Bad Dragon is selling big fat medical-grade-silicone d20s for 35 bucks each. They posted it on April Fools day but I'm pretty sure it's for real (although limited-time-only). http://bad-dragon.com/products/gamechangerWhat the fuck.
>>31223288Way too much money, and probably not worth it.It's not going to roll well. Dildos don't roll well.
>>31223334That's because dildos are shaped like dicks.It's going to be heavy and bouncy, I actually imagine it would roll better (in that it tumbles erratically enough to be random but won't roll in a straight line and go off the table). If I really had disposable income this time of year I'd probably own one, but yes, the value is mostly novelty.
>>31223334>rolling>not picking up the die and placing it on the table with the side you want facing up, all the while maintaining eye contact with the GM
Also paper likes to stick to this material so it might grab your character sheet.
>>31223373DAMMIT LEROY THIS IS WHY ROCKS ALWAYS FALL
I want at least 5 of these.
>>31223406You can fit a lot more than five.
>>31223364It seems like it would just flop down on the table and not really roll well. I feel like the hardness of plastic makes for better rolling than soft silicone made for going in butts.Then again, you can get dildos of varying hardness. Though I doubt this thing would be a bouncy ball.
>Be a GM>buy ten of these dice>every time you roll behind your screen the players just hear a dull thud and some bounces>eventually you show them your modus operanda>you have a fucking salsa bowl containing ten fist-sized d20s made of dildo>overturn the bowl onto the table to hear all of them make their dull, mocking slaps onto their character sheets
>>31223394>It took my she->He 's dead now jimmy.>I guess it was a BAD ROLL.>Oh you.png
>>31223416Their maximum hardness is still fairly floppy (by dildo standards). It's definitely going to be bouncy though, I can tell you that, and it will bounce and roll enough to be random. A video of the dice rolling might have helped but they aren't always good at selling their products (see: dildos with 6 pictures of the exact same weird cockeyed angle and no head-on profile pics). Oh, but the material grabs pet hair and dirt and stuff the same way it grabs paper, that's another concern, if it gets on the floor you kind of have to rinse it off.
>>31223413You CAN, that doesn't mean you SHOULD.
>>31223490>Roll 5d20>MY TIME HAS COME>stand on the table and drop my pants>squat down>flex like a norse god>five silicone die fall out of my ass>land on the table with a meaty thump and bounce and wobble in the most disgusting of manners>DM never asks me to roll again
>>31223431If you're going that far you might as well keep some teenie weenies in the bowl to keep them company. No! I got it! Use teenies as monster miniatures.
>>31223518>land on the table with a meaty thump and bounce and wobble in the most disgusting of manners>DM never speaks againfixed
>>31223553>Tiny dildos as miniaturesThis probably shouldn't strike me as such a good idea
>>31223288>mold lineswow, they're even more deranged than I thought.
>>31223595It's random, so you don't just get dildos, you also get squirrel-sized fleshlight thingies.They should sell those separately because they are SUCH good gag gifts.
>>31223609Wow, yea, okay nevermind.Honestly if I had looked more closely I wouldn't have even posted the link, dice with mold lines aren't worth /tg/s time.
>>31223658You could always scrape them off, assuming there are no air-bubbles inside of them, they'd be fairly balanced.Plus you could put a bunch on a string for...other uses...
So do we call this the D-20?
>>31223553The knowledge of teenie weenies has broken me. Every other product B-D sells has an obvious purpose and target market. I've asked WHY before but that was rhetorical.Are these things made for people who want to advertise that they own a novelty dildo wherever they go?
>>31223693They'd be useless because no matter what you did you always roll a nat 1.
>>31223693I don't think you can just cut pieces off, silicone is weird about being punctured once it's caste. I'm repeating vague hearsay though (it's not like I've ever tried to cut or file any of my precious dragon dicks). >>31223728Yes.
>>31223746Its made for people with tiny vaginas, obviously
>>31223767Wouldn't it be a nat 2 in that situation?>>31223771Darn, well maybe commission them to make more precise molds?
>>31223746I don't know how to explain it. I have no idea what you would do with them (besides hilarious novelty gifts), but I want to own them because they're cute.I guess they're like decorative knick-knacks that you have to keep secret?
>>31223746>WHYBecause it's funny, is my assumption.
>>31223746Owning a Bad Dragon product has become kind of a joke in itself though. Imagine you meet up with a new group, and you see one of them has one attached to his keychain, or he pulls it out to use it as his mini or whatever. Asking about it is probably more likely to bring on a good laugh for the group rather than him hastily stuffing it back into his pocketsUnless he's all about the humour
>>31223810If they're of the right proportions they could be used for penetrating certain...male orifices, if you catch my drift.
>>31223810>plastic animal penises>cuteExcuse me?
>>31223746If a player metagames or cheats you can make them use a weenie for their mini for the rest of the session, it's like the cone of shame.
>>31223862They're not plastic, they aren't real animals, and I'm telling you they're adorable.
>>31223862Things that are much, much smaller than they normally are expected to be are automatically cute. It's a strange but common quirk of the human mind, I'm under the impression.
I'm sorry guys, but I can't see how miniature dildos can be cute and how someone showing them off would be funny and not disturbing.How deep the rabbit hole are you all in?
>>31223746I have a friend who's a furry and owns, I shit you not, like 100+ dragon dildos. He has a Bad Dragon T-shirt that he wears in public. My little group of friends went to Taco Bell once with him and he was wearing it and I commented on it. So these people do exist.
>>31223943>like 100+ dragon dildosHas he shown you his collection?
>>31223935I AM rabbit hole. CAPTCHA: thickness hislshf
So, I'm pretty sure that Dragon Dildos are a joke.A lot like Lady Gaga, or people pretending Skyrim was a good game. Obviously no one sees a piece of silicone the size of a grown man's arm and says "Yeah, I need to stick that up my ass.", and obviously women don't buy them, so the only market seems to be people with a few hundred dollars to waste who just buy them to post pictures of them unboxing the thing on /v/ or sticking them in the background of their "battlestation" for some laughs.Like, it's just a joke that I'm not in on, right? No one keeps this company going in a completely unironic way, right? It's just like one of those Sharknado movies that people just pay for because it's so shitty it might as well exist, right?Right?
>>31223943He owns ten thousand dollars worth of dragon dildos? Does he live in a cave-mansion behind a waterfall?
>>31223288Finally! Now I can shoot my d20 out of my ass at my shitty DM!
>>31223876>YOU FAIL!>FOR REST OF GAME, CHARACTER IS TINY HORSECOCKI can get behind this idea.
>>31223989You're an idiot, with an incredibly narrow self-centred view of the world.
>>31223989I know girls who want to take the knot who have bought BD toys to do just that. So there is a customer base.
>>31223989I own two, the first one I made the mistake of getting in minimum firmness (can't thrust, it's only useful as a plug but does work very well in that capacity), but the second is my favorite sex toy right now and my girlfriend fucks me with it. The short fat ones (Clayton, Flint) are perfect for vaginal. Honestly, anon, I'm a little disappointed in your imagination.
>>31223989>>and obviously women don't buy themAre you this naive lad?
>>31223989I could show you hours of videos of people using them. That is some uncanny dedication to a joke.
>>31223989I'm sure there's a logical point buried in that post somewhere, but...
>>31223288Doesn't /tg/ have tons of different guides on silicon casting? Why don't we just make our own? Do you think that BD have copyrighter silicon D20s? I doubt it, personally. Someone could make a little bit of moolah off this, especially if they can cast better ones than Bad Dragon and especially if they offer more custom colours (Rather than randoms).
>>31224010i feel bad that I know the source of this
>>31223975There's probably something to fill that on BD.
>>31223989Also little girls and some middle-aged women actually do like Gaga and I know a half-dozen people off the top of my head who recommended Skyrim to me.
I seriously thought the dragon mini in the first picture had a big black cock sculpted on to it.When I realized it was just a knee-horn I was actually kind of disappointed.
>>31224099Okay, that's not the image I uploaded. Or even have in my folder. And now it's not letting me upload the one I intended.Why 4chan?
>>31224010Here's hoping you roll a 20.
>>31223876We just had the EPIC FAIL badge Need to get a new one.
>>31224107Saw it the other day, so far so good?>>31224125That would be one hell of a roll.
>>31224124That's a known bug and the reverse is happening to someone else right now.Just be glad it wasn't ponies; people have been banned that way.
>>31224156>>That would be one shitty roll.Assistive editing in progress.
>>31224156I need a source on this for reasons.
Can this thread be archived? I've not laughed this hard at /tg/ in some time.
>>31224218Damn, I am the dumbest.One more crop I made.
>>31224233https://e621.net/pool/show/3814 alternately: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12885338
>>31224233>>31224302Lucky I saved the link.http://g.e-hentai.org/g/688518/fcb375ff02/
>>31224335and now there's 3 places we can get it from. should have spoilered mine. Whoops.
>>31223964No, but my friend has, and he's honest with us about the number he owns (we've asked periodically) because we're all pretty open about what weirdos we are. One friend is heavily into BDSM and has several subs we've hung out with. Another is into goo girls and incest, and I've been dubbed "Admiral Strange Porn" after we dubbed dragon dildo guy Captain Strange Porn and got to discussing who out of us actually has the most and strangest porn. I won.>>31224003No, he's just an Asperger's-addled trust fund kid with way too much disposable income.
>>31224362...How strange we talkin'?Size including shortstack, eyepatches, musclegirls, and androgyny on all levels of that spectrum
>>31224317Dammit, why does all the xenophile porn have to be hosted on furry websites?
>>31224362Amazing, such a wide array of sick fetishists and you get along fine?If only 4chan were more like that.
>>31224362You have porn of people holding hands and cuddling tenderly don't you?
>>31224392no vestigial horns and tail stuff?
>always thought these dragon dildo things were a joke>people always posting unboxings of them, huge collections, etc>go to site>see most are $100+ EACH... So people really buy these to shove up their asses, or do they just have a lot of disposable income for shitty internet jokes?
>>31224392Mostly just xenophilia (thri-kreen, female Predators, feral dragons, whatever MeanDraco draws) and by my own standards pretty vanilla stuff, but it beats out "just dragons" or "tentacles," so whatever.
>>31224427hey, a mediocre hooker will run you up more than that. use one of these bad boys two or three times and it's paid for itself.
>>31224418Just think about it.If you have a bunch of disturbing, fucked-up fetishes, that doesn't leave you with a lot of leeway to criticize other people's disturbing, fucked-up fetishes, does it?
>>31224427All of the options above.Ever actually followed one of those unboxing threads? You always end up with attention-hungry dildo lovers circlejerking about their collections and wanting to get laid with each other.
>>31224427If you're male you have a prostate, and if you explore your body you'd see the point of anal sex/masturbation.
>>31224427If I had a girl friend that into it, I'd buy her one.
>>31224408Probably because they both fall under the category of "porn involving sapient but more or less non-human individuals," so there might be significant overlap in the weirdos who like them.
>>31224408>xenophilia>not under the same umbrella as furryAnon, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
>>31223373If one of my players actually had the stones to do this to me I might let him have it if it was something cool enough. All I get from them is the sound of dice falling while I glance at my notes, a hurried "I rolled a 17!" then the dice is back in his hand when I glance back up.
>>31224427I bought mine starting as a joke, then I had it lying around and got bored and stuck it up my ass.
>>31224446That's not even that weird.One of my favorites is a really tender Shepard/Garrus doujin.>>31224423Nah I don't really go in for animal people on the whole.
Could Dragon Dildos be used as tyranid terrain?
>>31224449it does herePeople just call the other fucked up group as disgusting degenerates and claim that their own fetishes are for tasteful individuals.
>>31224427I have scoured the internet far and wide and not found a more fun collection of objects to shove up my ass. The sizes, the ridges, the knots and bumps and textures, this shit is like butt-candy.
>>31224446Really? Shit that's pretty tame.
>>31224467...was it fun?
>>31224469I know it's not that weird, but it's weirder than why my friends are into. >>31224480Supposedly Deathleaper's Fangirl has done exactly that.
>>31224463Furry falls under xenophilia, not the other way around, but yes.
>>31224463That's kind of backwards.Xenophilia is the umbrella term. Furry would be a more-specific subset.
>>31224469I'm talking completely human, with vestigial horns and/or tail. It happens from time to time.
>>31224480I suppose, but then you'd have to paint them, rendering them unusable for their original purpose.
>>31224483>this shit is like butt-candy.11/10, I'm cryin' over here.
>>31224513>>31224522Just saying that people going for the "I'm not a furry, I'm a xenophile" thing are only fooling themselves. Either way you're a weirdo.It is, however, possible to be into furry without being a full-blown furfag.
>>31224488It was pretty good, not quite as pleasurable as the silicon eggs I use for the twat though. Its a bit too big for normal use but my ass is capable of taking it once and awhile.
>>31224546Uh, what s-s-size and model did you get, just for curiosity's sake...
Not sure if anyone else has pointed this out, but all the ones they've shown are spindown. They're only good for MTG life counters, not for d20 systems.
>>31224500So what you're saying is, your friends own collections of sex toys so massive they could build a Dick Palace on Boner Mountain, but they can't handle a little mantis lady?>>31224525Oh.Well, I find this picture cute, but not sexually appealing.
>>31224362>Admiral Strange PornSo does Captain Strange Porn answer to you?How many vessels do you command?
>>31224567WE WERE ON THE GOOD SHIP VENUSBY GOD YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN US
>>31224526I don't really know how you'd do that, paint would hate these things, they're non-porous and flexible it woudl flake right off.... Unless you use some kind of silicone-based paint?I know if you put partially-silicone-based toys together (the kind that are a chemical cocktail of silicone and plasticizers, pure silicone doesn't do this) they will melt together. The same with using silicone-based lube, on ANY silicone toy. So maybe silicone paint.
>>31224567They're all stationed in Uranus.
>>31224588I love filk songs!Though my sexual filk song is 'Clone of my Own'
>>31224558Multiple flavors of slightly strange trumps a single flavor of slightly strange, is the thing. >>31224567Captain came first, but it was determined I was into more/stranger stuff, so I got a promtion.
>>31224558That is adorable.
>>31224623>Captain came firstHue.
>>31224554I got it in that discount section, the 'adoptions' since it had a minor miscast. A 'large' spritz the seadragon. Not gonna lie, there's a sale on the winston's tail and I'm pretty tempted to get one to work on comfortably inserting larger objects.
>>31223394*everything* likes to stick to this material.Enjoy your filthy filthy dice.
>>31224637>honestly thinking Dragon Dildos were nothing more than a joke
>>31224558>little mantis ladyAnon, thri-kreen are over seven feet tall on average
>>31224661Oh I will~
>>31224637Some adults enjoy playing with toys, anon. Is this fact truly so disheartening to you?
>>31224634>large JESUSWELL WHAT THE FUCK LET'S JUST START THE GAME AT EPIC TIER WHAT COULD GO WRONG RIGHTSeriously though you don't mean you took the whole thing right?
>>31224634That's almost a foot of dildo man! I only plan on getting a medium, at most myself.
>>31224707Jesus no, I can't fit the whole thing in my ass, just part of it. I couldn't believe that wasn't even the largest size.
>>31224634>large>largerLet's be honest here: you're scaling up to "punchfucking". NTTAWWT, just thought the use of non-industry terms might help engender discussion.
>>31224526latex body paint
>>31224717What can I say, I didn't expect to actually use it and it was one of the discounted items at a time due to a flaw.
>>31224483>this shit is like butt-candyI had to back away from my computer, lie down on my couch and bite my fist because my laughing was so out of control that tears were running down my face. I refuse to even post a reaction image because it would just be a pale reflection of my real-life response.
>>31224480I once saw a thread where Deathleaper's Fangirl claimed to have some exactly that.
>>31224732I'm still impressed, but if you had taken the whole thing you would need to use your powers to fight crime.
>>31224869Is there some sort of weird fetish-based superhero group that has a joining requirement of taking more than the tip and a bit of this thing? Because if then I have a reason to stop worrying about the integrity of my asshole and get to fighting crime.
>>31224869>use your powers to fight crime.>bank robbery scene>man wearing hood, cape, and no pants jumps up on counter>"Stop right there, evildoer!">*phbblltpht*>two foot dildo half-launches, half-falls from hero's ass, knocking robber out coldStill better than MY VAGINA IS HAUNTED.
>>31224963Well now you know we have to ask for pictures/video of the intake process.
>>31225055And you'll know I have to politely decline putting something I'd regret on the internet. Sorry mate.
>>31225109When have you ever heard of the internet using information against someone?
>>31225109Don't show your face then.
>>31225109How about just a lurid textual description of the experience/story then?
>>31223288I kinda like how the soda can is the official 'to go into ass' scale signalizer. Want to give a notion of scale to anything else you can use a ruler, a dolar bill or a iPhone. Want to show the scale for something meant to be shoved into a but, soda can. Including dicks, dildos etc.Fun.
Man! Girls get all the best toys!
>>31225239They make men's products too you know
>>31225239>implying most BD toys are purchased/used by girls
>>31225239All genders have buttholes.Men get plenty of pleasure thanks to the prostate.
>>31224998Its beter than that. You didnt see Mr Slave special move in The Stick of Truth?
>>31225239>BD>GirlsLike, 80% of the reviews and vids on toypics.net are by guys.
>>31224963>Tip and a bit XL Clayton. Get on my level
>>31225274I'd never want to use toys too big. What's the point if your ass would end up being unable to pleasure a real dick?
>>31223518>all natural 1s
>>31225295Butts don't work that way, Anon.I have a doctorate in Butt Science. The phrase 'tight but accommodating' has been used before
>>31224963No, anon, you really need to continue worrying about the integrity of your asshole. Believe me, you do not want to pull anything back there. It makes your life into an inescapable nightmare from which there is no relief or refrain, for upwards of a week.Heed the words of one who has suffered such a fate.
Might as well ask.Do women even get any pleasure from anal?I've always thought they couldn't because of no prostate, yet...
>>31225337Rubs the rear wall of the vagina, kiddo
>>31225295I assume the bigger toys are used by straight males who would only engage in anal solo, or via pegging, meaning real penises would never enter into the equation, hence there is no risk of becoming too used to larger phalluses for a real penis to 'do the job'.
>>31225337My fiancée cums just as hard from anal than anything else. Sometimes more.
>>31225364To add and clarify, she has also reached stunning climaxes from anal alone in the past
>>31224335>>31224245>>31224156>>31224010I love you /tg/
>>31225337Depends on the woman, I think. My girlfriend said she gets off to the domination and degradation as much as the physical pleasure.
>>31225322I can always accommodate a tight butt.
>>31224003Maybe he buys second-hand.
>>31225322Where did you graduate from?
>>31225295Speaking of this;>Had a girlfriend a while back who was a huge loser like me>Meaning, naturally, she was obsessed with sex>First time I went to her place, I'm in her room>She hadn't cleaned the place very well, and there's a big shoebox filled with sex toys>I notice them a second before she does, so all I can really see while she's scrambling to shove them under her bed is some bright colored dildos, and what I can only assume is a butt-plug because of it's shape, but as far as I could tell, was about as wide as a soda can>Instantly feel a sense of horror, but also feel my dick shrinkingSeriously, women, how a nigga supposed to compete with that? Have you ever thought about how that shit makes us feel?
>>31225458SECRET BUTT COLLEGE
>>31225389Just doing my job.
>>31223989>Lady GagaHer acoustic stuff is really good and she's actually a decent musician underneath all that spin.I intend to buy a Mary when I can afford it.
>>31225484Class of '07..?Jerry?
>>31225467Elasticity is a wonderful thing.
>>31225563I wonder what the young's modulus of one's asshole is?Maybe a question for /sci/?
>>31225577Isn't that a stat in FATAL?
>>31225467I hope you used them.On yourself, duh.
>this fucking threadI want to look away, but i can't
>>31224675Sorry for the late reply, but does anyone know the artist who made this?
>>31225676I don't like things in or around my butt.I'm just sayin', women/men who use ridiculous sex toys, think of the mental damage you're doing.No one wants to find out that you masturbate with a life-size horse dick, it really ruins any image they have of you.
Help me /tg/. I've been slightly considering buying a few things from Bad Dragon for various reasons but God only knows what would come of it should my roommates find them.Should I give in to the siren's call?
>>31225780Disregard my previous assertion, I fellate nobs.
>>31225789Just buy a nondescript lockbox? The kind people usually keep money / important documents in? If / when people ask, just tell them your important documents are in there. Simple.
>>31225789I'd leave it, it's too risky. If you really need one, find one that's not immediately recognizable as something that goes in your ass.
>>31225799Who doesn't in this thread?
>>31225789Do they already know you're not 100% straight?If so, yes.Else, no. And MAN UP.
>>31225789Why are your roommates going through your shit in the first place?
Did anyone actually do through with it and buy one of these?
>>31225813Just imagine the look on a hypothetical burglars face when he breaks into it looking for bank information and finds a collection of plastic dragon cocks.
>>31225337As a male I find not all of the pleasure comes from the p-spot, you can really get into the warm rough feeling, and sometimes it causes these pelvic-muscle-spasms which feel very much like orgasms. The best orgasms of my life have all come from having that response while cumming at the same time, I wonder if it's similar for women.
>>31225749What if the horsecock was a weapon to fend off burglars?
>>31225502well it's mostly:>mfw I'm not the only one reading thatYou are doing a good job though
>>31225789Your stuff is nobody else's business unless you choose it to be. Don't be an idiot and just keep them in a drawer or in a box under your bed or something. Room-mates can be a bit of a vague term in that while it usually means people who share your bedroom it can also mean people who share your flat, house or building. If it's actually sharing a bedroom, how often would you actually get the privacy to get canoodling with a silicone dragon cock? Is it worth the money taking that into consideration?
>>31225789What is it like being so incredibly gay and lonely that you see giant pieces of plastic, and your only thought is that you can't shovel money fast enough to buy all of them just to shove them up your ass?Like, how does this manifest in your everyday life? Certainly everyone who knows you is perfectly aware of how gay you are, so what is wrong with admitting to them that your paychecks are mostly spent on horse penises?
>>31223413what was the final count from that thread way back when from the Anon who decided to count how many marbles he could cram in? I don't have the screenshot, so have a related post.
>>31225873And think of what the burglar would think that they've been slapped with a wet horsecock?I'd run for the hills.
>>31225827Depending on your outlook on transgender dudes and ladies, I'm either straight as an arrow or gay as the day is long.>>31225813>>31225858>>31225873I like the way you guys think.>>31225885I get an inherent discount at most clothing stores as a result of my raging homosexuality, so, y'know, that's cool.
>>31225858>the morning after newspaper>burglar bungles burglery, is impaled on dragondildoes
>>31225944>Depending on your outlook on transgenderI'd rather not ask further.As long as you don't chimp out about pronouns, do what you want.
>>31225946Take his head and mount it outside your door on a foot long horse dick to ward off any future trespassers.
>>31225749>>31225467Wow, everyone look at this pleb. He wants his concerns about the adequacy of his penis to be your first concern when exploring your own sexuality and having fun with yourself. Everyone look at this pleb and laugh. You don't have to "match up" to a woman's other toys, that's not the point. Eventually you are going to realize that the world does not revolve around your penis, and that "sex" means "come together to have pleasure together and celebrate each other having pleasure". But until then, we look at you, and we laugh.
>>31225944Oh god having to room with a trans-whatever tumblrite.I feel so sorry for everyone who knows you.
>>31225989check out the micropenis on this guy
>>31225946>budding burglar bungles burglary, butt bunghole buckled
>>31223288>Disclaimer: The Game Changer is designed for novelty use only, and is not intended for use. The Game Changer is sold as-is, with no warranty (express or implied). There are no returns, exchanges, or cancellations permitted on the Game Changer. Due to the experimental nature of the Game Changer, there may be minor flaws.
>>31225989You're missing the point.The minute I see your horse-dildo collection, I no longer want to be near you. You are not just worthless as a person, but I don't want my dick slapping around in a meat-hallway that is more suited for my fucking leg than anything else.Do whatever you want with yourself, but it comes with the consequence of no one being able to take you seriously.
>>31225984Now I've got an mental image of a skull and two crossed horsecocks as some sort of crest to be painted on a wall, and people would know they should fear this house.
>>31225989"Coming together to have pleasure together" is difficult when she's accustomed to a cruise missile sized dildo with enough spikes and ridges to warrant a kill count.
>>31226048Feeling inadequate, anon?
>>31226032a much better job than what i managed to type out!
>>31226108DudeGet some gloves, and just get fucking right up in thereThis isn't hard
>>31226048One day, young one, you will grow out of your current hormone addled phase, and you will understand that not all things desire to penis you, or to be penised by you. Why, you may be able to spend quality time with a diverse set of friends, all with penising one another factoring in not one bloody bit! Wouldn't that be nice?
>>31223989The Gnomeo and Juliet soundtrack by Gaga and Elton John is fantastic, shut the fuck up.
>>31226149Clean the gutters, as they say.
>>31224480Not for $100+n apiece.
>>31226168How does that have anything to do with a girlfriend's dragon dildo collection?Are you completely fucking retarded?
>>31226168From now on, I'm going to exclusively refer to any sexual relations involving a dick as "penising".
>>31223288...Ohgod... In the measurements, they refer to the widest points as the 'knot'.I need to flee while my sanity still pretends to be intact.
>>31226220It's too late, you already looked!It's in you now!
>>31226197Ah, but you can play with them solo too.Or force your opponent to knot one when they lose.
>>31226244I think the problem he is actually having is that he DOES NOT, in fact, have anything "in him" as it were.
>>31226197Still better than what FW charges for them.
>>31224744I kind of want to get that as a tattoo now.
I love you guys.
>>31226319Sorry, but I'm not gay.
>>31226318It's a fun idea as body paint, but a one-way ticket to unemployment or jail as a tattoo.
>>31226211>>31226048>>31225467Here's the thing.Imagine your girlfriend's last boyfriend was twice as big as you.Does that make you feel inadequate? Too bad, because chances are it's probably happened before. Dick size doesn't mean shit, especially not compared to tongues and fingers. >>31223989A) You're wrongB) Fuck you, Skyrim is a good game, and the closest the Elder Scrolls has come to being playable. I mean, it's not playable, if Bethesda made a playable game the world would end, but it's close.
>>31226338>participating in this thread>not at least 26.5% gay, beyond the average threshold of gayness and beyond two standard deviations of acceptable gaynessIt's like you dont know where you are
>>31226357>Skyrim>the best TES gameIt was decent, but not at all good compared to previous games.
>>31226348Or a very promising career as a mob interrogator/trashman.
>>31226348How the fuck do you get incarcerated for having a tattoo? Do you live in an islamic country?
>>31226357>Does that make you feel inadequate? If some dude had a 15" dick? Yeah, kinda.>B) Fuck you, Skyrim is a good gameYou're just shitposting now.
>>31226388Previous games excluding Oblivion, maybe.It was mechanically superior to basically every previous game in the series.The lore is hit-or-miss but I mostly enjoyed it, I read more books in Skyrim than I did in previous games.My main problem with it is it's a very static world. Characters only have their own motivations in relation to you.
>>31226407>blaming the lock and not the key
>>31226388I dunno, I think it was better than oblivion. Still doesn't place it as the best, but it isn't the worst.
>>31226397In some countries, it is illegal to have tattoos covering hands and/or face
Can someone who owns a dragon dildo tell me the size of the widest point?I plan on buying a 60mm mortar later on and wish to utilize dragon dildo as the munitions.
>>31226388>Skyrim>compared to OblivishitI just could not be assed to do ANYTHING after Kvatch, but I hear, all thing considered, that Shivering Isles was good. That said, 1 to 1, Skyrim was way better than Oblivion.Both bow to Morrowind, of course.
>>31226319Love you too~.
>>31226458They have all those kinds of stats on the site, man.
>>31226458I'm pretty sure they mention it on the site. Look for 'knot size', as mentioned in >>31226220
>>31226436Skryim factually had the worst quests, worst story, worst factions, worst physics, laziest world, worst loot, and is probably tied for the worst leveling system.It has no redeeming factors as a game.
>>31226458Would the dildo survive the firing process?I can imagine it would be funny to bombard people with dildos from long range, but I question the viability of the plan.
>>31226458>Oh shit, get down!>Incoming!
>ITT>"I SURE DO LOVE TO TAKE MASSIVELY OVERSIZED DRAGON/HORSE SHAPED SILICON DICKS IN MY ANUS">"I DON'T AND WHEN I SEE SOMEONE HAS A MULTIPLE-THOUSAND-DOLLAR COLLECTION OF MASSIVELY OVERSIZED DRAGON/HORSE SHAPED SILICON DICKS I GET A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE">"LUL U MAD BREH GET OVR URSELF THERS NUTHIN RONG WIT USIN MASSIVELY OVERSIZED DRAGON/HORSE SHAPED SILICON DICKS"
>>31226458Wouldn't really work. The balls would un-balance it in flight.
>>31226458this is why I love /tg/>>31226500Yes it would. It wouldnt fly in a straight line, and it wouldnt fly as far as other shaped objects, but by god it would.
>>31226500Order them in the highest firmness available, then pray to Slaanesh for a successful shot.
>>31226348Only if you get the face one.
>>31226388I'd say it was better than Oblivion and Arena. That puts it in the middle at least.
>>31226525Sounds like somebody is a little butthurt
>>31226500>>31226502I now want to see a group of soldiers armed with mortars and dragon dildo raining down lubed plastic destruction.
>>31226525Just for the sake of argument, what actually is wrong with owning thousand of dollars of oddly-shaped dildos?
>>31226525lul u mad breh get ovr urself thers nuthin rong wit usin massively oversized dragon/horse shaped silicon dicks
>>31226492Those are all facts, huh? Because they sure sound like opinions.Things are no longer hard-leveled to the player (Although there is a dearth of post-30 enemies that are meaningfully different). Loot is fine, with a mix of leveled loot and pre-placed loot accommodating both styles. Dungeon design is sparse, but I still counted about four dungeon types more than Oblivion had. Factions I'll give you, I found the faction questlines pretty weak. Story was simple but seemed fine to me, nothing glaring, just obviously cut back and thus some plot points got dropped. As for quests... I really think you're ignoring how terrible EVERYTHING in Oblivion was outside of Shivering Isle.
>>31226563What's wrong with that is *I* dont own them.
>>31226492While I agree with you about it being OBJECTIVELY one of the shittier games in the series, I myself had fun with it, so I rate it as a good game based purely on that subjective experience.
>>31226559A reason to use this image.
>>31226388I've played Oblivion, Daggerfall, and Morrowind. Everyone's golden child Morrowind was a bundle of bugs mixed with a shitty control scheme, dull NPCs, and repetitive dialogue. Also a lot of the quest directions are flat out wrong.>>31226436Skyrim did the best with characters who lived their own lives. I mean, again, Bethesda essentially tried to do too much, so it's stupidly hamfisted shit where dragons randomly invade towns and no one notices, or NPCs walking around because they got lost.>>31226492"Factually"?I'm pretty sure the physics engine it runs on would break computers from Morrowind's day. It's also got objectively the most expansive world. Everything in Skyrim takes maybe five times as much to make work as things in Morrowind did. It seems to YOU the laziest, but that means nothing in terms of 'facts"
>>31226537I know want to get some IG manticores/deathstrikes, paint then in Slaanesh colors and replaces the rockets with the tiny dragon dildos.
>>31226502Laying down face to the ground makes it only worse because now your primary weakpoint is exposed.
>>31226563Coulda spent it on thousands of dollars of oddly-shaped guns. If you ever visit /k/ they have a special fondness for the dragon dicks, often proudly displayed alongside their other weapons.However they are an odd lot and have been known to use rifle bolts as prostate massagers and have photographic evidence of such.
>>31226576Skyrim quests all boil down to "enter this dungeon/dangerous area and fight your way to the end". Even though oblivion had flaws, its quests were all pretty well thought out.
>>31226603>I played Morrowind on consoleI'm terribly sorry.
>>31226617/k/ is truly a magical place.Magical in the same way a shoggoth is magical, of course.
>>31226562>dragon dildo mortarsThe only thing I ever want to see drawn in my life.
>>31226576Just to play devil's advocate, he is goddamn right about it having the shittiest factions and shittiest quests and shittiest main story. Seriously, the Companions might as well be called the Werewolves Guild, the College of Winterhold culminates in a bland save the world quest and sends you to a dungeon called Labyrinthian (which is anything but), and you spend the majority of the Thieves Guild quest RETURNING SOMETHING THAT WAS STOLEN. The quests themselves rarely become anything more interesting than "go here and retrieve/kill this thing." As for the main story, it's got shit pacing and ends just as it feels like it's finally starting, climaxing in killing the evil end boss who is literally easier to kill than the very first dragon you fight in the game. Go back and play Oblivion again, man. Tell me how the quests where you plan a heist on White Gold Tower to steal a fucking Elder Scroll isn't any good.
>>31226617So they're more the "why not both?" side of the argument, you're saying.
>>31226576No.No no, no, no no no. No. No.Enemies ARE leveled to the player (See: Bandits, Draugr. Fully 50% of the enemies in the game), loot is NOT hand-placed in any meaningful way. Sure, there's a handful of pieces of generic shit with a generic enchantment, but all of the loot in the game save the Daedric quest rewards are just leveled list generic loot you can buy at any shop. It's NOT like Morrowind, where the world is full of hand-placed items that are specifically unique and exist in a certain place for a specific reason. Sure, there's a few more dungeon types than Oblivion's shitty system, but it's still most just Draugr tombs. Story "seemed fine"? Nigga, the MAIN BAD GUY DIDN'T EVEN KILL ANYONE OR IMPEDE YOU AT ANY POINT. And Oblivion had quite a number of great quests, with their own plot lines that tried new things. Every single quest in Skyrim except the linear faction lines were just "Kill a bunch of draugr in a tomb.".And, objectively, Morrowind is the best game in the series.
>>31226610>"Hey, you know Charlie?">"Hell yeah I know Charlie, best shot around.">"Y'know what I heard? Someone gave him a horse dildo instead of a mortar shell as a goof.">"What happened?">"Motherfucker launched it so far up some poor bastard's colon he died of internal trauma on the spot.">"Damn, that's cold.">"That's not all; fucker did it from about two hundred yards.">"Holy shit."
>>31226563While there's nothing really WRONG about it, from my point of view it's pretty fucking strange. Just the thought of someone spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars on a HUGE FUCKING DILDO, shaped like a fantasy dragons dick, and them having 10+ of those, in different shapes and sizes, is mildly off-putting to say the least.
>>31226603>Also a lot of the quest directions are flat out wrong.Name one. Just one.I bet you can't.
>>31226603Are you implying that EVERY TES game isn't buggy as all fuck? Because that implication is a lie.People liked Morrowind because of the setting and lore and the hilariously cool ways you could break it. Not because of the gameplay.
>>31226728>inb4 the puzzle box
>>31226603>Skyrim did the best with characters who lived their own livesNo, what I mean was, they didn't interact with EACH OTHER meaningfully.Like, there were a ton of factions in Morrowind and they did stuff with and against each other and had opinions on other people.Skyrim NPCs barely HAVE opinions.>>31226675Oh, I totally agree on it having the shittiest factions, I did say I thought the factions were weak as fuck.I guess pacing is an okay complaint with the main quest, but honestly, if you run the main quest straight without breaks in ANY of the games they turn out shitty and over too fast. Except Morrowind because LOL WALKING EVERYWHERE
>>31226675>shittiest main story.Sounds like someone repressed those memories of trudging through dozens upon dozens of Oblivion Gates. Frankly, I don't blame you.
>>31226688>Enemies ARE leveled to the playerTo an extent. I have an ability I modded in which reports levels of enemies.Plenty of enemies start out higher level than the player. Plenty end up lower than the player past a certain point. It's still not as good as it should be, but it's certainly more elegant than a glass-armored bandit shaking you down for 100 gold.
>>31226748There are 39 draugr tombs in Skyrim, and that's not counting caves that turn into tombs deeper down. I think that balances out the oblivion gates, considering you were never forced to trudge through a gate for a quest.
>>31226743Actually except Morrowind because you have to go through lots of different steps to even figure out what the main quest is all about. You have to find out about the lore of the world and interact with different characters and see things for yourself before you're told that you're the chosen one (maybe) and you have to defeat the bad guy. Then you have to PROVE you're the chosen one (maybe) by gaining the approval of a bunch of various entities in the world. It's a drawn-out affair and it's very well-paced, even stopping you from progressing if you haven't done enough other shit in the world. >>31226748Oh please, you had to do maybe five or six of those damn things at most, and they can be done in ten minutes in vanilla. The story itself is still far better than Skyrim, even if it suffers some of the same pitfalls (the world is ending! no seriously even though none of those gates ever actually do anything the world is ending, I totally promise!) but it had a better final boss (Mankar Camoran) and a better climactic moment. Better writing too, lore-wise. Camoran actually comes across as a psychopath who might have some ideas crazy enough to work. Alduin is never anything more than a spiky dragon who's too big for his britches.
>>31226656No, played it on PC. What unofficial patches do has nothing to do with the fact that the game is broken.>>31226728How about that woman who tells you to to go one way and kill mudcrabs, but you're supposed to go an entirely different way?Or the fact that the directions for the quest to Seyda Neen to talk to Cias Cassodes isn't entirely accurate, because for one thing the South Wall Corner Club isn't actually in the corner of the South Wall, it's on the Eastern wall?>>31226731Oh, no. Like I said, Skyrim is the CLOSEST there is to a playable TES game.It's still buggy and broken.But you've got people who will defend to the death that Morrowind had great NPCs and quests and shit when you could break the game and kill the final boss at level one, or grind factions until you broke the game and had everyone loving you. Or how one of the missions involves asking the head of a faction to give you permission for something... even if you're the head of the faction.I honestly never really played Morrowind. I couldn't stand it long enough to, no matter how many times I've tried, and I've installed it every couple of years.
>>31226830>you were never forced to trudge through a gate for a quest.How quickly you forget Kvatch.
>>31226845>Actually except Morrowind because you have to go through lots of different steps to even figure out what the main quest is all about. You have to find out about the lore of the world and interact with different characters and see things for yourself before you're told that you're the chosen one (maybe) and you have to defeat the bad guy. Then you have to PROVE you're the chosen one (maybe) by gaining the approval of a bunch of various entities in the world. It's a drawn-out affair and it's very well-paced, even stopping you from progressing if you haven't done enough other shit in the world.And also walking.Don't get me wrong, I'd put Morrowind over Skyrim every time, but I'd put Skyrim over Oblivion or Arena.
>thread about comedic sex toys turns into a pissing contest over a video game seriesGuys, I think you just broke the internet.
>>31226856You're forced into an oblivion gate once, and that's when it's still a new experience. Not like Skyrim ten dozen "fetch this item from a tomb" quests.
>>31226728> find this fucking kvamath egg mineI love Morrowind, believe it to be one of the greates games ever
>>31226748>>31226845>>31226854>>31226743The best Elder Scrolls game was Gothic II. Prove me wrong.>Protip: You can't
>>31226875It happens sometimes.
>>31226875Skyrim is the only Elder Scrolls game in which you would have a legitimate use of a Dragon Dildo as a roleplaying aid.Checkmate, atheists.
>>31226875This is /tg/, where furry troll threads get turned into a discussion of the Russian military-industrial complex.
>>31226922Diaper of Holding is one of my all-time favorite threads.
>>3122690320 posts? I'm impressed.
>>31226854I don't know of a woman that tells you to go kill mudcrabs but gives you wrong directions, you need to be more specific.The South Wall Cornerclub is in the southeaster section of the city, and it's your fault for thinking the name is part of the directions, when it clearly is not.The point is, you're not just a failure, but I legitimately thing you are inbred.
>>31226903Well usually it's the other way around.>>31226901No, I can't, and I won't try. Gothic was the shit dude.Then Arcania killed it...
>>31226743Who in Morrowind does anything with each other? Skyrim characters actually have conversations. Hell, there's one quest that's about a love triangle (that you can NTR both dudes in).Meanwhile, Skyrim really doubled down on the whole "NPCs have lives and go do things when you're not around" thing. >>31226675Think of the Thieves' Guild quest as more stealing something back.Also, I'm not really even sure which of the plots in Skyrim was the "Main" one, but they were both a bit lackluster. Defeating Alduin was kind of just "it's time to kill the boss now" once you get the Elder Scroll, and the Stormcloak/Imperial thing just sort of has no resolution. I would have liked to fight the Thalmor.>>31226688Actually, items in chests are hand placed. Or, more accurately, they're hand placed with minor randomization. Also, every single quest? So Sanguinus and Barbas and all that just didn't exist?
>>31226934>Diaper of Holdingoh god, why do i know what you're talking about!?I haven't even seen that thread and i'm pretty sure i know how it goes!
>>31226901> Gothic II> Not Gothic II: Night of the Raven
>>31226048You know nothing of vaginal tightness and are likely some kind of christfag.
>>31226901I would love it if we could get a game with the faction/quest design sensibilities of Gothic but with a more interesting setting and better combat. Also none of that obsession with forcing you to shed your blood, sweat, and tears for three hours before you find so much as a pair of pants to wear.
>>31226957Items in chests are not hand placed beyond>1 [random light chestpiece]>3 [random potions]>2 [random boots]
>>31226958Does it involve weaponizing shit while also turning it into a valuable source of petrochemicals? Because otherwise you know nothing.
>>31226949The only quest I know of where a woman tells you kill mudcrabs is a house redoran quest for a guar herder, and she gives accurate directions.How the fuck do I remember specific shit like this? It's taken up vital space in my brain that could be used for PIN numbers or sex positions...
>>31226458two things, one, our preliminar tests have showed they're not very good at traversing cylinders(given that they're optimized for friction), and two, how the fuck will you acquire a mortar?
>>31226973>replying to posts nearly 100 posts ago
>>31226957>Meanwhile, Skyrim really doubled down on the whole "NPCs have lives and go do things when you're not around" thing. Oblivion has more expansive and diverse scripts for NPC scheduling than Skyrim.
>>31226958/tg/ invented a shit-powered oil refinery/flamethrower. It was horrifying.>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19996057/
>>31227015. . .Guess i know nothing.
>>31227024it's prone to j-j-jamming the firearm
>>31227017Getting there DOES require you to take a winding-ass road that takes you the wrong direction for a little while, though.That's Drulene Falen, I liked her.
>>31226957>Actually, items in chests are hand placed.HOLY FUCK NO THEY'RE NOTLeveled lists, you dumb motherfucker. Do you not know what that is? ALL of the chests and containers in Skyrim are leveled lists. Which is why they refill after enough time.
>>31227042guess i know what i'm reading now.
>>31227039>"How are you?">"I saw some mudcrabs by the water recently. I steered clear of them.">"Disgusting creatures! I hope to never see another.">"Goodbye.">"See you.">"Hello!">"I saw some mudcrabs by the water recently. I steered clear of them.">"Disgusting creatures! I hope to never see another.">And then everyone started a conga line at a table in a pub.
>>31226048>thinking a vagina can't recover from large penetrations>2014>was likely shoved out of one themselves with minimal if any damage.Also if this anon was fucking her before the discovery of her collection then he must not have noticed her being loose, or didn't care before, so why should he care now?
>>31227056nothing Cosmoline can't help pass through, thoughok im done
>>31227082Just because they were bad doesn't mean they were more extensive and more diverse.
>>31227102>with minimal if any damage.nowadays there's "minimal if any damage" because we sew them back together once the baby is out.They do tear.
>>31227082I thought I didn't need to put a caveat in my post saying "More diverse lists doesn't mean better dialogue." Yes, Oblivion had shitty voice acting and the random dialogue making pseudo-conversation was an unfinished mess that Skyrim worked to polish out (which it totally fucking did, because no NPC in Skyrim repeated their shitty lines! Wait, yes they did...)But an NPC's daily schedule in Oblivion most likely included "Sleep, Work, Visit Shrine to pray, Eat, Wander town, some other shit.", whereas most NPC schedules in Skyrim were just "Work, Sleep, Conversation". You can check the game's CS if you think I'm lying.
>>31227147*weren't more extensive
>>31227024>>31227056Well there's your problem. You're using the jam machine.Fire the little dildo from a lubed up AK instead.Your raifu a shit
>>31227155Personally I'm just trying to figure out why anyone gives a shit what NPCs are doing during the 2 seconds you spend looking at them.Then again a discussion about fantasy RPGs is a really bad place to start extolling the virtues of detail conservation...
>>31227024>>31227056>>31227144thank you based /k/
>>31226908It's not like anybody bought Skyrim for anything other than turning it into an eroge anyway.
>>31227155Some schedules actually included events that the NPC would only do once every month, on a full moon, etc.One good thing about Oblivion was the schedules, and Skyrim could definitely have done better with them.
>>31227082>>31227155Just fuck already!
>>31227102Last I checked, people aren't built to have a baby passing in and out of their vagina or ass once a day for an hour or so at a time multiple times per week.
>>31227202I like my men effeminate and in a skirt. He is neither.
>>31227223But, I wear a muumuu on the hotter days for comfort and because, uh, less free-fitting clothing tends to chafe my, um, masculine stomach.
>>31226728Mages guild sidequest, given by Ajira, "The Warlock's Ring"East and West are not the same direction.
>>31227261I don't know what to make of the lack of confidence in this post.
>>31226607That sums up the thread pretty well.
What kind of loser sees a girl into /d/ and dumps her?
>>31226716See, to me it's hot as fuck. it means they're sexually uninhibited if not downright ravenous, possibly kinky, definitely sex-positive. Do you remember when you made a new friend in 2nd or 3rd grade and you went to their house and their toy collection was AWESOME? It's literally the exact same feeling.Taste is just taste, opinions is opinions, you can be turn-on or put-off by whatever you want. I just don't fucking get it.
>>31226369Statistical faggoty, niiiiiiiiiice
>>31227596Someone who's not a /d/eviant? I'd be weirded out if I found out a girl I was seeing wanted to be fucked by dragons, in much the same way I'd be weirded out if she wanted me to shit in her mouth. It's not something I'm into, I think it's incomprehensible and frankly pretty gross.Why are you expected to get involved in your significant other's fetishes if you don't share them?
>>31227667>sexually uninhibited if not downright ravenous, possibly kinky, definitely sex-positiveAbsolutely disgusting. Enjoy your STD infested vapid meatslut.Sex is wrong and disgusting,
>>31227667If you "don't get it", why don't you get that the other anon doesn't get it? I realize the sentence structure is fucked, but you should be able to understand his incomprehension.
>>31227727>meatslutBut anon, aren't all people made of meat?
>>31227150Only if the muscles and ligaments aren't properly exercised.
>>31227761>Not wanting to fuck a machineDo you even praise the machine?
>>31227723it's not always the fantasy, some people buy that shit because physically they just make awesome toys. Are you turned off by toys in general?Are you intimidated by toys significantly larger than your dick (as though your penis is the only thing you have to offer her)? Or is it really just the xenophilia thing that turns you off?
>>31227727If that were how anon felt I don't think he would be in her bedroom.
>>31227723>wanting to fuck dragons>incomprehensible and frankly grossYou're incomprehensible and gross
>>31223518This is how you FATAL
>>31227667>Oh, teehee, I don't have any toys! I could never play by myself, no one would play with me if they thought I played by myself!>I... was hoping we could play with yours?>Oooooh, he's so big! Is he one of the 20 dollar ones?
>>31227873>xenophiliaCan people stop using this word to describe everything? It's furry. Weather you like it or not, wanting to fuck dragons is furry.
>>31228106What does the weather have to do with anything?
>>31227978Oooh, so that's how you roll for anal circumference.
>>31228106But dragons don't even have fur
>>31228106I'm basically okay with this. I figure as long as I avoid being psychotic or obnoxious, technically being a furry isn't all that horrible a thing.
>>31228336I'll admit that they make some decent porn, but damned if the carpet-wearing freaks don't freak me right the fuck out.
If it were "normal size" and not with spindown faces, I might buy a couple.> furfags in charge of doing anything right
>>31228380I agree, but the power of masks is a crazy thing and it is nice to be able to not be publicly tied to your actions and thus be truly free. Now if you use that freedom to be a part of the carpet brigade, I disagree with your choice, but I'm happy you made it. Until you get in my face.
>>31228106Dragons aren't furry. You are free to revile xenophiles for precisely the same reasons you revile furries, I don't care, but I'm not compromising on my porn semantics.
>>31223771If you ate careful removing mold lines isn't a huge deal my ex had one of these that she got from flops that had some large mold lines left on it. I got my knife ( I found a good pocket knife better than a scalpel or xacto knife ) and just carefully shaved the excess off and it was fineYou can fuck them up easily if you do it wrong though so it probably isn't worth the money
>>31224483Shine on, you mad bastard.
>>31228586How do you fuck them up? The same way you would fuck up using a knife on anything? Your experience + the shape of the d20 definitely gives me hope, I mean, a dice is going to get bounced and rolled a lot but it isn't going to be subjected to any twisting/bending/thrusting stresses.
>>31228737Bouncing around where annon? Your gut...
>>31228771You know, they tell you not to inset anything that doesn't have a flared base (it might 'get lost'), and my girlfriend keeps harping on me to remind the people in this thread of that's less of a concern for anything roughly-round, it's not going to get wedged into a bend the way a poorly-designed dong (or a flashlight or a coke bottle) would.
>>31228771>My gut feeling about this scenario is bad...>Me too! *Phtbbbbbbbbbb* See? Nat 1.
>>31228826>flashlight or a coke bottle)Eh.....
How do you deal with the poop. It seems like enemas kill the mood beforehand.
>ITT: Disgusting sex freaks.Go back to /d/ and stay there.Better yet, kill yourselves so that the rest of humanity doesn't have to deal with you.I swear, sex needs to be banned and punishable by death.
>>31229007I wasn't aware the 19th century had computers.
>>31228957Enemas happen like half an hour to an hour before play. That's how long it's going to take for any leftover poop-water to come out. And after that you're good for hours. Anal masturbation helps a lot too, after a while people just *know* if they're all-clear down there or if there's a bowel movement coming (I say "people", but it actually is slightly more of a male thing, males get more sensory input from their own bodies like when they're hungry or sick. There are other physical advantages women tend to have like fine hand-eye coordination. If anyone is/knows a woman who lives to masturbate anally please chime in here).
>>31229038>lives to masturbate anally/tg/
>>31228957I for one simply use a shower hose with hot water with the occasional soap and lubricant ,followed by walking over to the toilet and evacuating my rectum; I usually do this far before I see any particular mood arising. Then just give it another quick rinse for a second check when that mood does arise.It doesn't actually seem that simple looking back on it, but it sure is effective. I of course do not use the same hose to bathe with.
>>31229204Dude you have iron bowels. Soap is a nasty irritant which will mummify your bowels over time and is 100% unnecessary for enemas.Poop doesn't "stick" to your pipes because your colon naturally produces mucus to dislodge it, soap actually breaks this mucus down, it does more harm than good.
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TERRIBLE THREAD STILL UP? STOP SHITTING UP MY /tg/ AND STAY IN YOUR CONTAINMENT BOARD, /d/.WE HATE YOU AND DON'T WANT YOU HERE. WHERE ARE THE FUCKING MODS WHEN YOU NEED THEM. THIS DEGENERACY AND MAGICAL REALM SHIT IS NOT ALLOWED ON MY /tg/!
>>31229283You need to use more lube and go more slowly to avoid getting butthurt.
>>31229283>WE>actually saying "MY /tg/!"I'm tempted to call bait but probably not
>>31229283Go back to your blood and skulls bro, and let the consenting adults have their fun
>>31229313>>31229393Sex is wrong. Sex needs to be canceled out. Sex is the root of all modern problems. Death to sex!
>>31229472Go to bed Zardoz.