069349>>31069154>[X] [GEOMANCY] Let's put a line straight through to Ogir Place, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN>59>95>96See, the sensible thing to do- the Felpowder Elven thing to do- would be to ignore how absolutely impossible this portal is, taking advantage of it to lay down a suppressing barrage of fire. Yet another sensible thing to do would be to send a runner back to Ogir Place, to sound the alarm and/or ask for reinforcements; this could very well be a pitched battle, and the extra man/dwarf/ogrepower might prove to be necessary.Celicia bites her lower lip, a bead of sweat trickling down her cheek. That... that would be the SENSIBLE thing to do, and she can hear the elves around her preparing to do just that, but just maybe, maybe she can let herself go. Just this once.Do the ogre thing."... geomancer," she all but whispers, her scratchy voice even more hoarse than usual. "Can you- can you do another thing? Can you-" Celicia points to the portal, before turning and pointing at where Ogir Place rises above the horizon, not too far away from Scaratone Hive. "- can you do a thing?"The ogre spellcaster's eyes light up immediately. "Oh. Oooh!! Okay, I'll do dat!"Celicia blinks, surprised that she's SURPRISED that HE'S not at all surprised. "... wait. Really? But- wait, hold on a goddamn second, it's not actually GEOMANCY, since it's just portal-ing-""Nah, nah, it's just like Gubbins says, yeah? Nothin' but dirt between point A and point Letter-Dat-Comes-After-A!" His big blue face splits into a toothy grin, and his eyes glow that classic shade of geomancy gold as he begins channeling his reserves of magic.(Cont.)
>>31070139>Gravity comes back to take revenge on the ogres and tries to crush them>Gubbins sacrifices himself to beat back gravity>His last words are, "So THIS is milk...not bad."
>>31070438...Oh gods.What have we unleashed?
>>31070438>Goddess of Luck Intervention!Feeling inexplicably liberated, Celicia can't help but smile softly, turning her face up toward the sky and ignoring the stupefied stares of the other elven soldiers. For once, there's no impending headache or feeling of terrified disbelief- she's finally done it. She's grown accustomed to living with the ogres. Hell, she's even THINKING like the goddamn ogres, just a little bit. Maybe Boss Bawss Fistboss will be pretty damn impressed, once he hears about thi-".... er, whoops."Celicia's eyes snap open, and an ice-cold chill runs down her spine. "What- what did you just say?""Haha, uh, nope, nothin' said here, right?" the geomancer chortles nervously. "It was da wind, yeah, the wind said dat or somethin'- ooooh no," the ogre chokes, arms wobbling as the magic around him begins spiking uncontrollably.Celicia very nearly loses against her urge to take the ogre by his shoulders and shake him. "No, seriously, what the fuck do you mean by 'oops'!? What did you-""Commander! Look!"Her head whips around as she looks first at the ashen-faced elf soldier, and then over to where he's pointing: Ogir Place. Which is slowly and inexorably stretching like so much taffy, as the entire kit-and-kaboodle's dragged into a point in front of it. At the exact same moment, the sounds of battle coming from underneath Scaratone Hive are quickly overpowered by confused screaming on both sides; Formichroma and Scaratone alike find themselves scrabbling through thin air as gravity takes out its confusion and/or rage on everything within a twenty-mile radius, and back on the surface, the elves and ogres find themselves feeling... /lighter/."WHAT DID YOU DOOOO!?" Celicia howls, grabbing the geomancer by the shoulders and shaking him like a rag doll. Before the unfortunate ogre can formulate an answer-The world goes 'boink,' and Ogir Place and Scaratone Hive are suddenly co-inhabiting the exact same space.(Cont.)
>>31070460>Gubbins bursts back to life because we'll have forgotten about the strange orb the celestial pheonix gave us by then.
>>31070460Then wakes up 1 turn later, because OGRES!
>>31070438>maybe she can let herself go. Just this once.I remember someone in a thread before theorized that the luck goddess is actually a future version of Celicia.
>>31070497Up on the top of Ogir Place, confused warriors of both insectoid races find themselves swimming in the lake, all thoughts of fighting replaced by desperately trying to swim to the shore- and those ogres with fishing poles begin whooping and hollering in joy as they begin reeling in completely new types of fish!"Holy jeez! Look at how big dis one is!" One ogre holds up a fishing pole, with a subdued Formichroma hopelessly entangled in the fishing line."Dat's nothin'! Look at dis one! It's just like our little beetle-y buddies!" Another ogre hoists a confused, dripping Scaratone above his head. "I dub thee the Scaratuna!"Down in the caves, the naked rock faces have been replaced by the ancient murals of the Scaratone Empire; Formichroma warriors barely have time to get adjusted to their new location before they're suddenly beset on all sides by ogre miners, all clamoring to dig their picks into these new mobile ore veins; the Scaratones quickly drop their weapons and grab picks in their hands, following suit as fast as humanly possible.Celicia looks at the chaos unfolding around her. She opens her mouth.And then she closes her mouth, a nervous tic making its way onto her face as her thoughts and very possibly her sanity once again scatter to the four winds.[A] [BAWSS] Fucking hell, Bawss, wake up and help fix this, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEEN[C] [REINFORCEMENTS] That's why we did this in the first place! GODDAMN MAYBE SOMETHING WILL MAKE SENSE[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA[E] [WRITE-IN]
>>31070518That's actually insane enough to be plausible.
>>31070519>[BAWSS] Fucking hell, Bawss, wake up and help fix this, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMOREAbout goddamn time.
>>31070519[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEENBawss deserves to snooze for a bit longer. Celicia's got this.
>>31070519>[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAJust let it happen.
>>31070519>[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA>[A] [BAWSS] Fucking hell, Bawss, wake up and help fix this, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE
>>31070519>D/BCelicia goes berserk again and saves the day. Again.
>>31070519[D][E] CELICIA: ASCEND
>>31070519[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEENand[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA
>>31070519[C] Stay calm, Stay Ogre. Just roll with it.
Rolled 61>>31070519A, B. AND C!!!
>>31070519>[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEENHold off the insanity, just a little longer
>>31070519>[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEEN>[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA
>>31070519[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEEN[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAYES! YEEEESSSS!
>>31070519[A] [BAWSS] Fucking hell, Bawss, wake up and help fix this, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA
>>31070519[B] FUCK INSANITY WE AINT GOT TIME FOR THAT WHORE! Then reality breaking Dakka ensues from Celicia. This should really make the other elves start seeing (OGRE) sense.
>>31070519>[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA
>>31070519[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAYou can't stop the crazy train.
>>31070519[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA[C] [REINFORCEMENTS] That's why we did this in the first place! GODDAMN MAYBE SOMETHING WILL MAKE SENSEHit things to make yourself feel better.
>>31070519 >[B] [KILKKARAK] Fuck shit goddamn where's the queen, WE GOTTA SAVE THE QUEEN>[D] [TIME TO SNAP] ahahhahhahhahhAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHA
Alright, looks like the winning votes are>[KILKKARAK]>[AHAHAHAHA]Writing! No roll required (yet).
>>31070848Oh, that poor girl.
>>31070848this is my first time actually looking into this ogre quest thread thing.you guys are fun, I think ill keep an eye on this place.
>>31071042>>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Ogre%20Civilization%20QuestIt's been amazing since the beginning.
>>31071042>>31071085One of the great things about this quest are the little snippets of lore we get in the opening. They're all wonderful reads, not only because they're pretty funny, but because they give some more depth to the world.
>>31071042Come and join in the breaking of blorps.
Rolled 30I'm back what'd I miss- Oh hell yes.
>>31070848>scaratunaoh man i dont even
>>31070519>[X] [KILKKARAK] FIND THE QUEEN>[X] [TIME TO SNAP] DIDN'T NEED THOSE BRAIN MEATS ANYWAYWhile the ogres in their escort group have long since run off to join in the ensuing chaos, the elves standing behind Celicia shift uncomfortably, trading worried glances. So far, their commander has done nothing but stand stock-still, her eyes unfocused. Eventually, one of the braver ones clears his throat."S-Sir," he stammers. "Orders, sir?"He has to repeat himself three times before Celicia even notices, blinking owlishly as she glances up; even then, her unfocused eyes seem to stare right through him."Go help the Scaratones. I trust you all to do the right thing."No cursing, no sarcasm. The luckless spokesperson gulps, more disturbed by THAT than anything else. "But, sir..."He takes a step back as Celicia tilts her head back at an almost impossible angle to glare right at him. "That wasn't a rhetorical question. That was an /order/.""Y-Yessir!!" The soldiers quickly bustle away, unstrapping their rifles from their backs and making a show of preparing for combat; soon enough, Celicia stands alone and unnoticed on the edge of Ogir Place's upper plateau. Impossibly enough, the oasis-golem doesn't LOOK any bigger, although the main body of the hive appears to be fused on Ogir Place's back, like some sort of strange backpack.Even though Scaratone Hive probably has a few miles' worth of tunnels snaking through the earth underneath it.Even though the ground shouldn't be able to just CONNECT to an oasis golem like this.Even though an oasis golem shouldn't actually EXIST-More and more questions and logical contradictions, long-since suppressed for the sake of her sanity, treacherously march across Celicia's mind- she runs a hand down her face, her pupils dilated as she tries to come to terms with it all. It's not working, her brain's already exhausted just from dealing with the ogres, her sanity's overtaxed-... overtaxed......ogretaxed(Cont.)
>>31071756"Face me, coward! Die like a queen should, yes-yes!" Queen Kilkkarak chitters angrily, smashing a Formichroma warrior out of the way; she plows right over him, her larger bulk crushing the ant-centaur against the wall. Up ahead, the even larger Formichroma queen- a quivering mass of black chitin- takes no heed of her words, crawling through the tunnel like some sort of mindless beast.Kilkkarak curses under her breath. If it was Scaratone Hive's tunnels, the Formichroma Queen would be hopelessly stuck, but in tunnels clearly designed for use by ogres, even a bloated ant-queen, with that hilariously oversized posterior, can make damned good time. Why, at this rate, Kilkkarak's own efforts to slim down are all but worthless in this fight!The Scaratone Queen slams her pearly-white scepter into the ground; all around her, recently-killed corpses of both insectoid races rise back up to their many feet, chittering mindlessly as they keep Kilkkarak's back protected from any further attacks. She charges ahead, realizing with a jolt that the Formichroma Queen has stopped- wait, no, she's /backpedaling/-Up past the Formichroma Queen's bulk, she spots a flicker of blue lightning, and there's a glimpse of blonde hair haloed around an elven head->***ELFY LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>best 1 out of 3 rolls!
Rolled 95>>31071788CHANNEL THE OGRES
>>31071798>>31071802Oh gods...IT BEGINS
Rolled 33I'll just put these here...>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>91-98: Stupidly Successful>61-90: Successful>41-60: So-So>12-40: Kind Of A Problem>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID
>>31071798>>31071802>>31071813>best out of 3>they're all gooddis gon b gud
Rolled 29>>31071798>>31071802ONE OF THOSE DAYS
Rolled 49>>3107186720 isn't good though.
>>3107186720 is actually a poor number for our rolling scale>>31071851
>OGRE QUESTBLORP IS BACK HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS AAAAAAAAAA>26Welp, time for catchup.
>>31071798>>31071802If you listen closely,Cupping your hands to your ears,Behind the sound of OP's banging head,You can hear the falling of Blorp's final tears.FULL OGRE!
Rolled 14>>31071756>That was an /order/."Yes/It was an... Ogre
>>31071788>44>95>IT'S TIMECelicia doesn't run. She doesn't jump, or twirl, or teleport forward at amazing speeds. She doesn't engage in any bouts of the applied battlefield gymnastics that are used so much by elven soldiers all across the globe.She simply continues to walk forward. Behind her, Formichroma corpses line (or are splattered against) the walls, smoking craters littering their broken bodies- though in a few cases, the poor insectoids are nothing but one large crater. Heedless of the mayhem left in her wake, Celicia's gait is unsteady, like one of the zombies so recently-raised by Queen Kilkkarak, but there's something terrifyingly implacable about her advance. There is nothing zombie-like about her voice."AHAHAHAHA! What's wrong? WHY ARE YOU /OGRE/REACTING?" she cackles, blue light crackling around her fists. A blissful grin stretches her face, a few stray strands of her mussed-up hair trapped at the edges of her mouth. "It all made sense! It was all so beautiful! AND THEN YOU JUST HAD TO /OGRE/REACH, DIDN'T YOU. YOU DONE GOOFED. YOU /OGRE/COMMITTED YOUR FORCES."(Cont.)
>>31072357Oh boy here we go.
Rolled 51>>31072357NOOOO!!! PUNNNSSSSSS!!!
>>31072357The Formichroma queen chitters in terror, backpedaling even faster without any regard for whatever's in her way. Celicia raises a hand, ignoring the careworn rifle strapped to her back.She makes an absolutely innocuous-looking finger pistol with her hand, and giggles madly. Some sixth sense makes Queen Kilkkarak throw herself to the ground as best she can, covering her head with her chitin-sheathed hands.>"PEW PEW."The Formichroma Queen can't help but stare at the big green words floating in the air in front of Celicia's fingers, though that lasts only until the "W" slams into her upper body, shattering her natural armor like so much glass. The remaining five letters (and one space) quickly follow suit, tearing the unfortunate Formichroma to ribbons, before the "PEW PEW" fades into harmless lower-case letters and dissipates entirely.Queen Kilkkarak, covered in the ichor of her hereditary nemesis, stares at Celicia.Celicia stares back, swaying on her feet."... ogre pun," the elf mumbles blearily before falling flat on her face, instantly out cold.>For all intents and purposes, the elves of Ogir Place count as ogres, and gain any bonuses that ogres would gain!>Whenever Celicia is the solo focus of the quest, she uses the standard rolling table used by Bawss and the other ogres!>Celicia is now slightly ogrepowered!(Continued in 15-20 minutes for the final part of this turn!)
>>31072357Celicia, I'm so sorry we did this to you.At least you're having a good time with this so that's good.
>>31072357that's the spirit girl!guys I'm scared
>>31072416>For all intents and purposes, the elves of Ogir Place count as ogres, and gain any bonuses that ogres would gain!Hah.
Rolled 55>>31072416>>"PEW PEW."Shes doing ogre magic.Holy shit.
>>31072416>For all intents and purposes, the elves of Ogir Place count as ogres, and gain any bonuses that ogres would gain!>All Ogres are natural Geomancers.Oh. Fuck. Yes.
>>31072416No words, only ogres.
>>31072416Oh...Oh hell...The elves...... SO WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT ELVES NOT BEING OGRES AGAIN!?
>>31072483So all the Felpowder Elves were sent to the desert because they couldn't use magic.And now they can.I wonder how THAT goes.
Rolled 54>>31072483BLORP, THINK YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!
>>31072416YES! YES! I KNEW WE WOULD END UP MAKING A NEW SUBSPECIES OF ELF!
>>31072416How I bet she feels right now
>>31072483>geomancy now includes the ability to warp space.>Elves also have access to magical healing butts
>>31072511I'm just curious as to weather or not this hive will remain stuck to ogir palace.wouldn't complain if it was honestly, nothing makes for good neighbors than non-euclidean geometry connecting the two major strongholds of your races.
>>31072572Oh, what about their uncanny camouflage ability where they're completely unable to be detected?
>>31072460its not just any ogre magic, its an INTELLIGENT being using ogre magic. now once she loses that pesky thing known as logic, the possiblities will be endless
>>31072578We spent our Goddess Intervention on that. It better be permanent. It'll sure knock down the amount of travel to collect our money, though.
>>31072578The tunnels expand farther than Ogir Place's boundaries. I wonder if they can dig even further and expand endlessly? Would they somehow end up expanding in the desert outside as well? That is to say, could random tunnels connect from Ogir Place to other places in the desert?
>>31072511... What? That's not why they were left in the desert. They were left because the Elven coalition didn't want to lose face for failing to colonize it.
>>31072416>"PEW PEW."You killed me OP, or Celicia, whoever did that.So, did the Formichroma Queen not notice the impact of that period?
I just remembered, didn't Ruoumoko move in?What did he experience during all this?
>>31072639Their lack of magical aptitude was why THEY were chosen for the mission.
Rolled 86>>31072635Well obviously, because OGRE!
>>31072416And so the Ogrelves were born.
>>31072511Oh they can all use magic. I think they only have a handful of combat magickers though, most of them are weapons specialists and scouts.
>>31072639hehehe, this entire conflict just opened up a whole can of worms didn't it?this can only lead to two things gentlogres, adventure, and MORE ADVENTURE.
>>31072758Exactly, they also left behind Druids to keep the tree alive. Granted not enough to keep the tree alive for all that long.
>>31072687Are they going to start turning blue like an ogre?
>>31072416>[X] [OIWOTSMILK] Bring the teachings of the great self-frying chicken to the masses of Patchwings and skeletons! (And whoever else will listen!)A few hours before Celicia's fateful(?) visit to the Scaratones, Gubbins was, in fact, not actually asleep. What Lockstock saw sleeping in the shadow of Ogir Place was nothing more than an expertly-crafted illusion, although closer inspection would have revealed that its snores were actually "buttsbuttsbuttsbutts" repeated over and over again.Had Celicia known this, she might have been able to convince the master geomancer to tag along, which might have saved the ogrewhelmed elf all sorts of trouble, since the entire sequence of events leading up to her incipient insanity may not have occurred at all. Of course, if Celicia DOES learn of this in the future, Gubbins' future will be short, painful, and involve big green letters tearing him to shreds- but that's neither here nor there.Gubbins sits on the upper plateau of Ogir Place, behind the miniature mountain poking up out of the sand. The patchwings are gathered in a small semicircle around him, eyeing him with the curiosity inherent to nearly every single one of the vulture-hyena griffin-like creatures; behind /them/, the strange skeletons they'd recruited from the abandoned zigguraut stand as still as statues, glowing softly as they bask underneath the sun's light.Gubbins rubs his hands together. "A'right, so, you're probably wonderin' why I gathered you all here today," he begins.Vultan, august leader of the patchwings, offers his own two cents. "Ogre! Ogre! Magic?""Nah, nah, KINDA like magic," Gubbins replies. "So anyway, I talked to this big fiery bird guy up in the sky. He made every sun in the universe! And he's a bird," he adds again. "Kinda like you, 'cept on fire."There's a moment of thoughtful silence as the patchwings digest this piece of information."... self-cooking?" Vultan hazards.(Cont.)
>>31073066"Yeah, basically. But anyway, I figure that Oiwotsmilk is kinda lonely up in da sky, so maybe he might be happier if you guys talked to him. Mebbe he'll make you guys stronger an' stuff, too."The patchwings murmur among themselves, yapping in confusion. "Talk?" "How talk?" "Food talks?" "Great sky sun milk!"Vultan's voice cuts through the confusion. "Song! Song and dance! Loud, loud enough to hear!"Gubbins shrugs. "Eh, it's probably worth a-" The ogre blinks, frowning at the skeletons as they stand up as one; he's forced to the side as they clear out a space on the sand, the undead creatures moving in slightly unnerving silence. "Hey, hold on, what're you doin'?"The skeletons ignore Gubbins, each one of them drawing out lines in the sand; soon enough, there's a geometrically perfect ritual circle smack-dab in the middle of their little clearing, a shape that seems to have much more of an impact than any simple scribble in the sand should have. As one, the skeletons look expectantly at Gubbins.... huh.[A] [PATCHWINGS] Allow them to try the song-and-dance routine! Maybe Oiwotsmilk appreciates that sort of chaotic devotion?[B] [SKELETONS] Let the sun-powered skeletons complete the ritual, or add in something of your own. Maybe they know what's up.[C] [SPHERE] Oiwotsmilk DID give Gubbins that weird... sphere thing. Maybe that has some sort of clue inside it.[D] [WRITE-IN]
>>31073092>[A] [PATCHWINGS] Allow them to try the song-and-dance routine! Maybe Oiwotsmilk appreciates that sort of chaotic devotion?PARTY TIME
>>31073092>[C] [SPHERE] Oiwotsmilk DID give Gubbins that weird... sphere thing. Maybe that has some sort of clue inside it.
>>31073092>[D] [WRITE-IN]All of the above
>>31073092[C] [SPHERE] Oiwotsmilk DID give Gubbins that weird... sphere thing. Maybe that has some sort of clue inside it.
>>31073092>[C]Did somebody say... RITUALS?
>>31073092[D] ALL THE ABOVEPut the sphere in the circle.Have the Patchwings do a song and dance.
>>31073092None of these options are mutually exclusive...[D] [WRITE-IN] ALL THE ABOVE
Rolled 2>>31073092[D]:1) place sphere in the middle of the circle2) skellies finish their ritual3) patchwings dance around the ritual in chorus.IT IS TIME.FOR A SONG AND DANCE NUMBER
>>31073092>[D] Kids these days! 'S rude ta introduce friends ta friends without bein' face ta face.>Open the door, get on the floor, we're all going on a road trip back to the start of time!
>>31073092Well, if we end up doing all of the above, Gubbins may as well draw in Oiwatsmilk at the center of the drawing and place the orb there.Then inscribe the bird's name on it.
>>31073092>[D] [ALL OF THE ABOVE] We'll insert the ball into an appropriate place for teh ritual, and help power it up, allowing the skeletons to continue, while the patchwings do their elaborate song-and-dance number along the outside, possibly harmonizing with the eldritch magical energies. Or maybe just being distracting so Gubbins doesn't learn something and limit his abilities.
Rolled 3>>31073206Inb4 we bind OIWATSMILK to ogir place
>>31073269Clearly we should introduce him to Ruoumoko!
>>31073269We already have a live-in demigod as our Stand.But since we have a spherical object in our possession, a Pokemon would be funny to have,
>>31073269Whatever happened to Cuddles?
>>31073269Dat's just impolite, dat is. 'E's not some kinda slave or pet or pris'ner, 'e's a pal.
>>31073269lets see, that's the hive, Ruoumoko, and now an ancient god of the sun is about to be sellotaped to the side of ogir place. sounds like a hell of a day these ogres are having.
>>31073220Have Vulkan direct.
>>31073303Pretty sure he died/went back to hell/escaped and is plotting his revenge. Basically I don't know.
>>31073092All of the above. Maybe one smelly will finally learn to talk, we can make it vice high priest or something.
>>31073303Irwin blew him up. Dead or sent back to the demon realm, we don't know.
>>31073349>"I have returned, Ogres, with a demon army! To destroy you all! Wait, is that one of our ancient overlords you're wielding as a swo- Holy crap, when did the Elves gain reality-bending powers? RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Alright, looks like we have a consensus, and that's->[X] [ALL OF THE ABOVE]>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>best 1 out of 3 rolls!
Rolled 23>>31073428Come to me Self-Frying Chicken!
Rolled 59>>31073428Time to get stupid!
Rolled 64>>31073428WERE GOING INTO OGRETIME!
>>31073428>>31073436>>31073444Oh my god, Blorp.
>>31073436it just never ends.
>>31073436>>31073444Of course. With trips in the post number, no less.
>>31073428>>31073436>>31073444Dubs and Stupidly Successful.>>31073436>>31073437>23>77>23 + 77 = 100Oh my god.
>>31073436>>31073444It never ends.
>>31073436>>31073444Were going into Ogredrive.
>>31073444>>31073467Welp, didn't notice I got trips at first
Rolled 33>>31073444[SKELETON RITUALING INTENSIFIES]
>>31073436>>31073444Wow, who gave probability a night worth remembering?
>>31073428>>31073436>>31073437>>31073444>>31073459>>31073465>>31073467>>31073474>>31073480All our pent-up luck is getting unleashed now.
>>31073436>>31073444Every time is Ogre time
>>31073436FUCK YEAH THAT'S ME
Rolled 19We have summoned OIWOTSMILK into the mortal plane.
>>31073436>>31073444>dubs on what was intended to basically be a courtesy call to a primordial concept>even without dubs I'm pretty sure every roll tonight has had something above 90 in it
>>31073500>>31073501Seriously, we haven't had a bad roll call all night.
Rolled 20>>31073550Blorp.Dubs.AND TRIPS.
>>31073550THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING US WAIT FOR SO LONG FOR YOU
>>31073550At this point, Blorp only has us roll out of courtesy. Because every roll is OGRE.
>>31073550Celicia returns above ground, all the solar skellies have phoenix wings and flaming halos, all the Patchwings are wearing top hats and speaking normally. She takes it in stride because she's ogre that shit, now.
>>31073609All our luck is pent up, Blorp. You shouldn't have let us get so backed up. we need your services on a constant basis. jesus, that sounds way too lewd.
>>31073641I'd settle for the boneheads to just be able talk. Then we have an entirely NEW angle of giving ogres the completely wrong idea on any given subject
>>31072416>>31072357W-what have we done?we need a new straight man now, you guys broke this one
Rolled 9>>31073805The dorf
>>31073805The straight man is Blorp.
>>31073822Nope. One of the bone guys or kobolds is my guess.
>>31073805>>31073822Nah. The dorf is too relax.Don't worry about Celicia. She just needs a nice nap.
>>31073805Have we met Celicia's second in command yet?
>>31073845That new friend we found in the Kolbold Caves! I'm sure he'll love to play the part!
Rolled 9>>31073845wouldn't mind some skeletal straight-men, provided this little ritual business actually does anything to them that will allow them to be such.
>>31073887Care to join me in maniacal laughter?
>>31073940I'd love to!
>>31073960ExcellenMUAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAJJAJAJAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAaaaa...... That sums up this entire thread I think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C4uTEEOJlMONE OF US
>>31073986Mandark style!HA-HAHA, HA-HAHA, HA-HAHA-HAHA-HAHA!
>>31073838That makes far too much sense. poor blorp
>>31073092>>31073428>>31073436>>31073444>[X] [ALL OF THE ABOVE]>77>97>and also trips"Silly skeletons! Song! Dance! Scribble is sketchy!" Vultan barks out in rapid-fire bursts, the feathers along his ruff fluffing up- his fellows nod and caw among themselves. The skeletons do nothing but stare at the patchwings, the light in their eye sockets smoldering sullenly; as one, they point at the circle once more, their insistence unmistakable."Hey now, hold on a sec," Gubbins quickly interjects, holding his hands out. "You BOTH got real good ideas, I fink. Nothin' says we can't use ALL of 'em, right? Right?? So- uh- you guys," he points at the patchwings. "You get workin' on da singin' and stuff FIRST, 'cuz I'm sure it's gonna need loads an' loads of practice. An' I'll see wot magic's goin' on with da skellingtons' circle-y thing."Gubbins hurries over to the skeletons as the patchwings enthusiastically begin belting out what could charitably be called "music" at the top of their lungs; unmoved, the skeletons watch Gubbins approach. "So! Dis circle you got here, it's a nice circle. But it ain't finished, right? Otherwise ol' Oiwotsmilk woulda come down or say somethin' already."The skeleton closest to Gubbins hesitates before nodding reluctantly."A'right, so c'mon, then! You can tell ol' Gubbins," he continues, winking bawdily. "I can keep a secret-""IT IS NO SECRET," the lead skeleton abruptly intones in a deep voice. "FRESH BLOOD, AS THE ORCS DISCOVERED CENTURIES AGO."The master geomancer's fleshy eyebrows quirk up. "... wot, really? I dunno, Oiwotsmilk didn't seem like dat kinda guy.""A RIVER OF FRESH BLOOD. SO IT MUST BE. SONG AND DANCE IS USELESS ON ITS OWN.""Well now- look, see, we don't got THAT much fresh blood. But..." Gubbins strokes his chin in thought, unconsciously copying his boss's mannerism. "How's about we come to what Boss Bawss Fistboss would call a comm-pro-miss..."(Cont.)
>>31074298Half an hour later, a miniature supernova flares into existence on the upper plateau of Ogir Place, its momentary shine mostly obscured by the oasis-golem's mountain. A mere fraction of the size of the primordial deity that Gubbins encountered all those millenia ago, the shade of Oiwotsmilk unfurls its wings, unleashing a paradoxial blast of searing heat and comforting warmth all at once.[I have arrived, mortals, drawn to this moment in time by your devotions and your... um.]The great firebird stares at the unconventional creatures gathered around the ritual circle. The skeletons stare back. They stand stock-still, giving off the air of condemned prisoners waiting for their sentence to be handed down; the lead skeleton is cradling his skull in his hands.Only Gubbins stands smack-dab in the middle of the circle, hovering over the mysterious sphere, which acts as the center of a small bonfire. The ogre doesn't look up, mostly because he's busy scribbling something on pieces of paper before throwing it into the fire- Oiwotsmilk narrows his eyes, his all-seeing gaze managing to catch a glimpse of what Gubbins has written on each piece of paper->DIS IS FERSSH BLUDD>DIS IS VERY FERFHS BLODD>DIS IS FRESH BOLDD 2>2 BLUDDY 4 MEOiwotsmilk then turns to stare at the patchwings, who are also too busy singing and dancing to pay much heed to the firebird in their midst."THIS IS SINGING""THIS ALSO SINGING""WE SING! VERY SONGFUL SINGING""LOOK! THIS IS A DANCE""DANCE DANCE DANCE""DIZZY! BARF!""THAT NOT DANCING! PLEASE IGNORE!"Oiwotsmilk blinks. Then he looks down at Gubbins, who's grinning hopefully and waggling his eyebrows.(Cont.)
...welp, they talk. Maybe they can tell us where the orcs are so we can befriend the shit out of them!
>>31074321Much later that day, Celicia wakes up, rubbing her head and desperately trying to remember what happened. She winces as she pulls herself to her feet, scrabbling through her pockets for a cigarette; after she glances around and spots the countless Formichroma corpses around her, she just empties the pack and begins sticking the cigarettes into her mouth with shaking hands. Alright. She's got this under control. She's okay. The world makes sense, nothing is problematic, and everything is going to be happy foreve-"PRAISE THE SUN!" Vultan squawks as he barrels through the corridor, clad in gleaming fireburst-patterned armor of celestial make; the heat of the sun momentarily warms Celicia to the core as the patchwing passes by, and for a moment, she could swear that she sees a flaming halo circling both his wings.Before Celicia can even think to do anything, the patchwing is followed by a fiery blue wraith singing constant praises to Oiwotsmilk; the elf commander very nearly scrambles out of the way, but she stops once she realizes that she isn't being burned by the proximity of all that fire. Hell, somewhere in there, Celicia could swear that she sees the outline of a skeleton.(Cont.)
>>31074322I think they ARE the orcs. What's left of em, anyways.
>>31074321>the lead skeleton is cradling his skull in his hands.NOT EVEN THE UNDEAD ARE SPARED FROM OGRE
>>31074321>DIS IS FERSSH BLUDD>DIS IS VERY FERFHS BLODD>DIS IS FRESH BOLDD 2>2 BLUDDY 4 MEOh my god. The genius.
>>31074344"Huh? Oh, yeah, that," Gubbins guffaws when Celicia corners him a scant thirty seconds later to demand what the fuck is going on. "Actually, it turns out that Ol' Oiwotsmilk really, really hates blood, so he was SUPER happy when I found a loophole to dat whole 'fresh blood' thing of his ritual. An' he's a super-big fan of patchwing singin'! Who knew? So now da patchwings are da chosen pallydins of this super big sun phoenix, an' da skellies are his Chosen Ones, wotever dat means, an'-"It's another five hours before Celicia is lucid again, and the first thing she sees when she comes to is a group of her soldiers, panicking and pleading with her to please stop disobeying the laws of physics, especially while laughing and crying and making ogre puns all over the place.>The patchwings and skeletons have begun worshipping Oiwotsmilk!>The patchwings are now holy paladins armored in faith and also inches-thick celestial armor!>The skeletons are now elemental wraiths that add to Ruoumoko's (and Ogir Place's) power!>Celicia has lost 500k SAN points!(To be continued next thread!)
>>31074373Oh god, this was fucking wonderful, Blorp. As good as the Stand end last time.
>>31074373>>Celicia has lost 500k SAN points!Totally worth it.
>>31074321I'm dying.Worth it.
>>31074344>RAISE THE SUN!" Vultan squawks as he barrels through the corridor, clad in gleaming fireburst-patterned armor of celestial makemy fucking sides
>>31074373>The patchwings are now holy paladins armored in faith and also inches-thick celestial armor!And we have infinite patchwings...NOTHING BAD CAN COME FROM THIS
ALRIGHT, it's 2 am up in here, so I'm gonna have to stop for the night!Going to tentatively set the next thread for THURSDAY, 3/27, at 7:30-ish PM EST, just like tonight!Any schedule changes will be announced at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest as per usual. And of course, if you have any questions or anything, feel free to leave 'em here, and I'll either get to them tonight or next thread.Thanks for participating, and I hope you guys enjoyed the thread!
>>31074430>THURSDAY, 3/27Oh god yes.
>>31074373So we managed to make Celicia ogrepowered twice this thread right?As they say, third time's the charm.
>>31074373At first, I lost my sides, but it was worth it. Then, I almost blacked out from laughing too hard to breathe, and it was worth it.On this day, Brop, I sacrificed many hours of sleep before work tto see this done, and you ended it by making me laugh so hard I have aches all along my jaw and back behind my ears.I don't even know how that's possible. You, good sir, are a master. I will wait however long it takes to see the next thread, because damn that's funny.
>>31074452No, the first time, she was just thinking like an ogre.THEN she became an ogre.
>>31074430I fucking love you Blorp.Please try to not die again. It was horrible without you.
>>31074430Idea for future side story. Bawss attempting to train/stabilize Celicia's Orgeness, but some how being out Ogred by Celicia.
>>31074452...... well, technically, she's ALREADY done it three times, the first being back when she took control of Ogir Place and made much dakka!>>31074466I'm glad you enjoyed the thread! And also get some sleep, since it might be hard to explain to your coworkers why your everything hurts tomorrow.Also, with any luck, it won't be nearly as long 'til the next thread this time!>>31074474Not gonna lie, I enjoy not dying, too, so I'll keep that in mind.>>31074538Welcome!>>31074543implying that this will be a side story and not something that might seriously happen in the quest itself
>>31074726when ogres reach the singularity and the universe itself ignores the laws it is made out of, and ogre civ slowly implodes due to diplomancers saying we shouldve befriended that skeletal draggin way back when, what do you plan on running? Please dont ever stop this ride, but if it does, what next?
>>31074430thanks for the thread!
>>31074726Will there be ogreception?
>>31074780Haha... well, Ogre Civ Quest will have to come to an end sometime, but that probably won't be for a while yet! But yeah, I've got a couple of ideas for other quests, though I don't know how well they'd work in practice:1) Bowser Quest, circa Super Mario Bros. 1. One-shot, or something close.2) Shredder Quest. TONIGHT I DINE ON TURTLE SOUP. One-shot, or something close.3) Adventuring Guild Quest, post-Ogre Civ Quest and set in the same world.4) Something Idolm@ster-related.5) A quest set in a world where Riders and Sentai Squads and Magical Girls all vie for dominance. The main character is a Power Rangers Putty.>>31074793... I'm not sure I know what that would entail, but it already sounds pretty frightening!
>>31074793>>31074993...conceiving a life form out of orge magic?
>>31074993i dont think id enjoy any of those as much as either this or blorpid still read it
>>31074993The second and fifth ideas sound pretty good.
>>310749933-5 are catching my eye, especially 4.I don't think we get enough of those honestly.
>>31074993>3) Adventuring Guild Quest, post-Ogre Civ Quest and set in the same world.An Adventuring Guild... made entirely of ogres>4) Something Idolm@ster-related.Idolm@ster manager quest, the protagonist is an ogre>5) A quest set in a world where Riders and Sentai Squads and Magical Girls all vie for dominance. The main character is a Power Rangers Putty.Ogre Putty.
>>31074993>post-Ogre Civ Quest and set in the same world.Will we be using the same roll mechanics?
>>31074993>4) Something Idolm@ster-related.I god it.Ogrem@ster"Ogre way~!"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYcRQBrUbd0
>>31075021Well, ogres already have their own form of appearing out of nowhere, and elves can replenish their numbers, so they probably won't have any reason for that to happen!... or so I'd think, but between you guys' decisions and rolls, I'm unwilling to count out ANYTHING.>>31075027Fair enough! Almost forgot to list quest idea #6:6) Evolving Civ Quest, which I plan to be a mix between EVO Quest and Ogre Civ Quest.>>31075054>>31075058#2 would be a hell of a trip, due to 80's cartoon conventions and also because Shredder doesn't ever catch a break, goddamn.#5 would involve a lot of dying, because putties exist to get the shit kicked out of them AND because Japan-land doesn't have enough space to fit ALL THREE GENRES without ludicrous amounts of property damage and/or casualties.As for Idolm@ster quest... well, the only idea I really have for that right now is an Adventuring Guild-style quest, since I can't really think of anything that could be set in canon-iM@S world...>>31075081... although this fucking idea is hilariously terrifying because jesus fucking christ Ogre-Producer, why this- ... but an Adventuring Guild made entirely out of ogres is actually something that could be done in the quest I'm planning!>>31075092Only for ogres, and even then, it'd have to be slightly nerfed! The focus would be on teams of adventurers, rather than the one-man wrecking crews (like the characters of Ogre Civ Quest).>>31075108WHY
>>31075332Oh man. We hit the bump limit.Anyway, I'm sure I'd enjoy your next quest whether or not it was ogre related. Even without your sense of humor, your writing's a pretty good read.But of course, I'm still happy to continue our ogre adventures for as long as we can.
>>31075332>#3Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, aren't you? For one, you're assuming there'll be something recognizable as a world left.
>>31075514The world will be held up by the mythical Ogir Place.With its arms and legs, it supports the world disk.Its eternal evergreen tree spread the seed to produces the plants that nourishes the world.It 'sacred tuna' tilled the land to make it fertile.On the five plus one plus one day, Bawss looked over his work.And saw that it was OGRE
>>31075576Pretty soon, no one will ever remember a time when the world wasn't contained within Ogir Place.