How to successfully avoid a boss fight in Dark Heresy >Go into Slaanesh strip club which is run by a bigwig Daemonette>Party gets idea to infiltrate the managers office/VIP area by forming a band>No one is trained in preforming or singing however besides out SoB> DM allows it because he thinks its funny>Everybody fails including the SoB and gets immediately kicked out except for me because I barely passed the test>Get's asked for a second attempt and somehow pass again>Get's offered and interview with the manager>Goes for it >Tell party about an important window in the VIP area they then grapple to the roof and await an opportunity on the code word "Neosporin">Gets into interview>Realize that the Daemonette is a also the priestess with 2 abomination bodyguards that we tried to kill the session prior>whydidiwishforthisadventure.jpg>then commences the most innuendo filled interview ever.>things go well and she asks for a secondary interview, in the basement>I pretend trip while getting up and cut my arm and proceed to say "boy I think im going to need some NEOSPORIN for this">Party causes explosions in alleyway which get the abominations attention>meanwhile Daemonette licks my cut clean> I turn to the Daemonette and say "you know all this danger is getting me rather randy" >She agrees >We start making out > Party repels down to kick in the window and repels quickly back but and abomination follows>as soon as the abominations gets on the roof they all bull kick him off it>We brake the kiss which i successfully charmed her with getting a role of 10> I proclaim "my lady we must go"> I pick her up in the bridal position> I then jump out the now broken window past the 2nd abomination and repel to the roof while flashing her a charming smile> Once regrouped with they recognize her and they immediatly try to kill eachother>however I keep the peace by rolling a 2 on diplomacy she and my party are now friends> we then GTFO.jpg
just dont lift up her lioncloth or you might be in for an unpleasent surprise
>>31271134> We book it back to an importantly RADICAL inquisitor base > party is still very confused what has just happened>Daemonette is now clinging onto me>Back at base the party sits as far away from us as possible while we eat burgers the inquisitor made for us which may or may not be people> We then inform our main inquisitor of what has transpired and due to radicalness is completely ok with itWe end session based on the fact that I not only deffused a bossfight but is now dating said bossDM awards me with a new Fate point but informs me that I must now defeat her khornate ex which may or may not be a bloodthrister
>>31271134I'd have shot you for even touching the thing, heretic.
>>31271266>UNpleasantwhere do you think you are
Boy, you gon get fucked.
>Party, by OPs own admission, has a Sister present.>Not Chunky Salsaing the Daemonette first chance she got.
>>31271286>her khornate ex>only one exNigga, that's a daemonette. She should have like, 30 goddamned exes. Your GM is silly for not turning this into Scott Pilgrim VS the World: 40K edition
>>31271444That was actually suggested by multiple members of the party however he is trying to decide between that and the Bloodthirster
>>31271490Why not both?
>>31271490>trying to decide between that and the BloodthirsterWhy one or the other?
>>31271556>>31271577Well played anon
>>31271286You should feel like Scott Pilgrim now
fuck her exes too
Come on man, if you're gonna be traitorous filth, at least go with Tzeentch. You'll know your life, short as it may be, has some sort of meaning.
>>31271266At this point I think it would be more surprising if she had a vagina.
and the bolter bitch never once considered burning all of your heretic bullshit?
>>31271134Welcome to black crusade
>>31271134>Sister of Battle in party>Doesn't attempt to burn all of you immediatelyNot even corruption can excuse this shit. The only force of chaos Sisters of Battle have fallen to is Khorne.
I could somehow believe this if she was a really high ranking cultist-sorceress instead of a daemon.Now it's kind of excessive, I mean, like Grendel's or greater amount of luck, and he had the benefit of exploding die and the emperor's blessing.It would've been better or more believable if it ended in a "worthy foe" or "you shall leave now for you amuse me" instead of "got waifu now, enjoy"But it's only my opinion. Keep posting stories as the game advances, tho.
How to kill several million people: An Investigative Adventure In Dark Heresy>Investigating sewers, where our target has fled>SUDDENLY, his footprints stop, right beside a wall>Spend 30 minutes or so (real time) trying to figure out how the fuck to open this>Find control panel>Psyker pushes Arbites out of the way and begins slapping control panel>ALART ALART ALART ALART>Arbites pushes Psyker out of the way, and manages to get the door open before the panel locks him out>Psyker blind-tosses a grenade inside, as ordered>Is ordered to check it out, see if it's safe>Peeks around corner, comes back with a face full of bullets>Spend several minutes fighting the turret>Psyker alternates between jamming the stubber and RPG functions>It blows up, when attempting to launch a grenade, whilst jammed>Right in the face of the Guardsman attempting to stab it to death>Explore the secret base for a bit>Find some neat likely-heretical cloning stuff (NO ONE has Lore: Heresy)>Party splits: Team 1 finds a orbit-capable ship, cold. Team 2 investigates the clone lab, also tries to turn off the alarm>Team 1 also finds:>A Gun Servitor!
>>31272225>Team 2 decides, "Maybe we should go help them. They sound like they're in a bad way">Team 2 arrives on the scene just as Team 1 kills the Servitor>Psyker heals everyone up a bit>BUT WAIT>PHENOMENON PHENOMENON PHENOMENON PHENOMENON >WARP-BANSHEES HOWL FOR A SOLID MINUTE! NO MORE GLASS!>Everyone is now deaf>Start preflight on Ship>Continue investigation>"Control Room">"I think this is where we want to go">Walk in>Tech Priest looks at us>We look at him>He looks at us>We look at him>"... uh... Hang on a second, please">"I'm not going anywhere">(over coms) "GUYS HELP. HELP PLZ">We inquire about the place>"This is an Admech facility, did you not see the signs?""... no?""Now that you've seen this place, I can't let you leave">we turn to leave. Door's shut. Arbites tries to open it via computer>TP goes "lol no">"Self destruct in 3:00">Murder defenceless Tech-Priest>Door opens>Book it the fuck out of there>Take off with 0 seconds remaining>Ride the explosion out>Can't hold onto control>Crash into the hive>Supports collapse>Hive groans and shifts>we find out that millions of people died>Our safehouse is under hundreds of tons of rubble>As is our only lead>God>Emperor>Damn>It
>>31272030ohh she did but my persuasion roll of 2 convinced her otherwise
This doesn't make any kind of sense but I guess this game IS about escapism
>>31272625>what is this, heresy for ants?
>>31272625This needs to be at least 3 times bigger
>>31272678>>31272098Are you sure?>Ants need heresy, too
>>31271134FFG babies, not even once
>>31272700Absolutely.Cute picture, though.
mfw my teammate's fucking a daemonette
>>31272772Are you *really* sure?
>>31271437Maybe he accidentally corrupted her?
Once I played in a Dark heresy game, where instead of the Inquisition theme, we used the ruleset to play as a growing wannabe gang in the necromunda underhives.We had a bar we decided to frequent. One day the big shots who hang out there show up dressed fabulous, and violent. They liked to sing along with the grundge underhiver music there.It was clear we were going to fight, and everyone is eyeballing eachother for being in their territory. My char, the sort of gruff super low fel char who had a crude bionical arm was for some reason defacto leader. He also liked drugs. ALL drugs. I wasted all his recently earned ammo for drugs. He then proceeded to try and impress the rival gang by going on stage.Fell is like 20, halfed due to no skill or preform skill in singing. Have to roll under 10, for a standard success. I roll a one. >MFW screaming ugly drugged up psychopath makes friends with fabulous underhiver with a mechianical drill on his crotch by "Singing" at them.
>>31272450>interparty social skills>mfwWell, I suppose even by my own barometer of "start compromising or stop talking" this works since the SoB decided to cave rather than turn it into a PVP brawl o' purging.
>>31272006Sad but true.
>>31271134>>31271286I wish my DM was cool like yours.
>>31272098>The only force of chaos Sisters of Battle have fallen to is Khorne.That's a really odd way sisters moved the goal post.
>>31273089My DM makes us use it when we are doing raelly silly things like convincing the paladin who has no social skills at all to go first into the obviously trapped cave.We do this a lot.To the point he has stuck all his points into Sense Motive just to stop us from doing it.
>>31271444That could either be absolutely epic, or absolutely hilarious. Possibly both.>"Listen, before you're able to get anywhere with me, I need you to do something for me.">"Oh throne, I'm not going to have to pledge my soul to slaanesh am I?">"Please, honey, you're almost half-way there so don't worry about that. But this is... kind of embaressing.">"Embarressing? for a slaaneshi? You're kidding right?">"No, see, I need you to fight my Ex-boyfriends. I have like, 20 or 30 of them? I dunno, I don't really keep count.">"O-oh. Okaaaaay... um.... Why?">"Because they refuse have anyone but the best date me, and well... a some of them are wimps, but others... well, they're crazed bloodthirsters">"Okay, so, Just to make sure I have this right: You want me to fight 20 or 30 guys -">"Some of them aren't guys... or human... or even technically alive">"- some of whom may be khorninite bloodthirsters and diseased psychopaths and psykers, just to be able to date you?">"Just because I'm a slaanesh devotee, doesn't mean that I'm an easy lay. Oh, and before you think you can back out -"> -Doorbell rings->"they're right outside. Have fun! don't try to get too dismembered!"
>>31271490She had dozens of exes... once. Prince Horrifying doesn't like competition.
>>31273411This would be fun to play. Would quickly devolve (or evolve) into a game of BC. But that's not a bad thing.
>>31273469agreed..... I can see it now....>A CHALLANGER APPROACHES!>"Hummie wans ta date mah wohman? Imma krump him GOOD for that!">"Sweet mother of terra! That's an ORK! You dated an ORK?">"Eh, I was still in that experimental stage. Besides he was pretty kinky. I like a man that can cut off body parts and reattach them">"Huh.... Somehow, I know I should be bothered by that, but I'm not.">"KRUMP HUMMIE NOOOOW! WAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
>>31273542Then his crew just looks at him, incredulously.>"There better be some truly marvelous technological secrets at the end of this. Otherwise, I'm going to throw you into an airlock and then vent you into space.">TechPriest / Heretek readies his weapon.
>>31273561Could be a reoccuring theme throughout it. They're just strolling by, innocently doing nothing at all, when suddenly there's some ork or khorninite or tezzetch devote attacking the main character.
>>31273609Would be great. Would need to find a group who is ok with being supporting players in this dude's quest for hot Daemonette snatch.If it was funny enough I'd be completely ok with it.
>>31271266If anything, it's probably the hidable sort, or it's that one intersex condition which gives them a massive puffy Vulva and a tiny clit dick which just looks like a slightly oversized erect clit, which isn't entirely bad.
>>31273632Not necessarily.... The group could gain a lot of stuff from it.Like a rogue trader could get tons of imperial credits from the salvage operations or put bets on who would win. Necron verses Dude: 5-1 in necron's favor, or 10-1 odds in khorninite's favor....a techpriest would probably love to get his hands on heretical tech and the variety of it too. or could get offered slaaneshite tech from the daemonette.Psykers.... eh, I dunno that much about warhammer anyways. Thrills from killing things?
He charmed a daemonette ?Are sessions normally this goofy ?
>>31273717True enough. The group would all have to sign off on this though. And the GM would have to be on board as well, in any normal DH game this sort of thing would get the group, and whatever planet they're on, exterminated.
>>31273732By RAW it at least appears nothing stops you from charming, seducing, etc. daemons. They don't even have Cold Hearted.iirc Black Crusade vaguely implies that to socially influence daemons you must test Infamy instead, which would mean non-chaotics can't socially influence daemons at all. I am not certain of this.either way you have to homebrew in restrictions on social skills for a lot of critters in Only Darkblack Traderwatch.
>>31271134I assume the SOB was that one SOB with Weird ass powers that made everyone think she was a heretic meaning she'd give some leniancy with the whole issue.Not like Daemonettes are really the worst out of the Chaos bunch though, at the end of the day, Slaanesh is the weakest and it's domain is all of sex, so even if you have the least or little sexual encounter, you contribute to it, and your party doesn't sound like the GREAT DESTINY CHOZEN ONE group, so you've go no reason to go out and die virgins.
>>31273732Not really, but our GM decided since this PC is built around 80s action movie tropes he'd roll with it, since daemonette is kind of like "love interest with dark past" when viewed from a very skewed angle. We're really not expecting this to end well.
>>31273853Rule of cool man
>>31273876It really is, we're one of those groups that tends to fall to it pretty fast. And hell, even though this situation is ridiculous at this point we're pretty well guaranteed to get a few interesting adventures out of it.
>>31273411uhm, wouldn't they be on each other's throats, too? because wich one is the best of them?... damn, now i imagine opening the door and seeing a bloodthirster powersmashing a great unclean one in the parking lot screamin "SHE LOVED ME MORE!!" while various bodyparts litter the front lawn.
>>31273783>Only Darkblack TraderwatchI'm stealing this.
>>31276829from where is this picture? It looks awesome
>>31276829>>31277099I also want to know! Wait, image search...
>>31272199No reason she couldn't be both right?Slaaneshi IS fickle, and Daemon/Greater Daemons/Daemon Princes are known to greatly fluctuate in power.>>31273717True, and if the Daemonette was one of my Daughters of Peace, there would be all sorts of perks like reliable transport and Amazonian Storm-troopers.>>31273783>By RAW it at least appears nothing stops you from charming, seducing, etc. daemons. They don't even have Cold Hearted.Well we are constructs of pure emotion after all!>>31273830>Not like Daemonettes are really the worst out of the Chaos bunch thoughYou, I like you.Have a free pair of Breast, you can even choose the size and placement!>>31274171Something about Mary, 40k edition!!!
>>31277719I got blasted by Moonrunes.
>>31276829>>31277099It's from "Evil Woman Executive"
>>31272995word around office says you have a big cockI also happen to have a big cockperhaps we should rub our big cocks together?
>>31272894Don't you attack my penis in this fashion.And yes, absolutely, 100% sure.>>31272986Sisters can only be corrupted into serving Khorne, due to their EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE rage.
>>31278152Too bad it's not translated
>>31271771This....This is my next plot hook.
>>31279219Dude, Miriael Sabathiel is technically Canon I think......She's the reason people think Slaaneshi Sisters are unimaginative and tripe....
>>31274171At least one Necron Pharaoh should be involved.
>>31281928The Old Man of the group. Constantly confused about why this is important. Arguing with the TechPriest about the nature of the Omnissiah, wanting the rest of the party not to loiter outside his quarters (his room is right next to the common room).
>>31281750You know what else is technically canon? Kaldor Draigo. Do people like Draigo? No. Do people ACCEPT Draigo as canon? Not often.Miriael and similar cases are the exact reason I despise Slaanesh.Tzeentch is best.
>>31282081Miriael also isn't strictly canon.
>>31282179Everything is canon. Nothing is canon.
>>31282216Does this mean one of Tzeentch's many faces being a little girl in a red dress is also canon?
>>31282351Its Tzeentch, he's probably got a face for everyone.
>>31282216>>31282351Nothing is true. Everything is canon.
>>31282470Canon is everything, true is nothing
>>31276829She looks confused as to how this happened.
>>31282470Canon is true, nothing is everything.
>>31272098That's not even remotely true
>>31283364Nice job responding to an argument that has already essentially finished.
>>31279219I don't think you're sure enough
>>31283399Thanks. I pride myself on my ability to just that.
Not Dark Heresy, but Rogue Trader story>I'm GMing, five people in party, the Rogue Trader Magnus Sollux, Arch-Millitant McGains, Senschal Oswald, Astropath Dunbar, Missionary Fenik.>Crusin through space in our, well, Crusier "Litany of the Deep Ones'>Bridgeman says they're recieving a signal from a nearby planet.>Attempt a check to determine what it is, no one passes.>RT sends message to friendly AdMech planet asking about this particualr signal.>It's the Necron awakening signal, the AdMech say to not approach it and claim the sleeping world for themselves.>RT eyes turn into dollar signs, immeadiately plots course for planet. AdMech be damned.>Reach planet, completely barren except for one mountain, one solitary mountain in the middle of a wasteland.>Scans reveal the mountain is hollow and leads to a massive underground chamber, where the signal originates from.>How do the reach the tunnel to get their? They blow the fuck out of the mountain.>It works (somehow) and the party sets off in a shuttle to the cavern.>When they get there they're greeted by a massive city, nothing's moving.>Search around for some good shit before the AdMech get here, stumble upon a massive room with a two coffins in the middle and more lining the walls.>RT orders the opening of the first and biggest coffin, finds it can't be opened.>Second one can, and has the 'body' of an Overlord in it.>'Body' has three lootable items, a warscythe, an amulet, and a crown.>It should be noted this RT behaves like a mix between Jack Sparrow and Barney Stinson, so he's always looking for shiny shit to flash to women.>Immediately grabs amulet and puts it on>Suddenly all the coffins around the rooms burst open, revealing the Overlords personal guard.>ohshitwe'refucked.jpg>Suddenly the bigger coffin opens up, and out pops the Overlords Vargard.>Murders eight Praetorians in about two seconds.>After the fight he kneels before the RT
>>31282081and here i thought GW canon was decided by GWmy mistake neckbeards on the internet are the final authority.
>>31271134Soo.... you played a girl?
>>31284174My character is a male Arbitrator
>>31284079>Turns out the amulet had the Overlords soul/AI/whatever and the Vargard thinks Sollux is it's Overlord.>The Trader's grin is massive at this point.>Whole structure starts to shake.>The Dynasty has awoken!>Party runs to the shuttle, everyone killing Warriors and Immortals along the way, including our new friend.>Make it to the shuttle it time, but Scythes are inbound to take them out.>Sollux orders a melta-torpedo shot into the cavern, to destroy much of the Necrons while many still sleep.>Everyone's trying to destroy the two Scythes following us, manage to take them out but damn near got killed in the process.>Torpedo goes in, destorys main structure and buries the Necrons under the moutain.>Make it back to 'The Litany', and examine Vargard.>The ship's Tech-Priest (we named him Susan) says the Vargard believes Sollux is his Lord, and is 100% loyal to him.>Just then AdMech enter orbit>Demand an explanation>Say the Dynasty awoke and they had to stop it (which was true)>Say they took nothing (which was not true)>AdMech say they detect Necron tech onboard, demand to search the place.>Rogue Trader passes a hard persuade check and instead has dinner with the AdMech ship's captain>They get away>They named the Vargard JackGood group, good times
>>31284108Actually they are. Them along with everyone else involved in the game. GW can't tell you what lore to believe or accept.
>>31284269The neckbeards on the internet are not the final authority, nor is GW.You are! Each person has their own version of 40k Fluff. You can chose what is true or not, within some very lose perimeters.
>>31273830Hahaha, no. Slaanesh is about excess. It is all about taking things to self destructive lengths because nothing else brings you any satisfaction any more. This can be anything. It is not the domain of all sex.
>>312842497/10, would read the book.
>>31272894>sugarplumWhy did I find that so adorable?
>>31281928>I AM HERE TO RECLAIM THAT WHICH IS MINE>"You dated a Necron?">"It was a one night stand! I thought he was just some sort of fancy vibrator!"
>>31273830You're ignorance is painful, Slaaneshi isn't about sex, it about Excess in all forms.Seriously, are you catholic?
>>31271556>>31271577>the Bloodthirster is Scott Pilgrim
>>31292277He IS the best Fighter in the Sector...
>>31292277Worst Bloodthirster Ever